"He hits and punches his sisters, but maybe he just had a bad day." And this is when you teach your kids not to use having a bad day as an excuse to physically hurt someone. That's the kind of mentality that produces abusive partners/parents.
and it's how young girls end up in abusive relationships and feel that they can't leave because "he's just being violent because he's having a bad day" is ingrained in their minds as a lesson learned in childhood
@@vinylplayer0759 exactly, not just girls though. Guys are so often raised to respect women but not raised to know how a women should be respecting them too. Not trying to argue or anything but at this point I've just seen so many people ignore or not even seem to notice the sexism against men. Not saying that you are either, but saying it specifically happens to young girls instead of just people definitely implies it.
@@Ryry11037 no this definitely absolutely happens to men too! it just is more relevant here to mention how these issues disproportionately affect women due to issues like the ones discussed in the video!
@Denaya Newton or you could make your own video about men's issues if you feel so strongly about it and not derail a conversation about women's issues with a separate topic so everyone is now arguing about that topic, and the women's issues that were being discussed are now getting ignored. It happens every time any women's issue is brought up and is rooted in misogyny.
@@Ryry11037 yeah but that wasn't the point of the video, the woman in the video was teaching her GIRLS that if one day, if men are hurting them it might just be because they're having a bad day and that they're not abusive. Stop deterring from the video, people are talking about it and you're making it like no one's every mentioned abuse towards men ever.
Even then, half of those guys still think women are lesser than them. Almost like they go from “women are shit” to “women need to be saved/protected/etc.” it seems better than the first one, but still undermines women’s autonomy as people.
Most of those men still don't see women as people Those are the gross dads who obsess over their daughters' virginity 🤮🤢 These parents need to stop being gross about their kids 💀
Not even then. Bc you grow up hearing "i love you" but he turns you into a doormat. My dad made me hate being a girl by the way hes always talked about women. Im 21, and to this day hes genuinely confused on why i have 0 self esteem and dont care about my life very much. Hmmm, idk dad.
My mum somehow managed to be a boy mum while having all daughters. She had a boy before me and my younger sister but he was stillborn. She holds this dead child over our heads telling us that if he survived she wouldn't have had us because all she wanted was a boy and ruins fathers day for our dad every year because he was born in the same week as it. She has 5 daughters and would happily push us all aside for a child that was never alive because he was a boy 🙂
The fact that the 1st mom described herself as a toxic mom as if it was not a big deal, she knows it's toxic and still doesn't move a finger to change that 💀
I thought that if you would directly mention that you are toxic and need to do better, then you would try to change, but it doesn't seem like the 1st mom is going to change
I mean her saying they are the problem came across to me like she is acknowledging it's an issue that needs to be worked on, my issue was moreso her talking about that on the internet where her daughters get to eventually find out their mum publicly said she likes their brother more than them.
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
I heard a boy mom say "God gave me a daughter to fix the mistakes i wish I would've from a young age. God gave me a son to know what love and security truly feels like." All i got from that is I'm going to be harsh, overbearing and critical of every action/thought my daughter has to live vicariously through her and I'm going to spoil and love my son unconditionally and he can do no wrong
@@callmecrazy616that's probably the case to be honest. It's sad but there are better ways to deal with daddy issues than raising smothered, misogynistic, dependant sons 😭
Sometimes it’s like my mother is living through me and let me just tell y’all, it is strange as bloody frick when you have already realised it but before realising it I was an insecure mess and now thinking back, absolutely frigged up
These are the types of women who call me selfish for not wanting kids. The same women who have daughters because they want a ''mini me'' or because they want a free child maid to take care of the chores and siblings. The same women who have sons to make their husbands jealous and because they want someone who gives them the love and attention they don't get from their partner. Ah yes, very selfless and not selfish at all.
Exactly. My version of selfish doesn't involve creating an entire person because I have no direction in life or I'm bored. I also really love kids and hate the idea of forcing a human to exist. Not everyone thinks living is a gift, especially when you have health issues you don't want to pass on.
@@Aster_Risk This!! Along with just generally not wanting kids cause I don’t enjoy them, I have some mental illnesses that can be genetic. I know how hard it was for me to grow up with mental illnesses that I would never want to risk passing that on to my kid. This is also absolutely not saying that people with disorders and disabilities can’t have kids, they absolutely can. This is just a personal opinion and guilt that I have.
@@keelinmacken9552 I don't claim to know what genetic illnesses you're talking about in particular and I acknowledge that it also varies based on the type and severity of the illness. But I will say this...As someone with autism and ADHD, that doesn't deter me from having kids because yes my kids might have it too, but I'm better equipped to provide them with the help and resources they need to navigate their lives (unlike my childhood), so they won't suffer like I did in that sense. But I understand where you're coming from. If I had the genes for something that can significantly impair a person's life, I too would be hesitant to have kids and feel guilty about passing it on if not to them then to people further down the progeny.
@@sabiha.sayeedyou’re not gonna hear this from anyone else but those disorders aren’t real, and not genetic. If anything, the disorderly thinking is taught when kids mirror us, and it hits deep if one fails to see through the lies. We can vaguely remember ages 0-2 but that shapes our brains the most.
As a girlfriend of a guy who has a boy mom; I am her biggest competitor and it’s so exhausting. I will never be good enough and am expected to be a mother and lover which is wild. Ex: “if you’re going to do my son’s laundry for the rest of your life, you can’t dry his shirts in the dryer, hang dry only like mommy does” literally word for word.
I don’t know how you restrain yourself from just saying “Look, I know you really wish you could be the one dating your son, but you can’t, so try therapy instead, please.”
straight facts, even worse is moms with this weird “i’m their first love” bullshit mentality, is also being single mom with an only son. i had this stupid “power struggle” over my relationship with bf because his mom tried to have an iron grip over ANY relationship, girlfriends, friends, teachers, therapists etc to prevent him from ever leaving her. he’s 20 now and recognizes this behavior and barley calls her and resents a lot of his childhood due to her.
@@s0ursk377 It's ironic, isn't it? How they try to make sure their kids ONLY love them, first and foremost, and then that's what ends up driving their children away from them. Also, I guarantee that his mother blames his girlfriends, friends, and anyone else in his life for him being distant, and will never come to terms with the fact that SHE'S the problem.
yeah, the sons of these moms will realize they get special treatment and be an entitled brat toward their siblings because of it, and even if they don't their siblings will still resent them, and it sucks either way
@@jasperjazzie My brother is the former. He realises it, milks it, and helps my mother gaslight me that it's not blatant favouritism. He's in his late twenties and I'm in my mid-thirties
My mother is a toxic boy mum. I haven't spoken to my family in many years, but last I've heard, my brother is 26 years old, working in an industry where he can AFFORD to live on his own, but still chooses to live at home, and everyone other than my parents all agree he has an aura around him that causes unease & discomfort. I've heard it from my childhood neighbors (both kids and adults), my cousins, most of my brother's former friends, and even HIS BOSS. People don't feel safe being around him. Like he's always on the verge of snapping. And this isnt even getting into how these toxic boy moms also baby their sons in regards to chores & basic care. I used to call my brother "pigpen" behind his back because he would come home from construction sites, absolutely covered in filth & smelling rancid, but would not bathe unless my parents begged him to. Last time I saw him, he assaulted me. Dug his nails into my arm & would not let me go until I promised to apologize to our mom for hurting her feelings. These are the sons these women are creating. The ones that give off serial killer vibes.
I am very sorry about that, good call to not talk with them. Base of that incident and him being on the verge of insanity, you could end up in the hospital or wose being killed. God forbids that. We need to acknowledge that this womans behaviour is wrong with the sons for real
My older brother dislocated my jaw by elbowing my face when he was 17 and I was 15. I was passing by him. My mom said "you probably deserved it" and refused to take me to the ER. She also told me and my little sister that "since he doesn't have a girlfriend you need to give him cuddles because boys dont get enough cuddles". I have so many stories, but basically my mother would make so many excuses for his behavior (and still does - he lives with her at the age of 30). Really messed up, glad I moved out as soon as I could.
@@krishnavyas313 she also blamed the girls at school for being "rude" instead of him for trying to force hugs on them when he was a preteen. We were homeschooled because he was kicked out of school for a bit and she wasn't going to waste her time dealing with school stuff for me if my brother wasn't also going to the same school 🙄😮💨 She really has never held him accountable for anything.
@@reagan13579 OMG, Mom like that raise Men ,who are physical, sexual and emotional abusers. I hope your brother isn't like that. You also deserve love and care from your mother. I think you are lucky that you weren't your mom's favorite child, otherwise you would have end up like your spoiled brat brother .
@@krishnavyas313 sadly he is, he just isn't charismatic enough to find victims since he is so obviously creepy. And I am really glad I wasn't her favorite, though I dont think I ever could have been since I was born a girl. She HATES women (all but herself of course). She's also personally offended if she sees someone in the LGBTQA+ or a homeless person or someone with darker skin just existing in her line of sight (shes "ok" with "the gays" existing,she just thinks they shouldn't show any signs of it or marry or tell anyone they are in a relationship). I know I pissed her off by marrying and having a child with a mexican, and my little sister is a lesbian so we both avoid her like the plague.
This reminds me of dads who are so overprotective of their daughters that they view her love interest as a competition and threaten them for “breaking her heart”. It’s very creepy
fr sometimes i wonder how my dad thinjks of me because even at 19 he refuses to accept the fact that i want a bf and says "i refuse.. youre not allowed to date" -_-
Plenty of times it's not because dad is a creep, it's because he knows boys at that age because he was one. It's protective. My own dad was the same way and I grew up fine. He taught me how to be mindful of red flags and how to not need the attention of men. Idk where you heard that they do it because of competitiveness lol.
@@catsarerude I know but there are parents who are controlling and possessive of their kids even when they’re adults. I have friends who are dealing with that
@@green_hedger_68 you literally have no idea what that person went/go through so why are you assuming that their childhood wasn’t/isn’t toxic ? don’t go calling people “snowflakes” just because your sister “doesn’t complain” about your family’s favoritism, not everyone goes through the same things as you do.
@@green_hedger_68newsflash!! No other person lives the same life as you or your sister!! People's experiences can be and are vastly different from your own!! It's a good thing that your parents weren't toxic and didn't traumatise your guys in your childhood and you should be grateful for that, because not everyone is as lucky and some parents out there do, in fact, suck absolute ass.
@@green_hedger_68you are going to be so ashamed of yourself when your brain finishes developing and you finally develop empathy. Like, I almost burst into flames from the secondhand embarrassment when I read your comment, for your own sake I suggest you listen more and say less so there is less for you to beat yourself up over later in life.
As a daughter to a toxic boy mom, this doesn't stop when they grow up. They are treated the exact same way and it gets even creepier while the daughters are begged to get married because mom wants her little grandbabies so she can do the exact same thing with them
Also, my brothers (other than the youngest) are grown men now and guess what? Yes, they are misoginistic as well as a lot of other things that I won't mention. So this behavior from mothers really does have detrimental impact on the children. My mother's other daughter also does not speak with her anymore, so a great way to get your kids to hate you as well
Yes. As the partner to one of two sons of a toxic boy mum, yes. They make the worst in-laws. Thankfully she was more focused on the elder brother, so my hubby is the much more sane 😂
I’m the oldest girl of four kids. My brother is the only boy , youngest and obvious favorite. It’s even more difficult when you like you’re brother and he’s a nice guy. It’s like your parent is trying to cause a rift between you
I think the mere fact that they call themselves “boy mums” is already ridiculous. Have you ever heard someone say they’re a “girl mum”? Like your just a mum, you’re not special for having a son because like you had a 50/50 chance of that babes.
no but i commonly see the "boy dad" thing with similar or opposite effects where it's seen as a bad or sad thing for the man. i have seen quite a few good examples though like dads matching the daughters and it's really adorable.
@@elizabethsmith7224 I was a daddy's girl, and tbh I don't think it's that weird. it can be, but for me, I just had a closer connection with my dad because my mother is insufferable and he spent more time doing things with me because he was on day shift. I think for a lot of people that's all it is. though I could be wrong.
Also calling themselves boy mums after having like 3 girls and one son as if that one child who happens to be male makes them proud and better. Especially since those mums will posts on social media calling themselves that and then their daughters will see that and feel as if they were never worth anything and were just attempts of getting a son.
i agree with you, it’s so common and normalised as well… very weird how fathers act around their daughters/mothers act around their sons. incestuous freaks 😐
if gay parent did it with same gender child I can imagine what reaction they would get.. but somehow when it's straight it's "cute" but it is actually same problematic
@@rebeccashores2306 I cannot tell if ur joking. I am going to explain anyway. Sigmund Freud was a psychologist who came up with the terms "oedipus complex". That is when sons want to marry or f*ck their mother and kill their father. And elytra complex which is with daughters and their fathers. So no not fraud.
same energy as when a little boy looks in the general direction of a woman and everyone is saying he's gonna be a lady killer, or grown ass adults saying a little girl is gonna have all the boys chasing her when she grows up. it's fucking creepy, and people just act like it's a normal, nice thing to say 💀
As someone who’s dated a guy with a boy mom, she was insane, at teh start she was nice and basically wanted to be friends with me, but when she noticed her son was actually interested in me and actually liked me a lot. She basically started to act like I was he competition and made sure we never saw each other and it tore apart our relationship. And she did the sam thing to his female friends. and she listened to our calls and made sure we never got to be alone and actually developed a real relationship. And as soon as he and I broke up she hated me and made him hate me ( same thing with female friends). I honestly feel for the kid but his mom affected him so badly that Jesus he may not have a healthy relationship for a long time
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
3:45 she's in for a rude awakening when her daughters find these in the future and she figures out she isn't going to have any role in their weddings LMAO
She is a vlogger and has vlogged their entire lives, Im honestly very sure her kids are either going to be fucked up people beyond belief, or they are gonna grow up and expose their parents for being awful to them in order to make money.
That first woman gave me such an ick when she was talking about their weddings. Especially the daughters, it’s so gross that she just sees her daughters as little dolls to dress up. What does that teach them? 🤢
had a teacher who said she hopes her son turns out to be gay because she wants to be the woman he loves the most forever. it was extremely disturbing to me and she even said that she was getting excited that she was seeing "signs that he was gay."
Maybe boys expect their girlfriends to be their new moms because their moms used to use them like a boyfriend. It’s disgusting. They’re saying all these things about their sons like "I don’t want him to get married I want to be the only woman in his life" well you are his only mom. Unless you had something else in mind. Sicko.
My grandma is a toxic boy mom. Her son is now almost 60, lives with her because he never knew how to do anything for himself and lost all of his money, is abusive to her, is manipulative, wastes all of her money without an ounce of consideration for her. And she still acts as if he is her special baby boy, she doesn't let anyone criticize him, thinks he can never do anything wrong. It's 100% emotional incest. Truly bizarre relationship.
My grandmother is similar to a boy's mom. I know that she is a good person had she was born at a different time and, not in her 30s, she would have not been like this. She isn't socially smart or bright, she used to apply what she was taught as a little girl. But despite that, even at her old age, in her 90s, she is still trying to learn and understand how wrong she was. Making sure her kids don't make the same mistakes. She still can't understand some stuff but at least she is trying to fix stuff.
@@kitty0chan444 My uncle is 60 too, and he moved back with my grandma some years ago because he had no money anymore. He brags about having worked in a lot of countries but what's the point if you have no money left for your old age ? The funny thing is, he and my grandpa didn't talk anymore, so they were basically living in the same home without talking to each other for like 5 years before my grandpa passed away. Ridiculous. (It was possible because the house has 3 floors, so one floor per person and my grandma have the middle floor, so the 2 mens never had to cross path in the house 😂)
I had that same thought and it genuinely is because of the emotional incest. Like if he’s gay it means he wouldn’t theoretically be attracted to her or want to date her. That feels like rejection to them… if you’re sane you would hope that’s how your boys feel about you. They really just wanna be dating their sons though 🤢
@@elenablancoesquivel5201 I mean that’s still not a gay son lol. We all know that peoples homophobia and transphobia can be weirdly selective with strange double standards. I’m not trying to argue you or say you’re wrong or anything, I just wanted to bring that up 👍
I know one day that he's gonna try hitting one of the girls and all of them decide to jump his ass, and I know the mom will come on tiktok like "woe is me! My evil daughters hurt my poor baby! Pity me! 🥺"
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
Imagine what that mom would say if her daughters hit her son back, I bet they get scolded bad. There's a reason why men tend to be aggressive and confident while women tend to be less confident and more worried about how other people feel: it's because of the difference in upbringing.
Right. I was raised to never "talk back" or hit my brother back even when he started it because "boys are boys. they'll always be stronger". it's the lamest excuse. she doesn't know how to parent but vaguely understand genders.
