I never realized how bad my mom was until I was pregnant. We were at a birthday party for my sister’s kids and I hadn’t been able to eat anything due to nausea/a hyperactive baby that wouldn’t stop doing gymnastics. When it came time for cake, my stomach(and baby) had calmed down so I had a piece. After that I was still STARVING from not eating most of the day and the cake was so good so I grabbed a second piece. My mom noticed and called me out from across the room in front of everyone there. She asked me if my OB had told me that I was gaining too much weight yet and asked how much weight I had gained so far. I was so embarrassed and tried to play it off saying I didn’t know because I wasn’t keeping track of it and my doctor said I was healthy but she would not let it go, saying “of course you know! How much weight have you gained? They weigh you at every appointment you have to know!” And my sister chiming in saying “My pregnancy craving was salad! That’s all I ate while pregnant!” My sister-in-law got annoyed and stepped in to save me saying “I never cared how much weight I gained while pregnant! The doctor says she’s healthy so what does it matter?” I went home and bawled after that.
I'm so sorry to hear that! Please, tell your mom to NEVER say or imply any such thing as 'bad' or 'good' food to or around your child where it could overhear such nonsence. Also, you are pregnant. I would have told her to shut up and sit her skinny ass down.
Almond parents suck, but so do the "finish your plate or you're wasting food" parents. Good luck to everyone with food issues. You're loved and appreciated ❤️
Genuinely have a fucked up relationship with food and my parent was the “finish your food” type, would ridicule me for not finishing my food but then would make fun of me for eating too much and gaining weight ‘edit- I also want to point out that she basically gave me binge eating and my older sister a restrictive eating disorder with how she raised us and how that affected each of our brains. So the same thing she was saying to me had a way different effect on my older sister :(
My roommate grew up with an almond mom. For years she would make little comments about my food or compare it to her own and I took offense honestly. When we got our first apartment together I noticed that she bought all these "organic" and "healthy" snacks and whatever and I started to realize a little more what was going on. She'd talked about her mom I just didn't realize how bad it was. A few months ago she came into my room sobbing telling me she thinks she has an eating disorder. It took her years to even notice and she had no clue how to stop. I felt awful for her. Please don't teach your kids that food has moral value behind it. Food is fuel.
It can be really hard for people with "nice" parents to recognize the damage they've done. (I don't know if your roomie feels that or not.) But like, "oh they just wanted me to eat healthy" "they wanted me to have good habits" "they were supportive of me" "they loved me and I had a happy childhood" etc. Like even if you generally had a "good" childhood, the hidden trauma that can come out can really run deep and has very much impacted the (now grown) child's life. 😥
@@RabbitTeacup oh believe me, I feel that deeply when it comes to other stuff (my mom became antivax and stuff when I was in middle school). Like I had a good childhood and they loved me so much and everything they did was because they loved me but it doesn't mean they were always right and that it didn't have a negative impact.
The whole “don’t restrict when your kids can eat” reminded me of a time in the middle of the summer where my parents were angry because they caught my older siblings sneaking food up to their rooms at night. So you know what they did? They fucking banned us from the kitchen past 8pm. I forgot about the rule the first night, and ended up crying myself to sleep because I was so hungry. The next night I binged right before 8pm so that wouldn’t happen again. They ended up dropping the rule after around a week because my siblings would just go down and take food when my parents fell asleep, but it was still fucking traumatizing for little 9 year old me
Also because of my parents’ constant dieting and talking about food, I always thought I was a bit on the chubby side. Went to the doctor yesterday, I am very healthy weight wise
My step mom did this because she didn't like that her kids were a little chubby and weren't adventureious with food. I went to bed hungry most nights because she would tell me I could only have some spaghetti some garlic cheese bread. I was pretty thin and fit as i did sports. I had stopped eating lunch at school because the sensory experience of all the stinky students and the green hotdogs made me sick. I had to stop going to my dad's just to be able to sleep without being kept up by hunger cramps. She was so strict about dinner and we were technically guests at the time since they hadn't married yet so I never even tried to get food after dinner and instead started stashing food I still do it now that I'm 20 and haven't slept there in over 5 years.
I have an award winning weightlifting grandma. Even she has sweet treats within her diet. When us grandkids are over, my grandpa usually lets everyone have ice cream, and during that time, my grandma helps clean. When everyone is settled down with their ice cream, that's when she measures out her portion and then she joins us. She knows it could affect others, so she waits and then partakes in her limits. It's kind of inspiring, actually seeing how she still partakes, but in doing so, makes sure it doesn't affect anyone else.
Dont forget about the moms who are overweight and dont want their kids to be "unhealthy" like they are. My mom always had an unhealthy relationship with food, like binge eating. She didn't want me to be like her, so she constantly shamed me for eating "unhealthy" food.
Yup my mom was like that as a kid. Overweight and always eating sugar. As a kid it was guaranteed we had 3 packs of oreos open at a time, which led to her guilting me whenever I'd try to eat *gasp* THREE COOKIES?? Unfortunately now, she's progressed to just an eating disorder. She's lost a lot of weight, which is good for her cholesterol I guess, but her meals are like, 2 pieces of lettuce and a handful of shredded chicken. It makes me sad :(
I have the in between mom 😭 She gained weight when she was pregnant with me. She then started eating a bit more food (she couldn’t eat greasy foods bc I caused her gallstones). Had my 2 sisters after however long. Still eating a lot. She would shame me for both sides 😭 Guess who’s plus size for a few different reasons?? Me!
My mum is overweight and always has been, she would comment on how "big" I'd get if my bmi entered the "healthy" range from the underweight range. She really likes the "heroin chic" look from the early 2000s. I'm a naturally thinner person anyway but her other children aren't so I got the brunt of her skinny obsession. Even now she makes comments about my weight and even my kids weights, I don't let her watch my kids because of her insane diet obsession. It worries me that where I live you see two types of these families, overweight parents with overweight children or overweight parents with super skinny children. I always worry about the kids in both situations
I'll never forget when my mom told my friend to stand up straighter so she wouldn't look as fat. I realized that it was just as wrong for her to say that to me as it felt to hear it said to my friend
That's actually something I learned in therapy, lol. When I think something negative about myself, ask how I would react if a friend said that about themselves, or if someone else said that about my friend. It was a really good tool for recognizing the difference between negative self-talk and valid self-criticism, and being able to interrupt the bad thoughts before they spiraled.
Mine told us to suck in at all times for the same reason. Spoiler alert, it fucks up your breathing! If you have asthma or get out of breath easily check if you're doing it without realising
one time when I was 9 I heard sugar was more addictive than crack, so I challenged myself to go a week with out sugar. It was a silly little thing I did, It wasn't a "you failed if you eat sugar" it was more of a "Just don't eat oreos or something for a week". near the end of my challenge, in school, my teacher (who was a good awful woman who actually traumatized me to the point of needing to be on suicide watch when i was 10), was teaching about cells and stuff, so her and some other teachers did a thing to recreate a plant cell on a green poptart with little snacks. I told that teacher about the challenge I was doing, and I asked for a zip lock bag so I could take it home and eat it later, she told me no and that I had to eat it there or throw it away. I *hated* wasting food, like I feel like shit for throwing out something that's like months expired. So I basically begged this teacher to let me take it home in a paper towel or something, and this bitch (who had beef with a 9 year old for some reason), called me a 'fat selfish whiner, who always wants to throw a fit' because I wanted to wait to eat something that had sugar. So I cried while eating it, and even if I did technically 'fail' the challenge earlier that week, I really felt like I failed it then. worst part, she brought up that during lunch I had the schools milk and an apple, she pointed out that the milk and apple had sugar, she then told me that I, the 9 year old autistic child, that I was a liar and a fraud because I, *the 9 year old autistic child she was supposed to be teaching*, drank plain milk and ate an apple. I honest to god had a hard time eating anything with sugar in it for like a month or two after that, and when I say anything with sugar, I meant one gram was too much. Idk why I stopped thinking like that, but I did, and I am so fucking lucky for that
Oh stars that is awful! I hope it didn't affect you long-term. That teacher doesn't deserve to teach anyone, let alone young, impressionable children. ❤❤
Some teachers power trip istg. I remember my elementary school principal yelling at me (also autistic) for crying and "being disruptive". You were just doing a silly challenge, it's not like you were screaming at her to f off.
I can't stand it when people equate the sugar in fruit or milk as the same as the sugar you use in your tea, it not, its a part of the items natural genetic makeup, it does not get get processed the same way.bcuz its not the same. people say crap like that so they can justify eating candy over healthy options that aren't candy. also that teacher sounds stupid.
My grandma had this magnet on the fridge with a cow saying "Holy cow, are you eating again?" and that was really just the physical manifestation of how I was raised emotionally.
There is 1 exception to the quote "water also fills up your stomach" and that is when your kid has adhd and because of that forgets to drink and gets his hunger and thirst signals mixed up. My kid barley drinks 1 liter of water a day but will eat until he is sick if I let him. Intuitive eating sounds fun until your body is unable to regulate on its own...
There are better phrases to help kids in such a situation to remember this by. Not worth keeping it around IMO. But, regardless, its *very* good that you're paying attention to your kid's hydration. Developing good habits is so important for renal health, and habit forming is way harder with ADHD. But when it comes to the things that kill you long term, barring things like environmental poisonings or genetic diseases, its probably going to be kidney, liver or cancer problems. You're doing well to improve their longevity and quality of life all along the way. (I spend too much time with healthcare specialists, lol) As a personal anecdote, my body has had issues regulating with food, and it wasn't just about a run of the mill neurodivergence- I have a pituitary tumor, reproductive hormone hypersensitivities and had thyroid cancer. (and those thyroid nodules had to have been there a LONG time to become that kind of cancer, typically) I do encourage you to check your son's hormone levels, as well as iron, if you haven't recently, just to make sure there's nothing else going on. And be sure to get a full thyroid panel, not just the TSH- you want to see what the actual levels of the relevant thyroid hormones are, not just how much of said hormones the body is asking for- helps better check for things like Hashinotos. There's a higher incidence of these kinds of issues in people with ADHD, so worth a gander.
I think you just saved me from going down the hole…genuinely thank you so much Also when I was little my mom would tuck me into bed by saying “look at these strong legs for running, look at this stomach for digesting, look at these arms for picking up things, look at these eyes for looking, etc.” and I never understood it until now; she was trying so save me from looking at my body from societies standards. She was trying to teach me to look at my body as something that helps me live and do things instead of just something to look at. I am eternally grateful to her.
@@bbo7002 I know, she is so great, I couldn’t ask for a better mom and the fact that she asks me all the time if she can do anything better as a mom makes it a million times better.
The generational trauma with food is so strong. My gran and mum would make comments about food and their bodies. If I ate something "unhealthy" my gran would say "you don't wanna end up fat like me and your mum, do you?" And it's so damaging. I'm still recovering from my disordered eating, it's not reaolved but I'm a lot better than I was
I've always wanted to call my mother out on it. I've said something along the lines of "It's the gene you gave" but I made it sound like I'm joking. I want to tell her to stop projecting her insecurities on me, but that might damage our relationship further and I still kinda want to have a connection with my sisters.
@@MidniteSpectre It got to the point where I would tell her "did I ask?" In a very blunt and rude way because she would create insecurities within me and then pick on them. It doesn't work with everyone but letting them know in a blunt and quick manner that what they're saying isn't appropriate catches them off guard
My mom is not an almond mom. However, she did push her body issues on me. Anytime I'd wear a tank top as a little kid she'd say 'Oh I wouldn't wear that, I don't like my arms' and shorts 'Oh it's nice you can wear those outside, I can't'. And if my shirt happens to be a little low cut (in my own room) she'll say 'Pull up your shirt' but she walks around our house naked. I got called a sl*t by her a year ago for wearing shorts outside in the summertime. I'm trying to overcome my own self-image issues as well as the ones she forced on me. It's really tough.
The "it's nice you can wear that" is SO real and has lowkey impacted me so much, I'm a teen and I literally have the exact same body type as her and she just can't fucking stop talking about how she needs to lose weight to me, and after that she goes "but you're so beautiful! You're skinnier than me! That doesn't apply to you" but it does and idk how to explain that to her
I have scoliosis and vividly remember walking around in a sports bra at home after cross country practice and my mom saying something about "dang, you're gonna really freak someone out in a bikini one day. We should look at tankinis so you can cover that up." I've since had surgery on my spine to alleviate my daily pain it caused and now a lot of the postural issues are not so visible, but it took a lot for me to overcome the fear of showing off my scar and the visible bits of metal along my spine (I have 3 rods and 13 pins, and along some sections of my spine with the pins, it kinda looks like I have a second spine from the little bumps along it). I have the confidence now at 24, but it took a long time to get over that fear. She said that to me at 15, and I had surgery at 17, and I was probably 21 or so before I finally wore a bikini instead of tankini purely out of fear of my scar being "freaky"
the whole "you need to finish your plate" thing goes along with losing your hunger signals. I can't believe how much my life has changed after working to get those signals back
@Marigumilikesart I planned out meals for myself for 2 weeks. I just committed to that, because any more than that was daunting. Literally just eating 3 meals a day changed so much. I also learned that sometimes, if I just can't seem to be satiated, drinking water can help. Sometimes I'm thirsty and those signals can trigger your appetite. I focused mostly on the amount and time of the food, not necessarily what I was eating. Learning how to cook healthy meals at the same time was kind of a lot. Also worked with my therapist
I'm just starting to get that back now, at 42. I think it was a matter of adding fruit and vegetables to my meals, and trying to identify feelings of fullness, as well as being willing to throw away uneaten food, even if it's tasty
@@Marigumilikesart I struggle to eat for many reasons that actually aren't connected to trauma or insecurities, It's something I go through everyday How it works for me is that the adhd makes me energetic, too much energy leading to insomnia, leading to tiredness in the morning, autistic brain doesn't usually remember to send signals anyway so that makes me hungry, and the events following cause me to be too tired to get up and eat. Then executive dysfunction kicks in and I basically can't get out of bed. So the full result of this is that if you, whoever is reading this, imagine being my mother. What happens is that you will occasionally see me starve and lay there in bed doing nothing, defeated by my own self and the way my brain works differently which then affects my entire body since the brain runs most of the organs and muscles we use on a daily basis and the worst part is that not only i'm too tired to eat... i'm too tired to try and do something to fix it. And when I do actually eat, my child self picks whatever sugary or salty food can be found instead of something healthy. I honestly don't know how i'm still alive at this point
@@InaraRoss My experience is pretty similar. I don’t feel hunger and it becomes worse when I focus on tasks, any task like drawing or schoolwork in it’s time, reading, minecraft is the worst offender, any of those things will set me into hiperfocus and I just don’t eat (or drink or pee for that matter). Executive dysfunctions aside I also got used to eating with people, in childhood I knew it was time to est because my parents would call me over and have everything set up, in school it was because we had a dedicated hour for it. But one I got to be on my own in college and was left to my own devices I spent tree straight days without food because I simply forgot, did not realize I had not eaten until I stood up from my work desk and my eyes went white and next thing I see is I’m on my knees. That is the non trauma related side of my bad eating habits, my mother did try to force that diet culture on me and she still tries to this day. Which does not help the situation at all.
My mom and dad both have a lot of health issues so they try to fix them with extremely limiting diets, I saw them do this, and told them I wanted to try dieting when I was in 5th grade. They celebrated. I had jaw surgery that prevented me from eating properly for 6 months. All anyone ever said was “you’re going to loose so much weight” and talked about me having a summer body. I did loose weight. I couldn’t eat anything. One meal a day would make me feel sick. I complained to my mom about how I was never hungry and she said “well you don’t want to regain the weight.” I was taking pictures for homecoming and she made me suck in my stomach. Mind you that was after she bought me special underwear to hide my weight. The fact that this is seen as good and healthy disgusts me! I didn’t develop an eating disorder out of shear luck. I’m glad people like you are talking about this
I used to babysit for kids who were only allowed to have as much ice cream as fit in one of those little stainless steel condiment cups you usually see in restaurants. The girl was around 5 and has enough self-control already to take tiny bites to make it last, and the boy was 3 and still struggled, and he would look so sad as he stared into his empty cup and then at what his sister had left. I would say, “It’s okay to have a little bit more, I’m sure you have more veggies at dinner all the time!” and refill his cup halfway, but the sister never wanted more when I offered and after a while, she told her parents that I was letting her brother have extra ice cream and they fired me. The whole thing was bizarre and shocking and deeply upsetting. I was so grateful when I became a nanny like a decade later than my nanny families all let their kids eat like kids should get to eat
In my eyes, moderation is knowing you don't need to have ice cream every single day, not that you should only ever eat one bite of food in a sitting :/
popcorn per ounce has almost 4 grams each of protein and fiber, and a considerable amount of magnesium, B6 and Iron ❤ even if it didnt it would still be worth it
I am a big snacker and toast and popcorn are 2 of my go-to snacks honestly. I deal with chronic nausea and those both usually sound tasty and sit well.
As your local diabetic, please eat carbs. That's your body's main source of energy, and its favorite. And in general, just eat what makes you happy and gives your body all the nutruiants it needs :)
As a secondary local diabetic and mom please teach your kids the food has NO moral value and @catherineevans9852 is right carbs are your main energy source and good for you. Especially if you are a growing child. It is important to have a balanced diet and that includes carbs.
Once, I realised my eating wasn't normal. I could only bring myself to eat granola and granola bars. For weeks. It hit me it wasn't normal when my brother told me he had made pasta and I wanted to barf just thinking about it. So I went to my therapist at the time and told them. See, I'm overweight. I never lost my pregnacy kilos. She told me, and I quote: "Granola is healthy, you'll lose wieght, it's good!" Not only did I change therapist immediately, I also went to a Starbuck's and ate a muffin despite the guilt just to spite her. She helped me, in a way. Not the right one. To this day, I have periods when I binge or restrict. But now, I have the help that I need and I work through it for my son and myself.
