I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's.. This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused ( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
@@allAdvise727 If she was faithful and loyal, she wouldn't be involved in sexy texting w/ another man. When a woman (or man) is committed, they shut that stuff down right away.
I keep feeling like I'm crazy for getting hurt over the things in his past, but it's so reassuring to know I'm not alone in feeling that way. So thankful I finally decided to do some research to get some help.
Is it bad that I don’t resent her but I Instead envy her I wish I had done the things that she’s done that’s the part I’m hurt over I’m more jealous than resentful
I’m really glad that I finally searched for any kind of video to help me deal with what I’m feeling. I didn’t realize I wasn’t the only one who struggles with their partners past. We’re married now and we’ve talked about it a few times already but it still creeps up on me, it still effects my sexual relationship with him sometimes and I just thought I was being crazy. It’s nice to know I’m not alone
I hope you heel and wish you the very best with your partner. As a guy, i never thought women care about their partner's pasts. I thought this is something that only we guys go through
I always thought i was the only person struggling with this until my guy and I argue about it for like the 100th time and I found this video,I really love him and we are engaged but his past haunts me I can't get it out my head ...thanks so much for the info!
I'm pray everyone who's undergoing trauma, bitterness and insecurities because of your partner's past sexual life, we will get through this phase. But if you're a virgin reading this, save it for your wedding. Marriage is made in heaven, it's a holy bond🥰
@@artnevermore2082 I have to survive for the day. Its been weeks since I know, and it is still painful. I guess the more you love the person the more it will really hurt
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's.. This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused ( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
This may be true and it may not. If you just give up to early, you are also giving up on any healing you have for yourself. We are all sinners, even virgins.
I had the same problem. Eventually I decided to find someone else with less sexual partners. I want to be in a relationship where I can sleep at night and not feeling compared.
My girlfriend told me her past physical relationship after 1 year of our relationship, and at that time I was already completely in love with her, she chose very wrong time to tell me about this. She should have spoken to me way before. Also she always tried to hide details and manipulates the truth. I used to thought that she is the one to whom I will marry and do everything, my perception about her was totally different. There are several discussions and quarrel going on these days, lead by me. She says sorry and requests me a lot to stay with her. But even if I accept it for a moment, the thoughts are not going away from my mind. So I have decided to break up with her. I have tried to break up with her earlier too, but everytime she begs , and cries , I become weak and sympathetic towards her. But this time I am very sure of my decision, as it will be beneficial for her also. She also deserved peace, may be she is unable to realise that there can be any happiness in her life without me, but I know that in future, she will get someone who will love her and accept her with all the past. And I will pray for both of us. 💔💔
@@oo685 facts my problem is I didn’t have that option and she’s out of my League she’s beautiful and so she’s done some crazy things and im like why can she have all of this when she’s my first it took me so long and I just wish I could’ve done more while I was single I guess im jealous of her ability to even do those things when I know I couldn’t ever rack up that many bodies
Hi Molly, I've been pondering this subject for the past year. In this past year, I have heard many podcasts/videos and read many articles like the one above, saying that as long as the person has been made new in Christ, their sexual past has been wiped clean. But I have also found personal testimonies attesting to the fact that the memories of past sexual intercourse with exes resurface even in a Godly marriage (even while the married couple is having sex with each other), and have also found empirical data showing that having sex with people other than one's spouse prior to marriage reduces women's ability to bond and be satisfied within marriage (when they finally do get married) and predisposes men to greater temptation for extramarital sex after marriage. So I have been suspecting that these issues of insecurity regarding spouse's sexual history DON'T go away after marriage. In fact, I have been suspecting it may get worse because, after marriage, people grow even MORE attached to their spouse, and this makes them even more vulnerable to insecurity, especially when their spouse dreams of exes or involuntarily remembers lovemaking moments with an ex while having sex with them. I can't fathom how people who have experienced these moments can suggest to other people, with a straight face, that the spouse is solely responsible for their insecurities about their spouse's past sexual history. It's not, because the spouse who had these past sexual relations is STILL being affected by them, even if the effects are occasional, and THIS is what's causing their spouse's insecurity! And I think that, for those of us who ARE suffering from this insecurity, we are insecure because we perceive in our gut the very real implications and effects the spouse's sexual history will/can have on the spouse, on us, and on the marriage.
@Gabo H I sincerely thank you for your honesty in sharing your experience. Hearing/reading other people's experiences and perspectives on this subject helps me a great deal as I try to assess what will be acceptable to me and what will probably not be acceptable to me. Most who speak or write on the subject of dealing with a spouse's sexual history have a tendency to gloss over the inconvenient, ugly facts. But there are many people, men AND women, who regret allowing themselves to be talked into (or even guilted into, as is often the case in many Christian settings) overlooking their spouse's sexual history instead of validating their feelings of discomfort and honestly assessing whether or not this history and its implications are something they are willing and equipped to deal with for the rest of their lives. These people later lament their decision to marry this spouse when unforeseen problems (often, they are unforeseen mainly because not enough research was done, also because the couple was too heavily reliant on the well-meaning PC advice of both the church and the secular community, and also because Christians often misapply Scripture) arise which are directly related to the spouse's sexual history. And that is why I would like to be as open and honest as possible with myself about what I think I can handle and what I think I cannot handle. And that's why I am so very grateful for getting to hear your experience with your partner, because that will go a long way into helping me to make an informed decision in my own life. So in your case, it sounds like your current partner remembers everything about his/her past relationships, including the sex, whereas you primarily remember the more relational aspects of your past, such as how your past partners treated you as a person, rather than the sex, which you say is blurry to you. I think it's wonderful that you two talked about these details, because not enough people do, and they regret it later. I also think it's a gift if you cannot remember past sexual experiences with people other than your spouse. Given you are so uncomfortable with the fact that your current partner remembers every little detail of his/her past relationships, including the sex, do you think you'll be able to handle the jealousy and doubt that may intensify as you become more enmeshed with your partner after marriage? And do the comparisons you make between your current partner and your past partners inhibit you from giving yourself fully to your current partner; do the comparisons inhibit you from connecting with him/her fully and unreservedly? Do the comparisons inhibit you from seeing your partner as your one and only (assuming you have already decided to marry this person)?
@@wistfulwaif8813 Christians always use the same passage about Jesus and even the false followers...but the book also says you should walk away if you find disgust in your partner and let them go...this is the problem with Christians today trying to justify one way all the time..people have options.
The worst pain is when they have told you about their past but after so long if one more detail gets brought up randomly even if it’s basically nothing it brings you back to square one jealousy
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's.. This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused ( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
@@allAdvise727Lol you've got the whole life to get a girl who admires you bro just dump that girl she's not worth your time and attention.. there are a lot of good girls around the world!
If you are a virgin right now please don’t make the BIG mistake marrying someone who is not you still have a chance to not go through what most of us are going or went through. If you are a virgin save it !!! Protect it like GOLD beware of men who only promise marriage when they haven’t gotten what they want yet and leave when they got it. Respect yourself and love yourself the men who really love you will have patience and will respect you and the men who doesn’t love you will force their way into these things
Sleepless nights bro, I'm exhausted... Time for me to leave. I'd rather be on my own that deal with this hell These videos justifying cheap sexual behaviour stink of cucks
If it bothers you and you can’t let it go, let her or him go. You both deserve someone that accepts you and does not punish you for your past. This is for both men and women.
I agree but it isn't punishing the person with the promiscuous past but it's the spiritual warefare of having to fight off bad thoughts of being that persons 4th best in bed for example. It makes the marriage bed feel unsafe
We all have flaws but sexual impurity is just a different level of carelessness and disrespect towards your future partner / husband or wife. 1 year and 6 months into a relationship and I still have these thoughts of her with them and still have to pray to be healed. I was not afforded the luxury of my partner praying or repenting before me. In fact she was proud of what she’d done and I had to teach her right from wrong. I am grateful she’s in my life but I’m also bitter and resentful that I am the one who has to feel like this because of her sin and actions. If you read these, please come back and make more videos !
You're too naive. She's showing very dangerous red flag behaviours. She was proud??? That's unacceptable. God doesn't exist but you should break-up, heal, improve yourself in the meantime and hope for a virgin who's not lying or has a broken character.
It’s going to be hard as she doesn’t share your values. I dated the male equivalent of this for about a year and we’ve since broken up over his past full of one night stands. He also was quite proud about it. Just do yourself a favour and get out now.
@@misselle6939 We broke up almost a year and a half ago. Was the best thing to happen to me. I have since been doing my thing and waiting on Gods plan.
@@starwarsfreak9700 Hey I need your help myI’m 20 years old I’m currently meeting a girl who is further away (long distance relationship) and it’s all good except one thing I need your help She loves me a lot and im sure she would do everything for me (and I would do everything for her) but I was a Virgin before meeting her because I alwasys wanted to wait for the right person and I never had a lot of opportunities to have sex she already had her first time with a fuckboy(1 time only) even though she knew he only wanted sex this fact bothers me a lot and i keep thinking about it 24/7 even though she said that it was bad and she liked it more with me (I had sex with her too) I think about it a lot because I can’t understand that she could sleep with someone she knew that has bad intentions only (because she never heard from him again)it’s draining me a lot she knows she did. a mistake and everything but it still bothers me… Should I leave her or Fix my mindest?
I praise God for your life brother. This video is a tool from GOD to help me in my fight from my insecurities over my girlfriend's past. Thank you and God bless!
Just relax bro... I’ve dated lots of woman... Im telling you, you can’t remember how it was... just live the present be the best for her, the best you are the less she will think about her past!
I’m currently dealing with this. I’m married to him and he’s such a loving and good husband but the problem i have is the past. I feel so jealous and self conscious/insecure and I compare my self all the time to those past women. I ask myself how did someone living that lifestyle decide to settle down with someone like me? And what bothers me is he never asks me about my past but i wanna know everything. It’s hard.
Hi lesliebarix What you have is the same thing I have . I have never understood why on earth I’m living this pain ... till recently. It’s called retroactive jealousy. The best thing for it s CBT therapy / REBT otherwise you will be always inside a painful endless cycle ... best of luck! M.
Same gurl :( 3 years relationship and Im a virgin and he is not also he doesnt want to tell me about details but its obvious he had sex before. I always thought ı have Ocd and all these 3 years sometimes I was like hey get over it , its just past. But today It happend again ı just cant control it. Once in a every year I search for this issue :D Even laughing because this jealousy dont know how to stop!
Beren Çolak Oh I understand! I’m slowly starting to accept and try to forget. I wrote this 2 months ago but yesterday I completely flipped cause something triggered me. We will get through this!!
#1 Don't ignore it 1:22 #2 Don't hold this information over his her head 1:28 #3 Don't watch porn 2:28 #4 Don't be too specific about going into the details. 3:05 #1 Fight bitterness with gratitude 3:37 #2 Pray 4:07 #3 Live purely with her 4:40 #4 Talk to her 5:00 #5 Be a man (I'd say, "grow up") 6:15 "Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened. Forgiveness means you no longer hold it over that person s if they owe you one. # 6 Show her God's love 7:58 #7 Be patient 9:52
if you meet the woman God has planned for you, you should be at peace and full of joy. If you are disappointed, hurt and feel cheated, do you really think that is the person God has prepared for you?
One thing you didn’t point out. If you gave her your virginity she will always be in your heart she is the first. On the other hand if she lost it to someone else she will never forgot that man. It’s the deep shit that bothers me at least. I hate the fact that I would feel emotionally attached something that she will never be able to give you. Idk maybe I’m wrong...
Not really. The first man she committed sexual sin with and felt ashamed of isn't a good experience and something she would prefer to eliminate. You will be the first person that she had sex with and could fully enjoy _without shame_ or _guilt_. Let's take it further. When was your first orgasm? Was it through watching pornography? Then you gave up an experience that was supposed to be shared with your wife first. You will not want to remember your first orgasm through masturbation because of shame and guilt.
You are not wrong. Here is why Part of loving someone so much is not being able to share them, it's a Justified Jelousy, and for some it hurts to much to move on. Not even talking about forgiveness but they very knowledge of their past and how it affects the relationship. It's a deep thing and it's complicated Intamacy has everything to do with creating a special and unique kind of bond. Sex is the super glue to Marriage, it seals the bond. It's physical It's emotional It's even spiritual to a degree. When the Hymen is broken it releases blood. Thats why they call it a blood covenent. It means we belong to each other Forever ! By blood it is sealed, Not just some vows. We become One Flesh when I first go in and the relationship is sealed. God promised to put his Holyspirit In us in us in the old testament, but intimacy with the holyspirit is when he actually came into our hearts to live inside us as said in the New Testament. So it that with marriage. Vows are not enough, that's the only thing I disagree in this video. During sex Chemicals in the brain also release Oxytocin, it plays an important role when it comes to the memory of faces, or social recognition. It basicly bonds you with that person. A person may feel as if they cannot connect because the person has been shared with someone else. There isn't that unique experience that should have only been kept for one person.. Sex is a personal and vulnerable experience. It cant be cheapen no matter what people thing. How does a person get over the fact that girls always remember their first time. For a girl she will never forget that. That is so painful to think about.. So to everyone who says get over it. Understand that it may be that you don't understand the value and impacts of Sex. Or you are mentally stronger to overcome these thoughts and her past... anyways I'm praying for healing. I'm a Virgin my girl is Not.
My experience : Tell the truth about past as crystal as a mirror would.....When dust settles The Real Love Would Stay(no matter what) and anything less will fly away....kinda good!
@@billpetersen298 Sounds like you aren't very empathetic of the damage your own past has done to your partner. I struggled with this for months not saying a word to my girlfriend and finally decided to tell her. I finally got around to telling her and before that I wondered what ways she would react to what I'd say and how she responded shocked me. She told me that she understands how she has hurt me and how she knows the consequences of her actions would have a shadow over our relationship and expressed how she wouldn't blame me if I left her even if it might make her incredibly heartbroken because she understands she cheated on her future husband and she wants me to be happy. After that my struggles never went away and the lasting consequences of her actions became more evident but so did her repentance and regret of it all so I forgave her and I asked that she would forgive herself too and our love has only deepened more when she understood how much I loved her truly for not leaving her. What is a curse was turned into an unexpected blessing for both of us.
