Divorces in Japan. Foreigners with Japanese spouses.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 พ.ค. 2024
- Quick topic while picking up some cafe stuff. I find this topic to be something everyone could shed some light on.
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#japanese #kominka #akiya #emptyhouse #ruraljapan #inaka #japanesecountryside #abandonedhouses #farminginjapan #cafejapan.
Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated.
www.buymeacoffee.com/realrura...
Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated.
www.buymeacoffee.com/realruraljapan
Divorce is a subject that gives me a heavy heart. While teaching, I had access to the parents records and the kids who were struggling at school, often given some acronym to describe what was wrong with them (semh, adhd etc), they tended to all have one thing in common: Disrupted home background eg single parent or living with relative or foster care. This was true even in the early years kids who are often these bright, bubbly little creatures, beaming away with sunshine coming out of their eyes, all day, unless they've just fallen over and scraped a knee (yet again) and wailed for 2 minutes before dashing off. Even at this age the kids with troubles back home you could see a little dark cloud over them.
So when I see the stats, all that's clear is there's too much failure in couples, especially with kids, breaking up and it has very bad consequences on those kids. It often affects them for the rest of their lives either lack of resources or emotional problems eg harder to attach in future relationships as an adult etc.
All this "neurosis" in couples breaking-up: There's so many challenges to doing the right things that are needed, let alone filling the relationship with all the wrong things... it's a double-challenge to get right hence maybe why it so often goes wrong?
I did some work too both in care and in nanny or kid-sitting work with younger kids and older kids, my experience working with the mothers was that they're a lot happier if they've got more family (extended family) around so there's generally more emotional-social support and resources. I'd say nuclear families are not ideal for raising kids no matter couples want their own space or house.
When I was in the Basque Country in NE Spain, they used to have these large old farm-houses with red terracotta roofs that held at least 2 families, so say 2 brothers and their wives each in one wing living together perhaps with the parents in another wing too so 3 generations up-down and then 2-relatives cross-ways.
My guess is that's a better structure for families: Many hands make light work and the kids even end up entertaining themselves giving the parents some much needed breathing space. Generally the cultures with lower divorce rates and coincidentally more stable kids tend to have more extended family input and structure: And those kids tended to be doing fine at school too because of all the support.
At first I loved the idea of living with an extended family, but then I remembered my mother and noooo, please don't make me live with her, no way. But I swear I will do better when I become a grandmother.
BTW living with my Japanese in-laws was quite OK. Considering the circumstances, we might say it was really great.
Women breakup over 80-90% of marriages in the last 60 years but almost 100% will ALWAYS say the husband caused it. Now 6 out of 1000 men want marriage in the West. Since women have shown what they truly think of men and collect 100s of billions dollars from men globally using divorce, we can now see why MEN GO THEIR OWN WAY (MGTOW movement is getting stronger each day). Keep blaming men, as Redpill movement needs the truth of hatred of men pushed by modern society to become undeniable.
This is how I grew up in LATAM, but it has kinda disappeared with our modern lifestyles. I don't know if it's nostalgia or what, but whenever I remember those days growing up with my cousins and uncles/aunt, it brings joy to me. We all pitched in to foster a community within a house. It was nice as long as we all respected each other boundaries.
The problem in Japan is that too many people, from both sides, marry a foreigner or Japanese for the wrong reasons and having criteria which shouldn't be there in the first place. No wonder why the divorce rate for international marriages is so high.
You mean if I find a Japanese wife, she won’t teach me how to Rasengan? 😧😞 /s
Mate, anyone that gets banned from your channel was obviously being obnoxious. I enjoy your thoughts and the perspectives they bring. All the best
I try to be fair, but some people have just got to go.
I think relationships can be very difficult to start of with. Even if you come from the same culture, the couple must work through differences in values, as well as creating strong bonds over shared values. Compromise and communication are extremely important. I'm a cultural anthropologist who has lived outside of my 'home country' for over 20 years. When you add the differences between language and culture on top of that, it presents more challenges and from what I've read there is a higher rate of breakups in international relationships (because there are more differences to address). However, if both parties are open minded, willing to learn, listen and compromise - there is an excellent foundation for a great relationship. And yes, I would bet money that there is a better chance for an international relationship to last, if at least one (if not both) partners have lived some time outside of their native country. It shows a greater willingness to learn and adapt. Great topic.
Thanks for commenting that was my hunch also. I also think the divorce rate would be higher but nowhere near the official figures due too many variables.
You don’t compromise, you sacrifice.
That perspective changed my thinking about relationships in general.
