Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated. www.buymeacoffee.com/realruraljapan
I'm in a wheelchair and this march I was in Japan and I went to this small bar where I met this Japanese woman. We talked a bunch (I can speak some Japanese) and once she said that she's glad she met me and that she'd love to talk to me again some time. When I was leaving the bar she went with me outside, crouched next to me, put her hand on my lap and said the same thing again. Now I didn't understand it word for word since she used keigo, something she didn't do for any of our other talk, but I think I got the gist of it. This video made me remember that and I wonder if she really meant what she said, even if it's not the three time rule haha.
People lose a lot of friends over stuff like this, and they never do work it out unfortunately. Even if you are married, they won't tell you this because to them it is normal and wonder what the problem is LOL. The first time you get told something just pretend it was in Swahili and you didn't understand it that's how i do it LOL!
I appears that Japanese conversation follows the rules of Improv Performing - every response is a form of "Yes - and...", which serves to move the humor (and conversation) forward in a pleasing manner.
No one likes a Debbie “Downer”!! 😂 The other type of person that kills a conversation is the “one upper”. We had a coworker come back from a trip to Hawaii and was telling everyone about it. Our boss suddenly jumped in with “The hotel we stayed at cost $1000 a night. We rented a private boat!” Just be happy for other people for a change. 😅
Half way through the video I realised I pretty much do this three-time rule with my friends, for going out to the pub etc. I wanted to ask, though, with you driving down all the narrow roads, do the Japanese give little hand waves or headlight flashes to say thanks/you're welcome when they give way? Or is it just expected road use? I can never tell from the video due to windscreen glare.
I live in rural America and it is common to wave to people in their yard or as you are go toward another car passing by. Will Japanese people wave back if you wave to them while driving by?
@@RealRuralJapan So if you wave they will bow? I figured it's hard to do a deep bow while driving😅. Anyway, are people (who are strangers) willing to return a greeting in such a situation? I find these types of human interaction interesting. Thanks.
This is one of the few things i have problems with as a german, especially as an east german. We are so straighforward in comparison to the rest of the world.
Interesting, your post came when I had been reading recently about "honne and tatemae". I will say though, in my experience from work over years, Japanese natives, who relocate to the US for a while (for work) seem somewhat comfortable adopting Western communication styles. E.g., willingness to express true opinions, respectfully confrontational exchanges, etc. I now wonder how, once they are back home in Japan, they are able to readjust to the norm, or if they now will stand out, when communicating. Though my examples are mostly younger folk, so perhaps they just more flexible in this regard. The differences you raise are fascinating to contemplate. Thanks, and keep up the good work! 😎👍
Whenever i ever the words Honne and Tatemae it reminds of that famous meme of the American grandmother with the words. Thats nice honey. Really old meme but still a classic!
What if you meet someone and say you really want to go to a restaurant and they go "Yeah, me too!". Then the next time you meet they bring up the restuarant again but by that time you already went there because you didn't think they were really interested (Because it was the first time it was brought up)? Would that hurt their feelings because you went without asking them? (But you actually didn't ask them because you didn't want to bring it up again and risk preassuring them on it.)
Excellent points. I agree with all of it. I approve of the Japanese doing this for conversational purposes and it has absolutely nothing to do with anything, In fact, they may well think the direct opposite of what they're agreeing to. The three time rule is perfectly correct. I would add that this is much like how New Yorkers were when I was growing up. And for better or worse I'm still like this.