I went through this and it was horrible. I only started to heal when I started to feel my anger an disappointment. Before this time I suppressed it. When the thoughts comes, just let them, feel the pain, and they will pass. The more you feel them, the quicker it moves on by. We broke up after 28 years in the end…
Hey I just want you to know that thank. It's really hard for me these past weeks but you made me realized that the first women that i've ever loved is worth it.
We live in the age of communal partners. It's horrific. They have taken everything from us, from our culture, our identity, our history, our prosperity and even our love.
It is sad. It feels that the Church has given up on importance of virginity. Rarely do we talk about it, its importance in dating preference, and even exalting it as we should. Instead it’s this.
@@shawnboahene5231 Virginity has become so stigmatized as a negative thing when in fact it's highly honorable. Crazy world we live in where the more d**ks a girl has taken the more awesome she is 🤢 And vice versa, men should be held to the same standard. I genuinely think people willfully ignore the reality of their partners Sexcapades with ex partners, and I guess the ability to be ignorant of it is actually essential if you want to actually have a relationship. If you're like me and it bothers you, you're probably going to shut out every woman you meet because you know that they gave away their prime physical and emotional selves to someone else before you.
You know what's unfair dude? Is the fact that Girls slept with so men and then the right guy came, you think he deserves that woman who slept with with so many men? That's unfair! Every men wants to be a girl's first and last, so he can love the girl for the rest of his life. Isn't that wonderful?
Dean Winchester it’s very unfair..I’m dealing with this right now. I been dating this girl for a while now, I later found out that she has a crazy sexual past. I’m not ok with it and I don’t think I ever will be. I practiced semen retention and abstinence for 4 years. I feel like I’ve been saving myself for her but she hasn’t been saving herself for me. I’m starting to think our values don’t align and we are not compatible. I’m not sure if she sees sex the same way that I do. I keep telling her I’m not lowering my standards for her or anyone. I rather be single and not deal with this at all. This chick is trying to rush me into marriage. She been ran through, and now she wanna settle down with me. Hell naw.
Thank you so much for this video, was feeling like my boyfriend wasn’t mine cause i waited but he already had sex with 3 other girls, one was purely a sexual relationship which made it much harder on me. i’m very grateful that you pass on the lord’s words and give us your own experience. i’m 20 years old now and i really want start heading in the right direction. i made up with my boyfriend and im keeping this video close for now to not lose focus. you’ve helped a very insecure person. thank u
I was a virgin when I got married and he wasn’t. He continuously compared me to his past sex partners and made me feel terrible about it since our sex life was not good. I am divorced now (not by my choice). How do I overcome the fear I now have over sex in a future marriage? I hope to start dating and be married again one day once I have worked on getting better and this is one of the things I’m trying to work through.
Sex is something that is worked on and explored joyfully between a couple, with love and a desire to make the other feel good. It should be done in a loving trusting environment. I'm so sorry that he divorced you over this, that's really not right and God has seen what he done and made you feel. I encourage you to press on into God, you're not broken, you may be wounded from the past, have unforgiveness in you towards him and that is so more than understandable. I pray that God's love is revealed to you, and that you will get remarried to someone Christ-like.
I feel your pain, always go after what makes you happy and grateful. From what you say he was really an A… H… by comparing you with others, a person that truly loves you will never do that. but will express and ask what you like and what he would like but never a comparison! 👍🏼
This guy divorced you because of inexperience? What, did he want you to do all the work or was it more you were still uncomfortable with certain acts? I had some wild college years with women my age and older ones, I experienced many things and even went on to learn how to be the best that I can when it came to a woman’s high point. That being said, my fiancé was a virgin when we met. She did have anxiety and struggled with relationships. I never hid anything from her and while it didn’t disgust her, she was nervous. I never pushed and slowly she became comfortable. Eventually she decided to go all the way and I knew I was going to have to go slow. Eventually she became more and more comfortable. Now, I mix it up on what kind of mood we are going to go with. I always take control which is why it’s weird that he chose to divorce you. Did he think that it wasn’t going to get better? The dude sounds strange.
Bro please speak more on this subject cause it help me n I’ve been wondering why God me for this type of wound, I’ve been trying to figure it out, this is very very helpful thank u..
😭😭😭😭😭😭thanks so much brother . thank you for coming in my life sir . you have helped me so much through this already. I am blessed to have ever seen this video.
This hit me deep. As someone who hasn't had any romantic partner in life yet, or even a close interaction with a woman, this has been a struggle and a scary mystery for me, and so I can relate with this so much. This made me question my emotions regarding this personal issue and inspect my heart on what really hurts me or gives me fear. I sometimes feel that if ever my future partner would have had a rough past then it would feel unfair for me or that she would still have emotional attachments to her past relationships. But maybe it's all just my pride thinking I deserve more while neglecting that I haven't been a perfect person myself, and that maybe God appointed me to be the instrument by which she'll be able to grow out of her past. I honestly shed a tear when you said that I should be keeping my purity to give it out of love and not to get something in return cause that would be selfish of me to do then. God chose to love me so that I csn love Him and those whom He loves as well. Thank you for this video, I hope I'll be able to mentally and emotionally grow from this fear and bitterness, and accept people as they are and help them become better just as God was to me.
@Daniel Edvinsson there are men out there marrying former sex workers, pornstars, and prostitutes. And that makes me realize that these men are better than me. I think we should eliminate the thought that they were "used" by someone else already and making them ours would feel like a hand me down. The video is right that what makes us think of this is when we poison our minds into degrading them as objects instead of people who are deeper than their past. I feel bitterness already even without knowing my future wife yet that's why I want to be ready and fix myself first before actually meeting her.
You'll get cancer in a relationship. You say you're going to sleep and you'll get guilt tripped the next morning because she decided on her own will to wait for 5hrs for you to text back, despite saying you'd sleep. The scary mystery is nothing more than extremely irrational behaviour. I had a relationship. Trust me.
Absolutely true.. But the only thing bothering me is.. that my girl had been in a relationship just for sex !! Even after knowing that the boy is not going to marry her she just wanted to have sex..
How does that make your feel - is that what YOU want - she is not the only girl in the world - if you don't want that in your life you don't have to deal with it - find someone else. While on this earth you have to find what makes you happy - you can forgive people but that doesn't mean you have to comply or be OK with it.
@@BananaNutCream The video is only telling half the story. Yes we need to forgive however the earthly consequences of their sexual past is always present especially in women. After 20 years of marriage my wife finally made me aware why our sexual intimacy has struggled for so long. She said that it was because of her promiscuous past that she lied to me about. She couldn't bond with me due to the brokenness that she endured. There was also an abortion that she had six months before we met that I didn't know about as well. She's now being very open but the damage is done even though she is now a Christian. Becoming a Christian doesn't magically change the damage done to our souls. To all the men out there please don't marry the former promiscuous woman because who she becomes with or without God is something less on "earth " than she was before. My wife said that promiscuous women shouldn't get married because they can't give their husband's the sexual intimacy that they need. She said that no one has the power to forget, and the husband will "always" be compared to her past sexual partners. These are her words.
This is some good stuff! A lot of guys needed this. 😊 Me and my wife started off as friends. She is beautiful person inside and out. We talked about life and past relationships. What we expected in a relationship and talked about our ex's and just life and a friendship grew. I met her randomly just because I walked into this salon one day and at first there was a attraction and then the more we talked over a couple years we both obviously always had something for each other. Nothing inappropriate but always knew it was there. So we ended up both getting single at the same time. We were both broken from previous relationships. We started going out and then it just happened. Sparks were flying and we both constantly wanted each other's affection and love. Back then it didn't bother me as much when she talked about a ex......but then she got pregnant with twins before we got married. I seen such a big change in her. I know she can't help it but it's like she doesn't desire me like she use too. I never use to be insecure about this but now all of a sudden I am. I guess it's because my brain is playing tricks on me. I have caught myself digging for stuff in her past that was before me and her. Like did you and that guy sleep together. Why do I do this to myself? Where is my confidence that drew her to me? She can't even tell a story and in my head I am like I wonder if she slept with that guy. Then I am visualizing someone else touching her sexually other than me. I just love her so much. I know that being insecure in a relationship can make a bad one. That has no bearing on me and her. She is a awesome girl. She has me involved in church. She takes care of me and my kids that I have from a previous marriage and also her daughter from a old relationship of hers. I guess with her changing I guess my brain is trying to make me think she isn't into me anymore. She even questioned me what have I done? I am like nothing. She is like we both have ex's....... We get caught up in emotions sometimes and we can't see that our relationship is still good. It's just changing some. My wife even told me you act like our relationship is bad. What am I doing wrong......and I am like nothing. I don't know what has gotten into me. I keep a lot bottled up inside but sometimes I let it out. I am still very good to her but I feel emptiness a lot just because I was so use to us being very affectionate with each other. She always wanted to be close to me and she doesn't no where as much as she use to. Reading all these comments I must not be the only one. So that is a good piece of mind. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
7:35 i completely understand where you're coming from, but as a Christian virgin myself, I'm sorry but I just don't like it when someone gives that excuse. I had a guy tell me the same thing bc he wasn't a virgin. but what nonvirgins don't understand is that, intimacy such as s*x was made for marriage only according to the bible, and s*x is what consummates a marriage. So when I meet a guy who isn't a virgin, I don't think I could ever give my heart to him bc, The most intimate experience people could have with each other, he's already shared with someone else. And if he's shared that experience with someone else and I were to theoretically marry that guy, our first time having s*x would not be special at all, he would take the special moment from me, and thats when marriage becomes nothing more than a signed piece of paper.
You are so right. It's like a gift that's been taken away Part of loving someone so much is not being able to share them, it's a Justified Jelousy, and for some it hurts to much to move on. Not even talking about forgiveness but they very knowledge of their past and how it affects the relationship. It's a deep thing and it's complicated Intamacy has everything to do with creating a special and unique kind of bond. Sex is the super glue to Marriage, it seals the bond. It's physical It's emotional It's even spiritual to a degree. When the Hymen is broken it releases blood. Thats why they call it a blood covenent. It means we belong to each other Forever ! By blood it is sealed, Not just some vows. We become One Flesh when I first go in and the relationship is sealed. God promised to put his Holyspirit In us in us in the old testament, but intimacy with the holyspirit is when he actually came into our hearts to live inside us as said in the New Testament. So it that with marriage. Vows are not enough, that's the only thing I disagree in this video. During sex Chemicals in the brain also release Oxytocin, it plays an important role when it comes to the memory of faces, or social recognition. It basicly bonds you with that person. A person may feel as if they cannot connect because the person has been shared with someone else. There isn't that unique experience that should have only been kept for one person.. Sex is a personal and vulnerable experience. It cant be cheapen no matter what people thing. How does a person get over the fact that girls always remember their first time. For a girl she will never forget that. That is so painful to think about.. So to everyone who says get over it. Understand that it may be that you don't understand the value and impacts of Sex. Or you are mentally stronger to overcome these thoughts and her past... anyways I'm praying for healing. But I'm a Virgin my girl is Not. I'm hurting because I love her
I totally get were you are coming from and used to feel that way in the past. Its ok to be prudent regarding who do you fall in loved with and to take care of your own heart, but we sometimes idealized virginity by itself putting it over a pedestal, and we forget that without love, real love and humility, we are nothing (as St Paul say in Corinthians), so if someone is virgin but is prideful about it (not humble and grateful), as we all usually do with our virtues and achievements, that pride takes the real sanctity and value from that virtue.. the truth is that we all fall short of the glory of God and also that God Make All Things New (but he can only do so if we are humble).. and lastly, remember the parable of the prodigal son, the father says to the older son: Everything that I own its also yours, we don’t just follow rules to get rewards, we follow God so that he can purify our heart from sin and make us new and holy, that is the real reward, that we can lay our lives for others as Jesus did for us, free from our pride and resentment “forgive them Father, they don’t know what they are doing”.. sometimes an apparent “curse” (partner past) can become a real blessing if we allow God to act in our heart.. Virginity is an amazing gift, but after that first night passes your whole future starts, and the real deal will be cultivating your love daily, growing in service and kindness with the other person, knowing his/her weaknesses and loving him/her regardless, love is grown in the long term, is not just a first wedding night prize.. anyways I hope this helps
You spoke so well. Thanks so much for the inspiration. I go through this a lot with my wife. I have been married for over 6 years with her, still trusting God for the fruit of the womb. I was a virgin and she was not when we got married. It hurts me so much, most times i harbour the bitterness in my heart. I pray to be healed totally of this in Jesus name.
@@robinabas7557 Christ the 👑 is in absolute control. I have to live with that reality and enjoy every moment with her as I am a dedicated child of the most high God.Healing process takes a longer time. Thank you for your inspiration
I just got healed by watching this video. I love my woman, and I was struggling with accepting her past. A lot of things didn't make sense, and I've been working and working on myself to not resent her and look at her like she's damaged or not worthy of me at all, as if I'm the most cleanest and best person in the world. I have a terrible and horrible past sexual life too, and it's the worst between myself and her. I've been searching for strength and understanding and power to remove this resentment inside me. And now I'M FREE 🥺🤞🏾!!!!! Thank you for telling me to be a man - it made sense to me 🙏🏾💪🏾🤞🏾.
I am struggling hard with my gf past. Somehow logically I know it is kind of hypocrisy how I had bad runs in the past as well. But, I simply can't control my emotions . Can you kindly advise how you overcame this?
@@clinkinblah9107 Zackary Stockill - I watched at least 10 videos of Zackary Stockill, because I realised that I don't like the kind of emotions I feel and the pain that comes with the thoughts. After watching those videos from Zackary Stockill, I felt so much better. I have now finally overpowered this retroactive jealousy. But it's not easy, and I know you've already realised that. But all that matter is that it's doable 💪🏾. I'm with you brother 🙏🏾.
Women those who are saving for marriage pls speak up, women are not speaking, women should ask for virgin men, men who saved them for marriage . Women and men who saved themselves says a lot about them.
It affected me so much she is wanting a divorce after 6 years. She'd openly brag with friends about how many men she'd sleep with. But we would go 3,4,5 months at a time with no intimacy. It really damaged me. Made me feel like there is something wrong with me. Why doesn't she want me??? It hurts ....
