What I found out is that it doesn't even have to be direct ridicule of your dreams. The toxicity of the relationship itself can be so draining that you have no energy to excel.
When I went no contact at 28, I was able to get a full time job, get a good therapist, get my own apartment, loose 70 pounds, find a loving and supportive partner, and now I'm going back at school getting my masters. It does get better. It's never too late.
Congrats...well done. It is my biggest regret not leaving my family in my twenties. I tried very hard but sadly married a narcissist at 28 yo to get away. Now I am 50 yo I am cutting ties with family and flourishing at this late stage
That is true and I would say that that is also a demonic element at play. The negativity; soul crushing and discouraging voice of the enemy through the person who claims to love you.
Guys let's take a moment to realize how lucky we are to being able to hear this teachings, without the internet who knows how many of us would have been crushed by this unholy monsters...
@@adampower9757 YES it absolutely IS serious. I would call this an actual national emergency. Narcissists literally ruin the best people's lives and they face NOTHING for what they do. If you're not on their team - they will ruin your life. If you are on their team - they will ruin your life by trying to make you the mini-copy of them & their slave. So the only way you stay safe is you're not messing with them while kind of "staying on their team" and "accepting their superiority" because otherwise they will RAGE and won't rest until the threat to their sanity (THAT IS YOU) is destroyed.
@@Anna-mv9ew Let me ask this. Isn't narcissist a person who is self obsessed, admires his/her beauty and in blind love with him/herself. I mean, we see these people and we can ignore them. Like not joining mean girl gang/cult in college or not talking to people who think are is admiration of them self. Isn't it having or showing an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance. If someone is delusional thinking he/she is best, then they are the fools in front of everyone. What can they do to us if we don't interact with them? Is there more to this?
"Never clip your wings for another human being" "Surviving narcissists abuse is nothing short of a super power " "Honestly if you could survive that, you can do anything" These are very empowering comments Dr Ramani. Thank you.
Yup. Gawd bless those soulless creatures for keeping the rest of us on our toes. You can't have the good without the bad and they sure as hell make everything beyond spectacular in comparison...makes you wonder what the hell was going on in your head to be chasing such miserably, sad and pathetic creatures in the first place, though. Haha. I can only speak for myself, but clearly I was beyond some kind of level of broken. However, within destruction and chaos, you can rebuild and become new and/or better - your true self or what you really were all along. "They" - you know WHO and I don't mean BIG BROTHER - will more than likely remain the same and I seek comfort in knowing they will always keep things interesting within their lives...and interesting doesn't necessarily mean good.
My father told me that instead of going back to college I should stay working as a janitor at a school. I graduate this spring with a degree in psychology and a 3.5 GPA...
Would you mind being a person trustworthy to whom I can share, I will act the same. Hi, I'm from India, 22. I'm in survival phase, having a narcissistic parent
My narcissistic mother stole my whole identity. I never had the chance to develop my own personality because i was being controlled in every aspect of my life. Now that I'm a grown up women I'm rediscovering myself and finding the person i was meant to be.
I cried while listening to this. I am in the process of freeing myself from the toxic legacy of a narcissistic mother. She literally cost me 20 years of my potential but it's never too late. Never.
Exactly!! I'm 22 and trying to leave this house, while in parallel I'm trying to set boundaries inside myself and to others. Praying to manage your goal as well!!🙏
I am 38 and I finally realized what I want to do. I want to study physics and become an astrophysicist. I will strive to achieve this. I will not let my horrible childhood to continue to rob me of my future.
I'm 36 and just finished a BS in physics last year...it took me 10 years from start to finish. Without the baggage from childhood, it would have taken less, but I've accepted that and am currently working towards getting into grad school so I can specialize in quantum mechanics. It's never too late.
Here my story Narcissist mother abscent father. Devouring mother. Even after her death (thank god both of them are dead - i've learned how appreciatie an forgive them) my sister, and all of them never took my complain seriously till today. What's is funny everything was my fault i am the difficult one. My moher had me with 41. My sister were 21 when i was born. And still my fault. The problem is not entire my mother. The problem that we repeat the pattern that we are familiar with we end up with people with the same traits of personalities, friendships affair etc. It took me only 25 years to discover the problem. If only new my primary language portugues brazil. I would be stucked in oblivion forever ever. The problem now is that i dug so much. I know so much, that almost no one is in my league. I simply do not have interest in sex, see everyone as monkeys, cannot not say much cause I hate small talk. Too awkward by saying deep and truly things. It's no social phobia or any thing like that. It's that my friends are all on youtube, books, dead people, my brain, insights, art etc I only socialize in online games (game talk) and from my job (job talk) No interest at all, to leave home. My next place i will mount a gym to remove the necessity to leave home for work out. Besides i'm 50 iq points higer the avarage in brazil, and i am also a high sensitive person in the middle of a human zoo. Friendship, affairs i think i had enough at the age of 38. Totally embracing being the lone wolf.. i suggest the book. The emotionally abscent mother. One advise be careful to not becaming a completely the oposite. A mean jack ass. Equilibrium. Transit, looks, faces of chewed cow, crumped asshole, everything irritates me. My patience is 0. this sort of things . One day i gave slap so hard in a drunks ear with out any chance of defence, just to have the experience of being coward for the first time I was overwhelmed by guild for 10 days or more. Just trying my new persona. Using and abusing my shadow side. Rs. "I prefer being complete than good" yung. I not a complete nihilistic because of spiritism. The purpose of life is development of the the spirit in the course of many lifes. Sugest the author allan kardec and a brazilian Chico xavier. (His life is the proof of spiritism) naively i though i was a higher moral old soul, no no just conditioned since always and my complex coping mechanism was to became a people pleaser. And my age from 22 till today woke at night and sleeping im the day. And i was also a bullying victin my entire childhood from 7 to 13 years old. I have 1.90m male . White good looking inteligent. Sensitive, light heated and big smile And i leave in a place of dumb brown small bestialized faces looking for validation . Kkkk.
I'm really pround of myself for holding my horses, all the hate, shame, in my heart and no succumbed in killing my mom, or any offender, for not engaging in more violence that i've engaged. Cause they are dealing with the demon itself. Without any knowledge . All those negativite emotions in the pass can emerge to conscious. It's better for all not provoke. And hell get out of the way as fast as possible. Death for me is a bliss in this situation. If i can define the devil in one wold is vengeance. And you would ve a naive victim exercising your foolishness. After leaving home. In 2 years i bought my apartment at sight cash. After one year from 110kg went to 87 kg. 13% fat percentage. I have a plublic service. I know i'm good but those cited thinks are tangible. What i desire most are wistdom. Yung indivuation. And it's so much more complicated. As nietzche pointed out. I'm the personal hero type. Not the cultural hero. I'm no conformist Being a people pleaser that's thats way got so many bizarre looks my hole life. Now i use a persona so deadful it's even funny. How people can be manipulated by what they see and completely out of a value what's really going one. I hate to lie but i can lie any mithomanic would be Jelous. Depressed people has a better memory less bias or cognitive diasonance. They rememver the facts as they were not as appease their mind as usually people do. Let you guys a single story from my narcisist devouring mother. I passed in a publict contest to be a brazilian police office. At the social investifation my mom said. I smoke marijuana. Kkkkk. Told once to my dad i will learn english. He said: "you won't this is not as simple as that. " I love myself a lot. But i had so much negative experiences i'm really profoundly uninterested in people. I developed a misanthrope that the unique way of engaging in any relationship is by deluding myself. Today the bad weather ia gone. The hardest times had passed But... using my hole energy in developing myself. I went to nursing high school. My heroism today is me myself and I. I'm trying to break those high walls preventing me from relating to some one but. I know so much from politics, laws, human characters, my cultural environment, family. I need some atomic energy to blast those shields. And i do not see any light in the end of the tunel. Do we really need humam interactions? Or is it just a imperative (atavism) from my collective unconscious mind? Any suggestion. ? And From the last nascissistic friend i started smoking cigarretes my only addiction . Basically that's me great isn't? Life is so SUNSHINE
At 51, I am becoming the artist within me. My mom, my stepdad and a high school teacher all discarded my dreams. It's my time to paint my dreams happy colors.
Glad youve refound your creative flame! Leaving school I wanted to go to art college, my father made me give him a good reason to go, becuse being good and loving doing it wasnt good enough, he marched me to the careers office to get the first job I could see... only all these years later only recently realised it was so he didnt have to pay child support to my mother.. and I ended up in a job that I hated and never picked up a pencil again..
I am 42 and started medical school last year. My mother knew this was my dream and squashed it for years. But she couldn't hold me down for ever. YOU can do it too. Whatever your dream may be, go for it. Don't let them ruin your life.
Recently, my psychologist opened my eyes to what and why is happening in my life. I am 40. Covert narcissistic mother and older sister, alcoholic father and narcissistic husband. No sleep, no energy, no children, no career. But I'm still alive. So there is still hope to become free. I still have dreams. Thank you for your videos 💖💗
Be thankful you don't have children. If narcissistic parents, partners, or friends are bad, there is nothing more heartbreaking than narcissistic children. Especially when you only discover this as they're well into adulthood while you're getting old. Especially when society seeks to blame you, even you know you dedicated your life to them, loved them, taught them values, respected their freedom.
When I was a child, my father told me that sons mattered more than daughters. I was his only daughter. I now own my own home outright and have a net worth of over a million. Not a ton by today's standards, but more than my brothers have.
@@danakatz1653 Thank you for sharing your incredible journey! You are inspiring to others and should be really proud of your achievements. I agree that good therapy is deeply beneficial. I'm in my 40's and have only just managed to get decent therapy and it's massively helpful. Big hugs from Scotland! :)
I want to add to that. Limiting someone is not always a bad thing if the other person does not fully comprehend what it is in their best interest at certain times. Limiting someone in their trajectory of growth is certainly a bad bad thing, but we should not, at all, stop listening to people when they have something to tell us that may stop us for a brief moment and make us to look at things from another angle. Want to put it out there because people are too soft/impulsive(for lack of a better word) these days I believe, and they have lost all patience to even listen to others
I was raised by narcissists, so when I found one to marry, it felt "normal" and even comfortable. It took 45 years for me to break away. By the end of the first full day away from him, I realized I'd never been happier, and it just keeps getting better.
I'm happy for you I have made the same way, was so unaware of myself that it felt normal, but... I did saw red flags... May your way will be easier than mine And may you succeed in everything Best of lucks
I’m at 41 years and just now realizing the hopelessness of the situation. I have gone through the grieving of what wasn’t in the relationship and what will not be. In the stage of trying to set boundaries, gray rocking, the other tactics mentioned in these videos. Going to stay for now. But, Your comment is very inspiring for me as it shows me what it could look like for me if I leave. Thank you. 🙏🏼
I went no-contact, then later went through a period of being homeless and hungry, but now I’m the CEO of a multi-million dollar non-profit company that does really meaningful work.
At this time I'm in the sheter due to the abuse that I went through I have been experiencing cptsd , trauma , anxiety etc that's how I ended up in the sheter due to the abuse .. .....narcissists have ruined billions of lives in this universe!!!!! I shouldn't be in the sheter at all I deserve better than that because I know my worth and value @!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@elhadjdiallo633 you are an strong strong person.. thank you so much for your insight. I know somebody who is a narcissist and all these comments have really helped me distance myself.
He always said to me “you and I both know you’ll never finish a Registered Nurse degree so Iust don’t start”. I remember completely believing him. When I wanted to play competitive soccer he said “we only have enough money for one of us to be competitive in sports and considering I have more potential, it should be me”. I remember thinking it was a good point. After leaving him 10 years into the marriage, with two young children, I trained on competitive soccer teams until I was good enough to make major league and the University team in Edmonton. The University gave me a scholarship to do my Registered Nurse degree. I’m now Charge nurse at a Womens hospital in Edmonton. I imagine my success makes him absolutely sick.
Yessssss 🙌🏼 big giant smile. You’re frikken ahhhmazing girl. Yes! He was jealous of the giant amazing force that is you. Mine said I’d never graduate. I’m Phi Theta Kappa and 2 classes away from 1st degree and starting 2nd. They’re cowards. I have a couple Ivy leagues and top colleges inviting me. Crazy. So glad you didn’t listen. He was simply so insanely intimidated in your pending success and saw what he wished he had. So proud of you. Sincerely.
You’re absolutely right. He is sick, Ill with jealousy but defeated silently by your success. When your children who admire your strength and value your success speak highly of you I know it’s silent stabs to his ever shrinking spineless, fractured, incompetent ego! You rock
I’m starting over at 60yrs. My dreams and career opportunities where dashed by the ex too. I am moving towards pursuing career aspirations too. It’s challenging to be ‘ok’ with what I can achieve now - to be ok with a smaller scale due to age and time. I still get strength from listening to narc videos. Thank you Dr. Ramani
I'm 55 and I feel like I'm just starting the career I was qualified for at 20, but I was too terrified of being exposed as the failure my father told me I was.
It took me until I was 55 to finally see that my father was a narcissist and discouraged everything I wanted to do. I went on to marry four of them. Thank goodness for Dr. Ramani...she has been a lifesaver for me.
That "imposter syndrome", I feel you. Another result of being raised by narcissistic parents. Be kind to yourself, the harsh criticism we internalized, but we can eventually silence those critics.
Me too. I was too scared to even try working toward my goals that I would jump around from one passionless career to another. What was even more frustrating was that the parent that had discouraged me the most and instilled in me this idea that I'd never make it in anything creative came up to me with the unsolicited observation that I "seem afraid of failure". Like hm i wonder why... 😒
My narcissistic mother wouldn’t let me go to University. I was discouraged so I could pay her board. Later, I married an abusive, narcissistic man whose dreams were all that mattered. After my marriage ended, I went to University and got a degree. Recently, I was accepted into a Master’s degree course. When I told my mother, she wasn’t happy for me at all. I don’t care. Narcissists may have ruled my past but they don’t get a say in my future. I’m going all the way and no one is going to stop me now. I do wonder where I would be now if I had encouraging parents but I try not to dwell on it. I’ve made it this far on my own. I’m a survivor. Best wishes to all other survivors. You can do it.
You are so worthy and have every right to be proud of your accomplishments. Instead of wondering what might have been, you can choose to be the one who uplifts your inner child and your present self. You can be a source of inspiration and empowerment for others, too.
That's so awesome. I'm so glad you're following your dreams despite what anyone says. Although I got into my first choice of college, my mom harassed and guilted me into going to school locally. There, I married a decent man, but way too young. I was only 19 and was probably subconsciously trying to escape. I met the narc later in life. These narcs can ruin a big part of your life, but, as you said, they don't get a say in our future!
My father had been telling me I was worthless and stupid since I was a toddler. My mother and sister became his flying monkeys. They were very narcissistic themselves. They went into high gear with the abuse after my husband died. I moved out of state with my daughter and with not being around them, we both became very successful.
Same happened to me. I became single. Normally people may feel a little symptomatic toward someone that went through a change like this, but no.the opposite happens w a toxic person. They see signs of weakness and throw salt in the wound. it's sad
First time I've heard a psychologist say "It makes me sick" with anger. A real person with feeling's, not just psychological terms and theories. Very useful information in this video. Thanks.
I am 31+ years into a marriage with a narcissists. I went to school to learn a new trade and was put down for studying and not cooking and helping the boys with their homework. For most of the relationship, I was put down for “not making enough money “, yet he has been jobless 4-5 times and we have survived. I am going to spread my wings and be on my own at the beginning of 2023!
It's 2023 and I hope you find the strength within yourself to make it happen. To those that say your not strong enough, remember how strong you have to be to endure such a life for so long! I tried helping my best friend recently realize she has the power to leave her narcissistic marriage and she said she's not strong enough to do it. She asked me to please stop and so I did. I'm completely devastated that she can't see the powerful, smart and amazing woman I see in her. Be careful, be strategic, and be strong! I wish you the best! You got this! Believe in yourself, you have alot of us that believe in you too!
@@josefregoso4161 it’s so kind of you to do that. Its so hard in the midst of it all to see that another life is possible. whether it’s now or next year, your friend can get out. It helped me when my friend said “even if it takes years to get out, you can do it” it honestly does take years to pick apart the lies and rebuild your sense of self , and as you say, to do so carefully and strategically Your friend is lucky to have someone like you around
Same. I was told ‘i am hoping one day you will make more money than i do and you will support me’ and fil: ‘earn something as pocket money for yourself’ i take care Of the house, of his son, and i am supposed to also take care of my finances for things that i want to buy
@Bushra S I got this from my dad who blocked me from grad school with everything he had, and it was only well after the fact I realized he lost a job because he didn't have his master's degree, at the time he blamed affirmative action, sometime later it hit me the guy that got the job had a ms, had nothing to do with affirmative action, America's promise that was never kept. Our culture has so much built in narcissism, its like a bear trap in the middle of the sidewalk just waiting for you to step in it.
@Bushra S such envy in the narcs. Jealousy is bad enough, that is when you are upset someone has something you do not have but envy is when you dont want someone to have something you don't. It is aa deeper meanness. It is so sad and something I could never relate to.
my quick story: after 25 years i finally divorced him, even though diagnosed with cancer, while earning a college degree at 50 years old, i still pushed forward. i believe you when you when you say ''superpower'' it is truly a superpower!
After I left the narc last year: 1. I learned to drive 2. and bought my first automobile 3. I left my job where I worked for 8.5 years. 4. I gave me permission to make a pause for 1 year not working, just recovering from the 8 year relationship with the narc 5. I lost 11 kg weight. Now I feel so good in my body And the list will continue, because I know my potential and I know what I want from life. I thank God every single day for giving me the strengh to resist and to continue în this difficult process.
