I’m almost 80 and my daughter is all the things that you describe, I seem to have spent my life trying to appease her and bail her out of her bad choices. I wish I had realized many years ago that all my efforts mean nothing to her, she is still very hateful to me.
I'm almost 80 also. My daughter is in her fifties and I have helped her in all sorts of things. And she hates me. So, I give up. I have promised myself not to have a relationship with her anymore.
@@alicestephens4221 it's never too late to learn to love yourself as much as you love and have loved her. Find beauty that pleases your inner child each day. Eat whatever you want when you want. Pursue a dream you long ago gave up on. Plan an adventure, vacation, and days of great indulging time with all the things you have so selflessly gave to her, when you yearned for the same things yourself. Find peace, happiness and laughter each day you live, you deserve a life of taking care of yourself with tenderness surrounded by love and contentment. She won't tell you this, but I will: Thank you for all the times you were there, thank you for bailing her out of her bad choices and thank you for trying to be the mother you always wanted to have yourself.
I was close with with both our sons, but at age 33 our oldest sons girlfriend told him he could only have a relationship with her or me! I haven't talked to him in almost 3 years.
One thing we All must remember: Being a parent doesn't define who we are. I was a loving, happy, creative, well-educated, well-traveled, successful woman before I ever became a mother. Having a narcissistic child was heartbreaking and she tried to destroy my very soul. She shut me out of her life, her wedding (and I think I have grandchildren) because I wouldn't bow do to her and her outrageous demands. Okay. Guess what? I am still the same woman I was before I became her mother. I found that woman again. I travel, active in clubs and community. I'm still expanding my knowledge and creating artistically. I'm at peace and quite happy. I hope you All can get to the place I am now. Find that person inside you waiting to get out. Release it and find your True self again. Blessings on you All.
Your story is very helpful to me. The same here. I just ended crying why it happening to me. And, after reading yours is like an eye opening for me. My daughter 32 shut me off of her life too. She might be married and have kids too or a baby. This is all caused by toxic people who turned her against me including my mother. I am focusing on my own life now and I am noticing I have more smile on my face like I’m turning to a woman I was before having her. I’m just finding this in me and becoming more and more happy, peaceful within myself. She put me through so much. So sad. My dad went through the same because of my mother who turned all kids against him except me. I knew better. My mother is very toxic always was. My dad told me to be always me and not to worry she will come. My brother came to my dad few months before he died. He died from this separation with my father, of the separation with positivity. He did not contact my dad for a few years. Anyway, my brother got cancer and that’s when he came to my father desperate for love and acceptance I guess. My father took care of him, taking him to doctors, chemo, cooking for him, talking to him that it didn’t have to be like this, he always had the door opened for my brother my dad was waiting he said to him. My brother concluded this that he does regret this, starting being happier in the dad’s company. They were cooking together, going to gardens together, spending time together. This whole thing was too late. My brother was getting sicker and sicker and passed away from his cancer 3 moths later. It really was too late. My dad says at least he got the few months with my brother. Very sad. I worry about my daughter a lot that it can be like this too, despite she wishes this for me I think by terrorizing me. It always goes to the sender. I am fine and she already posted her face on Tick Tok saying just a girl that is healing the past or something like that. Her past is me who made her successful and a beautiful young lady. She’s trashing her life already. I’m just waiting to see what’s next and I am not giving in. She might come back for healing like my brother did to my father. Lol 😂
It also happening to my cousin who educated her daughter as a musician. She got the job at the symphony in Austria / Austria symphony. Became famous! she’s an opera singer as well. Amazing girl extremely smart talented. My cousin did this out of her. My cousin just revealed to me that Samantha cut off the contact. She did not hear from her for 3 years now. It’s so painful for my cousin. I couldn’t believe it but I did tell her just wait she will come to U.S. My cousin said that she told them those 3 years ago that she’s not coming back to U.S. that her life is in Europe, she loves Europe she said. She said Europe is life not America. All my cousins are so heart broken. Looks like she’s surrounded by very toxic friends over there. We don’t understand. My cousin says she might not ever come back. She will get married there and that’s it. 😊
I'm working to get there now. Going on a Tour to Italy next month. My two kids are not worth the trouble (I'm just realizing this) If a kid can hurt you this much (by cutting you off) they are awful awful people and yes, it will come back to haunt them. They are losing more than we are for sure.
"Just because you gave birth to them, you don't have to be their friend or want them in your life. Sometimes you have to let them go." Thank you for this.
You are so right! I have two adult narcissistic children. For my own mental health and peace of mind I had to walk away. I love them dearly, but I don't like them.
Any parent that can be convinced to abandon their children were probably the cause of their children becoming worthy of abandonment. We need more therapeutic services for parents recovering from their failures as parents. They have much to teach us in how not to behave.
Nope my daughter is 23 I’ve gone thru hell ! She definitely has narsist symptoms yes they have rages , gaslights , and takes and takes, they don’t give back unless somthing in it for them , they are very good at being the victim ,
We live in a society of entitlement. My 37 year old niece has never held down a job for more than a year, has had drug issues, been homeless on and off, and constantly brings grief into her parent's life. She's back living with her parents and isn't working, plays video games and contributes nothing towards the household. Gaslights and blames her parents for her misery. This is my sibling's retirement years we're talking about. It makes me so sad because she was a delightful child to be around when she was younger.
@@jm7804 And old friend...well not any more...( he's 50) turned alcoholic and literally abuses( exploits) and lives off his mother who he simultaneously blames. I'm beyond disgusted. Mum won't kick him out as he threatens to fire bomb her home. Pitiful stuff
Yes, Carolyn. My sister destroyed with lies every family connection I had. I'm now alone. I married a narcissist too. Don't know how I set it up again and again. 🤷🏻♀️
@@justinesimone5343 Same here. BETTER to be alone - get a cat or a dog who will always be there for you and seek God, the One Who made you for He is love.
In retrospect, I see that much is my fault because I let them get away with the abuse. Rather than confronting them when they would attack me verbally along with false accusations I would not fight back. So it continues if you let them get away with it. I am done with that bunch now and it feels good.
@ritahall9556 The freakin' positive part about that is how self-aware you are; you respect yourself and you honor the needs of your inner child. How freakin' "whole" that is!
"DON'T give your life away to someone dedicated to rejecting you, in order to get their way" !! WOW what a statement. Thank you Dr. Rhoberta, I have been listening to your podcasts for quite some time, and your ways of explaining all that you do, have really been an eye-opener and a life-saver too. I thank you for all you do and help those suffering to stand strong, to stand their ground and "Save their Sanity".
Thank you so much you verified everything about my son We have been estranged for 7 years ,his grown up children are also out of our lives and after all this time I’m finally realising that I don’t want him in my life because I understand that he will never change, the only thing that I need to do is to exclude him and his children out of my will but in Australia that’s very complicated because the law looks after the people that haven’t got much He hasn’t got much because he doesn’t believe in working he believes he’s entitled and when he realised that he can’t get any more from us he’s kept away
@@marjoriebuono6790spend your money or hide it or give it to someone else. There is no way I would let any government tell me what I had to do with my money.....after your children are grow. I see protecting young children, but that is is. I'd have a contract on my house to sell to someone at my death....or I would pay someone to 🔥 it down at my death. Lol. I sound really bad. I have never taken well to being forced to do anything against my will.
This video was timely…Even in your health condition you still produced this powerful & life changing video…I doff my 🎩 You’re exceptional…Thank you and God bless🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌
Thank you for this video. I don't feel so alone now. I'm astranged from my only daughter, but it's because I have set boundaries she's not willing to accept. Yes, I am hurt and disappointed, but being around her makes me miserable.
I hear you, so sad but I wrote out a handwritten Will every year that I flew to Houston (just in case) all contents wanted from my apartment to my Mom I reunited with in my late 20’s and when she passed in 2004 (me by her side) contents to my girlfriends. I had anxiety and panic attacks before every trip to my daughters even though I missed her terribly. I’d bring the latest in movies and small gifts - that years later I was told by her she hated movies and they didn’t watch them. I was also told she cheeked certain foods and spit it out in the toilet that I cooked as she didn’t like it. I wasn’t allowed to give my young grandkids tips of any kind! I once called them my sweet kids and she overheard and yelled, they are not your kids, they’re mine somewhat angrily. I know I wasn’t a perfect mom but where did all this hatred come from?? Possibly I was paying for her cold hearted absent father who to date, hasn’t ever been to visit her or his grandchildren in over thirty years? She now carries a gun and a holster and that makes me nervous too! 😳 Yes, my entitled only daughter decided almost 1 year ago that I was bi-polar and should get help! That was my last straw and I am standing firm unless she ever comes to her senses. Yes, my dear it is very heartbreaking and I feel for you and any poor woman with a bossy, opinionated narcissistic child. 🥰hugs to you all.
OMG..... I can say the EXACT same thing about my one child (42 year old daughter) It's miserable to be around her, so I have to let her go for my own peace... Yes ! There are so many of us our here going through the same thing... Wow
My only daughter is 32... same thing you guys mentioned already. I am caring for here 4 children all under 5 that have been with pretty much since birth. I sometimes beat myself up for her choices... I have to let go of her and concentrate on the babies. She is extremely abusive to me and in front of her own children. I stay away.....
Just wanted to say #me-too! It's been since my daughter turned 13. She's 41 now. I send her greeting cards on occasion, but not every year. I want her to know that she's thought of but not enough to subject myself to her crazy making. I've resigned myself to never again having a relationship with her. The hardest part is her poison does effect my relationship with the rest of the family. I've been told that they dare not call her out on it because they don't want what has happened to me, being shunned, to happen to them. Sad but true.
This is the first video that I have seen dealing with the problem of a narcissistic adult child. I thank you immensely. Why did I think I was the only one???
I absolutely cried my heart out listening to this because it is everything I have experienced from my oldest child since she was 14 years old now she is 42 and it has always been the same me always hoping she would change and become a more loving caring empathetic adult but nothing has ever changed her behaviour,I have been guilty in the past for all of the 21 reasons but over last few years I have stopped in the hope we could have a mother daughter respectful loving relationship in stead we have No relationship as I have had to block her out of my life or end my own life,I grew up in a home with parents without love for myself so now at age 70 I do my life for myself so much sadness after giving birth to a child who I can not relate or understand where her toxic personality stemmed from.😢
Cheryl please do things for YOU. You are so worthy of being someone apart from this toxic blamer. Life is good and loving and peaceful apart from that person who has a need to punish us to make them feel powerful. We call them bullies if they are not our beloved children. But they are bullies. There are people who would love to have your time and attention; seek them. Be strong about your heart. Life is far too short to grieve this disordered one who will NEVER seek help. They seek more victims.
My youngest daughter is a narcissist and has a serious mental illness. I won't tolerate her abuse anymore and stood up for myself and called her out. She has not talked to me since late may or June. I stopped running to her and had enough of walking on eggshells and her lying about me and painting me as an abusive mother which was nothing but lies. She is so self entitled and abusive to me .
My oldest son wanted me drop everything in my life and move 4 states to be his on-call cook & babysitter to his/wife's 7 children. 😮 I chose in favor of having my own life and they cut me off from my grandchildren. Hijackals indeed.
@startingovaries Without realizing it, they actually did you a favor. Now, go enjoy the rest of your life and don't look back. What awaits them is the same treatment from their children. Only worse, because it is now in vogue to exploit or disown your parents, and even worse.. They should be very afraid of their future, but they have no idea what's coming. Just don't let it affect you. Take care.
1. Don’t meet their demands 2. Don’t let them control you or decide what you can and can’t do 3. Don’t have weak boundaries 4. Don’t respond to their temper tantrums (Don’t stay where yelling is involved) 5. Don’t give in to their threats..just respond “ok” when they’re made 6. Don’t respond to their “future faking” (“ If you do this, I’ll do that, etc. it NEVER happens.) 7. Don’t let them use the grandchildren as pawns (when they threaten to use the grandchildren as pawns, respond “Oh, that would be too bad.”) 8. Don’t let them make you feel bad that THEIR bad behavior is YOUR fault. Let them experience the consequences of their poor choices. 9. Don’t believe their emotional outbursts, believe the facts. Don’t believe their fake tears. They will try to win no matter what. 10. Don’t think that you’ll receive something from them if you give first. “Highjackle” someone who hijacks a relationship for their own purposes. 11. Don’t think it’s YOUR job to make them happy. 12. Don’t let them run guilt trips on you. They are the author of their own choices in life and who they decide to be. 13. Don’t accept blame for their life choices, as they’re adults. 14. Don’t let them use you. You can’t fix them. Show them what healthy boundaries are. They won’t like it. So what?? 15. Don’t let them abuse you. 16. Don’t think that they will EVER be satisfied. They want more, more, more. Don’t think that “one more thing” will be the thing that will make them respect or love you. 17. Don’t accept their entitlement. Say “MY needs have changed.” 18. Don’t forget that they’re predators . They’re out to get, take, pounce and they don’t care who they hurt because they’re empathy deficient. 19. Don’t forget WHO they are IS their actions, NOT their words. “ABB: always believe behavior.” 20. Don’t expect them to change. Research shows that they get worse with age. This is important to understand. 21. Don’t give your life away to someone dedicated to rejecting you so they’ll get their way.
I'm so glad that you covered this subject... I have been searching for this topic for a very long time. My 42 yr old daughter keeps getting worse and worse. I don't like her. I would never be friends with someone like her. I'm miserable when around her. Always walking on egg shells. I get no love from her, not even a little kindness. I've had enough, and have come to terms with not having anything to do with her again. Only time will tell how that goes, but it's all I can do at this point for my own peace of mind.... Very sad indeed....
All the things that you've just written about your daughter as in you don't like her you'd never be friends with her, on some level you are putting this out energetically or telepathically and she is sensing it. While she has no right to treat you the way she does and you have every right to step away out of self respect for yourself, I would like to suggest something... write some honest angry letters not to send from your inner child and then give your inner child lots of hugs for her courage. I think resentment kills the love that we have in our hearts for our children. Put your inner child first and then she won't be so angry and resentful towards your daughter. At some point in the future ask yourself do you have any love for your daughter. Your daughter is responding to what is in your heart not the words that come out of your mouth
@@rachelb8863we do Not know how long she's been going through this. When someone treats you horrible your not going to like them. That doesn't mean you don't love them.
I told my narsasitic adult pregnant daughter she better not use her baby as a weapon against me. And I meant it If she does I will be ok with not seeing her children I must be strong and stand firm
Mine tried to all, H……. Broke out when I said I was not Babysitting anymore, I got my Life back no more Babysitting for any Grandkids when I get Ready and Boy I felt the backlash…..❤ Like I don’t have a Life…..
LOL kids learn by example. At 10?? Lol no doubt you had a hand in that. Minor kids aren't responsible for their parents, it's the other way around. It was your job to reel in her behavior when she was a kid. No one to blame but YOU.
@@wordivoreI bet you don’t have kids. I used to think exactly the same thing but not anymore. I’m 54 and I can assure you that’s not true in so many cases. Matter of fact you would be surprised how much it does happen today. The second your child goes to public school that’s gone. They are then exposed to hundreds of other opinions and stories.
My daughter and her children haven’t spoken to me for over 10 years. First year and a half I cried. Next year I was mad. Finally I prayed a lot and learned that I didn’t have the problem, she has. I still love her and pray for her and her children ( now she has 2 grandchildren ) I loved my mother so much and yes, we did have some spats but I could never have done this to my mom. Some day I feel she will regret her actions when it’s too late.
Never give up playing for your chief, and Eli Eve that Go can change even the hardest heart. Wait for the answer and for wisdom to come to you. I am in the same spot with my daughter-in-law.
My daughter is such a mean narcissist. I have learned over time with much research the WHY behind her behaviors as well as how to handle her. The problem is my granddaughter cannot just walk away from her. She will be 9 years old next month and has the most beautiful spirit but I see the light dimming in her. My daughter is doing a real number on her. It has been a torturous 9 years dealing with my daughter since my granddaughter daughter was born. She has used alienation to punish me for the mistakes I made as a young mother. She refuses to see who am I am today. It’s a lose lose situation with her. No winning. All I can do is pray for my granddaughter. My heart is breaking for her 😢
Yes and unfortunately your granddaughter with the 'beautiful spirit' is most likely being dimmed from outside influences as well. Is she is the public school system? She is on the injection protocol list if so. enlighten yourself; learn about the in jection schedule that these young humans are subjected to. You will be quite shocked I'm sure. Unfortunately, your daughter was most likely subjected to them too, however on a different level than the present program.
14:47 I am so sorry to hear what you are saying. Because I have seen some of this in my own life with my own daughter and own grandchildren perit is not just heartbreaking but heart ripping. I pray that you will find the strength you need to get through this.
I'm so glad that I came across this video. It was just what I needed to hear. The last year has been horrendous but I have put boundaries in place and am sticking to them in order to not be used and abused again. It's been heart-breaking to realise that someone I gave birth to and raised seems to have so much resentment and hatred towards me. The recent realisation that they are probably a narcissist is difficult to swallow but is a reality, and self-protection has never been so important. My heart goes out to all other parents who have or are going through this too. Thanks Rhoberta for your helpful words.
I have 3 of them and an ex husband that is a narcissist! My son doesn’t let me see my grandson. I’ve gone from him living with me most of his 8yrs to not seeing him at all. I have NO idea why! Now my daughter has decided to join them.
