"I recently miscarried our baby" ... NO! You had a miscarriage. You did everything in your possibility and cared for your child. What happen was out of your control and is not something you did. I'm sorry you have to go though this... but don't blame yourself. I know time has passed and you have worked with your husband to both feel better, but you did everything you could, and would of done more if possible, to handle this gift from God. It is not your fault
I don't believe that we do live in a world that u have to do that. Its definitely a choice. That being said what she had to go through is very common yet we always feel like we r the only ones when it's happening.
I lost my baby girl last year and I worked in fast food. The whole pregnancy I was on my hands and knees cleaning with chemicals. I worked every shift to see what would stop me from being sick all the time. Nothing helped. I was made to lift boxes of fries and burger meat that were really ducking heavy. And after the miscarriage my boss was like “suck it up there are worse things you can go through”. I even got in trouble for keeping ibuprofen on me afterwards.
Please tell her to pray for me too can you?.. I lost my baby boy at 29 weeks pregnant after a fertility treatment..Im torn...mine was more than half a pregnancy we werent expecting this
My soul is hurting for you, Erin. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are seriously such a genuine and kind human. You and yours are in my prayers.
As a teenage girl who plans to have children one day, I’m upset that they don’t teach us about this at school. They don’t teach us *anything* about miscarriages in health class. They really need to prepare young girls for what could be a a heartbreaking future. My heart hurts for you and I hope that you and your husband have a happy future! ❤️
The thing is that when you don't think it can happen to you and then it does. My baby would have been a year this August and it is one of the most upsetting things I have ever been through. I have so much more anxiety over the thought of the next time we try knowing that it has happened once. I miscarried several days after I was told there was no heartbeat while traveling to see my father (who had just had a lung transplant). It's easier these days to be happy for others who are pregnant but I still cry.
@@jpalmer9902 I struggle to be happy for others some times. I miscarried a few weeks ago and we are hurting so bad. And in that time have found out 3 friends are pregnant, 2 family members have had their babies and my MIL and my sister both literally asked me while I was miscarrying when we are having kids. 😢 I will never ever ask another woman if she plans on having/when after that. I always avoided the question but now, I understand what a painful question it is!
Jordannah Galea , that’s okay. My heart hurts so much for you. I will be praying for you. When I was 5-7 years old my mother had 2 miscarriages, a stillborn girl, and miscarried triplets over the course of 18-24 months. I had 3 brothers, and have always longed for a sister. My mother struggled for 2 years with bitterness and depression. Don’t ever let someone tell you to stop grieving, or that things should be better by now. Things do get better, but with most things, good or bad, you are never the same. My mother also had a miscarriage between me and my older brother, and I struggled with the idea that I only existed because of my brother who died in my mother’s womb instead of living full term in my place. When I was 12, and now had 5 brothers, my mother had a pregnancy where my brother had a terminal condition, and might not live full term. It was the most bittersweet 4 months from when we knew to when Dominic Judah was stillborn. 13 months later, my little brother with Downs was born, and it has been such a blessing to have him, alive. He turned 6 years old yesterday, and they have not been easy or what we expected. 3 years ago my mother had one more miscarriage. I thought for sure that this was going to be the sister I had always prayed for, and would only shed happy tears of joy over. I don’t want to say I know what you’re going through, but I’ve lived a lot of my life in support of someone who has experienced the heart wrenching sorrow that comes with just one miscarriage. I hope that my story, and my mother’s story, has been a comfort, and not added any pain. Know you are not alone. I still struggle with emotions from when I was 6 years old, and I’m not even the mother. Please seek the grace of the Lord. He has experienced the loss of a child, and He walks this path of sorrow and grief with you. I will be praying for you. 💙
I’ve had 8 miscarriages. I miscarried alone, at home, every time. No one tells you how utterly painful and terrifying it is. No one explains the bleeding, the loneliness, the sadness. I wasn’t prepared for when they happened. I’ll never be prepared for a miscarriage, no one is or will be. We are so, so strong Erin! Never stop trying, never stop believing in yourself. Just trust yourself, trust your body, trust God. We are destined for motherhood, one way or another. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, lovely.
So little is said about miscarrying and the trauma that can come with fertility and pregnancy, I'm so grateful that women like Erin and many others are being incredibly vulnerable to warn us and educate us future hopeful mothers about the hardest emotions that aren't shown in films and tv shows.
I had a total of five miscarriages before having a hysterectomy...the only thing that I ever took much comfort in was the Buddhist idea that babies who are miscarried or stillborn were just souls that had to be loved one last time before nirvana.
This is beautiful and I needed this so much right now. We lost our daughter at 24 weeks plus 3 days last Wednesday and to think that she is now in Nirvana; words cannot describe how healing this is. Thank you for your love.
Hey Erin, we don’t know each other but I just want to send my love and support your way. I know nothing can ever dull the pain of a pregnancy loss, but I’m rooting for you. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s going to help so many women going through the same thing. 💕
Hey Sierra! Thank you for this. A subscriber told me that you also went through something similar recently and I just want to send you a virtual hug. It’s a deep sorrow but I have hope we’re going to have our rainbow babies!
Finding Erin's and Sierra's channels this year has helped me in so many ways! You are both incredible and I love following your channels. I had my 2nd miscarriage in March and it feels like I was guided to you because you have brought me comfort as we go through this together. I appreciate you sharing your stories so much!!! My love and prayers go to you both❤❤❤❤
When u say you miscarried, don’t ever think it’s your fault. This is such a hard thing to go through and you are so amazingly strong to have to deal with this❤️ stay strong
I did not have a miscarriage, however, my son passed away three days after birth and it was the most difficult and agonizing thing I have ever been through. Each year, it gets easier. We love you and you’re such a strong woman. Keep your head up.
Soph Haugh i understand where you’re coming from but a stillbirth is definitely more difficult to experience. there’s no question & you can compare the two because they’re the same thing but with one you lose a fetus & the other you lose a fully grown baby that you’ve spent 9 months carrying & connecting to. both are very sad though.
Thank you @Venus JCM For pointing out the dislikes. After reading your comment I looked to see how many there were. I had started to watch this a couple days ago and had clicked the like button as I do on all Erin's Videos, well today I'm seeing that I disliked it. Im not sure if TH-cam changed it or if I'm just an idiot and hit it by accident. Either way I changed it back. To anyone reading this, yall might want to check yours
My mom had two miscarriages, that's why they adopted my siblings and I. Every year she says "oh they would be this old this year" and it hurts me every time. She says "I miss them, I wish they were here, but then I wouldn't have y'all" She is the strongest person I know.
I can’t imagine this pain. My best friend had many miscarriages and she just had her rainbow baby girl in October. Praying for you and Matt. God has a plan for you and he’s working for your family. ❤️
When you said you could have 15 children and you will never get over it, I felt that. I lost my first baby too. It was a little boy. It’s been almost five years and I still cry.. sending love your way❤️
It will be 20 years in August for me since I miscarried, and I'm sitting here watching this and can still feel every single emotion I felt then. 💔 In fact, my sister had just gone through a horrible miscarriage the year before and bled so much that she almost required a transfusion. Just watching her go through the horror of that loss plus the awful medical side of it, when my OBGYN offered me the choice of letting nature take its course or to have a D&C, I opted immediately for a D&C. Sending you so many hugs, Erin. So many hugs. I am so sorry.
You don't "get over" losing a child honey. You move forward with that grief. God is with you and Matt. As a fellow "missed miscarriage" survivor, I too am #withyou. Hugs and prayers from Greenville,NC.
This makes me wish our medical system wasn't so broken. Women shouldn't have to go to their homes to deal with something that is such a traumatic experience without the assistance of medical professionals. I am so, so sorry Erin.
Some situations you can't help but do it at home. I understand were in a pandemic, but in my situation which was extremely similar to Erin's, my doctor gave me no choice but to have a D&C, in the hospital with the medical professionals, so that they made sure all the tissue was gone, and so they could test it to see why we lost the baby in the first place. I'm not a medical professional, but my heart breaks so much more for Erin that she had to deal with this at home. I know we're in a pandemic which plays into it all, but, my heart is just so broken for her. I know the pain firsthand, I've lost 3 babies and still haven't had a viable pregnancy. Its the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
Its what's best and safest thats why its offered. Then physicians go down the list to riskiest. Its best to let your body to try. That being said not everyone the same some prefer to be sent home and left to do it in private others want care thru the whole process. With covoid its has made things very hard and risky. They are trying to avoid huge risk to patients.
@@9021kayla I'm not sure as to what the regulations in Erin's city are, but abortion clinics in my area have also stated that unfortunately, medical abortions must be conducted at home, over the phone with a physician due to COVID-19 restrictions. Our hospitals simply can't risk patient and worker health by conducting a procedure that can safely be administered at home. I can't imagine what that'd be like, but unfortunately, this is part of the side-effect of living through the pandemic. Access to abortions in general during COVID-19 has been even more difficult than normal given social distancing restrictions.
