As a person with diagnosed BPD why is it when the doc describes angry subtype bpd sounding like my ex?! (not that I can officially diagnose him)The mental health issues he displayed sounds so much like that. Plus, I slowly learned he was super narcissistic in the most hidden and nonchalantly of ways I've ever experienced maaan. This is the utmost of fascinating and stimulating to someone who's also into mental health education!! 💕💫
If there's any subtype 4 people that are open to having conversations about themselves and there experience please reply to this comment. My names tylor and i myself believe that i am subtype 4 i have not been officially diagnosed by a professional yet due to the lack of good quality affordable resources that are available to me personally but i have exhausted all options available but I would be very grateful and i think it would be incredibly noble if you could help me understand myself a little more
Is there any point at which it is too late to get someone with BPD into therapy? My Mum has BPD and we almost got her into treatment once after a suicide attempt and then after two sessions she came back saying that the therapist said her problems were because of everyone else, not her. As a psych student I know that a professional psychologist who has had a BPD patient referred from hospital them would not say the things my mother said they did - it was her making excuses to not go. None else in my family will stand up to say you need some help and so she is allowed to throw plates and have all the angry outbursts she wants without anyone doing anything except walk on eggshells and apologise for looking at her the wrong way. I’m scared that was our only chance and the other adults in the family didn’t hold her accountable to stay in therapy, so now it is too late… She is 63, is it too late? She truly believes there is nothing wrong with her and it’s everyone else - and even trying using the co-occurring issues to try to get her back into therapy aren’t likely to work unless everyone is on board. Is there anything else I can do? Or is it too late? Please help 🙏🏼
Being labeled isn’t always a good thing, but for me ? I felt so validated when I was diagnosed with BPD. I struggled as a kid and I was told by my parents that it’s ‘all in my head’. Watching this video once again made me feel validated
i'm glad for you! as for me, my doctor told me look it up on the internet and unfortunately i read some comments (a community, even) that would only hate on us. I understand why they felt that way but I felt like the worst person on the planet and needed a while to separate my identity from my disorder.
@@riz8462 I’ve seen lots of negative crap posted about BPD too, I think it’s just people who have had a bad experience with someone who had a BPD diagnosis and they’re automatically assuming all BPD are the same ! Which of course is 💯 not true 🙄
I’m a painter. It’s difficult to manage creativity. When I’m experiencing painter’s block I feel worthless, empty, despondent and like I’m lacking an identity outside of making art. Painting is a job, like you’re describing. Your comment resonated with me.
I love how he let's her actually TALK and finish her thoughts fully. He waits for her to finish speaking, then poses another question. An amazing interviewer.
I dated a woman who was diagnosed with BPD and it was hard for me definitely but watching these videos helped me TRULY understand how tough and constantly uncomfortable it was for her. She was the angry subtype. Violent as well as depressive. She tried to kill herself in my apartment and would have succeeded if I hadn’t forgotten my wallet when she sent me to the store. I’m glad she’s still alive and glad she is getting the help that she needs and that videos like this exist so that she can get a sense of not being alone.
@@terrormilk384 Yeah. She cheated on me and put me through a lot of abuse. Physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I did my best to get her help but she didn’t want to put in the work so I broke up with her. I couldn’t handle the stress.
Speaking from personal experience, I think every individual with BPD will be able to see themselves as more than one type (perhaps all four) in different situations and circumstances.
I was just going to post this as a question as my stepdaughter has a tendency towards the manipulative acting out subtype but I see her overlap with all 4 subtypes, its very confusing for her and us as her carers. She has had lots of trauma as a child too so I can see why some people say that CPTSD could be a factor too.
@@mndldvs1 I’m sorry to hear that. C-PTSD and BPD (perhaps particularly the discouraged/“quiet” subtype and the depressive/self-destructive subtype) share a lot of similarities. Some psychologists even argue they’re the same disorder... Wishing you and your stepdaughter all the best.
@@MuseAiluros Every mental disorder can present themselves in various ways. What matters is in which ways the symptoms impair your daily function and quality of life. BPD has over 260 different symptom combinations, but the method of treatment is exactly the same. Much love!
What exhausting for me, is when my favorite person seems like they're drifting away. It makes me feel isolated, and I can't see anyone else's affection no matter what.
@@ririkenjenner2917 Wow. I’m going through this right now w/ someone. (Them being the one w/ BPD). It’s so hard & draining to deal with but at the same time I have so much empathy for them.
Exactly, and then idk if I’m overreacting and being paranoid thinking they’re leaving me, when they’re blatantly not and I end up ruining it, or if I’m idealising them and ignoring all the red flags because I’m too scared to admit they’re leaving me and just want to cling to them.
I was diagnosed borderline today.. this is the first video I’m watching about it and I’m sitting here sobbing 4 minutes in. I’ve felt so crazy for so long and to know that I’m not alone and this is a really thing.. very very relieving.
I’m so glad that you got to hear the amazing Dr Ramani speak about BPD (upon being diagnosed). She is a true expert on personality disorders - I’d strongly suggest following her channel if you haven’t already. I hope you are doing well.
prepare yourself for a bumpy ride. some are able to manage this fine . most aren't. the funny thing with Borderline is - it is a survival technique; even tho it almost kills you. You will get along. Stay strong.
I was diagnosed with quiet BPD a number of years ago and my psychiatrist described me as an orchid that needs a specific environment in which to bloom. So validating after years of being diagnosed with a bunch of stuff but still felt like there was more going on. Luckily I was able to have ongoing access to a great therapist and DBT therapy and am pretty much a whole new and more evolved person even though I still have daily struggles.
@flow_state_chocolate I'm taking you up on your offer, flow state chocolate. I have struggled with BPD for decades and recently lost my job because I failed to control my anger in the office. I have since then considered psychedelics as a last-ditch effort. I've had therapy for decades. I take several antidepressants. I've been jailed twice for my behavior. I wish my life was over so the pain would stop but I can't take that last step (though I've tried.) I've been researching Ayahuasca and other things. I've never tried any psychedelics recreationally in the past. Please would you share with me your experience? I don't have the money to go to South America for a Ayahuasca experience and I DO want to be safe and have someone with me who is skilled and supportive. Thank you for anything you can share. 😢
@flow_state_chocolate How many treatments, or do you take regularly? Did you do this on your own or under the supervision of a credentialed mental health specialist?
what i adore so much about her is that not only is she SO well-spoken but also when she messes up a little word (as it's only natural) she repeats the whole sentence.
I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 27. Im currently 33. Although I've dealt with it since I was 16-17. Im definitely the Quiet BPD minus having a high functioning job. I've always worked "Dead end" jobs that are very hard to mess up from how simple they are because failure etc give me mental breakdowns. Higher functioning jobs cause me too much stress as well. It also makes it hard to date, maintain friendships, as you all well know. BPD literally takes your life away from you. Its going to be a life long battle. Keep holding your ground.
I cried when she started talking about quiet borderline...then she started talking about the 4th type, and i had to catch my breathe. Im gonna go get a therapist tomorrow. gotta end the cycle
Same. I just spent a few days in the hospital last week because I was in a bad place, didn't want to get worse. After she described the quiet type I was like, ehh kinda, then she described the 4th type, and I was like "oh shit". Time to start some therapy, yo.
Yeah I’m the quiet/internalizing type. Living like that without understanding why I’m always depressed, anxious and empty feeling was by far the biggest reason I was a major pothead and had a drinking problem. I’m a very good nurse now lmfao.
I really want to be a nurse.. that's like a dream job, I was recently diagnosed and, to see that you did it gives me hope.. even kinda inspired me.. All along my Life I've asked myself why was it so simple for other people to deal with daily/regular situations, things that would affect me excessively.. well, at least now I know why... Best of luck to you, stay safe and don't give up.
@@fabiodias4569 just knowing how you are is a major part in learning how to better function. My biggest issues have always been with relationships and substances, and it became especially apparent in nursing school. I wish I’d have known sooner how to act and cope with my excessive emotions, but it’s always better late than never.
@@im_saved_by_grace to be honest CBD probably would be okay for me after work. Marijuana is too risky for my job/license and I get way too paranoid now from it. Never had that problem before but I’m better off without it and being sober
Until i lash out I feel like it's all trapped in my head. I'm so scared to talk about my mental space because of my fear of rejection and I literally will lie to therapists because I'm so ashamed of it. I just feel like I'll forever be in this constant cycle of needing to vent and wanting help but it all being trapped in my head.
And no one ever wants to hear you vent. To them you're just rambling on and not getting to the point. When in all actuality you are. They just don't have an in going process of you and the 1,000 things you think about every minute
I really relate to this, what helps me and may help you a little is recording yourself talking about how you feel. You have control over it and who sees it, I feel completely crazy when I talk about what’s going on in my head, but it’s my video to re watch and my choice to show a therapist certain parts if I want to. Sometimes I even delete the video right after but it just gets it out of my head. I hope this helps x
My mom was diagnosed bipolar 20 years ago, has been in therapy since then and none of the medications have worked. I was reading more about BPD and realized she checked every. Single. Box. She was misdiagnosed and now she can finally get the right treatment. I’m so excited to see her progress, because I know she’s a wonderful person. She just needs some help.
@@roberttruman8444actually, my whole family has noticed a positive change! She went to DBT which is specifically for people with BPD, and she learned a lot of good coping techniques. She still has a long journey, but now she’s finally pointed in the right direction. 🤍
As a psychotherapist, I am frustrated with the strong negative stigma associated with BPD. It's also not a billable diagnosis with any of the insurers I am credentialed with. I end up billing for anxiety and depression pretty much across the board for my BPD clients. That said, in many cases those suffering with BPD can be among the most motivated in treatment. It's exciting to watch as they develop a sense of self and see their own capacities.
Everytime I mention to therapist that I think I have BPD they almost laugh and tell me I don't because they expect somebody loud and childish rather than the quiet type that I am
@@pamhunter8834 I agree and I usually wait few months before I introduce this hypothesis. All therapists I saw said the same thing about how the "label" how it wouldn't make any difference which I disagree with (as there a different treatment options for different diagnoses).I think I just never had any luck with finding a good therapist in the UK.
Luckily the therapist I had I told her I felt like I had bpd when I was in a mental hospital and she gave me the list of criteria I needed to meet to be that and I provided proof and examples and things that happened in my life that make me relate to every single symptom (traumas) and then I spotted my psychiatrist in the hallway and told him hey I think I have bpd (after he diagnosed me with bipolar ) and he said yeah I think so too and then that’s when it got changed. That was after a activities leader and fellow in patient both told me they don’t think I have bpd and my fellow inpatient did have it. Just because I was quiet and kept to myself around new people. I don’t know if that helps give insight into what u should do to be diagnosed. Definitely find new professionals to speak to there’s always a thing called a second opinion Or psychiatrists too
I’m on the spectrum and was misdiagnosed as BPD and bipolar. I met a therapist who accepts/understands I’m high functioning aspbergers it made a huge difference. My anxiety/coping mechanisms vastly improved. Find someone who listens. It was so painful to have former therapists who couldn’t even help and were so set on being right when wrong.
They diagnosed me as histrionic personality disorder at age 17 when I was admitted to the hospital after trying to commit suicide. Years later while I was having a mental health evaluation, I was diagnosed with borderline. I cannot express the hurt that I felt for, instead of being seen as someone who was suffering, needing to be heard and helped, they disregarded me as an impulsive, attention seeking teenage girl who only wanted her way. After years of therapy and seeking out help and support, I realized was not the case. We need more training. We need to hire better doctors. We need more empathy. Thank you for this video!
look at me im this label and not the other (very similar) one ergo my struggle is more significant than the people with that other dumb label, now i'll talk about empathy
As someone with borderline I understand the issue, but we need to stop pretending that other cluster B disorders are „bad“. A person with HPD is also deeply hurt and suffering. Their emotions and feelings can be just as deep
Yeah I feel you, growing up with BPD as a guy myself I experienced a whole lot of “you’re too emotional like a girl you need to man up and stop being a big baby” which hurt and made me feel like I couldn’t ask for help so I hid it all as a kid Until it got to the point of actual suicide attempts, then some people finally started accepting my overly emotional self and trying to help For sure we need more empathy kids should be able to speak up and get the help not get ridiculed like we did
My love and empathy for those struggling with BPD. I struggle with traits from Quiet BPD + Depressive Internalizing BPD, it can be very tough yall. We're not alone!! I promise it gets better with treatment and practice. Remember: It's okay to not be okay.
Glad to hear you're finding answers and making progress. Sounds like people struggling with BPD have to learn a whole new skill set(s) to overcome these challenges; For that I commend you for all the effort it take!
Here from the AH stuff. Her debilitating fear of abandonment in the audios triggered me. I've felt that. Like I'd die. O don't believe she is a victim of DV, I think JD is... it bothered me that I might be anything like her.
@@itskashkashi I know what you mean. I can’t stand what she did and can’t relate to the histrionic and no psych would diagnose me with bpd but I have been suggested dbt and and done it though it didn’t help enough maybe it wasn’t long enough of a time. I hate how she ruined Johnny like that but I can relate to and have some empathy for the abandonment because there she didnt sound like she was faking and I’ve acted kinda similarly in that way to abandonment feelings and it disturbs me, horrible feeling.
Hi Damie May be you can advise me how to encourage someone experience these episodes to see the therapist as my son is denial instead he will blame and doesn’t want to take any countability.
DeAnne, there may be subtypes but every person has a different experience or one specific to themselves which is never identical to anyone else. It’s ok and I’d be more worried if you were a cookie cutter of someone else or identical to the words in its description. Take care and the tools out there now for those with BPD are effective and can help lead those into a “remission” for lack of a better word for ones BPD.
Most people today exude one or more of these personalities. Having PTSD is exhaustive and most therapists are clueless in offering effective modalities.
I agree. I can only control my thoughts for a certain period of time. I will have like 4 different drastic emotions in one hour. Today I worked out felt great and on my breaks between sets I was crying depressed speaking of killing myself. Then going back to feeling like macho man and optimistic. It's too much for me to handle.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I will say, watching somebody with a borderline diagnosis improve over time is very heartwarming. People write off BPD patients way too quickly, and in private life everybody demonizes them for their erratic behavior. But it makes me happy when I do see a BPD patient improve over time, as they learn to trouble shoot and regulate better.
So many don't want to get better, like my brother. He treats his therapy sessions like a joke. He isn't even honest with his therapist. He causes to much drama and stress for everyone in his life. There aren't many left willing to put up w him bc he is so abusive to people.
@@jd4364 you might think that’s abusive to other people which it definitely is but he reacts to emotions on EXTREME and his own mind eats him alive when he’s alone anyway. Peoples issue with him is a manifestation of the possible screams in his head
- not as awful as it is to deal with the ones who don't improve. If ten lions come running at you, how much sense does it make to wait to figure out which one is that trained MGM one and you can be safe around it? one little thing and they can get triggered and gas light themselves into considering the years of support and love you gave them was actually abuse. I believe most of them were treated badly at one time, followed by imagining it the rest of their lives from people out to help. - its not worth it, they will lie, cheat, ghost you, bury whatever love they convinced themselves temporarily they had for you and will later dog out to the next fool empathetic enough to listen.
