Such an important subject, very often ignored or avoided. I grew up around family members struggling with a range of addictions, with pathological gambling being one of these. From a young age, I witnessed the devastation that it can (and does) cause. My relatives, as far as I was able to understand, were in constant denial and believed they could change their world for the better by taking painful chances and risks. I developed a healthy fear of gambling as a child, and over the years I learned that early trauma and poor attachments are at the very heart of it. It saddens me that you were hurt by it, and thank you for raising this important issue today.
I learned that there’s no winning w a gambling addiction. All the money “won” goes straight back to the “house”. It’s all an illusion I’m trying to break free from. ❤️🙏
I’m under no illusions that I can influence any outcomes of gambling. I’m totally aware of my dysfunctional upbringing as well as my genetic makeup. I’ve been in therapy for years for OCD, as well as gambling which are often connected (as if that’s a surprise) yet the struggle is still there. If only it was as simple as processing trauma from not having been validated as a child. Gambling, just like social media / smartphones rewires your brain. If you’re generally a compulsive person who struggles with controlling impulses, you’re in big trouble. After decades of self reflection, CBT, reading and meditation, the destructive behaviour still rears its ugly head more often than it should. In fact it’s never been worse. I’d like to offer more hope to others but at this point in time, I’m absolutely lost. That too shall pass.
I agree. Im trying to recover from gambling had narcissist mother. I also think its im chasing the feeling that I'm a winner because she's taught me im a loser
If I'd realized my mother and relatives were very narcasistic or psychopathic back in 2000 I'd have had a million dollar home and property out in western Washington with a nice home and pasture and 70 acre's of second generation Douglas Fir trees in a temperate rain forest.. It was my Grandfather's and I was supposed to get it. I was his only grandchild. Well I started nothing my mother and some other relatives being weird, weirder than usual and Mom stole it all from me. I've had the same kind of thing happened a few more times since 2000 when my dad and Grandmother's passed away.. My family were really bad to me my whole life but I never suspected they're psychpaths. Then a few years ago after the 3rd or 4th home was stolen from me I started learning about NARCASISM. I've told people my whole life that I had a good family and mother when actually they've been destroying me my whole life. I'm 53 yrs old and barely exist on a tiny VA pension living in a cheap low income apartment. How can a family and especially your own mother be so cruel. Oh mom and these relatives live in big brand-new homes in the lap of luxury after having retired in the last ten years or so. They're evil. Thanks Daniel and God bless you.
Totally relate to your painful story. I am 43 and I realise the true smoking gun for my family was the complete immersion of the lies/sickness. Reality has proven the distortions and after effects of the abuse ten fold. Its a painful road to walk.
Some of this happened to me too. It feels almost unbearable, especially when you know that normally it does not go that way. But remember that you will always be happier and more in peace with yourself than any psychopath or narcissist, every second of your life no matter how poor you are.
holy fuck you literally just spoke to exactly me, and probably many others. I had a random, vicious gambling stint this week. losing thousands, and have been pondering why, and the abuse and negelect / manipulation and violence from my father that I often put at bay and view in forgiveness - subconciously manifested into me wanting to just become lucky and "make it". The truth is that all of that happened, and that gambling spins the wheels of the cycle. Nobody will help me get back on my feet but me, you cant be lucky all the time - I think luck exists, but not for betting money ~ probably for more important moments in life. Thank you for this video. I am now working hard back at my job, facing my reality, connecting with others and being kind to myself as I climb upwards once again. With a very powerful lesson that I was taught, I dont think there was any other way to understand the message - and truthfully, being a few days sober from gambling now. I havent felt this good all summer. God bless, there is hope for all ! just cut it out of your life and stick to your plan, when you feel tempted, turn away - stay strong , you are worth so much more then that ( reminding myself here )
My dad had severe bipolar and use to tell me that I had magical powers. It really confused me and isolated me from my peers as a child/teen. When I got older I cut contact, but even now I still struggle with magical thinking. It's so hard to break free from since it was pressed into my brain as a kid that I can control the outcomes of things. My gambling addiction is really hard to break at this point and it is scary to let the idea that I am powerful go. Being powerless and vulnerable is terrifying when one has been through what I went through.
