Advice for Muslim wives and single mothers Part One
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ส.ค. 2024
- Sr Jana questioned me on my new ideas about Muslim single mothers, marriage, expectations, settling for average and fighting for your marriage - this conversation was FIRE! Share your thoughts in the comments.
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JazakAllah khairan for this sisters. May Allah increase you both in goodness in both worlds. Sister naima I always look forward to your videos MashaAllah. So much beneficial advice and hard hitting truths for single mothers like myself. I could watch this all day... SubhanAllah love you for the sake of Allah xxxx
May Allah bless us all with guidance, sis. JazakAllahu khairan for your kind words.
When we buy tickets can we watch the conference any time or only live ?
@@lvirgo143 Register for the free ticket and you'll get all the programme details. If you upgrade to VIP, you get to lifetime access to the full content but it won't be available to watch in full on YT bit.ly/successfulwives
I refused to be a second wife recently only because he did not want to tell his first wife. Being a secret second wife is a whole other topic and it felt wrong in my heart.
If he had told his first wife and was honest about everything inshallah it could be different
Did you get married eventually ?
Loved interviewing you sister Na’ima and definitely lots of truth bombs!!! Subhanallah such an insightful perspective on all things marriage!
JazakAllahu khairan for the opportunity - we shall meet again, insha Allah!
Sister Naima you didn't answer the question. Why have you changed your mind about becoming a second wife? Presuming you are now a second wife mashaAllah. But to call first wives selfish for not sharing? That's a bit unfair. Maybe she can't cope with sharing, maybe it will affect her ability to be a good mother, good wife etc. Not everyone is cut out for polygamy...
Its is a right from Allah that the husband has and it is his desicion. It is also normal and understandable that women can become unsure, feel inadequte, sad and or jealous. Nevertheless women are capable of overcomig those feelings as Aisha r.a. did and not get in the way of the husband. May Allah strengthen us all and help us closer to Him.
@@Expiringsoon I agree with you that certain men are able to have more than one wife and are highly desirable to a lagre demographic of muslimas, such as Khabib in our time or the Sahaba that had everything in terms of deen and donya. Very few if any would decline to be their second, third or fourth wife. However regarding what a wise man is in this situation I can't agree. Wise men and women know that they can only try their best to advise people, noone can change someone else except by the premission of Allah and that they themselves want to change. Anyway it is always better to make this matter clear from the beginning before a man marries his first wife if having more than one is vital or a desire for him. May Allah grant us all wisdom and make us fully understand our roles within a muslim family before the ummah becomes fragmented and only consists of individuals, and strong families become non-existant. May Allah protect us all
@@Expiringsoon Allahomma ameen!
@@Expiringsoon MashaAllah you worded thus very beautifully and accurately. May Allah continue to enlighten us and guide us❤ and most importantly forgive us for our short comings
"Young and beautiful and that's it."🤣🤣🤣
Right?!! 😂 No, I’m sure Deen is in there, too.
Honestly Good on you sis Na’ima for just saying things are they are!
JazakAllahu khairan, sis 😘
Bless you sisters for enlightening fellow sisters here. Thank you. Alhamdulillah
You preaching Sis ! I’m so happy I have seen the light on these things!
MashAllah! Whatever was discussed I have seldom seen women discussing. Allah reward you immensely in this world & hereafter!
Wow! I'm loving this video! I wish I had known all this before marrying an abusive man! Marshall ah, may Allah bless you for all the women who will fix their issues before running into a toxic relationship.
Agree with most of this video until it comes to the second wives part. I’m surprised Naima is saying that sisters think that they’re entitled to more than they are. I’d expect to hear that from a man not her.
I would not want to be a second wife for a number of reasons, not least the fitnah that it tends to bring. Who would want to be caught up in that chaos?! ESPECIALLY when you have children. Polygyny is from the sunnah but when you have kids, as Naima said, they’re a priority. Sometimes dragging them into a polygyny situation can be terrible for them as well as both sets of wives.