I used to text my daughter just to check on her, but I decided to let go. If she wants to communicate, she is very welcome too. I just stop because she never answered back on many occasions. If she visits, she visits. If not, I'm fine too. I used to be so drained worry about her, but I chose to let it go.
My 28 year old ignores my texts but when she comes to visit she’s on her phone . She’s made threats and ignores after call out . I always wondered why she lacked empathy . She has made threats too , I always wondered if I’m so compassionate how did I raise this aloof daughter …..always said she reminds me of her father not to her but inside my own mind 😳😳🤔
I had the same experience with my daughter. She would take between 6 and 14 days to respond to a text. Then she would say "don't take it personal Dad" I finally told her to get her own phone. "I'm tired of paying for you to just ignore me." I had practically begged her to respond in a reasonable amount of time (like 1-2 days max) even though they respond immediately to their friend's texts. That was over a year ago and she has not responded at all to any of my texts. Silly that a child would sacrifice a relationship with her Dad, because he made her buy her own phone. I'm Done.
❤I think, my son is one of them... I feel sad, since I have inly 1 child, he is 25 now, I am 64. It is hard to come to realization, that I am being used to help him with everything he needs,spend my savings, yes, he promises to pay me back, but he wants space, we do nothing together, never has time for me, blames me for his childhood( I was single mother on disability), it pains me. I sometimes feel, that I have no reason to live, I feel lonely, abandon. I feel like moving away. I guess, I am not alone. So I wish everyone here, that we find our new life, new friends, new everything and live our best without them!Sending love, peace, light.❤✌️🌏🙏
Maybe we all are narcs to a point, but you dont treat the one person who loves and cares for your total success in this freakin hard life. Kids these days are the most spoiled, selfish, cruel, and un grateful and need their asses kicked.
I did something different, I set up my will that my children and grandchildren will be equally share my estate. They will have to work out what is fair and rational between themselves. I think this will be very hard for my daughters, but so easy for my grandchildren, and everyone will experience each other (good or bad.)
I've had breakdowns over this. Valuable breakdowns. To the point I don't care anymore about them, and it's not a bad place to be. We must detach in a healthy way, especially when they are more than adults, like mine in their late 40's. It's a long and hard road to the realization that it is not your problem, I guess it's easier to blame yourself than believe it's our beautiful children we love and have lived for, also harder for a single parent, an easy target out in the open.
Me too I used to cry wondering what the hell but I decide im not going to put up with it no more so now he slams his elbow on the bathroom counter hes got brushes I took him to the Dr and my Dr said it's his condition I said that's bull crap so when he's Madd I use a sun hat to cover my eyes so he can't see me if he does see me he try to get that control so then he settles down but my overgrown boy is hateful evil I had to turn the gas off to the stove or he will burn this trailer down but I think the devil is in him I've never in my life never seen a kid act like my kid mine is mentally abusive controlling mean he onley thinks of himself if I ask him to do something he throws a fit
I had a mental breakdown as well, and have severe PTSD now. My son is malicious and sadistic to the core. His main joy in life is hurting and putting me down. He thrives on this. It's just wicked evil.
How to repent and get back to God the holy Spirit. I wish I had stopped. I let Satan drag me back from the church running around ....,i do want this Why even do me this bad. 😢
I'm so grateful for your program. I have a 44- year-old daughter with severe mental illness and have enabled her abusive behavior for over 20 years. I'm now liberating myself from this toxic trap! Your wisdom is invaluable. ❤🙏
This is one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever had someone do to me, My daughter is JUST like her Narc father and while I worked so hard to raise her, she WATCHED how he TREATED me and learned..... I feel like you were in my doorway the other nite when my only child ripped me to shreds because "I won't apologize for all I've done to her the past 5 years....."😢😢
Yours is the first situation I've come across similar to mine. My daughter was raised by me and for 7 years by my ex (not her bio father) with diagnosed psychopathy/narcissism. She is now 30 and has traits of his to the point we are estranged..
I have the same problem. Son is very Overtly narcissist and daughter is Covert Narc like their Dad. He teaches them to lie. Steal. Use people, and I divorced their dad 23 years ago and he still uses our adult kids to abuse me by proxy. 43 years of it and I decided to have No Contact with my adult children. I did remarry to a good honest man and they are so angry that he and I get along great for 12 years now. They try every trick to get between us and he and I both see their behavior is so immature and ridiculous. Both kids have college educations...she has 2 masters degrees and she still needs to lie even when it's clear her lie only hurts her....she still lies. And she married the adult son of an alcoholic and his dad died from drugs....so the alcoholic MIL and her husband....they lie with her. They have no boundaries and it's shocking to watch them lie all the time. I decided it's too much to be around it and we moved far away. Grandchildren are stuck in the group of lying adults...
Same situation here, except my husband's daughter's mother is the narc. She watched how her mother treated him, and treated him exactly the same. It was awful to watch...
You stayed and exposed her to it. YOU were the adult and have responsibility in the way things turned out as much as her narc father. Don't want narc kids, don't marry one to begin with.
I have a close friend in her 60’s suffering from all of your 21 points at the hands of her 23 year old daughter (diagnosed with type 11 Bipolar Disorder (so seems not to have psychosis) since covid 19 (2020) she has managed to break up her parents marriage, con & guilt trip her mother into buying her an apartment ( Dad mother & brother rent) this has been achieved via apparently daily threats of suicide! All is continuing in spite of being treated with lithium… Her mother ( my friend) is the enabler & always has been… she has never been able to say NO because she couldn’t take the drama & tantrums that would follow… since she hit upon the threats of suicide strategy my friend is just PETRIFIED… It’s truly both gut wrenching and maddening to have to watch this abuse continue!
I’ve given my life away to my fault child who inexplicably refused to see me. Nine years. I wish I was dead so often. I feel like what is the point in life. I need to hear more of this. I need to learn. Just cos I love him more than I can say, I’m beginning to realise I actually don’t like him at all.
I no longer worry if my bipolar adult daughter is suicidal or not, it is not worth it, she is so mean to me so toxic, I don't want her in my life anymore.
And OMG telling someone you do not like your child is met with such disdain 'cause YOU have to have "unconditional love" ... Them? No. It's all about what you can do for them because "they didn't ask to be born" nonsense! @@BinZiegler
My takeaway, having dealt with NPD mom, bro, sis for a lifetime, and now wondering about my adult child, was this line: "Don't give your life away to someone who is dedicated to rejecting you to get their way". Dr. Shaler, you said a mouthful!
@@nmc1859 Actually, what you get used to when dealing with NPD family is that they hang around you to get stuff from you - to get fed. If you stop feeding them, then you're worthless to them.
THANK GOD someone is addressing this issue!!!! I have 2 daughters one 49 and one 48 living, lost my oldest in a car accident in 1994 who about to turn 22. The 2 left one was a nightmare from the age of 2, the youngest at age 10 all of a sudden started telling me how horrible I was. Both retaliated on me for any type of punishment they got. Tgey stole things in stores n got caught, ran off, tried to move in with strangers, turned teachers against me n tried to turn my friends against me as well. The friends I had they could not turn were ones that knew me all my life. I have PEACE now because they do not speak to me. I'm sad it has come to this, but do not have to deal with their crazyness anymore. When I refused to go over the past again it took the umph out of their game playing, so they quit. Its been 8 years since I saw the middle daughter and 6 years since the youngest on spoke to me. They would love to be nice to me only to suddenly start screaming n yelling for some dumb little thing. I simply asked the youngest to come home more often and I was met with uncontrollable screaming and she yelled constantly that I had no right to speak....like Sherry McGregar that wrote the book Done With The Crying....I'M done with it all and have had no choice but to move on. It hurts beyond measure, but at least my life I live everyday is in as much peace as possible and I do not have to wonder what the next game plan is.
My son recently contacted me again after 8 years of silence and blocking me. It was nice until I recently sent him something online that he disagreed with and he proceeded to lecture me about doing that and threaten me with blocking me again. (Even though I sent him an article about the field he’s working in and thought he might be interested in it) Now I’ve come to the stage where I really don’t care any more if he blocks me or not. It’s a nice place to be in!
Children should not be punished. That creates narcissists. Punishment creates hatred and narcissism. Children need to be loved and explain to them why they should not do sth. Also we need to give in if what they r asking is quite reasonable. I v seen parents not to let their children climb trees but they let them be on the screen many hours per day. Children need to be convinced of what s right, not disciplined. Or else parent acts like a bully, a boss whereas first he should be a friend and second somebody who puts healthy boundaries with love. Did your children know u loved them? Did u show it to them? How? Were ur children happy to be raised by you?
Knowledge is power. Do not allow yourselves to live in ignorance. Take responsibility and u ll be free. No-one can possibly think they had no responsibility ,( nth to do )for the character of their children
It’s better to leave them behind and enjoy your peace than put up with all the bs. They don’t deserve your hard work to try to put things right. It’ll never be right…
I ask the Lord to take care of my daughter and keep her safe. I ask him to save her soul. That is enough. Everything else is less important. I pray for all the daughters and sons out there that are lost... Jesus, we need you!
Thank you for those prayers. I have a daughter who cut me off 7 months ago, and today is Mother's Day, and dealing with the pain is a daily thing for me. Without the Lord, I am not sure I would make it. She is my only daughter. She is in her late 20's.
@@tinasmith8241 Me too! He turned 18 and went to his father’s house 7 months ago. Funny thing is his father was actually diagnosed bi-polar narcissistic. His father completely turned him against me. He hasn’t spoken to me since January because I asked him to apologize for cursing at me. I’m so heartbroken, I love my son. Today is Mother’s Day and this pain is unlike any other I’ve ever felt. Even though he’s so hurtful I miss him. If it wasn’t for my relationship with Jesus I don’t know what I’d do! Been listening to the song Waymaker…it helps. Maybe it’ll help you too. Praying for you ❤
@@littlered8240I'm sorry. I fully understand and know the pain.... Praying for all of us 🙏 being so hurt by jezebel cause narcissist is the jezebel spirit and she's ruthless...
@@BooksbyAFoster my daughter is lost like that and she went to a Catholic school in her young age.. she’s 32 now. It is smart to pray for their souls to be saved. Thank you for saying this. Life is so hard for some and can be so easy and beautiful if only they knew Jesus. She had a dream one day when she was a child. When she got up in the morning she was crying. I asked why are you crying, she said Jesus came in her dream and was trying to take me with him. She was maybe 12 years old. I’m thinking about it a lot lately. This was already long time ago. I do pray 🙏🏼 to save her Lord. She’s not having a great time in her life. Not talking to her mom makes it harder. She really is lost and misguided by many who surround her life. Maybe one day she will have the Jesus day and comes around. Or, I’m thinking that, that Jesus is me to save her. We will see how this will play out through our life. I am very curious.
THAT'S ABOUT HOW LONG IT IS FOR ME, BUT AT LEAST ONE OF THEM IS HOLDING OUT A HAND OF ACCEPTANCE. IT IS VERY SLOW GOING, THE OLDER THEY GET GIVES THEM A BIT MORE PERSPECTIVE. I'M JUST LOOKING FORWARD TO WHEN WE ALL SEE CLEARLY WHAT WAS GOING ON WHEN WE GET TO HEAVEN. IN THE MEANTIME I MOSTLY JUST PRAY FOR THEM.@@barbaraalford
I've lost my grandsons too. I spent days with them every week. Now it's been over a year since I saw them. I've started a journal telling them how much I love them. Also including stories I want them to know etc. Things I would've if said in person if I was allowed to. But most of all I tell you hem the truth. Why they don't see me anymore. Why I'm not there. They may not read it until they're adults and I'm dead but they'll know I never left them. Their mother took them away
My adult daughter is a raging narcissist, they seem immune to logic and reasoning as they heavily rely on deception, lying, accusations and threats. Going no contact and redirecting the negativity to positive endeavors has really helped.
Thank You Dr. Shaler! Im a very intuitive, insightful person and I dont know why this light bulb hasnt gone off before but you have helped me tremendously with this one video! I have been carrying guilt and remorse and have experienced my daughters manipulation for so MANY years! Hoping that she would grow into maturity and see the reality of her actions. I will be joining your community to do a deeper dive in this relationship.
This video came at a perfect time when my adult son is asking me to fix his situation after losing his job. I need to set hard boundaries now. Thank you for these tools on coping with a narcissist.
@@sonjak8265 Exactly! I'm always glad to help my son however I can if he needs it. I know he's grateful for that and he helps me too when he can. I'm grateful to him as well. He's a young man and has his own life, but sometimes they just need an advice from someone wiser who surely loves them.
I was given ultimatums. I couldn't believe my adult daughter was talking down to me like I was a child. There is so much in my story, like many others I'm sure. It is a trend now though, for adult children to cut off their parents for the least thing. Social media has a lot to do with this sense of entitlement that they have. How they demand perfection, do not allow anyone to be ill, depressed, unhappy..... my daughter has never had any time or empathy for anyone who is having a tough time. She just cuts them out. Just like she cut me out. And I'm a good kind intelligent woman. Trained as a counsellor and into all kinds of mind/body/sprit stuff. I started to feel anxious if ever I went to their home, yes, walking on eggshells. On many occasions I had approached her to ask her why she seemed unhappy with me. Did she want to talk things through? She always said, 'no mum, there's nothing wrong with me'. I'm a smart woman... I knew she just disliked me for being 'me'. Thank you for your video. Out of many I have watched, I relate to what you say. Particularly on boundaries.
I understood the same thing. My daughter always wanted me to be ''someone else''. She never liked me. No, she did 0 to 12 y.o. She is 37 now. I love her.I don't wait for her to love me all of a sudden now when I'm ageing , frail and vulnerable.I feel it is too late.I just keep memories of her when we were loving human beings and that all what counts for me.I think I don't trust her anymore.There is still blue sky over my head and sun and moon are exist still, trees still grow with their roots in the ground and crowns to the sky. Still gravity.Animals like me.Birds too. I am fine!
I made a commitment to help my daughter erase me from her life. I don’t mind being erased by someone who’s identity was already erased. Our children are lost in a void of non existence. Best case scenario is to mourn their loss and move on. We were individuals before parents. We will return back to ourselves once we cut that umbilical cord permanently. Be safe
I made a comment to cause my daughter in law to erase me from her life. She is a textbook case of NPD. Plus, an illegal boarder crosser along with her user-family whom my son is supporting. OK, so I’m now erased over a valid comment that I had good cause for making. I should buy a headstone and a family grave plot for all of them, mourn their loss and move on. Life goes on. I made a sincere apology. It was all I could do. It is better to move on than to allow a narcissist to continually shoot you down into nothing. A narcissistic child must be awful, but a daughter-in-law with NPD can be just as devastating because she will isolate you son from everyone so she can be in full control. I can’t do anything about it so I don’t try.
@@tamararutland-mills9530 so sorry for your experience. Sometimes the only thing to do is let go. I doubt what you said was the cause of your daughter in law’s desire to erase you. It was part of the plan but now she found a reason to tell everyone it was your fault. If your son has no personality disorder he will return to you once he becomes aware. We can never force anyone to see what they aren’t ready to see. Breathe. You got this.
@@silviapino1044 from your lips to God’s ears ✝️🙏🏻✝️🙏🏻✝️🙏🏻I have been erased by my daughter-in-law as well, and my son just follows suit… It is devastating… It has been since July, and they have absolutely nothing to do with me because they say “people” told them that I talked bad about her. Nothing more nothing less.
Thank you. More of the narcissistic therapists and Psychiatrists need to address this. My son's turned into their father who I had divorced almost 50 years ago. After he died they turned on me, and turned into their father. So glad I found you and this information today!
a word of alert here; choose therapists carefully; some don’t understand this trait or clearly are controllers themselves.. after all, like all careers they are a self selecting cohort ..
I'm surrounded by narcs, my sister, my daughter in law and my daughter and then there are their their flying monkeys- it's so sick...now that I KNOW I am able to "step away". Getting off the crazy train is a relief! DO IT!!! Take a stand for not just YOURSELF but for the right of it! Change starts with us- not them.
Ditto on every one of your words. And Congratulations on stepping back! I’ve been walking on egg shells to keep the peace for years, but those days are over, & now I have boundaries. I’d love to move to Italy or somewhere nice to create a new life..
I had to chuckle at the flying monkeys comment. So true, I’m 76 year old grandma and I just getting it. These kind of children are not going to change. They have become self absorbed.(47 yr old daughter) I kept quiet due to having the grandsons. Letting go now Getting to old to handle all this negativity and cruelness. Bless all the grandparents to bestowed love and kindness. We would never have talked or spoken to our moms in these ways. It’s a different world today and it’s sad see.
@@kathyschwartz6009I understand what you're saying but I wouldn't have spoken to my controlling mother the way my daughter does to me, because I was afraid of both my narcissistic parents. I didn't ever want my children to be afraid of me, like I was of my parents
Can so totally relate, once I found out what is a narcissist I realized I grew up under these conditions, and not knowingly, married one ! The cycle continues because my 4 boys show those same signs. I have Separated already from my oldest child. Pray the others will not follow first born. Only because of GODS GRACE🙏 I haven’t lost my mind yet!!!! Tho my brothers are trying! Had to totally disconnect from them . Other family members are sure to fallow Stay tune further updates Lol Lol 🙏 for all victims of narcissist abuse🙏 With Love in CHRIST
I feel SO BLESSED, THE HOLY SPIRIT SENT ME THIS TRUE AND EMPOWERING INFO. THANK YOU AGAIN. THIS INFO HELPS US WHO SUFFER. IT EMPOWERS US TO RISE MERELY BY HEARING THE WORDS SPOKEN AND IS A LIGHT EXPOSING HOW TO NOT ALLOW IT TO CONTINE TO HURT US. ❤️🕯️🙏🕊️
Exact words from therapist"" Your daughter wants to take your place, but first she has to get rid of you.She made my life a living hell and I waited until I was 74 before removing her from my life " this left my son without the support he needed. She poisoned my relationship with everyone she was ever with. She made false accusations against ^ people in the family all lies. Some people come to earth missing a finger sone missing human grace.
