I’m thankful that my step-dad sets a standard that if I do end up with a man, he has to be like him. Just yesterday, he spent the entire day cleaning the whole house before he has to go on a business trip for a couple days because my mom is having surgery soon and wants her to rest comfortably. He makes meals without being asked, gets her flowers whether there’s a reason or not, he’s just an overall functional person that realizes what a partnership means.
@ he really is! love him he’s a great guy, he even took me out to dinner when I was like 12-13 to ask me about if I was ok with him proposing to my mom like 😭
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
@@ville-c4u hey, I know you probably want people to rage from the shit you just said but know that rape isn't some harmless thing you can just joke about. Entire lives are destroyed. You have no fucking clue what the next person reading your comment has already suffered through.
As a grown man myself, I make it a point to bully any man I find doesn't do any cooking or cleaning. They are always the softest, most insecure babies. Trying to brag that you are incapable of doing the most basic things in life is going to make me point and laugh.
I left my fiancée over this crap, I was working in health care during covid, in a team that should've been 7 there were 2 JUST TWO of us. And at the end of my shift id come home to Mr "remotely working from home" to a destroyed house and no food cause he'd snack all day and get mad i "didn’t have anything ready for dinner" cause he ate it during the day WHILE I WAS AT WORK. LADIES 👏 WE👏 DESERVE 👏 BETTER 👏
@@ryniepan3038people in toxic relationships tend to excuse the bad stuff (cause yknow, it’s not *terribly* bad) until it all piles up and just explodes. The catalyst of this explosion was the pandemic. (Said from someone who has been in toxic relationships)
@@ryniepan3038 people (regardless of gender) can be very good at pretending to be everything someone wants in a partner and then dropping the mask when they get the person they're dating into a serious commitment. Like engagement, marriage, or children. They know most women/men don't want a giant toddler and/or complete ass so they hide their true selves.
I had a coworker once who mentioned that he sometimes deliberately messed up on tasks so he wouldn’t get asked to do them again. I shared with him that, growing up, my parents’ response to doing a task badly was “okay, so now you get to do it again until you do it correctly”.
Yep, I have a coworker who ignored specific instructions on purpose and just took all the shortcuts he could find for the past 8 months. Now the boss found out - and he has to reverse everything he did (again, 8 months!) and do it again correctly. This is a full grown man who should not need a baby sitter?!!? I cannot understand this kind of attitude. I fear he will not even learn anything from this, because he does not care.
25:33 saying "you said you liked cleaning" to someone who is recovering from giving birth is like walking up to a soccer player and being like "why arnt you playing? You said you love soccer" meanwhile both their legs are broken
If my husband sent me a video of my children crying with him mockingly crying back and with a caption "who let me have kids lol?" that's an instant divorce. Because what the fck, you don't let a baby cry with neglect like that! It's gonna mess them up in the future even if they don't remember it
"Who let me have kids?" You, sir. YOU let yourself have kids and then pawned the responsibility off on your wife, who has to swallow all the comments and dirty looks while you get credit for all the good things your kids do.
Ugh that's so nasty!!! Men like that act like babies just fall out of the sky and they have no control over it. How about use a condom or get a vasectomy if you're not capable of parenting your kids without acting like a child yourself?
Why do men wonder and act confused when their partner doesn’t wanna be intimate with them when they act like this. Thank god I’ve not experienced this because I’d be gone like a flash
Cus tons of men don't really care if a woman loves them, and sexual desire only comes from physical attraction, not the way women treat them. So they think it's the same for women, thinking physical attraction and love are different things for them. There's a reason guys have a "hate fuck", which is when they want to have sex with a woman who they hate or dislike as a person but find physically attractive
@ I know I hear about it all the time especially with watching some stuff online. I just think like surely they cannot be that dense to wonder why their partner doesn’t wanna do it when they are not helping around the house, or with kids if have any, not keeping up hygiene is one I’ve heard a lot and omg so gross absolutely not for me. There has to be balance in a relationship if everything is put on one person and you don’t even treat them nicely they of course they aren’t gunna wanna do that with you. I’m glad I’ve haven’t dealt with this myself but I have being in relationships I know if it went the long hall it would end up like this. I had one who wanted me to move in and talked about it after few dates saying he couldn’t wait till I move in to save on bills plus I love cooking and cleaning and he assumed I’d do all that for him but no thank you. Another never wanted to move out of his small parents home as he wanted to live there the rest of his life and I was just thinking like your parents aren’t that old how do you want to raise a family in a 2 bed house with your parents like no thank, next! I’m enjoying the single life atm I just can’t be chewed with men they tend to be only good for one thing and most of them can’t even manage that well 😂 Sorry that was such a ramble haha
@@Nicoleheartsbooks Yep (also, I love that we're both bookworms)! Luckily my man steps up and does his half of the cleaning and house stuff (except for cooking but he ALWAYS cleans up everything after dinner and is happy to take me out to dinner on nights I don't feel like cooking. We need to demand better of our men.
At my grocery they have little laminated sheets at every end cap with common items that you can check the aisle for that aren't on the above signage. It's also alphabetical which is super helpful for my social anxiety
That’s cool! I have the app for my grocery store and it’ll tell me the aisle number. Not always accurate of something is out of stock, but still helpful 99% of the time
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
I make detailed lists like that for my husband because of his social anxiety. We will make the list together and then I'll organize it in order of the store aisles, even for me. When he's taking the list, I'll try to add more detail, though. That gives us both a better chance of not missing anything and him a better chance to have a successful outing without his anxiety disorder taking over.
the last straw for me was after i was in hospital for 5 days with a kidney infection. He wouldn't come to visit me unless I paid for a taxi because he refused to get the bus, then when I got home he'd completely trashed the flat. i'd been discharged but i was still quite ill so resting in bed. I got hungry and asked him to make dinner and he brought me a cuppa soup 💀
HELL naw. i remember when i was maybe 12 and my mom came down very rapidly with kidney stones while we were visiting my aunt, and EVERY person in the house helped out. my 18 y/o cousin drove my mom to the hospital at like 8am. once my mom was discharged my sister and i were getting her water, helping her get to the bathroom, helping our aunt cook dinner, whatever we could do. we were TWELVE. if he can't even make a basic meal for you, he's less competent than two very scared and confused 12yo who took the city bus to school 3x a week 🤢
@minatomori1897 fr there was a lot more than this, but up until that moment I'd convinced myself that he'd take care of me like I took care of him if I needed it. He became an ex shortly after lol
I got very sick, two rounds of antibiotics sick and lost 17 lbs. I went days without seeing my husband. I had to walk on my injured foot that I wasn't supposed to and just grabbed crackers to eat because of course there wasn't any food bought either.
even at 17 i think my extremely messy and lazy boyfriend would be better than these men if we started living together. like this isn't just laziness, doing this just means you don't love or respect your partner.
@@eda6654 absolutely not trying to be a hater i'm sure he's a great guy! but listen to my old hag advice, or don't, but your "messy and lazy" boyfriend would absolutely not be better than these men, if he doesn't respect his own surroundings *he* lives in, he won't respect the shared space, it's easy to fall into these kinds of relationship traps such as weaponized incompetence like in the video, i'm sure these women all thought their boyfriend would be different when it's time to share a home!! discussing how you would divide up the housework or childcare duties is a super important discussion any couple should have long before moving in together!
As a 'Murican, yes, we have labeled signs for aisles, and navigating grocery stores is not a difficult task. I can also confirm that asking an employee at a store where something is located will not end the world.
My mother, for some reason, hates doing just that. She will walk in circles for twenty minutes before 'inconveniencing' anyone. I sneak off and ask while she's not looking and pretend to find it if they have it.
@@latentmemories1 They won’t ask an employee because they want to be macho and find it themselves but if their wife, girlfriend, or female relative is present then they automatically allocate all shopping to them so that they can go on mental standby and waddle around the store in a coma. The final straw for me as to why I refuse to go shopping with my dad under any circumstances was when he threw an epic fit because I refused to “find the tomatoes” for him and told him to look around for them himself. I was doing my own separate shopping that day and he was there doing his and mom’s shopping coincidently at the same time but just assumed because I happened to be there he could just check out of reality and I could do it all…... I wasn’t going to do it for him because I refuse to enable him like my mother does. We were in the produce section and the tomatoes were on a stand ten feet behind him, all he needed to do was turn around but I guess that was asking too much.
@@latentmemories1 some men for some reason think it’ll emasculate them if they have to ask where the sugar is I myself could care less if I don’t know something I just ask I don’t know everything and I don’t pretend to
When our kids were newborns, my husband only gave them back to me to feed them. He babywore them to clean and cook while I recuperated. He takes all four grocery shopping in order to give me time to myself. I couldn’t imagine being with any of the guys in this video.
Damn four?! Happy to hear that you have a happy relationship with your partner, but genuinely asking: are the kids quadruplets or just close together in age? Either way I'm glad he was taking care of both you AND your kids
5:57 Notice how, with the first couple, he played the “I can’t find the vegetables” card, clearly hoping for a free pass to go home. But I love her response-she offered to drive there herself and show him exactly where they were. Suddenly, like magic, he was able to find the vegetables. Wild. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
The second case is funny because the amount of work he dedicated to buying the flour was the same amount he would have expended buying the flowers. The only difference was that one path would lead to a happy day celebrating his mom's birthday, while the other would lead to divorce. And yet, he still chose to be a jerk to his wife. Serves him right. (He probably will now proceed to write angry texts on twitter complaining about feminism and "divorce culture").
I have a friend whose husband made a spreadsheet of all of their weekly- and monthly-buy supermarket items with the locations in the store. He did it for fun. And he was one of the sweetest men I’ve ever met. A true gem.
I’m autistic with support needs and I literally I saw not being able to handle small things like this as the sign I needed professional help, not that my partner needed to do more. It’s the entitlement that gets me
yes!!! adhd here, if i knew the *cause* of my endless procrastination and sensory issues i’dve owned up to them so fast. if i happen to find a situation annoying i leave and make it my own rather than other’s responsibility. simple as that.
18:51 as someone who was assaulted in my sleep by my partner, thank you so much for saying this. I rarely see this subject being spoken about, thank you for seeing me
There is really only 1 time where it is okay, and that is when it has been discussed, rules have been laid out, and safewords are involved (somno is a thing that people do, but it always, *always* involves consent). The kind of people that seem to think "we're together so that's an automatic 'yes' in consent" need to get themselves checked. Because even in a marriage, or any kind of situation really, a no is still a no, and should be respected as such.
I've heard "You just need to communicate your needs better" like no. That makes no difference, and gets you called a nag. All the emotional labor in the world won't matter with someone who just doesn't care and views you as a servant.
Lol I absolutely loathe when people say that because in situations like this it’s clear they’re not actually listening and just parroting basic concepts that they heard
If a woman doesn't tell her husband what he needs to do, she's told she has to communicate better, and then when she does she's often called controlling.
My son when he was in middle school tried that crap of not being able to load the dishwasher. We determined that he needed to learn how to do it properly, so he got dish duty for two weeks. Videos like this make me so mad at the crap women put up with and make me like my partner for doing the basics.
