Thanks to Neil for sharing his wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again TH-cam.com/lewishowes
Now European scientists in Sweden or somewhere found out that Artificial intelligence, is not very intelligent it puts together wrong information about humans, all kinds of inaccurate information about humans and it looks like a strange mixture "mambo jumbo" nonsense or like some strange caricature of information. ....But they found pout AI has very strong "convincing" power. They found out that Artificial intelligence is able to convince people about "it´s own" truth by 82 percent. So be careful what you read on internet and dont take it seriously, if some channel or article say to you some nonsense, it may be also result of AI "convincing" powers and strategies. Especially dont give these informations to little children or to teenagers who dont understand life and who need positive example.
When my husband cheated, he always gave himself away. He told me about the person for a start.. one was south American and he started learning Spanish.. saying she'd offered to help and do a language exchange. 😅 They usually tell you about the person but create plausibility for them.
@@VivienReactsI'm not trying to be critical, at all. But I agree with the addiction thing being nebulous. Would you mind, please share your definition of addiction? Is it about the result of the action, like, in your case, damage. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I sympathize. ❤️ Every time I think of addiction, I always go back to Dr. Matés perspective, which changed my own.
@@anoncspan4129 i didn't know he has that gambling addiction until someone came to our house and he said that our house belongs to them bcuz he sold our house behind my back, and I confronted it to him also I called his mom and brother so they can deal with him also, and that time he confessed that he sold our house and cars and he has pile of debts bcuz of gambling that he's been doing for long time 🙈🤷
Not every woman doesn’t want sex during menopause and every woman does not experience post partum depression. Feels like an excuse for bored men to cheat during these times in a woman’s life.
If she /he is sexual and a good love life may be forever if lack is evident. urges are prevalent and evident in behaviour arousement to energy reciprocation within a loving respectful union 💕 or shy. Single
Men need to get more clued up on how women's bodies work. My husband used to work with older married men and he'd listened to their advice. Men may have a job that is extremely stressful and they just want to come home to piece and quiet (within reason if you've got kids). Have grown up conversations instead of screaming at each other.Unfortunately, in the world there's lots of dysfunctional people and trying be in a relationship with these type of people is a recipe for disaster.
Cheat on me and we are done in the spot. The trust is gone and I will never trust you again. Cheating for me is a guaranteed ending to my relationship with me. More power to women who can forgive.. not a chance in hell for me.
@@jmbrown3502a real friend holds friends accountable for their behavior too. Ive had a good friend since highschool, her and her husband recently agreed to an open relationship. Not a good idea in my opinion but her husband agreed, so ok. I found out she was talking to her brother in law, intimately, behind her husbands back.... I hit the roof, told her what she was doing was very wrong and she could either stop talking to him, and tell her husband what happened, or she could kiss our friendship goodbye, because if she kept pursuing this she isnt the person i thought she was! Luckily she made the right decision and stopped talking to her brother in law and told her husband. Who was pissed but is working things out with her.
I let men know up front that if they cheat, I cannot stay. I’m gone. I have not cheated as exposed to temptation as I’ve been. I don’t understand cheating and so I do not accept it!
Infidelity is a dealbreaker. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast The Genetics Of Cheaters --Maken Murphy podcast
"Her" mistakes in my case and yes I am completely devastated but I have healed before and will do it again. I was moving across the pond to change someone's world and my own. Very sad....
Guessing you’re not a millennial. Women cheat more often than men do now. They are enrolling in college at higher rates, getting higher paying jobs, etc so they have more opportunity like men used to. Not to mention the dating apps giving them instant validation and opportunity.
Women usually tolerate it for financial reasons and children. It is so immature for men to think that their need for sex is more important than their wife and their new born. It's very immature and selfish.. A relationship isn't just about sex. When women have children they have to depend on a man financially. Men don't know what having a baby is like or feels like. Some men haven't thought about it yet. Also, some men can't control their basic urges. They probably don't love the woman they are with.
Bingo! What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? People are so selfish and all about their own needs and me me me these days. Crazy.
financial security will always give you the power to make the right choice for you, that's why they take financial freedom away from you...men and women.
Where did you find this guy, Lewis? His life sounds like he swings from one extreme to another. This conversation is difficult to focus on and follow. His voice is also very irritating.He is considered an expert?
To me it sounds better than many other factors that disrupt childhood development. Like not having parents, when your parents are addicts, or having a parent with untreated mental illness.
Thanks for your expert opinion. I wonder how many polyamorous families you have interviewed to conclude your thesis that "it isnt fuctional and healthy for raising children".
Lewis, the pain of deception is partly described as "not knowing." That's the definition of deception. If someone wants to deceive you, they will and you won't know it until the deception is revealed.
Wanting to be a better person, consciously and working at it, is my pre-requisite for any friendship, and most definitely an intimate relationship! No one is perfect, and we all have triggers, so starting a relationship with an agreement that makes both parties feel safe is brilliant!
This guy's not honestly talking about relationships. He will turn with the wind it seems from hearing about his life and choices back and forth. Not worth really listening to him
Flakey narcissist with tons of word salad coming out of his mouth , honestly one of the most basic and immature conversations I’ve ever heard between 2 older men like them - embarrassing
The thing about children raised in polyamorous relationships being healthier is pure nonsense. For starters, the motivation of bashing the nuclear family has always been a theme in academia at least since the Communist Manifesto. In terms of science, polyamorous relationships are scarcer in comparison to monogamous ones. Therefore, you will find all kinds of people in monogamous relationships. The chance to get a more representative sample among the polyamorous ones will be way harder.
I was thinking the same thing. In a study like the one mentioned, you would need a larger sample size to make an adequate comparison. Not to mention the variables that need to be considered such as the relationship/family dynamic such as 1 man with multiple women and vice versa, age differences, sexual orientation of each individual, etc. Pretty obvious the study was lacking, but the fact that they just ran with it as a fact is just sad.