I think the individuals that are creative and innovative, always thinking out of the box and accepting others for who they are without wanting to change anything about them. These are the types of people who last longer in relationships because they've already figured themselves out. They've realised that it's easier to adjust themselves and make it work than cause drama and nonsense.
Getting rid of the trolls on your channel is always Good.
Measuring distance in units of coffee and chocolate is genius. I really enjoy your videos because they are cerebral. The fact that you're in a country I have a massive crush on is just a bonus. I love that you used the words, vociferous and perspective. I appreciate people who understand nuance and are open minded enough to reconsider their own belief systems. And you love cats. TH-cam perfection.
Cheers thanks for the kind words.
beautiful scenery!
The one thing I see a lot are Westerners asking about cheating and divorce so I am glad you covered it. It was honestly frustrating to see people ask the same thing over and over like Japanese women and men are different. People cheat and divorce everywhere and it is a case by case basis.
Of course, but as a rule one should not take a 50/50 gamble, especially if the relationship is long distance for significant portions of the year.
It’s complexed problem, and very interesting subject for me.
I agree that people get to hang up on the “culture”. I’ve seen people from my country that are as stubborn and close minded as Japanese 😂
I’ve also seen Japanese wives who value their marriage and take it very seriously. It’s easy to see when looking at a couple in their 40-ties or 50-ties.
I only wished more people talked about how to make a marriage work instead of how many marriages fail and who’s to blame.
Good point.
Always enjoy your content, but this was the best video yet :) Wish I could like it more than once!
Cheers
I can easily believe that the ratio is higher in mixed marriages.
One spouse doesn’t have a family, no life long friends and the support that comes from it.
When having kids, only the Japanese spouse family can help out.
Issues like that add to the stress load.
It’s hard to make a good marriage, so any negative influence just makes everything harder.
Saying that, there are studies that different races find each other more attractive, which helps for sure.
I think it is higher too but i also think all are higher and the gap shorter in ratio if that makes sense.
@@RealRuralJapan
I’m curious about conclusions people have about it.
Let’s assume the ratio is higher. The question is why?
If someone thinks it’s lower, then I want to know why they think so.
And most importantly, why the f some people look so happy together after over 20 years of being together? :)
If you ever see some very happy old couple, interview them please
Excellent point
@@valdius85sexless marriage is the norm in Japan. The view on sex after the children arrive may be vastly different.
I’ve interviewed over 40 western men married/divorced to Japanese women and nearly all are sexless.
I for one absolutely hate that aspect.
@@shizuokaBLUES
I’ve heard similar horror stories as well.
Saying that, not much difference in many European countries :(
I do not think it’s a typical Japanese culture, it is common where I’m from as well.
I thought some of the comments in one of the last videos were a bit odd or weird. Choose not to reply to them. So I meet my wife in NZ , but we had known each other for about 6months before actually physically meeting. We even spent a year in a third country to continue living together and to be sure we were meant to be together. Coming up nearly 20 years together, lasted longer than many friends who have married someone from their own country. I’m very proud to have found my wife.
Sounds like you have made the best decision how to deal with various people, after all it’s your channel.
Great work with plenty of useful information, keep it up.
My uncle tells people he has been married for 55 years just the faces change! He is on his 5th marriage one of the funniest people i have ever met but hopeless at marriage.
@@RealRuralJapan oh well at least he’s got a sense of humour about it.
I don't think I disagree with you much, from the videos I've seen; and if I do it's probably a personal choice rather than actual disagreement, so keep it up!
Your "on-site" knowledge is definitely appreciated, while I've not moved over yet.
I think there's something to your theory. I met my Japanese wife in England, where we were both classmates together at a university. We were a couple for two years there before we came to Japan. Still happily married 25 years later, with 3 kids. In all the foreigner-Japanese couple divorces that I personally know, which admittedly is a grand total of two, they met in Japan.
This is my hunch too.
@@RealRuralJapan Interesting. All the people I know usually say the exact opposite. Couples get together in a foreign country and then when they move to Japan the dynamic changes and the relationship often fails. Whereas a foreigner already established and happy in Japan will be much better able to fit into a relationship with a Japanese person. In reality it probably just depends on the individual people more than anything else.
I've often seen class often impacts things a lot. Upper middle class families are often a bit more welcoming at first but it is hard for the foreigner to measure up to the cultural expectations long term whereas working class families are often initially thrown off by their child bringing home a foreigner but once they realize their new family member is a normal good person they are very accepting.
I don't need flavoured kitkats but the micro vans are soooo cute!
