dark femininity will not save you
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 มิ.ย. 2024
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dark femininity wont lead to real love
fluently forward (Shannon):
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intro by: nicole_collete_...
timestamps:
intro 00:00-1:10
dipsea 1:11-2:30
dark feminine energy 2:31-7:38
“how to get a guy obsessed” 7:39-14:41
manipulation, revenge, and insecurity 14:42-16:58
cheating storytime! 16:59-18:38
unrealistic standards 19:08-29:49
I want a dating show with "dark feminine" women and "alpha" men and just watch the chaos of egos and manipulation unfold.
I want it too❤
love this
would be phenomenal! HAHAHAH
Thats evil x))
Feel free to share any recommendations of this genre.
I think the biggest problem here is TikTok. This app has made people think they need to fit into an aesthetic to be someone. That you need to be a coquette, "that girl", alt girl etc. to have identity.
I mean tiktok is full of teenagers, and that is just part of adolescence... trying to find who you are and making everything your personality for a while. Hopefully they will grow out of it as they get older.
Main character syndrome; that app encourages it! It’s horrible. It’s good to give actual good advice but you don’t need to have a label to be important. You create your own purpose.
@@luchirimoya That’s what a lot of people need to realize as well. That social media spaces the new arcades, malls, skate parks, etc. These are the new teenage hang out spots. In a way commenting on these trends is infringing in their spaces where they’re trying to figure themselves out.
It’s sad but true. They target the youth and spread idiotic ideologies. It’s trash 🤦🏽♀️
that phenomena has been goin on for ages. When I was a teen on tumblr I felt the same way. Tiktok didn't exist yet. I know my mom had similar feelings as a teen in the 80's. Beauty standards have been around since beauty has been a concept
“Date people for who they are, not who you want them to be.”
PREACH SIS.
This is called acceptance✅️
it’s at 609 😼
@@Imunderyourbedaswespeak ?
Reads these 10 years too late 😭
im doing this now and im the happiest i ever been in a relationship
i feel like a character that has dark feminine energy without being manipulative to their love interest is morticia addams. she has confidence and has a dominating presence but isn’t afraid to show her affection for the people she loves. which almost shows even more confidence.
The thing is if your personality is naturally like that it's fine but I hate it when people who are totally different then that for exemple a girl who is more goofy and energetic in nature try to tone it down to apply to an aesthetic of a darker serious girl I'm like just be who u are sis n if you like traits that feel aligned to you already and empower you sure why not but if it's straight out playing a persona like what's the point?
@@maple_latte2669 yeah i agree with what you’re saying. i feel like people should embrace who they are because if you try to put on a persona and hide your real personality you’re never truly going to be happy with yourself
what a great comment, love her
Morticia Addams and Gomez from the 90’s films are such a healthy relationship and balanced. Cinema Therapy did a whole video of them and it is a much see!
@@MADEbySOUL that’s the kind of relationship I aspire to have 🙏🏽 also Bob and Linda from Bob’s Burgers
This feels like the female equivalent of being a Sigma male, both groups are hard to take seriously 😂
😭💀💀
Lmao I just commeneted this cuz its literally the same thing lmaoo
Ahhaahhaah true
Daaaamn that’s right 😂
Two sides of the same coin kinda
Sometimes I believe abolishing tiktok will be better for humanity.
no let me enjoy some parts of anime community in peace💀its not all bad
@@hidansektas agreed that’s why i said sometimes 😭
Only sometimes?
It’s clearly a weapon of war designed to damage particular nations. Tiktok in China is a completely different thing altogether and the algorithm favors totally different content then it does in the states.
Delete it.
@@persephonel2117 what does me watching silly little anime edits got to do with china copnspiracy theories? chile anyway
Maybe, but ideas dont die easily tbh
I think the “If he wanted to, he would” began as a genuinely good motto until it was applied to stupid situations. Example: You’re really both really into each other but he doesn’t want to take the next step. Yet he found another girl and now they’re dating. Honestly if he wanted to date you, he would. It’s important to know when to quit. But putting that statement out because he didn’t take you to Dubai for a weekend on your birthday is ridiculous
100% agreed!
so many “if he wanted to he would” comments in general are about stuff that’s like. exorbitantly expensive and unattainable for regular people 😭
just a mans 2cents here, its also easy to misread the "if he wanted to he would" situation, if im into a girl and i get nothing from her and another girl comes along that makes it known i might end up with her, not because i didnt want to with the first girl but if youre not making space im not doing anything even if i want to, jumping to assumptions is a bad idea sometimes if it stops introspection
Yes! To me “if he wanted to, he would” is not about the gifts or the action itself but the thought behind it. Like showing your partner you care. But I also do get how it can get confusing
Yeah, that's the problem with these one line slogans. They're simplistic and really open to interpretation, and can make sense when applied to some situations and not to others.
It’s so weird how something that’s supposedly, supposed to help women is pretty centered around men
And they talk about loving yourself but they don’t elaborate to the ones that might actually need it
Fr
So true
"love yourself, but also change literally everything about yourself to get HIM obsessed!" it's so contradictory and makes no sense. how are you finding yourself and loving yourself if you're not doing it for yourself? changing every aspect of your personality to seduce a man is not self love, its a disservice to yourself.
@@zalmansbloomexactly
Literally how is it empowering to “manipulate” men to be obsessed with me…
Less like empowering and more like embarrassing
and when will we understand that being authentic and in touch with yourself is THE most attractive thing
Narcissists do that
Right, and why is attracting men the thing I should be caring about the most? Why does everything have to revolve around being liked by men. What if I just want to be a person with ambitions and not just a sex object or a dangling piece of meat. What if I decide to base my worth on something other than being desired by men. I hate these tropes so much they think they're doing something, yet they're as misogynistic as they were in the 1960s or even worse. Feels like we're literally going backwards smh.
because apparently women empowerment always has to revolve around men no matter what
You don't need a trend or an aesthetic to make yourself feel beautiful or powerful.
im slowly starting to learn this.
not only is the aesthetic unnecessary, I think it's actually harmful in that it makes it seem like there's one "right" way to stand up for yourself (and that way is necessarily sexy)
I wish femmes could just be, and be genuinely messy, and not have to have everything they want to do come off glamorously. making more, codified, socially-acceptable ways of being is not liberation
It’s crazy how the obvious needs to be said these days
You just need to be yourself
Exactly, there's no need to justify the things you enjoy doing. No need to justify why your taste is "better", it's just your taste, and it can be inconsistent or without structure
Revenge is not cute and this is what women need to realize. This whole “men are toxic so I’m going to be toxic back” thing is going to hurt everyone involved. It’s simple. Just raise your relationship standards, find someone who loves you and wants a healthy relationship with you and do the same in return to them.
Exactly and being vengeful hurts you and cheapens your relationships
The best revenge is just to live your life by your own standards and not care about what everyone wants for you the right one will always come around but self love is the most important key.
@miyagriffin9673 100% you need to love and take care of yourself it isn't an attractive trait nor is it healthy for you to waste away pinning.