How is having no self-control and boundries, hurting a partners feelings healthy for raising kids? Because that is what polyamory is. Not being adult enough to make a decision, comit to one person and decide each day to love that person, no matter how much temptations there are elsewhere.
No it isn't. It's an admission that anyone can care for more than one person. That's just a fact. Polyamory is an attempt to allow the heart to do what it naturally does.
I agree polyamourous relationship is a response to not being able to establish deep connections. You just can't have that one significant connection with morecthan one. The fact he "has seen" happy families like that give me a hint he has not seen far enough and close enough. Polyamourous relationships are a chaotic life on all levels - emotional and physical and create only harmful, desease-prone future.
I disagree. You can change yourself but it doesn’t mean they ever will and because you have changed, you’re perspective will change and the relationship won’t work. I’m all for growth but if there’s only one person willing to do the work then it will never work out because we’re always evolving and all have different seasons of ourselves.
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson is the book Lewis mentions and everyone should absolutely read it. It changed my life and made so much sense for some of what Ive struggled with.
There are people. I would be upfront in the early dating phase & watch for their sincere commitment to it (through enough time), etc. Be honest with yourself, and be willing to leave if this is a deal breaker. Take care.
He has dabbled in a different type of lifestyle I would not, but I can still appreciate his perspective. I like what he said, if you aren't healthy in one type of relationship you won't be healthy in another. Which says to me it's the integrity of the person....being open and honest, real with self and their partner. And, I can see poly relationships raising healthy children. It takes a village. Traditional homes fail every day. Another great thought provoking conversation.
It's too bad that the dissenting voices are the loudest in this comment section. This interview was insightful and had a lot of gems. Neil has lived a life of curiosity, exploration, and adventure into some things I wouldn't dare step into. He's gained wisdom and shares it through his talents. It's okay to take what you want to and leave the rest. I enjoy his books...even The Game, which was infuriating and informational. Lewis was amazing as always. I enjoyed this session. Thank you!
I 100% percent agree some people in the comments missed out on wonderful enlightment in this conversation because they can not get past their own judgment .
I really appreciated this interview and this perspective.It would be easier if we were all honest with each other in relationships as to what works and what our needs and values are instead of wearing masks.I can't do polyamorous relationships or open relationships and I'm always upfront about it, also loyalty is one one of my highest values because it is about respect.I rather someone walk away then hide behind my back.Own it as things happen and people fall out of love, just don't be the "have my cake and eat it too" kind of person.That is called being a hypocrite.Thanks again, very enlightening 🙏🧡
I love how you made the whole thing exposing through Psychology studies! I already said that the most prevalent personality structure at this point is the narcissistic one!...wow Lewis I wish more ppl would consider doing inner healing work! Much love and light to you....Healing oneself is a very long process taking a long amount of time!
This choice of guests is a surprise for me. I am a big fan of you Lewis, and I always see the good in all your interviews for the past 3 years. This guest is not a good representation of the type of relationship most people strive to have. His values are not good, and I liken this to a criminal teaching people his tricks to help avoid interaction with this kind of a person. No real value to me as a spiritual person looking for growth and guidance in this new world. I could not listen to this for too long, because my time is valuable and can’t waste it. Maybe he was a sex addict before the term was coined.
Agree. I'm an intelligent, educated, well-travelled woman, who interacts conversationally with many people from many different cultures. i am an American who moved to France at age 60. I found it difficult to comprehend much of his responses to the questions Lewis asked. Surprised that Lewis scraped the bottom of the barrel with this guest.
As a general rule, therapy is helpful. That said, it’s not a good idea to go to therapy with a partner who has significant controlling or narcissistic tendencies. You refrain from telling the truth (bc that type of person is easily hurt, and you’ll “pay” for it later - after your therapy session), and that kind of partner tends to easily point out what’s “wrong” with you, that makes them a “victim”. And that type of person can be charming, and very convincing - bc they genuinely only see things from their own perspective. The therapist inadvertently ends up helping the partner with controlling/narcissistic tendencies.
I had a similar experience. All the way home from the therapy session he didnt talk to me. He used his silence as a tool to punish me. I was more broken than when we started. It really didnt help. He blamed me for telling the counsellor stuff that he did and wanted me to not share my experiences. All because those made him look bad. He doesnt hit me physically but he hits me mentally and verbally. Gaslighting and demoralizing me. yup
I loved what Lewis said about not having the intense conversations at night. Not because he wants to avoid the conversation but because he wants to be fully engaged and present for them. Relationship goals!
Thank you so much for this episode. I know this is a super hard conversation to have. When I read the truth by Neil, it changed my life forever. It’s arguably the most important book I’ve ever read in my life because I grew up in a very similar way to him, while obviously different so much of his story and mine related. And when that book 1st came out, I was kind of spiraling and trying to figure out why my life and relationships are such a disaster and then I realize the same thing that he did, and it solidified my need to go on this healing journey. So thank you so much for this episode. It means the world to me just as someone who loves both you guys.🔥
Love what you said about feeling like “the big me can take care of the little me”. I think that is the ultimate goal. Working on that as well. Great interview.
One thing I don't don't know whether Neil recognizes as having been a factor in his own cheating was the fact that he had the ability to do it. A lot of people (both men and women) who have seduced partners in the past will sometimes wonder if they've "still got it". This creates a huge temptation to try to seduce someone new. It's a powerful form of self-validation.
This is why you avoid relationships all together. Live life finding validation, self love for yourself. relationships don’t last. Even Lewis and his fiancée will someday have an expiration date.
Mr. Howes this guy has an opinion but I don't believe healthy believers in Christ Cheat I don't believe everyone cheats. Communication is so important and Christ at the Center is so important. I truly know people that don't cheat and they life shows that. It's work .