As a member of an all women household (my dad is around but I have 2 sisters and am a woman myself, so he doesn't have much of a say) I can tell you that some of us are just born more submissive, if you want to call it that. My parents never pressures me into anything and we were punished equally since there were set rules installed. And yet after everything, my sister ended up being a confident, loud woman, that now works in the police, I am more quiet and plan on becoming a judge (lawyer is out of the question as I suck at speaking) and my smaller sister is as stubborn as it gets and is planning on working with animals (she is 14, I am 17, oldest sister is 20). All of us were raised by the same rules, in the same house, same neighbourhood (hasn't changed much) and were given the same support system Yk why we turned out different though? Because my mother is more loud and independent while my dad is quite, but deathly (he never screamed or hit any of us, but we very well knew when he was angry). I was a daddy's girl and glued to him while my sisters very mommy's girls. That's what made us different. We had different role models. As a result, I am more laid back, quiet and an overthinker while my sisters cause fire under everyone's asses that disrespects them
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
My brother technically died when he was born (they were able to revive him, he's okay now) and it really screwed with my mom. It was horrible because he always got attention and I had to grow up fast to take care of him. My mother taught me to put a pizza in the oven by watching me repeatedly burn myself and yelling at me to do better until I figured it out, and taught my brother by telling him to ask me to put it in for him. My parents eventually divorced and my dad got almost full custody but my father and I were forced to teach my brother things he should have known because my mother babied him so much. Toxic boy moms create hostility and incompetence. My brother has fallen out of those habits and is a wonderful human, but it was hard to get him to be responsible for certain things as a preteen and young teenager.
I didn't see the parenthesis part and I was so fucking bewildered at how your mom "parented" your brother who was dead and I was like ???? SHE NEEDS SEVERE PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP? (I mean she still does but it's only slightly less concerning since he's alive lol)
@@andieallison6792 you heard of that lady who made a doll of her son cuz her son wasn't giving her attention? I can see that but with a corpse instead because of your comment.
My mom became a “boy mom” whenever she had my little brother. He was the 3rd child out of 4 and my mom was ecstatic to finally have a boy and would talk about how he’s “her one and only baby boy” and he got a lot of favoritism growing up. But I think it’s hilarious (in a sad way) that whenever I came out as trans and have transitioned she still calls him her only boy. Anytime I try and tell her that the way she treats my brother is enforcing misogyny in him and my little sister she ignores it. Love the video! I haven’t seen this talked about to much!
Can feel this honestly As the only trans boy out of my 4 brothers, still being classed as ‘the only girl’ sucks. Doesn’t give the supportive message parents like these seem to uphold. (Also been called a confused hormonal teen as well as a lesbian, despite having a bf and being accused of calling my mom a monster because I wanted to change my name)
@@kowaretatc8611 omg we need to talk about the crappy dynamics of being born into a traditional family as the only girl. I grew up with so much shame over my natural, over-the-top femininity. Eventually I grew to be super pick-me and "not like the other girls" as a teen and in my early 20's. So ick. I have to actively stop myself from being ashamed of showing "too much" of my femininity.
Okay, I don't know about my family dynamic being that toxic (one boy three "girls" (it's actually two boys two girls)), but I REALLY have my concerns about my mom's. She was the oldest child with three younger brothers and grew up in the 80's. Literally ALL of them had kids out of wedlock, but only my mom was the one who got the religious shame end of the stick.
My mom once said to me "When me and your father talked about what gender would we prefer our kid to be I said a boy, but when I had you, and I held you for the first time, I had no care in the world if you were a girl or a boy,All I could think of was how much I love you, you are my kid, you're a human being, and I'll do my very best take care of you and raise with all the love you need" And I think thats how a normal mom should see her kids. I've never once seen a hint of misogyny from my mother growing up. Of couse she is not perfect, but I am grateful for her, and always will be.
Growing up Latina I’m so used to seeing women coddle their sons/husbands/male family over their girls. I have so many stories of boys having favoritism and shit. One time my cousin broke a glass bottle of tea and it made a huge mess and I was the one who got yelled at for it by our grandmother. We were teenagers and he’s two years older than me 🙃
Omg yes, as a latina I remember hearing stories of my aunts saying that my grandma coddle my dad always cooking him what he wanted and things like that. Thankfully he didn't turned out useless but I need someone to make an analysis on this kind of insanity.
This is actually one of the main reasons I’m really turned off from Latin men. You just never know and I don’t wanna deal with that and then be looked at odd for not dealing with that.
Agreed, I have a stepdad that has 2 kids (half-sibs) and the little bro had the first iPhone that came out and lost it and got a new one 3 times… he was 6. But when I lost my phone within the home and found it later, I get called irresponsible 🙄.
I got in the habit of pointing out, "You let my little brother do this because he has a penis" or "You're making me do this because I don't have a penis." It made my Latina mom uncomfortable, but she wouldn't see the disparate treatment until it was pointed out in these terms.
Hi! I'm a daughter of a boys mom, and I can testify that this is exactly what's happening. While I'm being shamed and punished for the smallest mistakes I make, my brother is celebrated for the smallest effort he makes. Now that I moved out I constantly being guilt tripped for leaving bc "now there is noone who help in the house course." And when I tell my mom to teach the same skills to my brother as to me so he can help, she is like "but thats not a man job". My brother is 13, he can't clean, can't cook and unable to complete the smallest tasks bc my mom did everything for him.
Imagine being one of those daughters, old enough to use a phone and coming across your own mother’s tiktok account where she tells the world that she loves your brother more than you and that she cuts him slack when he treats you badly because of that fact. Imagine figuring that out on your own on accident after a period of who knows how long of feeling paranoia that you’re not enough for your own mother anymore.
even if they dont have an account, they see her making the videos. theyre even IN some of them. and no matter how much these moms lie to themselves about how “they understand its just a joke,” these little girls will remember being told they aren’t the favorite, no matter how many bs “its just a prank bro” excuses mom throws at them afterwards. shits sad
I'm Latina and my mom treats my brothers better than she treats me. I don't feel for my mother. I can't wait till she dies and I don't care if that sounds heartless. Don't treat your children like shit and then wonder why they want nothing to do with you. I won't even be at that funeral...
When I was a child, my mom used to tell me: " Oh, we all were so happy to know that we're having a girl, because you would be our little helper." Helper, this word put so my burden and pain in my heart because I actually often felt like I was born to be decoration, or last chance to fix their broken marriage, or caretaker in their senior years. But not a child to be loved. I was valued for my functions but not loved for who I am. My mother's favoritism towards my brother went so far that she often blamed me that I take too much love from my father, so my brother doesn't get enough. So, to make things more "fare" she consciously loved my brother more. Now, when I'm 22 and my brother is 32, I am the only person my parents put emotional labor of solving their marriage problems onto. Despite my brother being more mature and actually having family of his own. They never dear to bother him with any family troubles.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you healing and peace of mind, honestly they don’t deserve you. Also, girl! I thought your brother was younger what was your mother talking about that’s crazy
Girl, get out of that emotional situation!!! As someone who has been in your shoes not that many years ago, I tell you what I would tell my 22-years-old-self: RUN. You are NOT responsible for the happiness of two adult people. You are NOT an outlet for their emotional pollution. You are a precious and valuable human being, a gemstone that does not exist to cater to the trauma of your parents. Please prioritize your own life and separate from anyone who causes you pain, they don’t deserve you. I am not trying to patronize you in any way, I just see so much of myself in you and I genuinely root for your happiness! Children like us can be happy and free, I am living confirmation. Cheers to you! 💙
This reminded me of another horrible line I heard some new moms say something like, "When you're pregnant with a girl, they steal your beauty and you get break-outs/rashes/wrinkles/etc." 😨
As the mom of a boy (and a girl) I find this SO weird. When I think about my son finding someone one day, which is rarely because he's not even two years old lol, I'm excited for him to experience that and for us to meet the person he ends up with. I feel the same way about my daughter getting married one day. So many boy moms told me "you'll be his first love" before I had my son and it sounded SO cringe and creepy.
And don't forget that some of them don't want their son to move because they can't take care of themselves, they can't cook their food and wash their clothes, god these people don't raise functional adults
I think there's an extent where recognizing that "you'll be his first love" is a beautiful AND dangerous thing. it's true of all kids and not just the heteronormative nonsense. Showing them how love is received and given is one of the most important lessons to show and making it this weird incest thing is just. ughughugh it's so scary I hate people sometimes
@@roseknittingfuturelovely2234 absolutely. I can’t imagine NOT loving my kids equally. I grew up with a mom who clearly showed favoritism and I can’t imagine doing that to my children. Right now my son is 17 months and my daughter is 6, so they definitely have different needs at their current ages.
"he hits and punches his sisters and i think 'maybe he's just had a hard day'" shit like this is what leads to the 'boys will be boys' mentality. It's not because boys are actually inherently more inclined to misbehave, but because parents like this excuse behaviour that they wouldn't for thier girls. I have no doubt this mum probably doesn't have allow the same excuses if her girls hit the son.
You're forgetting about genetics. Males are definitely more predisposed toward aggression. You won't find a study that looks into the matter and concludes otherwise. I've also recently read of a study finding that boys/men prefer to generally move around more and want more space than girls/women.
Interestingly enough, the mom from the tik toks has a trans child. I think it's her second youngest daughter is transgender. She doesn't talk about it a lot in her videos but her husband (how I recognized the family) does videos with all the kids and talks about her being trans a ton. As I said in the comment i left , it makes me wonder if the emotions she felt when her daughter came out is making her hold onto her son so hard and being so obsessed with him being all boy.
@@maliacarey1460 ikr I saw her account and she seems very supportive too 😭. Add to that the fact that she sounded so self aware in that first video makes me think if this is all just rage bait
I am kinda the opposite, I'm transmasc and my mom LOVES that "I am a girl", she is kinda obsessed with the idea of having a girl since she was a kid and says all the time that she couldn't even imagine having a son instead of a daughter and how I am her little princess etc. For a while I actually felt bad for not being a girl and how she will be disappointed if she finds out
homophobes will be "concerned" (hateful) about gay men adopting sons but meanwhile there's straight women behaving this sorta way towards theirs. It absolutely disgusts me that some parents will treat their children differently based solely on what's in their pants. My mom had her share of issues but the stuff displayed in this video is so far removed from how she treated my brother and me that it's hard for me to really wrap my head around it. She definitely used us to fill the void she had because my birth father was an abuser who didn't love her but she would never stoop so low to get this specific kind of love from us. It was more like she used us as therapists lol. Sigmund Freud may have been a depraved hack job but even a broken clock is right twice a day. I hate that there's people that continue to prove him right about this sort of thing. I will say though that unlike how he explained it, it's not a natural aspect of human nature. It is 100% conditioned in us by extreme heteronormativity but it's still there and relevant for a lot of people all the same. I wish parents would raise children in a gender neutral way by default. Just let them pick and choose their hobbies and interests and self expression as they see fit based on what is around them rather than steering them into a specific box. Some parents should really just collect dolls.
I completely agree. I hate the heteronormativity of society, and hate that depending on the sex of a child these parents are like: Alright! We have to raise them this specific way! Imo that's just furthering gender stereotypes, and we should just let children naturally gravitate to what they like, like you said. I don't think some people realize kids are smarter than they think when it comes to choosing what they like. That goes into being trans as well, kids know if they don't feel like a certain gender. But yeah, well said! I think you said all of my thoughts perfectly.
All of the above. As you said, good ol' mr. Freud that is still the backbone of many psyche-related science fields might have been a psych ward case of his own and used literal hard drugs as cures, but there is definitely some truth in his teachings. I've seen way too many parents that give birth to a child and after a few months or years want a refund like they bought a couch at Ikea and not a human being. More people should seriously collect rocks or anime figures than have a child.
All valid points except for that thing about Sigmund Freud - sorry, but have you read Freud? It certainly sounds like you made up a strawman to attack. Not everybody have to like his take on everything, there are different ways to approach human psyche, but I have yet never seen anyone online criticize anything he ACTUALLY said or thought.
6:22 - strongly agreed. That woman is raising that boy to be an abuser or a bully, and those poor girls are paying the price for it. If she doesn't stop this behavior now, I don't see a good ending for any of her kids.
Honestly at thet age ? He is as much of a victim . A lot of people pass emotional neglected as " letting boys be boys" and a lot of abusers grow up not only entitled but also neglected and emotionally isolated
@@ilana8153 just like anything to you with child development nothing is 100% . Most people who went through abuse will not grow up to be abusers . Most people who where neglected as kids won't grow up to be abusers. But emotional neglect does have a negative impact on children throughout their life and some of those negative impacts might unfortunately cause people to become abusive . In this example the child is not being taught how to communicate his needs healthfully . This child also isn't told how to make their own emotional situation better. Non of this is actually good form him even if he grows up to be a shit person .
@@ilana8153 Nnot everyone neglected will grow up to be an abuser, you are correct. But it does increase that risk. Like Gene said, the boy is not being taught how to communicate. But he is also not being tuaght the difference between right and wrong. If his actions are brushed off, then he learns that hitting others when he is upset is okay, when it really isn't. Not getting taught to deal with your feelings in a healthy maner is what stunts people's emotional growth.
I am a teenage daughter of a toxic boy mum. I live in the same room with my brother. When my mother comes in at night to hug my sibling and kiss him goodnight, she never bats an eye on me, she just leaves. Since I was little she always acted like I was her competition for dads attention. She always treated my brother as a better, more grateful child. I'm just gonna tell you- growing up I always felt unloved and I plan to leave my house and live on my own once I turn 16 and I'll be able to work.
24:00 everyone always says this mom is joking, but it doesn't matter. Throughout my whole childhood until I got hospitalized my mom would say she'd pick favorites based off what we did. Eventually I gave up because i hated having to earn her approval and love and having to compete with my brother so I started acting out. Apparently the favorites thing was a joke, but it didn't feel like it You have to be clear if you're joking with children, and even then there's a line where they won't recognize it as a joke no matter what you say
Totally. My mum said her entire life that I must have been swapped at birth, that she couldn't possibly be my real mum, but that it was a joke... Now I'm an adult with anxiety and intimacy issues. Who's laughing now?
we once were getting pied at work, just shaving cream on a plate, as a little charity fundraiser during a halloween party (i work at the YMCA) - i was the first one pied and i called the kid "evil child number 1" - he was 6 and he laughed, so i was sure he knew i was joking. The second kid also chose to pie me, she was also 6, and i repeated my joke and said "evil child number 2", but she started crying and ended up having to pie her dad because she took me seriously, and i felt so bad 😫😫😫😫 - clarify your jokes people whether its something small like what i did or something bigger!!!
The sooner you give up chasing parental approval the better. Even if you manage to meet their expectations, it's never good enough. (Sorry this more or less turned into a vent)
Definitely not something someone should say, even as a joke, it can be devastating. I'm an only child, but growing up I was compared to my former best friend (who turned out to be an absolutely HIDEOUS excuse for a human being and hurt me very badly) and even after she showed her true colors my parents would still praise the things she did. It made me feel sick to hear them say these things after all that. So parents, just don't go comparing kids or playing favorites, it's not setting a healthy mindset.
imagine how the first mother would react if her son assaulted someone. like she would completely deny it and hurt the victim so much more in the process (im not saying that the kid will grow up to be a predator it’s just something that could happen especially if he isn’t taught that behavior isn’t okay)
This is one of the reasons why I really hope kids like that get other family members or teachers who can teach them the good morals that their parents refuse to teach.
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
@Sine Nomine I can't stand parents that try to live vicariously through their children. My dad tried to get me to join the military because of it, something I have never been remotely interested in, and would be the literal last person to join. I'm an art major who is basically the living embodiment of "make art not war" but he kept pushing it. Eventually he gave up once I got into college, which he tried to stop me from doing.
@Sine Nomine Narcissesm. A second chance. They regret thier decisions and want to have a kid so they can rewrite the past. It completely ignores how a child isnot supposed to be a carbon copy of their parents. Most of the parents are too wrapped up in fantasy to care.
i would never argue for taking love and care away from a child but i have witnessed how extreme favoritism for boys ruins lives. i had a friend who had to go to a worse school because her brother didnt get in and she wasnt allowed to go anywhere else/anywhere better than him. it starts out cute but it leads to guys who in full sincerity expect their wives and girlfriends to be their new moms.
BROOOO a similar thing is happening to a friend rn her parents won't let her go to a bigger city where she wants to go to college but her older brother was able to live there mfg
It’s rough to be an older brother with a toxic boy mom and also have a younger sister and see how she gets treated compared to you…there’s a lot there 😩
I despise the notion that you have a boy because you needed true love or w.e and a daughter to have to grow up, like that makes it sound like having a daughter is a punishment.
"Sons are a blessing, daughters are a lesson" runs in my family. I was the first grandchild, but I have never been acknowledged as such. My little brother is the *real* first grandchild. I'm 5 years older.
a family member of mine posted this and it made me cringe. i don’t know if she realized she was indirectly saying my mom needed to “grow up” because she only had girls (me and my sister)
@Julie ugh I hate that 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ it really is disheartening that so many people have this mindset and it's why boys are treated so much better just in general. It's disgusting.
@grass tastes bad it also isn't even true like my mom had 2 girls before she had a boy I'm the oldest and she in no way "grew up" and fawned over my brother. He passed away at 2 months and she went down hill had 4 more kids to fill the void and currently has custody of 0. So it's always been weird to me that my family still thinks this way.
They never once stop to consider that the reason their girls are “difficult” is because they’re being raised by people who clearly don’t appreciate them 🙄
Holy shit this literally brought up repressed memories of my dad. I'm a trans masc so I was raised as a girl. I have a younger brother, one time we went on an elementary school trip and he forgot to put sunscreen on and got burned. I got grounded for that. Another time in high-school my brother punched me in the head and all he got was a "don't do that, bud"
@@voidquill it’s extremely common in cultures where sons are coddled and daughters are seen as little homemakers, you get barely half the rights and double the responsibilities.
