Confessions Of A Former Cheater! Signs Men Give Before They CHEAT & Women Miss-Laterras R. Whitfield
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ค. 2024
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I’m sitting down with Laterras R. Whitfield for a candid conversation about cheating, which I’ll admit is going to be a bit triggering for some of you. We delve deep into the reasons behind Laterras’ infidelity and get valuable insights for women dealing with the aftermath of the painful betrayal.
Laterras R. Whitfield, the author of 'Dear Future Wifey', opens up about his personal experiences of cheating multiple times on his ex-wife. He emphasizes that his cheating was never about her, but rather a reflection of his own lack of integrity. Together, they explore the factors that contribute to cheating, such as unmet needs, contention, and the misconception that sex with other women means nothing to a married man.
This conversation touches on angles we rarely think about such as the failure of counseling and the lack of open discussions about what sex truly looks like within a marriage. Laterras R. Whitfield shares a heart-breaking story about a feather that taught him a valuable lesson on intimacy and unmet needs (and ladies there’s a powerful lesson in it for you too).
Ladies, I know this episode may be triggering, but my goal is to provide healing and foster better conversations in the future. I want you to be able to spot the signs of cheating and take action accordingly, with absolutely no judgment if you stay or decide to leave that relationship.
Subscribe to Women of Impact for more thought-provoking content that addresses the silent struggles faced by both men and women in relationships. Communication and understanding are key to saving broken hearts and facilitating healing in today's complex world of love and commitment.
Check out Laterras’ book, Dear Future Wifey: www.amazon.com/Dear-Future-Wi...
Chapter Markers:
[00:00] Confession of a Cheater
[1:37:39] Secrets of Long-Lasting Love with Robin McGraw
****Secrets of a Long-Lasting Healthy Relationship with Robin McGraw***
In this insightful journey into the secrets of a long-lasting, healthy, and loving relationship, Robin McGraw, the devoted wife of Dr. Phil, shares her wisdom. With over 45 years of marriage experience, she emphasizes the importance of having fun, facing challenges together, and nurturing effective communication. By prioritizing self-care and making intentional efforts, couples can create a foundation for lasting happiness and fulfillment.
Follow Laterras R. Whitfield:
Website: www.kingdomroyale.com/
TH-cam: / dearfuturewifey
Instagram: / laterrasrwhitfield
Follow Robin McGraw:
Website: www.ivegotasecretwithrobinmcg...
TH-cam: / @ivegotasecretpodcast
Instagram: / robin_mcgraw
Follow Me Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
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Twitter: / lisabilyeu - บันเทิง
I’m not a fan of when people say men are physical creatures. Woman are too. It’s called integrity, discipline, consideration. I don’t think it has to do with gender. I do think society gives men an excuse to indulge sexually
So true. I often find that the concept of “biological wiring” is used as a cop-out of responsibility for men
Yes we are women look for certain features as well it’s just we’re taught to have sexual control of ver ourselves because it’s not praised I don’t want a raggedy looking man
@@blackmadonna6024right
Consideration🎉 yep before you go through all the way with someone else how about showing some common human decency by letting me know first before you go there? I’ve remained faithful, committed, loyal….Is what I’ve asked in question….. his response, “Loyalty was not in the contract” silly circus clown.
Look- who's been running the show for a few thousand years now????? They've been allowed to make the rules and indoctrinat and infected the entire society! And they made every f****** one to (THERE FAVOR)! if this world had more DIVINED MASCULINE/ REAL MEN in it, instead of these cowardice giant maggots with appendages, this world would be worthy to live in-
As a married man, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. Everyone isn’t cut out for marriage regardless of gender. It takes an exceptional person to get married and remain successfully married. The marriage and divorce rate numbers are accurate and it takes a special person to indefinitely pair-bond with another person. I pray for the best outcome for everyone. Honestly, there are some great people out there, but they are not great for marriage. God bless 🙏🏾
💯 agree!
I love what you said. However I don't think it takes an exceptional person as much as it takes a willing person. Married people have to be willing to sacrifice, to honor, to submit...etc. When there is no longer a willingness that's when the door opens for just about anything to happen, especially cheating.
I whole heartedly agree that marriage isn't for everyone. It especially isn't for people who feel that their perfect and won't make any horrific choices ever. Marriage is making yourself exceptionally vulnerable to 1 person on every level. That's one of the most difficult yet beautiful things that anyone can experience. I by no means condone cheating or any other behaviors that could potentially ruin a marriage.
@@SyvilleJosephineI am afraid you are right....
Amen.You said it.❤❤
I feel really really sorry for your wife.
I was married for 16 years, my ex husband cheated on me for 13 years. He was the one that never wanted sex, I have never refused sex. So the lack of sex is not the reason. He had a lacks of confidence and having other women flirting with him made him feel good about himself. He was very handsom and intelligent but he felt like I was more beautiful and more intelligent than he was. He cheated with women that were not intelligent and not too beautiful so he felt superior and good about himself. It was not because his sexual desire was not met.
All facts
Oh Waw. It always boils down to their own internal struggles
I understand. Ditto! But after a few years of incongruency, I realized it was a pattern and I was outta there!!!
I've been there but not married. Just 6 years wasted. I don't think he thought I was better looking than him because he was bodybuilding when we met and I was losing weight but still chubby. However it was like everyone I found out about has less interest in him than me and less of something else I have without having more "things". It always would be they made him feel desired with novelty, they made him feel needed with objective power disparity, they didn't pay him attention so they couldn't catch he wasn't the man he wanted to be know as. Crazy thing, he could have been happier and everything he was pretending to be but he would rather lie, cheat, stress, underachieve based on his goals not mine, etc. He used sex as a control mechanism and a litmus test for what type of woman they will be: a safe tool or a risky plaything. Neither are valuable positions but both are needed to plaster over issues he will not handle and that will continue to undermine him. Anyone like that needs therapy and alone romantically. Although my ex lied to everyone even his family but again if they paid him mind they could catch inconsistencies and also cries for help because that's what he's looking for: love and attention from them beyond the surface.
