I love the one guy's plan to turn off all the lights and open the window. THEY EVEN SAID THEY KNEW BATS WERE NOCTURNAL! WHY WOULD IT FLY INTO SUNLIGHT IF THEY TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS?
Because bats do not care for light sources. Turning off lights is just an attempt to make this ordeal more comfortable for a bat. It flew into building also with turned on lights. My sister faced similar problem as bat flew into her room in the middle of a night. I believe she did the same thing and just let bat leave on its own.
Pro tip: When trying to make an idea sound more credible, say "A few years ago I had the pleasure spending an afternoon with an 89 year old woman in South Carolina. She was active in her church and had worked hard all her life and on that particular afternoon _InsertCurrentSituationHere_ she _InsertIdeaHere_."
@@abdullahansari437 greetings from the passage of time. "Running into nowhere,turning like a wheel and the year becomes a day. And time just slips away." I thought that that quote from RJD would be most appropriate when I saw your statement. How are you doing? Are you have under lockdown? Have you been well over this past year? Greetings,
My favourite part is when he ask for Aye's but not for Nay's. "Say Aye" *hears some ayes* "I believe that's the majority" xD This is so like how they behave...
I feel like nowadays there would be a whole new argument about how *echolocution* is not a mispronunciation, but exactly what he meant to say and that a lot of people out there will know what he means by this coded message 😂
As someone who frequently gets bats in the house, the best way to deal with them is a broom and/or stick, swinging it wildly in the air until it connects with their heads and kills them. And women of course cower under blankets so that it does not get caught in their hair.
Freaking hilarious parody of real world politics "What do we know about bats?" "They're nocturnal, they live in caves and they use eco-lew-cution" sounds like a terrorist to me
They should form a committee, then the committee hires a think tank. think tank then has to study the bat.. so they bring in another bat to make them mate as a baby bat is slower moving, and easy to catch. After that think tank can hire nature group to study the known Bat habitations...
When my grandpa was in a fraternity, he had to live in the attic his freshman year - with the bats. He kept a tennis racket next to his bed for when they went flying
This is so unrealistic - they would never be working together to solve a common issue.
@Jeremy Harris And they still aren't
Obligatory dad joke. Next your gonna ask us if ‘pro’ is the opposite of ‘con’ then what’s the opposite of progress.
Around half of them would be saying bats aren’t real and at the same time saying they are a super mutated biological weapon made by China
@@ghettobiiird lol this is too true it hurts my bones
This was before 2010 when Congress occasionally did a single thing
They've captured the essence of Congress in a 3 minute skit, I love them.
So this is why congress isn't making progress.
They are still dealing with the bat situation
of course... Batman
The bat has introduced thousands of well researched bills, but the other representatives just don't understand.
Poor guys
That’s why it’s called CONgress and not PROgress. XD
Holy Christ, I wish The Onion still made videos like this. Timeless classic, for sure.
Same
Rip Clive burr
It's so bad now. And from such heights.
Still valid
@@DasBauer frfr
They should embrace the bat as one of their own.
They already do, this is simply Hellary, Pellosi & Feinstein's true form revealed at last...
Corona
The bat is a far more useful member of society. Probably eats its weight in insects every night.
The bat is probably not blood-sucking. The politicians, on the other hand...
its just like them, a blood sucker.
The unrealistic part is that there are three sides instead of two.
Republicans: we bring the national guard to deal with the bat by 2028 and cut Medicaid by $200 billion right now.
@@T33K3SS3LCH3N And the democrats would attempt to pass an constitutional amendment to give the bat full control of the government
@@michaelferrell7924 I'm good for this idea, he'd get more done. I welcome our new bat overlord!
You mean instead of 1 pretending to be 2
The third is Libertarian.
Some people say it's still there today
It's currently representing Nebraska's 3rd district.
No, the bat represents California's 12th district.
[consults with an aide off-mic] We don't have a large bowl.
I love the one guy's plan to turn off all the lights and open the window. THEY EVEN SAID THEY KNEW BATS WERE NOCTURNAL!