Constant discussion sounds as a good recipe. I think it's like a successful business that always gets customer feedback in order to maintain changing customer satisfaction. Feedback is communication and it has to be non-stop and open and honest.
Single is better than a bad relationship. This is from someone who is married with a kid, but I did get lucky as we didn't plan it and U obviously have to just guess if a woman is going to be a good mother and look after the house if U are working, or that a husband is going to still dedicate time to his family after work.
As a Kavkaz & Kazakh lady myself 😂 I'm not really surprised about the Kazakh story because I even heard about dating agencies in Eastern Europe that are specified in training the ladies there to get in a relationship with men abroad. But to the main topic of cheatin, I'm very honest that I NEVER couldn't reunite with such kind of man again because I was & am still often unfortunately a crush to married men around me but I'm giving zero effs about them & in my hotel job, I even saw such kinds of men with their affairs in their arms & still acted like "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by checking out & flirting with another ladies including me. That's why I really appreciate my quiet single life because since all happenings, I have seriously trust conflicts❣️
It gets good he only mentions it at the start to make a point. They don’t go on about it. They get into why it's unhealthy to lie and traumas that cause certain behaviours.
Not many people are willing to shine the light on their own shortcomings to help others. I like this guest and interview. Very informative, I've learned somethings, I have never heard before.
it's nice to see neil again, his book the game was the first book recommended to read after a heart brake and that lead to my path of self improvement and my healing journey.
Lewis, I loved this pod episode. It's too bad to see a majority of your commentors being so negative on this thought provoking guest. I thought there were some exceedingly helpful life tips in it. Thank you!
Awesome eye opening podcast. Was with someone for 5 years that kept me completely away from his mom until the final year, which revealed they were completely enmeshed and she had full control of him. So either he would avoid her altogether, which didn't seem healthy to me, so I kept pushing for peace, which led to losing him completely and him getting under her spell and changing personality entirely. He was never fully present in the relationship, both of them were functional alcoholics and habitual liers, and it's so satisfying to learn why it was the case. Thank you. 😌 Learning lessons the hard way!
I have found that being in a relationship where one person is ok with accepting lots of help and attention, but when the other partner needs help, there is radio silence. Be very careful with getting involved with narcissists, a tough feat since some experts say 1 in 6 are narcissistic. A relationship with a narc is always one sided after in initial honeymoon phase. Being alone is 1000 times better.
Amazing to hear, see and experience men being so vulnerable, authentic and open to help us exponentially in our healing journeys. You chaps deserve medals/trophies for sharing and enlightening us. Thank you from the heart
😂😂you can’t read people at all , this is all so shallow and silly it made me laugh at their weird basic interactions and poor questions, really sad and odd to see men at this age talking like this my goodness!
He never did address this, he kept bouncing off subject down another rabbit hole. Ironically it’s the name of this video, yet he never gives the signs.
I've learned about enmeshment with family after your grown and your parents and the entire family have expectations from you that aren't healthy ( example once you get married you have your own family but the parents or extended family expect you to show up at Christmas when you may want to do something else with your spouse) instead of finding solutions that work for everyone
It was only a study he mentioned; not necessarily that he supports it. This interview has valuable advice on relationships that you miss out on by being too judgemental in the beginning.
😮thank you so very much for sharing this because it's a trigger for me I realize just now and I realize now I have a trauma I have to deal with ty so much for bringing it to my reality. It really helps.
Great discussion! So many questions remain: What is a healthy relationship? Do most women ever do the work on themselves when they cheat or do they often just blame their partners?
The comment about why lies are told is SPOT ON. THE LIAR CANNOT ACCEPT THE EMOTIONS IT BRINGS UP FOR THEM! You are NOT “protecting “ the other person. You are making excuses for YOURSELF
Advice I would give men. Don't fall for a woman out of attraction. Been with my wife 35 years and that's what I did. I cheated on her the first 15 years. Never got caught, and I fell in love with her and told her. We stayed together but it was hard. Get it out of you before you marry. I hurt her in profound ways, and it took years for her to look at me the same. I have never done it again.
What about the outsider woman who is used? Maybe she falls in love with the husband who is just spicing his marriage egoistically ? Typically men talking easily about this kind of stuff which affects men and women differently!
The other woman should have enough self esteem to realize she deserves a free man not some woman’s sloppy seconds. The other woman needs to believe she’s worthy of a single guy’s love.
This video offers a lot of wisdom relevant to our modern lives. However, I found it challenging to connect with the guest due to his unconventional lifestyle and the way he presents himself. Especially a voice. This is just my personal perspective, nothing against him personally. I still appreciate the valuable insights from both of you.
I just listened to the entire podcast. I listened to it very astutely because I read this comment beforehand. I didn’t hear him say that polyamory was the desired way to be in a relationship. I heard Neill say that he has been in both types, buts feels like monogamy is how we are emotionally built and has the most potential to be healthy and successful. BUT… he also says that all participants, sides of the relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, MUST he emotionally healthy and honest and open in order for the relationship to succeed happily. I was really interested in this conversation because I’m finally coming to terms with my ability to pick the wrong people in a relationship. They always end up cheating on me and our relationship ends after an attempt at counseling. Not any of my past partners have ever been faithful in their relationships, but I must admit that I need to stop choosing them and I need to figure out WHY I choose them. I’m really suffering after this last relationship because for the first time, I’m connecting with betrayal trauma. 😢
I enjoyed this. I would so much rather listen to man talk honestly about uncomfortable subjects and choose to agree to disagree and keep moving in alignment with my own traditional values than listen to a deceptive man lying to lure you in to fulfill his own needs. Honesty and authenticity always gives you the option to walk away.
