Personality Disorders & Relationship Strategies
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ย. 2024
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In this MedCircle Live session, personality disorder expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula and MedCircle host Kyle Kittleson walk through the most effective relationship tools for each personality disorder. Plus, they answer more questions on personality disorders from the audience.
#PersonalityDisorders #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #psychology #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd #medcircle #relationships
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Going to sign up!
If possible, can this be covered in a future video: the difference between gaslighting and simply disagreeing.
A (former) friend with BPD used to accuse me of gaslighting him or disregarding his reality when I either just disagreed or told him his reaction wasn’t appropriate because I wasn’t doing what he accused me of doing. (such as when what I said was “I think you’re doing a lot better because I see the work you’re doing” and he accused me of denying that he was still sad after a breakup)
Another example, as simple as I can describe it:
He was nervous about something negative he imagined could happen in the future if he accepted an offer of a position at work. I said that wouldn’t necessarily happen and described an alternative. He got angry and said I was gaslighting him. All I did was disagree.
Your chats together are some of my favorites! I have a playlist. They are a godsend! ( ◜‿◝ )♡
O
@@mamab4720 morning
This is so interesting Thank you both
This is so helpful! Speaking as a member of the black community, we don't usually seek mental health counseling or resources. In the South, it's about "praying". You can't pray mental illness away or push it under the rug. It's important to bring it to the forefront and talk about it. I know several people personally who definitely have some undiagnosed issues going on.
Exactly, praying and making the local pimp in the pulpit rich.A damn shame.
Yes!!! Love this comment
Thanks for saying this frankly. I was married to a pastor that has a severe personality disorder characteristic of malignant narcissism and sociopathy, including PTSD and paranoia. He used to shout at me, threaten me, call me names, and accuse me of doing all kinds of foul things--for absolutely no reason. He is now on his 5th wife (recently). He is charismatic and claims that all his ex-wives were crazy. The church continues to celebrate him as a "man of God" and recently promoted him to a "bishop". They just pray, pray, pray for him!
@@goodgracious6364 Narcissicist are normally found in position of powers. They like that.
I’m not in the south, but when I called my mom after my first child was born...and I was struggling with postpartum depression (but didn’t even realize that’s what was going on, just knew something was wrong)...she just basically suggested I pray more. She’s not very empathetic, aware anyways (I was adopted), and I felt so alone and needed help.
Thank god I made it through...but she had been consistently clueless to my mental health struggles.
No amount of praying could fix it...I tried
Dr. Ramani's empathy for people with borderline personality is VASTLY UNCOMMON among therapists---doctors, psychologists. Her attitude is the attitude and understanding that borderlines should find when they seek therapy. But unfortunately it's not common. Take note, hers is the right view.
If you have to try a dozen therapists until you find one who gets you, keep trying.
Borderlines don't fail treatment.
Treatment fails borderlines.
Is it possible to have BPD plus some attributes of all the PDs being discussed here?
@@katekeir5681 Yes.
@@katekeir5681 all personality/mental disorders are more of a generalized term for a group of certain characteristics so you can have BPD and meet someone else with BPD but you both may experience it differently as well as have a multitude of different attributes of other personality disorders while they may not it’s hard to understand but truthfully they’re all just different defense mechanisms that your brain uses to protect you from what it perceives as dangerous
I agree with this!
Bdp fails themselves
I think I grew up with 2 Narcissistic parents. I've never been able to find a regular therapy I can afford, so your videos are like a God send to me. Thank you for sharing this knowledge for free.
Same.
Sorry for you, these people think things are find they are antagonistic people who do a lot of damage to the other person over the years. Now il use observe not absorb, meditation or hypnosis. Yep the template we were given during childhood. It unfortunately feels familiar.
amen
So it is possible for 2 narcissistic people to have a successful marriage? I wonder what that’s like?
@@comedycomedy3653 It would take more information to know, but yeah because of the high divorce rate it's very telling into they not being compatible. However, not divorcing doesn't make a marriage successful. I would dare say being able to nourish healthy children and have an overall positive overview of life would count as successful
This is how the Internet is meant to be used: to help others. Thank you for your series, and thank you Dr. Ramani, for your endless dedication to helping others. Thank you so much.
The thing with being “too sensitive” is that everyone has a breaking point and it may happen over a petty situation. It’s not about the petty situation. It’s a build up of bottled emotions.
Lo Lo So true...especially when one gets verbally beaten down every time by an abuser.
Christine and Jung, you guys are SO right!
I can remember being in primary school and walking to school thinking that my mother told me I was too sensitive. I could never work out why it bothered me.
my mood can totally change if i feel unwelcome or something. even if my brother is not talking to me because there is nothing to talk about. i get super sensitive and start to feel down. think negative. my mood all over the place and because now i am aware bout that, i always trying my best to not be too emotional or sensitive. and ngl its not easy.
Yes !!! Im the exact same way. I take a lot before i reach the breaking point then its game over
“You’re pain isn’t shameful. It’s beautiful. It’s part of who you are.” Thank you Dr Ramani from one psychotherapist to another. This is the content missing from the world’s conversations. So grateful for you. 🙏🙏🙏
Pain is not beautiful. It is disfunctional programming of this world that creates pain is not beautiful. Fight flight freeze and blame Shame guilt are not beautiful. This causes disconnect, division, weakens us makes us easily controlled.
Learning and using healthy connecting relationship, is beautiful. Taking turns mirroring with someone. Makes them feel heard, loved, and that they matter. let's heal The madness of the conditioning and programming of this world! Put upon Us by the elite controllers to keep us enslaved and in pain.
Why do therapist I want to sugarcoat? Why shouldn’t we put it on the line a little bit?
Best instead of hiding behind the curtains dribbling sad sorrow (we’ll see this way you devil in your nothingness. )
The loved ones of Borderlines.. it's so easy to tell them to be patient and understanding and "remember they are hurting"... These same loved ones are on the *receiving end* for decades, they have to suck up all the verbal outbursts and madness the BPD does. You can be the 'bigger person' only for *so* long. The BPD doesn't change. Their hurtful words are still *just as hurtful* as if anyone else had said them. You come to a point where you realize that as adults, there must be *consequences* for bad words and actions - *even if* a BDP had said or done those things! It's the *right* of the loved ones to start building BOUNDARIES, and say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!". The decades at the front row seats to watch this roller-coaster ride, the constant worrying and trying to support is beyond draining... And the only 'thank you' you'll ever get is just another outburst sooner than later, the verbal abuse or other trickery.
With the worst BPD has no problem taking everything they want from you, to manipulative a person after person, to play constant games, all the pathological lying - with zero regard to anyone else's feelings.. Yet we, the loved ones, should be patient and understanding.
