the world would be a much better place without fake human law and all those who make so much money working for such a corrupt bogus system made by narcissists for narcissists as well.
I think the narcissist, covert or overt. Tries to make you doubt your own sanity. We all have a part in how we react. Some people just want to exert dominance.
@@davidsisson2026 They love to create self doubt and invalidate EVERYTHING you say and do. Never doubt yourself EVER. Listen to your gut, the still small feeling within.
Wow. The timing of me seeing this video couldnt be more perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not
I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me
I experienced this, but with family members. I was raised by two narcs, it was scary... I remember feeling like I could not wait to escape, about around 9 years old. Decent people can come from two narcs, they do not only breed narcs, or narcissistic children---they also breed empaths. Peace and healing to all of you... go no contact, it gets so much better. I love how you explain narc abuse in such a calm way, it's soothing.
I'm definitely an empath, but didn't even realize what is was, let alone know that I am one, until a couple of years ago. So many things make sense now. God Bless
My 1st of three Narcissist Abusers was my own "Grandmother ", if someone chooses to call her that... I call her Frances. I never she'd a single tear when she died. Sounds terrible of me, I am sure. But after what that woman did to me, that is nothing.
no contact IS the only way to go, i affirm, being raised by a narc and the other ALREADY lifelong damaged by her narc mother, then married to narc. imho, how lifelong abuse by narcs can make ppl unfunctionable shud be a universal free resource for all.
I believe that narcissism is not as much of a mental or emotional condition rather a spiritual one. One that can be passed down through generations as well as broken. These people have an unholy spirit that causes this thinking and behavior. They don't need medicine, therapy, or incarceration but most likely need to be saved by Jesus.
For me it was opposite. They had a great sense of humor and was so much fun to be around, until they showed their true colors. Because I am so chronically sick, I was never funny enough, never energetic enough...just never enough for them, and they almost convinced me that I should end my life because I wasn't enough for anyone.
I can relate to the non-laughter comment. The “Happy Go Lucky” part of me went away for a while too. Not being aware of unhealthy or toxic relationships can be taxing, especially when we try to be the superhero, and try to save the day, for the wrong people. This can take us down the wrong paths for YEARS… Instead of trying to solve a Rubix’s Cube by ourselves, it is wise to learn from others who have already successfully dealt with this stuff. Happy New Year everyone. 😊
Same here. A lifetime of not smiling a real smile, or laughing a real laugh. Only my children and late husband were the only ones who knew that person so long ago.
I'm in the exactly same boat, and I tried to be a superhero too. I've always been known for "being a clown" and spend my days laughting and smiling. We laughted a lot when everything started. I thought she was my soulmate because she was as stupidly funny as I were... but that changed after a few months and everything became a living hell... It's been 6 months since the end of my relationship and I can't remember a single time I've laught in these months. She has resumed her life and replaced me with other person, meanwhile I'm completely destroyed, and even tho I never wouldn't want to be back with her, I'm suffering a lot. I sincerely hope I will be able to laught freely again. It was one of the best parts of me 😭. And I also hope you have a wonderful new year
After 28 years in a relationship, I’m 7 years out and still learning so much! So much gaslighting and power-and-control abuse in 28 years. Wait.. I wasn’t crazy? It’s an unreal realization. Baggage…
I moved on and found someone who’s able to be patient with me. Bc I’m still learning. It’s amazing to learn how to act and do things just for yourself after that part was stifled or suppressed or abused for so long! ❤️
Wow! I thought I had it bad with living through almost 11 years of it. Can't imagine how long it took you to find yourself again and enjoy life. Truly hoping you are having a better life now.
It causes cancer, tumours, loss of sleep, depression and injuries. I attest to that. Avoid these characters at all cost no matter who they are. Your life is yours only, save it and treat it with care and love.
Yes. Narcissistic abuse from a mother certainly contributed to my now MS. It’s sad that my formative years have resulted in permanent physical change, but I’m a kinder listener. I feel that I’m more humble & more evolved & that the generational trauma I experienced was never intentional. You cannot live in a state of unforgiveness. It also helps to go low contact and live half a globe away 😂
I believe that only those who have lived this can truly comprehend it! Great video, more confirmation helping me through my healing journey! Thank you!
Exactly! I've tried to explain it to others who haven't lived it, and they don't seem to understand. That last 3 months of the relationship, I was able to find a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse. She has been amazing and helped me to understand why it happened and is helping me to move on. If you have been in an abusive relationship, I strongly recommend seeking a therapist to help you through it.
I have thought of leaving so many times but it is that "protection" problem that keeps me stuck (39 years married). I have much more capacity to earn than she does (although my motivation / ambition / confidence has been eroded to a fraction of what it was) and so I feel terrible about leaving her to fend for herself.
Yes. Despite that I am and know I am spiralling down hill I still want to help despite knowing I’m in free fall. Great comment, thanks and a great explanation in the video.
@@effortless-one I’m sorry that you are going through this. After 29 years of marriage, and my husband not listening to me or making changes that are hurtful, I finally had to leave for my sake and the sake of our youngest child.
It makes a lot of sense. I grew up constantly doubting myself. I was very quiet. Shy, awkward. I knew always that wasn't me but I just couldn't be my real me. It took years and years of knowing my own worth and learning about narcissism. Um 63 years old and still re emerging my true me. Thanks so much for you truthful input. This was very helpful.
I understand. It started when I was young. Being around my parents stole my joy. They were not bad people. Very screwed up emotionally. It caused a lot of problems. What I realized was that we all have problems. Spent a lifetime un learning. And realizing I am a person of worth
No. They don’t. Mine is busy being married to someone else. He has no idea how to have a relationship, so I don’t know how he’s going to pull that off, but it’s not my problem.😂I’ll have to pray for her.😂
Know that they love nothing. It was a friend who made me learn this after 30 years of his ice-cold interactions. I must not have been very healthy too and learning to get back on track.
@sototallyover2359 Absolutely 💯!! I have chronic pain because of all the years that I've endured it. But I am starting a new journey, it's call taking care of myself, Finally!
that´s absolutely true - thank you for explaining it. I also learned that if you are traumatized your neocortex shrinks and a hyper an active and growing amybdala (which is responsible for fear and shame). even after the relationship is over the neurological network is still physical affected by this which also keeps you stuck in the survival mode. that can lead to depression and a 24/7 state of fear, unable to do basic daily activities. It happened to me and it was a horrifying time. as if the relationship was a kind of "living in emotional Tschernobyl" for 6 months. Even when you are out of it, you are already hurt by the constant radioactive rays.
Still in a marriage with a covert narc after 39 years. Have come to the point of exiting many times but have a terrible loyalty defect (trauma bond). Wanted to confirm what you said about the frontal lobe - my CPTSD got really bad so I went and had a neuro-feedback scan; the scan showed activity on one side of my frontal lobe had COMPLETELY shut down. The guy doing the scan said he had only seen one worse which was from a Vet that had seen some horrific stuff in active combat. I got my wife (on threat of leaving for good) to do the neuro-feedback which has improved our situation a lot but I think the damage had been done as I am just a numb shell of my former highly motivated self - decisions for 2025.
She stole my smile, nearly 3 years of being told I'm too cheerful, I'm fake, whenever she didn't get her own way. I had no idea the damage she was doing until I got away. Being caught in the drama cycle of attention seeking with either breakdowns of sadness or vile anger, I grew strong to that stuff and eventually stood strong looked in her eyes and told her she's too aggressive and so miserable and I can't be around her at all. And left. But I had no idea of the constant digs at my character I'd loose my smile.
Save your smile for someone who deserves it. Not smiling is powerful. Men try to steal your light by trying to get you to smile. Don't allow them to experience your joy. It is yours and should not be food for vampires.
Save your smile for someone who deserves it. Not smiling is powerful. Men try to steal your light by trying to get you to smile. Don't allow them to experience your joy. It is yours and should not be food for vampires.
The silent treatment is one thing they do best. It made me adapt a very edgy personality. For me, paranoia became a huge part of this and it is very hard to deal with. If i'm talking to everyday people and they are listening to me without speaking for awhile, I start to get paranoid that they are analyzing me and either plotting against me or thinking what a loser I must be. Even though I know it's just normal part of give and take for the converstation so they can find a way to respond. I'm constantly triping up in my conversations, stuttering, etc because I'm worried about what word or tone of voice will be used against me.
Sad that a person can make another person so confused. And to those believing in God: why has GOD created those bad people? These bad people using good people with "golden heart"...
@@ewar2919 I can feel and understand you. But may be soon light of wisdom will reflect through the cracks caused In heart due to experience. May be it's a lesson for us to never exploit anyone, never make anyone feel that pain from which we went through and at thel same Time make boundaries and protect the self. Respect the self.
took me about 4 years to cure and that was only after 5 years involved with/entangled with that narcissist. and i still look at this stuff for validation… it is a shocker if youve never experienced the behavior before. NOW… i see the fact is that those “difficult” friends, relatives and work people are 99% likely narcissists. i am always just glad i am not involved with them. now i know how to handle them and they repel me. never again!
EVERYTHING that you mentioned is exactly what I have lived with for most of my life. Raised by a malignant narcissist, and married a covert Narcissist. Now at 62 I'm just now figuring all this crap out.
Me too…almost 62. I was an easy target for the repeated relationships I allowed my self to step into and not step away when the screaming RED flags were everywhere. This video gives an excellent place to start. Scrape away the crusty layers that suffocated us.. and somewhere beneath, we will rediscover ourself in a healthy way. I want that! Best wishes to you.. better days ahead!