Exactly! We were together, off and on, for about 25 years. My ex-partner never set any boundaries with his intrusive ex, who just happened to live next door. I loved the man but became very resentful and jealous. I didn't want to feel that way and even tried to befriend her. Needless to say, the relationship fell apart, and I believe they are still "best friends". Very convenient for them as they were always there for each other. She was constantly on the doorstep with gifts, boosting his ego, etc. and he never stopped her. I have been traumatized by the whole thing because he love-bombed me in the beginning and I felt I truly loved him and trusted him. Four years + later after the final breakup, still angry, hurt, broken.
The problem is days are usually busy. That's why doing it before bed when everything's quiet n your done w the day seems like a good time, but I do understand your point about being tired.
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Thanks to Neil for sharing his wisdom with us! Leave a “YES” if you enjoyed this and share the biggest moment for you. And make sure to subscribe to never miss out on inspiring content like this again TH-cam.com/lewishowes
Motivation
I love what you do, you are great 😇Love to you’re heart and mind✨🙏✨❤️☮️
I suspect betrayal in multi partners because rarely a small portion of pop is healthy!!!
Not wanting to explore at all. The more u learn the more I underarm why people are so heartbroken
Por favor podrías poner este video en tu otro canal de español !!! NEIL STRAUSS TAMBIÉN TIENE FANS LATINOS !!! Saludos desde 🇨🇴
The entire point of monogamy is to create a bubble of emotional and physical intimacy. When that is broken, it's game over.
Really I don't understand what exactly monogamy,
Polyamory closed relationships can too. Good point!
Obviously. Cheaters have a character disorder.
Now European scientists in Sweden or somewhere found out that Artificial intelligence, is not very intelligent
it puts together wrong information about humans, all kinds of inaccurate information about humans and it looks like a strange mixture "mambo jumbo" nonsense
or like some strange caricature of information.
....But they found pout AI has very strong "convincing" power.
They found out that Artificial intelligence is able to convince people about "it´s own" truth by 82 percent.
So be careful what you read on internet and dont take it seriously, if some channel or article say to you some nonsense, it may be also result of AI "convincing" powers and strategies. Especially dont give these informations to little children or to teenagers who dont understand life and who need positive example.
@@Sarara-mv5sxyeah, some people are just much more prone to shitty behaviour. They’re fairly easy to spot. Trump is a great example
When my husband cheated, he always gave himself away. He told me about the person for a start.. one was south American and he started learning Spanish.. saying she'd offered to help and do a language exchange. 😅
They usually tell you about the person but create plausibility for them.
That's true.
So true!
#TRUTH
OR in my case, have a great disdain toward them!
Yep! Sometimes even introduce them to you! Narcassist love to tell on themselves! Believe what they say! That's not their "Home girl "!
I will not accept infidelity, violence and addiction in my relationship...
@@embethnewlandauthor my ex husband has addiction with gambling and he put me and the kids in trouble, so yeah addiction in any form...
@@VivienReactsI'm not trying to be critical, at all. But I agree with the addiction thing being nebulous.
Would you mind, please share your definition of addiction? Is it about the result of the action, like, in your case, damage.
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I sympathize. ❤️
Every time I think of addiction, I always go back to Dr. Matés perspective, which changed my own.
@@anoncspan4129 i didn't know he has that gambling addiction until someone came to our house and he said that our house belongs to them bcuz he sold our house behind my back, and I confronted it to him also I called his mom and brother so they can deal with him also, and that time he confessed that he sold our house and cars and he has pile of debts bcuz of gambling that he's been doing for long time 🙈🤷
Create boundaries based on what you just said.
@@idaliahernandez1083 oh I am, I very clear on those things if I have love interest...
Not every woman doesn’t want sex during menopause and every woman does not experience post partum depression. Feels like an excuse for bored men to cheat during these times in a woman’s life.
I don't think he meant all women, he was speaking about a specific relationship.
I had post partum depression really bad on my last child..never experienced it before and I have had multiple pregnancies
If she /he is sexual and a good love life may be forever if lack is evident. urges are prevalent and evident in behaviour arousement to energy reciprocation within a loving respectful union 💕 or shy. Single
Men need to get more clued up on how women's bodies work. My husband used to work with older married men and he'd listened to their advice. Men may have a job that is extremely stressful and they just want to come home to piece and quiet (within reason if you've got kids). Have grown up conversations instead of screaming at each other.Unfortunately, in the world there's lots of dysfunctional people and trying be in a relationship with these type of people is a recipe for disaster.
Agreed
when somebody cheats, it is essentially over.
Not for a man
Apparently not if she doesn’t find out
Guilt route
I have seen many marriages survive this. But both people need to really work on it
@recoveringsoul755 so one person causes the problem but the other has to solve it? Er, no.
Cheat on me and we are done in the spot. The trust is gone and I will never trust you again. Cheating for me is a guaranteed ending to my relationship with me. More power to women who can forgive.. not a chance in hell for me.
I hope you never do anything that a close friend won’t forgive. Withholding forgiveness turns a person bitter.
@@jmbrown3502a real friend holds friends accountable for their behavior too. Ive had a good friend since highschool, her and her husband recently agreed to an open relationship. Not a good idea in my opinion but her husband agreed, so ok. I found out she was talking to her brother in law, intimately, behind her husbands back.... I hit the roof, told her what she was doing was very wrong and she could either stop talking to him, and tell her husband what happened, or she could kiss our friendship goodbye, because if she kept pursuing this she isnt the person i thought she was! Luckily she made the right decision and stopped talking to her brother in law and told her husband. Who was pissed but is working things out with her.
Same.
I let men know up front that if they cheat, I cannot stay. I’m gone.
I have not cheated as exposed to temptation as I’ve been. I don’t understand cheating and so I do not accept it!
Infidelity is a dealbreaker.
Safe People by Henry Cloud
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
The Genetics Of Cheaters --Maken Murphy podcast
So he knows what to do if he wants to get rid of you.😅😅😅
@@BUBBLESPOGO Or he can save all the drama and admit, confront it’s time to go?! Drama Free. 🆓
I think womans who cheat cannot stand to husbands who cheat on them.