Sorry, but I'm *done* with this "remember THEY are hurting" and letting things slide. I'm putting my foot down and saying "NO MORE". I will treat you based on your *words and actions* ~ BPD or not! Loved ones suffer the most because we're stuck in that *world of madness and toxicity* with zero power over anything, just having to be at the receiving end year after year! The loved ones suffer in silence, with no help or support.
Actually, BPD is one of the personality disorders that can change/get better. Narcissists can't, because one of the core aspects of being NPD is thinking you don't have a problem (theres a few rare exceptions, of course, but the very vast majority will never acknowledgethey have a problem, and thus, never seek treatment), but true BPD folk know there's something wrong with them and are often desperate to get help. Obviously don't waste your patience on anyone who isn't trying and working on getting better, but to claim "bpds don't change" is just factually incorrect. They're one of the PDs most likely to want to change and be better.
Absolutely
@@MichaelNelson-pd6dhthey will try and maybe get better for awhile, but they go back once comfortable again, everytime.
It’s also important to remember people with BPD are also very likely to have other disorders as well.
In the end if they are undiagnosed or untreated are extremely harmful to your mental health, even if they’ve had diagnosis and treatment, if they don’t stick with it they will go back, and usually worse after 😢
Research shows that BPD is in a lot of cases a misdiagnosis of women with severe PTSD and/or autism. It is also a sexist diagnosis and 75% of people diagnosed with BPD are women. BPD quote rage or anger is predominantly just a reaction to systemic oppression and to cure BPD, we have to cure oppression.
Living with someone with a personality disorder is like walking on a mine field every day. You have to be really strong and thick skinned, patient, and long suffering to endure it successfully without becoming emotionally disregulated yourself.
I’m going through it right now. A mine field indeed
My mom had a personality disorder that I never understood until my late 30s. It was unexplainable
Yes
dating a girl with bpd
@@itsoracle I'm dating a girl with spd, it's tough
The way you just explained BPD hit me so hard. I always felt I was BPD but could never relate to the lack of empathy, because I've always had too much empathy for others to a detriment to myself, and then also beat myself up when I couldn't be there for someone when I was in so much pain - and this is exactly what you just explained.
I am so grateful to be able to have access to such amazing information, at no cost! I do not take it for granted 🙏 thanks MedCircle! Thanks, Dr.Ramani 💎
dk1828,I admire your pretty smile ☺️😍
I have never heard a professional being able to successfully understand who someone w/BPD feels/thinks/behaves…( of course dependent entirely on each individual)…but the way you describe who we over empathize, then at other times aren’t able to empathize ourselves…dear Loardie lord. Soo so true. Thank you Dr. Ramani, for spreading the word/info/education to us and others. 🙏🏻
In Australia i would have to say the bar for therapists is set very low (as a general statement). I gave up on them long ago and switched to alternative therapists who have been 100x better prepared and skilled to help me heal. Thankfully alternative therapies are now entering the mainstream.
Sadly mainstream medicine isn't very good with complex problems, either in relation to the physical or the mental/emotional aspects. Script monkeys just don't cut the mustard.
I love MedCircle, such brilliant content, and so well communicated. Thanks guys 🙏
A shoutout to Dr. Ramani! Great job with the internet, webcam, and headset quality. And thank you for never holding back on sharing your wisdom and feelings to help everyone!
i love her. just love her. i wanna live around her hahahahahah
I'd like to hear a discussion about the emotional, mental and physical toll that dealing with a family member/members with a personality disorder takes on the person in that relationship who inevitably becomes the target of abuse.
Been there, done that, for many, many years. If the person is a spouse, my advice is to LEAVE as soon as you possibly can! That person will DESTROY YOU! Do everything you can to stack the deck in your favor for a short time then LEAVE! If they don't destroy you emotionally, they will physically (my ex tried to break my bedroom door down and stab me with a kitchen knife). If they don't destroy you physically, they will financially. If they don't financially, they will legally (divorce court, false claims of domestic abuse, etc). They'll destroy your name, your reputation, your friendships, your family relationships (kids, parents, siblings, etc). They'll even try to destroy you spiritually. There was NO lie my ex wasn't willing to tell everyone who would listen in an attempt to destroy me. Divorce took > 7 years because of kids. Do NOT waste your life trying to get them help if they refuse to help themselves. If it's a child.... establish FIRM boundaries and don't be afraid to administer consequences.
Over and over and over and over we accept abuse because we've been used to it all of our lives one day through all my counseling I woke up and was able to see abuse at a distance instead of up close and personal and now I'm able to keep it out away from me at a comfortable distance thank you Jesus! Yes these videos are awesome awesome listen to everything she has to say on narcissism it's so amazing
@@boogieuggie7865 They will not stop until they COMPLETELY destroy you. And then somehow it will be your fault. Run don't walk.......leave NOW !!!
@@franquely748 I am out now and very happy not to have deal with all the drama. I am in a healing process. Thank you. Wishing you happiness always!
You don't "live" with someone who has BPD... you survive while slowly dying inside.
Learning how to handle Mental Health in relationships is so very important!! Sometimes we cannot survive and live with someone that has a personality disorder! We’ll get sick!!
You got that right !!!
This is so true. It's not easy
Depend on the deseases, i think, be earnest and free to set your boundaries, and let others do the same. Respect and self-respect is important in any close relationship so hage that as a common goal,there will always be a degree of vulnerability that might be good in people to, if they are not to self sabotaging, or sabotaging to others, those who border on to psykopatths, they might fint like to admit any kind of weekndds ans vulnerability in then selves..
As someone with BPD and constantly learning and educating myself and people around me with my channel and life, discovering such content is always so enlightening and helps me to better interact with people in my life and listening to Dr Ramani she really gets it 👌... Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Do you also feel like you need to study other people's reactions to things just to be able to gauge your own reaction to the same thing? I also have BPD, and I have often wondered if it's my BPD that makes me so desperate to get other's opinions of things...
@@wolfcub824 Hello, thanks for reaching out and I hope you are doing okay 🤗..... I do the same thing constantly so I can react "normally" to situations and people in general and I've also discovered that having BPD makes me notice EVERYTHING people do, their facial expressions, mannerisms and tone of voice and I easily pick up if something is off or the atmosphere in the room changes.... We notice it all and try to adjust accordingly because we also do put other people's feelings and welfare above our own in most cases... that's what I've noticed in myself due to my BPD
@@vickysviews4242 Thanks 😋 It's good to know that I'm not alone on this, sad to hear others have the same problem... But yeah.
