If someone killed me using a crossbow with a list of important black historical figures taped to the arrow, I wouldn’t even be mad. The guy did his research!
@@lyonistic873 I have a dream that one day I will see a line of dead white kids right next to a line of dead black kids after a team of a black and a white shooter have had entered an institute of education - MLK
Crazy how we live in a world where using pattern recognition to avoid harm and avoidable stress is equal to being evil. But killing, that's okay. So long as it's not done for racist reasons, killing is perfectly fine. Goes to show the damage the media has done on the population.
@@ddeaen "It" is supposed to be Obama,and in english,when you are talking about a Guy you say "He",not "it","it" is for everything that isn't a personne
"He came to one of our meetings and says Obama must be killed, he's got a dark soul. And everyone was like whoa what does that mean, dark soul?" Most brilliant line among many
@@georgiykireev9678 It's disappointing People are racially sensitive nowadays even though MLK fought against race even being an important role We have disappointed him
For Democrats, it's just people claiming not to be racist when they're clearly are. For republicans, it's the guy being more worried about being branded as a racist then an assassin.
@@Zxv975 If you’re on the left it’s a satire about how racists or right wing extremists are often in complete denial about what their motives actually are. If you’re on the right it’s a satire about how extreme the pressures of modern society are and how important it is now to present yourself as not racist
The envelope also has the address for the Microsoft headquarters but it’s addressed to MSNBC, as if the guy thinks liberal media and tech companies are all the same.
Yeah man, its because the secret society of boss baby is controlling the government's of the world. His last name is the password to get into there secret boss baby lounge.
Haha, definitely a like from me, no homo (not like there’s anything wrong with being a homosexual i’m just saying that i am not a homosexual and in this particular case i thought i should mark it to make everything clear, you know my brother is gay and i have nothing against it, i support him and all the gay people i think it’s great, i was just saying that I’m not gay that’s it)
Some white people are really like that. They have to tell you about the list of black friends and family members they have just to make a point that they aren't racist before they obviously discriminate against you.
He was given a life sentence at a supermax prison not to be named, and while cross-examining him they found several tattoos, including the poem "Trumpet Player" by Langston Hughes on his back, several quotes from Muhammad Ali and Josephine Baker, the SCLC logo, and a Beninese mask.
@@whatno5090 Pretty sure you've missed the joke. The joke is that nowadays being labelled a racist is considered to be far far worst than it actually is. He cares far more about not being labelled a racist, than he does about being a potential murderer... If it really was just about him being secretly racist then Onion would have definitely made the joke, where, in his denial of racism, he humorously reveals it...
@@Fatchance288 I think he did a pretty standard job of trying but he pulled out those cards like "I have a black friend" which just make the whole ordeal a bit questionable
It's already 10 years now and I still don't know how I could win a date with Jim Haggerty for my 18 year old daughter. She just turned 28 today, I hope Jim doesn't mind.
Except that all the measures he took to come off as not being racist, is actually quite racist. For instance only using postage stamps with black people on them. He's showing favoritism for black people, that is racism against everyone else. If you try to be "anti-racist", you just end up being racist. It's either a razor edge balance or impossible to succeed by "trying". The only way to succeed is to not even try in the first place, because the moment you try, you are being motivated by race.
@@shorin5384 Nah he means paying attention to race and actively doing things to show how not racist you are makes you look racist... It shows that a person cares way too much about race if they go through that much effort to not look racist. Most non racist people aren't the type to go "I love (insert race)" or say stuff like "celebrate (insert race)" because they usually aren't even thinking about it. I mean directly after 4chan Twitter is probably about the most racist place you can go because that's all they pay attention to. It's like they treat people like props to make themselves look better, which in most cases they do.
This clip was bullshit, and I'm not saying that because I got something against comedians and satirists. Some of my best friends are satirists. I'm not ageist either, obviously older people with graying hair can still be valuable members of society, even if they just present fake news that some Jewish people wrote. Not that I'm antisemitic either...
+Wafflepudding It's not that i have problems with commentaters, just that in this specific case, this one i felt was uncalled for. I mean do you even have a soul? What kind of person writes this kind of tripe, and expects to be well received or liked?
The production budget for these satirical clips must be sky high. I can't see how the guys at The Onion are turning a profit, especially since ads don't run on their videos. How? Just how?
"Cancelled" has always been a thing. You guys really need to stop putting existing words on existing things and claim it means something entirely different and "modern". ... No, I didn't mean "you guys" like that.