Had a narcissist roommate in college. completely destroyed my self esteem, sabotaged my relationships, undermined everything I did. 10 years later I finally see him for who he is. The toxic in my life that’s sucking my energy no matter how hard I try to achieve, there is always this uncomfortable feeling inside. Always fearing judgement and criticism. I am a guy btw, this can happen with guy friends, not only with romantic relationship. He loved bomb me by telling everyone that I’m his best friend. These people are beyond reason, they want nothing but take your light away. Also, a narcissist want to control you because you have something they want. Take comfort in the fact that it is because of your shine that attracted them. You are a person of value.
Ah the ‘ol “Love Bomb”. I know the thing. Sorry you had to deal with that experience, especially in college. You said it well - They want nothing but to take your light away.
Thank you for this. I needed to hear this. The narc family member told me " i could do your job in manufacturing" Like what? He can run the entire manufacturing companies now? Narcs are insanely arrogant that I am shocked beyond disbelief. I am going back to my original self, God's powerful champion.
They want to use your feelings and empathy because they don't have any! Vicarious feeling. And your empathy makes you keep giving. They just saw you coming!!! I had a male 'friend' like this.
My mom cleaned out my savings, out credit cards in my name, abandoned me in another town while my dad beat the fuck out of me. I have a scar on my face from him. It took me years to learn that I had worth and was worthy of love. I'm 31 now and finally have a savings and decent credit score and I'm finally taking steps to build myself a future. I don't talk to my dad anymore and I grey rock my mom with great success
My mother was an equal opportunity abuser. Well, no, perhaps she had an extra interest in me because I was the surrogate caretaker for my siblings She had four children , two of which are homeless as elderly adults, one ( golden child) that is an aging rock stars divorcee that my mother lives vicariously through. The two of them have cut off the three of us from a sizable estate that my father left to our mother who “would divide everything equally amongst their children “. Sorry dad. I know that I am the fortunate one. I left home right after high school, and tried to put my early years in the past. I’ve had times of deep grief, even today, and some of my relationships have mimicked the one with my mother.All the while,I tried to educate myself, taken opportunities for therapy, kept my good friends close and dedicated my life to a career in the culinary arts. Today I am a successful private health chef! I raised a thoughtful, caring and loving son who is pursuing a career as a medic while I continue my work in the healing arts, at age 66. No, I will not inherit part of my fathers estate which delays my dream of buying a home for my family. The realization has caused another hit of depression but I know I’ll get past it and keep going. Thank you, Dr.Ramani for helping in my journey. For those who cannot afford or even find a therapist who truly understands, you are a lifesaver!
Both my parents are narcissists. Sadly, when I left my house at 18, I ended up marrying my husband, who is also a narcissist. I’m 37 now. My whole life I had to tell myself, trust no one and don’t let them steal your build. I’m finally strong and educated enough to not let them take advantage of me. I’ve become a school teacher and teach science and forensics. After reading and listening to their patterns of talking, and behavior, I have created a curriculum in my forensics class to teach middle school students how to identify narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. I plan to start it in the new quarter. I really hope this will teach them to recognize these bad behaviors and run away asap. I’ll come back to give an update. Thank you for helping me
Awesome job @myJesse08! Teaching middle schoolers to look out for these destructive traits is wonderful. Help educate others so they don't have to go through this. 🙌🙌🙌
It so badly needs to be taught to thia age group. Middle school is perfect, their emotions are everywhere anyway. It may just help them with THAT! PLEASE teach them this is so wrong to do to anyone and leave any family crushed and broken, passed on to the next generation....... He took it ALL, LEFT NOTHING IN MY HEART OR MIND. HE NEVER GOT NEAR MY SOUL. ONLY my grands know the depths of my soul, each of them owns their own piece!
Thank god someone understands this. It feels like no one else does, because they hide it and then lie that they ever did it to you. Before this, I had no idea anyone could be so evil.
So you must be a spiritual pioneer, seeing stuff before anyone else does? Trust your gut and yourSELF and cut those sandbags off your balloon. God bless.x
My Dad was a Narcissist, I'm 35 and have recently been diagnosed with PTSD, i fight it everyday, and now I'm also a 3rd year degree student studying Psychology 🙂
When narcissist tries block you from achieving your dreams and goals, work 10 times harder (secretly) to achieve your dreams and goals with conviction. It will crush their sick ego and enable you to leave them in the dust.
Hearing "surviving narcissistic abuse is a superpower" made me instantly bawl. I went from quietly listening and agreeing to everything, to bawling when I heard those words
I dont know myself anymore. Mid 30s, I have nothing. Nmom is always pushing for her needs first. Im tired but Im learning, knowledge is power. Someday hopefully I will leave. Thank you Dr. Ramani. EDIT: Reading the comments... You guys are not alone. Hugs to everyone. Hoping one day we will leave.
I started a clothing line and i was doing well. Met the narc shortly afterwards first thing he said was “The world doesn’t need more clothing lines. What else can u bring to the world?” I began to question everything and was petrified to start anything new for years because of his harsh criticism. That was in 2016; I’m finally starting to rebuild myself now..
I am sorry that happened to you. I love clothes and variety is the spice of life. I would argue we need more ethical clothing lines. Good luck on your new adventures. 💕
You can bring love, compassion, teach others to be able to support themselves because you have done it with your clothing business. You employ people. The clothing you sell employs people who make it. Your salary helps support world because you rent, buy car, buy food Etc all these things are made by people, who receive a salary. So glad you re engaged with your dream
My brother literally told me that I don't need to go to school, just to pay for someone to recognize me. I'm going to school this fall to complete my Herbalism degree. Move in silence is what i've learned to do.
I cried watching this. As a child, I wondered why I was never allowed to go to that great high school when I got top scores on entrance exams... Why I wasn't allowed to go to that best university, when I got a full on scholarship... why i never got to finish my degree... 😢 I am so glad I found this channel. My healing starts now. 🙏
I’ve seen many of your video’s as a narcississm surviver but this is by far the most beautifull, empowering, empathic, supporting of them all. Thank you dr Ramani for your wisdom and love. You’re an amazing person!
OMG This made me cry. I am newly out of a 27 year marriage with a narc and to be compared to a super hero is so validating. Most people do not understand how hard this is.
Same here. 30 year marriage left 12 weeks ago & have been NO CONTACT for almost 6 weeks. It is difficult but also validating especially once you realize who that person really was. Seeing what these ppl do to their children is heart breaking. They take away all your hopes & dreams for the future until you have the courage, like a super hero, to walk away & discover new hopes & dreams for yourself. Stay strong & know that others are out here surviving & thriving just like you✌
My wife of 14 years left me last Monday, she took our two little ones. She appears to have a relationship with a coworker and another relationship with a couples son from our church. The heartbreaking time is when I have my children alone, then when they leave and I am all alone in a quiet house. This cycle of going 100mph alone taking of my kids week after week is going to be utterly unbearable! Need advice and prayers.
@@impactajuvenile Only you are responsibile for your own feelings. Put your kid's well being 1st when you have them & make them feel safe. Never bad mouth their mother or put them in the middle. As hard as it is, your kids will learn for themselves who the bad parent really is. If there is a free support group in your area for recently divorced/undergoing divorce, sign up. Peace & prayers!
I was told growing up that my dreams were silly and that I would “never amount to anything”….years later I found myself in a relationship with a narcissist…I hadn’t cooked Thanksgiving dinner for a crowd in several years…when I told him my plans to cook for 16, he did everything to undermine me by making faces of shock at the idea of cooking for so many to being in such a nasty mood while I prepared for and cooked in advance. (I’d had it down to a science during the years I had cooked). I ignored him and forged on. The table, the meal, the desserts and everything about it was an incredibly rewarding success. My guests raved about the job I had done. He was even more of an ass after all the guests left. Needless to say, 3 weeks later, I kicked his ass to the curb for good!!
This made me tear up. I’m so happy you threw down for Thanksgiving even though your negative cheerleader did everything he could to throw you off and give up.
"When I stop to think about all of the beautiful and incredible things the world may not see, because a fragile narcissist couldn't bear the success of their family member or friend or partner, it makes me sick." - Doctor Ramani.
It hurt so much for such a long time. I lost my voice for so long, fearing the back lash and control. Trying to save my marriage took my self respect. Things are better and I am seeing better days. But slowly getting my voice back and learning that fear is but fear it's self and never fear anyone but God.
I've been so close to giving up (giving in to narcissist):and am so glad that somehow I do still have dreams and optimism. I do have a lot of potential and you are so right about him holding me back. I hope to report back next year with some progress on my goals and interests and be free and clear of this tomfoolery. Thank you!
@@hollygarcie1812 Please don´t give up! Narcissistic people are envious at other peoples potential and talents. My narc sister once yelled at a very talented woman "You are all over the place, arent you?" Trying to make it look like it was a bad thing.
I should have some wings tattooed on my wrist... I like the semi colon which means my life experiences don’t end with “.” Periods... they are “;” semicolons... meaning, there is more to come!
I was in nursing school when I meet my narc . He was supportive at first . Then he started talking me into believing we were soul mates and he was going to take care of me . I didn't need school because he is going to marry me and take care of me. I was stuck in this horrible marriage for 29 years . I couldn't do anything right . I put my career on hold while he got his degree . I was treated horribly. I finally at 53 years old have filed for divorce. And have started to pick up the shattered pieces of my life . I finally have piece of mind I am able to make my own decisions as to what happens in my life from here on .
Michelle Snow I send you love and support. Your essence is intact and he will shine. 🙏🏽 ... sorry typo: NOT ‘he will shine’, but ‘it (your essence) will shine’
Most people stay because they don't know what in the hell they are truly dealing with. Please teach another woman when she tells you her story what she's really dealing with true narcissism is demonic and its evil I'm glad you got out.
My story is so close and now five years out of it. The struggle with the children still goes on. 22 years our children lived in the same hell as me. Yet not so much the physical as I did. Protected them as much as I could. The mental gas lighting and withholding is what they deal with now. I pray they all get it one day and I know I can’t fix it. I got my degree and have not had to answer to anyone anymore. I’m stable and looking back could not be more proud of myself for finally setting up boundaries. Not just with the ex narc but my children and family. Lots of tears lots of self doubt but through listening and learning about narcissistic people I finally understand it wasn’t me or my fault. I want to thank everyone who writes replies. It’s really amazing how our stories are all so similar and you feel like you are reading your own.
This is what they did to me the most. I changed careers, stopped running, stopped writing, stopped reading the books I like, but it was so subtle….just little comments every day - fairly benign stuff that was hard to argue with but gradually chipped away at all that I love. this was narcissist parents, narcissist husband and then recently a 4-yr relationship with the worst narcissist I’ve ever met. finally I am learning so I won’t repeat choosing these types. I am also going back to what I love and what defines me. THANK YOU
It’s so true. Just little words that chip away at you and your dreams and you just wake up miles away from the person you recognize or want to be. This is my year! It ends now.
Exactly i was told that what i was doing was likely to get me fired first if the company wasnt doing well. Always putting fear in my head and then sending me stellar job opportunities that were amazing. Instead of building me up, i was told that what i had chosen as a career was a bad choice. My classmates are now at a director level and am not doing what I loved to do. I even changed jobs after marriage. He was mostly always interested in what was Happening at my work instead of what i was going through. Till date our conversation is only about work and our son
I'm taking a screenshot of your story and keeping it for myself as an inspiration for me to keep going. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am in one such situation where I was manipulated to believe that I am not enough or that I won't make it in life. I'm trying to overcome it and your story helps me realize that it's not impossible.❤
I was always letting my ex know if she's willing to go far to grow, I will support her because I love her enough to find success. I'm heartbroken she doesn't feel the same way. Great quote.
I want to add to that. Limiting someone is not always a bad thing if the other person does not fully comprehend what it is in their best interest at certain times. Limiting someone in their trajectory of growth is certainly a bad bad thing, but we should not, at all, stop listening to people when they have something to tell us that may stop us for a brief moment and make us to look at things from another angle. Want to put it out there because people are too soft/impulsive(for lack of a better word) these days I believe, and they have lost all patience to even listen to others
My story: Lost my chosen family Lost my dream job Lost my life partner Lost my home Lost my hope But then I figured it out. I knew what the abusive person who turned my fiancee away from me is. I realized how much they, in their intentionl drive to break us up and their willingness to literally let me die, had gaslighted me into believing myself to be a monster. That realization, that I was worthy of love and acceptance, happiness and trust, changed me. I got off the streets. I found an amazing job in my field that was a 20% pay raise and a titled promotion. I love it. I got my own place, and I'm taking care of the things that really matter. It gets better. It gets so, so much better.
@@sage9836 You cannot allow the Narcissist to write the narrative. They know you are an empath with great potential. Narcs are evil by nature and love to sabotage good people. Never take their bullshit to heart. Greyrock and go no contact. I have learned there are two kinds of people; empaths and narcissus. It is critical to know who the Narcs are because they "perpetrate" as empaths! It is very eye-opening to learn of this evil that exists in some people.
@@VengefulPolititron Would love to hear why you think so. Remember you were raised on lies. Me, too. Cruel manipulation. The relief that I did not do that is massive. Yet, heartbreaking that it was done to me and my kids.
"Surviving narcissism is nothing short of a superpower" You can say that again! Seriously, I now should be able to do anything! Thanks a million for this revelation. Dr. Ramani, I promise you this, I will never clip my wings for another human being again! Never again!
The feeling of hopelessness and emptiness is deep, but once you opened your eyes you see it clearly, it is their own insecurity projecting into you. It is sad to see enablers wanting to minimize the abuse. Never lose the ability to dream and believe in yourself.
@Black Weirdo That's the case for me. Never learned to dream because having a malignant narc/aspd dad was a terrifying nightmare where aspiring was useless as well as any expression of thought and emotion. I grew up muzzled, not even knowing myself. But there is still the desire to at least discover what my dreams are and to explore them. Choosing to stay stunted is not an option even though it's a constant fight against the devaluing voices in my head.
@The Rainbow's End I am so sorry you had to go through that abuse, specially from your mother. I hope you were able to accept and go on with your life.
That's what they are dead alive and then they transfer it on to us. That makes them happy. NO MORE! IT'S TIME TO RISE FROM THE DEAD! JESUS IS OUR EXAMPLE!
This seems to be the truth but I’m ok with just little things now. I’ve checked my expectations to the point of not having hardly any or having way too high it’s a laugh to attempt reaching them
‘Never clip your wings for another human being.’ I’m laying here in tears. This has been the story of my life for 30 years. I watch your videos every day- but this one statement may be the one that will change my life.
It's never too late to start again I did at 50 Best thing I ever did So many gifts talents just pushed themselves up to the surface completely changing me my life These gifts talents were ALWAYS There just waiting for me to turn away from them turn towards myself Bless you all on your journey out & upwards back to yourself 🙌👸
I am 56. Starting my life anew. At last......but I still hope i can make it. Finally left him with one suitcase but I deeply believe my dreams and plans, actually all I forgot, can come true
My fragile covert narc mother (who was a hoarder) sabotaged every effort I made as a teen/young adult to figure out college/finances/job/living independently. She even sabotaged super basic things like my having seasonal appropriate clothing. I was in my late 20’s before I realized I deserved a decent winter coat that actually kept me warm. I left one day after realizing that if I didn’t leave soon, I would never get away from the gross hoarder house and my mother’s rages.
Omg so similar to me, like I'm 39 now and still haven't got a functional wardrobe! Since finding these videos recently I'm hoping for change this year. All the best ❤x
My piano teacher mum said "that's too advanced for you" AFTER I played the piece through! So I've found a new teacher that says "that's awesome" every time I play... it's wonderful :)
My Narcisstic parents took pains to give me an opportunity to learn piano. I quickly understood though that any progress was met with, "without me you'd never be able to do that," or "I think you're getting too good for your own britches," mantra as a beginner. It took all the joy out of it. Now I'm learning piano as an adult. Got my own, had it tuned, everything! It wasn't until I let go of any hope of a healthy relationship, after 2 years of mute communication, that I took it up. And I truly am happy and grateful for it
When I went no contact at 40, I got so much head space for new things and honestly enjoy life. I was and still am able to breathe easy, no panic attacks, depression, stopped drinking at the levels I was at the time, looked myself in a mirror and saw myself again, reconnected with my inner child, heard my intuition, made few new great friends, started living again with no guilt or worry about the future. It gets better and its never too late. Thank you!
I can't be left alone, have been ran into the ground and ruined, and no hopes of health or happiness etc at 50. Others want me to go back and live with them also was their advice... It would finish me off💯
@@sunshinestarboard4253 My friend asked me why don’t you move back in with your mom until you find a place? I said If I do that I feel sure I will die there. It would kill any chance of ever having my own life again.
When I left home after 3 years of narcissistic marriage in a country 1800 miles away from my birthplace, I was the freest , happiest person ever on this world. I felt so light. That moment was magic. I had only 40cents in my pocket but did not care. I slept at a place of refuge for 2 weeks, then went back to my country. This was the most correct decision I've ever taken in my life. Courage ladies!
I don't have anyone in my life to talk to, as i've really had a hard time trusting people because of my narcissistic parents. I'll say my aspiration here - I would like to create large scale sculptures and clothing for a living
I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood wearing hand me downs from older siblings. Never wore anything that fit right, even used shoes were uncomfortable. Was even given old eyeglasses from a sister rather than they take me to an eye-doctor for a correct prescription. So never had learned how to dress or coordinate. One day saw beautiful sandals in a window. I went in and told them not sure what size I was, but they helped, they actually measured and tried different sizes and widths until I felt "comfortable". What a marvelous word: comfortable. I walked out with the most beautiful, comfortable pair of expensive Birkenstocks, and I wept for the little girl I once was, sticking her little legs into filthy socks and shoes that hurt, and the endless sense of shame I felt in school, looking like a thing that crawled out of a ragbag. Became my own priority that day.
