Neglectful Parents Condition You to Love Unavailable People
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
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If you grew up without the attention and love of good parents, you may find yourself with symptoms of Complex-PTSD. One of the worst symptoms is an attraction to people who can’t give you attention or love. You see the red flags, but you become attached anyway. Until you've healed that attachment wound, you may find yourself getting your heart broken again and again. In this video I respond to a letter from a man who found out early in a dating relationship that his partner was not available, but couldn't stop attaching.
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This is one the truest videos ever created.
I'm so glad you think so! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy even though you are saying this I think you should tell people not to judge your mate based on your parents.
My parents lowered the bar so low that I dated a lot of loser women. Now I have a long string of failed relationships.
But now I realize they were all doomed from the beginning because of who these women were.
Several of them are dead, the rest are single, all of them are quit hideous because they abused their bodies.
In essence I wasted my life on the wrong people because my measuring stick for life was so small.
They said, 'Sex is how gay people say hello'. I'm gay and for the longest time, I beat myself over casual sex that made me catch unreciprocated feelings. It's horrible, dehumanizing, and disrespectful (from me to myself). Now I'm relearning what I really want, and setting really heavy boundaries around men and casual sex. Turned out, I feel free and valuable.
Proof that sex, despite a majority of gay men's objections, is SO MUCH MORE than physical, and the FALSE notion that you can separate the physical from everything else, is a main reason why we're so messed up now.
you feel valuable because you ARE valuable. much love to you!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo
@@ushere5791 thank youuuuu
Hi friend...👋🏾✌🏼 I'm only 5 minutes into it, but I wanted to tell the guy, 'look man, you're a gay dude, and most gay dudes are "slutty"! And you are still very very young... But you owe it to yourself to try to experience what YOU want. DON'T SETTLE ...you are WORTH whatever heartache comes along! *But I also know how difficult that is to believe & hold onto🙄 (& It's DAMN NEAR impossible when you are LGBTQ!😔)
'
So, when I saw your comment, It rang true for me, as it does for you, and our letter writer...😌 It took me a lot of years, and a lot of therapy, and heartache, and joy, to learn it, so I'll try to save y'all some time... 1)DO AS YOU WILL, 2)HARM NONE 2½)...BUT TAKE NO SHIT
☆Blessed Be☆😎
That aspect of gay culture breaks my heart. You deserve so much more
I’ve given up on people completely, as a whole. I’m sick of being used and betrayed and treated like crap for nothing more than breadcrumbs in return. It’s not worth it anymore.
Me too!! I’m sick of it now!!!
In the gay community most "couples" are in open relationship (sex with anyone but not romantically interested) both sides agreed. Many on apps are happily single and are very toxic positive. They don't even tolerate casual sex with baggage or emotional trauma. It seems more commitment for straight couples and men seems want to spoil or nicer towards women. But what i am saying for the LGBTQ+ community for men is...sex is always on top. Clubbing "good vibes" fun only...always matters. Emotions to wanting a single connection is very rare. And i will be honest the community is one sided and very toxic one. And no one rarely cares for authenticity.
This is just from my years of experience I've also be trolled by random strangers who know nothing about me acting like they know everyone in the community. Back to back. Being used is one thing but being harrassed plus having no one is absolutely hell fire.
I quit in 2021. Exchanging pleasantries w strangers at a store is about as good as it gets. _iiwii_
Me , too.But I still forget this -:)and I am still kind and interested in them .Then they take me to a ride with bs and gaslighting.
Omg I was just saying that same exact thing this morning!!😮😢❤
You don't have to allow yourself to be used and put up with breadcrumbs though. This is the essence of Anna's message.
The loneliness is overwhelming. I used to think I was the only person who had this experience. But I am so grateful to have found this channel. Although seeing a different life for myself seems insurmountable.
Thank you for being are a part of our community here!
Nika@TeamFairy
The belief that physical intimacy could bring about emotional intimacy is a mistake so many of us CPTSD folks make. It makes us vulnerable for predatory men. I understand Simon's dilemma. But it's not too late to learn to protect ourselves. :)
Simon has a beautiful mind! And I'm very sure he'll find love... 🥺💗
I was a "beggar for love." Mom was nice to everyone but me. Now she has decided that she "likes me after all" yet, I still struggle with self love, it's like writing with my left hand. It's all linked to my excess weight and as I try to lose weight, it all comes up, but I tell myself it's not happening anymore and I am worthy after all. Thanks for this vid, & thx Simon for your letter, very timely.