@@Name.......... i’d like to add that from experience, how I gained this self love was learning myself. Asking myself questions, taking myself places, engaging in hobbies/activities that bought me joy. Not everyday will be great nd that’s ok, at least I can admire my resilience and determination to keep going and embrace the good AND (seemingly) bad because everything works out in the end. Just bc something works for others does not mean that it will work for you and vice versa; I have noticed that people complain about not knowing the first step to self love so that is why I leave this comment. I pray this helps those who come across it🩵🩵
Revenge comes from having a victim hood mentality
When people say dark feminine, I think Morticia Adams, and being powerful and unapologetically yourself while also treating the people you love with care and foster their growth along with their own. Not whatever this has become.
Well said!!
thiiiiis
i'm so sick of the endless cycle of "be *insert a new aesthetic* if you want to be loved" trends...
An aesthetic is not a personality
@@jordane8526 It is though, aesthetics have personality and have deeper meanings. There’s this endless cycle because y’all don’t like to think deeper.
@@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024 it’s not, but people like to base their personalities on aesthetics and become dependant
@@bmwjourdandunngoddess6024 That is called a stereotype. No one is one dimensional based on their clothes. Goths are not suicidal, wearing a dress doesn't make you a pushover, being punk doesn't make you mean, etc. People see something they like and wear it, simple.
If you are changing your whole wardrobe to embody *one* personality trait because social media told you, you don't live for yourself and another mindless follower with no identity.
You can still be yourself without spending money on clothes. I'm alt with and without my platform shoes, I don't need to wear a dress to be feminine.
You are not thinking deeply enough to see that this is another way to get people to spend money on unnecessary things to *project* an archetype they lack.
I hate peoples making an aesthetic a personality 🤦🏽♀️
Lately, it feels like everyone is a caricature of something they saw online. It’s really odd, I can’t quite wrap my head around it
It's truly baffling
fr it's the snake eating its own tail
Reading off the same script and everything
It’s because you’re applying social media bs to real people but most people in the actual world do not lead their lives by what they see or read online. I realized that once I quit social media entirely. It was just all in my head and I believe it feels like that to you as well
@Vanny Lidl ?
I have YT & FB and do my own stuff. The amount of women who mocked me for being myself and not being naturally aggressive at work to then emulate it during last year softcore women was unnerving.
I even need tiktok to tell me since they themselves will announce that they are in their soft girl eras, baddy era etc & switch up their style.
These were adults.
It doesn't take much to see when people are not authentically themselves when they switch up to trends but want to mock others doing their own thing until it's "popular".
But I've grown to understand those types of people don't have an identity and need people to tell them how to exist.
“Dark feminine” cautionary tale here:
My mother was very much about this highly manipulative femme fatale persona and tried to instill it in me since childhood. When I had schoolyard crushes on boys, she told me not to go to their birthday parties when invited-tell them I was too busy. To be standoffish when they tried to be nice because that “makes you look really money”. Her phone contacts had a big section of nameless dates she would string along. “Daddy #5, #6, #7” etc. She was often lonely and stayed up all night watching movies, chain smoking, and drinking box wine. She gave me the manual for what NOT to do if I didn’t want to end up like her.
I went no-contact with her in high school and fell in love with my best friend. We over-communicate and respect one another as people first. Maybe it doesn’t make me feel “money”, but it gives me peace and comfort knowing we can trust one another.
Meanwhile, last I heard, my mother married some army guy near my age with severe mental illness. She sees him only on weekends when he’s not on base, she doesn’t work or even have her own car, and she lives in a trailer in the middle of nowhere that he owns. He’s obsessed with her in a really icky way and supports her to the point where she has no life of her own, but I guess that’s what she wanted all along.
I think you have the best of both worlds because I have noticed despite men saying they don’t they do like when women are standoffish or focused on themselves. Just don’t go overboard and when you find someone drop any games. I’m glad you found your person 💛
"If he wanted to, he would" was actually really empowering for me. Years ago, i had a history of dating toxic men, and I'd make excuses for them. That phrase helped me stop making excuses for their poor treatment of me. It really depends where you are mentally/maturity level whether that phrase has positive or superficial meaning
it helped me tremendously too! its just the way some people use it. if it's used in an entitled way and setting impossible expectations, it is unhealthy. on the other hand, there's nothing wrong with using it to be sure that you are treated fairly and with love.
This is a phrase I need to adapt in my life. I have a similar history of bad men and making excuses. I'm hoping this will help me on my healing journey
It was very helpful and speaks to be true. How someone feels about you can be seen directly in the amount of effort they put in. It’s a direct correlation.
i dont have tiktok but jesus why is EVERY single trend from there i hear about literally just “not like the other girls” repackaged. can women and girls just exist without being pitted against each other for male attention please
Absolutely 😂
not gonna lie women have always fought over highly valuable men in society and those men always had multiple wives and had horrible relations with their children. Its just a neverending cycle. I feel like human women are biologically wired to be like that. Of course in post modernism people are aware of these biological functions and can act accordingly. However if you look at any highly sduccessful man, they all have multiple partners, or they are sleeping with multiple women,
Ironically, trying to be "not like the other girl" is the absolute most girly thing you can do lol
That's literally all it is. 😭 The male gaze repackaged as feminism.
And we men even dont ask for it, what's all this 'not like other girl' crap.
something a lot of ppl don't really talk about that i'm glad you brought up, is the fact that romantic relationships aren't just seductive romantic relationships where all you do is you know what. you also need to be friends, you need to actually want to be around them, and like their personality. and that's just how to have any type of relationship in general.
A relationship based on manipulation wont last long. These people can pretend but you cant pretend for months, maybe a few but its sad. Like i want to be seen in a relationship, i want my partner to know all of me and still accept me and love me, my good traits, my flaws, everything...requires honesty and taking away your defenses, your perfect self you try to portrait to the world. But if you manipulate you are not allowing that, you are just playing a character and i think its sad...
If I’m being honest everything is so sexualized. which is ironic because like 2 years ago I thought we were done with this, but it just keeps getting worst.
@@Joeeyyyyy it will always be like this unfortunately
YES. THANK YOU.
exactly which is why so many fail, theyre not even compatible as friends. your partner should be your best friend as well as your lover
Can we talk about how awful it is that now most people think femininity is sexuality?
Also can we talk about the “stay at home girlfriend” 😭 I’ve seen so many tik toks where women will be like “if he doesn’t pay all of your bills, he doesn’t love you” LIKE WHAT WORLD DO WE LIVE IN
So true, I guess if some people are really into that then fine but it’s kind of unsafe in a way?? In a relationship men are already capable of sexual, mental, physical abuse, why give them the opportunity to be financially abusive as well. It’s different in marriage because if you’re stay at home at least you have the security of a prenup in case the relationship has to end, but in a dating relationship you don’t really have anything to fall back on if your bf is completely taking care of you financially. Also I don’t know why as a man they wouldn’t see it as a red flag seeing how dependent this girl they’re dating is on them and has nothing going on in their own lives. I think secure mentally stable men would want someone with at least some sense of independence. This way men also can know that a girl is keeping them around because they really love them not just because they need a place to stay and money to spend.
IKR!!
I feel like the only good bit in this Dark Femme trend is the advice to hold your own space and focus on your own shit. In my experience, and from the relationships I've seen around me, a worthwhile partner will appear when you least expect it while you're focusing on your own growth and development. And if they never appear, you will never regret the personal growth you did for you anyways.
True. The trend did help me with make up and fashion tho because those looks... damnn looks great on me lmao. Also i am kinda happy now to be single but i bet the universe will through something weird or someone at me now that i finaly get some rest from the drama 😂
Perfectly said.