This literally brought me to tears! I had both, a narcissist parent and a narcissist spouse. My dream was to be a psychologist and needless to say, this dream was squashed over and over again. I finally withdrew myself from the parent and left the marriage. I am now in college and creating a life I want. Thank you Dr. Ramani for validating us and giving us hope. I love you!
I'm just now starting on this journey too. This may be the most painful yet freeing thing I've ever done, and I've been through some horrific things. I'm sorry you have to go through this but even though I don't know you, I'm proud of you for pursuing your dreams because I know just how hard this is. Keep going, you will get there!
Me too. Was married 20 years before I could break away. And the knowledge THAT it's even happening is the first step. I was so drowned in ... crap or whatever you call it... it's like slime and goo. Great work!
As horrible as it sounds, this experience has taught you more than you could learn in any classroom or from any teacher/professor. When you "feel" what is being taught, it becomes a part of you. No need to fall back on someone else's beliefs or ideology, because you know... Your life and it's experiences are your validation. Look to that first. Wisdom comes slowly through time, you need not reason not rhyme.... Best to you...
This video sealed for me that I'm NOT just a lazy procrastinator. I understand fully now it wasn't all me. I am working with a therapist now, and just last week I have started deciding how to set up personal boundaries and take my life back, my health, and love of painting and writing, as well as my huge dream of owning a salon. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! This is the beginning of my journey, and I'm very excited to see what I accomplish!
I had no energy or motivation. I wasted 2 years of my life with my narcissistic ex. As soon as I left him I have so much energy and happiness I’m literally glowing. You don’t realize how much they drain you til you leave.
"They need us more than we need them. Your success is terrifying for them. Never clip your wings for another human being." YES. YES. And thrice YES. I shouted that out to my empty apartment (ok, my cat is here) when I heard that.
Yes, this happened to me. I was doing well in my career when I met my Narc and just got a big promotion. He knew my plans for the future. Marriage required me to migrate to a foreign land and I fell for the future faking. He never allowed me to pursue my career. When we ran into financial difficulties, he allowed me to go back to work but insisted it had to be something I was overqualified for. He went on to scorn and ridicule my under achievements, while he rose in his career and lorded it over me. I finally got away and am picking up from where I was stopped.
Louise Kerr, thank you so much! It certainly feels good to get out. Lost too many years pandering to the Narc’s selfish demands. Intending to make the most out of whatever time I have left and live life to the fullest 😊. Peace and love to you!💕
“Never clip your wings for another human being. Love means letting someone soar”- Dr. Ramani.... you are an inspiration. I wrote this quote down and I will share it. Thank you for all you do.
This video made me cry also. I was raised by two narcissistic parents and they crushed every dream I ever had leaving me empty and I completely gave up on myself and life. Now 54 years old, I ran away from home when was 15. I knew something was wrong with my parents but couldn't put my finger on what it was. I just knew I had to leave them and seek people who believed in me and supported me. People who were happy to see me happy without me having to do what they wanted but what I wanted. I had to learn appropriate feelings and behavior in the beginning when I first left. It was very scary but invigorating at the same time. From there I started to become me! And I really liked me. In retrospect looking back this was the bravest thing I could have ever done especially at such a young vulnerable age. I am so very very proud of my 15-year-old self that I left when I did. At the time I thought I was being a bad kid but now I see I was protecting myself and I had the intuition to recognize that something was wrong. I spent time in therapists offices and every single therapist asked me if I was sexually abused which I was not. I was not abused physically at all but I was being abused mentally and in an astounding way. My father died now but my mother is still living and to this day she is still crushing every dream that I mentioned to her. Unfortunately for her I will not share my joy with her because I can't. I will share it with those who appreciate it with me. Dr Romani your videos are phenomenal and they help me see that I am so much better than I was left to believe I was. Thank you so much!!
At 20 years old, I landed my first speaking role in a major Hollywood movie. I came home and told my mother, and she proceeded to take me into her bedroom, close the curtains and her door, and completely destroy my accomplishment: "Don't get your hopes up...it isn't real...you're still just a black kid...they're just waiting for a chance to use and exploit you." The incident has an odd haze about it, which typically happened when my parents personally attacked me. One thing I will never forget however, THE LOOK IN HER EYES. Some bitches really do eat their young. Unmasking is horrifying, but ultimately, liberating! Be strong, friends.
Some bitches really do eat their own young! Preach! My mom always made it seem like she was the best mom. Even brainwashed me and bro to think that. Now we see her for what she is. She used us. Just used.
@@mindfulmaximalist9962 Having worked in said industry for over 13 years (after my aforementioned role), I have known my share of disappointment. Concerns over low wages, the rejection of not getting parts I've auditioned for, cancelled productions, and unexpectedly long hours, certainly impact job satisfaction. -- BUT -- I can honestly say that my time in the business was overwhelmingly positive, exciting, educational, and fun. It was also the first time I felt truly valued, seen, or supported. And not only by my MANY colleagues (agent(s), directors, caterers, props depts., costumers, make-up depts., writers, etc.), but by the lifelong friendships I've cultivated along the way. Those who embark on artistic journeys with wealth and prestige as their primary intents shall be humbled by reality, very quickly. The industry has it's percentage of celebrities and millionaires, but most people you meet on film sets are normal. Well, actually, they're not. One of the biggest distinctions I can make between the film industry and others I've worked in, is that people in entertainment are ACTUALLY COMPETENT and professional. Which makes perfect sense, considering how high the stakes are. One of my only regrets is that I didn't use it as my familial escape much sooner.
@@gogogogogirl Hollywood does one thing and one thing only: Spell CASTing. In fact, wands are made from wood of the Holly. You are under the spell. The benefactors are those who CAST the spell. You are employed as the CAST. It's all in the STARS. You are the tool. Now, how do you suppose Aaron SPELLing got his name? Did you happen to work UNDER one of his productions? Hollywood is the ultimate Narcissist which puts you "under a spell" for its own purposes. It's all literally written in plain sight, but you don't see it. That's the (Hollywood) SIGN of a good spell. Your mother see this because she plays the same game, and she doesn't want the competition. When you see it, you can't unsee it. Hollywood left my life a decade ago. Break the spell.
My ex husband totally cut me down during our whole marriage, embarrassed me when I wanted to write books and teach classes, and yet during our divorce, he slandered me complaining that I never worked a day in my life (even though I raised our 3 kids while working a part time job). He also slandered me all over town saying that I abused him and that he was diagnosed with PTSD from being married to me! Thank God we got divorced because now I have created a new and better life without him. It took years or self work and a lot of commitment to personal growth, but I did it! Now I teach other people how to get their lives back too!
My story is over a course of 14 yrs mental emotional and physical abuse. Please any resources you can share with me would be wonderful. I am divorced and have no contact with him for a year but im no where near being healed. I need someone to believe in me and get me headed in right direction not only foe me but for my 11 year old daughter.
@@kimpage4607 I took a lot of classes, got a good counselor, lots of great bodywork and developed my spirituality. Perhaps a place to begin is with NAMI which stands for the National Alliance for Mental Illness. They have classes for people with a family member or friend who has mental illness. It's a national organization so you can Google it. The main thing to understand is that someone else's mental illness is not about you. Don't take it personally. Just take great care of yourself. This is what I teach people: self-care and empowerment.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you deal with this? I am in a very similar position. My narc husband belittled all my efforts & sabotaged me throughout our marriage, verbally abused me, gaslighted me etc. I was working around the clock catering to his needs & my elderly parents. Now he has left me & is demanding a divorce claiming that I took him for granted by not working a single day, lived the "life of a princess" on his money, did not bear him children & that I physically assaulted him. NONE of this is true. I didn't earn money, but I worked non-stop. I didn't even get to eat proper food or buy decent clothes. When I tried to upskill myself, he refused to help. When my parents paid for a course I wanted to take, he accused them of enabling my "incompetence". I have on occasion slammed doors in anger, and he is using that to say I am mentally unstable. I booked appointments at fertility clinics several times, but he always refused to go (I am fertile, but never got pregnant). Now, I'm having to deal with these false accusations & I'm beyond stumped with what is going on. I still figuring out what legal recourse i have & what I can do to protect myself. Any anecdotal advice will help.
I have such a huge lump in my throat after listening to this video. I am now 70 years old and was married to to a narcissist. When my college counselor suggested I apply to Vet school I replied that I couldn't possibly because of my husband. 15 years later after a brutal divorce, I went to Vet Tech school and got licensed after passing both state and national boards. Please give us give us more videos videos like this. Also more information on narcissistic parents and siblings. Your information and kind, supportive spirit are healing so much past abuse in many lives. Bless you and your staff 🙏
My narc mother has stolen my personality, my identity, my future. I am stuck in rumination about how bleak things are and feeling numb to my destroyed crater of a life. I can't get therapy due to doctor shortages and am reading, watching, and studying to try to get myself into a space where I feel like I can do literally anything. I'm glad Dr Ramani is here and I can watch and learn and try to fix things.
He came into my life when I was 14. I was being raised by a narcissistic mother. I was with him till I was 33. We had three children. I was a stay at home mother. He didn’t want me to get an education, to pursue my talents of singing or to go after anything for that matter. I am now 39, 6 years out of the marriage, I’ve gone no contact with both him and my mother and I have finally enrolled into a GED class. That to me is huge. I didn’t have the mental space to go after anything that was good for me and I would beat myself up for it. I am proud of myself for healing and overcoming the idea that I’m not smart enough or enough of anything to go after the things that are good for me. Thank you for this video. Going no contact works wonders.
This is so amazing. I grew up with narcs, met my narc husband at 19 and am now 40. I have no job, no schooling, no dreams left, no self esteem, no money of my own, and no career (I've mostly been a housewife with a few shitty jobs throughout the years). I hope one day I can escape. Advice to anyone in their teens or 20s is GET OUT. The longer you stay the more dependent and attached you'll become and it will get harder and harder to leave, but also to endure. You'll be destroyed mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically by a narc. Get out while you're young.
@@jmcoffeecat7 I'm so sorry to hear that. You need to get your willpower and your strenght back in order so you can become indipendent. You need to thrive and do it for yourself. Do not underestimate the fact that you are alive and aware and you still have the power that lies in you. Trust me, I am thriver also. Start with smallest steps. Meditation, yoga, anything that can keep your thoughts sane and raising your vibration day by day. Distance yourself as much as possible especially do not give the abusers anything. Focus on yourself. Forgive yourself for what happened to you because you didn't know what you know now. If you thrived by now, do not let yourself continuing living in remorse over past, instead do a little things that bring you joy and happyness every day. Do not give up than start believing you can do it! 💪 Wish you the best of luck! 🍀💚💜
@@sudhi2448 ASAP. If you have little money, pull yourself together and go find a place to stay, be very creative with money (do not ovdrspend!), if children involved than get a layer first. Dedcate yourself to your heeling path. No stories arround in advance, choose your small group of support. If you do not have a job, find it. Untill than, little to no communication at all. Do not give nothing to narc and his flying monkeys, work in silence. Best of luck! 🍀🙏
“They need us more than we need them” Wow that’s a powerful statement! I applied to rent a space in a store to sell my paintings. The owner called me to tell me I got the spot and was chosen from a waiting list of 200 people. I became so petrified over the thought that people will be seeing and judging my work that I tried to talk the store owner out of his decision and told him he should choose someone else. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Six years later I am still selling my work at this store and thriving. It took a while for me to be able believe people when they told me my work was good. But it also gave me confidence to start to believe in myself. After my whole life of being put down, it was surreal to realize I had a gift that others could appreciate. It took me 58 years to break free. 9 years ago I cut all ties and took my power back. Best decision of my life.
Wow. I wish we were friends! I'm so proud of you. I too took about that long to break free. It's been 5 years since NM died. I did LC, but until she was finally gone, gone, I never experienced a real sense of release. I got an idea for a business a year ago that combines my 3 favorite skills in a unique way and I'm slowly working towards it. It involves art as a major component. My parents both discouraged me actively away from anything creative (& into business, which is the absolute worst fit for me), though my best skills and talents were all in the creative sphere. I did accomplish things, even through repeated relationships with one narc after another, but rarely something BIG, b/c I wasn't working with my biggest strengths. So glad to hear that you have been able to do that. You can PM me if you like. I'd love to hear from you.
58 years... and you still have enough left to rebuild. Wow. You. Go. Girl. I'm so incredibly proud of you stranger. I mean... I needed to hear your words. I needed to hear of your triumphant return to you yourself who you are. I'm taken back. Beside myself. Thank you so much for sharing.
My mother "you're too old to be a singer" (I was 27 yo and been singer since I was 15). And the next day "you are not a famous singer cause you haven't tried enough"😳 and then you start to feel crazy🤦♀️
They will criticize you no matter what you do. I have experienced that since I was a child, and when you confront them with their cognitive dissonance they will fake amnesia, or gaslight you by saying that didn’t happen. It can make you feel crazy, for sure.
@@priscilalondon totally with you. They fake amnesia the whole time or they say "it never happened". When I realized it was a script and not a coincidence, I decided to cut my mother out my life for my own sanity.
Every attempt at something, every ounce of creativity, differentiation, childlike curiousity, ambition, adventure... has been hindered... Where is my childhood? But hey let us not be victims , but rather victors "I am not what happend to me, I am who I choose to become" - Carl Jung
I hope people “stuck” in narcissistic relationships can embrace radically DOING IT ANYWAY. Can you not leave because you have no money? DO IT ANYWAY. Are you afraid of some legal consequence of leaving? DO IT ANYWAY. Are you convinced you will fail? DO IT ANYWAY. Are you the only person you know who wants you to leave? DO IT ANYWAY. It cost me homelessness and unemployment and depression and loneliness but I DID IT ANYWAY. I went all the way to graduate school and found a job I love. I am paid well and independent. I am happy and connected to a beautiful chosen family. It’s not easy to get there but yep...you guessed it...I did it anyway :)
My mom said "you will never do as well as Gale (sister). I would say "just watch me". I out earn her and love my job while she hates hers lol. 1st husband wanted me to quit college when our I was pregnant with our 1st son. I continue on. When I graduated and got a great job he loved the money. 2and husband was a control freak and would not let me start my own business. Once divorced I started my own business 5 years later. Never let Narcissist stop you from being the best you you can be.
My Dad and stepmother had these weird rules at home about television and since I had two brothers who always outvoted me, I never got to watch TV or play video games. Instead, I read...and he used to criticize me saying "You've always got your nose stuck in a book." I wasn't logical enough to say anything back to him at the time, like "What else do you expect me to do?" I was reading at post-grad level by my freshman year of high school and have been able to support myself as a writer because I read so much as a kid. And he's still bitter and angry about his own life. :)
ahhhhh man thats amasing and inspiring , guess you love the film BILLY ELLIOT then , one of my favourite films . We also were put down and invalidated . I'm not a professional vocalist but I still put my voice out there for animals and children ;D
Oh thank you Dr. Ramani. As a 75 yr ol survivor of my parents narcissistic upbringing (mine), I can't tell you what these words mean to me. Very inspiring and very comforting. I have studied with all of you for the past 3 yrs. So now it is time for me to get going. Once I finish my therapy (12 weeks), I will finish getting my BA degree. Thank you so much.
I was unaware of the narcissistic abuse I was experiencing for years. I always internalized everything that was going on as I was doing something wrong to illicit this type of treatment from my partner. I loved to dance and be creative but it was greatly discouraged by my partner and I was shamed for wanting to do something that was occupying my time that wasn't something he enjoyed doing. After a while, I believed I had stopped because I lost interest in those things. But within days of being discarded, I was back to dancing to help me get out of my emotional slump. Its been a year and I still dance everyday. Its such huge passion of mine and movement therapy has been so incredibly beneficial for me.
I could've written this comment, but instead of dancing it was hiking and just anything in the mountains. And I am still in my relationship, but trying to set healthy boundaries so I can find myself again. I'm so glad you're dancing again! Good for you!!
I cried listening to this - I'm grieving the loss of my potential. It actually hurts when people tell me how intelligent I am because at 40 I have nothing and its so hard trying to scrape my life back together. I lost so much. My achievements feel like nothing and could never be celebrated just not to upset the narcissist.
It is very hurtful to have experienced this. You are not alone, you will make it - just don't give up! Unfortunately I just realized (approx. 1 year ago) that my husband is a covert narcissist and I'm taking steps to deal with this but I know that he's exploited me and wasted the multiple opportunities that I had to go higher in my career. But the most important is that one looks to the future despite the pain & grief.
I feel you! Oh, dear, how I understand how you feel! As F also commented, don’t give up. Your potential is still there, you just need to dust it off slightly and get on your way. It’s all unnerving because you feel like you could have gotten a head start years ago, but trust me, things will come into place much faster as you will not accept bullshit that will slow you down.
Savour the sweetness of freedom, sip by sip. The damage can be re-imagined and serve a purpose in the years you have left. Survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to have incredible empathetic abilities - just what the world needs in times like this. We had no control over how we were treated, but now is the time for self-authorship. Wishing you the best of luck with your life from here on out, you've already shown that you have the strength to weather the most difficult experiences.
When I was living with my ex - who was a classic narcissist, master of gaslighting - I shared that I wanted to pursue my artwork - inspired by the feedback and interest from others. I was shut down and discouraged, told not to quit my day job… After being discarded moments before the pandemic - which was the most hurtful AND liberating moment of my life - I used my artwork to process and heal my isolation and pain, and to celebrate my freedom. I’m now displaying 15 of my paintings in a local coffee shop and enjoying the tremendous connections I’ve made with people who thank me for sharing my work! Eat that!