We understand as few others can and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh, Simon.
As a fellow gay man, with an emotionally and mentally neglectful father. I know EXACTLY where you are and how you feel. It doesn't help that so many of us gay men deal with this EXACT same thing.
Don't leave out the narcissist mother
@@JaMeshuggah Absolutely not, just relating to the father aspect.
I'm sure that them knowing that he's gay didn't help matters, either.
yep, it's quite common to see in the gay community. For a lot of gay people, casual sex is how they get to know each other in the first place.
@@NeroNORirl I remember when I came out. Talk about culture shock!!!
@@brentduanefoster Same, was 25 when i came out to family and friends. I remember going to a gay club and realizing dark rooms where a thing there. After getting to know a few people at the pub i also understood that they all went to saunas after drinking at the pub while buying a poppers bottle each. Quite different than what i was used to do with friends. It was just regular friday for them.
Nowdays i just keep calm and do what i feel comftable doing. Saunas and nudety with lots of guys isn't my style so i just do what i want to.
I had a tendency to be like Simon was so caring and well wishing after the reject, it was probably because I was trying to be understanding and inconditional as I needed people to be with me. But people to whom I was trying to give these things did not really need them. So today I totally afford myself to pass if a person rejects me. It's ok to walk out, no well wishing needed.
I agree .Now I know this .
@yupyup3878 yes, I recognize this pattern though I was not voicing it, it was more like internal monologue. Don't hate yourself for still being in this pattern, it's a journey to let go of it ans you are certainly on it since you noticed this already. When you live through it, see if you can catch a very slight sensation of relief that you have been rejected and therefore will not have to "pretend" further to be someone who "you are not" until you're eventually "found out". If you have it, it often means that at least sometimes, you actually rejected yourself before the outside rejection took place. There is a book by Lise Bourbeau, "Heal your wounds and find your true self" that helped me at some point. Maybe you can try and see if it helps you too. And try to train your mind to give yourself grace even when you're not at your best. You're not alone! Keep going at your own pace ❤️🩹
00:00 🧠 Childhood experiences can influence adult attractions; if you lacked attention and love from parents, you might be drawn to unavailable partners.
01:10 💔 Past wounds from childhood may affect current relationships, leading to disappointment and heartbreak until healing occurs.
02:58 🚫 Setting boundaries is crucial; being mistreated or disrespected should not be tolerated in relationships.
04:36 🔄 Attracted to emotionally unavailable partners? This pattern may stem from parental behaviors, but it can be changed with awareness and self-work.
10:07 🚫 Rejection cues should be acknowledged and respected; if someone says there won't be a relationship, believe them, and avoid getting too attached.
13:35 📚 Invest in self-growth; developing your mind and interests can attract deeper, more meaningful connections.
15:47 🚦 Establish clear boundaries in dating; avoid engaging with people who only seek casual interactions if you're looking for something more serious.
16:29 ⏳ Take time to truly know someone; dating isn't just about attraction, it's about understanding and compatibility that grows over
Somebody hire this man. Thank you for your comment. I love the way you organized the overview of the content.
Thank you so much!!
It’s so tricky when you are first starting out with trauma work since you are so desperate to be loved.
The biggest thing that helped me was learning that whatever that situationship is giving you is not love. If you can’t be honest, it’s not love. If they don’t make time for you reasonably, it’s not love.
Or, maybe it’s their version of it, and it’s okay to not want that.
I THOUGHT that love had to be one sided - if I loved them, it should be enough. But it’s not, because people value different things and people are on different journeys. Someone not loving you back does not mean no one can. It only means that person doesn’t. - you don’t like/want a relationship with/are attracted to everyone you meet, either. I bet you wouldn’t want to get blamed for that.
But also, just because you get along with someone well doesn’t mean you have to be in a relationship. Many times, people go on dates with multiple people at a time and only move forward with one they get along with the most. It hurts, but it isn’t your fault.
You are looking for someone you like just as much as they are. You BOTH have to like each other, and if you don’t, it’s just not there. And that’s okay. You’re not doomed because a date didn’t work - most people only marry one person out of 7 billion.