Appreciate your straightforward observations and commentary as well as your engagement in the comments. They've helped expand my awareness and mindset as we prepare for the move and transition to life in Japan.
As you said, official statistics don't tell the whole story, but there's probably an academic paper somewhere that's looked at different aspects of international relationships. Those masters and doctoral candidates have to look at something.
One of the "benefits" of an international marriage is that my wife and I have separate surnames. First five years or so, her friends and family would address letters and packages to her with my surname. Due to the Japanese marriage registration law, they assumed that she changed hers to mine.
I have friends who kept their names who are married to foreigners and those that didn't. In Australia the government doesn't care either way.
No country is perfect and magical, people need to understand that. I love Japan, I am constantly looking for a path towards a work visa/permanent immigration, but I accept the flaws. These people blindly white knighting the country have probably spent little to no time there. I appreciate your down to earth real view, and you have become one of my fave Japan channels.
Cheers
I imagine that coming from different cultures presents a challenge. Lol, marriage is a challenge. Thanks for the discussion! Have a blessed day.
Love this guys channel n vibe
Hi, we lived in Tokyo for 2 years. Typical expat corporate package. English wife and 2 of our kids. Been back 4 times on holiday with family (now grown up). I like your analysis, particularly the vid about Japanese salary man. Cheers
Cheers
Off topic, but I'm probably in a similar situation, we've been thinking of moving from Oz to Japan for a while, I'm close to retirement age but we're expecting our second, how do you manage health cover if you're not employed/not going to be working in Japan?
To clarify, with a Japanese partner
Japan has the OZ style Medicare system and you can take out extra insurance if you want to.
Black Thunder beats Kit Kat any day of the week. Is this a banworthy opinion? (笑)
Been living here a little over two years and I always get a ton from your perspectives. Thanks for doing what you do, bro!
I sometimes get the big pack with the mini bars. But it has a darker chocolate flavor so it can't be a go to bar for me. I am a milk chocolate person and when it comes to bars Snickers can't be beat.
@@RealRuralJapan Try some of the special flavors they carry at 7-11, some of them have a lighter chocolate. The butter flavored one in particular is dangerous.
Hello! That was a really interesting. I have a few questions regarding that topic.
I don't know how many people you know that have been divorced but if you could tell based on your observations, what would you say are the most common reasons that international couples divorce in Japan?
Also, there have been a lot of videos lately about cheating in Japan. Most of those videos (interviews) took place in major cities like Tokyo. I'm curious if that's also the case in more rural places in Japan or it's the same everywhere? Again, what do you think are the reasons for those kind of issues?
And lastly, what would be necessary to achieve a long, happy, stable and fulfilling marriage from both sides that doesn't involve multiple partners?
I hope you'll be able to answer those questions! :)
I'll do some videos on this in the near future but my opinion on the whole street interview thing and cheating is people chasing views. I also have an inkling most are staged based on the behavior as i also do with many of the videos of people giving poor people money you see on the net. If it is legit answers there is no indication how many people declined to be interviewed and how many they chose to show of the cheaters versus those who said they would never do it. They are giving people what they want to see it is entertainment not information.
@@RealRuralJapan Yes I think that could be very much the case with some of those interviews. Thank you. :)
I work for the US government I'm looking to transfer to Japan. I didn't really think I'd be that behind on dating culture in Japan but you have opened my eyes. Could you make a video covering some of the things I should probably know to be more successful in dating Japan. I don't know if age makes a difference for it but I'm 33 and id be looking for a woman my age. Thanks for your videos.
I'm an old guy haven't dated for over 25 years I'm not really the person to ask but i do know some things here about it and ask some women i know around your age too. I will do a video on what i know but it will be limited by these constraints.
i spent 11 years in japan, wife was taiwanese, not japanese. knew many western/japanese couples. seems that the successful marriages were between a guy who was willing, and intelligent enough, to learn some japanese and a lady who had spent time overseas in an english environment, and liked it enough to want to move there with you. i also met many non-japanese ladies resident in japan who married western guys. just ensure that this lady is professionally educated & employed, has a proper longterm resident visa for japan, and isn’t part of the “entertainment” world or “water trade” (mizu shobai). southeast asian hangers-on with sad tales looking for a knight in shining armor near the bases aren’t ideal.
@@jtns2845 These are all good points. I'll try my best to stay away from the super pretty show girls lol.
@@GeneralChase the real pretty ones are mostly in clubs that cater exclusively to japanese customers and working to pay off debts. otherwise you are likely to be entertained by single mothers from the philippines with sad tales and families who you will eventually support.