I got pregnant with triplets during my sophomore year of high school. I lost two of my baby boys during my second trimester. When I went into labor my doctor said that it was two early. My third baby boy passed away 30 minutes after he was born. RIP, Hunter Jonah, Thomas Allen, and Samuel Robert. My heart goes out to you Erin and Matt. Also to all the moms, dads, grandparents, siblings and families that have lost like this. I pray for all the children’s souls who have left us to soon.
I know you may not want to hear a bunch of “i’m sorry’s”. i understand that can be overwhelming and at times, even annoying. i am not going to sit here and act like i know your and your husbands pain. i do, however, want to send my sympathy and prayers to you. you are so incredibly brave Mrs. Erin!! brave for sharing your story, brave for putting it on the internet, and brave for pushing through. your darkest days will always be outshined by your brightest. you are strong. you are beautiful. and you can and will get through this pain. you have to open yourself up to it and let it in. with time it will be easier to think and talk about it. and then once you finally feel you can breathe, god will bless you again. i love and respect you so much.
I’m 17 and ofc not ready for children, but I bawled my eyes out the whole time. It’s so crazy how the most beautiful souls can go through the worst experiences. I’m so sorry. Also- screw the content take the time away that you personally need. If you’re broken and feeling down don’t try to force happy content. I’m sure your subs can understand completely
I related to this so much. Saying sorry isn’t ever enough. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 21. Found out I was pregnant at 24 & miscarried at 8 weeks & 5 days. I lost myself for a while because I didn’t have a great support system like you have. My endometriosis doctor said that at least we knew I could actually get pregnant & that was half the battle. I found out I was pregnant & had a healthy baby boy Nov 19, 2018. God has a plan for you, Erin. You may not understand it now but He is going to bless you abundantly! Lots of prayers for peace & blessings for you.
My mum was told she couldn’t have children completely. She was going through it all with a gynaecologist every few months to see if anything changed. She was having so many symptoms of pregnancy, but had periods and all pregnancy tests were negative. 7 months later, I arrived. She got standard (not really heavy) periods all the way throughout too, which is weird!! Congratulations on your little one, makes me hopeful as I have endometriosis. I feel if I get to a healthy weight & treat my body well. One day I’ll have the chance 💓
I love your thoughtful intentions and I know your intentions are good, but this would have crushed my mom if someone said that. I would be the oldest child now of three, my brother and sister made into their late second/early third trimester. She was still young enough to have children, but that pain is hard to get past. She had to go through full childbirth with both. Like I said, I know your intentions are good, and honestly there’s never really a great option on what to say to someone in situations like these. But I only felt a fraction of the emotional pain that she did, and it still hurts so much.
@@haileyisim but it could be the same soul, as someone who has had a miscarriage sometimes its little thoughts like this one that keep you going and keep your faith
Stay strong Erin, my mother had 4 miscarriages before she had my brother and the me. She made it through and I am so blessed to have her as my mum. You can make it through this, ill keep you and your family in my prayers x
I have PCOS and went through this recently myself. I found out in early February at my 20 week checkup that my baby had passed away 4 weeks prior at the start of January, nothing prepares you for going to your 20 week checkup to be told your baby had died a month before. I ended up having to go into induced labor which lasted almost 2 days. Nothing prepares you for the feeling that you get when the baby passes... that instant reality hit kicks you right in the guts in a way nothing else can... to make matters worse, decay had started to set in so my child was discoloured and parts were swolen that shouldn't have been, the sheer level of pain I felt at seeing what had happened to my child I will never forget as long as I live. I ended up having to also go in for surgery because the placenta didn't detatch from the wall and it took me almost 2 months to stop bleeding after it was all finished. We had an autopsy performed to find out what the cause of the miscarriage was and there was nothing physically or chromosomally wrong with the baby but I was under a lot of extreme emotional stress at the time, which more than likely ended up being the cause of the late miscarriage (15-16 weeks) according to my doctor. My due date was actually supposed to be at the end of this month and today I wrote a poem to help me deal with the emotions of loss i'm feeling right now, writing this helped me process some of my emotions (I actually wrote this less than an hour before I came across your video) and I hope it can help you process some of your emotions as well. The winter winds blow hard and cold, Bring with it it's frozen embrace, The warmth from you I will never hold, Forever and ever the case. I feel so lost, hollow and broken, As though I have shattered inside, Missing the words that will never been spoken, Always searching for a way to hide. To hide from the pain that tears me apart The wound only a mother knows The pain that comes from a broken heart Try as I may It still grows. Another day the darkness creeps in, The pain so intense that it burns, Another fight I don't know I can win, The heart of a mother that yearns. The breath from my lungs freezes mid breath, At the thought of you not being here, Of you being taken by death, The loss, the pain and the fear. But as each hardship, each battle, each race, Has a beginning, a middle, an end, All things pass with time and with space, For life must go on in the end. The stars in the sky now hold you close now my love, Keeping you safe and warm, Letting your spirit soar high like a dove, Safe from the pain and the storm. Forever my child, my love and my life, Forever come Hell or high water, Forever a part of my very own soul, Forever my darling, my daughter.
This poem is so beautiful. I’m not very familiar with poems but this hit me so fricking hard🥺 I don’t know half of how ur feeling. But I hope u will be strong and push through! Life has its ups and downs and that I know for sure. As long as u keep pushing on I’m sure u will feel better. Maybe not 100% better or even 80% better. But u will be stronger as a women who’s gone through something sooooo difficult. I look up to people like u because ur someone who can still live the most of ur life even when something so traumatising happened to u. It gives me inspiration to live my best life even when things go downhill. Stay safe and may God keep u happy👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼☺️☺️
I have PCOS too I'm just 19 and I hope that I will be lucky enough to never experience something like this. You are so strong and I'm sure that you will get to give all your love and affection to your beautiful child one day❤❤
My mom miscarried after me and went on to have three more children. She said that she got through it by thinking God decided the child wasn’t ready for this world just yet. Not sure if your religious but I thought I’d share ❤️
My sister has PCOS, and was unable to have a baby for 10 years. She just had her second baby! It gets better, have hope! I am sending you prayer and love!
Hi Erin... went through something similar at 20 weeks pregnant, it was a little girl... 30 years ago! It’ll get better, I promise. But it’s true that it will never leave you. Allow yourself time to grieve and talk about your experience and your pain. You are going through a traumatic time in your life and you cannot act as if everything is normal. BUT this does not define you... you will get through this and you will be able to enjoy life again. Just give yourself some time, you need it.
My mom had a miscarriage and when I asked her how she got through it she said that she would keep telling herself that, "God didn't realize how much he needed this angel in heaven and had to take them back."
Miscarrying is my biggest fear. I'm 11 weeks, and I get scared every time I feel slightly different. Hearing that heartbeat was the most amazing feeling and I'm scared itll be the only time.
:( I didnt feel safe until I heard my baby cry the first time, even though ultrasounds went fine. It was hard to explain my fear, and I felt people wouldn't understand. I pray you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and congratulations!
Pregnancy really is such a scary time. I developed high blood pressure in my 3rd trimester and worried everyday for his safety. The moment he came out I cried of happiness because I felt like “we made it” and I finally got to hold him.
I'm almost 12 weeks and I have the same fear. We just had and ultrasound a couple days ago and baby was moving like crazy so I feel good about it but it can all change so quickly and that is so dang scary! Hoping you have a healthy pregnancy! And Erin I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending you healing vibes
Oh my days, Erin. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. That anyone has to go through this breaks my heart. I hope you can feel the love and the prayers that people are offering up for you and your husband right now. There is nothing but love and God that can take this pain, and even then, it might not all go away. I hope you find comfort and peace and that your rainbow baby comes and helps heal your heart.
3yrs since this upload, but even now in 2024 - I love you..I've been extremely depressed and admittedly at times suicidal recently. Rewatching old beauty trippin' episodes the last few weeks has brought a smile back to my face, where, it had for so long been absent
I saw a comment once where they said “a wife loses a husband and she’s called a widow, a husband loses a wife and he’s called a widower. A child loses a parent and their called an orphan, but when a parent loses a child, there is no name for them. You know why? Because no one can describe the feelings, emotions, or pain of losing a child through one word” that comment always stuck with me since I’ve seen it. The loss of a child in anyway is unbearable, i just know you will get a chance to see that beautiful baby and give them all the love you have. Maybe not in this time, but definitely the next.
Erin I had 2 miscarriages in 2019. You can get through this. It is also an amazing sign you are willing and able to talk about this openly it helps in the healing.
My husband has wiped my butt. He's seen everything there is to see about me. Blood, tears (both), sweat, vomit and poop. You'll get there one day...keep trying for your miracle baby.
Erin, I went through the exact same thing in June of 2019. It’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to NOT be ok, it’s ok to not be strong, it’s ok to angry as hell. Time WILL heal you, time WILL help. For me talking about it openly with friends and family and having this amazing support system around helped so much. Now 1 year later, it is still sad and it’s still gets me crying. But you will have good days and bad. Keep your chin up you ARE amazing you ARE good enough.