@@Babidi111 Wow! Lots of bitterness, yet seemingly little firsthand knowledge of what lies at the core of this malady. Sounds like you may have some issues. Maybe you can find a support group, for victims of BPDs, rather than air your judgments toward those struggling with the disorder, on a platform that is meant to be a support to them.
@@jd4364 is he forced to take therapy? In order for it to have a positive impact the person needs to accept they have a problem and seek help, if they are forced the will go in and out of therapy without improvement. I recommend the book Stop Walking on eggshells. Helped me a lot understanding what the disorder is about and helps relative understand and learn how to interact with a love one with BPD.
As someone with borderline personality disorder, I have experienced all 4 subtypes. If it were up to me, I would call them stages instead of subtypes. In my experience, when I would be going through a new traumatic experience I have had episodes or the third “subtype” but with therapy and learning about my disorder, I have been able to go to the first subtype which internalizes it.
Stages! such a perfect word!! i definitely feel like time and different experiences have influenced the different ways i experience bpd. some days im one or another, another day im a combo of two or all of them and others i experience almost none. it’s honestly scary hearing “subtypes” bc it almost invalidates our experiences in experiencing all four. thank you so much for commenting
I can see more types in relationships and other types in my everyday life. Every subtype not only do I experience its on a cycle and it does feel like stages!
That's an excellent point. One person I knows seems to have presented different aspects of this disorder at different periods. Maybe you could contact Dr. Rami (sp?)to share your perspective.
yes ! i was about to type this same thing! i got diagnosed at 19, im 36 now . i feel throughout my life i have bounced around all 4 subtypes at different times.
I was diagnosed with BPD as a teenager, I am now in my mid thirties and have experienced all 4 subtypes at different stages in my life. So the subtypes are accurate, but you don't just have one subtype, it's all four at separate times depending on the stage in life and situations.
Im in my early 40s. You nailed it. Plus I think its possible to cycle back through past types fairly quickly. Ive come out of and slipped back types. I can see it as its happening at this point. I try try not to tip to far into any. Im currently reverting to extreme impulsivity. Not good. Coming out of a short 4 month, but extremely intense bout of depressive type. Before that I was cycleing quiet rage type for a year. Earlier in life I cycled through these types it was years. Ive been blaming age for becomeing more unstable. But maybe it more a life situation thing. Or stability thing.
Hey guys, what about relationships? Have u guys had one recently or end them? My 13 yr relationship ended 44 days ago. What they're describing sounds like what she'd do. Also ify foot toched her foot shed move over to the other side of the bed and say in a little voice it's bc ur foot was ontop my foot. We've been phsycially together for over a decade no problem if u dig what I'm Sayin. It's just so random and odd.. Been researching this and just curious..
@@ianmurdoch6247 I was the 1st type into my 20s. But now in late 30s...I've witnessed all of them. I just find it so difficult not knowing which scary version of myself I'm gonna be. When I was young I was hopeful, but as I age my frustrations & lack of tolerance have become unbearable. I feel like a psycho.
@@daviedood2503 its possible. But it would be hard to diagnose without alot of detail. The way most dr. Tell if you have bpd or bipolar is by looking at life long destructive patterns. Repeating cycles. Bpd sufferers have such similiar lifes its shocking when the dr. Can tell you whats happened in your life in detail, haveing only asked a few questions. Is spooky. Also bipolar and bpd present very similar symptoms as wel as narcissistic personality disorder.
@@ianmurdoch6247 she would fight alot during school that's if she went, dropped out but got fed afterwards. Shy quiet, doesn't like ppl. Has FEW friends, observant etc. Can go from 0 to 100 doesn't take personal accountability, never apologized, it's always everyone else. Belittled me in a public restaurant for having a panic attack bc she was "trying to do soemthing for us and mine was triggering hers" was what was said. I'm like.. U don't do that to ppl.. She's had panic attack before and I ran to her and got her outside and froze my @ss off for her until she felt better. So sorry man, I'm just tryin to se what this is about and how I can fix this.. I feel so sorry for her bc of her cruel mom
I’m curious if you’ve ever seen one BPD patient present with multiple subtypes at various stages of life. That seems to be what I’ve experienced. I struggled with rage for many years in my teens and 20’s. I suffered with suicidal ideation during the same times. I now present more like type 1 or 4 (quiet, internalizing, high functioning) but feel I could easily be triggered back to either of the other two depending on the circumstances. And I’ve avoided psychotherapy like the plague for years now because every time I’ve attempted treatment again, I receive a new diagnosis & a new recommended medication (my most recent attempt at this last year resulted in a bipolar diagnosis and an attempt to put me on SSRI’s after a single 45 min session). How is this not irresponsible to diagnose someone and put them on meds with barely scratching the surface and not considering any diagnostic testing? It baffles me.
You may want to seek out a person who has specific experience in diagnosing and treating BPD. IMHO, these are the only people who can help you. As the video points out, this disorder is tricky to diagnose and not well understood by many medical and mental health professionals. You have great insight into your self and your condition. I really encourage you to seek the RIGHT treatment for you and not avoid seeking help. Because you know what could, or what is likely to happen down the road. Progress, peace and stability is waiting for you. Find that experienced person who can help you. Thank you for your sharing. We will never know how many people you might have helped by sharing your experience. I wish you peace and happiness in your journey.
You are sadly right, and do keep self-protecting and be observant before accepting any diagnosis or medicdrug they come up with, becaue it is not our wellbeing and healing that have highest priority with most of them, but other interests like following guideline orders , pecuniary interests or control and the will to b comfortable (witha drugged, sedated patient).We may have reasons of stress, Liver-stagnation and fear to have anger, and we may be too complex to fit into one diagnosisi.So sick of having had my life and soul destroyed by psychiatry's nonsense and maltreatment, and lack of therapy and real, adequate therapists. Do you know the 12-step programs? There are many sick and dangerous people there, and it doesn't work automatically for everybody, and on ehas to find one's own way there. But after many years i am prone to agree that that is whjta has helped me the most.Working the 12 steps with a sponsor and attending meetings.
Not every therapist can be your therapist. When one bothers you with their approach move on to the next. You can even look for dif therapists when you out grow the you have
Four Subtypes: 1. High-Functioning (quiet, internalized) 2. Petulant/Histrionic 3. Angry, externalizing, impulsive 4. Depressive, internalizing, self- defeating, but not High-Functioning in society
I used to just think I was very "real", to not feel like I was special, to not want attention, but it grew into something much more self destructive, mentally.
When I was first diagnosed at 15, I was experiencing all 4 of these "subtypes" at the same time. Through DBT and a lot of work on myself, I seem to have split them into 4 separate moods. I was type 3 from age 17 to 20, while I was in active addiction as well. Then when I got sober, I think I was more type 1 from 20 to 23. I then developed a chronic illness that has landed me in type 4. I'm still there at 28. I can occasionally fall into a type 2 every now and then. It's pretty rare, but it does happen. Just had a minor outburst for the first time in 4 years. It kinda bothers me how she broke it up into different types, and then didn't even address the possibility of experiencing 2 or more at once. But I also feel like my case is very mild now. I consider it to be mostly in remission with some lingering traits. I look back at what I felt when I was diagnosed and I know that I am so much happier now, and my life goes much smoother. I don't react anymore, I am able to thoughtfully respond. I can regulate my emotions for the most part. Romantic relationships can still make me feel crazy sometimes, but I've made a lot of improvements. I've been single for 4 years by choice, which is a big deal. My BPD comes with a fear of being alone and codependency. So I am choosing to be alone so that I can work on those issues. I don't self harm anymore, I don't want to die every day anymore, and I work on improving my other self destructive/impulsive behaviors daily. I can still get suicidal ideation rarely, in times of great pain. But I know I don't want that and I'm able to snap myself back out of it relatively quickly. I guess I am sharing all of this to provide hope to those who will read this. Recovery is possible. I am living proof. When I was diagnosed, my mom literally thought I was possessed by a demon and had someone from our church come bless me. Now, that has become a joke in my family. Keep up the hope. Keep fighting for yourself. Keep trying. DBT and therapy saved my life. You can do this. Much love.
Wow, so the church thought you had a "demon," too? Thought I was the only one. The church screwed me up more than anything else. My church didn't want to deal with "demons", so I was ostracized even more.
i really feel like i could be the high functioning or the depressive bpd type.. i’ve never been diagnosed with any bpd but i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since i was just barely a teenager. regardless, the immense internalized hatred has never been so accurately described and its nice to hear someone say exactly how it feels so properly.
I too was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 19. It took nearly 25 years later before a psychologist diagnosed BPD, and that was when my life turned around for the better. The right treatment DBT and psychological interventions for over a year. 🙏
When I was in high school, I was admitted to mental hospitals. They were so quick to tack Bipolar disorder on me. 5 years later, therapists finally realize its boarderline and not bipolar at all. Treatment has been completely different!
Growing up I thought I was cursed. I believed that I could only ever make friends for 3 or 4 months before they’d abandon me. I didn’t realize I feared abandonment until I was diagnosed with this disorder. It was a huge relief that it wasn’t some curse, but something that can be managed!! Thank you Dr. Ramani for your most valuable information. You’re one of my greatest heroes!
Borderline ruined the life of my sister and it had a great impact on the rest of our family too. Thank you very much for speaking out and raising awareness. I could not save/help my sister, it comforts me to know that she found some friends in the last stages of her life.
My mother had it, it made my sister and I not be friends. My sister was quiet, critical, bully, hateful and very complex. Her life was hell. Sad life then died of cancer.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your sister to something that's hard to understand and not easy to find answers. May you & your family heal from what you all went through.
I really appreciate this educated and respectful discussion on the disorder. Its really tragic and frustrating that it's so rare to find a psych or therapist who recognizes the disorder and is willing to diagnose it. I feel really invisible and left to suffer alone by the western med industry.
I’m the quiet/internalized kind and I’ve found that doing research on the different types has made me feel incredibly validated. I was told years ago but I never resonated because I was told they’re obsessive/dependent but that’s not me, it’s the opposite. I figured I had different issues and felt hopeless. My new psychiatrist did confirm my BPD and his explanation of the types and these videos made me feel better and understood. I don’t have healthy coping mechanisms but I’m aiming to get help!
I love how thorough Dr Romani presents. Clearly she knows her stuff and presents it so carefully and articulately i am confident that I am receiving true, and correct informationI
People with adhd have a higher chance of getting borderline personality disorder if they have had some trauma growing up. Quiet borderline and emotional borderline personality disorder can both go to together . I know because sometimes I have traits of quiet and emotional bpd . Because I only can be emotional a little bit and a littel bit angry and anxious. And some days I can be really emotional and angry and anxious. I think hormones for women play a role on bpd . I know when I had a ovarian tumour and I became hormonal and became a bit narcissistic for a while. I had my ovary and the other half of my ovary removed. And now I'm less hormonal . And I dont have quick rage issues. Like I used to in the past.
Yes; thank you for bringing this up! As someone who has, both, ADHD and BPD, I wish it would be talked about more, because there are quiet a few studies that show a strong link between ADHD and BPD.
Thank you for the info. I didn't know that anout ADHD and BPD but it makea sense. My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is SO bad from my ADHD its np wonder my trauma caused BPD, even though my trauma was "milder" perhapa than many with BPD.)
God, I don’t know if I have BPD, and I’m not diagnosed by a professional with it(though I have been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and possible PTSD.) but I’ve never felt as though my disorders fit me and truly described what I was going through. BPD describes everything, but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting or if I’m actually on to something here, it’s so frustrating not knowing.
I am diagnosed with bpd, you should really talk to a psychiatrist about your thoughts on this and fullyexpress how you feel and tell them about how bpd explains so much, it will help u, i hope you can do this and get through this, i hope u find the right treatment for you and get better 🖤
I’m in the same exact boat. If I bring it up am I over reacting? Over identifying? But the cycle is so vicious idk man. We are in this together though.
@@theaussiefamilytourists4087 That sounds accurate to me, but self-esteem is only part of the picture. I like how Dr. Ramani explains BPD as having all the dysregulation of CPTSD along with serious abandonment issues.
I've survived through life only with psychotherapy and medication. I actually just fired my therapist after three years because I finally diagnosed myself as having CPTSD and BPD - and this came from watching multiple TH-cam videos like yours with the answers and of others who suffer from the same emotions as I do. I couldn't figure out why I'm so "different" than other people, but after watching many many videos I was able to compare and relate finally at age 68. My therapist never even responded to my questions of "do I have some sort of PTSD or something"? She would kind of shrug her shoulders and tell me I should get out more, then she would send me links to events that she felt would help me by being more social. I am an introvert, I don't like socializing with a lot of people. Long story getting too long, I appreciate you sharing your knowlege to us who are learning! Thank you
I have BPD and I just started my first job as a therapist! This was super helpful and I love working with people with BPD as well. I honestly agree with the comments and related to all four of these subtypes. Oh and I’m so glad you mentioned trauma informed care!! I am a trauma informed provider. That was the focus of the residencies I went to for grad school ❤️
@@davidpaula2802 in my experience having a mental health condition is beneficial with therapy as during the degree process it really makes you evaluate yourself, recognise what may be a trigger for you, but also a better insight and understanding the difficulties the client is going through. If your psychiatrist cannot separate their own problems from their clients and maintain professionalism, then it is time for them to take time out to care for themselves and as a client, find a knew psychiatrist. A psychiatrist without understanding or empathy for client and are more biomedical based in their treatment process can be even more damaging to a client by the inability to validate what the client has experienced or currently going through. Hope that makes sense.
i was diagnosed with bpd a few weeks ago and my mom wouldn’t let me hear what the doctor thought was wrong with me, so i’m using this video as a guide.
@@mohammedzayn5619 sorry to say this but it can’t be cured. i’m sorry your relationship is getting hurt because she has it, but it’s not her fault so please don’t take it out on her. i’d recommend therapy it can help.
@@mohammedzayn5619 it can be cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which is recommended mostly, but as a borderline person with 3 (and traits of a 4 other psychiatric condition), Gestalt therapy or any ramification of a humanistic based therapy can help too. So I'm receiving medication and therapy based on the gestalt technique and has helped me so much. Please avoid psychoanalysis therapy, is worse for us. And be sure to take therapy by yourself, you need to learn hoy to cope with the condition as well as her. Since is a pathological personality development, is hard to shake it off. She will learn to improve and develop skills to handle future triggers, her condition, what caused it since the very beginning, heal the trauma and neglect and self regulation techniques. In addition, how to adapt and nourish herself to the social environment she has around and that includes you. The personality will be improved and she will understand how the therapy guides her to better ways, making the pathological part of the personality less invasive and balanced, but she has a personality aside her diagnostic. Most people can see a great improvement with the proper treatment within 10 years. Some of us could control all the traits of BPD in that time frame or less, others could continue with some traits but will be able to be functional and find a balance. Please seek help from a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist with experience treating personality disorders and who won't feel threatened by handling a BPD patient.