Parents expecting their daughters to act as mothers/caretakers of their brothers... Where were the teachers? You know, the actual ADULTS that were responsible for the kids?
As a person that grew up with two brothers, I can say that I do have resentment for my family believing in the "boys will be boys" thing 💀 while forcing me to grow up quickly and learn how to handle household chores. To all girls/middle child out there, hope that some day we'll get to heal that childhood trauma of "just being there while the siblings gets attention". ❤🎉
Yeah. Since my teens I have had unrelenting depression that makes enjoying life a distant dream. I feel truly robbed of the few years of real joy I had as a child because of my upbringing, which massively differs from the freedom that my brothers experienced simply because I was born with a vagina. And no one else in my family has mental issues, so they still had the rest of their lives to freely enjoy to maximum capacity anyway.
my memory's messed up but one of the oldest memories I have is of my parents scolding and punishing me for doing something petty, once, something that my brother has been doing for a long while and they've been made aware of how upset it made me feel, I've cried multiple times about it. then everyone was surprised to learn that I let a group of guys bully me for years and never stood up for myself??? what exactly were you expecting?????
My mother was very much a toxic boy mom in the 90's. Too bad for her all three of us kids still abandoned her ass despite any favoritism. I made sure he was drinking his Respect Women juice as we grew up.
it is honestly really inspiring to know that you three stayed together. my brother is a lovely person and it’s totally not his fault he is favoured but it is so difficult not to resent him. he doesn’t even recognize how much he gets away with and that my mom ends up being upset with me instead. i think he is slightly narcissistic and extremely spoiled but he is such a genuinely good person that i feel awful for being so bitter
@@mr.bingusthecat it's a balancing act for sure! Very hard to learn to not be bitter towards a favored sibling. We all needed time away from each other to process after hitting adulthood. Now that we're in our 30's and each have an entire state to ourselves it's easier to talk, ask each other for things, and really value the times we're in physical proximity. Don't let crappy behavior by your parents rob you of your sibling. Find the way you need to process your childhood to assign any blame you feel you must and be honest with your brother when he's directly doing something that upsets you.
Whenever people say to childfree people that “at least I’ll have someone to take care of me when I’m old.”, I can’t help but laugh knowing they’re the ones who usually end up in retirement homes next to shit parents like this
I find it hilarious how boy moms are often like this, while every instance of a 'girl dad' that I've seen is just genuinely wholesome. And usually has some kind of story about the dad going against toxic masculinity to learn how to paint his daughter's nails, do his daughter's hair up in really cool hairstyles, or to just learn how to manage their own emotions so that they can teach their daughter how to.
Yeah, as much as I hate the need for it, the girl dad stuff is often cute and there to push back against harmful ideology. My dad has three daughters, and he loves being a girl dad. He's an amazing dad who never made me feel like I couldn't do something because I wasn't a boy or a man.
Now that you point it out, it IS weird. I guess it's just the millennia-old belief that boys are better than girls at play. Same thing when male streamers/entertainers are being regarded as more funny than female ones
Ehhhh. Girl dads can be equally creepy. Those are the "IF YOU HURT MY LITTLE PRINCESS I WILL GO JEFFREY DAHMER ON YOU" and "IF MY SON LOSES HIS VIRGINITY IT'S COOL, BUT IF MY DAUGHTER LOSES HERS, I WILL FIND THE BOY WHO SHE SLEPT WITH AND BREAK HIS NECK!!!!!" types of dudes
@@DwynTwo Honestly I thought that was more just a weird manifestation of toxic masculinity, since those dads seem convinced that their daughters can't protect themselves.
I also saw a really heartbreaking AITA post on reddit awhile ago about a mother wanting to LITERALLY send her 5 year old daughter to live with someone else because she got along with her son (who was like around 6 I think) a lot better for some reason and genuinely did not like her daughter. Can't for the life of me find it now but it just breaks my heart for these little girls who grow up knowing they are not as vauled as their brothers.
favorititsm hurts the son too!! he's going to grow up not understanding why his sisters resent him, and he's going to feel like he has to live up to his mom's perception of him.
It will mostly hurt the women in his life , please stop with this “men are victims of their abuse too!!” bullshit that i always hear ppl spouting in order to deflects blame from male abusers.
Yeah it hurts the son, he's gonna grow up hated and unstable, bla bla bla... If someones hurts physically, mentally, sexually someone else because "they were too spoiled as a child boohoohoo :(", I'm not gonna care about them. I'm gonna care about their victims
I've found that the favorite child generally doesn't even realize they're the favorite and their parents don't treat their other siblings the same, actually. It will likely effect his sister's much more deeply, knowing your parents don't like you for whatever reason as much as your siblings and not knowing what you did to deserve it or trying to be perfect to be noticed but failing is a really unique kind of hurt that the sons of these "toxic boy moms" won't experience
@piyo piyo Nobody's deflecting the blame here and the victims obviously take priority in these situations, though it's still a very real consequence of something that can and should be prevented in the first place.
Very true. Not exactly the same, but the dynamic in this video kind of reminds me of Helga and Olga from Hey Arnold. Helga was the black sheep of the family, essentially the daughter to a boy mom, while Olga was the golden child, the son to these boy moms. What ended up happening was that Helga was a bully, very rough around the edges because she essentially had to take care of herself because her parents neglected her. And of course, major self-worth issues as well. Meanwhile Olga not only had those same self-worth issues, but she became a perfectionist. I think there's even an episode where she has a full on panic attack because she got a B on a test instead of an A.
This video reminds me when I experienced the brunt of this first the first time. I was 6 and my little brother was 3-4. He was loud and attention-seeking, and would trample over my boundaries all of the time. It did not help that I have high functioning Asperger's. So I was super overwhelmed, and never had respect or space in my dysfunctional household (even if I did not have Asperger's i was always the scapegoat). My brother could run all over me, lick, kick, bite, spit on me, saying he had a "crush" on me and wanted to "marry me." This, even as a six year-old, really creeped me out, and being quiet/passive to get by only made it worse. It would get to the point where I would try to softly express my discomfort, I remember actively being reprimanded and guilt-tripped because, "He just loves you, he's so sweet and full of love and you just hate that!!" My parents would openly discuss in front of me how they were afraid I was going to end up like my mean failure of a step-cousin because having boundaries and being overstimulated to them was the epitome of "mean and miserable." They are still like this to this day. I am actively working on getting to a safe place to become estranged from them.
@@floofypoofy6721 Thanks. I’m hoping to find my own place some time in the future (hopefully by the time I get to law school, I might find a job in that field with a livable wage). I’m currently in college, so it’s not possible. Although, it might be hard to find animal friendly apartments/rentals (I have birds).
My mom is like this with my little brother.. I think his early autism diagnosis has much to do with it, but also all the internalized misogyny. She would refer to him as his "mini-husband" until I told her it really disturbed me, and she couldn't see why!!
fyi when a son has autism, chances are the daughter/AFAB child has it too but has been ignored in favour of pandering to the son. you could look at signs of autism in women ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I've seen it happen a lot
I have no idea how some parents can call their kids their mini husband and _not_ see how weird that sounds 😅 Next they'll say we're weird for thinking it's weird.
I feel complete and utter guilt for being born a girl, and I’ve never heard the same thing from a guy, and my guy friends don’t even understand it. My parents only wanted one kid, but I was born a girl, so they tried twice more and got two more girls. Unsurprisingly they ignored all of us for most of my childhood. I tried so hard to be like a son for them too. Sexism is real, very real. I feel like men don’t understand the guilt some of us feel for being born women instead of men. And the guilt we feel for even being guilty.
I definitely have felt guilt about being a born a boy, but most of that comes from my experience as a trans man and not fulfilling the expectation of being a daughter etc when I simply wasn’t a girl and never was. I’ve also heard stories from cis gay men who felt guilty for being born boys, because they knew that their perceived femininity and their love for other men would be accepted if they were a woman. It’s interesting how different intersectionalities affect this.
"I tried to be like a son". I did the same thing for my mom. I tried emasculating myself so much, to be a provider for her because my mother has been struggling with addiction and it still wasn't enough. I was fighting so hard to earn emotional validation that I started feeling unfeminine and that messed with my self esteem. Because as I woman I wanted to be proud of my womanhood but my mom always seemed threatened by it (and so was the toxic men she had). So odd But hope you are doing well! ✨✨👐🏼👐🏼
I relate, I sometimes wish that I’d been born a son and not a daughter as my father favourites my brother more and my mom (his ex-stepmom) did too… they let him have sleepovers when he was a teen but now my mom gets mad at me if I have sleepovers with my brother’s step-daughters
Let's not forget, daughters also exist for free labor! I'm AFAB, and my mother was a boy mom before the trend. It went back to when she was pregnant with me, and both of my parents thought it was raucously funny when he would punch her stomach because he didn't want me to be born (how do I know? because it was one of the stories they would tell about how cute my brother was when he was a kid. Sigh). My mother used me for free labor, and even with the seven year difference between us I was expected to make all of his lunches when we were both home from school. I did all of their laundry from the ages of 8 to 18 almost 19 (except my brother left finally when I was 16) and only stopped because I went to college, along with a bunch of other domestic tasks (another one of the things that I distinctly remember is having to vacuum the entire house mostly alone whenever my mother told me even though the vacuum was mostly taller than me, with occasional help from my father if he noticed the vacuum was about to fall on top of me. Fun times... and yeah, surprise... I don't really talk to them anymore).
@Sine Nomine no, my mother abused me because she didn't see me as equal in humanity as my brother. I'm never being with someone who can't take care of me if I fall ill. I don't want to raise babies; if dating and/or marrying a man means I have to baby him, then I'm happy to be single for the rest of my life. "modern women", of which I am not one, because I'm trans, simply don't want to have relationships with large babies. That's why so many men are upset these days about the expectations for them in dating; making money is no longer enough for them to be considered desirable in and of itself.
my mum has a subtle favoritism over my brother. it was definitely easier for her to understand that my brother is stressed with school and wanted to go to therapy cuz it affected his mental health greatly. i did the same thing multiply times, telling and also hinting her that i have a hard time with school and its damaging my mental health greatly and in response she just compared my hardships with her and saying that she's more tired etc. really made me feel like that my exhaustion isn't deserved and that i shouldn't feel this way at all.
Oh I’m sorry hon. Just know that you are just as valuable as your bro. Take you time and be kind to yourself. One step at a time. Be gentle to yourself.
My mom acted like the tik tok mom. My sister and I ended up in abusive relationships and my brother has been been charged a few times with domestic violence/stalking. She is so confused why this would be since my dad wasn’t abusive. Seems pretty obvious to me.
I wonder if they’re talking about truly loving someone or being truly loved by someone. Bc the first is on them for not loving their daughters enough, and the second is on their parents for not loving them enough. Moms that feel like this should go to therapy and work it out, instead of also making it a problem for their kids.
@@rolandpereira4161 of all women murdered by men, 10% of those men were the victim's sons. i'm pointing out the irony of these 'toxic boymoms' saying how much more loving and better sons are, when sons are significantly more likely to murder and abuse their mothers. hope that helps!
The videos of that mother calling the boy her favorite, shoving her daughters for content, and otherwise berating and belittling her daughters while putting her son on a pedestal actually had me tearing up. That is so sad. Those girls are going to feel that damage for ever.
Hearing the mom just say "he hits and punches his sisters, but maybe he's just had a hard day" is just UGH. I'm the youngest and my brothers got away with hitting me and even at one point choking me because "I provoked them" and I was the one with anger issues despite them breaking stuff and punching and kicking holes in the wall. Not to mention my friend was regularly hit by her younger brother and it affected her a lot where she would not want to be touched by him at all cause he was always so rough and aggressive, but her parents did nothing. The amount of parents that just let their amab children do that is so infuriating. I even talked to someone briefly online that was also hit by their brother. It's just pure misogyny and I'm so sick of it. How can anyone say that then say "maybe he's just having a hard day." No, ew, gross. It makes me so mad. Edit: My brothers that are older than me got away with a LOT and I was told I had to deal with it "cause that's just how boys are." Then when I told my mom it made me feel worthless and even suicidal years later, she went "I had no idea it affected you so much." I know my brothers are also victims of abuse cause our parents especially our dad is so shitty and it's just so infuriating to know that it all could have been prevented if parents actually did their job. I hate gendered favoritism and I hate how differently I was treated for being afab and I hate how much sons can get away with just for being amab. Bad and toxic parents are one thing that just sets me off because children do not deserve that.
Yeah I really hate when parents excuse their kid physically harming someone as them having a bad day. That's an opportunity to teach them that having a bad day is *no excuse* to hurt someone. That kind of mentality is what leads kids to grow up being abusive partners/parents.
Im really sorry for what happened to you, and that phrase, "I had no idea It affected you so much" is an excuse my mother used a lot too. We never experienced such an extreme experience but, at the same time, ive always noticed the difference between us sisters and my brother. He got plenty of opportunities and never had to make chores, cause he was the prodigy in sports and kind of the future of our family, while the rest of us were just the little simple glirls
that happened to me too. I was kicked, smacked, punched, and once chased with a hammer (not a toy hammer, a REAL hammer. if he was older he probably would've broken the door I was hiding behind.) for absolutely no reason and my family did jack shit because they didn't think it was that bad because he was so young. even though he had proven to them time and time again that he could inflict damage if he wanted to. even though I was a fucking child too. I am so tired of my trauma being dismissed simply because it was caused by a child.
I never realized that this was how my mother treated me and my brothers until now. My brothers and I have always had a strained relationship and im full of so much resentment towards them that I never really knew the cause of before this. thank you for this video
I have a toddler girl and from what I've seen from boy moms I'm so worried about her future if she chooses to marry and man. I'm so worried that she'll be abused or taken for granted. I hate the boy against girl mentality we should all be on the same team
I’m a cis male, and I have one cis male brother. My mom is what I would lovingly refer to as a “mother who has boys.” She taught us to be responsible, kind, well-adjusted, to love ourselves and others, all of the classic parenting lessons. She’s not perfect, no parent is, but I think she did a pretty good job with us. I also have an aunt, technically a family friend but functionally an aunt, who has five boys. She’s a boy mom. Her kids are spoiled and entitled. Lavish and expensive birthday parties where the kid was almost always crying over some stupid detail, yelling and trying to hit me and my brother when we were playing with the toys that they wanted to play with. It was one thing when we were playing at their house with their toys, but it even happened when they were at our house playing with our toys. The oldest one only recently grew out of being a brat and mellowed out to some degree, and he’s a high school junior. He’s lucky if you ask me, some of his brothers are getting close to that age and showing no signs of stopping. I remember being at their house one time when I was younger and hearing my aunt say “aren’t you scared for when they start dating and your babies start to get stolen from you” and my mom being like “hey what the fuck” and me also being like “hey what the fuck.” I was somewhat young but I still understood that a significant other and a parent hold incredibly different roles in a person’s life and I still remember thinking about how weird it was to act like a partner would “steal” a kid.
My mom has 4 kids. 3 girls youngest is a boy. She definitely favored him over the rest of us. It painfully obvious. I had assumed it was just because he was the youngest... You know ... The baby! It was when I was around 10 or 11 when I started to get the feeling that it's not just that he's the youngest. But that he's a boy... Her tone, language, manorialisms and behavior was just VASTLY different. She didn't just show him more attention and affection... But it was the way wanted him to favor her too... Even over one of us, her own daughters! Like she was in competition with us over him.... She was also a VERY young teenage single mom rejected by her dad, my dad, and my brother's dad... But my brother has NO CHOICE but to depend on her for everything so he COULDN'T reject her... It was all so very toxic. She's spent years in therapy to sort out her many issues with abandonment, codependency and the trauma from abuse and DV... and I'm so proud of her, her progress, the work she's constantly doing, and the person she's become! It's possible to recognize, work and change!
another layer of weirdness for the first mum is that her middle daughter is trans. imagine being that little girl and transitioning, only for your mum to start going on about how much she loves being a boy mum, and what kind of complex feelings that would bring up and how you might feel that your mum loves you less since you transitioned. that doesn’t even open the huge can of worms that is the fact that the father highly publicised and profited from his daughter’s transition. honestly that entire family is tragic and i feel very concerned for all four children.
3:36 "he hits his sister and I tell them he's probably just having a bad day" OKAY COOL so the daughters will grow up thinking it's normal for men to hit them when they had a bad day🫠🫠🫠
In primary school I was brutally attacked by an older boy. As in, bad enough that I had to go to the hospital. Plenty of witnesses. The principal and the teacher refused to punish the boy because he would have never done it if I had smiled at him more and he was just frustrated because he wanted me to like him and it would be too traumatic for him to receive a punishment. And then my father told me how much I had embarrassed him.
As the only 'daughter' in a family with four brothers this is freakily accurate. My mother has outright said that she wishes she could marry my brothers since they were BABIES. She also views me as a mini copy of herself to mold into who SHE wanted to be.
I remember hearing about a study done years ago of women who had previously identified as feminist but later in like became anti-feminist, and the common thread between them was the turning point was when they had a son, and after seeing these videos, I se that not much has changed since then. :/ What the ever loving f--k.
@@emmao6578 Yeah, I wish I could remember who was behind it so I could look it up, but I heard about it on a podcast I was listening to while I was walking from work to the bus stop so I had no place to write it down and by the time I got home I simply forgot to take notes.