My spawner, who is not only a grandmother now but her oldest grandkid is 17, straight up looked me in the face after I told both of my parents about how my hunger response was gone for over a year before and she said "not eating is good, my cousin didn't eat for 80 days and was fine. He lost so much weight from it!" He had a feeding tube while being monitored in the hospital for those 80 days, very much was *NOT FINE* This woman also took me to Weight Watchers when I was in elementary school. Not with her, but for *ME.* I am both amazed and disappointed CPS never investigated my childhood home
"Don't drink your calories" "don't eat over 30 carbs a day" "you don't need lunch or breakfast" stuff I heard every day. I had a nutritionist tell my mom I needed to eat more, my mom said "I've never seen a fat person come out of a concentration camp". I lost my teeth by 22, my bones wouldn't heal when broken, my hair was falling out. I was "fat" (I was obese) and severally malnourished. It wasn't until I started eating that I started losing weight and my body started functioning correctly.
oh yes, starving and looking like you've come out of a concentration camp, so much healthier than having a little extra weight on your frame. WTF? i often wonder if any of the generation that raised us really listened to themselves, or if they've even recovered from the damage they've done to not only us, but themselves?
Yess the thing my mom doesn't understand is that I am not obese but I am slightly overweight for my height (5'6 180lbs) and she thinks starving and drinking water will actually help me lose weight when in reality it's actually just exercising
@@nadjak3410 right?! My mom was 106lbs at 5'7 and was a runway model before she had kids, looks very similar to Catherine zeta Jones. Her mother looked IDENTICAL to Elizabeth Taylor... then came me. 5'2, dark mahogany hair, freckles, and once I hit puberty and was diagnosed with PCOS I went from being very thin to gaining weight rapidly. I was about 12yrs old 140lbs when she made that comment, which is almost what my nutritionist says is my healthiest weight based on bone and muscle mass (139). I tried to get gastric surgery when I was 220, they denied me just before the surgery because it wouldn't help me since binging was never my issue. In the past year and a half I've gone from 240 to 170 by healing my relationship with food. Even seeing this in real time my mother can't comprehend it.
@@ZoëTestament drinking water is never a bad thing, but it's not going to lead to weight loss. Neither is starving yourself. You absolutely are NOT obese. I'm 5'2 and 170lbs now (down from 240) and I'M 1lb away from going from obese to overweight. Plus bmi is a guide line. After doing a body scan we figured out my ideal weight would be 139 based on my bone and muscle density, which is much higher than they say for 5'2.
I just realised that I was dealing with bulimia as a teen. It did not click for me till right now that "earning" high calorie food by "Burning it off" before I could eat it was a form of purging.
Yeah, the public perception of eating disorders is AWFUL and the thought that there's only one way to purge is definitely one of the problems. Exercise purging is definitely a thing -- I once read about someone who also got into bodybuilding because she heard that muscle burns calories even when you're at rest. (Exercise was not the only method that girl used to purge, but it was her most common.)
@@labaccident2010 Any kind of thinking around "earning" food or "compensating" for eating is definitely a step on the road to an eating disorder (think of it as one unhealthy behavior or pattern of thinking, rather than a full-blown disorder on its own). It's better to plan your meals with nutrients and portions in mind, and plan your exercise around what you need to feel healthy (and of course what you enjoy doing).
My mom ‘eats like a bird’ as she always said, and she locked our fridge and pantry so my sister and I wouldn’t eat without permission for a few years when we were kids (aka rarely if ever). We were just hungry. Later when I was starting college, my parents told me I should not eat for a few days to ‘get used to starving’ since I was in college now. I have issues with food now. At least we don’t talk anymore lol. Small mercies.
@@Okeymari thanks lol. I’m doing a bit better now. Didn’t finish college bc they’d been the ones funding it, and they pulled that too lol. Just can’t afford it and nothing pays well enough to justify the student loans XD
“Are you hungry or are you just bored?” Is something my parents said to me ALL THE TIME. Like no dad im hungry because you havent fed me all day and when you did it was a f**kin mcdonalds bigmac at 8pm 😭
Actively fighting my second eating disorder💀first was bulimia and when i recovered my mom heavily fat shamed me and i spiraled heavily into anorexia. Wish me luck bc i am STRUGGLING. On another note its so good to see a big creator talking about this its truly an unrecognized epidemic.
tw: ed yapping i am curently a 23 yo dude in the trenches of my ed. i have had it for 6 years now, and i did recover in 2019 only to have the pandemic hit months later. i got back on my old habits and lost it all, followed by me becoming an alcholic while also having anorexia. i am one year sober but quitting alcohol did make me lose weight , ending at a scary low i never hit before. there are days i don't want to eat, feeling empty feels good, it feels like control and stomach growling feels like applause . it is hell i wish i could say i am better now. maybe i am a bit better? i do catch myself buying shirts one size larger subconsciously thinking that hey, they should still fit when i recover. in the days im really struggling to eat, all i need is to look at my cat. me and her live alone and if my ed wins, she will never know why i abandoned her. and if i wouldn't survive for myself, i would do it for her.
you gotta take care of yourself, cuz kitty needs you. i've been there. and honestly, it helps so much to have a creature that loves you just for existing. my cat is my world. maybe it would help to imagine yourself kind of AS your cat. like if your cat was in your body, would you want her to feel the way you feel? would you want her little tummy to rumble and for her to be hungry? of course not, so how is that okay for you? sometimes it helps me to imagine someone else i love in my life instead. like what would i say if it was my sister? because i would NEVER be as harsh or compassion-less to her as i am to myself. so instead, when i'm being really hard on myself, i'll imagine what i would say to her if she were in my position. and then it forces me to think, why would i treat her nicer than i would myself? why is she worthy of that kindness and compassion and i'm not? because the truth is, i am. but sometimes, it's easier to extend that kind of compassion to myself when i look at it through the lens of someone else. cuz i'm a lot nicer to others than i am to myself. and the same kind of thing when i used to self harm and things like that. i would never hurt someone else the way i was hurting myself. so why am i doing it to me when i would never be that cruel to anyone else, you know? anyway, dunno if that'll help, but it helps me sometimes
Some people think men can't have eating disorders but it hurts just the same. I understand, you're allowed to be struggling too and you're not any less for it. I wish you the best and know that there are people who care about you ❤
Oh dude I’m so sorry ur going thru that, I don’t have an ed but I’ve experienced the constant worry that the single thing I eat is gonna make me gain a load of weight. In our society it’s actually more surprising to me when people don’t have EDs, like how are people able to be so secure in themselves when everything and everyone around me is telling me I shouldn’t be? I try to think of my body as a machine, and my god does she give me hell when I don’t keep her fed, the way we eat food and sh1t it out (gross ik but hey we all do it) goes hand in hand with the way our ENTIRE planet functions, it’s one big circle, and we can’t fight nature she does what she wants. And she dictates that we feed and nourish ourselves to stay alive and enjoy this life. Keep thinking of ur cat, animals are such powerful healers and you gotta be around so they can eat too 🥲 I’m rlly rlly wishing you all the best my friend 🩷
*Warning, details involving restrictive behavior, mental illness, and attempted slewerslide.* Your story reminds me of my brother. He has problems due to his childhood, and doesn’t really listen when I tell him he and I shouldn’t be the same weight (I’m a much smaller woman, and he’s very underweight). He controls all his meals, and all his food allergies on top of it obviously don’t help. I worry so much I’m going to find him dead one day because his body will give out. I’d like to think he’s getting better, because I’ve noticed a little weight gain on him, and he’s been less restrictive when we eat out, but he doesn’t talk to me about any of it, so I have no idea where he’s at mentally. My brother doesn’t believe anyone really cares about him. If you need any other reasons to keep fighting, then know that there’s someone out there who worries about you. Please keep fighting, your cat needs her dad :) P.S. my dog was the reason I didn’t do “the big bad you can’t take back” several years ago. I couldn’t stand the idea of her ending up alone in a shelter as an older dog and never being adopted. I didn’t want her to be abandoned again (she’s a rescue). So I always tell people she’s my hero that saved my life. Your cat sounds like a hero.
The “just wait for dinner” was a hard one to break for me becoming a parent. I did it, but it was something I struggled hard with. My word of advice to any other parents struggling with that would be to make your kids “snack plates” when you prep dinner. I now always cut up extra of anything I’m prepping (cheeses, veggies, fruits, sometimes random snacks like crackers and popcorn too) and put it on a plate for my kids to graze on while dinner finishes up. Even if they don’t eat dinner, I know they’ve eaten and they’re happy.
that's al lthat matters is that they're eating. and actually, that's better. they're eating when they're hungry, and stopping when they're full. letting them learn to listen to their bodies and eat intuitively is the BEST thing you can do for them. hell with the schedule, as long as they're eating and healthy, that's all that matters. you're doing great
Thats really smart i have pretty bad sensory issues with food and my parents always made me either eat what they gave me or no food and i every single time chose no food and because of that my hunger alarm is super messed up
My parents only eat one meal per day and I used to feel so bad going to their place and need three meals a day (+ potetially snacks)... Yet they're freaking out because I don't eat a lot at dinner... I mean yes, that's because I didn't starve myself all day 😅
@@kat7135 I'm not sure if you mean a specific diet with one meal a day, but honestly, I don't think they research diets a lot and I don't think it's only about diet culture. I know they did have problems with food in the past (I don't know about now, we've not been living together for almost 15 years now), but they are also VERY sedentary (for multiple reasons), so it also plays a role in this. I'm not someone who plays a lot of sports but I'm not so sedentary (I try to take a walk most days and also strenght train once or twice a week). I also tend to get low blood sugar if I skip a meal, so there is no way I'm doing that 😅
as i was at my ex's house he told me it was "unhealthy" to eat "constantly". i tried to go the three meals a day routine and by day two i had constant stomach cramps but he insisted i pull through because "my stomach will adjust". it got so bad to the point where i got breathing issues because of the pain, which is where i stopped 💀
I want you to know that you are helping me. I'm 14 and I don't have an eating disorder but I feel like I was at risk last year and I still struggle with self image and loving myself. But you have helped me SO MUCH with this. Whenever I'm struggling with my self image it's your videos that help me accept and love myself. So thank you
Thank you so much for talking about this. Both my grandmother and my mother have this almond mum mindset, they think it's just "healthy eating" and love to guilt trip me into moving more (after eating something sweet or remotely unhealthy), "eating healthier" etc. I'm now an adult and thanks to other people (not my family) I can recognise how this behaviour is unhealthy and also has a negative impact on the person's environment. Hearing you discussing this gives me the strength to want to eat normally without guilt and fight my eating disorder, that I developed thanks to my own damn family...
Both an eating disorder and drug addiction caused me to lose weight and BOTH times I had people praising me for the weight I lost.. Like I was literally killing myself in both those times in my life and people celebrated me for it simply because I was skinnier..
I was on the opposite end I just realized my step mom was lowkey starving me and when I moved out of state then later came back my family stated how I gained weight. That’s because I was actually eating regular meals living alone…..now I’ve lost weight and it’s due to poor eating again and I’m getting praised. Shits crazy.
Learning more about almond moms is such a wake up call about how messed up it was that my mom roped me into dieting with her so much growing up. Low carb was her fav...
@@dream_walker9726this is a real thing though, I have ADHD and I boredom eat which has definitely caused me to eat way too much chasing the dopamine, not saying you did this for the same reason,just saying it's not made up out of nowhere
Thank you! We know what hungry is. Yeah, I ignore that during bad days, but they're rare bad days. Don't ignore your body. If it's sending hunger signals, you need to eat. You're stronger than your habits and influences. Stay healthy (no salute emoji)
Tbh i have issues overeating and sometimes (for me) it is just thirst not hunger, but its hard for me to tell since my brain just goes "need more food" even though i just ate a whole meal lol
My mom once asked how much I weighed, and I told her, 155 lbs. She went, "Oh!!" I said, what. She said, "I'm just thinking about how I would feel if I weighed 155!" I was doing bicycle deliveries at the time, so my legs were tree trunks, and I have giant boobs. I was not fat. She is tiny. She still refuses to believe that she said this.
My mom put me on the Atkins Diet at 8. Had me coming home from school and peeing in a cup to test my urine for sugar. Doing workouts for an hour every day. It messed me up for a long time, caused severe body dysmorphia. I'm now 5'5" and 195 lbs and I'm finally starting to love myself the way I am. But I'm left struggling with ARFID, and it's made keeping myself fully nourished such a battle. I look at my 9 year old daughter and I cannot imagine ever telling her "no" when she's hungry. We label food as good for the body (so called healthy food), or good for the brain (junk food). Its all about moderation and following your body cues. We believe everyone is beautiful because we're all different, and that's amazing, just like the rest of nature.
My mom had this thing where she felt she had to finish her food and went to therapy for it. This created the phrase “you’re not the trashcan” in our home. The rule has always been, eat when you are hungry and stop when you’re full. She always has snacks and leftovers for when we are hungry later. THIS👏 IS👏 HOW 👏YOU 👏FIX 👏THE 👏PAST 👏FOR 👏THE 👏FUTURE👏
All food has worth and can be good. Any kind of dieting should be about your health and unless a doctor tells you to for personal reasons, any extreme diet will be unhealthy. Your body is beautiful as is and what it was and will be. Your emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health are all important. Everyone has different needs, wants, struggles, and looks.
Even then, doctors often promote diet culture. Doctor ordered diets are often weight loss focused because the healthcare industry is invested (quite literally) in diet culture.
even doctors can be wrong too! When I went to a couple different doctors for having trouble fainting, they both recommended diet and exercise -even though I was already eating great and exercising- and I would faint if exercising too long anyway which is what I was there for!
@@a-bird-lover I hear you; that is absolutely maddening! Doctors who don’t think logically about cause & effect, and/or don’t truly listen, and/or don’t strive to solve the underlying problem are worthless and dangerous. I just lost my mum to cancer because of doctors like that. I hope you were able to find a better doctor or your condition improved!
I dont have kids, but I do have nieces! My sisters have done an IMPECCABLE job of not talking about foods “good” or “Bad” and don’t let others talk that way around her kids either. We do have “play food” and “power food,” to focus on moderation and properly fueling our bodies. We emphasize how kind they are, yes they’re beautiful but they are brave and HEALTHY! My 4 yo niece loves her “happy belly” 😊 and it’s so fun watching kids being raised with such a healthy relationship with themselves and how to listen to their bodies.
As a mom it is NOT EASY omg, so many people talk about bad/junk food. I dont even know how to navigate it with my 4yo, but we are pretty chill. I call it nutritous food, and when hes eaten like... sugery cereal Ill let him know he needs some more nutrition or protien. or smth (for a meal yknow) but we also acknowlege sweets are good for the soul
I think your approach to this is wonderful! Currently years into recovery and I find that talking about things like EDs is often done is such a grim way that ppl feel UNCOMFORTABLE coming forward or discussing eating habits. This cheery, non judgmental but still very honest way of speaking about disordered eating is just so refreshing and great to listen to. Seriously thank you because this is something I can show my mom!
I have to say as a mom struggling with an eating disorder since...ever, one of my strictest rules about my daughter, now 6y old, is that food and eating is not a big topic. She eats what she likes, there is always fresh food, fruits, vegetables, there is water and tea there are always snacks, goodies and sometimes junk food. And she learned to trust her feeling, her hunger, her body. Sometimes she eats more sweets, other times she eats broccoli with spinach for dinner. And she is healthy, fit and she can enjoy food. Plus: Even if she gets herself a big bowl of candy, she won't eat everything, cause she finishes when she is full an she knows, there also will be candy tommorrow and the day after. And that she knows best, what she needs. Besides that, I try to work on my ed too, to be a good role model 😊
I kinda wish people would stop giving these people cute names like "biege mom, almond mom, ect". can we just call them bad parents and leave it at that?.
@@peculiar-pan the terms are used to describe people who are inherently bad (i.e. biege moms do things like spray paint kids toys and deprive them of visual sensory input wich can stunt their growth). If they aren't a bad parent then the terms wouldn't apply to them.
@@peculiar-pan giving your kid an eating disorder and subjecting them to the bullshit like chew 5 almonds to not pass out is bad parenting as it's abuse. It's not intentional but it's still abuse
I think we should start calling almond moms "moms that starve their kids to feel better about themselves" and beige moms "moms that care more about aesthetic than their kid's developmental needs"
I think the increase of people using ozempic and similar drugs is important to add to this conversation. My mother, who weighs over 50 pounds less than me, started ozempic. It was prescribed by her doctors after her hip surgery. They said it was the only way for her to lose weight fast enough for her next surgery. Now she only eats about half a meal per day and complains I eat too much. Mind you, I eat 1-2 meals a day, which is obviously less than you should have. Even my family members constantly tell me I need to lose weight knowing I’m recovering from an ed. TLDR: almond moms taking ozempic makes things x2 worse
i know someone on ozempic (for weight loss, he is not diabetic or pre-diabetic, he basically just went to his doctor and requested it) who CONSTANTLY talks about how great it is that it makes him feel like he barely needs to eat. he'll eat the tiniest portion of food and then genuinely feel full, but only because of the medication, not because it's his body's natural response or that he's actually had enough food to sustain a person. and he'll have these little portions MAYBE twice a day. he's lost a massive amount of weight in like half a year basically by starving himself. i honestly feel like it has to count as some form of eating disorder, just with the help of a medication that's removing any mental block of feeling hunger. it's scary and i don't understand how doctors can morally prescribe this stuff for weight loss when this is what happens. how can they not recognize that their patients are using them to fuel eating disorders?
I was prescribed Ozempic for diabetes and it also did get me to lose some weight. I’m down several pounds and my lab values are perfect now, but most importantly to my quality of life is that I no longer *need* food. It was always on my mind before and I would eat just for being bored. When I would eat, a single meal for me was often 3000 calories. Even when I felt bloated and in pain, I still never felt satiated so I would have to keep eating. Whatever Ozempic does to the body’s hormones or whatever has finally made it so I eat a single plate of food every 4 hours like a normal person for the first time in my life. Even though I stopped losing weight and am still heavier than I doctor’s target weight for me, I’ll keep taking it cause it helped me be more free. I know there are people abusing it, just like all drugs, just wanted to say my piece so people don’t think all people prescribed the meds are weight loss seekers.
@@andrewriker2192 oh yeah there’s definitely valid use-cases for it, and that would be people with diabetes or prediabetes. I know someone with prediabetes who is on it for that reason who has finally been able to lose weight she was trying to with diet and exercise previously and nothing was even happening because of multiple medical conditions preventing it. Now that she is getting medical treatment for these conditions, she has been able to get into marathon conditioning like she had been trying to. But that’s the thing, it isn’t JUST about the weight loss, it’s about treatment of a medical condition, as the medication is intended for, and with that condition treated it is possible for the body to do things that it previously couldn’t because of the medical condition. It’s great that it has helped you! And it sounds like you are still eating a good and healthy amount of food. I think where I and the other commenter are concerned are people who are taking it and then only feeling like they need to eat the tiniest amount of food in a day, like one small meal or less, which is unhealthy because it is not enough sustenance or nutrients to properly fuel a body. Which is what is happening for the person I described in my previous comment. I think it’s great that this medication is able to help so many people who do need it, it just greatly concerns me that doctors are not doing more to monitor or stop the people who are abusing it and are using it off label solely for weight loss without even having diabetes or prediabetes, the conditions the medication is meant for. Then there’s also the fact that people using it in this way cause shortages of it and make it difficult for actual diabetics to have access to a needed medication. I don’t want it to me made more difficult for people who need it to get it, but it’s really scary how freely doctors are giving it to just ANYONE and then not stopping people when it gets them into eating disorder territory.