I’ve never heard of BPD subtypes before! This is super informative and helpful. I truly believe I’m a little of all 4. For me, it all comes down to feeling rejected or abandoned. I am mostly impulsive when I get upset, and often times, rage. I’m learning I also manipulate. I don’t even realize it mostly of the time. My husband pointed it out to me. I think that’s one that is harder for me to swallow, because I also want more than anything to just be a good person and be perceived as a good person. If I could change one thing about this disorder, it would be the manipulation. Thank you for this!
It’s so big of you to say this… wow. I genuinely felt a shiver reading this. Good people don’t always get it right but, great people will take on the challenge to see their faults and do something about it. Good for you- I hope that you’re proud of yourself 💪🏼
I've been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD - I feel as if I fit all of the last 3 sub-types. Either way - one thing that has helped me is being very self-aware of my mental health issues and trying to understand as much as possible about why I struggle with the feelings and situations that I do. I've had a horribly traumatic life and I even neglected taking care of myself for the last 5 years. I've finally just decided that I'm not going to continue living as a victim and reached out to get the help I need. I have an appointment coming up soon and I hope that this doctor will continue to work with me. I just want anyone to know if they are feeling hopeless or in despair.. you are worthy of love and you can make it through this.
The DSM for BPD needs to be updated VERY BADLY because it's so stigmatized that some doctors don't even want to treat BPD clients, not to mention all the abuse victims who are misdiagnosed with BPD when they really have CPTSD
@@MellowJelly that's exactly what happened to me. I was misdiagnosed with BPD when I actually have CPTSD. It took years for me to get the correct diagnosis
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and seem to have all the subtypes all put together at the same time, & I tell you it’s a living hell. I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette’s syndrome, and Bipolar disorder. I feel like giving up during so much of my life. I also self medicate to the extreme.
Im crying too but.. in my mind that is not cuz BPD. It must be myself that should be wrong. I hate myself tht can't fight it. Don't give up. (Sorry.. If my English is bad and sorry tht I post in here.)
It’s a struggle every single day. Psychs misdiagnose with depression, anxiety, bipolar, mood disorders like she said. I’ve been diagnosed with all of the above and depression/ anxiety I understand. Not bipolar. That said psychologists are better at listening and diagnosing. Anyway yes it’s hell.
I have borderline and bipolar. It makes me very creative. My view on borderline is it can be difficult to deal with under crisis. Overall I can go months without any issues...in a stable relationship. Marriage and a good one without strife. In a dating state it's a disaster. Here's a poem I wrote years ago about what it's like to have borderline. "I'm a man that's an island on an island not wanting to swim to rescue, so I built a raft in case I want to. Solitude is solace I don't want to be alone, by now I've suffered my life on my own. I lay in the sand and bask in the glow, I catch glimpses of tranquility when the sun penetrates the borderline low. I know for me when I paddle to sea, the island will always be waiting for me.
I resonate completely with the quiet/ discouraged BPD. Emptiness, lack of identity, inherent distrust of people, emotional disregulation, shame, guilt, rare moments of visceral rage, rapid devaluation upon perceived rejection or disregard, total dread of abandonment &/ rejection. Paranoia that people don’t care &/ don’t truly know me. Mine presents as isolating rather than as extroverted and promiscuous. I fear relationships and often self-sabotage before anything even progresses. I’m an obsessive, cyclical over-thinker and not at all impulsive; if anything I really struggle to act on desires because I’m so extremely ambivalent in self-perception, perceiving my relationship to others, and wary of others perceptions of me, which I almost always feel negatively. Whereas most BPD act out and explode, I’m at war within myself and often feel like imploding, and/or cut adrift from the world. But the thought processes are extremely resonant: BPD needs to formally be recognised in its varying presentations.
You described me perfectly, the only difference is I’m impulsive. When I get extreme emotions of emptiness, lack of identity, questioning everyone’s feelings towards me, I self harm.
I have had BPD for 34-35 years, and after watching this video, I can definitely see which category I would fit into, but I also can see some aspects of each of this in my life.
I was diagnosed at 21 with BPD. Thank you for this information I went misdiagnosed for TWO years as bipolar for insurance purposes when I have been borderline the whole time!! Anyways dr rArmani and Kyle you guys are fucking awesome and I appreciate people like you informing “normal” people on my challenges. It makes a difference ❤️
It's SO hard to get out from under a false Bipolar dDiagnosis. It's like ANY mental illness in a female in her 20s is instantly written off as Bipolar. Which is basically just a massive catch all category at this point.
I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until my late 20s but I definitely recognize the traits of quiet BPD throughout my 20s. Always people pleasing, taking on too much, raging at myself, etc.
I deal with narcissists and BPD people every day. The difference between narcissistic rage and BPD rage: When a narcissist rages, they are trying to manipulate you and will never apologize or admit it. When a BPD person rages, they can't help it and will feel bad later and may even apologize. To the target of this rage, BPD rage and narcissistic rage may be indistinguishable in the middle of an episode. The source of the rage is different. The narcissist may play the victim or aggressor for control but the BPD person really does believe they're the victim. One tactic I'm learning is to ask them why they're angry and if it's not very clear or founded, they're just angry in the moment, then it might be that they just can't control it. That's BPD. Another distinction is the flavor and duration of the rage. A narcissist's rage is more calculated and callous. A BPD person's rage shows them to be frazzled and their arguments in the middle of an episode may be incoherent and illogical and anything you say or do will be interpreted as an attack. They may not be able to come down for hours. Let me know how far off I am.
@@mattstachelek3410 we're recurrently targeted by NPD's and narcs because of this. Most of us are extremely vulnerable and can't help showing how vulnerable we are. And we tend to empathize a lot because we feel so alone we 1) don't want others to feel alone and 2) don't want to be alone ourselves. Most of my ab*sers have been narcissistic because of this.
I used to think I was narcissistic but I do experience empathy and feel like an awful person when I don’t do something right that may upset someone. I feel inadequate if someone doesn’t agree with me or like they’re judging, rejecting or totally abandoning me. I hate making mistakes and try to do everything right so no one can question me and if I get it wrong, I feel totally depressed and awful. I struggle so much with identifying my own stance on things and I hate confrontation sometimes. I can’t decide if I have really low self esteem or if there’s something wrong with me. I also think I have adhd. 😔
My wife has the 3rd sub-type BPD/ NPD.( fits of rage ) We've been married 5yrs and it's been very difficult. Emotionally exhausting. Early on in the relationship I didn't understand what was going on. there were moments I felt like I'd entered the Twilight Zone and was extremely confused by the outburst of rage and anger which caused me to become angry. Once I educated myself on BPD and how to love a person with this disorder we began to make progress slowly but surely. She eventually met with a counselor for weekly sessions which lasted 3or4 months.this did help tremendously. Unfortunately The woman moved back home. If it wasn't for my faith in Jesus and leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit to give me grace I don't think I could handle this.
I think my girlfriend of one year has this. It’s pushed me to the edge where I now really struggle with suicidal thoughts and hopes for death. It’s a nightmare. I just feel stuck. She is really awful to me. Idk why I can’t leave her, I care about her so much. I don’t like her personality at all, I just feel for her emotionally. I hope to move away from her or something so I can find my peace and happiness and especially myself again. She’s taken me from my friends. And from my music and the things that make me happy because everything I do she registers it as a disappointment how the video said. So everything I do for me is taken personally by her. Even if it’s I want to play guitar at home. Or if I want to go for a walk. … she is also addicted to tik tok and wants me to hold her in bed while she flips through tik toks and she knows it hurts my ears and my brain. I’ve told her I believe I am autistic and that is part of why I can’t handle certain things like the sound of tik tok videos but she just yells at me and tells me she deserves better.
@@percy4266 I've been in a similar relationship. Your gf is very sick. You are not crazy and not the bad person she says you are. Step 1- you need to seek help for yourself because you are in an emotional snare and stuck. So was I. Step 2- you need to make your plans and leave ASAP. If you don't, some very bad stuff could happen. Whatever you do, don't listen those voices. You are a decent human being, that wants to love and live. She can't give you that. Save yourself, and go get some help.
@percy4266 it's ok to take care of yourself and it's ok that you don't like her. She hurt you, based on what you said, but what's important is that you know it's not because of you but because of this disorder. And that she doesn't mean to hurt you. I hope you remember that ❤. It's going to be hard to break it off, but I hope you get your peace again. If possible, it would be good to talk to your gfs family, parents or siblings, or best friends so she can get some suppoet as well. She doesnt want to feel this way or push you away, or demand to watch tiktoks w you. She just doesnt understand how to feel and what to do with those feelings as the video said. Wishing you both the best
Bro literally my situation as well! She had an episode last night, and I gave in and started throwing insults back and forth (I’m disappointed in myself). I still care very much about her, but I have to love her from a distance
It's a breath of fresh air and honestly made me emotional. I'm high functioning and self hating versions. I've survived attempts. I'm glad I came to understand my condition, alongside my love, and I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I may think that I'm the worst in exsistance and that I deserve to die, but in my heart I'm learning that I'm ok/ I'm not the embodiment of a bad person. ♡
I had a therapist once, who ate an apple for the whole hour that I refused to talk to him (I was 11). He just stared while slowly [loudly] munching his apple. He also prescribed me prosak. Brilliant that one...
This was extremely enlightening. I suffer with BPD and have had a hard time understanding how some of the symptoms I did not always struggle with. This helped me identify and I related so much with the Quiet subtype. I struggle with paranoia and have always struggled with thoughts of abandonment or thoughts that no one likes me. It’s been hard to maintain relationships and friendships with these challenges. Thank you so much for sharing.
Hope you’re doing alright :) I know it’s hard, but remember to always keep your head up because you got this, and God is there for you always. Even when we’re not there for Him. Hope you have a wonderful day 🤍
The more I learn about phycology the more I realize how little is actually known about mental illness. Mental illnesses just aren't a tangible reality making it easily misunderstood and making diagnosis and treatment extremely tricky. I'm inclined to thinks that our current methods of systematically categorizing and defining psychological ailments might give many people the wrong idea of what mental illness is and how it should be addressed. Remember folks, regardless of weather someone generally knows more about psychology than you do, that isn't the same as having Intimate knowledge of your own life and inner experience. Generally speaking, no one is as capable of understand your own inner workings as much you are.
so true, mental illnesses cannnot be measured nor assessed like physical conditions, there is no accuracy when it comes to mental illness. labels can be very damaging, they should treat the person not the condition that they label you with. misdiagnosis is common.
I have definitely presented all 4 types for extended periods in my life, so I don't think it can be as simple as you fit into one sub category or another. I think different life events, different treatments and management, drug or alcohol use could all be contributing factors in presenting a different category more predominantly at one time or another.
I never considered I was BPD until she described the quiet self-raging type... high functioning. I'm constantly blaming myself first and foremost when I disappoint others or experience a rejection and always have. Like normal things like job searching are so hard for me because the inevitable rejection involved is so overwhelming even when I know I don't want the job. And minor stress sends me into a tailspin where major stress is almost calming becuz I know I can do something useful to help.
I remember therapist asking if I would treat my bf the way I treat myself - beating up myself. That I could see. Of course then my more f' d best friend did exactly what I was afraid of. Left. 35 years of laughs, cries, happiness, sadness and of course trusting!
I have a diagnosed BPD, and wow, what you are saying simply sounds like different stages of my life. Around 12 years ago I was absolutely type 3. Around 4 years ago i was type 4. Now I am between 1 and 2.
I was only recently diagnosed at 19 with BPD and its crazy how validating this is. I was more angry as a kid but now I have depressive, having adhd also doesn’t help either.
it’s so frustrating i’ve been researching it for over a year i know i have quiet bpd but i keep on being dismissed and told it’s just depression and trauma. i’m struggling so much and no one believes me
Gigi, my heart goes out to you, in big, mama bear, hugs. I won't elaborate, but just know that I truly feel your pain, and frustration. It's actually got me in tears for you. I'm nearly 70yrs old, and have struggled all my life. This is why I understand how these ways of coping, (or not coping, as the case may be) all stem from a deep, and relentless inner pain. And, the inner turmoil, that is unceasing, even pervading one's sleep, is likened to going through life in a hurricane; emotionally, mentally, relationally, professionally, and even physically. If you are in Cat.1, I hope you can find a sense of gratitude, and gratification, that say, Cat.4, does not. It is hell, to not be able to function, in any aspect of life or society. I'm hoping you are young, and have many years ahead of you, to find the help and support, you so desperately need. Please know that I am praying for, and hugging you, in spirit. Hang in there, kiddo. You matter in this world.
Over the years I've been feeling more entitled, angry and lash out at anyone near me. I've always been a crybaby but I cry in anger and that's worse. I'm on anxiety medication for GAD but BPD sounds a lot like me. My first cousin was diagnosed with BPD one day and just went quietly and committed suicide the next day.
I've had BPD for a long time. And I am definitely the Quiet subtype. Thank you for furthering education on this disorder! It helps me understand myself so much better, and better be able to manage myself. :)
Hi there, I had a friend that was diagnosed with IED intermittent explosive disorder but her behaviour shiws all signs of BPD, and her current phyciatrist recently diagnosed her with that. Have you ever been misdiagnosed? There's also rage BPD is very similar to IED intermittent explosive disorder which is why I can understand she was misdiagnosed, but her 0-1000 Moods, and impulse decision and love to hate is very extreme which is not know for IED. Regardless its unfortunate to have either but after many years of suffering abuse and manipulate and feeling unsafe I couldn't bare it as I almost took my life due to her abuse among dealing with other stressful situations. I hope your doing well 🙏🙏
My goodness, I could listen to Dr. Ramani speak all day long! She explains things in such a way that keeps me locked in, which is not something that happens often with me - I have a habit of spacing off! I'm due to be assessed for ADHD at the age of 46, however since I started looking into it and how differently it presents in women, I have come across BPD, the quiet and depressive versions of which seem to describe me perfectly between them. I'll leave it to the psychiatrist to decide that, but it's very reassuring to learn that there is likely a medical reason for me to be the way I am, and that I'm not just a useless oxygen waster nobody cares about (least of all me!). Thank you for this interesting and eye-opening video, this gives me hope!
You are definitely not a waste of oxygen. You are so worth it and wonderfully made. Never forget that! “This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his one and only Son into the world so that we could have life through him. This is what real love is: It is not our love for God; it is God’s love for us. He sent his Son to die in our place to take away our sins.” 1 John 4:9-10
The first time I read a book about BPD, it was a revelation. I see in comments mentions about the negative impact of label. I can definitely understand feeling that way but for me learning about BPD helped me understand both my upbringing and my own pathology. Giving the issue a name helped me to talk about it.