@@wolfcub824 hey😁, it helps to focus on the positive side of it, like u know doing all of this doesn't make u weird but its empowering knowing little things about people and being able to react accordingly even in awkward situations and being able to lead with good intentions on alot of interactions with people.....how many ppl do u know with that ability? ' with great power comes great responsibility' we have the highest of highs and the lowest of lows so we do our best to be loving and considerate and we are the rare ones in this world that continuously do that time and time again.......even with all the hurts we've all endured.....its time we embrace ALL of it, the GOOD coz its awesome and the Bad because it sucks..... Been thinking the past days about how I could have answered your question better. been more helpful and maybe this helps I hope
Bingo i love the positive message 💯
You two are my favorite duo. Please keep the uploads coming!!
I love them too lol
Yes!
Right?! Like I just wanna go out for a cup of coffee or margaritas with them 😂
When an abuser constantly keeps attacking you, they can give you a complex and makes me react to his abuse, forever trauma bonding.
Take back your power by reminding yourself that noone has ability to "make" you react. I realize this is easier said than done, especially if the abuser is pushing your buttons, but with practice it gets easier. Take care.
You two have an absolutely wonderful rapport . Kyle manages to query Dr. Ramini in such a relatable way , asking all the questions we want to know the answers to . Such an interesting duo . Please keep this up !
Starting at 21:38 pure brilliance, Dr. Ramani at explaining what it’s like to have bpd. Thank you so much for this.Also I heard someone with BPD as having your skin peeled off to the point that your nerves are exposed... horrifically painful only in an emotional way.
That’s how I’d explain it…because even the slightest thing may set us into chaos, but no one understands the overthinking and negative self chatter we’ve had in our heads for hours or days up to that little situation that we had a meltdown over.
@@wldncrzy1971 THIS ☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾☝🏾
Yes she nailed it
Equally as painful is the way they treat the people that try to love them.
@@franquely748 agreed and for a friendship to be maintain it’s already hard enough. It’s really difficult, tools and information is really needed.
You are saving lives. Thank you - Misunderstood BPD here.
This is literally the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. I have had so much trauma in my childhood and it makes perfect sense that I attracted people with personality disorders and I’ve done that a few times. That’s absolutely incredibly true and it hit home for me! Thank you guys 🙏
As someone who lives with quiet BPD, I can't tell you two how much I appreciate what you do on here. For me, being self-aware/mindful of my quirks is a big part of my ability to manage my symptoms, and these videos help me keep my beast in check. Y'all are amazing, and you are doing good work! Thank you a million times!
I currently struggle with NPD. It has taken many years of psycho therapy, EMDR, CBT and NeuroFeedback therapy to actually accept it and strive to change. But most of all, EMDR has helped me to understand where it came from. Mine originated from childhood trauma and at first (and for a long time) I was blaming it on my parents and everyone else. Once I owned and accepted my behavior and NPD, I have been able to focus on processing those memories and work on my NPD. I still struggle with it. And gaslighting is hard for me to NOT do. But I can admit that I do it and I hate it. If anyone sees this and has tips on how to stop yourself from gaslighting, PLEASE provide me some insight. And thanks Dr. Ramani for all your insights. Your videos have played a part in helping with my narcissism.
I'm in complete awe of your grace under fire. You are the most self aware and most seriously dedicated person to healing. Wow. I have BPD and am also an almost involuntary gaslighter. Mostly towards myself. don't know how much good it will do you, but if you're cultivating self awareness and acceptance, tend to the anger soon after a reaction. If you take every responsibility for your illness, I'd bet you're missing out on some serious issues brewing with another person or situation. But I have a lot of hope if you can help yourself, maybe there's hope. Take care, thx for your efforts and sharing.
That's amazing, Bryant. Good luck. Lee Hammock/Mental Healness is a self-confessed NPD on YT. Did something happen to make you open to understanding yourself better?
I am also in awe of your self awareness, self compassion, and diligent witnessing and work. Was this hard to arrive at? How can you tell when you’re gaslighting?
@@gaiabeleza I can explain how hard it was to come to this awareness and acceptance. It took a LOT of work and lots of painful mistakes and realizations. Usually my wife will be the one to call me on my gaslighting. But I’m quick to see and understand it unlike before.
@@AldedandraSam Vaknin says hes NPD too. He freaks me out but has a lot of valid points...
She’s an excellent professional and excellent communicator!
Dr Ramani!!! ❤
She speaks with so much Passion and Energy. Truly fascinating to listen to her
I’m a currently a nursing student @ LIU in NY, but I definitely plan on obtaining my Masters possibly PhD in psychology. I am so fascinated by why people are the way they are & what makes them do the things they do..I’m fascinated by the human mind
Once you got involved with a narciscist in a relationship, you either grow quickly or get destroyed.
Beware. All that abnormal behavior starts looking normal after a while.
@@Laura-nl8df you mean to say after studying psychology ?
@@realman3841 I live with monsters
My mother deals with this.I actually am a caregiver i love helping those who can’t help themselves but it stops there.I go an extra mile for those I love and at one point in my life I did take what I didn’t deserve. So it is very important to not take things “personal” when it comes to many people in life! Don’t drain your energy it isn’t worth it. Respect and boundaries is EVERYTHING Feed your mind and heart with Love and positivity ❤️ Awesome video i love learning about all types of things :) God bless you and your families
god had a mother, she was not a virgin as the bible would have us believe. OMG i luv jesus but not the machismos of either sex
What I've always wondered is how two people can go through childhood trauma, and one develops BPD and another could develop NPD, one has heightened empathy and the other is severely lacking it. where and how does the split happen. It's always perplexed me.
Probably in how the individual internalizes the trauma. Whether they take blame & shame on themselves (BPD) or whether they project it onto others despite knowing it’s their fault. One accepts the pain and strong emotions/reactions. While the other just can’t tarnish the perfect image of themselves for even a moment & this feels instantly relieving to a person with NPD.
People can have bpd and npd. An over emotional person lacking boundaries with past trauma can still be compulsively narcissistic
I'm 53 and this narcissistic abuse has gone on my entire life by my relatives and mother.
I just began to learn that a few years ago but I'm sure I'm going to go crazy or die very soon.
I learned about all this way too late. God bless you and your families. Please pray for me.
please, keep educating yourself it will make you stronger . It's not easy , I know. But it is in some way a relief . To know that people you are surrounded by narcissists . I am too. Know you are not alone . Best way to deal with them is to have less contact. the less the better. live your life , because you only have one life in this body. Don't give them the satisfaction . I am going trough a transformation and it is hard but I am trying to stay busy with working around the house, painting , etc. Stay strong don't give up. it's your life. fuck them.