Its a known fact that you can’t be racist if your sisters’ boyfriends’ aunts’ dogs’ dog-walkers’ grandfathers’ progressive gay pansexual cousins’ not boyfriend but very close friend who is always over at their houses’ teachers’ daughters’ step-sister has a boyfriend who is black.
@@icedchqi 😳 might’ve got me there, the only way out is to say that the friend is a progressive gay pansexual child and the grandfather has a few dodgy hard drives. Entirely possible but kinda cooked.
@@ETGK Actually it still doesn’t make sense. You can’t be both gay and pansexual. That’s like being both straight and bisexual at the same time, it makes no sense.
I'm not a fan of black comedy but this skit have me laughing real hard... I want to point out I don't dislike black comedy for his color or anything is just not my cup of tea I mean if instead of black comedy people called white comedy I wouldn't like it either.
@@cye2310 would you mind if the assassin cared not about your character _or_ actions, but your very beautiful & vast Spiderman figurine collection? Asking for a friend.
Based on all his references to important African American figures and events, Alex Croft is actually really highly educated about Black History, certainly more so than an average non-African American.
@@bjosey855 I thought this would be obvious but all history is a part of history and them putting "black" in front of it just designates which part of history they're referring to.
@@HandlelessTML Bruh, do you really designate so called racial history to a single category? No races history is seperate from the other, and you just generalizing it as black history rather than citing examples of said history is exactly the problem in my mind. No history is seperate from the other. Its like rather than saying "historically jews were oppressed" you say "jew history", as if their race just automatically indicates the context. Thats a dumbed down ignorant view in my mind because that label dumbs down every other aspect of a races culture and history to 2 words, and indicates to me, that the person using the word has so little knowledge of what they speak that they think a dumbed down phrase can represent that history accurately.
@@bjosey855 My man are stupid or something, we categorize history all the time. The ww2 is a sub category in the history of wars, the great depression is a sub category in the history of financial crisis. Black history is just a bigger subcategory with smaller categories in it.
He attached a list of historical black figures to his arrow that he would use in his assassination attempt to show how racist he wasn't? That's just personal professionalism at this point. Extra points for bumping Sly and The Family Stone when the fuzz caught him.
Keeping people of all ages away from Ayn Rand is important. Remember, nothing worse than a complete and absurd hypocrite. She railed against government support programs like Food Stamps or Welfare... Until she needed them. Then she was very happy living on them right up until the day she croaked.
Akshay Anand what better then to show how bad a program is then to abuse it. Welfare yes cause she justified by that she had already put the money in the system food stamps no. Every one should read one of her novels.
@@swampdonkey1567 criticising something from the inside is fine... Except she stopped the criticism when she realised how much the program helped her. Even She changed her dumb mind.
Onion does really good black humour. Not like black as in black people but like as in dark, but also not like black...uh some of my best friends are African American
I gotta say, this bloke is the most thoughtful assassin I’ve ever heard of 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😳😳😳😳🤣 Always super careful and conscience of hate speech and anti-colour rhetoric
I would agree with smash, but everyone can hate a non - caucasian person. (Camera points to 13 black people getting beat up and a mob of white people saying something racist). “What kind of hell country lets me hate a man that isn’t white? 210 likes were racist people thinking white people are actively getting targeted by racial inequality when 70 something percent of America is caucasian.
@@SmashLiXs so then why does this hank hill character say he can’t hate and people that are a different skin color than white people. No one is stopping this “Hank Hill” dude from hating people who aren’t white.
I think to be able to do that they would have to put a warning every minute to show these are fake news. Otherwise there would be lots of people would think they are real lol.
I really love the subtle detail of the suspect’s video threat’s packaging having stamps of black icons plastered all over it to really drive home the point.
I know you’re just joking but Leon Czolgosz and Charles Guiteau are not famously known with their middle names. Just John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald.
He hated the man not for the color of his skin, but for the content of his character and I respect that
Lol
Lol
Dang that’s an underrated comment
I respect your respect for not hating a man for his color.
As a black person I support that
I'm glad he was able to see past color
are you really obama?
Justin B he is. Duh
Lmao
@@Hola_Justin it's okay to be confused, he is not obama.
I think so but I’m not sure. Maybe he is fake??
Edit: I’m just kidding.
If someone killed me using a crossbow with a list of important black historical figures taped to the arrow, I wouldn’t even be mad. The guy did his research!