Weaponized incompetent irrites me so much because of 2 main reasons: 1. It is usually someone who is abled bodied who is just being lazy & childish so they want their spouse to be their parent instead of their partner. 2. It harms those of us who do have disabilities that do make certain tasks much harder if not impossible but we then get labled as "lazy" & have a much harder time getting accommodations we need especially when we have invisible disabilities
My hubby grew up the baby as a mess of kids where he wasn't allowed to do hardly anything, so now he tries to do EVERYTHING to prove he can and is perfectly capable of doing so. At first I got insulted that he thought I couldn't handle all these chores.... Then I realized what he was doing. So yeah... I got the opposite problem!
Thisss. I had a little of this, as the youngest kid who’s only job was take out recyclables or trash, mostly recyclables, then later compost. I’ve learned A LOT since then, including dishes from my first official job, and I’m glad. I felt so useless before and judged but anytime I asked what you do it was treated as a crime, especially by people who were parentafied as kids and had to overdo chores. We gotta teach kids basic life skills and make sure they know, for everyone’s sake. ❤
My parents are major control freaks so I wasn't allowed to clean anything other than my room because I couldn't "do it right." But when I went to college, I taught myself. It's literally self explanatory LOL
I had to learn how to clean regularly because I grew up sharing a space with my brother who was messy and didn't like me touching his stuff, so I effectively never had to clean. His place is still messier than mine.
I find that somehow Neurotypical able bodied men who can and should be doing stuff are just babied and their weaponized incompetence is dissmissed but disabled people and nuerodiverse people aren't given the time of day even if they need the help. I am autistic and I cannot tell you how many times that grocery list could have been useful for me bcuz I have been genuinely lost and confused at the store that I am not familiar with asking for help GENUINELY and called lazy and stupid, but the moment my mums ex/my ex father figure is sent with the list and instructions, and he comes back with bullshit we never even asked for and missing things we need, and he just gets away with it. Disappointing really. I still try and get the stuff but I get severly anxouise and scared in large crowds and kinda shut down.
Omg yes I'm MSN autistic & this is something I've complained about multiple times in the past! I didn't learn a lot of extremely basic early life skills until my 20s because my need to have someone hover over my shoulder and provide me with step-by-step instructions and constant feedback has always been perceived as weaponized incompetence. I often have to have my LSN friends teach me basic life skills because they're the only ones who don't punish me for being confused. Meanwhile, my brother (who is not NT, but is on ADHD meds) is nearly 30 still expects our 60 year old parents to cook his food, wash and fold his clothes, make his bed, clean his living space, remind him to bathe & groom himself, schedule appointments for him, etc. I'm substancially more disabled than he is, but am still somehow far more independent and have more life skills. Because I was punished for being disabled while he was rewarded for being lazy.
Yuuuuup i had a abusive ex who very much did this. Mind you he's probably ND but see he refused any other support except me doing it for him. Including things I knew he could do for himself but it was just "better" when i did them. And if I asked for us to do a list together because i have working memory issues he'd just reply," well you should just know what i like and want". It's not needing help necessarily everyone at one point had to learn or may need accomodations. It's the blatant refusal to not try and attempt wiggle out of a task. It's the rules for thee not for me of demanding help but never giving when they are capable of it.
Exactly! Weaponize incompetence hurts other people too. Some people such as disabled or neurodivergent people need more help. However, people who weaponize their incompetence lead others to think that anyone asking for more help is lazy or not being genuine.
These types are always trying to make us believe they're clever and logical and brilliant yet they get utterly flummoxed by food shopping. I do wonder how long they'd survive if we all just went on strike for a few years.
True lol! Imagine acting superior to women when you can't even go to the damn store or clean up after yourself. Those egotistical lazy men should feel genuinely embarrassed that they're one divorce away from living in a pigsty and eating takeout 24/7
They would survive just fine. That's the point, they're perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and choose not to, because they think it's their divine right to have a woman do everything for them. Doesn't help that there's plenty of women who put up with it.
Like, that's my dream partner right there! Courteous, gracious, funny, and organized! My ADHD-having ass loses track of stuff all the time and forgets layouts of places that would be amazing to have! I can imagine she'd have everything organized just right so it's easy to find things in the house
@nikicarrie4071 You shouldn't have had to experience childbirth to understand that man is being shitty. To get the full complete scope of it? Maybe. But I can't nor desire to have kids but can understand crystal clear that he's an absolute piece of shit.
I have a 6 month old, and that video has me 🔥 😠 😡 👿 😤 🤬 Like, really angry! Lol! My husband took care.of the house, or 3 dogs AND set up all the remaining baby things while I was in the hospital for 5 days with our 5 week premature newborn, all in between work and cycling to and from the hospital at least twice a day! He waited on me at home, hand and foot, for the first few weeks - cooking for me to make sure I ate enough to make milk for our son. He cared for the baby so I could bathe daily. He took care of the dogs. He didn't keep the house spotless, but he kept it neat enough, and kept the laundry and dishes up. Normally, I do most of those things, so he's not used to doing them and yes, I probably do them "better," but in this case, he jumped right in without having to even be asked and did a pretty great job! He's not perfect, but he did honestly try and did a dang good job of taking care of things so I could rest and recover while looking after our newborn! This video truly made me appreciate him even more!
i went to my bestie for NYE and when they went for a nap I cleaned the bathroom. Full thing - the toilet, the bathtub... everything... then I took out the trash and did the dishes. Just out of pure boredom. Their boyfriend sat there and played on his stupid phone.
This is my father. He's 87 years old and has always been like this. My mom is a saint. She had four kids, worked as a nurse, cooked, cleaned, and took care of us kids alone when he traveled for work. It's infuriating to me and my brothers.
Some of us become like our dads and some of us grow up to recognise how little he ever did for us and do the opposite. My older brother is 30, lives at home and my mom does everything for him and my dad while working full time. I moved out at 21 and am proudly independent, I look back on my childhood and see just how much my mom did for us and how little my dad did. She did all the parenting AND providing. I refuse to be anything like my dad.
When my boyfriend was at my place for the first time. He brought groceries, he cooked, turned my favorite show on for me and cleaned the kitchen while I watched it- having to search for everything in the kitchen because it was his first time there. He did it because „i should rest more“ we both worked that day. He even packed the rest of our food up for us to take the work the next day. LADIES DONT SETTLE FOR LESS.
my gf has a bad back and trauma around doing cleaning. I do 100% of the physical chores in our relationship. It feels nice to pamper my lady while she watches a show or plays a video game. Ladies, find yourself a guy that doesn't suck.
He did all of that while dating. As soon as we got married, that all stopped. And suddenly, he didn't know how to clean or be good in the bedroom anymore either. Kinda hard to "pick well" and "not settle for less" when they do shit like this.
Its so pathetic how some men wont do basic task general to life for their wives or kids but when they really want to do something like organise a whole "boys trip" or buy something they really want they can and will research and get it done Another example of if they really wanted to do something they actually will and can
For the "Flours" man that is the definition of weaponized incompetence. That is the weapon, the intentional part of it. If someone really just has no experience or their brain just misinterprets it isn't weaponised. Though it can become it if you refuse to try and learn, or find a way to help.
I’m fully neurodivergent and my executive functioning skills are horrible but damn dude I can put a CAN in a BOWL and then put that BOWL in the MICROWAVE. What is wrong with these guys?
I ended my relationship with my ex because he refused to learn how to cook for himself. I don’t mind cooking occasionally, but it became absurd when he relied on me for every meal. Every adult should be capable of feeding themselves-it's a basic life skill.
my mom didn't teach me how to cook or do laundry, because thats not a thing boys should do, but for some reason she taught me how to clean because she was such a compulsive neat freak that she wanted all of use to help clean to stay on top of it (cus she obviously couldn't ask my father for help). So when I got out she was shocked that I didn't seperate my whites from my colors when doing laundry. I said I was never taught so I'm just getting by how I could. Still never taught me. I learned what I could and when I met my gf she taught me cooking skills. I was legitimately happy to learn how to do it. Nowadays I do about 80% of our cooking because she is too tired after work (her job is more mentally draining and she has a bad back), plus she sucks ate baking so I'm the designated baker. I emplore all ladies to ask a potential suitor if he knows how to cook or grocery shop. It'll save you a lot of stress.
This… reminds me of my older brother. The other day, he asked me if I would make him some food and when I told him he can do it himself, dude looked me in the eyes and said “fine then, I just won’t eat” so I hit him with “starve then”
2:58 My gods. If I was going to a NEW store that is overstimulating for me, due to my sensory issues, this would help. But this is so freaking detailed, like just ask people who work there if you don’t know. Stuff moves all the time.
Shoutout to most large grocery stores having an app that shows a picture and describes the exact isle/section that the item is found in (and allows you to add notes)
one of my coworkers has been telling me about the whole saga of her best friend who just married a guy like this. he doesn’t work, but he STILL does all this same stuff. she’s asked him to cook and plan meals, but she’s lactose intolerant, and the occasional times he actually plans and cooks, he always uses lots of dairy. he made her bean and cheese burritos recently. every time I hear about him I’m like… this man is genuinely EVIL.
This is an adult person! With working eyes and hands and probably a job! How do they keep their job if they can't get how to push a button on a dishwasher or how to put shit into the dishwasher so the dishes wash properly... How are they able to survive in the world if they can't go to the grocery store, look around and find the shit that you need? Calling your partner because they "don't sell vegetables" at the fucking grocery store??? IT'S A GROCERY STORE!!!!
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE FLOWERS/FLOURS FUCKING HELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? "Go pick up flowers for your mother's birthday" AND HE BROUGHT FUCKING FLOUR????
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
It was bad enough, coming home from a night out for fun and dealing with the mess. But the worst was when I was inpatient battling sepsis. Came home to total destruction. Been single for 2.5 years now
I genuinely wonder how and if these men ever survived being single before they were married? I'm guessing they still had their mommy doing everything for them. I work full time, single and live alone and the idea of someone complaining because they have to go to the grocery store to grab one thing after work is insane.
As someone married to one of those guys, I can verify if his mom wasn't doing it, it wasn't getting done. When he was single and living with a roommate, the stories I've heard about how the house was trashed and they ate out every meal. 🙄
I'm just here to brag that after making multiple, obvious mistakes that resulted in my marriage I am leaving, I have found the literal man of my dreams and I feel like honestly he needs to raise his standards. I feel like I'm a walking red flag with how much my life is in shambles right now, and he is continuously so forgiving and patient. I haven't said it to him yet, but I love him. Truly. Edit: So I guess with this. There is someone out there for you, no matter how bad about yourself you feel. Just keep going :)
I also found my soul mate after getting divorced!! Please don't tell him to raise his standards or speak about yourself that way. He loves you and that's all that matters. Your past will always be with you but you can grow beyond it and become the person you've dreamt of becoming. Putting yourself down is going to perpetuate that cycle and keep you in that headspace. I wish you the best, you deserve a happy and healthy life!