He sounds like a narcissist too, I hate you dealt with someone like that 😒
A person of greed, no discipline, no self control, and no boundaries is a person who cheats
Pereach! Soooo disappointing. He made those promises in the eyes of god and in front of all those people. If he put as much effort into his relationship as he did his lies and cheating she'd have been happy for life!
Amen🙏🙏🙏
😊
That's me and I've never cheated
A person who truly doesn't care for their own self and life cheats.
I think his wife didn’t desire him sexually because of his poor character and lack of intimacy i.e ignoring her needs and prioritizing his own, but he got offended and resentful instead of trying to find out why she didn’t desire him and fix it so that they could have a great sex life. Seems like she gave up on him because of something he’s not telling. He wanted to hurt his wife because he felt neglected and he knew the other woman would tell her again. He knew what he was doing. It was calculated. If he wanted to divorce with grace, he should have divorced without cheating. He sounds very dependent on women for fulfillment and purpose. He speaks a lot about his needs his needs his needs
Well stated
She told him before marriage it wasn't gonna be very Seggsual
Character respect morals dignity trustworthiness, strength, integrity communication self worth !!!!
All cheaters speak of.. THIER NEEDS...
All cheaters care only about their own selfish needs, they don’t care about you
Cheating is selfish, childish and extremely hurtful. The innocent one suffers.
Yes the innocent sure do suffer extremely. The other part in the suffering is that it’s completely unnecessary. Yet, a person conscientiously goes and does it knowingly, and thinks nothing of the consequences and hurt that is caused to the innocent who knows nothing until it becomes known. It’s really bad when he ‘mistakenly sends you the text he meant to send her’ if at the time there even is an actual her in that moment. He sought to get a rise out of me while my son was with me. Boy, did he do a number on me that night to inflict pain unto thee and me.
No one is innocent
@@daughtersofdeborah9532 The one who does not cheat. The one who suffers from cheating. The one who gets a STI or STD. That's the innocent one I'm referring too. Who are you talking about?.
NOBODY WOULD SUFFER IF PEOPLE WERE POWERFUL ENUFF TO LEAVE THE CHEATER....
The children suffered the most.
He cheated when they dated, so there was no foundation of trust.
100 agree
Many relationships involve cheating during the dating phase. Let’s just call a spade a spade.
That's a date not wife yet I have dated women who cheated 4x n I for have them
THAT IS WHY HIS WIFE NEVER GAVE ALL OF HERSELF AND RIGHTFULLY SO!
It’s ironic that we can’t talk to our partners but we can tell the internet.😂
Exactly 😂
He's letting other people know that he struggled with his insecurities. Which is good but we have to really believe in God and what God says. The word says that He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing.
I know right. 🤔
Because he repent
That part.
I love how the host called him out saying of course she never gave you herself fully, you cheated on her, so trust was broken. He should’ve been earning back her trust and not expecting her to risk destroying her whole heart, mind, and soul with a cheater who couldn’t get his side piece off his mind.
This is so messed up. Women need to protect themselves.
Makes me not even want to be married. As women we go through so much as it is… it’s just safer to stay single unfortunately!
Exactly
Women don't even want to be involved w men now unless their lives are better for it, they're satisfied being alone and not having their peace disturbed by men who haven't had one thought about their emotional needs
@MK-wb1vu There are other men out there who aren't cads. Maybe, not what you are used to. But that could be a good thing. First, have common sense. Speak about your boundaries and what you are expecting. Going over to your exes home alone is never a good idea. Billy Graham wouldn't get in an elevator alone with a woman. These guys are so pampered by the women themselves and think they're prettier than the woman. They can get a great girl and still have no morals or boundaries and sleep with someone else. Then, gaslight you as if it's your fault. There are men around the world who just want a good wife. I would start educating yourself about them post haste... because the pickings are few.
I'm starting to believe that men are just " EVIL" point BLANK!!!! We as women, really need to protect our hearts💯💯💯💯💯❤️🙏❤️🙏❤️
I was with him until I heard his contradiction about his wife not fighting for the marriage because she never fully opened herself to him. Earlier on, he mentioned how being a husband is the head of the home so isn’t he to blame for the wife never fully opening up? How do you expect your wife to fully open up to you when you cheated on her prior to your marriage? As the husband and the head, how did he lead with vulnerability and trust that made it easier for his wife to truly be vulnerable with him? His wife was smart to never have fully open up to him. Men like him can destroy women.
True. Women are incubators we make an experience of what you give us. He gave her trust issues and deception she decided to keep her heart guarded as far as she could and keep her body.
Why do we stay?😔
Exactly
100%! In my opinion, I believe he's actually continuing to harm women with this interview. The amount of people who have said thank you for his perspective is beyond crazy to me! I can understand some of his perspectives but (to me) the amount of shift blaming he does is not okay. It's like another way to manipulate women into thinking they're the problem when their man cheats. Also, it seems like another form of trying to get women to sympathize with a broken male perspective. Which, to me, may keep women stuck in a compassion-harm cycle.
@@Mingchan YUP
But then the question is.. Why did she marry him if she wasn't comfortable? Accountability needs to be taken on both sides. She sounds like she wasn't really interested in him and he was seeking validation from other women to feel better. Not a good match
Why do men cheat!! Because of poor character!! Part to have a good character is having loyalty and honesty!!
Yep, all the rest is just excuses. We all do what we do because we want to.
FOR A PERSON TO CHEAT THEY HAVE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO CHEAT ON....MEN CHEAT BECUZ THEY WOMEN LET THEM AND STAY...
You said it!
@@vashtikelly6837are you in this space out of guilt or to protect your industry?