@@BUBBLESPOGOThat behavior is exhibited by an emotionally weak and immature man
Consent isn't an issued when the partner isn't aware of what is REALLY going on. It's humiliating
💯
Betrayal trauma is huge to get over and heal from. Especially when the one cheating hasn't learned from his mistake..
"Her" mistakes in my case and yes I am completely devastated but I have healed before and will do it again. I was moving across the pond to change someone's world and my own. Very sad....
“Their” mistakes. Now we sound like alphabet soup crowd.
Guessing you’re not a millennial. Women cheat more often than men do now. They are enrolling in college at higher rates, getting higher paying jobs, etc so they have more opportunity like men used to. Not to mention the dating apps giving them instant validation and opportunity.
Probably because that person is selfish and truly doesn’t care how the behavior effects their partner
*her choice
Women usually tolerate it for financial reasons and children. It is so immature for men to think that their need for sex is more important than their wife and their new born. It's very immature and selfish.. A relationship isn't just about sex. When women have children they have to depend on a man financially. Men don't know what having a baby is like or feels like. Some men haven't thought about it yet. Also, some men can't control their basic urges. They probably don't love the woman they are with.
Bingo! What happened to personal responsibility and accountability? People are so selfish and all about their own needs and me me me these days. Crazy.
WHAT ABOUT ME
WHAT ABOUT ME
WHAT ABOUT ME
The mantra of the cheater!
Give to charity what about me feels great. And keys to peace
And it's also immature of a wife to get into a relationship with a man that she doesn't want go have sex with. (Sex is the glue) to the relationship
financial security will always give you the power to make the right choice for you, that's why they take financial freedom away from you...men and women.
Respected and Pick-Up Artist are contradictory terms.
he seems really awkward and giggly for a successful pick up artist. if he was around me i would just think he seemed like a weirdo.
Right. Because they use tools of manipulation to get what they want. I think they are very unethical.
@@ipesinaYou think he cares at his age? Why do you think naturally awkward and giggly guys go as far as learning pickup?
You lost me at polyamory as being functional and healthy for raising children. About four minutes in yeah, no.
💯💯💯💯
Where did you find this guy, Lewis? His life sounds like he swings from one extreme to another. This conversation is difficult to focus on and follow. His voice is also very irritating.He is considered an expert?
To me it sounds better than many other factors that disrupt childhood development. Like not having parents, when your parents are addicts, or having a parent with untreated mental illness.
Thanks for your expert opinion. I wonder how many polyamorous families you have interviewed to conclude your thesis that "it isnt fuctional and healthy for raising children".
You miss the point
I still don’t think you answered the question about how do you recognize a person that is going to cheat?
Agreed. They never said the thing.
At 42:40 they do get into the answer, briefly.
He said several times - enmeshment with a parent.
@@chocolatemonster949would enmeshment with a sibling be the same?
Agreed
Gosh, Lewis is such a mature man. His empathy and love for his girlfriend/fiancé is palpable.
Lewis, the pain of deception is partly described as "not knowing." That's the definition of deception. If someone wants to deceive you, they will and you won't know it until the deception is revealed.
Wanting to be a better person, consciously and working at it, is my pre-requisite for any friendship, and most definitely an intimate relationship! No one is perfect, and we all have triggers, so starting a relationship with an agreement that makes both parties feel safe is brilliant!
Let's keep it simply! I think if your intuition will tell you if they're cheating 90% of the time. If you sense they are, they probably are.
This guy's not honestly talking about relationships. He will turn with the wind it seems from hearing about his life and choices back and forth. Not worth really listening to him
we called them "slimey"
Flakey narcissist with tons of word salad coming out of his mouth , honestly one of the most basic and immature conversations I’ve ever heard between 2 older men like them - embarrassing
he gives a weird vibe
Omg you guys are my spirit animals, he wreaks of slimmy pratt …….
Slimey giggling geek
The thing about children raised in polyamorous relationships being healthier is pure nonsense. For starters, the motivation of bashing the nuclear family has always been a theme in academia at least since the Communist Manifesto. In terms of science, polyamorous relationships are scarcer in comparison to monogamous ones. Therefore, you will find all kinds of people in monogamous relationships. The chance to get a more representative sample among the polyamorous ones will be way harder.
The stats show that the nuclear family worlds for less than half of the country. Facts don’t care about your feelings
I was thinking the same thing. In a study like the one mentioned, you would need a larger sample size to make an adequate comparison. Not to mention the variables that need to be considered such as the relationship/family dynamic such as 1 man with multiple women and vice versa, age differences, sexual orientation of each individual, etc.
Pretty obvious the study was lacking, but the fact that they just ran with it as a fact is just sad.
Makes me want to stay single.
Hahhahaa me too 😂😂
@@eagleeyeeagleeye3143omg I can't believe what you said 😅...hoping you re just joking😅
@@irinadumitru9088 not joking :))) 🤟🏻
@@irinadumitru9088 why is that insuling for you? Wake up we're almost 2025 🤣
Like you have a choice
How is having no self-control and boundries, hurting a partners feelings healthy for raising kids? Because that is what polyamory is. Not being adult enough to make a decision, comit to one person and decide each day to love that person, no matter how much temptations there are elsewhere.
No it isn't. It's an admission that anyone can care for more than one person. That's just a fact. Polyamory is an attempt to allow the heart to do what it naturally does.
@@northofyou33 you are not talking about the heart, but about the egoistic s*x drive. It is our self-control that distinguishes us from animals.
I agree polyamourous relationship is a response to not being able to establish deep connections. You just can't have that one significant connection with morecthan one. The fact he "has seen" happy families like that give me a hint he has not seen far enough and close enough. Polyamourous relationships are a chaotic life on all levels - emotional and physical and create only harmful, desease-prone future.
