I have been traumatised by being bullied at work. Bullies are not leaders, they are not special, they are not deserving of positive attention and being pulled up. They are what is wrong with the world.
even though they lack empathy, they also suffer themselves they could be struggling so much at home, and some people only have to deal with bullies at work it's not about you, people have lives outside of your existence
@@hannahlennertkristiansen4797 Why the "but bullies suffer too" mindset? You do know that bullies can be just.. bullies because they're just genuine assholes and like doing it?
I'm not gonna sugar coat it: this woman was a bully who legit got both *rewarded* and *taught* how to rebrand her bullying into a more palatable and corporate bully. She legit is thrilled in the retelling of these events.
The people who needed leadership skills and to be uplifted were the kids terrorized by these bullies. THEY’RE the ones who are often left working out their trauma well into adulthood, especially at work. 😩
Arguably, the bullies were the ones who needed leaders the most. As somebody who was bullied at home, the only logical behaviour was to bully other kids at school so that they wouldn't bully me.
Bullies are sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists (BLPD). So there is nothing we can do but treating them the way they treat us, this way they know behave yourself.
I agree with you 1000% Lilia W. Bullies need to be bullied back so that they know how it feels. They will get their karma and she’s going to kick their asses!
It's not necessarily about bullying them back, you just have to stand up for yourself. Bullies go after people who don't fight back. Bnelieve me if you stand up for yourself they will move on to an easier Target. B.ut you can't let them bully you for a year and then try to fight , back you have to stand up for yourself the first time and then they will leave you alone.
This is what privilege and superiority sound like. Shouting, acting, dramatizing. I have no doubt she terrorized rather than leads. I feel sorry for anyone ever under her thumb.
All the bullies I have known from 40 and 50 years ago are still pieces of s*** today. So they have never learned to be a nice person. And I'm sure they have had opportunities in all that time to have learned from someone or from life. You see the the bully's from 50 years ago don't understand how they have shaped my life in a negative way all these years later. Nor do they care. Nor could anybody make them understand the ramifications of their actions. Because their parents didn't care either.
They're usually emotionally stunted at 3 years old like all abusers. There's no getting through to them because they're already perfect & superior in their false reality that they believe to be true. Self-absorbed & entitled to the extreme.
A former bully now claims to be a Christian and has a wife and family. I call bullcrap because if he was really a Christian, he would go to my parents' house and apologize for terrorizing me for 5 years.
So your point is to give bullies more power !!! What in the world is that.. Linda Parker was smart enough to contain your aggressive behaviours at that time with specific circumstances but that doesn’t mean you have changed. I don’t see any regrets to what you have done, no apology, no remorse even your tune of voice tells about you
@@thecongo8505 Bullies are not leaders. On the contrary: Bullies are sheep, only strong in groups. When I used to meet my bullies when they were alone, their behavior was a completely different one from the one they showed at school when they bullied me. In private, they knew there’s no support. It was a one on one kind of thing. At school, however, I was alone against them all. That’s when they felt strong. Tell me, is such a person a leader? No! None of my bullies has a leading role where he or she works. Because they are not leaders. They’re cowards who need the backup of other to do anything because else, they wouldn’t have the balls to do it.
"I'm a bully! I have no empathy and intentionally manipulate people! PUT ME IN CHARGE OF ALL THE THINGS SO I CAN HAVE MORE NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY!!!!" Um...no, sis.
It’s something about the way that this women speaks that gives me the creeps.. She sounds so ‘made up’, like she’s acting out a role. My only thought is -does she actually have empathy or is she just faking it? Cause my gut tells me she’s way too detached to care about anybody else but herself. Doesn’t seem ashamed or regretful at all for bullying and threatening ppl.. She seems more proud of being a “misguided leader”. She just wants to help ppl to look good. That’s it.
i got all around bad vibes from this woman and her anecdotal evidence isn’t a strong enough argument for me to be even slightly convinced…she still has very arrogant energy
The problem is organizations tend to promote bullies at the workspace because these bullies speak confidently and know how to used words to impress senior management..they target girls and weak man in the workspace...but once you start to draft their activities via email sms call recording they beg for mercy and apologize...
Agreed. The problem is cowards in positions of power. They would rather appease rather than stand up to the bully. If my kid had been bullied by her i would kick her up and down the stage.
Or they just double down and push you until they drive you to leave. (I’ve watched my boss do it twice and she’s trying to do it to me now.) I can’t go to HR because 9 times in 10, the person who complains ends up fired. So, our choice is just to outlast the bully.
Nobody is a weak man or woman. The leadership don't even have a clue about most jobs in their organizations. They get to top by knowing the right people.
@@999timepass nobody is weak like you are. Your comment proves common sense is not so common. Just for proving your point, you are able to twist the facts, people must be suffering around you..
@@spirituallyincorrect2198 And your comment without knowing facts. I have been researching on workplace bullying, mobbing snd toxic workplaces for 7 years. The reason I said nobody is 'weak' is you need to know the power of words and gaslighting.
They really need to talk more about this management that choose bullying and verbal abuse as a managing technique really needs to be addressed. No one is taking that abuse.
I wonder whether its just her form of presentation. She is taking her life story and presenting it in a very dramatic way. To me it sounds narcissistic.
I don't know quite how to react to this. I am grateful to Dr. Parker. I'm glad that she was able to use this intervention in a positive way for the school, community, and Ms. Geez. That being sad, I have not heard her apologize to the numerous students, teachers, and parents PERSONALLY. Apologize for the damage SHE did. Not bullies in general. It's harder, I recognize, but it seems an important act. I hope she continues to help others. I'd much rather see people making a positive difference in the world than getting caught up in the justice system.
Sometimes you just have to let them know you are not the one to f**k with and take matters into your own hands. That's the only way some of them will ever get it.
@@alexjohnson2222 yep me too. I did this without even cussing them out and they lied on me saying I called them a “fcking hoe”. Of course mgmt believed them because they were working there longer than I have and fired me. lol
I'm sorry - but I'm sick of hearing of the so-called advice "if you stand up to the bully, they will stop". If you are dealing with a narcissist, they will not stop and will escalate instead, all the while denying that you've made any attempts to stop their behavior. They are also liars
Bullies want to be noticed, popular leaders but they go about it the wrong way. I remember seeing my husband's mother (bully) being given the role as head of canteen at the school. She ended up embarrassing herself so much with all her mistakes that she never came back again.
