10 Mind Games Narcissists Play to Confuse & Gaslight You. Dr. Rhoberta Shaler
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 พ.ย. 2019
- No, you're not crazy. But, a narcissistic #Hijackal® really wants you to believe you are.
Here are ten nasty mind games they play to do it!
HIGHLIGHTS OF TODAY'S EPISODE:
- All or Nothing Thinking
- Love-bombing Flattery
- "Don't Be Different"
- Convenient Half-Truths
- The "I'm Just Kidding/You're Too Sensitive" Gambit
- Generalizations and Cliches
- Smear Campaigns
- "The Plausability Ploy"
- Exploiting Vulnerabilities
- Playing on Your Emotions
CRAZY-MAKING! That's what these ten mind-games are!
#Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, toxic people in life must always win. You've noticed that, right?
They have to be right, make your wrong, and have their way.
That why it is important to recognize these ten mind-games narcissists play to confuse you. Narcissists want you to live in uncertainty. They want the ground beneath your feet to be constantly shifting. AND, they want to be in control of those shifts.
When you come to clearly see what a #narcissist is up to, what a #Hijackal is up to, you will be able to make clearer decisions about your next best steps. When you're too worn down to see these things, get some help. I'm always here to help you. BeAClient.com
Remember to subscribe so you'll receive every episode to help you stay clear about what is really going on.
Enjoy my other podcast, Transforming Relationship with Emotional Savvy, wherever you like to find your podcasts.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
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Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
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Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships? I can help.
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on TH-cam to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics.. When you're ready, let's talk.
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ABB-Always Believe Behavior… that’s gold. Thank You!
You're welcome!
I recently found you when looking for longer videos about "coercive control." Wow! You are an absolute wealth of information. I suspect you will take off before too long. Great content. You're a boss. 💕
Even though I know what they are doing, I can't stop them from smearing me and isolating me. So many sheep think the jackal is wonderful.
Sadly, yes, Mary. I remind people all the time that #Hijackals paint a public picture of perfection while at home creating a private place of pain.
What you can do, though, is each time someone says something negative to or about you, quietly say, "That's not accurate. It's not the way I remember it." At least, you make an affirming statement that may not change minds but affirms you and your truth. It will help you. Not the situation, sadly.
Exactly
Who cares? And I'd rather be alone then around these people. Just because everyone wants to follow them off a cliff doesn't mean you have to.
Thank You So Very Much For
Sharing I Was In A Relationship With An Overt Narcissists For
Over7 Years.Throughout The Relationship
He Would Make Me Think Everything Was Ok
And Outta No Where He Would Start Giving Me Months
And Years Of The Silent Treatment.I Finally Made A Decision
Blocking Him.I’m Jus Tired Of The Narcissists Constant
Merry Go Round Game.
Good for you for doing what is best for yourself! It IS constant, and in almost all cases, will not change.
@@ForRelationshipHelp
You Are Absolutely Right Thank You🙏
I have an "arm's length" friend that says things to me like, "bless your heart" ...and calls me buttercup, and references me as "awww little---" ...says this in a reducing way. I finally started throwing her comments back at her...she was tilted by it. That's how I know she meant to make me feel small, because she felt small when it was spoken back to her.
I'm glad your strategy had a positive effect. Did she stop? Did you have a candid conversation about it? I'm interested in what happened next.
@@ForRelationshipHelp when I hold a boundary with her, she ghosts out on me. I did speak up once about how she made me feel. She was quite. rude and abandoned the friendship for months. She called my boundaries, "RESTRICTIONS, and walking on eggshells". This person will not change. From an energetic, or spiritual perspective, my vital life would be zapped for days after her visit...absolutely exhausting. I realized that the most gentle approach for us both was to go grey rock while speaking, along with a slow fade. I had to become as boring as possible.
Sounds like stuff my ex boyfriend would do it’s so annoying.
@@kundalinigirl6816 yep! “I feel like I’m always walking on egg shells with you.”
I get told to me the “so you’re saying that everything that’s happening to you is my fault?” If I’m getting put down he’ll say I’m the cause for him getting angry. If I do as I’m told this argument would not happen. So much gaslighting. I also get the in how many minutes will I get home. He uses sex as an excuse to make himself stop being angry at me. I’m not feeling to do that. I don’t love him. But I can’t tell him I don’t anymore. He’ll get really angry and count when was the last time we did it. It’s too late. I’ve lost my energy a long time ago. Probably 19 years ago. I’m always exhausted and have insomnia. I’m in physical pain. I don’t know how to get out. I have no finances or place to go. I can’t leave my son with him, he has a disability. 😢
Oh, that's a difficult spot! You seem to be caught in a classic #Hijackal cycle: everything is your fault and he wants ultimate control.