I’m trying so hard. Been through online CBT, Zoom DBT, waiting waiting waiting (thank you covid) on Trauma group therapy, watched several of these videos and CoDA. Seems like I’m teaching therapist about narcissism. Don’t have the funds for more qualified, as I just got on CPPD and even with that I’m still reliant on living with my mom cause it’s not enough to be on my own. Can hardly focus on hobbies, let alone a job. I don’t know how many more blows I can take. I’ve lost SO much, when staying too long and from stepping away myself more recently. Feels like my own family doesn’t even want to be around me. As always, the golden child’s scapegoat treated like the black sheep for speaking my truth. I just want to take a 10,000 year nap. I’m sooooo soul exhausted. At this point, only thing keeping me going is my little purring angel, snuggling in my armpit right now for cuddles. Is it ever going to change?
I have bpd its absolutely horrendous illness and with all my other illnesses it just makes it worst. Luckily after a two year admission and years of self work and listening to my therapist I’m finally more in control of me. My friend always tells me to keep working on myself since out of all her friends with bpd I’m the only one still alive . The disorder took her friends and she fears it will happen to me since I’m the only friend left with bpd. Seeing how scared she was really helped get rid of my suicidal behaviour. From that I taught myself to not give in to the thoughts it gives me . So to anyone struggling with bpd and feel like you won’t ever have control and that it’s impossible to improve and get better (not cured becayse can’t be cured but it can get better and easier to handle) I want to say you can get better , you can learn to cope with it and it does get easier. I’ve managed to do it you just need to really work on yourself constantly and all the time and get some therapy listen to the therapist and in time bpd becomes more capable and easier to handle. You got this , stay strong and keep fighting and working on yourselves . You ain’t a lost hope. It can get better . It don’t happen over night it took me years but it is possible that in time things get better and easier to cope with
I was recently diagnosed with borderline... And i strongly identify with the "quiet"/high-functioning BPD. The self-loathing... Anger and hatred that's very much turned inward... Self-harm/hatred. It's gotten better since i switched to a career where I'm not under constant supervision and scrutiny.
As a quiet borderline, I was waiting for this, thank you Edit: lol, it seems that I am a depressive one not a quiet, my psychologist didn't talk to me about subtypes so I'm still not sure
@@rajveerrandhawa6713 you have to remember that people do not neatly fit into boxes generally. Borderline is borderline, and it can present as each and every subtype over the course of someone's life and or based upon the situation. I would leave the subtyping to a professional, as it is just to see which presentation one is having a tendency towards most at the current time - not an end-all-be-all. To go with Dr. R's metaphor: just because the stone has many facets to it, that does not mean it cannot be smoothed out or made rougher over time.
I was diagnosed with borderline traits last December. I crashed and admitted myself to the Peter Lougheed CSU (Critical Stabilization Unit) in Calgary. My struggle has been a lifetime. I didn't realize how much I have been fighting and fighting to try and have some small amount of happiness. I always believed that what went on in my head was my fault and that I could overcome; I would overcome god willing. Thank you for what you are doing. After a lifetime of fighting for yourself, you just get tired. I believe I have all 4 BPD traits in this video. Each one represents me. Where does a person turn for help!
It's sad how hypocritical some people are. It feels like some people here sympathise with all the other types of borderline except for the 3rd. Yes, the 3rd type can be challeging and can demand a lot of patience, but we're not sociopaths. Believe me, there's a lot of guilt and anxiety, and you feel like garbage for verbally abusing people or being mean to them when they don't deserve it. But even with the narcissistic traits, we have a lot of empathy and we feel deeply sorry when we cause people any harm. Also, therapy really works for us, especially when you have people in your life who know you're more than your anger outbursts. That way, we can understand that we don't have to feel guilty and ashamed, but rather we can take responsability for our actions and understand that we can't continue with this kind of behavior because it hurts people regardless of whether we did or didn't intend to hurt them. But the finger-pointing and accusations of us being abusive (I'm not saying we can't be in some cases) and someone you should keep a distance from, that all just contribute to make us feel more ashamed and unwilling to admit that we need to seek therapy.
I feel you and I have a friend who is going through the same type 3, he got so ashamed and guilty after his anger outburst. Lots of hugs for you and although many people are misunderstanding, many do understand. You've got this
Hey Ana I also have BDP, although type 4, so i can't relate how it is to have Type 3. But I was often in and out of psychiatric wards, where I got to meet many with type 3 over the years. And yes, sometimes it was a little challenging, but these were always the people I got along with the most and loved the most and they me. Therefore i would never think of someone with BPD Type 3 as a sociopath or bad person and anyone who thinks this way is an ignorant. I think it's worth it to have understanding and patience, in the end we all need it.
@Wolf Pack TV Wtf is wrong with you? You don't even know me, it's not my fault or the other people with 3rd type bpd that your ex did what she did. I've NEVER beaten or abused anyone (sure, I've said mean, hurtful things when I was really mad, it was very toxic, but not abusive), nor have I ever cheated. If you think it's okay to just call someone you don't even know a sociopath without even thinking about how that's gonna affect them then you're not much better than an actual sociopath.
I have the angry subtype with the depressive subtype. A mix of those for sure. It's so hard. It affects my relationship so much. I cannot control my rage. It definitely feels extremely out of control and scary for me as I'm experiencing it. These videos are so validating for me as well
My heart goes out to you. All the best to you and never be discouraged because you are not alone in this friend “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in Spirit” Psalm 34:18
Wow, interesting. As a person working through this diagnosis, no wonder my therapist gets confused. Mix in past substance abuse and mood disorders can be misdiagnosed instead of PaWS.
@@miamiggwilson4849 post acute withdrawal symptoms- 6 months after being sober, patients can experience a wide range of symptoms from mood disorders, personality disorders, insomnia etc.
Working with adolescent male delinquents, I have found that there were a LOT of borderline angry externalizing impulsive types. I have said that who would you like to work with? A person that yells at you when they are mad, or a person that will throw a chair when they are angry? It seems to me that there are a lot more male borderlines in our society that end up "locked up" because of their anger. DBT did seem to help them in treatment and I wish it were used with males more. Great video and helpful. Thank you for your presentation.
I have a son with BPD and cannot convince him to seek therapy.He is definitely type 3 and can be very violent aggressive.Thank you for the explanations and ways to communicate.Wonderful videos with explanations easy for a lay man to understand.Will be following you permanently. following you constantly
Thanks for this. I believe I would qualify as Quiet BPD based on what was said here. Some years ago I started taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and that changed my perception of the world and myself amazingly. My children even realized that I stopped crying so much.
as a person dealing with BPD i must add that there are also people who are all 4 subgroups in one person. i have all 4 sub personalities inside me, all the time, the division feels very artificial.
yeah i noticed in a lot of these comments ppl struggle with a lot of the subtypes all together, just like you i deal with all 4 of them which is draining and confusing, i still think theres more wrong with me than meets the eye.
I've been diagnosed with BPD, & I will say I've made nearly a full recovery, in the past. The hard part is that I'm also diagnosed with PTSD of abandonment. I just wanted to comment about the different types of BPD that you talk about in the video...I don't like to admit or talk too much about it, bc to me its a bit embarrassing. I almost feel the different shifts, as my BPD gets worse, & they are in the exact order you explain them in, except i feel like they are phases a person can go through if they aren't actively working on their BPD with a professional. When I first got diagnosed, I honestly thought i was crazy, but i've since then learned to overcome the illness. Unfortunately, not before running myself into the ground, as we are known for... More recently, I had a relationship end, & it was so sudden, & 10 years with a person can really do some damage once its ended. I started showing up at his house, yelling for him to come outside....I would still in his driveway, freezing my butt off, for hours... it was torture... I had to figure out how accept the fact that i was on my own again...I also had a lot of suicide ideation around that time...A few times, wanting to do it to prove i wasn't all talk...i'm grateful for the awareness i have of myself or i may not have made it out of that whole situation...thats what i got for ya though...hope it helps or doesnt throw you off somehow...lol
2:39 that is so me. I have a tendency to perfection so when I make the smallest mistakes ever, I wish I would disappear. I'm a med student and I don't really know what I want to become in the future but I love helping others. Edit: 18:53 sounds like my brain 🧠 Thanks Dr. Ramani, you're the best ❤
I feel that I've been all of this at different points in my life... the middle two types mostly when I was a kid. Thank you for the video. It's helping me understand myself.
Thank you Dr. Ramani and MedCircle for the content. While watching I literally identified with all 4 types over different periods of my life. Definitely a 3 in addiction as well, sometimes a 1 as I’ve got my BA and work a very nice career in software (tho with many many job changes over the years), sometimes a 4 as I have developed fibromyalgia and I’ve become slow, tired, and depressed, and then also for years when I was younger, thin and beautiful I had zero sense of self so I developed this charming, coy persona to survive. Now I am just stuck in this gigantic rut and nothing makes me feel better. I am sober but still have the same emotional turmoil that I always have, and no coping skills to deal with it. I have 3 kids that have had to endure my crazy choices, we live a mostly normal life but obvi emotionally dysregulated. I have so much guilt for that! But I just keep telling myself to do the best I can, even tho it often feels like I’m spinning my wheels and I want to give up. I cried for hours when I finally identified with something (BPD). I was looking thru vids to see if I’m a narcissist when a BPD video popped up. It was like a flood gate opened. I am currently seeking a therapist who will use DBT. I am motivated and hopeful. ❤️🩹
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As a person with diagnosed BPD why is it when the doc describes angry subtype bpd sounding like my ex?! (not that I can officially diagnose him)The mental health issues he displayed sounds so much like that. Plus, I slowly learned he was super narcissistic in the most hidden and nonchalantly of ways I've ever experienced maaan. This is the utmost of fascinating and stimulating to someone who's also into mental health education!! 💕💫
If there's any subtype 4 people that are open to having conversations about themselves and there experience please reply to this comment. My names tylor and i myself believe that i am subtype 4 i have not been officially diagnosed by a professional yet due to the lack of good quality affordable resources that are available to me personally but i have exhausted all options available but I would be very grateful and i think it would be incredibly noble if you could help me understand myself a little more
Keep fighting plz
Is there any point at which it is too late to get someone with BPD into therapy? My Mum has BPD and we almost got her into treatment once after a suicide attempt and then after two sessions she came back saying that the therapist said her problems were because of everyone else, not her. As a psych student I know that a professional psychologist who has had a BPD patient referred from hospital them would not say the things my mother said they did - it was her making excuses to not go. None else in my family will stand up to say you need some help and so she is allowed to throw plates and have all the angry outbursts she wants without anyone doing anything except walk on eggshells and apologise for looking at her the wrong way. I’m scared that was our only chance and the other adults in the family didn’t hold her accountable to stay in therapy, so now it is too late… She is 63, is it too late? She truly believes there is nothing wrong with her and it’s everyone else - and even trying using the co-occurring issues to try to get her back into therapy aren’t likely to work unless everyone is on board. Is there anything else I can do? Or is it too late? Please help 🙏🏼
@@alarnacurrey6403 SOUNDS LIKE MY MY MOM minus the suicide attemps and ever going to anyone about mental health
Being labeled isn’t always a good thing, but for me ? I felt so validated when I was diagnosed with BPD. I struggled as a kid and I was told by my parents that it’s ‘all in my head’. Watching this video once again made me feel validated
Thank you, I can totally relate to that too. 🙏
Yes omg me too, and the more I learn about myself the more I feel relief
i'm glad for you! as for me, my doctor told me look it up on the internet and unfortunately i read some comments (a community, even) that would only hate on us. I understand why they felt that way but I felt like the worst person on the planet and needed a while to separate my identity from my disorder.
Same, exactly!
@@riz8462 I’ve seen lots of negative crap posted about BPD too, I think it’s just people who have had a bad experience with someone who had a BPD diagnosis and they’re automatically assuming all BPD are the same ! Which of course is 💯 not true 🙄
What sucks about the high functioning type is when you're no longer performing well at the job, you feel like you're worth nothing and useless.
I’m a painter. It’s difficult to manage creativity. When I’m experiencing painter’s block I feel worthless, empty, despondent and like I’m lacking an identity outside of making art. Painting is a job, like you’re describing. Your comment resonated with me.
Hi you can start your own business like having your own online business or start a cleaning service. I have a online business.
I use to work multiple jobs. Now I can't do anything because of my impulsive anger
getting fired is unbearable
Me currently
I love how he let's her actually TALK and finish her thoughts fully. He waits for her to finish speaking, then poses another question. An amazing interviewer.
off topic but you’re really pretty
You're glad he did the absolute minimum?
@@ninakore yea bc unfortunately it’s not common
@@ninakore in a previous video of bpd, she had the worst interviewer so i’m assuming that’s connected to this comment 🙃 this guy is 100 times better.
he answers an email at 1:40 I wouldn't call him a good interviewer at all...
I dated a woman who was diagnosed with BPD and it was hard for me definitely but watching these videos helped me TRULY understand how tough and constantly uncomfortable it was for her. She was the angry subtype. Violent as well as depressive. She tried to kill herself in my apartment and would have succeeded if I hadn’t forgotten my wallet when she sent me to the store. I’m glad she’s still alive and glad she is getting the help that she needs and that videos like this exist so that she can get a sense of not being alone.
Youve broken up with her though?
@@terrormilk384 Yeah. She cheated on me and put me through a lot of abuse. Physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I did my best to get her help but she didn’t want to put in the work so I broke up with her. I couldn’t handle the stress.
@@greysonlevi1542 it always sucks when you love someone that does all their best to make you hate them :/ hope youre healed from that and better now
@@terrormilk384 I am, thanks!
@@greysonlevi1542 glad to hear it, good luck on your way :)
Speaking from personal experience, I think every individual with BPD will be able to see themselves as more than one type (perhaps all four) in different situations and circumstances.
This!
I was just going to post this as a question as my stepdaughter has a tendency towards the manipulative acting out subtype but I see her overlap with all 4 subtypes, its very confusing for her and us as her carers. She has had lots of trauma as a child too so I can see why some people say that CPTSD could be a factor too.
@@mndldvs1 I’m sorry to hear that. C-PTSD and BPD (perhaps particularly the discouraged/“quiet” subtype and the depressive/self-destructive subtype) share a lot of similarities. Some psychologists even argue they’re the same disorder... Wishing you and your stepdaughter all the best.
I agree. I feel like I don't fit in any of these but have parts of all of them. I wonder if that's why it's not official.
@@MuseAiluros Every mental disorder can present themselves in various ways. What matters is in which ways the symptoms impair your daily function and quality of life. BPD has over 260 different symptom combinations, but the method of treatment is exactly the same. Much love!
What exhausting for me, is when my favorite person seems like they're drifting away. It makes me feel isolated, and I can't see anyone else's affection no matter what.
and u can observe every little thing they do that looks line abandonment
@@ririkenjenner2917 Wow. I’m going through this right now w/ someone. (Them being the one w/ BPD). It’s so hard & draining to deal with but at the same time I have so much empathy for them.
Exactly, and then idk if I’m overreacting and being paranoid thinking they’re leaving me, when they’re blatantly not and I end up ruining it, or if I’m idealising them and ignoring all the red flags because I’m too scared to admit they’re leaving me and just want to cling to them.