Um, no. It’s not.
You don't have a clue how much work people have to do in polyamorous relationships. 😂
I disagree. You can change yourself but it doesn’t mean they ever will and because you have changed, you’re perspective will change and the relationship won’t work. I’m all for growth but if there’s only one person willing to do the work then it will never work out because we’re always evolving and all have different seasons of ourselves.
Personality and character is fixed. People don't often change. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record.
@@sherriflemming3218 totally agree! Two things you can’t change
I see it more like if you change yourself it's about healing the wounds that made you attract that kind of non-monogamous partner in the first place.
@@EllieE-kz3zr wow. So true. And you’re so right.
Cheaters are morally bankrupt... So no, I don't want to be around those kind of people... I would lose all respect!
"Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson is the book Lewis mentions and everyone should absolutely read it. It changed my life and made so much sense for some of what Ive struggled with.
How can you find a person who is open to start the relationship with therapy? There's none. I think you're one in a million Lewis! I agree with you!
I was blessed to find her 🙏
It works only in the beginning. Before everything starts.
There are people. I would be upfront in the early dating phase & watch for their sincere commitment to it (through enough time), etc. Be honest with yourself, and be willing to leave if this is a deal breaker. Take care.
Probably the type of ppl who think consent forms are a thing both parties sign before having sex, aka progressive incels and cat ladies.
Probably the type of ppl who think consent forms are a thing both parties should sign with a legal witness, aka progressive incels and cat ladies.
Thank you Neil. Great wake up call to stay away from TOXIC PEOPLE. ❤
Exactly! He mentioned narcissistic individuals!
👍
He has dabbled in a different type of lifestyle I would not, but I can still appreciate his perspective. I like what he said, if you aren't healthy in one type of relationship you won't be healthy in another. Which says to me it's the integrity of the person....being open and honest, real with self and their partner. And, I can see poly relationships raising healthy children. It takes a village. Traditional homes fail every day. Another great thought provoking conversation.
Started this off judging him. But kept listening and then let that judgement go. Theres some solid knowledge in this interview…
It's too bad that the dissenting voices are the loudest in this comment section. This interview was insightful and had a lot of gems. Neil has lived a life of curiosity, exploration, and adventure into some things I wouldn't dare step into. He's gained wisdom and shares it through his talents. It's okay to take what you want to and leave the rest. I enjoy his books...even The Game, which was infuriating and informational. Lewis was amazing as always. I enjoyed this session. Thank you!
I 100% percent agree some people in the comments missed out on wonderful enlightment in this conversation because they can not get past their own judgment .
I really appreciated this interview and this perspective.It would be easier if we were all honest with each other in relationships as to what works and what our needs and values are instead of wearing masks.I can't do polyamorous relationships or open relationships and I'm always upfront about it, also loyalty is one one of my highest values because it is about respect.I rather someone walk away then hide behind my back.Own it as things happen and people fall out of love, just don't be the "have my cake and eat it too" kind of person.That is called being a hypocrite.Thanks again, very enlightening 🙏🧡
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
How do you know if someone is using you?
How do they respond when you say no to what they want.
Theres your answer.
I love how you made the whole thing exposing through Psychology studies! I already said that the most prevalent personality structure at this point is the narcissistic one!...wow Lewis I wish more ppl would consider doing inner healing work! Much love and light to you....Healing oneself is a very long process taking a long amount of time!
This choice of guests is a surprise for me. I am a big fan of you Lewis, and I always see the good in all your interviews for the past 3 years. This guest is not a good representation of the type of relationship most people strive to have. His values are not good, and I liken this to a criminal teaching people his tricks to help avoid interaction with this kind of a person. No real value to me as a spiritual person looking for growth and guidance in this new world. I could not listen to this for too long, because my time is valuable and can’t waste it. Maybe he was a sex addict before the term was coined.
Agree. I'm an intelligent, educated, well-travelled woman, who interacts conversationally with many people from many different cultures. i am an American who moved to France at age 60. I found it difficult to comprehend much of his responses to the questions Lewis asked. Surprised that Lewis scraped the bottom of the barrel with this guest.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
Same
Thank you. This is what every sweetheart should know. It’s the missing “sex education” lecture. Often learned too late in life. Thanks again.
Lewis s point was not to do a ,sex education , but exposing cheaters!
Hi dudes, where are the signs of them possibly cheating??
As a general rule, therapy is helpful. That said, it’s not a good idea to go to therapy with a partner who has significant controlling or narcissistic tendencies. You refrain from telling the truth (bc that type of person is easily hurt, and you’ll “pay” for it later - after your therapy session), and that kind of partner tends to easily point out what’s “wrong” with you, that makes them a “victim”. And that type of person can be charming, and very convincing - bc they genuinely only see things from their own perspective. The therapist inadvertently ends up helping the partner with controlling/narcissistic tendencies.
Why haven’t you left him already? What are you waiting for?
I had a similar experience. All the way home from the therapy session he didnt talk to me. He used his silence as a tool to punish me. I was more broken than when we started. It really didnt help. He blamed me for telling the counsellor stuff that he did and wanted me to not share my experiences. All because those made him look bad. He doesnt hit me physically but he hits me mentally and verbally. Gaslighting and demoralizing me. yup
I loved what Lewis said about not having the intense conversations at night. Not because he wants to avoid the conversation but because he wants to be fully engaged and present for them. Relationship goals!
Sounds like classic narcissistic behavior to me!
