To forgive is to act as if it NEVER happened. If you look at yourself you will find you have betrayed /rejected people too. Did you mean to do it? Those people have to FORGIVE YOU !
@@introspectiveseraphim6251 Regardless what he has or hasn't suffered, what he wrote is a very powerful way to be happy. Holding on to hatred ruins your life. Instead of being crippled up with bitterness, you can, in your own mind, just silently forgive and then enjoy the rest of your precious life.
Let's not forget to also forgive ourselves for the bad things we might have done in life, to others or to ourselves. The best thing we can do is to move on, learn and become better
People usually have this idea that forgiveness is for the person who wronged you, but in reality, it's for yourself. The purpose it serves is to allow you to move past your hate and anger.
An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others has absolutely nothing to do with them. - Unknown
Unless it affects you or others, that you are negatively impacted, which usually is the case, that other ppl's choices or decisions has unf a ripple effect on us. But otyerwise yes agree, that one should not be distracted from one's focus
Someone who wrongs me and does not apologise has no place in my life. I have too much self respect. I would rather have no friends rather that so called friends who think it OK to do something hurtful and never apologise. All too often we tolerate things we should not tolerate.
Agreed, no apology or acknowledgement of being wronged- no place. I’m curious though, do you still forgive them? Without giving them a place in your life?
@@emma_______ I think the answer is yes. You forgive them to free yourself however, you do not allow them to be in your life the same way if they are not a healthy relationship for you. You have the right and responsibility to protect yourself from harmful people but do not hold any hatred or resentment towards the person because it only damages you. This is the understanding that I have and can implement.
@@emma_______ forgiving is what you do for yourself. Who you allow to occupy space in your life is a different question than allowing them free rent in your head
When it comes to forgiveness, it is not something that we can just decide in an instant as we usually still have resentment towards something or someone afterwards. It happens over time by reflection and feeling.
Yeh, it takes time, but once you know that you stand to benefit the most when you forgive, you no longer hold onto resentment. As the Buddha says (as quoted in the video) - Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
This is done by discerning what part you might have played in the situation and making amends wherever possible bearing in mind that you must not do more damage in the process and that the other party might not feel the same about whatever it is your addressing and/or inclined to forgive you or forget what you have done (if anything) This is where acceptance and letting go of expectations come in .
It happens when you have compassion and empathy for the person who wronged you. When you see that to do whatever they did they must have been suffering internally and they like most are running off of the programming they picked up throughout their own lives. We are all flawed and few have true awareness, it’s not their fault. Here your peace and true self remain while unfortunately they continue to suffer as you would if you had chose to continue resenting out of ignorance.
When you forgive the one who wronged you, you heal that injured version of you .....but never forget to have healthy boundaries...forgive because you deserve peace but stay away from what's not good for your soul...
It is indeed timely for me too, this video has reminded me to forgive but not to ignore but I apply detachment towards the person that continues to hurt me with her spiteful and vindictive ways hence letting me down over and over again by not understanding and appreciate my efforts of reconcile, sadly only once we're gone they come to the realization of what they've lost..
Anger and hurt at another’s actions can point to a deeper wound in oneself. Honoring our feelings, processing them and cleaning those wounds assure that our forgiveness is not simply a bandage.
I totally agree Angela L . I think sadness and loss often lie behind anger and therefore one has to face this and allow somehow oneself to truly grieve and release the sadness and profound sense of abandonment and of being alone that another’s actions can bring before forgiveness for oneself and others can be released
Many people don't understand how freeing forgiveness really feels. They don't understand how much the hate and resentment really weighs on them energetically. It takes work but it really is worth it in my experience.
Could you please explain how did you forgive whoever has done you wrong? And I would like to know your thoughts about forgiving your own self. I have committed such blunder mistakes in the past...I have ruined my relationship with someone who truly loved me (there's nothing I can do about it bcz that person is no longer alive), I have almost ruined my career and have wasted years of my life staying somewhere everyone disrespects me. I hate myself for these things.
Interesting perspectives. I was betrayed and greatly wronged by someone that was very important to me. I need to figure out how to let go of the hate and anger I feel towards that person, for my own sake. It destroys one inside and changes nothing that has already happened. Easy to say, much more difficult to achieve within oneself.
I'm truly sorry you suffered a major injustice, especially at the hands of someone you cared for. The terrible part is that you most likely still care very much about this person - despite their disloyalty..that is why it is so hurtful. I have had similar experiences myself and I hope that with time, you are able to lay down some of the burdens that they put on you.
It's not difficult to achieve my friend. How sincerely do you want to break free of it? Put the minds conditioning aside (the hard part, but practice makes perfect) and be sincere in your quest to break free.
@@sentientpower insert eye roll... not difficult to achieve.... speak for yourself. You have NO IDEA what another person has experienced or how horrible it was or is. Self righteous much?? Lucky for you it was easy, if you had any trauma to experience at all.
True it takes long time as we cannot scold the person or avenge the wrong doing It is like hot Gulab Jamoon (A favourite sweet dish in India ) you can’t swallow it and at the same time you can’t spit it out.
@@TheDia8grc I'm not judging you my friend, sorry if it came across that way. We are not the stories of our lives, it's an illusion. You can realise this now or wait till you're on your death bed at which point you'll be leaving a worn out body behind. Who is the one that is unborn and undying, find out and identify yourself with that one. I forgive you for judging me. I could tell you my stories but that's all they are.
Beautiful. My mother died tonight. She hated us all. She was a beautiful person, but never knew it. I will pay forward the good that came to me. I refuse to inflict the harm. Put my foot in the next place.
I forgive myself to have allowed people who weren't worthy of my love, attention and appreciation to hurt me. Never again will I be taken for granted. I'm worthy of love, kindness, appreciation and respect. Why run after those who betrayed and hurt you ? Nah. Drop it folks. Keep going !
I’ve never visited my dads grave because he’s the reason he’s there and did it with the intent to hurt me and my family, i haven’t forgiven him yet but I feel like I’m being irresponsible because it’s been two years and I have learned to live without him already and want to improve by letting go and forgiving him
I've been a lot of heartbreaks & traumas. For so many years, I cry every night until I fall asleep, and woke up with a heavy heart. I've come to a point where all I have is anger & hatred. I suddenly had a countless goals & dreams. I started to work on myself, all my insecurities & traumas, and all the heartbreaks. And now that I get better, I started to understand things and slowly forgive them. I'm not at my best yet, but I enjoy my life more than before----happier & braver.
Lol everyone should do that most utter shit to others and then we are just expected to let go and forgive BC we are so much better and great. Actually I am not that good at it, I live my best to not hurt people and I expect they do the same
My brother lied to me about our mother illness, so I wasn’t with her when she died and then he lied to me about money related matters and stole part of my inheritance. I cannot forgive him, but after having hated him intensely, I decided to ignore him and it works fine for me. When we occasionally meet I only speak to his wife, it’s kind of childish but I do feel better - not very stoic or Buddhist in spirit, but it’s better than hatred 😉
when the worst shit happened to me , I found power in myself. reconnected with one of my parents. it was great time, this "time" brought to our lives our best before she past away. my siblings started to fight for assets she left behind, I don't talk to them. I cut myself from them and their greed before sucked me in too. so, sometimes it's ok if you have to cut relatives. They'll stop absorbing your energy. I don't feel grudge toward them and wish the best in their lifes. I realized , before bury my mom, I received something more precious, something that nothing or noone can take it away from us , it's more important to me. It set me free , from all the negative energy that comes my way. since then good things came my way, I stopped holding to anger and dissapoinment to people who tried to make my life a nightmare. life became much better, quite and peaceful. sometimes I still struggle when they keep trying to destroy me and I wish she could be around. I'm so grateful for every stab from my enemies ,thanks to those I know I'm alive and I know I I choosed right.
