How food/sugar addiction ruined my life
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ม.ค. 2021
- Four stages of addiction: my personal account.
FILMING DATES:
my food addiction story: January 2020 - April 2020
me sitting on the couch telling the story: January 2021
★ WATCH ALL OF THE GLOW UP DIARIES: bit.ly/37O0bX6
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MUSIC
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Music by @hiveriot - Undercover via @hellothematic
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★ WATCH MY EMOTIONAL 6 YEAR JOURNEY IN THE GLOW UP DIARIES: bit.ly/37O0bX6
This video was originally part of Glow up Diaries Season 2 there is no longer a season 2. It’s just one series with a final film at the end.
Thank you 🥺
OH MY GADD
*yes waiting for your merch to be available* 💚💚
SO EXCITED! 💖😊 Gonna go grab a snaccc to get started on this episode! ( P.S. 37 MINUTES LONG!!? THIS IS AN EFFIN TREAT THANKYOU SO MUCH)
Thankyou alivia 💫💫
she is the only person who shows her failures too
Thats why i love her, most 'influencers' just show their success and it's hard to relate
She is so bold
Yea i could never its too scary😂 im happy shes gotten so comfortable with herself and life that she can i think thats true peace😌
True
That's the best thing about her
"You have so much potential but you cover it with oily hair, glasses, and body fat"
I fucking hated this part just straight out rude and toxic
Yes, I know that siblings can make jokes like this but it wasn't EVEN a joke. :/ It was straight up mean things.
If I had her sister as my sibling I don't think we would have a good relationship tbh. No matter what relationship you have with a person it is not okay to say stuff like that. It's just straight up rude and assholey, especially when the person you are saying it to you know is going through a hard time
I HATED that part. That disgusted me
It wasn't toxic. It's called telling the truth. Only family can do that. My sister has told me something similar.
@@hanie2350 I was overweight too and my sister was always honest with me but she had never hurt my feelings or said something that would put me down
You can be honest and encouraging without being this rude and inconsiderate
Her dad begging her to not make the mug cake was heartbreaking
@@hikinono i found it heartbreaking too honestly
@@hikinono omg I can't believe Natalie Portman replied to my comment 😍
@@hikinono well it doesn't make me want to die any less
He was right tho, there is no reason to eat at night.
It really wasn't. It wasn't about the disorder It was about rhat it's late at night to eat
it broke my heart to see how her family talked about her. she was obviously going through something hard mentally and what she needed was not criticism and harsh words but love and compassion and patience. her family wasn’t helping her despite what anyone thinks.
Agreed. There is a way to go about saying things and that wasn’t the most productive or kind I think.
Truly. Her family is god awful.
OMGosh SO Unlearned and Unsupportive!! This is how people off themselves. Ignorance and bad thoughts 😕😕
i was thinking wow she speaks negative enough about herself and her dad and friends are being disrespectful and disgusting 😊
Oh noo, what about the family who doesn't talk about you at all nor with you:)
Please take binge eating disorders seriously everyone. It is an illness not just weakness!
This is part of the Ed not thinking you have a problem :(
@@jessohara7521 i think alivia knows its a problem its just that she has a different, and in my opinion, wrong view, eating less healthy or being obssesed with food is not a weakness or being stubborn, it can be a disorder and it expresses psycological and neurological unbalances oftentimes. I think its getting a little dangerous bc shes in a way emcoraging this opinion in other people that, like you mention, have a serious problem that doesnt allow them to realize the truth :(
I love how you said this...it's so true!
Btw Im not trying to diagnose her i think she needs to take a break from giving advice since she has a very biased take on eds
@@Mazadepizza no no I completely agree, but she’s in denial and that’s what I was like, but thank you for explaining this to me :)
the way her family talks to her about food and her body is not okay, and it's probably a big contributor to her skewed mindset on her eating habits and "weak" mentality
I agree and also her freinds instead of supporting her they made fun of her body
Welcome to being raised in an Asian family...
I should clarify that I’m also Asian. You grow up being told “you’re getting fat” as soon as you gain 2 pounds.
I have to agree here. I went on a similar journey to Alivia and am finally learning to love myself. I think it maybe started 8 years ago (I was 14) where my family made a comment at the beach that I would be pretty and have a nice figure if I lost weight (I was by NO means obese, only just barely overweight) and instead of being a push to get healthier it made me spiral into self loathing and I've spent nearly a decade hating myself and yoyo-ing. I haven't worn a bathing suit since then and became more introverted than ever because I didn't want to show myself to the world and I missed a lot of opportunities and friendships because of it. One bad comment sent me down a near decade long path of self-loathing.
Some families may think it's a push in the right direction and for some it may be, but for others it can cause irreparable damage to one's self esteem and view of yourself forever.
I don’t think so... I feel like they want to help with all that they have just don’t know how to deal with a person that struggles with binge eating... Everybody learns here- Alivia, of course, but her loved ones too... just don’t want to demonize them so early- I knew she wouldnt like to hear that. Cause it sounds so hurtful. Please think
also REMINDER!!!! this IS an eating disorder. whether you see it just as a series of videos of her trying to lose weight or whatever but do remember that she is in real time real life going through this behind the scenes. she is struggling. why don't people see that and say positive uplifting things instead. this girl has just become my biggest inspiration and i thank God for finding ur videos and channel. thank you for this alivia really.
i just finished the video and i am so utterly fucked up lol very much in tears. thank you.
What does that mean exactly Courtney? It's an "eating disorder" it's an addiction, same as heroin or crack, just a legal more socially acceptable one but an addiction none the less. The first step was realizing her part in this, which it's entirely her part as is usually the case. Her self awareness of her failings in discipline, honesty and just generally looking for an easier softer way give me hope she will get better and fix herself. It's totally doable, totally fixable and she's young still! Most people can't stand to be accountable for their mess ups. Over-eating, like drug abuse, is something totally in our control and can be fixed with diet exercise and discipline! Idk what you're going through, but keep going sis!
You're beautiful to me throughout the video and regardless of whatever happens you are beautiful. We all have different pains and sources of pain in life may you stay strong regardless and take care thank you for being an inspiration
@@alexhatfield4448 it is an eating disorder though? the same way anorexia is an addiction to the happiness that comes with losing weight, bed (binge eating disorder) is an addiction to the happiness that comes with eating.