Yeah, because you'd be dead
I don't know. I would most likely become mad from the continuous blood loss.
@@pizzapizza4853 Depends on where he hits I guess. But if it was a place not serious I'd honestly laugh
Also being killed by a crossbow an era where guns are stronk
@@bigbabado8296 OP said killed, not hit
“I can excuse murder, but I draw the line at racism.”
"you can excuse murder?"
@@lyonistic873 I have a dream that one day I will see a line of dead white kids right next to a line of dead black kids after a team of a black and a white shooter have had entered an institute of education - MLK
"He can excuse murder."
LOL!
Unironically modern US
So he’s willing to commit murder, but not be racist. That’s a man with values.
Underrated
I'm willing to do both for less
Professionals have standards
Crazy how we live in a world where using pattern recognition to avoid harm and avoidable stress is equal to being evil. But killing, that's okay. So long as it's not done for racist reasons, killing is perfectly fine.
Goes to show the damage the media has done on the population.
@@grey4g unlike A-10 brrrrrrrrrrrrr
I love dark humor -this is not a racial statement
Ehhh that doesn't sit right with me...
Dark? Ehhh don't you mean African American humor?
@@felixgutierrez993 Yeah evil humour same same.
@@hydragons yeah
666th like
Well we can’t call it a hate crime. I mean, he does hate Obama, but not because he’s black or anything
M E A T B A L L M A N
M E A T B A L L. M A N
M E A T B A L L M A N
M E A T B A L L M A N
M E A T B A L L M A N
“How can I be racist? All of my victims are black”
💀
💀
💀
💀
'I'm not racist I have a coloured tv'
Half the stamps on the package were commemorating black people. I love this attention to detail.
*Reply*
@@Cheezebox725 reply reply reply
@@cosmo4867 reply reply reply reply
@@Siktopath reply reply reply reply reply
@@1yasin6 reply reply reply reply reply reply
Thank god he’s not racist!
Imagine he killed it because of race? I'm glad killers nowadays look beyond the skin color
@@janhvikiran1335 that is a perfect statement what are you on about?
@@janhvikiran1335 sooo?
@@janhvikiran1335 nothing's wrong bro with that sentence what do you mean
@@ddeaen "It" is supposed to be Obama,and in english,when you are talking about a Guy you say "He",not "it","it" is for everything that isn't a personne
This guy is what we need more of in America. A true anti-racist progressive. Good guy
yeah we need more killers at least they're not racist
@@evryatis9231 if everyone is going around killing people we are gonna have a real problem
@@The_General_Owl true, but atleast racism won't be one
@@AndreiSaulea00 XD
@@evryatis9231 I mean I rather have a racist than a killer Son.
"He's got a dark soul."
🤣
"It just didn't sit right with me."
*Dark souls music plays*
Woah, what does that mean, dark soul?
Yes we watched the video too, thanks.
These onions are more relevant today than when they were first released
for real its crazy right now
so this shit is really 9 years old huh
It's a real shame that their newest content has gone so far downhill. 2010 Onion was funny, 2019 is very meh.
@@OryAlle 2019 onion will be relevant in 2028. And their future news will be relevant at that year, forgot the exact year tho, was it 2030?
Just thinking this haha.
This guy is a radical centrist.
Nah, radical centrism would be assassinating one world leader of every race
Nah radical centrist is being a smt protagonist
LMFAOOOOOO
Don’t give me reason to
Progressive Auth-Right?
"He came to one of our meetings and says Obama must be killed, he's got a dark soul. And everyone was like whoa what does that mean, dark soul?"
Most brilliant line among many
I was wheezing xD
@@krimson_flux same lmao. gold content
I'm pretty sure he meant the game.
Arrested outside the white House blasting sly and the family Stone 😂
among us reference?
"Croft Tried to Find Black Co-conspirator Before Deciding That Itself Was Racist" 🤣
This is what MLK fought for
True 😔✊ he would be proud to know today we kill people for their character not their color
Which is ironic in a really sad way, because the things this video is making fun of are exactly what he fought AGAINST
In a really backwards way, it is.
Sorry for giving the 70th like
@@georgiykireev9678 It's disappointing
People are racially sensitive nowadays even though MLK fought against race even being an important role
We have disappointed him
Look, I'm not racist, my car's tires are black
I own four black tires and a color tv
I also have black socks
i wear black shorts evryday NO WAY IM RACIST
Look, I'm not racist, see? My skin is black. Im not racist.