I don’t claim that last sentence at all
That last sentence is a COPE....It is definitely not good advice
@@ThandoKINGwhat makes it not good advice? You realize the alternative is forcing yourself to be with someone and then resenting them right?
I keep telling people that ever since TikTok showed up, the world has gone worse.
It's just the west that's gotten worse, as the CCP intended. The carefully censored content Chinese people are exposed to don't promote such demoralizing content.
I dunno, seemed pretty shit before too. I'd say that it's different and worth analyzing, but anything algorithmic and unanalyzed is gonna be kinda dangerous.
Same as what we're doing right now on youtube.
There are different sides of tik tok. While most of it is garbage. There is a side where important stuff it talked about. Things we aren't taught in school, things the government and the media hide from us.
@kiara ? Yeah the musically era was fine. Just kids having fun. I truly miss it.
@@no.6377 LMAO
I'd also like to note that love-bombing, suddenly withdrawing affection with no explanation, giving men the cold shoulder, and "punishing" them by standing them up on dates is, uh, emotionally abusive🚩I know that a lot of us have been hurt in the past but that does NOT give us the right to perpetuate the cycle of harm, no matter how "hot" you look doing it.
FACTS
I don’t know why the people who return toxic energy are made to look even worse than the initiators of toxic energy. It’s almost as if the returners are put on higher moral standard to automatically be the “better person” than the one who started the toxic energy. Instead of shaming the originator of the toxic energy.
@@sarkie3927pointing out that being emotionally abusive to people as a form of revenge and punishment or because you feel like you deserve it is wrong is not holding you to a higher moral standard. It’s literally not a competition. If you see it that way you should probably reflect on that.
@@sarkie3927 I think the problem is that they aren't getting revenge on the person who hurt them. Instead, they project the person that hurt them onto all potential partners and make the new person their scapegoat for the person they're actually upset with.
i've been in a relationship since about 6 months. for almost 2-3 months i started getting those ''dark femininity'' femme fatale vids on my feed which made me turn emotionally distant to him, act 'busy' all the time, and basically always be in my ego. since a while i've been realising the relationship was starting to fall apart cause of how toxic and unhealthy i had been and i decided to change- now i compliment him, show him love, treat him special and honestly i couldnt be happier. dont let the society tell u what to do with ur life.
Periodt
I hope he does the same for you
😢
Let’s see how long that lasts 😂
@@sarkie3927someone’s sad and lonely
Its really annoying how Gen z are “inventing” names for shit that have been around since forever then changing it entirely and basing the next phase of their life around it until they realize how stupid and toxic it’s so they move on to the other and the cycle goes on cycling.
Yeah GenZ can be really superficial. They are the first crop to grow up with uncontrolled social media and pron so..
Right, like these things already exist!! They're called ✨️misogyny✨️ and 💫low self esteem💫 and 🌟manipulation🌟
Unfortunately it’s a thing with them and I think it’s due to their not being raised worldly at home or possibly raised by the Internet pop culture or tv with mot much variety. To me it tells me they grew up restrained and boring at home, not going out much or traveling. Not well read. Growing up in an economically hopeless society where the most accesible form of “happiness” most could get is material. Growing up in likely unstable households where their parents didn’t care for one another. Gen Z optimism is frivolous, using the material to gain closeness to the spiritual. If my opinion is remotely right, you can’t blame them for their ignorance. It just feels that despite their being young, they read too “young” compared to every other generation at the same age. As if emotionally stunted but fearful.
American genz *
It’s ruining it by commodifying it.
I'm in my 30's and I feel so sorry for the young women that live in this era, always trying to full their existence with some fashion trend, desperately trying to fit in a type e-girl, dark girl, light girl, XYZ type I really don't know. I hope you all have the courage and strength to just be yourself and know that is fine and enough.
I register their doing this out of trying to find a spot or identity where people are more than what they are in an era where people have the knowledge and awareness that we’re basically the same. Nothing more, nothing less.
But also cliques have always been a thing, this is like digital cliques. There's also the normies who don't really have a style, but they have personality. Cliques in the 20th century are not too broad either bc of TV/magazine influences. 19th century is just married vs unmarried and rich vs poor lol
Issue is ... Idk who I am.
Now I'm crying, great! 🙄
❤❤❤
You are talking like in the 90s and 2000s fashion trends weren't an important part of girl's personalities too
I am a very blunt and honest woman. I was tired of the dating games and so I just started telling men that my goal was marriage and children. If they weren't interested, then I moved on.
Now, I am engaged. Don't waste your fertile years, ladies.
That doesn’t always work some men don’t care what your goal is because they just want free $ex and to waste your time that they don’t mind pretending to want marriage and children too just to have $ex with you and leave. There are even men who convince a woman who wants to have $ex after marriage, that they love her then marry her, have $ex with her and divorce her. There is no limit to what men can do
GREAT POINT on "some people have depression" like girls some people do not have the mental capacity to do things in the "if he wanted to do he would" category. My partner has horrible adhd and social anxiety, I knew this going into the relationship so even though I love going to parties and he hates it, it would be so TOXIC to say "well if you wanted to you would" when chemically his BRAIN CANNOT.
YES. And the whole premise of "if he wanted to, he would" seems so off to me. Cause it's based on wanting him to cater to all your needs without any boundaries at all, but if he steps over your boundaries then drop him. Like...what
"I am finding that vulnerability gives me great strength, because you're not hiding anymore. It's really about being a pioneer for myself, going into the places where I am not being taught. I have to teach myself." - Tori Amos
LOVE Tori Amos. ❤️
Love my girl. x
I love tori 💕
i love her sm
I randomly looked her up yesterday and binged her lyrics lol
tiktok has majorly messed up my own self image, like i literally have an identity crisis whenever I don't have an 'aesthetic'
no same, i noticed that not long ago and it’s the reason that i’m thinking of deleting tiktok all together
Wait really? I've never had a tiktok account and I literally can't wrap my head around this. How do you keep up with aesthetics when they change so quickly? Like what if your aesthetic is outdated? Do you just... change it? Genuine question.
@@luchirimoya it’s not really about picking up on new trends, for me personally it feels like i need to pick an aesthetic and stick to it.
Bruh I wear different shit every day and I’m a variety of things. That’s my aesthetic. You don’t need to be a cartoon character who wears the same clothes every day 😂
@@RoKer13 Exactly. And you don’t have to go into the deep end with every new aesthetic. Because going into the deep end means buying all of the things that will accompany that aesthetic so at the end of the day, it’s all just Kabbalism.
I’m about to be married and I was the opposite of a dark feminine from the start I was just honest and vulnerable but also stated my boundaries. I’ve noticed if you have to change everything about yourself to get what you want, it’s not meant for you.
Marriage is not the end of the journey, most men change after marriage and kids, stay tuned and don’t let your guard down thinking you can finally relax because you have found the one. Divorce rate are 50% for a reason, most men stop doing what they did for women during the dating stage and don’t want to help their wives with the children.
@@sarkie3927very sad and hopeless outlook you have. Good luck with that.
I just want to be myself and embrace the man I'm into for being himself. No mind games, no manipulation. I'm naturally someone who loves and wants to nurture ans i dont want to be afraid to show interest. I also desire to be loved, desired in return.
I apply “if we wanted to, he would” to showing interest and making an effort. For example, I understand he might now be able to afford an expensive dinner. But if he likes me, he will show interest somehow by calling, texting, making other cute plans that are affordable, being kind, etc.