🥺 it's NEVER too late
im 55 and it is the only thing i have ever known - i have only come to understand this is why i have been in the same relationship - probably 25 times- honestly if my mom would have been much more humane if she drown me in the bathtub when i was two . The thing with me - i am really ashamed of it - i the last significant relationship i had - she discarded me for a drug dealer - and killed herself about 18 months later i did not date for 5 years- and was fine with it - i got charmed into another relationship - 3 yrs ago - i did not know about the narc - until this past year as it went to devalue , disgard it was almost the same script - she is living with a dealer now - so you are not the only one- i wouldn't wish this on anyone ive been in therapy for about 15 yrs or i could have never understood - i would have offed myself a long time ago
I relate, I'm 59 and my sister and mom are narcs, the abuse is still ramped with them, I finally got educated with thier disorder, not long ago, now the verbal abuse has made me physically sick, I'm hoping I find happiness and normal before its too late! I pray for all of us victims, God bless
@@pjpredhomme7699 my prayers to you, you're doing great by being aware and seeks help for 15 years. Hope your life turns out to be better as you elevate yourself.
I grew up with two parents that suffered from borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. I’m glad I’ve found this channel without theses videos I don’t know how I would’ve been able to cope let alone survive. Thank you Dr.Ramani
Thank you. This is saving my life right now.
stay strong sister!
Mine 2
Amen.
Me too... So hard...
Thank you so much for doing these videos! I was recently diagnosed with primary avoidant PD and secondary borderline traits, and it’s been a strain on my relationship. I’m lucky enough to have a supportive partner, and I’ve found that teaching him about PDs and sharing videos like this with him have been so helpful. The key really is having a continuous, open dialogue.
BPD here.... Among other disorders (Persistent Depressive Disorder, OCD, Social, GAD, Panic, Disorders 😣 recently Biploar 2 after last concussion, episodes not often in a year).
I have it full blown BPD...😪 Chronic paranoia, dissociation, derealization, and various form of psychosis under stress... They said the C-Ptsd/Ptsd is within the BPD already.
I'm super sensitive, I hurt a lot, I cry a lot, I'm confused a lot, I been this was since a kid under 5, anxiety, depression, fear, anger, tantrums, nightmares, pain, terrors, confusion, emptiness,etc... and I'm 36 now.
I'm always scared and nervous, everything I do is all because of fear... its like I cling to be heard, loved, wanted, kept and understood. 😪 If i feel all of it slipping away and loosing it ... I become desperate and tangled in words and I go to irritation and anger in desperation to be not be misunderstood, or rejected, or abandoned. I become erratic.
I cannot handle raised voices, or loud remarks, or anything that gets aggressive, or abrasive... I will crumble instantly.
I want to make people happy... and if I get any bad tone of voice... I feel like I wasn't accepted, or did wrong. I go out of my way for people. If I feel they didnt appreciate it much... then I start to feel like shit and hate them.
I feel like I get punished a lot... and I tend to turn to age regression. Im always in emotional pain. Im either numb, or neurotic. My moods change not only due to situational triggers,,, but even a thought can change me dramatically. 0-100... emotional instability.
Its like my emotions and feelings are so strong, that I never get it returned to the same degree. And it hurts.
I feel others pain, I feel everything to the point I can feel their sadness, anger and I cry... based on others. I sense a lot from people.
I hate center of attention, I don't like people who are loud, abrasive and cocky, I don't feel comfortable with compliments,...
I have sensory issues and if I get scared or started I jump, freeze and dissociate... I'm not good in social settings, I'm awkward and I read all cues VERY off.
BPD..... in my experience and view... Is a disorder that encompasses ALL other mental health issues bundled into one. 😔
Wow you just explained my mother god bless you no matter what you do Love love love yourself everyday everyday even i have to wake up and remind myself that i deserve live and deserve to love myself💕 i try my best to keep a good attitude it took years to reprogram
Hey Lidia , I am so sorry that you are experiencing this . Praying for your healing , in Jesus name . Be encouraged . God bless , Karen 🙏🌹✝️😇
Anxiety disorders are caused by fear, trauma and paranoia.
❤
LidiaBellaItaliana
It also sounds like you are a highly sensitive person or HSP Highly sensitive personality
Dr. Ramani, you said it absolutely beautifully!! (At about 22 mins in, your description of the cycle a sufferer of borderline personality disorder goes through, between being overly empathetic, but then being overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, depression, doubt, feeling worthless, snapping/ having a melt down, +++& on top of that, add feeling terrible about yourself for not being able to behave in an empathetic manor towards others, during the time of said 'melt down').
I was diagnosed with BPD several years ago, and have been undergoing talk therapy sessions (CBT & DBT) ever since, and following yourself, Dr. Ramani, as well as several other TH-cam channels about mental health recovery, BPD, PTSD, etc. 😊 I really appreciate the work you do!
I loved the way you described that^^^!!
I couldn't have put it in better words myself. Thank you for finding the words I needed to say, but wasn't quite sure how!!
This is all very well to throw about the need for DBT for BPD in relationships. BUT this is not always available in countries outside the US. Or indeed to those with low incomes or presumably the wrong insurance within the US. Here in the UK the NHS has virtually no assistance for BPD. And the cost for going private is often prohibitive. Given insurance is very uncommon for mental health in UK this leaves BPD patients with absolutely no help.
I’m a self proclaimed BPD self healed on going journey. I was born to a traumatizing family of origin. I’m also a Christian who know that God hears and answers prayers. We have the ability to heal ourselves, sure it’s helpful to have some support, but not necessary. I have learned so much from great people like Doctor Ramani (deeply grateful for her). Another person that has given me insight is Doctor Daniel Fox from Texas also on TH-cam. There are so many book, but one of my favorite books is directed towards couples, but could be for any relationship even the most important one, the one with self. The title is THE HIGH CONFLICT COUPLE A DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY GUIDE TO FINDING PEACE,INTIMACY & VALIDATION Alan E. Fruzzetti. He show us how to apply DBT in our lives and relationships with others. He was tutored by Marsha M. Lineman and has carried on with research and clinical work. I love the way he writes and his in-depth intuitiveness. In my prayers I have been guided and protected to overcome my faults and shielded by some of my adversaries. I am most grateful for the love God has for me. I am grateful for my journey because it has made me stronger, more empathetic, and able to help others find healing and strength also. Prayer is the key to find the guidance we need. Hugs!
There's dbt self work books you can buy online at an affordable price. So...there is a lot of help out there for BPDs.