I used to be happy before a 6yr narcissistic relationship, 3yrs out and this is exactly me. I want me back, this is horrible and i can't seem to get out of it 😢
People will show you who they are if you will pay attention watch their actions and listen to their words. Narcissistic pattern is an incongruency, inconsistency, hypocrisy between words said and actions taken. The narcissistic pattern of behavior comes from malformed neural circuity that create a repetitive pattern of defense mechanisms. It will show itself. Look for hypocrisy, dominance, gossip, inconsistency, lies, words not matching actions or their claimed past. Image based living, grandiose, vague profession but leased range rover, the hero or the victim, the religious zealot but sinful life, housekeepers but little money, rented luxury apartment yet no savings, no real job, asking you for money. How do they respond to criticism or suggestion of improvement? Anger? Screaming? Rage? Do they blame others for their own mistakes? External locus of control. Ego fragility is a clear indicator of the narcissistic pattern. Listen how they talk to other people, especially those of perceived lower status or service people. One on one is it less discernable however in groups the toxicity emerges with snide remarks, dominations, power grabs, put downs, using group for their own agendas. Are they the blabber mouth in the room, demanding attention? Do they have a contrived laugh? Like a car horn, parrot, machine gun, or wailing laugh? This week i was approached by an annoying older gossipy narcy woman in an exercise class "i'm sorry i don't know YOUR name" was her approach in a haughty manner. I didn't respond with my name. She then got my name from the instructor and now yells it every morning when i walk in class. " hi JOHN!!" "Good morning JOHN!". Isn't she so nice? Always talking during class with comments, gossiping about everyone in class. This is a 65 year old woman announcing others medical procedures, vacations, illness to strangers. Data collecting and entitlement are narcissistic traits. Look at how they treat animals. They may treat their own animals overly well but no empathy toward humans. An example you might hear "If a deer and a human were struck by a car I would help the deer". Listen to how they talk about other people in their past. Watch for the explosive rage, anger, crazy looking eyes bugging out of their head. Look at yourself and what you yourself are wanting from the person in question. How did you meet this person? Why are you socializing with them? For sex? For connections? For money? For beauty? How does this person make you feel? You should avoid labeling anyone anything, especially any medical, psychological, or psychiatric diagnosis. You may be correct or you may be incorrect but to normal detached people you will sound silly. It is much better to say this person is toxic or abusive than spouting off someone is a "narcissist". Speak of specific incidents such as "i can't take any more screaming or put downs". Toxic behaviors, maladaptive traits, abusive conduct are simple enough to assess. Study the cluster B disorders and their maladaptive strategies. Listen to someone's words, fair to look at their life history, their own testimony. How do you feel when around this person? Do they seem "off" compared to other people you have met? Something just ain't right but you can't put your finger on it. Negativity flows from them? Dark, paranoia, victimy stories? They just seem to have been dealt a bad hand by their parents, job, school, ex, boss, landlord, neighbor, the democrats, the republicans, best friend, sister, grandma, you, on and on? Drama and more drama? Always in conflict? Haughty, judgy, racist, put downs of others, their own family, children, ex, strangers they don't even know? Are they out of balance with their own body? Anger? Obesity? Drunk? Drugs? Gambling? Sex? Beyond entertainment or life enhancement toxic people are self destructive. Does the person seem needy? Childlike in speech? Improper boundaries? Critical? Disrespectful? Do they give you a creepy stare if you ask any questions about their stories? Lack any discernable accomplishment? Do little everyday but speak of grandiose events of their past? Have an external locus of control? Blame their own life circumstances on others, no life goals, no growth, no change? Do you feel comfortable being yourself around them? Are you refreshed? Feel positive energy when around them? Or do you feel exhausted. Do you feel a need to be polite after hearing the toxic drivel bullshit out of their mouth. Do they ask you for things? You feel like you can't just be yourself without a conflict? You feel like you are the recepticle for toxic opinions or complete bullshit. Do you feel this person is always attempting to dominate you, order you around, act like the leader? These are all narcissistic traits. You can feel these people in your stomach, trust your gut. Be yourself and love yourself. Additionally, That feeling when your cheating narcissist partner betrays you, but you don’t have the courage to leave, so you endure the pain, questioning your self-worth every day. It’s a different kind of hurt living with them, seeing them everywhere, and constantly fearing when they’ll do it again. The best decision I made was reaching out to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* They helped me remotely spy on my partner’s cellphone and uncover the truth, just like they did for me. Don’t suffer in silence get the answers you deserve.
Yes, what you said is true. It creates those feelings. I had a covert narcissistic mother. She made me the scapegoat child. I am an adult survivor. CPTSD is a result of this abuse. I went on 0 contact with my family. I couldn't wish a Happy New Year to family members and as a result of being scared to wish it to my nearest family I also am withdrawn from other social situations. It is difficult to let go of these internal beliefs. And now to overwrite with new, clear connections.
Finally this makes SO MUCH SENSE ❣️❣️. I lived in complex ptsd growing up. But I'm learning to let it go and Love myself. That anger still comes up sometimes, I working on that
I had tears in my eyes watching this video. I didn't know, until now, that I have CPTSD. I recently suffered a very traumatic encounter with my abusive parents that dropped every curtain and showed me what was happening. I know that I was I dealing with narcissistic abuse, and have since gone no contact, but I had no idea that my personality was different because of it. Every single one of these points resonated with me. I'm on a slow journey of learning to love myself again after hating myself for 58 years. Thank you for this, I can discuss it with my therapist and develop a plan of action ❤
This type of abuse has haunted me since my childhood. I've only been alone for a very short amount of time. Let the healing begin. Bc we are ALL WORTH IT!!!! ❤
Omg, I've been using laughing as therapy. It is so powerful. I find myself laughing powerfully from the gut and it makes me feel so grounded. It is a release but it also energizes and recycles through my body.
I can’t laugh anymore. My personality has been flipped/changed, and I don’t even have a sense of humor anymore. I don’t know how to get myself back to laughing. I do remember how good it felt to laugh.
This is me to a T. My mom was a covert narcissist and my dad left when I was just a baby. Now, I am stuck in the "freeze" response. My wife is to the point now, where I fear our relationship is seriously about to end. I don't know if anything I do now can ever fix it.
Rick, I stayed in the marriage because there are kids. It wasn't physically abusive, I was in the middle of flight, fawn, freeze, and I was so beaten down fight was always forced away, never engaged. The now adult children have all been with wrong people. YOUR CHILDREN are learning what a relationship looks like by watching yours. They won't understand a good relationship for themselves if you don't value yourself enough to be in a good relationship of your own. My failure to get out with my children is noticable in the grandchildren as well. Living with a NP is insidious. Save yourself, your children, and future generations.
I would do the narc detector with HG Tudor. Get clear answers and know exactly who (and what) you're dealing with. Give lots of details. There are toxic people who are not narcs, unfortunately.. you stay away from those people, too. I hope you find the strength to leave if you are in an abusive and unsafe marriage. You and your children deserve better.
I e been watching these videos to make sure I’m not a narcissist. My ex is; I used to be so nice and caring and now I worry about the damage I’m inflicting on others due to being so hardened from her abuse.
Makes perfect sense. As fir the oersonality staying stuck....to me it's like being on high alert. When I first returned from 2 tours in Iraq, I coukd not go out dancing and have fun...It was always bouncer or protective mode !
Hi Michele, I discovered your channel recently. I am learning a lot from your videos. Narcissistic abuse is such a complex topic. Thanks for sharing your knowledge. Best Regards and happy New Year 2025 Love Xav.
I've thought the same thing. I feel people see me now after the trauma bond and forgot who I was before. I hold onto the memories though and I'm working my way back to me. I wish you the best in doing the same.
@@sbella6719 Hi. The journey isn't easy, and there are setbacks but NEVER give up. You will find yourself again because you haven't forgotten you. I wish you the best on your journey. ☺
last week I did show my 15yo son my pictures before i meet his mother .... looking at this pictures my self i realized exact what you just said... I even made a comment to my son about it.... funny whoh? Regards from South Poland
It's actually bad to talk to your son about their blood like that. You're basically lowering yourself to his level and are doing as much emotional damage to the kid and you probably don't even know it. You sound like my ex, the mom of my children. She lost custody due to being like you, she got judged: had me feel like I was the narcissist for YEAAARS, then I got to court because she was witholding the children for me, she got examined, diagnosed NPD and she lost custody. While she was saying, I would never win in court and she started laughing about me being so mad: while only trying to make co-parenting work for the children. She took them away from me for nearly 2 years, because I believed her lie and made the agreement not to go to court. And she even had to do community service because of it as it was punishable by law because of "abuse of power and emotional abuse and neglect"
My ex-wife took the life and character out of me. I became a shell of a man. Went through hardships with my 5 year old daughter, the kind of stuff if I wrote in a fictional book would sound a bit too much for drama. The laughter part is what got me. I laughed out loud with an uber passenger, and mentioned that its been years since i last genuinely laughed. All in all, i just now consider my self just above the waves professionally and financially, but emotionally, i recognize i need alot of work. Not convinced that group therapy is useful for me. I can't see the solution in being with other victims discussing the trauma.💔
The best part about group therapy is that you realize, "Hey, I'm not alone..." You also will hear how other survivors are coping and healing from this abuse. I've found it to be helpful in my life. Best wishes on your journey ✨️
Yeah, it's valid to feel like it's not helping, and to prefer a private session instead. I don't like to talk about my business out loud because there won't be time for feedback, or much at all, so it's like .. okay this isn't great, and some of the stuff I say is triggering, and some of the stuff they say is triggering, or some of the feedback I say pisses them off and vice versa and there's no time to defend ourselves and we end up stewing on it or something, or not knowing what to do when someone is really really going through it, see, I just prefer to talk to people one on one to help them or be helped. Is that kinda where you're coming from? Or do you find the trauma triggering, and like a session of sadness? Does it feel like it's not getting resolved at all? I kinda picked up that feeling from your post, interested to know more. :) I don't like group therapy. On youtube here or reddit or someplace though, talking with other survivors is the same concept only there's time for good feedback and talking. And it's way more private!
@@CovetAmory it's really all of the above. I don't mind crawling through a mile of crap if it means I'll achieve salvation at the end, but just to end up where I started? Rather stay where I am and figure something else out. Some advice like the one from Michelle is good, but still often feels like being in an eco chamber instead of looking for a solution. There is some comfort in knowing that you're not the only "victim" out there, but being stuck in a victim frame can't be good, and being in a group of victims isn't going to help recover, in my humble opinion.