WHY WOULD IT FLY INTO SUNLIGHT IF THEY TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS?
if it worked for a bird it will work for a bat
Because bats do not care for light sources. Turning off lights is just an attempt to make this ordeal more comfortable for a bat. It flew into building also with turned on lights.
My sister faced similar problem as bat flew into her room in the middle of a night. I believe she did the same thing and just let bat leave on its own.
666 likes.
Lol
"Can somebody please call security?" XD
I have a feeling that this is what would actually happen in real life =P
wow u have like 500k subs yet 4 likes on this comment. weird.
Kevin Pugliese this was when he was a little child not the anime guy he is today
Now we know that the security wouldn’t do much.
How strange, capturing a moment in time when someone never knew what they'd eventually achieve on the same platform
I love democracy
ChuckTheDuck so do I
I am the Senate
Matthew Crites no me
I love the republic
Ironic.
Pro tip: When trying to make an idea sound more credible, say "A few years ago I had the pleasure spending an afternoon with an 89 year old woman in South Carolina. She was active in her church and had worked hard all her life and on that particular afternoon _InsertCurrentSituationHere_ she _InsertIdeaHere_."
"... and on that particular afternoon she saw that Jews were being successful in her dying country, so she decided to do something about it."
this is a good comment. sucks about the antisemetic reply lol
@@aarontheperson6867 There is absolutely nothing in the comment to indicate that it is antisemetic
@MetalMint If you misinterpret my comment as blaming Jews
@@puppergump4117You're not funny. Just delete your replies now and reconsider why you tell jokes.
"Catching the bat would prove extremely difficult; it's very fast."
LMAO
I wonder where these actors and writers are now a days. They are TOP NOTCH!
They use echolocussion!
For the record I meant echo-location
@@mandreadfg Did you really come here, on an alternate account, 7 years later on this arbitrary Onion video to correct yourself?
@@Isaaczsf bruh I'm quoting the video you nerd
For the record I meant brother.
These age so well. Today, 30 September 2023, Congress sounds similar.
I like how Mr. Cummings tried to make the other guys understand why the bat chose to stay inside the building instead of going back outside.
Let the bat stay. It’s a potential voter.
I learned a lot about 311 from this video.
This joke becomes funnier watching it in 2020.
and it will get funnier every year.
all of the onions videos age like wine
they should just have a chinese guy in the room
not really.
Yes because 2020 is the first time people made fun of congress
I would rather have these people running the country than the current ones
I love how it's a metaphor for the US involvement in Afghanistan.
"We need immediate action!"
And the immediate action will be a temporary solution which will be permanent.
He's very fast.
@@abdullahansari437 thanx,mate,I made it so far. How are you doing?
@@abdullahansari437 greetings from the passage of time. "Running into nowhere,turning like a wheel and the year becomes a day. And time just slips away." I thought that that quote from RJD would be most appropriate when I saw your statement. How are you doing? Are you have under lockdown? Have you been well over this past year? Greetings,
Like Coyote
@@abdullahansari437 It's one year later, I'm still alive.
"And that plan would require us to move FASTER than the bat!"
Why is this where I learned about 311
Because it's woefully underutilized.
“We don’t have a large bowl”
This implies they have sugar, honey, and watermelon
That bat was clearly trying to echo-collude.
This is the epitome of comedy. Satirical and hilarious.
*whisper whisper*
"We don't have a large bowl."
They should’ve brought in the Joker. “It’s simple, we kill the bat.”
Ah, but then he'd demand half the national GDP as payment 😂
The periodic reactions to the bat swooping down on them are classic, hahaha.
I wish our current government was this sane.
How in the hell I miss this all these years. Actual representation of Congress.
Why don't they just ask Obama how to get rid of the bat?
Made my day
2:09 good to see the staffer taking some initiative and trying to use a net.
This is an accurate example of government solving problems, loved it
Mr. Cummings clearly said "echo lopronktion".