My mom had a miscarriage before me and it’s almost been 19 years and it still hurts and even tho I wasn’t born yet it hurts knowing I would’ve had an older sibling but it’s ok god is up there playing with ur baby and taking care of the baby til u are up there with them
I have never been pregnant or have had a miscarrage and I'm only 13 but my mum had miscarried a few times before I was born but all I can say is thank you for putting up this video and I thank god everyday that I can grow up in a world with women as strong as you. Thank you. You are in my prayers. Thank you
When you said "I'll never forget my baby" that hit me. My mom for years told me about the babies she miscarried before and after me. I never too much about it. I am so sorry.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I had a miscarriage in May of 2019, and it was so incredibly hard and painful, it was also my first pregnancy. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my second pregnancy. When I did the math, we had actually conceived the day before my first pregnancy’s due date. My heart is breaking for you, but you are strong, and great things are coming your way.
We lost our first baby on Father’s Day... it’s been unimaginable and it’s still so new and painful... I’m still physically going through it. I had to force it, I had to take the pills and wait and wait and wait... I’m so sorry you had to go through this... it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Thank you for speaking up and sharing your story
Erin you're not alone. We're here for you and we love you. Through this storm you will get your rainbow. I am 1 in 4, sharing your story does help others. I lost my first son at 35wks pregnant then had a healthy baby the following year and between 2008 and 2015 I had 16 early miscarriages and in 2016 I had a missed miscarriage (babys heart was gone at 7to10 weeks and carried and physically had my miscarriage at 12 weeks) then finally in 2017 I got pregnant with our fourth child and had our second rainbow baby. I Am 1 in 4 my journey has been hard and emotionally draining. I have a strong feeling in my heart you will have your rainbow baby soon Erin. I LOVE YOU ERIN. My heart is with you and Matt.. With love and positive thoughts from New Mexico ❣
This is so gut wrenching and so sad. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through something so traumatic. I’ve never experienced that or had anyone I know go through something like this, so on that basis, thank you so much for sharing your experience and information on this. You’re so right in that women are never told about the specifics of what this experience is like and what you see and feel. So thank you for this video and videos in the future on this issue for sharing information so that it will be less of a blow and mystery of this does happen to someone after watching your videos. No one talks about this issue as it’s so sensitive, but it kind of also works against everyone because it’s such a mystery as to what really happens so it can be a struggle to feel like you don’t know what the hell is going on with your own body and knowledge is always power.
My heart goes out to you. I've had infertility issues and many miscarriages. I was certainly not prepared. A lot of women have infertility and miscarriage/infant loss. thank you for being brave enough to come forward. It's such a hard thing to talk about and experience. Wishing you well. I hope you heal as quickly as you can and mourn your baby in your own time. Also hopeful that when you are both ready, that you carry your rainbow baby easily and without complications. Im so sorry. I'm so heartbroken for you both.
@Cristiana Gomes thank you. It never goes away but it does get easier to cope with. It won't bring any solace to anyone who reads this and I know that, but I've finally carried my rainbow baby to term. Don't give up, mourning parents. Itll happen for you. You're still mothers and fathers and your emotions are valid.
@@konekotakashi414 thank you. Wishing the best for you and that you heal as much as you can. I know how it feels and I'm sorry for your losses too. In you're own time, I hope you find peace and get your own rainbow baby.
As a mommy of 4 Angel's. I hate that you're a member of this club. Be strong and know that you're not alone. There are many of us out here and if you need an extra shoulder to cry on we're here for you.
I read the title and cried for you.. your online presence has made me feel like I know you personally. Then you talked about that pill, that one stupid pill. You have to take it to end an unsuccessful pregancy or start an abortion. The pain both physically and emotionally is indescribable... no matter what situation you're in. Just know you are in my heart, you are not alone ❤ I have been there.
me and my husband were so excited for our first child, one night i had a feeling something was wrong, i made him rush me to the hospital, they ran all types of tests, did an ultrasound, and ended up telling us that the baby was healthy and there’s no sign of nothing being wrong, the next day i ended up miscarrying, nothing can ever prepare you for the emotional and physical pain you endure, healing is so challenging.
I also had a medical miscarriage at 23 weeks pregnant. My baby girl had a rare defect called anencephaly, underdeveloped brain and an incomplete skull. She had zero chance for surviving outside the womb. Then my own health started to deteriorate, so I made the hard choice give birth at 23 weeks. It was very emotional and made a scar on my heart.
I am so sorry. My niece passed away at 34 weeks due to a rare brain condition, my sister in law had to have a medically forced miscarriage as well. When I saw the way your sister reacted it made me cry because I reacted the exact same way but then being told that my sister in law lost the baby broke my heart and I was sick with grief. There isn’t even a word to describe a pain like this. Stay strong and know your baby will always be with you.
My sister miscarried her first baby and lost her second baby yesterday. She was 20 weeks along and went into labor. His heart beat for 45 minutes before he went to heaven. His funeral is Friday. This video really helped me understand a little of what she has gone through. Thank you 💙
SprinkleSmiles first off i am so so sorry this happened to her i’m sending her, you, and the family love. i would just let them both know that you’re here for them and if they need anything you’ll help out. maybe surprise them with a basket of their favorite snacks and a game for them to play or something! i hope this helps 💕
I'm 23 weeks pregnant and im so heart broken for you. I cannot imagine going through this and I fear these things every day. I've had an ectopic and as much as yes it was a loss I knew from the first appointment. I cannot imagine.
Having an ectopic pregnancy is just as heart breaking as a miscarriage. I had an ectopic pregnancy also, which was horrible knowing the baby was healthy but i couldn't carry it. Also the pain that goes with the ectopic. 😔
@@KG-kk3ef I had no pain until it was being removed. . It was a freak thing. Long story. I just didn't have a chance to feel a connection with the ectopic as much as with my other 2 pregnancies. That's just my opinion though
I also had a missed miscarriage with my first after over a year of trying and when it ended it was one of the hardest part thing I’ve ever gone through. I still find Comfort in talking about my loss with people
I wasn’t going to watch this, but I forced myself. I went through that horrible pain all on my own while having to be quiet because there were people in my home that didn’t know about it. It was excruciating, both physically and emotionally. Everything you said, vomit, blood, I have never had to focus more in my life. I went to to therapy afterwards because I knew I had just been traumatized. It has been 3 years and you’re right, the emotional pain doesn’t go away, but it does become bearable. No one around me (that I’ve opened up to) has been through it so thank you for sharing your story. Take care of yourself, give yourself permission to grieve, remember that Matt’s experience is different than yours, neither worse nor better. Learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortableness by walking through it, instead of away from it. And validate the life you carried. Mine has a name and a birthday (due date) and passing day and photos and I acknowledge all of those things accordingly. Today, as odd as it may seem even to me, I feel more love than I do pain. You both are so strong 🤍
Wow, this hit home like a lot. I too lost a child three years back to a miscarriage it didn’t happen in any worldwide pandemic, but I’m just my immediate family my life was falling apart. The same weekend of my miscarriage I caught my at the time fiancé with another woman in our house and so I was struggling there and then also my parents told the family they were getting divorced. I was utterly alone in a sense. I had no one to turn to and went through it myself. Alone. It was the darkest point in my life feeling the loss of something you have waited your life to be able to do. And then for your body to reject the child growing inside you on top of being rejected by someone you planned to spend forever with. And then not being able to turn to your family because of feeling guilty and hurt and so much more. God got me through a spot in my life that I will never forget. I miss my child every day and I alone celebrate that he is in heaven and 100% ok. Erin I will tell you the pain and ache in your heart doesn’t go away. The wondering and thoughts of where life would be if they were here doesn’t go away, but it does get easier. Easier to think about the journey you had and the wonderings of cute toes and soft skin. Next month my angel son will be 3yrs old. And although he can’t be here to celebrate. I celebrate it for him. on his would be birthday I send one single balloon up to him with a note written on it. Just so he knows I’m here and His mommy loves him very much.
I’m so sorry, you are so strong for battling through it all and pulling yourself together, I hope in the future things will be better for you, wishing you a great and happy life❤️
I just had a missed miscarriage in May. I had to have the D and C procedure done at a surgical center and they couldn't get me to stop bleeding and had to have me transferred to the ER at the hospital across the street where I had to have a blood transfusion and another procedure done to get my body to start clotting on its own. This was my first pregnancy. It was a miracle pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story. Know that you are not alone, 1 in 4 women suffer from miscarriages and not many people speak up about it.
This hurts every fiber of my being and I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. God speed, beautiful. One day everything will fall into place I think.
I miscarried two weeks ago... I am heart broken. I keep finding myself rubbing my tummy and when I remember theres nothing there anymore the pit in my heart gets bigger 😞 I'm sorry for your loss x
The hymn "It is Well With My Soul" spoke to me so much after both of my miscarriages. So sorry for the many women that go through miscarriages. Giving yourself time to grieve is so very important.