I’m living my best life after my adult children cut me off of their lives. I have more money to spend on myself, plenty of freedom, and life clear from abuse and drama.😍
@@GracenCourage I remember, 30 years ago! I had a friend who told me that she! Did not talk to her sons! Because they were drug addict! And they were stealing from her! And she had a lot of money! and I said to her, what about if they have kids?, They will be your grandkids.! she told me at the time! That she didn't care! I don't know if this was true! Because I lost contact!🥲
Just finding out about all this narcissistic stuff. I feel better now I’ve heard others going thru it and that there are names for what has happened. I guess it’s a choice now to be sad and mad or st
Thank you so much. Also, thanks to all tge comments. Im not alone. Its such a painful situation you to go through. We love the child we carry and you never imagine it will turn out so terrible. Praying for all of you and myself.
Yes! I was never good enough, and I've been blamed for everything that they've chosen to do in their lives! My youngest is an alcholic and blames me for his addiction. I have two sons, and their father was a passive aggressive narcissist and they both believe that ALL WOMEN ARE WEAK, STUPID, CRAZY, TOO SENSITIVE, AND INSIST THAT ONLY LOGICAL THINKING IS ACCEPTABLE! I've let them both go, as boundries have been crossed by their demanding need for repeated apoligies, etc have not been satisfactory to their liking.
My 40 year old son treats me badly, takes advantage, and walks all over me. I walk on eggshells. 😬 I suffer from CPTSD & ADHD from my childhood ... When Covid hit, my son decided to move back in and has hoarded and disrespected me & my home ever since. He has done so much damage to my home that I just have given up. I've decided to sell my home "as is" for😊 $100k less than the market value & pack up and move across the country to get out of this situation and into a community of mostly women my age. I have no energy left, but I am trying to get everything sorted by the new year and get on a plane and completely change my life. Hopefully, my depression will lift as well. I pray 🙏 that I have the strength to make it out of here as I am also now disabled. Thank you so much for your helpful video, I literally stumbled upon it. ❤️ Synchronicity ... God bless 🙌 you all! 🙏 🫶 🙏
This hurts my heart so badly.. my daughter is like this and tears me up every chance she gets.. and when I tell her no... she is brutal... and I absolutely hate having to see what she is going through right now... but I can't handle the abuse anymore... so she ends up homeless cause she can't respect rules that are still in my home...
Kara, as harsh as it sounds, let her be homeless if that is what she is choosing. Shoring her up now will not fix her; it will only bind you to her as her enabler. Voice of experience, here. As for me, I am taking every word Dr. Roberta is saying as the golden orbs of wisdom that they are. It took me a long time to come to this truth. I thought I was just being a good mother. The soft spot to fall as it were. No, I was simply the enabler. He would take my last penny and never see anything wrong with it, nor care at all should I then become penniless with the exception of how that might effect him. I was always fearful that I would die and there would be no one to care for him, but people survive all the time without their parents. We weren't meant to be their lifelong caretakers. Nature teaches us that. Cats smack their kittens on the head when it's time to wean. Hens show biddies how to search for food by pecking the ground. When the biddies get of a certain age, the hens will peck their heads if they continue to follow them around to peck at their food source. It's time to "smack" my son and your daughter on their heads.
@letitiavaughan947 since I happened to find Dr. Roberta, I have been listening to her at least 8 hours a day... when I found this video, it was less than 24 hrs after forcing my daughter out of my house.. even though my husband had told me it's time to stop and let her just go... hearing it from Dr. Roberta was different... every single thing she said was us... I don't pretend that I haven't played a part in the fighting when every conversation or interaction defenses are up... and I have said some things I probably shouldn't have or should have worded differently... and I had been an enabler cause I never wanted her to go hungry.. or not have gas... or helped her with bills... and helped her with rent... I have went running many times to help her fix situations... for her constant disrespect.. name calling.. blaming me for the choices she has made and continues to make... when I had advised her how to do things so that she wouldn't be in the situation she is now... and now currently cause I have blocked her as of 2 days ago.. she is blame posting... and telling the world of fb where all our family is watching and seeing what she is saying... and my sisters are encouraging her to cut me off... when they absolutely don't have a clue what has been going on... so Dr. Roberta is really helping me stay strong in this decision... it's hurts so badly when it has been me and her, her whole life till she moved out when she was 17... I didn't want her to go.. and tried to prevent it.. but I couldn't stop her cause in our state 17 is legally an adult... last time I spoke to her I reminded her that she is an adult.. making adult decisions.. doing adult things.. and adults figure things out as they are supposed too... that I do not owe her my life just because I gave birth to her... and her abuse is no longer welcome here.. I miss the sweet little girl she once was... but she isn't there anymore... Thank you for your words and encouragement... cause as you know it's the hardest thing in the world... I hope things get easier for you.. and me as well.. and I will continue to listen till there isn't any more left to listen to..
My daughter and daughter in law have tried to use my grandchildren to control me. In the end for my own sanity i had to say no more, you're not treating me like this anymore. So sad that I've lost my grandchildren, although it was a relief to lose my kids.
I have a narcissistic adult daughter. But she’s also an alcoholic and prescription drug addict. She suffers from bipolar depression. She has suicidal tendencies. She has used this as manipulative tool to get what she wants. We have helped her out of every single bad situation she’s ever put herself in. We don’t want to see her homeless or dead. This is our plight… we have money and she knows it. She is irresponsible and it is always someone else’s fault, never her own. We helped buy her a house… then she sold it and spent all of the money… on what… I don’t know…. She had a high paying job… so where did it all go? Now she’s lost her job and has hit rock bottom again. Asking for money to pay her rent, her bills etc. All the while there is this undercurrent of “if we don’t help her, she will kill herself”. It is such a mess. We need money for our retirement… she has already used a huge portion of those funds over the past 30 years. I know that it is our fault for allowing this all of these years. But when you love someone who has tried to kill themselves at least 3x, that you’re aware of, it is the ultimate tool of extortion. She should be in an institution for help but she is extremely intelligent and has hoodwinked every psychiatrist/psychologist out there! Hence the addiction to prescription drugs etc. and the professionals telling her that all of her problems are the fault of her self indulgent/ emotionally distant parents!!! She knows exactly what to tell them to get what she wants and now I believe she believes her lies. I should write a book. Nobody would believe it.
You are wrong..we ALL believe it! Please just let go of anyone who is hurting you. Suicidal threats usually work to control us and they know it but I truly believe narcissists love themselves too much..they love brinksmanship. Don't be blackmailed or extorted or give up your health and security to try to control someone else's life journey. We all have choices. Become strong enough so that, no matter what happens you will be ok and can know you tried more than 99% of what other parents would have done. Let go and let God.
The belief in her own lies is the stage I am at with my daughter. She's convinced herself of the foulness she spews. She's got a list of people she claims have abused her physically and sexually. I actually watched her create an entire scenario where her x BF raped her while she was black out drunk. She determined it after a crisis call to domestic abuse project. Prior to the phone conversation, her story was I got drunk and they put me to bed, barely a recollection. She claims the dap worker said it sounded like she was drugged and raped. Zero evidence or recollection of any such thing. Now, 3 years later she tells the story or her "rape" in detail. It is actually crazy to see it. She has accused at least 5 or 6 people of abuse and or sexual assault. None of it is true but, she believes herself now. Since I asked her to find her own place, she's leveled all the said abuse at me. I beat her and neglected her etc. She's Actively worked to turn anyone she can against me. It is gut wrenching. She just gave birth to my first grandchild and I don't think I will ever meet her.
@@EssenceofCoils My thoughts exactly!😉👍🏻 I’ve read so many comments from both men and women describing the same family dynamics or domestic situations that you would think they knew your situation and were describing your own relationships. Sometimes as I’m reading them I think🤔 to myself if we could just get all these people together than they could work on their inner healing and some may find healthier relationships!😂 🙏🏻❤️☮️
Same here! Exact same situation but I don’t want to see my son again. I’m 74 and I’ve had to deal with it his entire adult life. Between my mother, my ex husband and older son - I’ve had enough! I’m not doing it anymore!
What a wonderful reliefthese videos are finding out you are not alone. Was raised by a malignant narcissist mother who was never available when I was growing up. Wants everything I have . ! I married a narcissist and now dealing with an adult son who has turned out like his father. Very abusive in all ways especially financial. Have made up my mind to go no contact. Alone, but peace. of mind.
I have been experiencing everything you discussed for 18 years by my adult son. The reason…His father passed when he was 15. And he demanded I split the estate with him (at 15) instead of just take care of him. I did all the things you said not to do. I excused bad behavior, accepted verbal abuse, and spent $50,000 on him trying to make him happy(over the years). It didn’t fix him. We have been estranged on and off for 18 years. We haven’t spoken in person since 2018. It’s very sad and it hurts, especially during birthdays and holidays. It has had a negative effect on my health and happiness. At times I even wondered if his negative talk, threats and behavior was a little bit ok because he was angry about losing his father … but it’s NOT ok! There’s nothing I can do but try to enjoy the rest of my life. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and advice. It was very helpful and makes so much sense. I wish you good health, happiness and success. God bless you!
My son just turned 19 and I am just realizing what mind games he has been playing the last few years. It's heartbreaking but I feel some relief that there is a path forward and others understand what I am going through. 🙏 I pray for healing for everyone that is dealing with these relationships.
This video popped up and I tuned in to hear about other people's issues for a change. I do follow channels that cover narcissism and I feel so deeply for parents with narcissistic children. You may be able to dump the ex but it has to be harder to deal with your narc children. My prayers go out to all of you, and I wish you enough ☮️, 💚 and 💡 in the other areas of your life to help reduce the sting.
Ive beat this with prayer. Ive beat this by being humble. Ive apologized. Realizing its not about me. I dont give advice. Im quiet and listen & i try to just be there. They can live & learn. After a couple years of taking this stance.. my daughters have now changed. They met with me for mothers day for dinner and paid for it. I had planned on paying for dinner, but my oldest wouldnt let me lol many many prayers involved on my part also. Prayer & being humble. ♥ when they meet with me i always thank them for the visit. My oldest daughter has now begun to say "you dont have to thank me for that" . Prayer works. Period. Talk to God & pray. Dont depend on another humans advice. You want real help? Pray. Original post was 2mos ago..but I now want to add Aug 2024. The respect you want comes after. I get shown respect now. I didn't have to demand it & it came after showing humility around my daughters. You have to step down to be brought up.
So nice to see this because you normally see topics about a narcissistic mom or parent. My narc adult daughter is using her 6 yr old son as a pawn to hurt other. I haven't seen my little grandson since June. 😢 But she claims I'm the narcissistic when I never put myself 1st and I did anything asked of me to help, but I'm the narcissistic. I'm so heartbroken and I cry everyday
i so understand, my grandson is 7 and ive seen him twice in his life! yes it hurts so bad. she also calls me a narcissist well she calls everyone that actually!
@@TeaRose9 yes, it's called parental alienation and it's meant to damage the other parent but it actually damages the children or child because it's abusive.
Yes my ex husband narc turned my kids against me and it's crazy because he raged out at them when they were growing up and blaming them as well as me for stupid things. He started turning them against me by involving them in arguments he created stating that he was the one never being heard. That was a complete lie on me I was the one never being heard but the kids believed the dad.... He taught them to disrespect me as the mother. That man is a complete demon.
i'm going to let go of my adult son. the grief he has given me has made it hard for me to breath sometimes. he's so cruel to me and he says things that make me feel less than worthy, whenever i'm not compliant he takes away any contact between me and his son to punish me, but it's also a punishment to my grandson. each time he separates my grandson and me i die a little bit more.
Thank you for validating what is like to have narcissistic children . I marry narcissistic men. I’m divorcing my Bipolar narcissistic husband now. My first husband was the worst. 2 of my 3 daughters are narcissists and we are estranged. I wasn’t even invited to my second daughter’s wedding although I gave her the majority of the money for her dress and bought her veil. I will never let narcissists abuse me ever again. I went through 6 months of counseling. I worked and sacrificed for my family for 46 years as an RN. I deserve to be treated well.
Thank you for your help. As a mother, and grandma l needed this counseling. We always do mistakes helping our children way to much thinking that we do right, and we ruin our lives and theirs. God bless you !
I didn’t really understand that my daughter was a narcissist. But she left her husband and moved in with me. I was widowed and she and my three grandkids became a financial burden. I was afraid to kick her out because I was afraid she would abuse them mentally more if I wasn’t around to be their buffer/protected. She lied to me that she couldn’t afford to move out.
I was in 35 yr narc marriage. My sons parentelly alienated from me and both narcissists. I tried for years to help through counseling etc. for them both. They were so abusive I had to go full no contact with both. They also removed my grandchildren.
Thank you. I have a narcissistic Son! I have given everything for him an hi wife, I decided 3 years ago to stop. We have very little communication. After I stopped giving. He stoped communicating. Hard to swallow. But I am peace
I have a narcissic son. I hope people will realize that Narcissitic Personality Disorder is indeed an inherited trait. We usually have parents who are also NPD. I learned growing up with a NPD mother that the only thing to do to save oneself is to become finacially and emotionally free of them. I love my son and pray that God will save him. But I no longer agree to see him and his wife and my 2 grandchildren. I already know he will turn his sons against me anyway. I know the modus operandi of the narcissist.
I have a narcissistic son as well and he tried to turn my grandaughter against me for years, he would go into a rage when she wanted to see me. She is 23 now and he has been unsucessful, we have a lovely relationship but that just makes him even angrier and he treats me even worse. I love him very much but he scares the living daylights out of me and he knows it.
Just don't play games with them.....there is a standard in human living that we all must go by ...if they don't want to abide by the rules of life then there is nothing else to be said
Good day♥️, I so resonated with your video about adult narcissist children. I may need your help. I’m 74 and just sold my house to buy one near my daughter and her family. I created a living trust with she, my adult son and their spouses as trustees. Neither child is speaking to me right now. My son in law is Muslim and he is now offended by all I say and do. I see he has isolated my daughter and grandkids to have control. My girl defends his perceived offenses. He demanded an apology when I said their youngest son was on electronics so much it could hurt him they yelled at me in front of the kids and said I could stay for dinner if I apologized. I left without apologizing and getting emotional. I’m not real sad. It almost feels like a relief. I wonder if I need to change that living trust because I don’t trust them anymore. Perhaps you can help me. ✨🙏🏽✨
This has helped me so much. I have two adult daughters who cut me off for 7 yrs., now they want to come back into my life but they tell me they do not want to discuss anything just move on. I lost all those years with my grandchildren and i was accused of something i did not even do and they teamed up and they never wanted to discuss it. I was devastated and went into deep depression and now that i am doing better they want to come back on their terms. I just can't do it. Thank you for this video
@@suetrundle3510 I’m so glad you’re doing better! It sounds like you don’t want to be thrown back into depression again. That makes total sense. Especially since it sounds like they haven’t changed at all. Therefore, you don’t know when they’re gonna pull the rug out from under you again. Not only are they not willing to take any responsibility, they don’t even want to talk about it. Thank you for sharing. We’re not alone! And we’re not crazy. What we’re going through is real.
My daughter has put me through a lot of bad experiences, since she was a teenager, but we always made up because I always forgave her. For a long time she needed me for financial support. Now that she is married and she doesn’t need me in that respect, she threw me to the curb. She cut ties with me, but after telling me to f…. off and never, ever contact her or her husband ever again. I even paid for the website where she met him and gave them 10,000.00 dls as a wedding gift. So, now I am disposable. It hurts so much to feel rejected, insulted and attacked by the same person you gave so much of yourself……😢
My daughter created an entire new childhood where she was a victim and now she’s cut me out of the lives of my grandchildren. How did she make me the bad guy when I’ve been the person who’s taken care of her every need all her life, until she found a man to do it, that is.
Did you say you took care of her every need? Why would you do that? Raising children means allowing them to struggle through all the experiences of life so that they learn to take care of themselves, right?
I have a narcissistic son and daughter in law. As soon as she came into the picture things got worse. They went no contact with me one for four years one for a little over two. I cried and tried and died for two years and then one day I woke up and realized how much better I felt. I have been in therapy for 25 years and on some medications. A few months ago my doctor actually took me off one and cut the dose with two others. I have a lot of medical issues. I’m a two time cancer survivor I have diabetes. And some other medical issue. Again in the last few months I need almost no insulin. And the woman who was in the ED at least twice a month now has not been there in there for 10 months!! I just realized lately how much better I feel physically and mentally. The reason is I am not stressed out I’m not in the middle of some conflict or another. I told my husband a month ago if they came back today and begged me to take them back I wouldn’t he was very surprised. I just realize the stress that was involved with the two of them was actually making me sick!! Also I could never ever trust them again. How long before I say or do the wrong thing and they pull the rug out from under me again. People think I’m cold and don’t love them. How could you!! They are indignant. I’m not sorry my life has become so much better without them.