@@KRH4Hwks thanks for your kind words. Coping is kind of like limping. Yes, you are walking, and yes it is better than laying on the floor, but barely, plus you are in pain, and other parts of you will have to compensate for the lack of what was damaged, which adds strain and exhaustion. I need to undo what was done. I need the proper frame of thinking to navigate my life through life's pitfall towards fulfillment, and help guide my daughter through the same. I am happy for you having found value in group therapy. All the best to you. I'd like to fix what's wrong.
@mohammadalyami6835 Thank you for your reply. I sincerely hope that you and your daughter find a safe source of recovery that will help heal all of the pain that you have endured. Best wishes ❤️
Thank you! I'm so glad you had a therapist who told you that you were in an abusive relationship. My ex and I went to at least five (lost count) therapists. Not one of them identified my ex as narcissistic, nor did any of them address my needs. I think she charmed each one into believing I was the sole cause of the marital problems. (Shouldn't a therapist know better that both sides contribute to the problems?) I finally recognized her narcissistic traits on my own, and worked through much of my past trauma myself! No more flawed self, negative thoughts, rejection sensitivity, high anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. And yet, here I'm still held back by a longing to be nurtured. But with what you are saying, I believe I'm actually holding myself back. It feels like I just need someone to believe in me...but I think maybe I can do that myself. (I'm a fast learner when I see the truth.)
We all have narcissitic traits, so she is either a narcissist, narcissistic, or is a normal with high narcissitic traits. I highly recommend following HG Tudor's work. Empathic people also have narcissistic traits, they're just kept in check by their empathic traits.
My CN wife IS a therapist. I cannot see anyone as they all know or know-of each other and I don't want to undermine her ability to earn as that also affects me. Ironically she is actually a really good therapist but she is totally blind to the damage she has done to me over the years.
@@Shayne_T Yeah, I don't believe that. That would require a very loose definition of "narcissistic," to where the word no longer holds any useful meaning.
On the laughing bit, i had one of those "oh wow" moments. I was playing a game and a guy told me how clear my microphone was. Seemingly insignificant, but i remember responding "thank you thats the first compliment ive had in years". Years dating this girl and not a single compliment. Eye opening.
My last covert relationship ended 2 and half years ago and I still have active CPTSD. It wasn't my only narcissistic abusive relationship. My dad was one as were at least 3 other relationships. I have spent so much of my life in this state. At the moment I am very stressed about moving house. No narcs in my life at all now but I am still stuck rumination, depression and anxiety. I want to heal
Me too, trying so hard to move forward depending on God’s help and listening for his direction. And really when I look back at what mental and emotional state I was in 2 1/2 yrs ago when leaving, I really can see that I have moved forward albeit slowly as there is so much to this kind of grieving process. At this point, my grief isn’t stagnant on thinking what if or what did I do wrong, it is more on how the narc of 22 yrs changed who I was so I am grieving about that. I haven’t laughed for so long. I want that so desperately as I remember how healing and fun it was. I want some fun!
This was amazing . . and not what I expected. You have a special talent for translating complicated psychological concepts into language that is going to make a lot of sense to a lot of people. I am sure you are a very talented coach.
Great content as always, thank you! I'd also add the option to see from another side - for some reason (super stress, physical trauma etc) we can be already at the mid-brain level AS ORIGIN of our state, we function in limbic level and autonomous (vegetative) nervous system, not the cortex. Then, with no understanding of the situation and our state properly (if not too obvious the trauma, and we can't realise cortex is being off or there is its partly inhibition): - we see the world from this level (more emotionally, stressed, vigilance etc) - we have option for our perception and action from the stress responses point of view (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, +all the mixed states by the Pete Walker, 11 in total) - we are able to build the connections and relations only from these states, and as we know we will be the magnet for the people who will have bad attitude to us So, I had narcissist parent abuse during the childhood, but still I was partly rebel. In last September from your videos I found out I was acting as fawn all my life, partly being in fight mode (fawn-fight by Pete Walker), it gave me relief at cortex level and understanding that it was not natural me, but survival strategy. Now I dig down to understand my physical state and I understood I had trauma on dura mater of the brain, neck, cranial nerves as vagus and other, jaw and it's going down to the hips, as body was adapting. So the trauma was not so great to threat the life, I even not sure about how I got it, but the result anyway is - in this state I couldn't live properly with cortex on, and mostly on autonomous nervous system, that's actually the nervous system dysfunction. Now, of course I'm working on the topic, but the question "what is the real cause?" is still relevant for me, physical state or survival strategy that was turned on all the time during the childhood? Actually I think, all our world around are interested to keep us on the mid-brain, unconscious level - for us to be more easy to obey - we are always open to outer suggestions - we are buying and consuming more We need great power to switch to cortex and keep finctioning on this level
God bless the internet for being able to hear this, even if it is after decades of abuse... We always knew, but completely isolated, the minimal validation is bliss. I believe there is also a social craving for goats, people delight on ridiculing people, so much socially repressed anger...
You’ve described my personality perfectly. After 10 years, I tried a separation, but felt that my kids and I were worse off. I went back and now I’m on heavy medications to regulate the stages. He has me convinced that I am the narcissist, the abuser. Little things set me off. I was healthier before we met. I don’t feel there is a way out, we have four children. It’s the reason I stay. I’m basically a hermit now, we live in a new city. I won’t make connections because I’m afraid he will ruin them. I am going back to school for two degrees but I think that’s just to fill my time with something. I don’t think I will be able to work in a normal capacity again because of ptsd, but I can work from home I suppose. I try to go along with things and we have a stretch of happy times, but as soon as I step out of line, his mask slips. I’m past the point of thinking he will change, that things will change. I just want my kids to have a whole family until they are able to fly on their own.
This resonates so much with me, thanks for the video. I joked with my therapist once that if I ever separate from her I would have spend so much time rebuilding and rediscovering who I am 😢
Thank you. Now I understand what’s wrong with me. Now I don’t know if I’m going to be able to change back, even though I do feel like that’s happening, but it’s taking a really long time.
My covert narcissist even did not much raise his voice too much. He also did not use bullying language. I m still trying to figure out how he „trained „ me . He is really masterful in this. He always gave me the impression that what he does as an artist is making the world a better place … I got so moody , switching moods so fast and had deep sense of shame . I was the one who used out of despair bully language altough I am usually super aware of language. All people got the idea he is really trying hard to get a long with me … it’s all twisted around. Realizing that step by step is really hard . Please comment ab or write me somebody who has similar experience💙
Hi, it happened to me this way, too. I'm realizing the first was my mother.. Always so calm and collected but with some short remarks about me.. I became to withdraw, becoming too serious or would lash out. So I thought low of myself and was ashamed. Had this strange feeling I need to live my family soon..and I did when I was nineteen.. I stumboled a lot but was quite independend...was afraid to pick up an abusive man like my mother which skilled myself to recognise bullies and succesfully avoided them. But! I didn't realize then covert narcisists exist, so I got involved and maried a guy who apeared selfcontroled and calm.. In first years I was delusional, not understanding what's going on and soon my selfesteem dropped down below.. At that time he would enjoy belitteling me for it, questioning my sanity freequently, I was swinging between depresion and angziety for years. Than, when I emotionaly touched the bottom I realized that was not me, it couldn't be this is all I am.. So I kicked myself up and started to stand my ground and than he became hostile...he'd shut up, giving me silent treatments for weeks and when I'd finaly caought a moment and courage to bring something up he woud shsh me, that I am talking to loud...and gave me some more silent treatment and avoiding me. The only thing I was sure of was I am not going back down again, I was terrefied of depresion abys... So in our 9th year I wanted a divorce but he'd extorted me out of it by treating he'd finish himself and we had two children. I stayed but was not able to speak, ecept to my children, for almost a year because I felt so defeated. After that I became harsh, confrontative, fearce,still trying to fix our marriage.. 16 years... This days it'll be 20 yrs since I am divorced..and it looks it took me this long to overcome the fear, the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the shame...to finaly feel well in my skin, in my body and to finaly know why and who I am. I believe that recovery te would last much much less if I had taken time of and find me a good coach or therapist then. Good luck! All is well at the end. 🍀
Michele, I can relate to the fixer upper metaphor and the 24/7 house alarm analogy!Excellent description of mud brain behavior. Gotta use meta cognition instead of fight or flight. Breathe and exercise. Good food! Toxic out excellent in!
We’ve ALL been there! And once you get out, it’s a journey. And can a miserable one. So the sooner one get out, the quicker one gets on the road to recovery.
Great share and spot on! Loved the house flipping example - where the house needs an overhaul and updating and you need to rewire whole thing and make and foundational improvements…. Neurofeedback was a literal lifesaver for me and anxiety.
I was always laughing until I wasn’t. It’s like I poured concrete around my heart to save myself. Now I’m in the process of slowly chipping that concrete away so I can reconnect it to my brain. Sounds crazy but that how I see it. My family woke me up to her ways and I am grateful today and on mend. Thank You for this video and all othered like it. Helped a lot.
Bless you for doing what you do. IMO - we have all experienced trauma to some degree from our own perception (especially if you are self diagnosing). Also, IMO I have found that admitting to myself that I put myself in that situation, forgive myself, and work to make sure that I don’t do that to myself again if I can help it.
@chellefranc - awesome!! The next live meeting is the first Friday of January!!!! It's actually a free live webinar - we'll be talking about the difference between learning about healing after emotional trauma/narcissistic abuse vs. embodying the healing!!!! I look forward to getting to know you better at the meetings!!
Just a few: Rumination causing insomnia A fear of outdoors Doom-scrolling Raking my nails across my skin Antisocial Hypertension Triggered by places we'd been to Short term memory impaired
I was married to a covert, single 30 years. I still can feel the anxiety she caused. Learned to always look over my shoulder. Now I know how to deal with it. So I get everything you are saying.
I really appreciate the description of the mind/body relationship. I understand and recognize these behaviors, but doing the emotional and physical work is harder to do. I also appreciate the metaphor of stuckness. Thank you!
ln 2025 l highly recommend everyone to read keezano’s book Your Life Your Game. It beautifully shows how connecting with God and focusing on your family can lead to spiritual growth, stronger relationships, and success in both your personal and professional life. This book truly changed my life… A must-read. God bless!💟
It was as a young and naive christian that I met and married my covert narc wife. I saw the red flags before "the day" and spoke to my pastor who convinced me it was normal wedding nerves. I was in an abusive relationship while teaching in bible college and in church leadership, giving god the glory for my successes and taking 100% responsibility for my failures. I came to realise that as I would never put my sons through what I went through, turning a motivated and good person into ... therefore God is a malevolent entity not a loving guide/father, there are no lessons to learned, we are just energy to be farmed.