I know, I had this feeling when I dated my ex, and a lot of times he brushed it off by saying he was tired or he did care but didn’t wanted to seem overbearing and that he didn’t understood what I wanted. Afterwards he dated someone with whom he did a lot of the stuff I talked about. It made me really angry at first but at the end of the day I think I stayed in a relationship where we weren’t very compatible and therefore he never felt like doing those things that should be done out of a genuine desire. The thing that still irks me is that I used to tell him this last thing and suggest we took time off and he would make it seem like I was making up problems and dragging the relationship for longer only to actually be the problem all along.
So like she said in the video, just follow your intuition and leave if you don’t feel happy enough in a relationship.
Fr like
The rule of thumb is don’t don’t chase him. Don’t beg him.
Period. A man who loves you won’t have to be chased and he won’t make you reduce yourself to begging. He’ll love and respect you as a person and seek you out.
Do not chase. Do not beg.
saying lines like "I'm happy by myself" & "I'm not into you like that" when you don't mean it and then hoping they pick up on it is why we'll never be free of pushy men who keep trying even after real boundaries are set. y'all are the reason we'll never be free
I wish people would just be direct and say what they mean. I don't want to play games or try to guess what pepole think. In fact, I cannot do that. I take what people say at face value. If a woman said that she's not interested, I would take that for what it means. If she meant the opposite, then that's on her. That's crazy, I can't understand whuy someone would say something but mean the exact opposite.
@@sakamotosan1887Just always back off when they state they’re not into you. Because if they’re playing games and getting mad or something when you don’t pursue them further, then it’s only a heads up for you that they’re definitely not worth it and you’ll dodge a bullet.
As a woman I also don’t understand why anyone would want to waste their time playing games, wanting to be ‘chased’ and getting themselves into a toxic relationship because that’s usually the outcome of such behavior
This is why a lot of people end up alone, because everyone is too afraid to be vulnerable.
yess i was talkin to my cousin abt this one guy ive bn going out with n she tells me that i should “play hard to get more”, that i should cancel plans n tell him im busy even when im not n I genuinely wanna spend time w him (which is fun for me) to “make him want me more”, i rly dont get it??? if i wanna spend time w this person n they want to w me, i will just do so…. i dont get the need for all these mind games that end up making women do things that they don’t actually wanna do
Been thinking about this for a while!
The irony is…. Following all this advice requires a woman to spend MORE not less - time THINKING about and obsessing over the guy. This requires too much conscious effort. Which in turn will cause HER to get more attached. And then get to overthinking and waiting for the results. That obsessive, attached energy is what the guy will feel from you. You’re not fooling anyone. There’s a difference between being genuinely busy and full in your life, and PRETENDING to have a full life.
Yes ma'am and that was me firsthand!!! In the end I got burned, because I wasted literal years of my life making the wrong person fall in love with me. I would literally spend so much time researching dark fem. Now I live with regret creating such a terrible alter ego. I have insane artistic talent, and could've had business by now. I used to reject so many commissions, bc I had no mental energy to deal with them. Like what??? I am posting a lot bc I want to warn other young women that modern dark fem is NOT worth it.
I absolutely agree and totally relate. I've always been very self - centered/focused, but also extremely in tune with my authenticity. This led me to beautiful and fulfilling relationships in the past years. About 2 years ago, I came across the femininity world and I started being extremely manipulative and definetly not authentic at all. I started overthinking every single step and situations, and tbh I had such a guard up that no man would actually want to really commit, and I don't blame them! With my current man I decided to let the guard off and just be myself, and guess what that's what made him fall in live with me :)
@@Valerias22 sorry I’m late replying, but I wanted to say that I love that for you girl. It all started with self awareness which is an accomplishment in itself, and now you’re in a happy relationship as a result. I love that 🥰
@@Forest__Dream it’s okay girl. Accountability is everything. You know where you went wrong and now you can fix it. I relate to what you said about the mental energy that could have went into other things like your business. I made dating and attracting men such a priority that I was too tired for anything else. It was so draining. But it’s not too late for us to be the best version of ourselves now!
my bf is in the US working right now like 70 hours a week and when he didnt reply for like two days, my friends just said "if he wanted to, he would. throw him away." He replied eventually, apologised and told me how overworked and exhausted he is. why would I throw him away for that? some people smh
THIS!! Like my boyfriend is very busy and is in online college as well as in music school at the same time so we might not talk for a week but i know he still loves me. We talk about once a week, im not breaking up with him because hes working towards his future.
your friends have the IQ of a carnival goldfish
@@damanipage5990once a week??? Girl, that's crazy
2 days???? That's crazy too
@@cocochanel3193 2 days...yeah, he's working hard...
i feel like tiktok has completely warped everyone's minds and view of reality
It has and that’s why i deleted the app. It’s gotten to be too much of everything.
@@tamiadixon8312 yeah I just deleted it too I already feel so much better and I’m thinking so much more logically
@@luseal7935 yes! Agreed.. my mind is way clearer without it. Don’t think I’m ever getting back on lol
I agree with this but I think there's a difference between dark feminine energy and just being a narcissistic woman 😭 it bothers me when ppl take spritual terms and turn it into a tik tok trend that demonizes it and strips it of its original meaning
This! I remember thinking asp that being a "bad bitch" meant being mean and dismissive of everyone and making it look cool.
@Likhwezi Titus that's because ppl who know NOTHING about being feminine in a dark way without being a bad person. It's not about being morally dark and it's not justification for being a bad person
@@ladyren241 couldn't agree more a girl in my class in gr12 used this aesthetic as justification to getaway with a lot of crap and everyone would basically applaud cuz "that's how it done"🙄
Thank you so much, TikTok really lacks nuance and people end up misunderstanding the entire concept.
Not all narcissistic women are like that tho. Why are you shaming a mental illness and women with it?
I’m tired of being “forced” to fit into a specific aesthetic. I’ve been told to make up my mind and choose a style like wtf? I love fashion and I express myself through it and I’ll be wearing “rockstar gf” one day and lolita dresses the next and I feel ao good and free
ikr
🤙
yes ur so real, i wanna dress beach girl, soft girl then emo the next
Falling into love when you didn’t plan to, when you were just enjoying hanging out with a friend and suddenly notice how beautiful they look and how kind and funny they are, and they start to notice the same things about you
I think that’s the ideal way to get into a relationship
Ive always been called a bitch for being straight forward. Men are straight forward every damn day and never get called into meeting for their "attitude". I actually quit jobs over that because if it was a man we wouldnt be having this conversation. My boss would claim i have a "tone" in my emails and i would just sit there puzzled because why are you making that assumption from an EMAIL.
Yeah same but I just embrace being the “bitch” or “the diva” because they are just mad they can’t screw me over, and actually have to treat me as an equal
FROM AN EMAIL????
Girl what? I need more deets
@@swagatasharma7598 i use to be a quality assurance manager at a bank. My job was to listen to everyones calls and send their direct managers training opportunities so they can speak with their employee about what they could have done better on the call or correct misinformation that was giving to a customer. In the emails i would send out would be like "rep Katie needs to remember to further verify customers before providing assistance with logging into online account". This male manager didnt like the way i worded the emails and would complain about me coming across as aggressive... in emails. They were just straight forward emails. I would send multiple emails out using the same format because i would just copy and paste, then change it up a little. No one else had an issue with what i was sending out, only this one guy. I put my two weeks in shortly after this started lol
@@MrStephy22 ah I see. Well, what I gather is your emails were very to the point. That's how it should be. That particular guy must've felt threatened by how well you were doing your job
Fitting into a trendy aesthetic or identity distracts from the responsibility, accountability and regular inner work it actually takes to accept yourself and build healthy relationships with others by showing up as your authentic self.