My heart goes out to you and Matt, having to go through this. My husband and I lost two babies and then became infertile. Even now 14 and 13 yrs later, the pain and trauma stays with us. You are correct , it is something you will never forget. I feel so sad at special occasions, no first of anything, birthdays, school, walking , talking, teeth, smiles , laughs, “ mummy, daddy”. The whole future you had already started planning out is suddenly gone. We named out babies, even though they were too little to find out who they were. This was so helpful and special for us. Always loved and and so wanted, Angelo and Olivia. 💖💖
My missed miscarriage 9 years ago sounds almost identical to yours. I got the same excitement of my pregnancy, got gifts and furniture from family and friends then had to find out my baby wasn’t living and body didn’t want to let it go to remove it. I was also told if I didn’t get it out it could be very dangerous. I had a D&C and went through a lot of emotional, physical and spiritual pain like you did. I am glad you are willing to talk about your story and help other women feel they are not alone. I am hoping you and your husband may indeed have a full-term pregnancy soon. I am still waiting for mine. 🙂
I've never been pregnant, never had to go through this. But my heart is aching for you. I've never cried this hard during a video I'm wishing you strength. You are already so, so strong. But strength through the grieving. Thank you for talking about this, for being open and honest. Thank you, bless you.
Lord, I ask that you comfort Erin and Matt in this time. I ask you to show them with your love and your peace that their baby is with you in paradise and that their angel baby will look over their family forever; That one day after they've lived out your plan for them here, that they will be somewhere greater than we can ever imagine and will spend eternity with their little one. Lord please keep reminding them that you have a plan for their pain; a plan for renewed joy that they may struggle to see. Please help them to lean into you and to each other through this and to feel the love and support of their friends and family to help carry them through. I pray for healing for Erin's body and for the strength and courage to pour love into another potential blessing of a child when she is ready, if that is what she decides and in whatever beautiful way you have planned for her family to grow. Lord, please help to ease Erin's current and future anxieties, fill her with hope over fear and help her to feel whole and perfect in your image. Please heal her heart and mind from this traumatic experience and lead her to those that are going to help along the way. Please help Matt to be able to comfort her as he feels his own pain, help them to process together and lean on eachother and on you. Lord, Erin has such a big heart and is strong and has such a great man in her life and a beautiful family. Remind her of this every day and revitalize her soul. My heart hurts for you both so much and I am praying for you and Matt.
Please take time for yourself and try not to worry too much about work. We will all be here when you get back. Grieve and heal properly Erin. We love you
My sister gave birth to a gorgeous sleeping boy at 34 weeks in November. The pain & loss that I as an auntie felt for the loss of my beautiful nephew was so immense & overwhelming. I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a child at any stage of pregnancy & life. It was so difficult to see the pain that both my sister & my brother in law were feeling. Any mother & father who have lost a child are always in my thoughts. My heart goes out to you & your husband.
I can’t imagine the pain you and other woman who have miscarried feel. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy and my biggest fear is if I ever become pregnant is to miscarry.
I went through something very similar. I was a day shy of 10 weeks when I lost my sweet baby April 11th 2020. I ended up hemorrhaging during the miscarriage and had to be brought to the hospital. Had to be there alone due to Covid. Thankfully everything passed so I didn't need surgery. My heart is with you. My heart is aching for you. We will always remember our sweet littles❤
I am so sorry to hear that and to not able to have a support system with you must be so so hard. Sending you thoughts and prayers and I hope that you know that you are cared for and that this is not your fault! X
As an 18 year old, hoping to have children one day, I can feel your pain for you and I emphasize with you. I couldn't even imagine how traumatic that would have been, not knowing anything. I am truly sorry for what you went through. I watched your videos when you got the surgery so to watch this one too, I feel for you. You and your husband deserve the world. Thank you for sharing your story, it will help so many. Keep your head up ❤️
Ive never commented on anyones youtube video before but watching this just made me say, hang in there. My heart goes out to you. Something beautiful will come out of this. So much love
I am a male & not a father i am 27 i have observed in my years of life and hearing about miscarriages to be a WOMEN IS TUFF I applaud 👏 every one of you You're body will have its moments i may not understand you're bodies but in no matter is this you're fault. Its like nature and our earth sometimes things grow with full of life and sadly some things 😔 dont but you never give up hope Sorry for the random rant just touching 😢
i just had a miscarriage of my first baby a month ago on May 5. I was 8 weeks prego when I miscarried. It was very traumatizing. I had to sit in the toilet and basically push the baby out from me. it was so painful and so sad knowing I had to do that alone. We have been trying as well for the past year and was so happy to get prego. Ive turned to God and friends for comfort since it was all new to me. I just got the ok and that I was able to pass the baby out naturally. We will be trying again. Sending you lots of love and prayers.
I lost my daughter at 19 weeks 2 years ago this month. It feels like nobody could understand. It’s not something you move on from. You just live with it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Lots of prayers to you and your family.
ERIN you are in my pfayers. You will haev beautiful intelligent healthy children who will be the light of your and matt's lives. When that happens, you won't even remember this experience, because they'll be your whole world. You're a very strong woman, to have gone through it, and to have shared it with the world. My heart goes out to you and Matt. Stay Strong💗
"I recently miscarried our baby" ... NO! You had a miscarriage. You did everything in your possibility and cared for your child. What happen was out of your control and is not something you did. I'm sorry you have to go though this... but don't blame yourself. I know time has passed and you have worked with your husband to both feel better, but you did everything you could, and would of done more if possible, to handle this gift from God. It is not your fault
how BEYOND MESSED UP is it that we live in a world where when you lose a pregnancy you still have to immediately go to work afterwards
As if it’s a casual thing. Heartbreaking really, thank you for pointing this out
this. i tried to take time off after mine and my boss scoffed at me.
@@demmydots7656 Corners of humanity disgust me. I am so sorry you had that experience.
I don't believe that we do live in a world that u have to do that. Its definitely a choice. That being said what she had to go through is very common yet we always feel like we r the only ones when it's happening.
I lost my baby girl last year and I worked in fast food. The whole pregnancy I was on my hands and knees cleaning with chemicals. I worked every shift to see what would stop me from being sick all the time. Nothing helped. I was made to lift boxes of fries and burger meat that were really ducking heavy. And after the miscarriage my boss was like “suck it up there are worse things you can go through”. I even got in trouble for keeping ibuprofen on me afterwards.
My Mum had twin miscarriages before me, she cried watching this and wants you to know you're in her prayers x
Please tell her to pray for me too can you?.. I lost my baby boy at 29 weeks pregnant after a fertility treatment..Im torn...mine was more than half a pregnancy we werent expecting this
@@arieswife8926 i will :)
This is so awful. I'm so sorry for your loss Erin. 😔
@@cam-yt1wy thank you 🙂 that means a lot im heartbroken right now and angry because it was suppose to be 'my time' to have a baby...thank you xxxxx
My soul is hurting for you, Erin. I am so sorry you had to go through this. You are seriously such a genuine and kind human. You and yours are in my prayers.
As a teenage girl who plans to have children one day, I’m upset that they don’t teach us about this at school. They don’t teach us *anything* about miscarriages in health class. They really need to prepare young girls for what could be a a heartbreaking future. My heart hurts for you and I hope that you and your husband have a happy future! ❤️
The thing is that when you don't think it can happen to you and then it does. My baby would have been a year this August and it is one of the most upsetting things I have ever been through. I have so much more anxiety over the thought of the next time we try knowing that it has happened once. I miscarried several days after I was told there was no heartbeat while traveling to see my father (who had just had a lung transplant). It's easier these days to be happy for others who are pregnant but I still cry.
@@jpalmer9902 I struggle to be happy for others some times. I miscarried a few weeks ago and we are hurting so bad. And in that time have found out 3 friends are pregnant, 2 family members have had their babies and my MIL and my sister both literally asked me while I was miscarrying when we are having kids. 😢 I will never ever ask another woman if she plans on having/when after that. I always avoided the question but now, I understand what a painful question it is!
@@jordannahgalea9506 it's ok to have those feelings! I wish we never had to experience miscarriages. I wish it on no one. 😔
Jordannah Galea , that’s okay. My heart hurts so much for you. I will be praying for you. When I was 5-7 years old my mother had 2 miscarriages, a stillborn girl, and miscarried triplets over the course of 18-24 months. I had 3 brothers, and have always longed for a sister. My mother struggled for 2 years with bitterness and depression. Don’t ever let someone tell you to stop grieving, or that things should be better by now. Things do get better, but with most things, good or bad, you are never the same. My mother also had a miscarriage between me and my older brother, and I struggled with the idea that I only existed because of my brother who died in my mother’s womb instead of living full term in my place. When I was 12, and now had 5 brothers, my mother had a pregnancy where my brother had a terminal condition, and might not live full term. It was the most bittersweet 4 months from when we knew to when Dominic Judah was stillborn. 13 months later, my little brother with Downs was born, and it has been such a blessing to have him, alive. He turned 6 years old yesterday, and they have not been easy or what we expected. 3 years ago my mother had one more miscarriage. I thought for sure that this was going to be the sister I had always prayed for, and would only shed happy tears of joy over. I don’t want to say I know what you’re going through, but I’ve lived a lot of my life in support of someone who has experienced the heart wrenching sorrow that comes with just one miscarriage. I hope that my story, and my mother’s story, has been a comfort, and not added any pain. Know you are not alone. I still struggle with emotions from when I was 6 years old, and I’m not even the mother. Please seek the grace of the Lord. He has experienced the loss of a child, and He walks this path of sorrow and grief with you. I will be praying for you. 💙
I totally agree. Nor they talk about infertility etc.