So thankful to find your channel. Boundaries in my world have been interpreted as abandonment….That’s the label that has been expressed to me…Heartbreaking 🙁
@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 Yes it's an inherited gene !I have the same problems with my eldest son😢His father was a covert narcissist!They all have the same play book from which they operate 😮Nothing is ever good for them !!
Sometimes, the adult childs behaviours have nothing to do with what you did or didn't do. As adults, if they have childhood issues, let them go to a therapist and deal with issues.
You did nothing wrong! I did every single one of the things this therapist says not to do with the dsughter i adore and I gave unconditional love. That was my mistake. Now all adult relationships in my life are conditional upon treating eachother with real respect. Now this includes my adult daughter. So no more exceptions! What a great therapist..
@@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 I really believe that. My mother is a narcissist. My grandmother, her mother is the opposite. I'm like my grandmother but my children ended up like my mother. It's really unfair and hard for me to accept. I really thought that if I raised my children w lots of love and opposite how I was raised it would all work itself out.
Thank you so much for this, I let my son go just over a year ago because of his unacceptable behaviour and have been going back & forth in my mind this has really helped me to move forward🙏
Feel you. I’m at this very point myself. Been a single full time working mum since he was born (he’s 20 now) and the pain of the arguments we are having about, cost of living, splitting bills etc and what he’s thrown back in my face has been devastating. Omg so glad I came across this channel and your comment x
@@susandavidson1691 So sorry to hear your troubles its so much harder when narcissists are our children. I'm doing much better having peace in my life but my heart well that's another story, you can never fully remove them from your heart and I think about him everyday. I hoped as he grew older ( he's 41) he would be more introspective but it hasnt helped that he married a very clever, manipulative woman who has come between us, which of course he can't or doesn't want to see. The most painful of all this is having wanted grandchildren so badly is I rarely seen them. What I have learnt from this is how strong I am, how tolerant and loving and that will never change.
Yes, mental health issues can be passed genetically. Sadly, my son is just like my father. His problems multiplied when he married a woman with zero empathy or respect for others. He is a severely mentally ill with full-blown narcissistic tendencies. He actually went no contact with me, out of the blue, after blaming his misery on me. I cried for three months until I gave it to God. If things make no sense and have no closure, you need to walk away for your own sanity. I do not even recognize him as my son now, because he’s changed so much. Also, I’m so tired of people blaming “the mother.”
I have two Narcissit children and it is heartbreaking. My oldest child is in his 60s and one of the things that he holds against me is that he wanted to be "and only child" and I kept "having children". They do not speak to me at all.😢
May himsayin that he wanted 2 b an only child is his way of sayin I felt left out, FORGOTTEN, NEGLECTED OR LOOKED OVA. IT CD B A WOUND IN HID HEART. TALK TO HIM, n try n understand this.
I was raised by narcissistic parents. When I started a family I moved to another state so my kids would not be raised around them. We rarely saw my parents, usually 2 or 3 times a year. I saved my kids the pain I felt from dealing with them. I am now 75 years old and as it turned out my youngest son is also a narcissist. During his childhood I worked really hard to curb his outlook. So his narcissim wasn't to bad when he was a child but as an adult he got worst and worst. The women he dated, and then his wife, just gave him what he wanted or he dumped them. Sixteen years ago he turned on his grandmother after she insisted he start repaying her, as agreed. Ten years ago he banned me from his family because I "ruined his life". I have not seen my only grandchildren for 10 years. They were only 1 & 4 at the time so they probably don't remember me. It has only been in the last couple of years that I have been able to avoid thinking about them everyday. If I live long enough I hope to contact the oldest child after she turns 18. My son has been removed from my will, his children will receive his share.
Yes. They use grandchildren as a weapon or manipulate them.. this is so common. “ you’re my favorite grandchild”, “I’m going to leave everything to you”, etc.. they manipulate and turn kids against parents, sick folks play sick and narcissistic people eat their own kids and if possible their grand kids to teach others lessons…
Same situation. My mother is a narcissist, my youngest, my son has developed the same type of personality. Like yours, mine was not like this til late teen years. Luckily he hasn't any children (he's only 23) and I hope it remains that way. He can't keep a girlfriend so maybe I'll get lucky w that one. I know I can't control his behavior and there's nothing I can do to "fix" him but it truly breaks my heart every single day. I lost my oldest, my daughter right after she turned 21 so he's like my only child (although I'm raising my two granddaughters). It feels so unfair. He used to be so loving, a bit of a momma's boy when he was younger. I would have never anticipated this. He's still in my life ATM, well at least whenever HE feels like it anyways but I absolutely have to set boundaries w him and limit our interactions when he's being mean and disrespectful. I keep telling myself that maybe he'll change. My mother hasn't tho so that kind of stifles my hope..but I have to keep hope, it's all I have bc I can't accept not having a relationship w my son. It does help that I understand the situation so when he tries to manipulate me or be hurtful I distance myself w the knowledge it's him not me.
This happened to a friend of mine! Out of the blue her son called, because his daughter wanted to know about her Swiss heritage. You never know what God can use to bring them back! I am still waiting and praying for my oldest adopted daughter! I have forgiven her, and continue to pray for her! God has removed all the emotional pain! I have gotten to see my Great granddaughter twice, because relationships are important to my grandson’s wife! I wasn’t allowed to see my grandsons after they were 9, 11, 12! Don’t give up!
Sometimes mental illness or issues can be nature (genetics) and sometimes nurture (environment). Many times it will be a combination of the two as one parent contributes both genetically and with examples the child learns from. In your case, you tried to save your child from the exposure of your parents, but the genetics were still there. Funny thing about genetics... it can present differently in each offspring in the lineage.
Darling Rhoberta, I LOVE what you said "I don't like who they are" So simple and yet so hard to admit as a mother. Someone else once said too, "The person they are when they are mean, THAT'S who they are" and we need to remember that. We wouldn't continue a friendship like that so why our own flesh and blood who should treat us BETTER than friends for "Charity begins at home"
I don’t know how I got here, my kids are toddlers. Life wasn’t perfect, but I hope to care for my parent as they age. My in-laws and parents deserve more than what we can offer. As a Muslim, I thought estrangement was a rare occurrence. I pray for harmony and peace in all of your families. Amen.
@@maryannmccarthy9029Wow, you’re a woman attacking a Muslim. Classy. Read the Koran if you want to understand the religion rather than going after someone who made a very nice comment.
Thank you. I have 2 daughters like this in different degrees. My late husband was very narcissistic. My heart goes out to these parents. It is very hard at times. I’ve learned to call them out and to walk away.
Thank you. Our stories are so identical, u read my mail. This is exactly what I'm going through. My late husband was a psychotic narc who show my girls I am to be treated very poorly to say the least and I'm just now starting to put my foot down, this abuse is not okay.
Dr Roberta, I want to be like you, I love how eloquently you speak while being forthright and showing healthy sense of boundaries for yourself without demonizing the hijackal person. I love your genuine buoyant attitude ☺️. I am recovering from complete cptsd, empath/npd burnout. I really wanted to thank you for the gift of your time and wisdom on this podcast, because I noticed my stress level and anxiety go down to almost nonexistent getting to listen to this helpful podcast. 🙏 much gratitude for being such an inspiration and a safe place to recover. 🌸 ⛰️ 🌳
My son and i had a minor argument and for 10 years he cut me out of his life!! Holidays were sad as id cry all day. Out of the blue he called me a few years ago apologizing how cruel he was and that he loved me!! Hed gotton married and i had a grandson i never knew about!! We talked 7 hours and it was great. But deep down i didnt trust him because he is a control freak. He will text and say he loves me. And ask how i am but too busy to talk!! I feel he enjoys rejection towards me like his. Dad did when we were married. I act like its all good and never. Complain!! If i get upset i feel it will make him feel powerful. Ugh. I always had tome for him. Told him i loved him and hugs daily. Having kids is over rated
Thanks so much for your answer. My issue is having an almost entirely narcissistic family. Dad, 2 brothers daughter and son. And 2 exes both grandiose narcissists. It feels like no one cares if I’m alive nor admit to anything they’ve ever done. I’ve never felt so alone. At least on this platform I realize I’m not the only one suffering so thank you
Yeah me too. My two adult daughters like to make me feel like a ghost by ignoring me when I’m on Facebook or just not answering my posts. It makes me feel like I’m already dead and no one can see or hear me. My whole life it seems no matter what I do I can’t get anyone to show me real love or respect. It’s hard to be whole when people keep taking pieces of me. Are there any healthy people out there?
@@user-bg2oi1kq7c It’s the worst feeling in the world. I’m sorry you’ve experienced it too. Try to remember it’s not us. It’s them. And no one deserves such cruel treatment from the kids we devoted our lives too. It took me 7 yrs to realize it wasn’t me. I appreciate all the comments and the people on here. I wish all of you all the love and respect you deserve.
"Your daughter wants to take your place, but first she has to get rid of you." Wow. Resonated so much. "Love yourself as much as you loved them." "Don't give your life away to someone dedicated to rejecting you."
I was starting to feel a rift between my adult daughter and myself. In a four-year period we sat down twice and tried to make amends and to come up with a plan on how to become closer. I followed up on my end of the plan, but she did not. Finally after another six years, she has decided to not speak to me at all. For two or three of those first six years I cried and lamented to all friends and family members. I finally had a self realization that I was turning people away from me, because of my constant whining for my lost relationship with my daughter. This past year, I have changed my health directive and made someone else in charge of my end of life challenges. Even though my daughter refused to speak to me for years, she found it necessary to send me a text telling me that I had no right to do that because I was her only flesh and blood. The following month, I sent her the annual birthday card and she returned it unopened. Not only has my olive branch been broken, but the tree has died, and bears no more fruit.
Thank you so much dear lady....You have spoken all what we've already been through.....It isn't easy but necessary. When they stooped to using their kids just like you mentioned. You will not see the kids anymore...we said, "Alright, so be it" We will respect your wishes...It's been 5 years and our daughter still tries to jump in through fake accounts etc and condemn us still and how bad of parents we are. We gave and gave and gave not just in being there for them but so much more and it was never enough! They started trying to run our household and came with chaos and drama one too many times....We finally set boundaries and they were not happy about it
I’ve been trying so hard to be close to my adult son and his wife I allowed them to abuse me take advantage and hurt me Number 21 hit home Praise God I am healing I no longer let them abuse me I can do life accepting that I will have a distant superficial relationship with them I am thankful I get to see my two year old grandson in peace since implementing healthy boundaries Thanks again for sharing your wisdom I am loved accepted and wanted
#2 don’t let them control you - you mentioned they would think you’re weak. I actually googled “do narcissists refer to people as weak” recently because I notice my daughter uses that word pretty regularly to describe people. Mostly ex-boyfriends after she’s discarded them. I’ve never heard anyone do that before and it sounds cruel or something when she says it. Is it because once they have control over their victim they lose all respect for them?
I think so. My world pivoted when my ex was standing at the foot of my bed, screaming at me, wagging his finger at me and saying You need Me more than I need You! And I knew that had to change. Abuse is a power-over dynamic. We have to take our power back.
Narcissist are weak! They live in a fantasy world, they don't know how to think for themselves, they are lazy (both physically and mentally), they refuse to learn from life experience so they continue the same loser behavior repeatedly, they are incompetent, they are selfish and greedy, they are extraordinarily egotistical, they ruin everything and everyone they encounter. They are weak!
When she was 12 or 13, we were in Walgreens. She went into a full, childish, on-the-floor temper tantrum because I told her, "No, I'm not buying you any WINE!" A woman saw her and started asking if she was okay, and kept looking at me like i was abusing her! I tried to reassure her that my daughter was okay, but she kept coming back. Man, I wish she'd called the police. 😅
I thought you were saying 'HydeJekyll', which totally makes sense! That's what the narcissists in my life are like, one minute they're the sweetest person and can change any second to the meanest.
Narcissistic Daughter and son in law abused and used me for years! Almost destroyed me. Sad to say but they are Evil. I have moved on. No Contact! Had to leave grandkids behind for my own physical and emotional safety.
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I love the quote “my needs have changed and I now require respect.”
Thank you for that!
Have you earned respect
I’m almost 80 and my daughter is all the things that you describe, I seem to have spent my life trying to appease her and bail her out of her bad choices. I wish I had realized many years ago that all my efforts mean nothing to her, she is still very hateful to me.
You are not alone. I’m 75 and same situation. Hurts because of grandkids. They are pawns.
I will be 80 next month. I, too, desperately needed to hear this. Nothing I ever did for my child was enough. Nothing.
Thank you, I am almost 60...not going to continue to be abused for the next 20 years now. Really appreciate your comment, blessings to you
I'm almost 80 also. My daughter is in her fifties and I have helped her in all sorts of things. And she hates me. So, I give up. I have promised myself not to have a relationship with her anymore.
@@alicestephens4221 it's never too late to learn to love yourself as much as you love and have loved her. Find beauty that pleases your inner child each day. Eat whatever you want when you want. Pursue a dream you long ago gave up on. Plan an adventure, vacation, and days of great indulging time with all the things you have so selflessly gave to her, when you yearned for the same things yourself. Find peace, happiness and laughter each day you live, you deserve a life of taking care of yourself with tenderness surrounded by love and contentment. She won't tell you this, but I will: Thank you for all the times you were there, thank you for bailing her out of her bad choices and thank you for trying to be the mother you always wanted to have yourself.
It’s really sickening to see adult children who are narcissistic and threatening parents.
It is so common for that generation.
😢😢😢😢😢
@@travisb1757modern child psychology
I was close with with both our sons, but at age 33 our oldest sons girlfriend told him he could only have a relationship with her or me! I haven't talked to him in almost 3 years.
I am so sorry. That is awful . I don't know how to process that generation. It is like they are alien or something.@@kimthompson6029
One thing we All must remember: Being a parent doesn't define who we are. I was a loving, happy, creative, well-educated, well-traveled, successful woman before I ever became a mother. Having a narcissistic child was heartbreaking and she tried to destroy my very soul. She shut me out of her life, her wedding (and I think I have grandchildren) because I wouldn't bow do to her and her outrageous demands. Okay. Guess what? I am still the same woman I was before I became her mother. I found that woman again. I travel, active in clubs and community. I'm still expanding my knowledge and creating artistically. I'm at peace and quite happy. I hope you All can get to the place I am now. Find that person inside you waiting to get out. Release it and find your True self again. Blessings on you All.
Totally, I bless the Lord who shows me the truth and that brings me a lot of comfort
Sounds like a narcissist gave birth to another one.
Your story is very helpful to me. The same here. I just ended crying why it happening to me. And, after reading yours is like an eye opening for me. My daughter 32 shut me off of her life too. She might be married and have kids too or a baby. This is all caused by toxic people who turned her against me including my mother. I am focusing on my own life now and I am noticing I have more smile on my face like I’m turning to a woman I was before having her. I’m just finding this in me and becoming more and more happy, peaceful within myself. She put me through so much. So sad. My dad went through the same because of my mother who turned all kids against him except me. I knew better. My mother is very toxic always was. My dad told me to be always me and not to worry she will come. My brother came to my dad few months before he died. He died from this separation with my father, of the separation with positivity. He did not contact my dad for a few years. Anyway, my brother got cancer and that’s when he came to my father desperate for love and acceptance I guess. My father took care of him, taking him to doctors, chemo, cooking for him, talking to him that it didn’t have to be like this, he always had the door opened for my brother my dad was waiting he said to him. My brother concluded this that he does regret this, starting being happier in the dad’s company. They were cooking together, going to gardens together, spending time together. This whole thing was too late. My brother was getting sicker and sicker and passed away from his cancer 3 moths later. It really was too late. My dad says at least he got the few months with my brother. Very sad. I worry about my daughter a lot that it can be like this too, despite she wishes this for me I think by terrorizing me. It always goes to the sender. I am fine and she already posted her face on Tick Tok saying just a girl that is healing the past or something like that. Her past is me who made her successful and a beautiful young lady. She’s trashing her life already. I’m just waiting to see what’s next and I am not giving in. She might come back for healing like my brother did to my father. Lol 😂
It also happening to my cousin who educated her daughter as a musician. She got the job at the symphony in Austria / Austria symphony. Became famous! she’s an opera singer as well. Amazing girl extremely smart talented. My cousin did this out of her. My cousin just revealed to me that Samantha cut off the contact. She did not hear from her for 3 years now. It’s so painful for my cousin. I couldn’t believe it but I did tell her just wait she will come to U.S. My cousin said that she told them those 3 years ago that she’s not coming back to U.S. that her life is in Europe, she loves Europe she said. She said Europe is life not America. All my cousins are so heart broken. Looks like she’s surrounded by very toxic friends over there. We don’t understand. My cousin says she might not ever come back. She will get married there and that’s it. 😊
I'm working to get there now. Going on a Tour to Italy next month. My two kids are not worth the trouble (I'm just realizing this) If a kid can hurt you this much (by cutting you off) they are awful awful people and yes, it will come back to haunt them. They are losing more than we are for sure.
It truly is like Hell on Earth 🥵🤯🥺😤 It's made me feel Suicidal . Big love to all who are struggling with this 🙏❤
"They won't love you more if you do what they want." So true.
It’s like throwing your love, time and resources into a bottomless pit
I love that statement, too! Such eye-opening and HELPFUL points!!!
They respect you less every time you do something.
@@marionoudman8983 its like trying to swim in superglue
That stuck with me too.
"Just because you gave birth to them, you don't have to be their friend or want them in your life. Sometimes you have to let them go." Thank you for this.