Okay, then read Pagan Practices and The History of Witchcraft and we'll be having an equal understanding of one another. Or, don't, because I don't want to read that.
Happy New Year. This is spot on for me as i ruined friendship and relationship with people who cared for me. I sabotaged them and now I don't have any friends. I do have God. Forgiveness is one thing but not forgetting is another thing. The good thing is that I'm seeing a counselor. Thank you.
9:57 100% Thankfully I'm don't as much as I used too, but yes, it's still very present in my day to day interactions. The difference now is, I know I'm just being triggered and I can regulate myself. But it's hard.
The trick is to heal yourself and stay committed. Education about neuroscience is the most valuable. The narc has no choice but to change as well and they will resist. But u have to preserve and not loose your identity, but develop it. My husband had BPD and I have D.I.D. The more I integrate my consciousness the more mature he becomes because he is forced to see himself more clearly
thank you so very much for the analysis and scientific explanation of what I have been (and still am) going through!!! knowledge is the ultimate weapon in these situations! have a happy 2025! (I. from Greece)
This is my situation. Im married to a narc and I'm at the point where I've realized im literally dying every day. A shell of my formal self. Seeing no hope. Empty and have nothing left in me. W no support. And idk what to do. But I know I can't continue like this any longer. It's going to literally kill me.
Sometimes, I deeply struggle with the embarrassment of falling for manipulation and not being strong enough to recognize it and to walk away. Letting people get over on me. I write it off as my loyalty is constantly being tested. I recently discovered "injustice trauma," which subconsciously shut me down almost to the point of death. It seems like most people I let near me are either psychopaths, narcissists, or both. I seem to attract these types of personalities like "Here I am, come use and abuse me." As if it is all I know, and perhaps a considerable guilt complex to boot. My studies have made me less prone to being this open book for these folks. I explain this through my deep conscience and subconscious attempts to understand these people. Recently, I have been in recovery and doing very well (high honors) at an online university, studying and majoring in general psychology. I have a counselor and psychiatrist. No meds currently, and my abuse symptoms seem to be reducing. I am developing the ability to spot these people, but it is still not easy. To me, these people are worse than vampires. At least you have to invite vampires in, and they provide eternal life. I am motivated to understand anyone who enjoys watching anything living (especially people) suffer. Your video is interesting. I am working very hard to return to the real me, whatever that means. I am very hurt but not dead. I was a GREAT person at one time. I am very gifted and very talented (God told me). Today, I am a person who will not leave until he is 100% and can reoffer to the world what he was put on earth to offer: love, help, and support. Thank you for your video and videos like this. My life is dedicated to the study and research of narcissism and its impact on the innocent survivor. It amazes me that I could have been anything and ended up here. It's not a bad thing; it's just fascinating to me. I am thankful I found my true calling. P.S. - Going "No Contact" with my mother was not as difficult as I thought. I pray and have compassion for her and anyone with NPD.
My ex-wife was covert narcissist. When she left, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I've done meditation for years. I'm laughing again, there's peace in my life.
Oh, you are good. I was age 61 when my narc mother died; that was the first night I felt safe in my life (including since the start of life in the womb). I thought I have processed all this stuff [in education the motor-muscle-memory is important]. However at age 75 I have had an acquaintance for less than 2 years that got identified as a narcissist by an onlooker. I have considered myself a curious observer wanting to figure out what the trip was with this acquaintance. So, now I know. I am now "alerted" that it is likely that I have not kept myself in a clear observer role, and I should check for damages. thank you.
Thanks for that Michele. I truly appreciate the good work you do to help people like myself. I resonate with most of what you said. I have two questions. 1. Does Christianity helps with narcissistic abuse and 2. What if you've always experienced all those symptoms, even as early as in your childhood?
The abusive squatters are relentlessly draining my funds; I'm afraid that if I ever get them out of my house, I won't have anything left to spend on therapy. It has already been over a year since the masks came off and the abuse started, but I have been supporting them for 7 years without interruption. I tried pulling the plugs years ago on their many appliances draining my system, but they called the sheriffs who came and told me I could not withhold electricity from them. Now my house feels like a tomb, since I live mostly in darkness w/o electricity while their appliances continue to buzz in the back yard and their room. I finally got a restraining order to prevent them from screaming at me, but their threats are ongoing, and they will not leave. I call the sheriffs when they start screaming again, but the sheriffs don't take me seriously, showing up the next day. Then they tell me they can't do anything, because the squatters have the right to do whatever they want in their room. But it's not their room; it's my room, and they've locked me out of it. Nevermind that I have to keep paying for them to stay at my house when they are not welcome here; the law provides full protection to them at my expense in CA. It has been so long that I've been enduring this that I can't imagine ever being able to recover without therapy.
Keep waking them up every hour, they will leave after 3 weeks, people can’t survive without sleep. Also consider reporting drugs as they sound like they are on them - a dawn drugs raid could also make them move on. Also if you don’t pay your electric bill it will all get cut off - not your fault they have no power - get a generator for yourself or solar power system just for you. Lastly consider going to the court house and asking to speak to a duty lawyer, or clerk - see whether you can have them for breach of the restraining order or trespass (cctv evidence will help you here). Good luck, and don’t let make you small (that what they want) use reverse psychology to get your home, life and sanity back!
Can you sell your house and move away? Not give a forwarding address? If you stop paying for the bills, they will leave won't they? There has to be something you can do about your situation. You don't have to take their abuse. No one I know gets to live anywhere for free. 🤷♀️
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I just learned my aunt is dealing with my criminal cousin ( her nephew) moving onto her property when he gets out of jail. (Texas) The sheriff said she can do nothing but evict him even though he hasn't moved in yet, won't pay rent, and is a convicted thief. Wishing you luck in this and the wisdom and strength to figure out how to get rid of them...soon.
Thank you coach for this video which described exactly what I am going through since 2024. After 13 years with a narcissist, I lost my joy and I don't trust anybody anymore especially women. I wanted to build another relationship but I am scared of women. Please give me some advice
Ive noticed the hyper vigilance as well. Also no laughter. Ive also stopped painting i used to love painting but i havent read painted in over a year. When i try to paint now i feel like a shell i cant create like i used to
As an experienced divorce lawyer, I wish everyone would get educated about covert narcissists. The world would be a much happier place!
Interesting View of perspective
Agreed! They are the most dangerous cause you don't see them coming!
the world would be a much better place without fake human law and all those who make so much money working for such a corrupt bogus system made by narcissists for narcissists as well.
@@1ReikiFloW true that!
Yes because they try to hide what they're doing. Lucky for me I try to pay attention to people
Its so insidious because they make you really believe it was all your fault, when really theirs.
WOW! I've lived that insight! Thanks.
Its quick for us to blame ourselves when were around a person who is in a constant state of anger
Exactly. Same here.
Wow 😢
I think the narcissist, covert or overt. Tries to make you doubt your own sanity. We all have a part in how we react. Some people just want to exert dominance.
Yeah. 😢
@@davidsisson2026 They love to create self doubt and invalidate EVERYTHING you say and do. Never doubt yourself EVER. Listen to your gut, the still small feeling within.
Wow. The timing of me seeing this video couldnt be more perfect, I was with a narcissist for 4 years, and when we stopped seeing each other, i found the love of my life, and because i was trauma bonded, i ended up ruining things but i realized my mistake and did all i could to make sure i got her back.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not
I feel your pain , after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
I experienced this, but with family members. I was raised by two narcs, it was scary... I remember feeling like I could not wait to escape, about around 9 years old. Decent people can come from two narcs, they do not only breed narcs, or narcissistic children---they also breed empaths. Peace and healing to all of you... go no contact, it gets so much better. I love how you explain narc abuse in such a calm way, it's soothing.
I'm definitely an empath, but didn't even realize what is was, let alone know that I am one, until a couple of years ago. So many things make sense now. God Bless
My 1st of three Narcissist Abusers was my own "Grandmother ", if someone chooses to call her that... I call her Frances. I never she'd a single tear when she died. Sounds terrible of me, I am sure. But after what that woman did to me, that is nothing.
Shed
no contact IS the only way to go, i affirm, being raised by a narc and the other ALREADY lifelong damaged by her narc mother, then married to narc. imho, how lifelong abuse by narcs can make ppl unfunctionable shud be a universal free resource for all.
I believe that narcissism is not as much of a mental or emotional condition rather a spiritual one. One that can be passed down through generations as well as broken. These people have an unholy spirit that causes this thinking and behavior. They don't need medicine, therapy, or incarceration but most likely need to be saved by Jesus.
I’m sending love to everyone here. I hope 2025 will be the best year ever for you. ❤
Same to you! ❤
You too
Same to you & thank you ❤
Narcissists have no sense of humor. It was exhausting because he expected me to be the source of entertainment. Awful people
I can relate.
For me it was opposite. They had a great sense of humor and was so much fun to be around, until they showed their true colors. Because I am so chronically sick, I was never funny enough, never energetic enough...just never enough for them, and they almost convinced me that I should end my life because I wasn't enough for anyone.
Yes..I'm realizing I'm entertaining the 😈
100%! My narc sister stands out in our family as the only member with ZERO sense of humor. Boggles my mind since I see humor in almost anything
@@buchrisss I bet it's exhausting to carry the conversation, particularly when they get annoyed that someone had to do so! Glad you see it 👍
I can relate to the non-laughter comment.
The “Happy Go Lucky” part of me went away for a while too.
Not being aware of unhealthy or toxic relationships can be taxing, especially when we try to be the superhero, and try to save the day, for the wrong people.
This can take us down the wrong paths for YEARS…
Instead of trying to solve a Rubix’s Cube by ourselves, it is wise to learn from others who have already successfully dealt with this stuff.
Happy New Year everyone. 😊
Same here. A lifetime of not smiling a real smile, or laughing a real laugh. Only my children and late husband were the only ones who knew that person so long ago.