I’ve had 8 miscarriages. I miscarried alone, at home, every time. No one tells you how utterly painful and terrifying it is. No one explains the bleeding, the loneliness, the sadness. I wasn’t prepared for when they happened. I’ll never be prepared for a miscarriage, no one is or will be. We are so, so strong Erin! Never stop trying, never stop believing in yourself. Just trust yourself, trust your body, trust God. We are destined for motherhood, one way or another. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, lovely.
Can I be your friend and give you hugs? :(
Im at a loss for words, I’m so sorry for your losses, you are so damn strong, I’m sending all my love 💕
So sorry for your losses
*hugs tightly*
you are so strong! wish you the best
I’m a 20 year old woman who has never heard someone speak about this. Thank you so much. Keep speaking out for women and diminish trauma for so many
im 22 years old, also a women. i think that it's so incredibly important that we talk about this.
So little is said about miscarrying and the trauma that can come with fertility and pregnancy, I'm so grateful that women like Erin and many others are being incredibly vulnerable to warn us and educate us future hopeful mothers about the hardest emotions that aren't shown in films and tv shows.
Luc nobody has even said that here wtf
@Luc it's different when you want the child.
YES WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS MORE ❤️
I had a total of five miscarriages before having a hysterectomy...the only thing that I ever took much comfort in was the Buddhist idea that babies who are miscarried or stillborn were just souls that had to be loved one last time before nirvana.
That’s so lovely
I’m so sorry you had to go through that, love. Thank you for the very comforting message, I never knew that. It’s a beautiful idea.
This is beautiful and I needed this so much right now. We lost our daughter at 24 weeks plus 3 days last Wednesday and to think that she is now in Nirvana; words cannot describe how healing this is. Thank you for your love.
@@JustMe_Jessi so sorry for your loss. xx
Wow, that’s a beautiful idea. I’ve had 4 miscarriages, and it’s a comforting thought
Hey Erin, we don’t know each other but I just want to send my love and support your way. I know nothing can ever dull the pain of a pregnancy loss, but I’m rooting for you. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s going to help so many women going through the same thing. 💕
Hey Sierra! Thank you for this. A subscriber told me that you also went through something similar recently and I just want to send you a virtual hug. It’s a deep sorrow but I have hope we’re going to have our rainbow babies!
you two are such powerful, wonderful, amazing women. I'm wishing all the best for both of you.
Finding Erin's and Sierra's channels this year has helped me in so many ways! You are both incredible and I love following your channels. I had my 2nd miscarriage in March and it feels like I was guided to you because you have brought me comfort as we go through this together. I appreciate you sharing your stories so much!!! My love and prayers go to you both❤❤❤❤
My 2 favorite people i literally cried watching you guys I'm so sorry 😰😰
Jesus Christ. I am so sorry, I can’t imagine.
No need to take His name in vain
Catie Dobbs shut up
@@catiedobbs3254 not the place you debate religious choices
When u say you miscarried, don’t ever think it’s your fault. This is such a hard thing to go through and you are so amazingly strong to have to deal with this❤️ stay strong
LuisIsGaming A wtf?
LuisIsGaming A read the room...
@@everythingwithluis1665 i-
Also my favorite pizza is peppers, mushroom, and black olives
This is gut-wrenching. You are such a strong woman. The son or daughter you'll have eventually will be very lucky to have you as a mama.
I did not have a miscarriage, however, my son passed away three days after birth and it was the most difficult and agonizing thing I have ever been through. Each year, it gets easier. We love you and you’re such a strong woman. Keep your head up.
💕💕
I feel like this is worse then misscarage cause you have to go through the whole process and even hold him and then he’s gone 💖
Scott Perkins let’s not compare.
Soph Haugh i understand where you’re coming from but a stillbirth is definitely more difficult to experience. there’s no question & you can compare the two because they’re the same thing but with one you lose a fetus & the other you lose a fully grown baby that you’ve spent 9 months carrying & connecting to. both are very sad though.
You're so strong, I'm proud you got through that
You are so strong. This is going to help so many women.
How can people dislike this video. I can’t imagine why 😔
The dislikes are from youtube bots to balance the TH-cam algorithm, for every certain amount if likes theres a certain amount of dislikes
Could it be "I dislike this situation"? I didn't hit "dislike but I feel bad hitting "like", I'm so sad she had to go through this...
Zzmora that’s what I was thinking, people don’t use the dislike button for the same reason, it could be like they dislike seeing her cry to
Exaggeration at its best.
Thank you @Venus JCM For pointing out the dislikes. After reading your comment I looked to see how many there were. I had started to watch this a couple days ago and had clicked the like button as I do on all Erin's Videos, well today I'm seeing that I disliked it. Im not sure if TH-cam changed it or if I'm just an idiot and hit it by accident. Either way I changed it back. To anyone reading this, yall might want to check yours
Sending lots of love and prayers Erin. There’s so many of us here with you.
My mom had two miscarriages, that's why they adopted my siblings and I. Every year she says "oh they would be this old this year" and it hurts me every time. She says "I miss them, I wish they were here, but then I wouldn't have y'all" She is the strongest person I know.
I can't even imagine the pain you're going through. Big hugs to you.
I can’t imagine this pain. My best friend had many miscarriages and she just had her rainbow baby girl in October. Praying for you and Matt. God has a plan for you and he’s working for your family. ❤️
Anyone else sat crying because I feel for you and can’t imagine your pain
Same
as much as this hurts, don’t give up. you WILL have the baby you’ve always dreamt of. i am so sorry.
When you said you could have 15 children and you will never get over it, I felt that. I lost my first baby too. It was a little boy. It’s been almost five years and I still cry.. sending love your way❤️
It will be 20 years in August for me since I miscarried, and I'm sitting here watching this and can still feel every single emotion I felt then. 💔 In fact, my sister had just gone through a horrible miscarriage the year before and bled so much that she almost required a transfusion. Just watching her go through the horror of that loss plus the awful medical side of it, when my OBGYN offered me the choice of letting nature take its course or to have a D&C, I opted immediately for a D&C.
Sending you so many hugs, Erin. So many hugs. I am so sorry.
My mom lost 23 kids as miscarriages or false positives it’s sad :(
Sending love your way Maddie❤
You don't "get over" losing a child honey. You move forward with that grief. God is with you and Matt. As a fellow "missed miscarriage" survivor, I too am #withyou. Hugs and prayers from Greenville,NC.
This makes me wish our medical system wasn't so broken. Women shouldn't have to go to their homes to deal with something that is such a traumatic experience without the assistance of medical professionals. I am so, so sorry Erin.
Especially because this traumatic experience in your own home can make it not feel like your home anymore or like a safe space...
Some situations you can't help but do it at home. I understand were in a pandemic, but in my situation which was extremely similar to Erin's, my doctor gave me no choice but to have a D&C, in the hospital with the medical professionals, so that they made sure all the tissue was gone, and so they could test it to see why we lost the baby in the first place.
I'm not a medical professional, but my heart breaks so much more for Erin that she had to deal with this at home. I know we're in a pandemic which plays into it all, but, my heart is just so broken for her. I know the pain firsthand, I've lost 3 babies and still haven't had a viable pregnancy. Its the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.
Its what's best and safest thats why its offered. Then physicians go down the list to riskiest. Its best to let your body to try. That being said not everyone the same some prefer to be sent home and left to do it in private others want care thru the whole process. With covoid its has made things very hard and risky. They are trying to avoid huge risk to patients.
@@9021kayla I'm not sure as to what the regulations in Erin's city are, but abortion clinics in my area have also stated that unfortunately, medical abortions must be conducted at home, over the phone with a physician due to COVID-19 restrictions. Our hospitals simply can't risk patient and worker health by conducting a procedure that can safely be administered at home. I can't imagine what that'd be like, but unfortunately, this is part of the side-effect of living through the pandemic. Access to abortions in general during COVID-19 has been even more difficult than normal given social distancing restrictions.
But also in foreign countries they don’t even have the medicine to help and most people don’t even have the money to get the medicine or surgery
I got pregnant with triplets during my sophomore year of high school. I lost two of my baby boys during my second trimester. When I went into labor my doctor said that it was two early. My third baby boy passed away 30 minutes after he was born. RIP, Hunter Jonah, Thomas Allen, and Samuel Robert.
My heart goes out to you Erin and Matt. Also to all the moms, dads, grandparents, siblings and families that have lost like this. I pray for all the children’s souls who have left us to soon.
I pray for you 🙏
You are truly an example. Such a brave woman and are so very strong.
I know you may not want to hear a bunch of “i’m sorry’s”. i understand that can be overwhelming and at times, even annoying. i am not going to sit here and act like i know your and your husbands pain. i do, however, want to send my sympathy and prayers to you. you are so incredibly brave Mrs. Erin!! brave for sharing your story, brave for putting it on the internet, and brave for pushing through. your darkest days will always be outshined by your brightest. you are strong. you are beautiful. and you can and will get through this pain. you have to open yourself up to it and let it in. with time it will be easier to think and talk about it. and then once you finally feel you can breathe, god will bless you again. i love and respect you so much.
