Healthy ESFJs are great. They can sense what someone needs on a specific time and knows exactly how to target it so those needs can be met. They keep things in order and thinks ahead to make sure everything is ready when the time comes. They're great hosts and know their way around a conversation and are a master at their craft. They can be intelligent as well when they develop their Ti and won't hesitate to speak for other people when they need to. Sure they can often be conventional but when their intentions are in the right place, they can be great people.
@@lovewho Healthy ESFJs are great. I have an ESFJ grandmother, and my mother is an ISFJ. Here's some ideas for the "Dark ESFJ". Unhealthy ESFJs, to an INFJ, are cordial, but can become tiring if boundaries are not met, or if one (or both) parties does not respect one another. In socionics, I believe they are Supervisee to Supervisor, if I'm not mistaken. An unhealthy ESFJ can be a number of things: 1. Overbearing - They don't know how to tune the Fe down. The problem is when they get offended you aren't accepting the reception. 2. An Fe/Ne loop can lead to a lack of the maintenance you described in this video. 3. Tertiary Ne: Ideas excite them. They like getting attached to characters and stories, but will get upset if you give those stories a critical eye. This spites their Inferior Ti, for not being able to analyse things easily, and irritates their Fe, (and shadow Fi), which has grown so attached to these characters and ideas. They don't want to know what's right. They want to feel what's right. And a dark-side ESFJ does not care what another thinks because they're tapping into their shadow Fi more at that given point in time. 4. Dark ESFJs LOVE to gossip. Actually, I think even healthy ESFJs love to gossip, but a healthy ESFJ will only speak positively of others, while a dark ESFJ will only speak negatively of others behind their backs. They are prone to complain and explain defensively. 5. Dark ESFJs do not have great standards. They tend to bring toxic people into their life because they only see the good in them. So, you get drug users, and other deviants coming into the house. I had an ESFJ come home in the middle of the night, tripping on literal LSD from these crowds. 6. Regarding Ti: I taught an ESFJ how to play StarCraft. Got him really into the story. He can't handle a lot at a time, but he finds unorthodox ways to finish scenarios. Since he has inferior Ti, he gets whooped by the AI a lot, but he is persistent (and encouraged) to try again. Too much Ti jargon at a time overloads him. Prone to rage quits. But I found, as I suspected, that strategy games strengthen Ti, so he failed less as it went on, but still occasionally hit walls. He found a favored strategy of backdooring enemy bases with dropships, and managed to cheese a lot of levels by utilizing this, even on scenarios I hadn't considered the tactic. I think the unorthodox methods are more attributed to Ne, but it is an interesting combination to watch with his Ne/Ti Tertiary/Inferior. They don't have a concept of what shouldn't work, so they slam themselves into proverbial walls, and make what shouldn't work possible.
So spot on. My partner is an ESFJ and she's always trying to feed me 😂 and Indulges me an INFJ constantly. She makes friends everywhere, she's magnetic and ppl are so drawn to her. She's like sunshine in a bottle. She is also oblivious to all subtext and trusts everyone. She can drive me mad with her nurturing. Just today she said "Are you Ok". "No I replied walking through the house I just want to be by myself. ALONE"..she FOLLOWED me into the bedroom. To see how she cld make me feel better...umm by " leaving me alone". Ahh but where wld the world be without our kind caring social butterflies. We love you ESFJ.
Haha yes it's like enforced caring. "Sunshine in a bottle" is pretty accurate tbh. I've never thought about the dynamics between and INFJ and ESFJ, thats a really interesting one ~ Nathan
Do take care of her n show hr that u r taking care bcz ESFjs r validation seekers ...she vl not even express her needs ..bt do take care of her needs ..i m an ESFj
INTP with an ESFJ girlfriend. Love the fact that we're completely opposite - I find it fascinating and gives me a valuable glimpse into the world of humans.
I am ESFJ and when I found out I did not like it, this is the first video I see that makes me think that maybe my personality is not as bad, boring and common as I thought. I understand and identify with practically everything mentioned, many people have hurt me (although not intentionally) by taking me for granted, and taking advantage of the fact that I always worry about them, I realized that many times I end up knowing more about the tastes of the others, that they of mine. I reached a point where I have given up on finding friends, I only have my family and for them I give everything. The video reminded me that my favorite birthday consisted of me cooking while my family ate and talked, that was my happiest birthday. Thank you for making me see that it is not so bad to be an ESFJ.
I’m a classic INTJ and I totally go to bat for ESFJs. My BFF is one, and so is a guy who is special to me. They definitely get taken for granted and underrated for the things they do that should be considered superpowers. I think the coldness of an INTJ’s first impression tends to deter ESFJs; which is a shame, as I think that this is the best type combination for me.