Do you have a friend or family who can help you and your son re-establish yourselves somewhere else? It won't be easy because it seldom is, however, with a little support, it gets a big easier.
You have helped me to see the patterns that I knew were there but I was in denial .
TY Dr Shaler for sharing that you have had personal experience with Hyjackels.
That make me feel less ashamed about choosing attractive Cluster B women for 30 years. I feel so much better being untethered to female Hyjackals during the Pandemic.
I plan to go solo for another year to concentrate on my new path and purpose. I feel fantastic these days because I'm free from them.
Thank you for doing this healing work.
You are welcome...and, congratulations on your focus on healing!
We're you on life support the last time I saw you? Good Go. You're still alive.
My ex narc sounds just like what she said quote on quote it's comical but scary stuff .I finally changed my cell number and surprised him!! when he could not text or not call me or he expected me to be there for him like Always .He did the mind games Gas lighting me . Then I was selfish.He wanted to go separate ways have separate lives wish granted. I did not beg cry plead I went on silent mode no contact he lost the power and control .He had me so mixed up and confused or the love bombing he loved me adored me.😂
Good for you for recognizing the mind games. Gaslighting is so nasty, right?
You did the right thing: truly no contact. It's the best thing in most cases: just rip the bandage off fast, rather than hair by hair.
Good for you, too, for demonstrating how much you care about yourself!
I was acquainted with a narc who spun most of these tactics but I only gave back 10%
She raged at me
You are great! Thank you so much for your wisdom and energy!! Love
Been called every name in the book my dad makes everything about himself . So he lies too and gaslights me constantly . He makes everything a competition lost many friends cause of him he so jealous and envious of me . He doesn't want me having a life of my own . Wish I could get away from him most of things been falsely accused of he's done . Take what he says with a large grain of salt . He's nothing but a manipulative predator who thrives on ruining others lives so he can rule everything . My dad also is good at making broken promises nothing he says and do adds up .
Hi, Mike, I'm sorry that you have a father who cannot just love and validate you for all that is good about you. That's hard, I know.
You're ahead, though, knowing how he is, and lowering your expectations for him to be different already. #Hijackals really don't change, sadly.
When you have a #Hijackal parent, it's a good idea to find other friends or family who will encourage, validate, inspire, and support you in healthy ways. Sadly, Dad can't and won't.
How's your mom in all this? Is she there for you in a meaningful, supportive way?
Growing up my mother never celebrated my Birthday never!!! she did celebrate my siblings though. WEll fast forward she tells me every chance she get how she made me a Birthday cake every year🤣🤣🤣 Knowing she is gaslighting me🤣🤣🤣😂🤣 I just don't answer her calls anymore I will not be mentally Freak up anymore!!
This type of Personality is frightening. It's tough to Navigate this personality as they do not get it / lack self awareness leaving those they've victimized; highly compromised. I live with one now. All I can do right now is Pray & Pray & Pray 📿🙏😇 ✝️🙏
MoCo, Maryland (20878)
First. Thank you everyone who left comments. It helps to hear your experiences.
**What if my girlfriend and I both show signs of narcissistic and gaslighting behavior? Its such a mind game! I dont think we do this on purpose... Like it happens blindly. I cant even begin to describe it. Yet, I'm the kind of person who is willing and has tried to talk with my partner about how we treat each other. And ways to stop these behaviors. I can talk about my own behaviors and admit my faults, fears and wrongs. And genuinely apologize. ( I work the 12 steps and studying the course of miracles. She does not). But every time I try having an honest and loving conversation about these narssistic behaviors of ours, she'll mess with my mind, deflect, blame me, gaslighting ECT... And she's hardly in the wrong. We've been together 4 yrs and only once she has actually apologized for hurting me, for some reason of another, in person and to my face. Her normal apologizes start with, "I'm sorry that YOU...". Tonight it was "im sorry that you hurt...". Her apologies aren't really apologizes. I believe the answer would be to break it off with her. But it's really hard to do. There is love and a connection there and we do have a lot of fun together and enjoy each other. But this cycling, inner woven pattern is driving me crazy. In which she calls me insane often. I believe we both have emotionally abused each other. But how can we go on if only one of us can admit that of ourselves and the other can't admit they have been abusive in a narcissistic way, as well? I cannot be the only one. But I can only take my own inventory. 🙆 Thank you for your video 🙏😊 I think ill just send her this video. 😄
I'm glad you found the video helpful.