That makes so much sense! In many of the videos discussing feminist issues or misogny there's always so many women in the comments like "But my son would never.." or "when are we doing to start thinking about the well being of young boys in this society?"
This sounds so crazy to me because teaching my son concepts of social justice, including feminism, is one of the parts of parenting that I'm most looking forward to. Him developing his own little mind and learning that not everybody is treated equally, but he can be a force for good in the world.
I'm genuinely grateful that both my parents aren't toxic or have a favorite child. They see me and my two younger brothers as equally important. But I did meet a toxic boy mom. My aunt. During Intermediate School, I was here in the USA living with my grandmother, uncle and his two kids. We were perfectly fine until my aunt (my mom's and uncle's eldest sister) moved in with us. She had always favored one of my cousins for being a boy, while she didn't really give me and my other cousin (who is a female) the same amount of care or respect. She would call my cousin that he's "the love of her life", her "husband", etc. She says she hates men, yet favors him. And even after she FINALLY had a child who turned out to be a baby girl, she still favors my cousin. Thankfully he never let my aunt's "love" get to his head, he was always and my and his sister's side. But it was genuinely creepy. Now, we all stay away from our aunt and genuinely do not appreciate her presence. All three of us know that she isn't a good person, a good aunt or a good mother. Truly disgusting.
Ig my mom kinda counts. Prior to transitioning (mtf) she'd constantly go on tangents about how she's glad she had a boy, about how 'moms are just nicer to boys and meaner to girls', how women are 'naturally competitive', etc. Shed use me as therapist, telling me the various fckd up things in her past, breaking down sobbing telling me im the only reason she's alive (after a fight where she'd call me stupid and or scream at me), One time we were arguing in the kitchen and she came towards me with a knife. I flinched, and she started screaming and yelling and getting closer and closer. "WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO BE SCARED OF ME?!" she'd sceamed, but as I got more scared, she got more angry. After I came out, she did the whole "i feel im losing my son" and "did you know how hard this is for ME" bs. She even pushed me into a more gender neutral nickname-i wanted to go by Lexi. She kept saying "are you SURE thats what you want??" And kept doing that until I went with Alex, the one she wanted. Once she saw that I was venting about her behavior on my FB which id left open at her house. Instead of immediately changing profiles she snooped and messaged my cousin from my account calling me a liar. She'd get into screaming fits if you disagreed with her long enough, and towards the end of our relationship, I advised my sibling to simple placate her when she starts yelling and shit. Ofc she started yelling and shit lmfao "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TURN THEM AGAINST ME?!"-actual quote. I stopped talking to her after she got straight up transphobic. I made the mistake of informing her of my horrific bottom dysphoria (had bottom surgery, thankfully freed of that), which she ofc used against me. I told her "You can be a real bitch to me and (my sibling)." Mind you, she'd called me bitch, skank, asshole, bastard, prick, more I prolly forgot. Her response? "Well I actually *have* periods, so." That was the last straw for me. Shed pushed it so far before but that let me know she's just malicious and evil. Shes done more shit but those come to mind first and foremost
i hope you’re out of that situation, im so sorry that happened to you x also, from one alex to another, lexi is a wonderful new name. i sincerely hope your life gets better and is full of new and wonderful experiences
girrrrl i reeally hope you have moved far away from this hellhole of all kinds of horrible abuse and are just growing and doing better. im sorry you were born to her
I hope your out of that situation and I hope you have an amazing life. Also by any chance have you ever heard of thelexikitty cuz I think you should check her out.
My mom never considered herself a boy mom, seeing how she already had 5 girls but once my brothers were born there was definitely favoritism. I can still remember the day I was outside playing with my LPS and my brother(the little shit that he is) comes outside just to start pissing on all of my stuff. So I have to push him off my stuff multiple times cause he’d keep getting back up; long story short I tell my mom and I get in trouble for pushing my brother.
Seeing these boy moms always brings me right back to my childhood. Being told I’m not allowed to be sensitive but encouraging sensitivity in my brothers. Being told the world will treat me, as a girl, better than my brothers. That I’d just be handed everything for being a girl (which obviously wasn’t AT ALL true). Letting my brothers get away with more. My brothers could break out of their rooms at 3am (one of them did actually) and get off with little to no punishment, but I would throw a tantrum and get all of my electronics taken away for weeks. The way she would borderline verbally abuse me, but when my brothers called her stupid or an idiot in arguments she would laugh. I slept on a 20 year old mattress with a massive hole in the center of it, she bought both of my brothers, one of which is an adult with his own money, brand new mattresses and bed frames. I bought my bed frame and mattress myself. It hurts everyday. And I can only imagine the pain these girls are feeling because I felt like my mom hated me at 8 years old. And she laughed in my face. I still feel like the least favorite because of her actions. She would scream at me and beg me to move out while saying she hopes my brothers live with her forever. She couldn’t understand why I felt like she hated me. She didn’t even believe I had BPD until a man came into her life with BPD and all of the sudden “it made sense”. She never wanted to connect with me. And I resent her for it so much.
I'm sorry that you living that 😢😢I'm going through that, it's best to cut ties with them, she's not your mother and your siblings will only be useless when she's going , I've seen it many times and hopefully your siblings don't have a formal partner for them they will also suffer because of your mother
Could you elaborate? (I don't mean in an argumentative sense like I'm disagreeing with you. Rather, I'm mostly unfamiliar with these topics and just curious to learn more about them.)
@@johnwalker1058 I'm extrapolating from my experience with my own mother. She didn't outright hate her mom, but she had a lot of disdain for her and thus developed the belief that "she's glad she never had daughters because daughters have weird relationships with their moms." Her Dad, on the other hand, she adored. And so she's glad she had boys, because as boys we remind her of her dad. A mom with these traits on their own isn't necessarily a toxic boy mom, but this is where narcissism comes into play, because the mother sees their boy(s) as an extensions of herself and thus takes extreme pride and ownership over their positive traits and accomplishments. Their boy(s) are hers and no one else can have them. (I think the narcissism usually presents as covert, meaning passive/under the radar, but not necessarily). This is assessment obviously doesn't always apply. People are complicated. But the number of likes indicates to me that there is a trend matching what I described.
I’m only a girl mom but I just can’t understand not loving your daughters and wanting to give them all of your love and tell them every day how beautiful they are just to build them up.
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
sons are like “hey mom? im three and have no experience with big feelings. what do i do about them?” and these moms just respond with “idk have you tried hitting women? its ok if you know them” like,,, *h u h*
I'm not even 3 minutes in and tears in my eyes, I will always remember how my mother favored her sons over her daughters. Thanks for talking about this.
As a mom of a baby boy and a toddler girl…this behavior confuses and concerns me. Deeply. I want my KIDS to be happy PPL and whenever THEY get a partner, I hope they are an amazing person that also makes THEM happy. But…I didn’t even think about this until I saw this video. He’s a BAAAAAYBEEEEE and shes TWOOOOO. I love that my husband and I get to be my kids first loves…but I certainly don’t want to be their only loves. 😂 I want them to grow up productive and happy kiddos. It does make me sad that my grandparents were obsessed with my daughter and when my son was born…she seemed pushed aside and it breaks my heart bc my daughter is such an amazing, brilliant and creative little creature.
My mom viewed me as competition for my dad which was incredibly uncomfortable and only made it worse because she made me feel that way so I gravitated toward my dad more lol. I never felt like she loved me as a mom
These women hate themselves because they buy into the lies their shitty husbands tell them about women being lesser. So of course they hate their daughters, who they see as an extension of themselves. I look just like my mother and she critiqued me and my appearance how she critiques herself and it was brutal
Wait why do i feel the same with my mom. When i was younger she would tell me not to come and sleep with them when i got nightmares as i was ruining their marriage. So she basically told me to deal with it somehow. She doesn’t do it anymore but I realized that maybe she viewed me as competition too…
@@britishningguang3933 you would be surprised by the amount of enablers that were mothers to incest and raped victims (we are not talking about mothers being dismissive to gross and chauvinistic "small" behaviors by male relatives because it will end up to almost every single mothers). And I had seen it with my own eyes and I still could not understand it.
I have an ex who legitimately thought that having "had a hard day" meant that it was my job to get screamed at so he could vent his anger. Not only that, I was expected to fight and scream back to assist his venting. He actually said that to me, and got more angry when I refused and ignored him. The first boy will probably grow up to be that guy
My last boyfriend’s mother is like this. The *extreme* levels of emotional incest was legitimately disturbing to witness. My ex is a very messed up person who treats women like objects to work out his severe mommy issues on and I blame his mom for being the origin point. I cannot begin to tell you how many things he would tell me about the relationship with his mother that made my stomach turn. She treated - no, TREATS bc it never stopped - him as a replacement for a partner from the day he was born. I mean this in every way you can imagine, yes, *that* way too. It was just so deeply disturbing. Even when he tried very hard to distance himself as an adult upon beginning to realize how unhealthy the relationship was, the sick grip she had on him is one he never really escaped.
@@alch3mystI FELT that. Once dated a guy whose mom relentlessly tried to get him to break up with me, had an insanely unhealthy attachment to him like you said, and even stooped so low as to spread rumors about me to her coworkers who didn’t know me. I was 15. She would show them pictures of me and accuse me of being a whore and other worse names, and in the same breath say I had a gay haircut and was just leading her son on. Given I did end up gay but I didn’t know that at the time and didn’t figure out I didn’t like men until recently, so it was really irrelevant. At the time my whole heart was in that relationship because this guy was one of my best friends at the time. The boy mom thing is insane and I fully believe it stems from the expectation of a girlfriend/wife to take care of men/act as a second mom, and some moms view the partner as competition bc of it. It’s so wild.
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny since they are completely taking away their daughter's agency and say in the matter. btw just wanted to say that you sing so well! your voice is lovely
"He hits and punches his sisters, but maybe he just had a bad day."
And this is when you teach your kids not to use having a bad day as an excuse to physically hurt someone. That's the kind of mentality that produces abusive partners/parents.
and it's how young girls end up in abusive relationships and feel that they can't leave because "he's just being violent because he's having a bad day" is ingrained in their minds as a lesson learned in childhood
@@vinylplayer0759 exactly, not just girls though. Guys are so often raised to respect women but not raised to know how a women should be respecting them too. Not trying to argue or anything but at this point I've just seen so many people ignore or not even seem to notice the sexism against men. Not saying that you are either, but saying it specifically happens to young girls instead of just people definitely implies it.
@@Ryry11037 no this definitely absolutely happens to men too! it just is more relevant here to mention how these issues disproportionately affect women due to issues like the ones discussed in the video!
@Denaya Newton or you could make your own video about men's issues if you feel so strongly about it and not derail a conversation about women's issues with a separate topic so everyone is now arguing about that topic, and the women's issues that were being discussed are now getting ignored. It happens every time any women's issue is brought up and is rooted in misogyny.
@@Ryry11037 yeah but that wasn't the point of the video, the woman in the video was teaching her GIRLS that if one day, if men are hurting them it might just be because they're having a bad day and that they're not abusive. Stop deterring from the video, people are talking about it and you're making it like no one's every mentioned abuse towards men ever.
Every child deserves a parent, not every parent deserves a child
Oh this hit me in the neglected childhood 😅
This hurt but straight facts
Well spoken
Based
Boom
These moms give me the same vibes as those dads who didn’t know women have value until they had a daughter.
Gonna bet those dads were big sad when the gender reveal party happened and it wasn’t a boy
Even then, half of those guys still think women are lesser than them. Almost like they go from “women are shit” to “women need to be saved/protected/etc.” it seems better than the first one, but still undermines women’s autonomy as people.
@@lukitchu2887and some will skip the protective phase and just be plain misogynistic towards their daughters. Talking from experience 😅
Most of those men still don't see women as people
Those are the gross dads who obsess over their daughters' virginity 🤮🤢
These parents need to stop being gross about their kids 💀
Not even then. Bc you grow up hearing "i love you" but he turns you into a doormat. My dad made me hate being a girl by the way hes always talked about women. Im 21, and to this day hes genuinely confused on why i have 0 self esteem and dont care about my life very much. Hmmm, idk dad.
My mum somehow managed to be a boy mum while having all daughters. She had a boy before me and my younger sister but he was stillborn. She holds this dead child over our heads telling us that if he survived she wouldn't have had us because all she wanted was a boy and ruins fathers day for our dad every year because he was born in the same week as it. She has 5 daughters and would happily push us all aside for a child that was never alive because he was a boy 🙂
This is beyond f*cked ,hope u,your dad and sisters are doing okay ,holy shit.....😰
Plan to leave her in the worst retirement home possible, and gift your dad a nice vacation from that heinous woman
Jeez that’s horrible, I’m so sorry for you and your sisters + dad. That’s so messed up
imagine having a lifelong hatred for your kids just because they all ended up being girls
She needs therapy to get her sh!t together...
The fact that the 1st mom described herself as a toxic mom as if it was not a big deal, she knows it's toxic and still doesn't move a finger to change that 💀
I thought that if you would directly mention that you are toxic and need to do better, then you would try to change, but it doesn't seem like the 1st mom is going to change
my mother literally they dont care/
I mean she did say “we need to do better”. It sounded to me like she recognized her toxic thinking and was venting about that.
a lot of people seem to think if they're self-aware of their problems and flaws that means they aren't there anymore, it's weird
I mean her saying they are the problem came across to me like she is acknowledging it's an issue that needs to be worked on, my issue was moreso her talking about that on the internet where her daughters get to eventually find out their mum publicly said she likes their brother more than them.
All these women keep saying, "you don't experience true love until you have a son", damn, so your husband isn't your true love?! Wild
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
@@razausman107 One treats the daughter like delicate property and the other one has some hilarious Jocasta Complex going on.
@razausman107 this never happened with me I'm a only child an my dad never was over protective
And then they are wondering why their husband are cheating 😅
@@valeriebrousseau1053 Facts
I heard a boy mom say "God gave me a daughter to fix the mistakes i wish I would've from a young age. God gave me a son to know what love and security truly feels like." All i got from that is I'm going to be harsh, overbearing and critical of every action/thought my daughter has to live vicariously through her and I'm going to spoil and love my son unconditionally and he can do no wrong
I heard that having a daughter means you need to mature and grow up
@@callmecrazy616that's probably the case to be honest. It's sad but there are better ways to deal with daddy issues than raising smothered, misogynistic, dependant sons 😭
Sometimes it’s like my mother is living through me and let me just tell y’all, it is strange as bloody frick when you have already realised it but before realising it I was an insecure mess and now thinking back, absolutely frigged up
@@phoebedorsai7145what
Wow, did you just describe my life 😂
These are the types of women who call me selfish for not wanting kids. The same women who have daughters because they want a ''mini me'' or because they want a free child maid to take care of the chores and siblings. The same women who have sons to make their husbands jealous and because they want someone who gives them the love and attention they don't get from their partner.
Ah yes, very selfless and not selfish at all.
Exactly. My version of selfish doesn't involve creating an entire person because I have no direction in life or I'm bored. I also really love kids and hate the idea of forcing a human to exist. Not everyone thinks living is a gift, especially when you have health issues you don't want to pass on.
@@Aster_Risk This!! Along with just generally not wanting kids cause I don’t enjoy them, I have some mental illnesses that can be genetic. I know how hard it was for me to grow up with mental illnesses that I would never want to risk passing that on to my kid. This is also absolutely not saying that people with disorders and disabilities can’t have kids, they absolutely can. This is just a personal opinion and guilt that I have.
@Keelin You have nothing to feel guilty for. Not wanting to pass any disorders or illness is not selfish.
@@keelinmacken9552 I don't claim to know what genetic illnesses you're talking about in particular and I acknowledge that it also varies based on the type and severity of the illness. But I will say this...As someone with autism and ADHD, that doesn't deter me from having kids because yes my kids might have it too, but I'm better equipped to provide them with the help and resources they need to navigate their lives (unlike my childhood), so they won't suffer like I did in that sense. But I understand where you're coming from. If I had the genes for something that can significantly impair a person's life, I too would be hesitant to have kids and feel guilty about passing it on if not to them then to people further down the progeny.
@@sabiha.sayeedyou’re not gonna hear this from anyone else but those disorders aren’t real, and not genetic. If anything, the disorderly thinking is taught when kids mirror us, and it hits deep if one fails to see through the lies.
We can vaguely remember ages 0-2 but that shapes our brains the most.
As a girlfriend of a guy who has a boy mom; I am her biggest competitor and it’s so exhausting. I will never be good enough and am expected to be a mother and lover which is wild. Ex: “if you’re going to do my son’s laundry for the rest of your life, you can’t dry his shirts in the dryer, hang dry only like mommy does” literally word for word.
That's so weird man I'm sorry. I hope this isn't invasive, but what does your boyfriend think about all that?
@@unpreparedwithacapitalf I usually don’t bother him with it but he does stand up for me when it happens in front of him
I don’t know how you restrain yourself from just saying
“Look, I know you really wish you could be the one dating your son, but you can’t, so try therapy instead, please.”
@@ms.annthropic6341 because I just causes more drama and that’s not something I care to deal with if I don’t have to 🤷🏼♀️
@wynn1587 i would but I’m kinda in love with him soooo
These moms are a prime example of how to not only make your children hate YOU, but also hate each other.