Listening to you talking about your grocery store experiences and I have to say...sugar IS kept with the baked goods in our grocery store?? Because putting it anywhere else is bonkers?? Why is it with the tea in your grocery shop?? I'M SO CONFUSED 😂
A few places I go have sugar in both locations but there’s more in the baking aisle and just a single space for white cane sugar where there’s tea and coffee. But one place I go just combined the breakfast items and baking items in an aisle (it’s a very crammed supermarket)
I think it's a Europe thing tbh😂 Because tea and sugar, I would be surprised if honey was there too(honey is superior in tea or flower nectar if you're vegan!)💚
my mom works extremely hard every single day and shes the only one who cooks, cleans, does literally anything. i love my dad but he does not help her, at all. it breaks my heart, she does so much and i try to help as much as possible
Staff at grocery stores are extremely used to giving directions no need to call your partner .....🙄. This is from someone who very much has the ADHD grocery chaos problem. Just ask Once or twice maybe but if calling your partner is your go to that's a recipe for codependent patterns and it ain't the look.
The only time i call my partner at the store is if they want a specific type of thing and it's unavailable. That way I can pick a reasonable substitution. Calling cause you can't find something is crazy
Omg, yes. I hate grocery shopping with anyone else because I am very easily distracted and need more than .2 seconds to think sometimes. People get frustrated at me and just take over. You know who doesn't treat me like that? *The employees,* who are more than happy to quickly go "Oh, it's in [aisle I just checked] near [the one place I somehow overlooked."
Any "partner" who expects their significant other to clean anything but a baby's butt for the first two weeks postpartum (at LEAST) is not a partner. Dump him. You're better off doing it alone and calling a friend/family member when you need support.
As a manthing who is legitimately kind of incompetent, I am actively making an effort to not be one of *those* men. It's as easy as respectfully asking for help and LEARNING FOR NEXT TIME
Once had another mom berate me for not doing my 12 year old sons laundry. I had 4 kids and all of them start doing their own laundry at 12. Plus dishes and rotating cleaning the bathroom with me and other siblings. I told her "My son is going to make someone a Marvelous partner one day...is yours?" We need to be the change we want to see ladies. Stop raising your sons to be children. raise them to be MEN and good Partners.
I'm 44m and I've weaponized incompetence in the past and I've no easy excuse for it. Was I 100% aware of it? No. Was I more than 1% aware of it? Yes. I hate that I can't go back and correct mistakes that I've made.
20:15 deserves, "Dear, for some reason the dishes aren't getting cleaned properly. I think the dishwasher is broken! Can you call the shop for repair, please?" as a response. Then make him meet the dishwasher repair person and have him pay for a professional to explain to him what he did wrong. Nothing is going to change unless they feel the impact of their actions.
he would just blame it on you and feel satisfaction over it. He wouldn't get embarrassed. I can hear it now. "yeah, I have told her tons of times that this is not the right way, but she just keeps doing it" And then he would come to you with a smug look and tell you what he said.
@mandlerparr1 He knows he was the one to load the dishwasher like that. Him lying is only proof of his embarrassment. Not being embarrassed is high on his list of priorities - so much higher than how much you would care about your reputation with a random repair person. In fact, with a partner like that, it might not even make your list.
@kismetcaffet9862 a man that is already engaging in this behavior is not embarrassed by his failure. Because to him it is not failure, it's accomplishment. His goal is to not have to do the chore ever. He is not embarrassed by doing it wrong and he is not embarrassed about lying to the repair person. The only time he would feel embarrassed is if you video him doing it wrong and show people. But he will not internally feel embarrassed without public shaming. And if he gets enough men to back him up in his behavior he will stop feeling publicly embarrassed. Hence the large amount of men who brag about not doing chores correctly. They are not embarrassed by it. They are proud of it because they know it's a way to control women and that is their goal.
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
there was this old comedy movie called Mr Mom and i watched it wilth my mother alot growing up, i forget why but its a 80s comedy movie about the father of a family having to take care of the family, i remember being like 11 and seeing a scene where he goes grocery shopping, of course there is a scene where he gets uncomfortable shopping for feminine hygiene products which is childish but i get it, what baffled me at 11 was he gets confused picking out lunch meat at the deli, like how does this grown man not even know what goes on his sandwiches? my mom always thought that scene was hilarious.
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1976 when she was in her 30’s. He took excellent care of me and my sister, cooking dinner, taking us to school and picking us up from school to go see our mom in the hospital. All 3 of us pitched to keep the house picked up, laundry done. The day before she came home from the hospital, he laid for a cleaning company to come in and clean the house. They were married 60 years. I’m married to a wonderful husband. We shop together every week and he cooks every weekend. I had a great example, married a great one and gave birth to a son who knows how to clean, cook and be a human.
Your reactions to weaponized incompetence were what got me into your channel. I'm obsessive compulsive by nature, and a perfectionist who never does anything by half-measures. So you can imagine what it's like living with someone who weaponizes incompetence against me.
i’ll never understand the leaving the house dirty if mom/wife is sick… every single time my mom has ever gotten sick my dad has done the dishes/made dinner/vacuumed and lysol’d the house despite their tasks normally being split with her doing those things and him doing the outdoor upkeep and house maintenance…. cannot imagine how a household functions longterm like these videos. these poor women 🙁
I can’t explain why when I’m watching your video’s it always feels like catching up with a best friend-your energy and good vibes are so contagious, even through a screen! I can’t get enough!
I once had a fight with my ex over butter. We went grocery shopping together (I was paying for everything), we were in the dairy section and I commented how I wasn’t going to get butter until it’s on sale. Once we got to the self checkout I realized I did need butter for a recipe so I asked him to go back to grab some. A few minutes later he came back with becel plant butter, I sent him back and told him to get the store brand stuff. He came back with fancy $8 butter instead. He insisted there was no store brand butter, when I told him I saw a big bin of the store brand stuff only 10 minutes earlier he said “it must’ve all sold out cause it wasn’t there”. He refused to admit that he just wasn’t paying attention, he actually started to try to gaslight me about it. He’s my ex for a reason.
the biggest issue i have is that, if you love and care for someone, you should WANT to do these things for them. making their life easier in little ways is a way of showing you value their time and effort. i would feel so guilty watching my partner do everything and not even be able to give the bare minimum back
Damn, im neurodivergent and some types of cleaning are difficult fo me. I was constantly accused of doing things badly on purpose "so no one asks me to do it again", and i couldn't imagine it being a real thing because i really am trying just not succeeding, but here i see people actually doing exactly that
I would be drier than the Sahara if I had a 'boyfriend' who I had to treat more dependent than an actual child. Like, I think we underestimate how smart kids are. Especially pre-teens and teens. They can EASILY do chores, shop for groceries, etc.--because they have to. Their parents teach them, make them, or they figure it out through necessity. They're quick to piece things together and usually eager to figure things out themselves. One of the main reasons why I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my child just go everywhere by themselves is that they'd get easily snatched. Not because they're incapable.
I mean it feels like one sometimes, but I doubt men mean it the way I do (Executive dysfunction makes you turn things into fun games or else nothing gets done)
it's not even that bad. i have sensory difficulties and touching dirty dish water and dirty dishes in general gross me out because of wet food and germs, but you can just wear gloves. i also can't stand for very long because i have POTS and so i just pull up a chair and listen to music and load the dishwasher in a few minutes. if a disabled teenager with ADHD can load the dishwasher, so can a grown man. i can't imagine making excuses to just do nothing around the house because i hate not being productive ever. of course i want days to do nothing sometimes, but i can't imagine being that lazy 24/7.🎉
The woman kissing dude after he walked over the moped floor with shoes on is part of the problem. Enabling bad behaviour encourages it to continue. But she posted it as if this was a flex, like girl.... You should be embarrassed.
On the flipside, my boyfriend's ex was incompetent on purpose. He's still so surprised by me buying him gifts, picking up the tab, buying him thoughtful gifts, being able to cook, helping him out and being supportive, etc. Likewise he's the first and ever thoughtful and supportive partner I've ever had. It's sad how many losers we ALL come across, and we don't deserve that at all. Do better. You deserve better.
My parents are boomers. My Dad does stuff like that guy buying Flour instead of Flowers. My brother is not much better off. It's learned incompetence and being passive aggressive. They are still together but I think at this point it's because they both think they can't find anything better. I don't think either one of them are 'happy' in the marriage.
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
For me it's the fact that you cannot get a straight answer out of people, and I've given up. Honesty is just an unattainable goal. I'm waiting for robot companions, because I understand machines.
I also struggle with that with my boyfriend, because his mom absolutely does everything for him, his sister and his dad at home. My boyfriend will be like „can you do all the cooking, I don’t know how to salt water 🥺“ and even worse stuff and I do NOT put up with that sh*t. I know he learned it from his parents (at some point his mom was the sole bread winner (she’s a MD) and still did all the house work and cared for the kids while the dad played mobile games), but I‘m not enabling him to just be comfortable and to not learn how to care for himself. So long story short, we are two guys and it‘s sadly a „guys in society“ thing and not a „straight couples“ thing…
Overall, my partner is great. But for the grocery store i do mark what isle things are in on the list and appropriate replacements if an item is unavailable. They are autistic and have adhd. They are willing to do it when needed but they want to spend as little time in the store as possible to avoid a meltdown or panic attack. So im happy to put in a little extra effort for them to help them. I have only gotten a panicked call from them once since i started doing that for them because they were out of the item and the replacement i had suggested. I love my dork.
As an autistic person who nearly has a panic attack when the “correct” item isn’t in stock, that is genuinely so loving and accommodating of you to do and i bet that means the world to them. 😭❤ trying to choose a replacement item is one of my biggest panic triggers in stores, so my husband usually gives me suggestions too.
That's not weaponized incompetence, that is (and I say this in the most genuine way possible, as someone who also struggles with this) genuine incompetence. Some things are harder for some of us than others. And you are helping by bridging that gap and giving them competence. If that makes sense? Like sometimes we genuinely need a little help to get things done, whereas these assholes are just pretending they need a ton of help. I hope I worded this in a way that doesn't make it seem like I'm being mean.
One of my biggest problems with shopping is replacement items. If I'm shopping for myself? Easy peasy, I can do it. For anyone else? Absolutely not, what if I get the wrong thing and they hate it, or I ruin their dish, or they're allergic, etc, etc, etc. That plus grocery stores being overstimulating to the extreme for me makes me feel for your partner, and be very appreciative towards you.
I cant find anything in the supermarket because it seems like every 3 months they reorganize the shelves. one month the cereal and snack foods are on the same aisle, the next theyre 3 aisles apart. one week, baked beans are the same aisle as the other canned veggies, the next theyre over there with the ketchup and other condiments.
Yeah and? It takes at maximum 5 minutes to find it by yourself or you could walk up to a store associate and politely ask for said item, they usually know where it is
As a person who has worked in grocery stores, I assure you that we also don't understand why we have to reset everything so frequently. It feels like a complete waste of time. It's always to fit new product, but tbh most of the new product also seems unnecessary. Like how many different kinds of mayonnaise do people really need?