I’m 17 and ofc not ready for children, but I bawled my eyes out the whole time. It’s so crazy how the most beautiful souls can go through the worst experiences. I’m so sorry.
Also- screw the content take the time away that you personally need. If you’re broken and feeling down don’t try to force happy content. I’m sure your subs can understand completely
I related to this so much. Saying sorry isn’t ever enough. I was diagnosed with endometriosis at 21. Found out I was pregnant at 24 & miscarried at 8 weeks & 5 days. I lost myself for a while because I didn’t have a great support system like you have. My endometriosis doctor said that at least we knew I could actually get pregnant & that was half the battle. I found out I was pregnant & had a healthy baby boy Nov 19, 2018. God has a plan for you, Erin. You may not understand it now but He is going to bless you abundantly! Lots of prayers for peace & blessings for you.
My mum was told she couldn’t have children completely. She was going through it all with a gynaecologist every few months to see if anything changed. She was having so many symptoms of pregnancy, but had periods and all pregnancy tests were negative. 7 months later, I arrived. She got standard (not really heavy) periods all the way throughout too, which is weird!!
Congratulations on your little one, makes me hopeful as I have endometriosis. I feel if I get to a healthy weight & treat my body well. One day I’ll have the chance 💓
The ones who disliked this were crying so much they didn’t know which button was the thumbs up.
“The baby is just not ready，he/she will be back to you soon.” That's what we said when a woman miscarried her baby. I am so sorry for your lost. 😢
That’s beautiful, reading that made me instantly tear up.
But the next one will be a totally different egg and a totally different fetus....
That sounds like a horrible thing to say to me. he/she will be back to you soon. No, they're not. They're not. Never.
I love your thoughtful intentions and I know your intentions are good, but this would have crushed my mom if someone said that. I would be the oldest child now of three, my brother and sister made into their late second/early third trimester. She was still young enough to have children, but that pain is hard to get past. She had to go through full childbirth with both. Like I said, I know your intentions are good, and honestly there’s never really a great option on what to say to someone in situations like these. But I only felt a fraction of the emotional pain that she did, and it still hurts so much.
@@haileyisim but it could be the same soul, as someone who has had a miscarriage sometimes its little thoughts like this one that keep you going and keep your faith
Stay strong Erin, my mother had 4 miscarriages before she had my brother and the me. She made it through and I am so blessed to have her as my mum. You can make it through this, ill keep you and your family in my prayers x
Things will get better. We’re all here for you. Sending love.
i’m currently going through this and dealing with it all alone. you are my voice,thank you.
i’m so sorry. This is such a hard thing for any women to go through. You are so strong! Praying for your strength.
You’ll get through this ❤️
You're in my prayers ❤️ you are not alone!
I am with you 💕
You're not alone love. We're here for you❤
I have PCOS and went through this recently myself. I found out in early February at my 20 week checkup that my baby had passed away 4 weeks prior at the start of January, nothing prepares you for going to your 20 week checkup to be told your baby had died a month before. I ended up having to go into induced labor which lasted almost 2 days. Nothing prepares you for the feeling that you get when the baby passes... that instant reality hit kicks you right in the guts in a way nothing else can... to make matters worse, decay had started to set in so my child was discoloured and parts were swolen that shouldn't have been, the sheer level of pain I felt at seeing what had happened to my child I will never forget as long as I live. I ended up having to also go in for surgery because the placenta didn't detatch from the wall and it took me almost 2 months to stop bleeding after it was all finished. We had an autopsy performed to find out what the cause of the miscarriage was and there was nothing physically or chromosomally wrong with the baby but I was under a lot of extreme emotional stress at the time, which more than likely ended up being the cause of the late miscarriage (15-16 weeks) according to my doctor.
My due date was actually supposed to be at the end of this month and today I wrote a poem to help me deal with the emotions of loss i'm feeling right now, writing this helped me process some of my emotions (I actually wrote this less than an hour before I came across your video) and I hope it can help you process some of your emotions as well.
The winter winds blow hard and cold,
Bring with it it's frozen embrace,
The warmth from you I will never hold,
Forever and ever the case.
I feel so lost, hollow and broken,
As though I have shattered inside,
Missing the words that will never been spoken,
Always searching for a way to hide.
To hide from the pain that tears me apart
The wound only a mother knows
The pain that comes from a broken heart
Try as I may It still grows.
Another day the darkness creeps in,
The pain so intense that it burns,
Another fight I don't know I can win,
The heart of a mother that yearns.
The breath from my lungs freezes mid breath,
At the thought of you not being here,
Of you being taken by death,
The loss, the pain and the fear.
But as each hardship, each battle, each race,
Has a beginning, a middle, an end,
All things pass with time and with space,
For life must go on in the end.
The stars in the sky now hold you close now my love,
Keeping you safe and warm,
Letting your spirit soar high like a dove,
Safe from the pain and the storm.
Forever my child, my love and my life,
Forever come Hell or high water,
Forever a part of my very own soul,
Forever my darling, my daughter.
this was more than beautiful
Thank you for this❤️🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 17 weeks last December. Our babies are our guardian angels👼
I cried. This is beautiful. God bless you ♥
This poem is so beautiful. I’m not very familiar with poems but this hit me so fricking hard🥺 I don’t know half of how ur feeling. But I hope u will be strong and push through! Life has its ups and downs and that I know for sure. As long as u keep pushing on I’m sure u will feel better. Maybe not 100% better or even 80% better. But u will be stronger as a women who’s gone through something sooooo difficult. I look up to people like u because ur someone who can still live the most of ur life even when something so traumatising happened to u. It gives me inspiration to live my best life even when things go downhill. Stay safe and may God keep u happy👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼☺️☺️
I have PCOS too I'm just 19 and I hope that I will be lucky enough to never experience something like this. You are so strong and I'm sure that you will get to give all your love and affection to your beautiful child one day❤❤
I can’t even imagine the pain you feel. You guys were so excited 😭
My mom miscarried after me and went on to have three more children. She said that she got through it by thinking God decided the child wasn’t ready for this world just yet. Not sure if your religious but I thought I’d share ❤️
My sister has PCOS, and was unable to have a baby for 10 years. She just had her second baby! It gets better, have hope! I am sending you prayer and love!
I’m so incredibly sorry, not only for your loss, but for everything you went through while also experiencing your loss. 💔
Hi Erin... went through something similar at 20 weeks pregnant, it was a little girl... 30 years ago! It’ll get better, I promise. But it’s true that it will never leave you. Allow yourself time to grieve and talk about your experience and your pain. You are going through a traumatic time in your life and you cannot act as if everything is normal. BUT this does not define you... you will get through this and you will be able to enjoy life again. Just give yourself some time, you need it.
Erin, I’m so sorry y’all have had to go though that kind of loss.
My mom had a miscarriage and when I asked her how she got through it she said that she would keep telling herself that, "God didn't realize how much he needed this angel in heaven and had to take them back."
This is the most honest thing I've ever seen. Bless you and your husband 💛
Miscarrying is my biggest fear. I'm 11 weeks, and I get scared every time I feel slightly different. Hearing that heartbeat was the most amazing feeling and I'm scared itll be the only time.
:( I didnt feel safe until I heard my baby cry the first time, even though ultrasounds went fine. It was hard to explain my fear, and I felt people wouldn't understand. I pray you have a safe and healthy pregnancy and congratulations!
Pregnancy really is such a scary time. I developed high blood pressure in my 3rd trimester and worried everyday for his safety. The moment he came out I cried of happiness because I felt like “we made it” and I finally got to hold him.
I'm almost 12 weeks and I have the same fear. We just had and ultrasound a couple days ago and baby was moving like crazy so I feel good about it but it can all change so quickly and that is so dang scary! Hoping you have a healthy pregnancy! And Erin I am so so sorry for your loss. Sending you healing vibes
Breanna Head noooo😞 sending you positive vibes. If I were you I wouldn’t watch this kinda stuff.
I’m 10 weeks have the same fear.
Oh my days, Erin. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. That anyone has to go through this breaks my heart. I hope you can feel the love and the prayers that people are offering up for you and your husband right now. There is nothing but love and God that can take this pain, and even then, it might not all go away. I hope you find comfort and peace and that your rainbow baby comes and helps heal your heart.
3yrs since this upload, but even now in 2024 - I love you..I've been extremely depressed and admittedly at times suicidal recently. Rewatching old beauty trippin' episodes the last few weeks has brought a smile back to my face, where, it had for so long been absent
The loss of a child at anytime is unimaginable. My daughter passed in my arms at 6 days old. I feel your pain and you are not alone. God bless you.
❤️ I am so sorry.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💓 hugs your way
I don’t know what else to say other than I’m so so sorry for your loss, I’m sending all my love, god bless. 💕
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, I’m so sorry for you loss ❤️
Autumn Vollberg
I’m so sorrry you had to through that. I hope you’re alright now 💓🥺
I saw a comment once where they said “a wife loses a husband and she’s called a widow, a husband loses a wife and he’s called a widower. A child loses a parent and their called an orphan, but when a parent loses a child, there is no name for them. You know why? Because no one can describe the feelings, emotions, or pain of losing a child through one word” that comment always stuck with me since I’ve seen it. The loss of a child in anyway is unbearable, i just know you will get a chance to see that beautiful baby and give them all the love you have. Maybe not in this time, but definitely the next.