Interesting video. I guess this habit contributes to the relative lack of spontaneity amongst Japanese you mentioned in another video. I guess you can only expect to do things on the spur of the moment if you really know who you are talking to well or if you are suggesting doing something you know they really like - like getting drunk. 😂
Good to know. So if you let your intentions be known once and nothing is reciprocated then you have to remember to leave it, but is the ball in their court? Not that there would and or could be a change of 'heart" is it common place that they change their mind about something? Lets take romantic relationships out of the equation tho. So would you just try your luck asking someone else to get Pasta? I think I would need some practice to get a handle of this concept. I can see its usefulness though. Thanks for the vid
When you understand how social groups are formed this becomes clear as day. Check out my friendship and social circles and club's video. Japanese would just set up an impromptu eating type social group club for those they know that like eating. Those who aren't into this wouldn't be a part as they wouldn't join, but they may be part of another group that does other stuff with the exact same people. If people are in the golf club, paper mâché club but decide not to join the eating club nobody would ask them anyway. It is moot point really when you see how things actually work here and the dynamics of it. Younger people would have something similar and i suspect this club culture is not a strong with them, but it is how it is for most people.
@@RealRuralJapan Watched em and I think I understand. Lots of loose ends tied up in most of the Jpn. entertainment that I have ingested in the past few years (decades). Pretty comprehensive and straight forward. I think I remember some of it but I just forgot. I have seen the trope of a character being "Instant Friends" and that might be what you are talking about the Younger generations, kind of. Its very intricate and in some sense delicate and strong as heck. Thanks for the info and the vids
The "Do I look fat in this?" questions might be annoying, they are quite tame compared to some of the truly mindboggling questions like "if x then would you still love me ?". I will never understand this need to go in such round about ways, if only their actual gymnastics was as good as their mental gymnastics. The thing that's annoying isn't the question, it's having some stupid mind game where they get upset if you don't interpret it it the way they want it to. In some ways, it's like playing those old Sierra point and click adventure games but without the fun and novelty of adventure games..
Early next year i plan to expand my rural Japan cafe to include rescuing stray cats in my area to turn it into a unique Cat Cafe. Any help is very much appreciated.
www.buymeacoffee.com/realruraljapan
I love the conversation accompanied by the rural backdrop. Its a nice and relaxing atmosphere
Cheers
I'm in a wheelchair and this march I was in Japan and I went to this small bar where I met this Japanese woman. We talked a bunch (I can speak some Japanese) and once she said that she's glad she met me and that she'd love to talk to me again some time. When I was leaving the bar she went with me outside, crouched next to me, put her hand on my lap and said the same thing again. Now I didn't understand it word for word since she used keigo, something she didn't do for any of our other talk, but I think I got the gist of it. This video made me remember that and I wonder if she really meant what she said, even if it's not the three time rule haha.
I absolutely love this beautiful village, I'm subscribed and watch every video just to relax (also appreciate the advice)!
Cheers
Sooooo true! You have no idea how many arguments my wife and I got into until I figured this out 😅
People lose a lot of friends over stuff like this, and they never do work it out unfortunately. Even if you are married, they won't tell you this because to them it is normal and wonder what the problem is LOL. The first time you get told something just pretend it was in Swahili and you didn't understand it that's how i do it LOL!
I appears that Japanese conversation follows the rules of Improv Performing - every response is a form of "Yes - and...", which serves to move the humor (and conversation) forward in a pleasing manner.
Thanks for the video
No worries.
Great info as always, be interesting to hear about medical system
Best in the world IMO.
@@RealRuralJapan those weighted blankets and hospital meals of rice and burdock
No one likes a Debbie “Downer”!! 😂 The other type of person that kills a conversation is the “one upper”.
We had a coworker come back from a trip to Hawaii and was telling everyone about it. Our boss suddenly jumped in with “The hotel we stayed at cost $1000 a night. We rented a private boat!”
Just be happy for other people for a change. 😅
Definitely don't get the one uppers here!
Half way through the video I realised I pretty much do this three-time rule with my friends, for going out to the pub etc.
I wanted to ask, though, with you driving down all the narrow roads, do the Japanese give little hand waves or headlight flashes to say thanks/you're welcome when they give way? Or is it just expected road use?
I can never tell from the video due to windscreen glare.
Everyone is different i flash my lights others sit there and do nothing. General rule is first to pull aside lets the other through.
I live in rural America and it is common to wave to people in their yard or as you are go toward another car passing by. Will Japanese people wave back if you wave to them while driving by?