Same
Cute kitty 💗💗💗
I was diagnosed borderline today.. this is the first video I’m watching about it and I’m sitting here sobbing 4 minutes in. I’ve felt so crazy for so long and to know that I’m not alone and this is a really thing.. very very relieving.
I’m so glad that you got to hear the amazing Dr Ramani speak about BPD (upon being diagnosed). She is a true expert on personality disorders - I’d strongly suggest following her channel if you haven’t already. I hope you are doing well.
@@Nina_Olivia absolute worst this dr..smug, talks of us in technical nothing terms, dehumanizing
prepare yourself for a bumpy ride. some are able to manage this fine . most aren't. the funny thing with Borderline is - it is a survival technique; even tho it almost kills you. You will get along. Stay strong.
@@judeflynn9223 Good observation. she is part of the problem.
@@judeflynn9223 what!??
I was diagnosed with quiet BPD a number of years ago and my psychiatrist described me as an orchid that needs a specific environment in which to bloom. So validating after years of being diagnosed with a bunch of stuff but still felt like there was more going on. Luckily I was able to have ongoing access to a great therapist and DBT therapy and am pretty much a whole new and more evolved person even though I still have daily struggles.
This resonates completely. I need help bad. I’m losing myself 😢
@@LovelyFlyShy sending love and healing vibes xox
@@LovelyFlyShy spirituality will definitely help u. God bless u 🙂👍
@flow_state_chocolate
I'm taking you up on your offer, flow state chocolate. I have struggled with BPD for decades and recently lost my job because I failed to control my anger in the office. I have since then considered psychedelics as a last-ditch effort. I've had therapy for decades. I take several antidepressants. I've been jailed twice for my behavior. I wish my life was over so the pain would stop but I can't take that last step (though I've tried.) I've been researching Ayahuasca and other things. I've never tried any psychedelics recreationally in the past. Please would you share with me your experience? I don't have the money to go to South America for a Ayahuasca experience and I DO want to be safe and have someone with me who is skilled and supportive. Thank you for anything you can share. 😢
@flow_state_chocolate How many treatments, or do you take regularly? Did you do this on your own or under the supervision of a credentialed mental health specialist?
1) quiet bpd
2) petulant 7:40
3) angry/impulsive 12:24
4) depressive/internalized 16:11
thanks
🙌🏾🙌🏾
Thank u
Thank you
#5 - Leaving a third in your bed
what i adore so much about her is that not only is she SO well-spoken but also when she messes up a little word (as it's only natural) she repeats the whole sentence.
Yes! I noticed the same thing. Never seen anyone do that before. I'm going to follow her example.
I've noticed the same thing hahaha i love her
I think that is for editing the mistakes out of the video
Yeah j noticed the same, I love the way she repeated the whole sentence again, it was so nice of her
She has narcissistic traits. She cannot bear to be less than perfect.
I wish I could see her professionally.
Me too
Me too
Me too 😞
Me too
Yea, me too.😞
I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 27. Im currently 33. Although I've dealt with it since I was 16-17. Im definitely the Quiet BPD minus having a high functioning job. I've always worked "Dead end" jobs that are very hard to mess up from how simple they are because failure etc give me mental breakdowns. Higher functioning jobs cause me too much stress as well. It also makes it hard to date, maintain friendships, as you all well know. BPD literally takes your life away from you. Its going to be a life long battle. Keep holding your ground.
This is more similar to my experience. I'm seeking to apply for disability
I can so strongly relate to this. Thank you!
@@jessica0321 you're welcome. Glad i could help!
🙏
I cried when she started talking about quiet borderline...then she started talking about the 4th type, and i had to catch my breathe.
Im gonna go get a therapist tomorrow. gotta end the cycle
Same here.
1st and 4th type in different stages of my life, series of cycles. 😭
Started crying when I saw the first one too🥺
Type 1 was like, mm maybe not. But when she talked about type 4, I felt like she was describing me to a tee
Same. I just spent a few days in the hospital last week because I was in a bad place, didn't want to get worse. After she described the quiet type I was like, ehh kinda, then she described the 4th type, and I was like "oh shit".
Time to start some therapy, yo.
Ditto.
Yeah I’m the quiet/internalizing type. Living like that without understanding why I’m always depressed, anxious and empty feeling was by far the biggest reason I was a major pothead and had a drinking problem. I’m a very good nurse now lmfao.
I really want to be a nurse.. that's like a dream job, I was recently diagnosed and, to see that you did it gives me hope.. even kinda inspired me..
All along my Life I've asked myself why was it so simple for other people to deal with daily/regular situations, things that would affect me excessively.. well, at least now I know why...
Best of luck to you, stay safe and don't give up.
@@fabiodias4569 just knowing how you are is a major part in learning how to better function. My biggest issues have always been with relationships and substances, and it became especially apparent in nursing school. I wish I’d have known sooner how to act and cope with my excessive emotions, but it’s always better late than never.
Marijuana an cbd is quite useful medicine for bpd instead of psychotropics
@@im_saved_by_grace to be honest CBD probably would be okay for me after work. Marijuana is too risky for my job/license and I get way too paranoid now from it. Never had that problem before but I’m better off without it and being sober
Hey man good job on switching your life around. I’m proud of you 💜
Until i lash out I feel like it's all trapped in my head. I'm so scared to talk about my mental space because of my fear of rejection and I literally will lie to therapists because I'm so ashamed of it. I just feel like I'll forever be in this constant cycle of needing to vent and wanting help but it all being trapped in my head.
Holy shit that's me
This is literally me
And no one ever wants to hear you vent. To them you're just rambling on and not getting to the point. When in all actuality you are. They just don't have an in going process of you and the 1,000 things you think about every minute
I really relate to this, what helps me and may help you a little is recording yourself talking about how you feel. You have control over it and who sees it, I feel completely crazy when I talk about what’s going on in my head, but it’s my video to re watch and my choice to show a therapist certain parts if I want to. Sometimes I even delete the video right after but it just gets it out of my head. I hope this helps x
@@lozzie1571 that’s a fantastic idea!
My mom was diagnosed bipolar 20 years ago, has been in therapy since then and none of the medications have worked. I was reading more about BPD and realized she checked every. Single. Box. She was misdiagnosed and now she can finally get the right treatment. I’m so excited to see her progress, because I know she’s a wonderful person. She just needs some help.
So many people MIS-diagnosed.
I can imagine something like BPD is very easy to mistake and misdiagnose. I really hope you've experienced a positive change thanks to the discovery.
@@roberttruman8444actually, my whole family has noticed a positive change! She went to DBT which is specifically for people with BPD, and she learned a lot of good coping techniques. She still has a long journey, but now she’s finally pointed in the right direction. 🤍
As a psychotherapist, I am frustrated with the strong negative stigma associated with BPD. It's also not a billable diagnosis with any of the insurers I am credentialed with. I end up billing for anxiety and depression pretty much across the board for my BPD clients. That said, in many cases those suffering with BPD can be among the most motivated in treatment. It's exciting to watch as they develop a sense of self and see their own capacities.
What is the treatment for BPD?
@@cathycourtney4481 DBT-" Dialectical Behavioural Therapy"
Yes!
@@cathycourtney4481 self acceptance, forgiveness, and love + CBT
@@zennyzenzen DBT. Not CBT.
Everytime I mention to therapist that I think I have BPD they almost laugh and tell me I don't because they expect somebody loud and childish rather than the quiet type that I am
That is alarming, makes me think the therapist has no idea what BPD is like. I'm the same as you. I would try to find another therapist :(
Ive realized its best to let them say it first. Therapists dont like self diagnosis...( even if youre right)lo.
@@pamhunter8834 I agree and I usually wait few months before I introduce this hypothesis. All therapists I saw said the same thing about how the "label" how it wouldn't make any difference which I disagree with (as there a different treatment options for different diagnoses).I think I just never had any luck with finding a good therapist in the UK.
Luckily the therapist I had I told her I felt like I had bpd when I was in a mental hospital and she gave me the list of criteria I needed to meet to be that and I provided proof and examples and things that happened in my life that make me relate to every single symptom (traumas) and then I spotted my psychiatrist in the hallway and told him hey I think I have bpd (after he diagnosed me with bipolar ) and he said yeah I think so too and then that’s when it got changed. That was after a activities leader and fellow in patient both told me they don’t think I have bpd and my fellow inpatient did have it. Just because I was quiet and kept to myself around new people.
I don’t know if that helps give insight into what u should do to be diagnosed.
Definitely find new professionals to speak to there’s always a thing called a second opinion
Or psychiatrists too
I’m on the spectrum and was misdiagnosed as BPD and bipolar. I met a therapist who accepts/understands I’m high functioning aspbergers it made a huge difference. My anxiety/coping mechanisms vastly improved. Find someone who listens. It was so painful to have former therapists who couldn’t even help and were so set on being right when wrong.
They diagnosed me as histrionic personality disorder at age 17 when I was admitted to the hospital after trying to commit suicide.
Years later while I was having a mental health evaluation, I was diagnosed with borderline.
I cannot express the hurt that I felt for, instead of being seen as someone who was suffering, needing to be heard and helped, they disregarded me as an impulsive, attention seeking teenage girl who only wanted her way. After years of therapy and seeking out help and support, I realized was not the case.
We need more training. We need to hire better doctors. We need more empathy. Thank you for this video!
look at me im this label and not the other (very similar) one ergo my struggle is more significant than the people with that other dumb label, now i'll talk about empathy
We absolutely need more GOOD doctors subspecialized in borderline personality disorder!
As someone with borderline I understand the issue, but we need to stop pretending that other cluster B disorders are „bad“. A person with HPD is also deeply hurt and suffering. Their emotions and feelings can be just as deep
@@rebbi8548 yes true!
Yeah I feel you, growing up with BPD as a guy myself I experienced a whole lot of
“you’re too emotional like a girl you need to man up and stop being a big baby” which hurt and made me feel like I couldn’t ask for help so I hid it all as a kid
Until it got to the point of actual suicide attempts, then some people finally started accepting my overly emotional self and trying to help
For sure we need more empathy kids should be able to speak up and get the help not get ridiculed like we did
Holy shit. I've heard a lot of TH-cam sign offs. But "What ever you're going through, you got this" is exactly what I needed to hear in this moment.
My love and empathy for those struggling with BPD. I struggle with traits from Quiet BPD + Depressive Internalizing BPD, it can be very tough yall. We're not alone!! I promise it gets better with treatment and practice. Remember: It's okay to not be okay.
Glad to hear you're finding answers and making progress. Sounds like people struggling with BPD have to learn a whole new skill set(s) to overcome these challenges; For that I commend you for all the effort it take!
Here from the AH stuff. Her debilitating fear of abandonment in the audios triggered me. I've felt that. Like I'd die. O don't believe she is a victim of DV, I think JD is... it bothered me that I might be anything like her.
@@itskashkashi I know what you mean. I can’t stand what she did and can’t relate to the histrionic and no psych would diagnose me with bpd but I have been suggested dbt and and done it though it didn’t help enough maybe it wasn’t long enough of a time. I hate how she ruined Johnny like that but I can relate to and have some empathy for the abandonment because there she didnt sound like she was faking and I’ve acted kinda similarly in that way to abandonment feelings and it disturbs me, horrible feeling.
Hi Damie
May be you can advise me how to encourage someone experience these episodes to see the therapist as my son is denial instead he will blame and doesn’t want to take any countability.
@@sphush4775 You can only help him if he wants to help himself
This lady is absolutely phenomenal at getting her point across. Major props
I have traits from all 4 subtypes. It's so exhausting to live like this everyday.
DeAnne, there may be subtypes but every person has a different experience or one specific to themselves which is never identical to anyone else. It’s ok and I’d be more worried if you were a cookie cutter of someone else or identical to the words in its description. Take care and the tools out there now for those with BPD are effective and can help lead those into a “remission” for lack of a better word for ones BPD.
Most people today exude one or more of these personalities. Having PTSD is exhaustive and most therapists are clueless in offering effective modalities.
I feel ya
I agree. I can only control my thoughts for a certain period of time. I will have like 4 different drastic emotions in one hour. Today I worked out felt great and on my breaks between sets I was crying depressed speaking of killing myself. Then going back to feeling like macho man and optimistic. It's too much for me to handle.
Yes yes yes, you’re not alone I feel you so much and ugh I’m crying again lmao
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
I will say, watching somebody with a borderline diagnosis improve over time is very heartwarming. People write off BPD patients way too quickly, and in private life everybody demonizes them for their erratic behavior. But it makes me happy when I do see a BPD patient improve over time, as they learn to trouble shoot and regulate better.
So many don't want to get better, like my brother. He treats his therapy sessions like a joke. He isn't even honest with his therapist. He causes to much drama and stress for everyone in his life. There aren't many left willing to put up w him bc he is so abusive to people.
@@jd4364 you might think that’s abusive to other people which it definitely is but he reacts to emotions on EXTREME and his own mind eats him alive when he’s alone anyway. Peoples issue with him is a manifestation of the possible screams in his head
- not as awful as it is to deal with the ones who don't improve. If ten lions come running at you, how much sense does it make to wait to figure out which one is that trained MGM one and you can be safe around it? one little thing and they can get triggered and gas light themselves into considering the years of support and love you gave them was actually abuse. I believe most of them were treated badly at one time, followed by imagining it the rest of their lives from people out to help.
- its not worth it, they will lie, cheat, ghost you, bury whatever love they convinced themselves temporarily they had for you and will later dog out to the next fool empathetic enough to listen.
@@Babidi111 Wow! Lots of bitterness, yet seemingly little firsthand knowledge of what lies at the core of this malady. Sounds like you may have some issues.
Maybe you can find a support group, for victims of BPDs, rather than air your judgments toward those struggling with the disorder, on a platform that is meant to be a support to them.
@@jd4364 is he forced to take therapy? In order for it to have a positive impact the person needs to accept they have a problem and seek help, if they are forced the will go in and out of therapy without improvement. I recommend the book Stop Walking on eggshells. Helped me a lot understanding what the disorder is about and helps relative understand and learn how to interact with a love one with BPD.
As someone with borderline personality disorder, I have experienced all 4 subtypes. If it were up to me, I would call them stages instead of subtypes. In my experience, when I would be going through a new traumatic experience I have had episodes or the third “subtype” but with therapy and learning about my disorder, I have been able to go to the first subtype which internalizes it.
Stages! such a perfect word!! i definitely feel like time and different experiences have influenced the different ways i experience bpd. some days im one or another, another day im a combo of two or all of them and others i experience almost none. it’s honestly scary hearing “subtypes” bc it almost invalidates our experiences in experiencing all four. thank you so much for commenting
I agree completely!!!
I can see more types in relationships and other types in my everyday life. Every subtype not only do I experience its on a cycle and it does feel like stages!
That's an excellent point. One person I knows seems to have presented different aspects of this disorder at different periods. Maybe you could contact Dr. Rami (sp?)to share your perspective.
yes ! i was about to type this same thing! i got diagnosed at 19, im 36 now . i feel throughout my life i have bounced around all 4 subtypes at different times.