You are so right! I have two adult narcissistic children. For my own mental health and peace of mind I had to walk away. I love them dearly, but I don't like them.
Yesssss❤
Any parent that can be convinced to abandon their children were probably the cause of their children becoming worthy of abandonment.
We need more therapeutic services for parents recovering from their failures as parents. They have much to teach us in how not to behave.
@@Canadianbatgirl62 you should share your story of raising them so others can avoid your mistakes.
@@joeya289 troll
OMG.... these comments go on and on ... There are SO MANY of us out here with this problem ... Wow...😢 I'm definitely not alone.....
💯
Nope my daughter is 23 I’ve gone thru hell ! She definitely has narsist symptoms yes they have rages , gaslights , and takes and takes, they don’t give back unless somthing in it for them , they are very good at being the victim ,
Definitely not
We live in a society of entitlement. My 37 year old niece has never held down a job for more than a year, has had drug issues, been homeless on and off, and constantly brings grief into her parent's life. She's back living with her parents and isn't working, plays video games and contributes nothing towards the household. Gaslights and blames her parents for her misery. This is my sibling's retirement years we're talking about. It makes me so sad because she was a delightful child to be around when she was younger.
@@jm7804 And old friend...well not any more...( he's 50) turned alcoholic and literally abuses( exploits) and lives off his mother who he simultaneously blames. I'm beyond disgusted. Mum won't kick him out as he threatens to fire bomb her home. Pitiful stuff
I am flabbergasted at how many of us parents are experiencing the same thing !
And siblings too.
Yes, Carolyn. My sister destroyed with lies every family connection I had. I'm now alone. I married a narcissist too. Don't know how I set it up again and again. 🤷🏻♀️
@@justinesimone5343make your own family. I have 7 children now and over 20 grandchildren
@@justinesimone5343 Same here.
BETTER to be alone - get a cat or a dog who will always be there for you and seek God, the One Who made you for He is love.
In retrospect, I see that much is my fault because I let them get away with the abuse. Rather than confronting them when they would attack me verbally along with false accusations I would not fight back. So it continues if you let them get away with it. I am done with that bunch now and it feels good.
My kid is a narc & it's difficult to accept. I'm much happier when he stays away from me. How freaking sad is that :(
I totally understand,I feel the same about my daughter
your words are like my own. That's exactly my experience
So true the energy is not good
Self preservation is key.
@ritahall9556 The freakin' positive part about that is how self-aware you are; you respect yourself and you honor the needs of your inner child. How freakin' "whole" that is!
"DON'T give your life away to someone dedicated to rejecting you, in order to get their way" !!
WOW what a statement. Thank you Dr. Rhoberta, I have been listening to your podcasts for quite some time, and your ways of explaining all that you do, have really been an eye-opener and a life-saver too. I thank you for all you do and help those suffering to stand strong, to stand their ground and "Save their Sanity".
Thank you so much you verified everything about my son
We have been estranged for 7 years ,his grown up children are also out of our lives and after all this time I’m finally realising that I don’t want him in my life because I understand that he will never change, the only thing that I need to do is to exclude him and his children out of my will but in Australia that’s very complicated because the law looks after the people that haven’t got much
He hasn’t got much because he doesn’t believe in working he believes he’s entitled and when he realised that he can’t get any more from us he’s kept away
They will tell plausible lies.
It's my son,I raised him like a prince.He's 38 .,He don,t want to hear from me because it's his way or no way.!
Thank you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@@marjoriebuono6790spend your money or hide it or give it to someone else. There is no way I would let any government tell me what I had to do with my money.....after your children are grow. I see protecting young children, but that is is. I'd have a contract on my house to sell to someone at my death....or I would pay someone to 🔥 it down at my death. Lol. I sound really bad. I have never taken well to being forced to do anything against my will.
This video was timely…Even in your health condition you still produced this powerful & life changing video…I doff my 🎩
You’re exceptional…Thank you and God bless🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌
I agree, bless you to make this video
Amen!!!
Thank you for this video. I don't feel so alone now. I'm astranged from my only daughter, but it's because I have set boundaries she's not willing to accept. Yes, I am hurt and disappointed, but being around her makes me miserable.
I hear you, so sad but I wrote out a handwritten Will every year that I flew to Houston (just in case) all contents wanted from my apartment to my Mom I reunited with in my late 20’s and when she passed in 2004 (me by her side) contents to my girlfriends. I had anxiety and panic attacks before every trip to my daughters even though I missed her terribly. I’d bring the latest in movies and small gifts - that years later I was told by her she hated movies and they didn’t watch them. I was also told she cheeked certain foods and spit it out in the toilet that I cooked as she didn’t like it. I wasn’t allowed to give my young grandkids tips of any kind! I once called them my sweet kids and she overheard and yelled, they are not your kids, they’re mine somewhat angrily. I know I wasn’t a perfect mom but where did all this hatred come from?? Possibly I was paying for her cold hearted absent father who to date, hasn’t ever been to visit her or his grandchildren in over thirty years? She now carries a gun and a holster and that makes me nervous too! 😳 Yes, my entitled only daughter decided almost 1 year ago that I was bi-polar and should get help! That was my last straw and I am standing firm unless she ever comes to her senses. Yes, my dear it is very heartbreaking and I feel for you and any poor woman with a bossy, opinionated narcissistic child. 🥰hugs to you all.
OMG..... I can say the EXACT same thing about my one child (42 year old daughter) It's miserable to be around her, so I have to let her go for my own peace... Yes ! There are so many of us our here going through the same thing... Wow
My only daughter is 32... same thing you guys mentioned already. I am caring for here 4 children all under 5 that have been with pretty much since birth.
I sometimes beat myself up for her choices... I have to let go of her and concentrate on the babies. She is extremely abusive to me and in front of her own children. I stay away.....
Just wanted to say #me-too! It's been since my daughter turned 13.
She's 41 now. I send her greeting cards on occasion, but not every year. I want her to know that she's thought of but not enough to subject myself to her crazy making. I've resigned myself to never again having a relationship with her. The hardest part is her poison does effect my relationship with the rest of the family. I've been told that they dare not call her out on it because they don't want what has happened to me, being shunned, to happen to them.
Sad but true.
It's hurts and is sad. But there's peace in my life. I miss seeing my grandson.
This is the first video that I have seen dealing with the problem of a narcissistic adult child. I thank you immensely. Why did I think I was the only one???
you are not alone!
Do more googling about narcissism, you will learn a lot. HG is a good one, among many.
You are not alone. Every single narcissist is someone’s child
There are thousands of narcissists out there.
No you’re not alone
I absolutely cried my heart out listening to this because it is everything I have experienced from my oldest child since she was 14 years old now she is 42 and it has always been the same me always hoping she would change and become a more loving caring empathetic adult but nothing has ever changed her behaviour,I have been guilty in the past for all of the 21 reasons but over last few years I have stopped in the hope we could have a mother daughter respectful loving relationship in stead we have No relationship as I have had to block her out of my life or end my own life,I grew up in a home with parents without love for myself so now at age 70 I do my life for myself so much sadness after giving birth to a child who I can not relate or understand where her toxic personality stemmed from.😢
Cheryl please do things for YOU. You are so worthy of being someone apart from this toxic blamer. Life is good and loving and peaceful apart from that person who has a need to punish us to make them feel powerful. We call them bullies if they are not our beloved children. But they are bullies. There are people who would love to have your time and attention; seek them. Be strong about your heart. Life is far too short to grieve this disordered one who will NEVER seek help. They seek more victims.
My youngest daughter is a narcissist and has a serious mental illness. I won't tolerate her abuse anymore and stood up for myself and called her out. She has not talked to me since late may or June. I stopped running to her and had enough of walking on eggshells and her lying about me and painting me as an abusive mother which was nothing but lies. She is so self entitled and abusive to me .
Eeks, feels like we have the same daughter!
At 37 yrs old & no change, still suffering abuse at times in order to see grandkids
@@Notmep so sad really!
@@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285 Im going through the same with my son and his wife
Same Here! Go No Contact. I am done, we were not created to be abused. They are incredibly abusive!
I just hope you have stopped any and all financial help..
I don't have a relationship with my adult daughter by her choice and that's okay. She has a problem with TRUTH and I have a problem with untruths...
Same with me and my daughter.
My oldest son wanted me drop everything in my life and move 4 states to be his on-call cook & babysitter to his/wife's 7 children. 😮 I chose in favor of having my own life and they cut me off from my grandchildren. Hijackals indeed.
@startingovaries Without realizing it, they actually did you a favor. Now, go enjoy the rest of your life and don't look back. What awaits them is the same treatment from their children. Only worse, because it is now in vogue to exploit or disown your parents, and even worse.. They should be very afraid of their future, but they have no idea what's coming. Just don't let it affect you. Take care.
Smart choice. Your best is often not good enough when it comes to a narcissist.
Wow! Close call. That could have ruined your life. Good choice. Go have fun. You are valuable.
I'd be really glad to babysit my son's children and help them.
@@ojala5555it’s personal choice.
1. Don’t meet their demands
2. Don’t let them control you or decide what you can and can’t do
3. Don’t have weak boundaries
4. Don’t respond to their temper tantrums (Don’t stay where yelling is involved)
5. Don’t give in to their threats..just respond “ok” when they’re made
6. Don’t respond to their “future faking” (“ If you do this, I’ll do that, etc. it NEVER happens.)
7. Don’t let them use the grandchildren as pawns (when they threaten to use the grandchildren as pawns, respond “Oh, that would be too bad.”)
8. Don’t let them make you feel bad that THEIR bad behavior is YOUR fault. Let them experience the consequences of their poor choices.
9. Don’t believe their emotional outbursts, believe the facts. Don’t believe their fake tears. They will try to win no matter what.
10. Don’t think that you’ll receive something from them if you give first. “Highjackle” someone who hijacks a relationship for their own purposes.
11. Don’t think it’s YOUR job to make them happy.
12. Don’t let them run guilt trips on you. They are the author of their own choices in life and who they decide to be.
13. Don’t accept blame for their life choices, as they’re adults.
14. Don’t let them use you. You can’t fix them. Show them what healthy boundaries are. They won’t like it. So what??
15. Don’t let them abuse you.
16. Don’t think that they will EVER be satisfied. They want more, more, more. Don’t think that “one more thing” will be the thing that will make them respect or love you.
17. Don’t accept their entitlement. Say “MY needs have changed.”
18. Don’t forget that they’re predators . They’re out to get, take, pounce and they don’t care who they hurt because they’re empathy deficient.
19. Don’t forget WHO they are IS their actions, NOT their words. “ABB: always believe behavior.”
20. Don’t expect them to change. Research shows that they get worse with age. This is important to understand.
21. Don’t give your life away to someone dedicated to rejecting you so they’ll get their way.
Spot on……my son got worse as he aged, very scary!
Mine too. Like a weird dream. Makes no sense.
@@josephandreuccetti3706you mean nitemare. Strange mine has no memory of anything .
Your right. Its more convenient to not remeber what they do.
Thank you for this!
I'm so glad that you covered this subject... I have been searching for this topic for a very long time. My 42 yr old daughter keeps getting worse and worse. I don't like her. I would never be friends with someone like her. I'm miserable when around her. Always walking on egg shells. I get no love from her, not even a little kindness. I've had enough, and have come to terms with not having anything to do with her again. Only time will tell how that goes, but it's all I can do at this point for my own peace of mind.... Very sad indeed....
I’m so sorry this has happened to you
All the things that you've just written about your daughter as in you don't like her you'd never be friends with her, on some level you are putting this out energetically or telepathically and she is sensing it.
While she has no right to treat you the way she does and you have every right to step away out of self respect for yourself, I would like to suggest something... write some honest angry letters not to send from your inner child and then give your inner child lots of hugs for her courage. I think resentment kills the love that we have in our hearts for our children. Put your inner child first and then she won't be so angry and resentful towards your daughter. At some point in the future ask yourself do you have any love for your daughter. Your daughter is responding to what is in your heart not the words that come out of your mouth
@@rachelb8863we do Not know how long she's been going through this. When someone treats you horrible your not going to like them. That doesn't mean you don't love them.
I know what you mean about ever wanting to be friends with, or even employ such a person due to their personality and emotional outbursts.
I told my narsasitic adult pregnant daughter she better not use her baby as a weapon against me.
And I meant it
If she does I will be ok with not seeing her children
I must be strong and stand firm
Mine tried to all, H……. Broke out when I said I was not Babysitting anymore, I got my Life back no more Babysitting for any Grandkids when I get Ready and Boy I felt the backlash…..❤ Like I don’t have a Life…..
Mine let me raise her children for 17 years then she used them as a weapon
My adult son hasn't been in my life 22yrs.Never met his children.But,on a positive note,he can't hurt me by using them,since I don't know them.
@@ThankfullyBlessed777 Im sorry to hear this
Our adult kids will use and abuse us if we allow them too.
Gotta say No more
@@equus3333 tell me more please
If you feel comfortable
Thank you
My daughter began her narcissistic behavior when she was 10 and she is still a narcissist 34 years later. It's been hell!
LOL kids learn by example. At 10?? Lol no doubt you had a hand in that. Minor kids aren't responsible for their parents, it's the other way around. It was your job to reel in her behavior when she was a kid. No one to blame but YOU.
This one who keeps commenting and blaming the parents needs to be reported
I have one too. It took so long to learn. I overloved her. Now I see
A strong connected group of estranged parents is necessary for healing…❤ hugs to those of us who suffer with estrangement
@@wordivoreI bet you don’t have kids. I used to think exactly the same thing but not anymore. I’m 54 and I can assure you that’s not true in so many cases. Matter of fact you would be surprised how much it does happen today. The second your child goes to public school that’s gone. They are then exposed to hundreds of other opinions and stories.
It's sad when the grandchildren are used as a weapon and they love us. Our daughter punishes us by using them.
Yes that happened to me. I have never met my grandson
I'm so sorry. It's unbelievably mean. I would never do that to my parents.@@cyndimoring9389
I hope we can ever get over this pain!
You are not alone. Hurts
Me too.
My daughter and her children haven’t spoken to me for over 10 years. First year and a half I cried. Next year I was mad. Finally I prayed a lot and learned that I didn’t have the problem, she has. I still love her and pray for her and her children ( now she has 2 grandchildren ) I loved my mother so much and yes, we did have some spats but I could never have done this to my mom. Some day I feel she will regret her actions when it’s too late.
It's been 17 years since my son spoke to me. No children by him
I feel exactly as you do ❤
She won't. Narcissists always believe they are 100% in the right.
I doubt she will ever regret her actions. They feel so entitled.
@@Barb-iu3elno children. He probably is a selfish type.
Never give up playing for your chief, and Eli Eve that Go can change even the hardest heart. Wait for the answer and for wisdom to come to you. I am in the same spot with my daughter-in-law.
My daughter is such a mean narcissist. I have learned over time with much research the WHY behind her behaviors as well as how to handle her. The problem is my granddaughter cannot just walk away from her. She will be 9 years old next month and has the most beautiful spirit but I see the light dimming in her. My daughter is doing a real number on her. It has been a torturous 9 years dealing with my daughter since my granddaughter daughter was born. She has used alienation to punish me for the mistakes I made as a young mother. She refuses to see who am I am today. It’s a lose lose situation with her. No winning. All I can do is pray for my granddaughter. My heart is breaking for her 😢
Yes and unfortunately your granddaughter with the 'beautiful spirit' is most likely being dimmed from outside influences as well. Is she is the public school system? She is on the injection protocol list if so. enlighten yourself; learn about the in jection schedule that these young humans are subjected to. You will be quite shocked I'm sure. Unfortunately, your daughter was most likely subjected to them too, however on a different level than the present program.
Is she being abused?
14:47 I am so sorry to hear what you are saying. Because I have seen some of this in my own life with my own daughter and own grandchildren perit is not just heartbreaking but heart ripping. I pray that you will find the strength you need to get through this.
Oh that’s so sad. I’m really sorry and I hope your granddaughter ends up ok.
@@deniseowens1163Well, duh. It's impossible to be the child of a narcissist and not be absued.
I'm so glad that I came across this video. It was just what I needed to hear. The last year has been horrendous but I have put boundaries in place and am sticking to them in order to not be used and abused again. It's been heart-breaking to realise that someone I gave birth to and raised seems to have so much resentment and hatred towards me. The recent realisation that they are probably a narcissist is difficult to swallow but is a reality, and self-protection has never been so important. My heart goes out to all other parents who have or are going through this too. Thanks Rhoberta for your helpful words.
I have 3 of them and an ex husband that is a narcissist! My son doesn’t let me see my grandson. I’ve gone from him living with me most of his 8yrs to not seeing him at all. I have NO idea why!
Now my daughter has decided to join them.
@@TaraVixen The sickening cruelty is unforgiveable. I truly believe that Satan is very busy on this earth lately.
I can't believe how many of us that there are! This is so sad.
I would have loved a mum who showed as much love to me as I have donecwith my sons. I've had enough abuse and it stops now.
I used to text my daughter just to check on her, but I decided to let go. If she wants to communicate, she is very welcome too. I just stop because she never answered back on many occasions.
If she visits, she visits. If not, I'm fine too.
I used to be so drained worry about her, but I chose to let it go.
You’re a very strong person. It’s extremely difficult.
My daughter blocked me for checking on her. But I'm trusting God now and trying to not be sad this time around and know soon she will contact me 🙏💕
My 28 year old ignores my texts but when she comes to visit she’s on her phone . She’s made threats and ignores after call out . I always wondered why she lacked empathy .