Erin I had 2 miscarriages in 2019. You can get through this. It is also an amazing sign you are willing and able to talk about this openly it helps in the healing.
I’m so sorry!
Awwwww I'm sorry xx😢😭❤️♥️
I had one too and yes, it will be better. It sucks SO MUCH. But talking about helped me too.
Psychodoll I’m so sorry 🥺😩❤️
My husband has wiped my butt. He's seen everything there is to see about me. Blood, tears (both), sweat, vomit and poop. You'll get there one day...keep trying for your miracle baby.
Same with my husband. And me with him. We’ve seen each other at our absolute lowest and sickest and we’re still here, strong as ever.
Erin, I went through the exact same thing in June of 2019. It’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to NOT be ok, it’s ok to not be strong, it’s ok to angry as hell. Time WILL heal you, time WILL help. For me talking about it openly with friends and family and having this amazing support system around helped so much. Now 1 year later, it is still sad and it’s still gets me crying. But you will have good days and bad. Keep your chin up you ARE amazing you ARE good enough.
It's ok not to be ok! Thanks for sharing your experience and take a break if you need it. Please.
Stay Strong Erin during this difficult time
My mom had a miscarriage before me and it’s almost been 19 years and it still hurts and even tho I wasn’t born yet it hurts knowing I would’ve had an older sibling but it’s ok god is up there playing with ur baby and taking care of the baby til u are up there with them
me too :(
Please stay strong even though u don't have your baby💞
He was never born thus no soul.
My mom miscarried twins before I was born and another years earlier before I was a thought.
I have never been pregnant or have had a miscarrage and I'm only 13 but my mum had miscarried a few times before I was born but all I can say is thank you for putting up this video and I thank god everyday that I can grow up in a world with women as strong as you. Thank you. You are in my prayers. Thank you
When you said "I'll never forget my baby" that hit me. My mom for years told me about the babies she miscarried before and after me. I never too much about it.
I am so sorry.
This is so brutal I can't even imagine. I knew miscarriages were traumatic but I had no idea they could be like this. I'm so sorry Erin
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I had a miscarriage in May of 2019, and it was so incredibly hard and painful, it was also my first pregnancy. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant with my second pregnancy. When I did the math, we had actually conceived the day before my first pregnancy’s due date.
My heart is breaking for you, but you are strong, and great things are coming your way.
💕💕💕🙏🙏🐬🐋🌞🌻 I bless you. God does too.
S S Thank you. 💕
We lost our first baby on Father’s Day... it’s been unimaginable and it’s still so new and painful... I’m still physically going through it. I had to force it, I had to take the pills and wait and wait and wait... I’m so sorry you had to go through this... it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Thank you for speaking up and sharing your story
I read that title and screamed “noooooooo”
me too
I know right😔
Noooooooo 💔
Omg same
Same
Erin you're not alone. We're here for you and we love you. Through this storm you will get your rainbow. I am 1 in 4, sharing your story does help others. I lost my first son at 35wks pregnant then had a healthy baby the following year and between 2008 and 2015 I had 16 early miscarriages and in 2016 I had a missed miscarriage (babys heart was gone at 7to10 weeks and carried and physically had my miscarriage at 12 weeks) then finally in 2017 I got pregnant with our fourth child and had our second rainbow baby. I Am 1 in 4 my journey has been hard and emotionally draining. I have a strong feeling in my heart you will have your rainbow baby soon Erin. I LOVE YOU ERIN. My heart is with you and Matt..
With love and positive thoughts from New Mexico ❣
Wow, you are so brave to keep trying. Im hoping that Erin will see your comment
@@jennalgreer thank you, so do I. I'd like be apart of her support through this hard time and help keep a positive impact for her and Matt.
This is so gut wrenching and so sad. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through something so traumatic. I’ve never experienced that or had anyone I know go through something like this, so on that basis, thank you so much for sharing your experience and information on this. You’re so right in that women are never told about the specifics of what this experience is like and what you see and feel. So thank you for this video and videos in the future on this issue for sharing information so that it will be less of a blow and mystery of this does happen to someone after watching your videos. No one talks about this issue as it’s so sensitive, but it kind of also works against everyone because it’s such a mystery as to what really happens so it can be a struggle to feel like you don’t know what the hell is going on with your own body and knowledge is always power.
I’m so sorry for your loss. We just lost our son. It’s been terrible. I just cry and cry and cry. No one and nothing prepares you…. Thinking of you
My heart goes out to you. I've had infertility issues and many miscarriages. I was certainly not prepared. A lot of women have infertility and miscarriage/infant loss. thank you for being brave enough to come forward. It's such a hard thing to talk about and experience. Wishing you well. I hope you heal as quickly as you can and mourn your baby in your own time. Also hopeful that when you are both ready, that you carry your rainbow baby easily and without complications. Im so sorry. I'm so heartbroken for you both.
@Cristiana Gomes thank you. It never goes away but it does get easier to cope with.
It won't bring any solace to anyone who reads this and I know that, but I've finally carried my rainbow baby to term. Don't give up, mourning parents. Itll happen for you. You're still mothers and fathers and your emotions are valid.
I`ve lost 2 and its still heart breaking. I`m sorry for your losses as well.
@@konekotakashi414 thank you. Wishing the best for you and that you heal as much as you can. I know how it feels and I'm sorry for your losses too. In you're own time, I hope you find peace and get your own rainbow baby.
As a mommy of 4 Angel's. I hate that you're a member of this club. Be strong and know that you're not alone. There are many of us out here and if you need an extra shoulder to cry on we're here for you.
I read the title and cried for you.. your online presence has made me feel like I know you personally. Then you talked about that pill, that one stupid pill. You have to take it to end an unsuccessful pregancy or start an abortion. The pain both physically and emotionally is indescribable... no matter what situation you're in. Just know you are in my heart, you are not alone ❤ I have been there.
me and my husband were so excited for our first child, one night i had a feeling something was wrong, i made him rush me to the hospital, they ran all types of tests, did an ultrasound, and ended up telling us that the baby was healthy and there’s no sign of nothing being wrong, the next day i ended up miscarrying, nothing can ever prepare you for the emotional and physical pain you endure, healing is so challenging.
I also had a medical miscarriage at 23 weeks pregnant. My baby girl had a rare defect called anencephaly, underdeveloped brain and an incomplete skull. She had zero chance for surviving outside the womb. Then my own health started to deteriorate, so I made the hard choice give birth at 23 weeks. It was very emotional and made a scar on my heart.
Im so sorry you had to go through that. You’re so strong
Sending love, Erin. I'm so sorry. And that doesn't even touch it.
I’m sorry for your loss just isn’t enough. Take care of yourself.
I am so sorry. My niece passed away at 34 weeks due to a rare brain condition, my sister in law had to have a medically forced miscarriage as well. When I saw the way your sister reacted it made me cry because I reacted the exact same way but then being told that my sister in law lost the baby broke my heart and I was sick with grief. There isn’t even a word to describe a pain like this. Stay strong and know your baby will always be with you.
Ugh I read the title and immediately said "oh no 😭".
I'm so sorry Erin. We all love you.
My sister miscarried her first baby and lost her second baby yesterday. She was 20 weeks along and went into labor. His heart beat for 45 minutes before he went to heaven. His funeral is Friday.
This video really helped me understand a little of what she has gone through. Thank you 💙
Does anyone have any tips for how to comfort her and her husband? 🙏
SprinkleSmiles first off i am so so sorry this happened to her i’m sending her, you, and the family love. i would just let them both know that you’re here for them and if they need anything you’ll help out. maybe surprise them with a basket of their favorite snacks and a game for them to play or something! i hope this helps 💕
😔
I'm 23 weeks pregnant and im so heart broken for you. I cannot imagine going through this and I fear these things every day. I've had an ectopic and as much as yes it was a loss I knew from the first appointment. I cannot imagine.
Having an ectopic pregnancy is just as heart breaking as a miscarriage. I had an ectopic pregnancy also, which was horrible knowing the baby was healthy but i couldn't carry it. Also the pain that goes with the ectopic. 😔
Also I'm 24 weeks pregnant now also. 🙂
@@KG-kk3ef I had no pain until it was being removed. . It was a freak thing. Long story. I just didn't have a chance to feel a connection with the ectopic as much as with my other 2 pregnancies. That's just my opinion though
@@KG-kk3ef and ill be 24 weeks tomorrow! Congrats!!
My first and only pregnancy was a ruptured ectopic. It was the most painful thing Ive ever gone through. I will never forget it.
I also had a missed miscarriage with my first after over a year of trying and when it ended it was one of the hardest part thing I’ve ever gone through. I still find Comfort in talking about my loss with people
This was so hard to watch, can't even imagine how hard it must have been for you. I was bawling my eyes out
I wasn’t going to watch this, but I forced myself.