I never seen a bully change 💯 even when you stand up to them. Trust me i know i was bullied and i stood up to a bully but that didn't work but made it worse. People will provoke you more when they know what they are doing is brothering you When i ignore them and focus on me thats work. They eventually backed up. Everyone's situation is different. I hope my comment helped those who were bullied like myself
The fact she did all this sht(intentionally misspelled) and never got her bad karma to bite her really shows how the worlds works and karma picks and chooses
So You’re method to stop a sociopathic bully, who is mostly devoid of ethics, or compasion, and 10:42 promote them to a position of responsibility? Your’e a polished speaker, without a salient message to those who have been bullied. Glad it worked out for you.
I've been traumatized because of bullies to the point that i don't want to go to school, first day of highschool I'm really nervous thinking that they'll bully me, I started avoiding my big classmates thinking that they're bullies.
Use the experience to build your strength. Stand up for yourself. Always back yourself. This worked for me. And now I defend others from bullying. And I take the bullies on. You can't get rid of them, but you can take them on. Don't limit YOUR life, happiness and opportunities for these insecure losers.
How I understand it is that she was in pain and projected it on others. Dr. Parker helped her heal and channel her energy in a better way. She turned her pain into positive actions as she felt she had a purpose so could change the way she believed about herself and therefore act better towards others.With the support and redirection, she could transform her pain of the past (missing her father and feeling rejected/ lost), and utilise the energy in a positive way. She took the opportunity to learn and rehabilitate. I don't believe all bullies are leaders, but every person needs a purpose and feel significant. If you feel like you have value, why would a person like then carry on embarrassing themselves and demeaning their reputation with bad behaviour? Once a person is seen by others as 'good' and important with the ability to create positive change, they get more support and the human factor comes in. She is describing here how she changed and got to understand herself and the impact of her bullying. Some bullies can't feel remorse as they feel misunderstood and like they are the victim of society. Takes a lot for all of us to learn and how to focus our energy in a more positive way. Hope she didn't bully the people she was working with on the project, but that her character changed. Hope she learnt others also have feelings and we should protect one another from hurt, not cause it.
I'm really not sure what i'm supposed to take away from this. I'm not seeing anything about how to make a bully resign. All I see is someone who appears to have absolutely no remorse for her actions speaking with pride and a beaming smile about she tormented and manipulated others, and how that springboarded her into a good life. Well good for her, but rewarding bullies by elevating them to positions of power seems like an absolutely terrible idea to me. Lessons in empathy and accountability would be a much better learning experience for these people because meanwhile, victims spend years and money trying to heal from the devastating insecurity and mental health issues that have been caused by bullies who act without one single thought for the concequences of their actions. Looking through the comments section I see I'm not the only victim of bullying who felt their hackles rise. The title of this talk is misleading I was expecting a former bully teaching victims how to cope with their own bullies.
I like the reintegration goal and positive outlook of the school mentor. I hope that this former bully chose to privately apologize from the heart to those she hurt/terrorized. Reintegration is vital, so is genuine humility.
I do accept that both the bullied and the bullies have huge problems that need to be addressed. Part of me does mentally assent and support anything that can redirect bullies to proper outlets for their problems that they normally express by bullying others. But until those bullies learn to be beaten down and bullied themselves and genuinely feel how the bullied feel and apologise, they haven't learned anything about repentance and making up for it - and you can't talk about successful redirection of bullies without addressing justice and indebtedness. That is why, as great as this program and your story sounds, it doesn't escape me that your talk lets nearly all of that half of the issue out the back door unaddressed. You said sorry, but are you really sorry? No-one but you can really know, and after hearing this, I don't feel I can really trust that you really know what it is to be personally crushed, and that will always hamper your ability to speak to the bullied. You don't have a great program. You only have half a great program. Work on the other half.
I agree! Well said! A huge part of what bullies, and others, need to understand is that amends is about repairing the harms done. Just apologizing just repair the harm. Bullies need to be held accountable by doing things that truly help their victims recover and repair the harm done. If a plate gets slammed on the ground and broken, it doesn't go back together if you say your sorry....it takes effort and focus to put all those shards back together
If you confront someone who you feel expresses bully behaviour, then a genuine bully will just give off a smug laugh and be like "lol what? xD" and pretend to not understand anything, whereas someone who doesn't actually mean any harm will seem very concerned, and then apologise for this and try to make up for it in any ways necessary.
Thank you for being able to see through her BS. I don’t use the word narcissist litely. But here we are. How anyone of sound reason gave the green light on this nonsense is beyond me.
Bullies seem to only see strong vs. weak, how do we help a bully see that the world doesn't work that way, and what can be done to speak in its language to help him/her to understand the consequences?
They don't see things any other way and don't care. Like you said everything is a heirarchy based on power. They believe their reality & way of thinking to be the right way & there's no getting through a narcissist. The only thing you can do is be strong & confident & have boundaries because they aren't going to be kind & fair.
I recall being bullied and using the 'ignore' technique. But you'll live a life being submissive. Later I sorted every bully out by smashing them in the face and making sure I did it infront of others. That does the job. Everything else is bollocks.
I wish you would have told your story at the end of the lecture because I was just torked listening to you once I heard how you bullied others. I wondered if you went back and apologized to those you bullied. If you would have told the story of what works and then added on that the person you spoke about was you I would have been a better listener. Having said that - good job.
Why was a narcissist given a platform to aggrandize herself? She's pinning the blame for her narcissism on her father's absence. That's narcissism 101.
I love how she is being applauded for being a former bully. I was bullied the entirety of my life and I want to hear from her victims about who she really is and what damage she has caused in those people's lives while cleverly redesigning her public persona to assume the role of leaders. And these people just applaud her while her victims are so depressed they can't make it off the couch to go to their minimum wage jobs. Equality yall. What.....a....joke.
Back in the days when we lived as tribes and had wise folks to keep an eye on the members, it was tradition to either expel or kill the no good-bully. Job done!