This is one I agree.
You said it perfectly! 🙌🏻 Amen
this!!
I’m tired of social media making people a constant project to work on or improve. Practice self care, go after the things you want and surround yourself with good people but don’t stress or obsess. Don’t get caught up thinking that you have to ‘be the best version of yourself’ or have everyone admire you. Real life is about being present and finding joy where you can, not cultivating the perfect persona.
The perfect revenge is finding peace and loving yourself. It sounds corny, but people who are willing to throw you under the bus get so mad when they see you doing well.
We gotta stop giving aesthetics personality traits or making them personality traits.
I dress like what most would call a "normie" but I have the personality of a goblin that drank a red bull.
You take off your clothes and makeup at the end of the day, but your character isn't something that can or should be easily disposable
yess and i love the depiction goblin that drinks red bull, so cute! :D
Oof. Lovely put.
exactly. and most people have a variety of interests and traits because we are three-dimensional human beings, so trying to fit your whole personality into an aesthetic means that you cut out so many other parts of yourself. having a preferred style or character when presenting yourself to the world is one thing, but restricting yourself to ONLY that is not a healthy mindset.
I love this so muchhhh. its like a book that has a really pretty, eye catching cover but the book itself is trash. the cover isnt gonna be enough to keep a person Interested
i dont feel entirely comfortable with people using Jennifer Check of Jennifers Body as an aspirational figure for this trend. Pre-possession Jen thought she understood men and their supposed base level desires. she was targeted because of her perceived facade of promiscuity. she did not know what the band was going to do to her.
Post-possession Jen's story is an allegory for the slow, painful process of recovering from being assaulted, and how some people think more sex and promiscuity will make them powerful. but in the scenes where she looks sullen and sickly, we see that she does not feel content after consuming men. she always needs more in order to avoid the pain of facing what happened.
she started to see herself as nothing but a vessel. a body.
Jennifer Check being idolized for the aesthetic is insulting to the pain she was in. it's insulting to how frustrated and lonely she was, how she pushed away and hurt those she loved because she wanted to maintain an illusion.
Jennifer is a victim. she is not aspirational (aside from her fashion sense lol), she was a vulnerable person who was negatively transformed because of her experience, as many assault/harassment victims and survivors usually are.
im not aiming for an anti-sex/promiscuity message with this comment. but jen was faking being in control the entire movie. she was a young girl in need of love and desired someone who viewed her as more than an image. more than an aesthetic. more than a body.
stay safe. stay healthy. the internet does not need to dictate your mannerisms or outlook on life. we all process things in different and similar ways and find strength in similar and different ways. you dont have anything to prove or any label to put on yourself.
💯♥️
That’s why we see so many women on onlyfans or having insta accounts with full a*s sexy photos of them, showing everything off to everybody and reclaiming their life bla-bla-bla after being assaulted by a parent or whatever…
It’s so sad seeing this.
And these women will say they are the happiest they have ever been. Because now they are in « power ».
I just hope that’s true but a woman showing her body, craving attention from guys or wanting men to desire them doesn’t sound coming from a healthy mind in my opinion…
Women who like that posture of Jennifer body are lesbians , bi is still lesbian.
Automatically i don't respect them lmao .
@@xDiananas I’m confused on your last part everyone wants to be desired it’s within our nature to even seek it out. Yet there are limits some just like their bodies but what you say is true many people do need therapy to deal
👍🏽💐❤
TikTok has completely misunderstood what it is to be in touch with your dark feminine energy. It’s not about being manipulative or has to do with men at all. A woman in touch with her dark feminine energy is “mysterious” not because she wants attention from men but because she does not overshare with just anyone. She is selective over who she is close with and makes sure they are high value people who surround her. She knows the power of her absence not because she wants to detach herself so men go after her, but because she knows her value and knows not to hold on to “potential” things that do not align with her goals and aspirations. A woman in touch with her dark feminine energy takes care of herself, is constantly looking for growth and is loving and interested in her success. She prioritizes pleasure and is in touch with her body and soul. She is not ashamed of sensuality She is creative, passionate, and confident not because of the allure of men but because she is in tune with herself. She has clear boundaries because she does not lower her standards for anyone and knows her value. She is aware she is not responsible for the feelings of others. Being in touch with you dark feminine energy is simply being in tune with the other half of the divine feminine. Light and dark feminine energy exist and together they create a harmony, some people have turned these concepts into “aesthetics” and are demonizing their true meanings. Women with true dark feminine energy do not waste time on such chasing men with games and manipulations, they simply attract.
Feeling lonely when you’re single is better than feeling lonely when you’re in a relationship. You have to date yourself because you’re who you will truly be with for the rest of your life.
Tik Tok is turning into the magazine articles from the 00s that are like “10 ways to get a guy into you” Like we don’t need this Y2K trend back lol My problem is I always get chased by total creeps but next time I am in a situation where I’m around an actual good guy, I’m gonna be more vocal. I missed a few chances when I was younger and I regret it.
you know what's so funny is that the minute you started listing off dark feminine "rules" (don't text first, ignore him, love bomb then ghost him), I IMMEDIATELY thought of the self-identifying "players" from the 90s/2000s. Basically men who thought they were a total catch and would give douchey advice to other guys like "don't text first, ignore her, love bomb then ghost her".
just a funny lil observation :P
About a year ago i was cheated on and the breakup left we seeking for a revenge. I was very hurt and in a toxic state of mind and came across these dark feminine type of tik toks. They suited my mindset back then and made me feel like i could gain my power back by manipulating men and playing games ; hurting men the way they had hurt me. I aspired to be this "maneater" trope and over sexualized myself convincing myself it was empowering. I thought i was going to stay single for a long time and focus only on myself, but ironically a few months later i found my current boyfriend and i’ve been in a healthy relationship ever since. I’ve learned to forgive and gain trust again and i’ve felt much lighter ever since that.
I don’t think these tiktoks are doing much good. They can be appealing for people who have been hurt like me or in a fragile state of their life and to young girls and women who are searching their identity and place in the world. Do your thing, be independent and focus on yourself but please, for your own good don’t make it center around men and call it empowering.
This was me. Someone hurt me and I changed, but met my bf at a time when I least wanted to settle down. But we clicked so well, both mentally and emotionally connected, that I chose to be with him.
@@francheska2113 man, i hope i am able to achieve this. I had dealt with an extremely traumatic breakup 3 years ago and recently I had developed feelings for a friend I had made. I think she fell into this dark feminine mindset because she would play games with me while I was honest with her 😞 I wrote her a long letter to clear whatever the heck was going on, she has yet to respond... I am keeping an open mind in the sense to forgive and move on so I can continue cultivating my peace and happiness so when the time comes for me to be in a relationshi, but it has honestly been hard.
@@acemoto6232 That sounds rough! I'm sorry you had to go through that. Lmk how she responds!