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” If the word forgiveness is not to your liking, then perhaps "letting go" is more acceptable. Always remember, that whatever you do, affects you, not them. Hating them, hurts you. Letting go, helps you heal.
@paravan2000 I dont know if something serious happened or you're just being petty, but it doesn't matter. You're still alive, and I'm assuming your comments aren't being typed from a jail cell. You don't let it go, one of both if those things could be in your future.
@@josephmassaro I suffer from serious depression and suicidal thoughts and my life is ruined by manipulative people and unfortunate circumstances. Being thankful for just being alive and not in jail is not a very good life and I had known better days than this, so suicide could be a better option. Bitterness and anger are normal human reactions to betrayal, abuse and shunning, not forgiveness and let it go which I done a lot in the past.
when i realized i was carrying resentment against my parents for neglecting me and a myriad other things, i started to forgive them for what they did (i know they were hurting themselves from their own upbringing), it’s been the most freeing experience
The question that I got hit with. "Have you ever hurt anybody, they way that they hurt you?" Forgiving yourself and those that hurt you will make a world of difference.
A superb video, I struggle with hatred and anger due to being abused and traumatized as a child, and I've been doing everything I can to combat it, but the anger is still there. It is a constant struggle to mitigate and control the anger ever since being introduced to evil at such a young age. Life on very hard mode is what it feels like and paradoxically I still am grateful to God for each and every day, because that gratitude is the only factor keeping me afloat and looking forward.
Ways to Forgive Someone Who Wronged You: 1. Acceptance 2. Contemplating Anger and Resentment 3. Being mindful of destructive thinking 4. Not forgetting the positive 5. Choosing love, not hate.
0:45 "When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." Well said. Maybe it requires us moving away from someone who repeatedly keeps hurting us. We need to change ourselves by getting away from haters.
Running away doesn't solve anything. Real healing takes place when the urge to run away is no longer there. When you run away you completely ignore the fact that you easily find yourself in a similar situation again. Fix it at the root.
I think that’s a very healthy idea! Putting yourself in triggering situations is not good for your mental health. Don’t listen to this want to be therapist giving everybody advice I’m sure doesn’t take him or herself. Those who can’t do attempt to teach.
This is a brilliant video. But……. If you have been born into a life where you have been the victim of prolonged acts of hatred and or violence and abuses from adult caregivers you develop through no fault of your own into a person whose sense of self is based on shame , self loathing, and the belief they are inherently bad and unlovable. This person therefore cannot trust themselves about anything as their boundaries have been so invaded by others at a critical time in human development. I think that before this brilliant advice can be acted on self love acceptance and forgiveness are absolutely essential. I say this not as an academic expert from a book or follower of a spiritual tradition or pathway but as a person who was trapped and experienced multiple and prolonged historic abuses throughout my childhood. Self love and Learning boundaries around the self when the self has been completely overwhelmed and violated as so many millions of humans are by inter generational abuses is where the answer lies for releasing the hatred and self loathing that has been injected into you by others not as you rightly say revenge. Although there is a place for criminal Justice which is a different concept to revenge.
I have had cycles...meaning that I reached certain levels of peace and forgiveness regarding childhood abuse many years ago, only to rediscover new things later in life after practicing mindfulness for nearly two years. For me, I believe it was that I reached another layer of an onion, as I became more aware and conscious of some deep negative core beliefs about myself, about God, and about how I should be valued, what faith I had, made me seek God more wholly, and though there have been thousands of tears, I keep seeing that the real response is learning to value myself, love myself, and treat myself the way a child, a daughter should have been treated. Every week now, I realize the ways in which I did not treat myself kindly or compassionately, and I ask God for guidance and I study how good non-abusive parents treat their children. I'm learning a whole new level of self-care, and how to listen to all ages of self, but have faith that practice will increase my ability to be kinder to myself and others. I see how perfectionism at any level can become very destructive. We get better. For me, it has not happened overnight. I am still on a journey of self-nurture, self-love, self-acceptance and compassion.
An analogy I had from 7 habits pf highly effective people. Chasing a toxic past is like chasing a venomous snake after it bit us, the poison gets spread through the running after a snake and we will die. Just care for your wounds and let the snake crawl away
Man, I can't describe how grateful I am for the material you put out. I find that it's so easy to get swept up in the daily chaos that I need to be reminded of these things. It's just so easy to forget these things in life. Thank you so much, for the much needed reminders.
To suggest we dispose of resentment for an individual who destroyed us is naive. I don’t think the person who wrote this has gone through very much betrayal. Standing up for yourself through perseverance and resiliency can be a lot more effective to a totally rancid individual than forgiving them and letting them off the hook for ruthlessly backstabbing us with no conscious. I do, however love their comment: “When people give us hell, we often grow more robust, more insightful and more compassionate.” That is the sentiment that resonated with me in this video.
Buddhism / Buddha Dhamma is the epitome of unconditional forgiveness, unconditional love, compassion, kindness and mercy. And that is extended to all sentient beings too, the only tradition to do so, not limiting to human kind. Many thanks to Einzelganger for introducing Asian wisdoms and truth to the suffering world. It is the wisdom and reason that set you free from the bondage to a deity not beliefs. Cheers
I resent the man who wasted my time, lying to me about wanting to spend a lifetime together, while he was just passing time hoping for someone “better” to come along. When I found out, I was blinded by rage, and started to figure out ways to revenge. I made him realize that he loved me. After he proposed, I rejected him outright and disappeared. I knew he hate feeling out of control, and I gave him exactly that feeling. People told me after I left he was depressed for two years. The truth is this made me happy to see him devastated for a short time, but deep inside, I was not content at all. I still feel angry, depressed, and sad. I spent many nights ruminating over this lost relationship, and my wasted time. This was a huge mistake. I should have just leave the relationship the moments I realized that he didn’t love me. I could have saved so much time and found someone to love a lot faster that way.
I see SO many identical stories to mine in these comments. This is another of them. And it all just got me thinking: why are all these stories SO eerily similar to mine? I ESPECIALLY noticed how the offenders acted remarkably similar to my own friend-turned-enemy. The closeness of similarities of the stories made me think: what if it was just human imperfections on their part? What if there WAS no malicious intent, but merely a bunch or number of stupid little personal errors, made without them even REALIZING they were committing me a horrible wrong, but that all of the unkind, inconsiderate acts were put together in MY mind as a deliberate betrayal? It certainly COULD have been, I NEVER told her about how much she was hurting me; I was so terrified that one minor difference would destroy what I thought was a tenuous, hanging-by-a-thin-thread relationship. And, ironically, that was EXACTLY what happened. And I have the same problem; the desire to see her suffer. Unimaginable agony. THAT for what she did to me. But, you know what? I know this would ever happen. She lives a good life, in a $500-600K house from what I understand. And couldn't care less for the pain she caused. And, if I put it behind ME, she STILL gets away with her evil deeds. Scot free. Only the idea of punishment is adequate for a totally evil person who cares not what she did, and has gone unpunished for it. Holding the anger at least gives me the chance to EXPERIENCE, fantasy though it be, the rightful punishment she so deserves. If I can't have it in REALITY, I can at least have the pleasure of it in my MIND.
This is an interesting topic because some women have told me they have done this very thing to men as well…. One woman told me that she really didn’t like/love her ex boyfriend but he was just “something to do,” because she said that she didn’t want to marry him and she was just “passing time.” I was just glad I was not that man!!!! But it kinda makes you wonder if your wife or significant other feels like that about you too….From a man’s perspective it goes both ways….