I'm glad that worked for her. My ex boss had a "project" child. She caused several people to resign; but, my ex boss would not allow her to fail. Determined leaders do not affect cluster B personalities.
xD I bullies aren't misguided leaders. Met enough managers that are incompetent and have no idea to lead but looove the power. Eventually they get caught out by their own managers (only after leaving a big mess to clean up)
Society as a whole, at least in the US, always try to motivate the bad or weak person vs those that are doing the right thing or are in the middle. People that are subpar get incentives to become average. Bullies are given 'positive' ways to use their influence and power. I don't want fake remorse so i give her props for having the gull to admit she was a bully (and pretty hardcore to boot!! She legit did crimes it wasn't just 'mean girl' type stuff) and have the common sense to repackage her character traits. She needs to polish her public speaking skills.
Wow You threatened the kid's parent, WTF. I really hope you went and apologised, not that it will change anything. And you're making wanting to see ur father an excuse for all of that. Uuugh
This is one of the scariest thing I have seen, the official endorsed and funded with our money program to cater for and further cover up anti-social behavior. I understand people are desperate to find a solution, but this is exactly the opposite of what is need it. Action=consequence is what works. .
‘You have the right to be offended but you don’t have the right to stay offended. You let me handle those students while focus on the task at hand.’ No truer words… that’s God’s call to all of us.
@@mamavswildYou can feel how you want. But it will ultimately carry over into other areas of your life and trust issues will abound. Trust me. I know from experience. I was bullied too. But when you let God handle them, you can go free. I pray peace into your life.
Well theres 16 minutes of my life im not getting back. Petty much just a platform for grandiose narcissistic psychopaths. Would be a perfect stage for my corporately brainwashed ex wife. She too goes around pretending she isnt still a bully completely in love with herself. So.... how fo you make a bully resign then because theres no mention of this.
Another bully encouraged -it is this kind of behavior that is making the American workplace both difficult for workers and even more difficult for employers to retain talent
UNFORTUNATELY they do. Management positions attract bullies because they are power hungry and know that they will get away with the behavior because people desperately need their jobs to pay bills and will not chance retaliation. 😕😡
I have had some misguided leaders who were also bullies and I've had some amazing leaders who were never bullies. It's also great to mentor bullies into becoming better people, and to apologize. If she wanted to thoroughly make amends, however, she should also help the bullying victims who suffer the long-term effects of bullying and have her bullying kids help. There is no pride in bullying and they should see the effects of their cruel disregard for other human beings and repent.
I read the comments to get a sense of some others' impressions. For me, this is a little weird. She admits being a bully, but I missed the taking responsibility for that part and the remorse. She doesn't owe us that, but she does owe that to her victims, and it would help this presentation. As it is, as others have said, this reads a bit like the speaker is not aware of the impacts. Hearing it would help those who have been bullied and those who have bullied as well. Growth starts with awareness and noticing cause and effect and remorse over hurting others, then the energy to do something different is much stronger. The self feels better, healthier, more deserving.
@@annastarr2043Which leadership abilities? People who aren't bullies have leadership abilities too. So there is no need for employers to reward bullying behaviour. The truth is that in most working environments bullies succeed because they are promoted "out of harm's way". If they aren't in charge, they just disrupt and destroy other people's work.
@@annastarr2043 I just don't understand how bullying behaviour can ever be seen as an asset. If you go into any workplace, any where, the biggest bully will never be the person who is best at their job. They might have less self doubt because there is often a huge Dunning-Kruger problem with these idiots.
@@GlasPthalocyanine I dont know how u translated what i said into that diatribe about bullying. I said these bullying freaks of nature have leadership abilities exploit them!
This sure is a lot of hate for the speaker here. It sounds to me that she had transformed and changed, and it sounds as if most people don't like the idea of somebody who's a bully transforming into someone who helps others instead. They just want them to stay as identity of being a bully. I'm not making light of it, as I've been bullied myself, but I'm actually glad that she learned to channel her behavior into doing something useful to help others. And who knows maybe she did go back and apologize to those that she bullied. This is just one snippet of her life that you've seen. I know I'm going to get hate for this to, typical of social media.
For those of you who do not want to become bullies yourselves in retaliation to being bullied, I have a homework suggestion; Bill Eddy’s books. He has several. He is or has been a mediator/counselor/social worker/lawyer.The book I found the most informative was “Why We Elect Narcissists & Sociopaths & How We Can Stop!” It has the most detail. For shorter, to the point yet more generally applicable; go for BIFF - Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns.
I was bullied at work, and my bully boss has returned. I also had an absent father, an emotionally unstable mother, and had depression growing up...but I never bullied anyone. This lady does not really seem remorseful. Its like being on TED Talks is just giving her another platform to feel special and powerful. :/
When I was 11 years old and in my last year of cubs boy scouts, a 12 year old boy scout who was best friend with my 12 year old cousin who lived 2 streets away from my parents house, was bulying everyone he could get to catch his victims with the guards down was given a "shot" at being our leader of our group of 6 boys. At our summer boy scout camp, hidden in his suitcase was a prohibited item he would shortly reveal to us with all of his glorious pride of sneaking it on camp grounds without getting caught by the adults. The day after he used it to get us to things to ourselves we didn't want to do but we ceaded into the fear and answered his commanding orders. He then told us to never tell anyone what he did to us. The same day he did this to us, he was sent home as apparently his Grand-Mother had passed away. He left us damaged by trauma and muzzled. My aunt was always saying how he was an angel and always being at her service...
I work with kids ages 5 to 12 but have realised that just like adults their character traits are evident from childhood. Kids who seem to be challenging, big headed, strong willed, unapologetic, out spoken etcetera are usually choleric or sanguine. If not well guided they character trait could rub others the wrong way. They need to be helped to use their energies in a good way and this is why as we parent we need to know which category our kids fall in so we don't look at the challenging child as a problem but help them
She did apologize to those she bullied, but it’s hard to believe this as sincere. She took Dr. Parker’s program and repackaged it as her own. That’s bullying (stealing) in business.