Wow reading these comments has really changed my perspective on this subject. I’m religious and believe in God, but I’m not necessarily a Christian per se. Even so I completed understand what everyone here is saying. For much of my life I didn’t care to think about it but I now understand how much pain this kind of thing can cause someone. The only cure is for both partners to be virgins or both not to be I suppose. May the Almighty protect us from this pain!
That`s not a problem normal people have, it`s a problem engineered by an environment that tells people virginity is important and tied to their worth from the moment they can understand the concept. Normal people who weren`t indoctrinated like that don`t have that obsession over virginity or past partners.
I am not religious... but it felt good to hear you talk. Thanks to you I will try to be the man my partner deserves. I am more than greatful for her and it makes me feel stupid to let her past take away from the present and future.
Thankyou so much. I have been haunt by this issue with our relationship with my partner. Hearing all of this made me feel a lot more better. God bless you!
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's.. This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused ( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
carla Montoya Gambini this really helped right? There’s a lot of people going through this stuff that no one has the answer, it’s like when u see there’s other with the same situation u feel better..
This is a problem everyone is facing dude like seriously its a gross i have a girlfriend she had a boyfriend in her past and they both datted like for 3 years she never did sex with him i know sex isnt everything cuz love is the one..... She did many mistakes with him like normally kiss and sharing prono but the way she is with me never was with him i use to think of this why she kissed him why she shared pic call me a kido dude but this really hurt most now i feel better if she didnt loose her verginity call yourself a lucky one and there should nothing to be worry about i know many of us think that the first love is the time when the girl gets more exited and everything she do with an excitment but this is not true if she does for him she will do thousand percent more to you than she did for him there is no strain that her ex will bring up to her but you can be her permanent after when u marry her.....
I feel like the uneven amount of partners makes this very difficult. I’m not a virgin but I’ve only slept with one other person and my girlfriend has had 20+ partners. This sin breaks her heart just as much as it breaks mine, and it is difficult to reconcile this issue. One long term relationship doesn’t compare to 20 hookups.
I'm sorry but you should not be with a woman that has been with 20+ men. Leave her or else it will be psychologically damaging for you. She has to pay for her own sin.
@@Insane_ForJesus Dude these women pick shitty people and take on the abusive behaviour of those guys. The damage and baggage accumulates for women like crazy. How are relationships going for you so far? I broke up 3 days ago because she was an abusive promiscuos source of stress, despite being in mutual love. It was hell.
@@sirprize5191 Being with those type of men means those women have psychologically issues and should not be in relationships with anyone. They should just stay single.
just came across this video and everything you have said--and i mean everything--is accurate to what i am struggling with. even with both perspectives. my boyfriend has had a sexual past that he tells me he regrets, while i have never had one and am saving myself for marriage. i always believed that sex with me wouldnt be that special anymore because he's done it before, but even he-and this video-say otherwise. in marriage, we would make love for the first time. and it will be special, because we actually have LOVE for each other, not just sex for the sake of it. this also incredibly helps because I am Christian too, and I really didnt know i needed a Christian perspective on this, but i did. God bless you and your family sir and thank you SO much
What hurts me the most is all of the lies and the refusal to give any information about her past. Has she had just 1 other lover or is it 100? She has broke my heart and cheated on me (at least twice after marriage) and in my opinion she owes me the truth after over 40 years and yet she will not answer any questions. I have only been with 1 woman all my life, her. So I believe I have earned the right to know these things before I die.
I know what it feels like: many comments about how this issue is “unfair” and it hurts.. we have to realize that we live in a complicated time, God may be asking us to lead like men and sometimes requires to die to yourself, its a process and I can truly say that it can get better, Jason its spot on with this video, God will always have more generosity and give you peace if you persevere.. use prudence to decide, listen to God and to your heart, think if the person has changed, repent, if she/he is good with you and truly loves you, be patient and take your time, be honest with you if you are angry, ask for council and help, pray, meditate.. in my case it was totally worth it and made me grow a lot and realize I had a treasure with me that I wasn’t seeing it properly because I couldn’t accept a couple of mistakes.. remember life is short, God has trusted you with this person that crossed your path, it doesn’t always mean that you have to stay together, dating is a discernment, but what is happening to you can always be an opportunity to grow, I pray for all of you and wish you the best!
Man, I’ve been struggling for some time now and I don’t know how to get past it. Yes, there are a couple girls that my boyfriend has done stuff with that bothers me, but not as bad as this particular one. This one girl, the last girl he fooled around with (didn’t have intercourse, but did other things) a month before we began dating. About six months into our relationship, the same girl began dating his brother. To me, this was disgusting and like the worst case scenario lol. It’s been over a year since then and this girl and his brother are still together. I can’t seem to move past it, every time I have to see her at his house, spending the night, or talking to him, I get so angry and can’t stop overthinking. They hooked up just one time, but it has hurt me for over a year. I just need advice. He doesn’t really like to talk about it, maybe that’s a maturity thing that we will figure out together. I love him so much, and I want to marry him. But it’s hard to get information from him without him getting upset. Some new information about this hookup came out recently and my hatred came back even stronger for her.
I understand you girl, i am trying to accept the past of my guy too but I always try to communicate my feelings to him he helps me to calm those thoughts but the situation you are going through is really sad, i mean I can’t imagine to see the girl he made out with walking around that’s so hurtful to even think about why don’t you clearly tell him that it bothers you so much if he truly cares about you he’ll help you out with it he must listen your feelings out that’s unfair. More power to you ❤️
You love him, but it will never end. I can tell you that because I have the same thing, I love this girl, but she has a past with other guys. I am a virgin myself, but I can't stop overthinking that and it will get you angry at sometimes when you overthink it, best to leave him and search for someone who is a virgin.
@@WoodmanTiller Same shit. We are mutually in love but her past disgusts me. I wish I never loved her and she even fell in love way earlier than me. I can't get over the disgust and mistrust and it never leaves my mind. I'm so disappointed this is %99 of women now. What are the chances of a virgin who's been raised well and isn't a slut at the core?
The first advice should be you don't have to do this. I let go many many girls because they were not virgins, I prayed to God and eventually I dated and married a virgin, I wasn't a virgin myself btw, but a virgin was the desired of my heart. My wife is someon who had never had a boyfriend before me, we kissed at the altar and I was her first kiss, her first boyfriend holding hands, her first everything. Eventually all the other girls married or got into a defacto relationship and most of then if not all of them had failed relationships. Virginity is a great indicator of character, I love my wife in a way that I would find very difficult with a non-virgin and she loves me so well, she summits to me, she is quiet and very very happy.
You sound insecure. Non virgin men like you have narcissistic tendencies, are weak, and insecure. You are afraid to compete and win. That's insecurity. I have only been with women with a past as I have built a past for myself. I'm not afraid to compete and have her tell me I'm the best for her during our relationship.
Been with my girl for over 6 years she's only ever been with one guy that I knew. It's not really so much insecurity for me , I know I'm much better. But, what hurts is that at that time we all lived in dorms together.. remembering them together goes through my head often but it shouldn't be bothering me as much as it is. What bothers me is that they would fuck often, and unprotected. Again this is when she was really young, but to lose her virginity in this way is something that bothers me. Not only that, but losing it to someone that didn't really truly love her is something that drives me crazy to think about sometimes. What helps me is accepting her past, accepting my own past and just talking about it with her. I'm happy that I got to lose my virginity to the one that I truly love. I've had many chances to lose my virginity but I'm happy I saved it for the right one.
that is a girl without morals when you imagine her having sex with that guy in the past brings you a sense of disgust but personally if i was you and i had knew about her past i would not even look at her . i judge woman based on their behaviour and the fact that many people knew what they were doing makes it more diificult and embarrasing
Thank you for making this video. I have been struggling with these thoughts for like 1,5 years now. I love my boyfriend, but his past haunts me like crazy.. These thoughts hurt me so badly. I feel so powerless and overwhelmed I really don’t know what to do about it, but this video helps.
Sometimes you feel okay with the idea. But there will be times, the thought that there is someone out there knows how your wife tastes, hows she like and put his thing on what is supposed to be yours alone will haunt you. I accepted the fact that this will go on forever as long as we live. The fact that somebody out there knows something that you alone must know. It is hard. I love her very much though.
Some people make mistakes in their past and change and if the women is not doing the same behaviors as her past then people shouldn’t hold it against her. Sometimes people upbringing life situations or experiences can make them turn out the way they do. Nobody ever thinks why a girl would become 304 some people go through things growing up. This is the reason why some girls kill themselves because people don’t allow someone to change. If someone changes their behavior why would you still hold it against them. if a man had a lot of women in his past nobody cares so why do people care if a women has. This is just hypocritical. Maya Angelo was a prostitute when she was younger but turned her life around and became a poet. She did it because she had a kid and changed her life.
@princessc660 plenty of people make mistakes in their past, but that doesn't mean it doesn't come with consequences. If I go out, and drive drunk, I'll go to jail, pay fines, and have higher insurance, sometimes for life. The greatest predictor of the future is the past. I'm sorry, but a woman that has a long list from her past is 100% tainted, and way less value. I think the same of men that do the same. If a woman feels shame and commits suicide, then that's hers to own. The old adage is correct. Can't make a whore a housewife. Jesus told the prostitute at the well, go, and sin no more, but he didn't say people would treat her differently. Past is yours to own, good, bad, or ugly.
@@redlineshawn1700 I agree 1000% with your statement, I agree with absolutely everything you said...that's the reason why I am isolated from society these days, everything is crazy out there, it doesn't pay off the effort to even try anything anymore.
Thank you, Jason. In college, I dated a guy who had a not so angelic past. He was not a virgin, had been cheated on three times by other girls, and just dated more girls than I can count. Of course, I asked him a little about his past, but I never held it over his head. No we're not together anymore, but I didn't love him any less because of what happened to him or what he did.
@@supermonk3y07 because she is a hypocrite, everyone is. Virginity is numbero uno. Having sex with someone is something you can't forget, you can forgive but NEVER ever forget.
@@supermonk3y07 Jup, I am in the same situation now, love a girl didn't have sex with her ( I am a virgin myself and waiting for someone with the same morals ), she has a past, I can't forget it even when I did my best to accept it. I am now just friends with her and moved on ( since 3 days ago ).
People who have had past sexual relations (Christians included) admit to memories of past intercourse resurfacing even while they are having sex with their spouse - maybe these memories don't resurface frequently (or maybe they do), but even if it happens occasionally, it would be very traumatizing for the spouse who has never been with anyone else. How can this be considered "both going there for the very first time"??
This has really helped me more than you know. I've been bothered by my boyfriend's past for over a year especially since I grew up with the how to find your soulmate book and have(and continue to) save myself. I struggled with the fact that she knew him in ways that I never got to and feel like she stole a piece of him. We have hopes to get married someday and I've been trying to stamp down the desire to ask more questions about his past. I already know too much about it even without asking bc we were friendly and then dated. She was also into witch craft and it was a bad breakup that they had and I've wondered if she put some type of hex on him because hes been really ill for the past 2yrs and I've never been bothered by a bfs past so I wonder if it trickled down to me...not really sure. I'm going to try to get to a charismatic prayer group and maybe God can heal us through that. Til then I'll try to implement what this video taught me. It gives me peace to be reminded of God through it all. Thank you so much!
I totally get you. I feel like someone is also not wishing me well, negative energy coming from outside. I would like to give you little advise. Short info before: i'm also practicing witch craft but there are some people out there, who totally go the wrong way with it and i wouldn't call it witch craft anymore, if it hurts somebody else and believe me they get their karma big times. So i hope your Boyfriend gets well soon. I purely want to help people and so this might be the right for you (i'm also religious so may the power of god be always with you). Alright so there are those candles in different colors with different meanings, for example one is for love another one is for health ect. This is not exactly a spell more like a wish to the universe. If you want to attract things like a healthy mind or luck, then there is the candle of attraction. There are even get over crises or break a hex/curse candles. You write down your wish (simple words) and fold it, then lay it under the candle, light up the candle and think about the things you wish for, really focus on them. Repeat that, until the candle burned down. You can get the candles in esotheric stores or one the internet or you can just listen to positive subliminals here on youtube if that is just not something for you :). It really helped me and i hope helps you too :) best regards.
@@hei_itz_me8407 Hi thanks for asking. I use the green candle for attraction and if want to get rid of bad habits or bad energy i use a black candle. It's important to keep the things you wish for a secret. So i can't tell you what i wished for but please make sure it's realistic and don't forget to manifest over the day. Have your goals in mind then let them go and have patience. Best regards.
@@reineirankunda God gave humans the free will. Sure God is here for us always. But people forget that we sometimes have to reprogram our mind and behaviour to get were we want to and can't expect god to just hand it all to us without our own work we put into. There are so many secrets to the universe. Witchcraft is just Energy. Energy that god gave us. God leads the way but it's up to me if i use the tools he offers. It's all there. You see there are so many people who doubt him when things go wrong instead of using energy to get back control over situations. But as sad as it is accidents and deaths still going to happen there is nothing we can do about it. The circle of life can't be stopped.
God led me to this video and it validated some points that I knew; but my flesh tried to convince me NOT to look at the Truth that you mentioned in this video. I truly believe this has set me free from resentment, bitterness, imaginations, and dealing with my own personal insecurities. This video is a jewel, and I'm so grateful for your obedience, and allowing God to use you in this way. Blessings!
1:11 this is something that is soooo gaslighting!!!! its not because we are insecure, its because unfortunately people do compare past partners! not even to partners but some have said crap like, "her b**bs are not as big or his D%&! is not that long". its nothing to do with insecurities, and everything to do with fear that it'll happen. there are wolves in sheep clothing
I do not compare myself to my husband's past partners, but I am secure with myself. You ARE insecure if you do this. I actually came to this video to understand why people are bothered by partner's pasts, because I literally cannot relate to this way of thinking. Wishing y'all the best of luck.
My ex fiancé in the heat of a fight blurted out that his exes were hotter than me. So yeah, people compare and it hurts. Now I’m looking for someone that shares my values. A guy who’s had more one night stands than he can count on both hands is probably not husband material… ha ha.
