Yes, from day 1, she hated having a sister and I can't even begin to tell you how vicious and vile she is. I was just a punching bag for the whole household. It was a great injustice. This year I have finally gone no contact. Thank you.
@@Oceans780 my sister called me dumbo too! Along with many other names. Parents never stopped it as, to them, she was smarter and prettier than me. I went no contact 4 years ago and it’s been the best decision I ever made.
Adding a voice of solidarity. This is my story, too. I have let go of my parents and other siblings after years of pain and wishing they'd at least be nice to me. It took years of therapy, processing what they did to me for me to finally see them... and I've found a sense of peace that is hard to put into words. You are worth more, you deserve more, you got this. ❤️
My brother welcomed me into the world by *spitting in my belly button* when my newborn self was left on my Grandma’s table. ☮️ Can’t appreciate you guys -and more solid content about sibling narcissism!-enough.
I always thought it would get better when we all grew up. Ha! Now that I expect to be treated like an adult (how dare I?!) they hate me even more. Can't win.
My father's favorite saying was, "Just give her what she wants so she'll shut up." Me, crying: "But it's mine. Aunt Julie gave it to me for Christmas." It was taken from me and given to my sister. Always.
My mom used to make me do the same thing. She knew that I would listen to her and stop fighting. So I had to give up anything she wanted. I'm trying to learn how to speak up and stand up for myself and I'm 50. It hasn't been easy. It's a trigger and I don't know how to resolve it because I was never allowed too.
@@loveoftruth9531 you have to do this for your family. Just remember, it's okay for you to be selfish in self love. Life for you, be the lioness/lion.
My brother stoled s much from me. All my records, most of my books and treasures, parents money and treasures and. It wears me out thinking of it all. He had torture boards for moths when he was 8.
I have never felt more validated in my entire life. I thought I was alone in my struggle. I am sorry people feel like I do. Honestly, it is like grieving without loss. It sucks so bad.
I honestly would have gone crazy if I didn’t have this and other similar channels. Hearing all the stories from these people who have suffered untold cruelty at the hands of these vile family members who are meant to keep you safe for F’s sake. It is unbelievable. I recently went no contact but I am 59 and have wasted tooooo much time on them. I have chronic illnesses, had cancer, lung clots and still they made it all about them and keep protecting my brother. Both parents narcs, both siblings narcs. All variations. Covert, entitled, victims, demeaning, abusive, financial control, playing suicidal and then thumbing their nose at psychologists. You wouldn’t believe it.
@@marian9410I hear you! I can absolutely relate. I am 57, will be 58 next month. I have 1 narcissistic older sister and had a narcissistic mother. I always knew I was different, that our family was different. Friends though loved coming to my house. All my life the outward appearance that other family and friends saw was a perfect, well rounded, got it together family. My 1st love was my only boyfriend, then husband, now ex-husband, was abusive as was my 2nd husband now ex-husband, who was a full blown abusive narcissist. I didn’t know what a narcissist was until a few years ago. I’m married now for the 3rd time to a great man for 25 years now. He’s sees the abuse I get from my family. Other than him and our grown kids I have no one to talk to or confide in or ask advise. I feel like so much of my life was stolen from me. Im not angry but hurt from all the abuse I endured and still enduring from my older sister. My parents have both passed in now. Not only was I grieving but was abused by my sister and mother when my daddy passed and of course from my sister when mother passed. I’m sorry you and others have experienced this and at the same time it feels good knowing there are others that completely understand what I went through and are still going through. God bless and take care!
Totally hear you. My only brother is a mean alcoholic and my sister a covert narc. No contact with either. It's sad, but necessary for your health and peace.
As children. I never saw my sister as narcissistic before 1 year ago. To be shouted at, given names, silence treatment and blamed - i thought was just normal... i shrug it of. But in therapy I realised it has had a huge effect on me.. and can explain why I am full of self hate, constantly questioning my decisions. Traumabond kept me loving her.
I had a similar experience. I just thought my sister was difficult and sensitive. Discovering what I thought was quirkiness was in fact planned manipulation over years and years is world-rocking. I question everything about my perceptions. -thank you @superduper You helped me put words to what I have been feeling
I saw other siblings getting along and often questioned my brothers ways but my malignant narcissistic mother brainwashed and brainwashed me. But now I know I was right all those years ago as a little girl 🥺
Yeah, my parents like to call it our drama when she is actively abusing me and I leave crying every time I'm near her while she looks like a triumphant amber heard. It was not mutual
Usually the narcissistic parent makes one hate the other for no reason... The scapegoated child is bullied by everyone & the gaslighting never stops... The narc sibling enjoys tattletelling on you, about stuff that never happened... you are punished daily & beaten.... its super fun!
I am, or used to be, the scapegoat. You described this hell perfectly. 60 years later and nothing NOTHING has changed, it's only gotten worse. While the very aged birth unit stirs her cauldron.
Scapegoat AND the golden child simultaneously; bullying, violence, gaslighting, lies and never-ending dissociations. C-ptsd and oh so tired. But solitude and selfcare and baby steps are key for me. Narc mother and sister, antisocial father. Lucky me!
I can't remember a time in my past when I wasn't walking on eggs around my older sibling. This sibling was and is incredibly charming to those whom they admire, and quite subtle & cutting in their put downs of folks/relatives they don't care for. It's like getting constant little cuts and jabs - and bleeding out from those cuts and jabs over time. Unfortunately, this sibling has been able to triangulate making me the scapegoat and causing strain between myself and my other sibling.
Change other sibling to Dad with Alzheimer's and that was my situation. He would be doing well, go out with her, and come back (I was the caretaker) and be mad at me and start calling me names--things he hadn't done before his cognitive decline. It was heartbreaking. I couldn't say anything.
@@qt2shooz my narcissist Brother was our parents caretakers because he never moved away from home where he lived rent free. He is still there long after his retirement. He used their age and needs to his advantage. They stuck up for him and I learned to keep my mouth shut. I was told to try to get along with your Brother. He would lie and gaslight, still does. Now I use email as communication because there is a record of what he says or else he would deny it. When in groups or at the funeral parlor he would refer to them as HIS parents. Just before our Father died it was unbearable. He would say horrible things to our Father and our Father would just take it. But to all those around, the doctor, neighbours etc.. he was a selfless loving son. He often tells me how people say he is the most caring, compassionate and generous person they have ever met. I have found it is healthier for me, mentally and physically to have the least contact with him as possible. Otherwise it is a pussy footing game I have to play with my words and reactions or else he will bully and dominate me.
My sister told me as an adult she was extremely jealous of me, the youngest because I got my way and was passive and my parents liked that. It’s not my fault though… I didn’t ask to be born the youngest. Also I’m a huge people pleaser now and she loves to criticize me and tell me how much my parents are disappointed in me. It makes me feel really bad
Going low/no contact with my narc. siblings has been a sanity saver. I realized that I was dreading family functions, and started feeling anxious when the Family Group Texts would start. Then the "Oh you're just too sensitive!" accusations were thrown, again, at me. If you google that word salad, you get: Toxic Family! I took steps to distance myself, and have no regrets, except that I bought into their BS that being "too sensitive" just meant "normal and having empathy" and waited waaaay too long to set boundaries! Thank you Dr Ramani for all your wisdom and support.
I have been distancing myself for the last few years. Stopped going for Sunday lunch, then to family gatherings. My brother in law said to me the other week that even my other sister and niece have a problem with me and yet it seems they resent the fact that I don't go for Sunday lunch. I don't feel comfortable with them and they don't with me yet they still expect me to attend family gatherings. Surely they would be happy not to see me if they don't feel comfortable. Doesn't make sense. I feel sick and anxious at the thought of them. Suggest going with one of the sisters for counseling and her husband then texts me to say she wants nothing to do with me. It seems they don't want to fix anything just want to carry on as normal. Well I am done with that. I want to be part of a loving supportive family, and they are anything but.
I heard that as a teen, from my abusive sister - that I was “oversensitive”. Kept believing that all my life. So if people were abusive, I thought it was not ok to complain.
@@terrancemcclendon456 Being called over-sensitive is now a huge red flag for me. It's the stock-in-trade of the narcissist. If you complain about being mistreated, that's their excuse. My brother, my father (both narcissists) called me overly sensitive or selfish if I didn't do what they wanted and/or submit to abuse.
There are no words for the trauma bond that I’ve developed with my narc brother. He has consistently denigrated, devalued, discarded, and gaslit me for the last 15 or so years. My mistake is that I keep letting him back into my life because “well he is my brother”… yea that cycle stops now!!
I’m currently experiencing this with my younger sister, she is baiting me to get mad, I’ll call her out and then she’ll blame me and accuse me of doing the thing that I called her out on. It’s honestly scary to witness this unfold and I plan on going no contact as soon as I get out of here. Im nothing more than the family punching bag and she has her hooks into the parents so nothing I say matters.
Dont react ! Used to go trhu the same but I will endup getting beaten by my mother as soon as I reacted . I am the only girl I have 6 bros 3 of them are narcissist and violent . My narc mum used them to beat me and control me. Could not have friends go out after school nothing I would get slapped by just for looking at the window The hardest was all of them humiliating me and laughing at me then my mum would walk by and laugh at what they said Really hard keep your distance
My older sister hated me from the moment I was born. I’m almost 40 now and she still makes my life hell! I’ve always been told to ignore her. It’s never been telling her to leave me alone or stop being a psycho. NOBODY has ever protected me from her abuse- every form of abuse you can imagine & for my entire life. (I have had 3 broken bones in my life- my sister did 2 of them beating me. She never was punished for either of those) I went no contact for 4 years (the entire family was no contact- expect our codependent mother), my sister was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (given 6-12 months & that was 3 years ago), my mom guilt tripped the entire family into letting her back around, but she’s still the same psychopath she’s always been. A month ago I finally told my sister to FOAD and that I won’t even waste my precious time to spit on her grave. I’m of course the bad guy and I truly don’t care if I ever see or speak to any of my family ever again- if it means I get to keep my peace and wellbeing.
Also thank you for sharing, I know it's hard to share and it helped me (and im sure many others) a lot. Didn't realize my sister is a narcissist until I was in a relationship with one during lockdown. Living hell . I hope you are doing okay and I wish nothing but happiness for you!
@@justanaveragejess86 Thank you so much! This means the worlds to me. I spent decades keeping their secrets & its just been in the last few years that I've learned they are not my secrets to hold, not my fake image to maintain, & I have nothing to be ashamed of with what I've been through. & Now I hope to be able to help others with my experience.... even if it's just letting them know they aren't alone. I am so sorry you have had to experience this. But know it truly means you are one the strongest people around. Narcissists don't attack people who aren't better than them & really just everything they wish they could be. I always knew my sister was a narcissist, and because of that I thought I would never be "fooled" by a narcistic man & I was dead wrong. It took me over 3 years to get away from him & accept the truth of our relationship. It was brutal but honestly one of the best things to happen to me.... The growth & healing that came of that relationship totally changed my life for the better. I went through some deep self-love and quit allowing my codependency to stick me in situations that are less than I deserve. & it also opened the door of speaking my truth- ALL of it. Now I say, "If you wanted me to speak kindly of you, maybe you should've been kinder to me". Sending so much love & many blessings your way! Big HUGS!
No one protected me from my narcissistic sister because she never abused me in front of people. It wasn't until I was in my 50's that I finally told my brother about it and he was quite surprised. But he bellieved me because he knew she wasn't quite right in the head.
@@lovemusic1963ify I'm sorry to hear that 😔 my coworkers didn't believe that my ex abused me until after I left him, and he broke a damn glass door at my job. My parents believed me after they saw I had lost 100 lbs and he began texting them really messed up stuff. It hurts to not be believed. I'm glad you had your brother on your side!
My mom & younger sister are narcissists. This describes my childhood perfectly! My mom picked me for the majority of her bs games & my sister is the golden child. As soon as she was old enough to pick up what was going on, she followed suit. She would start things or set me up. Then cry, I would get hit, grounded or things taken away & when I said what she did, she’d lie. I haven’t spoken to her in 15 yrs. She picked a pedophile over me. I just ended the relationship with my mom 6 mos ago as she kept taking my sister’s side & no matter what, I’m to blame so I’m just done being the family dump site.
Good for u! Sounds like my life too! I think when we get to that point, we know it and the NC isn't a question. We know it's a MUST! I've been NC with narc mom and GC sister for almost 4 years now!
Just a comment...in teen life my golden narc younger sister would say to me, watch this! We were doing dishes..she screamed "leave me alone", made slapping noises, threw some silverware on the floor, conjured up tears. My parents came running. I was standing there mouth open, Dad hit me, and I said I didn't do anything. Mom the narc screams "oh the child is screaming for no reason?" (Uh yes). I was made to do all the dishes alone for 2 weeks, while my sister was excused from all her chores, as she grinned smugly. As full adult she changed power of attorneys for both parents from being spread between all 4 kids to just her. So now she has full responsibility for narc mom at 91...her game, her burden.
Sounds like my life. My little sister, 5 yrs apart, would scream and my mom would come in and beat me and think that I did something to her. No questions asked she just always believed her. Much has not changed. Right now my mom and my sister are against me. I'm realizing that they are both narcissist. My sister stopped talking to me. My mom also chose a pedophile over me. They are divorced now but my mom still is ridiculous with her dating life. I try my best to engage as little as possible.
thats just what my sister is doing to me and my mum eats upp her manipulative shit and always blames me and disstances herself from me because of my demonic sister
A long long time ago & my parents just told me to ignore her "you know what she's like". This has meant over 40 years of being treated badly & controlled by my sister & parents because I didn't want to upset my parents. I got told by my sister I've ruìned our parents lives by spending too much time with them. Covid lockdown hit & she jumped in to control their lives. This is such a difficult subject that no one talks about. Thank you Dr Ramani for your wisdom.
My mom says the same thing! "Take the high road, keep the peace, let it go". Because she doesn't want to actually admit that my sister's narcissism might have had something to do with her parenting.
@@mynz4464"take the high road." that's exactly what my sister has always told me I should do! I've always respected her, valued her opinions. Until she said a thing a few months ago, to another of our siblings who is terrorizing me regarding a lake property where we are equal co-owners. She invalidated me so utterly and unabashedly, well I think she has by now concluded, she no longer has a sister. She was my shoulder when I was divorcing my ex-narc-like-parasite. "Take the high road." Was her mantra. She doesn't ever want to hear about other's personal hell. She "doesn't need that kind of negativity in her life." But, damn, that high road has ruined me financially, and thoroughly. But it's all good. She no longer suffers discomfort at the ugly things I have endured and am again enduring. If I only "take the high road" again. I wonder if she might be annoyed to find out what the meaning of the phrase actually implies.
Yup. My parents we're always asking me to smooth things over because they knew she wouldn't do it. So I would over and over again only to try to leave from the abuse and have them start all over so they can have a good looking family
I always hear, "She had a hard life" as the excuse for my sister's behavior. So did a lot of other people, and they don't treat people the way she does. Additionally, our father sexually molested me and raped me from five until 18. I had to have an abortion because of him. She says he didn't touch her. Using my other sibling's excuse, I should be the abusive one. But I'm not.
Yes, the relationship with my sister was always difficult even as kids. I was younger, and just always knew if I went along with whatever she said and never asked my parents for anything different, it was smoother. When I expressed anything of my own, I got hatred from all of them and zero support. I went No Contact four years ago. Best thing I ever did.
I'm in my late seventies with a narcissistic sister five years younger than myself. After a lifetime of coping with her dishonest, manipulating, high-drama, I have recently gone no contact which has meant losing touch with her daughters (my nieces) as well. My sister is a classic case of NPD, becoming more toxic with age, She was, perhaps, a demanding child, and now looking back, I can see that the signs of her NPD were apparent in her early teenage years.
I cut my sister off when I was forty-eight. I told my younger sister that I have to do it because I will be in my seventies listening it the same drama built around the same lies. When I read your comment I was shaken. It's never too late.
NPD sister three years younger...hell the entire time, I keep moving to really far off places and she follows me, gets the same kind of work as I do, I highly competitive with me, rages, high drama, dangerous, and triangulating my adult kids and smear campaigns. I started not answering the phone , text briefly, she shows up and wanted to see me five times , no warning, I know it was because she needed her " supply" or fuel" but the bloodbanks closed, dracula, even if it means having to move away for self preservation I and the risk of losing out in my kids lives for awhile, I would do it to find peace, heal and live the life I was meant to
Abusive brother who is six years older...it took me effing 50 years to realise that i am not wrong or stupid or irrelevant...and i said no to the last manipulation. I'm so crushed,and i am now likely to be ostracised by my entire familybut i feel so much better at the same time...i got a huge burden off my chest.
Same here, signing off a 50 year old dude who finally went NO CONTACT after decades of sporadic mistreatment from my two older and younger EX-SIBLINGS too!
When I was 4 my arm got broken in some roughhousing with my older siblings in the backyard. For many years, the family stories were about how our dad beat our brother up when he got home, how the doctors at the hospital asked our mom uncomfortable questions to assess if it was an abusive situation, how it'd been a great game until I had to go and get hurt, how I woke everyone up the night crying while my arm was in a cast. It took me decades to realize how it all added up to me causing problems for everyone else. Not one anecdote included comfort for a hurt and scared little girl.
This video really made me pause for thought. There is a photo of me at home somewhere taken when I was 16. It shows my younger siblings and my cousin playing together and me walking behind with my head down. This to me perfectly encapsulated how I felt around my siblings-lonely, isolated and left out. My narc siblings are the reason today why I don't really trust other people and in a sense am glad to be alone.
Story of my life. My brother, the eldest child, the golden child. He bullied me whenever he was back home from boarding school. My two elder sisters - 1 covert, the other just plain mean. They abused me since I was around 3 (as far as I can remember). Still living with the covert sister. And I'm still saving so I can eventually move abroad and stay far away. Over 30 years of narcissistic abuse can take such a huge toll on one's life. The abuse messed up my entire life, which also impacted my choice of narcissistic partners and employers. I was depressed as a child and many times I wished I never existed. I envied my friends and classmates who had loving siblings who protected them. I never experienced that and I feel such a profound loss for something I never had. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for sharing your knowledge with the world.
Exactly what I am doing as well. I don't know how it works though to move from the UK to another country. I am going into my degree year next academic year. But I also have adult children who are wonderful and I don't want to leave them behind either. I am stuck in the place I live I think :/ Wish I had realised earlier. I would have got my backside into gear long ago.
Same for me. I think you honestly speak for a lot of people on here. I’m the youngest of 3. My brother the oldest & sister the middle child. My sister & I are 11months apart in age. You’d think we’d be very close, nope. I’ve always felt unwanted & an accidental pregnancy. My mom has always treated my like I was nothing but an inconvenience to her & my Dad would just play the ignorant parent. My siblings were very aware of how different my parents treated me & they seem to have the attitude that “if it works for them it works for me”. If my parents didn’t respect me then why should they. I’ve slowly limited my contact with them & it has strengthened me mentally since & I’ve noticed that it has also lessened my anxiety. Couldn’t have done this if I hadn’t stumbled upon these videos. Can’t thank Dr. Ramani enough for creating these videos ❤️
I relate to this. I've had narcissistic friends, men, jobs, etc. It really sucks. I asked God to let me go home. I changed my number, moved away, and went no contact.