I went through that horrible pain all on my own while having to be quiet because there were people in my home that didn’t know about it. It was excruciating, both physically and emotionally. Everything you said, vomit, blood, I have never had to focus more in my life.
I went to to therapy afterwards because I knew I had just been traumatized. It has been 3 years and you’re right, the emotional pain doesn’t go away, but it does become bearable. No one around me (that I’ve opened up to) has been through it so thank you for sharing your story.
Take care of yourself, give yourself permission to grieve, remember that Matt’s experience is different than yours, neither worse nor better. Learn to be comfortable in the uncomfortableness by walking through it, instead of away from it. And validate the life you carried.
Mine has a name and a birthday (due date) and passing day and photos and I acknowledge all of those things accordingly. Today, as odd as it may seem even to me, I feel more love than I do pain.
You both are so strong 🤍
Wow, this hit home like a lot. I too lost a child three years back to a miscarriage it didn’t happen in any worldwide pandemic, but I’m just my immediate family my life was falling apart. The same weekend of my miscarriage I caught my at the time fiancé with another woman in our house and so I was struggling there and then also my parents told the family they were getting divorced. I was utterly alone in a sense. I had no one to turn to and went through it myself. Alone. It was the darkest point in my life feeling the loss of something you have waited your life to be able to do. And then for your body to reject the child growing inside you on top of being rejected by someone you planned to spend forever with. And then not being able to turn to your family because of feeling guilty and hurt and so much more. God got me through a spot in my life that I will never forget. I miss my child every day and I alone celebrate that he is in heaven and 100% ok.
Erin I will tell you the pain and ache in your heart doesn’t go away. The wondering and thoughts of where life would be if they were here doesn’t go away, but it does get easier. Easier to think about the journey you had and the wonderings of cute toes and soft skin. Next month my angel son will be 3yrs old. And although he can’t be here to celebrate. I celebrate it for him. on his would be birthday I send one single balloon up to him with a note written on it. Just so he knows I’m here and His mommy loves him very much.
❤️
I’m so sorry, you are so strong for battling through it all and pulling yourself together, I hope in the future things will be better for you, wishing you a great and happy life❤️
I just had a missed miscarriage in May. I had to have the D and C procedure done at a surgical center and they couldn't get me to stop bleeding and had to have me transferred to the ER at the hospital across the street where I had to have a blood transfusion and another procedure done to get my body to start clotting on its own. This was my first pregnancy. It was a miracle pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story. Know that you are not alone, 1 in 4 women suffer from miscarriages and not many people speak up about it.
This hurts every fiber of my being and I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. God speed, beautiful. One day everything will fall into place I think.
I miscarried two weeks ago... I am heart broken. I keep finding myself rubbing my tummy and when I remember theres nothing there anymore the pit in my heart gets bigger 😞
I'm sorry for your loss x
I’m so sorry that you had to go through this, no one deserves to go through this pain. My heart goes out to you.
Wheb I saw the title I started tearing up and then when she started talking I lost it!
The hymn "It is Well With My Soul" spoke to me so much after both of my miscarriages. So sorry for the many women that go through miscarriages. Giving yourself time to grieve is so very important.
My heart goes out to you and Matt, having to go through this. My husband and I lost two babies and then became infertile. Even now 14 and 13 yrs later, the pain and trauma stays with us. You are correct , it is something you will never forget. I feel so sad at special occasions, no first of anything, birthdays, school, walking , talking, teeth, smiles , laughs, “ mummy, daddy”. The whole future you had already started planning out is suddenly gone. We named out babies, even though they were too little to find out who they were. This was so helpful and special for us.
Always loved and and so wanted, Angelo and Olivia. 💖💖
Erin I’m so sorry. I lost my baby sister when I was young and I can’t imagine how you as a mother must feel.
My missed miscarriage 9 years ago sounds almost identical to yours. I got the same excitement of my pregnancy, got gifts and furniture from family and friends then had to find out my baby wasn’t living and body didn’t want to let it go to remove it. I was also told if I didn’t get it out it could be very dangerous. I had a D&C and went through a lot of emotional, physical and spiritual pain like you did. I am glad you are willing to talk about your story and help other women feel they are not alone. I am hoping you and your husband may indeed have a full-term pregnancy soon. I am still waiting for mine. 🙂
I've never been pregnant, never had to go through this. But my heart is aching for you. I've never cried this hard during a video
I'm wishing you strength. You are already so, so strong. But strength through the grieving. Thank you for talking about this, for being open and honest. Thank you, bless you.
Lord, I ask that you comfort Erin and Matt in this time. I ask you to show them with your love and your peace that their baby is with you in paradise and that their angel baby will look over their family forever; That one day after they've lived out your plan for them here, that they will be somewhere greater than we can ever imagine and will spend eternity with their little one. Lord please keep reminding them that you have a plan for their pain; a plan for renewed joy that they may struggle to see. Please help them to lean into you and to each other through this and to feel the love and support of their friends and family to help carry them through. I pray for healing for Erin's body and for the strength and courage to pour love into another potential blessing of a child when she is ready, if that is what she decides and in whatever beautiful way you have planned for her family to grow. Lord, please help to ease Erin's current and future anxieties, fill her with hope over fear and help her to feel whole and perfect in your image. Please heal her heart and mind from this traumatic experience and lead her to those that are going to help along the way. Please help Matt to be able to comfort her as he feels his own pain, help them to process together and lean on eachother and on you. Lord, Erin has such a big heart and is strong and has such a great man in her life and a beautiful family. Remind her of this every day and revitalize her soul.
My heart hurts for you both so much and I am praying for you and Matt.
Thank you for that prayer even tho it was meant for Erin and her husband it has really made me feel ok. Still sad but ok.
❤️❤️❤️
@@kazzrios4438 it is absolutely meant for and meant to be seen by anyone who it can help
I miscarried two days before my wedding. It's the worst pain imaginable knowing your baby is gone. We're here for you girl
Me too, the day before my wedding, I was bleeding on the day and nearly didn’t make it down the aisle 💔
im sorry
I’m so sorry. You are so strong
Please take time for yourself and try not to worry too much about work. We will all be here when you get back. Grieve and heal properly Erin. We love you
My sister gave birth to a gorgeous sleeping boy at 34 weeks in November. The pain & loss that I as an auntie felt for the loss of my beautiful nephew was so immense & overwhelming. I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a child at any stage of pregnancy & life. It was so difficult to see the pain that both my sister & my brother in law were feeling. Any mother & father who have lost a child are always in my thoughts. My heart goes out to you & your husband.
I can’t imagine the pain you and other woman who have miscarried feel. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy and my biggest fear is if I ever become pregnant is to miscarry.
I went through something very similar. I was a day shy of 10 weeks when I lost my sweet baby April 11th 2020. I ended up hemorrhaging during the miscarriage and had to be brought to the hospital. Had to be there alone due to Covid. Thankfully everything passed so I didn't need surgery. My heart is with you. My heart is aching for you. We will always remember our sweet littles❤
I'm so sorry you had to be alone while that was happening ❤
I am so sorry to hear that and to not able to have a support system with you must be so so hard.
Sending you thoughts and prayers and I hope that you know that you are cared for and that this is not your fault! X
As an 18 year old, hoping to have children one day, I can feel your pain for you and I emphasize with you. I couldn't even imagine how traumatic that would have been, not knowing anything. I am truly sorry for what you went through. I watched your videos when you got the surgery so to watch this one too, I feel for you. You and your husband deserve the world. Thank you for sharing your story, it will help so many. Keep your head up ❤️
I can’t imagine how incredibly hard it was for you to create this video. The revisiting of those video clips and feelings, I’m so so sorry.
Ive never commented on anyones youtube video before but watching this just made me say, hang in there. My heart goes out to you. Something beautiful will come out of this. So much love
I am a male & not a father i am 27 i have observed in my years of life and hearing about miscarriages to be a WOMEN IS TUFF
I applaud 👏 every one of you
You're body will have its moments i may not understand you're bodies but in no matter is this you're fault. Its like nature and our earth sometimes things grow with full of life and sadly some things 😔 dont but you never give up hope
Sorry for the random rant just touching 😢
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's going to be okay. And if you don't feel like posting videos take a break. Take anything you need.
i just had a miscarriage of my first baby a month ago on May 5. I was 8 weeks prego when I miscarried.
It was very traumatizing. I had to sit in the toilet and basically push the baby out from me. it was so painful and so sad knowing I had to do that alone. We have been trying as well for the past year and was so happy to get prego. Ive turned to God and friends for comfort since it was all new to me. I just got the ok and that I was able to pass the baby out naturally. We will be trying again. Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Sending you virtual hugs. You're a strong woman, Erin even when this makes you feel weak.
I lost my daughter at 19 weeks 2 years ago this month. It feels like nobody could understand. It’s not something you move on from. You just live with it. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Lots of prayers to you and your family.
ERIN you are in my pfayers. You will haev beautiful intelligent healthy children who will be the light of your and matt's lives. When that happens, you won't even remember this experience, because they'll be your whole world. You're a very strong woman, to have gone through it, and to have shared it with the world. My heart goes out to you and Matt. Stay Strong💗