Focus only on solutions, positive things, write down all the solutions (the good things for you, your body, your mind, your spirit) on papers and keep the papers with you. If you do this every day, your life and your being will truly change for the better
Girl. Yes. This documentary should get an award.
I second that!!
Focus only on solutions, positive things, write down all the solutions (the good things for you, your body, your mind, your spirit) on papers and keep the papers with you. If you do this every day, your life and your being will truly change for the better
haters think a "glow up" is getting your nails done or your eyebrows waxed
But no.It's way more than that
literally, what people don't see is that it coming from the inside out, just how Alivia's done it
@@fraise_fraud the people on 7:00 what they said
I think it is about self love without filters
exactly. said exactly the way it should. when quarantine came I “glowed up” not only in terms of losing weight & exercise, but I was able to calm down my anxiety and work on my mental mind overall. you could glow up physically, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are healthy mentally. hopefully more people realize that, and imho, mental glow ups feel so much better than physical glow ups. ✨
Literally so true
you shouldn't hate yourself into losing weight. you shouldn't hate yourself into glowing up. you shouldn't hate yourself into changing.
Honey if you don’t like something about yourself you change it period.
@@sinfulxbeauty8185 yeah, sure. but don't beat yourself up during the process tf.
@@sinfulxbeauty8185 this so just toxic, give it to the username
It's HARD
@@sinfulxbeauty8185 yeah that’s definitely the wrong mindset to have.
“Dad, is this what growing up is? More sad days than happy days?” that hit me hard!
22:44 honestly this part is heartbreaking, the way she changed, wen her dad miss understood her struggling and called her selfish, the way her facial expectation changed, it’s heartbreaking, I seriously just want to give you a big hug.
I thought that too. Telling her in her lowest point that she’s so selfish instead of “well… lets get you some help”
My parents would have said something similar which would’ve made my anxiety horrid… then I’d be turning to my drug of choice. Yes I take responsibility, but parents need to see WARNING SIGNS instead of making judgments. It’s clear that judging is a go-to in this family. Everyone featured is hella judgmental. She just smiles thru it… that’s not normal.
Focus only on solutions, positive things, write down all the solutions (the good things for you, your body, your mind, your spirit) on papers and keep the papers with you. If you do this every day, your life and your being will truly change for the better
if my dad saw me making a cake in a mug in the middle of the night he'll probably ask me to make one for him too
Same sis
Same
It’s different when your parents know you have a problem/ issue with food... you wouldn’t encourage an addict would you?
Yea dude
Same.
all those people saying your glow up was taking too long. You are the most realistic glow up I have ever seen. A glow up does not take 24 hours and it is not enough in a single video. All these fake glow ups only have girls doing their nails, combing their hair, bathing, exercising for about 3 days and making their bed. Everything looks so fake and they just put GLOW UP in the title to get a view. Please continued like this, you are real.
Facts
Thx.
Exactly!! Thank you for this comment!
THANKS FOR SAYING IT
Thank you so much for putting this out their for the girls and boys that are falling for the bait of a “glow up” under “24 hours”.
When your dad called you selfish I started tearing up for you, broke my heart.
Jup her family is at the root of the issue whether she wants it to realise or not. This isn't tough love or concern or whatever she wants to interpret it as. It's cruel and words matter. Especially to mentally ill people.
Focus only on solutions, positive things, write down all the solutions (the good things for you, your body, your mind, your spirit) on papers and keep the papers with you. If you do this every day, your life and your being will truly change for the better
I just found this video by chance. As an emotional binge eater, I feel so stuck. With so much going on in my life, I'm struggling to be ok.
I believe you can do it. It will be ok. You can do it.
same here. Good prayers to us both to feel better and in return make better choices
you’re never stuck! it sounds so cliche but life is a series of highs & lows & you can’t have one without the other. things will even out eventually & you will be okay! 💕 sorry if it’s cliche af but sometimes the most simple advice can give a lot of insight
Same here.I am very sensitive and there are shit people in my life who keeps dragging me down coz they know words from people who are close to me (them) hurts
Please watch the binge eating therapist
“you have so much potential but you hide it behind oily hair, glasses and body fat”
this is so similar to what i’d say to myself when i was battling with anorexia. can’t believe her sister would say something like that, be careful with your words people
those sisters or so called family members are toxic, and no one come at me. Your immediate family are suppose to support you through the lowest and highest points of your life not criticise you, she was struggling and to make a statement like that, I’m glad their not my sisters, just wow.
@@ninangin167 yeah i think it has a lot to do with colorism within the asian community. Her sister has more caucasian features, therefore treated better and feeling entitled to put her sister down. I experienced the same
Lenara Moon I’m sorry you have experienced it, it honestly goes to show that some people can’t see past superficial things, at the end of the day they are all related, your siblings are meant to be your first friends, sure joke/banter but never degrade you and make you feel unworthy
@@ninangin167 it's ok! I'm already healing and moving on with my life, i just wanted to share how colorism doesn't just affect people in wide society but also in their interpersonal relationships.
made me so sad when I saw that clip
The comments that her sister made about her extra body fat, dry hair, and oily roots really hurt my soul.
Kids are shallow, dumb, and mean. They don't care about other people's feelings.
@@edithsmith1524 but she’s not a child. She should know better than that.
@Tshego Makgato that’s true, but you can clearly see Olivia wasn’t doing well mentally, so commenting about her appearance, no matter if it’s the truth or not, obviously doesn’t help
If someone was mentally stable, yeah, maybe you could say something like that. But if shes definitely not doing mentally ok like this, she shouldn't have said that
I know. That was rude. I could never imagine my sister telling me that. She is so kind and positive. Ok, now I miss my sister😂
This is hands down one of the most powerful videos I have ever seen. So raw, thought provoking and perfectly executed & edited. You are so talented.
I’m surprised no one has mentioned how being overweight and emphasis on physical beauty/thinness has a huge value attached in many Asian cultures , I could definitely see that social stigma about her eating and lack of support definitely playing out in her family members attitudes and comments. Keep in mind as well, that many Asian cultures, and other cultures, pass down taboo attitudes about mental health and may treat mental health issues as non existent and just blame the person for their actions, ignoring the disorder/illness. I’m sorry your family raised you to think you’re the problem and have low self esteem, no recovery is possible if you don’t have self compassion.