As an ESFJ, I relate to you about giving up on building connection with others outside of my family. It's not that we want to, but bc it's a frequent event where our kindness were not reciprocated, but instead, we're made fun off. Idk about you, but I am known for being very soft and always giving ppl the benefit of the doubt although the red flags have been clearly waving infront of my face. I think what I can takeaway here is that, I should be more selective on who I let into my life and not trying to people-please anymore
I'm an INTP and my husband is ESFJ. I would be an absolute mess of a human being without him, and when I was temporarily disabled and in severe pain, he was the perfect caregiver. I started out feeling guilty for everything he was doing for me, but over time we grew closer because I realized there was nothing else he would rather be doing than helping me when I need it. I make his life interesting, richer, and funnier, and he makes my life sane. I never would have guessed that I needed a partner with this type, but now that I know what he is, I'm so glad I got myself an ESFJ. I will never take this type for granted, even if our friends sometimes do.
I love this! Yes its very difficult when a person enjoys that role because it can feel like you're taking from them when in reality letting them give can actually be your gift to them ~ Nathan
ESFJs have the most pure, and straightforward extroverted feeling; because.. It isn't directly attached, nor directly attached to a weird intuitive function
As an INTJ with an ESFJ wife, I can say this is a pretty accurate description of my wife. She very much so does her daily health check-ins those exact ones, all the things that I would let fall by the wayside she cares and plans for those things and I love that about her. I think one thing that wasn't significantly highlighted or maybe I missed is an ESFJs need for harmony in their environment or the need to seemingly be liked by all. The minute a single person in their surroundings feelings towards them shift to negative they feel it very strongly. A change in tone, a non-reciprocated hi, or hello all of that is noted to an ESFJ.
Well, my mom is an ESFJ and I'm an INTJ and things aren't going good for us. She's very Judgemental and her plans are always for the sake of others, she's the leader but always want her will be done "in the sake for others", my plans are always more abstract and individualistics, I can't stand. Any tips?
My aunt is ESFJ and the gossip of the day, EVERY work day, when she gets back is always, “I said my hellos around the office today and you won’t believe who didn’t say it back. I bet they don’t really like me after all.” -infp
My sis is an INTP and I am an ESFJ. I get what you mean. But as we grew and matured, we found a lot of respect for each other's way of thinking. We often come from completely different perspectives and draw on very different things, but we keep finding that a lot of things that are rationally logical are also socially/emotionally logical. There are topics where we can't agree at all, but we appreciate each other for their very different approach. I think this has allowed us to become better human beings overall. I love my sis 🥰. Greetings from Germany, Michael
Seriously, ESFJs are the best people, and I'd give a hand to be one myself. They give the best gifts. They make other people feel loved and are loved by others. They care about you and will give the best career/ life advice. Everything I value in my life is owed to the efforts and kindmess of my ESFJs, and they would only benefit from becoming more selfish and appreciated in return. We value you, ESFJs! 😍
As an ESFJ, I would like to thank you. But let me tell you, you don't want to be one since most people will hurt you by not giving you the attention you've been giving them, and that without even realising it. People take you for granted. Moreover, if someone criticizes you a tiny little bit, even if it is constructive criticism, you are most likely going to feel extremely sad. So to sum it up, we like taking care of you people, but don't forget to take care of us 😘
I'm in relationship with an ESFJ since 3 years & yes i can say he cares a lot about me he makes me feel loved, he appreciates me & hold me all together whenever I'm feeling low but i don't think esfj gives best advice always.
This entire comment section is people who know ESFJs rather than actual ESFJs 😂 didn't realise people thought so highly of my personality type tho, its nice 😅
There are almost no esfj in the whole mbti-community (maybe they're mlre likely to not be interested in that kinda stuff).. that's so sad because I love them so much and I wanna hear more about them. I think there are mostly infps and infj, at least what I see on the internet, but Idk.
@@ingrid5944 hmmm it depends, im an ESFJ and I LOVE reading up about personalities and myself . We ESFJs are warmly interested in others and we value ourselves. I do agree however that I don't see many ESFJ's which is sad coz I'd love to interact with them :D
So I'm seeing an ESFJ and he is literally sunshine and Barney the purple dinosaur combined in human form. Can't forget that how he makes me feel so loved and cared for, from whether have you eaten and get enough sleep, to advising me on my issues so wholeheartedly and with patience and understanding. Like, I didn't expect him to come in my life. I really really feel blessed and "rich" to have known him.
I just had to laugh at the beginning of the video because my ESFJ husband is not interested in typology (but will patiently listen to my giddy enthusiasm on the subject if I don’t go on too long), yet there is no way he would ever choose to watch a video about any aspect of it! Your video is extremely accurate. Years ago, he realized I needed alone time before I did. During this current state of the world, he’s very stressed out about our supply of groceries if it starts getting low. I was fascinated when I realized that all the kind, giving things he does for other people truly make him happy and doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice to him.
ESFJ here. I find joy in bringing joy to those I care about. A hard lesson I wish I learned earlier is to be mindful of those who take advantage of you. Therefore, still single, and trying not to lose hope. 🙃
Yes! Lol! I am a strong ESFJ and my husband (I’m pretty sure) is an INTP. He gets annoyed at my health checks but appreciates when I can provide what he needs in a physical level. I love his logical and dry sense of humor but can get bored quickly when he starts pontificating about technology or abstract ideas. I LOVE studying about personality types mainly so I can understand those that I love better. This video was really I interesting! Thank you!