"Good" statistics are hard to find, and it is usually challenging to determine when they are good, and when not. If one does not properly assess/measure an appropriate and representative sample, adequate sample size, measure the proper variable by a proper measurement method, understand error and bias, etc. Statistics kill more people than handguns (and I have statistics to back it up). Marriage... been married 18 years to the same dear woman. She divorces me regularly. And I deserve it. Life is good. 😎
We often disagree and I’m still here posting 😂
So I think your filter is fine 😂
Allow comments but everyone should be respectful. Easy to be respectful.
People disagreeing is what it is about but to go getting personal and spitting the dummy that is not on.
Do you have any insights you’d like to share about your relationship with your partner or your friends? Maybe cultural differences about expectations about spouses? There seem to be many videos about “Why Japanese wives hate these things their foreign husbands do!”
That is a clickbait video if i have ever seen one. Japanese women are just the same as others but if they truly hated it they wouldn't be with their husbands. Lots of stuff annoy different people that is a different thing altogether. I annoy my wife every day and she annoys me it isn't any different to most marriages.
This happened to me. My wife is Japanese and she’s estranged me from our son. I’m not claiming to be perfect in our marriage, but estranging a child from their father is so low.
I feel for you man.
If a man had 5k usd monthly income after tax guaranteed, how would he rank in your opinion on the dating scene? Thanks!
Better than most.
Cant rely on your looks hey? 😂
I reckon couples that meet and marry outside Japan and then move there will face challenges. Once the bloke gets there he’s going to have buyer’s remorse when he sees what else is available.
That one made me chuckle! A bloke who would take on a girlfriend when he knows that she knows he is married deserves everything he is going to get. Women who like to destroy people and couples are everywhere in the world and here in Japan too. Buyer beware!
On marriage #3! Mexican - Canadian now Japanese woman - is da best of all!!! BTW Make that video on how to make your delicious pizza bread... lol
Plenty of bad girls here you wouldn't want to marry don't worry about that.
You must be a real catch if they keep leaving you 😂
There are also tons of failed marriages where the couple decides to not divorce for various reasons such as saving face or whatever. They have totally failed on every level but do not enter this statistic.
Very good point.
This is just anecdotal but I live in San Francisco and I would say about 90% of the Japanese/American marriages that I've seen have ended up in divorce. It's way higher than american/american marriages.
How many American/American long-term relationships break up? Similar figure but just a bit less? This was my point that most Japanese and foreigners are married, and this is mainly due to immigration concerns. This is where facts and data can only tell so much.
Having children as partners in an unmarried relationship is just not done in Japan, even if one of the partners is a foreigner.
Getting married and then divorcing very soon after happens a lot for this reason. I call it the Claytons marriage. The marriage you have when you are not having marriage.
長野県
I’m 35 male, still seeking a future with a Japanese woman 👩. I know all the risks/consequences but still doesn’t deter me from pursuing my goals/dreams. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject.
th-cam.com/video/c-iJXWb4xYY/w-d-xo.html
Japan is 98% Japanese and of the 2 1.5 are from other Asian countries. Most foreigners and Japanese couples are Japanese men and other Asian women.
Thats probably about right from my experience here.
AUSSIE,AUSSIE,AUSSIE. OI.OI.OI
I imagine there’s a bit of men in the downlow
@kingmaafa120
If you have nothing to add of substance and start nitpicking grammar go somewhere else please.
@@RealRuralJapan well said
Misery loves company 👍
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The comment had no place in the discussion
I apologize for any misunderstanding
@@kingmaafa120 No worries
If I do marry a Japanese woman, I will not be dependent on her resources. I believe in putting all the cards on the table and if a problem should occur then we can talk it out.
🤔 I know of only two couples who are still married to their Japanese wives.
Yes I do agree that people with life time experiences will attract one another 👦👧 Hopefully that will be me when I visit Japan 😀
Don’t know what’s your point. Divorce rates in the west are much higher than in Asia. Westerners divorce at a much higher rate.
@penname
Everybody has read the title of the video except you it seems.
@@RealRuralJapan great logic!
But reality doesn't let the moron bogan drone on for 20 minutes trying to get youtube rev 😂
Maybe it is because there’s no other cars around as a frame of reference but it looks like you drive way too damn fast. Slow down bruh.
It looks fast its the zoom of the camera. Everyone around me is driving the same speed or faster and none of us are doing 50 kmh.
@@RealRuralJapan Lol good. Love your vids. Cheers.
Smart men don't get married.
I must be dumb i have been happily married for 25 years.