Don’t get me wrong - 100% polygyny is from the sunnah. But brothers these days are far removed from any semblance of the sunnah! If they UNDERSTOOD THE SUNNAH AND ADHERED TO IT, I feel sure they’d be far less disgruntled wives! Facts!
what about the sisters are they practicing correctly the sunnah of polygny. it takes both parties to make it work. do not be one sided.
What is wrong with being a second wife, why is it chaos? Isn’t polygyny helpful for those sisters. And are single mothers with multiple children entitled to single men?
Sr Naima was just mentioning that we should be realistic with our decisions and choices and she spoke from both male and female sides. Like she mentioned about a man who is a plumber or low-income should have realistic expectations regarding the wife he is looking for and a woman who already has children from previous husband as well, not to mention brothers who have children from previous marriage are also on the same boat as those sisters. And you have already made up your mind that brothers are not practicing polygyny well, so your perception towards it will be negative by default even if it is from the sunnah.
@@anikaabida6019 @@anikaabida6019 Or, Single parents can marry other single parents if de face prob in getting married. It's unjust of single parents to feel dat childless ppl hv a duty ti marry them.
@@anikaabida6019 What is chaotic about it is that is can cause emotional issues and upset towards the wives who may have resentment towards one another. It can also be difficult for some children to adjust to and they must come first.
I’ve been around a long time and I have seen and heard MANY things which I’d rather not have. There was a brother who took a second wife even though abusive and disrespectful to his first who kept getting pregnant year after year. The first wife was severely depressed as they were also living abroad. This is the example that was being modelled to the kids of ‘polygyny’. That brother also kept his wife secret from his own family bar one of his brothers.
The kids from the first marriage were very religious but fast forward ten years and they were found guilty of crimes so serious, I cannot mention it on here. I haven’t heard of many successful stories of polygyny WITH western brothers.
However, I do know of a responsible brother from south London who moved abroad and practised polygyny well maa shaa Allaah including providing each wife with a house from HIS OWN MEANS allaahumma baarik.
I also knew of a North African sister who it worked very well for maa shaa Allaah as she was previously divorced and kids grown.
It can work wonderfully maa shaa Allaah, but in the West, I don’t believe it to be the norm.
And I completely agree that EVERYONE should be realistic. A close friend was divorced with one child from first husband. She married a three times divorced man with several kids - he was single at time fo marriage and is only married to her. She wanted to be equal in that they were both divorced. However, she feels there has been no improvement in her second marriage and she just stays because she feels that as a forty something Muslim, no one else will want to marry her. This is another issue in the Muslim community, as women are considered to have a Berry short sell by date.
So yes, divorced people, should realistically pair with another divorced person. But it doesn’t mean that all women need to enter into polygyny as if they have no other choice. There are divorced brothers who are single too. If polygyny suits a woman, all power to her but it’s not for everyone and I fully understand why.
And final point, while the ayah says, ‘marry two, three or four’, some scholars rightly say that some men cannot be just to one woman let alone two! Like Naima said, it’s about being realistic!
If u r referring this in case of a single mother, yes a single mother can choose not to involve in poly. But at da same time, childless men shouldn't be shamed if de don't want to marry single mothers cuz de don't want step kids. Step parenting n marrying a single parent is not for all childless ppl. Also in islam step parents r not obliged to step kids.
May Allah bless you sisters for this conversation. Ameen.
May Allah Accept your works, and make it a means of acceptance and Guidance for the Ummah!
We more prayers as youths of this generation.
Jazakallahu Khayran Ahsanul Jaza
say it how it is...
the truth..
m.a well done
👏👏👏
56:40 so true. For the religious man or woman who are looking to get married can be difficult. I think even more so for the man. As someone who has had an islamic upbringing, who went to madrasah, who avoided any relationships or excessive interactions with the opposite gender, I am seen as a boring person. Lol. I sometimes do think, am I too nice, am I too kind. Lol.