This is very interesting and informative! I am surrounded by a lot of ESFJs. Two were my bestfriends. What I’ve noticed when they’re healthy and genuinely care about you 1. They’re very caring and very generous about their time and resources. When they give you a present, it’s always well-presented and well thought of. 2. They’re very humorous and I admire how they’re not awkward or self-conscious. Their confidence is fascinating. 3. They’re intrinsically silver-tongued and can be very spontaneous 4. Very organized and love to organize social gatherings 5. They’re highly empathetic but they can be utterly blunt when they think what you’re doing is wrong. When they’re unhealthy I noticed that: 1. Because they’re highly organized people, they can come across as bossy and pushy. They love the spotlight and when their suggestions and opinions weren’t appreciated, it badly hurts them. 2. They can be very impractical because they can be very materialistic to keep up with the Jones. 3. They analyze your worth by your social status or intelligence and when they perceive that they’re below you, they’d treat you that way. But when they perceive that you’re above them for whatever reason, they can kiss your ass. 4. Because they’re like social butterflies and love the spotlight and attention , in a social gathering when you get people’s attention, they tend to be very jealous and you can feel that they secretly hate you. 5. They love to offer themselves be it in a form of service or their time but they don’t like it when they’re behind the scene and you don’t acknowledge or give them credit for their efforts. 6. Not that you can’t have a meaningful conversation with them, but because their polar function is NE, it’s difficult for them to relate with my ideas and as a result, they find it comical and nonsense. Like I was in a car with an ESFJ and ISFJ (at that time they were my bestfriends) We were talking about a lot of things then I mentioned about I always wondered and it’s fascinating to know how I’d die or how people would die, because obviously all of us will eventually die anyway. And both of them laughed at me (not with me) as if my question was out of this world. Being an INFP, I just don’t feel comfortable discussing my ideas with any sensing types because they really don’t get it and find it silly. Well, at least those are my experience with ESFJs in my life
I am an INTJ and one of my best friends is ESFJ. I can say the video is very accurate. My friend always lashes out to me about the fact that I'm too analytical of situations and I don't consider people's emotions. I also see her more optimistic than my other friends and generally happier. (Some of my other friends are INFJs, ISTJ and INTP) . About being a care giver that's totally true, she always trys to help people even total strangers, which makes me frustrated as I don't like my time wasting on people that I don't know. In general, we have different functions and I get frustrated by her sometimes (I don't say that ) because we are quite different. Still she's one of my closest friends and her presence is always delightful.
@@waterywingzyea 😭 and its kinda sad.. like every mbti when unhealthy, does something unlikable obviously but the stereotype of esfj as being portrayed mostly always as unhealthy just hurts 😭 (im still new to accepting esfj as my type and this makes more resistant to it 🫡)
I looked up Nathan’s videos for ESFJs but I could only find this one. If he hasn’t yet, I hope he’s planning on coming out with the “how to win as an ESFJ”, “weaknesses of the ESFJ”, and so forth. I like to watch these videos when I encounter a new type in my life because together they really paint the whole picture.
They are phenomenal caregivers. Like when you're sick, you need an ESFJ. Plain and simple. They'll tend to you as much as you need and leave you alone as much as you need; something very important to an introvert like myself.
As an ESFJ, I’ve had a couple of people, especially INTPs leave my life because they thought I was being fake. But they always come back months if not years later understanding that I truly just love taking care of those around me. Thank you for your videos and its so nice to see all the comments 🥺definitely helps with feeling misunderstood
lmao im an intp dating an esfj and i think the same. I wonder why they have to be such people pleasers, seeking for validation from others. But i guess its a personality thing and something they enjoy doing..
Being an ESFJ when I was growing up is hard because I felt like trapped & selfless. I was constantly questioning myself like I didn’t get as much as I was invested in friendships for example. Through experiences, I could shake some of the so called weaknesses off & just move on with my life alone cause I’m not responsible to make everyone’s happy🤔
Yes, no one talks about the burnout when you give plenty and feel taken for granted by the other side and get no affirmation that you're seen for your care. Some even say that we only care about others to get something in return but that's not how it works.