I can totally relate to this. I have a sibling who is a covert narc and usually makes the rest of my siblings her flying monkeys. They usually triangulate me and now that my life has somehow found stability and i have a good relationship with my partner, they are so much more threatened. I live with my narc mom and have managed to observe dont absorb. And I have been taking measures to move out of my house as her narcissistic tendencies just get more and more apparent as she ages. Sad but true.
I totally 💯 get you! As it’s my story and I was the truth teller from the most messed up family who also covered up abuse “ didn’t see didn’t hear! “ The worst thing was that they lied to hide from family and friends spread slander about me, when in fact if this had happened today , I would have been taken away years ago! I left home at 16 and disowned the whole narcissistic toxic family! Now my mum has dementia and so will never apologise, I was mocked and my mum and stepdad turned me against my real sister and stopped me from seeing my father and real brother and sister putting my medical records in a different name on my medical records to cover things up? The family only played victim when they might have been found out or just that their mask slipped for a second! Both my mum and my sisters knew how to turn on the taps whenever they needed to! The slander that l “ have “ heard it’s shocking! And even though I actually moved away and for good reason! I don’t like gossip and like a “ peaceful “ life is all! I know how callous , sly and calculating they all are! Even my Dad who l hardly know , had told me that he was told that l was “ mad!” Because of that , when I turned to him at 16 he put me in a homeless hostel for teenagers! Just the place to put your daughter after having been through so much! My mother even told me at the age of 4 the only reason she had me was to save the marriage?” Like it was my fault? And she also said “ your father never wanted you!” My step sister has got in a close relationship with my father and his partner! And to think 🤔 how evil 👿 that is? All the slander and the lonely Christmas’s because I won’t be around these toxic people! Like yourself and many , it caused us to make unconscious and unhealthy narcissistic and abusive partners! I have my health condition now and even though I am a long way from home and single out of choice because of my health condition, as wouldn’t want to have someone be my partner and carer ! So even with that, I still prefer to be away than go through this now! I don’t have the energy anymore for these people! At least we are blessed to find people like Dr Ramani who can really explain this which saves people, especially when you have flying monkeys and gaslighting people who don’t have your interests at heart ❤️
The doctor assumes the older child is the narcissist, but just the ipposite can happen too: a dominante domineering and manipulative younger sibling encouraged and enabled by parents as they are perceived to be weaker. I suffered a lot growing up under the "reign" of a 4-year younger brother. He was a Major reason for my leaving home at 18.
Thank you for pointing that out, as it's also what I was going to say. My bully sibling was two years younger, and my bully parent had also been the youngest child in her family home. Just one memory: my younger brother came home from karate lessons and eagerly showed our mother what he had learned by kicking me. My mother said, "You could do real damage if you kick Dawn in her sides, so aim for her butt." My brother obediently switched to kicking me in the behind. It's far from the only time he ever hit or kicked me, and far from the only time he did it with my mother's blessing.
For as long as I can remember! She’s awful. Throw in a narcissistic parent and the other parent tending to my sister, I was left having to figure life out on my own. 40+ years into life and I’m just finally figuring out what ‘normal’ families and relationships should look like. Thanks for this one, Dr. Ramani.
Join the club. It’s all horrific. I am 59 and only recently got away from them all. The passing of my narc authoritarian ex executive father threw it all open. The brother is a vile piece of s+++ masking as a successful good looking lawyer who is entitled, whilst having fleeced the parents to the tune of hundreds of thousands and the sister is a Machiavellian successful corporate former executive covert soulless shell. All have been protecting the ‘poor me’ brother who has brought chaos into the family for all his life. It’s just now more manipulative and hidden than it was. My husband and his family are normal otherwise I would have never made it out. But it still took me waaaaay tooooo long
Yes, it started the day I was born. I put up boundaries and was told by my mom, "Have you ever thought that you being born caused her to have issues". Yep that's what I get for opening up about being abused.
Thank you for addressing this! My only sibling is a narcissist. Please post more about relationships with narcissistic siblings. It’s hard to find information about this subject. Your videos are so helpful.
I completely relate to EVERYTHING in the video! I have been in therapy for years trying to heal all the wounds from my narcissistic siblings and parents. I realized years ago that my being sensitive and empathic did indeed make me a perfect target for these types. Ive gone no contact for 2 years now and it feels wonderful.
My grandmother saved us. Long story- she became the focus of everyone’s attention for 8 years when her health deteriorated. Grandma knew my sister. She warned me, more than once. Grandma made me promise to take the years back that I’d given her. For myself. When she died, I did. Without me as her cheerleading-financial-rock-family/friend medium, my sister’s life fell into chaos. I got sober and focused on me. My head cleared up. I thought clearly for the first time in decades. I challenged her. I stopped. My life changed in such a short time. My sister went into full on narcissistic public meltdown. She nuked every bridge. Second Hardest thing I’ve had to do is get her arrested. She swung for my mum (78 years old). I wasn’t having it. I tried leaving the door open. She refused to make contact when my dad (83) had a seizure in hospital and was calling for her. I was done. First hardest thing. Next hardest thing will be when dad passes, which will be soon with his health. She’ll be back for money. I know she will. I’ll be hard pushed not to beat the living sh*t out of her. I’ve already warned everyone. I’m going to need all the patience I can muster. And bless great therapists out there. ❤❤
When I was around 12 years old, I remember telling my mom in tears that I don’t think my brother likes me… then proceeded to give her the proof (most of those times she was right there watching the bullying happen and didn’t do anything). She looked me square in the face and said “Your brother loves you. That’s just how he shows his love. Listen to him and everything will be fine.” I was crushed because, even though I didn’t have the vocabulary then, it was at that moment I knew I was fucked. I stopped fighting, retreated into a shell of a human being, and waited till the day I could move out. At 17 I ran out of there and never looked back. It’s interesting because my whole childhood we were told that family is everything, family bonds are sacred and all my friends who didn’t have close families were messed up families. The fact that we were the perfect family was beaten into us. Our house was always spotless and my parents would get compliments for how they run their household. It was a way of forcing me to believe this was normal. But once we grew up, my siblings would talk about loving to spend time with family, that it reminds them of the good old times. But that has literally never been my experience. All I wanted to do was never come back. It’s been a struggle trying to keep close to the siblings I do get along with but my brother has only been getting worse as an adult. I finally went no contact almost 3 months ago after 37 years (I had been grey rocking for about 6 years before that) and this is the best I have ever felt. The last straw was when I noticed he was kept trying to get my daughter alone and claimed he wanted a close relationship with her (as an adult, he usually did his dirty work by getting me alone - he is very into image and portraying a close-knit family). This is when I realized all the work I had done to rid myself of his toxic influence would mean nothing since he would just redirected his focus towards my daughter. Thank god she’s young enough and has never been close to him so it doesn’t seem to have bothered her. This confirms my decision to NEVER let him back in my life again. That you for your work Dr. Ramani. It saves lives, in perpetuity ❤️
"it was at that moment I knew I was fucked." Sad but brilliant. You know, it's incredible that you've managed to keep your head and stop it spiralling down through your daughter. So difficult.
My brother has hated me and tried to make my life a living hell from literally the first day I was brought home from the hospital as an infant. He wanted to be an only child. Therefore it seemed to be his life's mission to hate me and try to get rid of me. This guy has done so many horrible things to me over the years. Turned so many people against me with complete lies and even tried to convince me to kill myself at one point. He is truly sick. He is the person who makes me believe that narcissists are born and not made. I have never seen any positive change in him. He gets worse with age and has been the same mean spirited person since he was a very young child. I cant' think of a single kind thing he has ever done for me or anyone else for that matter.
Exactly like my siblings. They have isolated me, and my sister knew how to do it. My mom seems like her friend, they bully me. They hate me because I exist. Sending love your way. 💚
Same all what you say about your brother is literally the same thing with me instead he's an immigrant kid and acting like this he hates me the most because I exist and is aware of his evil unholy behavior my family Envy's him he's 16 not as worse as last year but omg since I can't do nothing to report his behavior to the police I'm packing my bags and leaving when I'm at the right age they can deal with his problems and my god you won't want to hear what that boy has done to me over the years I have became isolated from my family whenever he came home from school I don't say a word my family thinks I'm shy and antisocial but that was never the case at all I was just hiding in fear of him he's getting aggressive more and more as he ages it's just sad really but I can't do anything about it
My older sister managed to convince most people that I was incompetent. This would include my mother who still wonders how I survive. (I’m fine.) Long story short, she died a year ago and I have such mixed feelings about it. I didn’t cry at her funeral - and I cry at everything! Thank you for these messages. I know I have dealt with a lot of this, but it still gets to me at times.
My sister was so abusive when I was a child, that I used to have nightmares about her. I had to endure abuse not only from my violent dad but my sister as well. I have lived my entire life in extreme fear and terror. I’m 44 years old… I am finally sleeping anywhere from 8 to 12 hours a night and feeling peace and serenity for the first time in my life. Being at peace has been abnormal and unnatural for me, so I have had to be very mindful and careful not to self sabotage. I’m also a recovering alcoholic. I haven’t seen any of my family in 3 1/2 years. They turned their back on me. I was absolutely heartbroken in the beginning but now I choose to stay far away from my blood relatives, since learning my truth. I have been doing EMDR and it’s working miracles in my life. It’s a miracle I even lived through my whole ordeal. I am proof there is a God because most don’t live through what I have. It’s been really horrible at times but I am finally feeling I’m going to heal fully. God please bless and heal everyone here!❤️🙏🏼
EMDR is amazing. Really helped me too for a different trauma...but actually now I wonder if it's all related in a way. I'm so glad your situation is better. Take care!
My mother was a narcissist. Many of her children are too. I am the oldest of 8,now 6. All her children believed her lies and I was the scapegoat for most of them. I will have nothing to do with them as they seem to want to ruin me. I was there for them all the time. Not now. You hit the nail on the head with this one for sure. Thanks.
We’re in the same boat except it started bc of my narcissistic father then my mother became one and the rest of my siblings. They will forever be in love with the idea that I’m the bad one even when they see the truth they’ll twist it just to keep the lie alive. I’m going no contact soon! So excited. I’m looking at their life and it’s not going well bc you need certain human traits to have genuine experiences in this world. And that’s not my problem bc salvation and mental/emotional health is your own responsibility once you get older. Plus God exist so he’s paying them 7 fold.
narcissistic sister should be in mental asylums for years my sister has destroyed the reationship between me and me and my mum and i will always hate her for it and never speak with her again
Wow I totally get this. We aren't alone but it feels like we can't be perfect with a family that is distant but perfection isn't the goal, just simple to be, and to be happy and to love is all you need it attracts loving people. I wish I could have reciprocated positivity with my siblings.
Love the kitty that showed up just as you started to describe the terror in my childhood from a narcissistic younger sibling. It took me decades to recognize her evil. Our parents use to joke about her tyrannical behavior, “ we gave life to Godzilla!” They enabled her. They told me she loved me and looked up to me so I had to tolerate her stealing and chaos baiting to get me in trouble. I loved her. Or thought I did. But after a year of immersion in narc abuse and ptsd recovery I’ve been no contact for a year when she essentially left me for dead during the height of Covid. She waited until she knew I was most vulnerable, attacked my character and loyalty, blamed me for ruining her life, and screamed at me for 2 straight minutes of expletives. I took a breath, prayed silently, went total grey rock and told her our journey together as sisters in this lifetime was now complete and she no longer needed to be burdened by me. I hung up and blocked. It’s been a year. I’m still reeling but relieved. Thank you Dr!!!! Could not have survived this grief without you and supporters of your indelible healing work.
I always appreciate hearing about siblings who have NPD. It's a lonely place to be when the rest of the family still can't see it, or thinks you're being petty. Yet, my sibling will sit there and roll with laughter while telling us how at 3 they didn't want me brought home from the hospital. They demanded I was returned to the hospital or put in the trash. Yep, I'm the one who's suppose to care for the aging parent, but disappear and not be around for family gatherings, holidays, the likes.
It was always difficult and as she got older she became worse She is quite wicked and has no hesitation in trying to destroy me in whatever way she can l think a lot of it boils down to insane jealousy I have never trusted her
Thank you so much for addressing sibling narcissism. I've researched high and low for information, help for coping, validation, anything that would be useful but 99% deals with spousal or other types of narcissism except siblings. Please don't stop. We need you!
Also...gosh, not sure how to express this... I'll try. It's going on 4 years since I've gone no contact. Four years!! And I do mean NONE! I only attend family functions when there will be many people around and outdoors. BUT, going "no contact" has NOT WORKED for me. I don't know if others also feel as I do? Yes, I do not suffer from new blows but I'm still tending my wounds. I am not present when she is lying, when she is pretending to be me, when she is, verbatim, repeating sweet, funny stories about my kids and she's making them about her just changes the names to her kids. I don't hear her bragging about my accomplishments and again, just puts in her name over mine. I'm not around when she physically steals something from MY HOME then claims she has one just like it and I am a sick lier...repeatedly. I can go on for hours as this started the day I was born! No. I am as far away from my evil sister as I possibly can get but I can still hear her screaming at me so violently that she literally spews and I must wipe off her spit off my face! I can still hear her warning me that that my husband was about to leave me because he was sick of me pretending to be sick!! But, oh, she was not fooled. She knew my disgusting tactics to get attention. She again SCREAMED that EVERY ONE was fed up with me and I had to STOP my illness bullshit or she would expose me to the world!!! A week later, my husband found me unconscious laying on a pool of my own blood. I nearly hemorrhaged to death...for the 3rd time. This time, I was admitted and rushed to the operating room. I went code blue, (actually had a NDE). They removed a huge cancerous tumor from my uterus. I was 33yo. No. Going no contact does NOT WORK. I can still hear her accusing ME of deserving to be RAPED! She knows me. She is positive I had it coming. She can't be fooled by me. I simply got what I had coming. -- No. Going no contact has not worked for me. She resides in my head. In my broken heart. In my very sick body and in my very lost soul. I keep coming back to listen and learn. I am an expert at what a narcissist is. I know what a wimp I have been. I've met all the flying monkeys. I know. I know. I know. But I still have not heard HOW, to make the abuse, now on loop, in my head stop. How do we heal. How do we become whole again. Yes, I have diagnosed PTSD. Yes, I've seen therapists. They all clearly define my issues but so far no one has given me a clue on how to help myself. 😭
noel_magana How to help yourself? Jesus heals, truly. He is the reason I was able to go no-contact and forgive certain evil people. And He is truly healing me. Repent, call on Him to save you, and He will. Today is a good day; He's coming back to judge the world.
Yes, my only sibling-my brother-was difficult when we were young children. He used me as his punching bag (literally) and liked to destroy my things. As we got to the teen years, as long as I didn’t disagree with anything he did or said or express myself or my opinions, things were fine. The few times I did argue back (stand up for myself), express my opinion, or disagreed with him, his response was minimizing, gaslighting, flipping the script, and cruelty. I still remember those traumatic experiences very distinctly, and it’s been 30 years.
My older sister did the exact same things. I was a literal punching bag too and she wrecked any toy/item that I had that made me happy. Awhile back she admitted to taking and wrecking some specific toys, and then It dawned on me that all the little things I thought I lost somehow, she had taken. I was convinced that I was just not careful with my things, but that's not my character at all. I came from a background where we didn't have alot and I treasured my things and took care of them. I'm in my 40's now and all the pieces are coming together bit by bit. God bless you.
This was my older sister exactly. Actually, both my older sisters. I never knew until recently that there was such a thing as a nice older sibling. They've both had their kinder moments, but like you say, only if I didn't disagree or challenge them.
@@kristischark5590 yes! Your paragraph described my spoiled/entitled younger sibling in a nutshell! This is what I get for NOT moving out after turning 18! All living with him did was elongate my childhood! But boy am I trying to move out now. It SUCKED that he got away with the most bad behavior compared to the rest of us. I blame my parents because he took advantage of these privileges he didn’t deserve in the first place. When I called him out on something he did wrong he would ALSO gaslight me OR use the “your word against mine” tactic
My only sibling is a brother less than 2 years older than me. Our parents were narcissists and we were both abused. My brother was always super competitive and we were both high achievers. We never had conflict between us, but when my sociopathic husband started planning his discard my entire family jumped on board. What my brother does is enable other people to abuse me. I started to realize he never defended me when we were kids and he has now had two wives (one he married after we were estranged) who have both been really abusive to me, and he has stayed friendly with my ex who was outrageously abusive. Knowing my parents I can only imagine that he felt rejected when I was born, but this was short lived. It seems like there had to be some kind of underground resentment that he wants other people to act out. Estranged from entire family for 20 years.
Wow me too, weirdess thing, no really I had a guy living with me for 7 yrs and when I broke it off they were thick as thieves, many of them, I was too busy having fun to care or notice, freedom doesn't warrant one's need to look back! I'm so glad I wasn't contaminated, they don't need me to go on hating, I don't mean that I stimulated some kind of hate demon in them, I mean they hate alot of people just fine without needing any input from me!
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani! The dynamic can also be the reverse - I was the older sibling and my younger sibling since our younger years has always been a tyrant and mean/abusive to me which carried into adulthood. I’ve been emotionally torn all these years and for the past two years decided to go “no contact” from my narcissistic sibling and now understanding that my mother is also narcissistic. They have both teamed together and started a horrific smear campaign to all family members. I’m getting stronger everyday but this has been one of the hardest situations I have ever dealt with.
This is exactly the same for me! Except my narcissistic brother and mother don’t speak and I went no contact for 2 years. I went there for Thanksgiving, I left the next day and was triggered for weeks. I wish I wouldn’t have broken the no contact. I tried to softly bring this up to my dad because he has no clue the pain I’ve endured because of this and he said I think I’m going to take the stance of ignorance is bliss when I asked him if he was open to watching a video on narcissism. Just more invalidation. My dad is a good guy, but emotionally unavailable as a father and believes all of my brothers lies, and everything else that comes along with it. I’m almost 47!! Im sorry you’re going through this. @drramani I’ve been looking for content on this for so long!
Sending hugs. As the oldest child, I felt/feel less now, the responsibility to be in contact with my narcissistic sisters. I have learned from Dr. Rahman to Grey Rock, and do keep minimal contact, now.
Yup...same. Doesn't help the people they target actually attack uou personally and can't comprehend they've been manipulated. None of my family members pulling stunts on me have ever set foot in my siblings house. They don't even know her legal name or her sons. But... they know all about me and attack me personally. My narcissistic sibling is so out to lunch and emboldened by this support team and conspiracy she's created for herself, it's become her identity. The only reason she isn't literally walking in and out of my house is because I now know I'll have to use a baseball bat to motivate her. Unfortunately, as my.mother is very sick and I work in the hospital, even accessing support through accredited people isn't an option. Her mommy is hospitalized and for me it's just a patient right to privacy or I'll lose my job. There are zero checks and balances in place to deal with them in any capacity . Cause mom says so. Mind numbing to deal with. Stay strong.