Your story reminds me of when I was working on a short film and I would spend hours editing it. One time, my ex husband saw me struggling, trying to find the right structure, and he said, “you can’t polish a turd.” I’ve since finished the film and it’s shown in festivals locally and internationally, as well as helped me to secure funding for a new film. I realize now he was trying to clip my wings and I’ll never allow that treatment again.
Same case here. I once showed him a drawing I did. He went on to constantly say how "horrendous" and "terrible" (his words) it was. Sigh - I even asked him to tell me what was wrong with it, but he just kept repeating the "horrendous" & "terrible" comment while laughing at me. I'm struggling to get back into drawing but I am optimistic that it shall happen soon.
At age 20 (I’m now 74) I dropped out of college after one year. After I married and had my two children, I decided to go back to school. Both of my parents were Ns. My father yelled at me, “Why the hell didn’t you finish when your mother and I paid for it!? Now you have kids to take care of and you want to leave them!? What the hell is wrong with you!?” I earned both a BA and an MA, and went on to do work that I loved. Until they died a few years ago, neither of them EVER asked me about my job. Never once. I went to a marvelous therapist who helped me face the fact that these people did not care about me. To everyone who has an N or two in your lives, please don’t let them destroy you and your dreams!
You really wanna hear my story? -Mother=Narc, Brother=tromentor, Dad=gone - 29 years of hell...I am 37 -Homeless twice -Fired from every job, rejected by every woman -Today I am pursuing a career in Classical PIano at McGill University. I teach piano. I am self-sufficient. I love myself. I feel safe in my own body. I survived hell. I will become an artist and benefit the world I could be a genius...time will tell. This is my story.
@@ChaseTheLadiesMan Thanks, that's kind of you. Yup, I don't talk to mom anymore; and I just started piano classes here in Montreal at Uni. Recovery is a LONG LONG journey, but worth it! In the end, only you can determine what's good for you.
Similar story Mother=Narc, Brother=Abuser and Machiavellian Personality trait, Dad=aggressive due to unresolved past trauma, sister=moved away and left me behind, got married, had kids, now thinks she sits on a thrown-----a recipe for disaster. Severed from the family. Told them if they ever want to see me, it must be in a psychologist office. They don't care about me. I hate them. 29 years of hell....I am 33 Homeless once Fired from a lot of jobs(and they love to hurt me with it), even though I am smart, the hardworking quiet kind, I just want to go to work and go home, not make friends, I don't have a happy life so I don't have happy tales to tell. Girls would trash talk me to the boss or I would confront the boss of incompetent coworkers-----and for some strange reason, "I" was gone. Relationships, usually I attract the bad guys, don't get treated well, have a high tolerance for abuse, familiar, but this is not on purpose. Today, I'm on the verge of homelessness, that last girl that trashed talked me to the boss, really took away my dreams, I'm a licensed MLT that needs to get so many practice hours, this career was my way out, and she shattered it. I go to a temp place but it's not covering all the bills. I was a good girl, never had a drug problem or alcohol problem. After losing that last job, I have lost my fight. I'm giving up. There's always gonna be some girl around the corner or some incompetent worker around the corner and me notifying the boss. I just can't win. To top it all off, I had girls in college that bullied me and it affected me really bad. I didn't do anything to them and they tried to get my license taken away, spread rumors about me, that got me blacklisted within my province, I had to move away to land a job. There's been a lot of injustice; I have a lot of anger. I am not surviving. My dream, to work as an MLT and work as an Artist, I've been doing a lot of songwriting, but I just wanna do 3 albums(Family Problems, Burnt Edge, and White sheep treated like a black sheep), get stuff off my chest and then continue working as an MLT. Another dream is to have a house and finally live with all my things, some of it is in paid storage. The truthteller that nobody likes. This is my story.
@@vicki1670 Hey have you seen a therapist for all of this? I do not want to invalidate your experience or gaslight more than you already have experienced for a lifetime but you sound similar to a friend. She is also always running into hurdle after hurdle and at one point no matter how hard you had it as a child, I think it's important to ask yourself what am I doing to get in the way of my life? You say you attract the bad kind of guys, why is that? You say you are being fired all the time and people are talking bad about you, why is that? For example in the past I moved a lot so I was bullied quite often and for a while I just thought the world was cruel and I didn't want to try being part of it or having friends - obviously those things are vital to having a happy life so I asked myself honest and hard questions of what I was doing to myself to stop those things and I ended up with a lot of hard to swallow truths that I am still working on but that have greatly benefited my life and outlook of it. I am way happier than I've ever been before and I'm accomplishing a lot of my goals. One thing that has greatly helped me is giving myself back the power. Instead of thinking about the big bad world with bad people - who I gave WAY too much power and control to, I now see myself as someone who has control to change things to my favour and I see failures as learning tools. Of course it is not always like this and I still have hard days but it is miles away from that dark place I was once at. I think being around narcissistic people made us feel helpless and disempowered all the time and basically put us in a vegetative state of victimhood and helplessness but we have to learn to retake our power and vitality and love for life back and find the courage to hope again. I'm sorry if this sounds patronizing or is of no help to you. I just find it sad when people give up and maybe there is another way out. Best of luck to you!
@@michz9304 Yes, I see a psychologist and a psychratrist. Your saying its MY FAULT. No. Your INVALIDATING. You shouldn't be giving advice on here. And I would be very careful if I were you, on commenting because having a mother that has Narcissist Personality Disorder, a older brother that has Machevallian Personality Trait, abuser, emotional sadist, and a father that has aggression due to past trauma------these are things part of the Dark Triad my friend-------that upbringing is a recipe for a serial killer. This is not a threat from me, but I would be very careful when commenting on here. Experiencing so much trauma in life and wanting other people to feel what you feel and suffer. Nobody became wicked all of a sudden.
I was raised by narcissistic parents in Germany. They left me and my little sister in Turkey with my grandparents when i was 4 and my sister was 3 years old. After 1 year my aunt brought me to Germany. I was so confused. I missed my Grandfather and my sister. My Grandfather was the best man i ever have known. It was so peacfull with him. My mother has a good side in her from him, but she beat me every day when i was a child cause my father would beat her. He is the devil. He scared me to death and always made me believe i am worthless, which was worst as the beatings. A half year later we picked my sister up from turkey. We were growing up every day in fear. I could tell so many horror storys. When i was 7 my mother burnt my hand on the stove plate because i stole a little toy car. My hand was full of bubbles filled with liquid we had to pierce. I couldn't go to school for a week. I could go on and on.... When i was 18 i moved out. A older cousin who didn't see me since i was a little kid was shoked as he met me. He told me i was such a special kid and couldn't believe what i was become. I don't have graduation or driver license till this day. I'm 37 now and i spend the last 19 years smoking and selling weed. Because of people like Dr.Ramani i am now aware and my life gets better. I removed all my narcissistic "friends" and value my self. I am happy now and finally getting things done. Thank you so much Dr.Ramani!!!
Oh my goodness i am so happy for you and your story of survival. I am about to move out in six months. I am trying to save and make as much money as i can and prepare myself for my new life with boundaries away from my narcissistic mother and enabling father, with two siblings i am leaving behind because they are brainwashed and can not handle the truth as well. Thank you for sharing once again and may your journey continue to grow in a positive manner❤️
Hi Mustafa. I read your words and I understand. I've been smoking weed for over 20 years now. In the beginning that used to help me but now I don't even like it anymore it just makes me fall asleep which is sometimes a good thing because I've got a lot of issues that I've been left to deal with because I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I've gone through all kinds of abuse from being a baby and it's really disgusting how people can be. But just the fact that you are watching these TH-cam videos and searching for yourself because you want to heal is absolutely fabulous. You are fabulous. Tears are in my eyes as I'm leaving this message for you. You are loved. Keep on going even when you feel like the pain will never stop and you just want to quit and you want to give up on life just keep going because those sad thoughts will pass because they always do. You are loved !
I’ve struggled with the most disturbing internal chaos, self hatred and feeling stagnantion, depression and weakness. I cut my father out of my life over a decade ago and I’m struggling worse than ever. Despite having a personal interest in psychology and seeing many different therapists over the past ten years it’s only recently that I have realized that my father absolutely fits the description of NPD and that I’m struggling with CPTSD. Not one therapist mentioned either of these concepts or conditions to me not fkn once. I learned about them myself as Ive known something is very wrong and I’ve been determined to get answers. Im in the throes of a crippling depression and understanding & support feels very hard to come by. Thanks for the content you’ve shared Dr Ramani. It helps with understanding how my confusion and mutilated self esteem came to be the way it is. I just want to be well and feel content with who I am and that’s feeling pretty unattainable to me right now.
Hang in there. I have been there too. I'm a different person from what I was even 3 weeks ago and I didn't think it was possible to feel so much better then. Dr Scott Eilers on YT has some great videos on depression and anxiety specifically... because he has struggled with it and still has to work at it.
What I found out is that it doesn't even have to be direct ridicule of your dreams. The toxicity of the relationship itself can be so draining that you have no energy to excel.
exactly i feel this so much.
Preaching to the choir!💯
Exactly!
Exactly! That's how I feel😰
100 💯 spot on
When I went no contact at 28, I was able to get a full time job, get a good therapist, get my own apartment, loose 70 pounds, find a loving and supportive partner, and now I'm going back at school getting my masters. It does get better. It's never too late.
Thanks for your encouragement. I'm really anger. I need to stay focus.
👏☺️
Congrats...well done. It is my biggest regret not leaving my family in my twenties. I tried very hard but sadly married a narcissist at 28 yo to get away. Now I am 50 yo I am cutting ties with family and flourishing at this late stage
Im going to read your post 100 times today to remind me that I can do this. I left 2 weeks ago but today Im finding to be the hardest one yet.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You can't tell them your plans, because they will do everything to ruin it.
Sabotage.................
Sure. Good point. That's why we should not talk with them about anything meaningful and do not give them our attention.
SO TRUE!!!
Tried to leave and used them as a reference on an apartment (wanted to be honest); he purposefully torpedoed it so I couldn't leave.
That is true and I would say that that is also a demonic element at play. The negativity; soul crushing and discouraging voice of the enemy through the person who claims to love you.
They break your dreams, then shame you for "having no ambition".
Perfect comment and I am truly realsiing this today.
❤❤❤
100%. She'd also use my vulnerabilities against me and then complain and resent me for not opening up more.
@@burt2800 So true, mine thinks I am ''incapable" of opening up, which is false; I simply do not trust him because of exactly what you said.
Guys let's take a moment to realize how lucky we are to being able to hear this teachings, without the internet who knows how many of us would have been crushed by this unholy monsters...
Yeahhhhh !!!!!!! 100%
it's true!
Why do you focus s much on narcissists. I mean, it exists, but is it that serious?
@@adampower9757 YES it absolutely IS serious. I would call this an actual national emergency.
Narcissists literally ruin the best people's lives and they face NOTHING for what they do.
If you're not on their team - they will ruin your life.
If you are on their team - they will ruin your life by trying to make you the mini-copy of them & their slave.
So the only way you stay safe is you're not messing with them while kind of "staying on their team" and "accepting their superiority" because otherwise they will RAGE and won't rest until the threat to their sanity (THAT IS YOU) is destroyed.
@@Anna-mv9ew Let me ask this. Isn't narcissist a person who is self obsessed, admires his/her beauty and in blind love with him/herself.
I mean, we see these people and we can ignore them. Like not joining mean girl gang/cult in college or not talking to people who think are is admiration of them self. Isn't it having or showing an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one's physical appearance.
If someone is delusional thinking he/she is best, then they are the fools in front of everyone. What can they do to us if we don't interact with them? Is there more to this?
"Never clip your wings for another human being"
"Surviving narcissists abuse is nothing short of a super power "
"Honestly if you could survive that, you can do anything"
These are very empowering comments Dr Ramani. Thank you.
I agree wholeheartedly. Thank you for your comment
Exactly,these are words that i need😀
@Sarah Poni I need Dr Ramani's email too.
Powerful indeed 💪🏽
Very very much 💕
From what I've seen, narcissists' only purpose in life is to be an obstacle for other people to overcome.
absolutely..like weeds or moskitos they are just a nuinsance with no redeeming qualities & only one purpose on earth ,to stop progress..
Very well put!
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Literally 👉🏻
Yup. Gawd bless those soulless creatures for keeping the rest of us on our toes. You can't have the good without the bad and they sure as hell make everything beyond spectacular in comparison...makes you wonder what the hell was going on in your head to be chasing such miserably, sad and pathetic creatures in the first place, though. Haha. I can only speak for myself, but clearly I was beyond some kind of level of broken. However, within destruction and chaos, you can rebuild and become new and/or better - your true self or what you really were all along. "They" - you know WHO and I don't mean BIG BROTHER - will more than likely remain the same and I seek comfort in knowing they will always keep things interesting within their lives...and interesting doesn't necessarily mean good.
Once I left the narcissist I wrote 2 published novels and started a newsletter that was also successful. I can’t say Get Out loud enough
Hi well done how did you get published? Any tips?
I’m so proud of you! This is inspiring ❤
Wonderful! 👏 👏
Congrats! This gives me hope.
@@lordfreerealestate8302 this gives me hope too
My father told me that instead of going back to college I should stay working as a janitor at a school. I graduate this spring with a degree in psychology and a 3.5 GPA...
You are such a hero!!😍
Congrats!!
Congratulations!
Congratulations !!
Go get em Can do...
Yes u ou CAN DO...
and you DID !!!
Well done 👏
“Limiting another human is abuse” 💕💕💕
Well said!!!!
Totally agree 👍
A horrible kind of abuse also 💔
And it is systemic.
🥺💔My wings are mending. The Branch didn’t hold me. 🔥 💛🤗 I do something that doesn’t pay much. It gives me Purpose❤️
“Surviving narcissistic abuse is nothing short of a super power”
That made my day! 🔥
Would you mind being a person trustworthy to whom I can share, I will act the same. Hi, I'm from India, 22. I'm in survival phase, having a narcissistic parent
Frankly, there's no one to share as my total environment is somehow controlled by my narcissistic one.
ditto!
Great comment! So few words yet so powerful!!!
So true. But surviving it drains you and takes a toll. It's like all your energy goes towards pleasing the narc or narcs. Ugh
My narcissistic mother stole my whole identity. I never had the chance to develop my own personality because i was being controlled in every aspect of my life. Now that I'm a grown up women I'm rediscovering myself and finding the person i was meant to be.
Me too
The same. You are not alone 💪❤️
same
Same
Same here
I cried while listening to this. I am in the process of freeing myself from the toxic legacy of a narcissistic mother. She literally cost me 20 years of my potential but it's never too late. Never.
I know female narcs do more damage coz the laws are biased towards them. They can manipulate the judge by playing the victim
Exactly!! I'm 22 and trying to leave this house, while in parallel I'm trying to set boundaries inside myself and to others. Praying to manage your goal as well!!🙏
Bravo! Yes, it is never too late.
its never too late! good luck!
Good for you 👍 You don't need HER, or anyone else's permission to be the person God made you to be, you do YOU Girl:)
Today I finished my last class for my bachelor's degree. I'm finally going to be a teacher. I'm 52. I'm getting out and escaping my way to freedom.
May God bless you and comfort you.
Congrats
Awesome 👏
You are my inspiration! I’m 41. Hope is not lost.
Goooood job!!! 👏👏👏👏♥️😇
Congratulations! 💕🎉
I am 38 and I finally realized what I want to do. I want to study physics and become an astrophysicist. I will strive to achieve this. I will not let my horrible childhood to continue to rob me of my future.
I'm 36 and just finished a BS in physics last year...it took me 10 years from start to finish. Without the baggage from childhood, it would have taken less, but I've accepted that and am currently working towards getting into grad school so I can specialize in quantum mechanics. It's never too late.
Wow: not usual option. I bet you heard a lot of attempts to minimize your inteligence and dreams on chilhood-teenager. Great for you!!! 👏👏👏
@@medusasorphan3489 Doing great: kept going. 👏👏👏
U go girl!!!
That is brilliant, thank you for sharing, and I wish you the best of luck on your journey to realising your plans.
They are so toxic they will try to literally ruin your life out of jealousy
I'm finally going to University at 28 and escape from my narc parents.
You can do it!! Living proof here!
What an oxymoron “narc parents”
Here my story
Narcissist mother abscent father. Devouring mother. Even after her death (thank god both of them are dead - i've learned how appreciatie an forgive them) my sister, and all of them never took my complain seriously till today. What's is funny everything was my fault i am the difficult one. My moher had me with 41. My sister were 21 when i was born. And still my fault. The problem is not entire my mother. The problem that we repeat the pattern that we are familiar with we end up with people with the same traits of personalities, friendships affair etc. It took me only 25 years to discover the problem. If only new my primary language portugues brazil. I would be stucked in oblivion forever ever. The problem now is that i dug so much. I know so much, that almost no one is in my league. I simply do not have interest in sex, see everyone as monkeys, cannot not say much cause I hate small talk. Too awkward by saying deep and truly things. It's no social phobia or any thing like that. It's that my friends are all on youtube, books, dead people, my brain, insights, art etc I only socialize in online games (game talk) and from my job (job talk) No interest at all, to leave home. My next place i will mount a gym to remove the necessity to leave home for work out. Besides i'm 50 iq points higer the avarage in brazil, and i am also a high sensitive person in the middle of a human zoo. Friendship, affairs i think i had enough at the age of 38. Totally embracing being the lone wolf.. i suggest the book. The emotionally abscent mother.