It took me almost 4 years to find someone and get married. Even then it didn't work out because my spouse was not committed and found me boring. I even went out of of my comfort zone to do what I can to have that emotional connection with her. But her mind was clear from the very beginning.
Now I am back looking again and the options are now limited because I am a Divorcee.
From my ordeal, I've learnt a few things. That the man and the woman, when they are getting their nikah done, this is an act of commitment. You must commit and understand your spouse. You must have the right intention for marriage. And that intention being, doing your best for your spouse to please Allah. It is also important in marriage to remember Allah. That he had blessed you with a husband/wife. Both should be grateful to Allah for his blessing. Remembering Allah also helps you think how to treat your spouse. If you treat your spouse in a bad way, not full filling their needs, or your not meeting your responsibilities, you will have to answer to Allah.
May Allah bless you with a loving spouse, ameen!
It took me seven years to recover and understand that I had been wrong, the first thing I thought was having depended so much on all aspects, then I started working on what I did wrong, it wasn't all my fault of course then I understood, I started working economically, I converted to Islam Alhamdulillah, it was important to be alone. to understand more, grow my relationship with my children, islam. My story is a little different from many others, a single muslim man years younger, I was very skeptical at first but I though I'll ask him hard questions to see his personality, i understand he Is very focus, His has old soul. now I'm engaged, we've been in a relationship for many months Halal We don't know each other physically yet, but families aré now happy, beggin His family very sorprise for His desition, Alhamdulillah we are ok, but I really liked that he is very religious...He is patient and very mature for his age. He follow me for weeks to ser what i post, he told me, all you do Is good values... very decent. AND we agree my kids Is my responsability. No issue.
‘What we’re not going to do’
K. Samuels
🤣
I like your channel sis ..and I like your way forward to educate women..so keep it up
I was baptized mormon in early 20s now 32 divorced. 1 daughter. I feel even tho remarrying in islam is allowed I would somehow be doing my daughter wrong. She doesn't want another Dad. But things with my x husband are not perfect, he is not muslim, and doesn't want remarriage... please pray for me Allah knows best
May Allah reward you for being able to change your views when you realized you made a mistake regarding not having the brother's side of the story. Allah tells us to stand up for the truth even if it's against ourselves.
Alhumdullilah keep up the great work sisters 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀❤️
Nevertheless, Muslimiin women's are awakening.Mother land African we are the Mother,s for kids, baba's, and uum hopefully for the whole internal ummah Insha Allaah.Comfort,Mercyfully,
14:57 subhana Allah I have to confess that, that video came across to me a certain kind of way(one sided) and I myself honestly thought you were a divorcee when you made that video and wallahi I have to apologize for that. May Allah reward you for rectifying it and being honest. Ameen and May Allah guide us all. Ameen
Masha Allah very Good
Being Muslim and being Selfish are opposites. Why? What is a Muslim? A person who submits their will (selfishness) to do what Allah wants.
Being selfish is not haram as long as one doesn't violate islamic principles
excellent
After divorce the children should be with their father rather than with mother.
Or, they can do 50:50 custody or divide da kids
?
100 % sister
That’s soo true And it’s not fare tho
17:25 same. I wander if that’s most of us really?
Muhammad Peace Be Upon him said the it is best to choose the person for their Deen.
How long is the progra, for n what r the timimgs.
bit.ly/successfulwives
MashaAllah
Fatimah, Alayhi Salaam, wa the daughter of Khadijah. He loved her as his own daughter. Search a man for Deen and he will view the single mother and children differently.
Fatima ra, wife of Ali ra was the biological daughter of prophet saws. And let's not forget a man or woman can be on deen and not want step or adopted kids. Wanting only biological kids doesn't mean deen is less. Cuz in islam we are not obliged to tk care of step kids. It is a choice. So islam doesn't look down upon ppl wanting only bio kids. Also single parents can marry single parents or there is polygyny.
Lady Khadijah (as) was not a widow, in fact she had not been married before. She was a little older than our beloved Prophet (Pbuh) but not considerably older, like people think.