Im not racist I drink black tea everyday
"I wasn't even thinking about his skin colour. Someone reminded me he was black the other day and I was like 'woah, that's right'"
You should get tested for Alzheimer’s
@@benclark7043 maybe
@@benclark7043 maybe
@@benclark7043 maybe
@@benclark7043 maybe
This is the pinnacle of satire, because it is two entirely different jokes depending on where you stand on the political spectrum
For Democrats, it's just people claiming not to be racist when they're clearly are.
For republicans, it's the guy being more worried about being branded as a racist then an assassin.
4 depending where you are on the autistic spectrum
Please explain, I'm curious
@@Zxv975 If you’re on the left it’s a satire about how racists or right wing extremists are often in complete denial about what their motives actually are. If you’re on the right it’s a satire about how extreme the pressures of modern society are and how important it is now to present yourself as not racist
@@matthewvaughan8192 What about Centrism
God damn, he tried so hard to be non-racist
Woah, it’s almost like that was the point of the video
LMAOOOOO He tried so hard but ended up seeming more racist
At least that's commendable
@Lord Admiral Spire, you just owned every leftist, swag style B)
fast-talking Jewish man would be so proud of you
Kinda like today
this man is the definition of *Professionals Have Standards*
He is the physical manifestation of that word
Others merely adopt the phrase but he was born form it, moulded by it
@@zealousdoggo ah yes, Bane
Be polite. Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
@@addiction2409 but not because they're black or anything.
When you cant pick between chaotic good or chaotic evil.
He’s chaotic neutral
@@astrallitwick5490 like a good centrist
Nah, he's lawful evil
@Mekronid lmfao
You ask for a percentage roll on Bipolar Chaotic Lawful Neutral, which if successful, comebins the two in a very fun way!
“Parked outside the White House, blasting Sly and the Family Stone” I absolutely bowled over laughing
"I'm not racist. He's In a WHITE house." 😂
Sly and the family stone truly are one of the greatest groups of all time. Sly Stone pretty much pioneered modern drum programming
0:26 the stamps are only of black people, to prove he’s not racist😩😂 Man I love the details😭
You mean dTails
I didn't even notice that! 😂 2010 Onion was something else
nelson mandela and MLK on his wall 😂😂😂
The envelope also has the address for the Microsoft headquarters but it’s addressed to MSNBC, as if the guy thinks liberal media and tech companies are all the same.
Did you see what he got arrested in? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Funny how they never say Obama's last name I guess we'll never know it.
Yeah man, its because the secret society of boss baby is controlling the government's of the world. His last name is the password to get into there secret boss baby lounge.
@@peanutbrainedbuffoon7913 well we must fight and get his last name WE WILL WIN HOORAHH!!!
@@kingbigmac8951 Down with tyranny! Down with the tyranny of boss baby!
I know Obama's last name! It's...
Care
2
This is the same kind of guy that says “no homo” after everything he does
I just put a thumbs up in your comment. No homo. Full innuendo.
Haha, definitely a like from me, no homo (not like there’s anything wrong with being a homosexual i’m just saying that i am not a homosexual and in this particular case i thought i should mark it to make everything clear, you know my brother is gay and i have nothing against it, i support him and all the gay people i think it’s great, i was just saying that I’m not gay that’s it)
@@username-mq9ze 11WeewWwwESWEEEEEE
LMAOOO
Exactly. The more you try to prove that you’re not something, the more you look like that thing
Bro really just pulled out the “I’m not racist, I have a black friend”
Bro really quoting a part of the video that we have all seen
not A black friend. multiple black friends. clearly this man is not a racist
Here's an itemized list
He's not racist guys you all are framing him as a racist it's awkward
Some white people are really like that. They have to tell you about the list of black friends and family members they have just to make a point that they aren't racist before they obviously discriminate against you.
Why is no one talking about the African outfit he's wearing when he's arrested 😂😂😂 puree genius
he got the big ass African tunic I was in tears
I was dying hahahha
What kind of purée? Parsnip?
He was bumpin Sly and The Family Stone when the cops picked him up.
It’s a comedy sketch
LOL black historical figures taped to the arrow
in alphabetical order
Sounds racist to me lol
Joke was ruined for me too because crossbows don't shoot arrows.
That just looks way more racist XD
Damn
All of these actors are legendary
That’s putting it lightly 😎😎
What actors? This is a news program.