Yup!!!!
straight facts, even worse is moms with this weird “i’m their first love” bullshit mentality, is also being single mom with an only son. i had this stupid “power struggle” over my relationship with bf because his mom tried to have an iron grip over ANY relationship, girlfriends, friends, teachers, therapists etc to prevent him from ever leaving her. he’s 20 now and recognizes this behavior and barley calls her and resents a lot of his childhood due to her.
@@s0ursk377 It's ironic, isn't it? How they try to make sure their kids ONLY love them, first and foremost, and then that's what ends up driving their children away from them.
Also, I guarantee that his mother blames his girlfriends, friends, and anyone else in his life for him being distant, and will never come to terms with the fact that SHE'S the problem.
yeah, the sons of these moms will realize they get special treatment and be an entitled brat toward their siblings because of it, and even if they don't their siblings will still resent them, and it sucks either way
@@jasperjazzie My brother is the former. He realises it, milks it, and helps my mother gaslight me that it's not blatant favouritism.
He's in his late twenties and I'm in my mid-thirties
My mother is a toxic boy mum. I haven't spoken to my family in many years, but last I've heard, my brother is 26 years old, working in an industry where he can AFFORD to live on his own, but still chooses to live at home, and everyone other than my parents all agree he has an aura around him that causes unease & discomfort. I've heard it from my childhood neighbors (both kids and adults), my cousins, most of my brother's former friends, and even HIS BOSS. People don't feel safe being around him. Like he's always on the verge of snapping.
And this isnt even getting into how these toxic boy moms also baby their sons in regards to chores & basic care. I used to call my brother "pigpen" behind his back because he would come home from construction sites, absolutely covered in filth & smelling rancid, but would not bathe unless my parents begged him to.
Last time I saw him, he assaulted me. Dug his nails into my arm & would not let me go until I promised to apologize to our mom for hurting her feelings.
These are the sons these women are creating. The ones that give off serial killer vibes.
He sounds terrifying
I wanna punch him for you 💀
that gives me a major ick. im so sorry you've had to go through that
I am very sorry about that, good call to not talk with them. Base of that incident and him being on the verge of insanity, you could end up in the hospital or wose being killed. God forbids that. We need to acknowledge that this womans behaviour is wrong with the sons for real
@@kingofichigo agreed.
My older brother dislocated my jaw by elbowing my face when he was 17 and I was 15. I was passing by him. My mom said "you probably deserved it" and refused to take me to the ER. She also told me and my little sister that "since he doesn't have a girlfriend you need to give him cuddles because boys dont get enough cuddles". I have so many stories, but basically my mother would make so many excuses for his behavior (and still does - he lives with her at the age of 30). Really messed up, glad I moved out as soon as I could.
Ew - " Give cuddles to your brother because he doesn't have Gf."
How can your mom ask you to do such a think?
@@krishnavyas313 she also blamed the girls at school for being "rude" instead of him for trying to force hugs on them when he was a preteen. We were homeschooled because he was kicked out of school for a bit and she wasn't going to waste her time dealing with school stuff for me if my brother wasn't also going to the same school 🙄😮💨
She really has never held him accountable for anything.
@@reagan13579 OMG, Mom like that raise Men ,who are physical, sexual and emotional abusers. I hope your brother isn't like that.
You also deserve love and care from your mother.
I think you are lucky that you weren't your mom's favorite child, otherwise you would have end up like your spoiled brat brother .
@@krishnavyas313 sadly he is, he just isn't charismatic enough to find victims since he is so obviously creepy. And I am really glad I wasn't her favorite, though I dont think I ever could have been since I was born a girl. She HATES women (all but herself of course). She's also personally offended if she sees someone in the LGBTQA+ or a homeless person or someone with darker skin just existing in her line of sight (shes "ok" with "the gays" existing,she just thinks they shouldn't show any signs of it or marry or tell anyone they are in a relationship). I know I pissed her off by marrying and having a child with a mexican, and my little sister is a lesbian so we both avoid her like the plague.
Your smother should be in jail.
This reminds me of dads who are so overprotective of their daughters that they view her love interest as a competition and threaten them for “breaking her heart”. It’s very creepy
Or they’re weirdly obsessed with her purity 🥶
fr
sometimes i wonder how my dad thinjks of me because even at 19 he refuses to accept the fact that i want a bf and says "i refuse.. youre not allowed to date" -_-
@@celestialbunny Parents like him raise sneaky kids. At the end of the day it’s your life and he needs to accept that you’re an adult!
Plenty of times it's not because dad is a creep, it's because he knows boys at that age because he was one. It's protective. My own dad was the same way and I grew up fine. He taught me how to be mindful of red flags and how to not need the attention of men.
Idk where you heard that they do it because of competitiveness lol.
@@catsarerude I know but there are parents who are controlling and possessive of their kids even when they’re adults. I have friends who are dealing with that
That internalized misogyny hits different when it’s a mother, doesn’t it.
As a damaged daughter, indeed it does hit different 💀
As a FTM Trans person who grew up as the abused, neglected, and bullied daughter.....yes, it hits incredibly different.
@@green_hedger_68 you literally have no idea what that person went/go through so why are you assuming that their childhood wasn’t/isn’t toxic ?
don’t go calling people “snowflakes” just because your sister “doesn’t complain” about your family’s favoritism, not everyone goes through the same things as you do.
@@green_hedger_68newsflash!! No other person lives the same life as you or your sister!! People's experiences can be and are vastly different from your own!! It's a good thing that your parents weren't toxic and didn't traumatise your guys in your childhood and you should be grateful for that, because not everyone is as lucky and some parents out there do, in fact, suck absolute ass.
@@green_hedger_68you are going to be so ashamed of yourself when your brain finishes developing and you finally develop empathy. Like, I almost burst into flames from the secondhand embarrassment when I read your comment, for your own sake I suggest you listen more and say less so there is less for you to beat yourself up over later in life.
"He hits and punches his sisters, but maybe he's just had a bad day."
Spoken like a true enabler.
As a daughter to a toxic boy mom, this doesn't stop when they grow up. They are treated the exact same way and it gets even creepier while the daughters are begged to get married because mom wants her little grandbabies so she can do the exact same thing with them
Also, my brothers (other than the youngest) are grown men now and guess what? Yes, they are misoginistic as well as a lot of other things that I won't mention. So this behavior from mothers really does have detrimental impact on the children. My mother's other daughter also does not speak with her anymore, so a great way to get your kids to hate you as well
@@kay_jello I hope they get girlfriends that are just as bad as they are.
Yes. As the partner to one of two sons of a toxic boy mum, yes. They make the worst in-laws. Thankfully she was more focused on the elder brother, so my hubby is the much more sane 😂
I’m the oldest girl of four kids. My brother is the only boy , youngest and obvious favorite. It’s even more difficult when you like you’re brother and he’s a nice guy. It’s like your parent is trying to cause a rift between you
@@roxassora2706 i hope they dont get gfs at all honestly
I think the mere fact that they call themselves “boy mums” is already ridiculous. Have you ever heard someone say they’re a “girl mum”? Like your just a mum, you’re not special for having a son because like you had a 50/50 chance of that babes.
no but i commonly see the "boy dad" thing with similar or opposite effects where it's seen as a bad or sad thing for the man. i have seen quite a few good examples though like dads matching the daughters and it's really adorable.
I mean even the daddy's girl thing is kinda weird. I mean I love my dad but I love my mom too like,why does one parent have to hog all the love?
@@elizabethsmith7224 I was a daddy's girl, and tbh I don't think it's that weird. it can be, but for me, I just had a closer connection with my dad because my mother is insufferable and he spent more time doing things with me because he was on day shift. I think for a lot of people that's all it is. though I could be wrong.
Also calling themselves boy mums after having like 3 girls and one son as if that one child who happens to be male makes them proud and better. Especially since those mums will posts on social media calling themselves that and then their daughters will see that and feel as if they were never worth anything and were just attempts of getting a son.
I don’t think the term boy mom is weird. I’ve heard girl mom girl dad etc
The “I’ll be my child’s first love” trope with straight parents is one of the grossest things this world normalizes on a daily basis.
With ANY parent it would be gross. Us queer folk just aren’t weird like that hahah.
i agree with you, it’s so common and normalised as well… very weird how fathers act around their daughters/mothers act around their sons. incestuous freaks 😐
if gay parent did it with same gender child I can imagine what reaction they would get.. but somehow when it's straight it's "cute" but it is actually same problematic
The only good thing to come out of boy mum tiktoks is the Sigmund Freud memes
HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT!!!
You mean fraud? Lol
@@rebeccashores2306 I cannot tell if ur joking. I am going to explain anyway. Sigmund Freud was a psychologist who came up with the terms "oedipus complex". That is when sons want to marry or f*ck their mother and kill their father. And elytra complex which is with daughters and their fathers.
So no not fraud.
Oh god these moms are proving his point, someone needs to exterminate them, we can’t have anything from Sigmund being even remotely validated
@@rebeccashores2306no, they mean the “father of psychology” who had a lotta..interesting theories. atleast one of which involving emotional incest.
"The gays need to stop sexualising kids" says the mom, who wants to be her son's true love, and is planning her 6 yo daughter's wedding
I work at a certain large store chain in America and the amount of children's clothing that is BLATANLY SEXUAL is absolutely disgusting
@@charliedeegan1598 As long as it’s HETEROsexual that’s okay apparently
same energy as when a little boy looks in the general direction of a woman and everyone is saying he's gonna be a lady killer, or grown ass adults saying a little girl is gonna have all the boys chasing her when she grows up. it's fucking creepy, and people just act like it's a normal, nice thing to say 💀
Don't bring the gays into this 😓🤌
Dint even get me started with the "oh is she your girlfriend" when they're like 4
As someone who’s dated a guy with a boy mom, she was insane, at teh start she was nice and basically wanted to be friends with me, but when she noticed her son was actually interested in me and actually liked me a lot. She basically started to act like I was he competition and made sure we never saw each other and it tore apart our relationship. And she did the sam thing to his female friends. and she listened to our calls and made sure we never got to be alone and actually developed a real relationship. And as soon as he and I broke up she hated me and made him hate me ( same thing with female friends). I honestly feel for the kid but his mom affected him so badly that Jesus he may not have a healthy relationship for a long time
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
3:45 she's in for a rude awakening when her daughters find these in the future and she figures out she isn't going to have any role in their weddings LMAO
In 20 years She's going to be like "Why arent my daughters taking care of me 😫😫😫?"
@@CarolaTesla and she’ll still be taking care of the son because she never taught him to be independent
@@yellowutella she's digging her own grave
She is a vlogger and has vlogged their entire lives, Im honestly very sure her kids are either going to be fucked up people beyond belief, or they are gonna grow up and expose their parents for being awful to them in order to make money.
@@yellowutella Yea. "My boy can't take care of me, that's a woman's job. Daughters, devote all your time to taking care of me for free."
the competitiveness that toxic boy moms feel between their husband and their daughter gives oedipus complex vibes 😬
Father-daughter is actually Electra complex
@@alastor8307
Pfft nerd 🤓 but Fr thanks thats pretty cool that there’s a whole seperate term
Mother- is Jocasta complex I believe (tho using either is weird since in the story neither knew and when they found out neither of them took it well)
Norman Bates speedrun any%.
@@Alias_Anybody
this made me laugh so hard omg 💀
That first woman gave me such an ick when she was talking about their weddings. Especially the daughters, it’s so gross that she just sees her daughters as little dolls to dress up. What does that teach them? 🤢
That They're Nothing But Property And Play Things.
Right? When her daughters are even old enough to be thinking about that, they should be the ones making decisions about their own weddings.
had a teacher who said she hopes her son turns out to be gay because she wants to be the woman he loves the most forever. it was extremely disturbing to me and she even said that she was getting excited that she was seeing "signs that he was gay."
i believe they call that emotional incest. yikes
That feels like simultaneous incest, fetishization, homophobia, and just general yikes
Same as fans who always ship their idols with other men because they can't see them liking and being with other women. So weird. Gives me icks.
Her son could end up victimized by her! I’m so sorry for him.
I’ve never wished for someone to be a certain sexuality, but man I hope son is straight
Maybe boys expect their girlfriends to be their new moms because their moms used to use them like a boyfriend. It’s disgusting. They’re saying all these things about their sons like "I don’t want him to get married I want to be the only woman in his life" well you are his only mom. Unless you had something else in mind. Sicko.
SEEING THIS GROWN WOMEN MAKE TIKTOKS WITH THEIR TINY SONS WHO CLEARLY DONT WANNA BE THERE- EW
That's actually a rly good point
Same with girls and father issues
"you owe your kids everything, and they owe you nothing..." Girl, preach
My grandma is a toxic boy mom. Her son is now almost 60, lives with her because he never knew how to do anything for himself and lost all of his money, is abusive to her, is manipulative, wastes all of her money without an ounce of consideration for her. And she still acts as if he is her special baby boy, she doesn't let anyone criticize him, thinks he can never do anything wrong. It's 100% emotional incest. Truly bizarre relationship.
My grandma never treated her only daughter like this. She is just a boy mom. 8 boys (7 now) and 1 girl
My grandmother is similar to a boy's mom. I know that she is a good person had she was born at a different time and, not in her 30s, she would have not been like this. She isn't socially smart or bright, she used to apply what she was taught as a little girl. But despite that, even at her old age, in her 90s, she is still trying to learn and understand how wrong she was. Making sure her kids don't make the same mistakes. She still can't understand some stuff but at least she is trying to fix stuff.
My grandmother is DEFINITELY like this to the point where it’s literally dangerous because she’s enabling a legitimate psychopath
60?? Holy shit. Like I can understand if someone’s in their only 20s not wanting to move out but wow 💀
@@kitty0chan444 My uncle is 60 too, and he moved back with my grandma some years ago because he had no money anymore. He brags about having worked in a lot of countries but what's the point if you have no money left for your old age ? The funny thing is, he and my grandpa didn't talk anymore, so they were basically living in the same home without talking to each other for like 5 years before my grandpa passed away. Ridiculous. (It was possible because the house has 3 floors, so one floor per person and my grandma have the middle floor, so the 2 mens never had to cross path in the house 😂)
Why do i have a feeling these mom's would not be happy if they found out their son was gay
XD you started talking about my exact thought a millisecond after i pressed play again.
They would make themselves the victim in a situation that shouldn’t have victims and be like “I RAISED HIM WRONG 😭”
I had that same thought and it genuinely is because of the emotional incest. Like if he’s gay it means he wouldn’t theoretically be attracted to her or want to date her. That feels like rejection to them… if you’re sane you would hope that’s how your boys feel about you. They really just wanna be dating their sons though 🤢
the first one has an eight year old trans daughter and non binary husband. idk what you meant but it didnt give what you thought it gave
@@elenablancoesquivel5201 I mean that’s still not a gay son lol. We all know that peoples homophobia and transphobia can be weirdly selective with strange double standards. I’m not trying to argue you or say you’re wrong or anything, I just wanted to bring that up 👍
21:06 not to mention this is phrased as if having a daughter is somehow punishment for bad behavior while having a boy is being ‘rewarded’ with love 💀
“He hits his sisters, he punches them, and I’m just like, maybe he’s had a hard day”
NO, JUST NO
Wow I am so upset by this.
Literally like. In a few years time it’ll be CPS on the phome
I know one day that he's gonna try hitting one of the girls and all of them decide to jump his ass, and I know the mom will come on tiktok like "woe is me! My evil daughters hurt my poor baby! Pity me! 🥺"
@@maskedkarma6051 SERIOUSLY!!!!
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
Imagine what that mom would say if her daughters hit her son back, I bet they get scolded bad. There's a reason why men tend to be aggressive and confident while women tend to be less confident and more worried about how other people feel: it's because of the difference in upbringing.
Right. I was raised to never "talk back" or hit my brother back even when he started it because "boys are boys. they'll always be stronger". it's the lamest excuse. she doesn't know how to parent but vaguely understand genders.
@wynn1587Exactly!!
What patriarchy?
I can confirm as a daughter of a boy mom
As a member of an all women household (my dad is around but I have 2 sisters and am a woman myself, so he doesn't have much of a say) I can tell you that some of us are just born more submissive, if you want to call it that. My parents never pressures me into anything and we were punished equally since there were set rules installed. And yet after everything, my sister ended up being a confident, loud woman, that now works in the police, I am more quiet and plan on becoming a judge (lawyer is out of the question as I suck at speaking) and my smaller sister is as stubborn as it gets and is planning on working with animals (she is 14, I am 17, oldest sister is 20).
All of us were raised by the same rules, in the same house, same neighbourhood (hasn't changed much) and were given the same support system
Yk why we turned out different though? Because my mother is more loud and independent while my dad is quite, but deathly (he never screamed or hit any of us, but we very well knew when he was angry). I was a daddy's girl and glued to him while my sisters very mommy's girls. That's what made us different. We had different role models. As a result, I am more laid back, quiet and an overthinker while my sisters cause fire under everyone's asses that disrespects them
My mom treats my brothers like golden boys. The sun shines outta their asses.
As a girl, I'm her biggest regret.
As boy I want this type of treatment but sadly.
@@green_hedger_68sadly what?
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
Alllooooottt of these moms gonna be singing a whole different tune when it comes time to go to the nursing home.......