Bruh do not put bullies into leadership.. put them into TEAMS. This was the most concerning Ted talk, her tone and demeanor is coming from an unhinged place
man it always amazes me how the school i went to only cared about protecting the wealthy families and the clique think and there teachers suffered for it too like the ones she talks about and she is lucky to have had superior upstanding adults there at the school
I have been bullied as a kid, and like others I wonder about her leadership skills as a former bully, but the reactions here feel very negative. Yes, a lot of bullies and psychopaths end up in managerial positions. The main difference is that they are not self-aware. This woman admits she used to be a bully.
She may technically admit it, but she is now using this 'former bully' label for her own self-promotion and self-agrandisement. Notice how the talk centers around how great she is. I did not detect any genuine humility or remorse, and no understanding of the harm she caused others.
And so the title says “how to make a workplace bully to resign”. I can’t even recall any topic about workplace bullying in here. Please at least change the title. Congrats on your positive journey and it is a fantastic speech for teachers with students but for someone who just had a bad bullying day at work and are sitting down for ideas for help- this was not the correct place to find it.
I was bullied in Elementary and even through high school, however I'm not here still trying to make a bully out of someone, STILL. The fact that some of ya'll are still trying to project your hurt shows the lack of healing you've done. Ya'll need to get over it and move on and seek the counseling you need. Don't be stuck somewhere someone put you 20 years ago. They literally don't live in that space anymore and don't really care that you're going through it because of them. So your power lies within yourself. DON'T stay stuck. Your energy deserves to be re-directed within and let the healing begin.
This is the problem she is still the bully she never healed and there are mean girls that destroy work places bc they create the toxic enviorment with the same tactics smh 🤦
I was strong willed as a little kid and flipped to being timid and very shy from 5th grade onward (I was still strong willed at home though!). I can't say I bullied anyone, but kids who have a strong will, whether that will is voiced or not, are driven for a reason. There's always a purpose behind it. Every student has potential and it's all too easy to look at a kid acting in an unacceptable way and immediately think that their actions define their potential. So not true. Whether a student is shy and timid or loud and strong willed, they all have the potential to turn what they think are negative traits in themselves to positive ones that God can use to change the world through them. Thank you for this TEDtalk. Awesome!:)
I was also strong-willed (still am) and loud, but after some years, this got shut down by continuous bullying throughout primary school :) It can also work the other way around.
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Bullies should never manage people. Not unless you want your whole team to quit.
I have been traumatised by being bullied at work. Bullies are not leaders, they are not special, they are not deserving of positive attention and being pulled up. They are what is wrong with the world.
I feel that. I hope you are doing well now.
I hate it. It is so common most of the times they get away with it.
even though they lack empathy, they also suffer themselves
they could be struggling so much at home, and some people only have to deal with bullies at work
it's not about you, people have lives outside of your existence
@@hannahlennertkristiansen4797 we are NOT a bully's punching bag!!!!!
@@hannahlennertkristiansen4797 Why the "but bullies suffer too" mindset? You do know that bullies can be just.. bullies because they're just genuine assholes and like doing it?
I'm not gonna sugar coat it: this woman was a bully who legit got both *rewarded* and *taught* how to rebrand her bullying into a more palatable and corporate bully.
She legit is thrilled in the retelling of these events.
She doesn't sound remorseful about her years of bullying and manipulating, she sounds proud of it.
Thank you
How should she feel about it? I’m not saying you are wrong or she is right.
@@PeteS_1994 She admitted that she was a bully but did not admit she was wrong, and she blamed her situation for it.
YEP I SO AGREE
Y’all didn’t watch until the end huh 🤡
A narcisist that believes she is special and justifies her actions playing the victim, there are people that are bullied with absent fathers too
Yeah i jst had to stop the ted talk, who signs these ppl btw
yup, lack of remorse, blames another and feels special. That's when I stopped watching.
The people who needed leadership skills and to be uplifted were the kids terrorized by these bullies. THEY’RE the ones who are often left working out their trauma well into adulthood, especially at work. 😩
Ain’t that the truth
So true
Arguably, the bullies were the ones who needed leaders the most. As somebody who was bullied at home, the only logical behaviour was to bully other kids at school so that they wouldn't bully me.
Bullies don’t deserve much in my mind. I hate them.
Yep.
Who organized this? Who gave voice to this bully? She sounds so proud of it, and defends people like herself.
Bullies are sociopaths/psychopaths/narcissists (BLPD). So there is nothing we can do but treating them the way they treat us, this way they know behave yourself.
I agree with you 1000% Lilia W. Bullies need to be bullied back so that they know how it feels. They will get their karma and she’s going to kick their asses!
It's not necessarily about bullying them back, you just have to stand up for yourself.
Bullies go after people who don't fight back.
Bnelieve me if you stand up for yourself they will move on to an easier Target.
B.ut you can't let them bully you for a year and then try to fight , back you have to stand up for yourself the first time and then they will leave you alone.
@@luvmenow33 sometimes they back off….my daughter was bullied and when she started fighting back it excited the bully more…
An eye for an eye - till the whole world is blind, eh? Look, bullies need help and if you don't like the program, by all means don't participate.
@@FeFe-el2hf if you bully back it means that you`re a bully either. lol
This is what privilege and superiority sound like. Shouting, acting, dramatizing. I have no doubt she terrorized rather than leads. I feel sorry for anyone ever under her thumb.
❤
A true leader is a person who brings out the best in others - not just in skills, but their character as well
@@Here4TheHeckOfIt Preach
Bullies need therapy, not spotlight. What even ...
More like a punch in a kisser rather tnan a therapy.
Sadly bullies think they don't need it.
Save the therapy for those who need it....their victims.
All the bullies I have known from 40 and 50 years ago are still pieces of s*** today. So they have never learned to be a nice person. And I'm sure they have had opportunities in all that time to have learned from someone or from life. You see the the bully's from 50 years ago don't understand how they have shaped my life in a negative way all these years later. Nor do they care. Nor could anybody make them understand the ramifications of their actions. Because their parents didn't care either.
They're usually emotionally stunted at 3 years old like all abusers. There's no getting through to them because they're already perfect & superior in their false reality that they believe to be true. Self-absorbed & entitled to the extreme.
A former bully now claims to be a Christian and has a wife and family. I call bullcrap because if he was really a Christian, he would go to my parents' house and apologize for terrorizing me for 5 years.