@@zenleeparadise the reason is mostly marketing people in corporate making stuff up to stoclholders about how to lanipulate the psycology of someone into impulse buying at certain areas in a store, it has nothing to do with any individual store and just trying to see what sells the most as placement is a very important factor in extra uneccesary spending
Yep. If I get sick...my house becomes really messy within a day. Granted, my husband works really long hours but it takes like 5 minutes to load the dishwasher and press start. It is literally the main issue in our marriage. I feel like I can't have a clean home if I don't do it myself. Don't even get me started on our adult children who live here....that's an entirely different conversation. It stinks to not be able to be sick for a couple of days without the housework falling completely behind and by the end of the illness you have no clean clothes left and not a single clean dish in the cabinet.
I know this sucks to hear, but your adult children have watched the dynamic between you and your husband their entire lives, and this is what they have learned. Unfortunately they have learned if dad doesn't do it, mom will. They will carry this into their own relationships until reality hits them. 😬 This is why sometimes keeping the family together for the sake of the kids is actually more harmful than good.
I remember i went away for almost a week when the kids were small. My EX stayed home and when I got back he was all "I don't get why you complain. I enjoyed being with them, we had fun!" Yeah, the kids were fine I guess.. but the house? Laundry? Keeping up with groceries? Ffs. He spent the week playing babysitter and left me with the cleaning and catching up with everything..
I feel so fortunate cause my husband's really good at grocery shopping. If he can't find something, he'll pull out his phone and look it up on the website to see what aisle and bay it's in. If it's a specialty item like feminine hygiene products, all I have to do is text him a picture and he'll figure it out. Ladies, it is possible to have a man that helps you. Raise your standards
I’m 19 and actually did not know how to load a dishwasher till I got with my partner…me and family never had a dishwasher so I had never used one so when we first got together I refused to use it I would hand wash them before but he showed me and now I use it 2!
Most store apps these days tell you where the store is located, operating hours, what products are in stock, AND where they’re located in the specific store you choose! I think it’s giant that you can make your grocery list in the app and it will even clip the coupons for you! There’s literally no excuse anymore, these men are just pathetic
Just a tip for people who are looking for something at a store but would rather not ask for help; you can go to their website, make sure the store is set to the exact one you are at, click the item and it will tell you which isle.
my dad was a absolute stoned burn out, had been sense desert storm, some how he still managed to work, clean, cook, and go shopping without hand holding.
When I went off to college aka uni, I could not BELIEVE the number of people who took their clothes down to the laundry room and just stared at the machines. I thought at first that maybe they were used to a front load washer instead of a top load or something so I offered to help, but literally all of them had just never even thought about how to do laundry ever. Like I had to give them detergent because they didn't know you needed to put anything in, it would just wash everything. I had been doing our family laundry since I was six, this blew my mind.
MULTIPLE MEN at my college/university take all their laundry back home with them and make their moms do it. One of them used to be my boyfriend, unfortunately. Also, many of the people here just put it on the WORST settings: they over-suds their clothes, they ruin their things with bleach, etc. My roommate copies all my settings bc I've never ruined anything in the wash lol
I'll tell you what my boss tells me when i overcompensate for colleagues not doing their job - she would call me and yell at me "this is not your topic anymore, move on, you're being controlling". Women need to also learn when to step back and leave those dishes dirty and only wash their own and if it gets crazy dirty, move out or on
I dealt with this for years. I once went four days without more than maybe 10 hours of sleep total. I begged for help. He stayed home but it was used against me. I stopped asking for help. Now that we're divorced, I still do it all but it's easier since I don't have a grown man's mess on top of it all. Leave those incompetent partners.
I work in retail and daily I swear I remind coworkers about using their eyes to find what they need while doing “go back items.” The item numbers can’t lie, so make sure you’re checking.. but my favorite way to remind them they’re capable, is to remind them “they got hired for a reason and they are capable.” I feel so seen and validated from this video! Thank you! 😅
It floors me how I can go to a friend's place and do something like do her dishes or mind her son for a bit or something and it gets praise like I came in throwing giant stacks of cash everywhere. It should not be this easy to impress someone.
People like you are a great inspiration to our youth. So glad to see the younger people take a passionate stance on their political views with such poignant relevance. Also grateful to have you as an ally😮 all the best my friend, pai to mahi
watching videos like this make me so thankful for my dad, because he has ALWAYS fought to be a present and good dad even when he was working long hours and commuting every day, and he always does everything he can to help my mom and make her life easier. i am so thankful that he broke the cycle he grew up in and is an amazing dad to my and my siblings.
The main issue with this is that it stems from a continuous cycle, women with their partners who don't do housework or don't do things right and women just accepting it and then taking control doing everything in the house, proceed to have children (more so male children) who witness this in the house and then proceed to reciprocate that behaviour with their partners and so on. I have the same issue with my partner, because of the environment he was brought up in and I've seen it first hand. We've sat down and spoke about it, I've pointed out the environment he was grown up in and he started to see what I'm saying and understand how that effects the relationship. He now makes conscious efforts to change, but it's not easy to change that bad habit when that's everything they've ever known, he has to rewire his brain in a sense.
So one time my mom and I “girl” are down with the flu after we got it from my brother and dad who couldn’t be bothered to distance themselves and stay out of the fridge and dishes like they were repeatedly asked, but anyway they were over it and we were out for the count. Both of them threw a fit when dinner, the clothes, and dishes weren’t done. First my dad asked mom to make him something and was told to shove it, so then he demands I make him something and do the dishes and is told to go to H3II and not act like a toddler for once and figure out how to do it himself. After a bit I crawl out of my cocoon because no one has the decency to get me water and medicine like was done for them when they were sick. I stumble to the kitchen to find my dad “unloading” the dishwasher. He would remove an item, then replace it with a dirty one from the sink, then remove another and replace it with another dirty item, while dirty sink water is dripping on everything clean and he obviously wasn’t washing his hands. I had to tell him to stop because that is disgusting and not how it should ever be done. Then I had to reload everything back in and restart the dishwasher while I was on the verge of passing out. I got gaslit like I was some sort of germfreak by him and his golden boy for the next month.
If your husband lets the house fall to pieces while you're sick for TWO DAYS, the only reason to kiss him once you're up and about, is if you're still contagious.
Every time when I see those fathers, I am just so glad that when my mother got a job far away, my dad just learned how to braid my hair before kindergarten & a bunch of other (not always obvious) stuff by himself It's so sad to see how people genuinely do not care enough to wonder about their partners' wellbeing. Please take care of yourselves yall :/
The flour guy is a textbook example of weaponized incompetence because it’s intentional behaviour. Incompetence in and of itself is not manipulative. I’ve met adults whose parents didn’t teach them to brush their tongue, that you’re meant to brush your teeth for a full two minutes, that you’re meant to separate lights, darks and colours when you do laundry, that you’re supposed to rinse your uncooked rice until it runs clear etc. It’s not your fault if your parents skip steps with you and unfortunately a lot of parents don’t bother to teach their sons how to do housework. He’s not automatically a jerk if you’re the first person to tell him something that you were taught at age 10. It’s how he reacts that matters. He should be like “WHAT!? Why didn’t anyone tell me!?” Then he should do it every time and not complain about it.
I’m thankful that my step-dad sets a standard that if I do end up with a man, he has to be like him.
Just yesterday, he spent the entire day cleaning the whole house before he has to go on a business trip for a couple days because my mom is having surgery soon and wants her to rest comfortably. He makes meals without being asked, gets her flowers whether there’s a reason or not, he’s just an overall functional person that realizes what a partnership means.
W stepdad
@ he really is! love him he’s a great guy, he even took me out to dinner when I was like 12-13 to ask me about if I was ok with him proposing to my mom like 😭
He truly is the dad that stepped up, holy shit what a king
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
No one cares
Reminder for the millionth time, these are GROWN men.
@@ville-c4u hey, I know you probably want people to rage from the shit you just said but know that rape isn't some harmless thing you can just joke about. Entire lives are destroyed. You have no fucking clue what the next person reading your comment has already suffered through.
These grown men make me groan man
@@ville-c4uwtf👀
As a grown man myself, I make it a point to bully any man I find doesn't do any cooking or cleaning. They are always the softest, most insecure babies. Trying to brag that you are incapable of doing the most basic things in life is going to make me point and laugh.
IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND NO ONE LISTENING TO ME 😭
I left my fiancée over this crap, I was working in health care during covid, in a team that should've been 7 there were 2 JUST TWO of us. And at the end of my shift id come home to Mr "remotely working from home" to a destroyed house and no food cause he'd snack all day and get mad i "didn’t have anything ready for dinner" cause he ate it during the day WHILE I WAS AT WORK.
LADIES 👏
WE👏
DESERVE 👏
BETTER 👏
I’m surprised he even made it to fiancée, surely he showed signs of this while you were dating?
good for you!!!
@@ryniepan3038people in toxic relationships tend to excuse the bad stuff (cause yknow, it’s not *terribly* bad) until it all piles up and just explodes. The catalyst of this explosion was the pandemic.
(Said from someone who has been in toxic relationships)
I'm glad you left him lmao
@@ryniepan3038 people (regardless of gender) can be very good at pretending to be everything someone wants in a partner and then dropping the mask when they get the person they're dating into a serious commitment. Like engagement, marriage, or children. They know most women/men don't want a giant toddler and/or complete ass so they hide their true selves.
I had a coworker once who mentioned that he sometimes deliberately messed up on tasks so he wouldn’t get asked to do them again. I shared with him that, growing up, my parents’ response to doing a task badly was “okay, so now you get to do it again until you do it correctly”.
I love that.
That's what my mother did.
And then that coworker laughed in your face and went on doing the same thing 😂 cool "story"
Yep, I have a coworker who ignored specific instructions on purpose and just took all the shortcuts he could find for the past 8 months. Now the boss found out - and he has to reverse everything he did (again, 8 months!) and do it again correctly. This is a full grown man who should not need a baby sitter?!!? I cannot understand this kind of attitude. I fear he will not even learn anything from this, because he does not care.
My parents too!!
25:33 saying "you said you liked cleaning" to someone who is recovering from giving birth is like walking up to a soccer player and being like "why arnt you playing? You said you love soccer" meanwhile both their legs are broken
If my husband sent me a video of my children crying with him mockingly crying back and with a caption "who let me have kids lol?" that's an instant divorce. Because what the fck, you don't let a baby cry with neglect like that! It's gonna mess them up in the future even if they don't remember it
Oh damn, the next one should be instantly divorced too
I DON'T CARE
"Who let me have kids?"
You, sir. YOU let yourself have kids and then pawned the responsibility off on your wife, who has to swallow all the comments and dirty looks while you get credit for all the good things your kids do.
Ugh that's so nasty!!! Men like that act like babies just fall out of the sky and they have no control over it. How about use a condom or get a vasectomy if you're not capable of parenting your kids without acting like a child yourself?
@@ville-c4uwhat
Why do men wonder and act confused when their partner doesn’t wanna be intimate with them when they act like this. Thank god I’ve not experienced this because I’d be gone like a flash
They act like children and act surprised when their partner isn’t interested in sex with a child
Cus tons of men don't really care if a woman loves them, and sexual desire only comes from physical attraction, not the way women treat them. So they think it's the same for women, thinking physical attraction and love are different things for them.
There's a reason guys have a "hate fuck", which is when they want to have sex with a woman who they hate or dislike as a person but find physically attractive
RIGHT?!?!? It's like "Why would I be sexually attracted to someone I have a mommy-son relationship with?"