@@aproverbs31woman59 I don't have a reason to feel guilty about performing..... but guess what....I also perform for women as well as couples, so I don't have a reason to feel guilty about what another WOMAN is taking off her man...
I do love that he said he wont give her the same level of grace if she had cheated. It is important for women to know this when they are deciding to give men a million chances. If we live by the golden rule of do unto others as you would like them to do unto you the world would be a better place.
EXACTLY!!!! Thy have high standards when they pretty much are shit, and we, woman of value, accept their mistakes! We should respect ourselves the way they do!
Right! Also If every woman stopped putting up with it, men wouldn’t have a choice but to stop cheating, period.
I don’t get women like that at all. Ladies who take back cheaters, have you got no self respect? At least respect and protect your own body.
@@Emptytopfloor a lot of woman are so afraid of not "being loved the way they were loved by their partner" that they refuse to accept and understand that their partner actually doesn't love them, because they cheated in the first place. Woman want to be loved so much that they forget what is REAL love. I know cause I'm a woman and I have accepted a lot of shit just to keep that man by my side. It's actually really sad
@@Emptytopfloorlol, I use to say the SAME THING. Guess what?! My husband cheated on me. You do not understand because you’ve never walked in their shoes and hopefully you never will. It’s hard to build a life and a family with someone else only to see it shattered. Cheating hurts everyone involved, especially children.
Cheating is the lack of self worth, self respect, inadequacy and being selfish. The person who has to cheat is broken and has a lack of integrity. One who lies can’t be honest; one who betrays can’t be loyal and last but not least, one who is experiencing an inner battle cannot give you peace.
The minute a man tells me I need this or I’m going to cheat. It sounds like black mail and regardless he’s most likely a cheater anyway. That type of man is not to be trusted. I had two men tell me this and they both cheated anyway. That just tells me he’s a selfish individual and manipulative. Now I always test a man by asking questions and won’t get into a relationship with him if he has this mentality. I won’t even let him know I’m judging him, I’ll just let him know we’re not compatible for these reasons, A, B, C & D. There’s no compromise after that.
Exactly. Thing is, when they’re single, they wouldn’t be having sex all that much necessarily anyway. Plus, those definitions change and the goal posts move, to justify their actions.
Can you kindly share the questions you test men with.
Different desires when GOD'S IN YOU.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏! Yet people are afraid to ask questions because they are are afraid to get disappointed. - Some prefer to live with illusions rather than the harsh truth.
"This type of man is not to be trusted." Exactly. Even now. Manipulation does not just cease to exist in an individual. It is a part of personality which can be managed but it takes a constant sense of self awareness. So, it's crazy to me that people on here are trusting his words NOW. Especially since, to me, he isn't being accountable for his side of the road.
You can still do whatever the guy wants, and he'll still cheat. How long does it take for a man to mature!? It boils down to selfishness. I feel like he's still not taking full accountability. He still seems shady to me. He filed for divorce, but he cheated BEFORE, they even got married!
It’s not about maturity. It’s about….me me me. That is a character flaw. Not a intellectual development flaw. Immature people don’t deserve to be held in this category. I am sorry this always bugged me when say this.
@aileenkrauchi6553 Its all about maturity. You just contradicted yourself. If you are old enough to work, pay bills, and vote they you are expected to behave with a certain level of maturity. It's called an "arrested development" for a reason. A person fails to behave in an appropriate manner, becoming of their age. That has a lot to do with cheating. The act of cheating is selfish ergo the (me me me mentality).
@@Lolas_World1 I've been cheated on I've cheated in return 💔 😭 def me me me
yes indeed.
Exactly 💯
SOME men cheat because they LACK integrity, and character. It’s also selfish. PERIOD! absolutely. No one is supposed to supply all of our needs that’s draining on a person and it’s not fair to them. Somethings we need to learn to do for ourselves while maintaining integrity if we really care about the person, we’re in the relationship with ladies take notes men can do it 1 billion times and want grace and forgiveness, if we do it once they can’t handle it, we’re the worlds, worst person, etc. quit taking back these cheating ass men, especially men who cheat over and over again
Well said.
My ex-husband cheated on me for 8 years, he was one woman at least a week and in the end I cheated on him once and he almost killed me and to this day he continues trying to get revenge on me, he can't get over it. But I believe he is a Narcissist because he has all the characteristics.
I'd love to see the research you did to draw this conclusion. If there's no research....its a massive assumption.
@@vivdoolan6846 Some call it experience. Some call it common sense. Your comment wasn't needed. You wasted your time typing it and gaslighting those who have had to deal with infidelity. That's the WHOLE POINT OF THE VIDEO. A man who cheated tells why he cheated. Duh!
@@Lolas_World1It’s definitely experience and common sense.
This is what happens to Men who don't have proper father's raising them. So weak and sad in their Manhood. Glad that he finally figured out his problems.
Good to see the other side.
Or a proper mother that doesn’t accept cheating from her spouse.
Oh please….now blame it on the dad???? Good Lord.
My husband was my best friend, we could talk about all things. We were honest and loved each other,. As someone who is single due to his death. If I ever move forward with someone else, I need to lead with what I want. I want someone trustworthy who wants to talk to me.
He has been cheating on his ex wife even before they were married. And for him to not fight for his marriage whole heartedly after breaking her heart multiple times says a lot! Especially when he expected her to fight for him after everything he put her through. Make it make sense please! Lots of minupulatiom on his end! He has the balls to go in front of millions of people to simply show that he contradicts himself. Oh Lord please have mercy on his soul.
Lisa you are an incredible woman for biting your tongue during the times he was trying to make crazy make sense.
This 100%. It doesn't make sense why he left after everything, to me, it was another SELFISH act. This guy seems to be manipulating his audience in selfish forwarding thinking. A wayward should heal themselves but not at the cost of another person. To me, its like he didn't even really try to save his marriage. I think anyone who has been through betrayal can literally smell this out him. I can't believe how many people are following his awful justifications & shift blaming tactics!