This comment is a few months later but i thought I'd share anyway in case it helps anyone. I know some areas in the UK have next to no support for BPD and don't even meet the basic minimum threshold for care under NICE guidelines. I have recently discovered an initiative called the Right to Choose which I came across researching ways to get an ADHD diagnosis and treatment outside my CMHT (they are useless and can barely cope with other MH issues!). I found out about this initiative which came about to bring more parity between the quality of physical vs mental health services across the UK. In theory, if your NHS trust is unable to provide you with the basic care outlined in NICE guidelines and you can find a therapist who can, you can request a referral from your GP for treatment. It has worked for me with ADHD treatment where it will be delivered by specialists and not my CMHT. I'm not sure about how it works with accessing therapy for BPD and the therapist would need to be registered on the scheme (as this is how they get paid). Its a bit of a minefield trying to do the research but worth it in the end if you have been stuck trying to get treatment that never comes.
I love med Circle. The opening music that sounds like an electric bass guitar always brings me running. I learn something every time. This show gives me some insight into my Son's trepidation.
Dr. R, your knowledge and life's experiences makes you easy to listen to.
Being relatable and trustworthy... is refreshing and appreciated.
A wakening call! Thank you for this video. I've identified that everyone around me is N + BPD. What an honor!! Praying God for the strength. Now I know who are my go-to and no-go-to friends, and my list of prayers is lengthened!
The BPD individuals that I had the misfortune of encountering were vicious and vindictive, just like the DSM5 described BPD. They intensely possessed all 9 of the DSM5 symptoms.
I have quiet BPD. This is so accurate. I always wondered why people thought I have no empathy when I have so much I also don’t even bother others when in have episodes. And I love people and I love helping people who struggle.
Hi there, do you mind, what issues did you struggle with?
Same, people have actually told me, " you don't care about me" and I'm like wait, what!?! I care too much that I feel like I'm bothering everyone all the time. I'm so happy to have found this channel 💓
My ex husband who certainly seems as though he could be a narcissist used to gaslight me when he would be doing wrong and tell me I had no empathy. I kept taking him back over and over and over even though I knew he was a liar BCZ I had empathy for him. He knew just how to play on my emotions too and I would explode and then he would tell me how crazy I am. So toxic
I am sorry and pray your doing well!
@@Holly-jp6vr so glad he is your ex and you deserve better!
Dr Ramani and and Kyle thank you for such a great intro to a complex but IMPORTANT topic! May this information lead the listener to awakening, awareness, freedom and courage to get support if needed.
I love how everyone that tries to teach anything about personality disorders or highly sensitive personal think they know what these people are thinking. No unhealthy relationship is normal, no kind of abuse is normal, gaslighting isn't normal, insulting others and being unloving isn't normal. Being abusive in any way isn't normal. Everyone has a opinion about everything and everyone, that does not make them a expert or normal themselves it just means you have a opinion. And you may very well be educated so are some of the people with these disorders or personality's and it makes none of us experts and most certainly doesn't make either of us any better, worse, normal or abnormal than the other.
I wish the lived experience of people w/ these diagnoses is more of a talking point among the professionals and experts, rather than focusing so much on observed behavior. Even in sessions, I feel it would be better to hear things like "Others who have been diagnosed have expressed X", etc, rather than "People who have this typically no longer do X", etc.
The autism community online is a real great example of how something that others see as a disability can be morphed into a brain difference by comparing experiences, figuring out what all these people are good at VS what challenges them, etc. I have diagnosed ADHD (And maybe aspergers/ASD) and I feel like ADHD is just barely getting to that point. Most older advice dwells on "fixing" yourself, not trying to tailor your life to emphasis your strengths and finding tools to help your challenges. Newer media, like How to ADHD on YT, is much better, but "the establishment" of mental health sure doesn't seem to want to think of the people with these traits as people with thoughts and emotions, rather than statistics or lab rats who don't know any language and must simply be observed.
Personal perspective and bias for answering questions can be fairly effectively screened for with enough of a data pool and sufficient proctoring techniques/planning. (IE, interviews to "deep deeper" rather than just filling out a form online, etc.)
Unfortunately unhealthy behavior has become "normal".
Personality disorders are certainly not healthy or well-adjusted.
I have BPD, I am an avid #MentalHealthAwareness advocate and spoken word performer, and I love this so much. I travel the country trying to bring that awareness on stages, in classrooms, hospitals, and on my TH-cam channel, so I get excited when I see other advocates.
Love you both. This is invaluable and is seriously saving lives and families.
Much gratitude to you both. This work is so so important. Thank you!❤
My older sister seems to have all the symptoms of BPD in spades, also super sensitive and compassionate with animals, her friends and certain people. However, in relation to me she was a sadistic bully, very cunning, often lied and “set up” situations to humiliate and hurt me. Because she was so two faced no one else worked it out until she was an adult. She had a massive tantrum in a restaurant and then estranged herself from the whole family for over 10 years now but goes to my mothers hairdresser, way out of her way, to pass on information. She’s a teacher and I seriously worry for her students when nobody is looking. I’m not sure compassion is always appropriate, her behaviour was very damaging and controlled.
Awww, I’m so sorry that must have been tough for you. My friend seems to be bpd and I felt walking on eggshells and manipulated sometimes. BPD aren’t the only one hurting by their condition but so is everyone around them. I don’t think there’s a shame in getting out of that so that at least you could heal and get healthy relationships for yourself. I hope that you will have a wonderful 2022. Hoping your sister will come around positively and be self-aware for what she had done.
I don't know how to stop living in other peoples shadows and it takes my joy out of life
As a person who has been recently diagnosed being on BPD spectrum (luckily for me it's on a " lighter" side, however has impact on my overall life), i could not been more grateful for finding out this channel. It gives so much knowledge and understanding about disorder and hope to have a meaningful and happy life. Dr Ramani is absolutely brilliant specialist, I could listen her talk for hours and hours. Thank you all for creating this chanel, it can seriously change people's lives.
She has that superlawyer, leader strong woman voice. People with this voice say some of the most incredible things through history.
There’s a vulnerability to expressing your empathy as a BPD. It was used as a weapon in the past. The empathy is vastly there, but the outward expression is heavily muted.
Yeah be weary of predators! They’re like PIRANHAS. They’ll eat you up!
My ex has bpd and pushed me away. Turned into a total different woman. It’s like I didn’t even know her. Then she switched everything around on me and made everything out to be my fault
As someone with BPD who acts like this but can’t quite understand why I’m sorry you had to go through this. I hope you find happiness again!