Yah but fat acceptance is toxic asf. I don't think she had that cultural stereotype pushing her. It sounded like she was genuinely worried about her health and how it turned into a mental health problem. Physical health is one of the biggest factors of overall well-being, with poor physical health, you will be miserable and depressed and lost. It's simply because of our body's chemistry. We need to eat, sleep and exercise, and it will to better overall mental health, motivation, and happiness. It's not necessarily about body image every time, but overall health. And if you deny all of this I am sure you denying how miserable you feel.
@@jamesdeclan7538fat acceptance is not toxic...you can be fat and be healthy. Some people simply dont care about being fat and make sure to keep it healthy. Theres a big difference between being 180-210 pounds and saying "accept me! and being 300-400 pounds and saying "accept me!"
@@jamesdeclan7538nobody said anything about fat acceptance
@@jamesdeclan7538good job for missing the entire point
@@jamesdeclan7538fat acceptance is not what’s being discussed. people who immediately think self love means “fat acceptance” are just showing they’re in that toxic mindset and can’t actually conceive of what self-love is. it’s unconditional. you don’t have to be skinny to be worthy of self love. or healthy. the two have nothing to do with each other. body image is different from self image. they are separate. you don’t seem to understand this simple fact.
The part where she says “there are ppl that have way worse problems, but this is my reality”. It’s so true. I dismiss how serious my problem is because it seems superficial. But really all that does is invalidate my feelings and makes me binge more to mask them.
Exactly. Irrespective of how big and serious everybody’s else’s problems are you are allowed to feel sad, low or whatever about your life at times. Yes it’s better to see things form perspective but you don’t have to feel guilty for wanting something to be different about yourself or your life.
Felt 😭
this post called me out
I cried when my tooth where pulled cuz I couldn’t eat what I want I’m always between binging and starving myself n taking lax cuz I hate myself the battle is so real n it’s good to see more ppl speaking out
being the person who have a "bigger problem" i actually love watching this kinda of videos because it shows me the reality of being a human - there are always will be something causing pain and discomfort. not in an evil jealous way but in "life is kinda hard for all of us" way
she’s the only person that shows the bad parts of transformation and vocalizes her real, raw thoughts and i admire that so much.
Exactly what i thought!
legit yes! she's changing the game on youtube which is what inspired me to make vids called the Gen Z Diaries about how I found myself binging on social media/online to the point of having no life bc i was just watching others. so check it out if you want ❤️ but yeah seriously it took so much courage for her to film and upload all this, I can only imagine how embarrassing it would be for her bc mine were not as personal as hers but still! she's changing lives! ❤️
Totally agree! 💯
Yes, this brings depth to her story.
I agree, so many people only show the good and its unrealistic as heck
I remember I watched this like 2 years ago, wishing I would get where she did, and thinking I never would. I related with everything she said so much. Eventually I got there, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been :))
I'm so so so proud of you!!
Same here, I randomly remembered her and I used to relate to these sm. Now I’m watching for nostalgia and it’s nice to see how far I’ve come
I'm just about to start improving myself, after seeing this video. I've tried so many times but never keep it up so I'm gonna persevere this time
I’m currently working on the same journey as her
This was a wake up call. Ive had anorexia and binge eating disorder previously in my life. Ive started slipping back into the binge eating habits of having multiple dinners at once and constantly being aware of when I can eat next.
I'm so grateful that you let me watch your journey like this, I wish you all the best in the world, you deserve it. You're such a strong woman and such an inspiration ❤
People tend to forget that a “glow up” doesn’t happen overnight, instead it’s an extremely long process without a definite destination since you trample down a lot along the way and that’s normal.
People tend to forget that a mental glow up is much more useful in life then a physical one. Somehow nobody deals with those in the right order
@@neyive9352 every person that has had a physical glow up either in my personal life or online they always say the first glow up is mentally then physically
@@monilove4088 exactly
Exactly! Years i heard i just needed “to cut the food” even from family, that was the worst part. Just recently discovered i have BED... im in the process and half way there... but it takes time and it sucks sometimes. Luckily i had the courage to come out to my friends about it. I hope people know its not their fault and not alone...
It sucks to see that instead of of being compassionate with herself, she's tearing herself down every couple of seconds. It hurts to hear, because I've thought that way too. It won't help in the long run.
she still has a really bad outlook on her body/food, regardless of what she says... this was hard to watch.
Well look how the people in her life critique her.
@@xXx-ji5ph But that’s what our past selves do. We look down on who we used to be because we never want to be that person again. That’s why people cringe when they remember a past mistake. It shows a want to grow and progress in doing so. Not everyone needs sweet words and kindness with everything coated in honey. Some of us need tough love to get our asses off the couch and into shape. Furthermore, she did think positively. That’s what the PINK campaign she took part in was about
Same , sometimes I look in the mirror and criticize my body but it’s like I been doing it for so long it dosent make me feel bad about myself it’s just like normal ig but I’m working on being more confident 💜
@@Enchanted_Owl the couch part was Jan 2021 some people are only going to see this and assume what she says is the truth and that the "inspirational part" as how you do it, she should have adressed how toxic her mindset at the time was or put it in a comment or something
I am in utter shock with how close this is to my relationship with food and my body. Watching this makes me feel way less alone, embarrassed, and isolated. Thank you Alivia.
When I say this video hit me deep in my heart. I remember ALL of these feelings. Eating so much food that I would literally feel sick, then look around at my damage and just sob. I’m doing better now and trying my best to stick to my weight loss/health journey, but I will never forget those dark days.
‘If I can endure in self-destruction, I can endure in self-improvement.’ That sentence alone was awesome, let alone the entire video. Thank you.
16:01 if anyone wants the time stamp :)
Wow. That is exactly what I needed to hear
This sentence got me through the last 15 mins of cardio. I'm on this journey 😢
I was reading comments as the video was playing. As soon as I read that the girl in the video read that. 😅
Focus only on solutions, positive things, write down all the solutions (the good things for you, your body, your mind, your spirit) on papers and keep the papers with you. If you do this every day, your life and your being will truly change for the better
this is literally like watching a documentary about a drug addict. Depression and food addiction is no joke. Glad you aren't giving up!