I agree with you conclusions...if that helps.
Course Of miracles? I heard that’s a cult but then again my ex would said that is a hijackal so 🤷♀️😂 lol
7:47 Oh Yes
My oldest kid's dad called me retarded during a phone call then said exactly that oh you can't take a joke I never accepted another phone call from him It's been 5 years since
What’s the safest / smoothest way to break up with a narcissistic? He’s currently cycling from bad behavior, to apologizing. I simply can’t and won’t do it for another day. I’ve tried literally everything over the years and zero has changed...except me always playing smaller to make him feel big. I realize explaining why it’s unhealthy doesn’t work because it of course is all my fault...so what about simply saying “I can’t do it anymore. I’m not strong enough to keep going” this way it’s on me and something he can’t argue. *even though he’ll try. I’m scared of him but just leaving will send him into a rage. I need my leaving to not upset his ego as little as possible.
Any suggestions would mean the world 🤍
I see that you clearly understanding the cycling from shoving you away to asking you to stay.
A few of important questions before I give you a general answer: Do you have children? If so, how old? Are you legally married? Do you work?
Rhoberta Shaler, PhD - Toxic Relationship Help
I do have a daughter but not with him. And thankfully no, I’m not dependent on him financially...which is a positive I know...but o think this threatens him that much more. He’s has STRONG covert - antisocial personality traits. He doesn’t have much going for him other than our relationship, hence why my fear is unfortunately appropriate. I just want out without feeling like I’ll be sleeping with one eye open forever, ya know? Leaving in a “normal” way doesn’t work well at all. This is why I thought if maybe I could say something that would make him want me to leave him? Like tell him I’m damaged and have too many trust issues to date...? Dunno. Trying to think outside the box to keep impact as small as possible.
@@patiencesilva Hijackals won't decide to leave if you paint yourself as undesirable: they'll use it against you. For my clients, I encourage them to plan carefully, behavior normally, find a place, and leave on the same day as he is served with papers, if you're married.
Prepare well, though. Make sure all documents, passports, etc. are in your keeping, and any financial papers as well, for instance. Oh, so many things to prepare!
Jesus christ ... jus leave, he ain't worried about ur feelings, so match him!!! Stupid woman!
Make arrangements behind his back to find an apartment and schedule movers. Do not warn him, leave while he's gone to work. Cancel joint accounts if any. Do not tell him your new address. Block him on all media. Tell only the most trusted friends ahead of time and make sure they keep it secret. That's how I escaped.
can narcisstics pretend you suffer from amnesia? I was arguing with a family member and he started suggesting I suffer from short term memory loss and was "special", as well as act disappointed. At this point I'm really questioning if I have amnesia, but at the same time I'm sure it possible manipulation.
Oh, yes! They will say or do anything to be superior to you...especially if you're on to them or questioning them about their behavior. And, yes, what you experienced sounds like manipulation by gaslighting.
I’m no longer interested in working things out! I’m no longer interested in men, I’m ready for my freedom, I enjoy being alone! I want to wake up in the morning knowing he’s not here anymore! How can I live in the same house but not see him, I have a teenage son who will be devastated if I leave. I am willing to sacrifice to save my child’s life, so he doesn’t have to go through trauma.
I was called too sensitive to a baby to a woman by my ex narc. The most irritating cliche statement she'd use was hard done by. Can't stand that phrase.
I need help!
What kind of help do you need?
Hi...Gaslighting does it mean playing mind game's..
Yes, gaslighting is definitely playing mind games. Here's a whole lot more it is, too: studio.th-cam.com/users/videoSf3DTaLQoOs/edit
Thank You For Sharing
Im A Victim Of Narcisstic Abuse.
Im Struggling Trying 2 Disconnect From This Person He Is Horribly Abusive
Do You Offer Counseling??
Hi. You're so welcome.
Yes, I work with people all over the world, and I'm happy to talk with you. I offer a one-hour, new client session here: BeAClient.com
I have not bought TH-cam’s ad free service and your channel is loaded with ads. I know that creators have some control over the number of ads that show up so I’m gonna stop listening if the ads continue to be such a problem. I’ve been gaining a lot out of the information you present especially when you give ideas for how to deal with certain behaviors and events, but it’s definitely increasing my frustration trying to listen and deal with the high number of ads.
Bye!
I like your take on things but not all the self promoting. Maybe just mention ONCE you are available to help with a link.
Thanks for you feedback.
Women contradict themselves
So do men.