@@RaDiUx44 You're re-living your childhood trauma... I'm sorry and I know it's very painful to have BPD. I am in the same situation Myke is. You can recover
@@YellowKing1986 Thank you for your kind words! I’m obsessed with videos like these it helps with increasing my insight and awareness. I’ve made small improvements thus far and have been in therapy for around 6 months.
@@RaDiUx44 Never give up on yourself!
You got to understand that any signs of negligence or abandonment you have to be extremely sensitive to the paranoia from borderline personality disorder individuals.If you can't do that you we constantly look suspicious of being negligent.
Wow this just explained so much to me. I was in a relationship with what I now feel was a narcissist. He actually told me I was the problem yet later I discover every he did to me he had done to several other women before and after me. It has made me feel like I had a lucky escape but feel so sorry for his son whom he uses to get supply from women.
I really love the Dr. She's so awesome and explains things very well. I've been told by someone that I have BPD but I believe him to be a narcissist. He has screamed and yelled at me because I haven't gone to a therapist for him. He minimizes my feelings and constantly puts me down and tells me I'm psycho and need help for my issues when I get upset and express my feelings. I'm not afraid of being abandoned, I'm actually fine being "alone". I appreciate these videos so much to help me keep my reality and know that I'm being manipulated.
Absolutely. I was manipulated then and recently. But even a bad situation can make you tougher skinned and better person.
I was told I had ADHD. Then it became Bipolar type 1. Then I was told it was rapid cycling. Then this stupid Johnny Depp trial happens and I learn about BPD....... my mind is blown. I started watching these videos about 1 month ago and I have learned so much. To know what I have done to my family is so gutwrenching. I feel so bad. I can not believe it is this. The more I dig the more my life makes sense. Bipolar never fit me. I always felt so empty even with love. @23:30 what he said was sooooooo spot on. You will never feel full. I am so needy, aggressive, paranoid, unable to keep a job, narcissistic, the empathy is caused me massive issues.....especially giving away a car to a relative because they had breast cancer and needed a car, I gave it to her free and it actually hurt me in the long run because I am very poor. Omg, I could go on for days. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
I have BPD (diagnosed at 17 and am now 30) and my partner has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder diagnosed at 13 and is now 30). We have been together for almost 4 years now and initially we had a really hard time finding a balance with our disorders. Our arguments would get so out of control, we would threaten to leave each other, we would toss around trigger words like psycho and crazy and stupid, he was really bad about telling me my feelings weren’t valid and that “no one else would get mad about that so you shouldn’t either” or “you need to learn to control yourself, no one else would put up with you” and “no wonder your ex’s left you”, I would slam doors and throw water bottles (because I needed to get the anger out but I never wanted to break the things I worked hard to pay for) I mean it was like we were 2 tornadoes fighting over one trailer park. But we have since learned better ways to communicate with each other when upset and he has acknowledged his abusive language and no longer says things like that out of anger. We absolutely love to watch videos like these and read articles on how to always be improving our tools with which we build and mold and mend our relationship.
So happy for you. Knowledge is power!
I am just now finding these videos but wanted to tell you how much this comment encouraged me!! My husband has BPD and I am in the process of finding out what all I may have. Our fights are exactly like this. We feed off each other's triggers and it gets out of hand so so fast. We are working on learning how to communicate better and hopefully fight/argue in ways that don't destroy our relationship. It has felt nearly impossible at times and even wondered if we could stay together. It is immensely encouraging to know it can get better!!
It's with great relief & additional overwhelm that I learn about BPD. I listened to the How not to walk on eggshells book on Thursday & everything clicked. 9 out of 9. Thank you for this destigmatising content & now I find myself not wanting to share my self-diagnosis, but yet desperately to want to learn how not to destroy all my close relationships. I lost my psychiatrist wife & 2 kids of a 12 year marriage. And now again my therapist GF & young child again have moved out. I keep my distance from people, but YEARN to be loved & understood! I will get there, some day. Thank you so much! 🙏😍
I love listening to you two. I know I have a lot of social anxiety and have a lot of narcissist individuals around me so I benefit by learning more about these disorders. Thank you for your information!
Love seeing pets in people's videos. Purrrrs to Dr. Ramini's cat!
Everyone who I have given the benefit of the doubt to after my first reaction which was - no way , leave & no good, turned out after a fairly short period of time to be wrong for me. Even in friendships. We’re told to question what the body knows all too well.
“Plagued by doubt” that’s truly the perfect description
Please know I appreciate you both (all) so much!! Thank you for this education you provide. I am on the healing path now.
So if the person with BPD doesn’t admit they have it - how can I deal with her? It’s a roller coaster, exhausting for me - should I walk away?
It’s a roller coaster regardless
This video is awesome I have 28 personalities I was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder in 1994 I have since then don't have a lot of therapy through the years I never got integrated but I feel as if I am in control finally and yes everything she's saying is absolutely true
I was diagnosed with borderline in my 20s.
I am almost entirely ok now. There is hope.
Now I'm engaged to a man who presents with borderline traits (everything you listed) and I'm watching this because he is having his first hospital visit during our relationship.
I want to be to him the person I needed when I was at my worst.
Thank you for your content.
I feel like I have symptoms of every mental disorder ever discovered and a few that haven’t been. Watching these videos confuses me because one minute I think I’m a narcissist the next minute I’m borderline personality the next minute I am a Psychopath and the list goes on. If I didn’t have social anxiety I would go see a doctor. It’s almost laughable that people like me that know there is something wrong but can’t move toward treatment because there is something wrong.
I also feel the same. I am the DSM book lol
LMAO you described exactly how I am feeling right now
Ha. So get that.
...maybe because we are borderlines...doing all the bad stuff...instead of feeling completely worthless, I'm better at manipulation. 😈
👌 go me. Us. Go us.
That's the first step taken: Acknowledgement 👌🏽 The single most important step, in my humble opinion. The other steps are also very important and consistency is key 💯
Only a recommendation, as I obviously don't know you or your situation, maybe try online therapy 🤷🏽♀️ With a registered professional that specialises in these areas, of course.
When’s the next Kyle /Ramani show ? We want more !
I love Dr. Ramani and appreciate what she says about people with BPD, and I think it's a hellish shame that she had to choose fluffy words to cater to the angry, parasitic gatekeepers who would otherwise destroy her career because they have too much empathy.
Agreed. BPD should at least try to learn to accept and let go because it’s not a sustainable future to have everyone curtail to their sensitivities, choice of words.
Thank you for this. I've been told I have Borderline Personality Disorder since my teens. From 13yrs to 18yrs I was in group care. I'm 53yrs now and in therapy for the last 3yrs. Dr. Ramani explained BPD very well. The phenomenon of pain is bad or weird is so true. I've been publicly telling about my pain and abuse. It helps get it out and hopefully it helps to destygmatize sharing our own pain. This channel is so educational and helpful. Thanks guys!