So true
True
100 true and it makes me realize I am at stage as well
Fr it’s tough
So true. It’s terrible.
I know this is an older video, but I want to say i’m sorry the people in your life said such hurtful things. It’s exponentially harder to to grow in an environment that’s pushing you down, especially when it’s those you love most
That part with the dad and the mug made my heart sink because for 2 years I've struggled with undereating and this year all I wanted to do was get my life back together but it fell into a binge cycle, so I started exercising again but that just triggers me to binge even more. Accouple of days ago I was mid binge when my dad came into my room and saw all the packets of food I was surrounded in and begged me to stop.
This video is so relatable u have no idea. Thank u for sharing this❤
"i don't wanna die at all but... it seems easier than living life"
i felt that...
me too:(
Same ;'((
me too.. and it makes me sad and i’m so mad at my self but it’s true.. i wish i wes as strong as her..😞
@@lauraloulou5971 Oh, but I'm sure you are! You just have to find that strength to carry on. I promise that thinks will get better soon. Take care, please ♥
Seriously? She lives such a privileged life. Im sorry its a sad thing that she has an eating disorder but part of me just thinks thats all she has to worry about because she got nothing else in her life thats lacking. She probably wants to be model beautiful. Thats her standard. Thats the cost of being a perfectionist that has lived a privileged life: wanting more and desiring perfection.
I truly dislike when people say „oh people have it worse“ that doesn’t matter. Your problems are valid. Yes sure someone always has it objectively worse, but that doesn’t make your problems feel less bad for you. Being grateful for the privileges you receive in life is important but you are allowed to feel sad and be selfish at times. That’s part of being human.
Thank u .. needed this❤
@@linoush8521 happy to read this 💕
I hate that too. Your problem may not be the worst in the world, but it's the worst in your world. So it should be a big deal. If you had a broken arm you wouldn't AVOID getting it fixed bc "other people have two broken arms" or "other people's bodies are hurt more", doesn't matter, you go get the broken arm fixed 💪
@@zzyzxzzyzx exactly!
My old best friend told me that her problems were more important than mine, they bigger problems but when I told her what I was going through she said that my problems ARENT IMPORTSNT and DONT MATTER. I’m so happy I dropped her.
this made me really emotional because I went through this and now i’m working out all the damage I did. I understood you so well…proud of you
What’s crazy is the level of self awareness, but the inability to stop the self destructive behavior. I’m glad recovery is at the end of this tale. It’s puzzling how you didn’t blow up to 300lbs.
Alivia's dad is so connected to her that he's worried about her more than she knows
Ik it's so sweet
And then there's me. All my dad cares about is me to lose weight do I can find a good husband
Meanwhile my dad is the main reason of my problems🗿
Emmm you guys have a dad ?
Our dads left us gang
At this point I think serious professional help would really help her. It’s not about the weight and the “glow up”. It’s the mental illness that doesn’t seem to be addressed at all. But then again I don’t know her at all so idk her life
that’s so true
What she is showing is videos of her past, when she had this problems. She is way better now and she is showing us how she came to the point she didn't have problems with food anymore
These are old clips, shes actually doing good now!
@@julija8142 I agree. Posting something like this is very brave and beyond selfless, it really takes guts. Also, can we just truly admire the fact that she still shows up even after all the hate.
@@julija8142 yet her voice over and 'story telling self' still talks about her past self as if she was lazy and disgusting for binging, idk her life obviously but from what i can see it just sounds like she shifted eating disorders
This made me cry, because you’ve put everything I feel about myself in 33 mins. This was extremely vulnerable & im extremely appreciative of you for making this. I’ll be moving forward with your literacy in mind. Thank you.
The dad saying it’s selfish didn’t sit well with me. 23:01
I understand how he wants to motivate her but fuck. He’s doing it the wrong way…
100% agree
when her sister said "you have so much potential, you just cover that potential with oily hair, glasses and body fat", I felt so bad for her. My family does the same thing, and it really hurts your self esteem even if you don't show it
I’m sorry if I interpreted this wrong, but i think she was just trying to make her feel better. I think she was just saying that she is already pretty but her true beauty is covered with oily hair, etc.
Update: I now have a better understanding from other people’s replies and comments I see. I know everyone has different thoughts and interpretation so I’m glad to see, hear and understand all of them.
@@emmamorimoto834 even people with the best intentions can say things that cut deep. It could have been meant in a "why do you let yourself go" way, but she isn't actually doing that she appears to be struggling with an eating disorder. And with those comes negative self image and thoughts in general. It isn't her fault and an (possibly non intentional) accusation of such will make you feel even worse
@@emmamorimoto834 bruv no just no
I know, I was so shocked by that.
agree & I know people lots of people are saying "families joke like that" she's just kidding" but comments like those can seriously stick with you because those are the people you're around the most & see your flaws more than anyone
Just because people have worse problems than you, doesn’t mean your problem is not bad. Please remember this people ❤️😔
louder for the ppl in the back!!
yes exactly her problems are rly valid that part where she feels like she has to excuse herself for complaining abt her life is bothersome and made me a lil worried. even tho ppl may seemingly have it “worse” her problems need as much care as others. same with her dad talking tk her about the opportunities she’s throwing away
@@Lucy-nv2oh yes I got worried too, I also got a little mad when her sister told her all those things about her hair even though siblings can be mean that was unnecessary:’(
i kinda like that lmao but yeah that's completely valid
@@ahhhhhbug5794 I think you mean vapid
I'm so happy this video exists. I always hear from people talking about their experiences but actually seeing someone record it makes me relate more
this broke my heart because it hits so close to home. thank you for this, the vulnerability and realness in this video is so deeply appreciated. you’ve helped so many people with this video alivia.
Her sister describing her with oily hair and a body covered in fat absolutely destroyed me and I’m sure it destroyed you a little bit. These kind of people and comments are TOXIC!!
@@yasueyoum1631 Does something being the truth make it okay to say to someone's face? Maybe you have really thick skin, but if I was her I would've been crushed to hear my sister say that to me. She didn't even call her pretty, she just said she had "potential" and then pointed out all the stuff that made her ugly. That's not supportive or helpful or kind, and that's the absolute last thing I would say to a loved one going through a difficult time.