I was diagnosed with BPD as a teenager, I am now in my mid thirties and have experienced all 4 subtypes at different stages in my life. So the subtypes are accurate, but you don't just have one subtype, it's all four at separate times depending on the stage in life and situations.
Im in my early 40s. You nailed it. Plus I think its possible to cycle back through past types fairly quickly. Ive come out of and slipped back types. I can see it as its happening at this point. I try try not to tip to far into any. Im currently reverting to extreme impulsivity. Not good. Coming out of a short 4 month, but extremely intense bout of depressive type. Before that I was cycleing quiet rage type for a year. Earlier in life I cycled through these types it was years. Ive been blaming age for becomeing more unstable. But maybe it more a life situation thing. Or stability thing.
Hey guys, what about relationships? Have u guys had one recently or end them? My 13 yr relationship ended 44 days ago. What they're describing sounds like what she'd do. Also ify foot toched her foot shed move over to the other side of the bed and say in a little voice it's bc ur foot was ontop my foot. We've been phsycially together for over a decade no problem if u dig what I'm Sayin. It's just so random and odd.. Been researching this and just curious..
@@ianmurdoch6247 I was the 1st type into my 20s. But now in late 30s...I've witnessed all of them. I just find it so difficult not knowing which scary version of myself I'm gonna be. When I was young I was hopeful, but as I age my frustrations & lack of tolerance have become unbearable. I feel like a psycho.
@@daviedood2503 its possible. But it would be hard to diagnose without alot of detail. The way most dr. Tell if you have bpd or bipolar is by looking at life long destructive patterns. Repeating cycles.
Bpd sufferers have such similiar lifes its shocking when the dr. Can tell you whats happened in your life in detail, haveing only asked a few questions. Is spooky. Also bipolar and bpd present very similar symptoms as wel as narcissistic personality disorder.
@@ianmurdoch6247 she would fight alot during school that's if she went, dropped out but got fed afterwards. Shy quiet, doesn't like ppl. Has FEW friends, observant etc. Can go from 0 to 100 doesn't take personal accountability, never apologized, it's always everyone else. Belittled me in a public restaurant for having a panic attack bc she was "trying to do soemthing for us and mine was triggering hers" was what was said.
I'm like.. U don't do that to ppl.. She's had panic attack before and I ran to her and got her outside and froze my @ss off for her until she felt better. So sorry man, I'm just tryin to se what this is about and how I can fix this.. I feel so sorry for her bc of her cruel mom
I’m curious if you’ve ever seen one BPD patient present with multiple subtypes at various stages of life. That seems to be what I’ve experienced. I struggled with rage for many years in my teens and 20’s. I suffered with suicidal ideation during the same times. I now present more like type 1 or 4 (quiet, internalizing, high functioning) but feel I could easily be triggered back to either of the other two depending on the circumstances. And I’ve avoided psychotherapy like the plague for years now because every time I’ve attempted treatment again, I receive a new diagnosis & a new recommended medication (my most recent attempt at this last year resulted in a bipolar diagnosis and an attempt to put me on SSRI’s after a single 45 min session). How is this not irresponsible to diagnose someone and put them on meds with barely scratching the surface and not considering any diagnostic testing? It baffles me.
I personally can identify with each subtype depending on the day but I'm mostly depressive and internalized
You may want to seek out a person who has specific experience in diagnosing and treating BPD. IMHO, these are the only people who can help you. As the video points out, this disorder is tricky to diagnose and not well understood by many medical and mental health professionals. You have great insight into your self and your condition. I really encourage you to seek the RIGHT treatment for you and not avoid seeking help. Because you know what could, or what is likely to happen down the road. Progress, peace and stability is waiting for you. Find that experienced person who can help you. Thank you for your sharing. We will never know how many people you might have helped by sharing your experience. I wish you peace and happiness in your journey.
You are sadly right, and do keep self-protecting and be observant before accepting any diagnosis or medicdrug they come up with, becaue it is not our wellbeing and healing that have highest priority with most of them, but other interests like following guideline orders , pecuniary interests or control and the will to b comfortable (witha drugged, sedated patient).We may have reasons of stress, Liver-stagnation and fear to have anger, and we may be too complex to fit into one diagnosisi.So sick of having had my life and soul destroyed by psychiatry's nonsense and maltreatment, and lack of therapy and real, adequate therapists. Do you know the 12-step programs? There are many sick and dangerous people there, and it doesn't work automatically for everybody, and on ehas to find one's own way there. But after many years i am prone to agree that that is whjta has helped me the most.Working the 12 steps with a sponsor and attending meetings.
Me too
Not every therapist can be your therapist. When one bothers you with their approach move on to the next. You can even look for dif therapists when you out grow the you have
I have BPD and I’m so pleased that there is finally some good quality information about it that isn’t stigmatising
Four Subtypes:
1. High-Functioning (quiet, internalized)
2. Petulant/Histrionic
3. Angry, externalizing, impulsive
4. Depressive, internalizing, self- defeating, but not High-Functioning in society
Im between 2-3 sometimes 4, been 1 too
@@razorcandi11 I’m a bit of all of them too wtf does that mean
@@michaelaburke3096 it means your BPD has BPD
I went from a 1., to a 3. After dealing with narcissist... SMH
What if I told you that I am a bit of 2 and 4 and very much of 3 ?
I used to just think I was very "real", to not feel like I was special, to not want attention, but it grew into something much more self destructive, mentally.
you described it perfectly, thank you.
When I was first diagnosed at 15, I was experiencing all 4 of these "subtypes" at the same time. Through DBT and a lot of work on myself, I seem to have split them into 4 separate moods. I was type 3 from age 17 to 20, while I was in active addiction as well. Then when I got sober, I think I was more type 1 from 20 to 23. I then developed a chronic illness that has landed me in type 4. I'm still there at 28. I can occasionally fall into a type 2 every now and then. It's pretty rare, but it does happen. Just had a minor outburst for the first time in 4 years. It kinda bothers me how she broke it up into different types, and then didn't even address the possibility of experiencing 2 or more at once.
But I also feel like my case is very mild now. I consider it to be mostly in remission with some lingering traits. I look back at what I felt when I was diagnosed and I know that I am so much happier now, and my life goes much smoother. I don't react anymore, I am able to thoughtfully respond. I can regulate my emotions for the most part. Romantic relationships can still make me feel crazy sometimes, but I've made a lot of improvements. I've been single for 4 years by choice, which is a big deal. My BPD comes with a fear of being alone and codependency. So I am choosing to be alone so that I can work on those issues. I don't self harm anymore, I don't want to die every day anymore, and I work on improving my other self destructive/impulsive behaviors daily. I can still get suicidal ideation rarely, in times of great pain. But I know I don't want that and I'm able to snap myself back out of it relatively quickly. I guess I am sharing all of this to provide hope to those who will read this. Recovery is possible. I am living proof. When I was diagnosed, my mom literally thought I was possessed by a demon and had someone from our church come bless me. Now, that has become a joke in my family. Keep up the hope. Keep fighting for yourself. Keep trying. DBT and therapy saved my life. You can do this. Much love.
Would love to talk with you more. I have so much respect for you
This was my exact question if you could have an overlap, thank you for sharing ❤️
This is exactly how I feel my life went as well with living with BPD. 💜
Wow, so the church thought you had a "demon," too? Thought I was the only one. The church screwed me up more than anything else. My church didn't want to deal with "demons", so I was ostracized even more.
@@swannoir7949 Encounter Ministries TH-cam channel. (Mark Hemans)\
This is THE most astute conversation about BPD and the overlapping features of it yet!!! Bravo!! I feel utterly heard and validated.
Same
Realizing I’m in a relationship with someone with this. Not sure what to do to help him.
Kind of ironic…. Have you considered that?
For real, I saw another video and that was just non sense
i really feel like i could be the high functioning or the depressive bpd type.. i’ve never been diagnosed with any bpd but i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since i was just barely a teenager. regardless, the immense internalized hatred has never been so accurately described and its nice to hear someone say exactly how it feels so properly.
exactly the same on all points! i feel like this might be it
I too was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 19. It took nearly 25 years later before a psychologist diagnosed BPD, and that was when my life turned around for the better. The right treatment DBT and psychological interventions for over a year. 🙏
Same here. Exactly.
same!
Same
When I was in high school, I was admitted to mental hospitals. They were so quick to tack Bipolar disorder on me. 5 years later, therapists finally realize its boarderline and not bipolar at all. Treatment has been completely different!
Growing up I thought I was cursed. I believed that I could only ever make friends for 3 or 4 months before they’d abandon me. I didn’t realize I feared abandonment until I was diagnosed with this disorder. It was a huge relief that it wasn’t some curse, but something that can be managed!! Thank you Dr. Ramani for your most valuable information. You’re one of my greatest heroes!
And well, they left 🤯
Borderline ruined the life of my sister and it had a great impact on the rest of our family too. Thank you very much for speaking out and raising awareness. I could not save/help my sister, it comforts me to know that she found some friends in the last stages of her life.
My mother had it, it made my sister and I not be friends. My sister was quiet, critical, bully, hateful and very complex. Her life was hell. Sad life then died of cancer.
@@cathysimmons8484 I am sorry to hear that. I hope you can move on for yourself. We cannot always help others.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your sister to something that's hard to understand and not easy to find answers. May you & your family heal from what you all went through.
@@cathysimmons8484 I’m sorry to all of you. May u find peace within your grievances
I am so sorry for the loss of your sister.
I really appreciate this educated and respectful discussion on the disorder. Its really tragic and frustrating that it's so rare to find a psych or therapist who recognizes the disorder and is willing to diagnose it. I feel really invisible and left to suffer alone by the western med industry.
As a psychotherapist I rarely diagnose this even in severe cases because it is such a negative stigma and because insurers will not pay for treatment.
I’m the quiet/internalized kind and I’ve found that doing research on the different types has made me feel incredibly validated. I was told years ago but I never resonated because I was told they’re obsessive/dependent but that’s not me, it’s the opposite. I figured I had different issues and felt hopeless. My new psychiatrist did confirm my BPD and his explanation of the types and these videos made me feel better and understood. I don’t have healthy coping mechanisms but I’m aiming to get help!
I love how thorough Dr Romani presents. Clearly she knows her stuff and presents it so carefully and articulately i am confident that I am receiving true, and correct informationI
People with adhd have a higher chance of getting borderline personality disorder if they have had some trauma growing up. Quiet borderline and emotional borderline personality disorder can both go to together . I know because sometimes I have traits of quiet and emotional bpd . Because I only can be emotional a little bit and a littel bit angry and anxious. And some days I can be really emotional and angry and anxious. I think hormones for women play a role on bpd . I know when I had a ovarian tumour and I became hormonal and became a bit narcissistic for a while. I had my ovary and the other half of my ovary removed. And now I'm less hormonal . And I dont have quick rage issues. Like I used to in the past.
Yes; thank you for bringing this up! As someone who has, both, ADHD and BPD, I wish it would be talked about more, because there are quiet a few studies that show a strong link between ADHD and BPD.
And yes, hormones have a HUGE impact on our mood! I always got SO MUCH more depressed 1-2 weeks before getting my period.
This was very insightful
@@Ella.L. same, I wondered if it was PMDD
Thank you for the info. I didn't know that anout ADHD and BPD but it makea sense. My Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is SO bad from my ADHD its np wonder my trauma caused BPD, even though my trauma was "milder" perhapa than many with BPD.)
God, I don’t know if I have BPD, and I’m not diagnosed by a professional with it(though I have been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and possible PTSD.) but I’ve never felt as though my disorders fit me and truly described what I was going through. BPD describes everything, but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting or if I’m actually on to something here, it’s so frustrating not knowing.
I am diagnosed with bpd, you should really talk to a psychiatrist about your thoughts on this and fullyexpress how you feel and tell them about how bpd explains so much, it will help u, i hope you can do this and get through this, i hope u find the right treatment for you and get better 🖤
Same
I’m in the same exact boat. If I bring it up am I over reacting? Over identifying? But the cycle is so vicious idk man. We are in this together though.
I heard this once.. ptsd equals chronically low self worth. Bpd is fluctuating from low to high (splitting). Don't know how accurate it is
@@theaussiefamilytourists4087 That sounds accurate to me, but self-esteem is only part of the picture. I like how Dr. Ramani explains BPD as having all the dysregulation of CPTSD along with serious abandonment issues.
Dr. Ramani is absolutley amazing
I've survived through life only with psychotherapy and medication. I actually just fired my therapist after three years because I finally diagnosed myself as having CPTSD and BPD - and this came from watching multiple TH-cam videos like yours with the answers and of others who suffer from the same emotions as I do. I couldn't figure out why I'm so "different" than other people, but after watching many many videos I was able to compare and relate finally at age 68. My therapist never even responded to my questions of "do I have some sort of PTSD or something"? She would kind of shrug her shoulders and tell me I should get out more, then she would send me links to events that she felt would help me by being more social. I am an introvert, I don't like socializing with a lot of people. Long story getting too long, I appreciate you sharing your knowlege to us who are learning! Thank you
I literally burst into tears watching this because everything finally makes sense
Lucky
There's no peace for covert narcissists like me
I have BPD and I just started my first job as a therapist! This was super helpful and I love working with people with BPD as well. I honestly agree with the comments and related to all four of these subtypes. Oh and I’m so glad you mentioned trauma informed care!! I am a trauma informed provider. That was the focus of the residencies I went to for grad school ❤️
Excellent!
congratulations!!
@@davidpaula2802 can you get another psychiatrist?
@@davidpaula2802 in my experience having a mental health condition is beneficial with therapy as during the degree process it really makes you evaluate yourself, recognise what may be a trigger for you, but also a better insight and understanding the difficulties the client is going through. If your psychiatrist cannot separate their own problems from their clients and maintain professionalism, then it is time for them to take time out to care for themselves and as a client, find a knew psychiatrist. A psychiatrist without understanding or empathy for client and are more biomedical based in their treatment process can be even more damaging to a client by the inability to validate what the client has experienced or currently going through. Hope that makes sense.
Hi, how can I take a therapy session with you?
i was diagnosed with bpd a few weeks ago and my mom wouldn’t let me hear what the doctor thought was wrong with me, so i’m using this video as a guide.
My wife has it. Its ruining our marriage. How it can be cured? What did the doctor said ? How long it will take?
@@mohammedzayn5619 sorry to say this but it can’t be cured. i’m sorry your relationship is getting hurt because she has it, but it’s not her fault so please don’t take it out on her. i’d recommend therapy it can help.
Can you please share what kind a therapy they do.
@@mohammedzayn5619 Psychotherapy for both of you. You need to learn how to cope with it as well!
@@mohammedzayn5619 it can be cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which is recommended mostly, but as a borderline person with 3 (and traits of a 4 other psychiatric condition), Gestalt therapy or any ramification of a humanistic based therapy can help too. So I'm receiving medication and therapy based on the gestalt technique and has helped me so much.
Please avoid psychoanalysis therapy, is worse for us. And be sure to take therapy by yourself, you need to learn hoy to cope with the condition as well as her.