The strange thing about revenge is that it doesn’t really change anything!!! The disappointment, hurt, anger, and pain may remain after the so called “revenge.”
@@ravirajyaguru5905 they cannot have power over your mind, your emotions , your life. whatever they do it's not working. it's the same concept when someone ignore you when you're talking and they don't listen.
@@fireinthenight9028 but they simply don't give a damn, that is the most horrible part. I could off myself tomorrow and they'd go on living their merry lives as if we never knew each other, as if nothing ever mattered. i feel like the only thing that would help me is yelling at them how much i hate them no matter how vile, unjust or whatever that would be but i can't do it...i just wish they'd somehow knew and acknowledged how much i despise them now
@@chita8908 I completely relate to your situation, I was in the same situation for more than three years, but you have to understand that hating them means giving importance to them in your mind, they don't give importance to you then you should let go of them thinking what they have done is a mistake, and forget them by not giving importance and attention to them, live your life happily, why should you sit back and suffer while the person you hate is living their life happily, you live your life happily too and forget the past.
Forgiveness is not equal to forgetfulness. Never associate with fools. 1. Accepting that humans are flawed. Have less expectations. No fantasies. 2. Contemplating anger and contempt. Have no grudges. We’ll burn ourselves. 3. Being mindful of destructive thinking. Don’t go to anger. Stay conscious. Let go of narratives and keep your mind weed free. Meditate. Keep your mind clean. Commit to it. 4. Not forget the positives. Negative bias is real. Survival is a balanced tool. Humans have both good and evil. It’s probably a blessing in disguise. 5. Choose love, not hate. Hate is too great a burden. Only light can drive away darkness. Love from a safe distance. Compassion for overall wellness. For ourselves.
true, we're only causing ourselves to be miserable by allowing to dwell on hateful or depressive thoughts, it doesn't affect the person who wronged us in the slightest. forgiveness used to mean to me that I had to allow that person to be part of my life again, letting go of resentment and other negative thoughts that are only destroying my own life, my mental health and myself in the end is a better way to define what "forgiveness" means. I however think that it's most important to forgive oneself first, whether the mistake was just having been too naive and trustful towards the wrong kind of person/people and accepting of ill treatment ignoring ones own boundaries, intuition and sense of self worth, or if the mistake was having been the person who actively and willingly caused someone who really didn't deserve it to suffer in some kind of way, because of a sense of entitlement, pride or because of painful experiences we went through that made us bitter and caused us to treat others poorly. forgiving others is important, but forgiving oneself is practicing self-love, which is the most important thing in life imo.
Forgiving someone who wronged you can be difficult, but it's important for your own growth and happiness. Try these 5 tips: 1) Acknowledge your feelings and seek support if needed. 2) Practice empathy and try to see things from their perspective. 3) Focus on the present and don't dwell on the past. 4) Set boundaries and communicate them clearly. 5) Let go of resentment and practice self-care. Remember, forgiveness is a process and it may take time, but it's a powerful way to release negative emotions and move forward.
Letting go often feels so hard, but almost everything we do that is genuinely helpful, is uncomfortable at first ❤️ Most of all, remember that nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong ❤️🚀🌙
I must tell you that your channel is my favorite one on TH-cam. They just bring me peace and calmness ☮️. The way you create them and all the stuff you do. Thank you
that is step 1. then I learned step 2: forgiveness is not required when you understand that people are just the way they are. most of the cases, we are resentful when we feel disappointed about someone's behavior. that means we are EXPECTING people to behave a certain way, and when they don't, we are disappointed and resentful. stop expecting, let's accept people as they are, and everything will be all right.
This is one of the best channels on TH-cam. I cannot feel angry without feeling physically ill. I have had some experiences that make my happy and calm personality go into a state of inner fury or feel a lot of resentment sometimes, as a reaction to something that reminds me of my past. So I just listen to one or two of these videos on a loop and my anger steps back and slowly melts away. My deep appreciation for the author and freator of this content.
I've experience a lot of bullies all throughout my life so this is very difficult for me to accept this. I don't want to forgive them but at the same time I don't have any grudge against them. So if something ever happens to them (like they die or suffer misfortune) then I won't feel any sympathy cuz I don't have any good memories of them and I think the bad karma is just on them so I'll just feel indifferent. Don't forgive and forget but avoid them once you see red flags.
This came right on time. I know I have moments where I’m stuck on the negative. Maybe recognizing why things happen and the full scope of a person won’t eliminate the hurt but it does help me let go of being angry about it. Maybe that’s always underneath anger… hurt that hasn’t been addressed. I’m going to do my best to keep these things in mind. 🙏🏾
Do I need to forgive? I feel better not associated with those who wronged me. They just aren't worth my time. Time is limited and precious so I rather spend it with those who makes me happy.
I've often thought I will never forgive someone who doesn't apologize. But it's the damage to myself that the resentment and anger cause not the original insult. Gotta agree with the idea that we can distance ourselves from the same people we forgive.
It’s good to cut toxic people out of our lives. Forgiveness doesn’t mean to stay with the people that continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is a mental process where you simply treat those that hurt you kindly and not imagine killing them etc (I struggle with the last bit) it’s not being angry at them. I’m a Christian so it helps to think of evil people as seriously sick and needing good doctor Jesus Christ
Thank you very much ! This is indeed timely for me, this video has reminded me to forgive but not to ignore hence no to forget the pain which has been inflicted on me. I apply detachment towards the person that continues to hurt me with her spiteful and vindictive ways instead of questioning herself as to why things aren't working out.. The intended person tends to let me down over and over again by failing to understand and acknowledge my efforts of reconcile with her no to mention appreciating my willing to make things better among us. Sadly only once we're gone separated ways they come to the realization of what they've lost..
I started practicing forgiveness years ago. One of my high school teachers helped me realize how much better I feel after I let go of anger. I’ve been practicing that regularly for nearly twelve years, and it’s only gotten easier to forgive. I imagine now someone would have to REALLY do me dirty for me to have a hard time letting go.
Anger and hurt are the emotions that have caused a major change for the good in myself, being in peace hasn’t got me anywhere near where anger has, I don’t think they should be discarded completely.
After watching this valuable video, I have decided to forgive all those people who have been mean towards me. Also, I shall have nothing but love and good wishes for them. Thank you!
Thankyou so much for this😭💓 For someone who have been betrayed again and again and again, and who don't have someone to confide with, this insight is truly helpful.
For the past 33 years, I've been trying to forigve my mother, and I've probably hated her every single day since she found out I was gay (age 20) and turned her back on me. I've tried and tried to forgive her, and this I've come to the conclusion: I probably will never forgive her or stop hating her (but not for lack of trying). I feel so lost, and (after failed attempts to reconnect with her) I feel ready to give up. Your excellent video, however, has restored my hope. Of all the videos and lectures on forgiving that I've watched (and believe me, I've watched so many), this is the BEST VIDEO I've ever seen to discuss the topic of forgiveness. Thank you for creating and posting this. XXX
Maybe your mother was conditioned strongly from a young age to believe that being gay was wrong. It's just ignorance really. I'm sorry for your pain. Releasing the hate will help you, not her. You have to carry the hate around every day and it is heavy. Why not let it go and just release it? For you own sake. Wishing you peace.