@@pey5571she may not be as nice as you’d like but at least she cares enough to tell her sister the truth instead of giving her empty compliments that ultimately lead to no self improvement. if i looked like sh!t, it wouldn’t help if my brother called me beautiful because then there’s no reason to look better. her sister was just being blunt, like most siblings are to each other. she said what had to be said. politeness isn’t always necessary. you can’t expect the world to always be nice.
@@devon2667you put that perfectly. No one’s gonna change if they are told that they don’t need to.
@@devon2667 You're acting like she wasn't aware of what she looked like?? She was clearly aware that her hair was unkept and that she had gained weight. So explain to me how her sister pointing that out was helpful? Because we both watched the video, and *clearly* the shitty comments from her family was not the turning point that made her change her behavior.
Also yes, obviously the world isn't always nice. But your friends and family ARE NOT "the world" and they're not strangers with no obligation to be kind to you. It's not naive or ridiculous to expect the people close to you to be kind to you when you're struggling.
the way she said it was shady and just rude i agree you should be honest and not be an enabler but you can be honest and tell someone they need to get it together without being like "yeah u could be good but you're fat and greasy" likes that's just meant to hurt her not help her. helping would be saying hey this isnt healthy eating this much and i can see not taking care of yourself is really hurting you that would have a way more positive affect then what the sister did@@devon2667
People need to realise that binge eating is not just a lack of self-control or being greedy. For me, it has been feeling sad or lost so turning to food for stability, eating until I am sick and then feeling all this guilt and disappointment in myself for eating so then not eating for whole days. When I have binged the day before but start to feel hungry I ignore my hunger and see the feeling of being hungry as a reward for not eating. But eventually, my body is so hungry that I have to eat and once I start I don't stop. The cycle continues. I feel like there is not enough recognition of binge eating being a mental disorder rather than just a lack of self-control but videos like this help people (me) :) to feel like I'm not just being stupid xx
I felt like I was reading my thoughts....
Are you seeing a therapist?
Seek help if u can plz :)
I can so relate to this!!! This is so hard I just feel disappointed on myself everytime I binge 😭
I understand where you're coming from and I used to binge a lot. I do now to an extent too, but not half as much. The problem with blaming binge eating on having a mental disorder is a temporary relief - "It's not my fault", you say. And it truly possibly isn't your fault. Your environment and people around you influence you greatly and not everything is in your control. However, I've noticed that for as long as I let myself think "there's something wrong with my brain that others don't usually deal with" (mostly for other issues that I had, not only binge eating), I didn't work half as hard to get out of those mentalities and anxieties. Once you realize that, even though you have no control over your past or even your environment some times, and that the only thing you have control over is yourelf, its sooo empowering. You're not stupid, everyone has their own battles and journeys towards self improvement.
Omggg I'm tearing up reading this because this is exactly how I feel. It's like you're in my head rn. I want to cry. Idk how to do this. I feel like a waste of space and a liability to everyone. Sometimes I just want to give up
This is really true
I related to this video a lot; the history of eating disorders, the self-hate, the crippling loneliness and emptiness, everything... I appreciate you sharing your vulnerable moments with the rest of the world.
This is one of the most painfully honest and transparent videos i have ever seen
I feel like so often when people share their journey it is not the raw unfiltered struggle and pain. Thank you for being so so vulnerable. Thank you for sharing this and being able to show people they arent alone❤
I’ve never seen someone talk about the struggle that I’m currently feeling. Jesus. Thank you for making this.
You’ll get there and remember Jesus loves you ❤️❤️you’re beautiful
Binge eating is not talked about very much it's sad I struggle with it a lot
Jesus is amazing and he can help you through anything. He loves you so much.
Please go see a psychologist and a nutritionist. TH-cam videos or coach's books won't solve addictions.
Ditto
i love how this glow up isn’t just like a “24 hour transformation” she’s genuinely improving every aspect of her life over a long period of time
Yesss agreed!! It’s not just putting on make up and stuff it’s changing her current mindset
I believe her issue is deeper and she’s not doing a lot about it, she should go to therapy first
@@catalinaramos689 um..well she’s obviously trying so give her props for that
yess, in a realistic way
@@terry4berry as I read in other comments, trying to do all of that by yourself could be worse for an ED, and it seems really misleading to younger people .. not trying to be negative, it just worrying how people praise her
I know I'm a couple of years late, but this video is so raw and real and I have never been able to relate to anything more. You explained everything that I have never been able to put into words. You have truly inspired me to make a change and shown me that it is possible to come out on the other end of this. Thank you.
as someone with anorexia i found myself relating so much to this, I didn't expect to, but I see and feel your pain of something as simple and necessary as food controlling your life. I wish you nothing but love and peace
i think i would just like to clarify to some people that disordered eating and mental heath struggles do NOT equal weakness
love this, thank you 🤍
❤️❤️
Thank you
then what is it?
Yess thank youu❤️
The dad trying to help but not knowing how to help effectively is so heartbreaking :(
literally, “fat surrounding ur organs, remember that” bruh that can give some people an ed like anorexia or R.E.D… guilt when eating and stuff.. yikes just yikes
the siblings too “oily hair glasses and body fat” wtf..
@@userkie what else are they supposed to say? its the sad TRUTH.
Nah he was just sick of her excuses and repetitive behavior……. Let’s be real for once
@@userkie he was right, how was he supposes to say that in a convincing way?
That part made me uncomfortable. That's what would make me hide food and the guilt was awful. It made my weight gain worst that's 100% not his place.
I've never seen a single video of your's before but this popped up on my feed and I'm glad it did. I relate to this so much, even if my challenges are different from your's. You made yourself so vulnerable to share your story and your bravery humbles me. Here's to finding the bravery to commit to change.
as a teenage girl, overweight for my age, this motivates me so much more than you could imagine. it opened my eyes and made me smell the coffee. it's now 2024 and i want to make this change in my life way earlier before my real life starts. 2024 is my year and i'm gonna take advantage. i'm gonna make this my devotional year.
Good luck. Don't beat yourself up if things go wrong, just try to do better the next day 🩵
I bet these weren’t the type of comments she was expecting
They're not rude comments. People are just really concerned and wanted to help her by saying she should see a professional.
@@lenkasustackova4560 I know. But she probably didn’t expect the overwhelming amount of concerns.