Thanks for sharing this! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy :)
I love how by watching these videos and hearing these stories you can sort of develop the same mental muscle you're using with your fairy pencil - After that reveal where he said they won't ever be boyfriends my brain went "Unavailable! 🚩" and that's sort of where things should have ended. Love it ❤
I'm gradually adding to my imaginary collection of Crappy Childhood Fairy flair, too. 😉
Pink Fairy Pencil lapel pins all round! ✏
Anna's videos are a very engaging and satisfying way to deepen our understanding of the emotional universe. I watch them because I often have a hard time "reading" people.
"mental muscle" what a great way to look at this, thank you!
I love how you described that. Mental muscle! I find myself catching things I would've missed in interactions in my own life just like the fairy pencil... what a blessing. Thank you so much Fairy!
🙆♀️LOL! I'm starting to do that too! Awesome!😁😎👊🏼👍🏾👏🏼
My father said that no man would ever want me. He slut shamed me as an innocent 15 year old virgin. He also continually verbally shamed my sisters while revering his son . My father was an immigrant coming from the old European patriarchal society. All my friends who had fathers from similar backgrounds are all single in their sixties after years of abusive relationships from men. All were the most kindest and caring woman. Now they all say no more. So how do you break the pattern from attracting toxic relationships if you come from these abusive upbringings. A lot of choices come from the unconscious beliefs even if you have done all the personal growth in the world and have all the self awareness of your patterning. My mind and body won’t let me go through it again so I’m very hesitant to even date anymore yet still would like a relationship.
This is the real problem. We need the inner healing but we try to find it outside ourselves.
thank you for acknowledging this old-world patriarchal bs. my poor mom and her sisters grew up steeped in it; the brothers, esp the eldest (who was not the first born), treated like kings who could do no wrong. her parents abused all of them, and they turned around and abused all of their kids in my generation--even the most self-aware among them was neglectful and abusive. a chain of pain that i and one of my aunts seem to be the only ones working to heal from (she and i are both youngests).
14:35 No More Mr Nice Guy is TOTALLY relevant to people with Complex PTSD and childhood trauma. It's a great book. It's NOT a challenging read. It's very entertaining. And though it's not super deep, it is incredibly insightful. I highly recommend it to Anna's viewers.
"Our need for love is so immediate and raw..." Taking your advice to heart about getting to know someone. Though my circumstances are totally different, the impetuous grasping for love is something I share. Couple that with a struggle for consistent self worth/esteem, and slowing down becomes essential.
Sooooo timely!! I was literally asking myself this morning, maybe at the exact time you were posting this video, “Do I fall for the unavailable ones just because rejection is familiar to me??” I don’t enjoy it, and I do love myself and know I’m worthy of more. I landed on that answer, it’s painful, but familiar. Still need more healing. And YES! Loving ourselves enough to set and KEEP our boundaries is so key!! 🔑 ESP with s*x! There’s no such thing as it being casual.
Thx Ms. Fairy! You’re doing good work!
God bless 🦋
I read that we fall for the unavailable ones because we're trying to resolve the abandonment/neglect wound we bear. "Finally I might get Daddy's/Mommy's love!" And unavailable is what's familiar to us: striving for love is just what one does, isn't it?! Nope! Try telling that to the wounded child still craving the love they didn't get... 💔 😢
I've had enough of the heartbreaks so I have given up on love... I am just working on myself...my Model Car Hobby kind of fills the void in a way...
Oh yes. Thankfully i had a neighbor who was available to me to befriend. I often wonder if i hadnt had her where i would be. She was such a blessing in my life.
Edit: the neighbor was like my 3rd grandmother. She had no children. Even so i often wondered in adulthood why i was drawn to the unavailable. The available interested ones, i wasnt interested in. Now i know why.
"No More Mr Nice Guy" is a life changing book. Its also on audible. Im listening to it for the 10th time currently... haha... Highly recommend!!
It's so good!
We have ALL been Simon at some point. Such compassion for him.
I know I deserve good things and love in my life and I’m not settling for bread crumbs. I believe in connection ,respect and truth that is love ❤
I LOVE to hear that other people also read nonfiction. I feel like I get a little pushback from friends who only read fiction. I don't feel the same contempt for people who don't read nonfiction. I just figure, to each their own.
I'm happy to hear that Anna and I have this in common. I also enjoy CHALLENGING nonfiction. I'm currently about 1/3 of the way through The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It's slightly challenging from a technical point of view. I sort of assumed it was going to be "new-agey". IT IS NOT! The real challenge with the book is that it continually triggers a trauma response in me. But I'm learning so much and it's super interesting so I'm going to keep going. I am very anxious to get to the part of that book that covers the various therapies.