@@iknowmypointisinvalidbut4863 research it a bit, its a fake news program thats pretty much supposed to be funny
@@awesometurtle9157 no, it’s a legitimate news outlet. i get most of my information regarding current events from this very channel.
@@awesometurtle9157 r/wooosh
Man's worried about being a racist but not a murderer. Respect
Update: he committed suicide after someone pointed out that he might have been misappropriating black culture with that daishiki.
lol, found no other comments than mine and yours on that. almost died.
He was given a life sentence at a supermax prison not to be named, and while cross-examining him they found several tattoos, including the poem "Trumpet Player" by Langston Hughes on his back, several quotes from Muhammad Ali and Josephine Baker, the SCLC logo, and a Beninese mask.
You forgot MLK on his arm and thug life on his belly
Fucking gold!
I heard he recently got “support Black Panther” tattooed onto his stomach
He released a bank statement today showing that he donated $10 to the NAACP once.
Captain America not clever whatsoever
politically correct presidential assassin
BRILLIANT!
I wouldnt say the joke is just that he is PC, but also that he is one of those people who constantly claims to be not racist because he secretly is.
@@whatno5090 Pretty sure you've missed the joke. The joke is that nowadays being labelled a racist is considered to be far far worst than it actually is. He cares far more about not being labelled a racist, than he does about being a potential murderer... If it really was just about him being secretly racist then Onion would have definitely made the joke, where, in his denial of racism, he humorously reveals it...
@@DaoSeeker the joke is both, it's the fucking onion it doesnt have a political preference
Zetapology I think he made it pretty clear in the video that he wasn’t secretly racist
@@Fatchance288 I think he did a pretty standard job of trying but he pulled out those cards like "I have a black friend" which just make the whole ordeal a bit questionable
What a day for the algorithm to recommend this
I love how both right-wing people and left-wing people can laugh to this video for entirely different reasons
yall have wings????
@@lowquality49 yeah just drink red bull
Stole this from the guy above
red bull should make a new brand like left Twix and right Twix but left-wing and right-wing and endorse political parties
@@jimmyQW9welB6Sm90cHNy that would be dumb
@@Daniel-fr1bh wtf is onion monitoring their comments section?
It's already 10 years now and I still don't know how I could win a date with Jim Haggerty for my 18 year old daughter. She just turned 28 today, I hope Jim doesn't mind.
Well she can win a date with me! Just send me a message!
@Silver Chariot shhhhhhhh don't give the game away bro
Nah too late. But if she has a daughter maybe 😏
Nah too late. But if she has a daughter maybe. 😏
Anything to get her off your couch would be nice
When u max out "socially liberal and fiscally conservative"
Lmao
This made me chuckle even though I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative 😂
I do that
@@aamaravel2493 yes there is the clowns in the lolbertarian party, and lmao at calling the corporate owned democraps "communist"
@@aamaravel2493 That's literally exactly what the libertarian party promotes
It's nostalgic, looking back at the days when parody news videos were crazier than the actual news.
In these times of racism and division we could really use people like Alex
Except that all the measures he took to come off as not being racist, is actually quite racist. For instance only using postage stamps with black people on them. He's showing favoritism for black people, that is racism against everyone else. If you try to be "anti-racist", you just end up being racist. It's either a razor edge balance or impossible to succeed by "trying". The only way to succeed is to not even try in the first place, because the moment you try, you are being motivated by race.
@@shorin5384 Nah he means paying attention to race and actively doing things to show how not racist you are makes you look racist... It shows that a person cares way too much about race if they go through that much effort to not look racist. Most non racist people aren't the type to go "I love (insert race)" or say stuff like "celebrate (insert race)" because they usually aren't even thinking about it. I mean directly after 4chan Twitter is probably about the most racist place you can go because that's all they pay attention to. It's like they treat people like props to make themselves look better, which in most cases they do.
@@PippyPopsSelfHarmMonica makes sense
why did y'all apprehend him then?
@@BoliceOccifer fucking pigs wanna keep us divided
He was wearing a damn daishiki lmaooo
Whiskey Fists bruhhhh
that's what I was like. I was like "he's wearing bogolanfini (mudcloth) clothing. trying REAL hard."
What's that
@@petermueller69 those traditonal colorful west african clothing
I found the answer to the questions I was going to make. Thanks 🤓
I'm not racist, I play Blackjack everyday.