If one or other partner has a high body count past, it rarely works, if both have low sexual partners is best for a good relationship start, if both have high body counts, jelousy and never trusting each other, plus all of the mind games that follow which will never stop, also knowing that gut instinct that one day, even years down the line, one will cheat on the other.
Anne it could but no one is obligated to be in an uncomfortable situation like that if they’re uncomfortable. The fact that this is a serious topic highlights how realnof an issue this is in terms of lack of congruency between spouses or partner is a real possibility and issue. I’d say to anyone of this is an issue then do not be with that person and don’t feel guilty. Its not judging the person. It’s just a concern given the repercussions that does take place in these scenarios. Listen to some of the horror stories on here. If a person sees no issue then lovely but if they do then they shouldn’t be judged for what they may not be able to bear.
What a wonderful blessing it is to see this inspiring and truly loving video. This is exactly my situation but watching this and fully realizing the girl I’m with I feel ultimately uplifted like never before. I look forward to more things to learn from God and this beautiful channel.💜
having the gift of a person who doesnt have the same core values as you? who isnt emotionally compatible with you? every person is a gift, but when chosing a member of the pack, your right hand, chose wisley.
I needed to hear it, is so wise. I can firmly say that asking for more details worsen things. Our partner doesn't deserve to hear about a past that is concluded, and to struggle with complaints and judgements. We are all humans and sometimes we need to walk along something bothering, in order to evolve.
Not realistic at all.....anyone who has a promiscuous past will have emotional baggage, and higher the number, higher the chances of them being unfaithful. You can change, but only to a certain extent, because by now you are used to the emotionless sex. And this sadly affects women than men, due to oxytocin. Research shows this. If I were in such a position, I wouldn't date a person with a promiscuous past itself. (By promiscuous, i mean when someone sleeps with someone whom they are not dating.)
Some people make mistakes in their past and change and if the women is not doing the same behaviors as her past then people shouldn’t hold it against her. Sometimes people upbringing life situations or experiences can make them turn out the way they do. Nobody ever thinks why a girl would become 304 some people go through things growing up. This is the reason why some girls kill themselves because people don’t allow someone to change. If someone changes their behavior why would you still hold it against them. if a man had a lot of women in his past nobody cares so why do people care if a women has. This is just hypocritical. Maya Angelo was a prostitute when she was younger but turned her life around and became a poet. She did it because she had a kid and changed her life.
May the almighty bless you with tons of happiness and love. Your wisdom and sanity on this issue cuts across the continents across the entire globe and solves the root cause of problem. Thanks brother. There are certain things which is not found in scriptures, books or anywhere. We humans can easily solve each other's issues. Love is the only thing what we all need.
Personally I feel that it’s disrespectful to the persons future spouse. Most people don’t marry their high school sweetheart, or the people that they sleep with before they meet you.
It can really get crazyyyyy. See her doing a dance move “I wonder if she did that with those guys” See a guy like her Facebook post “I wonder if they slept together” Hear her singing an old song “I wonder if she played that while with the other guys” See her in a sexual position during “I wonder if she did this with other guys and if it felt better” “is she wishing she was with one of them right now”
So far the only video I found dealing with Retroactive Jealousy from a Christian perspective. Excellent work! As for RJ, when she (or he) regrets what she did, it is easier. When she does not regret, things can be a lot harder to handle. The point of talking to her about your feelings, for example, can be very difficult when she does not regret anything of her past. In this case she will almost certainly feel "judged", and the conversation can end up in more bitterness and resentment. The key is always love and forgiveness, and the question is HOW to forgive someone that does not even think she did anything wrong?
If they have no remorse, or don’t express that they have changed, DONT DO IT. They should say, hey this is my past but I’m not that person anymore. It shouldn’t be you working to try and make them better. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I asked my now husband if he felt guilty. He said no. He doesn’t feel any guilt.
A person's past is who they truly are. I dated a woman who was known for being a party girl in her past. We dated for 1 year then she left me to go back to her old party lifestyle, then she showed up to my job to try to get back with me 3 years later after she became a single mom. Never trust anybody, even if they ask for your forgiveness.
This is the male personality attitude that women step on and don’t respect. Men are allowed to have proper preferences and women should not have high sexual numbers.
Thank you, this is the best video on this subject by far. I really needed to hear this. I actually had a similar approach in mind, so it was really great to have that confirmation.
I pray that everyone here can find some peace finally and learn to let go I struggle with this whenever I see a scene on tv or anything sexual. It’s stupid and I know it but I just am in love and very jealous. I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling like this
Now people nowadays have a thing for mocking religion, they think they're cool or sth.. when God told you to save your virginity for marriage (both man and woman) why do you disobey? Spare yourself the stress, guilt, the overthinking and have some self control or be ready to compromise and forgive each other's past mistakes, there's no point in making life harder than it is.
I'm 60 years old...been around for a while. IMO, men have a harder time with a woman's past than the other way around. I think a clue to understanding this is that the man can more easily "leave" what he did with other women behind, and she, being the receptacle of the sex act, brings what she did forward. Please comment. Thank you.
My boyfriend really had a hard time I still think he do, it’s crazy because I’ve only have 2 men & he had 9+ females but he brought up mines a lot like he was bashing me even though he knew I hated him bringing it up so much. Me I’m currently upset because he lied about how many females had sex with for basically 3 years and made it seem like I had more partners than him. He recently made confession that it wasn’t 4 females it was actually 9+ in a short span of 5 months he wasn’t even in relationships with just screwing before we started talking, the same year as we started talking. I never brought up his past females either I could care less but now I do because you lied & told some stuff I don’t agree with & it disappoints me. So yeah I agree with men taking it to heart more than women. I want to be honest with myself, I know i also don’t like men who had body counts like that. I know if i knew that before I wouldn’t have dated him or distant myself earlier in the relationship.
I watched this because I'm so anxious about if my partner in life will be not a virgin anymore, and I save my virginity for marriage. I do not know why am I getting worried about this stuff. I'm still in college and I want to focus on God and self - improvement. But I still get anxious especially every night to the point that I can't get enough sleep or I sleep late. I always think of my worth as a human being. I do not say those who are not a virgin anymore or do premarital sex are trash. I still respect them and befriend them, but if I'm going to have a girlfriend whose going to be my wife then I want her to be virgin just like me. It is unfair for me if she did premarital sex and have a lot of sex experiences, then my first time will be with her. There is this thing in me like I feel I'm such a loser or unworthy person since I gave my virginity to someone who got tasted by other person or people. I always think that if that's the case then I should do premarital sex since it gives me anxiety and just ignore my self worth or I need to disrespect myself. But since I'm a born again Christian I really cannot to this because it's a sin. I know I'm a sinner, I think lustful sometimes but it is the thing that I really cannot do. Also I think of becoming single until death, but I can't do that because I want to love or experience falling in love and being in love. I want to focus on my studies especially right now college, and also I'm still not ready for love or marriage and those kind of things, but I do not know why every night I get anxious about this. Maybe because nowadays people normalize premarital sex and I always think that there's no one left for me even though I know that there are some woman who are just like me saving virginity till marriage. I cannot determine if a person is a virgin or not, also I might offend someone I like if I ask if she's still a virgin. I really do not know what to do. I kinda cannot accept what is in the video, maybe because I'm still immature and not man enough or I really love and respect myself, and I want to have what I think the best for me, or maybe I think I'm a worthy and a high quality person. Right now I'm still improving myself and trying to attract someone and not to chase someone. I really hope someday God will give me a virgin woman who is the best for me. I open up this because I just want peace of mind :(
Hello there, I do not know where you live but I live in a very liberal city and virgin girls are there - not many but there are. I am sure that you will find yourself a virgin and God fearing woman. Please do not give in to your anxiety. The demon wants you to be anxious so that they keep you away from worshiping God. Think like this: God knows our hearts and He will answer your prayer as long as your prayers are aligned with His will I am a virgin lady too and my bf is as well. We are both attractive, fit and believe in faithful relationships. There are us so will there be many more couples like this. Maybe, a year later, you will soon be with someone who shares the same value. Be patient and clam. And PRAY!
Hey, man. I hope and pray all is well. I’ve tend to worry a lot too. We all (I hope) desire someone pure. It’s tough to be with someone who isn’t (even if it was in the past). Do not fear, and trust in God. Do not sin. The worth of sex is totally worth it for marriage only. I was doing the same for a while (focusing on God and self-improvement). It’s awesome being simpler! Although, these things can’t be fixed completely through just self-improvement. God sometimes does call us to love those who have been hurt and hurted others. You must trust in God and love that person. If it does bother you a lot, they might not be the one God calls you to. I’m discerning that with God and myself right now.
And honestly, I’m not sure if this video is completely correct either. Jaosn has some good points, but it seems that he disregards that these sins still have an effect on us (and it’s not completely our fault). We might be called to move past this, but it’s still there. Don’t be worried before you’re with someone, but don’t take that subject lightly. It’s important to communicate your sins and her sins. I’m praying for you, and God bless!
It’s such a deep rooted pain it’s almost anger but it’s sad
it's called evolution
Leave.
Disappointment
But you’re not allowed to be angry or sad
Thats how it feels
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's..
This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused
( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
@@allAdvise727 If she was faithful and loyal, she wouldn't be involved in sexy texting w/ another man. When a woman (or man) is committed, they shut that stuff down right away.
I keep feeling like I'm crazy for getting hurt over the things in his past, but it's so reassuring to know I'm not alone in feeling that way. So thankful I finally decided to do some research to get some help.
Its reassuring that its not just men that feel this way. There are women that do too. Glad we can open up about our feelings and find paths to move on
Are you married ?
Same. I just started feeling this way after a year and a half in ..
Is it bad that I don’t resent her but I Instead envy her I wish I had done the things that she’s done that’s the part I’m hurt over I’m more jealous than resentful
@@chriswilliams4541 that's exactly how my boyfriend feels...😔💔
Shit hurts to think of the person you love with someone else
I feel that
Never felt anything sooo relatable
Some days I’m ok and other days it hits me hard. We can’t hold anything against them but dang it hurts like a heartbreak
@@HamoLive yes me too let stay positive
Yup shit feeling ever in life.
Even we accept still its shit.
Sometimes ok something fuck my brain ....
I’m really glad that I finally searched for any kind of video to help me deal with what I’m feeling. I didn’t realize I wasn’t the only one who struggles with their partners past. We’re married now and we’ve talked about it a few times already but it still creeps up on me, it still effects my sexual relationship with him sometimes and I just thought I was being crazy. It’s nice to know I’m not alone
I hope you heel and wish you the very best with your partner.
As a guy, i never thought women care about their partner's pasts.
I thought this is something that only we guys go through
I always thought i was the only person struggling with this until my guy and I argue about it for like the 100th time and I found this video,I really love him and we are engaged but his past haunts me I can't get it out my head ...thanks so much for the info!
She just told me today... Idk what to do I feel lost
The Worst of it all is wen one dose not talk Just argue...
Shits crazy right smh
I'm pray everyone who's undergoing trauma, bitterness and insecurities because of your partner's past sexual life, we will get through this phase. But if you're a virgin reading this, save it for your wedding. Marriage is made in heaven, it's a holy bond🥰
Your words made me emotional. Thanks
@@mashturatreena2482 you're welcome :)
@Ankur Shukla super bro!
I intend to be a one woman guy. sounds lovely.
@Ankur Shukla hahahahaha
My face goes pale and my heart drops just thinking about him with his exes
Shit hurts. And the most painful part is you can't do anything about it. The demons in your mind will kill you. Your imagination will haunt you
How are you doing? Are you doing better?,
@@artnevermore2082 I have to survive for the day. Its been weeks since I know, and it is still painful. I guess the more you love the person the more it will really hurt
How does he treat you? How is your lifestyle
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's..
This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused
( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
Time to break up if you can't get over it. Some things you can't get over.
This may be true and it may not. If you just give up to early, you are also giving up on any healing you have for yourself. We are all sinners, even virgins.
Up at 5 am bc I’m overthinking this shit lol
same
I had the same problem. Eventually I decided to find someone else with less sexual partners. I want to be in a relationship where I can sleep at night and not feeling compared.
Me too........
Same
4:00am myself! Frikin RJ
My girlfriend told me her past physical relationship after 1 year of our relationship, and at that time I was already completely in love with her, she chose very wrong time to tell me about this. She should have spoken to me way before. Also she always tried to hide details and manipulates the truth. I used to thought that she is the one to whom I will marry and do everything, my perception about her was totally different. There are several discussions and quarrel going on these days, lead by me. She says sorry and requests me a lot to stay with her. But even if I accept it for a moment, the thoughts are not going away from my mind.
So I have decided to break up with her. I have tried to break up with her earlier too, but everytime she begs , and cries , I become weak and sympathetic towards her. But this time I am very sure of my decision, as it will be beneficial for her also. She also deserved peace, may be she is unable to realise that there can be any happiness in her life without me, but I know that in future, she will get someone who will love her and accept her with all the past.
And I will pray for both of us. 💔💔
what did you do ? tell me ? I am in a similar situation
what do you mean with manipulate the truth?
I really need your help I am in a similar situation really
@@Timothy_Himothy1good deal
Yeah she deserves better you did her a favour
My logical mind tells me all these but it's also feeding me the negative thoughts about the past. I just need to hear this from someone. Thank you!
I didn't know that women go through this
@@bobbie6443 ofcourse they do...but only a select few men have that option whereas most women do have that option, to sleep around easily.
@@oo685 facts my problem is I didn’t have that option and she’s out of my League she’s beautiful and so she’s done some crazy things and im like why can she have all of this when she’s my first it took me so long and I just wish I could’ve done more while I was single I guess im jealous of her ability to even do those things when I know I couldn’t ever rack up that many bodies
@@chriswilliams4541 Man I feel you particularly when you had no relationships in past and your girlfriend/wife had than it hurts a lot
It never gets better. If this is too much, don’t let others tell you that you should overlook it.