@@Mingchan right?!
Most of those people willing to follow him are more like the people who cheated or trying to find good reasons to cheat, they are trying to justify their cheating. 🫣
Yep. It's crazy that his response to her saying she is glad she never gave her whole self to him or she would have been destroyed... he replied, "and that's why I'm divorcing you."
I was mortified. No conscience. No true remorse or humility.
He has a vindictive, self centered spirit.
THIS transparency is about cleaning his public image and making money off his shame 11:53
This! I wrote a similar comment how this contradicts his claim of being the head in the relationship. How are you the head but you never led in the way of trust and integrity so that his wife can fully become open to him. He somehow expects the wife to completely give her all when he has never led in showing himself as a safe space. The wife was smart. He sounds so full of it. I actually don’t think he has learned his lessons
Cheating is a lack of self-love and self-respect. We must do the inner work and continuously walk the path of self-development and spiritual growth to live a harmonious life with one another ✨🙏
Not always.......sometimes it's about a lack of trust, communication and intimacy. Not everyone feels guilty for cheating. The path of spiritual growth is wider than simply not cheating.
I wholeheartedly agree with you. This man is proof that some times good men fall prey to cheating. Personal development should be lifelong ❤
Open heartfelt Communication, listening: really hearing and keeping the CONNECTION with one another is the key to longevity...
So grateful to have spent 50 years so far, with the Love of my Life! ❤
It’s simply human nature. It’s actually impossible for one person to “stop” temptation to exist for another person. Many gorgeous and successful women and women have been cheated on. Many spiritually minded folks have cheated. It’s because sex and emotional attachments are extremely tempting. When you are in a relationship there will inevitably become times when you become vulnerable to temptation. Any other belief on this subject is pure fairytale fantasy. Then there are some people who just enjoy a variety of sexual partners but due to social pressures (family, religion, economic necessity) get married.
I’m an older woman who wants you young women to face the realities of relationships.
@PeaceforLisa I understand what you're saying but that's not everyone's reality. Every man/ woman doesn't cheat. Some do.
I’m in my mid 40’s and the amount of people I know that have or are currently cheating on their spouse’s is insane!
Dammmmm
Wow
I’m happy I’m not married lol
My ex cheated on both wife's but it was red flags and he was divorced twice
@@sarahhelmer7902 same here I'm staying my ass single. Yes I'll have a women I talk to or kick it with from time to time but marriage isn't worth it nowadays
He probably deluded himself thinking since he was the provider, he was entitled to other cheating with other women . He “chased” the attention..narcissistic . Yes, like any drug receiving instant gratification. Lack of integrity, moral compass, entitlement, lack of emotional empathy toward his partner. It’s really not complicated
And he isn't going to be any different in his next marriage.
@@kimhawkes2570
Serial cheaters don’t stop cheating
I’m so grateful to be out of my marriage and 2 relationships since as a divorcé. I don’t miss any of this. Same old $hit…
He wanted her to say that she did not want to lose him? Coming from a woman who has been cheated on and betrayed, she probably felt she had lost him a while ago. 😮
She never really had him to begin with.
Very well put. She protected herself by not continuing to give 100%, smart girl. Hopefully, we will do the same if we find ourselves in this position prior to ending the relationship.
She sure didn't@@ydnassukyaj9131
I would have no respect for a man who cheats and so love would be difficult to be had with a man like that. A man like that would be showing me he is not worthy of me, I would thank him for showing me who he is and move on. I find it baffling that some women stay with men that cheat. They are in fact teaching these men that they will settle for so little, that it makes no difference how they are treated. And as he admitted that if his wife cheated on him, he wouldn't be as understanding and yet he expected the wife to be forgiving towards him. How amazingly selfish. Great conversation Lisa. I enjoyed Laterras' honesty and transparency, but less so the double standards which he seemed to own up to to a certain extent.
Indeed. No respect or trust for infidelity.
I wonder how does his ex-wife feel about him sharing the things that happened during their marriage? Is that even more traumatic for her?
She tells him she's okay with it, but she doesn't have a great history of being in-tune with herself...
I can’t imagine it feels good to her. Maybe she’s just giving him enough rope…
His ex contributed to the disconnect.
Something was still missing here for me. I couldn’t push past him and how he showed up. My ears, which are usually open and objective just couldn’t stomach “listening” to this guy.
She probably feels humiliated. I know I would have. Because this is very personal. Women don’t support other women in situations like this. They are the reason many woman suffer in silence because of the same and blame other women make them feel. It’s like a crab in a barrel situation.
Laterras is fighting sexual perversion. He needs deliverance before ever thinking about getting married again. He believes his sex drive is just high but it's really perversion that entered through insecurities. I hope the women he claims are interested in him proceed with caution.
Yes, exactly
Does anyone see how important communication is? You should be talking about everything with your spouse. My husband was too secretive and that's bad because I was willing to talk about everything under the sun. There is only so much I can talk about myself while he's collecting my data.
Being secretive is not Ok in a marriage. I said, no more of this and I left.
Right I was 7 years with a secretive narcissist. I’m being strong because I’m not sure if he sleeps with men & women
Me 3 but hubby wanted me to be open
My husband was also very secretive. He would listen to me but wouldn't comment. I also left the relationship .
@reneebrown9451 if you wonder whether or not he slept with men, he did. I went through the same thing. Your gut always knows!!!
@@polly8844 it’s so sad I’m not sure where these men come from but it’s so many of them.
I hear him out, but so many excuses
The amount of shift blaming, excuses, & contradictions are unbelievable.
Wow. Smh. I hope she’s healing and happy. 🙏🏾 ladies, please leave at the first sign of disrespect/betrayal. As you can see, it’s rarely the first and only time especially when their mindset is “I didn’t mean anything.” Get outta there. ♥️💨
Yes! And then it gets worse as they then feel justified and blame you even more for their actions
I can say that as a man and married, that I've never cheated, but I've been cheated on.