"I got a comment from some of the folks with BPD, a few angry emails" = actually laughed out loud. OF COURSE! If there is a group of people that will let you know their thoughts -- especially irritation --- it's the folks with BPD! lol. And you well articulated the gift of BPD: empathy.
Empathy for themselves, they are still narcissists.
Empathy? How does a BPD have the gift of empathy? I don't understand what you are saying.
@@clarebaxter777 i did not say it but i am pretty certain there was a healthy portion of sarcasm in that answer
Agreed, they always say what irks them instead of just moving on.
I hope the comment section regarding bpd sufferers can try to have a healthy notion of self-awareness. I’m hoping that this glorifcation of empathy and hurt would not lead the way for the 2nd wave of snowflakes because I truly believe that is not sustainable especially once you enter adult life to start working. It is difficult to curtail and adjust to someone else’s sensitivities that apologies always seems to be a requisite to move forward with BPD. I have a friend that kept on getting irritated so I always seems to be the one apologizing first. That friend always seem to want my apology and I felt like a punching bag. It is draining. Sigh.
I’m not really sure why empathy seems to be their traits like huge empathy. Well the Dr did say there are variants to BPD and I only think I only got to befriend one. The concerns that I have is that friend who I thought could have BPD always needs reassurance, apologies and felt manipulative but I don’t think that felt empathy. That friend always seem to think about their feelings first, their fear first or more like their own inner world. Like them asking you to answer any call, text or message asap because they felt bad and they felt that they’re not responsible or accountable on feeling bad because I took time to reply due to work or you know life. Sigh.
This video is an EYE-OPENER, people need to get INFORMED my advice is to get info theres no way around i had to dig into the medcircle videos for long hours to understand mental illness, this should be obligatory in schools i can't stress this ENOUGH! THANK YOU Kyle and dr. Ramani they literally are a blessing on this Earth!
Really excited to be here and listening to you both Live. Love you both. Dr Ramani, your help has changed my life in a positive way - much gratitude 🙏
Borderline personality disorder people are suffering. I am glad there is finally help for BPD patients through effective counseling.
These two professionals are awesome!!!
I love both of your channels and the way Dr. Ramani explains everything. I didn't get diagnosed with BPD until I was 42 and the last 4 years since have been very painful but very eye opening for me. I can look back at my whole life and see how this has affected my life.
I feel so shattered and sick listening to this after yet another one of my outbursts. I hate myself. I always feel like Im drowning and people watch but wont throw a raft. Its easier to let me drown
As usual you never disappoint Dr Ramani !! Thank you Kyle for your input and guidance on these important topics .
Very informative! Dr. Ramani helps a lot of people to be educated about these personality disorders. I have more understanding and helped myself as well to understand what's going on to the ex- partner and how to approach the situation. It's good to affirm that I don't have to feel guilty and have a valid emotion.
I hate it that I can't figure out how to access your live streaming in time to join in the moment. I just endured a 10 year stalking, degrading, abusive relationship that destroyed so many good things in my life. Thank you so much, you both are amazing
Sweetling, you just need to click on the bell next to where you subscribed to this channel ( if you did that is ) - I always click on all !
You will get 3 choices that show up after clicking on the bell - pick whichever one suits you best . 🦋🦋🦋🦋
Many educational videos and articles, say that ppl that are diagnosed with Bipolar due to aggressive behavior and moods, yet also have narcissistic tendencies are actually BPD. It is very hard to get a partner help when they have no memory of things they say when they get angry or awareness of the behavior and how it affects others. I often feel he uses the lack of memory or awareness of their hateful behavior and control. I am feeling that many of these disorders with the aggressive behaviors are lacking word ABUSE. Gas lighting is one of the most dangerous for the recipient of it. BPD can be very abusive along with narcissistic disorders. Living with a person for almost a decade that has narc and BPD traits, gaslighting and extreme control issues. It is hard to understand how. If unaware or refusal to admit the issues they deal with, there is any hope for healing and growth into a healthier lifestyle. These types also many times will always deny wrong behavior, lack responsibility, or accountability. But get very emotional and controlling when you need to remove yourself from the relationship. The recipient side of this is very hard to understand.
Thank you. You have no idea how fortunate I feel to stumble upon this. I recently went blind so my depression reached beyond severe. Waiting for SSDI to get my insurance started because just as the good doctor said medication helped the one time I was moderately depressed. In weeks it got me out of bed. Thank you. Sorry I can't check typos!
Dr Ramani is just the best! Real answers
For the 1st time in my life, I feel like somebody has been paying attention! You folks are amazing!!
You two make a stunning super mental management duo bringing mercy and help and options and especially FACTS @...THANK YOU BOTH ITS WORTH TUNING INTO THIS . BETWEEN ALL THE PERFECT QUESTIONS 100% ON POINT, WITH Dr.Ramani's professional number one expert on a difficult subject. Ill stop there thanks
What learned from this video is to be kind to myself n not to judge my own feelings n I have anxiety issues cause I check locks n wash hands again n again I have experienced miserly people
Thank you to open my eyes and understand now what is my life. Now I know it is time to find myself
That's how I feel at these time
Your videos has helped me solidify and validate what I've known from a very young age that has allowed me be able to let go of the extreme guilt that has kept me in the drowning pool until the point of actually developing some serious physical diseases... i.e.. had a heart attack last month at 42.
Great advice there is no perfect realationship if there is true love and a deep understanding of ur faith everything is bearable. One can over come anything, instead of looking at each others faults and bad mouthing each other. Amen
@MedCircle please consider using chapters within your videos, so that they're easier to watch. I went through this 58 min video only to realise that it didn't cover the topic I was interested in.
I just went through a breakup right before I got diagnosed. Very hard for anyone when you love that person, and they claim to love you. Even worse with BPD, especially because we spoke for weeks after the diagnosis, I shared all my knowledge and info (spent a week at a mental health hospital learning and getting tons of resources). The diagnosis had immediate improvements for my mental health, and I now know I can fight this. There was a week leading up to the hospital where I was splitting very badly, and it left our relationship in ruins. Neither of us had any clue what was happening, she was worried and hurt, I was devastated and helpless. The depression was so bad for me I became suicidal and ended up self committing to the hospital. In the end, she decided to share that she loved me but left. Said “it’s time to end this “crazy cycle” and blocked me. It’s only been a month, but I feel much better and hopeful, but still afraid that I’ll never find lasting love. Second round of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy this week! Excited, and I have a ton of friends who have been very supportive and nonjudgmental. It’s great to experience acceptance and understanding, but it also hurts when others define you by it, and think that’s all there is to you.