@@francheska2113 thanks, she actually got back and was communicative, phew
@@acemoto6232 Be open but if she’s stuck in her phase of hurt. Best to keep to yourself and distance yourself from her
For me, as a single woman that isn't on tiktok, the "if he wanted to he would" idea has always just meant, if he actually liked me, if he actually wanted me, it would be apparent. Like how you talked about the right guy will chase after YOU, you won't have to lift a finger lol. I'm in a friendship/situationship where I KNOW, if he really liked me, he WOULD. So for me and my current place in life, that phrase rings soooo true
Both the pick up artists and the dark feminine energy gals are both like "emotionally abuse your partner to make them attached to you"
"Make them think you don't want them and that they are worthless, they'll get off to the lack of self-esteem and be all over your ass tomorrow morning! 🤪"
yes!!
@@imthebossmermaid3648ikr these people are insane!!
I noticed that they tend to attract the most toxic and abusive relationships that goes for both of them. I believe the best way to go is to be balanced in your light and your dark. Secondly to go your own way and not really adopt any Aesthetics or trends we need to embrace our complexities
I think the “if he wanted to, he would” slogan making other women feel like shit is part of the intent behind it. It’s a flex in that way.
EXACTLY it’s an extremely sadistic term in nature it’s like yeah it he doesn’t do anything within a certain time period he just doesn’t want to. And it also gives men an excuse to do nothing.
dont let that word slip in your life . They arenot GOD . they cant do anything , dont excuse it .
mm
interesting
The most beautiful aesthetic you should ever embrace is being yourself. The most attractive you'll ever be is when you are authentic!. There is so much beauty in being real it speaks volumes.
i thought “if he wanted to he would” pertained more to what a man can do for you & what he chooses to do for you. like, for example, my ex never did anything for me, never bought me gifts, hardly took me out - was an overall trash “boyfriend” if i could have even called him that. now i’m with someone who i don’t have to beg to spend time with me, he buys me flowers without me asking, he cooks for me, & just overall does what he can to make me happy & it’s all because he WANTS to. like, having a man that just genuinely wants to do the things that make you happy; you won’t have to chase after him because y’all want the same thing. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
As someone who struggled with aesthetics as a teenager, literally just dress how you want. If you wanna dress steampunk one day, emo the next, then cottage core after, go off sis.
The best thing you can learn is that the best thing you can do for you is do what makes you happy. People do not deserve to be able to take away your personal creative freedoms.
Once I learned that the dating scene got very easy for me! I connected to myself and shortly after my mom hired a contractor team to redo our roof and touch up our ceilings and I met my boyfriend of 5 years ☠️😂
Good things come to those who wait!! And put in the personal work!!!
exactly. this phenomenon of adding yourself to a group for a identity is horrible. just be yourself honestly lol
Trying so hard to fit into one category or group is so frustrating and near impossible. Once you start being true to what makes you happy, comfortable and confident then other people will be attracted to your company.
You can be friends with and fit into many groups of people if you actually open yourself up to being you!
Meeting, knowing and learning from others with different backgrounds is essential in growing and being a better person
I wish that more women would use dark feminine energy in a healthy way for self love, and not in a toxic way. Instead of using it to get or manipulate a man, i tapped into my dark feminine energy (goddess energy) and used it to help me to avoid being manipulated or taken advantage of by toxic men.
THIS ❤
That what im doing too
Exactly!
I mean, the terms "divine feminine," or the "divine masculine," are just terms that were culturally appropriated from Eastern religion/spirituality. It didn't originally mean being a manipulative femme fatale, it just meant that you were kind and gentle without being weak or unable to stand up for yourself. Why did they have to sexualize such a cultural practice so much when that's not the point of it?
@@unicycle1017exactly! its turned into some weird, ego filled mess. they're trying to love themselves without being themselves while also only doing it for attention from men. that's not self love, that's a self disservice.
i was the most hurt and unhappy when i was in my “femme fatale/dark feminine energy” the idea of playing games and being emotionally unavailable to get revenge at men is so draining and toxic to YOU before anyone. heal ur hurt on ur own or by getting help and be yourself and u will find the love u want
Deleting tik tok and insta put me at peace tbh and I’m proud to say I’m not looking back… I’m a lot happier, on my phone less, taking in the world, being more confident, and doing what I love more . It’s so freeing without the pressure of the internet tbh 💆🏽♀️
I think tiktok (social media in general) aesthetics encourage people to change both how they dress and their personalities. Aesthetics shouldn’t have to be all encompassing. You can dress like Maddy Perez without role playing Jennifer Check.
its so hypocritical too like us women will go and hate men like andrew tate (rightfully so) but then proceed to follow manipulator advice and be misandrists, like this whole men vs women mentality is destroying our perception of love, relationships and any type of interaction with the opposite sex
Agreed.
Yupppp
What even is love? Marriage as we see it or want to see it, is new. Marriage was always an exchange of resources for women at least. Only recently we’ve been able to have our own everything, if we can afford it. I rarely see marriages survive, only my grandmother’s and she doesn’t even live with or speak with her husband. I’m not saying men are bad or women, just what is love? There has been little to no example of love marriages that last and are not based in fairytales.
@@Enriquez2222
It’s only the illusion of civilization that provides that.
If shit hit the fan, traditional relationships would become stronger than ever and feminism would fly out the door.
@@Enriquez2222 Love is an action word but without said action, it is merely a word.
I’m in my 30’s and I just want the young girls (and boys) of today to know you just need to be yourself to be happy. I feel bad that they have had to grow up in an era of social media where it can be so incredibly dangerous. Seriously. Everything online is fake, so pls pls pls… be you ❤️ and don’t be fooled by media and society. Xoxox to my sisters and brothers
My only problem with the "if he wanted to he would" mindset is that it became something very materialistic. I think it still applies to some people like partners who don't really show you they care about you, they don't show you enough affection, they don't really seem like they really care about the whole relationship thing like they are not putting any effort at all. It doesn't have to be a 10K vacation, It can be something as simple as waking up and making coffee for the 2 of us, or watching a sunset with me, helping me with something you know I'm too tired to do, showing interest in my hobbies just anyway that you can show me your care.
I’ve never seen anyone say if he wanted to he would about a tenk vacation. I’ve only seen it in reference to a guy not texting for a week because he is busy.
People shouldn’t have to say “I have options”…if you are hot or popular enough you don’t have to say it because your partner and everybody else already know you got options
Exactly 😝😜
Some can have options but still say it because they don't believe that they themselves have options.
Don't know who else is 30ish or 30+ , but I have found that if "he wanted too he would" actually is true. I do find everything else pretty on point. Grow your personality. Stand firm in who you are , let *YOUR* aesthetic bloom.
To be fair I think it’s all about communication. I’m Aspie (basically high functioning ASD) therefore I would prefer verbal confirmation that she likes X before performing X.
As I've gotten older in my relationship, I've learned that if you want something, you have to communicate it. It's pointless to just stew in a bad situation you created in your head.
Ive been watching my best friend slowly fall into this line of thinking and it's been devastating to watch on an emotional level. It's like watching someone get sucked into a cult.
I always hope these trends are made and spread by actual teenagers (people without a solid identity yet typically) and then I'm shocked when it's actual adult women trying to justify their depressing grift.
Girl don't even go there 🤣
When did aesthetics start becoming a personally trait?
What year was tiktok created?
When Tik tok
Social media has not made our life easier. It just made us miserable, anxious, shallow and depressed.