This triggers me alot.. because the ex would fantasy about other women and would never think of me.. I would wear lingerie, try to be seductive but it was never enough. I will never talk to a drug addict and a porn boy again.
This is a healed version of that. Take peace of mind to see it exist. Much love
Thanks@@CapriSunVirgoMoon717
So sorry that happened to you. It sounds like he really objectified you and women in general. We deserve so much better.
@@CapriSunVirgoMoon717 This is not a healed man. This is man that is justifying his actions & trying to compartmentalize every move he has made. For the amount of comments you have on here defending him - I bet you're a wayward.
Yeah the ones that don’t watch porn usually have actual real life sex & the F boys have too many insecurities that’s why they need to believe their sexually so wanted but most of the time they’re just users and abusers
This man is clearly dealing with another struggle (most serial cheating males like this are). You can tell. The woman's mistake was deciding to still marry a cheater. So glad she divorced him, and removed herself from this DL trainwreck waiting to happen.
He divorced **her** ...
@@eesynopsis7393oh, okay…but she never should have married him in the first place. Please don’t stick up for a dog like this. He was a dog from the beginning!
@@eesynopsis7393so he says !!
@@eesynopsis7393Ok, thanks for clarifying that. I have edited my post accordingly:
"This man is clearly dealing with another struggle (most serial cheating males like this are). You can tell. The woman's mistake was deciding to still marry a cheater. So glad he at least had enough empathy/decency to divorced her, and set her free from this DL trainwreck waiting to happen."
@@enmodelifeHe only divorced her to run from his own shame. A very immature thing to do. He divorced her to avoid having to face her pain and flipped it around to him being in pain. He sounds very much like the hot topic word out there today. That other n-word. The DARVO is strong with this one.
Oh my goodness he’s just realizing after 8 years of divorce it just hit him. Cheating is selfish of a partner to do. I just appreciate this man honesty to speak his growth and truth.😢❤
Exactly 😮
42:23 "I'm glad I never fully gave myself to you because I would have been destroyed." His response to her saying this to him, tells us what she was dealing with. He blamed her for his cheating. He cheated before they were married so she never trusted him fully but still went along with the marriage knowing full well he didn't even like her...let alone love her. She was forgiving and giving him a chance. Had she cheated he would not have taken her back. She is absolutely right. Had she giving him her all she would be in an insane asylum, and he still would have divorced her because studies show when a woman gets sick most men don't stick around...
Thank you for writing.
I can see how you’re saying this, and he could have been better with explaining it. I follow his podcast. The key he was saying is that they didn’t communicate about their needs. Their needs weren’t being met, so the cycle kept going. He lacked clarity and self awareness when he met her and also did hold to his needs when she showed she wasn’t that type. This is a problem many people go through even without cheating.
I have been cheated on and it was a horrible experience because the narcissist blamed me for everything when I knew nothing.
This example is nowhere near that energy. He has taken accountability but TOTALLY could have been better explaining it in that section which I agree with.
@@Regina.Clarke I hear you on the blame game when we didn’t even know it. Not a fair chance or on an even playing field when one person only knows the game being played.
That marriage was doomed from the beginning because God didn't put them together. They put themselves together and sound like they married out of convenience.
@@Regina.Clarke When someone words their accountability as blaming another person for their actions, that isn't being accountable. Instead of saying something like "our communication was bad" it should be "my communication was bad". Using "I" while explaining action/behavior is important in remaining accountable. I think he is still lacking self awareness & clarity because of the phrasing he uses throughout this interview.
I would hate to be his ex-wife, present or future. Her private moments laid bare. He offers her no protection and she can't even defend herself. It's very sad. 😢
It's quite clear that she was not satisfied. Quantity is not quality but quality leads to desire.
Does he identify as Christian? Does he not know that his body is a temple? To his wife, he was extremely selfish. As the interview goes on, he speaks as if he has evolved, but there's any underlying tone of arrogance... no sincerity.
This is what happens when men choose to prioritize quantity. Too many partners and lots of experiences mean nothing when it comes to quality of intimacy with one.
@jenniferbranch9047 thank you!! Plus I'm not for one moment buying the "she meant nothing to me" line. It may not have been love, but she meant something that you cheated with her even prior to marriage. I would hate being his ex wife as well as the ex side chick.
@@jenniferbranch9047 2 words: Derick Jaxn....talked a great game while living recklessly. Also, a "man of God"🙄
@@jenniferbranch9047agreed. The whole undertone of the interview is full of arrogance and he contradicts himself a few times. Plus, what an earth has a feather chandelier got to do with Lisa’s husband stroking her arm. He was maybe subtly trying to manipulate (seduce) Lisa by planting a seed and vision in her head of sensuality. Once a narc always a narc !!
Lisa!!!! I’m only 21 minutes in and he is doing such an amazing job telling his story. I have complete pictures of how this all went down. I’m so grateful for his transparency and honesty. Relationships take so much work that I’m not willing to put in. I can control the outcome of my business, but not one woman can control the outcome of putting her heart in another man’s hands. Ok, I need to hear the rest of this interview. Thank you Lisa, for such an amazing guest!
And I am now looking for the interview with the wife and the other woman and the ex-wife ... 😉
I feel the same way. He is expressing what a lot of men go through, but would never admit. So many of these comments analyzed everything he said and labeled him a bunch of negative things, including how they think he has not changed and is still a cheater. But it does not matter if he's changed or not. The point of this interview is for women to listen, learn and apply what he said as observational tools to use when dating or in a relationship.
I was married for 17 years to a very difficult man. I kept my vows to God. It never occurred to me to be unfaithful.
I definitely considered cheating when I was married. My ex husband thought I didn't cheat because he was so great. He wasn't great at all.
The reason I didn't cheat is because my vows to God were more important than my vows to God
God isn’t real 😂😂😂 you weren’t keeping vows to an imaginary person my dear. The church made you believe that!