Probably still a bully, but a covert one.
And a narcissist who loves to dupe others.
My bully works as a Psychologist now
So your point is to give bullies more power !!! What in the world is that.. Linda Parker was smart enough to contain your aggressive behaviours at that time with specific circumstances but that doesn’t mean you have changed. I don’t see any regrets to what you have done, no apology, no remorse even your tune of voice tells about you
Thank you for these words. I thought exactly the same.
Her point is that bullies are leaders who just need guidance to exverise their leadership in the right way
@@thecongo8505 Bullies are not leaders. On the contrary: Bullies are sheep, only strong in groups. When I used to meet my bullies when they were alone, their behavior was a completely different one from the one they showed at school when they bullied me. In private, they knew there’s no support. It was a one on one kind of thing. At school, however, I was alone against them all. That’s when they felt strong. Tell me, is such a person a leader? No! None of my bullies has a leading role where he or she works. Because they are not leaders. They’re cowards who need the backup of other to do anything because else, they wouldn’t have the balls to do it.
Well said. In her tone of voice I hear brag. A typical cluster B narcissist
"I'm a bully! I have no empathy and intentionally manipulate people! PUT ME IN CHARGE OF ALL THE THINGS SO I CAN HAVE MORE NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY!!!!" Um...no, sis.
I totally agree and like your ending. “ Um..no sis”. 👏👏👍👍
💯
Why do you like being a bully. Bullies are nothing but jerks,selfish and self centered people who care about themselves only.
This is basically the gist of this Ted talk. Her mother must be so proud💀
It’s something about the way that this women speaks that gives me the creeps.. She sounds so ‘made up’, like she’s acting out a role. My only thought is -does she actually have empathy or is she just faking it? Cause my gut tells me she’s way too detached to care about anybody else but herself. Doesn’t seem ashamed or regretful at all for bullying and threatening ppl.. She seems more proud of being a “misguided leader”. She just wants to help ppl to look good. That’s it.
I feel same way
Yup same
I find her incredibly cringy. Toxic narcissist.
Most bullies do this. Actually bullies end up doing great in their life in general
Right 2 minutes in and I'm out...
i got all around bad vibes from this woman and her anecdotal evidence isn’t a strong enough argument for me to be even slightly convinced…she still has very arrogant energy
She gets recognition for being a pity human. While victims like us have to live years with feelings and thoughts that sometimes are never recognized.
Promote a bully to be an authoritative figure as a way to improve her bully attitude? NO!
Just feeding a monster is all they did.
Right! the word no is a complete sentence NO!
The problem is organizations tend to promote bullies at the workspace because these bullies speak confidently and know how to used words to impress senior management..they target girls and weak man in the workspace...but once you start to draft their activities via email sms call recording they beg for mercy and apologize...
Agreed. The problem is cowards in positions of power. They would rather appease rather than stand up to the bully. If my kid had been bullied by her i would kick her up and down the stage.
Or they just double down and push you until they drive you to leave. (I’ve watched my boss do it twice and she’s trying to do it to me now.) I can’t go to HR because 9 times in 10, the person who complains ends up fired. So, our choice is just to outlast the bully.
Nobody is a weak man or woman. The leadership don't even have a clue about most jobs in their organizations. They get to top by knowing the right people.
@@999timepass nobody is weak like you are. Your comment proves common sense is not so common. Just for proving your point, you are able to twist the facts, people must be suffering around you..
@@spirituallyincorrect2198
And your comment without knowing facts. I have been researching on workplace bullying, mobbing snd toxic workplaces for 7 years. The reason I said nobody is 'weak' is you need to know the power of words and gaslighting.
So the way to make bullies quit is to actually promote them into managerial roles? With a perhaps pay raise???
This is a very bad idea.
Yea this is the worst idea on the planet lol.
This is what is happening in our world which is why bullies keep getting away with it and nice people keep being targets until they get mean too
On the plus side maybe the pressure will break them?
😂
They really need to talk more about this management that choose bullying and verbal abuse as a managing technique really needs to be addressed. No one is taking that abuse.
That is the name of the game. To bulky people you don't like. It makes you look better when you harass and intimidate.
Unfortunately, it's common..
@@samf.s.7731 Now that’s unfortunate
Fake is written all Over this woman’s face.. she seems heartless
I was thinking the same thing. She still looks & sounds like a bully too.
I wonder whether its just her form of presentation. She is taking her life story and presenting it in a very dramatic way. To me it sounds narcissistic.
I don't know quite how to react to this. I am grateful to Dr. Parker. I'm glad that she was able to use this intervention in a positive way for the school, community, and Ms. Geez. That being sad, I have not heard her apologize to the numerous students, teachers, and parents PERSONALLY. Apologize for the damage SHE did. Not bullies in general. It's harder, I recognize, but it seems an important act. I hope she continues to help others. I'd much rather see people making a positive difference in the world than getting caught up in the justice system.
She may have apologized privately.
She apologized near the end of her talk.
@@anndixon4577 One on one, or in front of cameras so she can get applauded for it? Come on
Maybe she already has.
She brings it like an excuse… sad
Sometimes you just have to let them know you are not the one to f**k with and take matters into your own hands. That's the only way some of them will ever get it.
That’s what I did and that’s why I’m here
@@alexjohnson2222 yep me too. I did this without even cussing them out and they lied on me saying I called them a “fcking hoe”. Of course mgmt believed them because they were working there longer than I have and fired me. lol
That's right. I'm currently doing that with my bully, narcissist boss and my employment union.
I'm sorry - but I'm sick of hearing of the so-called advice "if you stand up to the bully, they will stop". If you are dealing with a narcissist, they will not stop and will escalate instead, all the while denying that you've made any attempts to stop their behavior. They are also liars
@@Here4TheHeckOfIt. Narcissists do not respect boundaries.
Bullies want to be noticed, popular leaders but they go about it the wrong way. I remember seeing my husband's mother (bully) being given the role as head of canteen at the school. She ended up embarrassing herself so much with all her mistakes that she never came back again.