I’ve learned from a lot of bad relationships and comparing them to good ones something important. “All people are capable of change, but not all people want to change.” This is self-explanatory, people are who they are but that isn’t an excuse for their actions and behaviors, bc if they really wanted to they would change. “Everything one does is a choice.” This is also self-explanatory, everything one does it a choice wether one realizes it or not, some choices are more second nature than others, making it harder to recognize it as a choice, but it still is a choice. In that regard, they way people treat you is a choice, and the way you react is always a choice.
The timing of this video just came at the right time in my life. At one point, i held great resentment to the girl i dated who i later found out was flirting with other dudes. I was so full of resentment that i can hardly focus in my studies but a after two years has passed, i decided i can no longer stay like this way. This video gave me the conviction to stick with forgiveness and i might just greet her in her upcoming birthday as a sign of peace. Thanks a lot man, you've help me clear my thoughts :)
The best form of revenge is success. I took my anger of being backstabbed, to self improvement. In body and mind. Forgiveness feels empty, and some don’t deserve it. Even an apology feels nothing, knowing it does not change the past. Take that anger it put it towards something positive for your future, while leaving out those who wrong you for good.
1:48 - 2:17 That was the part I needed to hear the most. I struggled to move forward for a long time, not because of the painful memories or a lack of closure, but more because of my fear that I would be forced to interact with them again in the future and risk getting hurt again.
I understand life is a gift. I understand you have to choose love and not hate. I understand you can’t meet hate with hate. However, I did not ask to be given life and have people treat me the way they do. It’s only so much a person can take. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to forgive not just others but myself as well. It seems like mission impossible to me.
I tried to let things go and can’t. I need revenge. Once I get revenge, then I can let go. I don’t care if you say I’m wrong, I know how good it felt to get revenge and know I caused that person pain and suffering as they did to me.
The truth is people suck. If they see weakness they will exploit it. Holding on to some resentment keeps me sharp and on guard. I prefer to treat most people with cold indifference or controlled hostility.
This is one of the most beautiful and wholesome TH-cam channels I have ever come across. Seriously, these videos are quite literally therapeutic to me. I don't know who you are, but I truly view you as an unsung hero. I don't know if you have a Patreon or a similar method of accepting donations but if you do, I would happily donate. Thank you for these posts.
Thank you so much! I never realized, that I return hate when it's given to me and that's why I feel bad; I "hate" to feel that way. I don't have to give it back, that is why I am holding on; I think I have to "defend" or justify myself. Finally, I have an insight into my anger, I think I am "weak" if I don't reply but who cares really?! Great video, thank you for sharing.
@Courtnei David “Horrible” people are just unconscious people. Society has systems to judge mistakes, and that’s ok. If it comes to your mind - your choice.
unwise words .....Forgiveness are necessary for different situation's....... forgiveness is not for those who claim they own are the wrong not others for this type of mindset there punishment make no good sense ........ only punishment are for those who just reject there wrong doing
Always a pleasure to learn from this great channel, so much positive energy & truth shared here. By the way, I purchased your book recently 'Stoicism for inner peace'. It's a wonderful collection of pretty much all the wisdom you have provided with your insightful videos. Thank you & much respect for taking the time to create it & share it with the rest of the world. Wishing you much health & future success ahead!
"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies" - Margaret Stunt. It is even more difficult to forgive when you are hurted by loved ones, who acted out of kindness but ended up messing your life.
You always have such a great timing when it comes to the subjects of your videos, as if the universe conspired to give me a better life and brought me signs like your videos. Thank you for your quality work!
Such a great video! Everything I learnt since childhood as a Hindu but after I moved to the west I started to forget my values and beliefs. These bring back my learnings and help me keep grounded. Love wins over hatred. Peace wins over Wars.
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“I forgive you, but I’d never give you a blind eye because you’d stab me in the back.”
Life lesson I had to learn early.
😂
All true. So so true.
❤
Totally agree
To forgive is to act as if it NEVER happened. If you look at yourself you will find you have betrayed /rejected people too. Did you mean to do it? Those people have to FORGIVE YOU !
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
― Lewis B. Smedes
Brilliant!
This is so honest
And whoever wronged you will give you many more opportunities to forgive them again
Lmao spoken like someone who's likely never had to suffer being controlled, manipulated and assaulted on a regular basis for years lol
@@introspectiveseraphim6251 Regardless what he has or hasn't suffered, what he wrote is a very powerful way to be happy. Holding on to hatred ruins your life. Instead of being crippled up with bitterness, you can, in your own mind, just silently forgive and then enjoy the rest of your precious life.
Let's not forget to also forgive ourselves for the bad things we might have done in life, to others or to ourselves. The best thing we can do is to move on, learn and become better
Spot on. It's very important to acknowledge where we have made mistakes, but even more important to forgive ourselves. This is loving yourself.
Yes, i needed this thanks 💗
¹11 a
The only way to forgive ourselves is to forgive others first .
@@unboxingangel5845 glad I could help ❤️
People usually have this idea that forgiveness is for the person who wronged you, but in reality, it's for yourself. The purpose it serves is to allow you to move past your hate and anger.
So true. :)
You even don't need the other person to know, that you forgive. It's all of setting oneself free.
Big words, what if the wrong doer keeps doing it again? Do we forgive them everytime? What if you work with this person everyday?
@@DarkSaltsLETUSPLAYrpgS If he directly harms us then we make sure that he stops, and do everything necessary in order to achieve that.
They didn’t even apologize and literally don’t care, it’s almost impossible for me to forgive them
What does that actually achieve?
Forgiveness is an ongoing process. Sometimes situations and circumstances put you right back to square one and you have to start all over.
One cannot dry off while standing in the rain? I hear you. It's a cyclical process.
Forgiveness is done for ourselves forgiveness is not same as reconciliation
I totally understand what you are saying .happened to me rn and working on it .
Oh💀
It is so believably hard
An unhealed person can find offense in pretty much anything someone does. A healed person understands that the actions of others has absolutely nothing to do with them. - Unknown
Beautiful. Thank you for this.
Yes. Thank you
Lovely
Good one
Unless it affects you or others, that you are negatively impacted, which usually is the case, that other ppl's choices or decisions has unf a ripple effect on us.
But otyerwise yes agree, that one should not be distracted from one's focus
Someone who wrongs me and does not apologise has no place in my life. I have too much self respect. I would rather have no friends rather that so called friends who think it OK to do something hurtful and never apologise. All too often we tolerate things we should not tolerate.
I agree, but also real apologies should be pledges to not repeat the same mistakes on you.
Agreed, no apology or acknowledgement of being wronged- no place. I’m curious though, do you still forgive them? Without giving them a place in your life?
@@emma_______ I think the answer is yes. You forgive them to free yourself however, you do not allow them to be in your life the same way if they are not a healthy relationship for you. You have the right and responsibility to protect yourself from harmful people but do not hold any hatred or resentment towards the person because it only damages you. This is the understanding that I have and can implement.
I agree. There's a fine line between forgiveness and tolerating someone's hurtful behaviour.
@@emma_______ forgiving is what you do for yourself. Who you allow to occupy space in your life is a different question than allowing them free rent in your head
When it comes to forgiveness, it is not something that we can just decide in an instant as we usually still have resentment towards something or someone afterwards. It happens over time by reflection and feeling.
Your right. We can start off by stating a willingness to forgive.
Yeh, it takes time, but once you know that you stand to benefit the most when you forgive, you no longer hold onto resentment.
As the Buddha says (as quoted in the video) -
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
@@labornurse self love should be the source of the willingness.
This is done by discerning what part you might have played in the situation and making amends wherever possible bearing in mind that you must not do more damage in the process and that the other party might not feel the same about whatever it is your addressing and/or inclined to forgive you or forget what you have done (if anything) This is where acceptance and letting go of expectations come in .
