Japan is Facing Alarming Surge in Gray Divorces
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 มิ.ย. 2024
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■Kei
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■Atsuko Okano
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■Chapters:
0:00 Intro
0:58 The causes
1:26 Why women initiate it
2:47 Divorce with American husband
6:17 No regrets?
7:19 But..
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The lawyer sounds like our western lawyers. She is basically saying that they work harder because there is more money in it for them if more settlement money is involved. Disgraceful.
It sounds like they probably even go out of their way to sabotage any chances of the couples working things out, too, just to make sure they get paid.
@@InfernosReaper Literal parasites.
Of course! Nothing is free! So if a women wants to leave you! She will. As long as it's very lucrative for her! I know my wife divorced me but not when we had nothing! She divorced me when I bought a house and had money in the bank! Then she went on the attack and cleaned me out!
In the first month of the pandemic lock down, divorce lawyers in Spain were running commercials. These attorneys know women's behavior and take advantage of it.
Girl power!
When she said she felt stressed to spend more time with her husband, I was a bit surprised because who wouldn't want to spend time with the person they love? I am no expert but I feel like most Japanese relationships are too structured. Men has to do this, women has to do this - no questions asked. It's just sad to see these kinds of trends especially now that even us - millennials/younger generation - are too skeptic about marriage in general.
well, probably because people got married for economic reasons more than love in the past.
Structure gives purpose, too many marriages are ego driven shrines to a relationship that people don't really see as important beyond what it provides them and them alone in the first place. The situation is utterly bizarre compared to historical norms but it not inherently in the context of western society at the mom though it will almost certainly collapse in on itself on the current trajectory.
A lot of millennials I run into are very anti-human and hold ideas that make they fact they have been mollycoddled throughout life quite plan, they have never faced hard (or not so hard) realities and they aren't about to start now.
@@vorynrosethorn903 😂😂😂😂 you do realize that nothing is really new! Millennials just happen to be brought up in a global village.
I think she's just an outlier, Nobita should've gotten more than one example
Because they prefer the comfort of a sheep society
I have spoken with many older divorced mostly woman in Japan. A common theme was divorcing after their husband retired and their time together increase. Many felt little in common with each other and lead different lives. Many of the wives had interest and traveled while the husbands mostly would watch tv, read the newspaper, and often drink sake or spend the day playing golf.
This was not the case for every couple but it wasn't uncommon.
And that’s the problem with Japanese marriages. They don’t work towards building a relationship with each other. The Japanese work culture keeps the husband away from the family to where he can’t build a healthy relationship(especially if they seen their parents do the same thing.) Explains why fewer and fewer Japanese people are getting married
@@kingrobotnik6950 yes I see it often, it is more like a business contact here than a marriage based on any deep love for each other.
But divorce is high in other countries as well.
@@russellschaeffler I guess love’s at an all time low, huh?
@@kingrobotnik6950 they lack communication too
You cannot make a woman happy period. She wants you home but she also doesn't want you home. Women change like the weather. Therefore why should a man attach his own assets to something that has no certainty of helping him long term? Marriage makes no sense for the modern man and woman. Better to just have short term flings.
It makes me think that the relations are actually the opposite of what that one person who divorced their foreign husband need. There needs to be time together to genuinely build the relationship. The lack of that is why suddenly spending more time together is a problem.
Sure, there is such a thing as *too much* time together, but there's also spending *too little* time together.
I think we've solved the mystery of why affairs are so rampant. If your marriage is only on paper, but not in practice, then what's the point?
Great point and who in there right mind would stay in place for 20 years that they didn't like, that's wild.
@China Chicken Soup bingo. Their love died long time ago. She doesnt see her husband anymore. What she sees is a piggy bank. And she wants half of whats inside.
@@aetius7139 Or she's stuck with someone out of duty as long as he was collecting and controlling his paycheck and now pension, and if he hasn't made the effort about being someone to *want* to stay with, she figures she ought to be able to cash out some equity for *her* decades of work.. He gets half the assets plus his pension, she gets no pension. Leaving isn't about dollar signs, some of you boys are just offended she wasn't free labor in perpetuity.
@sanserif Culture shock can be a real problem, but at the same time, the differences between Japan and America are not really as vast as they're made out to be by the internet.
This is especially true when one realizes there isn't just one culture of Japan. Different regions have their own quirks and phrases, which might get along better in other countries than in other regions of their own.
Similarly, there is no single American culture, so as long as you aren't out in the sticks, changes are, you can find some people you fit with.
For example, an affluent person from Kyoto will get along a *far* better with people like the characters from Steel Magnolias than they are with an average person from Osaka.
@@InfernosReaper honestly Japanese culture and American culture share plenty of difference where I would say it’s not vast but it’s a layer to it. On the outside, yeah Japan shares themes with America. Capitalism, sexual expression, etc. but the bushido mindset, the intensity of holding on to tradition is way different.
Japanese people are known for staying together for the children. Even if both parents don't love each other anymore and/or already had an affair. But when the children become adults and the parents are now 50+ years old, that's when they follow through with the divorce.
Back in the 70's, a relative of mine got a divorce. She was in her 80's, and her husband was nearing 90. When the judge asked her why she wanted a divorce at such a late date, she replied, "Because I just can't stand him another week!"
Lots of people get crankier and more annoying as they get older. Especially when they have low self esteem.
@@punkylesh7575 Translation: I've spent my life looking after this guy, and I would REALLY LIKE to have a little life of my own before I die, thank you.