Good for you!
Amen!
Were you happy? Why get married to a difficult man?
Love how he introduces the other woman as the initiator as he sits in her home...
Ha! Of course she was… She knew what he was there for!😬😅
What was he expecting?🙄
To me cheating is a deal breaker. But there are many conversations that need to be had. What is okay, what is not okay. For a healthy marriage there has to be so many conversations. I had a healthy marriage, it was amazing.
@EMuro-wu7uy I agree with you! But, you can have numerous conversions before marriage with your spouse-to-be & they still do the opposite! Talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words… men & women lie and can be selfish… having the mature conversations will NOT make one’s marriage immune to adultery!! Both spouses needs to be genuine, unfortunately it can be difficult to tell who has your best interest at heart smh.
@@bina913 I agree, I was lucky I had a terrific marriage to my spouse, unfortunately he passed on, and being single again is difficult. I know there are some good men out there, but there are also ones that have a lot of problems. I'm working on myself for now. Before I date again.
HAD a healthy marriage??
@@4nasj he died.
It sounds like neither of them were sexually satisfied..
I know what that is like to be disappointed because you are always doing it the way they like it.
It gets old and you start to resent your partner when it can only be done their way.
lots of married unsatisfied women out there
@@teascobie6557 you ain't kidding. It's the majority of women.
I agree. Very unsatisfactory and especially when they present such great demands, for their pleasure.
Cheating is for people who have no self discipline, integrity and lack of discipline. I was once accused of cheating and felt so disrespected. I left him! I was very annoyed and upset but he thought was acting defensive. I would rather leave a person than to cheat.
I was accused of cheating by a man, I was shocked. 1. I would never cheat. 2. What does he think of me then? 3. Is he cheating and that’s why his mind when there?!
He likely accused you because that is what he was doing.
Or they chest because they simply settled for the person and never loved or liked them. Sometimes it's just a matter of not actually wanting to be with the person that they are with.
“Safe place” with a stripper can also mean he doesn’t have to be held accountable nor have to live up to any expectations. It’s easy because there is no risk of true vulnerability with the bartender or stripper 😊
Yup avoidant behavior
It annoys me how stupid women can be.
DEPENDS ON HOW YOU SEE IT...I AM A DANCER AND TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THE MEN SHOW THIER TRUE NATURE AND WHO THEY REALLY ARE WITH US...
THE REASON HE SAID 'SAFE PLACE' IS BECUZ WE ARE ALREADY NAKED AND HE CAN PICK THE WOMAN THAT HE PHYSICALLY DESIRES WITHOUT TRYING TO GET TO KNOW THE DANCER AND SNEAK AROUND WITH HER..HE CAN JUST GO TO THE CLUB, SIT DOWN AND TALK TO HER, AND IF SHE'S A CERTAIN TYPE AND HIS MONEY IS RIGHT, THEN HE CAN SEE HER AFTERWARDS FOR PLEASURE...THEN HE GOES HOME AND HIS WIFE IS NONE THE WISER...
What’s with all caps? Anyway, that is easy because it’s not a reciprocal relationship and he is in a power position because he is paying for a service, which takes away true vulnerability. Emotional intimacy is about being vulnerable along with reciprocation, and expectations, not a feeling of superiority and power.
@@staciacrick3373 COMPLETELY AGREE...ALL CAPS IS BECAUSE IT'S HARD TO SEE FINE PRINT....
This guy's BS about men being "physical beings". He's using a false generalization about men to justify his own behavior. I applaud Lisa's ability to keep a straight face. Also, this guy's wife married him after he cheated on her while they were dating. I'm glad he's recovering, but he still has a long way to go.
And so is she.
Yes, that was an uncomfortable statement, but if you continue to watch, he does clarify that it is a selfish male perspective to have.
💯
@@karmepresh915 That's fair. I confess I've had to digest this video in small chunks.
As a feminine, lgbt, androgynous male...who's a hopeless romantic when it comes to being attracted to masculine men....I COMPLETELY AGREE. It's all a social construct...that masculine men attempt use to their advantage for manipulation...to continue their poor, low-vibrational, "cornsick" behavior. As a male myself-I know for a fact that is not true. Men are not "physical" or "primal" beings...men are completely capable of being committed to one person in a loving, monogamous relationship. Men are completely capable of sexual discipline-in fact they even have much more intense, memorable, better orgasms....only having sex once every week, or other week. While being more productive in every other aspect of life. Speaking as a male who has a prostate(male g spot).
This is so right on time. I'm going to share this with my guy friends who have talked about this same struggle.
CLEAR AND OPEN COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL FOR IT TO WORK.
This is what lacking accountability looks like. ❤
Yes!!!
You can call it whatever you want, but this man is speaking honestly.
How so? He kept talking about what he did wrong and how he could have done better. That’s being accountable.
I’m glad I never really gave myself to you because you would have destroyed me….so true
@@Thechagiplatelol thank you for saying it
Powerful conversation, very transparent thank you for this episode Lisa, Amazing 👏!
In the beginning he said it was only physical with the other women and that he could care less and later he said it wasn´t just physical but that it was about vulnerability and complained that his wife wasn´t vulnerable enough with him and that he went to the other women to get that type of connection. So what is then? Gaslight much?
100%!!! This guy's story just doesn't add up!!
He was opening up about the complexity of his personal reasoning for cheating, which is a different thing than how a man perceives sex with the woman he wants above all others, vs just any woman he can have a physical experience with. He was attempting to fill a void, using the physical act of sex. Obviously it's not going to, and lead to him being worse off. This entire video is him going into depth about that
@@eesynopsis7393 How is shift blaming "going into depth"? There's a clear difference between someone explaining 'I am the cause of my failed marriage here are the reasons why' vs 'my wife's lack of sex or caring I masterbated is why I did x,y,z' WORDING IS SO IMPORTANT in when remaining accountable! Instead of saying I'm at fault - he continuously shift blames on her or atempts to justified his lack of morals. This man is not self aware - his therapist did a sh-t job of helping him heal.