I'm in the exactly same boat, and I tried to be a superhero too. I've always been known for "being a clown" and spend my days laughting and smiling. We laughted a lot when everything started. I thought she was my soulmate because she was as stupidly funny as I were... but that changed after a few months and everything became a living hell...
It's been 6 months since the end of my relationship and I can't remember a single time I've laught in these months. She has resumed her life and replaced me with other person, meanwhile I'm completely destroyed, and even tho I never wouldn't want to be back with her, I'm suffering a lot.
I sincerely hope I will be able to laught freely again. It was one of the best parts of me 😭.
And I also hope you have a wonderful new year
Happy New Year🎉😊
After 28 years in a relationship, I’m 7 years out and still learning so much! So much gaslighting and power-and-control abuse in 28 years. Wait.. I wasn’t crazy? It’s an unreal realization. Baggage…
Did u ever move on or will I always be single. 😢
I moved on and found someone who’s able to be patient with me. Bc I’m still learning. It’s amazing to learn how to act and do things just for yourself after that part was stifled or suppressed or abused for so long! ❤️
Wow! I thought I had it bad with living through almost 11 years of it. Can't imagine how long it took you to find yourself again and enjoy life. Truly hoping you are having a better life now.
I’m going into the 28th year
I realized what it was/is a few months ago…
It causes cancer, tumours, loss of sleep, depression and injuries. I attest to that. Avoid these characters at all cost no matter who they are. Your life is yours only, save it and treat it with care and love.
@@levisimon5627 Very well said!!
Yes. Narcissistic abuse from a mother certainly contributed to my now MS. It’s sad that my formative years have resulted in permanent physical change, but I’m a kinder listener. I feel that I’m more humble & more evolved & that the generational trauma I experienced was never intentional. You cannot live in a state of unforgiveness. It also helps to go low contact and live half a globe away 😂
I believe that only those who have lived this can truly comprehend it! Great video, more confirmation helping me through my healing journey! Thank you!
Ditto!!!
Agreed. It can be so surreal sometimes that I have actual felt like I was watching it like an out of body experience.
@effortless-one I felt that way many times too!
@@lannybackes1053 🙏
Exactly! I've tried to explain it to others who haven't lived it, and they don't seem to understand. That last 3 months of the relationship, I was able to find a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse. She has been amazing and helped me to understand why it happened and is helping me to move on. If you have been in an abusive relationship, I strongly recommend seeking a therapist to help you through it.
All of this plus feeling like we need to protect the narcissist all of the time.
I have thought of leaving so many times but it is that "protection" problem that keeps me stuck (39 years married). I have much more capacity to earn than she does (although my motivation / ambition / confidence has been eroded to a fraction of what it was) and so I feel terrible about leaving her to fend for herself.
Yes. Despite that I am and know I am spiralling down hill I still want to help despite knowing I’m in free fall. Great comment, thanks and a great explanation in the video.
@@effortless-one I’m sorry that you are going through this. After 29 years of marriage, and my husband not listening to me or making changes that are hurtful, I finally had to leave for my sake and the sake of our youngest child.
@@jeffrobo2077 You deserve to live a better life, please take care of yourself. Your spouse is an adult and can take care of themselves.
right? and feeling we have to solve all their ridiculous problems that they cause. just to find PEACE…. awful experience- RUN, they will NEVER change.
It makes a lot of sense. I grew up constantly doubting myself. I was very quiet. Shy, awkward. I knew always that wasn't me but I just couldn't be my real me. It took years and years of knowing my own worth and learning about narcissism. Um 63 years old and still re emerging my true me.
Thanks so much for you truthful input. This was very helpful.
I understand. It started when I was young. Being around my parents stole my joy. They were not bad people. Very screwed up emotionally. It caused a lot of problems. What I realized was that we all have problems. Spent a lifetime un learning. And realizing I am a person of worth
And the covert narcissist couldnt care any less about abusing us.
No. They don’t. Mine is busy being married to someone else. He has no idea how to have a relationship, so I don’t know how he’s going to pull that off, but it’s not my problem.😂I’ll have to pray for her.😂
Narcissists are like flies to a wound. Instead of being angry at the flies, tend to your wound. That is self care. ❤🙏
Nope, not one single bit
True they enjoy our suffering sickening
Know that they love nothing. It was a friend who made me learn this after 30 years of his ice-cold interactions. I must not have been very healthy too and learning to get back on track.
Exactly, it's stored in your body.
@sototallyover2359 Absolutely 💯!! I have chronic pain because of all the years that I've endured it. But I am starting a new journey, it's call taking care of myself, Finally!
that´s absolutely true - thank you for explaining it. I also learned that if you are traumatized your neocortex shrinks and a hyper an active and growing amybdala (which is responsible for fear and shame). even after the relationship is over the neurological network is still physical affected by this which also keeps you stuck in the survival mode. that can lead to depression and a 24/7 state of fear, unable to do basic daily activities. It happened to me and it was a horrifying time. as if the relationship was a kind of "living in emotional Tschernobyl" for 6 months. Even when you are out of it, you are already hurt by the constant radioactive rays.
I heard brain spotting helps
Still in a marriage with a covert narc after 39 years. Have come to the point of exiting many times but have a terrible loyalty defect (trauma bond). Wanted to confirm what you said about the frontal lobe - my CPTSD got really bad so I went and had a neuro-feedback scan; the scan showed activity on one side of my frontal lobe had COMPLETELY shut down. The guy doing the scan said he had only seen one worse which was from a Vet that had seen some horrific stuff in active combat. I got my wife (on threat of leaving for good) to do the neuro-feedback which has improved our situation a lot but I think the damage had been done as I am just a numb shell of my former highly motivated self - decisions for 2025.
“When was the last time you laughed?” The answer tells you a lot about who a person spends time with.
She stole my smile, nearly 3 years of being told I'm too cheerful, I'm fake, whenever she didn't get her own way. I had no idea the damage she was doing until I got away. Being caught in the drama cycle of attention seeking with either breakdowns of sadness or vile anger, I grew strong to that stuff and eventually stood strong looked in her eyes and told her she's too aggressive and so miserable and I can't be around her at all. And left. But I had no idea of the constant digs at my character I'd loose my smile.
Your still here my friend. Now start lifting weights and get in the best shape of your life
In time, you will find it again... I wish you well on your journey to recover yourself. ❤
Hang in there, man. Work on self-improvement and live your best life now. I truly believe that your smile and joy will return.
Save your smile for someone who deserves it. Not smiling is powerful. Men try to steal your light by trying to get you to smile. Don't allow them to experience your joy. It is yours and should not be food for vampires.
Save your smile for someone who deserves it. Not smiling is powerful. Men try to steal your light by trying to get you to smile. Don't allow them to experience your joy. It is yours and should not be food for vampires.
The silent treatment is one thing they do best. It made me adapt a very edgy personality. For me, paranoia became a huge part of this and it is very hard to deal with. If i'm talking to everyday people and they are listening to me without speaking for awhile, I start to get paranoid that they are analyzing me and either plotting against me or thinking what a loser I must be. Even though I know it's just normal part of give and take for the converstation so they can find a way to respond. I'm constantly triping up in my conversations, stuttering, etc because I'm worried about what word or tone of voice will be used against me.
You learn the hard way not to trust anyone with your life savings. You know people can turn on you in one minute.
And the plan they have before they do you dirty
They steal with no remorse
This is exactly me. I have lost myself and don’t know who I am anymore.
May God give you more strength, may the Almighty bless you with their love
same
Sad that a person can make another person so confused. And to those believing in God: why has GOD created those bad people? These bad people using good people with "golden heart"...
@@ewar2919 I can feel and understand you. But may be soon light of wisdom will reflect through the cracks caused In heart due to experience. May be it's a lesson for us to never exploit anyone, never make anyone feel that pain from which we went through and at thel same Time make boundaries and protect the self. Respect the self.
What it helped me enormously were Family Constellations and learning the process of how to love myself - which is crucial.
took me about 4 years to cure and that was only after 5 years involved with/entangled with that narcissist. and i still look at this stuff for validation… it is a shocker if youve never experienced the behavior before. NOW… i see the fact is that those “difficult” friends, relatives and work people are 99% likely narcissists. i am always just glad i am not involved with them. now i know how to handle them and they repel me. never again!
Their darkness infects you
Like poisonous tentacles exude from them into You.
This is one of your best episodes, thank you.
''The past is gone forever and cannot hurt me''. Said by a Scottish woman.
It is not that i dont feel safe in my body! It is that i dont feel safe in that environment!
EVERYTHING that you mentioned is exactly what I have lived with for most of my life. Raised by a malignant narcissist, and married a covert Narcissist.
Now at 62 I'm just now figuring all this crap out.
I totally understand B/C My mother is that way with me. So sorry to hear you have this situation Too
Myself included, only at 57...
Married to a CN wife now for 39 years so hear you. It is horrible when it is too good to leave but too bad to stay - a real mindf**k.
Me too…almost 62. I was an easy target for the repeated relationships I allowed my self to step into and not step away when the screaming RED flags were everywhere. This video gives an excellent place to start. Scrape away the crusty layers that suffocated us.. and somewhere beneath, we will rediscover ourself in a healthy way. I want that! Best wishes to you.. better days ahead!
@@effortless-one Absolutely 💯
I used to be happy before a 6yr narcissistic relationship, 3yrs out and this is exactly me. I want me back, this is horrible and i can't seem to get out of it 😢
Keep healing. I wasted 30 yrs. though some were good. Now that I saw this video, I will work on healing and less ruminating too.