Well, yeah 😬
Yeah but these comments are a normal response to a video like this. It’s seriously concerning to ppl who have had issues with food to see her like this
yeppp--and considering she thinks she has a "food addiction" when it's really binge eating disorder, I doubt she'll take any of them seriously. She'll probably think her audience has "turned on her" and this will become a channel like AmberLynn Reid's.
To those naive idiots commenting "it shouldn't take this long" and "hurry up with your glow up," if you wanted to watch a Disney movie, click off this video, and I do recommend Princess and the Frog tho as it might teach you guys a thing or two about hard work and dedication
Lmaoo💀 but fr tho
@@T7d534 people don't like being told they need to actually put effort in order to improve themselves. They want a temporary and superficial solution to all their problems🤡
They were expecting a make up and nails transformation when they clicked on this series with some fitness music added. They just couldn't handle how serious actually the situation is.
Lmao
Go off girl😲
You are NOT selfish. You have so much courage and vulnerability for sharing this! ❤
breaking down while watching this makes me realize how far my food addiction has come and how badly i need change, i just dont know how to start
Read good sugar bad sugar by Allen Carr x
why were people getting so impatient and disrespectful about "prolonging her glow up" ?? glow ups take time. don't expect someone to heal mentally and physically in just a year, that's ridiculous. we're used to fast physical glow ups but those aren't real glow ups, nor are they sustainable, you'll end up reversing all your results much faster than it took to get them. alivia's glow up series here is true healing and growth, that's why i respect this so much.
edit: all these replies are so heartwarming and enlightening, thank you all for adding onto the conversation :D real glow ups take time and are different for everyone. we can't compare our journey to someone else's, but we can take lessons and inspiration from how they fail and grow. let's keep supporting her series loves
Exactly. Most glow ups aren’t actual glow ups lol. Put on make up style their hair and put on some nice clothes maybe get nails done and eyelash extensions. That’s not a glow up. Just a makeover.
Right? This isn’t some TV show, its REAL LIFE
Exactly... and that's what makes her diary accurate and REAL!!! I used to feel SO BAD after i fail multiple times... But now we know that it could be like that, she didn't romantecise the glow up like too many youtubers do.... She gave us a real self reflection!
I agree but I also felt agitated as well. My annoyance was not at her but the process of it all and since I've been watching from the beginning, it was hard to see her fail and constantly relapse especially when I was trying to get my body and mind right along with her. I was getting selfish to the point where I would blame this series on my lack of motivation and I was blinded it. Now that she's back, im happy for her genuinely instead of relying on her. And I realize tht this isn't just a chloe ting work out with me video that will be time lapsed, this is real. She's going through mental and physical changes that don't happen over night and everyone needs to realize that
As she said herself, it's the truth she didn't want to hear. It's a harsh truth, but also an absolutely necessery one to be said. It's positive feedback from people who actually paid attention to the series. Her loved ones could be doing the same thing behind closed doors, for her own good.
This is the most realistic glow up series. She talks about everything we go through and doesn't try to make it look fabulous. I always felt less than when I watch videos of glow ups where they make it look easy. She makes me feel normal, like I can beat my struggles and I am not alone. It's an amazing feeling.
Her words are the thoughts I have that I would never share with anybody.
Same
Word girl ✊✊👏👏
@Lucy M Her content may not be realistic to you but it is to me. And I did not say it's the only realistic video I could find.
@Lucy M I think you are misunderstanding me.
These are MY thoughts and they in no way dismiss anyone else's thoughts. Its the most realistic to ME. It does not have to be for you or anyone else. I'm not saying having an eating disorder is a good thing, I'm saying the video gives me hope. What she shows and how she talks to herself is exactly what I do. And she's clearly doing better so I feel inspired and full of hope. Most days I am on the verge of giving up. And most other videos make me feel like its my fault I keep failing coz it looks so easy for them to change. She shows the ugly. I like that. I also think the point of the video is to show the ugly side of overcoming an eating disorder.
And it's okay if it is not true for anyone else coz these thoughts and struggles are mine.
@Lucy M yeah exactly
i relate to you so much. i got to the point where i would imagine myself ripping off, cutting off the parts of my body I didn't like and it seemed much better than dealing with these parts, looking at them in the mirror everyday. trying to fix it SO MANY times and being disappointed in the end just makes you feel tired, jealous of people who just happen to born the way i always wanted to be, effortlessly. it just kills me. hope i can overcome this one day. good video!
i’m 3 years behind and 6 minutes into the video and i just want to say thank you for making this message as powerful as it should be and thank you so much for showing your vulnerability. i adore you and you’ve always been so beautiful
i just finished this and you actually made me feel so seen. my issue isnt necessarily overeating, but eating the wrong things. as well as every other issue. thank you sm for opening up and being so transparent. you made this so real and i’ve never felt such a human connected vibe before. thank you
"You're actually not that bad looking" like I'm sorry but who says that to a family member. So insensitive.
That’s what I was saying, and when she said “and body fat.” And laughed. I felt thay
For me I laughed at that cause that’s something my brothers would say or I would say to them. However, when someone is actually going through something I agree with you, because that’s the last thing a family member should say.
Its actually really toxic and disrespectful. There are other ways of saying that “ youd feel better if you became more fit or took more care of yourslef”
@jennie it’s so backhanded
Welcome to asian family culture.
I think her sister’s comments about her “having potential, but...” were low key cruel and reinforce the negative self talk Alivia suffers from
Yes. All these insecurities and low self-esteem have their roots. Comments like that just make you feel more like shit and slows the process.
Yeah I feel like her sister was WAY too harsh but, maybe that's the way they joke around with each other because my older brother and I have a similar dynamic but we know what lines not to cross, you know?
Words hold a lot of power.
exactly what I thought it was so rude and insensitive
Ya negative comments like that are not as encouraging as people think
I have sisters and I think sometimes that’s sisters way of joking around with one another, my sister and I don’t take comments like that seriously☺️
The feeling of this is awful and it's hard to think that you're the only person who can change. We all have coping mechanisms that are all the way inside out comfort zone but the only way to get better is to get out of your zone. It is so tricky and I myself can't seem to realise that. You are SO inspirational and I'm SO proud of y You for keeping going
I love watching this back and seeing how far I've come from binge eating, restriction, and the mental issues surrounding this. I still have a ways to go, but I look and feel so much better. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.