Hi Molly, I've been pondering this subject for the past year. In this past year, I have heard many podcasts/videos and read many articles like the one above, saying that as long as the person has been made new in Christ, their sexual past has been wiped clean. But I have also found personal testimonies attesting to the fact that the memories of past sexual intercourse with exes resurface even in a Godly marriage (even while the married couple is having sex with each other), and have also found empirical data showing that having sex with people other than one's spouse prior to marriage reduces women's ability to bond and be satisfied within marriage (when they finally do get married) and predisposes men to greater temptation for extramarital sex after marriage. So I have been suspecting that these issues of insecurity regarding spouse's sexual history DON'T go away after marriage. In fact, I have been suspecting it may get worse because, after marriage, people grow even MORE attached to their spouse, and this makes them even more vulnerable to insecurity, especially when their spouse dreams of exes or involuntarily remembers lovemaking moments with an ex while having sex with them. I can't fathom how people who have experienced these moments can suggest to other people, with a straight face, that the spouse is solely responsible for their insecurities about their spouse's past sexual history. It's not, because the spouse who had these past sexual relations is STILL being affected by them, even if the effects are occasional, and THIS is what's causing their spouse's insecurity! And I think that, for those of us who ARE suffering from this insecurity, we are insecure because we perceive in our gut the very real implications and effects the spouse's sexual history will/can have on the spouse, on us, and on the marriage.
@Gabo H I sincerely thank you for your honesty in sharing your experience. Hearing/reading other people's experiences and perspectives on this subject helps me a great deal as I try to assess what will be acceptable to me and what will probably not be acceptable to me. Most who speak or write on the subject of dealing with a spouse's sexual history have a tendency to gloss over the inconvenient, ugly facts. But there are many people, men AND women, who regret allowing themselves to be talked into (or even guilted into, as is often the case in many Christian settings) overlooking their spouse's sexual history instead of validating their feelings of discomfort and honestly assessing whether or not this history and its implications are something they are willing and equipped to deal with for the rest of their lives. These people later lament their decision to marry this spouse when unforeseen problems (often, they are unforeseen mainly because not enough research was done, also because the couple was too heavily reliant on the well-meaning PC advice of both the church and the secular community, and also because Christians often misapply Scripture) arise which are directly related to the spouse's sexual history. And that is why I would like to be as open and honest as possible with myself about what I think I can handle and what I think I cannot handle. And that's why I am so very grateful for getting to hear your experience with your partner, because that will go a long way into helping me to make an informed decision in my own life.
So in your case, it sounds like your current partner remembers everything about his/her past relationships, including the sex, whereas you primarily remember the more relational aspects of your past, such as how your past partners treated you as a person, rather than the sex, which you say is blurry to you. I think it's wonderful that you two talked about these details, because not enough people do, and they regret it later. I also think it's a gift if you cannot remember past sexual experiences with people other than your spouse. Given you are so uncomfortable with the fact that your current partner remembers every little detail of his/her past relationships, including the sex, do you think you'll be able to handle the jealousy and doubt that may intensify as you become more enmeshed with your partner after marriage? And do the comparisons you make between your current partner and your past partners inhibit you from giving yourself fully to your current partner; do the comparisons inhibit you from connecting with him/her fully and unreservedly? Do the comparisons inhibit you from seeing your partner as your one and only (assuming you have already decided to marry this person)?
You should overlook it and get over it.
@@ranip7644 easy to said than done
@@wistfulwaif8813 Christians always use the same passage about Jesus and even the false followers...but the book also says you should walk away if you find disgust in your partner and let them go...this is the problem with Christians today trying to justify one way all the time..people have options.
The worst pain is when they have told you about their past but after so long if one more detail gets brought up randomly even if it’s basically nothing it brings you back to square one jealousy
nah for real bro it’s so annoying
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's..
This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused
( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
@@allAdvise727Lol you've got the whole life to get a girl who admires you bro just dump that girl she's not worth your time and attention.. there are a lot of good girls around the world!
@allAdvise727 if she doesn't stop then yes.
If you are a virgin right now please don’t make the BIG mistake marrying someone who is not you still have a chance to not go through what most of us are going or went through. If you are a virgin save it !!! Protect it like GOLD beware of men who only promise marriage when they haven’t gotten what they want yet and leave when they got it. Respect yourself and love yourself the men who really love you will have patience and will respect you and the men who doesn’t love you will force their way into these things
but if you have given it up for free for another man you should not do him injustice and withhold it for the current man
@@хорошийчеловек-л6я terrible advice mate. It’s a sin. And if you don’t get married then you’ve just added to the number of people you’ve slept with
What if they are a virgin but they have done other things, not to be too into it but oral and hand sort of stuff, it still really hurts
@@Christsweakestsoldier thats not a virgin anymore in my book
I wouldn't even be able to get over someone's history. It would irritate me way too much
What does your profile picture mean?
I couldn’t do it either so I left the relationship and started making real money. Now I got options.
The truth is it will never go away unless she does.
Totally agree. So, the real question is, "do you want to carry that burden or not?"
Sleepless nights bro, I'm exhausted... Time for me to leave. I'd rather be on my own that deal with this hell
These videos justifying cheap sexual behaviour stink of cucks
If it bothers you and you can’t let it go, let her or him go. You both deserve someone that accepts you and does not punish you for your past. This is for both men and women.
Its is really that simple dont make it difficult people.
I agree but it isn't punishing the person with the promiscuous past but it's the spiritual warefare of having to fight off bad thoughts of being that persons 4th best in bed for example. It makes the marriage bed feel unsafe
Them truly repenting of their past is a good start.....
Nah bruh them details change the whole story !
Lmao
Fr
Before a relationship can go forward, the one with the past must first heal and then start over. See Bobby and Jackie on this same issue.
th-cam.com/video/F9OUwTOMIjw/w-d-xo.html
We all have flaws but sexual impurity is just a different level of carelessness and disrespect towards your future partner / husband or wife. 1 year and 6 months into a relationship and I still have these thoughts of her with them and still have to pray to be healed. I was not afforded the luxury of my partner praying or repenting before me. In fact she was proud of what she’d done and I had to teach her right from wrong. I am grateful she’s in my life but I’m also bitter and resentful that I am the one who has to feel like this because of her sin and actions. If you read these, please come back and make more videos !
You're too naive. She's showing very dangerous red flag behaviours. She was proud??? That's unacceptable. God doesn't exist but you should break-up, heal, improve yourself in the meantime and hope for a virgin who's not lying or has a broken character.
It’s going to be hard as she doesn’t share your values. I dated the male equivalent of this for about a year and we’ve since broken up over his past full of one night stands. He also was quite proud about it. Just do yourself a favour and get out now.
@@misselle6939 We broke up almost a year and a half ago. Was the best thing to happen to me. I have since been doing my thing and waiting on Gods plan.
@@starwarsfreak9700 All the best
@@starwarsfreak9700 Hey I need your help myI’m 20 years old I’m currently meeting a girl who is further away (long distance relationship) and it’s all good except one thing I need your help She loves me a lot and im sure she would do everything for me (and I would do everything for her) but I was a Virgin before meeting her because I alwasys wanted to wait for the right person and I never had a lot of opportunities to have sex
she already had her first time with a fuckboy(1 time only) even though she knew he only wanted sex this fact bothers me a lot and i keep thinking about it 24/7 even though she said that it was bad and she liked it more with me (I had sex with her too) I think about it a lot because I can’t understand that she could sleep with someone she knew that has bad intentions only (because she never heard from him again)it’s draining me a lot she knows she did. a mistake and everything but it still bothers me…
Should I leave her or Fix my mindest?
I praise God for your life brother. This video is a tool from GOD to help me in my fight from my insecurities over my girlfriend's past. Thank you and God bless!
havinga a fear of comparison is not insecurities. unfortunately, comparison does occur and its sad
Nothing seems to help, not a single sentence calms me.. the pictures of her with these guys.. I've never been so unhappy in my life as I am now
Just relax bro... I’ve dated lots of woman... Im telling you, you can’t remember how it was... just live the present be the best for her, the best you are the less she will think about her past!
Mostly because this advice is very good. Either you move past it or bow out. Let your yes’ be yes’ and let your no’s be no’s
@@jamaltimaoYou are part of the problem. Do us a favor and keep your dick in your pants
"Did you *save* virginity to *get* virginity, or did you *save* it for *giving* it?"
Really impactful quote. Thank you.
Save it to get it
The most optimal bond is reciprocal give and take. Two virgins marrying each other is more ideal both scriptural and emotionally
I’m currently dealing with this. I’m married to him and he’s such a loving and good husband but the problem i have is the past. I feel so jealous and self conscious/insecure and I compare my self all the time to those past women. I ask myself how did someone living that lifestyle decide to settle down with someone like me? And what bothers me is he never asks me about my past but i wanna know everything. It’s hard.
Hi lesliebarix
What you have is the same thing I have .
I have never understood why on earth I’m living this pain ... till recently.
It’s called retroactive jealousy. The best thing for it s CBT therapy / REBT otherwise you will be always inside a painful endless cycle ...
best of luck!
M.
Majid Bennis I’m taking it day by day. Thank you and same to you!
Same gurl :( 3 years relationship and Im a virgin and he is not also he doesnt want to tell me about details but its obvious he had sex before. I always thought ı have Ocd and all these 3 years sometimes I was like hey get over it , its just past. But today It happend again ı just cant control it. Once in a every year I search for this issue :D Even laughing because this jealousy dont know how to stop!
Beren Çolak Oh I understand! I’m slowly starting to accept and try to forget. I wrote this 2 months ago but yesterday I completely flipped cause something triggered me. We will get through this!!
@@lesliebarix7838 Aww you are so positive madam I loved it! Yes we will get over this. Today Im much better and we will be much better.
#1 Don't ignore it 1:22
#2 Don't hold this information over his her head 1:28
#3 Don't watch porn 2:28
#4 Don't be too specific about going into the details. 3:05
#1 Fight bitterness with gratitude 3:37
#2 Pray 4:07
#3 Live purely with her 4:40
#4 Talk to her 5:00
#5 Be a man (I'd say, "grow up") 6:15 "Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened. Forgiveness means you no longer hold it over that person s if they owe you one.
# 6 Show her God's love 7:58
#7 Be patient 9:52
J C thank you, that was helpful
if you meet the woman God has planned for you, you should be at peace and full of joy. If you are disappointed, hurt and feel cheated, do you really think that is the person God has prepared for you?
Maybe its Gods will that you guide her back to the right path
@@ariffayip If it is, you should be at peace with that and not feel like God has cheated you.
Thank you. Im struggling with this currently.
@@pepm3746 How long would it take to recover from the breakup? It took me a year, but I'm better now.
@@ariffayip that's the evangelists job
One thing you didn’t point out. If you gave her your virginity she will always be in your heart she is the first. On the other hand if she lost it to someone else she will never forgot that man. It’s the deep shit that bothers me at least. I hate the fact that I would feel emotionally attached something that she will never be able to give you. Idk maybe I’m wrong...
this hurts
@@truthfully.6914 i feel, i never thought of it that way till i read that and my heart aches now
What should a partner do to heal this
Not really. The first man she committed sexual sin with and felt ashamed of isn't a good experience and something she would prefer to eliminate. You will be the first person that she had sex with and could fully enjoy _without shame_ or _guilt_. Let's take it further. When was your first orgasm? Was it through watching pornography? Then you gave up an experience that was supposed to be shared with your wife first. You will not want to remember your first orgasm through masturbation because of shame and guilt.
You are not wrong. Here is why
Part of loving someone so much is not being able to share them, it's a Justified Jelousy, and for some it hurts to much to move on. Not even talking about forgiveness but they very knowledge of their past and how it affects the relationship. It's a deep thing and it's complicated
Intamacy has everything to do with creating a special and unique kind of bond. Sex is the super glue to Marriage, it seals the bond. It's physical It's emotional It's even spiritual to a degree. When the Hymen is broken it releases blood. Thats why they call it a blood covenent. It means we belong to each other Forever ! By blood it is sealed, Not just some vows. We become One Flesh when I first go in and the relationship is sealed. God promised to put his Holyspirit In us in us in the old testament, but intimacy with the holyspirit is when he actually came into our hearts to live inside us as said in the New Testament. So it that with marriage. Vows are not enough, that's the only thing I disagree in this video.
During sex Chemicals in the brain also release Oxytocin, it plays an important role when it comes to the memory of faces, or social recognition. It basicly bonds you with that person.
A person may feel as if they cannot connect because the person has been shared with someone else. There isn't that unique experience that should have only been kept for one person.. Sex is a personal and vulnerable experience.
It cant be cheapen no matter what people thing.
How does a person get over the fact that girls always remember their first time. For a girl she will never forget that. That is so painful to think about..
So to everyone who says get over it. Understand that it may be that you don't understand the value and impacts of Sex. Or you are mentally stronger to overcome these thoughts and her past... anyways I'm praying for healing. I'm a Virgin my girl is Not.
My experience : Tell the truth about past as crystal as a mirror would.....When dust settles The Real Love Would Stay(no matter what) and anything less will fly away....kinda good!
Absolute, and complete confession, not one lie, or walk. Being tainted and a liar is intolerable !
This is what casual sex does…
@@conartist267 Sounds like, jealous insecurity to me.
@@billpetersen298 Isn’t that why we are watching this?
To learn how to chill, and accept another person?
@@billpetersen298 shutup cuck
@@billpetersen298 Sounds like you aren't very empathetic of the damage your own past has done to your partner. I struggled with this for months not saying a word to my girlfriend and finally decided to tell her. I finally got around to telling her and before that I wondered what ways she would react to what I'd say and how she responded shocked me. She told me that she understands how she has hurt me and how she knows the consequences of her actions would have a shadow over our relationship and expressed how she wouldn't blame me if I left her even if it might make her incredibly heartbroken because she understands she cheated on her future husband and she wants me to be happy. After that my struggles never went away and the lasting consequences of her actions became more evident but so did her repentance and regret of it all so I forgave her and I asked that she would forgive herself too and our love has only deepened more when she understood how much I loved her truly for not leaving her. What is a curse was turned into an unexpected blessing for both of us.
I went through this and it was horrible. I only started to heal when I started to feel my anger an disappointment. Before this time I suppressed it. When the thoughts comes, just let them, feel the pain, and they will pass. The more you feel them, the quicker it moves on by. We broke up after 28 years in the end…
Hey I just want you to know that thank. It's really hard for me these past weeks but you made me realized that the first women that i've ever loved is worth it.
We live in the age of communal partners.