Since is a pathological personality development, is hard to shake it off. She will learn to improve and develop skills to handle future triggers, her condition, what caused it since the very beginning, heal the trauma and neglect and self regulation techniques. In addition, how to adapt and nourish herself to the social environment she has around and that includes you.
The personality will be improved and she will understand how the therapy guides her to better ways, making the pathological part of the personality less invasive and balanced, but she has a personality aside her diagnostic.
Most people can see a great improvement with the proper treatment within 10 years. Some of us could control all the traits of BPD in that time frame or less, others could continue with some traits but will be able to be functional and find a balance.
Please seek help from a psychiatrist and a clinical psychologist with experience treating personality disorders and who won't feel threatened by handling a BPD patient.
I’ve never heard of BPD subtypes before! This is super informative and helpful. I truly believe I’m a little of all 4. For me, it all comes down to feeling rejected or abandoned. I am mostly impulsive when I get upset, and often times, rage. I’m learning I also manipulate. I don’t even realize it mostly of the time. My husband pointed it out to me. I think that’s one that is harder for me to swallow, because I also want more than anything to just be a good person and be perceived as a good person. If I could change one thing about this disorder, it would be the manipulation. Thank you for this!
It’s so big of you to say this… wow. I genuinely felt a shiver reading this. Good people don’t always get it right but, great people will take on the challenge to see their faults and do something about it. Good for you- I hope that you’re proud of yourself 💪🏼
I've struggled for so many years, I just survive everyday and it's exhausting.
Oh god, me too
Pray. Jesus still heals. Have faith. Read the Gospels. God bless you. +
@@wms72 :)
The same
i just took a deep breath, full of relief, for not being alone in this. it's so sad. i hope you're doing okay though
I've been diagnosed with BPD and PTSD - I feel as if I fit all of the last 3 sub-types. Either way - one thing that has helped me is being very self-aware of my mental health issues and trying to understand as much as possible about why I struggle with the feelings and situations that I do. I've had a horribly traumatic life and I even neglected taking care of myself for the last 5 years. I've finally just decided that I'm not going to continue living as a victim and reached out to get the help I need. I have an appointment coming up soon and I hope that this doctor will continue to work with me. I just want anyone to know if they are feeling hopeless or in despair.. you are worthy of love and you can make it through this.
Uhhh they seriously need to update the DSM5 🙄
It's always best to err on the side of precision and certainty however
The DSM for BPD needs to be updated VERY BADLY because it's so stigmatized that some doctors don't even want to treat BPD clients, not to mention all the abuse victims who are misdiagnosed with BPD when they really have CPTSD
Yooooo when’s the DSM droppin?
@@MellowJelly that's exactly what happened to me. I was misdiagnosed with BPD when I actually have CPTSD. It took years for me to get the correct diagnosis
Absolutely. They are
I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and seem to have all the subtypes all put together at the same time, & I tell you it’s a living hell.
I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette’s syndrome, and Bipolar disorder. I feel like giving up during so much of my life.
I also self medicate to the extreme.
Your not alone, I seem to have all the subtypes too it'd difficult
You are valuable and one of a kind no matter what your anxiety says
@@wmhs02dm Thank you ❤️
Take care of yourself 🌺
@@Natalaie Thank you ❤️
I think I went from mainly high functioning to depressive and go back and forth.
me too
watching this and any related material to BPD makes me cry. I hate hate having BPD.
It's can be pure hell.
Me too. It’s a horrible feeling just about every day.
Are you on disability because of it ?
Im crying too but.. in my mind that is not cuz BPD. It must be myself that should be wrong. I hate myself tht can't fight it. Don't give up. (Sorry.. If my English is bad and sorry tht I post in here.)
It’s a struggle every single day. Psychs misdiagnose with depression, anxiety, bipolar, mood disorders like she said. I’ve been diagnosed with all of the above and depression/ anxiety I understand. Not bipolar. That said psychologists are better at listening and diagnosing. Anyway yes it’s hell.
I have borderline and bipolar. It makes me very creative. My view on borderline is it can be difficult to deal with under crisis. Overall I can go months without any issues...in a stable relationship. Marriage and a good one without strife. In a dating state it's a disaster. Here's a poem I wrote years ago about what it's like to have borderline.
"I'm a man that's an island on an island not wanting to swim to rescue, so I built a raft in case I want to. Solitude is solace I don't want to be alone, by now I've suffered my life on my own. I lay in the sand and bask in the glow, I catch glimpses of tranquility when the sun penetrates the borderline low. I know for me when I paddle to sea, the island will always be waiting for me.
It’s so correct. The peace I feel when the sun goes down and I’m alone. Then the… well
Yes, outsmart a fox; friend, if you need one. Works.
The Poem is beautiful 😘
I love this.
I resonate completely with the quiet/ discouraged BPD. Emptiness, lack of identity, inherent distrust of people, emotional disregulation, shame, guilt, rare moments of visceral rage, rapid devaluation upon perceived rejection or disregard, total dread of abandonment &/ rejection. Paranoia that people don’t care &/ don’t truly know me.
Mine presents as isolating rather than as extroverted and promiscuous. I fear relationships and often self-sabotage before anything even progresses. I’m an obsessive, cyclical over-thinker and not at all impulsive; if anything I really struggle to act on desires because I’m so extremely ambivalent in self-perception, perceiving my relationship to others, and wary of others perceptions of me, which I almost always feel negatively.
Whereas most BPD act out and explode, I’m at war within myself and often feel like imploding, and/or cut adrift from the world. But the thought processes are extremely resonant: BPD needs to formally be recognised in its varying presentations.
You just described me to a tee and I’m wondering if I have BPD, have you been diagnosed?I also have OCD-like symptoms…
You described me perfectly, the only difference is I’m impulsive. When I get extreme emotions of emptiness, lack of identity, questioning everyone’s feelings towards me, I self harm.
I have had BPD for 34-35 years, and after watching this video, I can definitely see which category I would fit into, but I also can see some aspects of each of this in my life.
quiet bpd individual here 🙋🏻♀️ i feel very alone
But you are not :)
@@_.mags._ 🥰 deep down i know that.
@@i3rtj stay strong and safe🥰 if i made it until today you can do that too😊
Your far from alone
I feel ya....you're not alone can relate to the description of that too (tho I don't have an official diagnosis)
I was diagnosed at 21 with BPD. Thank you for this information I went misdiagnosed for TWO years as bipolar for insurance purposes when I have been borderline the whole time!! Anyways dr rArmani and Kyle you guys are fucking awesome and I appreciate people like you informing “normal” people on my challenges. It makes a difference ❤️
hey, I was also misdiagnosed with multiple things since I was 12, and was finally diagnosed with BPD at 21 as well! You are not alone☺️ you got this!
It's SO hard to get out from under a false Bipolar dDiagnosis. It's like ANY mental illness in a female in her 20s is instantly written off as Bipolar. Which is basically just a massive catch all category at this point.
@@RainJeys seriously!!! I totally agree! It’s just a cycle and I hope that eventually this cycle of false diagnosis’s will stop 🛑
I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until my late 20s but I definitely recognize the traits of quiet BPD throughout my 20s. Always people pleasing, taking on too much, raging at myself, etc.
I deal with narcissists and BPD people every day. The difference between narcissistic rage and BPD rage: When a narcissist rages, they are trying to manipulate you and will never apologize or admit it. When a BPD person rages, they can't help it and will feel bad later and may even apologize. To the target of this rage, BPD rage and narcissistic rage may be indistinguishable in the middle of an episode. The source of the rage is different. The narcissist may play the victim or aggressor for control but the BPD person really does believe they're the victim. One tactic I'm learning is to ask them why they're angry and if it's not very clear or founded, they're just angry in the moment, then it might be that they just can't control it. That's BPD. Another distinction is the flavor and duration of the rage. A narcissist's rage is more calculated and callous. A BPD person's rage shows them to be frazzled and their arguments in the middle of an episode may be incoherent and illogical and anything you say or do will be interpreted as an attack. They may not be able to come down for hours. Let me know how far off I am.
So a narcissist might intentionally target a BPD because it would fit their need for empathic victim perfectly?
@@mattstachelek3410 we're recurrently targeted by NPD's and narcs because of this. Most of us are extremely vulnerable and can't help showing how vulnerable we are. And we tend to empathize a lot because we feel so alone we 1) don't want others to feel alone and 2) don't want to be alone ourselves.
Most of my ab*sers have been narcissistic because of this.
I am completely alone now I don't try not to be. Because of fear of being continually targeted by the narcissist. I hate being alone. But much safer!
@@watercolourferns Omg spot on!!!! I was with my best friend (who's a grandiose narc) for 10 years before ending the relationship permanently!!!!
So on point 🙌🏽
As the angry impulsive subtype I feel really bad for those around me who have had to deal with me
❤️
I'm the angry/impulsive subtype too. When it hits I just have no idea what to do with myself.
exatly same, it's heartbreaking.
It goes away eventually
😗❤
I used to think I was narcissistic but I do experience empathy and feel like an awful person when I don’t do something right that may upset someone. I feel inadequate if someone doesn’t agree with me or like they’re judging, rejecting or totally abandoning me. I hate making mistakes and try to do everything right so no one can question me and if I get it wrong, I feel totally depressed and awful. I struggle so much with identifying my own stance on things and I hate confrontation sometimes. I can’t decide if I have really low self esteem or if there’s something wrong with me. I also think I have adhd. 😔
My wife has the 3rd sub-type BPD/ NPD.( fits of rage ) We've been married 5yrs and it's been very difficult. Emotionally exhausting. Early on in the relationship I didn't understand what was going on. there were moments I felt like I'd entered the Twilight Zone and was extremely confused by the outburst of rage and anger which caused me to become angry. Once I educated myself on BPD and how to love a person with this disorder we began to make progress slowly but surely. She eventually met with a counselor for weekly sessions which lasted 3or4 months.this did help tremendously. Unfortunately The woman moved back home. If it wasn't for my faith in Jesus and leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit to give me grace I don't think I could handle this.
I think my girlfriend of one year has this. It’s pushed me to the edge where I now really struggle with suicidal thoughts and hopes for death. It’s a nightmare. I just feel stuck. She is really awful to me. Idk why I can’t leave her, I care about her so much. I don’t like her personality at all, I just feel for her emotionally. I hope to move away from her or something so I can find my peace and happiness and especially myself again. She’s taken me from my friends. And from my music and the things that make me happy because everything I do she registers it as a disappointment how the video said. So everything I do for me is taken personally by her. Even if it’s I want to play guitar at home. Or if I want to go for a walk. … she is also addicted to tik tok and wants me to hold her in bed while she flips through tik toks and she knows it hurts my ears and my brain. I’ve told her I believe I am autistic and that is part of why I can’t handle certain things like the sound of tik tok videos but she just yells at me and tells me she deserves better.
@@percy4266 I've been in a similar relationship. Your gf is very sick. You are not crazy and not the bad person she says you are. Step 1- you need to seek help for yourself because you are in an emotional snare and stuck. So was I. Step 2- you need to make your plans and leave ASAP. If you don't, some very bad stuff could happen. Whatever you do, don't listen those voices. You are a decent human being, that wants to love and live. She can't give you that. Save yourself, and go get some help.
@percy4266 it's ok to take care of yourself and it's ok that you don't like her. She hurt you, based on what you said, but what's important is that you know it's not because of you but because of this disorder. And that she doesn't mean to hurt you. I hope you remember that ❤. It's going to be hard to break it off, but I hope you get your peace again. If possible, it would be good to talk to your gfs family, parents or siblings, or best friends so she can get some suppoet as well. She doesnt want to feel this way or push you away, or demand to watch tiktoks w you. She just doesnt understand how to feel and what to do with those feelings as the video said. Wishing you both the best
Love isn't supposed to hurt you 💔
Bro literally my situation as well! She had an episode last night, and I gave in and started throwing insults back and forth (I’m disappointed in myself). I still care very much about her, but I have to love her from a distance
It's a breath of fresh air and honestly made me emotional. I'm high functioning and self hating versions. I've survived attempts. I'm glad I came to understand my condition, alongside my love, and I'm learning to be kinder to myself. I may think that I'm the worst in exsistance and that I deserve to die, but in my heart I'm learning that I'm ok/ I'm not the embodiment of a bad person. ♡
Sending you so much love, growth and healing. I hope you're getting the help you need & deserve.
just now reading this a year later but i hope you are blessed and healthy in everything in life ❤️❤️
I never had a good therapist in over 25 years. It is so unfortunate that most therapists don't actually have an interest in psychology.
You need dbt therapy
On the other hand, I've met countless people with an actual psychology degree who have relatively little knowledge about personality disorders.
I had a therapist once, who ate an apple for the whole hour that I refused to talk to him (I was 11). He just stared while slowly [loudly] munching his apple. He also prescribed me prosak. Brilliant that one...
i actually cried. the explanation really define me.
me too
This was extremely enlightening. I suffer with BPD and have had a hard time understanding how some of the symptoms I did not always struggle with. This helped me identify and I related so much with the Quiet subtype. I struggle with paranoia and have always struggled with thoughts of abandonment or thoughts that no one likes me. It’s been hard to maintain relationships and friendships with these challenges. Thank you so much for sharing.
Hope you’re doing alright :) I know it’s hard, but remember to always keep your head up because you got this, and God is there for you always. Even when we’re not there for Him. Hope you have a wonderful day 🤍
Me too
The more I learn about phycology the more I realize how little is actually known about mental illness. Mental illnesses just aren't a tangible reality making it easily misunderstood and making diagnosis and treatment extremely tricky. I'm inclined to thinks that our current methods of systematically categorizing and defining psychological ailments might give many people the wrong idea of what mental illness is and how it should be addressed.
Remember folks, regardless of weather someone generally knows more about psychology than you do, that isn't the same as having Intimate knowledge of your own life and inner experience. Generally speaking, no one is as capable of understand your own inner workings as much you are.
You would love the book The Awakened Brain by Dr Lisa Miller
so true, mental illnesses cannnot be measured nor assessed like physical conditions, there is no accuracy when it comes to mental illness. labels can be very damaging, they should treat the person not the condition that they label you with. misdiagnosis is common.
Exactly ! psyche means soul. And shrinks don’t know what the soul is therefore they’re full of shut 💩
I have definitely presented all 4 types for extended periods in my life, so I don't think it can be as simple as you fit into one sub category or another. I think different life events, different treatments and management, drug or alcohol use could all be contributing factors in presenting a different category more predominantly at one time or another.
I never considered I was BPD until she described the quiet self-raging type... high functioning. I'm constantly blaming myself first and foremost when I disappoint others or experience a rejection and always have. Like normal things like job searching are so hard for me because the inevitable rejection involved is so overwhelming even when I know I don't want the job. And minor stress sends me into a tailspin where major stress is almost calming becuz I know I can do something useful to help.
Were you diagnosed ??
@@Mac-dy3su no...turns out I'm just plain old clinically depressed.