It happens when you have compassion and empathy for the person who wronged you. When you see that to do whatever they did they must have been suffering internally and they like most are running off of the programming they picked up throughout their own lives. We are all flawed and few have true awareness, it’s not their fault. Here your peace and true self remain while unfortunately they continue to suffer as you would if you had chose to continue resenting out of ignorance.
When you forgive the one who wronged you, you heal that injured version of you .....but never forget to have healthy boundaries...forgive because you deserve peace but stay away from what's not good for your soul...
you can't imagine how timely this message is for me; thank you
His videos always come at the right time for me :)
Timely for me too.
Same. The dude is telepathic.
same
It is indeed timely for me too, this video has reminded me to forgive but not to ignore but I apply detachment towards the person that continues to hurt me with her spiteful and vindictive ways hence letting me down over and over again by not understanding and appreciate my efforts of reconcile, sadly only once we're gone they come to the realization of what they've lost..
Anger and hurt at another’s actions can point to a deeper wound in oneself. Honoring our feelings, processing them and cleaning those wounds assure that our forgiveness is not simply a bandage.
Totally agree!!!
Yes, you have to actively process it and not just sit in it. It's like a grieving process.
I totally agree Angela L . I think sadness and loss often lie behind anger and therefore one has to face this and allow somehow oneself to truly grieve and release the sadness and profound sense of abandonment and of being alone that another’s actions can bring before forgiveness for oneself and others can be released
Lmao spoken like a privileged white girl who's likely never had to suffer being controlled, manipulated and assaulted on a regular basis for years lol
@@introspectiveseraphim6251 Spoken like one who judges women by their looks
Many people don't understand how freeing forgiveness really feels. They don't understand how much the hate and resentment really weighs on them energetically. It takes work but it really is worth it in my experience.
Could you please explain how did you forgive whoever has done you wrong? And I would like to know your thoughts about forgiving your own self. I have committed such blunder mistakes in the past...I have ruined my relationship with someone who truly loved me (there's nothing I can do about it bcz that person is no longer alive), I have almost ruined my career and have wasted years of my life staying somewhere everyone disrespects me. I hate myself for these things.
You sound like me….
Interesting perspectives. I was betrayed and greatly wronged by someone that was very important to me. I need to figure out how to let go of the hate and anger I feel towards that person, for my own sake. It destroys one inside and changes nothing that has already happened. Easy to say, much more difficult to achieve within oneself.
I'm truly sorry you suffered a major injustice, especially at the hands of someone you cared for. The terrible part is that you most likely still care very much about this person - despite their disloyalty..that is why it is so hurtful. I have had similar experiences myself and I hope that with time, you are able to lay down some of the burdens that they put on you.
It's not difficult to achieve my friend. How sincerely do you want to break free of it?
Put the minds conditioning aside (the hard part, but practice makes perfect) and be sincere in your quest to break free.
@@sentientpower insert eye roll... not difficult to achieve.... speak for yourself. You have NO IDEA what another person has experienced or how horrible it was or is. Self righteous much?? Lucky for you it was easy, if you had any trauma to experience at all.
True it takes long time as we cannot scold the person or avenge the wrong doing
It is like hot Gulab Jamoon (A favourite sweet dish in India ) you can’t swallow it and at the same time you can’t spit it out.
@@TheDia8grc I'm not judging you my friend, sorry if it came across that way. We are not the stories of our lives, it's an illusion. You can realise this now or wait till you're on your death bed at which point you'll be leaving a worn out body behind. Who is the one that is unborn and undying, find out and identify yourself with that one.
I forgive you for judging me. I could tell you my stories but that's all they are.
“You can't beat evil by doing evil. I know that.” - Buffy Summers
Police believe they can...or is the only way
Beautiful. My mother died tonight. She hated us all. She was a beautiful person, but never knew it. I will pay forward the good that came to me. I refuse to inflict the harm. Put my foot in the next place.
I forgive myself to have allowed people who weren't worthy of my love, attention and appreciation to hurt me. Never again will I be taken for granted. I'm worthy of love, kindness, appreciation and respect. Why run after those who betrayed and hurt you ? Nah. Drop it folks. Keep going !
Seems like we share same fate and karma
I’ve never visited my dads grave because he’s the reason he’s there and did it with the intent to hurt me and my family, i haven’t forgiven him yet but I feel like I’m being irresponsible because it’s been two years and I have learned to live without him already and want to improve by letting go and forgiving him
I've been a lot of heartbreaks & traumas. For so many years, I cry every night until I fall asleep, and woke up with a heavy heart. I've come to a point where all I have is anger & hatred. I suddenly had a countless goals & dreams. I started to work on myself, all my insecurities & traumas, and all the heartbreaks. And now that I get better, I started to understand things and slowly forgive them. I'm not at my best yet, but I enjoy my life more than before----happier & braver.
Same exact thing here. But the transgressions I experienced are beyond my ability to heal. OR forgive.
I used to say the best revenge is to live good then I learned I don't need revenge or any negative energy no matter what has been done to me.
Yes, I have found the key is ultimately refusing to allow the negatively to stick to me.
🙏🏽
revenge is for fools , I don't want to be a fool so I wish them the best.
no matter how much it hurts,
good deed always come back to you.
@@fireinthenight9028 agreed
Lol everyone should do that most utter shit to others and then we are just expected to let go and forgive BC we are so much better and great. Actually I am not that good at it, I live my best to not hurt people and I expect they do the same
One of the first benefits of Buddhist meditation is the quality of "non-remorse". Meditation can really act as a catalyst to help us out there
What is non remorse?
@@MT-yx5cu no remorse
@@bassmanoper6659I gathered that much, but what does he mean by that within this context ?
@@MT-yx5cu The feeling of freedom that arises when you behave in a way that does not produce future remores
@@TheDhammaHub thank you
As a wise Muppet once said: "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
Vivi?
donald duck
I wouldn't call Trump 'wise' ;)
Yes, but WHO's suffering is not specified(sith4lyfe)
@@Seanus32 duck
My brother lied to me about our mother illness, so I wasn’t with her when she died and then he lied to me about money related matters and stole part of my inheritance. I cannot forgive him, but after having hated him intensely, I decided to ignore him and it works fine for me. When we occasionally meet I only speak to his wife, it’s kind of childish but I do feel better - not very stoic or Buddhist in spirit, but it’s better than hatred 😉
Don't talk too much to his wife. U soema catch feelings
when the worst shit happened to me , I found power in myself. reconnected with one of my parents.
it was great time,
this "time" brought to our lives our best before she past away.
my siblings started to fight for assets she left behind, I don't talk to them.
I cut myself from them and their greed before sucked me in too.
so, sometimes it's ok if you have to cut relatives.
They'll stop absorbing your energy.
I don't feel grudge toward them and wish the best in their lifes.
I realized , before bury my mom, I received something more precious, something that nothing or noone can take it away from us , it's more important to me.
It set me free , from all the negative energy that comes my way.
since then good things came my way,
I stopped holding to anger and dissapoinment to people who tried to make my life a nightmare.
life became much better, quite and peaceful.
sometimes I still struggle when they keep trying to destroy me and I wish she could be around.
I'm so grateful for every stab from my enemies ,thanks to those I know I'm alive and I know I I choosed right.
@@rafadams22 Lol what...?
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
If the word forgiveness is not to your liking, then perhaps "letting go" is more acceptable. Always remember, that whatever you do, affects you, not them. Hating them, hurts you. Letting go, helps you heal.
Both forgiveness and letting go do not work many times. Punishment and justice do.
@@paravan2000 You're not Frank Castle. Let it go.