One advise be careful to not becaming a completely the oposite. A mean jack ass. Equilibrium. Transit, looks, faces of chewed cow, crumped asshole, everything irritates me. My patience is 0. this sort of things . One day i gave slap so hard in a drunks ear with out any chance of defence, just to have the experience of being coward for the first time I was overwhelmed by guild for 10 days or more. Just trying my new persona. Using and abusing my shadow side. Rs. "I prefer being complete than good" yung. I not a complete nihilistic because of spiritism. The purpose of life is development of the the spirit in the course of many lifes. Sugest the author allan kardec and a brazilian Chico xavier. (His life is the proof of spiritism) naively i though i was a higher moral old soul, no no just conditioned since always and my complex coping mechanism was to became a people pleaser. And my age from 22 till today woke at night and sleeping im the day. And i was also a bullying victin my entire childhood from 7 to 13 years old. I have 1.90m male . White good looking inteligent. Sensitive, light heated and big smile And i leave in a place of dumb brown small bestialized faces looking for validation . Kkkk.
I'm really pround of myself for holding my horses, all the hate, shame, in my heart and no succumbed in killing my mom, or any offender, for not engaging in more violence that i've engaged. Cause they are dealing with the demon itself. Without any knowledge . All those negativite emotions in the pass can emerge to conscious. It's better for all not provoke. And hell get out of the way as fast as possible. Death for me is a bliss in this situation. If i can define the devil in one wold is vengeance. And you would ve a naive victim exercising your foolishness.
After leaving home. In 2 years i bought my apartment at sight cash. After one year from 110kg went to 87 kg. 13% fat percentage. I have a plublic service. I know i'm good but those cited thinks are tangible. What i desire most are wistdom. Yung indivuation. And it's so much more complicated. As nietzche pointed out. I'm the personal hero type. Not the cultural hero. I'm no conformist
Being a people pleaser that's thats way got so many bizarre looks my hole life.
Now i use a persona so deadful it's even funny. How people can be manipulated by what they see and completely out of a value what's really going one. I hate to lie but i can lie any mithomanic would be Jelous. Depressed people has a better memory less bias or cognitive diasonance. They rememver the facts as they were not as appease their mind as usually people do.
Let you guys a single story from my narcisist devouring mother. I passed in a publict contest to be a brazilian police office. At the social investifation my mom said. I smoke marijuana. Kkkkk. Told once to my dad i will learn english. He said: "you won't this is not as simple as that. "
I love myself a lot. But i had so much negative experiences i'm really profoundly uninterested in people. I developed a misanthrope that the unique way of engaging in any relationship is by deluding myself.
Today the bad weather ia gone. The hardest times had passed But... using my hole energy in developing myself. I went to nursing high school. My heroism today is me myself and I. I'm trying to break those high walls preventing me from relating to some one but. I know so much from politics, laws, human characters, my cultural environment, family. I need some atomic energy to blast those shields. And i do not see any light in the end of the tunel.
Do we really need humam interactions? Or is it just a imperative (atavism) from my collective unconscious mind?
Any suggestion. ? And From the last nascissistic friend i started smoking cigarretes my only addiction . Basically that's me great isn't? Life is so SUNSHINE
Same at 33
At 51, I am becoming the artist within me. My mom, my stepdad and a high school teacher all discarded my dreams. It's my time to paint my dreams happy colors.
YES
Glad youve refound your creative flame!
Leaving school I wanted to go to art college, my father made me give him a good reason to go, becuse being good and loving doing it wasnt good enough, he marched me to the careers office to get the first job I could see... only all these years later only recently realised it was so he didnt have to pay child support to my mother.. and I ended up in a job that I hated and never picked up a pencil again..
You can do it. Let that creative energy flow.
I am an artist now! I told my mom! I want to be a n artist; she was like ah...oh. My husband is afraid of my skill level increasing!
Yeah you can do it
I am 42 and started medical school last year. My mother knew this was my dream and squashed it for years. But she couldn't hold me down for ever. YOU can do it too. Whatever your dream may be, go for it. Don't let them ruin your life.
best of luck with med school sam.
@@mpat100 Thank you so much, Pat!!! That means a lot to me (hug). :)
I wanna come to your graduation
@@mikealan1984 Yay!!! I would love that! Thank you for your support!
@@sambrown8941 you got it
Recently, my psychologist opened my eyes to what and why is happening in my life. I am 40. Covert narcissistic mother and older sister, alcoholic father and narcissistic husband. No sleep, no energy, no children, no career. But I'm still alive. So there is still hope to become free. I still have dreams.
Thank you for your videos 💖💗
May you succeed
May you receive help always from the safe source
I wish you best of lucks
You will succeed, follow your joy ❤
Be thankful you don't have children. If narcissistic parents, partners, or friends are bad, there is nothing more heartbreaking than narcissistic children. Especially when you only discover this as they're well into adulthood while you're getting old. Especially when society seeks to blame you, even you know you dedicated your life to them, loved them, taught them values, respected their freedom.
You got this!!!!!
When I was a child, my father told me that sons mattered more than daughters. I was his only daughter. I now own my own home outright and have a net worth of over a million. Not a ton by today's standards, but more than my brothers have.
Bravo!
Well done!
Good job.
Let me guess- the father never admits it?
Actually those words came from my mother. For some reason she didn't want a daughter and made sure I knew it
"Love means letting someone soar, and limiting another human being in any way is abuse." Thank you for this, Dr. Ramani.
Yes, key quote of this episode for me today too! Beautifully put! :)
@@danakatz1653 Thank you for sharing your incredible journey! You are inspiring to others and should be really proud of your achievements. I agree that good therapy is deeply beneficial. I'm in my 40's and have only just managed to get decent therapy and it's massively helpful. Big hugs from Scotland! :)
I want to add to that. Limiting someone is not always a bad thing if the other person does not fully comprehend what it is in their best interest at certain times. Limiting someone in their trajectory of growth is certainly a bad bad thing, but we should not, at all, stop listening to people when they have something to tell us that may stop us for a brief moment and make us to look at things from another angle.
Want to put it out there because people are too soft/impulsive(for lack of a better word) these days I believe, and they have lost all patience to even listen to others
This🌻
So amazing. Thank you doc!
"Surviving narcissistic abuse is a super power." ❤️
It is a skill for sure.
I’m a survivor
Knowledge is power. Wisdom is what we do with it.
True wisdom never comes easily.
I'll buy capes for all of us!
I was raised by narcissists, so when I found one to marry, it felt "normal" and even comfortable. It took 45 years for me to break away. By the end of the first full day away from him, I realized I'd never been happier, and it just keeps getting better.
Thank you for the nice comment.
Thank you
I'm happy for you
I have made the same way, was so unaware of myself that it felt normal, but... I did saw red flags...
May your way will be easier than mine
And may you succeed in everything
Best of lucks
Wow! There is big hope me here. Bless you.
I’m at 41 years and just now realizing the hopelessness of the situation. I have gone through the grieving of what wasn’t in the relationship and what will not be. In the stage of trying to set boundaries, gray rocking, the other tactics mentioned in these videos. Going to stay for now. But, Your comment is very inspiring for me as it shows me what it could look like for me if I leave. Thank you. 🙏🏼
I went no-contact, then later went through a period of being homeless and hungry, but now I’m the CEO of a multi-million dollar non-profit company that does really meaningful work.
Fantastic !
At this time I'm in the sheter due to the abuse that I went through I have been experiencing cptsd , trauma , anxiety etc that's how I ended up in the sheter due to the abuse .. .....narcissists have ruined billions of lives in this universe!!!!! I shouldn't be in the sheter at all I deserve better than that because I know my worth and value @!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Amazing!
This feels so good to hear
@@elhadjdiallo633 you are an strong strong person.. thank you so much for your insight. I know somebody who is a narcissist and all these comments have really helped me distance myself.
He always said to me “you and I both know you’ll never finish a Registered Nurse degree so Iust don’t start”. I remember completely believing him. When I wanted to play competitive soccer he said “we only have enough money for one of us to be competitive in sports and considering I have more potential, it should be me”. I remember thinking it was a good point. After leaving him 10 years into the marriage, with two young children, I trained on competitive soccer teams until I was good enough to make major league and the University team in Edmonton. The University gave me a scholarship to do my Registered Nurse degree. I’m now Charge nurse at a Womens hospital in Edmonton. I imagine my success makes him absolutely sick.
Yessssss 🙌🏼 big giant smile. You’re frikken ahhhmazing girl. Yes! He was jealous of the giant amazing force that is you. Mine said I’d never graduate. I’m Phi Theta Kappa and 2 classes away from 1st degree and starting 2nd. They’re cowards. I have a couple Ivy leagues and top colleges inviting me. Crazy. So glad you didn’t listen. He was simply so insanely intimidated in your pending success and saw what he wished he had. So proud of you. Sincerely.
You’re absolutely right. He is sick, Ill with jealousy but defeated silently by your success. When your children who admire your strength and value your success speak highly of you I know it’s silent stabs to his ever shrinking spineless, fractured, incompetent ego! You rock
This is so awesome. You're so great! Way to take the reigns of your life and do what you knew was true for you!
This is absolutely delicious. Thanks so much for sharing it with us!
your success was very satisfying! proud of you, and glad you proved him wrong
"Love means letting someone soar, and limiting another human being in any way is abuse" - Dr Ramani
"Never clip your wings for another human being."
@@chanuppuluri8726 both of those quotes brought tears to my eyes when she said them for real.
I’m starting over at 60yrs. My dreams and career opportunities where dashed by the ex too. I am moving towards pursuing career aspirations too. It’s challenging to be ‘ok’ with what I can achieve now - to be ok with a smaller scale due to age and time. I still get strength from listening to narc videos. Thank you Dr. Ramani
I'm 55 and I feel like I'm just starting the career I was qualified for at 20, but I was too terrified of being exposed as the failure my father told me I was.
It took me until I was 55 to finally see that my father was a narcissist and discouraged everything I wanted to do. I went on to marry four of them. Thank goodness for Dr. Ramani...she has been a lifesaver for me.
That "imposter syndrome", I feel you. Another result of being raised by narcissistic parents. Be kind to yourself, the harsh criticism we internalized, but we can eventually silence those critics.
You can do it!!! I enrolled in law school at 45. It wasn’t easy, but so worth it. Pls don’t give up on yourself. You CAN do it….
Me too. I was too scared to even try working toward my goals that I would jump around from one passionless career to another. What was even more frustrating was that the parent that had discouraged me the most and instilled in me this idea that I'd never make it in anything creative came up to me with the unsolicited observation that I "seem afraid of failure". Like hm i wonder why... 😒
I can relate so much to what you said that it actually hurts.
My narcissistic mother wouldn’t let me go to University. I was discouraged so I could pay her board. Later, I married an abusive, narcissistic man whose dreams were all that mattered.
After my marriage ended, I went to University and got a degree. Recently, I was accepted into a Master’s degree course. When I told my mother, she wasn’t happy for me at all.
I don’t care. Narcissists may have ruled my past but they don’t get a say in my future. I’m going all the way and no one is going to stop me now.
I do wonder where I would be now if I had encouraging parents but I try not to dwell on it. I’ve made it this far on my own. I’m a survivor. Best wishes to all other survivors. You can do it.
Good luck in your masters program!
You are so worthy and have every right to be proud of your accomplishments. Instead of wondering what might have been, you can choose to be the one who uplifts your inner child and your present self. You can be a source of inspiration and empowerment for others, too.
So inspiring! Good luck!
Kudos and all the very best to you!
That's so awesome. I'm so glad you're following your dreams despite what anyone says. Although I got into my first choice of college, my mom harassed and guilted me into going to school locally. There, I married a decent man, but way too young. I was only 19 and was probably subconsciously trying to escape. I met the narc later in life. These narcs can ruin a big part of your life, but, as you said, they don't get a say in our future!
My father had been telling me I was worthless and stupid since I was a toddler. My mother and sister became his flying monkeys. They were very narcissistic themselves. They went into high gear with the abuse after my husband died. I moved out of state with my daughter and with not being around them, we both became very successful.
Same happened to me. I became single. Normally people may feel a little symptomatic toward someone that went through a change like this, but no.the opposite happens w a toxic person. They see signs of weakness and throw salt in the wound. it's sad
Congratulation on your success
Good for you!
Well done.
I am so happy for you
First time I've heard a psychologist say "It makes me sick" with anger. A real person with feeling's, not just psychological terms and theories. Very useful information in this video. Thanks.
Yeah, that really impacted me. I've always felt like I shouldn't complain. She made me feel validated!
Exactly! She's not the typical robotic like therapist!
I'm a teacher and I agree that, that is very necessary. It's freeing to hear.
because she gets it. and she has experienced it herself :) not just something she's trained for
P
I am 31+ years into a marriage with a narcissists. I went to school to learn a new trade and was put down for studying and not cooking and helping the boys with their homework. For most of the relationship, I was put down for “not making enough money “, yet he has been jobless 4-5 times and we have survived. I am going to spread my wings and be on my own at the beginning of 2023!
you are going to love it
It's 2023 and I hope you find the strength within yourself to make it happen. To those that say your not strong enough, remember how strong you have to be to endure such a life for so long! I tried helping my best friend recently realize she has the power to leave her narcissistic marriage and she said she's not strong enough to do it. She asked me to please stop and so I did. I'm completely devastated that she can't see the powerful, smart and amazing woman I see in her. Be careful, be strategic, and be strong! I wish you the best! You got this! Believe in yourself, you have alot of us that believe in you too!
@@josefregoso4161 it’s so kind of you to do that. Its so hard in the midst of it all to see that another life is possible. whether it’s now or next year, your friend can get out. It helped me when my friend said “even if it takes years to get out, you can do it” it honestly does take years to pick apart the lies and rebuild your sense of self , and as you say, to do so carefully and strategically
Your friend is lucky to have someone like you around
Stay strong and focused! Wishing you the best!
Same. I was told ‘i am hoping one day you will make more money than i do and you will support me’ and fil: ‘earn something as pocket money for yourself’ i take care
Of the house, of his son, and i am supposed to also take care of my finances for things that i want to buy
Truth is they can’t handle anyone in their circle having anything for themselves. No more regrets in staying as long as you did. Reach for life.
@Bushra S I got this from my dad who blocked me from grad school with everything he had, and it was only well after the fact I realized he lost a job because he didn't have his master's degree, at the time he blamed affirmative action, sometime later it hit me the guy that got the job had a ms, had nothing to do with affirmative action, America's promise that was never kept. Our culture has so much built in narcissism, its like a bear trap in the middle of the sidewalk just waiting for you to step in it.
Amen!
@Bushra S such envy in the narcs. Jealousy is bad enough, that is when you are upset someone has something you do not have but envy is when you dont want someone to have something you don't. It is aa deeper meanness. It is so sad and something I could never relate to.
This hit hard🙏
Thank you well said.
my quick story: after 25 years i finally divorced him, even though diagnosed with cancer, while earning a college degree at 50 years old, i still pushed forward. i believe you when you when you say ''superpower'' it is truly a superpower!
Wow! I'm inspired and wishing you loads of joy!
Terry M your story is so inspiring! Thank you for sharing!
So awesome for you. Congrats on following your dream 💜💜💜💜💜
Thank you for sharing! Congratulations and keep soaring! 💕🌸🎉
You are incredible, wow That superpower statement definitely resonated with me too!
After I left the narc last year:
1. I learned to drive
2. and bought my first automobile
3. I left my job where I worked for 8.5 years.
4. I gave me permission to make a pause for 1 year not working, just recovering from the 8 year relationship with the narc
5. I lost 11 kg weight. Now I feel so good in my body
And the list will continue, because I know my potential and I know what I want from life. I thank God every single day for giving me the strengh to resist and to continue în this difficult process.
great
you are amazing.
so happy for you 💞 sending you love and light. You are so strong and you have the power to be the person you want to be!
Thank You 🤗🤗🤗
Go girl---no---go woman!! Good for you. I'm very happy for you!!!
Had a narcissist roommate in college. completely destroyed my self esteem, sabotaged my relationships, undermined everything I did. 10 years later I finally see him for who he is. The toxic in my life that’s sucking my energy no matter how hard I try to achieve, there is always this uncomfortable feeling inside. Always fearing judgement and criticism. I am a guy btw, this can happen with guy friends, not only with romantic relationship. He loved bomb me by telling everyone that I’m his best friend. These people are beyond reason, they want nothing but take your light away.
Also, a narcissist want to control you because you have something they want. Take comfort in the fact that it is because of your shine that attracted them. You are a person of value.
Ah the ‘ol “Love Bomb”. I know the thing. Sorry you had to deal with that experience, especially in college. You said it well - They want nothing but to take your light away.
Thank you for this. I needed to hear this.
The narc family member told me " i could do your job in manufacturing"
Like what? He can run the entire manufacturing companies now?
Narcs are insanely arrogant that I am shocked beyond disbelief.
I am going back to my original self, God's powerful champion.
They want to use your feelings and empathy because they don't have any! Vicarious feeling. And your empathy makes you keep giving. They just saw you coming!!!
I had a male 'friend' like this.
My mom cleaned out my savings, out credit cards in my name, abandoned me in another town while my dad beat the fuck out of me. I have a scar on my face from him. It took me years to learn that I had worth and was worthy of love. I'm 31 now and finally have a savings and decent credit score and I'm finally taking steps to build myself a future. I don't talk to my dad anymore and I grey rock my mom with great success
👏👏👏👏 You’re awesome!
Good for you! You're doing great with the hand you were dealt. I'm so sorry; I know too much about horrible self worth.
Well done truly inspiring. Best of Success!!
Keep going and remember that every knock from them is a boost. You’re on your way! Congratulations!