I am so impressed by the content of this book. I'm actually thinking a little about changing careers to be a therapist who helps people who have trauma. I have to work through my own first. Although... I don't have to be a talk therapist. There are other roles to be filled...
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
Only about a month ago I learned of substack and have posted on it and gotten some likes. It is just what I needed , a place to express myself, straight and to the point, no middlemen. I took learned to love reading again and keep a log of books I have read, which makes me feel a sense of accomplishment, Mostly biographies or informaitnal books not much in the way of fiction .Reading definitely has expanded my horizons.Thanks Anna! I am woman in my mid 60's ,divorced nealry two decades and still hoping for someone to share my life with, but seems less and less suitable men around. Certainly not serious oriented. I am learning after way too many mistakes, to be more discerning. Sure hope I find him and so will everyone else who wants to. I can do everything I need to on my own, but it sure pains me not to have experienced a healthy relationship. I can only wonder and imagine how it must feel, I struggle not to put myself down over this, but feels like a huge failure for me not to have achieved this.
I've read non fiction books almost exclusively for years and have accepted that I will probably never be into fiction books.
@@andybowker693 I read a couple fiction books per year. Usually older or classic stuff. It's my goal to read every Kurt Vonnegut book in order of publication. Pure gold.
I think this analysis of what is going on with this young man is right on. Same advice would apply to a woman with a similar background. We often project our feelings and desires onto others, even though his date was honest when he told him that he wasn’t interested in a relationship
Reading is one of the most regulating activities for me
Fantastic!
Nika@TeamFairy
THANK YOU! Thank you for reading this letter from a gay male. Thank you for acknowledging that we exist. And I don't mean that with sacarsm. It's just that nobody talks about us, about our problems. Almost like we don't exist. I'm pretty sure there are people out there who would like to pretend like we don't. But we do exist, we're here.
And we're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
👊🏼We are EVERYWHERE!!❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤍✊🏻
❤
Sometimes I feel like a lost cause. I have CPTSD, and want to learn how to keep my emotions in check when triggered.
It was so nice to hear about a story of a gay man. I love this channel and its given me so much help. One point that I thought was interesting was the "gay culture" aspect surrounding casual sex. As a gay person who also came from a dysfunctional family, I see this as a big problem. I think its important to consider the limitations of a "culture" that is predicated so much on casual sex. I think it causes more pain than anything else. I stopped having casual sex and although its tough, my level of self respect has increased a lot. We are precious and its important to treat our body with the respect and dignity it derserves. Thank you for sharing this wonderful video.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel like this is not just relationships but work and everything in life.
I was nine yrs old - playing in the back yard with other kids. A kid picked up a rock and tossed it at me. It hit me in the head - just below the right ear. Blood started squirting out profusely. I ran to the house, climbed the stairs leaving bloody hand prints all over the wall as I climbed. I got to the kitchen where my mother was and blood was everywhere. My mother just stood there - and did nothing. Absolutely nothing. After a few moments I realized I better do something - and do it quick. I grabbed a towel and held it to my head to slow the blood flow and my mother still stood there - and did nothing. I then realized she was not going to do anything. I finally convinced her to call an ambulance before I bled to death. She finally did. I was so upset I can’t even remember her coming with me in the ambulance. I’m not sure if she even did. She didn’t like me or even want me.
I'm so.sorry you experienced that to be met with indifference by your Mum, despite the danger of thr rock hitting your head and profusely bleeding. That was profound and agregeous neglect, its so hard to not be informed by that behaviour when you are a child .Praying for your healing and love ❤ you are loved.
I am so sorry you went through that. 🙏💕💫
I'm so sorry
I’ve seen many of these videos about what’s ‘wrong’ with us stemming from our parents being dysfunctional, but NO ONE ever talks about how a person’s entire self confidence, assertiveness, friendliness, willingness to be vulnerable and attempt to make friends, together with their self esteem and ability to trust other human beings, can be DESTROYED, repressed by others, and become the root of self shame and guilt - those others being TEACHERS AND FELLOW PUPILS. In that case, you have at least 16 years of a living nightmare to put up with, with no way to escape except become a pliant, timid, meek, people pleasing void of a person, who boys (then men) hate and bully for BEING that way, and whom girls (then women) laugh at and are repelled by.