@ I know I hear about it all the time especially with watching some stuff online. I just think like surely they cannot be that dense to wonder why their partner doesn’t wanna do it when they are not helping around the house, or with kids if have any, not keeping up hygiene is one I’ve heard a lot and omg so gross absolutely not for me. There has to be balance in a relationship if everything is put on one person and you don’t even treat them nicely they of course they aren’t gunna wanna do that with you. I’m glad I’ve haven’t dealt with this myself but I have being in relationships I know if it went the long hall it would end up like this.
I had one who wanted me to move in and talked about it after few dates saying he couldn’t wait till I move in to save on bills plus I love cooking and cleaning and he assumed I’d do all that for him but no thank you.
Another never wanted to move out of his small parents home as he wanted to live there the rest of his life and I was just thinking like your parents aren’t that old how do you want to raise a family in a 2 bed house with your parents like no thank, next!
I’m enjoying the single life atm I just can’t be chewed with men they tend to be only good for one thing and most of them can’t even manage that well 😂
Sorry that was such a ramble haha
@@Nicoleheartsbooks Yep (also, I love that we're both bookworms)! Luckily my man steps up and does his half of the cleaning and house stuff (except for cooking but he ALWAYS cleans up everything after dinner and is happy to take me out to dinner on nights I don't feel like cooking. We need to demand better of our men.
Simple standard: if your husband pretends not to be able to do something you can teach a little kid, he's not fit to be a husband.
At my grocery they have little laminated sheets at every end cap with common items that you can check the aisle for that aren't on the above signage. It's also alphabetical which is super helpful for my social anxiety
That is an exellent idea!
That’s cool!
I have the app for my grocery store and it’ll tell me the aisle number. Not always accurate of something is out of stock, but still helpful 99% of the time
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
I DONT CARE LOL
I make detailed lists like that for my husband because of his social anxiety. We will make the list together and then I'll organize it in order of the store aisles, even for me. When he's taking the list, I'll try to add more detail, though. That gives us both a better chance of not missing anything and him a better chance to have a successful outing without his anxiety disorder taking over.
the last straw for me was after i was in hospital for 5 days with a kidney infection. He wouldn't come to visit me unless I paid for a taxi because he refused to get the bus, then when I got home he'd completely trashed the flat. i'd been discharged but i was still quite ill so resting in bed. I got hungry and asked him to make dinner and he brought me a cuppa soup 💀
HELL naw. i remember when i was maybe 12 and my mom came down very rapidly with kidney stones while we were visiting my aunt, and EVERY person in the house helped out. my 18 y/o cousin drove my mom to the hospital at like 8am. once my mom was discharged my sister and i were getting her water, helping her get to the bathroom, helping our aunt cook dinner, whatever we could do. we were TWELVE. if he can't even make a basic meal for you, he's less competent than two very scared and confused 12yo who took the city bus to school 3x a week 🤢
@minatomori1897 fr there was a lot more than this, but up until that moment I'd convinced myself that he'd take care of me like I took care of him if I needed it. He became an ex shortly after lol
I got very sick, two rounds of antibiotics sick and lost 17 lbs. I went days without seeing my husband. I had to walk on my injured foot that I wasn't supposed to and just grabbed crackers to eat because of course there wasn't any food bought either.
And this crap is why I'm single.
At least I know why the apartment is trashed and nobody made me food
Man I'm pissed on your behalf now
Most videos of weaponized incompetence I seen, 9 out of 10 times I'm like "dump him. you deserve better! HE'S A CHILD! Take him back to his mother."
even at 17 i think my extremely messy and lazy boyfriend would be better than these men if we started living together. like this isn't just laziness, doing this just means you don't love or respect your partner.
IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND NO ONE LISTENING TO ME 😭
@@ville-c4uwhat happened bro😭
@@eda6654 absolutely not trying to be a hater i'm sure he's a great guy! but listen to my old hag advice, or don't, but your "messy and lazy" boyfriend would absolutely not be better than these men, if he doesn't respect his own surroundings *he* lives in, he won't respect the shared space, it's easy to fall into these kinds of relationship traps such as weaponized incompetence like in the video, i'm sure these women all thought their boyfriend would be different when it's time to share a home!! discussing how you would divide up the housework or childcare duties is a super important discussion any couple should have long before moving in together!
Ngl, many kids know better than this. 😂
As a 'Murican, yes, we have labeled signs for aisles, and navigating grocery stores is not a difficult task. I can also confirm that asking an employee at a store where something is located will not end the world.
For real. Even as someone who’s physically disabled and has a reading disability, it’s not bad. Asking for help is the best.m❤
My mother, for some reason, hates doing just that. She will walk in circles for twenty minutes before 'inconveniencing' anyone. I sneak off and ask while she's not looking and pretend to find it if they have it.
Men seem to rather die than ask an employee for help. I have social anxiety and I've learned to force myself! What's their excuse?
@@latentmemories1 They won’t ask an employee because they want to be macho and find it themselves but if their wife, girlfriend, or female relative is present then they automatically allocate all shopping to them so that they can go on mental standby and waddle around the store in a coma.
The final straw for me as to why I refuse to go shopping with my dad under any circumstances was when he threw an epic fit because I refused to “find the tomatoes” for him and told him to look around for them himself. I was doing my own separate shopping that day and he was there doing his and mom’s shopping coincidently at the same time but just assumed because I happened to be there he could just check out of reality and I could do it all…... I wasn’t going to do it for him because I refuse to enable him like my mother does. We were in the produce section and the tomatoes were on a stand ten feet behind him, all he needed to do was turn around but I guess that was asking too much.
@@latentmemories1 some men for some reason think it’ll emasculate them if they have to ask where the sugar is I myself could care less if I don’t know something I just ask I don’t know everything and I don’t pretend to
When our kids were newborns, my husband only gave them back to me to feed them. He babywore them to clean and cook while I recuperated. He takes all four grocery shopping in order to give me time to myself. I couldn’t imagine being with any of the guys in this video.
Damn four?!
Happy to hear that you have a happy relationship with your partner, but genuinely asking: are the kids quadruplets or just close together in age?
Either way I'm glad he was taking care of both you AND your kids
5:57 Notice how, with the first couple, he played the “I can’t find the vegetables” card, clearly hoping for a free pass to go home. But I love her response-she offered to drive there herself and show him exactly where they were. Suddenly, like magic, he was able to find the vegetables. Wild. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
The second case is funny because the amount of work he dedicated to buying the flour was the same amount he would have expended buying the flowers. The only difference was that one path would lead to a happy day celebrating his mom's birthday, while the other would lead to divorce. And yet, he still chose to be a jerk to his wife. Serves him right. (He probably will now proceed to write angry texts on twitter complaining about feminism and "divorce culture").
Arguably MORE work, actually! He got 2 *big* bags of flour; that's 20 pounds! 20 lbs of flour compared to maybe 1 lb of flowers.
Even me, as early as 11, would be sent to the grocery store to get things for my parents. If a pre teen can do it, a fully grown man can do it 🙄
Imagine thinking it's okay to have a literal child go to the store for you ☠️
Fr
My exact thoughts! I’m a minor under 16, and even I could navigate a grocery store without calling anyone 😭
I have a friend whose husband made a spreadsheet of all of their weekly- and monthly-buy supermarket items with the locations in the store. He did it for fun. And he was one of the sweetest men I’ve ever met. A true gem.
Was?
I was thinking it is possible the first woman just has that kind of brain. Now that he still needed help... 🤦
@@iloveplasticbottles Yes, he passed away 4 years ago.
I’m autistic with support needs and I literally I saw not being able to handle small things like this as the sign I needed professional help, not that my partner needed to do more.
It’s the entitlement that gets me
yes!!! adhd here, if i knew the *cause* of my endless procrastination and sensory issues i’dve owned up to them so fast. if i happen to find a situation annoying i leave and make it my own rather than other’s responsibility. simple as that.
18:51 as someone who was assaulted in my sleep by my partner, thank you so much for saying this. I rarely see this subject being spoken about, thank you for seeing me
This. Im so sorry you went through this, this is something deeply horrifying and is exactly why I sleep with a dagger.
I'm sorry you had to experience this, when it happened to me nobody understood how violated I felt
I’m so sorry that you went through this. I hope you’re doing well after that. Nobody should have to experience something like this🫂🫂🫂🫂
There is really only 1 time where it is okay, and that is when it has been discussed, rules have been laid out, and safewords are involved (somno is a thing that people do, but it always, *always* involves consent).
The kind of people that seem to think "we're together so that's an automatic 'yes' in consent" need to get themselves checked.
Because even in a marriage, or any kind of situation really, a no is still a no, and should be respected as such.
IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND NO ONE LISTENING TO ME 😭
I've heard "You just need to communicate your needs better" like no. That makes no difference, and gets you called a nag. All the emotional labor in the world won't matter with someone who just doesn't care and views you as a servant.
Lol I absolutely loathe when people say that because in situations like this it’s clear they’re not actually listening and just parroting basic concepts that they heard
It's not black and white, but I feel like that these tips are often more along the lines of victim blaming.
If a woman doesn't tell her husband what he needs to do, she's told she has to communicate better, and then when she does she's often called controlling.
They always put the onus on us, and I'm very very tired of it.
The putting the flour in the middle of the table is ICONIC
My son when he was in middle school tried that crap of not being able to load the dishwasher. We determined that he needed to learn how to do it properly, so he got dish duty for two weeks. Videos like this make me so mad at the crap women put up with and make me like my partner for doing the basics.
Weaponized incompetent irrites me so much because of 2 main reasons: 1. It is usually someone who is abled bodied who is just being lazy & childish so they want their spouse to be their parent instead of their partner. 2. It harms those of us who do have disabilities that do make certain tasks much harder if not impossible but we then get labled as "lazy" & have a much harder time getting accommodations we need especially when we have invisible disabilities
My hubby grew up the baby as a mess of kids where he wasn't allowed to do hardly anything, so now he tries to do EVERYTHING to prove he can and is perfectly capable of doing so. At first I got insulted that he thought I couldn't handle all these chores.... Then I realized what he was doing. So yeah... I got the opposite problem!
Thisss. I had a little of this, as the youngest kid who’s only job was take out recyclables or trash, mostly recyclables, then later compost. I’ve learned A LOT since then, including dishes from my first official job, and I’m glad. I felt so useless before and judged but anytime I asked what you do it was treated as a crime, especially by people who were parentafied as kids and had to overdo chores.
We gotta teach kids basic life skills and make sure they know, for everyone’s sake. ❤
My parents are major control freaks so I wasn't allowed to clean anything other than my room because I couldn't "do it right." But when I went to college, I taught myself. It's literally self explanatory LOL
IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND NO ONE LISTENING TO ME 😭
I had to learn how to clean regularly because I grew up sharing a space with my brother who was messy and didn't like me touching his stuff, so I effectively never had to clean.
His place is still messier than mine.