@@josephmassaro Someone ruins your life and you just... let it go?
@paravan2000 I dont know if something serious happened or you're just being petty, but it doesn't matter. You're still alive, and I'm assuming your comments aren't being typed from a jail cell. You don't let it go, one of both if those things could be in your future.
@@josephmassaro I suffer from serious depression and suicidal thoughts and my life is ruined by manipulative people and unfortunate circumstances. Being thankful for just being alive and not in jail is not a very good life and I had known better days than this, so suicide could be a better option. Bitterness and anger are normal human reactions to betrayal, abuse and shunning, not forgiveness and let it go which I done a lot in the past.
when i realized i was carrying resentment against my parents for neglecting me and a myriad other things, i started to forgive them for what they did (i know they were hurting themselves from their own upbringing), it’s been the most freeing experience
Here, here. We get to break the chain of family experience. Knowing that is somehow freeing in and of itself.
I feel you stranger 🌺
I'm practicing this until I believe bc I want ✌️
Yes this is a true sign of maturity.
The question that I got hit with. "Have you ever hurt anybody, they way that they hurt you?"
Forgiving yourself and those that hurt you will make a world of difference.
A superb video, I struggle with hatred and anger due to being abused and traumatized as a child, and I've been doing everything I can to combat it, but the anger is still there. It is a constant struggle to mitigate and control the anger ever since being introduced to evil at such a young age. Life on very hard mode is what it feels like and paradoxically I still am grateful to God for each and every day, because that gratitude is the only factor keeping me afloat and looking forward.
Loving from a distance is often the best way to love. Even before the pandemic.
Ways to Forgive Someone Who Wronged You:
1. Acceptance
2. Contemplating Anger and Resentment
3. Being mindful of destructive thinking
4. Not forgetting the positive
5. Choosing love, not hate.
These are actually the most insulting and disrespectful advices to give to any victim of abuse.
0:45
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
Well said. Maybe it requires us moving away from someone who repeatedly keeps hurting us. We need to change ourselves by getting away from haters.
Running away doesn't solve anything. Real healing takes place when the urge to run away is no longer there.
When you run away you completely ignore the fact that you easily find yourself in a similar situation again.
Fix it at the root.
Keep away from the hurter, but use that time to understand who is the one hurt? Go into it deeply...
I think that’s a very healthy idea! Putting yourself in triggering situations is not good for your mental health. Don’t listen to this want to be therapist giving everybody advice I’m sure doesn’t take him or herself. Those who can’t do attempt to teach.
That isn’t always possible, hence the quote .
@@TheDia8grc so much judgement. Does it make you feel better? That's not real happiness my friend. Peace and love to you🙏🏽
This is a brilliant video. But……. If you have been born into a life where you have been the victim of prolonged acts of hatred and or violence and abuses from adult caregivers you develop through no fault of your own into a person whose sense of self is based on shame , self loathing, and the belief they are inherently bad and unlovable. This person therefore cannot trust themselves about anything as their boundaries have been so invaded by others at a critical time in human development. I think that before this brilliant advice can be acted on self love acceptance and forgiveness are absolutely essential. I say this not as an academic expert from a book or follower of a spiritual tradition or pathway but as a person who was trapped and experienced multiple and prolonged historic abuses throughout my childhood. Self love and Learning boundaries around the self when the self has been completely overwhelmed and violated as so many millions of humans are by inter generational abuses is where the answer lies for releasing the hatred and self loathing that has been injected into you by others not as you rightly say revenge. Although there is a place for criminal Justice which is a different concept to revenge.
@@ems7623 Thank you your answer it is kind and thoughtful and wise. I wish you the very best with the process of life too !
I have had cycles...meaning that I reached certain levels of peace and forgiveness regarding childhood abuse many years ago, only to rediscover new things later in life after practicing mindfulness for nearly two years. For me, I believe it was that I reached another layer of an onion, as I became more aware and conscious of some deep negative core beliefs about myself, about God, and about how I should be valued, what faith I had, made me seek God more wholly, and though there have been thousands of tears, I keep seeing that the real response is learning to value myself, love myself, and treat myself the way a child, a daughter should have been treated. Every week now, I realize the ways in which I did not treat myself kindly or compassionately, and I ask God for guidance and I study how good non-abusive parents treat their children. I'm learning a whole new level of self-care, and how to listen to all ages of self, but have faith that practice will increase my ability to be kinder to myself and others. I see how perfectionism at any level can become very destructive. We get better. For me, it has not happened overnight. I am still on a journey of self-nurture, self-love, self-acceptance and compassion.
An analogy I had from 7 habits pf highly effective people.
Chasing a toxic past is like chasing a venomous snake after it bit us, the poison gets spread through the running after a snake and we will die.
Just care for your wounds and let the snake crawl away
Thank you for this. Truly this helps me see things more clearly! ♡♡♡
You always opens up the mind at the right moment offering this kind of anecdote to the listeners. Grateful 🙏🏻
Man, I can't describe how grateful I am for the material you put out. I find that it's so easy to get swept up in the daily chaos that I need to be reminded of these things. It's just so easy to forget these things in life. Thank you so much, for the much needed reminders.
To suggest we dispose of resentment for an individual who destroyed us is naive. I don’t think the person who wrote this has gone through very much betrayal. Standing up for yourself through perseverance and resiliency can be a lot more effective to a totally rancid individual than forgiving them and letting them off the hook for ruthlessly backstabbing us with no conscious. I do, however love their comment: “When people give us hell, we often grow more robust, more insightful and more compassionate.” That is the sentiment that resonated with me in this video.
Buddhism / Buddha Dhamma is the epitome of unconditional forgiveness, unconditional love, compassion, kindness and mercy. And that is extended to all sentient beings too, the only tradition to do so, not limiting to human kind. Many thanks to Einzelganger for introducing Asian wisdoms and truth to the suffering world. It is the wisdom and reason that set you free from the bondage to a deity not beliefs. Cheers
Revenge is far more rewarding than forgiveness, which in and of itself is a weakness.
I resent the man who wasted my time, lying to me about wanting to spend a lifetime together, while he was just passing time hoping for someone “better” to come along. When I found out, I was blinded by rage, and started to figure out ways to revenge. I made him realize that he loved me. After he proposed, I rejected him outright and disappeared. I knew he hate feeling out of control, and I gave him exactly that feeling. People told me after I left he was depressed for two years. The truth is this made me happy to see him devastated for a short time, but deep inside, I was not content at all. I still feel angry, depressed, and sad. I spent many nights ruminating over this lost relationship, and my wasted time. This was a huge mistake. I should have just leave the relationship the moments I realized that he didn’t love me. I could have saved so much time and found someone to love a lot faster that way.
But you got your sweet revenge. Ain't gonna spit on that, aint'cha??!
I see SO many identical stories to mine in these comments. This is another of them. And it all just got me thinking: why are all these stories SO eerily similar to mine? I ESPECIALLY noticed how the offenders acted remarkably similar to my own friend-turned-enemy. The closeness of similarities of the stories made me think: what if it was just human imperfections on their part? What if there WAS no malicious intent, but merely a bunch or number of stupid little personal errors, made without them even REALIZING they were committing me a horrible wrong, but that all of the unkind, inconsiderate acts were put together in MY mind as a deliberate betrayal? It certainly COULD have been, I NEVER told her about how much she was hurting me; I was so terrified that one minor difference would destroy what I thought was a tenuous, hanging-by-a-thin-thread relationship. And, ironically, that was EXACTLY what happened. And I have the same problem; the desire to see her suffer. Unimaginable agony. THAT for what she did to me. But, you know what? I know this would ever happen. She lives a good life, in a $500-600K house from what I understand. And couldn't care less for the pain she caused. And, if I put it behind ME, she STILL gets away with her evil deeds. Scot free. Only the idea of punishment is adequate for a totally evil person who cares not what she did, and has gone unpunished for it. Holding the anger at least gives me the chance to EXPERIENCE, fantasy though it be, the rightful punishment she so deserves. If I can't have it in REALITY, I can at least have the pleasure of it in my MIND.