LOL good one
Generic Athletic White Person: I am not a White Supremacist, I just go White Water Rafting every weekend!
You play blacks? Do you play whites too? Lol
I'm not racist, that's why I play white jack, and I'm white.
"Keeping your teen away from Ayn Rand"
Maximum respect for Onion
Ayn Rand got me early.
@spehhhsssmarineer8961 then you realized she essentially argues for a land of toddlers all acting only for their own selfish interests, right?
like Sartre said, the worst thing the Bolsheviks ever did was giving her an education
@@94leroyal Easy to see it all went over your head.
I see everyone talking about the assassin but why is nobody talking about how people can send their 18 year old daughters on a date with Jim Haggerty.
We'll find out a few years from now
I’ll be 18 soon i can’t wait
Because Jim Haggerty is cool.
To keep teens away from Ayn Rand.
Well who doesn't trust Him Haggerty... He's a good man
We need more people like him in the world. Killing because of character and not race
Yes i do remember most of the murders being motivated by race.
@@phaseaken I can't tell if you knew that comment was a joke or not lol
I think TH-cam deleted my comment because I mentioned black police...
I don't see it anyway.
@@ki-kodevorne7318 i can see this comment
1:57 HIS OUTFIT IM WHEEZING
+
"Whoa, what does that mean, dark soul"
And later it was discovered that he had a shrine dedicated to Michael Jackson, but only his black self.
LOL the letter has stamps of famous African Americans.
now that's just redundant
This clip was bullshit, and I'm not saying that because I got something against comedians and satirists. Some of my best friends are satirists. I'm not ageist either, obviously older people with graying hair can still be valuable members of society, even if they just present fake news that some Jewish people wrote.
Not that I'm antisemitic either...
+Wafflepudding It's not that i have problems with commentaters, just that in this specific case, this one i felt was uncalled for. I mean do you even have a soul? What kind of person writes this kind of tripe, and expects to be well received or liked?
freakin-A!
Wafflepudding holy crap I only realized this was the onion after watching the whole video 😂
FlySpyGuy Not that I have anything against racist people...
Wafflepudding
What
1:58 Him wearing a traditional African costume was a nice touch🤣🤣😂😂👍👍
I'm more concerned about why there is a bowl of lemons on that coffee table.
To make lemonade.
Well, that's life!
It was so random, I was laughing for about a minute
"Keeping your teen away from Ayn Rand" LOL
Nocturnalux always baffles me how ridiculous her books are, like she doesn't have an ounce of self awareness
LessThan73 much like her fans
Hey now, even if her books are ridiculous it's still a peice of history, they're decent stories if you read it without bias
LessThan73 how are they ridiculous? I haven’t read any.
@@groyperfuhr4871 Kind of difficult to focus on the story when it is a thinly veiled excuse to talk about her whack "philosophy".
The production budget for these satirical clips must be sky high. I can't see how the guys at The Onion are turning a profit, especially since ads don't run on their videos.
How? Just how?
Romandy theonion.com
It's why they stopped doing most of the elaborate bits. They were losing money.
They used to have a cable show. I’m not positive but I think a lot of these clips are recycled from that.
They've been around for a WHILE
Obama's socialist policies let them get away with it.
He was afraid of being cancelled before it was even a thing.
And actually has a conscious about racism 😂
"Cancelled" has always been a thing.
You guys really need to stop putting existing words on existing things and claim it means something entirely different and "modern".
...
No, I didn't mean "you guys" like that.
@@huyxiun2085 It's funny how they invent all these buzzwords and think they've discovered a completely new concept.
Its a known fact that you can’t be racist if your sisters’ boyfriends’ aunts’ dogs’ dog-walkers’ grandfathers’ progressive gay pansexual cousins’ not boyfriend but very close friend who is always over at their houses’ teachers’ daughters’ step-sister has a boyfriend who is black.
Wow, made my day with that comment.
Damn, that not boyfriend but very close friend who is always over at their house still has a teacher when they’re probably like a boomer?
And what does that make us?
@@icedchqi 😳 might’ve got me there, the only way out is to say that the friend is a progressive gay pansexual child and the grandfather has a few dodgy hard drives. Entirely possible but kinda cooked.
@@ETGK Actually it still doesn’t make sense. You can’t be both gay and pansexual. That’s like being both straight and bisexual at the same time, it makes no sense.
“i’m not racist, my best friend is black.”