Gaslight a lot.
😮 If a man cheated on you, do not forgive him. If he really loved and valued you he never would betray you. Cheating is the ultimate violation of your boundaries, dignity, and self respect. Cheating is bad character. He broke your agreement and tore your heart out. Do not forgive. Do not. He made his choice. Now let him deal with the consequences. Yes, it's hard, but if you stay with him he will continue to make you suffer. You must keep your safety, dignity, honor, and value as a woman. You heard what this narcissist said. According to him, using women to satisfy his ego and entitlement meant nothing. He just cared about his own needs. Did he ever consider her needs? He had cheated before. Red flag! A guy like this is NOT a keeper.
You must forgive him if you are a Christian! You don't have to reconcile yet you must forgive.
@@glendorahorton9605 I am not God, let God forgive. You move on quickly and in time you can forgive if God puts it in your heart to do so. I have learned in my life's journey that when we immediately cut people out of our lives for abusing us, karma takes care of it and we find peace and freedom surprisingly well. It's totally natural and effective to be angry and say "you shall not pass!!!". That anger is what gives the power and the courage to stay clear from fake promises and further harm.
Foh with this. Bye
You crazy …!…that’s pride right there….who are you ..or any woman to feel as if if a man is weak or not perfect you gotta leave him…that’s the princess syndrome and is fuelled by narcissism …”I have to have the perfect man cos I’m so wonderful”..!!!
Also I think people are way to sexualised ..especially in America…it’s a bondage
If you fail to forgive you give the person who wronged you tremendous power over you. If you fail to forgive, you will never heal and this will prevent you from having a successful relationship in the future with anyone else. Forgiveness is not weakness but strength.
This is and was so helpful to me. Relationship trauma can mess you up. I have been through it, and it totally changed me from being a woman who poured out my soul, moving across the country, leaving a job and my family for someone, to changing my religion for my person to a broken and angry person who is to scared to open her heart again. The only thing that kept me hopeful was God, that somehow and someday I will be ok again. Ready love fully and openly again. I'm so grateful to have watched this video, it is saving alot of relationships, marriages and in some cases LIVES! THANK YOU BOTH. GOD BLESS YOU.
This was exactly my Ex-husband… emphasis on EX. He had no idea what intimacy and connection meant and I was scrambling to figure this all out to avoid our relationship ending… then realized he wasn’t. Exactly every single experience he mentions happened in my relationship.
Informative. But- I cannot understand why he blames Black women, female headed households, strong matriarchs. Who else was supposed to keep the culture and the family together when some Black men either couldn't, or wouldn't do it? He admitted many are absent.
He was not blaming them. He was just mentioning that this is what he was brought up seeing.
He acts like sex is all there is in a marriage.
Yes! 🙏
I love what he had to say. There’s a lot of truth in here. Thank you for sharing your story!!
I remember my ex partner saying he felt sick to his stomach at the thought of hurting me. I felt at the time it was selfish for him to feel that way. Listening to this episode helped me to see a different perspective. Thank you.
Thank you for having this interview. Toxic Relationships are bad!!! IF YOU START A RELATIONSHIP WITH A LIE YOU CAN BET IT WILL END IN A LIE.
Sorry but he threw me off when he said, it's time for divorce, and she didn't fight for me. You betrayed her by cheating before marriage. Once that trust is broken, you'll never experience her the same again. But she still chose to move forward with you, and you broke her again simply because YOUR needs weren't met. There was nothing for her to fight for. You fought against her, and not for her. There is such a big disconnect in how men and women think.
When my husband and I were dating, he said a man that will cheat while dating, will cheat in marriage.
He's right. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Cheating Trigulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast
Never Forgive Infidelity - Sam Vaknin podcast
"What you practice when you're single is what you carry into your marriage '.❤
So appreciate the openness with which this topic is being discussed. Thank you!
Every little bit I am hearing so on point down to the adoption. Sure hope you find that woman you are looking for. Rooting for you!!!
Excellent conversation. Appreciate his 100% honesty and transparency.
Being in a relationship involves so many elements to truly have a deep connection. Being together is only the surface level. There is sooooo much deeper stuff that each person needs to be connected with the other. Trust, honesty, safety, security, respect, vulnerability, transparency, integrity, etc. are absolutely pertinent.
Each person must work on their own self, their Self Love, in order to bring it to the table....so a healthy relationship can grow.
Appreciate this podcast! Thank you. ❤
Absolutely... 100%
Most definitely 💯
Love 😘 it
I really like the show though it was seven months ago. Just found your station. I really enjoy your conversations. I’m at a point in my life where I’m off the roller coaster and I’m in a labyrinth/maze … as an older woman almost 70 but I get mistaken for in my 50s because of my energetic approach to life. Working on living in the moment living in trying to not get in a situation people misunderstand.
I like to help people, but I find that people misunderstand my kindness as a situation to take advantage of. I’ve had to walk away from so many people in my life over the years and most recently my family on the death of my father. That’s why I’m no longer on the roller coaster. I’m in that maze and it must say it’s amazing That my life is changing but I also find it hard to fit into the patterns of life because I no longer need anything and I don’t want my wants to be misconstrued. I need people or want people know I can walk away I don’t need anything that people are offering that is negative or Abusive or someone using you for their own outcome. Very hard, though as a nurturing caretaker to walk away from a lot of situations like that trying to change the results without changing who I am the authentic person new boundaries new guidelines I think too many women are living with old tools and old strategies. There’s a need for new ways to get from .8 point B and get the results you want again thank you for yourinterview with I’m finding them extremely informational and rewarding on my current path or journey of life.
Lisa! Love your content. Thank you!
Wonderful interview, learned a lot from this one.