This is an interesting topic because some women have told me they have done this very thing to men as well…. One woman told me that she really didn’t like/love her ex boyfriend but he was just “something to do,” because she said that she didn’t want to marry him and she was just “passing time.” I was just glad I was not that man!!!! But it kinda makes you wonder if your wife or significant other feels like that about you too….From a man’s perspective it goes both ways….
The strange thing about revenge is that it doesn’t really change anything!!! The disappointment, hurt, anger, and pain may remain after the so called “revenge.”
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Or some enemies might just think they're idiots for forgiving them.
How exactly does forgiving someone who had hurt you, annoy them?
I'm genuinely curious.
@@ravirajyaguru5905 they cannot have power over your mind, your emotions , your life.
whatever they do it's not working.
it's the same concept when someone ignore you when you're talking and they don't listen.
@@fireinthenight9028 but they simply don't give a damn, that is the most horrible part. I could off myself tomorrow and they'd go on living their merry lives as if we never knew each other, as if nothing ever mattered. i feel like the only thing that would help me is yelling at them how much i hate them no matter how vile, unjust or whatever that would be but i can't do it...i just wish they'd somehow knew and acknowledged how much i despise them now
@@chita8908 I completely relate to your situation, I was in the same situation for more than three years, but you have to understand that hating them means giving importance to them in your mind, they don't give importance to you then you should let go of them thinking what they have done is a mistake, and forget them by not giving importance and attention to them, live your life happily, why should you sit back and suffer while the person you hate is living their life happily, you live your life happily too and forget the past.
why is this so timely?! Thank you very much! 🙏🏼
You, Einzelganger, this channel's creator...I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this video❤️♾️
Forgiveness is not equal to forgetfulness. Never associate with fools.
1. Accepting that humans are flawed.
Have less expectations. No fantasies.
2. Contemplating anger and contempt.
Have no grudges. We’ll burn ourselves.
3. Being mindful of destructive thinking.
Don’t go to anger. Stay conscious. Let go of narratives and keep your mind weed free. Meditate. Keep your mind clean. Commit to it.
4. Not forget the positives.
Negative bias is real. Survival is a balanced tool. Humans have both good and evil. It’s probably a blessing in disguise.
5. Choose love, not hate.
Hate is too great a burden. Only light can drive away darkness. Love from a safe distance.
Compassion for overall wellness. For ourselves.
Tnks, I've screenshot this so I can fall back on when my mind strays
true, we're only causing ourselves to be miserable by allowing to dwell on hateful or depressive thoughts, it doesn't affect the person who wronged us in the slightest. forgiveness used to mean to me that I had to allow that person to be part of my life again, letting go of resentment and other negative thoughts that are only destroying my own life, my mental health and myself in the end is a better way to define what "forgiveness" means. I however think that it's most important to forgive oneself first, whether the mistake was just having been too naive and trustful towards the wrong kind of person/people and accepting of ill treatment ignoring ones own boundaries, intuition and sense of self worth, or if the mistake was having been the person who actively and willingly caused someone who really didn't deserve it to suffer in some kind of way, because of a sense of entitlement, pride or because of painful experiences we went through that made us bitter and caused us to treat others poorly. forgiving others is important, but forgiving oneself is practicing self-love, which is the most important thing in life imo.
Einzelganger once again coming in with oddly specific timing
He knows
Same for me!! Very serendipitous indeed.
Timing? If they posted this video every day until mankind’s end, it would be on time.
@@alajndress every human has THEIR own timing... stop being a dumbarse 🕳️!!!!! 🙄
I heard this quote somewhere on online " When life gets too hard to stand Kneel." That hit me.
Forgiving someone who wronged you can be difficult, but it's important for your own growth and happiness.
Try these 5 tips:
1) Acknowledge your feelings and seek support if needed.
2) Practice empathy and try to see things from their perspective.
3) Focus on the present and don't dwell on the past.
4) Set boundaries and communicate them clearly.
5) Let go of resentment and practice self-care.
Remember, forgiveness is a process and it may take time, but it's a powerful way to release negative emotions and move forward.
Remember that boundaries are not to control the other but a strategy to be firm with yourself. They may include removing interactions with the person.
Letting go often feels so hard, but almost everything we do that is genuinely helpful, is uncomfortable at first ❤️
Most of all, remember that nothing in life is as painful as staying stuck where you don’t belong ❤️🚀🌙
Beautiful!
I must tell you that your channel is my favorite one on TH-cam. They just bring me peace and calmness ☮️. The way you create them and all the stuff you do. Thank you
Forgive but don't forget. The person who wronged you and not apologizing would do it again in the future. Just watch.
that is step 1. then I learned step 2: forgiveness is not required when you understand that people are just the way they are. most of the cases, we are resentful when we feel disappointed about someone's behavior. that means we are EXPECTING people to behave a certain way, and when they don't, we are disappointed and resentful. stop expecting, let's accept people as they are, and everything will be all right.
This is one of the best channels on TH-cam. I cannot feel angry without feeling physically ill. I have had some experiences that make my happy and calm personality go into a state of inner fury or feel a lot of resentment sometimes, as a reaction to something that reminds me of my past. So I just listen to one or two of these videos on a loop and my anger steps back and slowly melts away. My deep appreciation for the author and freator of this content.
I've experience a lot of bullies all throughout my life so this is very difficult for me to accept this. I don't want to forgive them but at the same time I don't have any grudge against them. So if something ever happens to them (like they die or suffer misfortune) then I won't feel any sympathy cuz I don't have any good memories of them and I think the bad karma is just on them so I'll just feel indifferent. Don't forgive and forget but avoid them once you see red flags.
Same
I do the same.
Indifference is ok. It's not negative. Negative thoughts are the issue.
Completely agree
Don’t forget, but forgive.
This came right on time. I know I have moments where I’m stuck on the negative. Maybe recognizing why things happen and the full scope of a person won’t eliminate the hurt but it does help me let go of being angry about it. Maybe that’s always underneath anger… hurt that hasn’t been addressed. I’m going to do my best to keep these things in mind. 🙏🏾
Never forgive and never forget. You don't have to suffer yourself.
Do I need to forgive? I feel better not associated with those who wronged me. They just aren't worth my time. Time is limited and precious so I rather spend it with those who makes me happy.
Agreed 🙌🏼
I've often thought I will never forgive someone who doesn't apologize. But it's the damage to myself that the resentment and anger cause not the original insult. Gotta agree with the idea that we can distance ourselves from the same people we forgive.
Some people are greedy, arrogant, psychopaths. They actually think they are "good people" . They aren't. They are horrible people.
That quote by Allen Berger, “Expectations are premeditated resentments”… wow. So true.
Not only did this video get recommended at the perfect time, it is one of the most helpful I've ever seen. Thank you.
Revenge cannot change the past but it sure feel good
Revenge sure feel good when we have hate in our heart😄
TESTIFY, Brother.
This channel is unlocking the doors that are leading me to change
I've really been struggling with letting go recently, glad I found this 🙂
I struggle with forgiveness sometimes, preferring instead to mercilessly hack or freeze them out of my life.