Of course nothing gets done! Congress works for big bat
Where congress is concerned, the term bats*@t crazy comes to mind
i can't believe there is a congress sitcom and its good
This was one of the best Onion's ever.
My favourite part is when he ask for Aye's but not for Nay's. "Say Aye" *hears some ayes* "I believe that's the majority" xD This is so like how they behave...
...this is the public tv we need but dont deserve...
Best Onion in a long time, getting back to what made them hilarious in the first place, just a tad subtle yet still comical.
Hey there 13 year old comment.
This is so genious at so many levels..
Holy congressional inaction, Batman!
Call in the Air Force!!!!!
The Air Force brings in a A-10 Warthog and goes BRRRRRR to the bat
This is exactly what happened during the invasion of the capitol. That's why backup took forever to arrive 😂😂
I feel like nowadays there would be a whole new argument about how *echolocution* is not a mispronunciation, but exactly what he meant to say and that a lot of people out there will know what he means by this coded message 😂
This is the best representation of why things move so slow in congress, 5 STARS!!
Acquire a large fan and blow it towards the window, lol that's why I love the onion, I didn't catch that line the first time
The acting in these skits is phenomenal.
Awesome!
Genius!
"We don't have a large bowl."
Hahahaha!!! This is too funny. That guy's face on the left.
... bats are nocturnal. turning off the lights would make it more comfortable.
ROFL!!! I love it when things interrupt important people. XD This is awesome Onion, thank you!
"We don't have a large bowl."
"They use echolocootion"
Priceless...
I can't believe it, somebody got it right about our government, and all their buracracies.
Brilliant!
Amazing, as always.
words do not describe how much I love this
Try harder.
this is brilliant
This joke is timeless. 😂😂
I believe this was a metaphor for the war.
Someone should totally do that.
Yep, these are where our taxes are going...
Rep. Pronk Cummings is my favorite o-span representative!!
Legend says that bat developed deadly virus inside them to destroy humankind as revenge
It's funnier because I can almost see this happening...
"Almost"?
Rep. Ingersol's plan to remove the bat from congress seems like the more logical idea in my opinion.
unrealistic, they didn’t propose sending a billion dollars to Israel to solve the bat problem
Absolutely genius
these people are great
As someone who frequently gets bats in the house, the best way to deal with them is a broom and/or stick, swinging it wildly in the air until it connects with their heads and kills them.
And women of course cower under blankets so that it does not get caught in their hair.
That's pronking outrageous!
I love when the guy started talking about the old lady who had a bird fly into her house XD
Freaking hilarious parody of real world politics
"What do we know about bats?"
"They're nocturnal, they live in caves and they use eco-lew-cution"
sounds like a terrorist to me
The bat has Weapons of Mass Destruction.
@@joemccarthy5508You're just finding that out?
They should form a committee, then the committee hires a think tank.
think tank then has to study the bat.. so they bring in another bat to make
them mate as a baby bat is slower moving, and easy to catch.
After that think tank can hire nature group to study the known Bat habitations...
As long as the representatives don't try to eat the bat... I think they'll be fine
I could watch this for hours
Considering that bats are nocturnal, wouldn't turning off the lights and opening the window be counterproductive?
The joke is how congress just talks about what they are going to do, and it takes them such a long time to make any decisions :P
At least they didn't eat it.
HYSTERICAL as always!!!!
Unlike the members of congress, this video doesn't age at all
Just pronk the thing!
Yes. And yes.
Excellent.
Well, this aged well
Now I see what those guys do. no wonder..
so ingenious.....
I find Representative Cummings bat bowl removal/relocation plan the most tenable.
Here, here
I for one welcome our new bat overlord's
Surely they should just pronk until it pronks out the window?
As someone who has had a bat in their house twice, this was very accurate.
When my grandpa was in a fraternity, he had to live in the attic his freshman year - with the bats.
He kept a tennis racket next to his bed for when they went flying
saw you guys in tampa at USF. thanks for the great time!
I'd like to see them debate over the best way to change a lightbulb.
None of them consider diplomacy as a solution. Where is Congressman Dolittle when you need him?