I find that somehow Neurotypical able bodied men who can and should be doing stuff are just babied and their weaponized incompetence is dissmissed but disabled people and nuerodiverse people aren't given the time of day even if they need the help. I am autistic and I cannot tell you how many times that grocery list could have been useful for me bcuz I have been genuinely lost and confused at the store that I am not familiar with asking for help GENUINELY and called lazy and stupid, but the moment my mums ex/my ex father figure is sent with the list and instructions, and he comes back with bullshit we never even asked for and missing things we need, and he just gets away with it. Disappointing really. I still try and get the stuff but I get severly anxouise and scared in large crowds and kinda shut down.
Omg yes I'm MSN autistic & this is something I've complained about multiple times in the past!
I didn't learn a lot of extremely basic early life skills until my 20s because my need to have someone hover over my shoulder and provide me with step-by-step instructions and constant feedback has always been perceived as weaponized incompetence. I often have to have my LSN friends teach me basic life skills because they're the only ones who don't punish me for being confused.
Meanwhile, my brother (who is not NT, but is on ADHD meds) is nearly 30 still expects our 60 year old parents to cook his food, wash and fold his clothes, make his bed, clean his living space, remind him to bathe & groom himself, schedule appointments for him, etc.
I'm substancially more disabled than he is, but am still somehow far more independent and have more life skills. Because I was punished for being disabled while he was rewarded for being lazy.
Yea same but with my dad :( it really upsets me
Privilege comes with the privilege of being given the benefit of the doubt
Yuuuuup i had a abusive ex who very much did this. Mind you he's probably ND but see he refused any other support except me doing it for him. Including things I knew he could do for himself but it was just "better" when i did them. And if I asked for us to do a list together because i have working memory issues he'd just reply," well you should just know what i like and want". It's not needing help necessarily everyone at one point had to learn or may need accomodations. It's the blatant refusal to not try and attempt wiggle out of a task. It's the rules for thee not for me of demanding help but never giving when they are capable of it.
Exactly! Weaponize incompetence hurts other people too. Some people such as disabled or neurodivergent people need more help. However, people who weaponize their incompetence lead others to think that anyone asking for more help is lazy or not being genuine.
These types are always trying to make us believe they're clever and logical and brilliant yet they get utterly flummoxed by food shopping. I do wonder how long they'd survive if we all just went on strike for a few years.
True lol! Imagine acting superior to women when you can't even go to the damn store or clean up after yourself. Those egotistical lazy men should feel genuinely embarrassed that they're one divorce away from living in a pigsty and eating takeout 24/7
Oh that's easy, we like living in messy apartments and we just walk into grocery stores and get whatever strikes our fancy
@@Nerobyrne No you don't. If you liked living in messy apartments, you wouldn't b!tch at your partner for not cleaning.
@@Nerobyrne my dude are you saying you weaponize incompetence and live in filth hoping to rope a woman in to be your maid? 🧐
They would survive just fine. That's the point, they're perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and choose not to, because they think it's their divine right to have a woman do everything for them. Doesn't help that there's plenty of women who put up with it.
4:40 With a list THAT extensive…he should not need to call. And if it’s off, go ask someone who works there.
Like, that's my dream partner right there! Courteous, gracious, funny, and organized! My ADHD-having ass loses track of stuff all the time and forgets layouts of places that would be amazing to have! I can imagine she'd have everything organized just right so it's easy to find things in the house
My list would be like milk, cheese, bread, carrots. What he brings home we would eat.
The lack of understanding how much a new baby is just survival mode. Then being like “why haven’t you cleaned?”
Nobody understands this unless you’ve been a mother 👩
@@nikicarrie4071With the amount of women dying in childbirth, you can include the widower husbands.
@nikicarrie4071 You shouldn't have had to experience childbirth to understand that man is being shitty. To get the full complete scope of it? Maybe. But I can't nor desire to have kids but can understand crystal clear that he's an absolute piece of shit.
tbh babies aren’t even in survival mode, they’re in “how many ways can i hurt or end myself” mode
I have a 6 month old, and that video has me 🔥 😠 😡 👿 😤 🤬 Like, really angry! Lol! My husband took care.of the house, or 3 dogs AND set up all the remaining baby things while I was in the hospital for 5 days with our 5 week premature newborn, all in between work and cycling to and from the hospital at least twice a day! He waited on me at home, hand and foot, for the first few weeks - cooking for me to make sure I ate enough to make milk for our son. He cared for the baby so I could bathe daily. He took care of the dogs. He didn't keep the house spotless, but he kept it neat enough, and kept the laundry and dishes up. Normally, I do most of those things, so he's not used to doing them and yes, I probably do them "better," but in this case, he jumped right in without having to even be asked and did a pretty great job! He's not perfect, but he did honestly try and did a dang good job of taking care of things so I could rest and recover while looking after our newborn! This video truly made me appreciate him even more!
i went to my bestie for NYE and when they went for a nap I cleaned the bathroom. Full thing - the toilet, the bathtub... everything... then I took out the trash and did the dishes. Just out of pure boredom. Their boyfriend sat there and played on his stupid phone.
I am sorry, but if you did that at my house, I would not invite you again! I would be so embarased!
I DON'T CARE
IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND NO ONE LISTENING TO ME 😭
@joeisafreakk this inspires me to spontaneously clean my friends' room now thank u
@@ville-c4u that's relatable but I don't think random TH-cam comments are a good place for that bestie...
This is my father. He's 87 years old and has always been like this. My mom is a saint. She had four kids, worked as a nurse, cooked, cleaned, and took care of us kids alone when he traveled for work. It's infuriating to me and my brothers.
saint isn't the word id use. more like doormat?
saint isn't the word id use. more like doormat?
Some of us become like our dads and some of us grow up to recognise how little he ever did for us and do the opposite. My older brother is 30, lives at home and my mom does everything for him and my dad while working full time. I moved out at 21 and am proudly independent, I look back on my childhood and see just how much my mom did for us and how little my dad did. She did all the parenting AND providing. I refuse to be anything like my dad.
Your mom isn't a saint, she's a doormat just like my mom is. It's so damaging to a child to be raised in an environment like that.
When my boyfriend was at my place for the first time. He brought groceries, he cooked, turned my favorite show on for me and cleaned the kitchen while I watched it- having to search for everything in the kitchen because it was his first time there. He did it because „i should rest more“ we both worked that day.
He even packed the rest of our food up for us to take the work the next day.
LADIES DONT SETTLE FOR LESS.
my gf has a bad back and trauma around doing cleaning. I do 100% of the physical chores in our relationship. It feels nice to pamper my lady while she watches a show or plays a video game.
Ladies, find yourself a guy that doesn't suck.
He did all of that while dating. As soon as we got married, that all stopped. And suddenly, he didn't know how to clean or be good in the bedroom anymore either. Kinda hard to "pick well" and "not settle for less" when they do shit like this.
Its so pathetic how some men wont do basic task general to life for their wives or kids but when they really want to do something like organise a whole "boys trip" or buy something they really want they can and will research and get it done
Another example of if they really wanted to do something they actually will and can
For the "Flours" man that is the definition of weaponized incompetence. That is the weapon, the intentional part of it. If someone really just has no experience or their brain just misinterprets it isn't weaponised. Though it can become it if you refuse to try and learn, or find a way to help.
*flowers
@07Flash11MRC did you listen to the story? I intentionally put flours because that was how he chose to interpret the obvious request for flowers.
@@trinitybernhardt9944 fr. And the flowers are also for his OWN MOTHER!!! It seems that he isn't love his gf and even his mom 😢
I’m fully neurodivergent and my executive functioning skills are horrible but damn dude I can put a CAN in a BOWL and then put that BOWL in the MICROWAVE. What is wrong with these guys?
I ended my relationship with my ex because he refused to learn how to cook for himself. I don’t mind cooking occasionally, but it became absurd when he relied on me for every meal. Every adult should be capable of feeding themselves-it's a basic life skill.
my mom didn't teach me how to cook or do laundry, because thats not a thing boys should do, but for some reason she taught me how to clean because she was such a compulsive neat freak that she wanted all of use to help clean to stay on top of it (cus she obviously couldn't ask my father for help). So when I got out she was shocked that I didn't seperate my whites from my colors when doing laundry. I said I was never taught so I'm just getting by how I could. Still never taught me. I learned what I could and when I met my gf she taught me cooking skills. I was legitimately happy to learn how to do it. Nowadays I do about 80% of our cooking because she is too tired after work (her job is more mentally draining and she has a bad back), plus she sucks ate baking so I'm the designated baker.
I emplore all ladies to ask a potential suitor if he knows how to cook or grocery shop. It'll save you a lot of stress.
This… reminds me of my older brother. The other day, he asked me if I would make him some food and when I told him he can do it himself, dude looked me in the eyes and said “fine then, I just won’t eat” so I hit him with “starve then”
Iconic
2:58 My gods. If I was going to a NEW store that is overstimulating for me, due to my sensory issues, this would help. But this is so freaking detailed, like just ask people who work there if you don’t know. Stuff moves all the time.
Shoutout to most large grocery stores having an app that shows a picture and describes the exact isle/section that the item is found in (and allows you to add notes)
The way flowers are usually closer to the door than baking flour
That's such a good point, his anger led him ASTRAY
one of my coworkers has been telling me about the whole saga of her best friend who just married a guy like this. he doesn’t work, but he STILL does all this same stuff. she’s asked him to cook and plan meals, but she’s lactose intolerant, and the occasional times he actually plans and cooks, he always uses lots of dairy. he made her bean and cheese burritos recently. every time I hear about him I’m like… this man is genuinely EVIL.
Divorce divorce
This is an adult person! With working eyes and hands and probably a job! How do they keep their job if they can't get how to push a button on a dishwasher or how to put shit into the dishwasher so the dishes wash properly... How are they able to survive in the world if they can't go to the grocery store, look around and find the shit that you need?
Calling your partner because they "don't sell vegetables" at the fucking grocery store??? IT'S A GROCERY STORE!!!!
To be clear for people who need to hear it: They can get how to push a button or put things in a dishwasher. They are choosing not to so you do it.
DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE FLOWERS/FLOURS FUCKING HELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN!? "Go pick up flowers for your mother's birthday" AND HE BROUGHT FUCKING FLOUR????
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
I think about this EVERYDAY
@ville-c4u why do you reply to shit you don't care about tho?
id feel so dumb and embarassed if someone had to do that kind of list for me.
And then STILL not being able to find it! Ffs!
It was bad enough, coming home from a night out for fun and dealing with the mess. But the worst was when I was inpatient battling sepsis. Came home to total destruction.
Been single for 2.5 years now
I genuinely wonder how and if these men ever survived being single before they were married? I'm guessing they still had their mommy doing everything for them. I work full time, single and live alone and the idea of someone complaining because they have to go to the grocery store to grab one thing after work is insane.
Yeah it's fvcked up for sure
As someone married to one of those guys, I can verify if his mom wasn't doing it, it wasn't getting done. When he was single and living with a roommate, the stories I've heard about how the house was trashed and they ate out every meal. 🙄
... Married? Willingly?