I never seen a bully change 💯 even when you stand up to them. Trust me i know i was bullied and i stood up to a bully but that didn't work but made it worse. People will provoke you more when they know what they are doing is brothering you
When i ignore them and focus on me thats work. They eventually backed up. Everyone's situation is different. I hope my comment helped those who were bullied like myself
The fact she did all this sht(intentionally misspelled) and never got her bad karma to bite her really shows how the worlds works and karma picks and chooses
@T20 👍
You don't know that. They could get hurt behind closed doors....we wouldn't know
It's coming. It will probably hit her in her old age.
@@Feber2001 And you don't know that either. They could just maybe be a bully with no broken home that is successful no matter what
@@cloydxx yeah
I still have nightmares about the relational aggression that happened to me. Still. I’m 30 years old. Bullies don’t deserve anything.
So You’re method to stop a sociopathic bully, who is mostly devoid of ethics, or compasion, and 10:42 promote them to a position of responsibility? Your’e a polished speaker, without a salient message to those who have been bullied. Glad it worked out for you.
I've been traumatized because of bullies to the point that i don't want to go to school, first day of highschool I'm really nervous thinking that they'll bully me, I started avoiding my big classmates thinking that they're bullies.
How’s everything going now?
Stay strong. You're special, and they know it, they're weak.
Use the experience to build your strength. Stand up for yourself. Always back yourself. This worked for me. And now I defend others from bullying. And I take the bullies on. You can't get rid of them, but you can take them on. Don't limit YOUR life, happiness and opportunities for these insecure losers.
How I understand it is that she was in pain and projected it on others. Dr. Parker helped her heal and channel her energy in a better way. She turned her pain into positive actions as she felt she had a purpose so could change the way she believed about herself and therefore act better towards others.With the support and redirection, she could transform her pain of the past (missing her father and feeling rejected/ lost), and utilise the energy in a positive way. She took the opportunity to learn and rehabilitate. I don't believe all bullies are leaders, but every person needs a purpose and feel significant. If you feel like you have value, why would a person like then carry on embarrassing themselves and demeaning their reputation with bad behaviour? Once a person is seen by others as 'good' and important with the ability to create positive change, they get more support and the human factor comes in. She is describing here how she changed and got to understand herself and the impact of her bullying. Some bullies can't feel remorse as they feel misunderstood and like they are the victim of society. Takes a lot for all of us to learn and how to focus our energy in a more positive way. Hope she didn't bully the people she was working with on the project, but that her character changed. Hope she learnt others also have feelings and we should protect one another from hurt, not cause it.
I'm really not sure what i'm supposed to take away from this. I'm not seeing anything about how to make a bully resign. All I see is someone who appears to have absolutely no remorse for her actions speaking with pride and a beaming smile about she tormented and manipulated others, and how that springboarded her into a good life. Well good for her, but rewarding bullies by elevating them to positions of power seems like an absolutely terrible idea to me. Lessons in empathy and accountability would be a much better learning experience for these people because meanwhile, victims spend years and money trying to heal from the devastating insecurity and mental health issues that have been caused by bullies who act without one single thought for the concequences of their actions. Looking through the comments section I see I'm not the only victim of bullying who felt their hackles rise. The title of this talk is misleading I was expecting a former bully teaching victims how to cope with their own bullies.
Exactly what I thought.
Same
She sounds like a sociopath and those types never change. You can't cure a personality disorder.
I like the reintegration goal and positive outlook of the school mentor. I hope that this former bully chose to privately apologize from the heart to those she hurt/terrorized. Reintegration is vital, so is genuine humility.
When she described going to a new school, she described transforming from coercion to leadership, very interesting.
I do accept that both the bullied and the bullies have huge problems that need to be addressed. Part of me does mentally assent and support anything that can redirect bullies to proper outlets for their problems that they normally express by bullying others.
But until those bullies learn to be beaten down and bullied themselves and genuinely feel how the bullied feel and apologise, they haven't learned anything about repentance and making up for it - and you can't talk about successful redirection of bullies without addressing justice and indebtedness.
That is why, as great as this program and your story sounds, it doesn't escape me that your talk lets nearly all of that half of the issue out the back door unaddressed. You said sorry, but are you really sorry? No-one but you can really know, and after hearing this, I don't feel I can really trust that you really know what it is to be personally crushed, and that will always hamper your ability to speak to the bullied.
You don't have a great program. You only have half a great program. Work on the other half.
I agree! Well said! A huge part of what bullies, and others, need to understand is that amends is about repairing the harms done. Just apologizing just repair the harm. Bullies need to be held accountable by doing things that truly help their victims recover and repair the harm done. If a plate gets slammed on the ground and broken, it doesn't go back together if you say your sorry....it takes effort and focus to put all those shards back together
If you confront someone who you feel expresses bully behaviour, then a genuine bully will just give off a smug laugh and be like "lol what? xD" and pretend to not understand anything, whereas someone who doesn't actually mean any harm will seem very concerned, and then apologise for this and try to make up for it in any ways necessary.
Yes. Most bullies will ramp up the abuse if you confront them.
So she is the ring leader of all bullies that she encourages to turn into nightmare bosses of your life??
Thank you for being able to see through her BS. I don’t use the word narcissist litely. But here we are. How anyone of sound reason gave the green light on this nonsense is beyond me.
Bullies seem to only see strong vs. weak, how do we help a bully see that the world doesn't work that way, and what can be done to speak in its language to help him/her to understand the consequences?
They don't see things any other way and don't care. Like you said everything is a heirarchy based on power. They believe their reality & way of thinking to be the right way & there's no getting through a narcissist. The only thing you can do is be strong & confident & have boundaries because they aren't going to be kind & fair.
I recall being bullied and using the 'ignore' technique. But you'll live a life being submissive. Later I sorted every bully out by smashing them in the face and making sure I did it infront of others.
That does the job. Everything else is bollocks.
I wish I could punch my boss in the face.
Agree. But I used my words and my posture. Stand tall and confident.
Wow bullying is the way to go!
🤣
Apparently narcissism should be rewarded.
Psychopathy is being rewarded and look what it's doing to our planet and children
This sounds like my kid's school.
Totally pro bully.
Document everything!
Bully made it to TEDtalk. While the victims are left to comment below.
Ridiculous.