People will show you who they are if you will pay attention watch their actions and listen to their words. Narcissistic pattern is an incongruency, inconsistency, hypocrisy between words said and actions taken. The narcissistic pattern of behavior comes from malformed neural circuity that create a repetitive pattern of defense mechanisms. It will show itself. Look for hypocrisy, dominance, gossip, inconsistency, lies, words not matching actions or their claimed past. Image based living, grandiose, vague profession but leased range rover, the hero or the victim, the religious zealot but sinful life, housekeepers but little money, rented luxury apartment yet no savings, no real job, asking you for money. How do they respond to criticism or suggestion of improvement? Anger? Screaming? Rage? Do they blame others for their own mistakes? External locus of control. Ego fragility is a clear indicator of the narcissistic pattern. Listen how they talk to other people, especially those of perceived lower status or service people. One on one is it less discernable however in groups the toxicity emerges with snide remarks, dominations, power grabs, put downs, using group for their own agendas. Are they the blabber mouth in the room, demanding attention? Do they have a contrived laugh? Like a car horn, parrot, machine gun, or wailing laugh? This week i was approached by an annoying older gossipy narcy woman in an exercise class "i'm sorry i don't know YOUR name" was her approach in a haughty manner. I didn't respond with my name. She then got my name from the instructor and now yells it every morning when i walk in class. " hi JOHN!!" "Good morning JOHN!". Isn't she so nice? Always talking during class with comments, gossiping about everyone in class. This is a 65 year old woman announcing others medical procedures, vacations, illness to strangers. Data collecting and entitlement are narcissistic traits. Look at how they treat animals. They may treat their own animals overly well but no empathy toward humans. An example you might hear "If a deer and a human were struck by a car I would help the deer". Listen to how they talk about other people in their past. Watch for the explosive rage, anger, crazy looking eyes bugging out of their head. Look at yourself and what you yourself are wanting from the person in question. How did you meet this person? Why are you socializing with them? For sex? For connections? For money? For beauty? How does this person make you feel? You should avoid labeling anyone anything, especially any medical, psychological, or psychiatric diagnosis. You may be correct or you may be incorrect but to normal detached people you will sound silly. It is much better to say this person is toxic or abusive than spouting off someone is a "narcissist". Speak of specific incidents such as "i can't take any more screaming or put downs". Toxic behaviors, maladaptive traits, abusive conduct are simple enough to assess. Study the cluster B disorders and their maladaptive strategies. Listen to someone's words, fair to look at their life history, their own testimony. How do you feel when around this person? Do they seem "off" compared to other people you have met? Something just ain't right but you can't put your finger on it. Negativity flows from them? Dark, paranoia, victimy stories? They just seem to have been dealt a bad hand by their parents, job, school, ex, boss, landlord, neighbor, the democrats, the republicans, best friend, sister, grandma, you, on and on? Drama and more drama? Always in conflict? Haughty, judgy, racist, put downs of others, their own family, children, ex, strangers they don't even know? Are they out of balance with their own body? Anger? Obesity? Drunk? Drugs? Gambling? Sex? Beyond entertainment or life enhancement toxic people are self destructive. Does the person seem needy? Childlike in speech? Improper boundaries? Critical? Disrespectful? Do they give you a creepy stare if you ask any questions about their stories? Lack any discernable accomplishment? Do little everyday but speak of grandiose events of their past? Have an external locus of control? Blame their own life circumstances on others, no life goals, no growth, no change? Do you feel comfortable being yourself around them? Are you refreshed? Feel positive energy when around them? Or do you feel exhausted. Do you feel a need to be polite after hearing the toxic drivel bullshit out of their mouth. Do they ask you for things? You feel like you can't just be yourself without a conflict? You feel like you are the recepticle for toxic opinions or complete bullshit. Do you feel this person is always attempting to dominate you, order you around, act like the leader? These are all narcissistic traits. You can feel these people in your stomach, trust your gut. Be yourself and love yourself.
Additionally, That feeling when your cheating narcissist partner betrays you, but you don’t have the courage to leave, so you endure the pain, questioning your self-worth every day. It’s a different kind of hurt living with them, seeing them everywhere, and constantly fearing when they’ll do it again. The best decision I made was reaching out to *MetaspyHub@gmail.com* They helped me remotely spy on my partner’s cellphone and uncover the truth, just like they did for me. Don’t suffer in silence get the answers you deserve.
Thank you so much for this very detailed, comprehensive method of introspection and analysis 🎁💝
Yes, what you said is true. It creates those feelings.
I had a covert narcissistic mother. She made me the scapegoat child.
I am an adult survivor.
CPTSD is a result of this abuse.
I went on 0 contact with my family. I couldn't
wish a Happy New Year to family members and as a result of being scared to wish it to my nearest family I also am withdrawn from other social situations.
It is difficult to let go of these internal beliefs.
And now to overwrite with new, clear connections.
Rough stuff for sure, celebrating your healing and recovery path.
@betsygreenteam Thank you
I am on a healing path.
Finally this makes SO MUCH SENSE ❣️❣️. I lived in complex ptsd growing up. But I'm learning to let it go and Love myself. That anger still comes up sometimes, I working on that
Me too
I had tears in my eyes watching this video. I didn't know, until now, that I have CPTSD. I recently suffered a very traumatic encounter with my abusive parents that dropped every curtain and showed me what was happening. I know that I was I dealing with narcissistic abuse, and have since gone no contact, but I had no idea that my personality was different because of it. Every single one of these points resonated with me. I'm on a slow journey of learning to love myself again after hating myself for 58 years. Thank you for this, I can discuss it with my therapist and develop a plan of action ❤
I am right there with you! You are not alone. We can recover our true selves. It just takes time & patience with ourselves. ❤
Best of luck to you
@@dulceoliveira3601 thank you!
I have chills ! Spot on! I will visit your website !!
What she is describing a continous traumatization and how to unwire it. How longer you stay, ow longer it takes.
This type of abuse has haunted me since my childhood. I've only been alone for a very short amount of time. Let the healing begin. Bc we are ALL WORTH IT!!!! ❤
I don't think I have enough years left to unwind it
This video put so many things in perspective for me, and you put my feelings into words that I cannot express myself 😢 So thank you for that🙏
Omg, I've been using laughing as therapy. It is so powerful. I find myself laughing powerfully from the gut and it makes me feel so grounded. It is a release but it also energizes and recycles through my body.
Great medicine..
That is such a good reaction. Think I need to work on that.
I love this :)
I can’t laugh anymore. My personality has been flipped/changed, and I don’t even have a sense of humor anymore. I don’t know how to get myself back to laughing. I do remember how good it felt to laugh.
This is me to a T. My mom was a covert narcissist and my dad left when I was just a baby. Now, I am stuck in the "freeze" response. My wife is to the point now, where I fear our relationship is seriously about to end. I don't know if anything I do now can ever fix it.
I think you just described me exactly. Still in the marriage relationship with kids. Hyper vigilant is a great way to describe it.
Rick, I stayed in the marriage because there are kids. It wasn't physically abusive, I was in the middle of flight, fawn, freeze, and I was so beaten down fight was always forced away, never engaged.
The now adult children have all been with wrong people. YOUR CHILDREN are learning what a relationship looks like by watching yours. They won't understand a good relationship for themselves if you don't value yourself enough to be in a good relationship of your own. My failure to get out with my children is noticable in the grandchildren as well. Living with a NP is insidious. Save yourself, your children, and future generations.
I would do the narc detector with HG Tudor. Get clear answers and know exactly who (and what) you're dealing with. Give lots of details. There are toxic people who are not narcs, unfortunately.. you stay away from those people, too. I hope you find the strength to leave if you are in an abusive and unsafe marriage. You and your children deserve better.
I e been watching these videos to make sure I’m not a narcissist. My ex is; I used to be so nice and caring and now I worry about the damage I’m inflicting on others due to being so hardened from her abuse.
Makes perfect sense. As fir the oersonality staying stuck....to me it's like being on high alert.
When I first returned from 2 tours in Iraq, I coukd not go out dancing and have fun...It was always bouncer or protective mode !
Hi Michele, I discovered your channel recently. I am learning a lot from your videos. Narcissistic abuse is such a complex topic. Thanks for sharing your knowledge. Best Regards and happy New Year 2025 Love Xav.
It does make sense. I often tell my son that I wish he could meet the person I was before knowing his dad.
I've thought the same thing. I feel people see me now after the trauma bond and forgot who I was before. I hold onto the memories though and I'm working my way back to me. I wish you the best in doing the same.
@@sbella6719 Hi. The journey isn't easy, and there are setbacks but NEVER give up. You will find yourself again because you haven't forgotten you. I wish you the best on your journey. ☺
last week I did show my 15yo son my pictures before i meet his mother .... looking at this pictures my self i realized exact what you just said... I even made a comment to my son about it.... funny whoh?
Regards from South Poland
It's actually bad to talk to your son about their blood like that. You're basically lowering yourself to his level and are doing as much emotional damage to the kid and you probably don't even know it. You sound like my ex, the mom of my children. She lost custody due to being like you, she got judged: had me feel like I was the narcissist for YEAAARS, then I got to court because she was witholding the children for me, she got examined, diagnosed NPD and she lost custody. While she was saying, I would never win in court and she started laughing about me being so mad: while only trying to make co-parenting work for the children. She took them away from me for nearly 2 years, because I believed her lie and made the agreement not to go to court. And she even had to do community service because of it as it was punishable by law because of "abuse of power and emotional abuse and neglect"
Not going to lie that sounds very emotionally abusive....
My ex-wife took the life and character out of me. I became a shell of a man. Went through hardships with my 5 year old daughter, the kind of stuff if I wrote in a fictional book would sound a bit too much for drama. The laughter part is what got me. I laughed out loud with an uber passenger, and mentioned that its been years since i last genuinely laughed. All in all, i just now consider my self just above the waves professionally and financially, but emotionally, i recognize i need alot of work. Not convinced that group therapy is useful for me. I can't see the solution in being with other victims discussing the trauma.💔
The best part about group therapy is that you realize, "Hey, I'm not alone..." You also will hear how other survivors are coping and healing from this abuse. I've found it to be helpful in my life. Best wishes on your journey ✨️
Yeah, it's valid to feel like it's not helping, and to prefer a private session instead. I don't like to talk about my business out loud because there won't be time for feedback, or much at all, so it's like .. okay this isn't great, and some of the stuff I say is triggering, and some of the stuff they say is triggering, or some of the feedback I say pisses them off and vice versa and there's no time to defend ourselves and we end up stewing on it or something, or not knowing what to do when someone is really really going through it, see, I just prefer to talk to people one on one to help them or be helped. Is that kinda where you're coming from? Or do you find the trauma triggering, and like a session of sadness? Does it feel like it's not getting resolved at all? I kinda picked up that feeling from your post, interested to know more. :) I don't like group therapy. On youtube here or reddit or someplace though, talking with other survivors is the same concept only there's time for good feedback and talking. And it's way more private!