I feel this. Take care and good luck! It's the most heartbreaking experience and all you can do is stay true to who you know you are, not their fabricated version. I've found this to be an incredibly helpful 'calm down' audio piece. Might not be your thing but it literally saves me so here's the link. It starts with a little intro, then it's like a meditation but it feels new every time....th-cam.com/video/A66N4VJ_mZc/w-d-xo.html
Both my siblings are narcissistic, I was the scapegoat and was able to self reflect and work on myself. It still sucks that I can’t have a normal relationship with my siblings and family but the cycle ends with me and will go no further
Always difficult. I so wanted a relationship with her. 💔 The worst. She has threatened if i don't act right i won't get an inheritance. Evil, most definitely. Just plain evil. Narcissistic mother, Narcissistic siblings, Narcissistic partner...finally healing. I cut off contact 7 years ago with all except my mother. She has dementia now and forgot she hated me. I finally got a loving mother, i guess. You have helped me so much. I can never thank you enough ❤
I am incredibly happy you did this episode on Narc siblings! My sister is an covert narcissist and I have been no contact for 3 months. In the meanwhile, my parents and other siblings are making me feel horrible and saying that I am dividing the family! It’s completely crazy. So much toxicity in my family and it continues for years.
After the death of my mother, I found myself so relieved that I would never again have to cross paths in any way with my narcissistic wonder sister. I cringe when I recall her drama to suck all the energy in times of family crisis. So much of a relief that it seems like a past life ago. 😆
I am able to relate. My sister and I were talking, and I offhand said "I have a feeling that after (our parents) are gone, we'll never see our brother again." She agreed. I mentioned that in all seriousness, and not making a facetious remark.
My older brother tormented me nearly all my life. I was the sweet, empathic little sister. I thought for many years he had antisocial personality disorder because he hit nearly every one of the signs. He was downright cruel to me, and yes, my parents minimized EVERYTHING. When he turned 13, he got type 1 diabetes, and that was it. My codependent/narc mother smothered him, turned him into this horrible monster who is 43 years old and can't and won't do anything for himself. I've been the bad guy practically all my life for trying to stand up for myself against my family's bullying and mistreatment. He is an awful person, my parents are awful people, and I have tendencies to be awful too. There was no way to escape that situation unscathed.
Watching this, it was like watching you narrate my life. My sister is an undiagnosed narcissist, she checks all the boxes of one in my relationship with her. No one else sees it except my husband and a few life long best friends. My family is in denial and think I'm just sensitive. Meanwhile, my sister makes my life incredibly difficult. During childhood she would redicule and embarrass me in front of everyone. Either in the form of telling my insecurities or growing pains to the world or physically abusing me for the attention of her peers. People would often laugh it off as sibling rivalry, but I was always her punching bag. My parents were not narcissists, but my mother died young and my father often grieved behind closed doors. Leaving my sister and I alone most of our childhood. In adulthood, every conversation I'm being set up for conflict and when I put up boundaries I'm met with anger. My family then pressures me to drop the boundaries as if the boundaries are a form of me continuing the fight. They often snap at me to just "drop it".
3:20 "None of this is normal... people try to play it off as sibling rivalry but it's not." Finally. Thank you. My mom still placates her despite her being abusive to everyone, but especially to me and my dog.
Youngest of four here, and the only girl. In a family with parents who struggle with personality disorders, it's just a given that the children will echo these disorders and repeat the difficult interpersonal styles on each other. Being the youngest makes you the emotional punching bag for the whole family. There were times when we played when I would feel an absolute chill in my spine because my golden child brother was so relentlessly cold and cruel, yet dispassionate. My parents embraced somewhat extreme religious views, so gender roles meant that my older brothers had an extra weapon against me. In adulthood one of these brothers healed and improved greatly, the other two became unhinged, righteous, covert narcissists. I am the only member of the family who reads about narcissism and is in therapy.
In my experience I'd say that there is no narc children without narc caregiver(parent mostly) as a roll model. More often than not, they are actually obedient to parents and to the autorities, yet stubborn and hostile to the weaker and powerless. They don't like to share with siblings yet they make sure parents never get the real picture of them. All they do and concentrate on is to please narc parent in order to be accepted by that parent. You called that child GOLDEN. In retrospective, I view my narc sibling as a bigger victim of our family dysfunction and consider her as more broken then I am. At least, broken beyond repair. Although she is much more successful professionally and academically as she has reached the very high proffesional level, the burden of unhappiness, bitterness, negativity, sense of entitlement mixed with the lowest self-esteem possible is hard to witness. Yet, she has never thought about assessing the root of her feelings. Because she feels that the problem in our relation is ME, I and her sister ! I still wonder if she is unable to see the obvious or she has chosen denial as an more suitable coping mechanisms for her. So, that naughty, rude, loud, disobedient child is usually the scapegoat who has lost all credibility in life to prove the point because of public tantrums and shame she caused to the narc parent. Scapegoat, that voiceless child observant enough and stupid and not knowlegable enough at the time to use the right way to express her frustration. No winners in the narc family dynamic- everybody is robbed of lifetime happiness and normalcy.
I just came back to this video and am mind blown at all the pain and heartache we have all endured. Severe trauma! I’m so thankful there’s finally a video on this and hopefully dive into more of it, nice to know we are all not alone, but I just can’t believe how many of us endured this craziness and abuse!! Much love to you all! 😭😭😭♥️♥️♥️
Its sad, i wish I had a sibling who i got along with. I hope everything gets better with time.. all I want is to be happy😔 the only person who truly made me feel happy was my GrandMother, now she's gone and i feel so alone
a year has passed from your post and it still is lasting! Thank you for your kind words. i need it. Am 59 and 5 months ago went no contact with the vile family: mother (covert, siding with the others) brother ( arrogant, financial abuser, chief manipulator, just a smiling sadist) and sister (covert for decades!, Machiavellian) after the father (authoritarian narc) passed.
Decades later, I can see that as a preteen, my sister was physically abusive, well on her way to being a narcissist. It was not sibling rivalry. She once beat me in the back of my head and I had a bad concussion. I was literally her punching bag. She and her friends stripped me of my bathing suit when we were swimming in a public lake. I couldn’t get out until I got my bathing suit back. I was traumatized.She would set me up for failure or to look like a fool, all to her advantage. I somehow believed her intentions were good, but the abuse occurred and she would ended up laughing. And she is so much like our narc dad. Too many stories of abuse. I am thankful for your videos that helped me understand what actually was happening. I haven’t talked to her in almost 3 years…no contact. Same with my dad.
OMG ! You poor darling. What vile disgusting people to do that to you. You have done right to break the trauma bond , they weren't worthy of your love. I hope you have lots of friends around you now that are there for you and better than the family you had. x
@@poohbear6759 thank you!! It’s better for sure. The trauma bond was deep, and it’s hard to not wonder what I could’ve done for things to have been better. But I’ve got a great husband and daughters. We are changing this generational curse, thank God!
Wooow so sorry to hear this!! I had a similar situation, my sister would constantly try to drown me (among many other things and different types of abuse) but I’m literally TRAUMATIZED from water and won’t go in anything deeper than 5 ft! I don’t like to be picked up because I don’t have control over my body and ofc I would be picked up and thrown in the water as a kid and sat on to drown me or pushing my head under water also while sitting on me sometimes .. constantly always trying to kill me for some reason and she would say it sometimes “idc if you die or if I break your ribs” while jumping on my back and what not (she would say that not while in the water this is just at home) but ya she was always trying to kill me for many many years and I’m a hugeeee empath and tried to forgive her on numerous occasions all while she has also molested me as a child to. She’s a horrible person and has always treated me like crap from since we were young!! I’ve always been good to her and her punching bag and a people pleaser ! But no more! Starting today!! Thank you for ur comment and thank you Dr for your video ❤
@@tahjanalindsay6404 oh my!! We certainly “get” each other. I’m so sorry you went through this. Praying you stay strong, and continue to process this all in a healthy manner. For me, I believed the lie that this was sibling rivalry and ok, but when the “sibling rivalry” (NOT) continues in an unhealthy manner well into adulthood, it is easier to look back with the help of Dr. Ramani and some others and see what our ruthless narc siblings really were and maybe still are. Big hug for you and prayers for continued healing from the trauma. Stay strong, eyes wide open, and be courageous! 🙏🏻
So glad you are covering sibling narcissistic abuse. As far back as I can remember in childhood, my sister smashed me into a glass table, broke my toys, my oldest sister used to pour chocolate milk on the floor and force the younger siblings to drink from the floor. In the older teen years, my younger sister would steal my money, and ID, steal my car and trash it, it was also constant judgement and put downs, another sister would bring her one friend over and take a baseball bat to break down the bedroom door; I would have to escape out the second floor window to avoid whatever would happen next. If I brought a friend to the house, my other sister would insult that friend until she cried and would need to leave. She also stole my money. If I made a game winning catch, my oldest sister would berate and insult me until I was on the ground in tears. Same thing with picture time, she’d make sure I was crying before the picture was taken with the five of us sisters. Then her pose would look comparably better, apparently. I did eventually move across the country, and I still used to sent Christmas cards gift cards to each of the sisters and my parents for many years, but now don’t. It’s affected my life and my trust in people completely. I’m very empathic. Many years later and still I have to run away from most social gatherings, because it brings up so much anxiety and pain.
My younger brother and I were inseparable buddies when we were little. When he hit the preteen years, that all changed. He began to hate me and everything about me. He sharpened his claws on me. When I would tell our Mom, she would either say don't cause trouble for your brother in a scolding tone, or she would give me the cryish voice saying oh, but he really loves you. This taught me to confuse hate and love. It set me up for picking a horrible husband, and I gave 2 wonderful children a wretch of a father. I was too naive to know better.
Spot on! Two narcissistic sisters and I was always the Scape goat. As adults still no recognition of the abuse so no contact for me! Sad as relationships could be so different. I mourn that loss too!
It's so sad, because my brother and I were actually really close growing up, but my mother would force my brother to be in all of the after school activities I was in, and he didn't want to. She out him in choir, ballet, and things he spoke up about, that he did not want. She forced us into togetherness. My brother was bullied, and I also had a pretty rough beginning, began an eating disorder ( bullimia ) , and my mother told us both to just be strong, and stick together. She did not address our individual needs, but just made us self-sooth. It was hard. Slowly though, my brother became super difficult in high school, defiant, mocking of teachers, almost got kicked out. My mother defended his behavior, and said he was a genius and misunderstood. she created his narcissism, because she is one. So, I tried to be a mom-sister to him, but then, he started being super harsh with me, making fun of me ( I am the empath, an actor and artist), and my mom would let him, telling me " that is just how he is, you are too sensitive, stop being so emotional"' She would repeat this to me my entire life. Now, I am NC with my mother, and my enabler father, and as I watched this video, I realize, I am also grieving my brother and I. He has been abrasive, and has himself distanced himself from our parents, and has vocalized to my mother I was the favorite, he never got the attention he needed, and I realize, she played me into the game as a channel, and would use me as a go-fer. It is hard, but, the one thing I know is: I am done. The toxic system I have left, and disenfranchised, will never live on. I am certain, my role is this: heal, live, love myself, love my life, dream, and leave them all to live as well. It is not my job as a daughter in a Latina family to heal, or be the helper or emotional servant anymore.
"Of course they have your back..." Good one. Yes, my narcissistic sibling has my back. WITH A KNIFE. And yes, it was from my earliest memories. I basically never had what would be considered a normal relationship with my narcissist sibling, my head-in-the-sand, conflict-avoidant other sibling, my narcissist parent or my head-in-the-sand, conflict-avoidant other parent. I don't know what normal family relationships are. Sadly, I often feel resentful when people post things about the wonderful relationships they have with their siblings or parents. I had NONE of that.
My narc sister constantly wanted to measure my legs, arms, waist , wrist and even my nose against hers....I was bigger than her but I was not fat my bone structure was bigger than hers she loved that I was bigger, she once put my jeans on and laughed and said I can take them off without even undoing them.
@gloriabult2967 that's nasty...dodge the bullet and try not to let it get to you. theyre so insecure they need to make others feel small just to feel something about themselves, its sad and pathetic really. Much love❤
Me being abt 9 yrs older than my sister I didn't know she was narcissistic until we were adults. It began the first time I disagreed with her.She turned on me like a snake. I always chalked it up to her being spoiled rotten b/c she was the youngest. As an adult, I look back at how she was behind my back the entire time with smear campaigns and manipulative behavior. Telling ALL of my personal business to anyone who would listen and in my mothers ear painting a very untrue picture of me. Exploiting my childhood traumas while pretending to care and love me. It was this year that I finally realized what she is and have distanced myself from her. A wolf in sheep's clothing. She has destroyed family relationships and I can even tell the cold treatment that I receive from some of the members that I know I haven't done anything to. Thank Dr. Ramani for helping me to identify and process so I can heal.
sounds exactly like my brother, I’m sorry you are going through this it’s horrible I know. He’s alienating me from my family, I can feel the difference when I do see them, they are cold & even some are passive aggressive, he’s doing these things while I’m fighting bad depression & anxiety, turning people against me, because he knows I see through him and he can’t control me he wants to destroy me. He is very good at appearing nice, good talker, convincing liar, malignant, conspiring, scheming, spoilt brat. I wish I were rich to move far away from all this toxic shit and be free
Wow, I've always assumed my 2 older sisters treated me like that only because I'm the youngest & they could do anything they wanted to me since I was basically helpless. (My parents would sometimes defend me, but my mom would also sometimes just make fun of me for crying. In adulthood she usually defends them, & even joins in on the bullying) I've only recently realized that it's possible for the younger one to act that way. I would've gotten my ass beat of I even tried it. I guess it's just a personality trait that can affect any sibling.
Yes, my brother is a narcissist and my codependent mother backs him and tries to gaslight me. Get as much distance as possible from these toxic people and you will be happier. Health is the priority above all.
I have twin brothers. One’s a narc and he has always been a problem since we were kids (bullying, competitive, manipulative). He’s only gotten worse with age. The other twin is a sweet, empathic soul but so trauma bonded by the narc twin and my aging narc mother. I had to disengage from them all as the family scapegoat. I was disinherited from my narc mother’s will. I question why I was born into this family. I believe it’s because they needed my love and light. But I need to step away to focus on my family in order to end the generational abuse. It’s sad but I’m at peace now. My peace and happiness is worth more than any inheritance or societal pressure to keep in touch with the family of origin. 🌎 ✌️
Yes, it did start in childhood. I'm the youngest of 3 girls, my sisters, covert and overt, as I call them now. wounded me for decades. I'm 60 and they're still trying...the difference is at 58 I found your channel, Dr. Ramani. Education is freedom and power. I'm the observer of their patterns now and I refuse to feed them. I don't react and I get away from them. Thank you, Dr. Ramani 🙏
Yes, that hits home. That’s my life story too. It’s strange how I feel comfort hearing an expert validate what I’ve always known, yet remorse that there’s no retribution or sense of fairness for me. It’s like she has always and still continues to “win”. Although I’d never want to be her, and genuinely feel sorry about who and what she is.
Yes I think this is the hardest thing to have to accept, that the chance of anything changing at all for the better is basically non-existent, aside from having no contact.
Its as if my narcissistic mom groomed our youngest sister by encouraging her selfish and destructive behaviour. She never had to follow the sames rules, and never received consequences.
My sister was awful and very emotionally abusive to me since we were little. My parents were her enablers. They thought the solution was for me just to keep taking it and even wanted me to minimize myself so I didn't trigger her as much. It really messed up my self esteem. So thankful for these videos.
From the minute I was brought home from the hospital. My mother was a narcissist and my older half sister, my other two siblings have traits, the youngest was the golden child and believes she is a victim of everything. Now thinking about it, she might very well be a covert narcissist. My mom triangulated between all of us, used us to hurt the other. I was the family scapegoat. My sister told me I was evil and what I did and how I behaved was crazy, but when I had children I seen that these things were normal but had no regulation from my mother, she would actually encourage these behaviors to hurt the other child. I am blessed for my children helped me see what is normal types of behaviors. Also stood by me durning my healing/behavior changing stage and allowed me the opportunity to show them that I changed. Not perfect but truly trying to be a better human then the day before.
I have a family reunions coming up this summer. I was finding myself overwhelmingly concerned about having to deal with my siblings at the camp out for the family reunions. Your words this morning helped me alot. Sometimes it's hard to remember to be indifferent to the narcissist. Thank you so much for your Insight. This is something I'm still working on. I appreciate everyone in this community and the support that we give one another. Much love to you all in this struggle of ours.
@Mary Carroll Yup! And you’ll get attacked/criticized whether you’re there or not. Showing up doesn’t exempt u from attack. It took me decades to figure it out and finally put my sanity before their shallow, predatory needs. I ghost all get togethers now. No regrets. And much less anxiety.
Oh wow. Spot on. I was the scapegoat child with a narcissistic mother and raging, abusive father. My “golden child” sister was a master of the setup - loved getting me in trouble, even though it meant my dad getting out the wooden spoon or belt. Then she would mock me afterward. My other sister was (still is) super dysregulated and would rage about everything that didn’t go her way. I had to babysit her while my parents were at work and had no idea how to handle her meltdowns. She was (still is!!) also a professional victim - everyone is mean to her and out to get her, and the world is SO unfair! Woe to anyone who calls her out on it lol. My “favorite” memory was getting smacked across the face (left ridges on my cheek) by my dad, then him taking off in his car. All I wanted was for my mom to make it better, but I remember her cuddling my sisters in her lap and yelling at me, telling me *I* was tearing the family apart. I was 7-8 years old. So yup, this video hit home. Ugh.
@Dr Ramani, you totally hit the nail on the head with this one! My older sister, my only sibling, didn't want me when I was about to be born in 1960, so my parents gave her a record player and said it was from her "baby sister." She loved the record player, but, in 64 years, she has never loved me.