I’m sorry but I can’t help but to compliment you on your ability to provide both concrete and abstract examples. Great analysis! Your videos always have this natural flow to them. I know you prepare ahead of time, but your preparation must be laid out in some kind of clear/structured format. You make it look and sound easy! I appreciate you keeping things straight and to the point! Hope all is well with you guys 🙌🏽
Flattery will always get you everywhere with me... also thanks lol. I'm quarantined in my lair currently but rest assured me and Lu are plotting intensely. Hope all is well with you too!! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Please -please do another ESFJ video. I am totally into the MBTI and Enneagram 3 wing 2. You are the best Nathan for me to learn all personality types. I have an INFP friend who turned me on to this stuff and to say it is an obsession of mine (ESFJ) would be understated. We may not be the sharpest tool in the shed with inferior Ti, but we care deeply for people and want peace and to see our loved ones cared for.
after hearing your explanation about how ESFJ has a similar personality which is Ne with ENFP & ESFP makes sense to me now! around months ago I found out that my MBTI is ESFJ, it's kind of weird since the 1st and 2nd time I took the test I got ENFP and ESFP, so yeah it's very new to me and even questions whether MBTI test is believable or not. the easier way to know the accuracy after taking tests are getting to deepen the results yourself :)) ps: this quarantine made me dive-in to this topic (which I rarely do) and realize how there are not many videos that explain ESFJ... some videos have a negative impact on me since they told me that we ESFJs tend to threatened people with our "overly caring" or "wanting people to be more positive". yet watching this has a more positive review on us which comforts my Fe more, thank you :))
Cant't believe I've actually finished a series. Only took me 10 months, also it's really great to hear you liked this one because I wasn't too sure about it! ~ Nathan
Thank you for this beautiful video. I know what it feels like to be the glue that holds everything together, and a lot of times forget about our own needs. I have evolved to become more balanced and most recently my family has shown a greater appreciation for me during these difficult times. As it happens, I’m also a nurse and I’ve calmed my family much during this pandemic hysteria and made sure to set guidelines. My family is very blessed but it’s nice to finally be recognized a little bit in my family, rather than just the person who they call when they need something. Thank u so much again ~ 💖ESFJ
I'm INFP and I find Esfj the easiest to recognize among the types because there's an unique aura about them. Your description fits perfectly with the esfj I know
I’m INFP too and tend to be really attracted to ENFJs. There’s a weird familiarity even though we’re totally different. I wish I could say the same for ESFJs.
I think it’s because INFP’s have dominant Fi (introverted feeling) and they’re more attracted to Fe (extroverted feeling) users such as ENFJ’s and ESFJ’s
8 years ago, I was in a college psychology class. We discussed the MBTI and were given a site to take a lengthy test to find out our type, if we wanted. At that time, I classified as an INFJ. In fact, I took several tests from different sites and they all came out INFJ, as well. Cut to now, I remembered the MBTI again, and re-tested on a few different sites, and am now classified as ESFJ. Glad I found this video, finding out about my new type (great deal of insight into myself, I found). Would love to see more ESFJ content to find out more. 'Preciate you, sir.
I'm an INFP and me and my boyfriend tough he was an ENFJ, but lately we found out he's an ESFJ... and usually we are just in perfect harmony, making each other feel loved and special, the only thing that gets in our way is that I tend to dream about the future, think a lot about it, how it should be, and my boyfriend tends to focus in the present, not worrying to much about it, not planning ahead hahaha That was how I started to think he might not be a ENFJ. But we really work together, he makes my life so so so so much better, and usually he's the one taking care of everyone and everything, so I feel honor to be the one who's taking care of him and giving him all the love he deserves so much
It explains to me why I always find this type so attractive 😅 Apparently, it’s not common for ENFPs to feel particularly drawn to ESFJs, yet I am deeply fascinated with their unique energy that mixes so well with mine! My biggest crushes are always to be found among ESFJs - there’s clearly a certain pattern xd
I agree, I'm an ENFP too and I LOVE ESFJs. They aren't judgemental, our morals seem to line up most of the time, they get teary over the sweetest and smallest things, and my favorite part, they just seemlessly keep basic life elements going. I have to put in so much effort just to remember to vacuum and clean the toilet on a weekly basis. It's one of my biggest frustrations about myself and in turn the thing that's the most appealing to me about ESFJs.
Great description! However, I feel you were mostly describing esfj females. They tend to have these „caring for your essential needs“ vibes where they make sure you‘ve had enough food, slept well, etc. Males however (my boyfriend is one, too) tend to be more caring for your mental well being. Hell, my bf is so bad at keeping a full fridge and cooking in general, since he is full with other plans. But, he is always making sure I‘m heard and understands my way of thinking and why I make certain decisions. And he‘s always supportive about these and encouraging me to take the necessary steps to get further in life. Also he sometimes tends to ignore his own needs in favour of mine, which I think can be a bit problematic sometimes (l‘m an infp). I want him to say when somethings bugs him and he tends to simply swollow his anger... I never saw him lashing out. However I enjoy their pragmatic creativity! If they come across problems in their everyday life they always find creative solutions. Also they are so focused on their ongoing projects and finish one after another. Very admirable! If they set their mind on something they‘ll do whatever it takes to get it without hurting other people in the process. They are so great with other‘s! Reflective, kind, funny, sometimes witty, and very spot on when meeting strangers for the first time. Their first impressions always seem to be right. :) But sometimes a bit judgemental. He keeps me on my feet, when I loose the grip of reality. I‘m so happy I found such a great person in my life! Everyone should have an esfj in their life!