It’s good to cut toxic people out of our lives. Forgiveness doesn’t mean to stay with the people that continue to hurt you. Forgiveness is a mental process where you simply treat those that hurt you kindly and not imagine killing them etc (I struggle with the last bit) it’s not being angry at them. I’m a Christian so it helps to think of evil people as seriously sick and needing good doctor Jesus Christ
Beautiful. There is freedom in both forgiving and being forgiven. Thank you.
This is the most beautiful thing I've heard ever on the Internet anywhere ❤️🥰
Thank U🧡⭕️❌
My elderly parents especially my mother ruined my life. I still live with them and have to forgive them.
Thank you very much ! This is indeed timely for me, this video has reminded me to forgive but not to ignore hence no to forget the pain which has been inflicted on me. I apply detachment towards the person that continues to hurt me with her spiteful and vindictive ways instead of questioning herself as to why things aren't working out.. The intended person tends to let me down over and over again by failing to understand and acknowledge my efforts of reconcile with her no to mention appreciating my willing to make things better among us. Sadly only once we're gone separated ways they come to the realization of what they've lost..
I started practicing forgiveness years ago. One of my high school teachers helped me realize how much better I feel after I let go of anger. I’ve been practicing that regularly for nearly twelve years, and it’s only gotten easier to forgive. I imagine now someone would have to REALLY do me dirty for me to have a hard time letting go.
How do you forgive?
Forgiveness? Never. I'm petty. Crush enemies or ignore and distance yourself from those you can't destroy.
Lmao
Anger and hurt are the emotions that have caused a major change for the good in myself, being in peace hasn’t got me anywhere near where anger has, I don’t think they should be discarded completely.
I think it’s the way you use these emotions that can give different results.
After watching this valuable video, I have decided to forgive all those people who have been mean towards me. Also, I shall have nothing but love and good wishes for them. Thank you!
Thankyou so much for this😭💓 For someone who have been betrayed again and again and again, and who don't have someone to confide with, this insight is truly helpful.
This channel is pretty good for my mental health.
Thank you
For the past 33 years, I've been trying to forigve my mother, and I've probably hated her every single day since she found out I was gay (age 20) and turned her back on me. I've tried and tried to forgive her, and this I've come to the conclusion: I probably will never forgive her or stop hating her (but not for lack of trying). I feel so lost, and (after failed attempts to reconnect with her) I feel ready to give up.
Your excellent video, however, has restored my hope. Of all the videos and lectures on forgiving that I've watched (and believe me, I've watched so many), this is the BEST VIDEO I've ever seen to discuss the topic of forgiveness. Thank you for creating and posting this. XXX
Maybe your mother was conditioned strongly from a young age to believe that being gay was wrong. It's just ignorance really. I'm sorry for your pain. Releasing the hate will help you, not her. You have to carry the hate around every day and it is heavy. Why not let it go and just release it? For you own sake. Wishing you peace.
I’ve learned from a lot of bad relationships and comparing them to good ones something important.
“All people are capable of change, but not all people want to change.” This is self-explanatory, people are who they are but that isn’t an excuse for their actions and behaviors, bc if they really wanted to they would change.
“Everything one does is a choice.” This is also self-explanatory, everything one does it a choice wether one realizes it or not, some choices are more second nature than others, making it harder to recognize it as a choice, but it still is a choice. In that regard, they way people treat you is a choice, and the way you react is always a choice.
The timing of this video just came at the right time in my life. At one point, i held great resentment to the girl i dated who i later found out was flirting with other dudes. I was so full of resentment that i can hardly focus in my studies but a after two years has passed, i decided i can no longer stay like this way. This video gave me the conviction to stick with forgiveness and i might just greet her in her upcoming birthday as a sign of peace. Thanks a lot man, you've help me clear my thoughts :)
never thought I could break the wall for my self.
But i did thanks to you sir. 😄
Karma always claps back when you stop expecting it to work ...if you are fortunate you will witness it work
The best form of revenge is success.
I took my anger of being backstabbed, to self improvement. In body and mind.
Forgiveness feels empty, and some don’t deserve it. Even an apology feels nothing, knowing it does not change the past.
Take that anger it put it towards something positive for your future, while leaving out those who wrong you for good.
Let’s forgive ourselves too for having put ourselves through painful situations ✨💫
This is the best video on forgiveness I have come across
1:48 - 2:17
That was the part I needed to hear the most. I struggled to move forward for a long time, not because of the painful memories or a lack of closure, but more because of my fear that I would be forced to interact with them again in the future and risk getting hurt again.
Compassion! Thats what I was looking for!!! Thank you!
I think a fear/anxiety video like this would be really helpful
What resonated most with me was to consider the evil of someone as a blessing as it helps me change myself.
I understand life is a gift. I understand you have to choose love and not hate. I understand you can’t meet hate with hate. However, I did not ask to be given life and have people treat me the way they do. It’s only so much a person can take. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to forgive not just others but myself as well. It seems like mission impossible to me.
I tried to let things go and can’t. I need revenge. Once I get revenge, then I can let go.
I don’t care if you say I’m wrong, I know how good it felt to get revenge and know I caused that person pain and suffering as they did to me.
Before seeking revenge,
dig two graves.
One for yourself.
@@jasonlefler3456 Well I got him fired from his job and I feel great, on to the next.
I have struggled with resentment for years.
The truth is people suck. If they see weakness they will exploit it. Holding on to some resentment keeps me sharp and on guard. I prefer to treat most people with cold indifference or controlled hostility.
Good.
I like the way you think.
This is one of the most beautiful and wholesome TH-cam channels I have ever come across. Seriously, these videos are quite literally therapeutic to me.
I don't know who you are, but I truly view you as an unsung hero. I don't know if you have a Patreon or a similar method of accepting donations but if you do, I would happily donate. Thank you for these posts.
Thank you so much!
I never realized, that I return hate when it's given to me and that's why I feel bad; I "hate" to feel that way.
I don't have to give it back, that is why I am holding on; I think I have to "defend" or justify myself.
Finally, I have an insight into my anger, I think I am "weak" if I don't reply but who cares really?!
Great video, thank you for sharing.
Forgiveness is not necessary. You only have to drop the judgement.
@Courtnei David “Horrible” people are just unconscious people. Society has systems to judge mistakes, and that’s ok. If it comes to your mind - your choice.
unwise words .....Forgiveness are necessary for different situation's....... forgiveness is not for those who claim they own are the wrong not others
for this type of mindset there punishment make no good sense ........ only punishment are for those who just reject there wrong doing
I love that last line. Thank you so much, man. You're doing something good in this world. Wish you all the best!
Always a pleasure to learn from this great channel, so much positive energy & truth shared here.
By the way, I purchased your book recently 'Stoicism for inner peace'. It's a wonderful collection of pretty much all the wisdom you have provided with your insightful videos. Thank you & much respect for taking the time to create it & share it with the rest of the world. Wishing you much health & future success ahead!
This came at the right time, I desperately needed this. God bless you!!!!!!!!!
"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies" - Margaret Stunt. It is even more difficult to forgive when you are hurted by loved ones, who acted out of kindness but ended up messing your life.
You will never know how strong your heart is until,you learn how to forgive the person who broke it ......
You always have such a great timing when it comes to the subjects of your videos, as if the universe conspired to give me a better life and brought me signs like your videos. Thank you for your quality work!
i really needed this. Thank you
Thank you! :)
Such a great video! Everything I learnt since childhood as a Hindu but after I moved to the west I started to forget my values and beliefs. These bring back my learnings and help me keep grounded. Love wins over hatred. Peace wins over Wars.
Thanks for the great videos! They bring so much peace and light to my day