I had an older brother who died in a car accident at 6 years of age - I was 2 at the time. My parents went on to have another 3 children. I found out my dad is a narcissist only about 6 years ago when he did something very inappropriate. Within the last 3 years I have finally come to realize that my siblings are all just like him as well - and I was the scapegoat all along…
I warned my parents for as long as I can remember and it played out exactly as I predicted. They’re older now and guess who controls the finances? My sister was always difficult and I’ve never had a break from narcissism but these videos are a guiding light. I’ve lost every family member due to triangulation but I’m moving on and healing the best I can. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Absolutely and without a doubt! I am number 5 of 6. The first child is what I believe and identify as a malignant narcissist. She was always put above everyone else, given the greatest amount of support and attention and she is now a lawyer. She is still the ring leader and pulls my brothers in as her support as they too, are narcissistic and lack empathy for our widowed, aging mother. It is frustrating now, as people outside our family, distant relatives and anyone that she can influences seem to think that thing “ this is just sibling rivalry “. It’s not, it is vicious and selfish and hateful. I moved 2000 miles away to be able to exists on my own terms and no longer have to watch the older sibling and her grandiose displays, her gas lighting and generally, her thrive to remain the center of everything and in her mind, “in control”. It is a very painful and impactful situation and the pain comes from memories of once trusting her and admiring her as the “ smartest and brightest “. I also believed she cared for me? Thank you for this segment. It hits home for me as I continue to care daily for my aging mother whom the narcissists in my own family attempted to discard her🥲
He bullied me greatly. Was 7years older than me. A male and I was a teenage girl. Physically abused me infront of my mom and she encouraged him. Abused all the ones he could abuse actually. When I moved out of my mom's house I cut off both He and my mom. The fits He had. It was like he was burning in hell. He stalked me everywhere he saw my name. Social networks and I didn't understand coz I told him I had forgiven him but I did not want a relationship with him. But he just could not leave me alone and I didn't understand why because he knew I didn't like him and didn't want to see him or interact with him and expressed it that I was not interested in him and my mom. He died last year. In a very cruel way. I felt floods of relief. To my surprise I still got dreams about him and would wake up with panic attacks. Until this one night, I noticed that the dreams were in reference of something happening in my real life. I just had a very honest mental conversation with myself. The dreams haven't come back in about 6months. I am forgetting his existence or if not, I nolonger feel connection when I think about him.
Omg I sorry this happened to you. My mom and brother did the same...I never understood the evil they brewed together. It was painful. I had to leave. I'm paranoid and watchful still because they would follow me out of state...sadly I had to change my name and soon my SSN.
This is the on point video I’ve always waited for. And it definitely started when my brother and I were quite young. 60 years later, I’m sick of the crap. I’m done.
My oldest brother has always been incredibly bitter towards me (especially when I was really little) any time I say/do something that he even slightly disagrees with. I can’t tell you how many times he’s accused me of doing things I absolutely DID NOT do and made me cry bc he made me feel so guilty. He’d purposely get me upset by turning every little thing into an argument, and if our parents weren’t home he’d send me to my room for arguing back in an argument that he DELIBERATELY STARTED. He’s still an absolute nightmare to be around but unfortunately I still have no choice but to put up with him because he’s so terrifyingly good at manipulating with words, like this man has the widest vocabulary I’ve ever seen anyone have and it’s dangerous bc I’ve seen how he’s twisted words around and got the rest of my family (especially my parents) on HIS side. I’m tired of him, but I can’t escape him either.
When the shtf in my family, and I needed to step in to care for my mother, abused for decades by her husband, my father, there was no support from my narcissistic brother, who follows the money. It was shocking to realize how little compassion my brother had for our mother, and how easily he would exploit the situation for his own gain, by solidifying his place as The Favorite. During this ordeal, a friend of a friend, a very kind man who worked in a profession related to my mom's care, spent a couple of hours on the phone with me one night. At one point, aware of the caregiving, work, and legal issues I was juggling, he said, "If I were your brother, I'd be pretty worried about how little sleep you're getting while you take care of your Mom." It was an incredibly powerful moment for me, the one in which I identified what I hadn't even known I'd been missing: the solidarity, support, and collaboration that a functional sibship might have offered.
Wow, I know your comment is a year old but I just found it and this video today. I am going through the same thing (same scenario between my parents as well). The only difference is my mother who always saw my oldest brother as the 'Golden Child' has come to terms with how selfish both her sons actually are. The sad part is seeing the heartbreak of realizing you dedicated the majority of your life and youth to trying to raise two people in a particular way to see that perhaps you failed. I love my parents but especially my Mother, she is not perfect but does not deserve this. I have gone low contact with both siblings who are living their lives as if nothing is going on and offer no empathy/support or sympathy of any kind. Important life lessons for myself. I wish you the best!
Fascinating segment. My mom was the narc, my dad an empath enabler. My bro and sis are both awful adults, but were okay as kids. My brother always acted as an outsider to the family, thought he was better than our parents, and joined the military for a free ticket out of town at 18. He had almost zero contact with us after that. As an adult he walked out on his wife & kids and never spoke to me again after he fell down a political rabbit hole. My sister was tolerable until she had her own kids, then she changed. She physically attacked me once and she’s just impossible to get along with now. I think my mom was a narc and terrible mother, but my bro and sis think she was a good enough mom. Of course they are both just like her, and I’m like my dad. So that makes childhood hard to reconcile, when there’s opposing opinions.
My sister hated me from the day I was born. My mom told me she would be scared to leave her alone with me when I was a baby. I have no good memories of her. She was always very mean to me and caused me a significant amount of childhood trauma that I’m in therapy for. I spent 36yrs trying to get her to like me. Now at 37 I cut her off. Ironically her oldest son (my nephew) doesn’t deal with her and he just turned 18. She messaged me out the blue a few days ago saying it’s my fault they don’t talk because I validated his feelings of how he felt she mistreated him….. It’s so bad to the point when she would call my phone (EVERYDAY) I would get anxiety, overwhelmed, and dread talking to her. When she finally decided disrespect me one last time I had every reason to cut her off. The level of peace is unmatched.
A very long time ago. My family always made excuses for both of my older brother's horrible choices and bad behavior. I spent all my life helping clean up their mess and getting guilt tripped for calling them out. I finally cut both of them off in 2020 and I'm never looking back.
I've been victimized since I was born, when my sister asked if I was staying. My parents thought it was funny, and she'd even climb in my crib and put things on me. Her sibling jealousy continued through the years. Everything was always a competition and if I got something she didn't, she raged and threw fits. She also could never genuinely celebrate me, though she's written phony things on social media so that she appears as a supportive sister. She was mentallynand verbally abusive to me amd our mother. Her child was always put onto me. She always manipulated my kindness in someway. She was a liar and always expected from others what she never gave out being extremely selfish. I find that I have anger/resentment issues that I'm still healing from even though I've been no contact for almost two years or so. I never liked her and she will never be welcomed back into my life as she made most of my life around her a hellish experience.
Needed to hear this! Dealing with narcissistic sister’s and a parent. I went no contact a year ago. My narcissistic dad said that I’m the one with the issues. That I have always thought people were judging me. Ugh….so glad I let go… I only want peace in my life
My older sister was my first bully and going NC with her 2 years ago is still one of the best decisions I have ever taken in my life. I haven’t regretted it once. She is a very sick individual who finds enjoyment in inflicting pain onto others and I hope she gets the help she needs one day. (Not so) Surprisingly, she’s also been a “good and supportive” friend and cousin to many; very much unlike the tyrant sibling I grew up with. I had to come to peace with the fact that she could sometimes act right, just not with me. As far as I’m concerned, she has no place in my life.
Dr you literally described my situation with my older sister by 4 years. Finally at 30 years old I've only now realized what my entire life has been. It feels like the ground beneath my feet has disappeared, but i'm also glad that i not longer need to please and pacify her when she throws her tantrums.
Thank you so very much for tackling this subject, Dr. Ramani. It is perfect timing for me, as my narcissistic, abusive older brother is coming to visit due to our mother’s quickly diminishing mental health. I have gone no contact, am struggling with recent new trauma and mental health diagnosis, and I am done with all perpetrators of my past, no matter whether family or otherwise. No one else in my family really gets it, and I needed and cherish the validation you offer. Blessings and gratitude to you and yours. 🙏🏻💗
Wow. Thank you so much for this! My sister hated the fact that I was born and behaved towards me in sadistic ways that felt like physical and mental torture, while being very rebellious towards our mother. She was such a horror towards me that I didn't even notice that she probably got those behaviours from our mum. It was only when I got into a romantic relationship with a narcissist that I had flashbacks not so much of my sister but of my mum. I don't think my sister is a narcissist : she's apologised profusely about the way she treated me, she's been kind in our adulthood even though we're not close, and she has a tight-knit group of friends. I think our parents failed us both by allowing her to do that. I have to live with the trauma, but she has to live with the guilt. Thank you so much for tackling this issue, Dr. Ramani and Luna. ❤️
My parents failed my sister and I, as well. I don’t remember them correcting her when she started behaving badly with me. My dad wanted to treat us “equally” so he didn’t corrected her in a meaningful way.
My brother is four years younger than me and is definitely a narcissist adult. I remember playing with him as a kid and for awhile it was good. But then I remember him getting all the attention and perks because he was the loudest. I also remember us chasing each other around the house with kitchen knives trying to kill each other. The only reason I never actually stabbed him was because mom would get mad at me. Whenever I complained about him and his behavior, mom would respond “oh boys are like that at his age”. A mantra she would repeat for 30+ years
My sister pulled me off a table as a newborn when she was a toddler. I was bleeding out of my ears and lost some hearing. Now that I know she is a covert Narc at 56 yrs old, it makes me wonder about when I was very young. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s interesting. I see so many babies and toddlers being gentle with baby animals, etc.
I love this topic, thank u for choosing to speak on it. I am 5 yrs older than my GC sister. In 2018 I realized that my mother was a malignant covert narcissist and I was thee scapegoat and lil sis was GC. My entire life all made sense that day. Once I realized what was going on, I also realized, my sister and I were never allowed to be together, or to have a bond. I was 5 when she was born. My mother would tell everyone that I was so mean to her and yah, I was. It was jealousy. I was a little kid who got NO attention or affection at all! She got it all! In her teen years, my early 20's, she would steal my clothes and shoes and tell people, my mother too, that I STOLD from her. I once came home and found out my mother gave my room key to sister to let her go in my room and get my brand new shoes. I came home and she had them on. My mom started this at her birth. My sister n I never got along. I would always include her n take her everywhere with me, but her friends never spoke to me ever. I could go on and on. We r now 46 and 41. Ive been no contact now for 3 1/2 yrs. They blame me and have ALWAYS said it was me. They've got my entire family except my older brother to not speak to me. My sisters kids would see me and not speak to me at all. My kids were always respectful. U just have to get away. It will neverrrrrrrrr change! U have to accept that and just cut contact. My mom or other family does not speak to me at all cause of my narc mom and narc sister! I know the truth! That's all I need now! I do not have anyone. Holidays I'm alone, but it's better than being around fake people!
Always, always! Omg! Thank you, as you’re spot on. I’ve always been kind, empathetic to a younger narc sister, the only sibling. But, no more, I now keep my boundaries from her and my family. She’s competitive, vindictive, divides and has my narc mother on side. Awful, toxic combination, I keep emotionally distant. I can’t begin to tell you how shocked my naive “give the benefit of the doubt “self was when I researched and realised what’s going on. I intuitively knew their behaviour wasn’t right. Enough to keep trying to having a nice, happy relationship with these weirdos.
My first time listening to my so called "sister' at a very young age, stated: " you make your own friends and stay away from mine". Later in life, I have recognized her demeanor as a narcissist. knowing this gave me a sense of clarity. I don't think, I could contact her again which makes me sad since she is my only relative alive. I am an independent empath. Wish me luck. Thanks and many blessings💠
The moment my parents gave her jurisdiction over me. My father would say, “When your sister speaks, it’s like I’m speaking.” She’s 8 years older than me, but you can’t give that much power to a 15 year old over a 7 year old child. Her side was the only side heard and then punishment on me would ensue. At 36 years old I realized I was not only her life’s “whipping boy” but also forced into the role of filling in the void of her lacking a significant other. I was blamed for all of her life’s failures but also the first person she’d run to when she needed help. Because I’ve distanced myself for the sake of my sanity and my own immediate family, she’s told the family I do drugs and have rage issues. The reality: she has drug and rage issues. Ah, good ol’ deflection. I won’t tolerate her syphoning my happiness anymore. My grad school graduation was marred by her temper tantrum and so our (also narcissistic) parents left and I got zero pictures celebrating my day. Exactly the same thing occurred at my undergraduate and high school graduations, now that I think about it…
The scapegoats success/victory is a shame trigger for the rest of the family. I have similar experiences, but my family’s fury simmers close to the surface and is less “public” in display. They throw their barbs covertly and make sure that they care for their own pain as I sit alone in the crowd. It’s a sad state of affairs that has drawn me to fear success. Talk about messed up! Success means rejection. Isolation. I’ve unmasked the dysfunction, and look forward to success that can be shared with my husband and children. It’s the best I can hope for - it will be amazing! 💕
My very earliest childish memory ( >1 year old) was being outside in the front yard. I was with my older sister looking at the bees buzzing around a cluster of flowers. She was instructed by our mother NOT to touch the bees. She told me to touch a bee.... (duh) I touched the bee. Ouch.... I got stung! She never apologized for that... to this day.
I think Narcissistic siblings know that we were the empathetic ones, so they always use their charm to get our buy in.. and then flip the switch when they want control or upper hand… Too many stories to tell.. But I have experienced and still experiencing Narcissistic sibling behaviors… boundaries definitely helps!!
Wow Dr. the question I’ve waited a lifetime for!!? When I was born!, my older brothers are 8+10 years older than me, the one 8 years older, highly competent ADHD Emphasis on the hyper! For him life is black or white, right or wrong, AND he could sell an ice cube to an Eskimo, highly verbal! Definitely a narcissist, he’s the richest son, a stock broker, who lords over my older brother who was an orthodontist, & never forgave my mother for me being born, & taking away attention from him.😳😟😞
Thnx for giving importance to sibling narcissism; I was the blacksheep of my family; it took me 7 decades to realise that my sibling orchestrated everything; triangulations; constant gaslighting; redflags; constant bullshitting; baiting, etc etc decided to be off from her; my life has started at 70; feel lousy but atlast OK.
That's such a good question that I have not been able to put my finger on....My two older sisters were always controlling play days and our activities together and I was required to submit to what it was that they desired at any given time! If I resisted they would shame me! It's interesting that the narcissist that I married did the same thing! And I let her do it!Thank you so much, dr Ramani! 😔
I have two older sister's as well and your story sounds just like mine I went no to little no contact best thing I've done its painful cus you want a big sister just not those kind 😊😘
@@catherinepraus8635 I no longer have any contact with either of them and I don't like that I have to do that because having older sisters should be a happy experience....
I too can relate to that Peter! It's a shame that to this day my two older (so called) sisters are still the same way and I can easily say that at times they are two passive aggressive, manipulating bullies! I have reached to the point of no contact with either of them. Like you aptly put it Peter, it's painful but having older sisters should be a happy experience...sadly that has stopped being the case for me for years now, but I was overlooking all that, primarly for my own sanity, until it started to backfire and I started to lose it...ironic right? Thank God, FINALLY I am coming to my senses and starting to see things differently! Dr. Ramani you video are helping me a lot in understanding where the real problem lies and how to cope with it! Thank you so much and God bless you for all that you are doing!
My situation was similar, though the middle sister was just her a follower. As we got older she started feeling ashamed for being an accomplice and gradually distanced herself from the narc sister. When I went no contact with the narcissist she backed me up.
This is so true!! My parents said my sister hit me as soon as she met me, and she was only 2 years old. Then the bullying continued until…. Further notice lol gotta have a sense of humor right? Thank you Doctor Ramani
My siblings were both 'superstars'. My older brother was a handsome jock, my sister a Fullbright scholar ( which my parents bragged about ad nauseum ). I consider myself an empath, but the cutting remarks and insults from the older two kids were so hurtful and impact me still. Isn't it weird how these things follow us seemingly forever? Thank you for the work you do. It helps to hear about other people struggling with this issue.
![[TH] 2024 PMGC League | Survival Stage วันที่ 1 | PUBG MOBILE Global Championship](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/FVFT-PFwU80/mqdefault.jpg)
Yes, from day 1, she hated having a sister and I can't even begin to tell you how vicious and vile she is. I was just a punching bag for the whole household. It was a great injustice. This year I have finally gone no contact. Thank you.
Me too!
@@Oceans780 my sister called me dumbo too! Along with many other names. Parents never stopped it as, to them, she was smarter and prettier than me. I went no contact 4 years ago and it’s been the best decision I ever made.
Adding a voice of solidarity. This is my story, too. I have let go of my parents and other siblings after years of pain and wishing they'd at least be nice to me. It took years of therapy, processing what they did to me for me to finally see them... and I've found a sense of peace that is hard to put into words.
You are worth more, you deserve more, you got this. ❤️
My brother welcomed me into the world by *spitting in my belly button* when my newborn self was left on my Grandma’s table. ☮️
Can’t appreciate you guys -and more solid content about sibling narcissism!-enough.
Me too.
It was always a difficult relationship and in adulthood it just worsened.
Now that I'm adult, at least she doesn't harm me physically any more. No bruises any more.
I always thought it would get better when we all grew up. Ha! Now that I expect to be treated like an adult (how dare I?!) they hate me even more. Can't win.
It never gets easier
Had to go no contact they need help sad
@@jessithanks8082 I can relate
My father's favorite saying was, "Just give her what she wants so she'll shut up." Me, crying: "But it's mine. Aunt Julie gave it to me for Christmas." It was taken from me and given to my sister. Always.
My mom used to make me do the same thing. She knew that I would listen to her and stop fighting. So I had to give up anything she wanted. I'm trying to learn how to speak up and stand up for myself and I'm 50. It hasn't been easy. It's a trigger and I don't know how to resolve it because I was never allowed too.
I'm coming to see the parents' treatment of the little narcissists as its own form of horrible abuse.@@llatorre2015
@@loveoftruth9531 you have to do this for your family. Just remember, it's okay for you to be selfish in self love. Life for you, be the lioness/lion.
My brother stoled s much from me. All my records, most of my books and treasures, parents money and treasures and. It wears me out thinking of it all. He had torture boards for moths when he was 8.
Same! It's such a horrendous thing a parent could do. That's scarred me ngl
I have never felt more validated in my entire life. I thought I was alone in my struggle. I am sorry people feel like I do. Honestly, it is like grieving without loss. It sucks so bad.
I honestly would have gone crazy if I didn’t have this and other similar channels. Hearing all the stories from these people who have suffered untold cruelty at the hands of these vile family members who are meant to keep you safe for F’s sake. It is unbelievable. I recently went no contact but I am 59 and have wasted tooooo much time on them. I have chronic illnesses, had cancer, lung clots and still they made it all about them and keep protecting my brother. Both parents narcs, both siblings narcs. All variations. Covert, entitled, victims, demeaning, abusive, financial control, playing suicidal and then thumbing their nose at psychologists. You wouldn’t believe it.
it is a loss lol wtf
Mallory, you are SO very not alone. So many of us out here, and we know you’re telling the truth
@@marian9410I hear you! I can absolutely relate. I am 57, will be 58 next month. I have 1 narcissistic older sister and had a narcissistic mother. I always knew I was different, that our family was different. Friends though loved coming to my house. All my life the outward appearance that other family and friends saw was a perfect, well rounded, got it together family. My 1st love was my only boyfriend, then husband, now ex-husband, was abusive as was my 2nd husband now ex-husband, who was a full blown abusive narcissist. I didn’t know what a narcissist was until a few years ago. I’m married now for the 3rd time to a great man for 25 years now. He’s sees the abuse I get from my family. Other than him and our grown kids I have no one to talk to or confide in or ask advise. I feel like so much of my life was stolen from me. Im not angry but hurt from all the abuse I endured and still enduring from my older sister. My parents have both passed in now. Not only was I grieving but was abused by my sister and mother when my daddy passed and of course from my sister when mother passed. I’m sorry you and others have experienced this and at the same time it feels good knowing there are others that completely understand what I went through and are still going through. God bless and take care!