Hey there. A male ESFJ here . I truly enjoyed your video. Thank you for one of the best descriptions I have had the pleasure 😊 of watching. Please keep up the good work 💪👷. Sending greetings from Germany 🇩🇪 and stay safe and well 🌈
There's this girl in my class I(INFJ) recently became friends with and I think she's an ESFJ and this video is a lot like similar to how she is And she is one of the best person I've ever met Whenever I talk with her,her whole attention is on me and this makes me really happy and she is funny af and also she knows how to make you feel loved and although I met her rather recently it feels like we have been friends forever She is the type who makes you want to be liked/loved by them be around them And she just makes me happy
Me (INTP) and my ESFJ sister have loads of arguments... that only last 10 minutes. We annoy each other because we're so different but are too different to actually deeply hurt each other, and we can't take the other seriously enough to continue being pissed off 😂
That's interesting. 5:41 is one of the reasons my ESFJ sister-in-law and I (INTP) don't get along. I see her recollections as lies because she frequently gets the details wrong. We also have NOTHING in common and I can't see what my ISTJ brother sees in her because their logic and feeling occasionally clash too.
I'm an INTJ writing an ESFJ character, and this has really helped me flesh her out! Thank you! (I would like to see more of the S types in the future, mainly because those are the ones I feel the most disconnected from and I need to get a better grasp on what those types of characters think like in order for me to write them well.)
ahahaha, oh thank you! XD now i feel honoured to be mentioned but also a little ashamed about the ranty comment, sorry for that^^ definitely gonna check out the patreon now! :D
Well you're responsible for me finally finishing a series on this channel. I started with "Inside the mind of the INTP" about 10months ago and have some full circle on that one. So thank you for the push!! ~ Nathan
My dad is an ESFJ. He asks me all the time If I am okay or hungry. He is extremely conventional and people focused. Me, an INFP and my brother an INTJ drive him crazy with our “newfangled” ideas. My ISFJ mom doesn’t like it either. Neither me nor my brother are Christian any more. My mom was upset for a long time, and my dad pulled the “look what you have done to your mother” line. (In tue ESFJ fashion) They eventually got over it when they saw that my brother was not coming back to the religion (he’s an atheist) and I had found a new religion that I was (and am) extremely passionate about (I am a Norse/Anglo-Saxon Pagan). We as a family, get along very well, but it’s interesting to see our interactions.
Omg ur dad loves ur mom w/ that line 😭 so defend-y & guard-y for his precious! Dang~~ I’m a lil shook! Despite the religion differences, I’m so glad u can genuinely say “my family gets along”. I think that’s wut matters most to ur mom @ the end of the day 🥲 even if she can’t agree w ur new religion.
Thank you so much for the video, it's really difficult to find content about ESFJ on internet in general. Sometimes I feel like I'm like the only one besides all my mom's friends.
The last thing you said “ Irreplaceable impact in others lives “ so true! My husband is all this he is the absolute best 💕 we thought he was an istj for a while but I had him take a different test and this is most definitely him!
I want an ESFJ friend, you guys are impeccably caring and genuine. Not that much people to trust nowadays, so this makes me seek introverts as major freind-priority. As a former ENFJ, I understand the superb essence of your endeavours, as well as how some people dismiss your attempts to cover them with a pillow-blanket and get a hot milk to comfort them, when they are "busy" or just too self-centered. I appreciate you -ENTJ
Very good video! It once and for all defines that I am not an esfj but an enfj. Thank you, this detail was never discussed anywhere else, I appreciate it🙏🏻
Very interesting! As an INTP I can definitely see some sides of the ESFJ in me. I might still forget to eat for a whole day, but when it comes to my friends I'm often concerned if they're eating enough (especially when drinking a lot..) because I care about them. I am also usually the one to bring water to my drunk friends or cheering them up by unexpectedly baking them something. I notice these things, but actually knowing how to help doesn't come naturally to me, so I try to do what I can and stick to the things that proved successful in the past.
That is to say it can be quite exhausting to feel the need to care for them all the time, but not being able to. I'm still developing my Fe, so hopefully I will get better at it
ESFJs are great conversationalists, especially when it comes to their friends and family. They have an encyclopedic knowlege of their friends and family members' likes, dislikes, current activities, who they are dating, etc. They are also consumate soccer moms, activity organizers and so forth.
I don’t know much about how different functions interact, so I’ll just speak more generally. Even before we found out our MBTIs were so different, we’d agreed many times that we were complete opposites, and yet somehow it was complementary- we’d say that we felt like two halves of one whole person, for example. We have some things in common (beliefs, compatible senses of humour, etc) and I think we’re both mature enough to see the benefits of each other’s different traits, rather than immediately being annoyed by them. Plus, she’s a lot of fun. There are a couple of things I’ve noticed, though - as an introvert, I’ll sometimes get quite invested in a conversation if it’s interesting or I like the person, and while the ESFJ is certainly capable of having deep and meaningful conversations, she’s not as “monogamous” about them as I am, so in social situations she’ll often start off talking to me and end up on the other side of the room with someone else, and I have to remind myself that she’s not disinterested in our conversation or being rude, she’s just an excited extrovert in a room of a hundred people. Another thing is that she can unintentionally get in my face a bit if we’re standing together talking one-on-one, but again, I just remind myself she’s excited and isn’t doing it deliberately. Oh, and you can always tell when she’s had caffeine, because it has some kind of nuclear reaction with her extroversion, the result being her almost bouncing off the walls or having electricity coming out of her eyes. She brings me out of my shell a bit, and I think I probably keep her grounded a little, and then since we respect each other we can appreciate the benefits of each other’s differences and perspectives. I don’t think I would want to live with an ESFJ though, because the differences would become much more problematic.