Yes, it makes sense to be worried about being in any kind of relationship with we who have BPD, it takes a lot of maturity and self stability to allow those of us with it in. There’s no blame in someone choosing to walk away for themselves. But to become judgmental and hurtful to those of us with BPD is very detrimental to us. Kindness and understanding is really all we need. If someone can’t provide that, it’s helpful to both parties to just leave.
It’s hard for us when BPD ruins great relationships we use to hold so dearly.
Wow, you just described my girlfriend and I relationship.
I loved her dearly but didn't have the skills or tools to know WHAT was happening but i just couldn't keep being the punching bag/scapegoat.
I praying for EVERYBODY'S healing because it leaves lots of collateral damage.🙏🏾
@@thaxtonwaters8561 I’m sorry to hear that man! Hopefully she’s getting help! I suggest therapy for you also, therapy isn’t just for someone with disorders, but it’s primary focus is healing. A good book I recommend for you is Stop Walking On Eggshells. It at least will help you understand what she was going through, but it’s primary focus is to give tools for you to understand and support her. Since I have BPD a part of me hopes it’ll shed some light and bring you two back together, but I also recommend the book for some healing on your end if you don’t want to try again. I’m sure you already know this, as you’ve dated someone with it, but people with BPD love very well, very true, and very hard. But if she’s not getting help (getting a diagnosis and going through Dialectical Behavior Therapy) it would be impossible for any relationship she has to last. For me, the therapy makes a HUGE difference. I’ve already applied the skills I’ve learned to my relationship with my dad, and he’s used the book I recommended to support me and help me when I have episodes. Most of the time now I recognize the episodes myself and get control of my emotions quickly, but sometimes I don’t and he calmly points them out and helps me come back to reality.
Also, if you or anyone else who sees this wants to try and support and love someone with BPD who is getting therapy and are making progress, check my channel. I have a playlist with tons of videos that provides invaluable resources and information. The best video is a hour long interview from Medcircle titled “The Personality Disorders Relationship Skills You Need To Know.” The Dr. here describes a BPD episode and how to try and react to it like “Take a breath and realize this person is in pain. Don’t get irritated and impatient, just like you wouldn’t yell at someone who’s bleeding. You wouldn’t yell “stop that bleeding” you’d get down and help.” My therapist described it to my dad as “imagine someone has been shot. The pain and fear they’re feeling might cause them to lash out. It’s not personal and they might not even realize they’re lashing out. Someone going through a BPD episode is in that much pain. And when the pain subsides, when someone with a gunshot wound pulls through, what do they want? Their loved ones to be there, supporting them. Loving them. Because even though they lashed out while hurt, they didn’t mean it and they love you dearly.” It spends a great deal of time talking about BPD and how it feels to have it and how to help someone with it who you love.
But your ex has to be doing the work herself. You can’t fix her, you can help her and encourage her, but only if she’s motivated in her treatment and takes what she learns to heart.
Whatever the outcome, I pray for you bro! And your ex. It’s such a hard reality that other people’s sins and abuses can lead to someone having such a good heart but end up with a disorder from the trauma that hurts their loved ones. It’s truly heartbreaking. If you want to talk to someone about it who understands, and who can maybe bring you some peace, reply and I’ll give you my IG or Facebook, I’d love to provide some insight and help any way I can! I’d even talk to both you and your ex if that’d be something you’d like. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
When ever I am unsure if I am being emotional or hurt, etc. I start an investigation into the issue with the other person, myself, the situation, etc. I start asking a lot of questions so I can have more information to make a decision. I know I am emotional and I want to make wise decisions before I act. anyway that's my goal I don't always work out that way but investigate investigate investigate so you have more information That's what I try to do
That's smart
That’s a good way to actually solve a misunderstanding. Thanks for sharing.
I got diagnosed with BPD about 7 months ago. For the most part I feel like wake up and let the day and current life situation guide my day. I know there is so many things to grateful of and so here is where me as a human I make the day go wrong. I feel like my processing, thinking, and perception of things is pretty guarded, sassy, quiet, strategic observer, overthinker, and worried to do something and fail and do it all wrong. I am almost never content with the way I do something and I always feel unfulfilled/ fed up. This constant mental state causes a lot of other patterns and behaviors that get overseen because of isolation.
My only close relationship with my Mom… I live with her but everything else and anybody else I feel like is not there enough and I know the ones who aren’t coming back. Everyone is living and doing their own thing so I know I have to create my own happiness. But being alone and sad is all I know.
For some people, since we aren't professionals, we try to find the red herrings in their behavior and often times mislabel them as having a certain personality disorder. I think it's only important to know that, if you feel as though you are being made to feel guilty and have been manipulated, blamed, ridiculed, threatened, raged-against, gaslighted, emotionally, physically or sexually abused, it's not important you find out what's wrong with them, but find out what you can do to protect yourself. Honestly, if we're not sending that message to victims, we're trying to figure out the one who is causing the harm. It's not our business to know the why's and how's of that, because we tend to spend far too much of our own, personal energy doing that and not enough of our time working on our own feelings and safety.
This is beautifully put and is something I’ve just recently started to understand as well
@@anrtheace how to protect yourself? away from them? put imitates maybe? I never knew how to set and protect those limits with a person with disorders
32:00 the part about trauma bonds is so good
Wow! I loved the part about the Bpd person being in so much pain, and she said she was going to yell because she didn't know what else to do. My daughter is quite possibly Bpd, and my husband CANNOT deal with her when she's upset or frustrated. I just stay by her side and help her through her 'moment', knowing she'll apologize after. It's rough sometimes, but him getting upset at her when she's having a crisis moment *never* helps.
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This is just so painfully painfully accurate. I am grateful for the work you both do, both for BPD Survivors and for the loved ones of them. At 21:10 - this whole section really really hit hard.
I have a huge crush on dr. Ramani. She is simply amazing
I am working with my therapist with EMDR, and it has worked so well, and listening to you is so illuminating
Personality disorders make the world a very interesting place. Lucky is the person who, having one of these disorders, finds a therapist who values clients, sees them as interesting, and doesn't brand them as sick.
Amen
Being in a relationship with someone with BPD has been exhausting. I really started digging into this when I left on a cruise with my best friend, who is also a female for our birthdays, we've done this every year for 20 years. My BPD fiance flipped out the night before I left, broke my window, took my car keys and was a raging lunatic. Then says anything over 24 hrs is abandonment.
Such a informative lady!! Thanks so much