😂😂😂@@keychain3039
My brother technically died when he was born (they were able to revive him, he's okay now) and it really screwed with my mom. It was horrible because he always got attention and I had to grow up fast to take care of him. My mother taught me to put a pizza in the oven by watching me repeatedly burn myself and yelling at me to do better until I figured it out, and taught my brother by telling him to ask me to put it in for him. My parents eventually divorced and my dad got almost full custody but my father and I were forced to teach my brother things he should have known because my mother babied him so much. Toxic boy moms create hostility and incompetence. My brother has fallen out of those habits and is a wonderful human, but it was hard to get him to be responsible for certain things as a preteen and young teenager.
I'm glad you're away from this toxic wench and glad your brother developed more now
I didn't see the parenthesis part and I was so fucking bewildered at how your mom "parented" your brother who was dead and I was like ???? SHE NEEDS SEVERE PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP?
(I mean she still does but it's only slightly less concerning since he's alive lol)
Honestly I'm happy your brother and father ended up being better people. Hope you're all doing well!
@@andieallison6792 you heard of that lady who made a doll of her son cuz her son wasn't giving her attention? I can see that but with a corpse instead because of your comment.
Why did she baby him so much?
My mom became a “boy mom” whenever she had my little brother. He was the 3rd child out of 4 and my mom was ecstatic to finally have a boy and would talk about how he’s “her one and only baby boy” and he got a lot of favoritism growing up. But I think it’s hilarious (in a sad way) that whenever I came out as trans and have transitioned she still calls him her only boy. Anytime I try and tell her that the way she treats my brother is enforcing misogyny in him and my little sister she ignores it. Love the video! I haven’t seen this talked about to much!
Can feel this honestly
As the only trans boy out of my 4 brothers, still being classed as ‘the only girl’ sucks. Doesn’t give the supportive message parents like these seem to uphold.
(Also been called a confused hormonal teen as well as a lesbian, despite having a bf and being accused of calling my mom a monster because I wanted to change my name)
Send her this video
That's sooooooo messed up!!! You are her little boy too and your sisters are no less important!
@@kowaretatc8611 omg we need to talk about the crappy dynamics of being born into a traditional family as the only girl. I grew up with so much shame over my natural, over-the-top femininity. Eventually I grew to be super pick-me and "not like the other girls" as a teen and in my early 20's. So ick. I have to actively stop myself from being ashamed of showing "too much" of my femininity.
Okay, I don't know about my family dynamic being that toxic (one boy three "girls" (it's actually two boys two girls)), but I REALLY have my concerns about my mom's. She was the oldest child with three younger brothers and grew up in the 80's. Literally ALL of them had kids out of wedlock, but only my mom was the one who got the religious shame end of the stick.
My mom once said to me "When me and your father talked about what gender would we prefer our kid to be I said a boy, but when I had you, and I held you for the first time, I had no care in the world if you were a girl or a boy,All I could think of was how much I love you, you are my kid, you're a human being, and I'll do my very best take care of you and raise with all the love you need" And I think thats how a normal mom should see her kids. I've never once seen a hint of misogyny from my mother growing up. Of couse she is not perfect, but I am grateful for her, and always will be.
Your lucky
Growing up Latina I’m so used to seeing women coddle their sons/husbands/male family over their girls. I have so many stories of boys having favoritism and shit. One time my cousin broke a glass bottle of tea and it made a huge mess and I was the one who got yelled at for it by our grandmother. We were teenagers and he’s two years older than me 🙃
Omg yes, as a latina I remember hearing stories of my aunts saying that my grandma coddle my dad always cooking him what he wanted and things like that. Thankfully he didn't turned out useless but I need someone to make an analysis on this kind of insanity.
This is actually one of the main reasons I’m really turned off from Latin men. You just never know and I don’t wanna deal with that and then be looked at odd for not dealing with that.
I’m Arab but it’s similar in our culture as well. “They’re boys it’s different!” They say
Agreed, I have a stepdad that has 2 kids (half-sibs) and the little bro had the first iPhone that came out and lost it and got a new one 3 times… he was 6. But when I lost my phone within the home and found it later, I get called irresponsible 🙄.
I got in the habit of pointing out, "You let my little brother do this because he has a penis" or "You're making me do this because I don't have a penis." It made my Latina mom uncomfortable, but she wouldn't see the disparate treatment until it was pointed out in these terms.
"Emotional incest" is a perfect explanation
Hi! I'm a daughter of a boys mom, and I can testify that this is exactly what's happening. While I'm being shamed and punished for the smallest mistakes I make, my brother is celebrated for the smallest effort he makes. Now that I moved out I constantly being guilt tripped for leaving bc "now there is noone who help in the house course." And when I tell my mom to teach the same skills to my brother as to me so he can help, she is like "but thats not a man job". My brother is 13, he can't clean, can't cook and unable to complete the smallest tasks bc my mom did everything for him.
Imagine being one of those daughters, old enough to use a phone and coming across your own mother’s tiktok account where she tells the world that she loves your brother more than you and that she cuts him slack when he treats you badly because of that fact. Imagine figuring that out on your own on accident after a period of who knows how long of feeling paranoia that you’re not enough for your own mother anymore.
even if they dont have an account, they see her making the videos. theyre even IN some of them. and no matter how much these moms lie to themselves about how “they understand its just a joke,” these little girls will remember being told they aren’t the favorite, no matter how many bs “its just a prank bro” excuses mom throws at them afterwards. shits sad
I'm sure they're going to notice it long before then. Seeing the videos will just confirm what they already know from living with her.
I'm Latina and my mom treats my brothers better than she treats me. I don't feel for my mother. I can't wait till she dies and I don't care if that sounds heartless. Don't treat your children like shit and then wonder why they want nothing to do with you. I won't even be at that funeral...
@@Jennifer.Selenaa Don't worry, she'll die one day, but you have to be independent and strong.
When I was a child, my mom used to tell me: " Oh, we all were so happy to know that we're having a girl, because you would be our little helper." Helper, this word put so my burden and pain in my heart because I actually often felt like I was born to be decoration, or last chance to fix their broken marriage, or caretaker in their senior years. But not a child to be loved. I was valued for my functions but not loved for who I am.
My mother's favoritism towards my brother went so far that she often blamed me that I take too much love from my father, so my brother doesn't get enough. So, to make things more "fare" she consciously loved my brother more.
Now, when I'm 22 and my brother is 32, I am the only person my parents put emotional labor of solving their marriage problems onto. Despite my brother being more mature and actually having family of his own. They never dear to bother him with any family troubles.
You deserve to not have to interact or think about your parents. That's a terrible way to treat you.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I wish you healing and peace of mind, honestly they don’t deserve you. Also, girl! I thought your brother was younger what was your mother talking about that’s crazy
Girl, get out of that emotional situation!!! As someone who has been in your shoes not that many years ago, I tell you what I would tell my 22-years-old-self: RUN. You are NOT responsible for the happiness of two adult people. You are NOT an outlet for their emotional pollution. You are a precious and valuable human being, a gemstone that does not exist to cater to the trauma of your parents. Please prioritize your own life and separate from anyone who causes you pain, they don’t deserve you. I am not trying to patronize you in any way, I just see so much of myself in you and I genuinely root for your happiness! Children like us can be happy and free, I am living confirmation. Cheers to you! 💙
Women are literally slaves.
This reminded me of another horrible line I heard some new moms say something like, "When you're pregnant with a girl, they steal your beauty and you get break-outs/rashes/wrinkles/etc." 😨
As the mom of a boy (and a girl) I find this SO weird. When I think about my son finding someone one day, which is rarely because he's not even two years old lol, I'm excited for him to experience that and for us to meet the person he ends up with. I feel the same way about my daughter getting married one day. So many boy moms told me "you'll be his first love" before I had my son and it sounded SO cringe and creepy.
And don't forget that some of them don't want their son to move because they can't take care of themselves, they can't cook their food and wash their clothes, god these people don't raise functional adults
I think there's an extent where recognizing that "you'll be his first love" is a beautiful AND dangerous thing. it's true of all kids and not just the heteronormative nonsense. Showing them how love is received and given is one of the most important lessons to show and making it this weird incest thing is just. ughughugh it's so scary I hate people sometimes
Do you love your daughter equally because my mom doesn't treat my younger brother like a baby she raised him to protect his sisters
@@roseknittingfuturelovely2234 absolutely. I can’t imagine NOT loving my kids equally. I grew up with a mom who clearly showed favoritism and I can’t imagine doing that to my children. Right now my son is 17 months and my daughter is 6, so they definitely have different needs at their current ages.
I really hate to see Freud winning
Every day since sophmore year in high school i've had to deal with this cursed knowledge.
I relate.
As a grad student in a counseling program you have no idea how hard I feel this.
I mean, broken clocks, right? :/
What, like the guy with that boys like mom thing going on? How is he winning please no
"he hits and punches his sisters and i think 'maybe he's just had a hard day'" shit like this is what leads to the 'boys will be boys' mentality. It's not because boys are actually inherently more inclined to misbehave, but because parents like this excuse behaviour that they wouldn't for thier girls. I have no doubt this mum probably doesn't have allow the same excuses if her girls hit the son.
Probably Scold And Blame Them For 'Attacking Her Poor, Sweet Boy.'
You're forgetting about genetics. Males are definitely more predisposed toward aggression. You won't find a study that looks into the matter and concludes otherwise. I've also recently read of a study finding that boys/men prefer to generally move around more and want more space than girls/women.
Sending love to all the amab children to boy moms who are actually trans girls. Because heaven knows how that’s gonna go.
Interestingly enough, the mom from the tik toks has a trans child. I think it's her second youngest daughter is transgender. She doesn't talk about it a lot in her videos but her husband (how I recognized the family) does videos with all the kids and talks about her being trans a ton. As I said in the comment i left , it makes me wonder if the emotions she felt when her daughter came out is making her hold onto her son so hard and being so obsessed with him being all boy.
@@maliacarey1460She treats her like her daughter which is good but that also means coming second to her son
@JoeSmoe-pj6pu why are you so obsessed with being a pile of shit...
@@maliacarey1460 ikr I saw her account and she seems very supportive too 😭. Add to that the fact that she sounded so self aware in that first video makes me think if this is all just rage bait
I am kinda the opposite, I'm transmasc and my mom LOVES that "I am a girl", she is kinda obsessed with the idea of having a girl since she was a kid and says all the time that she couldn't even imagine having a son instead of a daughter and how I am her little princess etc. For a while I actually felt bad for not being a girl and how she will be disappointed if she finds out
homophobes will be "concerned" (hateful) about gay men adopting sons but meanwhile there's straight women behaving this sorta way towards theirs. It absolutely disgusts me that some parents will treat their children differently based solely on what's in their pants. My mom had her share of issues but the stuff displayed in this video is so far removed from how she treated my brother and me that it's hard for me to really wrap my head around it. She definitely used us to fill the void she had because my birth father was an abuser who didn't love her but she would never stoop so low to get this specific kind of love from us. It was more like she used us as therapists lol. Sigmund Freud may have been a depraved hack job but even a broken clock is right twice a day. I hate that there's people that continue to prove him right about this sort of thing. I will say though that unlike how he explained it, it's not a natural aspect of human nature. It is 100% conditioned in us by extreme heteronormativity but it's still there and relevant for a lot of people all the same. I wish parents would raise children in a gender neutral way by default. Just let them pick and choose their hobbies and interests and self expression as they see fit based on what is around them rather than steering them into a specific box. Some parents should really just collect dolls.
Very well said! Could not agree more.
I completely agree. I hate the heteronormativity of society, and hate that depending on the sex of a child these parents are like: Alright! We have to raise them this specific way! Imo that's just furthering gender stereotypes, and we should just let children naturally gravitate to what they like, like you said. I don't think some people realize kids are smarter than they think when it comes to choosing what they like. That goes into being trans as well, kids know if they don't feel like a certain gender. But yeah, well said! I think you said all of my thoughts perfectly.
All of the above. As you said, good ol' mr. Freud that is still the backbone of many psyche-related science fields might have been a psych ward case of his own and used literal hard drugs as cures, but there is definitely some truth in his teachings. I've seen way too many parents that give birth to a child and after a few months or years want a refund like they bought a couch at Ikea and not a human being. More people should seriously collect rocks or anime figures than have a child.
I feel that. Some parents what only a certain gender, and then get mad at the gender they get. Also becoming so possessive over the opposite sex ones.
All valid points except for that thing about Sigmund Freud - sorry, but have you read Freud? It certainly sounds like you made up a strawman to attack.
Not everybody have to like his take on everything, there are different ways to approach human psyche, but I have yet never seen anyone online criticize anything he ACTUALLY said or thought.
6:22 - strongly agreed. That woman is raising that boy to be an abuser or a bully, and those poor girls are paying the price for it. If she doesn't stop this behavior now, I don't see a good ending for any of her kids.
Honestly at thet age ? He is as much of a victim . A lot of people pass emotional neglected as " letting boys be boys" and a lot of abusers grow up not only entitled but also neglected and emotionally isolated
and she's teaching those girls that in the future if a man's had a tough day and he's frustrated it's fine for him to hit and punch her. so sick
I don’t understand how neglect is correlated to men being abusers tho I was emotionally neglected and as a women I’ve never abused anyone.
@@ilana8153 just like anything to you with child development nothing is 100% . Most people who went through abuse will not grow up to be abusers . Most people who where neglected as kids won't grow up to be abusers. But emotional neglect does have a negative impact on children throughout their life and some of those negative impacts might unfortunately cause people to become abusive . In this example the child is not being taught how to communicate his needs healthfully . This child also isn't told how to make their own emotional situation better. Non of this is actually good form him even if he grows up to be a shit person .
@@ilana8153 Nnot everyone neglected will grow up to be an abuser, you are correct. But it does increase that risk. Like Gene said, the boy is not being taught how to communicate. But he is also not being tuaght the difference between right and wrong. If his actions are brushed off, then he learns that hitting others when he is upset is okay, when it really isn't. Not getting taught to deal with your feelings in a healthy maner is what stunts people's emotional growth.
I am a teenage daughter of a toxic boy mum. I live in the same room with my brother. When my mother comes in at night to hug my sibling and kiss him goodnight, she never bats an eye on me, she just leaves. Since I was little she always acted like I was her competition for dads attention. She always treated my brother as a better, more grateful child. I'm just gonna tell you- growing up I always felt unloved and I plan to leave my house and live on my own once I turn 16 and I'll be able to work.
Does your dad at least show you love and affection?
Does your dad see your mom doing any of this stuff?
24:00 everyone always says this mom is joking, but it doesn't matter. Throughout my whole childhood until I got hospitalized my mom would say she'd pick favorites based off what we did. Eventually I gave up because i hated having to earn her approval and love and having to compete with my brother so I started acting out. Apparently the favorites thing was a joke, but it didn't feel like it
You have to be clear if you're joking with children, and even then there's a line where they won't recognize it as a joke no matter what you say
Totally. My mum said her entire life that I must have been swapped at birth, that she couldn't possibly be my real mum, but that it was a joke... Now I'm an adult with anxiety and intimacy issues. Who's laughing now?
we once were getting pied at work, just shaving cream on a plate, as a little charity fundraiser during a halloween party (i work at the YMCA) - i was the first one pied and i called the kid "evil child number 1" - he was 6 and he laughed, so i was sure he knew i was joking. The second kid also chose to pie me, she was also 6, and i repeated my joke and said "evil child number 2", but she started crying and ended up having to pie her dad because she took me seriously, and i felt so bad 😫😫😫😫 - clarify your jokes people whether its something small like what i did or something bigger!!!
True my mom said she'll marry me off as a joke but I fail to understand where tf was the joke.
The sooner you give up chasing parental approval the better. Even if you manage to meet their expectations, it's never good enough. (Sorry this more or less turned into a vent)
Definitely not something someone should say, even as a joke, it can be devastating. I'm an only child, but growing up I was compared to my former best friend (who turned out to be an absolutely HIDEOUS excuse for a human being and hurt me very badly) and even after she showed her true colors my parents would still praise the things she did. It made me feel sick to hear them say these things after all that. So parents, just don't go comparing kids or playing favorites, it's not setting a healthy mindset.
imagine how the first mother would react if her son assaulted someone. like she would completely deny it and hurt the victim so much more in the process (im not saying that the kid will grow up to be a predator it’s just something that could happen especially if he isn’t taught that behavior isn’t okay)
Exactly, if she doesn’t do anything about him hitting his sisters he’s absolutely going to grow up thinking he’s allowed to do that
Case in point: Josh Duggar. The Duggar parents have bent their backs ten times over for that scum while letting their daughters down the whole time.
that’s exactly how it starts :(
I feel like there are basically two options for the sons of "boy moms": No contact or violent criminal.
This is one of the reasons why I really hope kids like that get other family members or teachers who can teach them the good morals that their parents refuse to teach.
The fact that she isn’t sad that her daughters will grow up to possibly marry a guy whose mom let hit people too..
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
@@razausman107they’re overprotective over their daughters cuz they treat women like shit themselves 💯
I really don't understand how much some people care about their childs sex
Boys are cooler
Me either
@Sine Nomine I can't stand parents that try to live vicariously through their children. My dad tried to get me to join the military because of it, something I have never been remotely interested in, and would be the literal last person to join. I'm an art major who is basically the living embodiment of "make art not war" but he kept pushing it. Eventually he gave up once I got into college, which he tried to stop me from doing.