I always thought an almond mom was a mom who liked only bland foods and items in general. Never would I have ever assumed they were such dangerous people be with kids.
Honestly as someone who grew up with a mother who would constantly make comments on my body, what I ate, what I wear, etc, I greatly appreciate this video and talking about the reality of having parents like this. It took me so long to recover but I'm so glad I did. I think almond moms and having eating disorders forced onto you and the damage it does needs to be talked about more. Another great video per usual you never miss ♡
My mom was kind of almondy when I was a kid and is a bit fat phobic (she's never struggled to stay tiny), but my elementary school was straight up CRUNCHY. We weren't allowed to bring lunch, and the lunches were mostly vegetables and whole grains. I once got written up and a call to my parents because I brought in sugar to put in my tea. And they made us take a portion of everything and eat it ALL. I love that school but I'm really glad that they have relaxed these policies. I did struggle with eating disorders in my late teens and early 20s, but that may have had more to do with depression and taking/stopping Dexedrine. I'm currently fatter than I've ever been but I'm trying to hang in there.
Today one of my coworkers joked about me being frail and for the first time in years it wasn't true. I am finally healthy and taking care of myself both mentally and physically and I am so proud. We have all come so far from our struggles and we will continue to grow into beautiful, amazing people. Way to go everyone!
I frequently have people ask/joke that i have an ed cause I’m still quite thin despite now having a really healthy relationship with food and my body and it’s so triggering like thank you for planting that thought in my brain that i worked so hard to get rid of now i can’t stop thinking about my body
I'm stressed now because I hate the flavour of cake my daughter loves the most and therefore has for every birthday. I never eat her birthday cake, I always get myself a cupcake or muffin in my favourite flavour, though, so she still gets to enjoy cake with me. I think she knows it's just because I don't like that flavour. For context, she loves, and I mean LOVES lemon cake. I can't stand it, makes me feel sick. I like chocolate cake but she can't stand that.
i think its wonderful that you are showing her not everyone likes the same foods/flavors, even with sweets. my parents only ever got chocolate cake for my birthday because nobody else liked vanilla like i did, and i cant stand chocolate cake now.
@@disabledhart having grown up with an eating disorder (my mum while not skinny herself, loves the "heroin chic" look, only time she'd compliment me was if I lost even more weight) I want my kids to have the healthiest possible relationship with food. I rarely ever stop my kids eating something, maybe if a meal is in 10 mins I'll say "just give me 10 mins and you can have something" or if they're asking for a 3rd chocolate bar I'll suggest fruit instead.
I think you're handling that in a totally healthy way! She gets what she wants and you still get to enjoy a treat with her. You're modeling that it's totally okay to have preferences and eat what you want to eat and not feel obligated to eat something just cause someone else wants you to, which is only a good thing.
Perfect compromise! Ur showing her that even if u don't prefer certain foods, u still want to participate in ur daughter's special day and celebrate - and that it's better not to eat things that make u feel sick, even if ur worried about hurting someone else's feelings. (Obviously u don't want to be going out of ur way to insult ppls' food choices or cooking but like......if there's something that u know makes u sick, u shouldn't have to force urself to eat it just to be polite. Ur health is more important than whether someone else is offended, I guess that's what I'm trying to say 😅) (ETA: I now see that my comment is v similar to the one above lol sorry about that, I'm not trying to copy u, I swear 😅)
@@MorganChaos that's my intention, I don't make her eat foods she doesn't like, as long as she's tried it, luckily she's not as picky as me. I'd much rather cook two different meals than have my child go to bed hungry as a punishment for simply not liking certain foods
I have a vegetarian sister and she’s always trying to tell people you shouldn’t eat that it’s got this in it and I’m already a picky eater I don’t need her help ruining other food for me
@@Monty90210 no, gelatin is animal skin and bones and rennet comes from an animal's stomach after they're slaughted, some cheeses have it so I have to check.
@@PrincessbuttercupishI believe there are gelatines that are made from seaweed instead, where I live they use than in place of animal gelatine for a surprisingly wide range of products
@steampunk-llama That's not gelatin, that's agar-agar, which has similar properties & uses, but isn't the same thing & won't ever be called gelatin on the lable. See also: pectin, derived from fruits. Hel, even corn/potato starch can be used to create some types of gummies if you use it right. There's really no excuse for anything to still contain gelatin, we have so many vegetarian substitutes for it
When I was a teen, I struggled with an eating disorder bc of family and peer comments. As an adult I was diagnosed with celiac disease so while my ed days are behind me, now I get war flashbacks because I have to check labels on what I’m eating constantly. It’s been so tough navigating the right diet but in a healthy way.
Enjoy Life is the brand of sweets I buy for my friends that have allergies (one is gluten one is soy) and they're tasty. You probably already know brands you can trust
This really got me. I used to cry and wonder why I wasn't thin like my brother and sister despite eating barely anything for half the month. 😢 I grew up with divorced parents and saw them both equally. My mom always was encouraging of my hobbies and what I wanted to do while I was with her, which did not include sports to my Dad's dismay. My sister is super tall, athletic and thin and I am short and have been plus sized my whole life. My dad wasn't an almond Dad but he introduced restrictive eating and made me exercise as a punishment. I gain weight super easily and I was gaining weight like crazy after I hit puberty and my Dad made me weigh myself everyday and it just made me not feel good. Unfortunately, I think the culmination of the restrictive eating, the poor association with exercise and making me do it when I didn't want to and then me binge eating at my mom's because I was hungry led to me gaining all this weight as a kid. It didn't help that I was later diagnosed with PCOS/adrenal issues which makes losing weight EVEN HARDER. And then my dad wonders why I liked staying at my mom's better.
@@chinita2463 Felt! Now that I have an official diagnosis, getting help is another battle in itself after I started going to the gym a few months ago for lowering my cholesterol and making zero progress otherwise 😫 were still worthy of love and respect no matter the size!!
i just don't understand why parents think this behaviour is helpful in any way. if you force a kid to weigh themselves constantly, force them to exercise etc. they're just going to associate it with negative feelings, instead of connecting it positively. as soon as they're not forced to any more, they'll never want to do it again
Whoa, I'm so sorry. No mother should treat their child like that. Hope things get better between you two if you want that, and if not, I hope you learn to live well without her ❤️
Your comment broke my heart. Your mother failed you and treated you cruelly and horribly. I hope you have someone in your life who loves you well and gives you all of the hugs you want.
@@ashtonstout7375 aww that’s so sweet thank you so much. Unfortunately that’s not the worst of it. She found out my stepfather was doing seggsual stuff with me when I was 14 (where he would use food as a bribe) and chose to keep him as a partner.
It’s really interesting to see food issues from the restriction perspective, because I have always had issues bingeing as self harm as well as just general portion control issues. And I am fat. But I know my self worth isn’t tied to the size of my body and have fulfilling relationships. However we ALL owe it to ourselves to take care of our body and love yourself enough to treat it with love and compassion. For me, that is awareness on portion control and what/how much, as well as enjoying rowing for exercise. For others, that would be no scales/serving sizes or tracking apps. The best success/greatest revenge will always be living a long, happy, healthy life. Sending love to everyone who needs it & am so proud of you ❤
Last year my mom was diagnosed with pre diabetes. In the past she did all sorts of health trends, weight watchers, protein shakes for breakfast, whole nine yards. She then became so strict with food that her doctor had to tell her that she needed to relax because she was teetering towards developing an eating disorder. My mom is a lot better now, she managed to reverse the pre diabetes, but seeing her restrict her food that severely scared me
My mom was essentially an almond mum, and my dad LOVED food. It was an interesting set of mixed messages. I thankfully inherited my dad’s love of food but I have struggled with eating disorder at times. I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I hadn’t grown up with my dad’s delightfully healthy relationship with food!
as someone who grew up without hunger signals and still not having any, always did not have hunger signals, i had to teach myself that i need to eat and it was a very large struggle when i was little and didn't understand why i was never hungry. seeing people teaching children this is heartbreaking, don't give your kid this kind of disorder it is not fun and a struggle every day
Yeah, i mostly eat out of habit, but as far as hunger signals go, i don't really get them. I just get the "oh my stomach is growing enough from hunger that its triggering my gag reflex" or "Oh man, I've eaten so much that it's triggering my gag reflex. I can't eat any more or it's all gonna go." For a while, the latter would randomly activate after two bites of food. It sucks.
seriously. just because i'm autistic and have problems with interoception, i have trouble with hunger cues. i literally don't feel hungry at ALL until i'm SO HUNGRY that i'm literally nauseous and then i can't eat because i'm too nauseous and i'll throw up. it sucks. and i have to remind myself to eat and force myself to a lot of the time, even though i don't feel hungry and i don't want food, but just because i KNOW i need it to fuel my body so i can keep living and do the things i want. and that's all without disordered eating. i cannot possibly FATHOM taking a normal, healthy child, and forcing your issues onto them to the point that you've completely screwed up the healthy and natural/normal hunger cues they do have. it's so screwed up that any parent would do that because it has lifelong ramifications that suck to have to deal with
@@poke-talia268 ugh, yeah, i get that random gag reflex sometimes when i'm eating, even if it's something i like and i'm enjoying it. all of a sudden it's like this switch just randomly flips in my brain, and nope, now i'm gagging and i have to stop eating or i'll throw up. i HATE that and i wish i could make it stop. i figure it must be an autistic thing since i've never had an ED. but i have had sensory issues my whole life and a body that just doesn't tell me things (like when i'm hungry or when i need to use the bathroom), until those feelings are SO HUGE that it's like, a total emergency. but yeah, it's not fun. wouldn't wish that shit on anyone
A not spoken about eating disorder is also food insecurity induced overeating. I grew up with that never realizing it was an ED. And it really is. You don't know when your full until you eat so much it hurts then feel guilt for still not finishing
I had a binge eating disorder when I was younger because of that, I've now developed a healthy relationship with food but I can see the rest of my family still struggling and it breaks my heart
something that helped me curb this was simply saving the food for later, no matter how little i have left ill just put it away and eat the rest later as a sorta snack
I have always struggled with eating, though I have been working on getting better. While watching this video I was feeling hungry but trying to ignore it. After hearing your talk I decided to stop the video in the middle and go make myself some food. So thank you very much! Keep making these videos, because I know that they can and do make a difference 🥰
I drank diet soda for so long, that it started to fuck with my period. I also learned the gum hack, chewing gum instead of snacking. So glad that I've managed to deliberately unlearn a lot of that stuff!
My mom has been on a keto diet for going on 4 years now. She has cut nearly all carbs and takes carb blocking "medicine." It's turned into an on and off carnivore diet now. She's attributed her massive weight loss to keto, and when I'm there, to her swimming routine. It's a lot, really, I can tell she has an eating disorder. She has gone without dinners. Or even more.
Also, I have a book recommendation about this. It's called Jane In Bloom. It's about a 12 year old girl losing her 17 year old sister to an eating disorder. Her and her family's grief process as well. It's a great read. This topic, like for many people, is a big one.
Keto is so obnoxious. I did it for 9 Months roughly. I didn't even lose much weight, but I was so miserable and antisocial. You'd basically have to bring your own meals to any occasion because nothing you can order at a restaurant is keto. I also never felt strong enough to exercise or even go for a walk. If I'd done it any longer I'm sure it would have turned into a proper ED.
@nadjak3410 Yeah, she's had to do that. Another part of her diet I really don't like is that she used to buy Plexus. It's basically an MLM that sells outrageously priced diet supplements.
I'm not really sure why people think keto is a fat loss diet and not a diet designed for people with specific medical issues. Who in the world thought cutting out fruits and vegetables and all their vitamins/minerals entirely would be healthy? Do they just take a bunch of supplements instead? Humans are obviously not carnivores. A child knows that just by looking at our teeth. I don't get it.
Man these videos make me so sad, i grew up with a mum with disordered eating that she tried to pass onto my brothers and me. Now I'm old enough i keep trying to gently remind her that she is enough and food isnt bad. Its so so hard seeing my mum struggle and struggling myself because of her.
I have received some great quotes on food that I would like to share! 1. "A good meal shouldn’t just give you nutrients, you also need energy, and that energy needs to last. If you’re running on just a regular green salad, you’re going to be running on empty in the span of 30 minutes." - random gym bro looking guy I overheard talking to his friend I think 2. "You know the "you’re not you when you’re hungry?" ads, right? They’re real, they’re so real, dude. The angriest people I have ever met in my entire life, were always the ones on the most unnecessary diets, they didn’t have any medical conditions or anything, they just (wild and confused hand motions) CHOSE, to live like that! And they’re SO mean" - ramble from a close friend 3. "I learned even though I am on a diet, it’s like, better for me to still eat a little more than recommended, rather than not enough, or I’ll get dizzy and collapse." - work friend 4. "Balance is everything, even in food. A plate of natural colors from fish, vegetables, fruits, spices, and a dumpling, if you’d please, it won’t just be good for you, it’ll make you happier." - extremely old lady in the market 5. "Dessert should be fun. If you have fun eating a nectarine, a slice of cake, or a sugary snack, do it, dessert is a treat, it’s not like you’re eating it all the time, it’s like a little prize for living another day, so don’t feel bad about it." - same close friend from earlier
31:43 A few years ago I was working with this highschool kid over summer break. His mom also worked there and she treated him like he was still in need of her protecting no matter who he was talking to. One day, I'm talking to him and notice her watching while I'm telling him this exact thing you're saying here about how to start talking to someone he likes. "Don't compliment their eyes, or their nose. Compliment their style, their choices. etc. etc." I knew I was speaking truths so I didn't care that she was listening. She actually came up to me later and thanked me. Said that what I said was really smart and hopefully he takes it to heart. It was great and actually gave me a moment of pride in a way. Then the very self absorbed coworker who was eavesdropping in on her thanking me piped up with "You're wrong though. Telling people they're beautiful is always best" I just stared at her for a second without saying a word and walked away.
When I was kid I had multiple severe food allergies, so I had to be on a very strict diet. My punishment for eating a "bad food" was sickness or even death. It wasn't until I was 15 that it occurred to me that eating is supposed to enjoyable and not a chore. I was still dealing with being underweight and having a low appetite, but this past year I gained 30lbs and my appetite has increased. Kids with food allergies often develop unhealthy relationships with food that last well into adulthood, but I'm glad I'm finally breaking out of it.
I v understand this, my food allergy has caused me a lot of anxiety around food, ppl give me strange looks when i wont eat at parties and such ! If i dont know whats in the food, i wont eat it. Been burned too many times lol
That’s me, as a very young kid I already had 10+ severe food allergies. I’ve only developed more food allergies/intolerances as I’ve grown. It got to a point where all food felt dangerous because eating meant pain. I’d avoid eating anything unless someone was looking at me. I’m now eating three meals a day which is a really big deal for me, but boy something is wrong with me.
Absolutely this! I grew up with so many allergies and still to this day often have a hard time to find something to eat when eating out or at friends places due to my allergies. So often I simply choose to have a salad because first of all it’s a dish I love but also it’s a dish I can mostly eat without being worried about allergies and can easily just take out ingredients that I can’t eat (like tomatoes for example). I can’t count the times people have told me I am weird or have an eating disorder for eating like this. Honestly yes I do have a different relationship to food than most people but also I simply can’t eat a lot of food that other people eat…
@@Laura-ru9vr fr once I was at a social gathering and I was eating berries cuz that was the only thing I could have that I liked. This one guy comes up to me and says "aw c'mon you can have cake." I was like, no actually I can't, and now I'm sad about it. Thanks buddy.
Man, that must be terrifying. Especially if you ever decided to have a kid yourself. I can only imagine the things the grandparents might say to your kid.
No bc why did my mom also teach me how to suck in my stomach as well. It also hurts me when she'll get a shirt too big and put it on my bed and when i put it on she tells me it fit tight like how shee wanted it on her, and it is a very hurtful backhanded compliment
I'm the (now adult) child of a patent with an eating disorder and it rubs off on you from an earlier age than you'd think. It took me almost dying from the illness to give my parent that wake-up call and seek help for themself. We both live with the lasting effects of it, but we're unlearning crappy things together and try to ensure my niece has a positive relationship with food 🖤 thank you
I never really realized the toxic environment my parents held around food until I moved out and then had a great partner that never associated food with shame. it allowed me to figure out and heal and now have a healthier relationship with food. There are still habits I'm working on un-training myself, the hardest being comfortable relaxing the muscles in my stomach because I had a "suck it in" mom.
as someone who is currently trying to lose weight, and constantly struggling with guilt and other food related issues, while my mom unknowingly pushes restrictions on my diet and commenting over what I eat and when im hungry, and always comments on other people's bodies, and has done this my whole life, this video is really hitting hard, when i was younger my body was a perfect hourglass, and my mother was overweight, and she basically projected her insecurities onto me, by telling ke not to wear crop tops or two-piece swimsuits because it would make me look fat or because she personally wouldn't be caught dead in such clothes, and all those comments that she doesnt even remember telling me anymore, have lead to me spending mu childhood thinking i was fat when i wasnt, which made me give up on eating healthy and made me start eating junk and stop exercising at all due to depression, and now i struggle so much with my relationship with food, because every bite of food i take i practically have to force myself to eat, no matter how hungry i am, and i often find myself fighting my hunger cues by telling myself "you cant eat until this specific hour" which often leads to me feeling nauseous and even passing out from lack of calories. parents dont realize this, but every little comment they say, even when not aimed at their child, even just commenting on someone on tv's outfit, that shit sticks for life and causes so much harm, i not only struggle with body image and food, but even with fashion, as whenever i shop for clothing and see something cute i like, my mom's voice echoes through my head, telling me i cant wear that because people will make fun of me and that will make HER look like a bad parent for letting me express myself through my clothes, i spent my childhood dressing like a trad-wife and my teen years dressing in baggy sweaters and jeggings, because of all her comments and all her rules. the moment i started to grow curves i was forced to throw away my favorite tank tops because they showed "too much cleavage", memories that only worsen my body image issues and gender dysphoria today, because from such a young age my body was sexualized and covered up, a body i used to not even think of as being gendered before puberty, was suddenly considered obscene to look at. the way AFAB people are treated, every inch of skin scrutinized and judged constantly, is so destructive, and sadly parents are the biggest contributors in this, even without bad intentions, my parents only wanted to protect me obviously, but by doing that they only shoved the concepts of sexuality onto me when i didnt ask for it or need it, i was 8 years old when my body became something to be ashamed of, i spent so many years hating myself, and i still struggle to love myself to this day, and im lucky to have found a support system online that helps reassure me that im good enough as i am. i just hope as society progresses, parents will stop acting this way and people will stop seeing it as normal, because even today, typing this out, im having a hard time seeing my words through the tears in my eyes. and the worst part of this all is knowing that my parents had good intentions, and knowing that to them they did nothing wrong, because i cannot bring up the issue with them at all since they wont see it as an issue at all...to them those are positive memories, untainted by the pain i went through...they are free from these feelings, hell, despite telling me my whole life not to wear two piece swimsuits, she is now proudly wearing some, and showing them off to me with a big smile. (and while i am happy that she's gotten better with her own body image, it is so painful to realize how oblivious she is to the pain she's caused me)
I grew up with an almond mom who bullied me into an ED when I was 12 years old because, and I quote, "no daughter of mine is allowed to be fat." When I moved out at 18 and in with a married couple, the wife had orthorexia. She even had the family participate in a few weight loss competitions where the entire family would pitch a certain amount of money into a jar and the person who lost the most weight by the end would win all the money inside. They used to shame me for not participating. While I was actively suffering from a binge ED and unmedicated PCOS. Thankfully, I haven't relapsed in around 5 years now! But it horrifies me how common EDs are in our culture and how they are often treated as socially acceptable as long as the person appears outwardly "healthy" and attractive.