@@CovetAmory it's really all of the above. I don't mind crawling through a mile of crap if it means I'll achieve salvation at the end, but just to end up where I started? Rather stay where I am and figure something else out. Some advice like the one from Michelle is good, but still often feels like being in an eco chamber instead of looking for a solution. There is some comfort in knowing that you're not the only "victim" out there, but being stuck in a victim frame can't be good, and being in a group of victims isn't going to help recover, in my humble opinion.
@@KRH4Hwks thanks for your kind words. Coping is kind of like limping. Yes, you are walking, and yes it is better than laying on the floor, but barely, plus you are in pain, and other parts of you will have to compensate for the lack of what was damaged, which adds strain and exhaustion.
I need to undo what was done.
I need the proper frame of thinking to navigate my life through life's pitfall towards fulfillment, and help guide my daughter through the same.
I am happy for you having found value in group therapy. All the best to you.
I'd like to fix what's wrong.
@mohammadalyami6835 Thank you for your reply. I sincerely hope that you and your daughter find a safe source of recovery that will help heal all of the pain that you have endured. Best wishes ❤️
You speak very well, thank you for taking your time to make this video on this topic.
I get you, Michele! I had to learn to truly laugh again as well.
Thank you!
I'm so glad you had a therapist who told you that you were in an abusive relationship. My ex and I went to at least five (lost count) therapists. Not one of them identified my ex as narcissistic, nor did any of them address my needs. I think she charmed each one into believing I was the sole cause of the marital problems. (Shouldn't a therapist know better that both sides contribute to the problems?) I finally recognized her narcissistic traits on my own, and worked through much of my past trauma myself! No more flawed self, negative thoughts, rejection sensitivity, high anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. And yet, here I'm still held back by a longing to be nurtured. But with what you are saying, I believe I'm actually holding myself back. It feels like I just need someone to believe in me...but I think maybe I can do that myself. (I'm a fast learner when I see the truth.)
Same thing happened to me. Therapists so clueless they were charmed by the narcissist!
We all have narcissitic traits, so she is either a narcissist, narcissistic, or is a normal with high narcissitic traits. I highly recommend following HG Tudor's work. Empathic people also have narcissistic traits, they're just kept in check by their empathic traits.
My CN wife IS a therapist. I cannot see anyone as they all know or know-of each other and I don't want to undermine her ability to earn as that also affects me. Ironically she is actually a really good therapist but she is totally blind to the damage she has done to me over the years.
@@Shayne_T Yeah, I don't believe that. That would require a very loose definition of "narcissistic," to where the word no longer holds any useful meaning.
Thank you Michele for this insightful video. It should be helpful to a lot of people because narcissistic abuse is on the rise across the world.
On the laughing bit, i had one of those "oh wow" moments. I was playing a game and a guy told me how clear my microphone was. Seemingly insignificant, but i remember responding "thank you thats the first compliment ive had in years". Years dating this girl and not a single compliment. Eye opening.
My last covert relationship ended 2 and half years ago and I still have active CPTSD. It wasn't my only narcissistic abusive relationship. My dad was one as were at least 3 other relationships. I have spent so much of my life in this state. At the moment I am very stressed about moving house. No narcs in my life at all now but I am still stuck rumination, depression and anxiety. I want to heal
Me too, trying so hard to move forward depending on God’s help and listening for his direction. And really when I look back at what mental and emotional state I was in 2 1/2 yrs ago when leaving, I really can see that I have moved forward albeit slowly as there is so much to this kind of grieving process. At this point, my grief isn’t stagnant on thinking what if or what did I do wrong, it is more on how the narc of 22 yrs changed who I was so I am grieving about that. I haven’t laughed for so long. I want that so desperately as I remember how healing and fun it was. I want some fun!
Heal your own mind and stop putting the issue outside yourself. When we heal we stop attracting the same things.
This was amazing . . and not what I expected. You have a special talent for translating complicated psychological concepts into language that is going to make a lot of sense to a lot of people. I am sure you are a very talented coach.
And OMG - you just made this two days ago? Your reach is going to be tremendous. Please keep at it!
You did an Outstanding job explaining this complex issue 🏆🥇
Bless you for helping the hurting 🌹🙏
Great content as always, thank you!
I'd also add the option to see from another side - for some reason (super stress, physical trauma etc) we can be already at the mid-brain level AS ORIGIN of our state, we function in limbic level and autonomous (vegetative) nervous system, not the cortex.
Then, with no understanding of the situation and our state properly (if not too obvious the trauma, and we can't realise cortex is being off or there is its partly inhibition):
- we see the world from this level (more emotionally, stressed, vigilance etc)
- we have option for our perception and action from the stress responses point of view (fight, flight, freeze, fawn, +all the mixed states by the Pete Walker, 11 in total)
- we are able to build the connections and relations only from these states, and as we know we will be the magnet for the people who will have bad attitude to us
So, I had narcissist parent abuse during the childhood, but still I was partly rebel.
In last September from your videos I found out I was acting as fawn all my life, partly being in fight mode (fawn-fight by Pete Walker), it gave me relief at cortex level and understanding that it was not natural me, but survival strategy.
Now I dig down to understand my physical state and I understood I had trauma on dura mater of the brain, neck, cranial nerves as vagus and other, jaw and it's going down to the hips, as body was adapting.
So the trauma was not so great to threat the life, I even not sure about how I got it, but the result anyway is - in this state I couldn't live properly with cortex on, and mostly on autonomous nervous system, that's actually the nervous system dysfunction.
Now, of course I'm working on the topic, but the question "what is the real cause?" is still relevant for me,
physical state or survival strategy that was turned on all the time during the childhood?
Actually I think, all our world around are interested to keep us on the mid-brain, unconscious level
- for us to be more easy to obey
- we are always open to outer suggestions
- we are buying and consuming more
We need great power to switch to cortex and keep finctioning on this level
God bless the internet for being able to hear this, even if it is after decades of abuse...
We always knew, but completely isolated, the minimal validation is bliss.
I believe there is also a social craving for goats, people delight on ridiculing people, so much socially repressed anger...
You’ve described my personality perfectly. After 10 years, I tried a separation, but felt that my kids and I were worse off. I went back and now I’m on heavy medications to regulate the stages. He has me convinced that I am the narcissist, the abuser. Little things set me off. I was healthier before we met. I don’t feel there is a way out, we have four children. It’s the reason I stay. I’m basically a hermit now, we live in a new city. I won’t make connections because I’m afraid he will ruin them. I am going back to school for two degrees but I think that’s just to fill my time with something. I don’t think I will be able to work in a normal capacity again because of ptsd, but I can work from home I suppose. I try to go along with things and we have a stretch of happy times, but as soon as I step out of line, his mask slips. I’m past the point of thinking he will change, that things will change. I just want my kids to have a whole family until they are able to fly on their own.
This resonates so much with me, thanks for the video. I joked with my therapist once that if I ever separate from her I would have spend so much time rebuilding and rediscovering who I am 😢
Thank you. Now I understand what’s wrong with me. Now I don’t know if I’m going to be able to change back, even though I do feel like that’s happening, but it’s taking a really long time.
Nothing is wrong with you....
My covert narcissist even did not much raise his voice too much. He also did not use bullying language. I m still trying to figure out how he „trained „ me . He is really masterful in this. He always gave me the impression that what he does as an artist is making the world a better place … I got so moody , switching moods so fast and had deep sense of shame . I was the one who used out of despair bully language altough I am usually super aware of language. All people got the idea he is really trying hard to get a long with me … it’s all twisted around. Realizing that step by step is really hard .
Please comment ab or write me somebody who has similar experience💙
Hi, it happened to me this way, too. I'm realizing the first was my mother.. Always so calm and collected but with some short remarks about me.. I became to withdraw, becoming too serious or would lash out. So I thought low of myself and was ashamed. Had this strange feeling I need to live my family soon..and I did when I was nineteen..
I stumboled a lot but was quite independend...was afraid to pick up an abusive man like my mother which skilled myself to recognise bullies and succesfully avoided them. But! I didn't realize then covert narcisists exist, so I got involved and maried a guy who apeared selfcontroled and calm..
In first years I was delusional, not understanding what's going on and soon my selfesteem dropped down below.. At that time he would enjoy belitteling me for it, questioning my sanity freequently, I was swinging between depresion and angziety for years. Than, when I emotionaly touched the bottom I realized that was not me, it couldn't be this is all I am..
So I kicked myself up and started to stand my ground and than he became hostile...he'd shut up, giving me silent treatments for weeks and when I'd finaly caought a moment and courage to bring something up he woud shsh me, that I am talking to loud...and gave me some more silent treatment and avoiding me.
The only thing I was sure of was I am not going back down again, I was terrefied of depresion abys... So in our 9th year I wanted a divorce but he'd extorted me out of it by treating he'd finish himself and we had two children. I stayed but was not able to speak, ecept to my children, for almost a year because I felt so defeated. After that I became harsh, confrontative, fearce,still trying to fix our marriage.. 16 years... This days it'll be 20 yrs since I am divorced..and it looks it took me this long to overcome the fear, the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the shame...to finaly feel well in my skin, in my body and to finaly know why and who I am.
I believe that recovery te would last much much less if I had taken time of and find me a good coach or therapist then.
Good luck! All is well at the end. 🍀
Michele, I can relate to the fixer upper metaphor and the 24/7 house alarm analogy!Excellent description of mud brain behavior. Gotta use meta cognition instead of fight or flight. Breathe and exercise. Good food! Toxic out excellent in!
thank you Michele. you come up with a lot of great analogies that are helpful, such as the 'home alarm' which is pretty spot on. 👍👍
I am now so different
Angry,.resentful, joyless, unhappy
We’ve ALL been there! And once you get out, it’s a journey. And can a miserable one. So the sooner one get out, the quicker one gets on the road to recovery.
Been through the craziest cptsd from narcisistic abuse. No councellors know anything about it. I need to join your group.