People bow their heads here they don't wave.
@@RealRuralJapan So if you wave they will bow? I figured it's hard to do a deep bow while driving😅. Anyway, are people (who are strangers) willing to return a greeting in such a situation? I find these types of human interaction interesting. Thanks.
It's more like a short dip of the head almost like a nod while driving.
This is one of the few things i have problems with as a german, especially as an east german. We are so straighforward in comparison to the rest of the world.
Interesting, your post came when I had been reading recently about "honne and tatemae". I will say though, in my experience from work over years, Japanese natives, who relocate to the US for a while (for work) seem somewhat comfortable adopting Western communication styles. E.g., willingness to express true opinions, respectfully confrontational exchanges, etc. I now wonder how, once they are back home in Japan, they are able to readjust to the norm, or if they now will stand out, when communicating. Though my examples are mostly younger folk, so perhaps they just more flexible in this regard. The differences you raise are fascinating to contemplate. Thanks, and keep up the good work! 😎👍
Whenever i ever the words Honne and Tatemae it reminds of that famous meme of the American grandmother with the words.
Thats nice honey.
Really old meme but still a classic!
What if you meet someone and say you really want to go to a restaurant and they go "Yeah, me too!". Then the next time you meet they bring up the restuarant again but by that time you already went there because you didn't think they were really interested (Because it was the first time it was brought up)? Would that hurt their feelings because you went without asking them? (But you actually didn't ask them because you didn't want to bring it up again and risk preassuring them on it.)
No
Excellent points. I agree with all of it. I approve of the Japanese doing this for conversational purposes and it has absolutely nothing to do with anything, In fact, they may well think the direct opposite of what they're agreeing to. The three time rule is perfectly correct. I would add that this is much like how New Yorkers were when I was growing up. And for better or worse I'm still like this.
Interesting video. I guess this habit contributes to the relative lack of spontaneity amongst Japanese you mentioned in another video. I guess you can only expect to do things on the spur of the moment if you really know who you are talking to well or if you are suggesting doing something you know they really like - like getting drunk. 😂
Yep
Good to know. So if you let your intentions be known once and nothing is reciprocated then you have to remember to leave it, but is the ball in their court? Not that there would and or could be a change of 'heart" is it common place that they change their mind about something? Lets take romantic relationships out of the equation tho. So would you just try your luck asking someone else to get Pasta? I think I would need some practice to get a handle of this concept. I can see its usefulness though. Thanks for the vid
When you understand how social groups are formed this becomes clear as day. Check out my friendship and social circles and club's video. Japanese would just set up an impromptu eating type social group club for those they know that like eating. Those who aren't into this wouldn't be a part as they wouldn't join, but they may be part of another group that does other stuff with the exact same people. If people are in the golf club, paper mâché club but decide not to join the eating club nobody would ask them anyway. It is moot point really when you see how things actually work here and the dynamics of it.
Younger people would have something similar and i suspect this club culture is not a strong with them, but it is how it is for most people.
@@RealRuralJapan Watched em and I think I understand. Lots of loose ends tied up in most of the Jpn. entertainment that I have ingested in the past few years (decades). Pretty comprehensive and straight forward. I think I remember some of it but I just forgot. I have seen the trope of a character being "Instant Friends" and that might be what you are talking about the Younger generations, kind of. Its very intricate and in some sense delicate and strong as heck. Thanks for the info and the vids
The "Do I look fat in this?" questions might be annoying, they are quite tame compared to some of the truly mindboggling questions like "if x then would you still love me ?". I will never understand this need to go in such round about ways, if only their actual gymnastics was as good as their mental gymnastics.
The thing that's annoying isn't the question, it's having some stupid mind game where they get upset if you don't interpret it it the way they want it to. In some ways, it's like playing those old Sierra point and click adventure games but without the fun and novelty of adventure games..
I hear Germans who in general love complaining need to adjust to japanese conversational positivity