I remember therapist asking if I would treat my bf the way I treat myself - beating up myself. That I could see. Of course then my more f' d best friend did exactly what I was afraid of. Left. 35 years of laughs, cries, happiness, sadness and of course trusting!
I have a diagnosed BPD, and wow, what you are saying simply sounds like different stages of my life. Around 12 years ago I was absolutely type 3. Around 4 years ago i was type 4. Now I am between 1 and 2.
I was only recently diagnosed at 19 with BPD and its crazy how validating this is. I was more angry as a kid but now I have depressive, having adhd also doesn’t help either.
I'm definitely the first, I starved for years, dont like myself, its so hard to feel like this all of the time.
it’s so frustrating i’ve been researching it for over a year i know i have quiet bpd but i keep on being dismissed and told it’s just depression and trauma. i’m struggling so much and no one believes me
Bpd is a trauma disorder.
I don’t know you, but I believe you. I hope you keep working on healing and find the support you deserve.
i believe you. i’m actually kind of in a similar situation right now too. i hope you can get the validation and support that you need!
Gigi, my heart goes out to you, in big, mama bear, hugs. I won't elaborate, but just know that I truly feel your pain, and frustration. It's actually got me in tears for you.
I'm nearly 70yrs old, and have struggled all my life. This is why I understand how these ways of coping, (or not coping, as the case may be) all stem from a deep, and relentless inner pain. And, the inner turmoil, that is unceasing, even pervading one's sleep, is likened to going through life in a hurricane; emotionally, mentally, relationally, professionally, and even physically.
If you are in Cat.1, I hope you can find a sense of gratitude, and gratification, that say, Cat.4, does not. It is hell, to not be able to function, in any aspect of life or society.
I'm hoping you are young, and have many years ahead of you, to find the help and support, you so desperately need.
Please know that I am praying for, and hugging you, in spirit. Hang in there, kiddo. You matter in this world.
Just from what I've observed, quiet bpd and cptsd are basically the exact same. That's probably why they think it's just depression and trauma
Self Destructive Borderline Personality Disorder sounds like the best way to describe my symptoms. Thank you for this video
Over the years I've been feeling more entitled, angry and lash out at anyone near me. I've always been a crybaby but I cry in anger and that's worse. I'm on anxiety medication for GAD but BPD sounds a lot like me. My first cousin was diagnosed with BPD one day and just went quietly and committed suicide the next day.
Anxiety meds are the worst thing you can do to your life. Pure poison.
Eww so sorry. That just struck heart. We also are steeped in empathy.. Hopefully are ok
I've had BPD for a long time. And I am definitely the Quiet subtype. Thank you for furthering education on this disorder! It helps me understand myself so much better, and better be able to manage myself. :)
Hi there, I had a friend that was diagnosed with IED intermittent explosive disorder but her behaviour shiws all signs of BPD, and her current phyciatrist recently diagnosed her with that. Have you ever been misdiagnosed? There's also rage BPD is very similar to IED intermittent explosive disorder which is why I can understand she was misdiagnosed, but her 0-1000 Moods, and impulse decision and love to hate is very extreme which is not know for IED. Regardless its unfortunate to have either but after many years of suffering abuse and manipulate and feeling unsafe I couldn't bare it as I almost took my life due to her abuse among dealing with other stressful situations. I hope your doing well 🙏🙏
My goodness, I could listen to Dr. Ramani speak all day long! She explains things in such a way that keeps me locked in, which is not something that happens often with me - I have a habit of spacing off! I'm due to be assessed for ADHD at the age of 46, however since I started looking into it and how differently it presents in women, I have come across BPD, the quiet and depressive versions of which seem to describe me perfectly between them. I'll leave it to the psychiatrist to decide that, but it's very reassuring to learn that there is likely a medical reason for me to be the way I am, and that I'm not just a useless oxygen waster nobody cares about (least of all me!). Thank you for this interesting and eye-opening video, this gives me hope!
You are definitely not a waste of oxygen. You are so worth it and wonderfully made. Never forget that!
“This is how God showed his love to us: He sent his one and only Son into the world so that we could have life through him. This is what real love is: It is not our love for God; it is God’s love for us. He sent his Son to die in our place to take away our sins.”
1 John 4:9-10
@@discipleofjesus719 that's very kind of you, thank you 😊
The first time I read a book about BPD, it was a revelation. I see in comments mentions about the negative impact of label. I can definitely understand feeling that way but for me learning about BPD helped me understand both my upbringing and my own pathology. Giving the issue a name helped me to talk about it.
Book name?
@@etphonehome4511 Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. Stop Walking on Eggshells is another good one.
ADHD + quiet + depressive + anxiety
me too❤️
Same!! Started feeling like one of the only ones 😭
Ditoo :(
I’m trying so hard. Been through online CBT, Zoom DBT, waiting waiting waiting (thank you covid) on Trauma group therapy, watched several of these videos and CoDA. Seems like I’m teaching therapist about narcissism. Don’t have the funds for more qualified, as I just got on CPPD and even with that I’m still reliant on living with my mom cause it’s not enough to be on my own. Can hardly focus on hobbies, let alone a job. I don’t know how many more blows I can take. I’ve lost SO much, when staying too long and from stepping away myself more recently. Feels like my own family doesn’t even want to be around me. As always, the golden child’s scapegoat treated like the black sheep for speaking my truth. I just want to take a 10,000 year nap. I’m sooooo soul exhausted. At this point, only thing keeping me going is my little purring angel, snuggling in my armpit right now for cuddles. Is it ever going to change?
I have bpd its absolutely horrendous illness and with all my other illnesses it just makes it worst. Luckily after a two year admission and years of self work and listening to my therapist I’m finally more in control of me. My friend always tells me to keep working on myself since out of all her friends with bpd I’m the only one still alive . The disorder took her friends and she fears it will happen to me since I’m the only friend left with bpd. Seeing how scared she was really helped get rid of my suicidal behaviour. From that I taught myself to not give in to the thoughts it gives me . So to anyone struggling with bpd and feel like you won’t ever have control and that it’s impossible to improve and get better (not cured becayse can’t be cured but it can get better and easier to handle) I want to say you can get better , you can learn to cope with it and it does get easier. I’ve managed to do it you just need to really work on yourself constantly and all the time and get some therapy listen to the therapist and in time bpd becomes more capable and easier to handle. You got this , stay strong and keep fighting and working on yourselves . You ain’t a lost hope. It can get better . It don’t happen over night it took me years but it is possible that in time things get better and easier to cope with
I was recently diagnosed with borderline... And i strongly identify with the "quiet"/high-functioning BPD. The self-loathing... Anger and hatred that's very much turned inward... Self-harm/hatred. It's gotten better since i switched to a career where I'm not under constant supervision and scrutiny.
As a quiet borderline, I was waiting for this, thank you
Edit: lol, it seems that I am a depressive one not a quiet, my psychologist didn't talk to me about subtypes so I'm still not sure
As someone with quiet borderline*
@@Solace_System thank you 🖤 but search "I am borderline", it has a reference yes and I like it
same even I didnt know the subtypes so idrk which one i am but what i feel is either 1st or 4th
@@rajveerrandhawa6713 you have to remember that people do not neatly fit into boxes generally. Borderline is borderline, and it can present as each and every subtype over the course of someone's life and or based upon the situation. I would leave the subtyping to a professional, as it is just to see which presentation one is having a tendency towards most at the current time - not an end-all-be-all. To go with Dr. R's metaphor: just because the stone has many facets to it, that does not mean it cannot be smoothed out or made rougher over time.
@@Solace_System Someone with a brain
I was diagnosed with borderline traits last December. I crashed and admitted myself to the Peter Lougheed CSU (Critical Stabilization Unit) in Calgary. My struggle has been a lifetime. I didn't realize how much I have been fighting and fighting to try and have some small amount of happiness. I always believed that what went on in my head was my fault and that I could overcome; I would overcome god willing. Thank you for what you are doing. After a lifetime of fighting for yourself, you just get tired. I believe I have all 4 BPD traits in this video. Each one represents me. Where does a person turn for help!
It's sad how hypocritical some people are. It feels like some people here sympathise with all the other types of borderline except for the 3rd. Yes, the 3rd type can be challeging and can demand a lot of patience, but we're not sociopaths. Believe me, there's a lot of guilt and anxiety, and you feel like garbage for verbally abusing people or being mean to them when they don't deserve it. But even with the narcissistic traits, we have a lot of empathy and we feel deeply sorry when we cause people any harm. Also, therapy really works for us, especially when you have people in your life who know you're more than your anger outbursts. That way, we can understand that we don't have to feel guilty and ashamed, but rather we can take responsability for our actions and understand that we can't continue with this kind of behavior because it hurts people regardless of whether we did or didn't intend to hurt them. But the finger-pointing and accusations of us being abusive (I'm not saying we can't be in some cases) and someone you should keep a distance from, that all just contribute to make us feel more ashamed and unwilling to admit that we need to seek therapy.
Yes, I hope you heal. You must have become like this due to a lot of abandonment even after making a lot of efforts. I hope you heal!
I feel you and I have a friend who is going through the same type 3, he got so ashamed and guilty after his anger outburst. Lots of hugs for you and although many people are misunderstanding, many do understand. You've got this
@@lehien9818 Thank you ❤
Hey Ana
I also have BDP, although type 4, so i can't relate how it is to have Type 3. But I was often in and out of psychiatric wards, where I got to meet many with type 3 over the years. And yes, sometimes it was a little challenging, but these were always the people I got along with the most and loved the most and they me. Therefore i would never think of someone with BPD Type 3 as a sociopath or bad person and anyone who thinks this way is an ignorant. I think it's worth it to have understanding and patience, in the end we all need it.
@Wolf Pack TV Wtf is wrong with you? You don't even know me, it's not my fault or the other people with 3rd type bpd that your ex did what she did. I've NEVER beaten or abused anyone (sure, I've said mean, hurtful things when I was really mad, it was very toxic, but not abusive), nor have I ever cheated. If you think it's okay to just call someone you don't even know a sociopath without even thinking about how that's gonna affect them then you're not much better than an actual sociopath.
I have the angry subtype with the depressive subtype. A mix of those for sure. It's so hard. It affects my relationship so much. I cannot control my rage. It definitely feels extremely out of control and scary for me as I'm experiencing it. These videos are so validating for me as well
My heart goes out to you. All the best to you and never be discouraged because you are not alone in this friend
“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed in Spirit”
Psalm 34:18
@@discipleofjesus719 thank you for your comforting words 🙏
Wow, interesting. As a person working through this diagnosis, no wonder my therapist gets confused. Mix in past substance abuse and mood disorders can be misdiagnosed instead of PaWS.
What does PaWS mean?
@@miamiggwilson4849 post acute withdrawal symptoms- 6 months after being sober, patients can experience a wide range of symptoms from mood disorders, personality disorders, insomnia etc.
@@MrJerryStevenson Ok. Thank you!
Working with adolescent male delinquents, I have found that there were a LOT of borderline angry externalizing impulsive types. I have said that who would you like to work with? A person that yells at you when they are mad, or a person that will throw a chair when they are angry? It seems to me that there are a lot more male borderlines in our society that end up "locked up" because of their anger. DBT did seem to help them in treatment and I wish it were used with males more. Great video and helpful. Thank you for your presentation.
The quiet BPD fit me to a tee. Wow. I’m 64 years old and finally understand why I am how I am. Only God brought me through these past 42 years.
Hi. I know, great just finding out 10 years ago and now this is what I'm left with-nothing
I have a son with BPD and cannot convince him to seek therapy.He is definitely type 3 and can be very violent aggressive.Thank you for the explanations and ways to communicate.Wonderful videos with explanations easy for a lay man to understand.Will be following you permanently. following you constantly
Gotta love doctor Ramani
Thanks for this. I believe I would qualify as Quiet BPD based on what was said here. Some years ago I started taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds and that changed my perception of the world and myself amazingly. My children even realized that I stopped crying so much.
as a person dealing with BPD i must add that there are also people who are all 4 subgroups in one person. i have all 4 sub personalities inside me, all the time, the division feels very artificial.
yeah i noticed in a lot of these comments ppl struggle with a lot of the subtypes all together, just like you i deal with all 4 of them which is draining and confusing, i still think theres more wrong with me than meets the eye.
She knows this stuff EXTREMELY well. Brilliant!!
I've been diagnosed with BPD, & I will say I've made nearly a full recovery, in the past. The hard part is that I'm also diagnosed with PTSD of abandonment. I just wanted to comment about the different types of BPD that you talk about in the video...I don't like to admit or talk too much about it, bc to me its a bit embarrassing. I almost feel the different shifts, as my BPD gets worse, & they are in the exact order you explain them in, except i feel like they are phases a person can go through if they aren't actively working on their BPD with a professional. When I first got diagnosed, I honestly thought i was crazy, but i've since then learned to overcome the illness. Unfortunately, not before running myself into the ground, as we are known for... More recently, I had a relationship end, & it was so sudden, & 10 years with a person can really do some damage once its ended. I started showing up at his house, yelling for him to come outside....I would still in his driveway, freezing my butt off, for hours... it was torture... I had to figure out how accept the fact that i was on my own again...I also had a lot of suicide ideation around that time...A few times, wanting to do it to prove i wasn't all talk...i'm grateful for the awareness i have of myself or i may not have made it out of that whole situation...thats what i got for ya though...hope it helps or doesnt throw you off somehow...lol
Where you on medication?
2:39 that is so me. I have a tendency to perfection so when I make the smallest mistakes ever, I wish I would disappear. I'm a med student and I don't really know what I want to become in the future but I love helping others.
Edit: 18:53 sounds like my brain 🧠
Thanks Dr. Ramani, you're the best ❤
even I feel I m the 4th type but I wouldn’t self diagnose so I d leave it to professionals
Yes! Same! I call it being a self hating narcissist. I am the best, I have to be, or please kill me for not bring perfect. 😓😔
I feel that I've been all of this at different points in my life... the middle two types mostly when I was a kid. Thank you for the video. It's helping me understand myself.
Thank you Dr. Ramani and MedCircle for the content.
While watching I literally identified with all 4 types over different periods of my life. Definitely a 3 in addiction as well, sometimes a 1 as I’ve got my BA and work a very nice career in software (tho with many many job changes over the years), sometimes a 4 as I have developed fibromyalgia and I’ve become slow, tired, and depressed, and then also for years when I was younger, thin and beautiful I had zero sense of self so I developed this charming, coy persona to survive.
Now I am just stuck in this gigantic rut and nothing makes me feel better. I am sober but still have the same emotional turmoil that I always have, and no coping skills to deal with it. I have 3 kids that have had to endure my crazy choices, we live a mostly normal life but obvi emotionally dysregulated. I have so much guilt for that! But I just keep telling myself to do the best I can, even tho it often feels like I’m spinning my wheels and I want to give up.
I cried for hours when I finally identified with something (BPD). I was looking thru vids to see if I’m a narcissist when a BPD video popped up. It was like a flood gate opened. I am currently seeking a therapist who will use DBT. I am motivated and hopeful. ❤️🩹