Eating well is so hard. I was raised by a diabetic mother who was and still is ashamed of her weight and tries to eat healthy, but she struggles with eating healthy. I have heard so many comments from her about weight and being guilty about eating that it’s just rooted in my brain. I also have digestive issues that make my stomach hurt if I eat too much or too little so finding a balance that is healthy is frustrating. Plus because of school I have a bad habit of ignoring when I’m hungry and instead eating when I feel like it, which is sometimes a lot and sometimes a little which is not healthy. I’m still a teenager though so I really have nobody to talk to about wanting to understand healthy eating.
Maybe you can reach out to your schools counselor, or a trusted teacher! Keeping prepped snacks on you or wherever can help for when you're just randomly hungry; a cup of cereal, a small bag of chips, prepped fruit or veggies. You need the food for your brain, it's so important to keep your body and brain healthy, especially as a kid/teen. I know I'm pretty bad at keeping hydrated, so I keep things likes cucumbers, a pre made salad, watermelon ect. to snack on when I'm not really hungry. Having a bag of jerky or like pepperoni and Ritz crackers is good if you need more protein.
Earlier this year I had a gallbladder attack. Really bad, lasted a week and ended up having to get emergency surgery (I'm fine now!). But in that time I stopped eating for the week. Nothing but broth, it was like any food made me feel sick. In that time- one week- I lost an alarming amount of weight. And it's all my mom could comment on after. That I lost so much weight and I looked so good. I was HOSPITALIZED. I was sick, skin yellow and in immense pain. And yet it was my weight that she and some others were focused on.
I remember I’ve always had trouble with eating(just random mental blocks and low motivation to eat) and my mom would just accept if I wouldn’t eat for days after asking once if I would eat. My dad would always make sure I ate something and would go out of his way to get me whatever food I’ve been eating the most, even now he’ll let me go get “whatever I want” from town as long as I eat something. Thanks to him I’ve gained 10lbs this year and am actually getting back to a healthy weight.
Hey, Sav. Thank you. I am so glad you made this. I’m a minor who’s trying to cut communication with extended family. Note that this isn’t ONLY from parents!! I got anorexia from my grandmother telling me to leave the table early at 9. I’m still not fully over it but I’m trying. I love you all (/p) and an so proud of everyone trying to get better like me
Thinking about the timeline this feels like a bunch of people who were subjected to Heroin chic in the 90s developed eating disorders, and never talked about it so now they’re passing it on to their children
i think it really is like that. as a millenial who's about to turn 35, i remember how all the magazines when i was a teen were littered with diet tips. Cosmo, etc. it was everywhere. disordered eating was so common that we didn't even realize it was disordered back then. everyone dieted and watched their weight and had body issues. as long as it was never "bad" you were fine. except no, none of it was fine. just because it wasn't SUPER SEVERE, doesn't make it okay. it was still wildly disordered, and it's no surprise to me that an entire generation who grew up on that is raising kids who have learned all their same disordered ideas
On the point of eating every two hours: YES! Yesyesyesyesyes. I will give my parents shit for some horrible beliefs but they were amazing about food. My dad (especially when I did wrestling) would constantly remind me that really I should be eating five meals instead of just three and he made sure I was eating lunch (I would sometimes just not get a school lunch).
Hey, I know you’ll never read this, but I’ve caught myself falling into my usual calorie counting and bulimia habits and it’s gotten worse lately. While no video can just stop the struggle (fellow ED survivors can attest) you really spoke to me in this video at a pivotal time where I needed it before I began starving myself again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experiences and speaking out about these disorders for all of your audience to hear. You’re a gem
Thank you so much for this. I am a mom, I do not think of myself as an almond mom but I did recognize a few things I do and say to my son that were on this video so I will work on never repeating that again. Sending hugs and best wishes to you.
I had an almond mom!! I got soo close to developing ana/Mia as a young teenager but luckily I had videos like this that helped me stop myself! Years later I realised that I have ARFID and have my entire life, but my parents never picked up on it because having a low appetite and skipping meals is a good thing!! AND they had the audacity to stop me eating sugary foods that my brother was allowed to eat!! Now people are regularly concerned about my weight and I find eating food to be a sensory nightmare :'D. I genuinely think if my parents had bothered to make sure I ate three meals a day as a kid I would've been fine. thanks, mom.
I have ARFID too! My parents always take an “oh, you!😜” kind of attitude towards it, even when I have only eaten rice and other similar bland things like crackers or plain fries. I had a bit more variety before, but as I grew up it whittled down to almost nothing. Now, I’m on three medications for three deficiencies and every time we go to a doctor for checkups and stuff, my mom makes a point of making my diet sound like my fault and that I’m just a stubborn teen who doesn’t like listening to their parents, when I LITERALLY can’t make myself eat “good” things because y’know, I’m *terrified??*
the way i am realizing that my grandma (dads mom) is a almond mom edit: i remember her lowkey fat shaming my mom and giving my older sister, my cousin, and i lessons on how to suck in our stomachs
NOO bc why on the first day I visit my family members all my aunts say" OOH I see you got the family curves" and sge did it while making a hourglass shape, and that hurt me bc they had nothing else to say to me, and its not like i them all the time
i am also in recovery from an ED and my parents are both somewhat of health nuts (not even in an explicitly bad way) and it took them so long to realize that their forms of “being healthy” were actively feeding into my unhealthy habits. (also, laxative use is also a form of bulimia as i learned whilst in treatment)
I can tell this was a really hard video for you to make. But the messages and conversation around eating disorders are so important. Thank you for making this video.
I'm autistic and when I had my issues around eating I got so obsessed with the calories and nutrients in everything to the point I know hundreds of food items calories off by heart still, and I had these issues at about 10-14 and I'm now 21. It wasn't even about weight loss for me it was just the control and denying myself things I wanted felt like self harm that wouldn't be noticed. And I've never really felt hungry or full until I'm in physical pain so it was relatively easy for me to spiral with it. I'm so much better now mentally than I was before I was allowed to be myself and come out, I think growing up being told I was someone I'm not caused a lot of my issues really in hindsight, that and not being diagnosed with autism and ADHD until my late teens despite being 'moderate' and not unobvious
Also autistic & ADHD and got into really severe restriction, but from a different angle - pure stubborn competitiveness. I wanted to be an expert at eating. I wanted to know all the exact calories and micro/macronutrients and I wanted to see how far I could push it to get the most 'optimum' balance on the fewest calories. Every day had to be less than yesterday, not because I wanted to 'be thin', though it did start kind of as an effort to lose weight. It was about the dopamine hit I got from being better than yesterday. I wanted infinite growth in being Good At This Thing, and then I hit the ceiling.
My mom was never as bad as any of these but my brother and I have recently explained to her how her going on diets throughout our childhood has affected us. I’m so grateful for the circumstances which allowed me to avoid falling into unhealthy patterns of thinking like this. Currently celebrating that I gained back the weight I lost from when I had surgery last year. I don’t track my weight other than when I have doctors appointments and just noticed I was back where I had previous thought I was healthy and feeling good, so yay! Lovely video! I’m always trying to combat these awful idea with my friends bc we’ve all absorbed them from parents and society over the years.
I think my mom is an almond mom. She will eat like 2 bites of something and then be like "I'm full". She's also super skinny but is constantly worrying about gaining weight and will punish herself with restricting eating even more if she thinks she gained some. Worst part is that she pushes this sort of a lifestyle on me which then made me develop severe body dysmorphia (at one point it was so bad that I felt extreme anxiety just walking out of the house because I'm a bit overweight). Thanks for covering this, never would've known about this term had it not been for this video. Love your content, keep up the great work
TW: mentions of nausea/throwing up i’m watching this after recovering from three(ish) days of not eating, due to extreme nausea + vomiting, even tho i couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. just had half a sandwich, a few olives, some crisps and some apple juice. i don’t have a diagnosed eating disorder per se, but after watching this i’m wondering if my condition could have some underlying symptoms. Kiwi, i’m so proud of you for doing this video, if i were you i’d take a long rest to recover from putting yourself thru this upsetting & triggering stuff! thank you for this video. and to anyone out there who has struggled or is currently struggling w/ an eating disorder, you are so strong and i love you. ❤
sad part that got to me was "always encouraging and validating you when you lose weight but never when you gain weight" cause I have a digestive disorder so for the longest time I was skin and bones but no one says congrats for you when you go from 40lbs to 100lbs over the span of decades.
Might not mean much, but let me congratulate you on that. Gaining weight so that your body feels easier to live in and presumably feeling healthier and happier. Congratulations
I still struggle with these behaviors and it wasnt my mom, it was my aunt to who shamed me for being a "chubby little muffin" as a kid. I now have a little human with health issues that i stress so much about trying to make them gain weight and while i still shame myself for a damn cookie. My ED is much better but i will always struggle with it all cuz family couldn't let me just be a kid who loved food.
@@jmarshal My parents contantly made fun of me as a child/teen for being too thin, I couldn't gain weight until I was 22; at 175 cm tall and after I was finally over 60 kg (130 lb) I was too fat in their eyes. No matter what you are, tall/short, fat/thin, smart/dumb, it will never be good enough for some people. After 30+ years of little to no support from them, I cut my parents off and am able to breathe now. Wishing you all the best ❤
I was raised by a mom that restricted/controlled my food to try to get me to be skinny. She tied my worth to my weight and my brain (different story). It impacted me so much and to this day I sometimes feel guilty for eating what I do at the amounts I do. And I'm an adult living on my own. Parents seriously need to be so, so much better than the way most of them currently act.
I feel you.. I've been overweight almost my whole life since elementary school and have an overweight yet constantly fad-dieting mother who was obsessed with her thin phase (before she had me or my siblings), so I grew up on mixed messages: sucking in your stomach and standing 'sideways' to look less fat in photos since age 5, being kicked under the table during family events for ever getting seconds or thirds, being shamed for eating sweets yet constantly offered some, being told "are you pregnant" or "you need to go on a diet" every time I visit nowadays... It's just so exhausting
My mom was an almond mom- what’s worse, she had a masters degree in NUTRITION!!! But she still restricted all her food. It wasn’t exactly shocking when I developed a severe ED that took over 10 years of my life
I really needed to hear this I think u fr just saved me because I was going down the path of goal after goal and then moving the goal post further each time
dudeee.... this video made me realize how bad my home life is 🧍i thought that most people around my age (12-15) only ate two-three large meals a day, and never ate snacks 😭😭 and like LITERALLY, for the past two years, i used to say "why am i hungry, it's only been 4-5 hours since i last ate? i should probably just drink water" 😭😭😭
as someone who's 34, i can promise you this: snacks are fine. it's normal to be hungry after an hour or 2. especially if you're a teenager. and especially if you're running around and doing things, or at school all day (think about it, your brain is an organ like any other part of your body, and when you're using it A LOT, you get hungrier. it's kinda funny, cuz if i sit and read for hours, i'll get hungry, lol). so yeah, eat snacks if you feel hungry. not a full meal, but just something so that you're not like, ugh, i feel so hungry right now. there's nothing wrong with that. food isn't good or bad. there's no moral value to eating. it's a thing we need to do to live. the way cars need gas. no one shits on a car for need it's tank filled up, right? best thing you can do for yourself is learn to listen to your own body. eat when you're hungry, don't eat when you're not. that's it. just try your best to listen to your body and you'll be okay.
one of the things that helps me is focusing instead on what my body can DO. like i used to really hate my thighs, but then i started to see them through the lens of running, because i ran track. and i started seeing my thick thighs as beautiful because they made it possible for me to get good races times. my arms are amazing because they give great hugs. and they're strong enough to help lift other people up to go crowd surfing when i go to concerts. that makes me feel good. it doesn't' matter how they look when someone is crowd surfing, it matters that my arms are strong enough to help keep that person in the air so they can have fun. it doesn't matter if my stomach is flat, it matters that it's comfy for my cat to lay on when he wants cuddles. things like that. i dunno if it helps anyone else, but it really helped me value my body more when i started focusing on the things it could do that made me happy instead of focusing on how it looked.
This video was exactly what I need since I restarted my fitness journey after recovering from an ED 6 years ago. I basically swore off fitness cause of the bad habits that form. A lot of the things you said made me realize I was feeding into those bad habits so 35:00 really hit home for me. I appreciate your content because of your transparency. Keep up the great work!
I never realized how bad my mom was until I was pregnant. We were at a birthday party for my sister’s kids and I hadn’t been able to eat anything due to nausea/a hyperactive baby that wouldn’t stop doing gymnastics. When it came time for cake, my stomach(and baby) had calmed down so I had a piece. After that I was still STARVING from not eating most of the day and the cake was so good so I grabbed a second piece. My mom noticed and called me out from across the room in front of everyone there. She asked me if my OB had told me that I was gaining too much weight yet and asked how much weight I had gained so far. I was so embarrassed and tried to play it off saying I didn’t know because I wasn’t keeping track of it and my doctor said I was healthy but she would not let it go, saying “of course you know! How much weight have you gained? They weigh you at every appointment you have to know!” And my sister chiming in saying “My pregnancy craving was salad! That’s all I ate while pregnant!” My sister-in-law got annoyed and stepped in to save me saying “I never cared how much weight I gained while pregnant! The doctor says she’s healthy so what does it matter?” I went home and bawled after that.
I'm so fucking sorry, they deserve shit for that
You didn't deserve that and I hope you and your kid are doing well
Sister probably chimed in to feel worthy in your moms eyes, both of them are rotten for that- you created life, forgive yourself.
Thats awful
I'm so sorry to hear that! Please, tell your mom to NEVER say or imply any such thing as 'bad' or 'good' food to or around your child where it could overhear such nonsence. Also, you are pregnant.
I would have told her to shut up and sit her skinny ass down.
Almond parents suck, but so do the "finish your plate or you're wasting food" parents. Good luck to everyone with food issues. You're loved and appreciated ❤️
Ones who are both somehow exist too 😅
I am unlearning the second one as it has caused major issues in my eating and has caused a very unhealthy relationship with food.
Yeah now i overeat and feel guilty. @TheCyancheese
Oof yeah shoutout to all the adults who can’t tell when they’re “full” now because they had to push through it 🙃
Genuinely have a fucked up relationship with food and my parent was the “finish your food” type, would ridicule me for not finishing my food but then would make fun of me for eating too much and gaining weight ‘edit- I also want to point out that she basically gave me binge eating and my older sister a restrictive eating disorder with how she raised us and how that affected each of our brains. So the same thing she was saying to me had a way different effect on my older sister :(
My roommate grew up with an almond mom. For years she would make little comments about my food or compare it to her own and I took offense honestly. When we got our first apartment together I noticed that she bought all these "organic" and "healthy" snacks and whatever and I started to realize a little more what was going on. She'd talked about her mom I just didn't realize how bad it was.
A few months ago she came into my room sobbing telling me she thinks she has an eating disorder. It took her years to even notice and she had no clue how to stop. I felt awful for her.
Please don't teach your kids that food has moral value behind it. Food is fuel.
my mom acts shocked that i have issues around food even though she constantly body shamed me and shamed me for binge eating. thanks mom
@@coolchameleon21awhh man... :(( that is beyond messed up, im so sorry your mom does that 😞💔
It can be really hard for people with "nice" parents to recognize the damage they've done. (I don't know if your roomie feels that or not.) But like, "oh they just wanted me to eat healthy" "they wanted me to have good habits" "they were supportive of me" "they loved me and I had a happy childhood" etc. Like even if you generally had a "good" childhood, the hidden trauma that can come out can really run deep and has very much impacted the (now grown) child's life. 😥
@@RabbitTeacup oh believe me, I feel that deeply when it comes to other stuff (my mom became antivax and stuff when I was in middle school). Like I had a good childhood and they loved me so much and everything they did was because they loved me but it doesn't mean they were always right and that it didn't have a negative impact.
I read this so wrong I thought the mom was buying all that “healthy” food and came to tell you that she has a eating disorder 😂😂
The whole “don’t restrict when your kids can eat” reminded me of a time in the middle of the summer where my parents were angry because they caught my older siblings sneaking food up to their rooms at night. So you know what they did? They fucking banned us from the kitchen past 8pm. I forgot about the rule the first night, and ended up crying myself to sleep because I was so hungry. The next night I binged right before 8pm so that wouldn’t happen again. They ended up dropping the rule after around a week because my siblings would just go down and take food when my parents fell asleep, but it was still fucking traumatizing for little 9 year old me
Also because of my parents’ constant dieting and talking about food, I always thought I was a bit on the chubby side. Went to the doctor yesterday, I am very healthy weight wise
I hope life is better now. You can get through this!
this is the situation for me in my late teens😭 me and my siblings have had a permanent kitchen-ban-past-8pm for as long as i can remember...not fun
This is especially bad for autistic kids because following rules is so important to them (in general).