I’m not racist my remote is black 😂
“Even my TV is colored”
But i mean...why would a racist be friends with someone black?
kotragyek to prove that they “aren’t racist”
Plus just about everyone in modern America could claim a black acquaintance as a friend at some point in their life.
“Look my sister is dating a black guy”😭
No she's married to a black guy
Oh shit
😂😂😂
I'm not a fan of black comedy but this skit have me laughing real hard... I want to point out I don't dislike black comedy for his color or anything is just not my cup of tea I mean if instead of black comedy people called white comedy I wouldn't like it either.
Hah, black comedy
Lmaoooi
You meant African American comedy *
Calling it black comedy is racist ;)
@@verti3213 he meant dark comedy you doofus
@@arrielradja5522 I was joking too if you haven't noticed ;).
You'll know we live in a world of peace and love when the assassins are this thoughtful towards others.
I wouldn't mind if my killer ended me because of my actions and character, not my ethnicity.
@@cye2310 would you mind if the assassin cared not about your character _or_ actions, but your very beautiful & vast Spiderman figurine collection? Asking for a friend.
@@MeganAllen1738 how do you know he has a very beautiful & vast spiderman figurine collection?
@@idikm wouldn't you like to know?
@@MeganAllen1738 i would love to know
The funniest thing about this is the other militia member feeling uncomfortable by his "possibly racist" language lol
"A dark soul? Whoa! What's that supposed to mean?!" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Professionals have standards."
Based on all his references to important African American figures and events, Alex Croft is actually really highly educated about Black History, certainly more so than an average non-African American.
The preferred term is basketball American.
Ey feck off with the black history stuff, its just history.
@@bjosey855 I thought this would be obvious but all history is a part of history and them putting "black" in front of it just designates which part of history they're referring to.
@@HandlelessTML Bruh, do you really designate so called racial history to a single category? No races history is seperate from the other, and you just generalizing it as black history rather than citing examples of said history is exactly the problem in my mind. No history is seperate from the other. Its like rather than saying "historically jews were oppressed" you say "jew history", as if their race just automatically indicates the context. Thats a dumbed down ignorant view in my mind because that label dumbs down every other aspect of a races culture and history to 2 words, and indicates to me, that the person using the word has so little knowledge of what they speak that they think a dumbed down phrase can represent that history accurately.
@@bjosey855 My man are stupid or something, we categorize history all the time. The ww2 is a sub category in the history of wars, the great depression is a sub category in the history of financial crisis.
Black history is just a bigger subcategory with smaller categories in it.
He shows a healthy balanced perspective on how to go about achieving goals and he communicates those goals clearly.
the people screaming ''THIS IS SATIRE'' on all onion videos as if they are some geniuses for getting a joke is so cringy
@@shk7301 YES THANK YOU
I get the feeling that people shouting "THIS IS SATIRE" don't even know what satire is.
Do I even know?
@Lucas Almeida everyone knows
@Lucas Almeida you're missing the point of my comment
@Lucas Almeida all good friend, much love!
He attached a list of historical black figures to his arrow that he would use in his assassination attempt to show how racist he wasn't?
That's just personal professionalism at this point.
Extra points for bumping Sly and The Family Stone when the fuzz caught him.
I died at "found blasting Sly and the Family Stone. 😂
Lol. Me too.
Same
"You are bad guy, but this does not mean you are bad guy."
why is nobody talking about the fact that hes wearing african clothes when he was arrested, priceless!!!!
Because that would be racist.
This is fantastic. An example of a society where people don’t discriminate against ones race.
Well, atleast hes not racist or anything.
The “I’m not racist but”
E
@@EEEEEEEE Icedchai plays
lee mama
@@bugglebegger143
Pretty much every BLM supporter.
"I'm not racist, but I _am_ hypoglycemic."
“Keeping your teen away from Ayn Rand”
This should be considered as a public service.
I like her books.
Keeping people of all ages away from Ayn Rand is important.
Remember, nothing worse than a complete and absurd hypocrite.
She railed against government support programs like Food Stamps or Welfare... Until she needed them. Then she was very happy living on them right up until the day she croaked.
@@xmlthegreat But that would require schools to teach us anything about the author. Which they never did.
Akshay Anand what better then to show how bad a program is then to abuse it. Welfare yes cause she justified by that she had already put the money in the system food stamps no. Every one should read one of her novels.