She has made threats too , I always wondered if I’m so compassionate how did I raise this aloof daughter …..always said she reminds me of her father not to her but inside my own mind 😳😳🤔
I had the same experience with my daughter. She would take between 6 and 14 days to respond to a text. Then she would say "don't take it personal Dad" I finally told her to get her own phone. "I'm tired of paying for you to just ignore me." I had practically begged her to respond in a reasonable amount of time (like 1-2 days max) even though they respond immediately to their friend's texts. That was over a year ago and she has not responded at all to any of my texts. Silly that a child would sacrifice a relationship with her Dad, because he made her buy her own phone. I'm Done.
Lord help me to look at it this way!
I finally had to just cut the cord with my only child... Full no contact. After 25years of abuse.
❤I think, my son is one of them... I feel sad, since I have inly 1 child, he is 25 now, I am 64.
It is hard to come to realization, that I am being used to help him with everything he needs,spend my savings, yes, he promises to pay me back, but he wants space, we do nothing together, never has time for me, blames me for his childhood( I was single mother on disability), it pains me. I sometimes feel, that I have no reason to live, I feel lonely, abandon.
I feel like moving away.
I guess, I am not alone. So I wish everyone here, that we find our new life, new friends, new everything and live our best without them!Sending love, peace, light.❤✌️🌏🙏
I am 63 and have same problem with son. My heart goes out to you. Xx❤
I did finally move away from my daughter and have not had contact with her since July 2020
@@lks6248 That’s tough ! I’m so sorry for your loss and I wish you well 🙏🏽
He needs to put his big pants on now and start looking after u🌻
It does hurt deeply. Take good care of yourself. You matter. 🙏🏽
I have not seen my daughter for12 years.She doesn't want any contact with me.
I changed my will and she will not get anything.She got her wish.
Good for you honestly Gen Z are brainwashed narcissists make sure she gets nothing
Maybe you are the narcissist
Maybe we all are narcs to a point, but you dont treat the one person who loves and cares for your total success in this freakin hard life. Kids these days are the most spoiled, selfish, cruel, and un grateful and need their asses kicked.
@@josephandreuccetti3706YEP!!!! EXACTLY!!
I did something different, I set up my will that my children and grandchildren will be equally share my estate. They will have to work out what is fair and rational between themselves. I think this will be very hard for my daughters, but so easy for my grandchildren, and everyone will experience each other (good or bad.)
I've had breakdowns over this. Valuable breakdowns. To the point I don't care anymore about them, and it's not a bad place to be. We must detach in a healthy way, especially when they are more than adults, like mine in their late 40's. It's a long and hard road to the realization that it is not your problem, I guess it's easier to blame yourself than believe it's our beautiful children we love and have lived for, also harder for a single parent, an easy target out in the open.
Me too I used to cry wondering what the hell but I decide im not going to put up with it no more so now he slams his elbow on the bathroom counter hes got brushes I took him to the Dr and my Dr said it's his condition I said that's bull crap so when he's Madd I use a sun hat to cover my eyes so he can't see me if he does see me he try to get that control so then he settles down but my overgrown boy is hateful evil I had to turn the gas off to the stove or he will burn this trailer down but I think the devil is in him I've never in my life never seen a kid act like my kid mine is mentally abusive controlling mean he onley thinks of himself if I ask him to do something he throws a fit
I'm with him 24 hours a day he drives me crazy
LOL
I had a mental breakdown as well, and have severe PTSD now. My son is malicious and sadistic to the core. His main joy in life is hurting and putting me down. He thrives on this. It's just wicked evil.
so true
My mother was a narcissist and my daughter is her mini me. I love(d) both of them but I don't like them much.
How to repent and get back to God the holy Spirit. I wish I had stopped. I let Satan drag me back from the church running around ....,i do want this
Why even do me this bad. 😢
I'm so grateful for your program. I have a 44- year-old daughter with severe mental illness and have enabled her abusive behavior for over 20 years.
I'm now liberating myself from this toxic trap! Your wisdom is invaluable. ❤🙏
This is one of the most heartbreaking things I've ever had someone do to me, My daughter is JUST like her Narc father and while I worked so hard to raise her, she WATCHED how he TREATED me and learned..... I feel like you were in my doorway the other nite when my only child ripped me to shreds because "I won't apologize for all I've done to her the past 5 years....."😢😢
Yours is the first situation I've come across similar to mine.
My daughter was raised by me and for 7 years by my ex (not her bio father) with diagnosed psychopathy/narcissism.
She is now 30 and has traits of his to the point we are estranged..
I have the same problem. Son is very Overtly narcissist and daughter is Covert Narc like their Dad. He teaches them to lie. Steal. Use people, and I divorced their dad 23 years ago and he still uses our adult kids to abuse me by proxy. 43 years of it and I decided to have No Contact with my adult children. I did remarry to a good honest man and they are so angry that he and I get along great for 12 years now. They try every trick to get between us and he and I both see their behavior is so immature and ridiculous. Both kids have college educations...she has 2 masters degrees and she still needs to lie even when it's clear her lie only hurts her....she still lies. And she married the adult son of an alcoholic and his dad died from drugs....so the alcoholic MIL and her husband....they lie with her. They have no boundaries and it's shocking to watch them lie all the time. I decided it's too much to be around it and we moved far away. Grandchildren are stuck in the group of lying adults...
Same situation here, except my husband's daughter's mother is the narc. She watched how her mother treated him, and treated him exactly the same. It was awful to watch...
Same situation here. Hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. 😢
You stayed and exposed her to it. YOU were the adult and have responsibility in the way things turned out as much as her narc father. Don't want narc kids, don't marry one to begin with.
I have a close friend in her 60’s suffering from all of your 21 points at the hands of her 23 year old daughter (diagnosed with type 11 Bipolar Disorder (so seems not to have psychosis) since covid 19 (2020) she has managed to break up her parents marriage, con & guilt trip her mother into buying her an apartment ( Dad mother & brother rent) this has been achieved via apparently daily threats of suicide! All is continuing in spite of being treated with lithium…
Her mother ( my friend) is the enabler & always has been… she has never been able to say NO because she couldn’t take the drama & tantrums that would follow… since she hit upon the threats of suicide strategy my friend is just PETRIFIED… It’s truly both gut wrenching and maddening to have to watch this abuse continue!
I’ve given my life away to my fault child who inexplicably refused to see me. Nine years. I wish I was dead so often. I feel like what is the point in life. I need to hear more of this. I need to learn. Just cos I love him more than I can say, I’m beginning to realise I actually don’t like him at all.
Same…😢
I no longer worry if my bipolar adult daughter is suicidal or not, it is not worth it, she is so mean to me so toxic, I don't want her in my life anymore.
And OMG telling someone you do not like your child is met with such disdain 'cause YOU have to have "unconditional love" ... Them? No. It's all about what you can do for them because "they didn't ask to be born" nonsense! @@BinZiegler
My takeaway, having dealt with NPD mom, bro, sis for a lifetime, and now wondering about my adult child, was this line: "Don't give your life away to someone who is dedicated to rejecting you to get their way". Dr. Shaler, you said a mouthful!
Rejecting to get their way makes no sense. They left bc you abused them
@@nmc1859 Actually, what you get used to when dealing with NPD family is that they hang around you to get stuff from you - to get fed. If you stop feeding them, then you're worthless to them.
Thank you for pursuing this topic. There are so many of us in pain over this situation. ❤
THANK GOD someone is addressing this issue!!!! I have 2 daughters one 49 and one 48 living, lost my oldest in a car accident in 1994 who about to turn 22. The 2 left one was a nightmare from the age of 2, the youngest at age 10 all of a sudden started telling me how horrible I was. Both retaliated on me for any type of punishment they got. Tgey stole things in stores n got caught, ran off, tried to move in with strangers, turned teachers against me n tried to turn my friends against me as well. The friends I had they could not turn were ones that knew me all my life. I have PEACE now because they do not speak to me. I'm sad it has come to this, but do not have to deal with their crazyness anymore. When I refused to go over the past again it took the umph out of their game playing, so they quit. Its been 8 years since I saw the middle daughter and 6 years since the youngest on spoke to me. They would love to be nice to me only to suddenly start screaming n yelling for some dumb little thing. I simply asked the youngest to come home more often and I was met with uncontrollable screaming and she yelled constantly that I had no right to speak....like Sherry McGregar that wrote the book Done With The Crying....I'M done with it all and have had no choice but to move on. It hurts beyond measure, but at least my life I live everyday is in as much peace as possible and I do not have to wonder what the next game plan is.
My son recently contacted me again after 8 years of silence and blocking me. It was nice until I recently sent him something online that he disagreed with and he proceeded to lecture me about doing that and threaten me with blocking me again. (Even though I sent him an article about the field he’s working in and thought he might be interested in it) Now I’ve come to the stage where I really don’t care any more if he blocks me or not. It’s a nice place to be in!
❤
Children should not be punished. That creates narcissists. Punishment creates hatred and narcissism. Children need to be loved and explain to them why they should not do sth. Also we need to give in if what they r asking is quite reasonable. I v seen parents not to let their children climb trees but they let them be on the screen many hours per day. Children need to be convinced of what s right, not disciplined. Or else parent acts like a bully, a boss whereas first he should be a friend and second somebody who puts healthy boundaries with love. Did your children know u loved them? Did u show it to them? How? Were ur children happy to be raised by you?
Knowledge is power. Do not allow yourselves to live in ignorance. Take responsibility and u ll be free. No-one can possibly think they had no responsibility ,( nth to do )for the character of their children
It’s better to leave them behind and enjoy your peace than put up with all the bs. They don’t deserve your hard work to try to put things right. It’ll never be right…
I ask the Lord to take care of my daughter and keep her safe. I ask him to save her soul. That is enough. Everything else is less important. I pray for all the daughters and sons out there that are lost... Jesus, we need you!
Save them from themselves
Thank you for those prayers. I have a daughter who cut me off 7 months ago, and today is Mother's Day, and dealing with the pain is a daily thing for me. Without the Lord, I am not sure I would make it. She is my only daughter. She is in her late 20's.
@@tinasmith8241 Me too! He turned 18 and went to his father’s house 7 months ago. Funny thing is his father was actually diagnosed bi-polar narcissistic. His father completely turned him against me. He hasn’t spoken to me since January because I asked him to apologize for cursing at me. I’m so heartbroken, I love my son. Today is Mother’s Day and this pain is unlike any other I’ve ever felt. Even though he’s so hurtful I miss him. If it wasn’t for my relationship with Jesus I don’t know what I’d do! Been listening to the song Waymaker…it helps. Maybe it’ll help you too. Praying for you ❤
@@littlered8240I'm sorry. I fully understand and know the pain.... Praying for all of us 🙏 being so hurt by jezebel cause narcissist is the jezebel spirit and she's ruthless...
@@BooksbyAFoster my daughter is lost like that and she went to a Catholic school in her young age.. she’s 32 now. It is smart to pray for their souls to be saved. Thank you for saying this. Life is so hard for some and can be so easy and beautiful if only they knew Jesus. She had a dream one day when she was a child. When she got up in the morning she was crying. I asked why are you crying, she said Jesus came in her dream and was trying to take me with him. She was maybe 12 years old. I’m thinking about it a lot lately. This was already long time ago. I do pray 🙏🏼 to save her Lord. She’s not having a great time in her life. Not talking to her mom makes it harder. She really is lost and misguided by many who surround her life. Maybe one day she will have the Jesus day and comes around. Or, I’m thinking that, that Jesus is me to save her. We will see how this will play out through our life. I am very curious.
IT'S WORSE WHEN THEY INFLUENCE (LIED TO) YOUR GRANDCHILDREN AGAINST YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE A VERY BIG PART OF THEIR LIVES.
I’ve lost my grandchildren this way. We were a big part of each others lives. Gone now for over 10 years😢
THAT'S ABOUT HOW LONG IT IS FOR ME, BUT AT LEAST ONE OF THEM IS HOLDING OUT A HAND OF ACCEPTANCE. IT IS
VERY SLOW GOING, THE OLDER THEY GET GIVES THEM A BIT MORE PERSPECTIVE. I'M JUST LOOKING FORWARD TO WHEN WE ALL SEE CLEARLY WHAT WAS GOING ON WHEN WE GET TO HEAVEN. IN THE MEANTIME I MOSTLY JUST PRAY FOR THEM.@@barbaraalford
There is no pain greater than this one, I've found :(
They get rid of you & after your done helping raising their kids they turn your grandchildren against you ! 😢
I've lost my grandsons too. I spent days with them every week. Now it's been over a year since I saw them. I've started a journal telling them how much I love them. Also including stories I want them to know etc. Things I would've if said in person if I was allowed to. But most of all I tell you hem the truth. Why they don't see me anymore. Why I'm not there. They may not read it until they're adults and I'm dead but they'll know I never left them. Their mother took them away
My adult daughter is a raging narcissist, they seem immune to logic and reasoning as they heavily rely on deception, lying, accusations and threats. Going no contact and redirecting the negativity to positive endeavors has really helped.
She is possessed by a demon
No contact saved me. Evil soul. I pray for her soul to be delivered from evil. In Jesus name I pray 🙏🏻 Amen
I blocked my bipolar daughter in all ways today!@@Nunya9036
So hurtful isn't it. So disrespectful. Your own child . Painful for my heart
Thank You Dr. Shaler! Im a very intuitive, insightful person and I dont know why this light bulb hasnt gone off before but you have helped me tremendously with this one video! I have been carrying guilt and remorse and have experienced my daughters manipulation for so MANY years! Hoping that she would grow into maturity and see the reality of her actions. I will be joining your community to do a deeper dive in this relationship.
This video came at a perfect time when my adult son is asking me to fix his situation after losing his job. I need to set hard boundaries now. Thank you for these tools on coping with a narcissist.
Why would not you help your son?
@@sonjak8265 Exactly! I'm always glad to help my son however I can if he needs it. I know he's grateful for that and he helps me too when he can. I'm grateful to him as well. He's a young man and has his own life, but sometimes they just need an advice from someone wiser who surely loves them.
OMG, thats my adult daughter. Nobody talks about this, adult childeren!
Same😮
I was given ultimatums. I couldn't believe my adult daughter was talking down to me like I was a child. There is so much in my story, like many others I'm sure. It is a trend now though, for adult children to cut off their parents for the least thing. Social media has a lot to do with this sense of entitlement that they have. How they demand perfection, do not allow anyone to be ill, depressed, unhappy..... my daughter has never had any time or empathy for anyone who is having a tough time. She just cuts them out. Just like she cut me out. And I'm a good kind intelligent woman. Trained as a counsellor and into all kinds of mind/body/sprit stuff. I started to feel anxious if ever I went to their home, yes, walking on eggshells. On many occasions I had approached her to ask her why she seemed unhappy with me. Did she want to talk things through? She always said, 'no mum, there's nothing wrong with me'. I'm a smart woman... I knew she just disliked me for being 'me'. Thank you for your video. Out of many I have watched, I relate to what you say. Particularly on boundaries.
I understood the same thing. My daughter always wanted me to be ''someone else''. She never liked me. No, she did 0 to 12 y.o. She is 37 now. I love her.I don't wait for her to love me all of a sudden now when I'm ageing , frail and vulnerable.I feel it is too late.I just keep memories of her when we were loving human beings and that all what counts for me.I think I don't trust her anymore.There is still blue sky over my head and sun and moon are exist still, trees still grow with their roots in the ground and crowns to the sky. Still gravity.Animals like me.Birds too. I am fine!
I made a commitment to help my daughter erase me from her life. I don’t mind being erased by someone who’s identity was already erased. Our children are lost in a void of non existence. Best case scenario is to mourn their loss and move on. We were individuals before parents. We will return back to ourselves once we cut that umbilical cord permanently. Be safe
I LOVE THIS COMMENT!!!!👍👍👍👍
I made a comment to cause my daughter in law to erase me from her life. She is a textbook case of NPD. Plus, an illegal boarder crosser along with her user-family whom my son is supporting. OK, so I’m now erased over a valid comment that I had good cause for making. I should buy a headstone and a family grave plot for all of them, mourn their loss and move on. Life goes on. I made a sincere apology. It was all I could do. It is better to move on than to allow a narcissist to continually shoot you down into nothing. A narcissistic child must be awful, but a daughter-in-law with NPD can be just as devastating because she will isolate you son from everyone so she can be in full control. I can’t do anything about it so I don’t try.
@@tamararutland-mills9530 so sorry for your experience. Sometimes the only thing to do is let go. I doubt what you said was the cause of your daughter in law’s desire to erase you. It was part of the plan but now she found a reason to tell everyone it was your fault. If your son has no personality disorder he will return to you once he becomes aware. We can never force anyone to see what they aren’t ready to see. Breathe. You got this.
@@silviapino1044 from your lips to God’s ears ✝️🙏🏻✝️🙏🏻✝️🙏🏻I have been erased by my daughter-in-law as well, and my son just follows suit… It is devastating… It has been since July, and they have absolutely nothing to do with me because they say “people” told them that I talked bad about her. Nothing more nothing less.
Well said.
Thank you. More of the narcissistic therapists and Psychiatrists need to address this. My son's turned into their father who I had divorced almost 50 years ago. After he died they turned on me, and turned into their father. So glad I found you and this information today!
a word of alert here; choose therapists carefully; some don’t understand this trait or clearly are controllers themselves.. after all, like all careers they are a self selecting cohort ..