My step mom did this because she didn't like that her kids were a little chubby and weren't adventureious with food. I went to bed hungry most nights because she would tell me I could only have some spaghetti some garlic cheese bread. I was pretty thin and fit as i did sports. I had stopped eating lunch at school because the sensory experience of all the stinky students and the green hotdogs made me sick. I had to stop going to my dad's just to be able to sleep without being kept up by hunger cramps. She was so strict about dinner and we were technically guests at the time since they hadn't married yet so I never even tried to get food after dinner and instead started stashing food I still do it now that I'm 20 and haven't slept there in over 5 years.
I have an award winning weightlifting grandma. Even she has sweet treats within her diet. When us grandkids are over, my grandpa usually lets everyone have ice cream, and during that time, my grandma helps clean. When everyone is settled down with their ice cream, that's when she measures out her portion and then she joins us. She knows it could affect others, so she waits and then partakes in her limits. It's kind of inspiring, actually seeing how she still partakes, but in doing so, makes sure it doesn't affect anyone else.
Dont forget about the moms who are overweight and dont want their kids to be "unhealthy" like they are. My mom always had an unhealthy relationship with food, like binge eating. She didn't want me to be like her, so she constantly shamed me for eating "unhealthy" food.
Big mood as a big girl
Yea I know how having a mother like that can be. 🫤
Yup my mom was like that as a kid. Overweight and always eating sugar. As a kid it was guaranteed we had 3 packs of oreos open at a time, which led to her guilting me whenever I'd try to eat *gasp* THREE COOKIES?? Unfortunately now, she's progressed to just an eating disorder. She's lost a lot of weight, which is good for her cholesterol I guess, but her meals are like, 2 pieces of lettuce and a handful of shredded chicken. It makes me sad :(
I have the in between mom 😭 She gained weight when she was pregnant with me. She then started eating a bit more food (she couldn’t eat greasy foods bc I caused her gallstones). Had my 2 sisters after however long. Still eating a lot. She would shame me for both sides 😭 Guess who’s plus size for a few different reasons?? Me!
My mum is overweight and always has been, she would comment on how "big" I'd get if my bmi entered the "healthy" range from the underweight range. She really likes the "heroin chic" look from the early 2000s. I'm a naturally thinner person anyway but her other children aren't so I got the brunt of her skinny obsession. Even now she makes comments about my weight and even my kids weights, I don't let her watch my kids because of her insane diet obsession.
It worries me that where I live you see two types of these families, overweight parents with overweight children or overweight parents with super skinny children. I always worry about the kids in both situations
I'll never forget when my mom told my friend to stand up straighter so she wouldn't look as fat. I realized that it was just as wrong for her to say that to me as it felt to hear it said to my friend
That's actually something I learned in therapy, lol. When I think something negative about myself, ask how I would react if a friend said that about themselves, or if someone else said that about my friend. It was a really good tool for recognizing the difference between negative self-talk and valid self-criticism, and being able to interrupt the bad thoughts before they spiraled.
I don’t get it. You would expect an adult to have a filter.
@@Robohead-z6z Many adults are just traumatised children with a job and taxes.
@@gracelovely3838 If someone said that to me I'd just slouch more 😂
Mine told us to suck in at all times for the same reason. Spoiler alert, it fucks up your breathing! If you have asthma or get out of breath easily check if you're doing it without realising
one time when I was 9 I heard sugar was more addictive than crack, so I challenged myself to go a week with out sugar. It was a silly little thing I did, It wasn't a "you failed if you eat sugar" it was more of a "Just don't eat oreos or something for a week". near the end of my challenge, in school, my teacher (who was a good awful woman who actually traumatized me to the point of needing to be on suicide watch when i was 10), was teaching about cells and stuff, so her and some other teachers did a thing to recreate a plant cell on a green poptart with little snacks. I told that teacher about the challenge I was doing, and I asked for a zip lock bag so I could take it home and eat it later, she told me no and that I had to eat it there or throw it away. I *hated* wasting food, like I feel like shit for throwing out something that's like months expired. So I basically begged this teacher to let me take it home in a paper towel or something, and this bitch (who had beef with a 9 year old for some reason), called me a 'fat selfish whiner, who always wants to throw a fit' because I wanted to wait to eat something that had sugar. So I cried while eating it, and even if I did technically 'fail' the challenge earlier that week, I really felt like I failed it then. worst part, she brought up that during lunch I had the schools milk and an apple, she pointed out that the milk and apple had sugar, she then told me that I, the 9 year old autistic child, that I was a liar and a fraud because I, *the 9 year old autistic child she was supposed to be teaching*, drank plain milk and ate an apple. I honest to god had a hard time eating anything with sugar in it for like a month or two after that, and when I say anything with sugar, I meant one gram was too much. Idk why I stopped thinking like that, but I did, and I am so fucking lucky for that
Oh stars that is awful! I hope it didn't affect you long-term. That teacher doesn't deserve to teach anyone, let alone young, impressionable children. ❤❤
Grown adults having beef with children is crazy
Your teacher was a bwitch and it's processed sugar that's bad not natural sugar like what is found in an apple or milk
Some teachers power trip istg. I remember my elementary school principal yelling at me (also autistic) for crying and "being disruptive".
You were just doing a silly challenge, it's not like you were screaming at her to f off.
I can't stand it when people equate the sugar in fruit or milk as the same as the sugar you use in your tea, it not, its a part of the items natural genetic makeup, it does not get get processed the same way.bcuz its not the same. people say crap like that so they can justify eating candy over healthy options that aren't candy. also that teacher sounds stupid.
My grandma had this magnet on the fridge with a cow saying "Holy cow, are you eating again?" and that was really just the physical manifestation of how I was raised emotionally.
Dude what in the world?? That is so awful. Hopefully you are better now :(
There is 1 exception to the quote "water also fills up your stomach" and that is when your kid has adhd and because of that forgets to drink and gets his hunger and thirst signals mixed up.
My kid barley drinks 1 liter of water a day but will eat until he is sick if I let him. Intuitive eating sounds fun until your body is unable to regulate on its own...
There are better phrases to help kids in such a situation to remember this by. Not worth keeping it around IMO.
But, regardless, its *very* good that you're paying attention to your kid's hydration. Developing good habits is so important for renal health, and habit forming is way harder with ADHD. But when it comes to the things that kill you long term, barring things like environmental poisonings or genetic diseases, its probably going to be kidney, liver or cancer problems.
You're doing well to improve their longevity and quality of life all along the way. (I spend too much time with healthcare specialists, lol)
As a personal anecdote, my body has had issues regulating with food, and it wasn't just about a run of the mill neurodivergence- I have a pituitary tumor, reproductive hormone hypersensitivities and had thyroid cancer. (and those thyroid nodules had to have been there a LONG time to become that kind of cancer, typically)
I do encourage you to check your son's hormone levels, as well as iron, if you haven't recently, just to make sure there's nothing else going on. And be sure to get a full thyroid panel, not just the TSH- you want to see what the actual levels of the relevant thyroid hormones are, not just how much of said hormones the body is asking for- helps better check for things like Hashinotos.
There's a higher incidence of these kinds of issues in people with ADHD, so worth a gander.
wait, are those different signals? news to this one. It's definitely familiar with difficulty self-regulating eating
@@deathstinger13yea i dodnt know either i have the opposite i always tend to think im thirsty when im hungry i always gotta remind myself to eat
I think you just saved me from going down the hole…genuinely thank you so much
Also when I was little my mom would tuck me into bed by saying “look at these strong legs for running, look at this stomach for digesting, look at these arms for picking up things, look at these eyes for looking, etc.” and I never understood it until now; she was trying so save me from looking at my body from societies standards. She was trying to teach me to look at my body as something that helps me live and do things instead of just something to look at. I am eternally grateful to her.
That’s so sweet omg!! What a good mom you have
That's beautiful omg 🥺 good on ur mom, what a great way to teach ur kid. Subtle and memorable and creates a comforting memory all at the same time.
@@bbo7002 I know, she is so great, I couldn’t ask for a better mom and the fact that she asks me all the time if she can do anything better as a mom makes it a million times better.
@@ambi_12 stop I'm gonna cry from the wholesomeness 😭
Fr tho, I'm so happy for u fam! I hope someday that more moms can be just like urs ☺️
@@bbo7002 I know! Thank you, I’m going to try to be like her 😊
The generational trauma with food is so strong. My gran and mum would make comments about food and their bodies. If I ate something "unhealthy" my gran would say "you don't wanna end up fat like me and your mum, do you?" And it's so damaging. I'm still recovering from my disordered eating, it's not reaolved but I'm a lot better than I was
I so glad things are getting better. I know I don't know you but I'm proud of you. 💚
I completely understand. Glad to hear you're doing better ❤️
The generational trauma thing is real. The eating disorders in my family go as far back as my great-grandmothers on both sides
I've always wanted to call my mother out on it. I've said something along the lines of "It's the gene you gave" but I made it sound like I'm joking. I want to tell her to stop projecting her insecurities on me, but that might damage our relationship further and I still kinda want to have a connection with my sisters.
@@MidniteSpectre It got to the point where I would tell her "did I ask?" In a very blunt and rude way because she would create insecurities within me and then pick on them. It doesn't work with everyone but letting them know in a blunt and quick manner that what they're saying isn't appropriate catches them off guard
My mom is not an almond mom. However, she did push her body issues on me. Anytime I'd wear a tank top as a little kid she'd say 'Oh I wouldn't wear that, I don't like my arms' and shorts 'Oh it's nice you can wear those outside, I can't'. And if my shirt happens to be a little low cut (in my own room) she'll say 'Pull up your shirt' but she walks around our house naked. I got called a sl*t by her a year ago for wearing shorts outside in the summertime. I'm trying to overcome my own self-image issues as well as the ones she forced on me. It's really tough.
The "it's nice you can wear that" is SO real and has lowkey impacted me so much, I'm a teen and I literally have the exact same body type as her and she just can't fucking stop talking about how she needs to lose weight to me, and after that she goes "but you're so beautiful! You're skinnier than me! That doesn't apply to you" but it does and idk how to explain that to her
That is so mess up. Plus does she want you to burn up?
I am never bothered about how I look in my clothes except when my mom is around because she always has something to say about it.
I have scoliosis and vividly remember walking around in a sports bra at home after cross country practice and my mom saying something about "dang, you're gonna really freak someone out in a bikini one day. We should look at tankinis so you can cover that up." I've since had surgery on my spine to alleviate my daily pain it caused and now a lot of the postural issues are not so visible, but it took a lot for me to overcome the fear of showing off my scar and the visible bits of metal along my spine (I have 3 rods and 13 pins, and along some sections of my spine with the pins, it kinda looks like I have a second spine from the little bumps along it). I have the confidence now at 24, but it took a long time to get over that fear. She said that to me at 15, and I had surgery at 17, and I was probably 21 or so before I finally wore a bikini instead of tankini purely out of fear of my scar being "freaky"
@@hailyjohnson407ur mom a weirdo
the whole "you need to finish your plate" thing goes along with losing your hunger signals. I can't believe how much my life has changed after working to get those signals back
Struggling with the hunger signals both from an iffy relationship with food and autism. How do you get them back?
@Marigumilikesart I planned out meals for myself for 2 weeks. I just committed to that, because any more than that was daunting. Literally just eating 3 meals a day changed so much. I also learned that sometimes, if I just can't seem to be satiated, drinking water can help. Sometimes I'm thirsty and those signals can trigger your appetite. I focused mostly on the amount and time of the food, not necessarily what I was eating. Learning how to cook healthy meals at the same time was kind of a lot. Also worked with my therapist
I'm just starting to get that back now, at 42. I think it was a matter of adding fruit and vegetables to my meals, and trying to identify feelings of fullness, as well as being willing to throw away uneaten food, even if it's tasty
@@Marigumilikesart I struggle to eat for many reasons that actually aren't connected to trauma or insecurities, It's something I go through everyday
How it works for me is that the adhd makes me energetic, too much energy leading to insomnia, leading to tiredness in the morning, autistic brain doesn't usually remember to send signals anyway so that makes me hungry, and the events following cause me to be too tired to get up and eat. Then executive dysfunction kicks in and I basically can't get out of bed. So the full result of this is that if you, whoever is reading this, imagine being my mother. What happens is that you will occasionally see me starve and lay there in bed doing nothing, defeated by my own self and the way my brain works differently which then affects my entire body since the brain runs most of the organs and muscles we use on a daily basis and the worst part is that not only i'm too tired to eat... i'm too tired to try and do something to fix it. And when I do actually eat, my child self picks whatever sugary or salty food can be found instead of something healthy. I honestly don't know how i'm still alive at this point
@@InaraRoss My experience is pretty similar. I don’t feel hunger and it becomes worse when I focus on tasks, any task like drawing or schoolwork in it’s time, reading, minecraft is the worst offender, any of those things will set me into hiperfocus and I just don’t eat (or drink or pee for that matter). Executive dysfunctions aside I also got used to eating with people, in childhood I knew it was time to est because my parents would call me over and have everything set up, in school it was because we had a dedicated hour for it. But one I got to be on my own in college and was left to my own devices I spent tree straight days without food because I simply forgot, did not realize I had not eaten until I stood up from my work desk and my eyes went white and next thing I see is I’m on my knees.
That is the non trauma related side of my bad eating habits, my mother did try to force that diet culture on me and she still tries to this day. Which does not help the situation at all.
My mom and dad both have a lot of health issues so they try to fix them with extremely limiting diets, I saw them do this, and told them I wanted to try dieting when I was in 5th grade. They celebrated. I had jaw surgery that prevented me from eating properly for 6 months. All anyone ever said was “you’re going to loose so much weight” and talked about me having a summer body. I did loose weight. I couldn’t eat anything. One meal a day would make me feel sick. I complained to my mom about how I was never hungry and she said “well you don’t want to regain the weight.” I was taking pictures for homecoming and she made me suck in my stomach. Mind you that was after she bought me special underwear to hide my weight. The fact that this is seen as good and healthy disgusts me! I didn’t develop an eating disorder out of shear luck. I’m glad people like you are talking about this
My mum was like “see, moderation is easy. This is moderation.” and handed me ice cream in an EGG CUP.
I used to babysit for kids who were only allowed to have as much ice cream as fit in one of those little stainless steel condiment cups you usually see in restaurants. The girl was around 5 and has enough self-control already to take tiny bites to make it last, and the boy was 3 and still struggled, and he would look so sad as he stared into his empty cup and then at what his sister had left. I would say, “It’s okay to have a little bit more, I’m sure you have more veggies at dinner all the time!” and refill his cup halfway, but the sister never wanted more when I offered and after a while, she told her parents that I was letting her brother have extra ice cream and they fired me. The whole thing was bizarre and shocking and deeply upsetting. I was so grateful when I became a nanny like a decade later than my nanny families all let their kids eat like kids should get to eat
In my eyes, moderation is knowing you don't need to have ice cream every single day, not that you should only ever eat one bite of food in a sitting :/
As someone who has toast and popcorn regularly I would simply not last in an almond mom house
popcorn per ounce has almost 4 grams each of protein and fiber, and a considerable amount of magnesium, B6 and Iron ❤ even if it didnt it would still be worth it
Fr I'm Italian. Put me in a house with no pasta or bread and I'm dead 😂
im so lucky that i didn’t know this stuff while i was still sick, popcorn was the ONLY thing i ate, it probably kept me alive
I'm literally making myself a bagel rn 😭😭
I am a big snacker and toast and popcorn are 2 of my go-to snacks honestly. I deal with chronic nausea and those both usually sound tasty and sit well.
As your local diabetic, please eat carbs. That's your body's main source of energy, and its favorite. And in general, just eat what makes you happy and gives your body all the nutruiants it needs :)
As a secondary local diabetic and mom please teach your kids the food has NO moral value and @catherineevans9852 is right carbs are your main energy source and good for you. Especially if you are a growing child. It is important to have a balanced diet and that includes carbs.
Local?? *HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE???*
@@gh0stpuppi333 you are watching the same video so we live on the same area of the internet. 🥰
I would sooner die 15 years younger than give up carbohydrates.
@@ournight2189 oh, I thought it was the IP tracker
Once, I realised my eating wasn't normal. I could only bring myself to eat granola and granola bars. For weeks. It hit me it wasn't normal when my brother told me he had made pasta and I wanted to barf just thinking about it. So I went to my therapist at the time and told them. See, I'm overweight. I never lost my pregnacy kilos. She told me, and I quote: "Granola is healthy, you'll lose wieght, it's good!" Not only did I change therapist immediately, I also went to a Starbuck's and ate a muffin despite the guilt just to spite her. She helped me, in a way. Not the right one.
To this day, I have periods when I binge or restrict. But now, I have the help that I need and I work through it for my son and myself.
My spawner, who is not only a grandmother now but her oldest grandkid is 17, straight up looked me in the face after I told both of my parents about how my hunger response was gone for over a year before and she said "not eating is good, my cousin didn't eat for 80 days and was fine. He lost so much weight from it!"
He had a feeding tube while being monitored in the hospital for those 80 days, very much was *NOT FINE*
This woman also took me to Weight Watchers when I was in elementary school. Not with her, but for *ME.* I am both amazed and disappointed CPS never investigated my childhood home
"Don't drink your calories" "don't eat over 30 carbs a day" "you don't need lunch or breakfast" stuff I heard every day. I had a nutritionist tell my mom I needed to eat more, my mom said "I've never seen a fat person come out of a concentration camp".
I lost my teeth by 22, my bones wouldn't heal when broken, my hair was falling out. I was "fat" (I was obese) and severally malnourished. It wasn't until I started eating that I started losing weight and my body started functioning correctly.
The concentration camp thing is so effed up, that someone could utter these words about their child's health without realizing how obnoxious they are.
oh yes, starving and looking like you've come out of a concentration camp, so much healthier than having a little extra weight on your frame.
WTF? i often wonder if any of the generation that raised us really listened to themselves, or if they've even recovered from the damage they've done to not only us, but themselves?