SCHOOL is an environment that can F*** a person up MORE than home life can.🤬🤬
Excellent, Excellent,Excellent!!! Thank you and I know I will be taking your dating course in 2024.
I am so glad that I found CCF. However I still can’t shake the feeling that now that I’m in my forties there is no hope left for me and I will never figure out how to be in a healthy relationship.
Simon, you are so sweet and I cried listening to your letter. I'm so glad you wrote. Sending you the biggest hug.
Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me.” He said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued,
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied,
"The one you feed.”
“I wish someone would wait until I had more information about whether I should bond with this person.”
🤯🤯🤯
I'm barely learning I suffer from childhood ptsd. I too fall into unavailable ppl to date and have become more aware. Also, suffered car accident where my brain was affected. I've been putting off counseling due to cost. These videos help me see i deserve a better life. I'm getting ready to find a therapist to help me overcome my ptsd. Thank you Anna.
Dear Anna, your work and how you are helping people is a true blessing. The daily practice brought me out of dark woods and helped to become a new person. May God bless you! And thank you thank you thank you❤
Wonderful! Glad you found Anna's videos helpful. Thank you for watching and for your comment!
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna .... you're such a very thoughtful, insightful & loving person. It's such a joy to watch.
This is so much my past experience (in younger days) I wish I'd listened to this advice myself a lot earlier. I simply had no concept of how to value myself. Having said that, I attracted too many predatory, manipulative types. I value myself now in a way i simply didn't know how to before. And now I'm old and not into any dating scene 😢
We're so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy
My husband is over 20trs older than me. He at one time said the same thing to me, but he realized that I truly loved him. His mother & I had a great relationship! His older relatives knew I loved my husband. I'm not sure why that man doesn't want a younget man. To me love knows no age or color. True love is beautiful & doesn't hurt! I'm sorry for that young man. He needs to wait for sex & see how someone feels about him before intimacy!!!
It has taken me so long to learn this-but I get it now.
I keep most people on the "porch", or on the front lawn. I've learned to enjoy my own company. Now I am so much more discerning.
Thanks to you and other pioneers & teachers on TH-cam, I know so much more. It is Really helpful.
(one good thing about 21st century-Information.)
It takes a year-4 seasons-at least to figure out if I am compatible with an other to even consider partnership.
My focus is to prioritize my healing habits(DP+) over relationships.
(except the beasties who Must be fed and watered 1st.) :)
ThanQue!~
Yay! It’s so good to hear success stories like this!
Nika@TeamFairy
it's wonderful thing that i've found your channel, thank you so much
No More Mr. Nice Guy is such a good book!
I’ve recommended it to a bunch of friends!
It's odd how I always need the video you post. Feeling reeeeeealy abandoned today. Thank you.
Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
Have faith, Simon! Structured dating is the way to go! There are plenty of gay men looking for loving, committed relationships and not just sex. I’m one of them and have been with my husband for almost 6 years.
Listen to CCF she knows her stuff! :)
Locked in a marriage of shame, isolation, and rejection. My life is over, there is nothing left.
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible! If you haven't already, try Daily Practice. It is a great way to process fears and resentment. You can find the free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
13:28 our need for love is so raw... totally. I would love to have those guardrails, but having been re traumatized by a bad marriage & divorce I'm not ready for dating. Yet.
Omg great message, I am 32 & learning. Thank you 🫶🏽
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
It seems like this guy is looking for a father figure.
We call them "Daddy issues". Tends to happen when fathers fail to step up and be there for their kids.
@@brentduanefoster Thank you.🤍
Wow that’s so true… we sometimes believe we have to put up with poor treatment because we think it’s the only way we can get anyone to love us!
oh, simon. much love to you. you sound so wise and lovely in every way--thoroughly handsome inside and out. xoxoxoxoxoxo
Thank you, very well explained. A lot of things you talking is about me and my family.
Yeah, you're not kidding
I had an autistic self harming meltdown last night after a very hard day at work topped off with a fight from my boyfriend. Hes my first boyfriend and things were going well but i think hes sabotaged everythingnby picking a fight then not dropping it for 4 hours until i went into full on meltdown mode. I slapped and hit myself and now i have to go to eork in 3 hours with no sleep and extreme exhaustion. I have been celibate for 15 years and the first time i met a guy i really liked we waited and got to know each other and it wasnt a secret that our politics dont match. I said it didnt matter to me if we're not raising kids....and he started sending jabs and gloating political articles the minute we got intimate. I tried to deflect or change rhe subject and he finally blew up on me last night and was so ugly. I just feel so hurt and used
This isn’t true. Neglectful parents can also make YOU the unavailable person as well. This is assuming everyone who has neglectful parents develops an anxious attachment. They do not. This channel is helpful but I’ve noticed it assumes anxious attachment. Many people with CPTSD are not anxiously attached.