My mother was an equal opportunity abuser. Well, no, perhaps she had an extra interest in me because I was the surrogate caretaker for my siblings She had four children , two of which are homeless as elderly adults, one ( golden child) that is an aging rock stars divorcee that my mother lives vicariously through. The two of them have cut off the three of us from a sizable estate that my father left to our mother who “would divide everything equally amongst their children “. Sorry dad.
I know that I am the fortunate one.
I left home right after high school, and tried to put my early years in the past. I’ve had times of deep grief, even today, and some of my relationships have mimicked the one with my mother.All the while,I tried to educate myself, taken opportunities for therapy, kept my good friends close and dedicated my life to a career in the culinary arts. Today I am a successful private health chef! I raised a thoughtful, caring and loving son who is pursuing a career as a medic while I continue my work in the healing arts, at age 66.
No, I will not inherit part of my fathers estate which delays my dream of buying a home for my family. The realization has caused another hit of depression but I know I’ll get past it and keep going.
Thank you, Dr.Ramani for helping in my journey. For those who cannot afford or even find a therapist who truly understands, you are a lifesaver!
Both my parents are narcissists. Sadly, when I left my house at 18, I ended up marrying my husband, who is also a narcissist. I’m 37 now. My whole life I had to tell myself, trust no one and don’t let them steal your build. I’m finally strong and educated enough to not let them take advantage of me. I’ve become a school teacher and teach science and forensics. After reading and listening to their patterns of talking, and behavior, I have created a curriculum in my forensics class to teach middle school students how to identify narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths. I plan to start it in the new quarter. I really hope this will teach them to recognize these bad behaviors and run away asap. I’ll come back to give an update. Thank you for helping me
Amazing. Keep doing your work, you were called to do this! Just curious to know, are you still with your husband?
Awesome job @myJesse08! Teaching middle schoolers to look out for these destructive traits is wonderful. Help educate others so they don't have to go through this. 🙌🙌🙌
That’s amazing! Looking forward to the update!!
Wow, that is incredible. 💗
It so badly needs to be taught to thia age group. Middle school is perfect, their emotions are everywhere anyway. It may just help them with THAT! PLEASE teach them this is so wrong to do to anyone and leave any family crushed and broken, passed on to the next generation.......
He took it ALL, LEFT NOTHING IN MY HEART OR MIND. HE NEVER GOT NEAR MY SOUL. ONLY my grands know the depths of my soul, each of them owns their own piece!
Thank god someone understands this. It feels like no one else does, because they hide it and then lie that they ever did it to you. Before this, I had no idea anyone could be so evil.
So you must be a spiritual pioneer, seeing stuff before anyone else does? Trust your gut and yourSELF and cut those sandbags off your balloon. God bless.x
Yes they do hide it and lie that they ever did anything to you
I also had no idea anyone could be so evil. I thank God i got away!
Sounds like will and Jada
Learning curve
This woman deserves a Nobel prize. Every nail hit directly on the head
My Dad was a Narcissist, I'm 35 and have recently been diagnosed with PTSD, i fight it everyday, and now I'm also a 3rd year degree student studying Psychology 🙂
Keep going Elizabeth....dont stop at nothing to make your dreams a reality.
Great for you: 👏👏👏👏
Congratulations 🎉
Nice 👍 keep on going
All the best, Elizabeth!
When narcissist tries block you from achieving your dreams and goals, work 10 times harder (secretly) to achieve your dreams and goals with conviction. It will crush their sick ego and enable you to leave them in the dust.
Amen
That is a great idea.
Good advice
Exactly glad you didn’t leave out secretly because god forbid the narcissist finds out 🤦🏾♀️
@@Veganthick absolutely! 😉
Hearing "surviving narcissistic abuse is a superpower" made me instantly bawl. I went from quietly listening and agreeing to everything, to bawling when I heard those words
Janmarbol,You look cute 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I cried the whole way through this episode. Too many truths finally being acknowledged.
I felt the same way
She means that many of us unfotunately do not survive. So if you have done it means you are really strong and lucky
I dont know myself anymore. Mid 30s, I have nothing. Nmom is always pushing for her needs first. Im tired but Im learning, knowledge is power. Someday hopefully I will leave. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
EDIT: Reading the comments... You guys are not alone. Hugs to everyone. Hoping one day we will leave.
I started a clothing line and i was doing well. Met the narc shortly afterwards first thing he said was “The world doesn’t need more clothing lines. What else can u bring to the world?” I began to question everything and was petrified to start anything new for years because of his harsh criticism. That was in 2016; I’m finally starting to rebuild myself now..
I am sorry that happened to you. I love clothes and variety is the spice of life. I would argue we need more ethical clothing lines. Good luck on your new adventures. 💕
@@blueshoes915 I agree. Thank you very much for your encouragement and well wishes.
Wow!!!
You can bring love, compassion, teach others to be able to support themselves because you have done it with your clothing business. You employ people. The clothing you sell employs people who make it. Your salary helps support world because you rent, buy car, buy food Etc all these things are made by people, who receive a salary. So glad you re engaged with your dream
It’s the worst.....
My brother literally told me that I don't need to go to school, just to pay for someone to recognize me. I'm going to school this fall to complete my Herbalism degree. Move in silence is what i've learned to do.
@Bladwijzer Sync Thank you so much!
Thats is excellent! Where are you studying? I'm interested in that and don't know how to go about that
@@lavinabowman8489 Thank you. Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine.
@@kenishahammond3935 thanks! I will look into it
@@lavinabowman8489 You're welcome.
I cried watching this. As a child, I wondered why I was never allowed to go to that great high school when I got top scores on entrance exams... Why I wasn't allowed to go to that best university, when I got a full on scholarship... why i never got to finish my degree... 😢 I am so glad I found this channel. My healing starts now. 🙏
I'm glad you found this channel too. You deserve better.
Ugh you're not alone
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
My God.. I'm so sorry this happened to you
This was exactly what my father tried to do to me. I was lucky my mother prevented that. Good luck to you from the depth of my heart.
I’ve seen many of your video’s as a narcississm surviver but this is by far the most beautifull, empowering, empathic, supporting of them all. Thank you dr Ramani for your wisdom and love. You’re an amazing person!
Couldn’t agree more!
Big Facts💯
I think the same too
Yes! I, too, feel like I should listen to this every night before I go to sleep and each morning upon waking!!!! Good Luck.
OMG This made me cry. I am newly out of a 27 year marriage with a narc and to be compared to a super hero is so validating. Most people do not understand how hard this is.
Same here. 30 year marriage left 12 weeks ago & have been NO CONTACT for almost 6 weeks. It is difficult but also validating especially once you realize who that person really was. Seeing what these ppl do to their children is heart breaking. They take away all your hopes & dreams for the future until you have the courage, like a super hero, to walk away & discover new hopes & dreams for yourself. Stay strong & know that others are out here surviving & thriving just like you✌
Shanna Sidle Congrats on getting out of that emotional/mental prison!
My wife of 14 years left me last Monday, she took our two little ones. She appears to have a relationship with a coworker and another relationship with a couples son from our church. The heartbreaking time is when I have my children alone, then when they leave and I am all alone in a quiet house. This cycle of going 100mph alone taking of my kids week after week is going to be utterly unbearable! Need advice and prayers.
@@impactajuvenile Only you are responsibile for your own feelings. Put your kid's well being 1st when you have them & make them feel safe. Never bad mouth their mother or put them in the middle. As hard as it is, your kids will learn for themselves who the bad parent really is. If there is a free support group in your area for recently divorced/undergoing divorce, sign up. Peace & prayers!
Shanna that's exactly what I wanted to say. Yes I cried. So emotional after listening to this I have to think about what was stolen from me.
I was told growing up that my dreams were silly and that I would “never amount to anything”….years later I found myself in a relationship with a narcissist…I hadn’t cooked Thanksgiving dinner for a crowd in several years…when I told him my plans to cook for 16, he did everything to undermine me by making faces of shock at the idea of cooking for so many to being in such a nasty mood while I prepared for and cooked in advance. (I’d had it down to a science during the years I had cooked). I ignored him and forged on. The table, the meal, the desserts and everything about it was an incredibly rewarding success. My guests raved about the job I had done. He was even more of an ass after all the guests left. Needless to say, 3 weeks later, I kicked his ass to the curb for good!!
Carolanne W,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌹,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
@@christianpulisic7784 Thank you… I am not with a Narc.
@@Myspirit904 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌹.I am Christian from the States.You?
This made me tear up. I’m so happy you threw down for Thanksgiving even though your negative cheerleader did everything he could to throw you off and give up.
@@caseteamcouture8633 thank you, it was a very stressful 2 years of my life that I am grateful is behind me.
"When I stop to think about all of the beautiful and incredible things the world may not see, because a fragile narcissist couldn't bear the success of their family member or friend or partner, it makes me sick." - Doctor Ramani.
It hurt so much for such a long time. I lost my voice for so long, fearing the back lash and control. Trying to save my marriage took my self respect. Things are better and I am seeing better days. But slowly getting my voice back and learning that fear is but fear it's self and never fear anyone but God.
It is the reason the world is in the shape it is in today. BTW, my mother is a staunch Catholic. Religion is just another addiction.
True. She is SO talented!
I've been so close to giving up (giving in to narcissist):and am so glad that somehow I do still have dreams and optimism. I do have a lot of potential and you are so right about him holding me back. I hope to report back next year with some progress on my goals and interests and be free and clear of this tomfoolery. Thank you!
@@hollygarcie1812 Please don´t give up! Narcissistic people are envious at other peoples potential and talents. My narc sister once yelled at a very talented woman "You are all over the place, arent you?" Trying to make it look like it was a bad thing.
It's never to late to be the person you should've been
"Nerver clip your wings for another human being." - dr. Ramani 2020. I should tattoo this on my forearm. Powerful message, thank you for this! ❤️❤️❤️
Agreed. I was moved by your highlighting this sentence, as I did to.
This is very true in some aspects. I'm free; my husband has passed after 54 years. 💞. Thank-you for the validation.
Just signed on my laptop's mousepad..
I should have some wings tattooed on my wrist...
I like the semi colon which means my life experiences don’t end with “.” Periods... they are “;” semicolons... meaning, there is more to come!
Amen!
"Honestly, if you can survive that, you can survive anything."
Loved that line!!! Putting it on my fridge and in my planner 🙏🏻
I am not only surviving. I am thriving!! I am eternally grateful to have figured things out.
So true!
I agree.
I was in nursing school when I meet my narc . He was supportive at first . Then he started talking me into believing we were soul mates and he was going to take care of me . I didn't need school because he is going to marry me and take care of me. I was stuck in this horrible marriage for 29 years . I couldn't do anything right . I put my career on hold while he got his degree . I was treated horribly. I finally at 53 years old have filed for divorce. And have started to pick up the shattered pieces of my life . I finally have piece of mind I am able to make my own decisions as to what happens in my life from here on .
Michelle Snow I send you love and support. Your essence is intact and he will shine. 🙏🏽 ... sorry typo: NOT ‘he will shine’, but ‘it (your essence) will shine’
Most people stay because they don't know what in the hell they are truly dealing with. Please teach another woman when she tells you her story what she's really dealing with true narcissism is demonic and its evil I'm glad you got out.
If that is the case, then who do you choose to follow?
It's never too late
My story is so close and now five years out of it. The struggle with the children still goes on. 22 years our children lived in the same hell as me. Yet not so much the physical as I did. Protected them as much as I could. The mental gas lighting and withholding is what they deal with now. I pray they all get it one day and I know I can’t fix it. I got my degree and have not had to answer to anyone anymore. I’m stable and looking back could not be more proud of myself for finally setting up boundaries. Not just with the ex narc but my children and family. Lots of tears lots of self doubt but through listening and learning about narcissistic people I finally understand it wasn’t me or my fault. I want to thank everyone who writes replies. It’s really amazing how our stories are all so similar and you feel like you are reading your own.
This is what they did to me the most. I changed careers, stopped running, stopped writing, stopped reading the books I like, but it was so subtle….just little comments every day - fairly benign stuff that was hard to argue with but gradually chipped away at all that I love. this was narcissist parents, narcissist husband and then recently a 4-yr relationship with the worst narcissist I’ve ever met. finally I am learning so I won’t repeat choosing these types. I am also going back to what I love and what defines me. THANK YOU
It’s so true. Just little words that chip away at you and your dreams and you just wake up miles away from the person you recognize or want to be. This is my year! It ends now.
I'm happy for you
May you succeed and be aware of yourself and keep your hopes high
Exactly i was told that what i was doing was likely to get me fired first if the company wasnt doing well. Always putting fear in my head and then sending me stellar job opportunities that were amazing. Instead of building me up, i was told that what i had chosen as a career was a bad choice. My classmates are now at a director level and am not doing what I loved to do. I even changed jobs after marriage. He was mostly always interested in what was
Happening at my work instead of what i was going through. Till date our conversation is only about work and our son
I'm taking a screenshot of your story and keeping it for myself as an inspiration for me to keep going. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am in one such situation where I was manipulated to believe that I am not enough or that I won't make it in life. I'm trying to overcome it and your story helps me realize that it's not impossible.❤
"Never clip your wings for another human being. Love means letting someone soar. And limiting another human being in any way, is abuse." (10:05)
My best part!!!!!
Keep thinking about it iam still thinking about my it i pretty much have no choice i must stay in contact for the time being.
That is so good!!!
I was always letting my ex know if she's willing to go far to grow, I will support her because I love her enough to find success. I'm heartbroken she doesn't feel the same way. Great quote.
I want to add to that. Limiting someone is not always a bad thing if the other person does not fully comprehend what it is in their best interest at certain times. Limiting someone in their trajectory of growth is certainly a bad bad thing, but we should not, at all, stop listening to people when they have something to tell us that may stop us for a brief moment and make us to look at things from another angle.
Want to put it out there because people are too soft/impulsive(for lack of a better word) these days I believe, and they have lost all patience to even listen to others
My story:
Lost my chosen family
Lost my dream job
Lost my life partner
Lost my home
Lost my hope
But then I figured it out.
I knew what the abusive person who turned my fiancee away from me is. I realized how much they, in their intentionl drive to break us up and their willingness to literally let me die, had gaslighted me into believing myself to be a monster.
That realization, that I was worthy of love and acceptance, happiness and trust, changed me.
I got off the streets. I found an amazing job in my field that was a 20% pay raise and a titled promotion. I love it. I got my own place, and I'm taking care of the things that really matter.
It gets better. It gets so, so much better.
Congratulations. I am reading that so many people turned it around, like I am doing.
@@sage9836 You cannot allow the Narcissist to write the narrative.
They know you are an empath with great potential.
Narcs are evil by nature and love to sabotage good people.
Never take their bullshit to heart.
Greyrock and go no contact.
I have learned there are two kinds of people; empaths and narcissus.
It is critical to know who the Narcs are because they "perpetrate" as empaths!
It is very eye-opening to learn of this evil that exists in some people.
I am so happy for you and also hope my story "ends" like yours ...someday.
@@misslisa1 good luck
@@ibnuramli1721 Aww thanks! 🥰
I've learned, the hard way, not to share any important decisions until already made. Never allowing them to be involved in certain aspects of my life.
I lost my soul.
because I can't stand up for myself.
and do what I need to for myself.
@S JLA
too late. I have no desire for God or anything. I'm spiritually dead
@@VengefulPolititron I understand. Don’t worry - it takes time to start to feel better again. Took me a long time.
@@laurengauthier4080 thanks. but mine is literally a supernatural issue
@@VengefulPolititron Would love to hear why you think so. Remember you were raised on lies. Me, too. Cruel manipulation. The relief that I did not do that is massive. Yet, heartbreaking that it was done to me and my kids.
"Surviving narcissism is nothing short of a superpower" You can say that again! Seriously, I now should be able to do anything! Thanks a million for this revelation. Dr. Ramani, I promise you this, I will never clip my wings for another human being again! Never again!
The feeling of hopelessness and emptiness is deep, but once you opened your eyes you see it clearly, it is their own insecurity projecting into you. It is sad to see enablers wanting to minimize the abuse. Never lose the ability to dream and believe in yourself.
@Black Weirdo That's the case for me. Never learned to dream because having a malignant narc/aspd dad was a terrifying nightmare where aspiring was useless as well as any expression of thought and emotion. I grew up muzzled, not even knowing myself. But there is still the desire to at least discover what my dreams are and to explore them. Choosing to stay stunted is not an option even though it's a constant fight against the devaluing voices in my head.
@The Rainbow's End I am so sorry you had to go through that abuse, specially from your mother. I hope you were able to accept and go on with your life.
@Black Weirdo I completely agree, you simply survive to another day, you lose your identity and motivation.
That’s exactly what it is!
This made me cry 😢 This is life of death scenario for survivors. It’s almost as if we are dead alive. We need to rise.
Dead alive is such the perfect saying!
Life of death --> life without growth same as death. Wow. Thks!
That's what they are dead alive and then they transfer it on to us. That makes them happy. NO MORE! IT'S TIME TO RISE FROM THE DEAD! JESUS IS OUR EXAMPLE!
Yes
This seems to be the truth but I’m ok with just little things now. I’ve checked my expectations to the point of not having hardly any or having way too high it’s a laugh to attempt reaching them
‘Never clip your wings for another human being.’ I’m laying here in tears. This has been the story of my life for 30 years. I watch your videos every day- but this one statement may be the one that will change my life.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
It's never too late to start again
I did at 50
Best thing I ever did
So many gifts talents just pushed themselves up to the surface completely changing me my life
These gifts talents were ALWAYS There just waiting for me to turn away from them turn towards myself
Bless you all on your journey out & upwards back to yourself 🙌👸
Never too late to start again!! I do that in my 30-es. You are not alone ❤❤❤
I am 56. Starting my life anew. At last......but I still hope i can make it. Finally left him with one suitcase but I deeply believe my dreams and plans, actually all I forgot, can come true
My fragile covert narc mother (who was a hoarder) sabotaged every effort I made as a teen/young adult to figure out college/finances/job/living independently. She even sabotaged super basic things like my having seasonal appropriate clothing. I was in my late 20’s before I realized I deserved a decent winter coat that actually kept me warm. I left one day after realizing that if I didn’t leave soon, I would never get away from the gross hoarder house and my mother’s rages.