Yess the thing my mom doesn't understand is that I am not obese but I am slightly overweight for my height (5'6 180lbs) and she thinks starving and drinking water will actually help me lose weight when in reality it's actually just exercising
@@nadjak3410 right?! My mom was 106lbs at 5'7 and was a runway model before she had kids, looks very similar to Catherine zeta Jones. Her mother looked IDENTICAL to Elizabeth Taylor... then came me. 5'2, dark mahogany hair, freckles, and once I hit puberty and was diagnosed with PCOS I went from being very thin to gaining weight rapidly. I was about 12yrs old 140lbs when she made that comment, which is almost what my nutritionist says is my healthiest weight based on bone and muscle mass (139).
I tried to get gastric surgery when I was 220, they denied me just before the surgery because it wouldn't help me since binging was never my issue. In the past year and a half I've gone from 240 to 170 by healing my relationship with food. Even seeing this in real time my mother can't comprehend it.
@@ZoëTestament drinking water is never a bad thing, but it's not going to lead to weight loss. Neither is starving yourself. You absolutely are NOT obese. I'm 5'2 and 170lbs now (down from 240) and I'M 1lb away from going from obese to overweight.
Plus bmi is a guide line. After doing a body scan we figured out my ideal weight would be 139 based on my bone and muscle density, which is much higher than they say for 5'2.
I just realised that I was dealing with bulimia as a teen.
It did not click for me till right now that "earning" high calorie food by "Burning it off" before I could eat it was a form of purging.
Yeah, the public perception of eating disorders is AWFUL and the thought that there's only one way to purge is definitely one of the problems. Exercise purging is definitely a thing -- I once read about someone who also got into bodybuilding because she heard that muscle burns calories even when you're at rest. (Exercise was not the only method that girl used to purge, but it was her most common.)
saaaaame
….I….do that now.
Or i compensate by eating less later? Now i am concerned about my food habits.
@@MorganChaos EDs are sadly RAMPANT in the bodybuilding community. 😞
@@labaccident2010 Any kind of thinking around "earning" food or "compensating" for eating is definitely a step on the road to an eating disorder (think of it as one unhealthy behavior or pattern of thinking, rather than a full-blown disorder on its own). It's better to plan your meals with nutrients and portions in mind, and plan your exercise around what you need to feel healthy (and of course what you enjoy doing).
My mom ‘eats like a bird’ as she always said, and she locked our fridge and pantry so my sister and I wouldn’t eat without permission for a few years when we were kids (aka rarely if ever). We were just hungry.
Later when I was starting college, my parents told me I should not eat for a few days to ‘get used to starving’ since I was in college now.
I have issues with food now. At least we don’t talk anymore lol. Small mercies.
@@Okeymari thanks lol. I’m doing a bit better now. Didn’t finish college bc they’d been the ones funding it, and they pulled that too lol. Just can’t afford it and nothing pays well enough to justify the student loans XD
@@artie7928I like your profile name ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Tf do you mean "get used to starving"?!
I get told i eat like a bird sometimes, but it's usually because I'm shoving fist fulls of nuts and seeds into my mouth
@@hepnivalentine1635 that’s so appropriate lmfao I’m glad you enjoy bird food time ! :)
“Are you hungry or are you just bored?” Is something my parents said to me ALL THE TIME. Like no dad im hungry because you havent fed me all day and when you did it was a f**kin mcdonalds bigmac at 8pm 😭
Actively fighting my second eating disorder💀first was bulimia and when i recovered my mom heavily fat shamed me and i spiraled heavily into anorexia. Wish me luck bc i am STRUGGLING. On another note its so good to see a big creator talking about this its truly an unrecognized epidemic.
You can do it
WISH U LUCK
Hei!! You did It once allredy.
You are the strongrest you can make It!!
We all Wish you the best luck❤.
tw: ed yapping
i am curently a 23 yo dude in the trenches of my ed. i have had it for 6 years now, and i did recover in 2019 only to have the pandemic hit months later. i got back on my old habits and lost it all, followed by me becoming an alcholic while also having anorexia. i am one year sober but quitting alcohol did make me lose weight , ending at a scary low i never hit before. there are days i don't want to eat, feeling empty feels good, it feels like control and stomach growling feels like applause .
it is hell
i wish i could say i am better now. maybe i am a bit better? i do catch myself buying shirts one size larger subconsciously thinking that hey, they should still fit when i recover.
in the days im really struggling to eat, all i need is to look at my cat. me and her live alone and if my ed wins, she will never know why i abandoned her. and if i wouldn't survive for myself, i would do it for her.
Hey having one of your anchors be your cat is perfectly fine. Proud of the work you are putting into yourself
you gotta take care of yourself, cuz kitty needs you. i've been there. and honestly, it helps so much to have a creature that loves you just for existing. my cat is my world.
maybe it would help to imagine yourself kind of AS your cat. like if your cat was in your body, would you want her to feel the way you feel? would you want her little tummy to rumble and for her to be hungry? of course not, so how is that okay for you?
sometimes it helps me to imagine someone else i love in my life instead. like what would i say if it was my sister? because i would NEVER be as harsh or compassion-less to her as i am to myself. so instead, when i'm being really hard on myself, i'll imagine what i would say to her if she were in my position.
and then it forces me to think, why would i treat her nicer than i would myself? why is she worthy of that kindness and compassion and i'm not? because the truth is, i am. but sometimes, it's easier to extend that kind of compassion to myself when i look at it through the lens of someone else. cuz i'm a lot nicer to others than i am to myself. and the same kind of thing when i used to self harm and things like that. i would never hurt someone else the way i was hurting myself. so why am i doing it to me when i would never be that cruel to anyone else, you know?
anyway, dunno if that'll help, but it helps me sometimes
Some people think men can't have eating disorders but it hurts just the same. I understand, you're allowed to be struggling too and you're not any less for it. I wish you the best and know that there are people who care about you ❤
Oh dude I’m so sorry ur going thru that, I don’t have an ed but I’ve experienced the constant worry that the single thing I eat is gonna make me gain a load of weight. In our society it’s actually more surprising to me when people don’t have EDs, like how are people able to be so secure in themselves when everything and everyone around me is telling me I shouldn’t be? I try to think of my body as a machine, and my god does she give me hell when I don’t keep her fed, the way we eat food and sh1t it out (gross ik but hey we all do it) goes hand in hand with the way our ENTIRE planet functions, it’s one big circle, and we can’t fight nature she does what she wants. And she dictates that we feed and nourish ourselves to stay alive and enjoy this life. Keep thinking of ur cat, animals are such powerful healers and you gotta be around so they can eat too 🥲 I’m rlly rlly wishing you all the best my friend 🩷
*Warning, details involving restrictive behavior, mental illness, and attempted slewerslide.*
Your story reminds me of my brother. He has problems due to his childhood, and doesn’t really listen when I tell him he and I shouldn’t be the same weight (I’m a much smaller woman, and he’s very underweight). He controls all his meals, and all his food allergies on top of it obviously don’t help. I worry so much I’m going to find him dead one day because his body will give out. I’d like to think he’s getting better, because I’ve noticed a little weight gain on him, and he’s been less restrictive when we eat out, but he doesn’t talk to me about any of it, so I have no idea where he’s at mentally. My brother doesn’t believe anyone really cares about him. If you need any other reasons to keep fighting, then know that there’s someone out there who worries about you. Please keep fighting, your cat needs her dad :)
P.S. my dog was the reason I didn’t do “the big bad you can’t take back” several years ago. I couldn’t stand the idea of her ending up alone in a shelter as an older dog and never being adopted. I didn’t want her to be abandoned again (she’s a rescue). So I always tell people she’s my hero that saved my life. Your cat sounds like a hero.
The “just wait for dinner” was a hard one to break for me becoming a parent. I did it, but it was something I struggled hard with. My word of advice to any other parents struggling with that would be to make your kids “snack plates” when you prep dinner. I now always cut up extra of anything I’m prepping (cheeses, veggies, fruits, sometimes random snacks like crackers and popcorn too) and put it on a plate for my kids to graze on while dinner finishes up. Even if they don’t eat dinner, I know they’ve eaten and they’re happy.
that's al lthat matters is that they're eating.
and actually, that's better. they're eating when they're hungry, and stopping when they're full. letting them learn to listen to their bodies and eat intuitively is the BEST thing you can do for them.
hell with the schedule, as long as they're eating and healthy, that's all that matters. you're doing great
Thats really smart i have pretty bad sensory issues with food and my parents always made me either eat what they gave me or no food and i every single time chose no food and because of that my hunger alarm is super messed up
My parents only eat one meal per day and I used to feel so bad going to their place and need three meals a day (+ potetially snacks)... Yet they're freaking out because I don't eat a lot at dinner... I mean yes, that's because I didn't starve myself all day 😅
They're doing OMAD?
@@crispycookies8684 OMAD?
@@sk22-12 One meal a day
@@kat7135 I'm not sure if you mean a specific diet with one meal a day, but honestly, I don't think they research diets a lot and I don't think it's only about diet culture. I know they did have problems with food in the past (I don't know about now, we've not been living together for almost 15 years now), but they are also VERY sedentary (for multiple reasons), so it also plays a role in this. I'm not someone who plays a lot of sports but I'm not so sedentary (I try to take a walk most days and also strenght train once or twice a week). I also tend to get low blood sugar if I skip a meal, so there is no way I'm doing that 😅
as i was at my ex's house he told me it was "unhealthy" to eat "constantly". i tried to go the three meals a day routine and by day two i had constant stomach cramps but he insisted i pull through because "my stomach will adjust". it got so bad to the point where i got breathing issues because of the pain, which is where i stopped 💀
I want you to know that you are helping me. I'm 14 and I don't have an eating disorder but I feel like I was at risk last year and I still struggle with self image and loving myself. But you have helped me SO MUCH with this. Whenever I'm struggling with my self image it's your videos that help me accept and love myself. So thank you
Hey im proud of you im 15 and i fell into a eating disorder but luckily it didnt get very far due to this woman too :3
Thank you so much for talking about this. Both my grandmother and my mother have this almond mum mindset, they think it's just "healthy eating" and love to guilt trip me into moving more (after eating something sweet or remotely unhealthy), "eating healthier" etc.
I'm now an adult and thanks to other people (not my family) I can recognise how this behaviour is unhealthy and also has a negative impact on the person's environment.
Hearing you discussing this gives me the strength to want to eat normally without guilt and fight my eating disorder, that I developed thanks to my own damn family...
Both an eating disorder and drug addiction caused me to lose weight and BOTH times I had people praising me for the weight I lost.. Like I was literally killing myself in both those times in my life and people celebrated me for it simply because I was skinnier..
yeah, it's so screwed up how society is so focused on someone's body size that they think it's somehow more important than their health.
I was on the opposite end I just realized my step mom was lowkey starving me and when I moved out of state then later came back my family stated how I gained weight. That’s because I was actually eating regular meals living alone…..now I’ve lost weight and it’s due to poor eating again and I’m getting praised. Shits crazy.
same here man its rough
People asked me how I lost weight. It was because I got sick. Well done me, I guess
Learning more about almond moms is such a wake up call about how messed up it was that my mom roped me into dieting with her so much growing up. Low carb was her fav...
My mom’s fav was weight watchers. Joined at 12 because she made me. ✌🏼 you’re not alone.
“Are you reallyyy hungry, or are you just thirsty?”
Like UGHHH I KNOW WHAT HUNGRY IS
Or my parents favourite, “Are you really hungry, are you just bored?”
@@dream_walker9726this is a real thing though, I have ADHD and I boredom eat which has definitely caused me to eat way too much chasing the dopamine, not saying you did this for the same reason,just saying it's not made up out of nowhere
@@animeloveer97 ah, i see. i’ll add that to the list of “those things are normal, you’re just neurodivergent” 👍🏻
Thank you! We know what hungry is. Yeah, I ignore that during bad days, but they're rare bad days. Don't ignore your body. If it's sending hunger signals, you need to eat. You're stronger than your habits and influences. Stay healthy (no salute emoji)
Tbh i have issues overeating and sometimes (for me) it is just thirst not hunger, but its hard for me to tell since my brain just goes "need more food" even though i just ate a whole meal lol
My mom once asked how much I weighed, and I told her, 155 lbs. She went, "Oh!!" I said, what. She said, "I'm just thinking about how I would feel if I weighed 155!" I was doing bicycle deliveries at the time, so my legs were tree trunks, and I have giant boobs. I was not fat. She is tiny. She still refuses to believe that she said this.
My mom put me on the Atkins Diet at 8. Had me coming home from school and peeing in a cup to test my urine for sugar. Doing workouts for an hour every day. It messed me up for a long time, caused severe body dysmorphia. I'm now 5'5" and 195 lbs and I'm finally starting to love myself the way I am. But I'm left struggling with ARFID, and it's made keeping myself fully nourished such a battle. I look at my 9 year old daughter and I cannot imagine ever telling her "no" when she's hungry. We label food as good for the body (so called healthy food), or good for the brain (junk food). Its all about moderation and following your body cues. We believe everyone is beautiful because we're all different, and that's amazing, just like the rest of nature.
My mom had this thing where she felt she had to finish her food and went to therapy for it.
This created the phrase “you’re not the trashcan” in our home.
The rule has always been, eat when you are hungry and stop when you’re full.
She always has snacks and leftovers for when we are hungry later.
THIS👏 IS👏 HOW 👏YOU 👏FIX 👏THE 👏PAST 👏FOR 👏THE 👏FUTURE👏
PERIOD
And any food that's going bad makes good compost ingredients
All food has worth and can be good. Any kind of dieting should be about your health and unless a doctor tells you to for personal reasons, any extreme diet will be unhealthy. Your body is beautiful as is and what it was and will be. Your emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health are all important. Everyone has different needs, wants, struggles, and looks.
Brilliantly said. ❤
Even then, doctors often promote diet culture. Doctor ordered diets are often weight loss focused because the healthcare industry is invested (quite literally) in diet culture.
even doctors can be wrong too! When I went to a couple different doctors for having trouble fainting, they both recommended diet and exercise -even though I was already eating great and exercising- and I would faint if exercising too long anyway which is what I was there for!
@@a-bird-lover I hear you; that is absolutely maddening! Doctors who don’t think logically about cause & effect, and/or don’t truly listen, and/or don’t strive to solve the underlying problem are worthless and dangerous. I just lost my mum to cancer because of doctors like that. I hope you were able to find a better doctor or your condition improved!
I dont have kids, but I do have nieces! My sisters have done an IMPECCABLE job of not talking about foods “good” or
“Bad” and don’t let others talk that way around her kids either. We do have “play food” and “power food,” to focus on moderation and properly fueling our bodies. We emphasize how kind they are, yes they’re beautiful but they are brave and HEALTHY! My 4 yo niece loves her “happy belly” 😊 and it’s so fun watching kids being raised with such a healthy relationship with themselves and how to listen to their bodies.
As a mom it is NOT EASY omg, so many people talk about bad/junk food. I dont even know how to navigate it with my 4yo, but we are pretty chill. I call it nutritous food, and when hes eaten like... sugery cereal Ill let him know he needs some more nutrition or protien. or smth (for a meal yknow) but we also acknowlege sweets are good for the soul
I think your approach to this is wonderful! Currently years into recovery and I find that talking about things like EDs is often done is such a grim way that ppl feel UNCOMFORTABLE coming forward or discussing eating habits. This cheery, non judgmental but still very honest way of speaking about disordered eating is just so refreshing and great to listen to. Seriously thank you because this is something I can show my mom!
I have to say as a mom struggling with an eating disorder since...ever, one of my strictest rules about my daughter, now 6y old, is that food and eating is not a big topic.
She eats what she likes, there is always fresh food, fruits, vegetables, there is water and tea there are always snacks, goodies and sometimes junk food. And she learned to trust her feeling, her hunger, her body. Sometimes she eats more sweets, other times she eats broccoli with spinach for dinner. And she is healthy, fit and she can enjoy food. Plus: Even if she gets herself a big bowl of candy, she won't eat everything, cause she finishes when she is full an she knows, there also will be candy tommorrow and the day after.
And that she knows best, what she needs.
Besides that, I try to work on my ed too, to be a good role model 😊
Hey ur a great mom we need more people like you
I kinda wish people would stop giving these people cute names like "biege mom, almond mom, ect". can we just call them bad parents and leave it at that?.
they're not always bad parents though...
@@peculiar-pan the terms are used to describe people who are inherently bad (i.e. biege moms do things like spray paint kids toys and deprive them of visual sensory input wich can stunt their growth). If they aren't a bad parent then the terms wouldn't apply to them.
We have to categorize the bad
@@peculiar-pan giving your kid an eating disorder and subjecting them to the bullshit like chew 5 almonds to not pass out is bad parenting as it's abuse. It's not intentional but it's still abuse
I think we should start calling almond moms "moms that starve their kids to feel better about themselves" and beige moms "moms that care more about aesthetic than their kid's developmental needs"
I think the increase of people using ozempic and similar drugs is important to add to this conversation. My mother, who weighs over 50 pounds less than me, started ozempic. It was prescribed by her doctors after her hip surgery. They said it was the only way for her to lose weight fast enough for her next surgery. Now she only eats about half a meal per day and complains I eat too much. Mind you, I eat 1-2 meals a day, which is obviously less than you should have. Even my family members constantly tell me I need to lose weight knowing I’m recovering from an ed.
TLDR: almond moms taking ozempic makes things x2 worse
i know someone on ozempic (for weight loss, he is not diabetic or pre-diabetic, he basically just went to his doctor and requested it) who CONSTANTLY talks about how great it is that it makes him feel like he barely needs to eat. he'll eat the tiniest portion of food and then genuinely feel full, but only because of the medication, not because it's his body's natural response or that he's actually had enough food to sustain a person. and he'll have these little portions MAYBE twice a day. he's lost a massive amount of weight in like half a year basically by starving himself. i honestly feel like it has to count as some form of eating disorder, just with the help of a medication that's removing any mental block of feeling hunger. it's scary and i don't understand how doctors can morally prescribe this stuff for weight loss when this is what happens. how can they not recognize that their patients are using them to fuel eating disorders?
I was prescribed Ozempic for diabetes and it also did get me to lose some weight. I’m down several pounds and my lab values are perfect now, but most importantly to my quality of life is that I no longer *need* food. It was always on my mind before and I would eat just for being bored. When I would eat, a single meal for me was often 3000 calories. Even when I felt bloated and in pain, I still never felt satiated so I would have to keep eating. Whatever Ozempic does to the body’s hormones or whatever has finally made it so I eat a single plate of food every 4 hours like a normal person for the first time in my life. Even though I stopped losing weight and am still heavier than I doctor’s target weight for me, I’ll keep taking it cause it helped me be more free.