Thank you for these videos ❤️💔
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This one really hit home 🥲
We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Please talk about Adopted children under x who have been adopted to absent adoptive parents.
We have two primal wounds
I feel so helpless
Big lesson in this episode.I have experience similar situation in travel romance where I start feeling cheated or manipulated because they moved on from me
Loving unavailable people like... married women
Married or not. Any woman can be unavailable under a myriad range of circumstances and situations.
@@storycharmsplot twist… the loving person is the husband…
@@thecoldglassofwatershow ❤
As a gay man I can tell you - the community is absolutely horrid. Goodluck finding a committed, mature, emotionally intelligent gay man who is interested in a lifelong relationship. "Ethical non-monogamy" is the new term and it makes me sick. Goodluck my friend. It's a long, lonely road as a gay man who wants an exclusive or lasting connection. Hats off to the rare minority of gay guys who found their penguins.
I'm thinking the hook up culture isn't a good idea no matter your sexual orientation. Especially if you are dealing with CTPSD. My opinion is that people use the culture excuse to abuse people and use them for sex. 😢😢😢 I know a lot of same sex couples who are monogamous and are in loving relationships ❤️
I am always attracted to the men who didn't give me love as much as I give them 😢😢😢 how can I heal the pattern
I don't feel so alone
Glad you are here, with the Crappy Childhood Fairy community!
Nika@TeamFairy
I am starting to wonder if it's men in America...at least in Los Angeles. Always looking for what they don't have, even when what they have is amazing.
I also bought that book you spoke about, I hope I got the right one ha ha ha
I think we gay men are starting to realize that passion and sex and attention are NOT love. As people who were misunderstood by its parents because our sexuality, we all experienced what is to grow without actual love from parents. So we don't know what loves looks like or feel like. They told us that we are over romantic love, as if this was some "hetero shit", and that we are cooler, heartless bitches enjoying life. But that's a lie. We started to realize that what we want is LOVE, that thing that we thought was not for us. Coming out, for me, has 2 phases: telling you are gay, and start believing that you deserve true love, not just attention or sex. We deserve to be loved as anyone else 🙏🤍
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
A powerful idea.
It was when he said "You're too young for me." Rubbish. I'm a female who was with a man twenty years older for nine years. We were grownups, accepted each other for what we were. For the guy in the letter, he was serious when he said they would never be boyfriends. (Btw, in my case, eventually we split because he didn't want children. A couple years later I married my husband and had a family. My ex married a woman closer to his age, and they had no kids, so everyone was happy.)
Did he say he had sex on 2nd date?
Why do people have sex so quickly when sex is just that, sex.
Making love is making love to someone we love. Whether a friend or love a relationship takes time get to really know anyone.
When we know we are actually in love and are best of friends who want to spend our life with, get married before making love.
I can only say this one line: I know WHO can heal all your pain and sufferings...I am 60 yrs old and was a ward of the state/ foster kid from 1969 to 1976....6 to 13 yrs old.....then had all the freedom for 5 yrs... and then I became pregnant at 18.... after only being with the guy for 2 months.... and he wanted to marry me which I knew I was only doing it for the babies sake and to be looked upon respectfully....did I know true love??.... UH NO....jus knew no one was ever gonna take my baby away from me. Long story short....divorced after 9.5 yrs and we stayed friends and he remarried and I NEVER DID.....kids emotionally traumatized and they became addicts in their 20's n 30's....both sides had Grandparents that were alcoholics.....AFTER 20 YRS of living for my flesh I got down on my knees and cried out and was rescued the next day and that is another awesome story. I WILL NEVER LOSE MY FAITH AND I HAVE THE HOPE OF AN ETERNAL LIFE ON THE NEW EARTH WHERE JESUS CHRIST YESHUA HAMASHIACH WILL REIGN FOREVER N EVER.
I remember the series I love called "It is a Sin"... *spoiler*
In the end, the best girl friend of the star (who was gay) said to his strict/narcissistic mother :
"All of this is your fault.