I'm surrounded by narcs, my sister, my daughter in law and my daughter and then there are their their flying monkeys- it's so sick...now that I KNOW I am able to "step away". Getting off the crazy train is a relief! DO IT!!! Take a stand for not just YOURSELF but for the right of it! Change starts with us- not them.
Ditto on every one of your words. And Congratulations on stepping back! I’ve been walking on egg shells to keep the peace for years, but those days are over, & now I have boundaries. I’d love to move to Italy or somewhere nice to create a new life..
I had to chuckle at the flying monkeys comment. So true, I’m 76 year old grandma and I just getting it. These kind of children are not going to change. They have become self absorbed.(47 yr old daughter) I kept quiet due to having the grandsons. Letting go now
Getting to old to handle all this negativity and cruelness. Bless all the grandparents to bestowed love and kindness. We would never have talked or spoken to our moms in these ways. It’s a different world today and it’s sad see.
@@kathyschwartz6009I understand what you're saying but I wouldn't have spoken to my controlling mother the way my daughter does to me, because I was afraid of both my narcissistic parents. I didn't ever want my children to be afraid of me, like I was of my parents
Can so totally relate, once I found out what is a narcissist
I realized I grew up under these conditions, and not knowingly, married one !
The cycle continues because
my 4 boys show those same signs. I have Separated already from my oldest child. Pray the others will not follow first born.
Only because of GODS GRACE🙏 I haven’t lost
my mind yet!!!!
Tho my brothers are trying!
Had to totally disconnect from them . Other family
members are sure to fallow
Stay tune further updates
Lol Lol
🙏 for all victims of narcissist abuse🙏
With Love in CHRIST
🙏AMEM🙏
I feel SO BLESSED, THE HOLY SPIRIT SENT ME THIS TRUE AND EMPOWERING INFO. THANK YOU AGAIN. THIS INFO HELPS US WHO SUFFER. IT EMPOWERS US TO RISE MERELY BY HEARING THE WORDS SPOKEN AND IS A LIGHT EXPOSING HOW TO NOT ALLOW IT TO CONTINE TO HURT US. ❤️🕯️🙏🕊️
❤ 🙏
Exact words from therapist"" Your daughter wants to take your place, but first she has to get rid of you.She made my life a living hell and I waited until I was 74 before removing her from my life " this left my son without the support he needed. She poisoned my relationship with everyone she was ever with. She made false accusations against ^ people in the family all lies. Some people come to earth missing a finger sone missing human grace.
I will remember that come to Earth phrase there at the end it is very true
Actions speak louder than words.
And some without an heart and soul
Sounds like my sister to my Mom. Bless you 🙏 ♥️
What is sad is that most blame the mother and say narcissist are made not born.Thank God we are finding out we are not alone@@sarahmurphy-nf4yl
I’m living my best life after my adult children cut me off of their lives. I have more money to spend on myself, plenty of freedom, and life clear from abuse and drama.😍
@@GracenCourage I remember, 30 years ago! I had a friend who told me that she! Did not talk to her sons! Because they were drug addict! And they were stealing from her! And she had a lot of money! and I said to her, what about if they have kids?, They will be your grandkids.! she told me at the time! That she didn't care! I don't know if this was true! Because I lost contact!🥲
Just finding out about all this narcissistic stuff. I feel better now I’ve heard others going thru it and that there are names for what has happened. I guess it’s a choice now to be sad and mad or st
Start the next best chapter of life. ✌️
Thank you so much. Also, thanks to all tge comments. Im not alone. Its such a painful situation you to go through. We love the child we carry and you never imagine it will turn out so terrible. Praying for all of you and myself.
I was trying to think of what I should comment but you said exactly what I'm thinking.
so extremely painful
No you are not alone, God bless!!!
Original idea to ease your pain : Be thankful to your kids to lift Karma from your soul shoulders.
I'm done....30 some years is long enough...I don't need to make anyone happy but ME...
Yes! I was never good enough, and I've been blamed for everything that they've chosen to do in their lives! My youngest is an alcholic and blames me for his addiction. I have two sons, and their father was a passive aggressive narcissist and they both believe that ALL WOMEN ARE WEAK, STUPID, CRAZY, TOO SENSITIVE, AND INSIST THAT ONLY LOGICAL THINKING IS ACCEPTABLE! I've let them both go, as boundries have been crossed by their demanding need for repeated apoligies, etc have not been satisfactory to their liking.
They're horrible misogynists. Even the females.
Move further away from him.
My 40 year old son treats me badly, takes advantage, and walks all over me. I walk on eggshells. 😬
I suffer from CPTSD & ADHD from my childhood ...
When Covid hit, my son decided to move back in and has hoarded and disrespected me & my home ever since. He has done so much damage to my home that I just have given up.
I've decided to sell my home "as is" for😊 $100k less than the market value & pack up and move across the country to get out of this situation and into a community of mostly women my age.
I have no energy left, but I am trying to get everything sorted by the new year and get on a plane and completely change my life. Hopefully, my depression will lift as well.
I pray 🙏 that I have the strength to make it out of here as I am also now disabled.
Thank you so much for your helpful video, I literally stumbled upon it.
❤️ Synchronicity ...
God bless 🙌 you all! 🙏 🫶 🙏
@@lisalee1111praying for you
This hurts my heart so badly.. my daughter is like this and tears me up every chance she gets.. and when I tell her no... she is brutal... and I absolutely hate having to see what she is going through right now... but I can't handle the abuse anymore... so she ends up homeless cause she can't respect rules that are still in my home...
Kara, as harsh as it sounds, let her be homeless if that is what she is choosing. Shoring her up now will not fix her; it will only bind you to her as her enabler. Voice of experience, here. As for me, I am taking every word Dr. Roberta is saying as the golden orbs of wisdom that they are. It took me a long time to come to this truth. I thought I was just being a good mother. The soft spot to fall as it were. No, I was simply the enabler. He would take my last penny and never see anything wrong with it, nor care at all should I then become penniless with the exception of how that might effect him. I was always fearful that I would die and there would be no one to care for him, but people survive all the time without their parents. We weren't meant to be their lifelong caretakers. Nature teaches us that. Cats smack their kittens on the head when it's time to wean. Hens show biddies how to search for food by pecking the ground. When the biddies get of a certain age, the hens will peck their heads if they continue to follow them around to peck at their food source. It's time to "smack" my son and your daughter on their heads.
@letitiavaughan947 since I happened to find Dr. Roberta, I have been listening to her at least 8 hours a day... when I found this video, it was less than 24 hrs after forcing my daughter out of my house.. even though my husband had told me it's time to stop and let her just go... hearing it from Dr. Roberta was different... every single thing she said was us... I don't pretend that I haven't played a part in the fighting when every conversation or interaction defenses are up... and I have said some things I probably shouldn't have or should have worded differently... and I had been an enabler cause I never wanted her to go hungry.. or not have gas... or helped her with bills... and helped her with rent... I have went running many times to help her fix situations... for her constant disrespect.. name calling.. blaming me for the choices she has made and continues to make... when I had advised her how to do things so that she wouldn't be in the situation she is now... and now currently cause I have blocked her as of 2 days ago.. she is blame posting... and telling the world of fb where all our family is watching and seeing what she is saying... and my sisters are encouraging her to cut me off... when they absolutely don't have a clue what has been going on... so Dr. Roberta is really helping me stay strong in this decision... it's hurts so badly when it has been me and her, her whole life till she moved out when she was 17... I didn't want her to go.. and tried to prevent it.. but I couldn't stop her cause in our state 17 is legally an adult... last time I spoke to her I reminded her that she is an adult.. making adult decisions.. doing adult things.. and adults figure things out as they are supposed too... that I do not owe her my life just because I gave birth to her... and her abuse is no longer welcome here.. I miss the sweet little girl she once was... but she isn't there anymore...
Thank you for your words and encouragement... cause as you know it's the hardest thing in the world...
I hope things get easier for you.. and me as well.. and I will continue to listen till there isn't any more left to listen to..
My daughter and daughter in law have tried to use my grandchildren to control me. In the end for my own sanity i had to say no more, you're not treating me like this anymore. So sad that I've lost my grandchildren, although it was a relief to lose my kids.
I have a narcissistic adult daughter. But she’s also an alcoholic and prescription drug addict. She suffers from bipolar depression. She has suicidal tendencies. She has used this as manipulative tool to get what she wants. We have helped her out of every single bad situation she’s ever put herself in. We don’t want to see her homeless or dead. This is our plight… we have money and she knows it. She is irresponsible and it is always someone else’s fault, never her own. We helped buy her a house… then she sold it and spent all of the money… on what… I don’t know…. She had a high paying job… so where did it all go? Now she’s lost her job and has hit rock bottom again. Asking for money to pay her rent, her bills etc. All the while there is this undercurrent of “if we don’t help her, she will kill herself”. It is such a mess. We need money for our retirement… she has already used a huge portion of those funds over the past 30 years. I know that it is our fault for allowing this all of these years. But when you love someone who has tried to kill themselves at least 3x, that you’re aware of, it is the ultimate tool of extortion. She should be in an institution for help but she is extremely intelligent and has hoodwinked every psychiatrist/psychologist out there! Hence the addiction to prescription drugs etc. and the professionals telling her that all of her problems are the fault of her self indulgent/ emotionally distant parents!!! She knows exactly what to tell them to get what she wants and now I believe she believes her lies. I should write a book. Nobody would believe it.
Move further away from her. Narcs can't be cured. Save yourself from her.
You are wrong..we ALL believe it! Please just let go of anyone who is hurting you. Suicidal threats usually work to control us and they know it but I truly believe narcissists love themselves too much..they love brinksmanship. Don't be blackmailed or extorted or give up your health and security to try to control someone else's life journey. We all have choices. Become strong enough so that, no matter what happens you will be ok and can know you tried more than 99% of what other parents would have done. Let go and let God.
The belief in her own lies is the stage I am at with my daughter. She's convinced herself of the foulness she spews. She's got a list of people she claims have abused her physically and sexually. I actually watched her create an entire scenario where her x BF raped her while she was black out drunk. She determined it after a crisis call to domestic abuse project. Prior to the phone conversation, her story was I got drunk and they put me to bed, barely a recollection. She claims the dap worker said it sounded like she was drugged and raped. Zero evidence or recollection of any such thing. Now, 3 years later she tells the story or her "rape" in detail. It is actually crazy to see it. She has accused at least 5 or 6 people of abuse and or sexual assault. None of it is true but, she believes herself now. Since I asked her to find her own place, she's leveled all the said abuse at me. I beat her and neglected her etc. She's Actively worked to turn anyone she can against me. It is gut wrenching. She just gave birth to my first grandchild and I don't think I will ever meet her.
i already read that book. my family story too
I believe you
Thank you so much, what a blessing. was raised by a narc, married one ( divorced ) now dealing with the adult son who is a narc. I’m getting there❤
Sadly, my story as well. So I’m right there with you friend.😔
EXACTLY my life!! We need a group 🤔
@@EssenceofCoils
My thoughts exactly!😉👍🏻
I’ve read so many comments from both men and women describing the same family dynamics or domestic situations that you would think they knew your situation and were describing your own relationships.
Sometimes as I’m reading them I think🤔 to myself if we could just get all these people together than they could work on their inner healing and some may find healthier relationships!😂
🙏🏻❤️☮️
Same here! Exact same situation but I don’t want to see my son again. I’m 74 and I’ve had to deal with it his entire adult life. Between my mother, my ex husband and older son - I’ve had enough! I’m not doing it anymore!
What a wonderful reliefthese videos are finding out you are not alone. Was raised by a
malignant narcissist mother who was never available when I was growing up. Wants everything I have . ! I married a narcissist and now dealing with an adult son who has turned out like his father. Very abusive in all ways especially financial. Have made up my mind to go no contact. Alone, but peace. of mind.
I have been experiencing everything you discussed for 18 years by my adult son. The reason…His father passed when he was 15. And he demanded I split the estate with him (at 15) instead of just take care of him. I did all the things you said not to do. I excused bad behavior, accepted verbal abuse, and spent $50,000 on him trying to make him happy(over the years). It didn’t fix him. We have been estranged on and off for 18 years. We haven’t spoken in person since 2018. It’s very sad and it hurts, especially during birthdays and holidays. It has had a negative effect on my health and happiness. At times I even wondered if his negative talk, threats and behavior was a little bit ok because he was angry about losing his father … but it’s NOT ok! There’s nothing I can do but try to enjoy the rest of my life. Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge and advice. It was very helpful and makes so much sense. I wish you good health, happiness and success. God bless you!
He has to live with himself for that
I have the same issue with my 39 year old sob
My son just turned 19 and I am just realizing what mind games he has been playing the last few years. It's heartbreaking but I feel some relief that there is a path forward and others understand what I am going through. 🙏 I pray for healing for everyone that is dealing with these relationships.
I have a daughter same way
Beyond difficult when grandchildren are involved.
This video popped up and I tuned in to hear about other people's issues for a change. I do follow channels that cover narcissism and I feel so deeply for parents with narcissistic children. You may be able to dump the ex but it has to be harder to deal with your narc children. My prayers go out to all of you, and I wish you enough ☮️, 💚 and 💡 in the other areas of your life to help reduce the sting.
Ive beat this with prayer. Ive beat this by being humble. Ive apologized. Realizing its not about me. I dont give advice. Im quiet and listen & i try to just be there. They can live & learn. After a couple years of taking this stance.. my daughters have now changed. They met with me for mothers day for dinner and paid for it. I had planned on paying for dinner, but my oldest wouldnt let me lol many many prayers involved on my part also. Prayer & being humble. ♥ when they meet with me i always thank them for the visit. My oldest daughter has now begun to say "you dont have to thank me for that" . Prayer works. Period. Talk to God & pray. Dont depend on another humans advice. You want real help? Pray.
Original post was 2mos ago..but I now want to add Aug 2024. The respect you want comes after. I get shown respect now. I didn't have to demand it & it came after showing humility around my daughters. You have to step down to be brought up.
So nice to see this because you normally see topics about a narcissistic mom or parent. My narc adult daughter is using her 6 yr old son as a pawn to hurt other. I haven't seen my little grandson since June. 😢 But she claims I'm the narcissistic when I never put myself 1st and I did anything asked of me to help, but I'm the narcissistic. I'm so heartbroken and I cry everyday
i so understand, my grandson is 7 and ive seen him twice in his life! yes it hurts so bad. she also calls me a narcissist well she calls everyone that actually!
Give it to God... I understand how you're feeling... it's devastating...pray your grandchild someday understands & reaches out... get on with life❤
@edwardwalking4807 there you go again, my feeling is you a troll and a narc!
I think my Son has been turning against me for several years and I think his narcissistic father is the culprit
I realized years later that this was what was happening with my husband teaching my two children to turn against me.
@@TeaRose9 yes, it's called parental alienation and it's meant to damage the other parent but it actually damages the children or child because it's abusive.
Adult children can become excellent “flying monkeys” for the malignant narcissist ex spouse that can’t control you anymore because of no contact.
So understand this !
Yes my ex husband narc turned my kids against me and it's crazy because he raged out at them when they were growing up and blaming them as well as me for stupid things. He started turning them against me by involving them in arguments he created stating that he was the one never being heard. That was a complete lie on me I was the one never being heard but the kids believed the dad.... He taught them to disrespect me as the mother. That man is a complete demon.
i'm going to let go of my adult son. the grief he has given me has made it hard for me to breath sometimes. he's so cruel to me and he says things that make me feel less than worthy, whenever i'm not compliant he takes away any contact between me and his son to punish me, but it's also a punishment to my grandson. each time he separates my grandson and me i die a little bit more.
Thank you for validating what is like to have narcissistic children . I marry narcissistic men. I’m divorcing my Bipolar narcissistic husband now. My first husband was the worst. 2 of my 3 daughters are narcissists and we are estranged. I wasn’t even invited to my second daughter’s wedding although I gave her the majority of the money for her dress and bought her veil. I will never let narcissists abuse me ever again. I went through 6 months of counseling. I worked and sacrificed for my family for 46 years as an RN. I deserve to be treated well.
Yes, you certainly do deserve to be treated with respect and love.
Yes you Do, deserve to be treated well and with true respect.
Thank you for your help. As a mother, and grandma l needed this counseling. We always do mistakes helping our children way to much thinking that we do right, and we ruin our lives and theirs. God bless you !
I didn’t really understand that my daughter was a narcissist. But she left her husband and moved in with me. I was widowed and she and my three grandkids became a financial burden. I was afraid to kick her out because I was afraid she would abuse them mentally more if I wasn’t around to be their buffer/protected. She lied to me that she couldn’t afford to move out.
I was in 35 yr narc marriage. My sons parentelly alienated from me and both narcissists. I tried for years to help through counseling etc. for them both. They were so abusive I had to go full no contact with both. They also removed my grandchildren.
So sorry.. life is truly difficult
Why didn’t you put the list in a link or comments? ❤😊
Thank you. I have a narcissistic Son! I have given everything for him an hi wife, I decided 3 years ago to stop. We have very little communication. After I stopped giving. He stoped communicating. Hard to swallow. But I am peace
I have a narcissic son. I hope people will realize that Narcissitic Personality Disorder is indeed an inherited trait. We usually have parents who are also NPD. I learned growing up with a NPD mother that the only thing to do to save oneself is to become finacially and emotionally free of them. I love my son and pray that God will save him. But I no longer agree to see him and his wife and my 2 grandchildren. I already know he will turn his sons against me anyway. I know the modus operandi of the narcissist.