I know there are people abusing it, just like all drugs, just wanted to say my piece so people don’t think all people prescribed the meds are weight loss seekers.
@@andrewriker2192 oh yeah there’s definitely valid use-cases for it, and that would be people with diabetes or prediabetes. I know someone with prediabetes who is on it for that reason who has finally been able to lose weight she was trying to with diet and exercise previously and nothing was even happening because of multiple medical conditions preventing it. Now that she is getting medical treatment for these conditions, she has been able to get into marathon conditioning like she had been trying to. But that’s the thing, it isn’t JUST about the weight loss, it’s about treatment of a medical condition, as the medication is intended for, and with that condition treated it is possible for the body to do things that it previously couldn’t because of the medical condition. It’s great that it has helped you! And it sounds like you are still eating a good and healthy amount of food. I think where I and the other commenter are concerned are people who are taking it and then only feeling like they need to eat the tiniest amount of food in a day, like one small meal or less, which is unhealthy because it is not enough sustenance or nutrients to properly fuel a body. Which is what is happening for the person I described in my previous comment. I think it’s great that this medication is able to help so many people who do need it, it just greatly concerns me that doctors are not doing more to monitor or stop the people who are abusing it and are using it off label solely for weight loss without even having diabetes or prediabetes, the conditions the medication is meant for. Then there’s also the fact that people using it in this way cause shortages of it and make it difficult for actual diabetics to have access to a needed medication. I don’t want it to me made more difficult for people who need it to get it, but it’s really scary how freely doctors are giving it to just ANYONE and then not stopping people when it gets them into eating disorder territory.
I always thought an almond mom was a mom who liked only bland foods and items in general. Never would I have ever assumed they were such dangerous people be with kids.
Tbh bland foods are SO satisfying 🤤 and if you give personalisation and side dish options it’s a win-win
@@anti-usernamesaltaccount3623i luv bland foods (rice, noodles) with flavourful toppings (sauce, etc)
if you are adding flavorful toppings than the food isn’t bland, bland food is unseasoned or under seasoned
@@flowerpower9419 yeah, im aware
Honestly as someone who grew up with a mother who would constantly make comments on my body, what I ate, what I wear, etc, I greatly appreciate this video and talking about the reality of having parents like this. It took me so long to recover but I'm so glad I did. I think almond moms and having eating disorders forced onto you and the damage it does needs to be talked about more. Another great video per usual you never miss ♡
My mom was kind of almondy when I was a kid and is a bit fat phobic (she's never struggled to stay tiny), but my elementary school was straight up CRUNCHY. We weren't allowed to bring lunch, and the lunches were mostly vegetables and whole grains. I once got written up and a call to my parents because I brought in sugar to put in my tea. And they made us take a portion of everything and eat it ALL. I love that school but I'm really glad that they have relaxed these policies. I did struggle with eating disorders in my late teens and early 20s, but that may have had more to do with depression and taking/stopping Dexedrine. I'm currently fatter than I've ever been but I'm trying to hang in there.
Today one of my coworkers joked about me being frail and for the first time in years it wasn't true. I am finally healthy and taking care of myself both mentally and physically and I am so proud. We have all come so far from our struggles and we will continue to grow into beautiful, amazing people. Way to go everyone!
awhhh im so happy for you!!! congratulations ❤️
I frequently have people ask/joke that i have an ed cause I’m still quite thin despite now having a really healthy relationship with food and my body and it’s so triggering like thank you for planting that thought in my brain that i worked so hard to get rid of now i can’t stop thinking about my body
I'm stressed now because I hate the flavour of cake my daughter loves the most and therefore has for every birthday. I never eat her birthday cake, I always get myself a cupcake or muffin in my favourite flavour, though, so she still gets to enjoy cake with me. I think she knows it's just because I don't like that flavour. For context, she loves, and I mean LOVES lemon cake. I can't stand it, makes me feel sick. I like chocolate cake but she can't stand that.
i think its wonderful that you are showing her not everyone likes the same foods/flavors, even with sweets. my parents only ever got chocolate cake for my birthday because nobody else liked vanilla like i did, and i cant stand chocolate cake now.
@@disabledhart having grown up with an eating disorder (my mum while not skinny herself, loves the "heroin chic" look, only time she'd compliment me was if I lost even more weight) I want my kids to have the healthiest possible relationship with food. I rarely ever stop my kids eating something, maybe if a meal is in 10 mins I'll say "just give me 10 mins and you can have something" or if they're asking for a 3rd chocolate bar I'll suggest fruit instead.
I think you're handling that in a totally healthy way! She gets what she wants and you still get to enjoy a treat with her. You're modeling that it's totally okay to have preferences and eat what you want to eat and not feel obligated to eat something just cause someone else wants you to, which is only a good thing.
Perfect compromise! Ur showing her that even if u don't prefer certain foods, u still want to participate in ur daughter's special day and celebrate - and that it's better not to eat things that make u feel sick, even if ur worried about hurting someone else's feelings.
(Obviously u don't want to be going out of ur way to insult ppls' food choices or cooking but like......if there's something that u know makes u sick, u shouldn't have to force urself to eat it just to be polite. Ur health is more important than whether someone else is offended, I guess that's what I'm trying to say 😅)
(ETA: I now see that my comment is v similar to the one above lol sorry about that, I'm not trying to copy u, I swear 😅)
@@MorganChaos that's my intention, I don't make her eat foods she doesn't like, as long as she's tried it, luckily she's not as picky as me. I'd much rather cook two different meals than have my child go to bed hungry as a punishment for simply not liking certain foods
only reason I check nutrition labels is because I'm a vegetarian and you'd be surprised how many products sneak in gelatin, rennet or fish.
I have a vegetarian sister and she’s always trying to tell people you shouldn’t eat that it’s got this in it and I’m already a picky eater I don’t need her help ruining other food for me
if you're dodging gelatin and rennet you're a vegan, not a vegetarian, right?
@@Monty90210 no, gelatin is animal skin and bones and rennet comes from an animal's stomach after they're slaughted, some cheeses have it so I have to check.
@@PrincessbuttercupishI believe there are gelatines that are made from seaweed instead, where I live they use than in place of animal gelatine for a surprisingly wide range of products
@steampunk-llama That's not gelatin, that's agar-agar, which has similar properties & uses, but isn't the same thing & won't ever be called gelatin on the lable. See also: pectin, derived from fruits. Hel, even corn/potato starch can be used to create some types of gummies if you use it right.
There's really no excuse for anything to still contain gelatin, we have so many vegetarian substitutes for it
I LOVE THE GAL WHO MADE THE SKITS ABOUT THE ALMOND MOM BECAUSE SHE HAD ONE! she makes a LOT of good skits in general, like on trad wives
Tyler Benderr is a delight to watch!
@@sakurakiyori she so is!!!
I’m sorry, this is super off topic, but I literally just noticed the Leebit and Wolfchan plushies in the back and I giggled and kicked my feet 🩷
When I was a teen, I struggled with an eating disorder bc of family and peer comments. As an adult I was diagnosed with celiac disease so while my ed days are behind me, now I get war flashbacks because I have to check labels on what I’m eating constantly. It’s been so tough navigating the right diet but in a healthy way.
Enjoy Life is the brand of sweets I buy for my friends that have allergies (one is gluten one is soy) and they're tasty. You probably already know brands you can trust
This really got me. I used to cry and wonder why I wasn't thin like my brother and sister despite eating barely anything for half the month. 😢 I grew up with divorced parents and saw them both equally. My mom always was encouraging of my hobbies and what I wanted to do while I was with her, which did not include sports to my Dad's dismay. My sister is super tall, athletic and thin and I am short and have been plus sized my whole life. My dad wasn't an almond Dad but he introduced restrictive eating and made me exercise as a punishment. I gain weight super easily and I was gaining weight like crazy after I hit puberty and my Dad made me weigh myself everyday and it just made me not feel good. Unfortunately, I think the culmination of the restrictive eating, the poor association with exercise and making me do it when I didn't want to and then me binge eating at my mom's because I was hungry led to me gaining all this weight as a kid. It didn't help that I was later diagnosed with PCOS/adrenal issues which makes losing weight EVEN HARDER. And then my dad wonders why I liked staying at my mom's better.
God the PCOS is so true. It's so annoying
@@chinita2463 Felt! Now that I have an official diagnosis, getting help is another battle in itself after I started going to the gym a few months ago for lowering my cholesterol and making zero progress otherwise 😫 were still worthy of love and respect no matter the size!!
i just don't understand why parents think this behaviour is helpful in any way. if you force a kid to weigh themselves constantly, force them to exercise etc. they're just going to associate it with negative feelings, instead of connecting it positively. as soon as they're not forced to any more, they'll never want to do it again
My mum told me she found it uncomfortable to hug me because of my size.
Whoa, I'm so sorry. No mother should treat their child like that. Hope things get better between you two if you want that, and if not, I hope you learn to live well without her ❤️
Wow…that’s actually cruel… I’m so sorry.
tell her its uncomfortable to hug her because shes an ass.
Your comment broke my heart. Your mother failed you and treated you cruelly and horribly. I hope you have someone in your life who loves you well and gives you all of the hugs you want.
@@ashtonstout7375 aww that’s so sweet thank you so much. Unfortunately that’s not the worst of it. She found out my stepfather was doing seggsual stuff with me when I was 14 (where he would use food as a bribe) and chose to keep him as a partner.
It’s really interesting to see food issues from the restriction perspective, because I have always had issues bingeing as self harm as well as just general portion control issues. And I am fat. But I know my self worth isn’t tied to the size of my body and have fulfilling relationships. However we ALL owe it to ourselves to take care of our body and love yourself enough to treat it with love and compassion. For me, that is awareness on portion control and what/how much, as well as enjoying rowing for exercise. For others, that would be no scales/serving sizes or tracking apps. The best success/greatest revenge will always be living a long, happy, healthy life. Sending love to everyone who needs it & am so proud of you ❤
Last year my mom was diagnosed with pre diabetes. In the past she did all sorts of health trends, weight watchers, protein shakes for breakfast, whole nine yards.
She then became so strict with food that her doctor had to tell her that she needed to relax because she was teetering towards developing an eating disorder. My mom is a lot better now, she managed to reverse the pre diabetes, but seeing her restrict her food that severely scared me
My mom was essentially an almond mum, and my dad LOVED food. It was an interesting set of mixed messages. I thankfully inherited my dad’s love of food but I have struggled with eating disorder at times. I can’t imagine how much harder it would have been if I hadn’t grown up with my dad’s delightfully healthy relationship with food!
as someone who grew up without hunger signals and still not having any, always did not have hunger signals, i had to teach myself that i need to eat and it was a very large struggle when i was little and didn't understand why i was never hungry. seeing people teaching children this is heartbreaking, don't give your kid this kind of disorder it is not fun and a struggle every day
Yeah, i mostly eat out of habit, but as far as hunger signals go, i don't really get them. I just get the "oh my stomach is growing enough from hunger that its triggering my gag reflex" or "Oh man, I've eaten so much that it's triggering my gag reflex. I can't eat any more or it's all gonna go."
For a while, the latter would randomly activate after two bites of food.
It sucks.
seriously. just because i'm autistic and have problems with interoception, i have trouble with hunger cues. i literally don't feel hungry at ALL until i'm SO HUNGRY that i'm literally nauseous and then i can't eat because i'm too nauseous and i'll throw up.
it sucks. and i have to remind myself to eat and force myself to a lot of the time, even though i don't feel hungry and i don't want food, but just because i KNOW i need it to fuel my body so i can keep living and do the things i want.
and that's all without disordered eating.
i cannot possibly FATHOM taking a normal, healthy child, and forcing your issues onto them to the point that you've completely screwed up the healthy and natural/normal hunger cues they do have. it's so screwed up that any parent would do that because it has lifelong ramifications that suck to have to deal with
@@poke-talia268 ugh, yeah, i get that random gag reflex sometimes when i'm eating, even if it's something i like and i'm enjoying it. all of a sudden it's like this switch just randomly flips in my brain, and nope, now i'm gagging and i have to stop eating or i'll throw up. i HATE that and i wish i could make it stop. i figure it must be an autistic thing since i've never had an ED. but i have had sensory issues my whole life and a body that just doesn't tell me things (like when i'm hungry or when i need to use the bathroom), until those feelings are SO HUGE that it's like, a total emergency.
but yeah, it's not fun. wouldn't wish that shit on anyone
A not spoken about eating disorder is also food insecurity induced overeating. I grew up with that never realizing it was an ED. And it really is. You don't know when your full until you eat so much it hurts then feel guilt for still not finishing
I had a binge eating disorder when I was younger because of that, I've now developed a healthy relationship with food but I can see the rest of my family still struggling and it breaks my heart
@@hwa1312 glad youre doing better, hope your family can too
I still feel a lot of guilt around food, namely food waste. Definitely pushed me to consume past the point of comfort on many occasions :/
something that helped me curb this was simply saving the food for later, no matter how little i have left ill just put it away and eat the rest later as a sorta snack
I remember this was really bad for me as a kid because it was “how my dad grew up”
I have always struggled with eating, though I have been working on getting better. While watching this video I was feeling hungry but trying to ignore it. After hearing your talk I decided to stop the video in the middle and go make myself some food. So thank you very much! Keep making these videos, because I know that they can and do make a difference 🥰
I drank diet soda for so long, that it started to fuck with my period. I also learned the gum hack, chewing gum instead of snacking. So glad that I've managed to deliberately unlearn a lot of that stuff!
My mom has been on a keto diet for going on 4 years now. She has cut nearly all carbs and takes carb blocking "medicine." It's turned into an on and off carnivore diet now.
She's attributed her massive weight loss to keto, and when I'm there, to her swimming routine. It's a lot, really, I can tell she has an eating disorder. She has gone without dinners. Or even more.
Also, I have a book recommendation about this. It's called Jane In Bloom. It's about a 12 year old girl losing her 17 year old sister to an eating disorder. Her and her family's grief process as well. It's a great read.
This topic, like for many people, is a big one.
Keto is so obnoxious. I did it for 9 Months roughly. I didn't even lose much weight, but I was so miserable and antisocial. You'd basically have to bring your own meals to any occasion because nothing you can order at a restaurant is keto. I also never felt strong enough to exercise or even go for a walk. If I'd done it any longer I'm sure it would have turned into a proper ED.
@nadjak3410 Yeah, she's had to do that. Another part of her diet I really don't like is that she used to buy Plexus. It's basically an MLM that sells outrageously priced diet supplements.
I'm not really sure why people think keto is a fat loss diet and not a diet designed for people with specific medical issues. Who in the world thought cutting out fruits and vegetables and all their vitamins/minerals entirely would be healthy? Do they just take a bunch of supplements instead? Humans are obviously not carnivores. A child knows that just by looking at our teeth. I don't get it.
Man these videos make me so sad, i grew up with a mum with disordered eating that she tried to pass onto my brothers and me. Now I'm old enough i keep trying to gently remind her that she is enough and food isnt bad. Its so so hard seeing my mum struggle and struggling myself because of her.
I have received some great quotes on food that I would like to share!
1. "A good meal shouldn’t just give you nutrients, you also need energy, and that energy needs to last. If you’re running on just a regular green salad, you’re going to be running on empty in the span of 30 minutes." - random gym bro looking guy I overheard talking to his friend I think
2. "You know the "you’re not you when you’re hungry?" ads, right? They’re real, they’re so real, dude. The angriest people I have ever met in my entire life, were always the ones on the most unnecessary diets, they didn’t have any medical conditions or anything, they just (wild and confused hand motions) CHOSE, to live like that! And they’re SO mean" - ramble from a close friend
3. "I learned even though I am on a diet, it’s like, better for me to still eat a little more than recommended, rather than not enough, or I’ll get dizzy and collapse." - work friend
4. "Balance is everything, even in food. A plate of natural colors from fish, vegetables, fruits, spices, and a dumpling, if you’d please, it won’t just be good for you, it’ll make you happier." - extremely old lady in the market
5. "Dessert should be fun. If you have fun eating a nectarine, a slice of cake, or a sugary snack, do it, dessert is a treat, it’s not like you’re eating it all the time, it’s like a little prize for living another day, so don’t feel bad about it." - same close friend from earlier
31:43 A few years ago I was working with this highschool kid over summer break. His mom also worked there and she treated him like he was still in need of her protecting no matter who he was talking to.
One day, I'm talking to him and notice her watching while I'm telling him this exact thing you're saying here about how to start talking to someone he likes. "Don't compliment their eyes, or their nose. Compliment their style, their choices. etc. etc." I knew I was speaking truths so I didn't care that she was listening.
She actually came up to me later and thanked me. Said that what I said was really smart and hopefully he takes it to heart. It was great and actually gave me a moment of pride in a way.
Then the very self absorbed coworker who was eavesdropping in on her thanking me piped up with "You're wrong though. Telling people they're beautiful is always best"
I just stared at her for a second without saying a word and walked away.
When I was kid I had multiple severe food allergies, so I had to be on a very strict diet. My punishment for eating a "bad food" was sickness or even death. It wasn't until I was 15 that it occurred to me that eating is supposed to enjoyable and not a chore. I was still dealing with being underweight and having a low appetite, but this past year I gained 30lbs and my appetite has increased. Kids with food allergies often develop unhealthy relationships with food that last well into adulthood, but I'm glad I'm finally breaking out of it.
I v understand this, my food allergy has caused me a lot of anxiety around food, ppl give me strange looks when i wont eat at parties and such ! If i dont know whats in the food, i wont eat it. Been burned too many times lol
That’s me, as a very young kid I already had 10+ severe food allergies. I’ve only developed more food allergies/intolerances as I’ve grown. It got to a point where all food felt dangerous because eating meant pain. I’d avoid eating anything unless someone was looking at me.
I’m now eating three meals a day which is a really big deal for me, but boy something is wrong with me.
Absolutely this! I grew up with so many allergies and still to this day often have a hard time to find something to eat when eating out or at friends places due to my allergies. So often I simply choose to have a salad because first of all it’s a dish I love but also it’s a dish I can mostly eat without being worried about allergies and can easily just take out ingredients that I can’t eat (like tomatoes for example). I can’t count the times people have told me I am weird or have an eating disorder for eating like this. Honestly yes I do have a different relationship to food than most people but also I simply can’t eat a lot of food that other people eat…
@@Laura-ru9vr fr once I was at a social gathering and I was eating berries cuz that was the only thing I could have that I liked. This one guy comes up to me and says "aw c'mon you can have cake." I was like, no actually I can't, and now I'm sad about it. Thanks buddy.