Yes! So true. We've behind YOU, Mallory! @@sallyewing3185
The expectations from other people that I SHOULD be tight with my siblings is the worse !
I feel this. The judgment certainly exists.
Even from the parents it exists and that hurtful as well
SAME..
Definitely.
It’s horrible.
Totally hear you. My only brother is a mean alcoholic and my sister a covert narc. No contact with either. It's sad, but necessary for your health and peace.
As children. I never saw my sister as narcissistic before 1 year ago. To be shouted at, given names, silence treatment and blamed - i thought was just normal... i shrug it of. But in therapy I realised it has had a huge effect on me.. and can explain why I am full of self hate, constantly questioning my decisions. Traumabond kept me loving her.
The fact that she’s my only sister keeps me loving her even though we’re not talking now until she gives me a script to recite
I had a similar experience. I just thought my sister was difficult and sensitive. Discovering what I thought was quirkiness was in fact planned manipulation over years and years is world-rocking. I question everything about my perceptions. -thank you @superduper You helped me put words to what I have been feeling
@@joannadavignon1608 that’s the dynamic between me and my only sibling my baby brother 🤮😖
@@lorigarnes3919 I’m very sorry about your loss!
I saw other siblings getting along and often questioned my brothers ways but my malignant narcissistic mother brainwashed and brainwashed me. But now I know I was right all those years ago as a little girl 🥺
My narcisistic sibling was difficult towards everyone, but when we fought, the other family members would go "oh, these two...". That felt so unjust.
This is my life with my younger sibling of 6 years.
💯
Yes this! So frustrating...
"I don't understand you can't get along with your sister" ummmm maybe pay attention to her behavior and you would have your answer?
Yeah, my parents like to call it our drama when she is actively abusing me and I leave crying every time I'm near her while she looks like a triumphant amber heard. It was not mutual
Usually the narcissistic parent makes one hate the other for no reason... The scapegoated child is bullied by everyone & the gaslighting never stops... The narc sibling enjoys tattletelling on you, about stuff that never happened... you are punished daily & beaten.... its super fun!
I am, or used to be, the scapegoat. You described this hell perfectly. 60 years later and nothing NOTHING has changed, it's only gotten worse. While the very aged birth unit stirs her cauldron.
Yes!! Good times 🫠❤️🩹
Scapegoat AND the golden child simultaneously; bullying, violence, gaslighting, lies and never-ending dissociations. C-ptsd and oh so tired. But solitude and selfcare and baby steps are key for me. Narc mother and sister, antisocial father. Lucky me!
Omg you know my brother and mother….😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is me, everyday was my judgement day
I can't remember a time in my past when I wasn't walking on eggs around my older sibling. This sibling was and is incredibly charming to those whom they admire, and quite subtle & cutting in their put downs of folks/relatives they don't care for. It's like getting constant little cuts and jabs - and bleeding out from those cuts and jabs over time. Unfortunately, this sibling has been able to triangulate making me the scapegoat and causing strain between myself and my other sibling.
Change other sibling to Dad with Alzheimer's and that was my situation. He would be doing well, go out with her, and come back (I was the caretaker) and be mad at me and start calling me names--things he hadn't done before his cognitive decline. It was heartbreaking. I couldn't say anything.
@@qt2shooz my narcissist Brother was our parents caretakers because he never moved away from home where he lived rent free. He is still there long after his retirement. He used their age and needs to his advantage. They stuck up for him and I learned to keep my mouth shut. I was told to try to get along with your Brother. He would lie and gaslight, still does. Now I use email as communication because there is a record of what he says or else he would deny it.
When in groups or at the funeral parlor he would refer to them as HIS parents. Just before our Father died it was unbearable. He would say horrible things to our Father and our Father would just take it. But to all those around, the doctor, neighbours etc.. he was a selfless loving son. He often tells me how people say he is the most caring, compassionate and generous person they have ever met.
I have found it is healthier for me, mentally and physically to have the least contact with him as possible. Otherwise it is a pussy footing game I have to play with my words and reactions or else he will bully and dominate me.
Walking on eggshells is always a telltale sign that something is wrong.
In my case, I’m the oldest and it’s two of my younger siblings who are the narcissist.
It starts from jealousy . Jealousy is not a good thing .
From my IDIOT high school classmates to my NARC oldest brother!
My sister told me as an adult she was extremely jealous of me, the youngest because I got my way and was passive and my parents liked that. It’s not my fault though… I didn’t ask to be born the youngest. Also I’m a huge people pleaser now and she loves to criticize me and tell me how much my parents are disappointed in me. It makes me feel really bad
Exactly they are just secretly jealous of you!
Which is driven by their sense of inadequacy or insecurities. Protect yourself,f but understand this. it is important for your healing.
“Envy is as cruel as the grave”
Going low/no contact with my narc. siblings has been a sanity saver. I realized that I was dreading family functions, and started feeling anxious when the Family Group Texts would start. Then the "Oh you're just too sensitive!" accusations were thrown, again, at me. If you google that word salad, you get: Toxic Family! I took steps to distance myself, and have no regrets, except that I bought into their BS that being "too sensitive" just meant "normal and having empathy" and waited waaaay too long to set boundaries! Thank you Dr Ramani for all your wisdom and support.
I have been distancing myself for the last few years. Stopped going for Sunday lunch, then to family gatherings. My brother in law said to me the other week that even my other sister and niece have a problem with me and yet it seems they resent the fact that I don't go for Sunday lunch. I don't feel comfortable with them and they don't with me yet they still expect me to attend family gatherings. Surely they would be happy not to see me if they don't feel comfortable. Doesn't make sense.
I feel sick and anxious at the thought of them. Suggest going with one of the sisters for counseling and her husband then texts me to say she wants nothing to do with me. It seems they don't want to fix anything just want to carry on as normal. Well I am done with that. I want to be part of a loving supportive family, and they are anything but.
I heard that as a teen, from my abusive sister - that I was “oversensitive”. Kept believing that all my life. So if people were abusive, I thought it was not ok to complain.
Same here
@@terrancemcclendon456 Being called over-sensitive is now a huge red flag for me. It's the stock-in-trade of the narcissist. If you complain about being mistreated, that's their excuse. My brother, my father (both narcissists) called me overly sensitive or selfish if I didn't do what they wanted and/or submit to abuse.
@@Naomi-vs1tl yup , what you complain about is legit but they downplay it
There are no words for the trauma bond that I’ve developed with my narc brother. He has consistently denigrated, devalued, discarded, and gaslit me for the last 15 or so years. My mistake is that I keep letting him back into my life because “well he is my brother”… yea that cycle stops now!!
Good for you! Stay strong. ❤
My sister is the worst thing that ever happened to me, and my mom was such a doormat enabler. It was horrible and still is
Same here. Look I feel that I am in the same position...
My sister I want nothing at all to do with her,. She says the most awful things. My head is now clearing, because I am stronger...
Same here!
SAME 😓😭
Same situation.
I’m currently experiencing this with my younger sister, she is baiting me to get mad, I’ll call her out and then she’ll blame me and accuse me of doing the thing that I called her out on. It’s honestly scary to witness this unfold and I plan on going no contact as soon as I get out of here. Im nothing more than the family punching bag and she has her hooks into the parents so nothing I say matters.
My sister is the same way.
My older sisters do that to me all the time. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Ignore her, it helped me a lot
@@tondaniraluswinga2590 trying my absolute best, feels like I need a Herculean level of stoicism just to deal with it because I keep caving in
Dont react !
Used to go trhu the same but I will endup getting beaten by my mother as soon as I reacted .
I am the only girl I have 6 bros 3 of them are narcissist and violent .
My narc mum used them to beat me and control me.
Could not have friends go out after school nothing I would get slapped by just for looking at the window
The hardest was all of them humiliating me and laughing at me then my mum would walk by and laugh at what they said
Really hard keep your distance
My older sister hated me from the moment I was born. I’m almost 40 now and she still makes my life hell! I’ve always been told to ignore her. It’s never been telling her to leave me alone or stop being a psycho. NOBODY has ever protected me from her abuse- every form of abuse you can imagine & for my entire life. (I have had 3 broken bones in my life- my sister did 2 of them beating me. She never was punished for either of those)
I went no contact for 4 years (the entire family was no contact- expect our codependent mother), my sister was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (given 6-12 months & that was 3 years ago), my mom guilt tripped the entire family into letting her back around, but she’s still the same psychopath she’s always been. A month ago I finally told my sister to FOAD and that I won’t even waste my precious time to spit on her grave.
I’m of course the bad guy and I truly don’t care if I ever see or speak to any of my family ever again- if it means I get to keep my peace and wellbeing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience ❤ 😢 you are not alone
Also thank you for sharing, I know it's hard to share and it helped me (and im sure many others) a lot. Didn't realize my sister is a narcissist until I was in a relationship with one during lockdown. Living hell . I hope you are doing okay and I wish nothing but happiness for you!
@@justanaveragejess86 Thank you so much! This means the worlds to me. I spent decades keeping their secrets & its just been in the last few years that I've learned they are not my secrets to hold, not my fake image to maintain, & I have nothing to be ashamed of with what I've been through. & Now I hope to be able to help others with my experience.... even if it's just letting them know they aren't alone. I am so sorry you have had to experience this. But know it truly means you are one the strongest people around. Narcissists don't attack people who aren't better than them & really just everything they wish they could be.
I always knew my sister was a narcissist, and because of that I thought I would never be "fooled" by a narcistic man & I was dead wrong. It took me over 3 years to get away from him & accept the truth of our relationship. It was brutal but honestly one of the best things to happen to me.... The growth & healing that came of that relationship totally changed my life for the better. I went through some deep self-love and quit allowing my codependency to stick me in situations that are less than I deserve. & it also opened the door of speaking my truth- ALL of it. Now I say, "If you wanted me to speak kindly of you, maybe you should've been kinder to me".
Sending so much love & many blessings your way! Big HUGS!
No one protected me from my narcissistic sister because she never abused me in front of people. It wasn't until I was in my 50's that I finally told my brother about it and he was quite surprised. But he bellieved me because he knew she wasn't quite right in the head.
@@lovemusic1963ify I'm sorry to hear that 😔 my coworkers didn't believe that my ex abused me until after I left him, and he broke a damn glass door at my job. My parents believed me after they saw I had lost 100 lbs and he began texting them really messed up stuff. It hurts to not be believed. I'm glad you had your brother on your side!
My mom & younger sister are narcissists. This describes my childhood perfectly! My mom picked me for the majority of her bs games & my sister is the golden child. As soon as she was old enough to pick up what was going on, she followed suit. She would start things or set me up. Then cry, I would get hit, grounded or things taken away & when I said what she did, she’d lie. I haven’t spoken to her in 15 yrs. She picked a pedophile over me. I just ended the relationship with my mom 6 mos ago as she kept taking my sister’s side & no matter what, I’m to blame so I’m just done being the family dump site.
Good for u! Sounds like my life too! I think when we get to that point, we know it and the NC isn't a question. We know it's a MUST! I've been NC with narc mom and GC sister for almost 4 years now!
Just a comment...in teen life my golden narc younger sister would say to me, watch this! We were doing dishes..she screamed "leave me alone", made slapping noises, threw some silverware on the floor, conjured up tears. My parents came running. I was standing there mouth open, Dad hit me, and I said I didn't do anything. Mom the narc screams "oh the child is screaming for no reason?" (Uh yes). I was made to do all the dishes alone for 2 weeks, while my sister was excused from all her chores, as she grinned smugly. As full adult she changed power of attorneys for both parents from being spread between all 4 kids to just her. So now she has full responsibility for narc mom at 91...her game, her burden.
Sounds like my life. My little sister, 5 yrs apart, would scream and my mom would come in and beat me and think that I did something to her. No questions asked she just always believed her. Much has not changed. Right now my mom and my sister are against me. I'm realizing that they are both narcissist. My sister stopped talking to me. My mom also chose a pedophile over me. They are divorced now but my mom still is ridiculous with her dating life. I try my best to engage as little as possible.
You just told my story
thats just what my sister is doing to me and my mum eats upp her manipulative shit and always blames me and disstances herself from me because of my demonic sister
A long long time ago & my parents just told me to ignore her "you know what she's like". This has meant over 40 years of being treated badly & controlled by my sister & parents because I didn't want to upset my parents. I got told by my sister I've ruìned our parents lives by spending too much time with them. Covid lockdown hit & she jumped in to control their lives. This is such a difficult subject that no one talks about. Thank you Dr Ramani for your wisdom.
My mom says the same thing! "Take the high road, keep the peace, let it go". Because she doesn't want to actually admit that my sister's narcissism might have had something to do with her parenting.
@@mynz4464"take the high road."
that's exactly what my sister has always told me I should do! I've always respected her, valued her opinions.
Until she said a thing a few months ago, to another of our siblings who is terrorizing me regarding a lake property where we are equal co-owners.
She invalidated me so utterly and unabashedly, well I think she has by now concluded, she no longer has a sister.
She was my shoulder when I was divorcing my ex-narc-like-parasite. "Take the high road." Was her mantra.
She doesn't ever want to hear about other's personal hell. She "doesn't need that kind of negativity in her life."
But, damn, that high road has ruined me financially, and thoroughly.
But it's all good. She no longer suffers discomfort at the ugly things I have endured and am again enduring. If I only "take the high road" again. I wonder if she might be annoyed to find out what the meaning of the phrase actually implies.
Yup. My parents we're always asking me to smooth things over because they knew she wouldn't do it. So I would over and over again only to try to leave from the abuse and have them start all over so they can have a good looking family
I always hear, "She had a hard life" as the excuse for my sister's behavior. So did a lot of other people, and they don't treat people the way she does. Additionally, our father sexually molested me and raped me from five until 18. I had to have an abortion because of him. She says he didn't touch her. Using my other sibling's excuse, I should be the abusive one. But I'm not.
@@mynz4464 you got it. They can’t face that they created monsters so they rationalize it and make it “fine”.
Yes, the relationship with my sister was always difficult even as kids. I was younger, and just always knew if I went along with whatever she said and never asked my parents for anything different, it was smoother. When I expressed anything of my own, I got hatred from all of them and zero support. I went No Contact four years ago. Best thing I ever did.
I'm in my late seventies with a narcissistic sister five years younger than myself. After a lifetime of coping with her dishonest, manipulating, high-drama, I have recently gone no contact which has meant losing touch with her daughters (my nieces) as well. My sister is a classic case of NPD, becoming more toxic with age, She was, perhaps, a demanding child, and now looking back, I can see that the signs of her NPD were apparent in her early teenage years.
I cut my sister off when I was forty-eight. I told my younger sister that I have to do it because I will be in my seventies listening it the same drama built around the same lies. When I read your comment I was shaken. It's never too late.
NPD sister three years younger...hell the entire time, I keep moving to really far off places and she follows me, gets the same kind of work as I do, I highly competitive with me, rages, high drama, dangerous, and triangulating my adult kids and smear campaigns. I started not answering the phone , text briefly, she shows up and wanted to see me five times , no warning, I know it was because she needed her " supply" or fuel" but the bloodbanks closed, dracula, even if it means having to move away for self preservation I and the risk of losing out in my kids lives for awhile, I would do it to find peace, heal and live the life I was meant to
Abusive brother who is six years older...it took me effing 50 years to realise that i am not wrong or stupid or irrelevant...and i said no to the last manipulation. I'm so crushed,and i am now likely to be ostracised by my entire familybut i feel so much better at the same time...i got a huge burden off my chest.
Same here, signing off a 50 year old dude who finally went NO CONTACT after decades of sporadic mistreatment from my two older and younger EX-SIBLINGS too!
My older sister, the golden child, is the SATAN of my FORMER "family" of origin
When I was 4 my arm got broken in some roughhousing with my older siblings in the backyard. For many years, the family stories were about how our dad beat our brother up when he got home, how the doctors at the hospital asked our mom uncomfortable questions to assess if it was an abusive situation, how it'd been a great game until I had to go and get hurt, how I woke everyone up the night crying while my arm was in a cast. It took me decades to realize how it all added up to me causing problems for everyone else. Not one anecdote included comfort for a hurt and scared little girl.
❤❤❤ I’m so sorry
💔ouch that hurt to read and sadly relatable 😢
How horrible especially when it comes from your own family
I'm so sad you have this history. I can only guess how much a gut punch it felt like. Thanks for sharing.
I ended up with a broken arm too.
This video really made me pause for thought. There is a photo of me at home somewhere taken when I was 16. It shows my younger siblings and my cousin playing together and me walking behind with my head down. This to me perfectly encapsulated how I felt around my siblings-lonely, isolated and left out. My narc siblings are the reason today why I don't really trust other people and in a sense am glad to be alone.
Story of my life. My brother, the eldest child, the golden child. He bullied me whenever he was back home from boarding school. My two elder sisters - 1 covert, the other just plain mean. They abused me since I was around 3 (as far as I can remember). Still living with the covert sister. And I'm still saving so I can eventually move abroad and stay far away. Over 30 years of narcissistic abuse can take such a huge toll on one's life. The abuse messed up my entire life, which also impacted my choice of narcissistic partners and employers. I was depressed as a child and many times I wished I never existed. I envied my friends and classmates who had loving siblings who protected them. I never experienced that and I feel such a profound loss for something I never had. Thank you, Dr. Ramani, for sharing your knowledge with the world.
Exactly what I am doing as well. I don't know how it works though to move from the UK to another country. I am going into my degree year next academic year. But I also have adult children who are wonderful and I don't want to leave them behind either. I am stuck in the place I live I think :/ Wish I had realised earlier. I would have got my backside into gear long ago.
Same for me. I think you honestly speak for a lot of people on here. I’m the youngest of 3. My brother the oldest & sister the middle child. My sister & I are 11months apart in age. You’d think we’d be very close, nope. I’ve always felt unwanted & an accidental pregnancy. My mom has always treated my like I was nothing but an inconvenience to her & my Dad would just play the ignorant parent. My siblings were very aware of how different my parents treated me & they seem to have the attitude that “if it works for them it works for me”. If my parents didn’t respect me then why should they. I’ve slowly limited my contact with them & it has strengthened me mentally since & I’ve noticed that it has also lessened my anxiety. Couldn’t have done this if I hadn’t stumbled upon these videos. Can’t thank Dr. Ramani enough for creating these videos ❤️
I relate to this. I've had narcissistic friends, men, jobs, etc. It really sucks. I asked God to let me go home. I changed my number, moved away, and went no contact.
I can totally relate to this. I have a sibling who is a covert narc and usually makes the rest of my siblings her flying monkeys. They usually triangulate me and now that my life has somehow found stability and i have a good relationship with my partner, they are so much more threatened. I live with my narc mom and have managed to observe dont absorb. And I have been taking measures to move out of my house as her narcissistic tendencies just get more and more apparent as she ages. Sad but true.