Yes, my mother is a narcissist and my children turned out just like her despite her not being around too often. It's so heartbreaking and unfair.
U r smart.
Same: my children took the side of my narcissistic parents. There’s no hope and I walked away.
I have a narcissistic son as well and he tried to turn my grandaughter against me for years, he would go into a rage when she wanted to see me. She is 23 now and he has been unsucessful, we have a lovely relationship but that just makes him even angrier and he treats me even worse. I love him very much but he scares the living daylights out of me and he knows it.
adult predatory-children.. in tantrum mode ..cannot change their mindset~ healthy detachment is you survival skill.
Just don't play games with them.....there is a standard in human living that we all must go by ...if they don't want to abide by the rules of life then there is nothing else to be said
Good day♥️, I so resonated with your video about adult narcissist children. I may need your help. I’m 74 and just sold my house to buy one near my daughter and her family. I created a living trust with she, my adult son and their spouses as trustees. Neither child is speaking to me right now. My son in law is Muslim and he is now offended by all I say and do. I see he has isolated my daughter and grandkids to have control. My girl defends his perceived offenses. He demanded an apology when I said their youngest son was on electronics so much it could hurt him they yelled at me in front of the kids and said I could stay for dinner if I apologized. I left without apologizing and getting emotional. I’m not real sad. It almost feels like a relief. I wonder if I need to change that living trust because I don’t trust them anymore. Perhaps you can help me. ✨🙏🏽✨
This has helped me so much. I have two adult daughters who cut me off for 7 yrs., now they want to come back into my life but they tell me they do not want to discuss anything just move on. I lost all those years with my grandchildren and i was accused of something i did not even do and they teamed up and they never wanted to discuss it. I was devastated and went into deep depression and now that i am doing better they want to come back on their terms. I just can't do it. Thank you for this video
@@suetrundle3510 I’m so glad you’re doing better! It sounds like you don’t want to be thrown back into depression again. That makes total sense. Especially since it sounds like they haven’t changed at all. Therefore, you don’t know when they’re gonna pull the rug out from under you again. Not only are they not willing to take any responsibility, they don’t even want to talk about it. Thank you for sharing. We’re not alone! And we’re not crazy. What we’re going through is real.
My daughter has put me through a lot of bad experiences, since she was a teenager, but we always made up because I always forgave her. For a long time she needed me for financial support. Now that she is married and she doesn’t need me in that respect, she threw me to the curb. She cut ties with me, but after telling me to f…. off and never, ever contact her or her husband ever again. I even paid for the website where she met him and gave them 10,000.00 dls as a wedding gift. So, now I am disposable. It hurts so much to feel rejected, insulted and attacked by the same person you gave so much of yourself……😢
My daughter created an entire new childhood where she was a victim and now she’s cut me out of the lives of my grandchildren. How did she make me the bad guy when I’ve been the person who’s taken care of her every need all her life, until she found a man to do it, that is.
Did you say you took care of her every need? Why would you do that? Raising children means allowing them to struggle through all the experiences of life so that they learn to take care of themselves, right?
My daughter did the recreating her childhood and tells her children these lies
I have a narcissistic son and daughter in law. As soon as she came into the picture things got worse. They went no contact with me one for four years one for a little over two. I cried and tried and died for two years and then one day I woke up and realized how much better I felt. I have been in therapy for 25 years and on some medications. A few months ago my doctor actually took me off one and cut the dose with two others. I have a lot of medical issues. I’m a two time cancer survivor I have diabetes. And some other medical issue. Again in the last few months I need almost no insulin. And the woman who was in the ED at least twice a month now has not been there in there for 10 months!! I just realized lately how much better I feel physically and mentally. The reason is I am not stressed out I’m not in the middle of some conflict or another. I told my husband a month ago if they came back today and begged me to take them back I wouldn’t he was very surprised. I just realize the stress that was involved with the two of them was actually making me sick!! Also I could never ever trust them again. How long before I say or do the wrong thing and they pull the rug out from under me again. People think I’m cold and don’t love them. How could you!! They are indignant. I’m not sorry my life has become so much better without them.
I understand how you feel.
So thankful to find your channel. Boundaries in my world have been interpreted as abandonment….That’s the label that has been expressed to me…Heartbreaking 🙁
You are being gaslit
Finally! My son is highly narcissistic and it's so hard cuz I love him so much and don't understand what I did wrong
Sometimes it's inherited.
@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 Yes it's an inherited gene !I have the same problems with my eldest son😢His father was a covert narcissist!They all have the same play book from which they operate 😮Nothing is ever good for them !!
Sometimes, the adult childs behaviours have nothing to do with what you did or didn't do. As adults, if they have childhood issues, let them go to a therapist and deal with issues.
You did nothing wrong!
I did every single one of the things this therapist says not to do with the dsughter i adore and I gave unconditional love. That was my mistake. Now all adult relationships in my life are conditional upon treating eachother with real respect. Now this includes my adult daughter. So no more exceptions! What a great therapist..
@@repentjesusiscomingsoon1529 I really believe that. My mother is a narcissist. My grandmother, her mother is the opposite. I'm like my grandmother but my children ended up like my mother. It's really unfair and hard for me to accept. I really thought that if I raised my children w lots of love and opposite how I was raised it would all work itself out.
Thank you so much for this, I let my son go just over a year ago because of his unacceptable behaviour and have been going back & forth in my mind this has really helped me to move forward🙏
Feel you. I’m at this very point myself. Been a single full time working mum since he was born (he’s 20 now) and the pain of the arguments we are having about, cost of living, splitting bills etc and what he’s thrown back in my face has been devastating. Omg so glad I came across this channel and your comment x
Ps. I do hope you’re doing fine? Would love to hear your story
@@susandavidson1691 So sorry to hear your troubles its so much harder when narcissists are our children. I'm doing much better having peace in my life but my heart well that's another story, you can never fully remove them from your heart and I think about him everyday. I hoped as he grew older ( he's 41) he would be more introspective but it hasnt helped that he married a very clever, manipulative woman who has come between us, which of course he can't or doesn't want to see. The most painful of all this is having wanted grandchildren so badly is I rarely seen them. What I have learnt from this is how strong I am, how tolerant and loving and that will never change.
Yes, mental health issues can be passed genetically. Sadly, my son is just like my father. His problems multiplied when he married a woman with zero empathy or respect for others. He is a severely mentally ill with full-blown narcissistic tendencies. He actually went no contact with me, out of the blue, after blaming his misery on me. I cried for three months until I gave it to God. If things make no sense and have no closure, you need to walk away for your own sanity. I do not even recognize him as my son now, because he’s changed so much. Also, I’m so tired of people blaming “the mother.”
You are not alone, it is truly mind-boggling. Keep trusting in God.
Always...the mother gets the blame for everything. Do these daughters realize they will be there soon ? They'll be the blame in their own kids lives ?
My God, I needed to hear this today. My daughter is a narcissist. Trying to deal with it.
I have two Narcissit children and it is heartbreaking. My oldest child is in his 60s and one of the things that he holds against me is that he wanted to be "and only child" and I kept "having children". They do not speak to me at all.😢
May himsayin that he wanted 2 b an only child is his way of sayin I felt left out, FORGOTTEN, NEGLECTED OR LOOKED OVA. IT CD B A WOUND IN HID HEART. TALK TO HIM, n try n understand this.
I was raised by narcissistic parents. When I started a family I moved to another state so my kids would not be raised around them. We rarely saw my parents, usually 2 or 3 times a year. I saved my kids the pain I felt from dealing with them. I am now 75 years old and as it turned out my youngest son is also a narcissist. During his childhood I worked really hard to curb his outlook. So his narcissim wasn't to bad when he was a child but as an adult he got worst and worst. The women he dated, and then his wife, just gave him what he wanted or he dumped them. Sixteen years ago he turned on his grandmother after she insisted he start repaying her, as agreed. Ten years ago he banned me from his family because I "ruined his life". I have not seen my only grandchildren for 10 years. They were only 1 & 4 at the time so they probably don't remember me. It has only been in the last couple of years that I have been able to avoid thinking about them everyday. If I live long enough I hope to contact the oldest child after she turns 18. My son has been removed from my will, his children will receive his share.
Yes. They use grandchildren as a weapon or manipulate them.. this is so common. “ you’re my favorite grandchild”, “I’m going to leave everything to you”, etc.. they manipulate and turn kids against parents, sick folks play sick and narcissistic people eat their own kids and if possible their grand kids to teach others lessons…
That’s awful but in some ways you’ve been saved from having to deal with these creeps on a daily basis but it’s sad for you and your grandchildren.
Same situation. My mother is a narcissist, my youngest, my son has developed the same type of personality. Like yours, mine was not like this til late teen years. Luckily he hasn't any children (he's only 23) and I hope it remains that way. He can't keep a girlfriend so maybe I'll get lucky w that one. I know I can't control his behavior and there's nothing I can do to "fix" him but it truly breaks my heart every single day. I lost my oldest, my daughter right after she turned 21 so he's like my only child (although I'm raising my two granddaughters). It feels so unfair. He used to be so loving, a bit of a momma's boy when he was younger. I would have never anticipated this. He's still in my life ATM, well at least whenever HE feels like it anyways but I absolutely have to set boundaries w him and limit our interactions when he's being mean and disrespectful. I keep telling myself that maybe he'll change. My mother hasn't tho so that kind of stifles my hope..but I have to keep hope, it's all I have bc I can't accept not having a relationship w my son. It does help that I understand the situation so when he tries to manipulate me or be hurtful I distance myself w the knowledge it's him not me.
This happened to a friend of mine! Out of the blue her son called, because his daughter wanted to know about her Swiss heritage. You never know what God can use to bring them back! I am still waiting and praying for my oldest adopted daughter! I have forgiven her, and continue to pray for her! God has removed all the emotional pain! I have gotten to see my Great granddaughter twice, because relationships are important to my grandson’s wife! I wasn’t allowed to see my grandsons after they were 9, 11, 12! Don’t give up!
Sometimes mental illness or issues can be nature (genetics) and sometimes nurture (environment). Many times it will be a combination of the two as one parent contributes both genetically and with examples the child learns from. In your case, you tried to save your child from the exposure of your parents, but the genetics were still there. Funny thing about genetics... it can present differently in each offspring in the lineage.
Darling Rhoberta, I LOVE what you said "I don't like who they are"
So simple and yet so hard to admit as a mother.
Someone else once said too, "The person they are when they are mean, THAT'S who they are" and we need to remember that. We wouldn't continue a friendship like that so why our own flesh and blood who should treat us BETTER than friends for "Charity begins at home"
I don’t know how I got here, my kids are toddlers. Life wasn’t perfect, but I hope to care for my parent as they age. My in-laws and parents deserve more than what we can offer. As a Muslim, I thought estrangement was a rare occurrence. I pray for harmony and peace in all of your families. Amen.
What do you believe about 72 virgins
@@maryannmccarthy9029Wow, you’re a woman attacking a Muslim. Classy. Read the Koran if you want to understand the religion rather than going after someone who made a very nice comment.
No commenters here felt the need to refer to their religion. Why Muslims always do that? Don't they have a private self, only a denomination?
Thank you. I have 2 daughters like this in different degrees. My late husband was very narcissistic. My heart goes out to these parents. It is very hard at times. I’ve learned to call them out and to walk away.
Thank you. Our stories are so identical, u read my mail. This is exactly what I'm going through. My late husband was a psychotic narc who show my girls I am to be treated very poorly to say the least and I'm just now starting to put my foot down, this abuse is not okay.
@edwardwalking4807don’t judge, you don’t know what you taking about !!
Dr Roberta, I want to be like you, I love how eloquently you speak while being forthright and showing healthy sense of boundaries for yourself without demonizing the hijackal person. I love your genuine buoyant attitude ☺️. I am recovering from complete cptsd, empath/npd burnout. I really wanted to thank you for the gift of your time and wisdom on this podcast, because I noticed my stress level and anxiety go down to almost nonexistent getting to listen to this helpful podcast. 🙏 much gratitude for being such an inspiration and a safe place to recover. 🌸 ⛰️ 🌳
My son and i had a minor argument and for 10 years he cut me out of his life!! Holidays were sad as id cry all day. Out of the blue he called me a few years ago apologizing how cruel he was and that he loved me!! Hed gotton married and i had a grandson i never knew about!! We talked 7 hours and it was great. But deep down i didnt trust him because he is a control freak. He will text and say he loves me. And ask how i am but too busy to talk!! I feel he enjoys rejection towards me like his. Dad did when we were married. I act like its all good and never. Complain!! If i get upset i feel it will make him feel powerful. Ugh. I always had tome for him. Told him i loved him and hugs daily. Having kids is over rated
Thanks so much for your answer. My issue is having an almost entirely narcissistic family. Dad, 2 brothers daughter and son. And 2 exes both grandiose narcissists. It feels like no one cares if I’m alive nor admit to anything they’ve ever done. I’ve never felt so alone. At least on this platform I realize I’m not the only one suffering so thank you
you are not alone
Yeah me too. My two adult daughters like to make me feel like a ghost by ignoring me when I’m on Facebook or just not answering my posts. It makes me feel like I’m already dead and no one can see or hear me. My whole life it seems no matter what I do I can’t get anyone to show me real love or respect. It’s hard to be whole when people keep taking pieces of me. Are there any healthy people out there?
@@gracelivingstone191 Yeah like a ghost I can relate and it's ridiculous and undeserving.
@@user-bg2oi1kq7c It’s the worst feeling in the world. I’m sorry you’ve experienced it too. Try to remember it’s not us. It’s them. And no one deserves such cruel treatment from the kids we devoted our lives too. It took me 7 yrs to realize it wasn’t me. I appreciate all the comments and the people on here. I wish all of you all the love and respect you deserve.
@@gracelivingstone191 Same, since 2017 up until last month and I realized I know this dynamic, I know what this is.
It's heartbreaking.
"Your daughter wants to take your place, but first she has to get rid of you." Wow. Resonated so much.
"Love yourself as much as you loved them."
"Don't give your life away to someone dedicated to rejecting you."
I've been dealing with this for along time I'm looking to move away far away
I was starting to feel a rift between my adult daughter and myself. In a four-year period we sat down twice and tried to make amends and to come up with a plan on how to become closer. I followed up on my end of the plan, but she did not. Finally after another six years, she has decided to not speak to me at all. For two or three of those first six years I cried and lamented to all friends and family members. I finally had a self realization that I was turning people away from me, because of my constant whining for my lost relationship with my daughter. This past year, I have changed my health directive and made someone else in charge of my end of life challenges. Even though my daughter refused to speak to me for years, she found it necessary to send me a text telling me that I had no right to do that because I was her only flesh and blood. The following month, I sent her the annual birthday card and she returned it unopened. Not only has my olive branch been broken, but the tree has died, and bears no more fruit.
Thank you so much dear lady....You have spoken all what we've already been through.....It isn't easy but necessary. When they stooped to using their kids just like you mentioned. You will not see the kids anymore...we said, "Alright, so be it" We will respect your wishes...It's been 5 years and our daughter still tries to jump in through fake accounts etc and condemn us still and how bad of parents we are. We gave and gave and gave not just in being there for them but so much more and it was never enough! They started trying to run our household and came with chaos and drama one too many times....We finally set boundaries and they were not happy about it
I’ve been trying so hard to be close to my adult son and his wife I allowed them to abuse me take advantage and hurt me
Number 21 hit home Praise God I am healing I no longer let them abuse me I can do life accepting that I will have a distant superficial relationship with them I am thankful I get to see my two year old grandson in peace since implementing healthy boundaries Thanks again for sharing your wisdom I am loved accepted and wanted
#2 don’t let them control you - you mentioned they would think you’re weak. I actually googled “do narcissists refer to people as weak” recently because I notice my daughter uses that word pretty regularly to describe people. Mostly ex-boyfriends after she’s discarded them. I’ve never heard anyone do that before and it sounds cruel or something when she says it. Is it because once they have control over their victim they lose all respect for them?
I think so. My world pivoted when my ex was standing at the foot of my bed, screaming at me, wagging his finger at me and saying You need Me more than I need You!
And I knew that had to change.
Abuse is a power-over dynamic. We have to take our power back.
@@jillclark4876 yes we do.
Narcissist are weak! They live in a fantasy world, they don't know how to think for themselves, they are lazy (both physically and mentally), they refuse to learn from life experience so they continue the same loser behavior repeatedly, they are incompetent, they are selfish and greedy, they are extraordinarily egotistical, they ruin everything and everyone they encounter. They are weak!
@@jillclark4876 sounds like my ex.
When she was 12 or 13, we were in Walgreens. She went into a full, childish, on-the-floor temper tantrum because I told her, "No, I'm not buying you any WINE!" A woman saw her and started asking if she was okay, and kept looking at me like i was abusing her! I tried to reassure her that my daughter was okay, but she kept coming back.
Man, I wish she'd called the police. 😅
😂😂😂 Wine? OMGosh, this made my day. Thanks for sharing. 👍
I thought you were saying 'HydeJekyll', which totally makes sense! That's what the narcissists in my life are like, one minute they're the sweetest person and can change any second to the meanest.
Narcissistic Daughter and son in law abused and used me for years! Almost destroyed me. Sad to say but they are Evil. I have moved on. No Contact! Had to leave grandkids behind for my own physical and emotional safety.
@edwardwalking4807 AND there you go again, a troll and a narc!!