Turns out all the women in my family were almond moms. I knew how to suck in my stomach before I knew how to drive.
Man, that must be terrifying. Especially if you ever decided to have a kid yourself. I can only imagine the things the grandparents might say to your kid.
@@SilliesrShark109 I no longer speak to anyone in that family
No bc why did my mom also teach me how to suck in my stomach as well. It also hurts me when she'll get a shirt too big and put it on my bed and when i put it on she tells me it fit tight like how shee wanted it on her, and it is a very hurtful backhanded compliment
I'm the (now adult) child of a patent with an eating disorder and it rubs off on you from an earlier age than you'd think. It took me almost dying from the illness to give my parent that wake-up call and seek help for themself. We both live with the lasting effects of it, but we're unlearning crappy things together and try to ensure my niece has a positive relationship with food 🖤 thank you
I never really realized the toxic environment my parents held around food until I moved out and then had a great partner that never associated food with shame. it allowed me to figure out and heal and now have a healthier relationship with food. There are still habits I'm working on un-training myself, the hardest being comfortable relaxing the muscles in my stomach because I had a "suck it in" mom.
as someone who is currently trying to lose weight, and constantly struggling with guilt and other food related issues, while my mom unknowingly pushes restrictions on my diet and commenting over what I eat and when im hungry, and always comments on other people's bodies, and has done this my whole life, this video is really hitting hard, when i was younger my body was a perfect hourglass, and my mother was overweight, and she basically projected her insecurities onto me, by telling ke not to wear crop tops or two-piece swimsuits because it would make me look fat or because she personally wouldn't be caught dead in such clothes, and all those comments that she doesnt even remember telling me anymore, have lead to me spending mu childhood thinking i was fat when i wasnt, which made me give up on eating healthy and made me start eating junk and stop exercising at all due to depression, and now i struggle so much with my relationship with food, because every bite of food i take i practically have to force myself to eat, no matter how hungry i am, and i often find myself fighting my hunger cues by telling myself "you cant eat until this specific hour" which often leads to me feeling nauseous and even passing out from lack of calories. parents dont realize this, but every little comment they say, even when not aimed at their child, even just commenting on someone on tv's outfit, that shit sticks for life and causes so much harm, i not only struggle with body image and food, but even with fashion, as whenever i shop for clothing and see something cute i like, my mom's voice echoes through my head, telling me i cant wear that because people will make fun of me and that will make HER look like a bad parent for letting me express myself through my clothes, i spent my childhood dressing like a trad-wife and my teen years dressing in baggy sweaters and jeggings, because of all her comments and all her rules. the moment i started to grow curves i was forced to throw away my favorite tank tops because they showed "too much cleavage", memories that only worsen my body image issues and gender dysphoria today, because from such a young age my body was sexualized and covered up, a body i used to not even think of as being gendered before puberty, was suddenly considered obscene to look at. the way AFAB people are treated, every inch of skin scrutinized and judged constantly, is so destructive, and sadly parents are the biggest contributors in this, even without bad intentions, my parents only wanted to protect me obviously, but by doing that they only shoved the concepts of sexuality onto me when i didnt ask for it or need it, i was 8 years old when my body became something to be ashamed of, i spent so many years hating myself, and i still struggle to love myself to this day, and im lucky to have found a support system online that helps reassure me that im good enough as i am. i just hope as society progresses, parents will stop acting this way and people will stop seeing it as normal, because even today, typing this out, im having a hard time seeing my words through the tears in my eyes. and the worst part of this all is knowing that my parents had good intentions, and knowing that to them they did nothing wrong, because i cannot bring up the issue with them at all since they wont see it as an issue at all...to them those are positive memories, untainted by the pain i went through...they are free from these feelings, hell, despite telling me my whole life not to wear two piece swimsuits, she is now proudly wearing some, and showing them off to me with a big smile. (and while i am happy that she's gotten better with her own body image, it is so painful to realize how oblivious she is to the pain she's caused me)
I grew up with an almond mom who bullied me into an ED when I was 12 years old because, and I quote, "no daughter of mine is allowed to be fat."
When I moved out at 18 and in with a married couple, the wife had orthorexia. She even had the family participate in a few weight loss competitions where the entire family would pitch a certain amount of money into a jar and the person who lost the most weight by the end would win all the money inside. They used to shame me for not participating. While I was actively suffering from a binge ED and unmedicated PCOS.
Thankfully, I haven't relapsed in around 5 years now! But it horrifies me how common EDs are in our culture and how they are often treated as socially acceptable as long as the person appears outwardly "healthy" and attractive.
I'm so glad you haven't relapsed, congratulations 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
how can you medicate pcos i have it but the doctor just put me on the pill which was mostly because of bad period symptoms
The “Carbs Club” t-shirt and those earrings are such cute little details here ❤
Eating well is so hard. I was raised by a diabetic mother who was and still is ashamed of her weight and tries to eat healthy, but she struggles with eating healthy. I have heard so many comments from her about weight and being guilty about eating that it’s just rooted in my brain. I also have digestive issues that make my stomach hurt if I eat too much or too little so finding a balance that is healthy is frustrating. Plus because of school I have a bad habit of ignoring when I’m hungry and instead eating when I feel like it, which is sometimes a lot and sometimes a little which is not healthy. I’m still a teenager though so I really have nobody to talk to about wanting to understand healthy eating.
Maybe you can reach out to your schools counselor, or a trusted teacher! Keeping prepped snacks on you or wherever can help for when you're just randomly hungry; a cup of cereal, a small bag of chips, prepped fruit or veggies. You need the food for your brain, it's so important to keep your body and brain healthy, especially as a kid/teen.
I know I'm pretty bad at keeping hydrated, so I keep things likes cucumbers, a pre made salad, watermelon ect. to snack on when I'm not really hungry. Having a bag of jerky or like pepperoni and Ritz crackers is good if you need more protein.
Earlier this year I had a gallbladder attack. Really bad, lasted a week and ended up having to get emergency surgery (I'm fine now!). But in that time I stopped eating for the week. Nothing but broth, it was like any food made me feel sick. In that time- one week- I lost an alarming amount of weight. And it's all my mom could comment on after. That I lost so much weight and I looked so good. I was HOSPITALIZED. I was sick, skin yellow and in immense pain. And yet it was my weight that she and some others were focused on.
I remember I’ve always had trouble with eating(just random mental blocks and low motivation to eat) and my mom would just accept if I wouldn’t eat for days after asking once if I would eat. My dad would always make sure I ate something and would go out of his way to get me whatever food I’ve been eating the most, even now he’ll let me go get “whatever I want” from town as long as I eat something. Thanks to him I’ve gained 10lbs this year and am actually getting back to a healthy weight.
Hey, Sav. Thank you. I am so glad you made this. I’m a minor who’s trying to cut communication with extended family. Note that this isn’t ONLY from parents!! I got anorexia from my grandmother telling me to leave the table early at 9. I’m still not fully over it but I’m trying. I love you all (/p) and an so proud of everyone trying to get better like me
Thinking about the timeline this feels like a bunch of people who were subjected to Heroin chic in the 90s developed eating disorders, and never talked about it so now they’re passing it on to their children
i think it really is like that. as a millenial who's about to turn 35, i remember how all the magazines when i was a teen were littered with diet tips. Cosmo, etc. it was everywhere. disordered eating was so common that we didn't even realize it was disordered back then. everyone dieted and watched their weight and had body issues. as long as it was never "bad" you were fine.
except no, none of it was fine. just because it wasn't SUPER SEVERE, doesn't make it okay. it was still wildly disordered, and it's no surprise to me that an entire generation who grew up on that is raising kids who have learned all their same disordered ideas
On the point of eating every two hours: YES! Yesyesyesyesyes. I will give my parents shit for some horrible beliefs but they were amazing about food. My dad (especially when I did wrestling) would constantly remind me that really I should be eating five meals instead of just three and he made sure I was eating lunch (I would sometimes just not get a school lunch).
Hey, I know you’ll never read this, but I’ve caught myself falling into my usual calorie counting and bulimia habits and it’s gotten worse lately. While no video can just stop the struggle (fellow ED survivors can attest) you really spoke to me in this video at a pivotal time where I needed it before I began starving myself again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experiences and speaking out about these disorders for all of your audience to hear. You’re a gem
Thank you so much for this.
I am a mom, I do not think of myself as an almond mom but I did recognize a few things I do and say to my son that were on this video so I will work on never repeating that again.
Sending hugs and best wishes to you.
I had an almond mom!! I got soo close to developing ana/Mia as a young teenager but luckily I had videos like this that helped me stop myself! Years later I realised that I have ARFID and have my entire life, but my parents never picked up on it because having a low appetite and skipping meals is a good thing!! AND they had the audacity to stop me eating sugary foods that my brother was allowed to eat!! Now people are regularly concerned about my weight and I find eating food to be a sensory nightmare :'D. I genuinely think if my parents had bothered to make sure I ate three meals a day as a kid I would've been fine. thanks, mom.
I have ARFID too! My parents always take an “oh, you!😜” kind of attitude towards it, even when I have only eaten rice and other similar bland things like crackers or plain fries. I had a bit more variety before, but as I grew up it whittled down to almost nothing. Now, I’m on three medications for three deficiencies and every time we go to a doctor for checkups and stuff, my mom makes a point of making my diet sound like my fault and that I’m just a stubborn teen who doesn’t like listening to their parents, when I LITERALLY can’t make myself eat “good” things because y’know, I’m *terrified??*
the way i am realizing that my grandma (dads mom) is a almond mom
edit: i remember her lowkey fat shaming my mom and giving my older sister, my cousin, and i lessons on how to suck in our stomachs
NOO bc why on the first day I visit my family members all my aunts say" OOH I see you got the family curves" and sge did it while making a hourglass shape, and that hurt me bc they had nothing else to say to me, and its not like i them all the time
i am also in recovery from an ED and my parents are both somewhat of health nuts (not even in an explicitly bad way) and it took them so long to realize that their forms of “being healthy” were actively feeding into my unhealthy habits.
(also, laxative use is also a form of bulimia as i learned whilst in treatment)
This video feels like a warm hug and incredibly validating. Thank you ❤
I can tell this was a really hard video for you to make. But the messages and conversation around eating disorders are so important. Thank you for making this video.
I'm autistic and when I had my issues around eating I got so obsessed with the calories and nutrients in everything to the point I know hundreds of food items calories off by heart still, and I had these issues at about 10-14 and I'm now 21. It wasn't even about weight loss for me it was just the control and denying myself things I wanted felt like self harm that wouldn't be noticed. And I've never really felt hungry or full until I'm in physical pain so it was relatively easy for me to spiral with it. I'm so much better now mentally than I was before I was allowed to be myself and come out, I think growing up being told I was someone I'm not caused a lot of my issues really in hindsight, that and not being diagnosed with autism and ADHD until my late teens despite being 'moderate' and not unobvious
Also autistic & ADHD and got into really severe restriction, but from a different angle - pure stubborn competitiveness. I wanted to be an expert at eating. I wanted to know all the exact calories and micro/macronutrients and I wanted to see how far I could push it to get the most 'optimum' balance on the fewest calories. Every day had to be less than yesterday, not because I wanted to 'be thin', though it did start kind of as an effort to lose weight. It was about the dopamine hit I got from being better than yesterday. I wanted infinite growth in being Good At This Thing, and then I hit the ceiling.
@@crazyratlady3115 Yeah that makes a lot of sense unfortunately, I hope you're doing better now
My mom was never as bad as any of these but my brother and I have recently explained to her how her going on diets throughout our childhood has affected us. I’m so grateful for the circumstances which allowed me to avoid falling into unhealthy patterns of thinking like this. Currently celebrating that I gained back the weight I lost from when I had surgery last year. I don’t track my weight other than when I have doctors appointments and just noticed I was back where I had previous thought I was healthy and feeling good, so yay! Lovely video! I’m always trying to combat these awful idea with my friends bc we’ve all absorbed them from parents and society over the years.
I think my mom is an almond mom. She will eat like 2 bites of something and then be like "I'm full". She's also super skinny but is constantly worrying about gaining weight and will punish herself with restricting eating even more if she thinks she gained some. Worst part is that she pushes this sort of a lifestyle on me which then made me develop severe body dysmorphia (at one point it was so bad that I felt extreme anxiety just walking out of the house because I'm a bit overweight). Thanks for covering this, never would've known about this term had it not been for this video. Love your content, keep up the great work
Basically my dad:
*eating again?*
*why are you eating ‘that??’*
*you ate just now..*
(An hour ago)
TW: mentions of nausea/throwing up
i’m watching this after recovering from three(ish) days of not eating, due to extreme nausea + vomiting, even tho i couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. just had half a sandwich, a few olives, some crisps and some apple juice. i don’t have a diagnosed eating disorder per se, but after watching this i’m wondering if my condition could have some underlying symptoms.
Kiwi, i’m so proud of you for doing this video, if i were you i’d take a long rest to recover from putting yourself thru this upsetting & triggering stuff! thank you for this video.
and to anyone out there who has struggled or is currently struggling w/ an eating disorder, you are so strong and i love you. ❤
sad part that got to me was "always encouraging and validating you when you lose weight but never when you gain weight" cause I have a digestive disorder so for the longest time I was skin and bones but no one says congrats for you when you go from 40lbs to 100lbs over the span of decades.
Might not mean much, but let me congratulate you on that. Gaining weight so that your body feels easier to live in and presumably feeling healthier and happier. Congratulations
I still struggle with these behaviors and it wasnt my mom, it was my aunt to who shamed me for being a "chubby little muffin" as a kid. I now have a little human with health issues that i stress so much about trying to make them gain weight and while i still shame myself for a damn cookie. My ED is much better but i will always struggle with it all cuz family couldn't let me just be a kid who loved food.
"Chubby little muffin" actually sounds cute. If I were you I'd just reclaim that title and be proud of it
@numberbirb7728 it was not cute in the context of Beauty Pagents at all. Nice suggestion but I am not there yet.
I got “round like a rissole” even though as a kid I was so stick thin. Wish I stayed that way 😢
@@jmarshal My parents contantly made fun of me as a child/teen for being too thin, I couldn't gain weight until I was 22; at 175 cm tall and after I was finally over 60 kg (130 lb) I was too fat in their eyes. No matter what you are, tall/short, fat/thin, smart/dumb, it will never be good enough for some people.
After 30+ years of little to no support from them, I cut my parents off and am able to breathe now.
Wishing you all the best ❤
I was raised by a mom that restricted/controlled my food to try to get me to be skinny. She tied my worth to my weight and my brain (different story). It impacted me so much and to this day I sometimes feel guilty for eating what I do at the amounts I do. And I'm an adult living on my own. Parents seriously need to be so, so much better than the way most of them currently act.
I feel you.. I've been overweight almost my whole life since elementary school and have an overweight yet constantly fad-dieting mother who was obsessed with her thin phase (before she had me or my siblings), so I grew up on mixed messages: sucking in your stomach and standing 'sideways' to look less fat in photos since age 5, being kicked under the table during family events for ever getting seconds or thirds, being shamed for eating sweets yet constantly offered some, being told "are you pregnant" or "you need to go on a diet" every time I visit nowadays... It's just so exhausting
My mom was an almond mom- what’s worse, she had a masters degree in NUTRITION!!! But she still restricted all her food. It wasn’t exactly shocking when I developed a severe ED that took over 10 years of my life
I really needed to hear this I think u fr just saved me because I was going down the path of goal after goal and then moving the goal post further each time
dudeee.... this video made me realize how bad my home life is 🧍i thought that most people around my age (12-15) only ate two-three large meals a day, and never ate snacks 😭😭 and like LITERALLY, for the past two years, i used to say "why am i hungry, it's only been 4-5 hours since i last ate? i should probably just drink water" 😭😭😭
don't worry though i'm healthy now tho!!! i eat snacks when i want, even if i've lost my hunger signals haha ^_^
as someone who's 34, i can promise you this: snacks are fine.
it's normal to be hungry after an hour or 2. especially if you're a teenager. and especially if you're running around and doing things, or at school all day (think about it, your brain is an organ like any other part of your body, and when you're using it A LOT, you get hungrier. it's kinda funny, cuz if i sit and read for hours, i'll get hungry, lol).
so yeah, eat snacks if you feel hungry. not a full meal, but just something so that you're not like, ugh, i feel so hungry right now.
there's nothing wrong with that. food isn't good or bad. there's no moral value to eating. it's a thing we need to do to live. the way cars need gas. no one shits on a car for need it's tank filled up, right?
best thing you can do for yourself is learn to listen to your own body. eat when you're hungry, don't eat when you're not. that's it.
just try your best to listen to your body and you'll be okay.
@@bottomofastairwell awhhh thank you so much, i needed this
@@pestopasto834always happy to help. i always just kind of say the things that i wish someone had said to me when i was younger, you know?
@@bottomofastairwell that's so real of you, i hope your inner child is healing rn
I grew up with an "almond dad", still dealing with my relationship with food and hoping my kids will never hate their bodies the way I used to.
one of the things that helps me is focusing instead on what my body can DO.
like i used to really hate my thighs, but then i started to see them through the lens of running, because i ran track. and i started seeing my thick thighs as beautiful because they made it possible for me to get good races times.
my arms are amazing because they give great hugs. and they're strong enough to help lift other people up to go crowd surfing when i go to concerts. that makes me feel good. it doesn't' matter how they look when someone is crowd surfing, it matters that my arms are strong enough to help keep that person in the air so they can have fun.
it doesn't matter if my stomach is flat, it matters that it's comfy for my cat to lay on when he wants cuddles.
things like that. i dunno if it helps anyone else, but it really helped me value my body more when i started focusing on the things it could do that made me happy instead of focusing on how it looked.
That picture of the bikini hanging on the fridge is devastating.
This video was exactly what I need since I restarted my fitness journey after recovering from an ED 6 years ago. I basically swore off fitness cause of the bad habits that form. A lot of the things you said made me realize I was feeding into those bad habits so 35:00 really hit home for me.
I appreciate your content because of your transparency. Keep up the great work!
My ed has been flaring up again after years of being in remission, and I needed to hear this. Thank you
the way you talk about eating disorders is really helpful to me, as someone who’s also struggling with disordered eating. keep going! thank you :)