Thank you so much for this episode. I know this is a super hard conversation to have. When I read the truth by Neil, it changed my life forever. It’s arguably the most important book I’ve ever read in my life because I grew up in a very similar way to him, while obviously different so much of his story and mine related. And when that book 1st came out, I was kind of spiraling and trying to figure out why my life and relationships are such a disaster and then I realize the same thing that he did, and it solidified my need to go on this healing journey. So thank you so much for this episode. It means the world to me just as someone who loves both you guys.🔥
So glad it resonated
Jesus , the most important book you have ever read? That’s so so sad considering the masterpieces that have long existed in this world. Unbelievable
@@esmeramsay8179 have you read it? I said for me... Not the world. I've read over 400 books and written three. I stand by what I said
You all have made me realise that therapy - especially as a family - is necessary.👍🙏
100% to honesty, transparency, and open communication.
And commitment to learning, growing, and evolving as individuals, together ❤️
Love what you said about feeling like “the big me can take care of the little me”. I think that is the ultimate goal. Working on that as well. Great interview.
One thing I don't don't know whether Neil recognizes as having been a factor in his own cheating was the fact that he had the ability to do it. A lot of people (both men and women) who have seduced partners in the past will sometimes wonder if they've "still got it". This creates a huge temptation to try to seduce someone new. It's a powerful form of self-validation.
This is why you avoid relationships all together.
Live life finding validation, self love for yourself.
relationships don’t last. Even Lewis and his fiancée will someday have an expiration date.
Mr. Howes this guy has an opinion but I don't believe healthy believers in Christ Cheat I don't believe everyone cheats. Communication is so important and Christ at the Center is so important. I truly know people that don't cheat and they life shows that. It's work .
hahaha you sound naive sorry
Lame
@@demigoddess3311 it's ok just keep praying
I never beg and I stopped praying I have everything I need and ever wanted without a saviour or any man
Amen!
You need to invite Teal Swan on your show. She’s the expert on the root causes of this topic as well as relationships.
I completely agree!! She is amazing!!
There was a recent documentary called The Deep End on Teal Swan as being accused of being a cult leader
Would love to see her
Look up batel skater...
Teals the truest deal ❤
Constant discussion sounds as a good recipe. I think it's like a successful business that always gets customer feedback in order to maintain changing customer satisfaction. Feedback is communication and it has to be non-stop and open and honest.
My husband didn't say he was sorry...he told me how turned on he got! Married me and he was gay!
Anyone got a short hand version? Tldr? This vid is waaaay too long 😮💨
Stay single.
Watch this on double speed. I always do.❤😊
Single is better than a bad relationship. This is from someone who is married with a kid, but I did get lucky as we didn't plan it and U obviously have to just guess if a woman is going to be a good mother and look after the house if U are working, or that a husband is going to still dedicate time to his family after work.
As a Kavkaz & Kazakh lady myself 😂 I'm not really surprised about the Kazakh story because I even heard about dating agencies in Eastern Europe that are specified in training the ladies there to get in a relationship with men abroad. But to the main topic of cheatin, I'm very honest that I NEVER couldn't reunite with such kind of man again because I was & am still often unfortunately a crush to married men around me but I'm giving zero effs about them & in my hotel job, I even saw such kinds of men with their affairs in their arms & still acted like "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" by checking out & flirting with another ladies including me. That's why I really appreciate my quiet single life because since all happenings, I have seriously trust conflicts❣️
Only one of Lewis's interviews I couldn't finish. Healthy polyamorous relationships???
It gets good he only mentions it at the start to make a point. They don’t go on about it. They get into why it's unhealthy to lie and traumas that cause certain behaviours.
Healthy ANDD Polyamorous do not belong in the same sentence. Same here, I started watching and a few minutes in, I was done.
Not many people are willing to shine the light on their own shortcomings to help others. I like this guest and interview. Very informative, I've learned somethings, I have never heard before.
Cheating expert? Wow! What the world has come to.
i asked the same question about him being the most respected
and renown pick up artist in the world
The most renowned pick up artist is like the most beautiful insta model, not hot to normal ppl.
Can’t imagine he ever ‘picked up’ any woman with that voice and awkward demeanor, delusional little story teller I think
He is all over the place… parroting therapy lingo giving off a sense of incencerity- creepy vibes
Just creepy. 😮
Renowned but defo not respected, at least by me.
Who asked?
it's nice to see neil again, his book the game was the first book recommended to read after a heart brake and that lead to my path of self improvement and my healing journey.
"Respected pickup artist"? Respected by who? Other manipulative liars?
Go watch some thing else then
Lewis, I loved this pod episode. It's too bad to see a majority of your commentors being so negative on this thought provoking guest.
I thought there were some exceedingly helpful life tips in it.
Thank you!
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
Would love to hear more of the signs of a cheater x
Awesome eye opening podcast. Was with someone for 5 years that kept me completely away from his mom until the final year, which revealed they were completely enmeshed and she had full control of him. So either he would avoid her altogether, which didn't seem healthy to me, so I kept pushing for peace, which led to losing him completely and him getting under her spell and changing personality entirely. He was never fully present in the relationship, both of them were functional alcoholics and habitual liers, and it's so satisfying to learn why it was the case. Thank you. 😌 Learning lessons the hard way!
I really appreciated the honesty of the both of you. It is beautiful to watch.
Thanks gentlemen for the content!
This was kind of insufferable to sit through. More guests like Dr.Ramani please.
I have found that being in a relationship where one person is ok with accepting lots of help and attention, but when the other partner needs help, there is radio silence. Be very careful with getting involved with narcissists, a tough feat since some experts say 1 in 6 are narcissistic. A relationship with a narc is always one sided after in initial honeymoon phase. Being alone is 1000 times better.
Commitment is to transparency - I can make my own decision based on that. Which isn't happening in a broken relationship
test for true love....are they willing to spend time with you, in a non transactional manner.
Yes. I appreciated the comment about going to counseling in the beginning of the relationship. Genius!
I like this podcast. It gave me a different perspective about infidelity.
Thank you for being here 🧡
I thought this was Stanley tucci.
Lololol
Would have enjoyed Stanley a lot more than this guy.