i m an ESFj ..i dislike myself because i m a external validation seeker.i hate myself when people hurt me even after taking so much care of them ..i dislike that i cant say "No "to people ..i hate that i m so much intrested in others living ..but i love my helping n caring nature..no matter what is peoples rxn to that ...it gives me internal satisfaction
Your comment is to cute T_T when i read it, i (INTP) hate myself for being so rude sometimes when a feeler wants to take care of me but i send him/her packing bcz i'm not in the mood. I have myself for having no interest in the others' boring routines, you just want to be listened after all, sorry for this
I'm an ESFJ and I dislike myself too, for all the reasons that you wrote. And many people hurt because of that. But I can't deny either that I feel really satisfied when someone is happy because of me.
I feel you. It seems to be the inherent conflict of your personality, you feel fulfilled and also hurt by people. Perhaps you'll eventually grow to not get so hung up on those who hurt you despite your care and instead put more chips on those satisfying relationships ( T_T)＼(^-^ )
Hello! I took the test and I définitely am an ESFJ. I absolutelly LOVE organising parties with long time no see friends. 100% extraverted and I always am talking about how I feel and I love harmony in a group, really important for me! I also love hosting people but I do not know if I will always help someone in need (I need to check this in situation!). But also always smiling and laughing. My best friend is also an Esfj and we are exactly the same !
YAY I VIDEO ABOUT MEE :))))) I’m a med student, so I automatically tend to ask & remind people whether they’re hydrated, fed, or well rested. And then wish them and try to help them feel better, because we can try being better one step at a time.
Im INFJ, and i love them, i really feel that yeah maybe they are not so original, but i find them really loveable, they are predictable and loyal (all i need jkjk lol) obviously i met a healthy ESFJ, she is everybody's mum and ya she may be bossy with some dudes but idk i like to watch how she shows her emotions and care about what other people think, and how she opens to me. their humanity( when they do wrong and when they expect something from you...) and they are so different than me that in my opinion, their codependency, and how they are the mirror of the energy in the room sometimes (when they are with ppl they love and care about) so ya i appreciate their vulnerability and how they work so hard.
This video was perfect, clear, concise, but wasn’t boring. I’m in Ah Hah stage of learning that I’m an ESFJ so I found this very helpful and I tend to space out when boredom strikes lol I only tuned out a few times because there were examples you mentioned that triggered a memory of that exactly playing out. I’m great at planning day to day, maybe even 3 days in advance but you’re right long term thing isn’t my strong suit.
This is so wonderful and so accurate. 2 ESFJs are here with me so there is absolutely no lack of "Are you hungry?" in this household. When my odd schedule has them worried I'm not eating enough, they ask me to enumerate the food I've had that day, and then they tell me what we have in the fridge anyway. I feel very cared for. ✨
HAHA My grandma lives with us, and she's also an ESFJ, and so my 3 brothers get barges of "Have you eaten?" from me and my grandma everytime it's nearing lunch or dinner...
My daughter doesn't take care of anyone. Everyone sees to her needs because she's the youngest. She's responsible in every other way. She's extremely reliable, orderly and peaceful. A truly trouble free being. She's also unbelievably smart. Universally loved. Validation always comes to her. She's never had to seek it. Everyone knows she's great.
I’m an INFP. I suspect my mom is an ESFJ. She is definitely less go-with-the-flow than me. We’ve had conversations where she’ll want an exact answer and I’ll feel (internally) that sometimes it’s not worth expanding upon. Like once she asked me how I was feeling, and I said “fine.” Only recently have I realised that the “fine” I felt was just a neutral feeling and not necessarily something to pin down and categorise. She has definitely been a caregiver in my family, and I realise that I’ve taken that for granted sometimes. One time I was having a fit before an interview and she told me to stop and that I’m “going to grad school” (implying that my behaviour was immature). I realise that both of us like to have the last word in disputes and expect are anger to force the other to self-reflect on how we were wronged.