@@Serai3 Translation: I'm barely 20 years old and have no idea about life.
@@punkylesh7575 Oh go have a life, little girl. When you get to 80 years old after five or six decades of doing everything for some guy, for no pay, then you can come back and sneer at women who want to be whole human beings instead of f'ing DOORMATS.
@@Serai3 Pretty broad assumption considering he likely was the bread winner looking after her by paying the way.
My parents had a gray divorce, they were married for 33 years. They had an extremely unhealthy and toxic/abusive relationship for decades. Despite periods of peace, there was always tension in the household and my parents seemed more like roommates than husband and wife. They only stayed together for the children and the convenience. But my mom had zero tolerance for infidelity and finally filed for divorce after learning my dad cheated on her. They’re now happier and have a better relationship as friends than they ever did when married. I’m glad they divorced despite being decades into their marriage, they deserve happiness and peace!
I feel divorce can be beneficial in many cases, it was also true for my parents after divorcing they seemed much more at peace.
Marriage feels like working with boss in the same office box and stay for eternal.
Unless they both fired themselves first. And they are free. Thanks, society.
so they've basically spent their entire life being miserable? sounds like fun
How many siblings do you have? It takes 33 years? If i know when the last child turns 18 the parents decided to divorces once and for all, how can your parents stay for 33 years?
@@cyrilmarasigan7108 For financial reason as well
4:40 imagine spending more time with your husband, the man you supposed to love is stressful. What kind of bs is this? Poor guy. He married the wrong woman
I also think like that
with the high divorce rates world wide...exactly who is marring the right woman? I'm divorced after 17 yrs...it ended in one dy.
@@dojocho1894 im sorry for you bro but youre also one of those who marry the wrong woman
@@user-zq7vi8lm4z One can even marry the right person, but years of barely seeing someone tends to cause them to drift apart, especially if you're always exhausted when you do see them.
@@InfernosReaper only if you dont put effort on it
This is also happening in Taiwan. The husband's mother from the older generation demand that the wife serve the husband's family including the parents. The newer generation (50s and younger) refuse to do this and divorce sometimes results. Also infidelity. The 51 yr old Japanese woman voiced the problem of a lot of immigrants coming to the US-we just aren't a very social society. Typical Americans drive to and from work, live in the suburbs in a big house and interact with very few people outside of work. It's much harder for elderly to get together as they have to drive (which increasingly is full of danger on America's overcrowded roads) or rely on being driven. In Japan and Taiwan public transport is safe, easy, reliable, comprehensive and still cheap enough. Many foreign wives do become shut ins in America; unable to communicate, drive or adapt and they become lonely and depressed. Finally, marriage in Japan is not about love, it's about security, family expectations, and practicality. Infidelity is rampant and I wonder if many wives get fed up with their husbands over this. I wonder if this is also the case with the woman who moved back.
Most divorces in the US are also initiated by women.
The East do not get married like the Western does for appearance but more on social status. Immigrants are completely different ballgames / outliers.
i believe the modern women has caused alot of damage with family life because of this false sense of security with modern society and convenience. if you roll back the clock, right or wrong, men ran the household and women are nurturers. the negative annotation with infidelity is also a recent thing, there are plenty of cultures and religions with men having multiple partners. For 1000s of years what were men main purpose? and what were women main purpose?
@@bitcoindaddy1
Religion, in part, especially those who practices monogamous ones painted that one darker....
but in retrospect.. even in earlier times... having a concubine meant endanger the status quo of the legal... so women, so do backhanded jobs to get rid of the 2nd one...
True story. Before the pandemic I personally know this couple who have been married for almost 35 years. They both have successful careers. Both working long hours they see each other twice maybe three times a week they never had children because they want to focus on their careers. But when the pandemic hit both stayed and working from home and that's when all hell broke loose I kid you not. The fights the arguing the yelling screaming drinking and yes it got physical from both of them. To make a long story short they both got a divorce and the crazy thing about it i found out recently that they both had affairs.
To be real, when couples almost never see each other, affairs are inevitable and tend to happen frequently. They don't develop and maintain the bond needed to keep the relationship strong. Essentially, they become a couple on paper only.
@@InfernosReaper oh absolutely I agree with you 100%
@@InfernosReaper polygamous relationships abound in developing countries where people concerned see each often too
They never had a relationship to start with.
you think both of them having affairs is a crazy thing? what the fuck do you eat buddy?
What did I learn from this video: Men are suppose to provide for their family by working 16 hours a day 7 days a week and donate 90% of their income for said family for 40 - 45 years with no respect, love or admiration, then upon retirement give half of everything to his wife in a divorce for her happiness with zero regards for the man. I wonder why young Japanese men aren't having sex, relationships, or getting married? I just can't seem to put my finger on it.
Don't get married. One time was enough for me. Doubt I'll ever get married again. I don't need to get married to be committed to that person only.
Nice band maid pfp
Wow that's sad, the lady took her son back to Japan, I hope he is young enough to adjust, I think bringing a American teenager to join Japanese society would be very difficult.
Especially if he's a half and half, he'll largely be rejected, shunned, looked down on and bullied. No matter his education, no company will hire him. He'll be relegated to that of cleaner boy/dishwasher guy and that's only if he's lucky.
@@alanwilson2073 Really, the prejudice doesn't seem that bad too me, but I don't know. My son's are half and I am living in Japan. I was just thinking about the cultural and schooling differences. But we do get stared at everytime to we go out but everyone admires my son's. "He is so beautiful" they say. It is like walking around with a celebrity.