The way the dad was begging her to not make the damn cake in the mug is heartbreaking. I'm going through my own addiction issues right now and it reminded me of how my boyfriend will beg me not to spend money on my chosen substance. 😢😓
They did it out of concern. Imagine if they hadn't said anything at all?
@@buccimoobiess4744they didn’t say that it was bad
@@Pain_Ito The way that person described, it is pretty bad
@@buccimoobiess4744 no they didnt lol
@@diamonddope0039 Wait, what are you talking abt I am so confused.
But you know, this is no longer just glow up diaries, this is a struggling with the eating disorder. Please go get some help, you dont have to be alone with this.
You guys do know that all this already happened and she's just telling it
@@tianna7853 yep thats why its called dairies yall
@@tianna7853 Yeah that's what she's been saying for 2 years, unless I'm mistaken season 1 was made a bit before she went to Taiwan aka while she was still struggling. The fact that these are made and uploaded a few months or a year after is irrelevant, since she's clearly not always speaking on these things after they've fully resolved.
Shes healthy weight rn and before this she a few years ago like three years ago she was very slim like her transformation now
@@jakeblinkk3453 you cant tell if ppl has an ed based on how slim they look
She seems like she had underlying depression too. I’m assuming with a lot of change she was going through in life. Also this is how I feel when I’m on certain medications like Seroquel. There is no end to how much I can eat while on those meds. Seems like it could also be a hormone problem. I could eat so much food myself until I started having autoimmune problems, like joint pain, itching, food sensitivities, etc. I had no choice but to stop eating so much because it was so physically painful. Fortunately I have tools now like intermittent fasting that keep me in check.
I think it’s safe to say we are all here for you and very much proud of you for being brave and sharing a story that many of us can relate to. May you continue to prosper on your journey💜
This sounds like depression to me. Your brain craves that happiness and comfort when your depressed and it tends to lead to an eating disorder :(
Yea that’s what I was thinking, the documentary I think could push others towards thinking mental problems are just lack of will power ;(
@Martha Estrada Baca seek help from professionals, especially a nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders of ALL kinds.
@Martha Estrada Baca no problem! I had an “on the verge” eating disorder a couple years ago and I went to a nutritionist and it helped me so much. But it sounds like u may need a therapist too:)
Very true. This happened to me last year and instead of gaining weight I lost weight, could not eat and is still battling with eating.
@Martha Estrada Baca i had a a binge ed and i am doing so much better what helped me is to not weigh my self not count calories but instead eat things that made me feel good emphasis on no restricting. i make small meal plans that help with food guidance through the day but it’s not essential to follow. i also found i helpful to avoid a diet mentality. for me that ment still incorporating some sweets and meals out every once and a while. above all the like other comments have said seek medical help. i talked with a therapist and there was other issues i had under the surface which was helpful for my recovery! good luck you’ve got this 💘❤️
why did 0:49 make me so sad? "you have so much potential but you cover it up with oily hair, glasses, and body fat" that broke my heart. you were always beautiful.
i knowww
why would you say that to your sister?
I got soo angry
ikr that was so mean, that’s not even like a sibling thing
@@vanessa5374 that's sad :( I hope you're doing okay.. hold on💕
@@abigailkeenan9698 ik. especially when you've seen her youtube videos. if you know your sister is struggling like that, don't say those kind of comments.
@@vanessa5374 that isn’t okay :(
It's not okay how people talk about this beautiful woman like that it really makes me so sad 😢😢😢 and it's not okay how her parents treat her 😭😭😭😭
Absolutely agree
dude, i'm sobbing because this is so similar to what i'm experiencing rn. thank you for producing this video alivia
37 minutes??🥺🥺y’all don’t understand how blessed we are, we literally used to get 10 minutes each week in season 1🥺
Fr 😌😌
Ikr! I finally understood why it took her so long to edit
@Xantair yes!
baby, you’re not “disgusting” or “horrendous”. in any state. beauty is what you make it.
I am so seriously grateful for your transparency. I have been fighting multiple EDs for over a decade, and your story is truly relatable and helps me feel less alone. Thank you for this ❤
I couldn’t even imagine how hard this must have been for you to share, but thank you so much for doing it. It really helps people feel like they aren’t the only ones out there.
"If I can endure in self-destruction, I can endure in self-improvement."
the dad telling her how selfish she is, was heartbreaking. that would stick with me for a long, long time.
The dad spoke from a good place you should see that
@@itsmeallday2926 but he could have said that better, instead of expecting his daughter with already low self esteem to understand what he is saying comes from a good place. Yeah I’m sure he wants the best for her but people need to learn how to talk to others. Saying “you’re selfish and you’ve been handed so many opportunities and you just waste them” sounds so cruel. All it makes people with eating disorders do is binge/restrict more. I can’t imagine putting my daughter down like that
@@SB-ls7qj because you're too woke and polite for your daughter's good.
@@flyingfeathers_ This is not about “wokeness” or whatever buzzword you’ve rotted your brain with, it’s common human decency. More than that, it’s the respect you should give to your own daughter, your own flesh and blood.
My mom said the same thing when I was bulimic😵💫
"If I can endure in self destruction, I can endure in self improvement "❤
This is the most relatable, raw video I've ever found on TH-cam. Thank you. Laughing and crying.
girl please be careful, this is a textbook eating disorder. it would be advisable to talk to a therapist because even if you feel you’ve sorted it, relapse can creep up on you especially if you haven’t addressed it properly. you’re not weak AT ALL. it’s not you and you’re not alone. please be safe and reach out if you need help
i can't believe we are getting this for free
6 months later yeah
@@shellytonin6858 frrrr there’s a strange amount of ads in a 40 minute video
@@kateliu5476 I didn't get any ad🤔
But you can see how much work she put into this, the ads don't even matter that much.
@@shellytonin6858
I didn’t get any what-so-ever. Maybe it’s just different for your device?
I got out of binge eating maybe 2 years ago, I was so proud of myself, but I realized that I slowly fell into another eating disorder in order to lose weight. I just want to like how I look, but by doing that I’m destroying my mental and physical health. You’re so inspiring and so real, showing even moments that could be considered embarrassing. I hope that one day I’ll be able to recover just like you did.