It's horrific.
They have taken everything from us, from our culture, our identity, our history, our prosperity and even our love.
Yes, great way of putting it.
Powerful words. You are absolutely correct. They have destroyed us and most don't even know it.
It is sad. It feels that the Church has given up on importance of virginity. Rarely do we talk about it, its importance in dating preference, and even exalting it as we should. Instead it’s this.
@@shawnboahene5231 Virginity has become so stigmatized as a negative thing when in fact it's highly honorable.
Crazy world we live in where the more d**ks a girl has taken the more awesome she is 🤢
And vice versa, men should be held to the same standard.
I genuinely think people willfully ignore the reality of their partners Sexcapades with ex partners, and I guess the ability to be ignorant of it is actually essential if you want to actually have a relationship.
If you're like me and it bothers you, you're probably going to shut out every woman you meet because you know that they gave away their prime physical and emotional selves to someone else before you.
I've made all of these mistakes which you've mentioned in this video. Damn man damn. This was much needed, thank you so much for this.
You know what's unfair dude? Is the fact that Girls slept with so men and then the right guy came, you think he deserves that woman who slept with with so many men? That's unfair! Every men wants to be a girl's first and last, so he can love the girl for the rest of his life. Isn't that wonderful?
Dean Winchester You just described my life rn.
@@mblackman1170 What do you mean?
Dean Winchester it’s very unfair..I’m dealing with this right now. I been dating this girl for a while now, I later found out that she has a crazy sexual past. I’m not ok with it and I don’t think I ever will be. I practiced semen retention and abstinence for 4 years. I feel like I’ve been saving myself for her but she hasn’t been saving herself for me. I’m starting to think our values don’t align and we are not compatible. I’m not sure if she sees sex the same way that I do. I keep telling her I’m not lowering my standards for her or anyone. I rather be single and not deal with this at all. This chick is trying to rush me into marriage. She been ran through, and now she wanna settle down with me. Hell naw.
Dean Winchester And with that said, she also expects me to accept that she has a male best friend.. These women really got the game fucked up..
Dean Winchester she thinks I’m being selfish. My reply is I deserve to be selfish with “My Life”.
Thank you so much for this video, was feeling like my boyfriend wasn’t mine cause i waited but he already had sex with 3 other girls, one was purely a sexual relationship which made it much harder on me. i’m very grateful that you pass on the lord’s words and give us your own experience. i’m 20 years old now and i really want start heading in the right direction. i made up with my boyfriend and im keeping this video close for now to not lose focus. you’ve helped a very insecure person. thank u
How did it turn out?
Are you still with him?
I was a virgin when I got married and he wasn’t. He continuously compared me to his past sex partners and made me feel terrible about it since our sex life was not good. I am divorced now (not by my choice). How do I overcome the fear I now have over sex in a future marriage? I hope to start dating and be married again one day once I have worked on getting better and this is one of the things I’m trying to work through.
Sex is something that is worked on and explored joyfully between a couple, with love and a desire to make the other feel good. It should be done in a loving trusting environment.
I'm so sorry that he divorced you over this, that's really not right and God has seen what he done and made you feel. I encourage you to press on into God, you're not broken, you may be wounded from the past, have unforgiveness in you towards him and that is so more than understandable. I pray that God's love is revealed to you, and that you will get remarried to someone Christ-like.
I feel your pain, always go after what makes you happy and grateful. From what you say he was really an A… H… by comparing you with others, a person that truly loves you will never do that. but will express and ask what you like and what he would like but never a comparison! 👍🏼
yeah, he is a bit ch, it's not your fault.
Pick a guy with less than 3 sexual partners before you. Easy, he is not already ruined.
This guy divorced you because of inexperience? What, did he want you to do all the work or was it more you were still uncomfortable with certain acts? I had some wild college years with women my age and older ones, I experienced many things and even went on to learn how to be the best that I can when it came to a woman’s high point. That being said, my fiancé was a virgin when we met. She did have anxiety and struggled with relationships. I never hid anything from her and while it didn’t disgust her, she was nervous. I never pushed and slowly she became comfortable. Eventually she decided to go all the way and I knew I was going to have to go slow. Eventually she became more and more comfortable. Now, I mix it up on what kind of mood we are going to go with. I always take control which is why it’s weird that he chose to divorce you. Did he think that it wasn’t going to get better? The dude sounds strange.
Bro please speak more on this subject cause it help me n I’ve been wondering why God me for this type of wound, I’ve been trying to figure it out, this is very very helpful thank u..
Thank you! Last night I learned that my partner was not a virgin, and it was quite a shock. It hurts to think about, but forgiveness heals
lol oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
😭😭😭😭😭😭thanks so much brother . thank you for coming in my life sir . you have helped me so much through this already. I am blessed to have ever seen this video.
Hey bro can we talk
@@iamaquibali yaa sure what do u wanna talk about
Kaamal singh how you overcomed all of this?
Been looking for this answers and guidance for a long time. God bless you Jason. May many be inspired by this!
This hit me deep. As someone who hasn't had any romantic partner in life yet, or even a close interaction with a woman, this has been a struggle and a scary mystery for me, and so I can relate with this so much. This made me question my emotions regarding this personal issue and inspect my heart on what really hurts me or gives me fear. I sometimes feel that if ever my future partner would have had a rough past then it would feel unfair for me or that she would still have emotional attachments to her past relationships. But maybe it's all just my pride thinking I deserve more while neglecting that I haven't been a perfect person myself, and that maybe God appointed me to be the instrument by which she'll be able to grow out of her past. I honestly shed a tear when you said that I should be keeping my purity to give it out of love and not to get something in return cause that would be selfish of me to do then. God chose to love me so that I csn love Him and those whom He loves as well. Thank you for this video, I hope I'll be able to mentally and emotionally grow from this fear and bitterness, and accept people as they are and help them become better just as God was to me.
@Daniel Edvinsson there are men out there marrying former sex workers, pornstars, and prostitutes. And that makes me realize that these men are better than me. I think we should eliminate the thought that they were "used" by someone else already and making them ours would feel like a hand me down. The video is right that what makes us think of this is when we poison our minds into degrading them as objects instead of people who are deeper than their past. I feel bitterness already even without knowing my future wife yet that's why I want to be ready and fix myself first before actually meeting her.
@@GHanBax they are not worth it. God gave us a cross to bare NOT go to the cross like he did.
You'll get cancer in a relationship. You say you're going to sleep and you'll get guilt tripped the next morning because she decided on her own will to wait for 5hrs for you to text back, despite saying you'd sleep. The scary mystery is nothing more than extremely irrational behaviour. I had a relationship. Trust me.
@@sirprize5191 I believe you man，the only way to cue that is LEAVE !
@@calwoun3333 I left her twice. She made life a stressful hell. Love doesn't mean I won't leave her
Absolutely true.. But the only thing bothering me is.. that my girl had been in a relationship just for sex !! Even after knowing that the boy is not going to marry her she just wanted to have sex..
Dude you need forgive she is with you for sex and love. Sonetimes shit will go back but don't fight it because is pointless to be obsessed.
How does that make your feel - is that what YOU want - she is not the only girl in the world - if you don't want that in your life you don't have to deal with it - find someone else. While on this earth you have to find what makes you happy - you can forgive people but that doesn't mean you have to comply or be OK with it.
I feel that bro- same shit
@@BananaNutCream The video is only telling half the story. Yes we need to forgive however the earthly consequences of their sexual past is always present especially in women. After 20 years of marriage my wife finally made me aware why our sexual intimacy has struggled for so long. She said that it was because of her promiscuous past that she lied to me about. She couldn't bond with me due to the brokenness that she endured. There was also an abortion that she had six months before we met that I didn't know about as well. She's now being very open but the damage is done even though she is now a Christian. Becoming a Christian doesn't magically change the damage done to our souls. To all the men out there please don't marry the former promiscuous woman because who she becomes with or without God is something less on "earth " than she was before. My wife said that promiscuous women shouldn't get married because they can't give their husband's the sexual intimacy that they need. She said that no one has the power to forget, and the husband will "always" be compared to her past sexual partners. These are her words.
You don't need this beta blue pill shit bruh check out rollo tomassi
This is some good stuff! A lot of guys needed this. 😊
Me and my wife started off as friends. She is beautiful person inside and out. We talked about life and past relationships. What we expected in a relationship and talked about our ex's and just life and a friendship grew. I met her randomly just because I walked into this salon one day and at first there was a attraction and then the more we talked over a couple years we both obviously always had something for each other. Nothing inappropriate but always knew it was there. So we ended up both getting single at the same time. We were both broken from previous relationships. We started going out and then it just happened. Sparks were flying and we both constantly wanted each other's affection and love. Back then it didn't bother me as much when she talked about a ex......but then she got pregnant with twins before we got married. I seen such a big change in her. I know she can't help it but it's like she doesn't desire me like she use too. I never use to be insecure about this but now all of a sudden I am. I guess it's because my brain is playing tricks on me. I have caught myself digging for stuff in her past that was before me and her. Like did you and that guy sleep together. Why do I do this to myself? Where is my confidence that drew her to me? She can't even tell a story and in my head I am like I wonder if she slept with that guy. Then I am visualizing someone else touching her sexually other than me. I just love her so much. I know that being insecure in a relationship can make a bad one. That has no bearing on me and her. She is a awesome girl. She has me involved in church. She takes care of me and my kids that I have from a previous marriage and also her daughter from a old relationship of hers. I guess with her changing I guess my brain is trying to make me think she isn't into me anymore. She even questioned me what have I done? I am like nothing. She is like we both have ex's....... We get caught up in emotions sometimes and we can't see that our relationship is still good. It's just changing some. My wife even told me you act like our relationship is bad. What am I doing wrong......and I am like nothing. I don't know what has gotten into me. I keep a lot bottled up inside but sometimes I let it out. I am still very good to her but I feel emptiness a lot just because I was so use to us being very affectionate with each other. She always wanted to be close to me and she doesn't no where as much as she use to. Reading all these comments I must not be the only one. So that is a good piece of mind. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
7:35 i completely understand where you're coming from, but as a Christian virgin myself, I'm sorry but I just don't like it when someone gives that excuse. I had a guy tell me the same thing bc he wasn't a virgin. but what nonvirgins don't understand is that, intimacy such as s*x was made for marriage only according to the bible, and s*x is what consummates a marriage. So when I meet a guy who isn't a virgin, I don't think I could ever give my heart to him bc, The most intimate experience people could have with each other, he's already shared with someone else. And if he's shared that experience with someone else and I were to theoretically marry that guy, our first time having s*x would not be special at all, he would take the special moment from me, and thats when marriage becomes nothing more than a signed piece of paper.
We need more ladies who think like you. As a Christian virgin man myself this is how I think completely.....
You are so right. It's like a gift that's been taken away
Part of loving someone so much is not being able to share them, it's a Justified Jelousy, and for some it hurts to much to move on. Not even talking about forgiveness but they very knowledge of their past and how it affects the relationship. It's a deep thing and it's complicated
Intamacy has everything to do with creating a special and unique kind of bond. Sex is the super glue to Marriage, it seals the bond. It's physical It's emotional It's even spiritual to a degree. When the Hymen is broken it releases blood. Thats why they call it a blood covenent. It means we belong to each other Forever ! By blood it is sealed, Not just some vows. We become One Flesh when I first go in and the relationship is sealed. God promised to put his Holyspirit In us in us in the old testament, but intimacy with the holyspirit is when he actually came into our hearts to live inside us as said in the New Testament. So it that with marriage. Vows are not enough, that's the only thing I disagree in this video.
During sex Chemicals in the brain also release Oxytocin, it plays an important role when it comes to the memory of faces, or social recognition. It basicly bonds you with that person.
A person may feel as if they cannot connect because the person has been shared with someone else. There isn't that unique experience that should have only been kept for one person.. Sex is a personal and vulnerable experience.
It cant be cheapen no matter what people thing.
How does a person get over the fact that girls always remember their first time. For a girl she will never forget that. That is so painful to think about..
So to everyone who says get over it. Understand that it may be that you don't understand the value and impacts of Sex. Or you are mentally stronger to overcome these thoughts and her past... anyways I'm praying for healing. But I'm a Virgin my girl is Not. I'm hurting because I love her
I totally get were you are coming from and used to feel that way in the past. Its ok to be prudent regarding who do you fall in loved with and to take care of your own heart, but we sometimes idealized virginity by itself putting it over a pedestal, and we forget that without love, real love and humility, we are nothing (as St Paul say in Corinthians), so if someone is virgin but is prideful about it (not humble and grateful), as we all usually do with our virtues and achievements, that pride takes the real sanctity and value from that virtue.. the truth is that we all fall short of the glory of God and also that God Make All Things New (but he can only do so if we are humble).. and lastly, remember the parable of the prodigal son, the father says to the older son: Everything that I own its also yours, we don’t just follow rules to get rewards, we follow God so that he can purify our heart from sin and make us new and holy, that is the real reward, that we can lay our lives for others as Jesus did for us, free from our pride and resentment “forgive them Father, they don’t know what they are doing”.. sometimes an apparent “curse” (partner past) can become a real blessing if we allow God to act in our heart.. Virginity is an amazing gift, but after that first night passes your whole future starts, and the real deal will be cultivating your love daily, growing in service and kindness with the other person, knowing his/her weaknesses and loving him/her regardless, love is grown in the long term, is not just a first wedding night prize.. anyways I hope this helps
You spoke so well. Thanks so much for the inspiration. I go through this a lot with my wife. I have been married for over 6 years with her, still trusting God for the fruit of the womb. I was a virgin and she was not when we got married. It hurts me so much, most times i harbour the bitterness in my heart. I pray to be healed totally of this in Jesus name.
How are you now brother?
@@robinabas7557 Christ the 👑 is in absolute control. I have to live with that reality and enjoy every moment with her as I am a dedicated child of the most high God.Healing process takes a longer time. Thank you for your inspiration
Amen sir. Keep your chin up! :)
Simp
I just got healed by watching this video. I love my woman, and I was struggling with accepting her past. A lot of things didn't make sense, and I've been working and working on myself to not resent her and look at her like she's damaged or not worthy of me at all, as if I'm the most cleanest and best person in the world. I have a terrible and horrible past sexual life too, and it's the worst between myself and her. I've been searching for strength and understanding and power to remove this resentment inside me. And now I'M FREE 🥺🤞🏾!!!!! Thank you for telling me to be a man - it made sense to me 🙏🏾💪🏾🤞🏾.