@@swampdonkey1567 criticising something from the inside is fine... Except she stopped the criticism when she realised how much the program helped her. Even She changed her dumb mind.
😭he tried so hard to not make it seem racially motivated that it looked racist
I respect this man, who is not blinded by racial prejudice!
The postage stamps at 0:26 were all influential black figures too 😂😂
Look, I’m not racist! I own four black tires and a color tv.
Should've been black and white. Promotes more equality
@@RomanticallyAttractedToGru but it as every color of the rainbow in it so I guess it represents the lgbt community so I thinks good
@@ronjayrose9706 oh! That's very true
All my guns are black and so are my shadows
I own a black TV. It's not exactly practical, but at least I can live in solace knowing I'm not a racist like you.
Dude why just now have I heard and seen all this?
They tried to hide it of course
Wait,we could've entered to win a date with Jim?? 😳
It was at 2:19 btw.
Only if you're an 18 year old girl I guess 😂
Or younger than 18.
🍑
I'm black and I don't have any black friends. I don't have any white friends either. Actually I don't have any friends.
same, except for the black part, i just dont have friends
Onion does really good black humour.
Not like black as in black people but like as in dark, but also not like black...uh some of my best friends are African American
this is so relatable, but not because I'm racist or anything
Writer: How many layers of satire do you want?
The Onion: Yes
looks like you finally learned why they named it the onion
"Croft Closed Rambling 36-Page Manifesto With Maya Angelou Poem"
lol
*Talks about an assassination attempt at the president*
5 seconds later
You can enter and win a date with him for your 18 year old daughter!
"with a list of important black historical figures taped to the arrow" 😂😂😂
"He was quiet and kept to himself except when it came to Black people in which he was chatty and would invite complete strangers to hang out."
stingers?
@@mattrogers5188 yes, stingers
sTiNgErSs
@@Ayesha______ my b
He was a christian minority
Nobody is mentioning he’s wearing traditional African garb while being arrested 😂😂😭😭😭
Everything after "sly and the family stone" killed me ☠️☠️☠️
Aaron Spratt
The host even cant stop breaking character :'D
“Croft tried to find black co conspirator before deciding that itself was racist” A true advocate for equality right here.
I gotta say, this bloke is the most thoughtful assassin I’ve ever heard of 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😳😳😳😳🤣
Always super careful and conscience of hate speech and anti-colour rhetoric
"what kind of hell country won't let me hate a man unless he's white?"
hank hill
I would agree with smash, but everyone can hate a non - caucasian person. (Camera points to 13 black people getting beat up and a mob of white people saying something racist). “What kind of hell country lets me hate a man that isn’t white? 210 likes were racist people thinking white people are actively getting targeted by racial inequality when 70 something percent of America is caucasian.
@@gulpgo you can hate anyone you want regardless of race if the race is not the reason
@@SmashLiXs so then why does this hank hill character say he can’t hate and people that are a different skin color than white people. No one is stopping this “Hank Hill” dude from hating people who aren’t white.
@@gulpgo he was talking about his new asian neighbor he doesn't like because of how rude & nasty he is which he is. do you not know who hank hill is?
@@gulpgo Hank hill is from a TV show from King of The Hill, he isn't real
WHY doesn't the onion have a spot on TV? Just a string of these well crafted skits. 30min every month that's all they need.
sky bound zoo Because TV is a dying media. I think they’re actually better off not being on TV.
I think to be able to do that they would have to put a warning every minute to show these are fake news. Otherwise there would be lots of people would think they are real lol.
They used to have a newspaper, but it was stopped back in like 2016.
There is The Onion Movie though.
stopping people from thinking its real
Ever heard of the maverick IFC®?
I really love the subtle detail of the suspect’s video threat’s packaging having stamps of black icons plastered all over it to really drive home the point.
This is fake, everyone knows assassins have 3 names.
Who's there
I know you’re just joking but Leon Czolgosz and Charles Guiteau are not famously known with their middle names. Just John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald.
@@hbdragon88 Which means those guys are innocent. think about it.
Only successful ones
This is one of the Onion's most brilliant sketches.
obama: truly the dark souls of american presidents
Ennui Boringcone - And the award for the greatest comment goes to...
stop
Have we come to the low point of journalism in any medium?
(whispers) would being saying he's got a Demon's Soul be better?
Java the Nutt no no that associates associated with african witch doctors.
Whoa, dark? What do you msan by that?
0:26
The stamps are a brilliant detail.