My dad is an esfj, and I honestly couldn't ask for a better dad. Although he can be stubborn sometimes, he always tries his best to take care of me and my siblings even when he is busy. And whenever we would go to the mall, I could ask him to buy me some snacks and he would let me :'D. Lastly, he is funny (his dad jokes I swear has me chuckling everytime) and also he is very supportive of my hobbies and knows how to give us tough love when we need it :)))
Thats interesting! I do wonder whether the designs will actually be liked by each type. Eventually we'll have many different: mugs, t-shirts, hoodies, phone cases etc on there! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho I'm an ESFJ, I find the mug to be too much of a stereotype and not a growth state. First of all, I don't bake, I do like to serve people drinks and food. The quote on the back, "never be so busy as to not think of others", that would be all in on my functions and not actually thinking of myself. Why encourage an ESFJ to do that. It would be more like, "never be so busy taking care of others and forget to serve yourself" - some kind of play on serving. Also, I'd rather donate to your pateron, than buy a cheesy mug. I have Si, I love all my cups (current: Yeti w/closing lids or Brumate's), this just doesn't look like a mug I'd find cute, more offensive. Damn this was hard for me to write and took me circling back to watch this video a second time and look at your mugs again and see this comment to feel "ok" to provide constructive criticism, but this is my Ti and I love all your content, your products just aren't hitting the Si stimulation ;)
@@manamemajeff6283 Yes, me too but ill only confront you if i feel super unappreciated/like I'm always the 3rd wheel,(but RARELY) or if you tried to mess with one of my friends/family/kids. I can be the kindest, most caring person I know but if you DARE try to bully/hurt my family or friends, you'll wish you weren't alive, lol. (of course, I wouldn't actually hurt you, but you had better expect to get a severe scolding)
I dated an ESFJ. True his whole life revolves around giving to others, but boy is he unskilled at it. I am an INFP and I can easily see what the other person needs vs what I think they should need. ESFJ was very close-minded and stubborn in giving in HIS way. I hate these type of givers. In my opinion it is selfish giving. I don’t like to feel obliged to be grateful for something that I do not believe to be best for me in the first place. With that being sad, he is very charismatic and has much better social skills than me. But there isn’t all that much beneath that. I used to think he had higher EQ than me, but he is so out of touch with his own feelings and motivations that I realized his natural smoothness is the extent of his EQ. Edit: and don’t get me started on his need to fit it in and please everyone. I value authenticity at any price. We were clearly not a good match. 😂
That is the most Fi thing I've read in a while. I agree with you, of course. My Fi gets thoroughly aggravated by "gifts" being shoved into my face. Especially when the giver stands there waiting for my positive reaction like a dog deserves a treat for rolling over. I didn't want the gift. I didn't ask for it. Why should I give someone the affirmation they're looking for when that's all they want from me? It's insincere and doesn't come from a place of love. That's what I think, but it's not true. In reality, Fe needs confirmation that they're being helpful and creating harmony. Learning about the functions has helped me sympathize with Fe a little more. I used to see those who simply had Fe as fake. I still do, to an extent, but my sympathy continues to grow.
I agree 💯..like they think they know things better than everyone else, also taking pride in it, which makes no sense to me. They are nice people and good as just friends ntng more..- ENTP
DD's bread yeah, cannot please Fi with gifts! I have told my family a decade ago that all I want as a gift is money. And I still stick to that. It takes me months to find something I like. There is no way anybody else can match that.
Mine INFP and my husbands ESFJ 15 years long marriage is not peacefull one. But we learned to live together and appreciate our differences. It took time for my ESFJ man to understand that INFP can't be grounded no matter what he does nor getting much action care back. And I learned to appreciate his nagging and worries about life matters. So good luck to you!
Best of luck, hope it's going well! My wife's (most probably) an ESFJ. They're the best caregivers. :) Us INFPs can be pretty crap at taking care of ourselves, due to lower Si-Te. Luckily, she also has fairly good Ne, so we can also talk about things and we laugh a lot about silly things. You just have to be wary of two things: 1) their need for social harmony vs. your need for personal space and your values, 2) your joint inability to actually plan long-term. Luckily, I somehow have crazy high Ni in addition to Ne, so it works out well - just very last-minute. :p Honest communication and vulnerability are key.
@@redcoat8664 I'm dating an ESFJ as an ENFP. I would say it usually goes well, however sometimes my comments end up get taken the wrong way (as with most Fe users). I will say something like oh, I need to do more in the world and in my community. She will try to convince me that I was doing enough in the community but the truth is, that's not really what I want to hear. I would just know in my heart I wasn't doing enough, and I was tell her and people these things just to be honest about it and talk to them about possible solutions. I think this is an Fi thing, although this seems strange even for Fi.
I actually love this video so much bc i kept seeing bad and toxic comments about ESFJs and i was like um……. I feel like when we ESFJs turn dark its bc our feelings that we’ve hidden and pushed back behind others feelings finally bursts out. We also give a lot in relationships so much that our significant other takes and takes and we just give not knowing when to stop. So when we turn dark we just need time and people believing in us like we’ve done for everyone. Also Which personality matches us most?
I agree. I think ESFJs are a lot like Enneagram 2s. These personalities are some of the most caring and generous people. They love deeply. However, when consistently taken advantage of, they can understandably become bitter and resentful. I don't believe ESFJs are naive about the selfish tendencies of people. I believe they are brave and chose to encourage the good instead. They are gifted at showing grace and compassion. I think ESFJs are incredible and humble people.