... Do you need help there, or something-
They don't it's been statistically proven they die earlier and are much unhappier funny thing is that statistic is reversed for women
I'm just here to brag that after making multiple, obvious mistakes that resulted in my marriage I am leaving, I have found the literal man of my dreams and I feel like honestly he needs to raise his standards. I feel like I'm a walking red flag with how much my life is in shambles right now, and he is continuously so forgiving and patient. I haven't said it to him yet, but I love him. Truly.
Edit: So I guess with this. There is someone out there for you, no matter how bad about yourself you feel. Just keep going :)
I also found my soul mate after getting divorced!! Please don't tell him to raise his standards or speak about yourself that way. He loves you and that's all that matters. Your past will always be with you but you can grow beyond it and become the person you've dreamt of becoming. Putting yourself down is going to perpetuate that cycle and keep you in that headspace. I wish you the best, you deserve a happy and healthy life!
No there isn't, i can only rely on myself.
Listening to you talking about your grocery store experiences and I have to say...sugar IS kept with the baked goods in our grocery store?? Because putting it anywhere else is bonkers?? Why is it with the tea in your grocery shop?? I'M SO CONFUSED 😂
It's because you might put sugar in your tea. Coffee is probably there as well, and again you might need sugar for that.
Eyyyyyyy, hey channel I used to binge watch instead of actually writing!
A few places I go have sugar in both locations but there’s more in the baking aisle and just a single space for white cane sugar where there’s tea and coffee. But one place I go just combined the breakfast items and baking items in an aisle (it’s a very crammed supermarket)
Canadian here, sugar is always with the flour and baking powder.
I think it's a Europe thing tbh😂 Because tea and sugar, I would be surprised if honey was there too(honey is superior in tea or flower nectar if you're vegan!)💚
my mom works extremely hard every single day and shes the only one who cooks, cleans, does literally anything. i love my dad but he does not help her, at all. it breaks my heart, she does so much and i try to help as much as possible
im sure she appreciates your help very deeply ❤
Staff at grocery stores are extremely used to giving directions no need to call your partner .....🙄. This is from someone who very much has the ADHD grocery chaos problem. Just ask
Once or twice maybe but if calling your partner is your go to that's a recipe for codependent patterns and it ain't the look.
The only time i call my partner at the store is if they want a specific type of thing and it's unavailable. That way I can pick a reasonable substitution. Calling cause you can't find something is crazy
Omg, yes. I hate grocery shopping with anyone else because I am very easily distracted and need more than .2 seconds to think sometimes. People get frustrated at me and just take over.
You know who doesn't treat me like that? *The employees,* who are more than happy to quickly go "Oh, it's in [aisle I just checked] near [the one place I somehow overlooked."
Any "partner" who expects their significant other to clean anything but a baby's butt for the first two weeks postpartum (at LEAST) is not a partner. Dump him. You're better off doing it alone and calling a friend/family member when you need support.
As a manthing who is legitimately kind of incompetent, I am actively making an effort to not be one of *those* men. It's as easy as respectfully asking for help and LEARNING FOR NEXT TIME
you're already doing so much more than those men by acknowledging this and asking for help, as one should!
Once had another mom berate me for not doing my 12 year old sons laundry. I had 4 kids and all of them start doing their own laundry at 12. Plus dishes and rotating cleaning the bathroom with me and other siblings. I told her "My son is going to make someone a Marvelous partner one day...is yours?" We need to be the change we want to see ladies. Stop raising your sons to be children. raise them to be MEN and good Partners.
I'm 44m and I've weaponized incompetence in the past and I've no easy excuse for it. Was I 100% aware of it? No. Was I more than 1% aware of it? Yes. I hate that I can't go back and correct mistakes that I've made.
IM HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN AND NO ONE LISTENING TO ME 😭
@@ville-c4usame
@@ville-c4ucause no one cares lol
@@ville-c4uCall a hotline or emergency services if you have to, stay safe!
My virtue is independence, which is good because I'm the only person I can actually count on 100% of the time
20:15 deserves, "Dear, for some reason the dishes aren't getting cleaned properly. I think the dishwasher is broken! Can you call the shop for repair, please?" as a response. Then make him meet the dishwasher repair person and have him pay for a professional to explain to him what he did wrong. Nothing is going to change unless they feel the impact of their actions.
he would just blame it on you and feel satisfaction over it. He wouldn't get embarrassed. I can hear it now. "yeah, I have told her tons of times that this is not the right way, but she just keeps doing it" And then he would come to you with a smug look and tell you what he said.
@mandlerparr1 He knows he was the one to load the dishwasher like that. Him lying is only proof of his embarrassment. Not being embarrassed is high on his list of priorities - so much higher than how much you would care about your reputation with a random repair person. In fact, with a partner like that, it might not even make your list.
@kismetcaffet9862 a man that is already engaging in this behavior is not embarrassed by his failure. Because to him it is not failure, it's accomplishment. His goal is to not have to do the chore ever. He is not embarrassed by doing it wrong and he is not embarrassed about lying to the repair person. The only time he would feel embarrassed is if you video him doing it wrong and show people. But he will not internally feel embarrassed without public shaming. And if he gets enough men to back him up in his behavior he will stop feeling publicly embarrassed. Hence the large amount of men who brag about not doing chores correctly. They are not embarrassed by it. They are proud of it because they know it's a way to control women and that is their goal.
12:23 I love this diva behavior, she is my inspiration
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
I love when women *know* they can do better when it comes to men like this 😂 They just take *no shit*
there was this old comedy movie called Mr Mom and i watched it wilth my mother alot growing up, i forget why but its a 80s comedy movie about the father of a family having to take care of the family, i remember being like 11 and seeing a scene where he goes grocery shopping, of course there is a scene where he gets uncomfortable shopping for feminine hygiene products which is childish but i get it, what baffled me at 11 was he gets confused picking out lunch meat at the deli, like how does this grown man not even know what goes on his sandwiches? my mom always thought that scene was hilarious.
For real. I have not seen the movie, been worried it would be too much like reality, Lmao. But I might give it to.
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1976 when she was in her 30’s. He took excellent care of me and my sister, cooking dinner, taking us to school and picking us up from school to go see our mom in the hospital. All 3 of us pitched to keep the house picked up, laundry done. The day before she came home from the hospital, he laid for a cleaning company to come in and clean the house. They were married 60 years. I’m married to a wonderful husband. We shop together every week and he cooks every weekend. I had a great example, married a great one and gave birth to a son who knows how to clean, cook and be a human.
"I'm not doing this again."
Okay. You don't buy the food, you don't EAT.
Your reactions to weaponized incompetence were what got me into your channel. I'm obsessive compulsive by nature, and a perfectionist who never does anything by half-measures. So you can imagine what it's like living with someone who weaponizes incompetence against me.
i’ll never understand the leaving the house dirty if mom/wife is sick… every single time my mom has ever gotten sick my dad has done the dishes/made dinner/vacuumed and lysol’d the house despite their tasks normally being split with her doing those things and him doing the outdoor upkeep and house maintenance…. cannot imagine how a household functions longterm like these videos. these poor women 🙁
23:50 Bruh….these aren’t cats making silly noises, these are human kids begging for help from the adult around. BE A FATHER.
It's unrelated to the video, but THE JACKET??? Love it so much
The colours are always a win for me with Kiwi. ❤
I was searching for this comment. I love the jacket!!
dude was like "dust off the TV while I go to the pub" LOL he can't be real, so so sad
I can’t explain why when I’m watching your video’s it always feels like catching up with a best friend-your energy and good vibes are so contagious, even through a screen! I can’t get enough!
I once had a fight with my ex over butter. We went grocery shopping together (I was paying for everything), we were in the dairy section and I commented how I wasn’t going to get butter until it’s on sale. Once we got to the self checkout I realized I did need butter for a recipe so I asked him to go back to grab some. A few minutes later he came back with becel plant butter, I sent him back and told him to get the store brand stuff. He came back with fancy $8 butter instead. He insisted there was no store brand butter, when I told him I saw a big bin of the store brand stuff only 10 minutes earlier he said “it must’ve all sold out cause it wasn’t there”. He refused to admit that he just wasn’t paying attention, he actually started to try to gaslight me about it. He’s my ex for a reason.
the biggest issue i have is that, if you love and care for someone, you should WANT to do these things for them. making their life easier in little ways is a way of showing you value their time and effort. i would feel so guilty watching my partner do everything and not even be able to give the bare minimum back
Damn, im neurodivergent and some types of cleaning are difficult fo me. I was constantly accused of doing things badly on purpose "so no one asks me to do it again", and i couldn't imagine it being a real thing because i really am trying just not succeeding, but here i see people actually doing exactly that
I would be drier than the Sahara if I had a 'boyfriend' who I had to treat more dependent than an actual child.
Like, I think we underestimate how smart kids are. Especially pre-teens and teens. They can EASILY do chores, shop for groceries, etc.--because they have to. Their parents teach them, make them, or they figure it out through necessity. They're quick to piece things together and usually eager to figure things out themselves.
One of the main reasons why I wouldn't feel comfortable letting my child just go everywhere by themselves is that they'd get easily snatched. Not because they're incapable.
Even if he couldn’t find stuff on her list, why wouldn’t he just ask someone who works there???? How do they make it through the day?
Loading the dishwasher is supposed to be a fun puzzle, right? 🤔
I mean it feels like one sometimes, but I doubt men mean it the way I do (Executive dysfunction makes you turn things into fun games or else nothing gets done)
it's not even that bad. i have sensory difficulties and touching dirty dish water and dirty dishes in general gross me out because of wet food and germs, but you can just wear gloves. i also can't stand for very long because i have POTS and so i just pull up a chair and listen to music and load the dishwasher in a few minutes. if a disabled teenager with ADHD can load the dishwasher, so can a grown man. i can't imagine making excuses to just do nothing around the house because i hate not being productive ever. of course i want days to do nothing sometimes, but i can't imagine being that lazy 24/7.🎉
@saoirse_miller Exactly
@saoirse_millerThank you this actually helps give me ideas on how to load the dishwasher as another autistic teenager!
my family treats loading the dishwasher like a game of tetris lol
The woman kissing dude after he walked over the moped floor with shoes on is part of the problem. Enabling bad behaviour encourages it to continue. But she posted it as if this was a flex, like girl.... You should be embarrassed.
On the flipside, my boyfriend's ex was incompetent on purpose. He's still so surprised by me buying him gifts, picking up the tab, buying him thoughtful gifts, being able to cook, helping him out and being supportive, etc. Likewise he's the first and ever thoughtful and supportive partner I've ever had. It's sad how many losers we ALL come across, and we don't deserve that at all. Do better. You deserve better.
3:21 as someone who works at a grocery store, i can confirm one of my biggest struggles is not being able to remember where things go
My parents are boomers. My Dad does stuff like that guy buying Flour instead of Flowers. My brother is not much better off. It's learned incompetence and being passive aggressive. They are still together but I think at this point it's because they both think they can't find anything better. I don't think either one of them are 'happy' in the marriage.
the plushies falling down slowly 💔 and my father does this too but to me and my mother acts likes that’s my fault lmao
Weaponized incompetence videos like these are why I decided to go 4B. 😭
And now you never have to deal with frustration or disappointment from XYs anymore! 🥳
My new years resolution ke go kata basadi ba bantši ka mo go kgonegago mola ba lla, ba goeletša, and ba nkgopela gore ke tlogele gobane diteng tša ka di kopanya kudu 👌😂. ,.,.,.,,
@@ville-c4useek help
@@ville-c4u comment reported. Too bad there is translate. Hope they lock you up.