@@matthewcantwell8843 no. Just because your son doesn't experience bullying doesn't mean others don't. Lots of hafu kids get bullied.
@@astriddiaz7836 No what? I didn't deny the fact of bullying In Japan. In fact I am 100% my kids will experience bullying it at some point. I was asking the question, is it that really still that bad, that they won't be able to get a job at a Japanese company ect? You say No? It's not that bad? What is your disagreement 😂 I know the bullying in general is very bad in Japan. Kids kill themselves all the time. A middle schooler hanged themselves in a park by my old house, Just a normal Japanese kid. As you probably know, most of the child suicides are attributed to bullying. Do you live in Japan?? We're you bullied?
This is alarming but also a very educational video. Thanks Nobita!
Honestly I wanna say I’m surprised but after hearing about basically every country hitting record numbers in divorce this doesn’t surprise me
Yes it like that in almost every country!
Yet again Nobita brings to light something that other youtubers don't. This is wild.
plenty of channels talk about women strategically divorcing to take half of everything.
Also if the children are grown up and they no longer can have children, marriage is pretty optional anyways. Specifically in a lot of these loveless marriages where the couple never really cared about one another.
He the only TH-camr are brave enough to talk and get risk of demonitized by TH-cam
@@GameFuMaster I meant about Japan *i should have included that bit* :D You don't really see youtubers talking about the serious sides of Japanese culture. *interviewing porn stars, past and current etc*
@@muajin correct! A lot of people see Japan in a rose covered lenses, but just like any country it has its own unique issues.
It reminds me my neighbours.
The man is retired for 10 years.
When his wife got retired too, they finally decided to live separately.
I think when they realized they had to live 24/7 together in the same apartment, they couldn't stand it anymore lol.
He's too messy which stresses her out. She nags too much which stresses him out. Very common.
I think it is common in many cultures. As an American who is approaching retirement with my husband I can agreee that it is challenging. When our son was here we forcused on our family and those activities. It was a fun family unit. Now, it is just the two of us and while I love him, we don't have as much in common as we did when we were in our twenties, which makes it difficult to plan things to do. Lastly, I do not want to continue my role as the family planner, cleaner and cook. I'd like to have some fun and so my husband needs to step up to help after he retires. We are both retiring, not just him, and that needs to be understood.
No matter what country it is, seeing people get divorced has always made me sad. I'm approaching ten years being married to my beautiful wife and hope we spend the rest of our lives together!
Good. I wish y'all the best.
You fucked up my guy can't get married to these hoes these days
You’re next
is true that getting divorce is sad, but is even more sad to live with a person that you don't love anymore.
@@martiddy I suppose they need to figure out why they don’t love each other anymore. I notice it’s cause one side isn’t listening and unwilling to talk about everything. That’s a problem. Also being judgmental when one side is bringing up problem in their relationship.
Soo…in another word, Japanese wife just need an ATM. They want the money, the stable and secure life, but they don’t want to take care of the man in their twilight year.
What a mess.
So even in Japan getting married is virtually pointless for men, huh?
Yep. There is a reason why japan have birth rate issues. It can be traced to these. We men always get the short end of the stick when it comes to divorces. Why bother marrying then if we get burned later down the line?.
well it's a little bit more complicated. People think its greener on the other side till she gets older. I doubt his son will move to japan to take care of her. She dont sees that portion. I think people forgot many small details, life will teach. Ultimate teacher
Yep! At the end of the day its ultimately pointless. Chances as a man are good you will end up alone whether or not your married or whether or not you have children. I've spent enough time in retirement homes to see that over 90% of men die alone.
it's completely pointless unless you want kids. everywhere in the world
It's pointless for men *_everywhere_* post-industrial revolution.
To be honest, being married to that 51 years old Japanese woman only shows her true character and selfishness. Glad her hubby is out of it. Basically, she married a foreigner but reuses to speak English, refuses to adapt etc. Obviously it was doomed from the start. I do not have any respect for her
Dissapointing. Discouraging. Who would want to be with someone so hyper individualistic that will betray you just to take away half or everything you have built toghether in your entire lifes. This is one of the reasons people don't want to get married in the first place.
IF she wanted to move back to japan so badly, she could have done so without divorcing, I don't think her husband would have forbidden it.
This is depressing depressing depressing.
She could have easily communicated with her husband instead of getting a divorce. Took a cowards way out.
she wants the gold for sure, 50%
@@pulloutsange Japanese people are been taught to not speak their mind. All marriages in Japan have lack of communication between couple. If a Japanese person feel uncomfortable, they will keep it to themselves not telling other about it.
Even though I think suddenly spending more time togheter after not spending any is a common cause of divorce all over the world, the mindset of “a good marriage is one where we almost don’t see each other” is quite a cultural shock.
So you work hard your whole life and when you need help the most your wife says, nah, give me half the money and I'm off!
Pretty much! HOLY SHIT!
Doesn't sound like the son's happy about moving with his divorced mum back to Japan. But who cares, so long as she's happy.
No wonder why more men are choosing to marry 2D characters instead of real women in Japan.
Honestly, I don't blame those women for not wanting to be the sole caretaker of their husbunds' parents. I've seen my mom do it all by herself and she literally fell into depression. It wasn't until they passed that I learned how difficult it was for her. (And they were relatively easy too! Both of them could feed themselves, and stand on their feet until they fell. The only time they couldn't walk were the two months before their passing. [They passed 6 mo. apart from each other in their 90s.])