Absolutely important conversation. Intimacy v. Sex and the part where what does it look like broken down and executed in a relationship. Love it! I hope my future husband can be transparent like this👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing your trial and triumph
I have been deeply hurt by my now ex husband and forgiven him for everything and all I wanted was to understand why he would not face his issues knowing that it was the cause. It just boils down to not trusting God to heal him and holding onto what he thinks is protecting him has actually imprisoned him to this destructive lifestyle. I’m enjoying the stories of victory in your life keep going it’s so encouraging!
He was in denial sis he didn't give it to God to help him deal with himself.
I’m so impressed with your honesty. Truly grateful.
This is such a mentally enlightening candid conversation, thanks for the honesty.
Thank you.
It is my belief that information is put on your path for a reason. This video blew me away. So insightful. Thank you. 🙏
I think the same way that you do. I'm not in a relationship, never been married and never wanted to be married, which I knew since I was 12 years old. But I like hearing honesty from men like this and learning from the mistakes of others. So down the line, if someone happens to sweep me off of my feet, and my views on marriage change, at least I can say that I know how to observe what I need to, in order to know if he's someone I want to commit to.
Thank you for clarifying where I contributed. My break up wasn’t all my man’s fault. The cheating was, but not what lead up to it. Meryl Streep in “It’s Complicated” said it best. Something to the effect of (I didn’t have to acknowledge my failure in the divorce) “Because I didn’t have to when you cheated.” That sticks.
Sorry about that 😢
Maybe his wife didn't find him attractive, women need safety and trust, she must have sensed he is a potential cheater. She is better off without him.
he cheated on her while they were dating...that sealed the deal and projected his future behaviour in the marriage.
WAO this is incredible and so much needed to understand a ton of stuff regarding men 😜🙏
This interview was so good I recommend that several people watch . He discussed so many things from trauma to being open humble and transparent conversations. He also expressed how you have to show up as who you really are to get what you really want. Don’t show up pretending expecting to change a person or manipulate your way into attempting to make a n individual change for your selfishness.
Takes courage to be honest and vulnerable to share. Thank you
Very interesting and very well said about the way the people who have been affected have handled the situation so well that it has become very clear to the world that the situation has changed. Keep up your great values for yourself, I love it. ❤
When she found his lubrication n the shower and was ok with it and not step up her game ,he was insulted ,i think he wanted her to find it ,so she did make a change and accomodated him more ,it was only an exuse for him to have sex else where.
Yeah, it was a manipulation. Why would she care? She doesn't want sex as much as him.
A very narcissistic plot. Just like confessing was supposed to make her beg him to stay.
I love hearing his story. He digs a new pit each time he tells it.
Yup they leave easter eggs for mayhem to arise and she was a smart lady for not taking the bait. She let him unfold and reveal his true colors to her and now she is free from a life of lies and misery with this man
Love is total freedom, love is not insecurity love is not attachment, love is not jealousy, etc… we can’t own another human being and signing the papers doesn’t going to make things more perfect.
No one can never complete us. Compliment and balance is the key to any relationship and for a great life. Namasté 🙏
This is the most intelligent conversation I’ve EVER heard from a man who wasn’t a licensed, very well trained therapist. He is so emotionally aware now because he really learned how to be someone with true integrity. BRAVO!👏 👏 👏 👏 👏This is so difficult for most people.
The best conversation Lisa!!! 🎉🎉
Women are disposable right? You had two women who loved you and you speak about the one you fantasize about and have physical needs for as if she garbage. You cheated with this same woman over and over again, and you’re writing your emotions off for that person and speaking about her like she is nothing but a flesh light.
I feel bad for you sir.
It's so refreshing to hear an intelligent honest man share his wisdom and experiences 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💋
Yess!!!!
This is one of the best interviews ever. Thank you for your transparency. It’s liberating to watch although I have been through similar situation.He has so much understanding.
This man is full of contradictions.
After all his cheatings and confessions, he says he's a Christian guy and expects his future wife to share his "core values"..🤷♀️ What a hypocrite😀!
He not only deceives women but also himself!
I say get out if you're not happy. You will get your Karma one day, and it will be worse. It might not happen right away, but it will.
I just love this interview. So detail and real. So much facts were unleashed.
I love men who can boldly accept their wrongs and ready to make things right if granted another opportunity.
Nice one bro ❤❤
All that! Thank you for being Authentic where so many people can be healed, delivered and set fee. It’s good that you confess your faults and accepted full responsibility. It was good you spoke of communication as it is important. You spoke of your healing coming from Therapy… May God get the Glory for what he has done in you.
This interview was awesome. He dropped some gems and placed accountability where it needed to be.
Marriage should be a Give and Take, a Compromise, more than a Sacrifice. If it feels like you're giving so very much that you're sacrificing yourself, not just for one night or a few days, than you're with the wrong person!
It's easy to stop going to your spouse's events, but then you start losing your connection and miss out on a big part of who they are!
Appreciated Laterras’s inner work and sharing these insights to help others! We learn so much from every relationship! Thank you Lisa for another great guest! ❤
I want to say thank you for giving insight. I'm always curious how people think in situations & i get where your coming from. Many blessings 🙌
I love this opportunity to hear the cheaters perspective. This is such a compassionate and heart opening interview. ❤
Thank you for listening.
Thank you both, I’ve learned so much 📝
This man has been incredibly candid. I do appreciate the peep into his mind. It imparts necessary understanding. The male-female dynamic is truly fragile.
unfortunatelly, I gave myself 100%...being betrayed I destroied me.
As someone who has cheated, i love this interview. Lisas body is so tense
This man needs to apologize to his ex wife and all the women he has hurt! I don’t believe he really understands the depth, hurt, the pain, scars he has left on his ex wife.
It’s truly sad he seeing things more clearly now after divorcing. He’s speaking facts!
I thought this was an awesome interview! Thank you for sharing Laterras.