This was so real and raw. I found so much value in your confidence and ability to be open. You’re not average, you’re beautiful.
The moment her dad catches her making a snack at night hit close to home, my dad used to tell me not to eat night but I would get so defensive and vulnerable that I thought he was attacking me or denying me food but really he was just trying to help me from creating a bad habit or becoming unhealthy
That guy sounds JUST like my dad.
me too man...
Same bro and that’s how I got anorexia kids
@@rosa273 someone tells you not to eat at night and you become anorxic ?
@@striker51ful im not necessarily talking about the night eating behavior, I’m commenting more towards family members commenting towards your eating habits and my ana brain would put that comment towards my body
Showing yourself in this state is really encouraging beyond belief. Especially for people who are going through mental health struggles it makes us feel alive, because you are being so incredibly honest.
!!! Thissss
I agree, it's so brave to show all this, I keep thinking about it all the time while watching. I don't think that I could, but it's important to. Thank you Alivia 💜
Yes, but the whole premise seems to be that someone with disordered eating just needs to get healthier through will power. As someone who works in a mental health related field, I think it would send a better message to at least suggest the possibility that talking to a counsellor or therapist about why her relationship with food and self esteem was so bad might be a more sensible long term solution...
Yes. It’s refreshing to see a human... show that they’re human. Not some perfect image
@@nichtsoviel I totally agree, i am lucky to live in a country where therapy is free, but unfortunately some people just can’t afford therapy..
Made me cry, first person I have ever seen who gets me completely. I watched this video 6 months ago right when I started getting my life together and I have come far, but today was a hard day and I sat down to watch this again and I realized how lucky I am to be strong and that I always get right back up when I fail because some people fall and let themselves go. Watching this again made me realize how much I have chnaged and not given myself credit for
She was so brave for doing all of this, the video, the process, care about it. You are a trully beautiful inspiration ❤
I struggle with anorexia and it's kind of interesting how the core of the problem is exactly the same: enduring hard emotions.
Same with all addiction. Gambling, heroin, alcohol, food, shopping. All addiction is the same animal and we all go through very similar experiences, just different substances\behaviors.
therapy, accountability and taking action is the key
Hard emotions regarding dysfunction in relationships or? I’m curious because I’ve been battling this most of my life. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. I was the smallest after facing trauma and loss. I lost all motivation to eat.
@@bubblegumelectric1Hii, I dont know your exact situation, but you said that you were the smallest after the loss and everything so I assume it was a little time ago. I’m not sure if you got better or healed from it, but if you got better maybe you focused on food? Thats what i did when I binged like a lot, it started of with me being unhappy and eating lots of candy, I mean who doesnt like candy, and it made me happy, so I was like always focused on food and was even eating when i wasnt hungry, but the problem was that after time and time it became a habit that i continued to have even when my problems went away. It was just normal to me, so i didnt even notice I was like binging daily, I only noticed when I was getting unhappy with my body. Idk but maybe this helps, sending much love💙
Yes, I've been there, too. Wishing the best to you ❤
I dont think she realizes but she lowkey had an Ed. And as someone trying to recover mentally, it isn't lazy or weak. Its a battle. And we should be proud and respect ppl who have or r trying to recover
Yeah
i think she still has... at least disordered eating
this made me cry cause this used to be me. And im happy i got out of those binges, i struggled so hard but watching your journey helped me get through the binges and i stared to eat more healthy and started going to the gym, 2 years later ive slimed up i lost all my belly fat and all the extra fat i gained from the junk food.
I have never related to a video before but this has been spot on how I’ve felt about my habits. I normally never comment on people videos but I had to bc I applaud you for being so vulnerable and putting your story out into the world. You’re truly inspiring and will continue to inspire people for years to come. Thank you!
Her family seems to have given her a lot of guilt surrounding food and weight loss which is super toxic. I feel like her main problem is self-sabotage. She's always calling herself names, comparing herself to social media, saying she doesn't believe in herself. She's very focused on the eating but I think its coming from the fact that she doesn't love and respect herself. I think having a stronger support network eg a therapist, a personal trainer, a life- coach would have made this a lot easier for her. No one should have to go through this stuff alone.
Yeah I feel like her family makes it so much worse! In the last season her mom would make comments about her eating too much, and she’s even dreaming that her mom is mad at her for eating. She’s making herself so vulnerable, and they’re tearing her down even more. Obviously she comes from a Christian family, like me, and I also grew up with a lot of self-hate and inadequacy that I have only learned to confront through therapy. Unfortunately, a lot of Christians believe we should only look to God for answers and help not therapy 🙄
Oh my gosh my family is the same way I am literally 20lbs heavier and I know I am aware but my mom reminds me every morning every time she sees me eat anything every time I am cooking and sometimes if we r just watching a movie it’s I hate it
@@ohmygoodnessgoddess as a girl coming from a Christian family my family don't think that way but they support me with my weight loss journey. I think one of things that help me with it is them! And I definitely agree that families are a big part of your health and will also help either you succeed with your weight loss or not
Yess I was also thinking I can’t believe she (seemingly) didn’t have a therapist this whole time. I feel like even though she seems to be in a better place right now, I don’t know if she’ll ever truly heal without the help from a therapist because carrying all this self sabotage weight by herself, not to mention the weight her whole family puts on her too, is too much alone no matter how much any of us wanna be able to do everything alone.
It looks like later in the series she got a personal trainer tho so idk maybe some of that need to share the burden came out in that process
that whisper in the kitchen was really scary, sounded like a voice in a head that tells you to stop
That conversation Alivia had with her dad?
@@lois2906 with her elder sister
@@lois2906 yes. and particularly at the beginning of the video at 0:21 and not at 14:13, cause it didn't say that it's her dad :D
Same, I thought it was meant to voice in her head, so scary.
Dude this video is so real. Wow. And it is even more fascinating to watch it happen to a person who is young, pretty, outwardly successful and financially well off. Its a true testament to how much food addiction can destroy anybody's life. Your story is important to spread awareness, and it is a very well made video. In a lot of peoples minds, i think they imagine food addicts like on TLC, living in a rural area in the south and being unemployed. This shows that it can happen to anybody, and they dont have to be morbidly obese.