This is so nuts how wife divorce because they don't want responsibility and have relationship with their husband. I live in China years back and meet so many senior people there. They don't divorce but instead spending time together doing activity like singing ,dancing on the park or taking care their grandkids. Some of them that rich and still healthy enough just traveling, spending money to experience world together. I know some woman spent two years on the hospital to accompany his husband on his dead bed.
This is sad. My parents just had their 54th anniversary last month. A successful Marriage is a full-time commitment, balance and a lot of love from BOTH husband and wife. And it CAN be done. All i see in the current generation is selfishness in relationships. But the 🌎 has become extremely selfish in general. Stringent and one-sided cultural expectations don’t help matters either.
Your parents live during a time without social media and dating apps. The endless options coupled with shorter attention spans makes a marriage less likely to last nowadays.
@@extremepsyche3135 Well many of these people in these gray divorces lived in that same time as the OP's parents.
@@aramondehasashi3324 Indeed. The only thing that's changed is that the ever-increasing time spent apart due to work will either wear on a bond, make it too easy to avoid dealing with the problems in a relationship, or both. As a result, the relationship either never grows like it could or doesn't end anywhere as soon as it should.
It wasn't always like that and isn't limited to just Japan. The work-life balance of the developed world is somehow worse than that of serfdom
This os not the current generations fault. Also the current generation is a reflection of the previous generations.
Welcome to Liberalism and late-stage capitalism.
No one in the comments mentioning the first interviewee and her difficulty living the the u.s. as the influence for her wanting to leave. Interesting....
*That* is a good reason, but it seems like her relationship with her husband also wasn't very strong, because they either grew apart or they had rushed into it without building something first.
No, she complained that he spent more time at home. She was happy when he was away. Kind of the typical Japanese marriage. She should have married a Japanese and stayed there.
Buddy buddy. I seen a Mexican girl who only knew Spanish who married a marine. Because she loved him so much she grew accustom to America and learned English to be with him. L take
@@InfernosReaper And it seems that she never really talked about her problems to get adjusted to the US-American society with her husband or maybe her husband did not really listen.
@@yvonnehorde1097 Considering she was happier when he was gone, I suspect communication really wasn't their strong suit
This is good to share. Too many foreigners who think this won't happen to them because they are more loving, etc.
Edited: in hindsight what I said about the woman's mental state was judgemental. Removed it to be more sensitive.
I mean, it's not like she said it wasn't psychological.
I really hate the way that woman was thinking. She can't adapt to a married life, can't adapt to a new country, new language, new food, new custom, literally anything. She's as rigid as an iron board. Why get married if she can't stand anything that is not hers.
@@limitlesssky3050 There have been many a woman in Nobita’s videos who have said they got married just to get married. I feel she’s the same and honestly probably didn’t think it through.
Pro tip: Never marry someone from a country you’ve never been to without at least doing research on their culture and social norms. Cause if they want to move back, you’re probably gonna have to go with them.
Just call it what it really is, gold digging.
Now I truly understand why the Japanese upheld this "honne/tatemae" (true intention/facade) in their society. Because if you let them speak their minds, it'd be so totally crazy. I mean this woman divorced her husband and moved back to Japan simply because she lacked basic human agency. And that she (the Japanese) thinks human relationship is a kind of role-playing, an RPG rather than a real display of human warmth and affection. Totally unreal.
LOL
Ping pong. It's sad isn't .
What's even crazier is that she took her son with her, like why? If you're miserable leave why take the son away from the environment he was most comfortable in and we all know how rigid japanese society is so he's going to experience all the rubbish of a society that refuses to change compared to America where change is constant and freedom is allowed. Because did she really not know about suicide rates and shit like that in Japan? Jesus the woman has lost her marbles.
It’s definitely culture shock. Some people like to be micromanaged
@@authornikkih8266 don't act like the U.S culture is the be all end all. I wish U.S culture fucking "read the room" more often instead of this " me me me" mentality. THAT is disgusting.
Marriage is like a business partnership. We’re in contract with the person whom to grow our life with because it’s difficult building a life and raising offsprings on our own. And like a business partnership, the longer we’ve been invested with each other, the more difficult it is to part ways and many times we stay together for convenience. Trust, tends to be the biggest issue in any partnership, whether business or marriage. When we find out our partner embezzled money or husband or wife having an affair, it’s hard to gain that trust back - if ever.
That's literally how all relationships work
In my experience, most men who have been married for more than 20 years, are fed up with their wives but don't want to ruin their life by getting divorced. That's why so many men have hobbies that get them out of the house. Especially now with people working at home and they are together 24/7. Its driving people crazy being around their spouses all the time. Its just common sense.
I think that is part of the problem with Japan. The retired dudes need hobbies to get them out of sight if not out of the house entirely.
At the same time, the overwork at jobs essentially turns spouses into strangers over time, which is keeps them from bonding.
One of the people interviewed talked about how men would be away hunting and stuff, but they'd never be gone for more than a 2 or 3 days at a time and would hang around for a couple of days when they get back. With Japan's work structure, spouses can sometimes go for weeks without seeing each other. Even farmers go to see their families more.
A more apt comparison would be war, but when the man got done fighting, he'd usually return to the family to stay, often with a bit more wealth
The 51 yr old lady a lot of shit, but all I got from it was "I was mainly the problem."