@Sine Nomine Narcissesm. A second chance. They regret thier decisions and want to have a kid so they can rewrite the past. It completely ignores how a child isnot supposed to be a carbon copy of their parents. Most of the parents are too wrapped up in fantasy to care.
@@lindseyadams531 me neither
i would never argue for taking love and care away from a child but i have witnessed how extreme favoritism for boys ruins lives. i had a friend who had to go to a worse school because her brother didnt get in and she wasnt allowed to go anywhere else/anywhere better than him. it starts out cute but it leads to guys who in full sincerity expect their wives and girlfriends to be their new moms.
BROOOO a similar thing is happening to a friend rn her parents won't let her go to a bigger city where she wants to go to college but her older brother was able to live there mfg
Which leads to the creation of misogynists.
thats so sad omg
It’s rough to be an older brother with a toxic boy mom and also have a younger sister and see how she gets treated compared to you…there’s a lot there 😩
It’s good that you can recognize the difference between your treatment. Not a lot of people can.
At least u understand
Thank you for noticing. Just you understanding and being there for her is a massive help to your sister
I despise the notion that you have a boy because you needed true love or w.e and a daughter to have to grow up, like that makes it sound like having a daughter is a punishment.
"Sons are a blessing, daughters are a lesson" runs in my family. I was the first grandchild, but I have never been acknowledged as such. My little brother is the *real* first grandchild. I'm 5 years older.
a family member of mine posted this and it made me cringe. i don’t know if she realized she was indirectly saying my mom needed to “grow up” because she only had girls (me and my sister)
@Julie ugh I hate that 🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️ it really is disheartening that so many people have this mindset and it's why boys are treated so much better just in general. It's disgusting.
@grass tastes bad it also isn't even true like my mom had 2 girls before she had a boy I'm the oldest and she in no way "grew up" and fawned over my brother. He passed away at 2 months and she went down hill had 4 more kids to fill the void and currently has custody of 0. So it's always been weird to me that my family still thinks this way.
They never once stop to consider that the reason their girls are “difficult” is because they’re being raised by people who clearly don’t appreciate them 🙄
Holy shit this literally brought up repressed memories of my dad. I'm a trans masc so I was raised as a girl. I have a younger brother, one time we went on an elementary school trip and he forgot to put sunscreen on and got burned. I got grounded for that. Another time in high-school my brother punched me in the head and all he got was a "don't do that, bud"
you got grounded for something... your brotheerrrr diddd???????
@@voidquill it’s extremely common in cultures where sons are coddled and daughters are seen as little homemakers, you get barely half the rights and double the responsibilities.
@@YourMotherForReal yep i know but its still just so - Ima put it this way -delusional.
Parents expecting their daughters to act as mothers/caretakers of their brothers... Where were the teachers? You know, the actual ADULTS that were responsible for the kids?
So we live the same life??
As a person that grew up with two brothers, I can say that I do have resentment for my family believing in the "boys will be boys" thing 💀 while forcing me to grow up quickly and learn how to handle household chores.
To all girls/middle child out there, hope that some day we'll get to heal that childhood trauma of "just being there while the siblings gets attention". ❤🎉
Yeah. Since my teens I have had unrelenting depression that makes enjoying life a distant dream. I feel truly robbed of the few years of real joy I had as a child because of my upbringing, which massively differs from the freedom that my brothers experienced simply because I was born with a vagina. And no one else in my family has mental issues, so they still had the rest of their lives to freely enjoy to maximum capacity anyway.
my memory's messed up but one of the oldest memories I have is of my parents scolding and punishing me for doing something petty, once, something that my brother has been doing for a long while and they've been made aware of how upset it made me feel, I've cried multiple times about it. then everyone was surprised to learn that I let a group of guys bully me for years and never stood up for myself??? what exactly were you expecting?????
Sorry to hear you made that experience
@@fionafiona1146 what
@@lxmesoda fairly certain they meant had* not made*.
My mother was very much a toxic boy mom in the 90's. Too bad for her all three of us kids still abandoned her ass despite any favoritism. I made sure he was drinking his Respect Women juice as we grew up.
Hell yeah! Sucks you had to do that, but your brother is lucky to have a sibling like you looking out for him.
it is honestly really inspiring to know that you three stayed together. my brother is a lovely person and it’s totally not his fault he is favoured but it is so difficult not to resent him. he doesn’t even recognize how much he gets away with and that my mom ends up being upset with me instead. i think he is slightly narcissistic and extremely spoiled but he is such a genuinely good person that i feel awful for being so bitter
@@mr.bingusthecat it's a balancing act for sure! Very hard to learn to not be bitter towards a favored sibling. We all needed time away from each other to process after hitting adulthood. Now that we're in our 30's and each have an entire state to ourselves it's easier to talk, ask each other for things, and really value the times we're in physical proximity. Don't let crappy behavior by your parents rob you of your sibling. Find the way you need to process your childhood to assign any blame you feel you must and be honest with your brother when he's directly doing something that upsets you.
Whenever people say to childfree people that “at least I’ll have someone to take care of me when I’m old.”, I can’t help but laugh knowing they’re the ones who usually end up in retirement homes next to shit parents like this
@@mr.bingusthecatwhy does she get upset with you for the stuff he does?
I saw a boy mom destroy her whole family because her favorite son got married. She acted as if he cheated on her. Don't be like that.
I find it hilarious how boy moms are often like this, while every instance of a 'girl dad' that I've seen is just genuinely wholesome. And usually has some kind of story about the dad going against toxic masculinity to learn how to paint his daughter's nails, do his daughter's hair up in really cool hairstyles, or to just learn how to manage their own emotions so that they can teach their daughter how to.
Yeah, as much as I hate the need for it, the girl dad stuff is often cute and there to push back against harmful ideology. My dad has three daughters, and he loves being a girl dad. He's an amazing dad who never made me feel like I couldn't do something because I wasn't a boy or a man.
Now that you point it out, it IS weird. I guess it's just the millennia-old belief that boys are better than girls at play. Same thing when male streamers/entertainers are being regarded as more funny than female ones
Ehhhh. Girl dads can be equally creepy. Those are the "IF YOU HURT MY LITTLE PRINCESS I WILL GO JEFFREY DAHMER ON YOU" and "IF MY SON LOSES HIS VIRGINITY IT'S COOL, BUT IF MY DAUGHTER LOSES HERS, I WILL FIND THE BOY WHO SHE SLEPT WITH AND BREAK HIS NECK!!!!!" types of dudes
@@DwynTwo Honestly I thought that was more just a weird manifestation of toxic masculinity, since those dads seem convinced that their daughters can't protect themselves.
@@bluebird1914 It certainly is! But as far as I know, they do call themselves girl dads too
The worst thing about that first woman is that she KNOWS that the way she favours her son is wrong but does it anyway
She should instead teach him why it's wrong.
I also saw a really heartbreaking AITA post on reddit awhile ago about a mother wanting to LITERALLY send her 5 year old daughter to live with someone else because she got along with her son (who was like around 6 I think) a lot better for some reason and genuinely did not like her daughter. Can't for the life of me find it now but it just breaks my heart for these little girls who grow up knowing they are not as vauled as their brothers.
Ugh, I saw that, she was literally talking about her son like he was her HUSBAND it was DISGUSTING
Sigmund Freud is giggling in his grave and I hate it
Like a little Mama's Boy 🤢
Freud is the last person we should be proving right yet here we are.
Oh god no- we do not talk about that 💀💀💀
He’s kicking his feet a little I just know it
*giggling in his urn that somebody stole once lmao
favorititsm hurts the son too!! he's going to grow up not understanding why his sisters resent him, and he's going to feel like he has to live up to his mom's perception of him.
It will mostly hurt the women in his life , please stop with this “men are victims of their abuse too!!” bullshit that i always hear ppl spouting in order to deflects blame from male abusers.
Yeah it hurts the son, he's gonna grow up hated and unstable, bla bla bla...
If someones hurts physically, mentally, sexually someone else because "they were too spoiled as a child boohoohoo :(", I'm not gonna care about them. I'm gonna care about their victims
I've found that the favorite child generally doesn't even realize they're the favorite and their parents don't treat their other siblings the same, actually.
It will likely effect his sister's much more deeply, knowing your parents don't like you for whatever reason as much as your siblings and not knowing what you did to deserve it or trying to be perfect to be noticed but failing is a really unique kind of hurt that the sons of these "toxic boy moms" won't experience
@piyo piyo Nobody's deflecting the blame here and the victims obviously take priority in these situations, though it's still a very real consequence of something that can and should be prevented in the first place.
Very true. Not exactly the same, but the dynamic in this video kind of reminds me of Helga and Olga from Hey Arnold.
Helga was the black sheep of the family, essentially the daughter to a boy mom, while Olga was the golden child, the son to these boy moms.
What ended up happening was that Helga was a bully, very rough around the edges because she essentially had to take care of herself because her parents neglected her. And of course, major self-worth issues as well.
Meanwhile Olga not only had those same self-worth issues, but she became a perfectionist. I think there's even an episode where she has a full on panic attack because she got a B on a test instead of an A.
This video reminds me when I experienced the brunt of this first the first time. I was 6 and my little brother was 3-4. He was loud and attention-seeking, and would trample over my boundaries all of the time. It did not help that I have high functioning Asperger's. So I was super overwhelmed, and never had respect or space in my dysfunctional household (even if I did not have Asperger's i was always the scapegoat). My brother could run all over me, lick, kick, bite, spit on me, saying he had a "crush" on me and wanted to "marry me." This, even as a six year-old, really creeped me out, and being quiet/passive to get by only made it worse. It would get to the point where I would try to softly express my discomfort, I remember actively being reprimanded and guilt-tripped because, "He just loves you, he's so sweet and full of love and you just hate that!!" My parents would openly discuss in front of me how they were afraid I was going to end up like my mean failure of a step-cousin because having boundaries and being overstimulated to them was the epitome of "mean and miserable." They are still like this to this day. I am actively working on getting to a safe place to become estranged from them.
Toxic boy moms and over-protective girl dads are cut from the same horrible cloth :/
Unfortunately, I got both. I hate it. My brother is almost 12 and he still shared the same bed/room with my mom. My parents sleep in separate rooms.
@@parkchimmin7913 Sheeesh, I'm sorry dude. I hope you're able to break away from that toxic environment asap.
@@floofypoofy6721 Thanks. I’m hoping to find my own place some time in the future (hopefully by the time I get to law school, I might find a job in that field with a livable wage). I’m currently in college, so it’s not possible. Although, it might be hard to find animal friendly apartments/rentals (I have birds).
My mom is like this with my little brother.. I think his early autism diagnosis has much to do with it, but also all the internalized misogyny. She would refer to him as his "mini-husband" until I told her it really disturbed me, and she couldn't see why!!
Lol what?! Mini-husband feels mad concerning, I hope your talk broke through to her eventually!
She really couldn't see what was wrong with calling her own child her "mini husband"?? She does know what a husband is, right?
fyi when a son has autism, chances are the daughter/AFAB child has it too but has been ignored in favour of pandering to the son. you could look at signs of autism in women ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I've seen it happen a lot
I have no idea how some parents can call their kids their mini husband and _not_ see how weird that sounds 😅 Next they'll say we're weird for thinking it's weird.
@@20dabarr58 I am autistic, yes :D I had to seek the diagnosis myself last year. Thanks for noticing (? Hahaha
People really just film themselves admitting to child abuse
I feel complete and utter guilt for being born a girl, and I’ve never heard the same thing from a guy, and my guy friends don’t even understand it. My parents only wanted one kid, but I was born a girl, so they tried twice more and got two more girls. Unsurprisingly they ignored all of us for most of my childhood. I tried so hard to be like a son for them too.
Sexism is real, very real. I feel like men don’t understand the guilt some of us feel for being born women instead of men. And the guilt we feel for even being guilty.
I definitely have felt guilt about being a born a boy, but most of that comes from my experience as a trans man and not fulfilling the expectation of being a daughter etc when I simply wasn’t a girl and never was.
I’ve also heard stories from cis gay men who felt guilty for being born boys, because they knew that their perceived femininity and their love for other men would be accepted if they were a woman.
It’s interesting how different intersectionalities affect this.
"I tried to be like a son". I did the same thing for my mom. I tried emasculating myself so much, to be a provider for her because my mother has been struggling with addiction and it still wasn't enough. I was fighting so hard to earn emotional validation that I started feeling unfeminine and that messed with my self esteem. Because as I woman I wanted to be proud of my womanhood but my mom always seemed threatened by it (and so was the toxic men she had). So odd
But hope you are doing well! ✨✨👐🏼👐🏼
I relate, I sometimes wish that I’d been born a son and not a daughter as my father favourites my brother more and my mom (his ex-stepmom) did too… they let him have sleepovers when he was a teen but now my mom gets mad at me if I have sleepovers with my brother’s step-daughters
im a guy and my mother used to always say how she wished she had a girl growing up, so there are those of us here. it sucks both ways.
Let's not forget, daughters also exist for free labor! I'm AFAB, and my mother was a boy mom before the trend. It went back to when she was pregnant with me, and both of my parents thought it was raucously funny when he would punch her stomach because he didn't want me to be born (how do I know? because it was one of the stories they would tell about how cute my brother was when he was a kid. Sigh). My mother used me for free labor, and even with the seven year difference between us I was expected to make all of his lunches when we were both home from school. I did all of their laundry from the ages of 8 to 18 almost 19 (except my brother left finally when I was 16) and only stopped because I went to college, along with a bunch of other domestic tasks (another one of the things that I distinctly remember is having to vacuum the entire house mostly alone whenever my mother told me even though the vacuum was mostly taller than me, with occasional help from my father if he noticed the vacuum was about to fall on top of me. Fun times... and yeah, surprise... I don't really talk to them anymore).
@Sine Nomine no, my mother abused me because she didn't see me as equal in humanity as my brother. I'm never being with someone who can't take care of me if I fall ill. I don't want to raise babies; if dating and/or marrying a man means I have to baby him, then I'm happy to be single for the rest of my life. "modern women", of which I am not one, because I'm trans, simply don't want to have relationships with large babies. That's why so many men are upset these days about the expectations for them in dating; making money is no longer enough for them to be considered desirable in and of itself.
@Sine Nomine grown men who can’t take care of themselves need to go back to mommy to finish growing up. Weak.
@Sine Nomine My parents treat me like a "housewife" as they do nothing around the house.
@@sinenomine8772 Nothing less desirable than a man, who wants you to be their mommy.
@@sinenomine8772misogyny much?
my mum has a subtle favoritism over my brother. it was definitely easier for her to understand that my brother is stressed with school and wanted to go to therapy cuz it affected his mental health greatly. i did the same thing multiply times, telling and also hinting her that i have a hard time with school and its damaging my mental health greatly and in response she just compared my hardships with her and saying that she's more tired etc. really made me feel like that my exhaustion isn't deserved and that i shouldn't feel this way at all.
Oh I’m sorry hon. Just know that you are just as valuable as your bro. Take you time and be kind to yourself. One step at a time. Be gentle to yourself.
Don’t listen to her! She is having the same problems your having but won’t get it fixed. She’s a pick me and male centered
My mom acted like the tik tok mom. My sister and I ended up in abusive relationships and my brother has been been charged a few times with domestic violence/stalking. She is so confused why this would be since my dad wasn’t abusive. Seems pretty obvious to me.
Show her that video and that’ll answer her question
the way toxic boy moms are like "you dont know true love until you have a son 😊" as if 10% of all women killed by men weren't killed by their sons
I wonder if they’re talking about truly loving someone or being truly loved by someone. Bc the first is on them for not loving their daughters enough, and the second is on their parents for not loving them enough.
Moms that feel like this should go to therapy and work it out, instead of also making it a problem for their kids.
They literally breed with males who are either abusive or just lazy
W+f does that last line even mean dummy??
@@rolandpereira4161use context clues and your comprehension skills dummy
@@rolandpereira4161 of all women murdered by men, 10% of those men were the victim's sons.
i'm pointing out the irony of these 'toxic boymoms' saying how much more loving and better sons are, when sons are significantly more likely to murder and abuse their mothers. hope that helps!
i said it on another video but i’ll say it again: if your relationship with your son would make freud happy, reconsider
The videos of that mother calling the boy her favorite, shoving her daughters for content, and otherwise berating and belittling her daughters while putting her son on a pedestal actually had me tearing up. That is so sad. Those girls are going to feel that damage for ever.
Hearing the mom just say "he hits and punches his sisters, but maybe he's just had a hard day" is just UGH. I'm the youngest and my brothers got away with hitting me and even at one point choking me because "I provoked them" and I was the one with anger issues despite them breaking stuff and punching and kicking holes in the wall. Not to mention my friend was regularly hit by her younger brother and it affected her a lot where she would not want to be touched by him at all cause he was always so rough and aggressive, but her parents did nothing. The amount of parents that just let their amab children do that is so infuriating. I even talked to someone briefly online that was also hit by their brother. It's just pure misogyny and I'm so sick of it. How can anyone say that then say "maybe he's just having a hard day." No, ew, gross. It makes me so mad.
Edit: My brothers that are older than me got away with a LOT and I was told I had to deal with it "cause that's just how boys are." Then when I told my mom it made me feel worthless and even suicidal years later, she went "I had no idea it affected you so much." I know my brothers are also victims of abuse cause our parents especially our dad is so shitty and it's just so infuriating to know that it all could have been prevented if parents actually did their job. I hate gendered favoritism and I hate how differently I was treated for being afab and I hate how much sons can get away with just for being amab. Bad and toxic parents are one thing that just sets me off because children do not deserve that.