You PERFECTLY described the nature of my addiction. I always believe that my fantasy is powerful enough to win. It's the just world fallacy, I want to believe that goodness and luck eventually comes to people like me
that's really interesting, at about 10 I learned a lesson too, somewhat different, it was the lesson that power corrupts, it had a powerful enough impact to only need one experience
Every parent has lied to their kid which didn’t result in long term harm....who didn’t believe in Santa when they were little and still remained functional in their adult years? Santa, magic,....isn’t it all the same?
Personally I think that telling children the particularly American (consumer) fantasy of Santa Claus (instead of the original Saint Nicholas) is also a stupid thing to do and I am glad my parents never did that to us. Even that though isn't equivalent to telling your child that you ypurself have magic powers.
@@pinkythepolarbear5272 I think you have really touched on something there. Particularly in the States are we encouraged to believe fantasies but I don't think it's subconscious. I think it is all part of the marketing/consumer culture. And at the same time we are accepting lies, the truth becomes much more difficult to see. I understand Daniel perfectly on the magic thing. Children, people, need security, things and people they can count on and you can't trust someone who has tricked you. His mother obviously didn't understand the harm she was doing, but that will wreck any relationship, and person.
Such an important subject, very often ignored or avoided. I grew up around family members struggling with a range of addictions, with pathological gambling being one of these. From a young age, I witnessed the devastation that it can (and does) cause. My relatives, as far as I was able to understand, were in constant denial and believed they could change their world for the better by taking painful chances and risks. I developed a healthy fear of gambling as a child, and over the years I learned that early trauma and poor attachments are at the very heart of it. It saddens me that you were hurt by it, and thank you for raising this important issue today.
Thank you so much My husband is a compulsive gambler. I always thought it was to escape something painful that he couldn't face. You explained it
Thank you for sharing this.
You were fortunate to learn so many valuable lessons that day. Money well spent.
Ha -- good point. Well-spent $2.00.
Hiding gum and telling your child you know where it is seriously crazy behaviour and will really mess up a child.
Always look forward to new videos Daniel
Mackler, could you make a video of your thoughts on different therapies? CBT, PDT, ISTDP, etc.?
I remember him adressing this on his site: it's not the paradigm that's important, but the relationship/connection with the therapist.
I learned that there’s no winning w a gambling addiction. All the money “won” goes straight back to the “house”. It’s all an illusion I’m trying to break free from. ❤️🙏
I’m under no illusions that I can influence any outcomes of gambling. I’m totally aware of my dysfunctional upbringing as well as my genetic makeup. I’ve been in therapy for years for OCD, as well as gambling which are often connected (as if that’s a surprise) yet the struggle is still there. If only it was as simple as processing trauma from not having been validated as a child. Gambling, just like social media / smartphones rewires your brain. If you’re generally a compulsive person who struggles with controlling impulses, you’re in big trouble. After decades of self reflection, CBT, reading and meditation, the destructive behaviour still rears its ugly head more often than it should. In fact it’s never been worse. I’d like to offer more hope to others but at this point in time, I’m absolutely lost. That too shall pass.
I agree. Im trying to recover from gambling had narcissist mother. I also think its im chasing the feeling that I'm a winner because she's taught me im a loser
If I'd realized my mother and relatives were very narcasistic or psychopathic back in 2000 I'd have had a million dollar home and property out in western Washington with a nice home and pasture and 70 acre's of second generation Douglas Fir trees in a temperate rain forest..
It was my Grandfather's and I was supposed to get it.
I was his only grandchild. Well I started nothing my mother and some other relatives being weird, weirder than usual and Mom stole it all from me.
I've had the same kind of thing happened a few more times since 2000 when my dad and Grandmother's passed away..
My family were really bad to me my whole life but I never suspected they're psychpaths.
Then a few years ago after the 3rd or 4th home was stolen from me I started learning about NARCASISM.
I've told people my whole life that I had a good family and mother when actually they've been destroying me my whole life.