Great share and spot on! Loved the house flipping example - where the house needs an overhaul and updating and you need to rewire whole thing and make and foundational improvements…. Neurofeedback was a literal lifesaver for me and anxiety.
I was always laughing until I wasn’t. It’s like I poured concrete around my heart to save myself. Now I’m in the process of slowly chipping that concrete away so I can reconnect it to my brain. Sounds crazy but that how I see it. My family woke me up to her ways and I am grateful today and on mend. Thank You for this video and all othered like it. Helped a lot.
Thank You! MLN ...time has escaped me because of the trauma - alllll of the possible resources to help me were disabled by the satute of limitations.
Bless you for doing what you do. IMO - we have all experienced trauma to some degree from our own perception (especially if you are self diagnosing). Also, IMO I have found that admitting to myself that I put myself in that situation, forgive myself, and work to make sure that I don’t do that to myself again if I can help it.
This video has given me the apiffany I needed, thank you . I'm watching this video over and over again.
So glad it was helpful!!!!!
This makes sense. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Michele, your channel is so helpful and it helped me tremendously…I signed up for the zoom and I can’t wait…😊
@chellefranc - awesome!! The next live meeting is the first Friday of January!!!! It's actually a free live webinar - we'll be talking about the difference between learning about healing after emotional trauma/narcissistic abuse vs. embodying the healing!!!! I look forward to getting to know you better at the meetings!!
omg, this is me! im literally crying because someone understands me. 😢
Just a few:
Rumination causing insomnia
A fear of outdoors
Doom-scrolling
Raking my nails across my skin
Antisocial
Hypertension
Triggered by places we'd been to
Short term memory impaired
That’s me!!
@@Willi-g9o really sorry buddy. Doesn't end anytime soon but sertraline helps a bit along with CBT. Other than that, nature has to take it's course
Perfect explanation for a physically abusive relationship as well!
Thank you. Good explanation.
I was married to a covert, single 30 years. I still can feel the anxiety she caused. Learned to always look over my shoulder. Now I know how to deal with it. So I get everything you are saying.
I really appreciate the description of the mind/body relationship. I understand and recognize these behaviors, but doing the emotional and physical work is harder to do. I also appreciate the metaphor of stuckness. Thank you!
My heart is not right anymore
Put across in a very understandable way thank you
very nice therapy today. I did have a 6 month break. the real me was starting to come back
100% relate!! Been there done that, sadly so many people from childhood especially my so-called parents
ln 2025 l highly recommend everyone to read keezano’s book Your Life Your Game. It beautifully shows how connecting with God and focusing on your family can lead to spiritual growth, stronger relationships, and success in both your personal and professional life. This book truly changed my life… A must-read. God bless!💟
great book
It was as a young and naive christian that I met and married my covert narc wife. I saw the red flags before "the day" and spoke to my pastor who convinced me it was normal wedding nerves. I was in an abusive relationship while teaching in bible college and in church leadership, giving god the glory for my successes and taking 100% responsibility for my failures. I came to realise that as I would never put my sons through what I went through, turning a motivated and good person into ... therefore God is a malevolent entity not a loving guide/father, there are no lessons to learned, we are just energy to be farmed.
Okay, then read Pagan Practices and The History of Witchcraft and we'll be having an equal understanding of one another. Or, don't, because I don't want to read that.
@@CovetAmoryLmao. You need a friend there bud?
@@CovetAmory lm sorry for you
Happy New Year.
This is spot on for me as i ruined friendship and relationship with people who cared for me. I sabotaged them and now I don't have any friends. I do have God. Forgiveness is one thing but not forgetting is another thing. The good thing is that I'm seeing a counselor. Thank you.
So very true. Thank you 🙏
I used to play guitar as a hobby, The narcissist that I dated for 5 years took the music right out of me I'm just now getting back into it
My covert taught me GREAT things. Made / changed me into a better person. TAUGHT me how to FORGIVE.
You don't sound like you experienced nac abuse at all
9:57 100%
Thankfully I'm don't as much as I used too, but yes, it's still very present in my day to day interactions.
The difference now is, I know I'm just being triggered and I can regulate myself.
But it's hard.
I get you! This made me cry
The trick is to heal yourself and stay committed. Education about neuroscience is the most valuable. The narc has no choice but to change as well and they will resist. But u have to preserve and not loose your identity, but develop it. My husband had BPD and I have D.I.D. The more I integrate my consciousness the more mature he becomes because he is forced to see himself more clearly
thank you so very much for the analysis and scientific explanation of what I have been (and still am) going through!!!
knowledge is the ultimate weapon in these situations!
have a happy 2025!
(I. from Greece)
This is my situation. Im married to a narc and I'm at the point where I've realized im literally dying every day. A shell of my formal self. Seeing no hope. Empty and have nothing left in me. W no support. And idk what to do. But I know I can't continue like this any longer. It's going to literally kill me.
Sometimes, I deeply struggle with the embarrassment of falling for manipulation and not being strong enough to recognize it and to walk away. Letting people get over on me. I write it off as my loyalty is constantly being tested. I recently discovered "injustice trauma," which subconsciously shut me down almost to the point of death. It seems like most people I let near me are either psychopaths, narcissists, or both. I seem to attract these types of personalities like "Here I am, come use and abuse me." As if it is all I know, and perhaps a considerable guilt complex to boot. My studies have made me less prone to being this open book for these folks. I explain this through my deep conscience and subconscious attempts to understand these people. Recently, I have been in recovery and doing very well (high honors) at an online university, studying and majoring in general psychology. I have a counselor and psychiatrist. No meds currently, and my abuse symptoms seem to be reducing. I am developing the ability to spot these people, but it is still not easy. To me, these people are worse than vampires. At least you have to invite vampires in, and they provide eternal life. I am motivated to understand anyone who enjoys watching anything living (especially people) suffer.
Your video is interesting. I am working very hard to return to the real me, whatever that means. I am very hurt but not dead. I was a GREAT person at one time. I am very gifted and very talented (God told me). Today, I am a person who will not leave until he is 100% and can reoffer to the world what he was put on earth to offer: love, help, and support.
Thank you for your video and videos like this. My life is dedicated to the study and research of narcissism and its impact on the innocent survivor. It amazes me that I could have been anything and ended up here. It's not a bad thing; it's just fascinating to me. I am thankful I found my true calling.
P.S. - Going "No Contact" with my mother was not as difficult as I thought. I pray and have compassion for her and anyone with NPD.
Straight-up - Thank you for this help !
My ex-wife was covert narcissist. When she left, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I've done meditation for years. I'm laughing again, there's peace in my life.
Oh, you are good. I was age 61 when my narc mother died; that was the first night I felt safe in my life (including since the start of life in the womb). I thought I have processed all this stuff [in education the motor-muscle-memory is important]. However at age 75 I have had an acquaintance for less than 2 years that got identified as a narcissist by an onlooker. I have considered myself a curious observer wanting to figure out what the trip was with this acquaintance. So, now I know. I am now "alerted" that it is likely that I have not kept myself in a clear observer role, and I should check for damages. thank you.
3:00 For me, its so quick for the narcissist to blame me and not look at themselves and that is just as equally damaging
Thanks for that Michele. I truly appreciate the good work you do to help people like myself. I resonate with most of what you said. I have two questions. 1. Does Christianity helps with narcissistic abuse and 2. What if you've always experienced all those symptoms, even as early as in your childhood?
The bible talks about narc,s all the time . ( in the last days there will be only lovers of self ) is one of the lines .
Thank you....needed to hear it
The abusive squatters are relentlessly draining my funds; I'm afraid that if I ever get them out of my house, I won't have anything left to spend on therapy. It has already been over a year since the masks came off and the abuse started, but I have been supporting them for 7 years without interruption. I tried pulling the plugs years ago on their many appliances draining my system, but they called the sheriffs who came and told me I could not withhold electricity from them. Now my house feels like a tomb, since I live mostly in darkness w/o electricity while their appliances continue to buzz in the back yard and their room. I finally got a restraining order to prevent them from screaming at me, but their threats are ongoing, and they will not leave. I call the sheriffs when they start screaming again, but the sheriffs don't take me seriously, showing up the next day. Then they tell me they can't do anything, because the squatters have the right to do whatever they want in their room. But it's not their room; it's my room, and they've locked me out of it. Nevermind that I have to keep paying for them to stay at my house when they are not welcome here; the law provides full protection to them at my expense in CA. It has been so long that I've been enduring this that I can't imagine ever being able to recover without therapy.
Keep waking them up every hour, they will leave after 3 weeks, people can’t survive without sleep. Also consider reporting drugs as they sound like they are on them - a dawn drugs raid could also make them move on.
Also if you don’t pay your electric bill it will all get cut off - not your fault they have no power - get a generator for yourself or solar power system just for you.
Lastly consider going to the court house and asking to speak to a duty lawyer, or clerk - see whether you can have them for breach of the restraining order or trespass (cctv evidence will help you here).
Good luck, and don’t let make you small (that what they want) use reverse psychology to get your home, life and sanity back!
Make friends with a gang of bikers.... Have them come over and party with you and they will take care of the problem😂😂😂
It's not worth it. Eliminate them in self defense. Self defense is your largest self given right.
Can you sell your house and move away? Not give a forwarding address?
If you stop paying for the bills, they will leave won't they? There has to be something you can do about your situation. You don't have to take their abuse. No one I know gets to live anywhere for free. 🤷♀️
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I just learned my aunt is dealing with my criminal cousin ( her nephew) moving onto her property when he gets out of jail. (Texas)
The sheriff said she can do nothing but evict him even though he hasn't moved in yet, won't pay rent, and is a convicted thief.
Wishing you luck in this and the wisdom and strength to figure out how to get rid of them...soon.
They are deceivers of the worst order
Thank you coach for this video which described exactly what I am going through since 2024. After 13 years with a narcissist, I lost my joy and I don't trust anybody anymore especially women. I wanted to build another relationship but I am scared of women. Please give me some advice
Ive noticed the hyper vigilance as well. Also no laughter. Ive also stopped painting i used to love painting but i havent read painted in over a year. When i try to paint now i feel like a shell i cant create like i used to