Amazing to hear, see and experience men being so vulnerable, authentic and open to help us exponentially in our healing journeys. You chaps deserve medals/trophies for sharing and enlightening us. Thank you from the heart
I'm not buying it.. .
😂😂you can’t read people at all , this is all so shallow and silly it made me laugh at their weird basic interactions and poor questions, really sad and odd to see men at this age talking like this my goodness!
I don’t resonate with this at all but I respect it.
Please put time stamps no one’s gonna watch an hour and half of this to find one part they want to see
There are chapters, not sure if they were added post publishing?
I still didn't get the sign
He never did address this, he kept bouncing off subject down another rabbit hole. Ironically it’s the name of this video, yet he never gives the signs.
I loved this conversation and the enthusiasm to connect you both have! “The truths don’t work if you don’t find them yourself.”
Word salad
I've learned about enmeshment with family after your grown and your parents and the entire family have expectations from you that aren't healthy ( example once you get married you have your own family but the parents or extended family expect you to show up at Christmas when you may want to do something else with your spouse) instead of finding solutions that work for everyone
That's a tough one. In my case, if for whatever reason we couldn't go even if we wanted to, we had to prepare for retaliation.
It’s a gut feeling. It’s never wrong.
I appreciate your vulnerability, Lewis, & thnx for this interview
It was only a study he mentioned; not necessarily that he supports it. This interview has valuable advice on relationships that you miss out on by being too judgemental in the beginning.
😮thank you so very much for sharing this because it's a trigger for me I realize just now and I realize now I have a trauma I have to deal with ty so much for bringing it to my reality. It really helps.
Thank you 🙏 Relationship can be very difficult
Great discussion! So many questions remain: What is a healthy relationship? Do most women ever do the work on themselves when they cheat or do they often just blame their partners?
Power plays out of insecurities show up at bed time and goodbyes
The comment about why lies are told is SPOT ON. THE LIAR CANNOT ACCEPT THE EMOTIONS IT BRINGS UP FOR THEM! You are NOT “protecting “ the other person. You are making excuses for YOURSELF
You know they are a POS when they say " nobody thinks they are a bad person"❤
We criticize cause we see better from the distance
“Why wait 2 years and have all these chemicals connecting”. ⚛️ -Lewis Howes breaking it down to crystal truth
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
This guy is creep.
Advice I would give men. Don't fall for a woman out of attraction. Been with my wife 35 years and that's what I did. I cheated on her the first 15 years. Never got caught, and I fell in love with her and told her. We stayed together but it was hard. Get it out of you before you marry. I hurt her in profound ways, and it took years for her to look at me the same.
I have never done it again.
What about the outsider woman who is used? Maybe she falls in love with the husband who is just spicing his marriage egoistically ? Typically men talking easily about this kind of stuff which affects men and women differently!
Exactly! They just discard and ignore the other woman, even though there's a very good chance she thought the man loved her.
The other woman should have enough self esteem to realize she deserves a free man not some woman’s sloppy seconds. The other woman needs to believe she’s worthy of a single guy’s love.
This conversation of enmeshment could be highlighted more, it is surprising and more common then one thinks. Kenneth Adam’s has good research on this.
This video offers a lot of wisdom relevant to our modern lives. However, I found it challenging to connect with the guest due to his unconventional lifestyle and the way he presents himself. Especially a voice. This is just my personal perspective, nothing against him personally. I still appreciate the valuable insights from both of you.
You could see how this doesn’t work with Will and Jada. It’s totally messed up the children.
And most monogamous relationships don’t work either. It’s almost like relationships of everyone have high failure rates
I am so very roux of their kids they are all resilient talented and growing with the punches of harmony to be themselves through Ghevitvus
I just listened to the entire podcast. I listened to it very astutely because I read this comment beforehand. I didn’t hear him say that polyamory was the desired way to be in a relationship. I heard Neill say that he has been in both types, buts feels like monogamy is how we are emotionally built and has the most potential to be healthy and successful. BUT… he also says that all participants, sides of the relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, MUST he emotionally healthy and honest and open in order for the relationship to succeed happily. I was really interested in this conversation because I’m finally coming to terms with my ability to pick the wrong people in a relationship. They always end up cheating on me and our relationship ends after an attempt at counseling. Not any of my past partners have ever been faithful in their relationships, but I must admit that I need to stop choosing them and I need to figure out WHY I choose them. I’m really suffering after this last relationship because for the first time, I’m connecting with betrayal trauma. 😢
I enjoyed this. I would so much rather listen to man talk honestly about uncomfortable subjects and choose to agree to disagree and keep moving in alignment with my own traditional values than listen to a deceptive man lying to lure you in to fulfill his own needs. Honesty and authenticity always gives you the option to walk away.
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
Men should avoid marriage 🤔
Dont sign the contract which incentivised other person to break the relationship
'Ex-wife & best friend...'
Someone hasn't figured out what kinds of lines need to be drawn in order to give a monogamous relationship any chance.
Exactly! We were together, off and on, for about 25 years. My ex-partner never set any boundaries with his intrusive ex, who just happened to live next door. I loved the man but became very resentful and jealous. I didn't want to feel that way and even tried to befriend her. Needless to say, the relationship fell apart, and I believe they are still "best friends". Very convenient for them as they were always there for each other. She was constantly on the doorstep with gifts, boosting his ego, etc. and he never stopped her. I have been traumatized by the whole thing because he love-bombed me in the beginning and I felt I truly loved him and trusted him. Four years + later after the final breakup, still angry, hurt, broken.
I love your insights on encashment.
Thank you!
So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.
Where's the part about NPD
The problem is days are usually busy. That's why doing it before bed when everything's quiet n your done w the day seems like a good time, but I do understand your point about being tired.
Trust your gut
💯!! God sees everything 👌🏽
Fascinating! ❤
People can be incredibly selfish. The want excitement but need security. Otherwise they'd be single and do what the want.