Omg so similar to me, like I'm 39 now and still haven't got a functional wardrobe! Since finding these videos recently I'm hoping for change this year. All the best ❤x
Good for you! I hope you’re doing well today!
My piano teacher mum said "that's too advanced for you" AFTER I played the piece through! So I've found a new teacher that says "that's awesome" every time I play... it's wonderful :)
My Narcisstic parents took pains to give me an opportunity to learn piano. I quickly understood though that any progress was met with, "without me you'd never be able to do that," or "I think you're getting too good for your own britches," mantra as a beginner. It took all the joy out of it.
Now I'm learning piano as an adult. Got my own, had it tuned, everything! It wasn't until I let go of any hope of a healthy relationship, after 2 years of mute communication, that I took it up. And I truly am happy and grateful for it
finding good teachers is gold!
AFTER you'd played it... smh
When I went no contact at 40, I got so much head space for new things and honestly enjoy life. I was and still am able to breathe easy, no panic attacks, depression, stopped drinking at the levels I was at the time, looked myself in a mirror and saw myself again, reconnected with my inner child, heard my intuition, made few new great friends, started living again with no guilt or worry about the future. It gets better and its never too late. Thank you!
So glad you learned early to No contact. It is so mentally cleansing feel like you can finally Breathe!
I am 48. Your story gives me a tinge of hope.
💯💔
I can't be left alone, have been ran into the ground and ruined, and no hopes of health or happiness etc at 50. Others want me to go back and live with them also was their advice... It would finish me off💯
@@sunshinestarboard4253 My friend asked me why don’t you move back in with your mom until you find a place? I said If I do that I feel sure I will die there. It would kill any chance of ever having my own life again.
When I left home after 3 years of narcissistic marriage in a country 1800 miles away from my birthplace, I was the freest , happiest person ever on this world. I felt so light. That moment was magic. I had only 40cents in my pocket but did not care. I slept at a place of refuge for 2 weeks, then went back to my country. This was the most correct decision I've ever taken in my life. Courage ladies!
Thanks. So inspiring.
And gents, narcissistic abuse is not only for ladies.
How wonderful 💕 so glad you were able to leave and that you are happy 😃 👏🏼
@@michelleperez5482 thank you, lots of love 😇
@@handefabbro You’re so welcome. Your story is truly inspiring. Hope your story continues to help others. Lots of love for you also. God bless you
Narcissists will do anything to destroy your dreams and to make sure you will never achieve them. They will close every single door that you may have.
I don't have anyone in my life to talk to, as i've really had a hard time trusting people because of my narcissistic parents. I'll say my aspiration here - I would like to create large scale sculptures and clothing for a living
Go for it,step by step..,you can go fsr in life when doing something you love.
I also dream of creating clothing. I'm in NYC, USA. Where do you live?
Would you let the sculptures wear the clothing?
Follow your dreams I'm trying to as well. You're not alone :)
You can do it, make a sculpture of yourself and worship it. Make yourself number one. Im in the same boat with trusting no one at this point.
I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood wearing hand me downs from older siblings. Never wore anything that fit right, even used shoes were uncomfortable. Was even given old eyeglasses from a sister rather than they take me to an eye-doctor for a correct prescription. So never had learned how to dress or coordinate. One day saw beautiful sandals in a window. I went in and told them not sure what size I was, but they helped, they actually measured and tried different sizes and widths until I felt "comfortable". What a marvelous word: comfortable. I walked out with the most beautiful, comfortable pair of expensive Birkenstocks, and I wept for the little girl I once was, sticking her little legs into filthy socks and shoes that hurt, and the endless sense of shame I felt in school, looking like a thing that crawled out of a ragbag. Became my own priority that day.
Bless you, this touched me! & I love birkenstocks too!
This fucked me up. I want to send you another pair.
@@yamahabeat I'm okay, now, but thank you for such a kind response.
This made me tear a little. I hope you are happy and well now, away from your narcissistic family members. Love and light to you🥰
This literally brought me to tears! I had both, a narcissist parent and a narcissist spouse. My dream was to be a psychologist and needless to say, this dream was squashed over and over again. I finally withdrew myself from the parent and left the marriage. I am now in college and creating a life I want. Thank you Dr. Ramani for validating us and giving us hope. I love you!
I'm just now starting on this journey too. This may be the most painful yet freeing thing I've ever done, and I've been through some horrific things. I'm sorry you have to go through this but even though I don't know you, I'm proud of you for pursuing your dreams because I know just how hard this is. Keep going, you will get there!
Me too. Was married 20 years before I could break away. And the knowledge THAT it's even happening is the first step. I was so drowned in ... crap or whatever you call it... it's like slime and goo. Great work!
@@lavonnibjur wishing you much success. Keep pushing forward
As horrible as it sounds, this experience has taught you more than you could learn in any classroom or from any teacher/professor.
When you "feel" what is being taught, it becomes a part of you. No need to fall back on someone else's beliefs or ideology, because you know... Your life and it's experiences are your validation. Look to that first. Wisdom comes slowly through time, you need not reason not rhyme.... Best to you...
It brought me to tears too.
I also have a narcisistic parent , and had a long term relationship with a narcisist
This video sealed for me that I'm NOT just a lazy procrastinator. I understand fully now it wasn't all me. I am working with a therapist now, and just last week I have started deciding how to set up personal boundaries and take my life back, my health, and love of painting and writing, as well as my huge dream of owning a salon. THANK YOU FOR THIS VIDEO! This is the beginning of my journey, and I'm very excited to see what I accomplish!
I had no energy or motivation. I wasted 2 years of my life with my narcissistic ex. As soon as I left him I have so much energy and happiness I’m literally glowing. You don’t realize how much they drain you til you leave.
Over time the insults, negative comments, verbal abuse slowly breaks your spirit and leaves you a shell of your former self
Amen sister 🙏🏼❤💎
Keep glowing and live life to the fullest. You appreciate life once the narcissist has gone, without darkness there is no concept of light x
@@mrsweadmopsABSOLUTELY SO TRUE!!! :)
Pageanteen so true dear. I agree
I never saw such rage in my mother's eyes when I was promoted to my dream job. She was furious that I succeeded.
Omg I‘m so sorry 😭! I thought I was insane because my narcissistic aunt wants me to fail...but we are STRONG!!!
Yes. When I got the scholarship....
Sounds like my mother as well.
Well done i have myself in a similar position...
Thats Awesome!! i love when the narcissist realizes they're useless worthless people, its beautiful!!!
"They need us more than we need them. Your success is terrifying for them. Never clip your wings for another human being."
YES. YES. And thrice YES. I shouted that out to my empty apartment (ok, my cat is here) when I heard that.
😆
@Joey Barszcz Lol! 😂👍
I'm recovering from parental narcissism and it is such an amazing feeling rediscovering the emotion known as "passion". I forgot what that felt like.
The world needs more people like you, Doc.
Yep ! She's beyond amazing !
AGREE 🙏❤️
yes truely
It sure does!!
Yes, this happened to me. I was doing well in my career when I met my Narc and just got a big promotion. He knew my plans for the future. Marriage required me to migrate to a foreign land and I fell for the future faking. He never allowed me to pursue my career. When we ran into financial difficulties, he allowed me to go back to work but insisted it had to be something I was overqualified for. He went on to scorn and ridicule my under achievements, while he rose in his career and lorded it over me. I finally got away and am picking up from where I was stopped.
Now is the time for you! Proud of you for getting away and hope you find your happiness xoxo
Louise Kerr, thank you so much! It certainly feels good to get out. Lost too many years pandering to the Narc’s selfish demands. Intending to make the most out of whatever time I have left and live life to the fullest 😊. Peace and love to you!💕
These devils are the one should be going to hell
Good luck, you deserve every success. ❤️
Congrats 💯
“Never clip your wings for another human being. Love means letting someone soar”- Dr. Ramani.... you are an inspiration. I wrote this quote down and I will share it. Thank you for all you do.
Love means soaring.... thank you Dr Ramani.... I’ve almost forgotten... but you remind me... may you be blessed.
I love that quote. I am writing it down and will say it to myself every morning
This video made me cry also. I was raised by two narcissistic parents and they crushed every dream I ever had leaving me empty and I completely gave up on myself and life. Now 54 years old, I ran away from home when was 15. I knew something was wrong with my parents but couldn't put my finger on what it was. I just knew I had to leave them and seek people who believed in me and supported me. People who were happy to see me happy without me having to do what they wanted but what I wanted. I had to learn appropriate feelings and behavior in the beginning when I first left. It was very scary but invigorating at the same time. From there I started to become me! And I really liked me. In retrospect looking back this was the bravest thing I could have ever done especially at such a young vulnerable age. I am so very very proud of my 15-year-old self that I left when I did. At the time I thought I was being a bad kid but now I see I was protecting myself and I had the intuition to recognize that something was wrong. I spent time in therapists offices and every single therapist asked me if I was sexually abused which I was not. I was not abused physically at all but I was being abused mentally and in an astounding way. My father died now but my mother is still living and to this day she is still crushing every dream that I mentioned to her. Unfortunately for her I will not share my joy with her because I can't. I will share it with those who appreciate it with me. Dr Romani your videos are phenomenal and they help me see that I am so much better than I was left to believe I was. Thank you so much!!
At 20 years old, I landed my first speaking role in a major Hollywood movie. I came home and told my mother, and she proceeded to take me into her bedroom, close the curtains and her door, and completely destroy my accomplishment: "Don't get your hopes up...it isn't real...you're still just a black kid...they're just waiting for a chance to use and exploit you."
The incident has an odd haze about it, which typically happened when my parents personally attacked me. One thing I will never forget however, THE LOOK IN HER EYES. Some bitches really do eat their young.
Unmasking is horrifying, but ultimately, liberating! Be strong, friends.
Some bitches really do eat their own young! Preach! My mom always made it seem like she was the best mom. Even brainwashed me and bro to think that. Now we see her for what she is. She used us. Just used.
Thank you for this awful, horrible, depressing story that we all actually needed to read!
She's right about Hollywood. That's exactly what Hollywood does. Perhaps the presentation could have been better.
@@mindfulmaximalist9962 Having worked in said industry for over 13 years (after my aforementioned role), I have known my share of disappointment. Concerns over low wages, the rejection of not getting parts I've auditioned for, cancelled productions, and unexpectedly long hours, certainly impact job satisfaction. -- BUT -- I can honestly say that my time in the business was overwhelmingly positive, exciting, educational, and fun. It was also the first time I felt truly valued, seen, or supported. And not only by my MANY colleagues (agent(s), directors, caterers, props depts., costumers, make-up depts., writers, etc.), but by the lifelong friendships I've cultivated along the way.
Those who embark on artistic journeys with wealth and prestige as their primary intents shall be humbled by reality, very quickly. The industry has it's percentage of celebrities and millionaires, but most people you meet on film sets are normal. Well, actually, they're not. One of the biggest distinctions I can make between the film industry and others I've worked in, is that people in entertainment are ACTUALLY COMPETENT and professional. Which makes perfect sense, considering how high the stakes are. One of my only regrets is that I didn't use it as my familial escape much sooner.
@@gogogogogirl Hollywood does one thing and one thing only: Spell CASTing. In fact, wands are made from wood of the Holly. You are under the spell. The benefactors are those who CAST the spell. You are employed as the CAST. It's all in the STARS. You are the tool. Now, how do you suppose Aaron SPELLing got his name? Did you happen to work UNDER one of his productions?
Hollywood is the ultimate Narcissist which puts you "under a spell" for its own purposes. It's all literally written in plain sight, but you don't see it. That's the (Hollywood) SIGN of a good spell. Your mother see this because she plays the same game, and she doesn't want the competition. When you see it, you can't unsee it. Hollywood left my life a decade ago. Break the spell.
My ex husband totally cut me down during our whole marriage, embarrassed me when I wanted to write books and teach classes, and yet during our divorce, he slandered me complaining that I never worked a day in my life (even though I raised our 3 kids while working a part time job). He also slandered me all over town saying that I abused him and that he was diagnosed with PTSD from being married to me! Thank God we got divorced because now I have created a new and better life without him. It took years or self work and a lot of commitment to personal growth, but I did it! Now I teach other people how to get their lives back too!
❤️👍🏽👍🏽❤️ Good for You!
happy to hear you managed not only to get out of that relationship, but also recover your self esteem and build a life you are happy with!
My story is over a course of 14 yrs mental emotional and physical abuse. Please any resources you can share with me would be wonderful. I am divorced and have no contact with him for a year but im no where near being healed. I need someone to believe in me and get me headed in right direction not only foe me but for my 11 year old daughter.
@@kimpage4607 I took a lot of classes, got a good counselor, lots of great bodywork and developed my spirituality. Perhaps a place to begin is with NAMI which stands for the National Alliance for Mental Illness. They have classes for people with a family member or friend who has mental illness. It's a national organization so you can Google it. The main thing to understand is that someone else's mental illness is not about you. Don't take it personally. Just take great care of yourself. This is what I teach people: self-care and empowerment.
If you don't mind me asking, how did you deal with this?
I am in a very similar position. My narc husband belittled all my efforts & sabotaged me throughout our marriage, verbally abused me, gaslighted me etc. I was working around the clock catering to his needs & my elderly parents. Now he has left me & is demanding a divorce claiming that I took him for granted by not working a single day, lived the "life of a princess" on his money, did not bear him children & that I physically assaulted him. NONE of this is true. I didn't earn money, but I worked non-stop. I didn't even get to eat proper food or buy decent clothes. When I tried to upskill myself, he refused to help. When my parents paid for a course I wanted to take, he accused them of enabling my "incompetence". I have on occasion slammed doors in anger, and he is using that to say I am mentally unstable. I booked appointments at fertility clinics several times, but he always refused to go (I am fertile, but never got pregnant).
Now, I'm having to deal with these false accusations & I'm beyond stumped with what is going on. I still figuring out what legal recourse i have & what I can do to protect myself. Any anecdotal advice will help.
I have such a huge lump in my throat after listening to this video.
I am now 70 years old and was married to to a narcissist. When my college counselor suggested I apply to Vet school I replied that I couldn't possibly because of my husband. 15 years later after a brutal divorce, I went to Vet Tech school and got licensed after passing both state and national boards.
Please give us give us more videos videos like this. Also more information on narcissistic parents and siblings.
Your information and kind, supportive spirit are healing so much past abuse in many lives. Bless you and your staff 🙏
Congratulations 🎉 and well done. So proud of u 👍
Absolutely, please give us more information on narcissistic siblings and parents
Congratulations! You are strong and capable of anything 🎉 🎉 🎉
My narc mother has stolen my personality, my identity, my future. I am stuck in rumination about how bleak things are and feeling numb to my destroyed crater of a life. I can't get therapy due to doctor shortages and am reading, watching, and studying to try to get myself into a space where I feel like I can do literally anything. I'm glad Dr Ramani is here and I can watch and learn and try to fix things.
I'm glad that Dr Ramani is here for us
Please, don't despair
And may you succeed in your endeavours
I wish you best of lucks
He came into my life when I was 14. I was being raised by a narcissistic mother. I was with him till I was 33. We had three children. I was a stay at home mother. He didn’t want me to get an education, to pursue my talents of singing or to go after anything for that matter. I am now 39, 6 years out of the marriage, I’ve gone no contact with both him and my mother and I have finally enrolled into a GED class. That to me is huge. I didn’t have the mental space to go after anything that was good for me and I would beat myself up for it. I am proud of myself for healing and overcoming the idea that I’m not smart enough or enough of anything to go after the things that are good for me. Thank you for this video. Going no contact works wonders.
Was this post helpful? Answer: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!
So proud of you!! Keep going. Never give up!!!!
This is so amazing. I grew up with narcs, met my narc husband at 19 and am now 40. I have no job, no schooling, no dreams left, no self esteem, no money of my own, and no career (I've mostly been a housewife with a few shitty jobs throughout the years). I hope one day I can escape. Advice to anyone in their teens or 20s is GET OUT. The longer you stay the more dependent and attached you'll become and it will get harder and harder to leave, but also to endure. You'll be destroyed mentally, emotionally, and maybe even physically by a narc. Get out while you're young.
@@jmcoffeecat7 I'm so sorry to hear that. You need to get your willpower and your strenght back in order so you can become indipendent. You need to thrive and do it for yourself. Do not underestimate the fact that you are alive and aware and you still have the power that lies in you. Trust me, I am thriver also. Start with smallest steps. Meditation, yoga, anything that can keep your thoughts sane and raising your vibration day by day. Distance yourself as much as possible especially do not give the abusers anything. Focus on yourself. Forgive yourself for what happened to you because you didn't know what you know now. If you thrived by now, do not let yourself continuing living in remorse over past, instead do a little things that bring you joy and happyness every day. Do not give up than start believing you can do it! 💪 Wish you the best of luck! 🍀💚💜
@@sudhi2448 ASAP. If you have little money, pull yourself together and go find a place to stay, be very creative with money (do not ovdrspend!), if children involved than get a layer first. Dedcate yourself to your heeling path. No stories arround in advance, choose your small group of support. If you do not have a job, find it. Untill than, little to no communication at all. Do not give nothing to narc and his flying monkeys, work in silence. Best of luck! 🍀🙏
“They need us more than we need them” Wow that’s a powerful statement! I applied to rent a space in a store to sell my paintings. The owner called me to tell me I got the spot and was chosen from a waiting list of 200 people. I became so petrified over the thought that people will be seeing and judging my work that I tried to talk the store owner out of his decision and told him he should choose someone else. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. Six years later I am still selling my work at this store and thriving. It took a while for me to be able believe people when they told me my work was good. But it also gave me confidence to start to believe in myself. After my whole life of being put down, it was surreal to realize I had a gift that others could appreciate. It took me 58 years to break free. 9 years ago I cut all ties and took my power back. Best decision of my life.