I am struggling hard with my gf past. Somehow logically I know it is kind of hypocrisy how I had bad runs in the past as well. But, I simply can't control my emotions . Can you kindly advise how you overcame this?
@@clinkinblah9107 Zackary Stockill - I watched at least 10 videos of Zackary Stockill, because I realised that I don't like the kind of emotions I feel and the pain that comes with the thoughts.
After watching those videos from Zackary Stockill, I felt so much better. I have now finally overpowered this retroactive jealousy. But it's not easy, and I know you've already realised that. But all that matter is that it's doable 💪🏾.
I'm with you brother 🙏🏾.
Thank you my man. I need time to get use to it. Im just in the initial phase.
Leave.
@@clinkinblah9107 leave
I just cant love him because of his past, I've tried but I can't overlook it. It enrages and disgusts me
Women those who are saving for marriage pls speak up, women are not speaking, women should ask for virgin men, men who saved them for marriage . Women and men who saved themselves says a lot about them.
It affected me so much she is wanting a divorce after 6 years. She'd openly brag with friends about how many men she'd sleep with. But we would go 3,4,5 months at a time with no intimacy. It really damaged me. Made me feel like there is something wrong with me. Why doesn't she want me??? It hurts ....
I'm in therapy now because of her
Count yourself lucky, and leave that train wreck. She sounds like a major narcissistic person. You're better off with out that
I’m sorry, and don’t give up. If she brags about it, I’m sorry. That is not directly a mistake from you, but her. I’m praying for you, and God bless!
Wow reading these comments has really changed my perspective on this subject. I’m religious and believe in God, but I’m not necessarily a Christian per se. Even so I completed understand what everyone here is saying. For much of my life I didn’t care to think about it but I now understand how much pain this kind of thing can cause someone. The only cure is for both partners to be virgins or both not to be I suppose. May the Almighty protect us from this pain!
That`s not a problem normal people have, it`s a problem engineered by an environment that tells people virginity is important and tied to their worth from the moment they can understand the concept. Normal people who weren`t indoctrinated like that don`t have that obsession over virginity or past partners.
I am not religious... but it felt good to hear you talk. Thanks to you I will try to be the man my partner deserves. I am more than greatful for her and it makes me feel stupid to let her past take away from the present and future.
I feel you man I’m not very religious either but this is really helpful
Thankyou so much. I have been haunt by this issue with our relationship with my partner. Hearing all of this made me feel a lot more better. God bless you!
Knowing that I can relate to so many people made it way easier
thank you, as a guy its hard to find any sort of empathy from others, thank you for the video
"If you can't let go of their past, then you might need to let go of her."
YEP. Harsh but true. She deserves better.
James Excell Or you deserve better
@@crispinswainstonharrison9042 Could be.
It’s not even about who deserves what, if you aren’t compatible, then you aren’t compatible.
I was seeing this girl since a year we are together, we both shared very good loving bond with each other she is very much fond of me❤ but out of nowhere she is talking to a man who is older age (45) for about month now and you know what happened that man purposely shared all his text messages involving kissing talks etc and he wants me to go away from her.. And when I saw the texts it just killed me from inside, should I continue with my gf or not, because after knowing this I'm feeling a bit different for my gf and if I do continue with her I'll loose the self-respect for me in my own eyes.. we both are in our early 20's..
This older man is trying to destroy my relationship.. I'm very confused
( Anybody can give their suggestion who are reading )
Or he does?
Please make more videos about this topic
carla Montoya Gambini this really helped right? There’s a lot of people going through this stuff that no one has the answer, it’s like when u see there’s other with the same situation u feel better..
This is a problem everyone is facing dude like seriously its a gross i have a girlfriend she had a boyfriend in her past and they both datted like for 3 years she never did sex with him i know sex isnt everything cuz love is the one..... She did many mistakes with him like normally kiss and sharing prono but the way she is with me never was with him i use to think of this why she kissed him why she shared pic call me a kido dude but this really hurt most now i feel better if she didnt loose her verginity call yourself a lucky one and there should nothing to be worry about i know many of us think that the first love is the time when the girl gets more exited and everything she do with an excitment but this is not true if she does for him she will do thousand percent more to you than she did for him there is no strain that her ex will bring up to her but you can be her permanent after when u marry her.....
DEFEAT GAMER
“Did sex” ?!
@@Flawdaboishawn this really did help
Curshawn Simmons amen
I feel like the uneven amount of partners makes this very difficult. I’m not a virgin but I’ve only slept with one other person and my girlfriend has had 20+ partners. This sin breaks her heart just as much as it breaks mine, and it is difficult to reconcile this issue. One long term relationship doesn’t compare to 20 hookups.
Hows your relationship with that girl?
She a hoe and she didn't regret it at the 19th or the 20th. That's called a habit. Wake up
I'm sorry but you should not be with a woman that has been with 20+ men. Leave her or else it will be psychologically damaging for you. She has to pay for her own sin.
@@Insane_ForJesus Dude these women pick shitty people and take on the abusive behaviour of those guys. The damage and baggage accumulates for women like crazy. How are relationships going for you so far? I broke up 3 days ago because she was an abusive promiscuos source of stress, despite being in mutual love. It was hell.
@@sirprize5191 Being with those type of men means those women have psychologically issues and should not be in relationships with anyone. They should just stay single.
just came across this video and everything you have said--and i mean everything--is accurate to what i am struggling with. even with both perspectives. my boyfriend has had a sexual past that he tells me he regrets, while i have never had one and am saving myself for marriage. i always believed that sex with me wouldnt be that special anymore because he's done it before, but even he-and this video-say otherwise. in marriage, we would make love for the first time. and it will be special, because we actually have LOVE for each other, not just sex for the sake of it. this also incredibly helps because I am Christian too, and I really didnt know i needed a Christian perspective on this, but i did. God bless you and your family sir and thank you SO much
So, did it turn out the way you wished for it to be?
What hurts me the most is all of the lies and the refusal to give any information about her past. Has she had just 1 other lover or is it 100? She has broke my heart and cheated on me (at least twice after marriage) and in my opinion she owes me the truth after over 40 years and yet she will not answer any questions. I have only been with 1 woman all my life, her. So I believe I have earned the right to know these things before I die.
leave her
The returns cheaters give you.
For your self respect, ditch her immediately and without explanations
I know what it feels like: many comments about how this issue is “unfair” and it hurts.. we have to realize that we live in a complicated time, God may be asking us to lead like men and sometimes requires to die to yourself, its a process and I can truly say that it can get better, Jason its spot on with this video, God will always have more generosity and give you peace if you persevere.. use prudence to decide, listen to God and to your heart, think if the person has changed, repent, if she/he is good with you and truly loves you, be patient and take your time, be honest with you if you are angry, ask for council and help, pray, meditate.. in my case it was totally worth it and made me grow a lot and realize I had a treasure with me that I wasn’t seeing it properly because I couldn’t accept a couple of mistakes.. remember life is short, God has trusted you with this person that crossed your path, it doesn’t always mean that you have to stay together, dating is a discernment, but what is happening to you can always be an opportunity to grow, I pray for all of you and wish you the best!
Man, I’ve been struggling for some time now and I don’t know how to get past it. Yes, there are a couple girls that my boyfriend has done stuff with that bothers me, but not as bad as this particular one.
This one girl, the last girl he fooled around with (didn’t have intercourse, but did other things) a month before we began dating. About six months into our relationship, the same girl began dating his brother. To me, this was disgusting and like the worst case scenario lol. It’s been over a year since then and this girl and his brother are still together. I can’t seem to move past it, every time I have to see her at his house, spending the night, or talking to him, I get so angry and can’t stop overthinking. They hooked up just one time, but it has hurt me for over a year.
I just need advice. He doesn’t really like to talk about it, maybe that’s a maturity thing that we will figure out together. I love him so much, and I want to marry him. But it’s hard to get information from him without him getting upset. Some new information about this hookup came out recently and my hatred came back even stronger for her.
I understand you girl, i am trying to accept the past of my guy too but I always try to communicate my feelings to him he helps me to calm those thoughts but the situation you are going through is really sad, i mean I can’t imagine to see the girl he made out with walking around that’s so hurtful to even think about why don’t you clearly tell him that it bothers you so much if he truly cares about you he’ll help you out with it he must listen your feelings out that’s unfair. More power to you ❤️
Leave him.
You love him, but it will never end. I can tell you that because I have the same thing, I love this girl, but she has a past with other guys. I am a virgin myself, but I can't stop overthinking that and it will get you angry at sometimes when you overthink it, best to leave him and search for someone who is a virgin.
@@WoodmanTiller Same shit. We are mutually in love but her past disgusts me. I wish I never loved her and she even fell in love way earlier than me. I can't get over the disgust and mistrust and it never leaves my mind. I'm so disappointed this is %99 of women now. What are the chances of a virgin who's been raised well and isn't a slut at the core?
I know exactly how you feel. There's a guy who used to hookup with my girl. Who is dating her best friend now....this stinks.
The first advice should be you don't have to do this.
I let go many many girls because they were not virgins, I prayed to God and eventually I dated and married a virgin, I wasn't a virgin myself btw, but a virgin was the desired of my heart.
My wife is someon who had never had a boyfriend before me, we kissed at the altar and I was her first kiss, her first boyfriend holding hands, her first everything.
Eventually all the other girls married or got into a defacto relationship and most of then if not all of them had failed relationships.
Virginity is a great indicator of character, I love my wife in a way that I would find very difficult with a non-virgin and she loves me so well, she summits to me, she is quiet and very very happy.
You sound insecure. Non virgin men like you have narcissistic tendencies, are weak, and insecure. You are afraid to compete and win. That's insecurity. I have only been with women with a past as I have built a past for myself. I'm not afraid to compete and have her tell me I'm the best for her during our relationship.
Been with my girl for over 6 years she's only ever been with one guy that I knew. It's not really so much insecurity for me , I know I'm much better. But, what hurts is that at that time we all lived in dorms together.. remembering them together goes through my head often but it shouldn't be bothering me as much as it is. What bothers me is that they would fuck often, and unprotected. Again this is when she was really young, but to lose her virginity in this way is something that bothers me. Not only that, but losing it to someone that didn't really truly love her is something that drives me crazy to think about sometimes. What helps me is accepting her past, accepting my own past and just talking about it with her. I'm happy that I got to lose my virginity to the one that I truly love. I've had many chances to lose my virginity but I'm happy I saved it for the right one.
But your girl didn’t truly love him too,when she did it with you,she did it with true love,it’s your win,his loss
Respect ✨
I feel the exact same way bro. I’m glad I can relate with someone. This really helps
At least she just had one other guy inside of her.
that is a girl without morals when you imagine her having sex with that guy in the past brings you a sense of disgust but personally if i was you and i had knew about her past i would not even look at her . i judge woman based on their behaviour and the fact that many people knew what they were doing makes it more diificult and embarrasing
Thank you for making this video. I have been struggling with these thoughts for like 1,5 years now. I love my boyfriend, but his past haunts me like crazy.. These thoughts hurt me so badly. I feel so powerless and overwhelmed I really don’t know what to do about it, but this video helps.
You don't have to overlook this and "accept" it. If it bothers you so much then move on.....
It’s simple. If you can’t accept her past, move on. There’s plenty of other people out there.
Sometimes you feel okay with the idea. But there will be times, the thought that there is someone out there knows how your wife tastes, hows she like and put his thing on what is supposed to be yours alone will haunt you. I accepted the fact that this will go on forever as long as we live. The fact that somebody out there knows something that you alone must know. It is hard. I love her very much though.
Bruhhh same
Man, fuck that, a woman's past is absolutely disgusting and revolting
Some people make mistakes in their past and change and if the women is not doing the same behaviors as her past then people shouldn’t hold it against her. Sometimes people upbringing life situations or experiences can make them turn out the way they do. Nobody ever thinks why a girl would become 304 some people go through things growing up. This is the reason why some girls kill themselves because people don’t allow someone to change. If someone changes their behavior why would you still hold it against them. if a man had a lot of women in his past nobody cares so why do people care if a women has. This is just hypocritical. Maya Angelo was a prostitute when she was younger but turned her life around and became a poet. She did it because she had a kid and changed her life.
@princessc660 plenty of people make mistakes in their past, but that doesn't mean it doesn't come with consequences. If I go out, and drive drunk, I'll go to jail, pay fines, and have higher insurance, sometimes for life. The greatest predictor of the future is the past. I'm sorry, but a woman that has a long list from her past is 100% tainted, and way less value. I think the same of men that do the same. If a woman feels shame and commits suicide, then that's hers to own. The old adage is correct. Can't make a whore a housewife. Jesus told the prostitute at the well, go, and sin no more, but he didn't say people would treat her differently. Past is yours to own, good, bad, or ugly.
@@redlineshawn1700 I agree 1000% with your statement, I agree with absolutely everything you said...that's the reason why I am isolated from society these days, everything is crazy out there, it doesn't pay off the effort to even try anything anymore.
@@princessc660I don’t want to pay for something for the rest of my life that 20 guys before me got for free.
Why women only? You sound like a perfectly sane, reasonable, and healthy individual.
Thank you, Jason. In college, I dated a guy who had a not so angelic past. He was not a virgin, had been cheated on three times by other girls, and just dated more girls than I can count. Of course, I asked him a little about his past, but I never held it over his head. No we're not together anymore, but I didn't love him any less because of what happened to him or what he did.
Then why did you leave him?
@@supermonk3y07 because she is a hypocrite, everyone is. Virginity is numbero uno. Having sex with someone is something you can't forget, you can forgive but NEVER ever forget.
@@WoodmanTiller dang I was thinking the same thing too
@@supermonk3y07 Jup, I am in the same situation now, love a girl didn't have sex with her ( I am a virgin myself and waiting for someone with the same morals ), she has a past, I can't forget it even when I did my best to accept it. I am now just friends with her and moved on ( since 3 days ago ).
This guy... What a strong man. What a role model.