Reading the comments from some women. I'm scared more than ever before to get married. Some of these women are just pure evil!!!
so if she stays at home all day it's perfectly fine, but if her husband retires and do the same she gets mad because he is not "manly" enough? I think its specially difficult for japanese people to get rid of this type of sexist mindset because they are so used to agreeing with everyone around them and avoid standing out at all costs.
It has to do with Biology. You can't change biology after the man retires and stays home all of the time women don't see him as manly anymore. It happened with my friends mom. After the father retired the mom saw him in a new light and began arguing with him and talking back, something she had never done before that. Some how retiring made her lose respect for him even though he was the bread winner all of those years.
@@brodude3709 this isnt biology, it's a social phenomenon. people from the newer generations care less about this, we are used to a new perspective where both man and woman have to work together. the next generations might think differently than I do, because our views are influenced by the context we are inserted in.
I guess dishonoring the family has a new meaning in Japan now🤦♂️🤦♂️
Women : "please spend more time with your family"
Also women : "i hate you always in home"
Hatred comes after they don't spend the ptecious moments of kids growing up with them and leave the burden to women. It's like they got married but ended up single moms. And later with ageing those toxic feelings gets voiced out and bitterness poisons the relationship more. And if they are problems with kids it's woman's fault since they wete the ones raising them up.
Women ☕
@@bittermochi259 In many cases, the husband is working his ass off and under insane amounts of pressure at work. But they come home to an angry wife who is also under stress taking care of the kids by themselves. Needs less blaming, and more understanding in both directions.
@@thorie79 I'd prefer stress at work than at home. Since you must realize men usually 'take a break' at home after work but when can a woman have a break then? Such things can lead to post partum psychosis or regressing abt being a productive and healthy member of society. Women taking care of children are sleep depraved which brings another bag of problems. My friends hate this period up to 6yo and it can lead to accidents like sleeping behind the wheel etc, women also get resentful abt their never ending 'job' at home which is being dismissed as 'vacation'. Sometimes empathy from male side and taking care of a kid for few hours can do a lot more to a stressed and tired mom that a million in a bank account. And children also need a papa not a robot that spits money and toys.
@@bittermochi259 Yes, many people are not suited to have a family.
More i see, less i whant get married... the love betwen man and woman look like somthing from the past.. everybody become selfish.
To the lady who divorced her American husband, I'm happy you feel peaceful and are back in Japan. I'm sorry you had so much pain living in the USA. My great aunt was a Japanese who married an American after World War 2. She could never go back to Japan in 1970 because her Japanese family didn't accept her decision to marry a white man and make half/mixed children. Your decision to leave and do what you want is a very American decision because it is acting as an individual and not as a group. So most Americans can easily accept and support your decision. I hope you have much happiness always. 🤗
She appeared to have difficulties with aspects of American culture and felt more comfortable living the rest of her life in Japan. For me it appeared to be a loveless marriage she was in . There did not seem to be any solid foundations of why she married and consequently the negative ending.
There's a term for women who marry for money in the United States: they are gold diggers. Apparently, they're many of those in Japan. They're just playing the long game. It's absolutely disgusting behavior to me.
Most japanese women are that.
It's so sad to see people living completely different lives disconnected from each other for so many years in a mariage that they don't see anything positive in the end and divorce. For that Japanese American couple, being happy that your husband is away most of the time is already so bizarre and strange to me. My husband and I just got the corona together and I was so happy and thankful I caught it because we got to spend one week home together without having to get out of the house to work. We had a great time taking care of each other.
They should have addressed all their issues before it got so deep that it was beyond repair.
They spent so much time apart that they never could maintain the bond, though I can't help but wonder if the bond was really much to begin with. I get the culture shock part being a problem, but it sounds like there was some resentment for the dude too and those explanations she gave about how a dude should never be home were just her attempt to justify that resentment.
@@InfernosReaper Agreed, and as someone living on a different continent than my birthplace (I live in my husband's country), yes, it can be difficult at times, but the fact that he is my best friend makes it all easier. It would be a lot harder without him.
It must have been tough being alone all those years for her in that foreign land, but at the same time, the fact that she rejoiced in not having her husband by her side makes me think that she cheered for her own unhappiness without realizing it in a way. She felt alone but she wanted him to be away, so it's quite contradictory.
I understand that the huge cultural differences played a huge part in her solitude, but it makes me wonder why she chose to marry an American in the first place then if she disliked the customs that much.
How do you know you had the corona?
you get that joy when you actually KNOW and LIKE your husband. (GOOD FOR YOU,BTW) Many other cultures don't chose a marriage partner based on actually liking each other. That's the core issue. It's very sad and outdated in MOST places these days. There were a lot of "COVID divorces" in Asia. I often hear the saying: "I married you for life---not for lunch" highlighting the issues with spending more time together in a relationship built on separation and well-defined roles.
@@edwardsedwards796 I live in a country with stricter measures than in western countries when it comes to the Corona. When I was sick at work, my superior asked me to go get tested at a hospital. I did and was confirmed positive.
In America, the rates of divorce make it clear how the institution itself isn’t worth it. If your marriage worked out after a long time together then congrats but with an over 50% divorce rate that are largely initiated by the woman many aren’t trying to do it. Thanks for the video Nobita.
No-fault divorce is the largest contributor to that though. No-fault divorce made marriage completely worthless and temporary to most US women. An easy "Get Out of Jail" card without any responsibilty.
Thats what happen when you give women incentive for a divorce. Add modern feminism to make it worse
@@ilcilc2910 Ah, so responsibility lies with the women... and "jail" is certainly an interesting perspective. Maybe if you treat a woman like a prisoner in marriage, you shouldn't be surprised they want out?