I was thinking the exact same thing 🤔
YOU WERE NOT SCARED BECAUSE BULLYS ARE PSYCHOPATHS WITH NO FEELINGS
I wish you would have told your story at the end of the lecture because I was just torked listening to you once I heard how you bullied others. I wondered if you went back and apologized to those you bullied. If you would have told the story of what works and then added on that the person you spoke about was you I would have been a better listener. Having said that - good job.
Why was a narcissist given a platform to aggrandize herself? She's pinning the blame for her narcissism on her father's absence. That's narcissism 101.
The worst kind of bully is one who thinks they've grown out of it.
So we're rewarding bullies now?
Yup
I love how she is being applauded for being a former bully. I was bullied the entirety of my life and I want to hear from her victims about who she really is and what damage she has caused in those people's lives while cleverly redesigning her public persona to assume the role of leaders. And these people just applaud her while her victims are so depressed they can't make it off the couch to go to their minimum wage jobs.
Equality yall. What.....a....joke.
Equality? Bullying is inherently hierarchical
Back in the days when we lived as tribes and had wise folks to keep an eye on the members, it was tradition to either expel or kill the no good-bully. Job done!
I'm glad that worked for her. My ex boss had a "project" child. She caused several people to resign; but, my ex boss would not allow her to fail. Determined leaders do not affect cluster B personalities.
Bullies should never be leaders. That's basically what American corporations consist of though.
This woman is a narcissist with no remorse. Chances are she is still a bully that just hides it though manipulation.
Exactly.
xD I bullies aren't misguided leaders. Met enough managers that are incompetent and have no idea to lead but looove the power. Eventually they get caught out by their own managers (only after leaving a big mess to clean up)
Leadership should be caring
Society as a whole, at least in the US, always try to motivate the bad or weak person vs those that are doing the right thing or are in the middle.
People that are subpar get incentives to become average. Bullies are given 'positive' ways to use their influence and power.
I don't want fake remorse so i give her props for having the gull to admit she was a bully (and pretty hardcore to boot!! She legit did crimes it wasn't just 'mean girl' type stuff) and have the common sense to repackage her character traits. She needs to polish her public speaking skills.
I hate a bully!! You gotta stay away from them at all cost
I tried not to, but I still see a bully. She works for herself because she likely can’t work with, or for others.
Wow You threatened the kid's parent, WTF. I really hope you went and apologised, not that it will change anything. And you're making wanting to see ur father an excuse for all of that. Uuugh
Nope. She got a leadership promotion and now everyone tells her how awesome she is. Moral of the story: NEVER TRUST A BULLY'S APOLOGY.
@@brains7942that’s right because it’s just “lip service”
This is one of the scariest thing I have seen, the official endorsed and funded with our money program to cater for and further cover up anti-social behavior. I understand people are desperate to find a solution, but this is exactly the opposite of what is need it. Action=consequence is what works.
.
‘You have the right to be offended but you don’t have the right to stay offended. You let me handle those students while focus on the task at hand.’
No truer words… that’s God’s call to all of us.
Oh I can stay offended. Don’t you DARE think to tell me how I can feel about how I was treated.
@@mamavswildYou can feel how you want. But it will ultimately carry over into other areas of your life and trust issues will abound. Trust me. I know from experience. I was bullied too. But when you let God handle them, you can go free. I pray peace into your life.
Well theres 16 minutes of my life im not getting back. Petty much just a platform for grandiose narcissistic psychopaths. Would be a perfect stage for my corporately brainwashed ex wife. She too goes around pretending she isnt still a bully completely in love with herself. So.... how fo you make a bully resign then because theres no mention of this.
So true!!
So to sum this video up reward the bullies by putting them in a position of authority over their victims. Horrible idea.
Another bully encouraged -it is this kind of behavior that is making the American workplace both difficult for workers and even more difficult for employers to retain talent
So bullies get mentors, counselors and leadership positions?
Ofc yes
UNFORTUNATELY they do. Management positions attract bullies because they are power hungry and know that they will get away with the behavior because people desperately need their jobs to pay bills and will not chance retaliation. 😕😡
@RanStuff We found the bully everyone. It’s RanStuff! He’s right here.
All schools need your mentoring program. I was bullied, and then became the bully and can kind of relate to this. Thank you for this!
I have had some misguided leaders who were also bullies and I've had some amazing leaders who were never bullies. It's also great to mentor bullies into becoming better people, and to apologize. If she wanted to thoroughly make amends, however, she should also help the bullying victims who suffer the long-term effects of bullying and have her bullying kids help. There is no pride in bullying and they should see the effects of their cruel disregard for other human beings and repent.
This is key. Bullies need to recognize the damage they have caused. But a lot of them lack insight.
I would down thumb this video twice if it was possible 😡🙄
Why
I read the comments to get a sense of some others' impressions.
For me, this is a little weird.
She admits being a bully, but I missed the taking responsibility for that part and the remorse.
She doesn't owe us that, but she does owe that to her victims, and it would help this presentation. As it is, as others have said, this reads a bit like the speaker is not aware of the impacts. Hearing it would help those who have been bullied and those who have bullied as well.
Growth starts with awareness and noticing cause and effect and remorse over hurting others, then the energy to do something different is much stronger.
The self feels better, healthier, more deserving.
Is she saying that bullies make the best leaders?
Yes most of them have potential leadership abilities
@@annastarr2043Which leadership abilities? People who aren't bullies have leadership abilities too. So there is no need for employers to reward bullying behaviour. The truth is that in most working environments bullies succeed because they are promoted "out of harm's way". If they aren't in charge, they just disrupt and destroy other people's work.
@@GlasPthalocyanine Ikr? They r horrible people capable of great harm & chaos. Recognize their ability to influence sheeple & utilize it
@@annastarr2043 I just don't understand how bullying behaviour can ever be seen as an asset. If you go into any workplace, any where, the biggest bully will never be the person who is best at their job. They might have less self doubt because there is often a huge Dunning-Kruger problem with these idiots.
@@GlasPthalocyanine I dont know how u translated what i said into that diatribe about bullying. I said these bullying freaks of nature have leadership abilities exploit them!