I totally 💯 get you! As it’s my story and I was the truth teller from the most messed up family who also covered up abuse “ didn’t see didn’t hear! “ The worst thing was that they lied to hide from family and friends spread slander about me, when in fact if this had happened today , I would have been taken away years ago! I left home at 16 and disowned the whole narcissistic toxic family! Now my mum has dementia and so will never apologise, I was mocked and my mum and stepdad turned me against my real sister and stopped me from seeing my father and real brother and sister putting my medical records in a different name on my medical records to cover things up? The family only played victim when they might have been found out or just that their mask slipped for a second! Both my mum and my sisters knew how to turn on the taps whenever they needed to! The slander that l “ have “ heard it’s shocking! And even though I actually moved away and for good reason! I don’t like gossip and like a “ peaceful “ life is all! I know how callous , sly and calculating they all are! Even my Dad who l hardly know , had told me that he was told that l was “ mad!” Because of that , when I turned to him at 16 he put me in a homeless hostel for teenagers! Just the place to put your daughter after having been through so much! My mother even told me at the age of 4 the only reason she had me was to save the marriage?” Like it was my fault? And she also said “ your father never wanted you!” My step sister has got in a close relationship with my father and his partner! And to think 🤔 how evil 👿 that is? All the slander and the lonely Christmas’s because I won’t be around these toxic people! Like yourself and many , it caused us to make unconscious and unhealthy narcissistic and abusive partners! I have my health condition now and even though I am a long way from home and single out of choice because of my health condition, as wouldn’t want to have someone be my partner and carer ! So even with that, I still prefer to be away than go through this now! I don’t have the energy anymore for these people! At least we are blessed to find people like Dr Ramani who can really explain this which saves people, especially when you have flying monkeys and gaslighting people who don’t have your interests at heart ❤️
The doctor assumes the older child is the narcissist, but just the ipposite can happen too: a dominante domineering and manipulative younger sibling encouraged and enabled by parents as they are perceived to be weaker. I suffered a lot growing up under the "reign" of a 4-year younger brother. He was a Major reason for my leaving home at 18.
Big yes and nobody will address this.
Yes, my youngest brother is the worst.
My younger brother is off the scale, nasty. (No diagnosis) I wonder if he is a dark tetrad.
There are four of us. The oldest and the youngest are pure narcissists.
Thank you for pointing that out, as it's also what I was going to say. My bully sibling was two years younger, and my bully parent had also been the youngest child in her family home. Just one memory: my younger brother came home from karate lessons and eagerly showed our mother what he had learned by kicking me. My mother said, "You could do real damage if you kick Dawn in her sides, so aim for her butt." My brother obediently switched to kicking me in the behind. It's far from the only time he ever hit or kicked me, and far from the only time he did it with my mother's blessing.
For as long as I can remember! She’s awful. Throw in a narcissistic parent and the other parent tending to my sister, I was left having to figure life out on my own. 40+ years into life and I’m just finally figuring out what ‘normal’ families and relationships should look like.
Thanks for this one, Dr. Ramani.
Join the club. It’s all horrific. I am 59 and only recently got away from them all. The passing of my narc authoritarian ex executive father threw it all open. The brother is a vile piece of s+++ masking as a successful good looking lawyer who is entitled, whilst having fleeced the parents to the tune of hundreds of thousands and the sister is a Machiavellian successful corporate former executive covert soulless shell. All have been protecting the ‘poor me’ brother who has brought chaos into the family for all his life. It’s just now more manipulative and hidden than it was. My husband and his family are normal otherwise I would have never made it out. But it still took me waaaaay tooooo long
It was all SO lonely, indeed
Yes, it started the day I was born. I put up boundaries and was told by my mom, "Have you ever thought that you being born caused her to have issues". Yep that's what I get for opening up about being abused.
What an horrible thing to say to your child fancy saying that.
Thank you for addressing this! My only sibling is a narcissist. Please post more about relationships with narcissistic siblings. It’s hard to find information about this subject. Your videos are so helpful.
I completely relate to EVERYTHING in the video! I have been in therapy for years trying to heal all the wounds from my narcissistic siblings and parents. I realized years ago that my being sensitive and empathic did indeed make me a perfect target for these types. Ive gone no contact for 2 years now and it feels wonderful.
👍🙌🏼👍👍💜💜💜
My grandmother saved us.
Long story- she became the focus of everyone’s attention for 8 years when her health deteriorated. Grandma knew my sister. She warned me, more than once. Grandma made me promise to take the years back that I’d given her. For myself. When she died, I did. Without me as her cheerleading-financial-rock-family/friend medium, my sister’s life fell into chaos. I got sober and focused on me. My head cleared up. I thought clearly for the first time in decades. I challenged her. I stopped. My life changed in such a short time. My sister went into full on narcissistic public meltdown.
She nuked every bridge.
Second Hardest thing I’ve had to do is get her arrested. She swung for my mum (78 years old). I wasn’t having it.
I tried leaving the door open.
She refused to make contact when my dad (83) had a seizure in hospital and was calling for her.
I was done. First hardest thing.
Next hardest thing will be when dad passes, which will be soon with his health. She’ll be back for money. I know she will. I’ll be hard pushed not to beat the living sh*t out of her. I’ve already warned everyone. I’m going to need all the patience I can muster.
And bless great therapists out there. ❤❤
@@marilynlehmanI’m so sorry , I’ve been there. I know you can’t leave but can you access support online? ❤️❤️
Me too
When I was around 12 years old, I remember telling my mom in tears that I don’t think my brother likes me… then proceeded to give her the proof (most of those times she was right there watching the bullying happen and didn’t do anything). She looked me square in the face and said “Your brother loves you. That’s just how he shows his love. Listen to him and everything will be fine.” I was crushed because, even though I didn’t have the vocabulary then, it was at that moment I knew I was fucked. I stopped fighting, retreated into a shell of a human being, and waited till the day I could move out. At 17 I ran out of there and never looked back.
It’s interesting because my whole childhood we were told that family is everything, family bonds are sacred and all my friends who didn’t have close families were messed up families. The fact that we were the perfect family was beaten into us. Our house was always spotless and my parents would get compliments for how they run their household. It was a way of forcing me to believe this was normal. But once we grew up, my siblings would talk about loving to spend time with family, that it reminds them of the good old times. But that has literally never been my experience. All I wanted to do was never come back.
It’s been a struggle trying to keep close to the siblings I do get along with but my brother has only been getting worse as an adult. I finally went no contact almost 3 months ago after 37 years (I had been grey rocking for about 6 years before that) and this is the best I have ever felt. The last straw was when I noticed he was kept trying to get my daughter alone and claimed he wanted a close relationship with her (as an adult, he usually did his dirty work by getting me alone - he is very into image and portraying a close-knit family). This is when I realized all the work I had done to rid myself of his toxic influence would mean nothing since he would just redirected his focus towards my daughter. Thank god she’s young enough and has never been close to him so it doesn’t seem to have bothered her. This confirms my decision to NEVER let him back in my life again.
That you for your work Dr. Ramani. It saves lives, in perpetuity ❤️
"it was at that moment I knew I was fucked." Sad but brilliant.
You know, it's incredible that you've managed to keep your head and stop it spiralling down through your daughter. So difficult.
So so glad you saved your daughter and yourself. Never look back. You are free! x
We’re you a younger or older sibling to the narcissistic brother?
@@matthewmoriarty5835 He is my older brother
@@TheNicolemulamba okay thank you
My brother has hated me and tried to make my life a living hell from literally the first day I was brought home from the hospital as an infant. He wanted to be an only child. Therefore it seemed to be his life's mission to hate me and try to get rid of me.
This guy has done so many horrible things to me over the years. Turned so many people against me with complete lies and even tried to convince me to kill myself at one point. He is truly sick. He is the person who makes me believe that narcissists are born and not made. I have never seen any positive change in him. He gets worse with age and has been the same mean spirited person since he was a very young child. I cant' think of a single kind thing he has ever done for me or anyone else for that matter.
Exactly like my siblings. They have isolated me, and my sister knew how to do it. My mom seems like her friend, they bully me.
They hate me because I exist.
Sending love your way. 💚
My story too. Thanks for saving me all the typing!
Same for me, but it is my oldest sister instead… and she also made sure to put my 3 others sisters against me…
Omg. Avoid avoid avoid. Sounds like my sister.
Same all what you say about your brother is literally the same thing with me instead he's an immigrant kid and acting like this he hates me the most because I exist and is aware of his evil unholy behavior my family Envy's him he's 16 not as worse as last year but omg since I can't do nothing to report his behavior to the police I'm packing my bags and leaving when I'm at the right age they can deal with his problems and my god you won't want to hear what that boy has done to me over the years I have became isolated from my family whenever he came home from school I don't say a word my family thinks I'm shy and antisocial but that was never the case at all I was just hiding in fear of him he's getting aggressive more and more as he ages it's just sad really but I can't do anything about it
My older sister managed to convince most people that I was incompetent. This would include my mother who still wonders how I survive. (I’m fine.) Long story short, she died a year ago and I have such mixed feelings about it. I didn’t cry at her funeral - and I cry at everything! Thank you for these messages. I know I have dealt with a lot of this, but it still gets to me at times.
This is also my story. Always being labeled the poor incompetent one, while she was the fierce and difficult success story.
Me to. I have two older siblings that exclude me and label me as incompetent yet they are the ones with multiple failed marriages.
My sister was so abusive when I was a child, that I used to have nightmares about her. I had to endure abuse not only from my violent dad but my sister as well. I have lived my entire life in extreme fear and terror. I’m 44 years old… I am finally sleeping anywhere from 8 to 12 hours a night and feeling peace and serenity for the first time in my life. Being at peace has been abnormal and unnatural for me, so I have had to be very mindful and careful not to self sabotage. I’m also a recovering alcoholic. I haven’t seen any of my family in 3 1/2 years. They turned their back on me. I was absolutely heartbroken in the beginning but now I choose to stay far away from my blood relatives, since learning my truth. I have been doing EMDR and it’s working miracles in my life. It’s a miracle I even lived through my whole ordeal. I am proof there is a God because most don’t live through what I have. It’s been really horrible at times but I am finally feeling I’m going to heal fully. God please bless and heal everyone here!❤️🙏🏼
EMDR is amazing. Really helped me too for a different trauma...but actually now I wonder if it's all related in a way.
I'm so glad your situation is better. Take care!
@@papi9114 Thank you!!❤️ I hope and pray you’re healing as well!!❤️🙏🏼
Gosh, sounds like a sociopath.
What is EMDR
Wow thank you for this. I couldn’t find a testimony akin to mine. Thank you for the hope you’ve given me tonight
My mother was a narcissist. Many of her children are too. I am the oldest of 8,now 6. All her children believed her lies and I was the scapegoat for most of them. I will have nothing to do with them as they seem to want to ruin me. I was there for them all the time. Not now.
You hit the nail on the head with this one for sure. Thanks.
We’re in the same boat except it started bc of my narcissistic father then my mother became one and the rest of my siblings. They will forever be in love with the idea that I’m the bad one even when they see the truth they’ll twist it just to keep the lie alive. I’m going no contact soon! So excited. I’m looking at their life and it’s not going well bc you need certain human traits to have genuine experiences in this world. And that’s not my problem bc salvation and mental/emotional health is your own responsibility once you get older. Plus God exist so he’s paying them 7 fold.
Wow, very similar story 🙏Blessings
Yes as we age it is sad to see how the siblings STILL want to blame us, so they can be relieved of their own accountability.
narcissistic sister should be in mental asylums for years my sister has destroyed the reationship between me and me and my mum and i will always hate her for it and never speak with her again
Wow I totally get this. We aren't alone but it feels like we can't be perfect with a family that is distant but perfection isn't the goal, just simple to be, and to be happy and to love is all you need it attracts loving people. I wish I could have reciprocated positivity with my siblings.
Love the kitty that showed up just as you started to describe the terror in my childhood from a narcissistic younger sibling.
It took me decades to recognize her evil. Our parents use to joke about her tyrannical behavior, “ we gave life to Godzilla!” They enabled her. They told me she loved me
and looked up to me so I had to tolerate her stealing and chaos baiting to get me in trouble.
I loved her. Or thought I did. But after a year of immersion in narc abuse and ptsd recovery I’ve been no contact for a year when she essentially left me for dead during the height of Covid. She waited until she knew I was most vulnerable, attacked my character and loyalty, blamed me for ruining her life, and screamed at me for 2 straight minutes of expletives. I took a breath, prayed silently, went total grey rock and told her our journey together as sisters in this lifetime was now complete and she no longer needed to be burdened by me.
I hung up and blocked.
It’s been a year.
I’m still reeling but relieved.
Thank you Dr!!!!
Could not have survived this grief without you and supporters of your indelible healing work.
My brother will be single again we should introduce them🙃😀. No contact has been a blessing for me, and I am not religious. It gets better.
I always appreciate hearing about siblings who have NPD. It's a lonely place to be when the rest of the family still can't see it, or thinks you're being petty. Yet, my sibling will sit there and roll with laughter while telling us how at 3 they didn't want me brought home from the hospital. They demanded I was returned to the hospital or put in the trash. Yep, I'm the one who's suppose to care for the aging parent, but disappear and not be around for family gatherings, holidays, the likes.
Same here.
It was always difficult and as she got older she became worse She is quite wicked and has no hesitation in trying to destroy me in whatever way she can l think a lot of it boils down to insane jealousy I have never trusted her
It’s always one child left with caring duties while other escapes parents just brush it off ignore situation say I’m too old for this don’t face it.
Thank you so much for addressing sibling narcissism. I've researched high and low for information, help for coping, validation, anything that would be useful but 99% deals with spousal or other types of narcissism except siblings. Please don't stop. We need you!
Me too!
Also...gosh, not sure how to express this... I'll try. It's going on 4 years since I've gone no contact. Four years!! And I do mean NONE! I only attend family functions when there will be many people around and outdoors. BUT, going "no contact" has NOT WORKED for me. I don't know if others also feel as I do? Yes, I do not suffer from new blows but I'm still tending my wounds. I am not present when she is lying, when she is pretending to be me, when she is, verbatim, repeating sweet, funny stories about my kids and she's making them about her just changes the names to her kids. I don't hear her bragging about my accomplishments and again, just puts in her name over mine. I'm not around when she physically steals something from MY HOME then claims she has one just like it and I am a sick lier...repeatedly. I can go on for hours as this started the day I was born! No. I am as far away from my evil sister as I possibly can get but I can still hear her screaming at me so violently that she literally spews and I must wipe off her spit off my face! I can still hear her warning me that that my husband was about to leave me because he was sick of me pretending to be sick!! But, oh, she was not fooled. She knew my disgusting tactics to get attention. She again SCREAMED that EVERY ONE was fed up with me and I had to STOP my illness bullshit or she would expose me to the world!!! A week later, my husband found me unconscious laying on a pool of my own blood. I nearly hemorrhaged to death...for the 3rd time. This time, I was admitted and rushed to the operating room. I went code blue, (actually had a NDE). They removed a huge cancerous tumor from my uterus. I was 33yo. No. Going no contact does NOT WORK. I can still hear her accusing ME of deserving to be RAPED! She knows me. She is positive I had it coming. She can't be fooled by me. I simply got what I had coming. -- No. Going no contact has not worked for me. She resides in my head. In my broken heart. In my very sick body and in my very lost soul. I keep coming back to listen and learn. I am an expert at what a narcissist is. I know what a wimp I have been. I've met all the flying monkeys. I know. I know. I know. But I still have not heard HOW, to make the abuse, now on loop, in my head stop. How do we heal. How do we become whole again. Yes, I have diagnosed PTSD. Yes, I've seen therapists. They all clearly define my issues but so far no one has given me a clue on how to help myself. 😭
noel_magana
How to help yourself? Jesus heals, truly. He is the reason I was able to go no-contact and forgive certain evil people. And He is truly healing me.
Repent, call on Him to save you, and He will. Today is a good day; He's coming back to judge the world.
Yes, my only sibling-my brother-was difficult when we were young children. He used me as his punching bag (literally) and liked to destroy my things. As we got to the teen years, as long as I didn’t disagree with anything he did or said or express myself or my opinions, things were fine. The few times I did argue back (stand up for myself), express my opinion, or disagreed with him, his response was minimizing, gaslighting, flipping the script, and cruelty. I still remember those traumatic experiences very distinctly, and it’s been 30 years.
My older sister did the exact same things. I was a literal punching bag too and she wrecked any toy/item that I had that made me happy. Awhile back she admitted to taking and wrecking some specific toys, and then It dawned on me that all the little things I thought I lost somehow, she had taken. I was convinced that I was just not careful with my things, but that's not my character at all. I came from a background where we didn't have alot and I treasured my things and took care of them. I'm in my 40's now and all the pieces are coming together bit by bit. God bless you.
@@Rosearion We certainly have some things in common. God bless you, too!
This was my older sister exactly. Actually, both my older sisters. I never knew until recently that there was such a thing as a nice older sibling. They've both had their kinder moments, but like you say, only if I didn't disagree or challenge them.
@@jessithanks8082 Do you still have contact with them? I have had to cut contact with my brother.
@@kristischark5590 yes! Your paragraph described my spoiled/entitled younger sibling in a nutshell! This is what I get for NOT moving out after turning 18! All living with him did was elongate my childhood! But boy am I trying to move out now. It SUCKED that he got away with the most bad behavior compared to the rest of us. I blame my parents because he took advantage of these privileges he didn’t deserve in the first place. When I called him out on something he did wrong he would ALSO gaslight me OR use the “your word against mine” tactic
My only sibling is a brother less than 2 years older than me. Our parents were narcissists and we were both abused. My brother was always super competitive and we were both high achievers. We never had conflict between us, but when my sociopathic husband started planning his discard my entire family jumped on board. What my brother does is enable other people to abuse me. I started to realize he never defended me when we were kids and he has now had two wives (one he married after we were estranged) who have both been really abusive to me, and he has stayed friendly with my ex who was outrageously abusive. Knowing my parents I can only imagine that he felt rejected when I was born, but this was short lived. It seems like there had to be some kind of underground resentment that he wants other people to act out. Estranged from entire family for 20 years.
Good for you for cutting that s*** (excuse my language) off!
Wow me too, weirdess thing, no really I had a guy living with me for 7 yrs and when I broke it off they were thick as thieves, many of them, I was too busy having fun to care or notice, freedom doesn't warrant one's need to look back! I'm so glad I wasn't contaminated, they don't need me to go on hating, I don't mean that I stimulated some kind of hate demon in them, I mean they hate alot of people just fine without needing any input from me!
@EveningTV
You did the right thing.
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani! The dynamic can also be the reverse - I was the older sibling and my younger sibling since our younger years has always been a tyrant and mean/abusive to me which carried into adulthood. I’ve been emotionally torn all these years and for the past two years decided to go “no contact” from my narcissistic sibling and now understanding that my mother is also narcissistic. They have both teamed together and started a horrific smear campaign to all family members. I’m getting stronger everyday but this has been one of the hardest situations I have ever dealt with.