For me it's the fact that you cannot get a straight answer out of people, and I've given up.
Honesty is just an unattainable goal.
I'm waiting for robot companions, because I understand machines.
I also struggle with that with my boyfriend, because his mom absolutely does everything for him, his sister and his dad at home. My boyfriend will be like „can you do all the cooking, I don’t know how to salt water 🥺“ and even worse stuff and I do NOT put up with that sh*t. I know he learned it from his parents (at some point his mom was the sole bread winner (she’s a MD) and still did all the house work and cared for the kids while the dad played mobile games), but I‘m not enabling him to just be comfortable and to not learn how to care for himself. So long story short, we are two guys and it‘s sadly a „guys in society“ thing and not a „straight couples“ thing…
Overall, my partner is great. But for the grocery store i do mark what isle things are in on the list and appropriate replacements if an item is unavailable. They are autistic and have adhd. They are willing to do it when needed but they want to spend as little time in the store as possible to avoid a meltdown or panic attack. So im happy to put in a little extra effort for them to help them. I have only gotten a panicked call from them once since i started doing that for them because they were out of the item and the replacement i had suggested. I love my dork.
As an autistic person who nearly has a panic attack when the “correct” item isn’t in stock, that is genuinely so loving and accommodating of you to do and i bet that means the world to them. 😭❤ trying to choose a replacement item is one of my biggest panic triggers in stores, so my husband usually gives me suggestions too.
That's not weaponized incompetence, that is (and I say this in the most genuine way possible, as someone who also struggles with this) genuine incompetence. Some things are harder for some of us than others. And you are helping by bridging that gap and giving them competence. If that makes sense? Like sometimes we genuinely need a little help to get things done, whereas these assholes are just pretending they need a ton of help.
I hope I worded this in a way that doesn't make it seem like I'm being mean.
One of my biggest problems with shopping is replacement items. If I'm shopping for myself? Easy peasy, I can do it. For anyone else? Absolutely not, what if I get the wrong thing and they hate it, or I ruin their dish, or they're allergic, etc, etc, etc.
That plus grocery stores being overstimulating to the extreme for me makes me feel for your partner, and be very appreciative towards you.
I cant find anything in the supermarket because it seems like every 3 months they reorganize the shelves. one month the cereal and snack foods are on the same aisle, the next theyre 3 aisles apart. one week, baked beans are the same aisle as the other canned veggies, the next theyre over there with the ketchup and other condiments.
Yeah and? It takes at maximum 5 minutes to find it by yourself or you could walk up to a store associate and politely ask for said item, they usually know where it is
As a person who has worked in grocery stores, I assure you that we also don't understand why we have to reset everything so frequently. It feels like a complete waste of time. It's always to fit new product, but tbh most of the new product also seems unnecessary. Like how many different kinds of mayonnaise do people really need?
@@zenleeparadise the reason is mostly marketing people in corporate making stuff up to stoclholders about how to lanipulate the psycology of someone into impulse buying at certain areas in a store, it has nothing to do with any individual store and just trying to see what sells the most as placement is a very important factor in extra uneccesary spending
Use your eyes. Hope this helps!
@@kittenwizard4703 this reminds me of a "joke" a Bill Hicks had about people in advertising. 😂 Iykyk I can't say it here bc it'll be auto deleted
Yep. If I get sick...my house becomes really messy within a day. Granted, my husband works really long hours but it takes like 5 minutes to load the dishwasher and press start. It is literally the main issue in our marriage. I feel like I can't have a clean home if I don't do it myself. Don't even get me started on our adult children who live here....that's an entirely different conversation. It stinks to not be able to be sick for a couple of days without the housework falling completely behind and by the end of the illness you have no clean clothes left and not a single clean dish in the cabinet.
Your adult kids and husband need to get the fuck out. 🥴 I'm so sorry, you deserve so much better.
I know this sucks to hear, but your adult children have watched the dynamic between you and your husband their entire lives, and this is what they have learned. Unfortunately they have learned if dad doesn't do it, mom will. They will carry this into their own relationships until reality hits them. 😬 This is why sometimes keeping the family together for the sake of the kids is actually more harmful than good.
I remember i went away for almost a week when the kids were small. My EX stayed home and when I got back he was all "I don't get why you complain. I enjoyed being with them, we had fun!"
Yeah, the kids were fine I guess.. but the house? Laundry? Keeping up with groceries? Ffs. He spent the week playing babysitter and left me with the cleaning and catching up with everything..
I feel so fortunate cause my husband's really good at grocery shopping. If he can't find something, he'll pull out his phone and look it up on the website to see what aisle and bay it's in. If it's a specialty item like feminine hygiene products, all I have to do is text him a picture and he'll figure it out. Ladies, it is possible to have a man that helps you. Raise your standards
I’m 19 and actually did not know how to load a dishwasher till I got with my partner…me and family never had a dishwasher so I had never used one so when we first got together I refused to use it I would hand wash them before but he showed me and now I use it 2!
Most store apps these days tell you where the store is located, operating hours, what products are in stock, AND where they’re located in the specific store you choose! I think it’s giant that you can make your grocery list in the app and it will even clip the coupons for you! There’s literally no excuse anymore, these men are just pathetic
Just a tip for people who are looking for something at a store but would rather not ask for help; you can go to their website, make sure the store is set to the exact one you are at, click the item and it will tell you which isle.
my dad was a absolute stoned burn out, had been sense desert storm, some how he still managed to work, clean, cook, and go shopping without hand holding.
When I went off to college aka uni, I could not BELIEVE the number of people who took their clothes down to the laundry room and just stared at the machines. I thought at first that maybe they were used to a front load washer instead of a top load or something so I offered to help, but literally all of them had just never even thought about how to do laundry ever. Like I had to give them detergent because they didn't know you needed to put anything in, it would just wash everything. I had been doing our family laundry since I was six, this blew my mind.
MULTIPLE MEN at my college/university take all their laundry back home with them and make their moms do it. One of them used to be my boyfriend, unfortunately. Also, many of the people here just put it on the WORST settings: they over-suds their clothes, they ruin their things with bleach, etc. My roommate copies all my settings bc I've never ruined anything in the wash lol
Im so glad I picked right partner whom I don’t have to tell and reminder what to do
I'll tell you what my boss tells me when i overcompensate for colleagues not doing their job - she would call me and yell at me "this is not your topic anymore, move on, you're being controlling". Women need to also learn when to step back and leave those dishes dirty and only wash their own and if it gets crazy dirty, move out or on
1 minute is insane... I love your style
I dealt with this for years. I once went four days without more than maybe 10 hours of sleep total. I begged for help. He stayed home but it was used against me. I stopped asking for help. Now that we're divorced, I still do it all but it's easier since I don't have a grown man's mess on top of it all. Leave those incompetent partners.
I work in retail and daily I swear I remind coworkers about using their eyes to find what they need while doing “go back items.” The item numbers can’t lie, so make sure you’re checking.. but my favorite way to remind them they’re capable, is to remind them “they got hired for a reason and they are capable.”
I feel so seen and validated from this video! Thank you! 😅
It floors me how I can go to a friend's place and do something like do her dishes or mind her son for a bit or something and it gets praise like I came in throwing giant stacks of cash everywhere. It should not be this easy to impress someone.
People like you are a great inspiration to our youth. So glad to see the younger people take a passionate stance on their political views with such poignant relevance. Also grateful to have you as an ally😮 all the best my friend, pai to mahi
watching videos like this make me so thankful for my dad, because he has ALWAYS fought to be a present and good dad even when he was working long hours and commuting every day, and he always does everything he can to help my mom and make her life easier. i am so thankful that he broke the cycle he grew up in and is an amazing dad to my and my siblings.
4:03 the aisles literally have labels under the numbers so you know what's in there. This is the inability to understand context clues and reading
Also, you can always ask an employee!!
"Hey, where is the (blah blah blah)?"
"Aisle 3, near the middle, bottom shelf."
The lidl i work at doesn’t have labels or numbers on the aisles AND i don’t know where all the stuff is xD
The main issue with this is that it stems from a continuous cycle, women with their partners who don't do housework or don't do things right and women just accepting it and then taking control doing everything in the house, proceed to have children (more so male children) who witness this in the house and then proceed to reciprocate that behaviour with their partners and so on. I have the same issue with my partner, because of the environment he was brought up in and I've seen it first hand. We've sat down and spoke about it, I've pointed out the environment he was grown up in and he started to see what I'm saying and understand how that effects the relationship. He now makes conscious efforts to change, but it's not easy to change that bad habit when that's everything they've ever known, he has to rewire his brain in a sense.
So one time my mom and I “girl” are down with the flu after we got it from my brother and dad who couldn’t be bothered to distance themselves and stay out of the fridge and dishes like they were repeatedly asked, but anyway they were over it and we were out for the count. Both of them threw a fit when dinner, the clothes, and dishes weren’t done. First my dad asked mom to make him something and was told to shove it, so then he demands I make him something and do the dishes and is told to go to H3II and not act like a toddler for once and figure out how to do it himself.
After a bit I crawl out of my cocoon because no one has the decency to get me water and medicine like was done for them when they were sick. I stumble to the kitchen to find my dad “unloading” the dishwasher. He would remove an item, then replace it with a dirty one from the sink, then remove another and replace it with another dirty item, while dirty sink water is dripping on everything clean and he obviously wasn’t washing his hands. I had to tell him to stop because that is disgusting and not how it should ever be done. Then I had to reload everything back in and restart the dishwasher while I was on the verge of passing out. I got gaslit like I was some sort of germfreak by him and his golden boy for the next month.
Forgot to mention the main point, my mom has an autoimmune disease, and they couldn’t be bothered to take that seriously.
If your husband lets the house fall to pieces while you're sick for TWO DAYS, the only reason to kiss him once you're up and about, is if you're still contagious.
Every time when I see those fathers, I am just so glad that when my mother got a job far away, my dad just learned how to braid my hair before kindergarten & a bunch of other (not always obvious) stuff by himself
It's so sad to see how people genuinely do not care enough to wonder about their partners' wellbeing. Please take care of yourselves yall :/
Videos like this remind me why I'm so grateful that I'm a lesbian. Straight women and bi/pan women with men like this, y'all deserve so much better
The flour guy is a textbook example of weaponized incompetence because it’s intentional behaviour.
Incompetence in and of itself is not manipulative. I’ve met adults whose parents didn’t teach them to brush their tongue, that you’re meant to brush your teeth for a full two minutes, that you’re meant to separate lights, darks and colours when you do laundry, that you’re supposed to rinse your uncooked rice until it runs clear etc.
It’s not your fault if your parents skip steps with you and unfortunately a lot of parents don’t bother to teach their sons how to do housework. He’s not automatically a jerk if you’re the first person to tell him something that you were taught at age 10. It’s how he reacts that matters. He should be like “WHAT!? Why didn’t anyone tell me!?” Then he should do it every time and not complain about it.