@@ohauss yeah... i was thinking the same, when i read the analogy.
@@ohauss maybe women who consider themselves a prisoner shouldn't get married? What prisons have you heard of giving you half of what they own after you leave them? The fact is people like you are the reason for this discrepancy. You give women all the benefits and none of the drawbacks, defending them and making excuses for all of their decisions such that it'd always be the fault of men. I cannot comprehend what sort of pathetic thing one must be to do this, if you honestly believe what you claim to or are you just a narcissist trying to eek out what benefit he can sacrificing any concept of what is justified and fair to men to slightly benefit yourself, either way its disgusting.
They'd rather be alone, I expect this trend will only grow with time globally. Part time relationships are the best, nobody wants a someone in there space all day long.
Part time relationships lol, ffs…what a way to justifying cheating, what’s next we switch to open relationships and not have only one partner? Just because women are mostly thots who like that type of thing anyway, these women are adroit at that type of thing and they’d have no trouble with part time relationship/thottery, most men don’t have that type of mindset
I thought this was an American or western issue. So many people marrying that have nothing to do with love just to see it end because someone got bored with it or thought that they could do better
Hypergamy isn't cultural, it's biological.
People care less what others think of them as they mature. Makes sense to me.
So people do not want to live together anymore after being married for a long time? Yes, that can happen. And for various reasons. But what I actually would like to hear is what percentage of the divorced stay AMIABLE after the deed is done, because a divorce is not always necessarily a bad thing.
its sad greedyness is one of the factors that initiates divorces at such advance age
Ive been living in China for about 5.5yrs, before that I lived in Japan for 7. I was supposed to move back just before covid hit, but then Japan closed it's doors. They pay is good here but i'm just not happy. I've accepted the pay downgrade consequences for moving back years ago.
What's the situation over there ?
What kind of work do you do?
I get love isn't an idealistic fairy tale that it's shown to be in movies. But after seeing this and being surrounded by divorce, I sometimes wonder if it's even real...
"strategically wait for the best time to gain most from divorce". That can also be called "being a gold digger".
The long con.
"The deeper you dig, more gold you get, the longer you wait, more assets you gain" - bill gate wife i guess
Know some on Korea and it isn't surprising. In Korea as well as Japan it is still pretty common that women are stay at home mom's and men are the money providers. The men barely see their wives snd the women barely their husbands. They did their duty and created offspring and after that it is the task of the women to take care of the children. The husbands are barely at home and often only come back home when the rest of the family is already asleep or they have dinner with them at the most. The couple are basically strangers so no wonder they divorce after the husband has retired. Two people are barely know each other and who only married because it was a sensible thing to do...why should they stay together. Only to be less lonely or because of the money. That's too little.
One more reason for men to stay single.
So often throughout my life I've met bi- cultural marriages where the husband seemingly had no interest in the wifes' native language or cultural background. Children,if any,were not bilingual. So sad that an exchange could not be made. I wonder if this has a large influence on Grey divorces.
when a wife doesnt like the husband staying at home for too long, the number of affairs will skyrocketed
This makes me very sad. I can understand the lady feeling unsafe in the US, and that the culture over there may be too forward for her, but she lasted 20 years until her husband retired.
The view that Japanese women don't like their husbands at home so when they retire they want to divorce, comes across as "now you have finished providing for me, I don't want to be near you". I am hoping that is merely a cultural misunderstanding. But she certainly doesn't sound like she appreciated her husband being sent away for so long, especially when she said he was looking forward to spending time with her.
People will get bored if they are 24/7 together .
unfortunate with wives divorcing their husband's just to get half of his money.
divorce settlements need to be abolished.
As Ive heard this month "marriage is a very hardwork" Ive seen married people fight all the time and have been in relationship even a simple matter could lead to a big fight and dealing with someone who doesnt want to change.
Thats depends on the individual in couples. A lot of people married because of love or lust, but those longlast marriage indeed take efforts and hardwork, and purpose. Not about moneys or retirement.
Practicaly, its good if both couples knows how important marriage for the sake of god.
I've yet to see a happy marriage in my lifetime. I thought I came across it once but years later I found out the wife had been secretly cheating on her husband for 9 years. He was devastated when he found out and later committed suicide after a very messy divorce. I've decided the best life is the bachelor life :)
@@jw841 i have never seen female cheat to her husband more than husband cheat their wife here in real life.
@@artversetv In real life you should look at the statistics. Women cheat as much as men do and in some places more. Watch the video he did about cheating in Japan. They are huge cheats, they are just better at keeping it secret that men are. Also paternity tests of children in the US and UK prove the very high rate of infidelity amongst women. But yet almost every other day I meet women who still think its only the men cheating. Funny world.
@@artversetv for some reason the comment I replied to has disappeared.
Always coming in with the interesting content.
That's a big yikes for me. Removing japanese ladies in the list
Its a phenomenon happening all over the industrialized world not just Japan. Sad really.
@@sebastianprimomija8375 Japanese women are far more clever about it. There's a lot to this. Often they bide their time, and then vanish! Literally. A man will come home from work one day and find her gone. Just like that. She and all of her possessions. Gone. They play the long game. They're schemers, and good actresses. They'll hide their dissatisfaction, until one day... * Poof! *💨
Been there. You really need to _live_ in Japanese to keep them happy. AND I WAS IN THE WEST AT THE TIME! But nope... they don't assimilate the way westerners can. They've known ONE culture their whole lives.