Wow. I wish we were friends! I'm so proud of you. I too took about that long to break free. It's been 5 years since NM died. I did LC, but until she was finally gone, gone, I never experienced a real sense of release. I got an idea for a business a year ago that combines my 3 favorite skills in a unique way and I'm slowly working towards it. It involves art as a major component. My parents both discouraged me actively away from anything creative (& into business, which is the absolute worst fit for me), though my best skills and talents were all in the creative sphere. I did accomplish things, even through repeated relationships with one narc after another, but rarely something BIG, b/c I wasn't working with my biggest strengths. So glad to hear that you have been able to do that. You can PM me if you like. I'd love to hear from you.
Go strong woman! 💪
Goosebumps! 👏
58 years... and you still have enough left to rebuild. Wow. You. Go. Girl. I'm so incredibly proud of you stranger. I mean... I needed to hear your words. I needed to hear of your triumphant return to you yourself who you are. I'm taken back. Beside myself. Thank you so much for sharing.
@@marilyncarlson7097 thank you
My mother "you're too old to be a singer" (I was 27 yo and been singer since I was 15). And the next day "you are not a famous singer cause you haven't tried enough"😳 and then you start to feel crazy🤦♀️
They will criticize you no matter what you do. I have experienced that since I was a child, and when you confront them with their cognitive dissonance they will fake amnesia, or gaslight you by saying that didn’t happen. It can make you feel crazy, for sure.
@@priscilalondon totally with you. They fake amnesia the whole time or they say "it never happened". When I realized it was a script and not a coincidence, I decided to cut my mother out my life for my own sanity.
The classic double bind
I have thought of hanging mirrors all around or videoing to see if that will make any difference.
Envious! Singing is a career you can have for your entire life!
Every attempt at something, every ounce of creativity, differentiation, childlike curiousity, ambition, adventure... has been hindered...
Where is my childhood?
But hey let us not be victims , but rather victors
"I am not what happend to me, I am who I choose to become" - Carl Jung
Oof. I felt this on such a deep level. 💜 onward and upward, friend.
I hope people “stuck” in narcissistic relationships can embrace radically DOING IT ANYWAY. Can you not leave because you have no money? DO IT ANYWAY. Are you afraid of some legal consequence of leaving? DO IT ANYWAY. Are you convinced you will fail? DO IT ANYWAY. Are you the only person you know who wants you to leave? DO IT ANYWAY.
It cost me homelessness and unemployment and depression and loneliness but I DID IT ANYWAY. I went all the way to graduate school and found a job I love. I am paid well and independent. I am happy and connected to a beautiful chosen family. It’s not easy to get there but yep...you guessed it...I did it anyway :)
🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Thank you I needed this
Good for you! And thank you for sharing. I do feel stuck, but you're right. We never truly are.
Thank you so much for this comment I really need to hear this atm
Do it broke, sad, scared and even while crying, if you have to! :)
My mom said "you will never do as well as Gale (sister). I would say "just watch me". I out earn her and love my job while she hates hers lol.
1st husband wanted me to quit college when our I was pregnant with our 1st son. I continue on. When I graduated and got a great job he loved the money.
2and husband was a control freak and would not let me start my own business. Once divorced I started my own business 5 years later.
Never let Narcissist stop you from being the best you you can be.
Go get em!
My dad use to put me down for dancing in my room, when I was a teenager. Now I’m a Dance Fitness Instructor. 💃
More power to you💟
My Dad and stepmother had these weird rules at home about television and since I had two brothers who always outvoted me, I never got to watch TV or play video games. Instead, I read...and he used to criticize me saying "You've always got your nose stuck in a book." I wasn't logical enough to say anything back to him at the time, like "What else do you expect me to do?"
I was reading at post-grad level by my freshman year of high school and have been able to support myself as a writer because I read so much as a kid. And he's still bitter and angry about his own life. :)
ahhhhh man thats amasing and inspiring , guess you love the film BILLY ELLIOT then , one of my favourite films . We also were put down and invalidated . I'm not a professional vocalist but I still put my voice out there for animals and children ;D
@@ChristineSpringerElaine HAHA that's brilliant ;D))) I'm really enjoying all these inspiring true stories in the comment section
@@veganvocalist4782 I haven’t seen that Film. I will have to watch it. Thanks 😊
Oh thank you Dr. Ramani. As a 75 yr ol survivor of my parents narcissistic upbringing (mine), I can't tell you what these words mean to me. Very inspiring and very comforting. I have studied with all of you for the past 3 yrs. So now it is time for me to get going. Once I finish my therapy (12 weeks), I will finish getting my BA degree. Thank you so much.
Good on you!! That's amazing and you ought to be very proud of yourself! :)
Well done!! 👏👏👏👏 👍
This is so beautiful! Good luck!!
@@DeeTee-gk2fi Thank you.
@@Starlightndust Thank you to everyone. You all encourage me.
I was unaware of the narcissistic abuse I was experiencing for years. I always internalized everything that was going on as I was doing something wrong to illicit this type of treatment from my partner. I loved to dance and be creative but it was greatly discouraged by my partner and I was shamed for wanting to do something that was occupying my time that wasn't something he enjoyed doing. After a while, I believed I had stopped because I lost interest in those things. But within days of being discarded, I was back to dancing to help me get out of my emotional slump. Its been a year and I still dance everyday. Its such huge passion of mine and movement therapy has been so incredibly beneficial for me.
Congratulations ...keep moving forward......your experience is your testimony for others ....
Keep dancing
yeah, so happy for you. I love to dance too!
I could've written this comment, but instead of dancing it was hiking and just anything in the mountains. And I am still in my relationship, but trying to set healthy boundaries so I can find myself again. I'm so glad you're dancing again! Good for you!!
I cried listening to this - I'm grieving the loss of my potential. It actually hurts when people tell me how intelligent I am because at 40 I have nothing and its so hard trying to scrape my life back together. I lost so much. My achievements feel like nothing and could never be celebrated just not to upset the narcissist.
It is very hurtful to have experienced this. You are not alone, you will make it - just don't give up! Unfortunately I just realized (approx. 1 year ago) that my husband is a covert narcissist and I'm taking steps to deal with this but I know that he's exploited me and wasted the multiple opportunities that I had to go higher in my career. But the most important is that one looks to the future despite the pain & grief.
I feel you! Oh, dear, how I understand how you feel! As F also commented, don’t give up. Your potential is still there, you just need to dust it off slightly and get on your way. It’s all unnerving because you feel like you could have gotten a head start years ago, but trust me, things will come into place much faster as you will not accept bullshit that will slow you down.
Savour the sweetness of freedom, sip by sip. The damage can be re-imagined and serve a purpose in the years you have left. Survivors of narcissistic abuse tend to have incredible empathetic abilities - just what the world needs in times like this. We had no control over how we were treated, but now is the time for self-authorship. Wishing you the best of luck with your life from here on out, you've already shown that you have the strength to weather the most difficult experiences.
Same here i just turn 40 and i have nothing if i leave i have to start all over....
@@MrConstantMalachi thank you for that term 'self-authorship'. I'm gonna claim that for myself.
When I was living with my ex - who was a classic narcissist, master of gaslighting - I shared that I wanted to pursue my artwork - inspired by the feedback and interest from others. I was shut down and discouraged, told not to quit my day job… After being discarded moments before the pandemic - which was the most hurtful AND liberating moment of my life - I used my artwork to process and heal my isolation and pain, and to celebrate my freedom. I’m now displaying 15 of my paintings in a local coffee shop and enjoying the tremendous connections I’ve made with people who thank me for sharing my work! Eat that!
Amazing!! So proud of you!! 💗
🥳🥳🥳
Your story reminds me of when I was working on a short film and I would spend hours editing it. One time, my ex husband saw me struggling, trying to find the right structure, and he said, “you can’t polish a turd.” I’ve since finished the film and it’s shown in festivals locally and internationally, as well as helped me to secure funding for a new film. I realize now he was trying to clip my wings and I’ll never allow that treatment again.
Same case here. I once showed him a drawing I did. He went on to constantly say how "horrendous" and "terrible" (his words) it was. Sigh - I even asked him to tell me what was wrong with it, but he just kept repeating the "horrendous" & "terrible" comment while laughing at me. I'm struggling to get back into drawing but I am optimistic that it shall happen soon.
@@paprika7930 keep drawing! If it makes you happy ❤️❤️❤️
At age 20 (I’m now 74) I dropped out of college after one year. After I married and had my two children, I decided to go back to school. Both of my parents were Ns. My father yelled at me, “Why the hell didn’t you finish when your mother and I paid for it!? Now you have kids to take care of and you want to leave them!? What the hell is wrong with you!?”
I earned both a BA and an MA, and went on to do work that I loved. Until they died a few years ago, neither of them EVER asked me about my job. Never once. I went to a marvelous therapist who helped me face the fact that these people did not care about me. To everyone who has an N or two in your lives, please don’t let them destroy you and your dreams!
"What the hell is wrong with YOU!?” - that's what they always say : (
@@bjkina Yes, they manipulate through the feelings of guilt, fear and shame.
You really wanna hear my story?
-Mother=Narc, Brother=tromentor, Dad=gone
- 29 years of hell...I am 37
-Homeless twice
-Fired from every job, rejected by every woman
-Today I am pursuing a career in Classical PIano at McGill University. I teach piano. I am self-sufficient. I love myself. I feel safe in my own body.
I survived hell. I will become an artist and benefit the world I could be a genius...time will tell. This is my story.
@@ChaseTheLadiesMan Thanks, that's kind of you. Yup, I don't talk to mom anymore; and I just started piano classes here in Montreal at Uni. Recovery is a LONG LONG journey, but worth it! In the end, only you can determine what's good for you.
Similar story
Mother=Narc, Brother=Abuser and Machiavellian Personality trait, Dad=aggressive due to unresolved past trauma, sister=moved away and left me behind, got married, had kids, now thinks she sits on a thrown-----a recipe for disaster. Severed from the family. Told them if they ever want to see me, it must be in a psychologist office. They don't care about me. I hate them.
29 years of hell....I am 33
Homeless once
Fired from a lot of jobs(and they love to hurt me with it), even though I am smart, the hardworking quiet kind, I just want to go to work and go home, not make friends, I don't have a happy life so I don't have happy tales to tell. Girls would trash talk me to the boss or I would confront the boss of incompetent coworkers-----and for some strange reason, "I" was gone. Relationships, usually I attract the bad guys, don't get treated well, have a high tolerance for abuse, familiar, but this is not on purpose.
Today, I'm on the verge of homelessness, that last girl that trashed talked me to the boss, really took away my dreams, I'm a licensed MLT that needs to get so many practice hours, this career was my way out, and she shattered it. I go to a temp place but it's not covering all the bills. I was a good girl, never had a drug problem or alcohol problem. After losing that last job, I have lost my fight. I'm giving up. There's always gonna be some girl around the corner or some incompetent worker around the corner and me notifying the boss. I just can't win. To top it all off, I had girls in college that bullied me and it affected me really bad. I didn't do anything to them and they tried to get my license taken away, spread rumors about me, that got me blacklisted within my province, I had to move away to land a job. There's been a lot of injustice; I have a lot of anger. I am not surviving.
My dream, to work as an MLT and work as an Artist, I've been doing a lot of songwriting, but I just wanna do 3 albums(Family Problems, Burnt Edge, and White sheep treated like a black sheep), get stuff off my chest and then continue working as an MLT. Another dream is to have a house and finally live with all my things, some of it is in paid storage.
The truthteller that nobody likes. This is my story.
@@vicki1670 Hey have you seen a therapist for all of this? I do not want to invalidate your experience or gaslight more than you already have experienced for a lifetime but you sound similar to a friend. She is also always running into hurdle after hurdle and at one point no matter how hard you had it as a child, I think it's important to ask yourself what am I doing to get in the way of my life? You say you attract the bad kind of guys, why is that? You say you are being fired all the time and people are talking bad about you, why is that? For example in the past I moved a lot so I was bullied quite often and for a while I just thought the world was cruel and I didn't want to try being part of it or having friends - obviously those things are vital to having a happy life so I asked myself honest and hard questions of what I was doing to myself to stop those things and I ended up with a lot of hard to swallow truths that I am still working on but that have greatly benefited my life and outlook of it. I am way happier than I've ever been before and I'm accomplishing a lot of my goals. One thing that has greatly helped me is giving myself back the power. Instead of thinking about the big bad world with bad people - who I gave WAY too much power and control to, I now see myself as someone who has control to change things to my favour and I see failures as learning tools. Of course it is not always like this and I still have hard days but it is miles away from that dark place I was once at. I think being around narcissistic people made us feel helpless and disempowered all the time and basically put us in a vegetative state of victimhood and helplessness but we have to learn to retake our power and vitality and love for life back and find the courage to hope again. I'm sorry if this sounds patronizing or is of no help to you. I just find it sad when people give up and maybe there is another way out. Best of luck to you!
@@michz9304 Yes, I see a psychologist and a psychratrist. Your saying its MY FAULT. No. Your INVALIDATING. You shouldn't be giving advice on here.
And I would be very careful if I were you, on commenting because having a mother that has Narcissist Personality Disorder, a older brother that has Machevallian Personality Trait, abuser, emotional sadist, and a father that has aggression due to past trauma------these are things part of the Dark Triad my friend-------that upbringing is a recipe for a serial killer. This is not a threat from me, but I would be very careful when commenting on here. Experiencing so much trauma in life and wanting other people to feel what you feel and suffer.
Nobody became wicked all of a sudden.
Wowow. Respect to you... I am trying to leave this house and your story gave me strength.
I was raised by narcissistic parents in Germany. They left me and my little sister in Turkey with my grandparents when i was 4 and my sister was 3 years old. After 1 year my aunt brought me to Germany. I was so confused. I missed my Grandfather and my sister. My Grandfather was the best man i ever have known. It was so peacfull with him. My mother has a good side in her from him, but she beat me every day when i was a child cause my father would beat her. He is the devil. He scared me to death and always made me believe i am worthless, which was worst as the beatings. A half year later we picked my sister up from turkey. We were growing up every day in fear. I could tell so many horror storys. When i was 7 my mother burnt my hand on the stove plate because i stole a little toy car. My hand was full of bubbles filled with liquid we had to pierce. I couldn't go to school for a week. I could go on and on.... When i was 18 i moved out. A older cousin who didn't see me since i was a little kid was shoked as he met me. He told me i was such a special kid and couldn't believe what i was become. I don't have graduation or driver license till this day. I'm 37 now and i spend the last 19 years smoking and selling weed. Because of people like Dr.Ramani i am now aware and my life gets better. I removed all my narcissistic "friends" and value my self. I am happy now and finally getting things done. Thank you so much Dr.Ramani!!!
Oh my goodness i am so happy for you and your story of survival. I am about to move out in six months. I am trying to save and make as much money as i can and prepare myself for my new life with boundaries away from my narcissistic mother and enabling father, with two siblings i am leaving behind because they are brainwashed and can not handle the truth as well. Thank you for sharing once again and may your journey continue to grow in a positive manner❤️
Keep healing. 37 is not old. You have many years to continue growing, and you have your wisdom.
God bless you, you got away and you realised who you are. I wish you all the success and happiness in the future x
Hi Mustafa. I read your words and I understand. I've been smoking weed for over 20 years now. In the beginning that used to help me but now I don't even like it anymore it just makes me fall asleep which is sometimes a good thing because I've got a lot of issues that I've been left to deal with because I was raised by a narcissistic mother. I've gone through all kinds of abuse from being a baby and it's really disgusting how people can be. But just the fact that you are watching these TH-cam videos and searching for yourself because you want to heal is absolutely fabulous. You are fabulous. Tears are in my eyes as I'm leaving this message for you. You are loved. Keep on going even when you feel like the pain will never stop and you just want to quit and you want to give up on life just keep going because those sad thoughts will pass because they always do. You are loved !
Sorry for you mostafa...stay strong please ...i am a survivor also
Crying every word is hitting me after 15 years. I used to be an ambitious strong woman.
Me too
I’ve struggled with the most disturbing internal chaos, self hatred and feeling stagnantion, depression and weakness. I cut my father out of my life over a decade ago and I’m struggling worse than ever. Despite having a personal interest in psychology and seeing many different therapists over the past ten years it’s only recently that I have realized that my father absolutely fits the description of NPD and that I’m struggling with CPTSD. Not one therapist mentioned either of these concepts or conditions to me not fkn once. I learned about them myself as Ive known something is very wrong and I’ve been determined to get answers. Im in the throes of a crippling depression and understanding & support feels very hard to come by. Thanks for the content you’ve shared Dr Ramani. It helps with understanding how my confusion and mutilated self esteem came to be the way it is. I just want to be well and feel content with who I am and that’s feeling pretty unattainable to me right now.
Hang in there.
I have been there too. I'm a different person from what I was even 3 weeks ago and I didn't think it was possible to feel so much better then.
Dr Scott Eilers on YT has some great videos on depression and anxiety specifically... because he has struggled with it and still has to work at it.
I feel this. Ty for sharing.