Yeah I really hate when parents excuse their kid physically harming someone as them having a bad day. That's an opportunity to teach them that having a bad day is *no excuse* to hurt someone. That kind of mentality is what leads kids to grow up being abusive partners/parents.
Im really sorry for what happened to you, and that phrase, "I had no idea It affected you so much" is an excuse my mother used a lot too. We never experienced such an extreme experience but, at the same time, ive always noticed the difference between us sisters and my brother. He got plenty of opportunities and never had to make chores, cause he was the prodigy in sports and kind of the future of our family, while the rest of us were just the little simple glirls
You sound really terfy. I love it.
that happened to me too. I was kicked, smacked, punched, and once chased with a hammer (not a toy hammer, a REAL hammer. if he was older he probably would've broken the door I was hiding behind.) for absolutely no reason and my family did jack shit because they didn't think it was that bad because he was so young. even though he had proven to them time and time again that he could inflict damage if he wanted to. even though I was a fucking child too. I am so tired of my trauma being dismissed simply because it was caused by a child.
I never realized that this was how my mother treated me and my brothers until now. My brothers and I have always had a strained relationship and im full of so much resentment towards them that I never really knew the cause of before this. thank you for this video
I have a toddler girl and from what I've seen from boy moms I'm so worried about her future if she chooses to marry and man. I'm so worried that she'll be abused or taken for granted. I hate the boy against girl mentality we should all be on the same team
I’m glad someone is saying “we need to stop this boy vs girl mentality”
Heck yeah.
well said
Just don't allow her to marry a man.
@@OzCroc Disagree, she can date or marry anyone as long as the person treated her right.
Edit: Grammar
I’m a cis male, and I have one cis male brother. My mom is what I would lovingly refer to as a “mother who has boys.” She taught us to be responsible, kind, well-adjusted, to love ourselves and others, all of the classic parenting lessons. She’s not perfect, no parent is, but I think she did a pretty good job with us. I also have an aunt, technically a family friend but functionally an aunt, who has five boys. She’s a boy mom. Her kids are spoiled and entitled. Lavish and expensive birthday parties where the kid was almost always crying over some stupid detail, yelling and trying to hit me and my brother when we were playing with the toys that they wanted to play with. It was one thing when we were playing at their house with their toys, but it even happened when they were at our house playing with our toys. The oldest one only recently grew out of being a brat and mellowed out to some degree, and he’s a high school junior. He’s lucky if you ask me, some of his brothers are getting close to that age and showing no signs of stopping. I remember being at their house one time when I was younger and hearing my aunt say “aren’t you scared for when they start dating and your babies start to get stolen from you” and my mom being like “hey what the fuck” and me also being like “hey what the fuck.” I was somewhat young but I still understood that a significant other and a parent hold incredibly different roles in a person’s life and I still remember thinking about how weird it was to act like a partner would “steal” a kid.
BS. This was written by a woman. Likely a toxic boy Mom.
My mom has 4 kids.
3 girls youngest is a boy.
She definitely favored him over the rest of us.
It painfully obvious.
I had assumed it was just because he was the youngest... You know ... The baby!
It was when I was around 10 or 11 when I started to get the feeling that it's not just that he's the youngest.
But that he's a boy...
Her tone, language, manorialisms and behavior was just VASTLY different.
She didn't just show him more attention and affection...
But it was the way wanted him to favor her too...
Even over one of us, her own daughters!
Like she was in competition with us over him....
She was also a VERY young teenage single mom rejected by her dad, my dad, and my brother's dad...
But my brother has NO CHOICE but to depend on her for everything so he COULDN'T reject her...
It was all so very toxic.
She's spent years in therapy to sort out her many issues with abandonment, codependency and the trauma from abuse and DV...
and I'm so proud of her, her progress, the work she's constantly doing, and the person she's become!
It's possible to recognize, work and change!
another layer of weirdness for the first mum is that her middle daughter is trans. imagine being that little girl and transitioning, only for your mum to start going on about how much she loves being a boy mum, and what kind of complex feelings that would bring up and how you might feel that your mum loves you less since you transitioned. that doesn’t even open the huge can of worms that is the fact that the father highly publicised and profited from his daughter’s transition. honestly that entire family is tragic and i feel very concerned for all four children.
I was looking for this comment! It’s so strange that she treats her daughters like that knowing everything
3:36 "he hits his sister and I tell them he's probably just having a bad day" OKAY COOL so the daughters will grow up thinking it's normal for men to hit them when they had a bad day🫠🫠🫠
Exactly
In primary school I was brutally attacked by an older boy. As in, bad enough that I had to go to the hospital. Plenty of witnesses. The principal and the teacher refused to punish the boy because he would have never done it if I had smiled at him more and he was just frustrated because he wanted me to like him and it would be too traumatic for him to receive a punishment. And then my father told me how much I had embarrassed him.
@@ttintagel so sorry that happened to you. ❤️🩹
@@ttintagel you should sue the school and the kid. Honestly, that's not the way people should treat each other.
@@ttintagel i am so so sorry that happened to you :-(
As the only 'daughter' in a family with four brothers this is freakily accurate. My mother has outright said that she wishes she could marry my brothers since they were BABIES. She also views me as a mini copy of herself to mold into who SHE wanted to be.
what the..
That- that’s just nasty
That is nasty 🤢🤮
My mom always thought me to stay away from men with mom like this. Thank you mom!
Good idea. Toxic boy moms would seem to view daughters-in-law as competition.
Same here. These women don't know that they are ruining their son's this way
I remember hearing about a study done years ago of women who had previously identified as feminist but later in like became anti-feminist, and the common thread between them was the turning point was when they had a son, and after seeing these videos, I se that not much has changed since then. :/ What the ever loving f--k.
wow, that sounds like a really disturbing study
@@emmao6578 Yeah, I wish I could remember who was behind it so I could look it up, but I heard about it on a podcast I was listening to while I was walking from work to the bus stop so I had no place to write it down and by the time I got home I simply forgot to take notes.
@@arklestudios that's actually so interesting
That makes so much sense! In many of the videos discussing feminist issues or misogny there's always so many women in the comments like "But my son would never.." or "when are we doing to start thinking about the well being of young boys in this society?"
This sounds so crazy to me because teaching my son concepts of social justice, including feminism, is one of the parts of parenting that I'm most looking forward to. Him developing his own little mind and learning that not everybody is treated equally, but he can be a force for good in the world.
I'm genuinely grateful that both my parents aren't toxic or have a favorite child. They see me and my two younger brothers as equally important.
But I did meet a toxic boy mom. My aunt.
During Intermediate School, I was here in the USA living with my grandmother, uncle and his two kids. We were perfectly fine until my aunt (my mom's and uncle's eldest sister) moved in with us. She had always favored one of my cousins for being a boy, while she didn't really give me and my other cousin (who is a female) the same amount of care or respect. She would call my cousin that he's "the love of her life", her "husband", etc. She says she hates men, yet favors him. And even after she FINALLY had a child who turned out to be a baby girl, she still favors my cousin. Thankfully he never let my aunt's "love" get to his head, he was always and my and his sister's side. But it was genuinely creepy.
Now, we all stay away from our aunt and genuinely do not appreciate her presence. All three of us know that she isn't a good person, a good aunt or a good mother.
Truly disgusting.
istg the "boy moms" are wild they terrify me
I swear these are the same mother's that says "I did everything for them why don't they talk to me anymore 😞"
I'm actually a daughter of one of those “boy moms” and it's absolutely horrifying.
They're borderline pedophilic sometimes it's fucked up. They have no idea want a mother and son relationship is supposed to be like.
They're the ones who show up to their sons' weddings wearing bridal gowns.
@@ttintagel or funeral clothes
Ig my mom kinda counts.
Prior to transitioning (mtf) she'd constantly go on tangents about how she's glad she had a boy, about how 'moms are just nicer to boys and meaner to girls', how women are 'naturally competitive', etc.
Shed use me as therapist, telling me the various fckd up things in her past, breaking down sobbing telling me im the only reason she's alive (after a fight where she'd call me stupid and or scream at me),
One time we were arguing in the kitchen and she came towards me with a knife. I flinched, and she started screaming and yelling and getting closer and closer. "WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO BE SCARED OF ME?!" she'd sceamed, but as I got more scared, she got more angry.
After I came out, she did the whole "i feel im losing my son" and "did you know how hard this is for ME" bs. She even pushed me into a more gender neutral nickname-i wanted to go by Lexi. She kept saying "are you SURE thats what you want??" And kept doing that until I went with Alex, the one she wanted.
Once she saw that I was venting about her behavior on my FB which id left open at her house. Instead of immediately changing profiles she snooped and messaged my cousin from my account calling me a liar.
She'd get into screaming fits if you disagreed with her long enough, and towards the end of our relationship, I advised my sibling to simple placate her when she starts yelling and shit. Ofc she started yelling and shit lmfao "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO TURN THEM AGAINST ME?!"-actual quote.
I stopped talking to her after she got straight up transphobic. I made the mistake of informing her of my horrific bottom dysphoria (had bottom surgery, thankfully freed of that), which she ofc used against me.
I told her "You can be a real bitch to me and (my sibling)." Mind you, she'd called me bitch, skank, asshole, bastard, prick, more I prolly forgot. Her response?
"Well I actually *have* periods, so."
That was the last straw for me. Shed pushed it so far before but that let me know she's just malicious and evil.
Shes done more shit but those come to mind first and foremost
i hope you’re out of that situation, im so sorry that happened to you x
also, from one alex to another, lexi is a wonderful new name. i sincerely hope your life gets better and is full of new and wonderful experiences
girrrrl i reeally hope you have moved far away from this hellhole of all kinds of horrible abuse and are just growing and doing better. im sorry you were born to her
"Naturally competitive" against your daughter wtfff 🤢
i’m so sorry that happened to you. that’s borderline horrific. sending you so much love 💕
I hope your out of that situation and I hope you have an amazing life. Also by any chance have you ever heard of thelexikitty cuz I think you should check her out.
My mom never considered herself a boy mom, seeing how she already had 5 girls but once my brothers were born there was definitely favoritism. I can still remember the day I was outside playing with my LPS and my brother(the little shit that he is) comes outside just to start pissing on all of my stuff. So I have to push him off my stuff multiple times cause he’d keep getting back up; long story short I tell my mom and I get in trouble for pushing my brother.
Seeing these boy moms always brings me right back to my childhood. Being told I’m not allowed to be sensitive but encouraging sensitivity in my brothers. Being told the world will treat me, as a girl, better than my brothers. That I’d just be handed everything for being a girl (which obviously wasn’t AT ALL true). Letting my brothers get away with more. My brothers could break out of their rooms at 3am (one of them did actually) and get off with little to no punishment, but I would throw a tantrum and get all of my electronics taken away for weeks. The way she would borderline verbally abuse me, but when my brothers called her stupid or an idiot in arguments she would laugh. I slept on a 20 year old mattress with a massive hole in the center of it, she bought both of my brothers, one of which is an adult with his own money, brand new mattresses and bed frames. I bought my bed frame and mattress myself.
It hurts everyday. And I can only imagine the pain these girls are feeling because I felt like my mom hated me at 8 years old. And she laughed in my face. I still feel like the least favorite because of her actions.
She would scream at me and beg me to move out while saying she hopes my brothers live with her forever.
She couldn’t understand why I felt like she hated me.
She didn’t even believe I had BPD until a man came into her life with BPD and all of the sudden “it made sense”. She never wanted to connect with me. And I resent her for it so much.
I'm sorry that you living that 😢😢I'm going through that, it's best to cut ties with them, she's not your mother and your siblings will only be useless when she's going , I've seen it many times and hopefully your siblings don't have a formal partner for them they will also suffer because of your mother
She only believed bdp because a man told her? Ohh she is a true pick me
When a daddy's girl with covert narcissism and a dislike of their mother grows up and becomes a mother, that's when you get a toxic boy mom.
That makes sense! Guess its a whole fucked up cycle
Omg you just described my mom, and she is a toxic boy mom.
Could you elaborate? (I don't mean in an argumentative sense like I'm disagreeing with you. Rather, I'm mostly unfamiliar with these topics and just curious to learn more about them.)
@@johnwalker1058 I'm extrapolating from my experience with my own mother. She didn't outright hate her mom, but she had a lot of disdain for her and thus developed the belief that "she's glad she never had daughters because daughters have weird relationships with their moms." Her Dad, on the other hand, she adored. And so she's glad she had boys, because as boys we remind her of her dad.
A mom with these traits on their own isn't necessarily a toxic boy mom, but this is where narcissism comes into play, because the mother sees their boy(s) as an extensions of herself and thus takes extreme pride and ownership over their positive traits and accomplishments. Their boy(s) are hers and no one else can have them. (I think the narcissism usually presents as covert, meaning passive/under the radar, but not necessarily).
This is assessment obviously doesn't always apply. People are complicated. But the number of likes indicates to me that there is a trend matching what I described.
Makes a lot of sense actually...
I’m only a girl mom but I just can’t understand not loving your daughters and wanting to give them all of your love and tell them every day how beautiful they are just to build them up.
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny
sons are like “hey mom? im three and have no experience with big feelings. what do i do about them?” and these moms just respond with “idk have you tried hitting women? its ok if you know them”
like,,, *h u h*
I'm not even 3 minutes in and tears in my eyes, I will always remember how my mother favored her sons over her daughters. Thanks for talking about this.
Boys are cooler
Dad favoured the girls?
@@LankyMofo he spoke more softly to us, but still expected that we wait on the boys/him so hard to say
@@LankyMofo probably not
the father also usually favors his sons
As a mom of a baby boy and a toddler girl…this behavior confuses and concerns me. Deeply. I want my KIDS to be happy PPL and whenever THEY get a partner, I hope they are an amazing person that also makes THEM happy. But…I didn’t even think about this until I saw this video. He’s a BAAAAAYBEEEEE and shes TWOOOOO. I love that my husband and I get to be my kids first loves…but I certainly don’t want to be their only loves. 😂 I want them to grow up productive and happy kiddos. It does make me sad that my grandparents were obsessed with my daughter and when my son was born…she seemed pushed aside and it breaks my heart bc my daughter is such an amazing, brilliant and creative little creature.
My mom viewed me as competition for my dad which was incredibly uncomfortable and only made it worse because she made me feel that way so I gravitated toward my dad more lol. I never felt like she loved me as a mom
These women hate themselves because they buy into the lies their shitty husbands tell them about women being lesser. So of course they hate their daughters, who they see as an extension of themselves. I look just like my mother and she critiqued me and my appearance how she critiques herself and it was brutal
ew competition?!
What the fuckkkkk☠️☠️
Wait why do i feel the same with my mom. When i was younger she would tell me not to come and sleep with them when i got nightmares as i was ruining their marriage. So she basically told me to deal with it somehow. She doesn’t do it anymore but I realized that maybe she viewed me as competition too…
@@britishningguang3933 you would be surprised by the amount of enablers that were mothers to incest and raped victims (we are not talking about mothers being dismissive to gross and chauvinistic "small" behaviors by male relatives because it will end up to almost every single mothers). And I had seen it with my own eyes and I still could not understand it.
I have an ex who legitimately thought that having "had a hard day" meant that it was my job to get screamed at so he could vent his anger. Not only that, I was expected to fight and scream back to assist his venting. He actually said that to me, and got more angry when I refused and ignored him. The first boy will probably grow up to be that guy
My last boyfriend’s mother is like this. The *extreme* levels of emotional incest was legitimately disturbing to witness. My ex is a very messed up person who treats women like objects to work out his severe mommy issues on and I blame his mom for being the origin point. I cannot begin to tell you how many things he would tell me about the relationship with his mother that made my stomach turn. She treated - no, TREATS bc it never stopped - him as a replacement for a partner from the day he was born. I mean this in every way you can imagine, yes, *that* way too. It was just so deeply disturbing. Even when he tried very hard to distance himself as an adult upon beginning to realize how unhealthy the relationship was, the sick grip she had on him is one he never really escaped.
Oh and she straight up told me, word for word, that *she* would “always be his first true love” like lady WHAT
@@alch3mystI FELT that. Once dated a guy whose mom relentlessly tried to get him to break up with me, had an insanely unhealthy attachment to him like you said, and even stooped so low as to spread rumors about me to her coworkers who didn’t know me. I was 15. She would show them pictures of me and accuse me of being a whore and other worse names, and in the same breath say I had a gay haircut and was just leading her son on. Given I did end up gay but I didn’t know that at the time and didn’t figure out I didn’t like men until recently, so it was really irrelevant. At the time my whole heart was in that relationship because this guy was one of my best friends at the time. The boy mom thing is insane and I fully believe it stems from the expectation of a girlfriend/wife to take care of men/act as a second mom, and some moms view the partner as competition bc of it. It’s so wild.
this is like the equivalent of dads who is "protective" of their daughters and have that whole "I'll kill you if you touch my daughter" thing going on. though that is also deeply rooted in misogyny since they are completely taking away their daughter's agency and say in the matter.
btw just wanted to say that you sing so well! your voice is lovely
I’d sit my child’s partner (male or female) down and tell them that as long as they respect my child, we’ll have a good relationship