This sure is a lot of hate for the speaker here. It sounds to me that she had transformed and changed, and it sounds as if most people don't like the idea of somebody who's a bully transforming into someone who helps others instead. They just want them to stay as identity of being a bully. I'm not making light of it, as I've been bullied myself, but I'm actually glad that she learned to channel her behavior into doing something useful to help others. And who knows maybe she did go back and apologize to those that she bullied. This is just one snippet of her life that you've seen. I know I'm going to get hate for this to, typical of social media.
Naw u just have a weak bs meter
All these comments are based off her energy. Energy doesn't lie.
For those of you who do not want to become bullies yourselves in retaliation to being bullied, I have a homework suggestion;
Bill Eddy’s books. He has several. He is or has been a mediator/counselor/social worker/lawyer.The book I found the most informative was “Why We Elect Narcissists & Sociopaths & How We Can Stop!” It has the most detail.
For shorter, to the point yet more generally applicable; go for BIFF - Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns.
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.
I was bullied at work, and my bully boss has returned. I also had an absent father, an emotionally unstable mother, and had depression growing up...but I never bullied anyone. This lady does not really seem remorseful. Its like being on TED Talks is just giving her another platform to feel special and powerful. :/
I'm going to destroy bullies in 2023 in June.
The title is deceiving. You only talked about your sh*tty and obviously fabricated story.
She's promoting herself and insisting she should be trusted despite treating others poorly. She's very toxic.
she literally has the same face as someone who used to bully me
quite uncanny
Demons look alike.
That’s tuff
Seems like a terrible person. I'm not surprised that she was once a bully.
What in the world? Creepy NARC vibes
Chief NARC.
Not a fan of this talk, seems to help bullies and not those bullied.
People rarely change.
Wow reward the bullies even more typical group mentality behaviour animal instinct.
I agree with M M
Mean girl rehabilitation
That is the feeling I got
The more I listen the more I hear a Nepo-baby.
Abusers and terrorists of society use the same excuse... no daddy at home. smh
When I was 11 years old and in my last year of cubs boy scouts, a 12 year old boy scout who was best friend with my 12 year old cousin who lived 2 streets away from my parents house, was bulying everyone he could get to catch his victims with the guards down was given a "shot" at being our leader of our group of 6 boys. At our summer boy scout camp, hidden in his suitcase was a prohibited item he would shortly reveal to us with all of his glorious pride of sneaking it on camp grounds without getting caught by the adults. The day after he used it to get us to things to ourselves we didn't want to do but we ceaded into the fear and answered his commanding orders. He then told us to never tell anyone what he did to us. The same day he did this to us, he was sent home as apparently his Grand-Mother had passed away. He left us damaged by trauma and muzzled. My aunt was always saying how he was an angel and always being at her service...
I work with kids ages 5 to 12 but have realised that just like adults their character traits are evident from childhood. Kids who seem to be challenging, big headed, strong willed, unapologetic, out spoken etcetera are usually choleric or sanguine. If not well guided they character trait could rub others the wrong way. They need to be helped to use their energies in a good way and this is why as we parent we need to know which category our kids fall in so we don't look at the challenging child as a problem but help them
Bullies/stalkers/liars/manipulators, people who take over your life/friends/jobs/home are a HUGE reason for homelessness. This sickens me.
Best part is they team up to make there bully stronger but in reality they just downgrading
She did apologize to those she bullied, but it’s hard to believe this as sincere. She took Dr. Parker’s program and repackaged it as her own. That’s bullying (stealing)
in business.
Bruh do not put bullies into leadership.. put them into TEAMS.
This was the most concerning Ted talk, her tone and demeanor is coming from an unhinged place
great food for thought
I bet this hurt her victims to their core to see her celebrated…give them responsibility but not all that recognition
man it always amazes me how the school i went to only cared about protecting the wealthy families and the clique think and there teachers suffered for it too like the ones she talks about
and she is lucky to have had superior upstanding adults there at the school
Bullies only bully you if there is something going on with their life 😢 it’s sad but true..
Yep! She learned her skills early. She is still not worried about consequences.
She is so fake, not genuine,
I have been bullied as a kid, and like others I wonder about her leadership skills as a former bully, but the reactions here feel very negative. Yes, a lot of bullies and psychopaths end up in managerial positions. The main difference is that they are not self-aware. This woman admits she used to be a bully.
She may technically admit it, but she is now using this 'former bully' label for her own self-promotion and self-agrandisement. Notice how the talk centers around how great she is. I did not detect any genuine humility or remorse, and no understanding of the harm she caused others.
And so the title says “how to make a workplace bully to resign”. I can’t even recall any topic about workplace bullying in here. Please at least change the title. Congrats on your positive journey and it is a fantastic speech for teachers with students but for someone who just had a bad bullying day at work and are sitting down for ideas for help- this was not the correct place to find it.
Bully's, narcissist and demons are all about deception. She not even hiding it in the title. She's a proud demon.
I was bullied in Elementary and even through high school, however I'm not here still trying to make a bully out of someone, STILL. The fact that some of ya'll are still trying to project your hurt shows the lack of healing you've done. Ya'll need to get over it and move on and seek the counseling you need. Don't be stuck somewhere someone put you 20 years ago. They literally don't live in that space anymore and don't really care that you're going through it because of them. So your power lies within yourself. DON'T stay stuck. Your energy deserves to be re-directed within and let the healing begin.
I am always bullied at work by other blk women.
Girl same🤦🏽♀️
I was looking for this comment.. I was too.
This is the problem she is still the bully she never healed and there are mean girls that destroy work places bc they create the toxic enviorment with the same tactics smh 🤦
I was strong willed as a little kid and flipped to being timid and very shy from 5th grade onward (I was still strong willed at home though!). I can't say I bullied anyone, but kids who have a strong will, whether that will is voiced or not, are driven for a reason. There's always a purpose behind it. Every student has potential and it's all too easy to look at a kid acting in an unacceptable way and immediately think that their actions define their potential. So not true. Whether a student is shy and timid or loud and strong willed, they all have the potential to turn what they think are negative traits in themselves to positive ones that God can use to change the world through them. Thank you for this TEDtalk. Awesome!:)
I was also strong-willed (still am) and loud, but after some years, this got shut down by continuous bullying throughout primary school :) It can also work the other way around.