People who have had past sexual relations (Christians included) admit to memories of past intercourse resurfacing even while they are having sex with their spouse - maybe these memories don't resurface frequently (or maybe they do), but even if it happens occasionally, it would be very traumatizing for the spouse who has never been with anyone else. How can this be considered "both going there for the very first time"??
My wife is my first. Ouch.
Oh my word, thank you so much for making this wonderful explanation video! It truly helps couples struggling with this!! God bless
This has really helped me more than you know. I've been bothered by my boyfriend's past for over a year especially since I grew up with the how to find your soulmate book and have(and continue to) save myself. I struggled with the fact that she knew him in ways that I never got to and feel like she stole a piece of him. We have hopes to get married someday and I've been trying to stamp down the desire to ask more questions about his past. I already know too much about it even without asking bc we were friendly and then dated. She was also into witch craft and it was a bad breakup that they had and I've wondered if she put some type of hex on him because hes been really ill for the past 2yrs and I've never been bothered by a bfs past so I wonder if it trickled down to me...not really sure. I'm going to try to get to a charismatic prayer group and maybe God can heal us through that. Til then I'll try to implement what this video taught me. It gives me peace to be reminded of God through it all. Thank you so much!
I totally get you. I feel like someone is also not wishing me well, negative energy coming from outside. I would like to give you little advise. Short info before: i'm also practicing witch craft but there are some people out there, who totally go the wrong way with it and i wouldn't call it witch craft anymore, if it hurts somebody else and believe me they get their karma big times. So i hope your Boyfriend gets well soon. I purely want to help people and so this might be the right for you (i'm also religious so may the power of god be always with you). Alright so there are those candles in different colors with different meanings, for example one is for love another one is for health ect. This is not exactly a spell more like a wish to the universe. If you want to attract things like a healthy mind or luck, then there is the candle of attraction. There are even get over crises or break a hex/curse candles. You write down your wish (simple words) and fold it, then lay it under the candle, light up the candle and think about the things you wish for, really focus on them. Repeat that, until the candle burned down. You can get the candles in esotheric stores or one the internet or you can just listen to positive subliminals here on youtube if that is just not something for you :). It really helped me and i hope helps you too :) best regards.
D. O. I really want to try that i feel like that would really help me. What colour did you use for your wish and what exactly did you wish for?
D. O. Hello, why would you do witchcraft when you have God?
@@hei_itz_me8407 Hi thanks for asking. I use the green candle for attraction and if want to get rid of bad habits or bad energy i use a black candle. It's important to keep the things you wish for a secret. So i can't tell you what i wished for but please make sure it's realistic and don't forget to manifest over the day. Have your goals in mind then let them go and have patience. Best regards.
@@reineirankunda God gave humans the free will. Sure God is here for us always. But people forget that we sometimes have to reprogram our mind and behaviour to get were we want to and can't expect god to just hand it all to us without our own work we put into. There are so many secrets to the universe. Witchcraft is just Energy. Energy that god gave us. God leads the way but it's up to me if i use the tools he offers. It's all there. You see there are so many people who doubt him when things go wrong instead of using energy to get back control over situations. But as sad as it is accidents and deaths still going to happen there is nothing we can do about it. The circle of life can't be stopped.
God led me to this video and it validated some points that I knew; but my flesh tried to convince me NOT to look at the Truth that you mentioned in this video. I truly believe this has set me free from resentment, bitterness, imaginations, and dealing with my own personal insecurities. This video is a jewel, and I'm so grateful for your obedience, and allowing God to use you in this way. Blessings!
1:11 this is something that is soooo gaslighting!!!! its not because we are insecure, its because unfortunately people do compare past partners! not even to partners but some have said crap like, "her b**bs are not as big or his D%&! is not that long". its nothing to do with insecurities, and everything to do with fear that it'll happen. there are wolves in sheep clothing
I do not compare myself to my husband's past partners, but I am secure with myself. You ARE insecure if you do this. I actually came to this video to understand why people are bothered by partner's pasts, because I literally cannot relate to this way of thinking. Wishing y'all the best of luck.
My ex fiancé in the heat of a fight blurted out that his exes were hotter than me. So yeah, people compare and it hurts. Now I’m looking for someone that shares my values. A guy who’s had more one night stands than he can count on both hands is probably not husband material… ha ha.
If one or other partner has a high body count past, it rarely works, if both have low sexual partners is best for a good relationship start, if both have high body counts, jelousy and never trusting each other, plus all of the mind games that follow which will never stop, also knowing that gut instinct that one day, even years down the line, one will cheat on the other.
If both have accepted Jesus healing and restoration can occur
Anne it could but no one is obligated to be in an uncomfortable situation like that if they’re uncomfortable. The fact that this is a serious topic highlights how realnof an issue this is in terms of lack of congruency between spouses or partner is a real possibility and issue.
I’d say to anyone of this is an issue then do not be with that person and don’t feel guilty. Its not judging the person. It’s just a concern given the repercussions that does take place in these scenarios. Listen to some of the horror stories on here. If a person sees no issue then lovely but if they do then they shouldn’t be judged for what they may not be able to bear.
What a wonderful blessing it is to see this inspiring and truly loving video. This is exactly my situation but watching this and fully realizing the girl I’m with I feel ultimately uplifted like never before. I look forward to more things to learn from God and this beautiful channel.💜
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!!
Well said. Great points. Having the gift of the person is more important than her past. What a wonderful encouragement
Phil C. Absolutely right!!
having the gift of a person who doesnt have the same core values as you? who isnt emotionally compatible with you? every person is a gift, but when chosing a member of the pack, your right hand, chose wisley.
I needed to hear it, is so wise. I can firmly say that asking for more details worsen things. Our partner doesn't deserve to hear about a past that is concluded, and to struggle with complaints and judgements. We are all humans and sometimes we need to walk along something bothering, in order to evolve.
Wow!! This is so enlightening! Thank u so much for sharing, Jason. God bless u!
Not realistic at all.....anyone who has a promiscuous past will have emotional baggage, and higher the number, higher the chances of them being unfaithful. You can change, but only to a certain extent, because by now you are used to the emotionless sex. And this sadly affects women than men, due to oxytocin. Research shows this. If I were in such a position, I wouldn't date a person with a promiscuous past itself. (By promiscuous, i mean when someone sleeps with someone whom they are not dating.)
Some people make mistakes in their past and change and if the women is not doing the same behaviors as her past then people shouldn’t hold it against her. Sometimes people upbringing life situations or experiences can make them turn out the way they do. Nobody ever thinks why a girl would become 304 some people go through things growing up. This is the reason why some girls kill themselves because people don’t allow someone to change. If someone changes their behavior why would you still hold it against them. if a man had a lot of women in his past nobody cares so why do people care if a women has. This is just hypocritical. Maya Angelo was a prostitute when she was younger but turned her life around and became a poet. She did it because she had a kid and changed her life.
@@princessc660 people shouldn't low their standards just to accommodate the mistakes of others
@@elfascisto6549This times 10.
May the almighty bless you with tons of happiness and love.
Your wisdom and sanity on this issue cuts across the continents across the entire globe and solves the root cause of problem.
Thanks brother.
There are certain things which is not found in scriptures, books or anywhere. We humans can easily solve each other's issues.
Love is the only thing what we all need.
Personally I feel that it’s disrespectful to the persons future spouse. Most people don’t marry their high school sweetheart, or the people that they sleep with before they meet you.
It can really get crazyyyyy. See her doing a dance move “I wonder if she did that with those guys”
See a guy like her Facebook post “I wonder if they slept together”
Hear her singing an old song “I wonder if she played that while with the other guys”
See her in a sexual position during “I wonder if she did this with other guys and if it felt better” “is she wishing she was with one of them right now”
so relatable bro
So far the only video I found dealing with Retroactive Jealousy from a Christian perspective. Excellent work! As for RJ, when she (or he) regrets what she did, it is easier. When she does not regret, things can be a lot harder to handle. The point of talking to her about your feelings, for example, can be very difficult when she does not regret anything of her past. In this case she will almost certainly feel "judged", and the conversation can end up in more bitterness and resentment. The key is always love and forgiveness, and the question is HOW to forgive someone that does not even think she did anything wrong?
1:32 this is incorrect, fornication is a form of infidelity. If you have sex before marriage you were unfaithfull
If they have no remorse, or don’t express that they have changed, DONT DO IT. They should say, hey this is my past but I’m not that person anymore. It shouldn’t be you working to try and make them better. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I asked my now husband if he felt guilty. He said no. He doesn’t feel any guilt.
Opened my eyes ♥️... Lots of love for this.
A person's past is who they truly are. I dated a woman who was known for being a party girl in her past. We dated for 1 year then she left me to go back to her old party lifestyle, then she showed up to my job to try to get back with me 3 years later after she became a single mom. Never trust anybody, even if they ask for your forgiveness.
This is the male personality attitude that women step on and don’t respect. Men are allowed to have proper preferences and women should not have high sexual numbers.
Thank you, this is the best video on this subject by far.
I really needed to hear this.
I actually had a similar approach in mind, so it was really great to have that confirmation.
I pray that everyone here can find some peace finally and learn to let go I struggle with this whenever I see a scene on tv or anything sexual. It’s stupid and I know it but I just am in love and very jealous. I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling like this
Thank a lot men it really helps
Now people nowadays have a thing for mocking religion, they think they're cool or sth.. when God told you to save your virginity for marriage (both man and woman) why do you disobey? Spare yourself the stress, guilt, the overthinking and have some self control or be ready to compromise and forgive each other's past mistakes, there's no point in making life harder than it is.
i cried with humility
CAPPIN
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As long as she commits, stays loyal, submissive, and proves that you are the guy for her over a period of time it should go.
i dont know
I'm 60 years old...been around for a while. IMO, men have a harder time with a woman's past than the other way around. I think a clue to understanding this is that the man can more easily "leave" what he did with other women behind, and she, being the receptacle of the sex act, brings what she did forward. Please comment. Thank you.
My boyfriend really had a hard time I still think he do, it’s crazy because I’ve only have 2 men & he had 9+ females but he brought up mines a lot like he was bashing me even though he knew I hated him bringing it up so much. Me I’m currently upset because he lied about how many females had sex with for basically 3 years and made it seem like I had more partners than him. He recently made confession that it wasn’t 4 females it was actually 9+ in a short span of 5 months he wasn’t even in relationships with just screwing before we started talking, the same year as we started talking. I never brought up his past females either I could care less but now I do because you lied & told some stuff I don’t agree with & it disappoints me. So yeah I agree with men taking it to heart more than women. I want to be honest with myself, I know i also don’t like men who had body counts like that. I know if i knew that before I wouldn’t have dated him or distant myself earlier in the relationship.
@@bigstomp3965 I hope you left that useless piece of sh+t. Let him r0t with the wh0res he stained himself with.
Thank you for this video.
I watched this because I'm so anxious about if my partner in life will be not a virgin anymore, and I save my virginity for marriage. I do not know why am I getting worried about this stuff. I'm still in college and I want to focus on God and self - improvement. But I still get anxious especially every night to the point that I can't get enough sleep or I sleep late. I always think of my worth as a human being. I do not say those who are not a virgin anymore or do premarital sex are trash. I still respect them and befriend them, but if I'm going to have a girlfriend whose going to be my wife then I want her to be virgin just like me. It is unfair for me if she did premarital sex and have a lot of sex experiences, then my first time will be with her. There is this thing in me like I feel I'm such a loser or unworthy person since I gave my virginity to someone who got tasted by other person or people. I always think that if that's the case then I should do premarital sex since it gives me anxiety and just ignore my self worth or I need to disrespect myself. But since I'm a born again Christian I really cannot to this because it's a sin. I know I'm a sinner, I think lustful sometimes but it is the thing that I really cannot do. Also I think of becoming single until death, but I can't do that because I want to love or experience falling in love and being in love. I want to focus on my studies especially right now college, and also I'm still not ready for love or marriage and those kind of things, but I do not know why every night I get anxious about this. Maybe because nowadays people normalize premarital sex and I always think that there's no one left for me even though I know that there are some woman who are just like me saving virginity till marriage. I cannot determine if a person is a virgin or not, also I might offend someone I like if I ask if she's still a virgin. I really do not know what to do. I kinda cannot accept what is in the video, maybe because I'm still immature and not man enough or I really love and respect myself, and I want to have what I think the best for me, or maybe I think I'm a worthy and a high quality person. Right now I'm still improving myself and trying to attract someone and not to chase someone. I really hope someday God will give me a virgin woman who is the best for me. I open up this because I just want peace of mind :(
Ask God with faith to give you a virgin!
Hello there, I do not know where you live but I live in a very liberal city and virgin girls are there - not many but there are. I am sure that you will find yourself a virgin and God fearing woman. Please do not give in to your anxiety. The demon wants you to be anxious so that they keep you away from worshiping God. Think like this: God knows our hearts and He will answer your prayer as long as your prayers are aligned with His will
I am a virgin lady too and my bf is as well. We are both attractive, fit and believe in faithful relationships. There are us so will there be many more couples like this. Maybe, a year later, you will soon be with someone who shares the same value. Be patient and clam. And PRAY!
Hey, man. I hope and pray all is well.
I’ve tend to worry a lot too. We all (I hope) desire someone pure. It’s tough to be with someone who isn’t (even if it was in the past).
Do not fear, and trust in God. Do not sin. The worth of sex is totally worth it for marriage only.
I was doing the same for a while (focusing on God and self-improvement). It’s awesome being simpler! Although, these things can’t be fixed completely through just self-improvement. God sometimes does call us to love those who have been hurt and hurted others. You must trust in God and love that person. If it does bother you a lot, they might not be the one God calls you to. I’m discerning that with God and myself right now.
And honestly, I’m not sure if this video is completely correct either. Jaosn has some good points, but it seems that he disregards that these sins still have an effect on us (and it’s not completely our fault). We might be called to move past this, but it’s still there.
Don’t be worried before you’re with someone, but don’t take that subject lightly. It’s important to communicate your sins and her sins. I’m praying for you, and God bless!
Pray.... Pray fervently about it... God will give you a virgin
Yeayyy it hurts to deal with their past man but I learned that if truly love them...we can live through it