I love your comment on revenge. I always thought when someone really mistreat you they have a lot of darkness inside. While you can walk away they have to deal with that forever. Best "revenge" is have a happy life
People need to stop trying to identify with every “aesthetic” and do what they want
As someone that’s just turned 30, the only thing I will say is that the current state of things has made me hate dating and dread getting older. Also potentially mothering. On top of it I grew up with a single mom who left my dad by choice while pregnant because he wasn’t going anywhere, not going to be responsible for the family, and eventually deduced he just took advantage of her naïveté to get her with child and raise his kid without him doing much else. I think these dark feminine movements are from women who grew up similar and realized in more ways than one in the long run we get the short end of the stick and on top of it live* brutally long with being deemed “undesirable” or “old”. On top of the economy being bad, I wonder if women being smart about our outcome eventually is what’s inspired all these movements with insecure attachment at the root? No one wants to be mothers or wife to a man who will eventually replace us anyways, dating feels like something you have to strategize with eventually because most of the options just seem terrible, you don’t feel motivated to be the best version of yourself when most men don’t care to be the best version of themselves. Getting attached to a guy just seems like a risk and while many things in life are a risk therapy is extremely expensive and time consuming.
I think it’s a movement that masks the toughness required for mental fortitude by easing women into it through an aesthetic. To train you to accept reality and work with it rather than against it. Gen Z women have taken to the aesthetics as a covert way of telling women reality is not the fantasy many hoped for without it alarming men into thinking these women are man hating which they’re not. It’s easy for men to reduce and discredit women when we say the obvious deliberate and I think the aesthetics is a way to say that without being targeted or shamed for seeing reality. It sounds awful as I used to be this very positive, outgoing, bubbly, cheerful person, tbh I’m an optimist by nature BUT with time and removing the rose colored glasses, I became more…human? I think this is what these movements mean: Women ultimately being depressed at the whole concept of love and intimacy, being fed up, wanting more anyways because it is nature and it all merging in this fucked up state of confusion. The aesthetics act as a mask or adaptation to be able to have these discussions without having men on our backs trying to control what we think or feel.
** edited: accidentally wrote “love” instead of “live”.
After reading this, I see what you are saying, and it's so true! Women have been hurt, and are really trying to over-compensate in extreme ways.
100%
YES!! It's definitely a response to this. More specifically (at least to me) it literally feels like being cheated on is unavoidable because I've never seen a relationship where that didn't happen. And getting older feels like the inevitable descent into "undesirability". I'm working on getting past these myself but that's the message we've been shown.
And on top of that, to think that being with a man is only something that has recently become less necessary. Like you used to need a man to vouch for you (co sign) just to get a loan!!! until 1974!! Life was was harder without a man by design
Well said
It was bound to happen at some point, because we were lied to about romance, love, and marriage, and eventually enough women were going to recognize that that’s what was happening. The fairytale is a lie, Prince, charming does not exist, there is no happy ending. You can find a healthy and happy relationship, but this idea that the patriarchal path for women leads to happiness for women is a lie. I’m kind of grateful that young women are recognizing that before they are married with three kids and don’t have the finances to divorce their shitty husband. If future generations can have fewer terrible relationships, and fewer terrible divorces than previous generations have had, that is a win, and if it means women are deciding not to get married, or not to have kids, that’s just the reality of those paths being a shit deal for women. Men are already freaking out about it, and so is patriarchal society, and it’s pretty funny in my opinion.
Omg…I had the same experience after reading “Why Men Love Bitches” the boundaries and confidence peace were helpful but I went down an unproductive rabbit hole that I wish I wouldn’t have. Lol
this was so real… with my ex i fed into all that tiktok bs like the tarot readings or get him obsessed etc etc and literally none of it helped me. like at all. lmfao. i tried to convince myself i wasn’t chasing him and that it was all going to work out for me but in fact it fucked with my head severely and he ended up cheating. all of it is still something i’m trying to get over and i regret putting myself in that state where everything i did was for someone else and letting tiktok tell me how i should be acting and that just existing how i would normally wasn’t enough for him…. like the whole if he wanted to he would. i’m still very lost from it all and i feel for these women who try to shove themselves under these labels or try to fuck with other people like that because from personal experience it really does come from a place of hurt. great video !!
A lot of the tarot readings keep women in toxic relationships. Even worst when they claim it’s twin flame
@@idongesitx1873 that’s exactly what i thought too when he wasn’t good for me. they’ll tell you all those toxic behaviors are just part of the connection when it’s literally just them being toxic
@@loverofeverything. I’m happy you got out of that. I was watching girl who was into tarot cards and they told her a guy was her twin flame. She ended up in a psych ward. Thankfully she out and in a better mindset
"He can buy your ass whatever and still dog you when you're not looking." This. So much this.
I was blissfully happy in a relationship for years with somebody that was cheating on me constantly. The only reason I found out is because he confessed someday for a weird reason. I am still in therapy 2 years later.
Whenever I think “if he wanted to he would” is when like if he was in to me he’d text me back. If he was interested in me, he’d flirt with me. If he liked me, he wouldn’t talk about other girls. For me it’s to ground myself in reality a bit more. When I really like someone I tend to get lost in it a bit and make up conversations/scenarios in my head and I think everyone does. In this sense I don’t think the phrase is all that bad. However, yeah if it comes to things with mental health, vacations, showing extreme affection get the fuck out of here. Those things come with conversations. No one can read each other’s minds. And people are just different. I know I’m not a big PDA person, but some people are. Just because someone doesn’t hold your hand in public doesn’t mean they don’t care do you. If ur courting and want to use that phrase to ground you in reality go for it, it can be helpful. However if your using it to constantly criticize your significant other or hold grunges against partners of your past, you have to be more considerate and take a step back to look at the big picture.
My bestie needs to hear these , she's a dark feminine girlboss and her bf is literally a insecure emotionally avoidant guy
Extremely well said and organized! TikTok trends always remove the nuance and make things very "boys vs girls" like it's a battle. The reality is everyone is different, and there are lots of situations in the middle of these extreme spectrums.
Dark feminine didn’t start off surrounding relationships and aesthetics it became that on social media but the original concept was about doing shadow work healing yourself and developing confidence and setting boundaries but now it’s more about men and the fem fatale
Exactly!
Exactly, being in your dark feminine era isn't about being manipulative or anything like that. It should be more of confidence and healing. Setting boundaries. Those are things we should apply
so early this feels illegal BUT MADISYN SLAY ONCE MORE
I had to delete TikTok. It’s basically this is the club and you’re not in it
Omg. I'm way too old to be playing games like, "don't text him first." I'm divorced (due in part to me keeping some of my thoughts internal when they were important to express) and I decided I wasn't going to keep anything like that to myself. I was also going to text first if I wanted to and say "I love you" first if I felt it.
Facts! Stupid and useless games take too much precious time
i think to help young women the term should evolve into “shadow” feminine, as in doing “shadow work” as its called in spiritual practices, where its all about facing our dark side and the things we hide. this leads to self awareness and self acceptance. that will actually get these girls what they want instead of turning them into manipulative people. I think one of the first questions to ask yourself is why do you feel you need men to obsess over you, really shows you where you need to improve on yourself
Exactly insecure asf
Yes, the point of shadow work is to become self aware of your flaws to work with them, but TikTok has changed the original meaning of shadow work to mean enjoying a dark emo/goth outfit, music taste, and aesthetic. How is that anything like the original meaning of shadow work? They don't get the point.