Same for me, thank you so much for sharing, wow, I am not alone. You can heal, you are not alone:)
This is exactly the same for me! Except my narcissistic brother and mother don’t speak and I went no contact for 2 years. I went there for Thanksgiving, I left the next day and was triggered for weeks. I wish I wouldn’t have broken the no contact. I tried to softly bring this up to my dad because he has no clue the pain I’ve endured because of this and he said I think I’m going to take the stance of ignorance is bliss when I asked him if he was open to watching a video on narcissism. Just more invalidation. My dad is a good guy, but emotionally unavailable as a father and believes all of my brothers lies, and everything else that comes along with it. I’m almost 47!! Im sorry you’re going through this. @drramani I’ve been looking for content on this for so long!
Sending hugs. As the oldest child, I felt/feel less now, the responsibility to be in contact with my narcissistic sisters. I have learned from Dr. Rahman to Grey Rock, and do keep minimal contact, now.
Yup...same. Doesn't help the people they target actually attack uou personally and can't comprehend they've been manipulated. None of my family members pulling stunts on me have ever set foot in my siblings house. They don't even know her legal name or her sons.
But... they know all about me and attack me personally.
My narcissistic sibling is so out to lunch and emboldened by this support team and conspiracy she's created for herself, it's become her identity.
The only reason she isn't literally walking in and out of my house is because I now know I'll have to use a baseball bat to motivate her.
Unfortunately, as my.mother is very sick and I work in the hospital, even accessing support through accredited people isn't an option. Her mommy is hospitalized and for me it's just a patient right to privacy or I'll lose my job. There are zero checks and balances in place to deal with them in any capacity . Cause mom says so. Mind numbing to deal with. Stay strong.
I feel this. Take care and good luck! It's the most heartbreaking experience and all you can do is stay true to who you know you are, not their fabricated version. I've found this to be an incredibly helpful 'calm down' audio piece. Might not be your thing but it literally saves me so here's the link. It starts with a little intro, then it's like a meditation but it feels new every time....th-cam.com/video/A66N4VJ_mZc/w-d-xo.html
Both my siblings are narcissistic, I was the scapegoat and was able to self reflect and work on myself. It still sucks that I can’t have a normal relationship with my siblings and family but the cycle ends with me and will go no further
Always difficult. I so wanted a relationship with her. 💔
The worst. She has threatened if i don't act right i won't get an inheritance. Evil, most definitely. Just plain evil.
Narcissistic mother, Narcissistic siblings, Narcissistic partner...finally healing. I cut off contact 7 years ago with all except my mother. She has dementia now and forgot she hated me. I finally got a loving mother, i guess.
You have helped me so much. I can never thank you enough ❤
I am incredibly happy you did this episode on Narc siblings! My sister is an covert narcissist and I have been no contact for 3 months. In the meanwhile, my parents and other siblings are making me feel horrible and saying that I am dividing the family! It’s completely crazy. So much toxicity in my family and it continues for years.
After the death of my mother, I found myself so relieved that I would never again have to cross paths in any way with my narcissistic wonder sister. I cringe when I recall her drama to suck all the energy in times of family crisis. So much of a relief that it seems like a past life ago. 😆
I am able to relate. My sister and I were talking, and I offhand said "I have a feeling that after (our parents) are gone, we'll never see our brother again." She agreed. I mentioned that in all seriousness, and not making a facetious remark.
@@user-iz9yc3rg5e ❤️
My older brother tormented me nearly all my life. I was the sweet, empathic little sister. I thought for many years he had antisocial personality disorder because he hit nearly every one of the signs. He was downright cruel to me, and yes, my parents minimized EVERYTHING.
When he turned 13, he got type 1 diabetes, and that was it. My codependent/narc mother smothered him, turned him into this horrible monster who is 43 years old and can't and won't do anything for himself.
I've been the bad guy practically all my life for trying to stand up for myself against my family's bullying and mistreatment. He is an awful person, my parents are awful people, and I have tendencies to be awful too. There was no way to escape that situation unscathed.
Watching this, it was like watching you narrate my life. My sister is an undiagnosed narcissist, she checks all the boxes of one in my relationship with her. No one else sees it except my husband and a few life long best friends. My family is in denial and think I'm just sensitive. Meanwhile, my sister makes my life incredibly difficult. During childhood she would redicule and embarrass me in front of everyone. Either in the form of telling my insecurities or growing pains to the world or physically abusing me for the attention of her peers. People would often laugh it off as sibling rivalry, but I was always her punching bag. My parents were not narcissists, but my mother died young and my father often grieved behind closed doors. Leaving my sister and I alone most of our childhood. In adulthood, every conversation I'm being set up for conflict and when I put up boundaries I'm met with anger. My family then pressures me to drop the boundaries as if the boundaries are a form of me continuing the fight. They often snap at me to just "drop it".
3:20 "None of this is normal... people try to play it off as sibling rivalry but it's not." Finally. Thank you. My mom still placates her despite her being abusive to everyone, but especially to me and my dog.
Youngest of four here, and the only girl. In a family with parents who struggle with personality disorders, it's just a given that the children will echo these disorders and repeat the difficult interpersonal styles on each other. Being the youngest makes you the emotional punching bag for the whole family. There were times when we played when I would feel an absolute chill in my spine because my golden child brother was so relentlessly cold and cruel, yet dispassionate. My parents embraced somewhat extreme religious views, so gender roles meant that my older brothers had an extra weapon against me. In adulthood one of these brothers healed and improved greatly, the other two became unhinged, righteous, covert narcissists. I am the only member of the family who reads about narcissism and is in therapy.
You're very clever!
In my experience I'd say that there is no narc children without narc caregiver(parent mostly) as a roll model.
More often than not, they are actually obedient to parents and to the autorities, yet stubborn and hostile to the weaker and powerless.
They don't like to share with siblings yet they make sure parents never get the real picture of them. All they do and concentrate on is to please narc parent in order to be accepted by that parent. You called that child GOLDEN.
In retrospective, I view my narc sibling as a bigger victim of our family dysfunction and consider her as more broken then I am. At least, broken beyond repair.
Although she is much more successful professionally and academically as she has reached the very high proffesional level, the burden of unhappiness, bitterness, negativity, sense of entitlement mixed with the lowest self-esteem possible is hard to witness.
Yet, she has never thought about assessing the root of her feelings. Because she feels that the problem in our relation is ME, I and her sister !
I still wonder if she is unable to see the obvious or she has chosen denial as an more suitable coping mechanisms for her.
So, that naughty, rude, loud, disobedient child is usually the scapegoat who has lost all credibility in life to prove the point because of public tantrums and shame she caused to the narc parent.
Scapegoat, that voiceless child observant enough and stupid and not knowlegable enough at the time to use the right way to express her frustration.
No winners in the narc family dynamic- everybody is robbed of lifetime happiness and normalcy.
I just came back to this video and am mind blown at all the pain and heartache we have all endured. Severe trauma! I’m so thankful there’s finally a video on this and hopefully dive into more of it, nice to know we are all not alone, but I just can’t believe how many of us endured this craziness and abuse!! Much love to you all! 😭😭😭♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for saying that.
Yes, much love to everyone! I need a group hug/cry. 😢
Thank you Tawnya!😢
Its sad, i wish I had a sibling who i got along with. I hope everything gets better with time.. all I want is to be happy😔 the only person who truly made me feel happy was my GrandMother, now she's gone and i feel so alone
a year has passed from your post and it still is lasting! Thank you for your kind words. i need it. Am 59 and 5 months ago went no contact with the vile family: mother (covert, siding with the others) brother ( arrogant, financial abuser, chief manipulator, just a smiling sadist) and sister (covert for decades!, Machiavellian) after the father (authoritarian narc) passed.
Decades later, I can see that as a preteen, my sister was physically abusive, well on her way to being a narcissist. It was not sibling rivalry. She once beat me in the back of my head and I had a bad concussion. I was literally her punching bag. She and her friends stripped me of my bathing suit when we were swimming in a public lake. I couldn’t get out until I got my bathing suit back. I was traumatized.She would set me up for failure or to look like a fool, all to her advantage. I somehow believed her intentions were good, but the abuse occurred and she would ended up laughing. And she is so much like our narc dad. Too many stories of abuse. I am thankful for your videos that helped me understand what actually was happening. I haven’t talked to her in almost 3 years…no contact. Same with my dad.
OMG ! You poor darling. What vile disgusting people to do that to you. You have done right to break the trauma bond , they weren't worthy of your love. I hope you have lots of friends around you now that are there for you and better than the family you had. x
@@poohbear6759 thank you!! It’s better for sure. The trauma bond was deep, and it’s hard to not wonder what I could’ve done for things to have been better. But I’ve got a great husband and daughters. We are changing this generational curse, thank God!
Wooow so sorry to hear this!! I had a similar situation, my sister would constantly try to drown me (among many other things and different types of abuse) but I’m literally TRAUMATIZED from water and won’t go in anything deeper than 5 ft! I don’t like to be picked up because I don’t have control over my body and ofc I would be picked up and thrown in the water as a kid and sat on to drown me or pushing my head under water also while sitting on me sometimes .. constantly always trying to kill me for some reason and she would say it sometimes “idc if you die or if I break your ribs” while jumping on my back and what not (she would say that not while in the water this is just at home) but ya she was always trying to kill me for many many years and I’m a hugeeee empath and tried to forgive her on numerous occasions all while she has also molested me as a child to. She’s a horrible person and has always treated me like crap from since we were young!! I’ve always been good to her and her punching bag and a people pleaser ! But no more! Starting today!! Thank you for ur comment and thank you Dr for your video ❤
@@tahjanalindsay6404 oh my!! We certainly “get” each other. I’m so sorry you went through this. Praying you stay strong, and continue to process this all in a healthy manner. For me, I believed the lie that this was sibling rivalry and ok, but when the “sibling rivalry” (NOT) continues in an unhealthy manner well into adulthood, it is easier to look back with the help of Dr. Ramani and some others and see what our ruthless narc siblings really were and maybe still are. Big hug for you and prayers for continued healing from the trauma. Stay strong, eyes wide open, and be courageous! 🙏🏻
@tahjanalindsay6404 may we all find love and healing for ourselves ❤❤❤
So glad you are covering sibling narcissistic abuse. As far back as I can remember in childhood, my sister smashed me into a glass table, broke my toys, my oldest sister used to pour chocolate milk on the floor and force the younger siblings to drink from the floor. In the older teen years, my younger sister would steal my money, and ID, steal my car and trash it, it was also constant judgement and put downs, another sister would bring her one friend over and take a baseball bat to break down the bedroom door; I would have to escape out the second floor window to avoid whatever would happen next. If I brought a friend to the house, my other sister would insult that friend until she cried and would need to leave. She also stole my money. If I made a game winning catch, my oldest sister would berate and insult me until I was on the ground in tears. Same thing with picture time, she’d make sure I was crying before the picture was taken with the five of us sisters. Then her pose would look comparably better, apparently. I did eventually move across the country, and I still used to sent Christmas cards gift cards to each of the sisters and my parents for many years, but now don’t. It’s affected my life and my trust in people completely. I’m very empathic. Many years later and still I have to run away from most social gatherings, because it brings up so much anxiety and pain.
My younger brother and I were inseparable buddies when we were little. When he hit the preteen years, that all changed. He began to hate me and everything about me. He sharpened his claws on me. When I would tell our Mom, she would either say don't cause trouble for your brother in a scolding tone, or she would give me the cryish voice saying oh, but he really loves you. This taught me to confuse hate and love. It set me up for picking a horrible husband, and I gave 2 wonderful children a wretch of a father. I was too naive to know better.
Spot on! Two narcissistic sisters and I was always the Scape goat. As adults still no recognition of the abuse so no contact for me!
Sad as relationships could be so different. I mourn that loss too!
Same here. The lies and deceit continues. The only reason they see me is to get my assets if I should die before they do.
It's so sad, because my brother and I were actually really close growing up, but my mother would force my brother to be in all of the after school activities I was in, and he didn't want to. She out him in choir, ballet, and things he spoke up about, that he did not want. She forced us into togetherness. My brother was bullied, and I also had a pretty rough beginning, began an eating disorder ( bullimia ) , and my mother told us both to just be strong, and stick together. She did not address our individual needs, but just made us self-sooth. It was hard. Slowly though, my brother became super difficult in high school, defiant, mocking of teachers, almost got kicked out. My mother defended his behavior, and said he was a genius and misunderstood. she created his narcissism, because she is one. So, I tried to be a mom-sister to him, but then, he started being super harsh with me, making fun of me ( I am the empath, an actor and artist), and my mom would let him, telling me " that is just how he is, you are too sensitive, stop being so emotional"' She would repeat this to me my entire life. Now, I am NC with my mother, and my enabler father, and as I watched this video, I realize, I am also grieving my brother and I. He has been abrasive, and has himself distanced himself from our parents, and has vocalized to my mother I was the favorite, he never got the attention he needed, and I realize, she played me into the game as a channel, and would use me as a go-fer. It is hard, but, the one thing I know is: I am done. The toxic system I have left, and disenfranchised, will never live on. I am certain, my role is this: heal, live, love myself, love my life, dream, and leave them all to live as well. It is not my job as a daughter in a Latina family to heal, or be the helper or emotional servant anymore.
"Of course they have your back..." Good one. Yes, my narcissistic sibling has my back. WITH A KNIFE. And yes, it was from my earliest memories. I basically never had what would be considered a normal relationship with my narcissist sibling, my head-in-the-sand, conflict-avoidant other sibling, my narcissist parent or my head-in-the-sand, conflict-avoidant other parent. I don't know what normal family relationships are. Sadly, I often feel resentful when people post things about the wonderful relationships they have with their siblings or parents. I had NONE of that.
My narc sister constantly wanted to measure my legs, arms, waist , wrist and even my nose against hers....I was bigger than her but I was not fat my bone structure was bigger than hers she loved that I was bigger, she once put my jeans on and laughed and said I can take them off without even undoing them.
@gloriabult2967 that's nasty...dodge the bullet and try not to let it get to you. theyre so insecure they need to make others feel small just to feel something about themselves, its sad and pathetic really. Much love❤
Me being abt 9 yrs older than my sister I didn't know she was narcissistic until we were adults. It began the first time I disagreed with her.She turned on me like a snake. I always chalked it up to her being spoiled rotten b/c she was the youngest. As an adult, I look back at how she was behind my back the entire time with smear campaigns and manipulative behavior. Telling ALL of my personal business to anyone who would listen and in my mothers ear painting a very untrue picture of me. Exploiting my childhood traumas while pretending to care and love me. It was this year that I finally realized what she is and have distanced myself from her. A wolf in sheep's clothing. She has destroyed family relationships and I can even tell the cold treatment that I receive from some of the members that I know I haven't done anything to. Thank Dr. Ramani for helping me to identify and process so I can heal.
sounds exactly like my brother, I’m sorry you are going through this it’s horrible I know. He’s alienating me from my family, I can feel the difference when I do see them, they are cold & even some are passive aggressive, he’s doing these things while I’m fighting bad depression & anxiety, turning people against me, because he knows I see through him and he can’t control me he wants to destroy me. He is very good at appearing nice, good talker, convincing liar, malignant, conspiring, scheming, spoilt brat. I wish I were rich to move far away from all this toxic shit and be free
Wow, I've always assumed my 2 older sisters treated me like that only because I'm the youngest & they could do anything they wanted to me since I was basically helpless. (My parents would sometimes defend me, but my mom would also sometimes just make fun of me for crying. In adulthood she usually defends them, & even joins in on the bullying) I've only recently realized that it's possible for the younger one to act that way. I would've gotten my ass beat of I even tried it. I guess it's just a personality trait that can affect any sibling.
Yes, my brother is a narcissist and my codependent mother backs him and tries to gaslight me. Get as much distance as possible from these toxic people and you will be happier. Health is the priority above all.
I have twin brothers. One’s a narc and he has always been a problem since we were kids (bullying, competitive, manipulative). He’s only gotten worse with age. The other twin is a sweet, empathic soul but so trauma bonded by the narc twin and my aging narc mother. I had to disengage from them all as the family scapegoat. I was disinherited from my narc mother’s will. I question why I was born into this family. I believe it’s because they needed my love and light. But I need to step away to focus on my family in order to end the generational abuse. It’s sad but I’m at peace now. My peace and happiness is worth more than any inheritance or societal pressure to keep in touch with the family of origin. 🌎 ✌️
It does get worse with age , they get way more manipulative
Yes, it did start in childhood. I'm the youngest of 3 girls, my sisters, covert and overt, as I call them now. wounded me for decades. I'm 60 and they're still trying...the difference is at 58 I found your channel, Dr. Ramani. Education is freedom and power. I'm the observer of their patterns now and I refuse to feed them. I don't react and I get away from them. Thank you, Dr. Ramani 🙏
Yes, that hits home. That’s my life story too. It’s strange how I feel comfort hearing an expert validate what I’ve always known, yet remorse that there’s no retribution or sense of fairness for me. It’s like she has always and still continues to “win”. Although I’d never want to be her, and genuinely feel sorry about who and what she is.
Yes I think this is the hardest thing to have to accept, that the chance of anything changing at all for the better is basically non-existent, aside from having no contact.
It brings so much loneliness because these are the people that are expected to support you but the poison they spew is highly toxic!!!!
Its as if my narcissistic mom groomed our youngest sister by encouraging her selfish and destructive behaviour. She never had to follow the sames rules, and never received consequences.
and it turns them into a monster
My sister was awful and very emotionally abusive to me since we were little. My parents were her enablers. They thought the solution was for me just to keep taking it and even wanted me to minimize myself so I didn't trigger her as much. It really messed up my self esteem. So thankful for these videos.
From the minute I was brought home from the hospital. My mother was a narcissist and my older half sister, my other two siblings have traits, the youngest was the golden child and believes she is a victim of everything. Now thinking about it, she might very well be a covert narcissist. My mom triangulated between all of us, used us to hurt the other. I was the family scapegoat.
My sister told me I was evil and what I did and how I behaved was crazy, but when I had children I seen that these things were normal but had no regulation from my mother, she would actually encourage these behaviors to hurt the other child.
I am blessed for my children helped me see what is normal types of behaviors. Also stood by me durning my healing/behavior changing stage and allowed me the opportunity to show them that I changed. Not perfect but truly trying to be a better human then the day before.
I have a family reunions coming up this summer. I was finding myself overwhelmingly concerned about having to deal with my siblings at the camp out for the family reunions. Your words this morning helped me alot. Sometimes it's hard to remember to be indifferent to the narcissist. Thank you so much for your Insight. This is something I'm still working on. I appreciate everyone in this community and the support that we give one another. Much love to you all in this struggle of ours.
I know how you feel.
Just remember you’re not obligated to go to any family events.
@Mary Carroll
Yup! And you’ll get attacked/criticized whether you’re there or not. Showing up doesn’t exempt u from attack.
It took me decades to figure it out and finally put my sanity before their shallow, predatory needs.
I ghost all get togethers now. No regrets. And much less anxiety.
Attended my final reunion a year ago. When my dear dad passes I'm history.
Oh wow. Spot on. I was the scapegoat child with a narcissistic mother and raging, abusive father. My “golden child” sister was a master of the setup - loved getting me in trouble, even though it meant my dad getting out the wooden spoon or belt. Then she would mock me afterward.