I'm 53 yrs old and barely exist on a tiny VA pension living in a cheap low income apartment.
How can a family and especially your own mother be so cruel.
Oh mom and these relatives live in big brand-new homes in the lap of luxury after having retired in the last ten years or so.
They're evil.
Thanks Daniel and God bless you.
Totally relate to your painful story. I am 43 and I realise the true smoking gun for my family was the complete immersion of the lies/sickness. Reality has proven the distortions and after effects of the abuse ten fold. Its a painful road to walk.
Some of this happened to me too. It feels almost unbearable, especially when you know that normally it does not go that way. But remember that you will always be happier and more in peace with yourself than any psychopath or narcissist, every second of your life no matter how poor you are.
Lady Averages always defeats Lady Luck.
Haha! Sad but true, especially with a larger sample size….
damn... that hit hard.
I cannot watch this video without goosebumps.
Thank you, Daniel!
This is a great video. It’s a huge concept and the link makes sense in a world filled with fake news...
holy fuck you literally just spoke to exactly me, and probably many others. I had a random, vicious gambling stint this week. losing thousands, and have been pondering why, and the abuse and negelect / manipulation and violence from my father that I often put at bay and view in forgiveness - subconciously manifested into me wanting to just become lucky and "make it". The truth is that all of that happened, and that gambling spins the wheels of the cycle. Nobody will help me get back on my feet but me, you cant be lucky all the time - I think luck exists, but not for betting money ~ probably for more important moments in life.
Thank you for this video. I am now working hard back at my job, facing my reality, connecting with others and being kind to myself as I climb upwards once again. With a very powerful lesson that I was taught, I dont think there was any other way to understand the message - and truthfully, being a few days sober from gambling now. I havent felt this good all summer.
God bless, there is hope for all ! just cut it out of your life and stick to your plan, when you feel tempted, turn away - stay strong , you are worth so much more then that ( reminding myself here )
My dad had severe bipolar and use to tell me that I had magical powers. It really confused me and isolated me from my peers as a child/teen. When I got older I cut contact, but even now I still struggle with magical thinking. It's so hard to break free from since it was pressed into my brain as a kid that I can control the outcomes of things. My gambling addiction is really hard to break at this point and it is scary to let the idea that I am powerful go. Being powerless and vulnerable is terrifying when one has been through what I went through.
You PERFECTLY described the nature of my addiction. I always believe that my fantasy is powerful enough to win. It's the just world fallacy, I want to believe that goodness and luck eventually comes to people like me
Thanks Daniel. God bless you.
that's really interesting, at about 10 I learned a lesson too, somewhat different, it was the lesson that power corrupts, it had a powerful enough impact to only need one experience
I wish I would have learned that as a kid.
Is it still gambling if theres no money involved, explain why, yes or no.
A great insight.
I think you sum it up perfectly at 07:21
Good theory.
Where’s mom now. Do u talk to her ?
Every parent has lied to their kid which didn’t result in long term harm....who didn’t believe in Santa when they were little and still remained functional in their adult years? Santa, magic,....isn’t it all the same?
It's a question of degree, and also motive.
Personally I think that telling children the particularly American (consumer) fantasy of Santa Claus (instead of the original Saint Nicholas) is also a stupid thing to do and I am glad my parents never did that to us. Even that though isn't equivalent to telling your child that you ypurself have magic powers.
@@pinkythepolarbear5272 I think you have really touched on something there. Particularly in the States are we encouraged to believe fantasies but I don't think it's subconscious. I think it is all part of the marketing/consumer culture. And at the same time we are accepting lies, the truth becomes much more difficult to see.
I understand Daniel perfectly on the magic thing. Children, people, need security, things and people they can count on and you can't trust someone who has tricked you. His mother obviously didn't understand the harm she was doing, but that will wreck any relationship, and person.
vert interesting take. association. Also it correlates with you Why do people lie video. Fantasy and self deception, classic Cluster B symptom.
Vietnamese are extremely over represented at casinos & an extremely high number of this population gambles constantly - it begs a lot of questions