@@unicycle1017 its what happens when something is exploited to become a trend sadly
And, if they can afford, therapy would really help too
the advice i'd give about love in my 20's is very different than the advice i'd give now in my late 30's and i would like to know how much of this "advice" is coming from people who's most recent major relationship building experiences took place in high school.
what's your advice now?
@@av8213 for anyone: if you feel like you have to beg for them or play mind games, you don't need a relationship you need a therapist. manipulation isn't cute and it isn't love. respect is the most valuable thing in any relationship because that is what helps build trust and that includes respecting yourself.
This video is so important and shines light on this crazy societal phase were going through of cyclic toxicity. It needs to end somewhere, and when we unsubscribe from what society projects onto us (aka unrealistic beauty standards, fears, toxic modern dating etiquette, "what men/women want" etc) and instead turn inwards to heal and let our true selves come through, as Madisyn said the person you're meant to be with WILL come! No need to chase, pretend, or put up walls. You deserve good things and CAN attract them by being deeply connected with your Self ☀️
That last section was really heartfelt. Wishing you the best with all you got.
I think it’s just me I’ve always interpreted “if he wanted to he would” to just be shorthand for effort rather than applying to certain specific displays of affection. Like if a guy wants to put in effort he will even if he’s busy he’ll still do some small thing to let you know he’s thinking about you. Maybe it’s just a good morning text to let you know he’s thinking about you but maybe it’s clean house for you to come home too since he knows you had a hard day at work. Just essentially if someone wants to put in effort they make time to do so and if the don’t they don’t. But I’m also not on TikTok a lot so idk…
All Tik Tok does is make me have an identity crisis tbh. Sometimes it can be fun and entertaining, but it can be draining. I can be cutesy and girly and still be a baddie who is assertive and fearless.
I love hearing people saying the hard truth, you’re an amazing youtuber
these videos are so conusing to watch as a lesbian. The whole "manipulating someone into being desprate and in love with you" tactics would just come off as toxic and would lead to an immediate break up in a wlw relationship
I disagree with you about the “if he wanted to he would” trope. As a woman I’ve unfortunately dated men who made ZERO effort to do romantic things (dinner dates, flowers, couples outings, plan trips etc). So when I actually dated men who ACTIVELY put effort into being romantic & doing nice things for me, it reminds me of all the excuses the men in my dating past would make (such as “ohh I’m not really a romantic guy” or “I didn’t know you wanted flowers”). Yes it’s true that not every man understands how love languages work, men can’t read your mind, etc HOWEVER its literally common sense that if you want a woman to like you then you should do gentlemanly things such as buying flowers, planning dates, etc. When I see girls making ‘if he wanted to he would’ TikToks, I assume that the men they used to date did not make those same romantic efforts. And of course not every man has the same budget financially wise so it’s dumb to compare your boyfriend to some random TikToker whose bf is a millionaire Or something. But otherwise I really enjoyed this video and your commentary? 👍🏽😘😊
Some men need to be educated about such things. Many men are just clueless and don't know how to be romantic. It's not that they're "not the romantic type", that's a lame excuse. They need to be told to think about things like that and start putting an effort in. Grow as a person and think of others. But it's not fair to just expect them to do that without even realizing that they need to learn. Men are more clueless than many women realize. I myself am clueless, but I can be cooperative and I can learn.
Totally agree here, and to add to your point of people not having the same budget for romance, I think too many people think being romantic requires a lot of money. However it's possible to show someone you care for cheap, it just requires thought. (Which is too much effort when someone isn't that interested in you)
An example of romance on a budget is last month when I was running errands with my boyfriend, we went to the store and split up to grab what we needed. Then, when we met back up at the checkout line, he grabbed me a chocolate bar as a spontaneous treat. But not just any kind, he specifically grabbed a brand that was palm oil free because the night before, we watched a documentary and I'd rambled on about all of the bad stuff around palm oil. The physical gift was just a little chocolate bar, but that gesture showed thought and care at a level I never had in prior relationships. So I'll always stand by the "if he wanted to, he would" mantra.
Men can't read your mind, so if something isn't said they aren't going to do what you may want.
@@sakamotosan1887 men are clueless but they’re not children. They can learn but not at the expense of women. You can easily google romantic things or just pay attention to what the woman likes.
Expecting women to tell men how to be romantic already puts the mental load of explaining and teaching on women when men can do that work for themselves, after all, this is for their own benefit because it makes relationships much easier and better.
@@maryallouche9490 overall we can all just communicate like adults?
why tf should anyone google "generic romantic gestures" if they could ask me what I like?
If I am missing some romantic gestures in my relationship why should I assume my partner feels the same as me? I should tell them
if they still make excuses and don't put any effort into it, yeah if "if he wanted to, he would"
Doesn't matter how feminine or unfeminine you are
Patriarchy is a lot
Preach
Thank you! Which is why I’m a womanist/feminist who is okay with being single for the rest of my life.
@@TrevanneFoxton Okay, but saaaamee 😭
Aaaaaaand... subscribed.
I've just found this video and I can't thank you enough for having posted it. I don't have the courage to become visible and speak my mind this way (maybe that'll change, maybe not, irrelevant), but I am so glad there are young women out there who are level-headed, have the courage to go against the status quo, and post this kind of content. You say you are a "20 something", but you are so wise and you emanate such a peaceful aura, you are on the right track, believe you me. In hard times, always remember this state of being and work to bring yourself back to this. This is the right formula, I tell you. I'm currently at my lowest point in my life, but I am taking steps to get to this state of being.
Keep doing what you're doing, you shine so bright. 💖
god this video rlly rlly scratched the itch of frustration ive had for the past like year where ive seen this insanity grow on tiktok.. thank you so much
4:57 I like to think of the word bitch as a acronym.
Being
In
Total
Control of
Herself.
Like in the song W.I.T.C.H by Devon Cole
Too comment right here 👍
It's crazy how the masculine improvement trends are primarily postive and the feminine improvement trends have more darker layers to it. How long is it going to take for women to realise that these "identity trends" is going to be your downfall.
Well said
I think there are equal flaws on both ends. A lot of men I see currently seek empowerment through "alpha" and "sigma" trends that are inherently misogynistic. Perhaps I see these things because I am a fan of Breaking Bad & American Psycho, which are works that these men who use misogyny within their empowerment flock to. ( obv not every man who likes these things is like this, but this specific group of men use Walter White/Gus Fring/Patrick Bateman as their idol to reach pure masculinity, as they see it, to therefore be dominant towards women as a whole).
Women's & Men's empowerment are both harmful in certain internet spaces. Finding the correct spaces for everyone to find healthy empowerment & promoting them is important on both sides.
agreed, like why do we need to trick the other person into thinking we are something we are not?
Because MEN tend to start with it ego but eventually follow self improvement. I know plenty of women who work on their selves and their jobs to put themselves up BUT these trends just make them shallow meat pieces for dark empath kinda guys who'll know she's a pretentious strong(bad bitch or whatever)one but a weeping immature one inside & take advantage of them.
So the whole red pill, incel, f & fit and tates are just like an illusion ?
One of the best video essays I've ever watched recently. Thank you, THANK YOU for this one
Thank you for making this video, the energy, pain at the root of this goes both way and we all need to grow