My other sister was (still is) super dysregulated and would rage about everything that didn’t go her way. I had to babysit her while my parents were at work and had no idea how to handle her meltdowns. She was (still is!!) also a professional victim - everyone is mean to her and out to get her, and the world is SO unfair! Woe to anyone who calls her out on it lol.
My “favorite” memory was getting smacked across the face (left ridges on my cheek) by my dad, then him taking off in his car. All I wanted was for my mom to make it better, but I remember her cuddling my sisters in her lap and yelling at me, telling me *I* was tearing the family apart. I was 7-8 years old. So yup, this video hit home. Ugh.
@Dr Ramani, you totally hit the nail on the head with this one! My older sister, my only sibling, didn't want me when I was about to be born in 1960, so my parents gave her a record player and said it was from her "baby sister." She loved the record player, but, in 64 years, she has never loved me.
I had an older brother who died in a car accident at 6 years of age - I was 2 at the time. My parents went on to have another 3 children. I found out my dad is a narcissist only about 6 years ago when he did something very inappropriate. Within the last 3 years I have finally come to realize that my siblings are all just like him as well - and I was the scapegoat all along…
I warned my parents for as long as I can remember and it played out exactly as I predicted. They’re older now and guess who controls the finances? My sister was always difficult and I’ve never had a break from narcissism but these videos are a guiding light. I’ve lost every family member due to triangulation but I’m moving on and healing the best I can. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
Absolutely and without a doubt! I am number 5 of 6. The first child is what I believe and identify as a malignant narcissist. She was always put above everyone else, given the greatest amount of support and attention and she is now a lawyer. She is still the ring leader and pulls my brothers in as her support as they too, are narcissistic and lack empathy for our widowed, aging mother. It is frustrating now, as people outside our family, distant relatives and anyone that she can influences seem to think that thing “ this is just sibling rivalry “. It’s not, it is vicious and selfish and hateful. I moved 2000 miles away to be able to exists on my own terms and no longer have to watch the older sibling and her grandiose displays, her gas lighting and generally, her thrive to remain the center of everything and in her mind, “in control”. It is a very painful and impactful situation and the pain comes from memories of once trusting her and admiring her as the “ smartest and brightest “. I also believed she cared for me? Thank you for this segment. It hits home for me as I continue to care daily for my aging mother whom the narcissists in my own family attempted to discard her🥲
He bullied me greatly. Was 7years older than me. A male and I was a teenage girl. Physically abused me infront of my mom and she encouraged him. Abused all the ones he could abuse actually. When I moved out of my mom's house I cut off both He and my mom. The fits He had. It was like he was burning in hell. He stalked me everywhere he saw my name. Social networks and I didn't understand coz I told him I had forgiven him but I did not want a relationship with him.
But he just could not leave me alone and I didn't understand why because he knew I didn't like him and didn't want to see him or interact with him and expressed it that I was not interested in him and my mom. He died last year. In a very cruel way. I felt floods of relief. To my surprise I still got dreams about him and would wake up with panic attacks. Until this one night, I noticed that the dreams were in reference of something happening in my real life. I just had a very honest mental conversation with myself. The dreams haven't come back in about 6months. I am forgetting his existence or if not, I nolonger feel connection when I think about him.
Omg I sorry this happened to you. My mom and brother did the same...I never understood the evil they brewed together. It was painful. I had to leave. I'm paranoid and watchful still because they would follow me out of state...sadly I had to change my name and soon my SSN.
This is the on point video I’ve always waited for. And it definitely started when my brother and I were quite young. 60 years later, I’m sick of the crap. I’m done.
My oldest brother has always been incredibly bitter towards me (especially when I was really little) any time I say/do something that he even slightly disagrees with. I can’t tell you how many times he’s accused me of doing things I absolutely DID NOT do and made me cry bc he made me feel so guilty. He’d purposely get me upset by turning every little thing into an argument, and if our parents weren’t home he’d send me to my room for arguing back in an argument that he DELIBERATELY STARTED. He’s still an absolute nightmare to be around but unfortunately I still have no choice but to put up with him because he’s so terrifyingly good at manipulating with words, like this man has the widest vocabulary I’ve ever seen anyone have and it’s dangerous bc I’ve seen how he’s twisted words around and got the rest of my family (especially my parents) on HIS side. I’m tired of him, but I can’t escape him either.
When the shtf in my family, and I needed to step in to care for my mother, abused for decades by her husband, my father, there was no support from my narcissistic brother, who follows the money. It was shocking to realize how little compassion my brother had for our mother, and how easily he would exploit the situation for his own gain, by solidifying his place as The Favorite. During this ordeal, a friend of a friend, a very kind man who worked in a profession related to my mom's care, spent a couple of hours on the phone with me one night. At one point, aware of the caregiving, work, and legal issues I was juggling, he said, "If I were your brother, I'd be pretty worried about how little sleep you're getting while you take care of your Mom." It was an incredibly powerful moment for me, the one in which I identified what I hadn't even known I'd been missing: the solidarity, support, and collaboration that a functional sibship might have offered.
Wow, I know your comment is a year old but I just found it and this video today. I am going through the same thing (same scenario between my parents as well). The only difference is my mother who always saw my oldest brother as the 'Golden Child' has come to terms with how selfish both her sons actually are. The sad part is seeing the heartbreak of realizing you dedicated the majority of your life and youth to trying to raise two people in a particular way to see that perhaps you failed. I love my parents but especially my Mother, she is not perfect but does not deserve this. I have gone low contact with both siblings who are living their lives as if nothing is going on and offer no empathy/support or sympathy of any kind. Important life lessons for myself. I wish you the best!
It is so difficult when you understand that your twin brother is a narcissist!
That sounds extremely heartbreaking
Same! My twin sister is! And we're 53 and I just realized it about a year ago
Fascinating segment. My mom was the narc, my dad an empath enabler. My bro and sis are both awful adults, but were okay as kids. My brother always acted as an outsider to the family, thought he was better than our parents, and joined the military for a free ticket out of town at 18. He had almost zero contact with us after that. As an adult he walked out on his wife & kids and never spoke to me again after he fell down a political rabbit hole. My sister was tolerable until she had her own kids, then she changed. She physically attacked me once and she’s just impossible to get along with now. I think my mom was a narc and terrible mother, but my bro and sis think she was a good enough mom. Of course they are both just like her, and I’m like my dad. So that makes childhood hard to reconcile, when there’s opposing opinions.
Yep! Bingo! Always a difficult, impossible situation.
My sister hated me from the day I was born. My mom told me she would be scared to leave her alone with me when I was a baby. I have no good memories of her. She was always very mean to me and caused me a significant amount of childhood trauma that I’m in therapy for. I spent 36yrs trying to get her to like me. Now at 37 I cut her off. Ironically her oldest son (my nephew) doesn’t deal with her and he just turned 18. She messaged me out the blue a few days ago saying it’s my fault they don’t talk because I validated his feelings of how he felt she mistreated him….. It’s so bad to the point when she would call my phone (EVERYDAY) I would get anxiety, overwhelmed, and dread talking to her. When she finally decided disrespect me one last time I had every reason to cut her off. The level of peace is unmatched.
A very long time ago. My family always made excuses for both of my older brother's horrible choices and bad behavior. I spent all my life helping clean up their mess and getting guilt tripped for calling them out. I finally cut both of them off in 2020 and I'm never looking back.
I've been victimized since I was born, when my sister asked if I was staying. My parents thought it was funny, and she'd even climb in my crib and put things on me. Her sibling jealousy continued through the years. Everything was always a competition and if I got something she didn't, she raged and threw fits. She also could never genuinely celebrate me, though she's written phony things on social media so that she appears as a supportive sister. She was mentallynand verbally abusive to me amd our mother. Her child was always put onto me. She always manipulated my kindness in someway. She was a liar and always expected from others what she never gave out being extremely selfish. I find that I have anger/resentment issues that I'm still healing from even though I've been no contact for almost two years or so. I never liked her and she will never be welcomed back into my life as she made most of my life around her a hellish experience.
I hear ya sister 👍
Needed to hear this! Dealing with narcissistic sister’s and a parent.
I went no contact a year ago. My narcissistic dad said that I’m the one with the issues. That I have always thought people were judging me.
Ugh….so glad I let go… I only want peace in my life
My life makes sense. Thank you! 🙏🏻
My older sister was my first bully and going NC with her 2 years ago is still one of the best decisions I have ever taken in my life. I haven’t regretted it once. She is a very sick individual who finds enjoyment in inflicting pain onto others and I hope she gets the help she needs one day.
(Not so) Surprisingly, she’s also been a “good and supportive” friend and cousin to many; very much unlike the tyrant sibling I grew up with. I had to come to peace with the fact that she could sometimes act right, just not with me. As far as I’m concerned, she has no place in my life.
Dr you literally described my situation with my older sister by 4 years. Finally at 30 years old I've only now realized what my entire life has been. It feels like the ground beneath my feet has disappeared, but i'm also glad that i not longer need to please and pacify her when she throws her tantrums.
Same. 30 as well and just realizing this stuff too.
Thank you so very much for tackling this subject, Dr. Ramani. It is perfect timing for me, as my narcissistic, abusive older brother is coming to visit due to our mother’s quickly diminishing mental health. I have gone no contact, am struggling with recent new trauma and mental health diagnosis, and I am done with all perpetrators of my past, no matter whether family or otherwise. No one else in my family really gets it, and I needed and cherish the validation you offer. Blessings and gratitude to you and yours. 🙏🏻💗
Wow. Thank you so much for this!
My sister hated the fact that I was born and behaved towards me in sadistic ways that felt like physical and mental torture, while being very rebellious towards our mother. She was such a horror towards me that I didn't even notice that she probably got those behaviours from our mum. It was only when I got into a romantic relationship with a narcissist that I had flashbacks not so much of my sister but of my mum.
I don't think my sister is a narcissist : she's apologised profusely about the way she treated me, she's been kind in our adulthood even though we're not close, and she has a tight-knit group of friends.
I think our parents failed us both by allowing her to do that. I have to live with the trauma, but she has to live with the guilt.
Thank you so much for tackling this issue, Dr. Ramani and Luna. ❤️
Who's Luna? Her cat :)?
My parents failed my sister and I, as well. I don’t remember them correcting her when she started behaving badly with me. My dad wanted to treat us “equally” so he didn’t corrected her in a meaningful way.
@@LOKI77able good guess! 🐱 Dr. Ramani did a short video a while back to introduce her. 😊
@@laurenceboischot4265 Thanks! Unfortunately, I missed that one :) Can you please send me the link to it if it's not offline now?
@@LOKI77able I've had a look through but I can't find it.
She ruined every holiday. Still does. Happy Easter! 😂
Listening to this made me cry, realizing I never really was the problem, she was.
For the first time I feel validated. Thankyou
My brother is four years younger than me and is definitely a narcissist adult. I remember playing with him as a kid and for awhile it was good. But then I remember him getting all the attention and perks because he was the loudest.
I also remember us chasing each other around the house with kitchen knives trying to kill each other. The only reason I never actually stabbed him was because mom would get mad at me.
Whenever I complained about him and his behavior, mom would respond “oh boys are like that at his age”. A mantra she would repeat for 30+ years
My mother made excuses for bad behavior too. Mothers let the boys get away with murder!
@@realhealing7802 that's not always the case
@@secretivescorpio891 boys can suffer from narcissistic abuse too.
@@realhealing7802 oh I'm painfully aware of that and my self righteous narcissistic mother was my first abuser
My sister pulled me off a table as a newborn when she was a toddler. I was bleeding out of my ears and lost some hearing. Now that I know she is a covert Narc at 56 yrs old, it makes me wonder about when I was very young. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s interesting. I see so many babies and toddlers being gentle with baby animals, etc.
I love this topic, thank u for choosing to speak on it. I am 5 yrs older than my GC sister. In 2018 I realized that my mother was a malignant covert narcissist and I was thee scapegoat and lil sis was GC. My entire life all made sense that day. Once I realized what was going on, I also realized, my sister and I were never allowed to be together, or to have a bond. I was 5 when she was born. My mother would tell everyone that I was so mean to her and yah, I was. It was jealousy. I was a little kid who got NO attention or affection at all! She got it all! In her teen years, my early 20's, she would steal my clothes and shoes and tell people, my mother too, that I STOLD from her. I once came home and found out my mother gave my room key to sister to let her go in my room and get my brand new shoes. I came home and she had them on. My mom started this at her birth. My sister n I never got along. I would always include her n take her everywhere with me, but her friends never spoke to me ever. I could go on and on. We r now 46 and 41. Ive been no contact now for 3 1/2 yrs. They blame me and have ALWAYS said it was me. They've got my entire family except my older brother to not speak to me. My sisters kids would see me and not speak to me at all. My kids were always respectful. U just have to get away. It will neverrrrrrrrr change! U have to accept that and just cut contact. My mom or other family does not speak to me at all cause of my narc mom and narc sister! I know the truth! That's all I need now! I do not have anyone. Holidays I'm alone, but it's better than being around fake people!
Always, always! Omg! Thank you, as you’re spot on. I’ve always been kind, empathetic to a younger narc sister, the only sibling. But, no more, I now keep my boundaries from her and my family. She’s competitive, vindictive, divides and has my narc mother on side. Awful, toxic combination, I keep emotionally distant. I can’t begin to tell you how shocked my naive
“give the benefit of the doubt “self was when I researched and realised what’s going on. I intuitively knew their behaviour wasn’t right. Enough to keep trying to having a nice, happy relationship with these weirdos.
My first time listening to my so called "sister' at a very young age, stated: " you make your own friends and stay away from mine".
Later in life, I have recognized her demeanor as a narcissist. knowing this gave me a sense of clarity. I don't think, I could contact her again which makes me sad since she is my only relative alive. I am an independent empath. Wish me luck. Thanks and many blessings💠
The moment my parents gave her jurisdiction over me. My father would say, “When your sister speaks, it’s like I’m speaking.” She’s 8 years older than me, but you can’t give that much power to a 15 year old over a 7 year old child. Her side was the only side heard and then punishment on me would ensue. At 36 years old I realized I was not only her life’s “whipping boy” but also forced into the role of filling in the void of her lacking a significant other. I was blamed for all of her life’s failures but also the first person she’d run to when she needed help. Because I’ve distanced myself for the sake of my sanity and my own immediate family, she’s told the family I do drugs and have rage issues. The reality: she has drug and rage issues. Ah, good ol’ deflection. I won’t tolerate her syphoning my happiness anymore. My grad school graduation was marred by her temper tantrum and so our (also narcissistic) parents left and I got zero pictures celebrating my day. Exactly the same thing occurred at my undergraduate and high school graduations, now that I think about it…
The scapegoats success/victory is a shame trigger for the rest of the family. I have similar experiences, but my family’s fury simmers close to the surface and is less “public” in display. They throw their barbs covertly and make sure that they care for their own pain as I sit alone in the crowd. It’s a sad state of affairs that has drawn me to fear success. Talk about messed up! Success means rejection. Isolation. I’ve unmasked the dysfunction, and look forward to success that can be shared with my husband and children. It’s the best I can hope for - it will be amazing! 💕
Sending hugs.
@@diannalamantia1702 I love that through all you’ve been through your outlook is positively full of love. Same! Yay to us being healthy and happy 🙌
@@sarahkoren7294 Thank you so much 😘
@@diannalamantia1702 I can fully identify! I have had the same challenges!
My very earliest childish memory ( >1 year old) was being outside in the front yard. I was with my older sister looking at the bees buzzing around a cluster of flowers. She was instructed by our mother NOT to touch the bees. She told me to touch a bee.... (duh) I touched the bee. Ouch.... I got stung! She never apologized for that... to this day.
I think Narcissistic siblings know that we were the empathetic ones, so they always use their charm to get our buy in.. and then flip the switch when they want control or upper hand… Too many stories to tell.. But I have experienced and still experiencing Narcissistic sibling behaviors… boundaries definitely helps!!
Wow Dr. the question I’ve waited a lifetime for!!?
When I was born!, my older brothers are 8+10 years older than me, the one 8 years older, highly competent ADHD
Emphasis on the hyper! For him life is black or white, right or wrong, AND he could sell an ice cube to an Eskimo, highly verbal! Definitely a narcissist, he’s the richest son, a stock broker, who lords over my older brother who was an orthodontist, & never forgave my mother for me being born, & taking away attention from him.😳😟😞
Thnx for giving importance to sibling narcissism; I was the blacksheep of my family; it took me 7 decades to realise that my sibling orchestrated everything; triangulations; constant gaslighting; redflags; constant bullshitting; baiting, etc etc decided to be off from her; my life has started at 70; feel lousy but atlast OK.
That's such a good question that I have not been able to put my finger on....My two older sisters were always controlling play days and our activities together and I was required to submit to what it was that they desired at any given time! If I resisted they would shame me! It's interesting that the narcissist that I married did the same thing! And I let her do it!Thank you so much, dr Ramani! 😔
I have two older sister's as well and your story sounds just like mine I went no to little no contact best thing I've done its painful cus you want a big sister just not those kind 😊😘
@@catherinepraus8635 I no longer have any contact with either of them and I don't like that I have to do that because having older sisters should be a happy experience....
I too can relate to that Peter! It's a shame that to this day my two older (so called) sisters are still the same way and I can easily say that at times they are two passive aggressive, manipulating bullies!
I have reached to the point of no contact with either of them. Like you aptly put it Peter, it's painful but having older sisters should be a happy experience...sadly that has stopped being the case for me for years now, but I was overlooking all that, primarly for my own sanity, until it started to backfire and I started to lose it...ironic right?
Thank God, FINALLY I am coming to my senses and starting to see things differently!
Dr. Ramani you video are helping me a lot in understanding where the real problem lies and how to cope with it! Thank you so much and God bless you for all that you are doing!
My situation was similar, though the middle sister was just her a follower. As we got older she started feeling ashamed for being an accomplice and gradually distanced herself from the narc sister. When I went no contact with the narcissist she backed me up.
This is so true!! My parents said my sister hit me as soon as she met me, and she was only 2 years old. Then the bullying continued until…. Further notice lol gotta have a sense of humor right?
Thank you Doctor Ramani
We need a good sense of humour it is a coping mechanism otherwise we may be overwhelmed with the grief and pain.
My parents told us that my sister, then 3, kept suggesting they put me in the bin. They found the story endearing... 🙄
A narcissistic cousin.... when his mother brought home the baby, he told her to take "it" back to the hospital and leave "it" there.
My siblings were both 'superstars'. My older brother was a handsome jock, my sister a Fullbright scholar ( which my parents bragged about ad nauseum ). I consider myself an empath, but the cutting remarks and insults from the older two kids were so hurtful and impact me still. Isn't it weird how these things follow us seemingly forever? Thank you for the work you do. It helps to hear about other people struggling with this issue.
Im glad im not alone and there’s an explanation for the struggles im facing
Holy crap. These comments are right on. I have an adult older narc sister. Finally gave her a peace of my mind and went no contact. Sad.