@@Great_Sandwich I mean. Japan is the most xenophobic country soo
@@Pauli-dg2yv How is it xenophobic when they marry you to begin with?
I do believe modern women will learn a lesson their great grandmothers already knew. Tending home isn’t fun and games, but 10 hour work days until you are 70+…not gonna enjoy that.
These are Japanese women. Not western women.
This woman sounds very selfish and self-centered. Assuming her ex husband is a good guy, I feel sorry for him and their son.
She is a prime example of an egomaniac with no compassion. Best to just stay away from people like that. They have no soul.
Not suprised when the novelty of hooking up with a "foreign guy" wears off
All women are like that
@@MrHkl8324 We are not. What a disgusting, sexist comment.
that's what you get when your country worships America blindly
"Why should I care for him and his parents after he supported me for 20-30 years? That's not fair" - literally these selfish, evil women.
And after she took care of him and raised their children and will have responsibilities with grandchildren? Now she has to take care of HIS parents, and maybe her parents also? When does she get to retire - when she dies?
@@sandragiant777 And he slaves away at a job to fund the household. It's all division of labor
The thing is, though, if the parents are at the point where they need to be *cared for* they really need need to be in a decent nursing home, someplace with staff that has *medical training*
Exactamundo.... they are evil. Ungrateful backstabbing thieves is too polite a term for these socalled polite people. Destructive liars, and energy vampires, but I prefer the term Succubus.
Try looking good after kids and family for 20 yrs plus. You don't get to rest, you are always stressed out looking after parents as well. At least at work you can forget about your coworkers but when you are home you can't escape.
@@sandragiant777 so what your saying is "husband should work earn money for me, take care of me, take care of the parents". Me, Me, and only me. Then whats the point of having a wife then if she doesnt want to do her family function.
I got divorced at a more 'mature' age. Sometimes enough is enough. It's never a decision to late lightly, especially when kids are involved. I can understand waiting to get divorced until your kids are old enough to better deal with it, but postponing getting divorced until it's to your financial strategic advantage is a bit of a sh*tty thing to do. Like, was getting married an investment and now you want a return on that investment? My ex-husband never was (and never will be) my piggybank.
Those women deserve to be alone. They shouldn't marry in the first place. Just using men
The women who research and plan for divorce long in advance and wait for the most advantageous time to proceed must be completely free of any moral fibre. Utterly self centred.
She seems like an ego maniac. Men are hunters, even if he has tons of money he should be out making me money. Its so not manly to retire? So she never cared for him at all. He was just a meal ticket. She seems like a horrible person.
I know if I had a ton of money I wouldn't been slaving away as a corporate drone out there. I don't think being an obese bald salaryman is manly at all. Her mindset is warped.
Now. Imagine the younger generatiom knowing this fact that even the older married couple get divorced.
They probably start having thoughts of not wanting to merried anymore.
But yess. Commitment and constant maintenance is needed to maintain a healthy merried.
Probably what global policy makers are hoping to reduce human population in developed nations so they "need" immigration for the "economy" to then equalize developing nations growth (removing the healthy young ones to developed nations) and sending remittance back to the old country to develop it and export liberal values to in turn eventually flatten out that nations' population graph.
All via "LAW" = Half of what is yours is now mine. Which frankly makes no sense whatsoever hence it seems it's clearly under the aegis of "equality" to create the divisive conditions to promote divorce and disrepair marriage and thus family stability to reduce population growth which will trickle into the next generation not wanting these either while being provided with all sorts of distractions to again reduce mating instinct eg digitital leisure.
Horrible situation all around, bet she didn’t complain one bit while she was spending his money while in the States “suffering”… can you imagine if they had kids too? At 50 they could be anywhere from teens to college kids. Dueces! Going to go live in an apartment in Osaka until they peel me off the floor! Matta ne!
Sad to see these divorces in Japan. They are happening in many countries. Marriage is difficult nowadays.
Marriage has always been difficult. The expectations of marriage have been influenced by western media. It went from duty and roles to “am I happy”
The problem is that people are too complex and have certain standards and expectations that aren't always 100% compatible with the person who they've chosen to be with. Whereas if we were all dumb as animals, these kinds of issues would be completely non-existent and we'd be experiencing considerably higher birthrates today. Seems that we are just too smart and complex for our own good.
Thank you, this is a great video and I found it to be very informative.
I honestly think that the last lady that divorce and went back to Japan gotta have some sort of mental problem, they way she was trying to justify the reason behind her divorce is so bizarre, because they spend more time together = bad relationship lol like wtf that means they never were really a couple. She was behind that paper
I agree even as an American. I don't like that my husband is at home all the time. He works from home, so seeing him every day all day is draining. He never goes out either.
Did you not see him being like that before marrying though?
Wtf is wrong with you
Why did you marry him then? You should only marry people you want to be with as much as possible. If no such person exists, then never get married.
I thought marriage was being together til you die and respecting each other. If you don't like being together or enjoy each other company than you shouldn't marry. Marriage has similarities to friendship. It's like telling your friend to go away because I don't enjoy being with you.
10 - 20% of the money the wife will get after divorce going to the consultant is just insane...
No matter what age a person is - I would hope that if all avenues of relationship repair have been exhausted and unhappiness is outweighing… I would hope that a person focuses on their own health and take the direction that allows them to enjoy their life.. It can be devastating to be in a toxic situation without any resolve and only deteriorating mental and physical health. We cannot be of good service to children, people around us if we are not in a healthy situation…
Even when you marry someone you like/love, there is no guarantee that person will remain the same throughout the years.