[Mother: That’s ridiculous.]
But it is, right from the start, ’cause I don’t know what happened to you to make that house so loveless. But that’s why Richie grew up so ashamed of himself. And then he k***d people. ... He was ashamed, and he kept on being ashamed. He kept the shame going by having s*x with men, infecting them, and then running away. ‘Cause that’s what shame does, Valerie. It makes him think he deserves it. "
This scene broke my heart. And I can hate every parent for what they are doing to potentially good people.
I have the complete opposite problem. I end up in relationships with people, they really like me as a person and tell me they love me.....but they have no interest in ever having sex with me. They do at first, but then that stops but they want to continue the relationship
That older man is a user
@CrappyChildhoodFairy
Due to that trauma in childhood i can't control my emotion, low self respect, explosive anger ,emptiness
I think i suffer from bpd
If you're interested, try Daily Practice. It is a good tool to help with getting regulated and it has already helped so many people, including Anna! You can try it in the free course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
I struggle daily to understand what is wrong with me
Then I encourage you to try Daily Practice. It can help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Just a question, does alcoholic partner creates narcissism, or narcissists naturally are attracted to alcoholics and vice versa?
Sounds like you've been watching a lot of narcissism videos! Here we work on ourselves.
Thank you
Haven’t had intimacy in a decade. Just can’t bring myself to meet anyone unless they align with my beliefs/values and in my lifestyle, I’m once again the black sheep. I know Grindr isn’t the place to meet nice people lol just living in a very lonely alone world. I don’t know what gay is anymore. Also no one has been interested in me anyway. I’m in Australia.
Can you do a video on business partners? I see so many similarities.
Thank you! 🙂
I desperately need help. Do you know of any good therapists in Pittsburgh?
We're not affiliated with any therapists, sorry.
Anna, Can you make a list of some of your favorite books?
Here are the books Anna recommends:
• Van der Kolk, Bessel. The Body Keeps the Score.
• Walker, Pete. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving, and other works.
• Alcoholics Anonymous: The Big Book.
• Sarno, Dr. John. Healing Back Pain, The Mindbody Prescription, The Divided Mind
Also:
• “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover
amzn.to/3ma9l9k
• “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie
amzn.to/3xgBOi2
• “Scars of a Nation” by Peter Mbuthia - bit.ly/3BF0aGj
Nika@TeamFairy
I only like people who treat me as a side chick or an afterthought.
If a man is good to me, I'm not interested. To the point where I'll mentally make a list of everything I can't stand. From chewing to the clothes they wear until it's so bad that my body no longer responds to the person.
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
why would you say that to me 😭
Nonsense. We don't have any problem. There are very few people who are actually nice. And not narcissist
This channel is for people working on themselves. The people who think they don't need to ever do that... what's the word for that?
I also face extreme neglect in my childhood n my mother is toxic
Glad you are here now.
Nika@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks🙏
🩵💙🩵💙💚💚💗💗👏🏻👏🏻
Criminal women are not nice to me either!
I did not say criminal! 😂
@@kimp7977I'll be nice to you.Wanna buy this slightly used X box first though?😂
💖
💛🧡♥️
11:10 - and maybe this is just me, but... This relationship just all seems backwards, upside-down, and topsy-turvy, inside out.
They Don't Even Know each other, and they've Already had sex.
Again, They Don't Know Each Other.
This Person Could Be A Redrumer.
Neither Of Them Really Know.
Sex for sex-sake (and for PEETS sake) between Perfect Strangers is NOTHING of value, and says a LOT about the ppl involved.
This is what I would say privately to this individual.
Grow-Up!
And there's really SO much more going on here than simply "relating" - the Dynamics are more complicated.
Ppl are not "robots" - We don't "go around" needing an oil change.
Ppl are more like... plants.
We go through stages and "periods" so-to-speak. Don't pass one, it becomes EXTREMELY difficult (though not impossible) to get to the next.
Ppl are like Legos. Build the ground, then build the building. You Don't build the building in Mid-Air! That Doesn't Work. It doesn't work like that.
Goodness. Awfully judgemental.
@@chaseface1337 absolutely not. It's common sense. Adults are adults, and don't act irresponsibly.
A person doesn't Know what they Don't Know!!
We Live in a time of undecidedness. It's important to have healthy Boundaries.
When you realize that you are a total Simon 😅