That is so so true
Thankfully my wife (who is Japanese) doesn’t mind me working from home. Our relationship has actually improved due to work at home as I am around more and can help when needed. We live in Japan and I speak Japanese with her so maybe that makes a difference.
Looking at what happening in US rn, I think she doesn't feel safe too. In pandemic there's a lot of attack towards East Asian and East Asian elderly. Most Asian, especially older generation, are conservative, and USA rn is extreme left. So, I understand her stress.
and when she says she doesn’t want you around HER house so often, tell her she gtfo and go buy her own after working 80 hour weeks.
Lol don’t be naive and gullible! prepare your assets she will divorce at some point and you will not know why and how it got there. She maybe “loving” now but that can switch with a snap. You gotta educated yourself with modern women and hypergamy. She never loved you and she was never yours it’s just your turn.
@@hoju510 umm he’s in a happy communicative relationship
@@jackculler1489 you know them well?
This is terrible, I would hate to invest 30+ years into a person, and as I head into the toughest time of life you decide to bounce. Feels so selfish imo
Thank you for this informative information Nobita.
Looks like another case of women wanting to case out of the relationship rather than working through it.
Dang. Really digs into why red pill is growing so much.
Imagine working hard all your life and finally make it to be able to early retire. Your woman leaves you cuz you don't look reliable enough..
They just do not want to grow old together and always thought that the grass is greener on the other side
i will never marry after this video
I don't think it's cool to put everyone into this category. There are still good people out there.
@@Yuefoh But the odds are not in your favor, so why play the game? You're better off playing the damn Powerball.
@@hnlpharmd It's like flying in a plane or driving a car...we trust it with our lives. Marriage is not a game, but it's a sacrifice.
Very sad. The problem is staring the Japanese people in the face, but they just don't see it. I wish they'd get off their path of self-inflicted slow extinction, but looks like they don't want to. After they're all gone we will have a lot to analyze; what cultural practices are a detriment to a healthy self-replenishing society, what policies to avoid implementing, what things they got right, and much more to study. I'm praying for you Japan. I pray you wake up, and properly address the problem.
Completely agree. There a lot of countries and cultures that experience infidelity, divorce and low birth rates, but Japan has a very low birth rate as well as high infidelity. They are one of the countries that also have the highest syphillus cases per captia. I think Japan needs to wake up and realize that they don't live in this anime/fantasy and that reality is quite different.
Many of my Japanese older female neighbors have younger men on the side.
Plenty of dudes want to live out that jukujo fantasy, I suppose. It's a really popular genre in JAV after all.
@@hnlpharmd Once you go down the rabbit hole. It can be hard to return to the surface.Keeping on hand anchored in reality often helps.
Marriage is no longer marriage.
I'd be depressed if I lived in America too
Me too! Japan is a paradise compared to America.
The only solution is not engage In this institution called marriage & live with the person you love without any legal or financial contract , just enjoy their company as long it lasts .
Been doing this for 9 years 🙂
In the US most places you need to get her out of your house after 7 years or she can get half of your retirement... Know the law...
If there is concubinage law where you live you are screwed
Your forgetting about common law wives. In some places even if you lived together for a short time. Breaking up is almost the same as a divorce process. She could still walkaway with more than half your stuff and earnings. Living with a woman in the modern world is a very high risk thing to do for any man.
@@jw841 To be fair, that does take several years to be a factor
Nobita-san's interviews and his own comments always add insights. would it be possible to have nihongo CC caption option as an aid to improve our Japanese language kanji and listening abilities by reading kanji captions?
This is the typical life of Japanese men. You work hard to provide for your family for decades only to get divorced at points when wives can take the most of the money saved for retirement. Plus, housewives tell kids how their dads care little for the family and how terrible they are as a person. At least this is the true story of my Japanese dad.
How sad. At least you're old enough to party, tho.
You cared about material well-being. But you never cared about anything else. You got acknowledgement from your job, you maybe had an affair, this is very common in Japan. You expected your wife to put up with this and the hardships of being alone most of the time and the kids, too. Now, you and your wife have nothing in common any more. And you do not see that you also had a part in that, not only your wife?
it means the money involved is the root of the problem..
How can a couple expect to build a strong relationship if one of them is either working in a different city or constantly working in the office until late at night? When you spend more time at the office than you do at home your family loses out and you put yourself in danger of forming a relationship with a coworker which is likely the reason why affairs tend to be fairly common in Japan.
Amazing topic to speak on. Thanks
if i get married the woman's family is going to have to pay me
That's what used to be called a "dowry" before modern and the current post-modern times.
@@ilcilc2910 lol i know
Will dowry come back into fashion because of women lmao!!!
@@sebastianprimomija8375 I seriously doubt that.
@@sebastianprimomija8375 chances are slim
This makes me grateful to have so many people around me with marriages to people they actually like. However, this should make people wary. Not of marriage as an institution, but of relationships as a long term investment.
Our social attitudes needs to change. From what I've observed, marriage isn't just about finances or short-term feelings. It's a non-profit organizational venture. If you were going to start a an organization (hence, a family), who would you choose and why?
Every successful couple I know is in it to win it and often speaks of the CHARACTER of their spouse. Things change, but value systems usually don't.
I guess this just shows how many people are unhappily married and only stay together for the kids or due to economic dependence...