Personally i feel like (enfj here) an enfj can seem more like a senser if he/she is around many sensers or is young and has not fully developed his/her Ni
@@lovewho My best friend is an ENFJ and I'm an ESFJ, I would definitely like a video on that as well, funny enough I often feel like there are a lot of overlaps between the way we think and approach life.
So glad to hear this! I'm in my 40's as an ESFJ and feel less and less like my type. I'm not traditional at all like my type is supposed to be. I hide in my room reading, I've lived off grid for 8 years, I believe in very few established ways of thinking. Do you think my ENTP hubby did this to me?🤣
It’s interesting when you think of a community, and how important it is to have all of these various different types. Everyone is well fed and kept going by the ESFJ
Nathan I am an ESFJ and my husband is an INTP. I love your videos but I’m so sad that you have only two videos for ESFJ. It’s so hard finding quality videos for our type. Not sure if you’ll ever get around to it, but I would love a dark side of ESFJ video or anything really. 🙃
As an INFJ I deeply appreciate ESFJs more than most types. My Elder cousin brother is an ESFJ and he seems to be the odd one out of all people I’ve met. He used to take me places when I was a kid yet it does it to this day as well. There’s something about ESFJs that just makes them the best caretakers without even trying. They seem to understand anyone at a glance of how they feel, and does whatever they can to cheer them up. Sometimes they even know what you want to do and says it right away for you, but there are still souls who see the bad in the pure kindness of ESFJs. So whenever I’m usually around them I do as much to help them for giving to people of all they can. They’re really practical in life and it amuses to see an outside perspective of an extrovert so much that I don’t feel like an introvert around them I turn into an extrovert learning from these bright souls of how they deal with life. Out of all the MBTI types I feel drawn to ESFJs for their giving and understanding nature and everyone has the potential to improve, so we can learn from people like these to deal with life in ways that’s bright and fun.
Man, you made me tear up! Ive never had someone say such things to me in my 35 years! But what you described is me! I’m thankful you appreciate your elder cousin brother! That’s all the fuel he needs to never stop loving you! We just want appreciation and a real hug!
I forever appreciate the ESFJs because they are hardworking and caring people I have a friend who is a ESFJs and I just love her and I am a INTJ that even more crazy yes she is too social but she the best kind of people want forget about INFJ I don't need a perfectionist I need a friend who can help me social and be loved they're great people and we should appreciate more and I a INTJ who don't like socialize but as a INTJ I can see how important they are and I appreciate for their hardworking and caring nature
Healthy esfjs are some of the most comforting and healing people to be around. Especially as an INTJ who is mostly oblivious to the SF world. One of my favorite examples of ESFJs being sensitive to change in others’ emotions is in the queens gambit when the main character is in an interview and her mom is in the other room and notices her getting uncomfortable even before she does and asks the magazine people to leave. Having had bad experiences with fe users I always was kind of turned off that they would treat me like they knew me “better than myself” because that can (and has been) weaponized. But genuine Fe can make you feel so seen
This is very accurate bc as someone who is an esfj. I used to be a "dark esfj" but i stopped and changed my mentality dropped all my toxic friends and now learned to make good healthy friends and my standards are now high. And, i know im not perfect but i'm improving everyday i feel like im a healthy esfj and im here to say if u are also an esfj and u are gossiping about other people and u are actually being toxic to urself and to others. STOP bc once you do you'll see results i promise ill take time tp change ur mentality but start. I hope i best and ily to whoever is reading this!:)))
My wife is an ESFJ and is obsessed with the lives of other people--friends, strangers, historical figures (typically unknowns). She'll talk to strangers with ease. I am an INTP, and I have to listen to the stories every day. And I couldn't care less. I try to listen, but some of the things these people tell her just don't add up. And when I try to make a logical point, her eyes glaze over. But we share common ground on the sensing functions. She was a librarian--and I'm very into classification and categorization. We both like language from a structural perspective. She is open to alternative ideas. We both love beautiful music. And have similar taste in color and decoration. She can nag, but it's because of Si--maintaining homeostasis--although we are both slobs, because of the effort needed to keep the house clean, and we'd rather be doing other things. And the same Si causes her to obsess about how she physically feels--it's a different ailment every day. But she loves and cares for me--you can't ask for more than that--so I guess I'll stay with her...for another 40 years.
Would definitely prefer a subtler text on the INTJ mug. Yes I do like to show off my smarts, but in more practical way by doing something in front of people instead of having bold text claims on my items. This is why I have never felt the urge to buy MBTI related merch. As for the video, I have a great ESFJ friend who was practically my mom during my dorm days brought food for me as per my tastes. My mom is also an ESFJ and she always gets me just the right haul for me when she goes shopping for the family even without me telling her what I like and what I don't. While cooking, she always makes sure to cater to the taste of all the family members, to the point where it ends up in a situation where we have way too much food. I saw a lot of people with Fi complaining about getting gifts, practically shoved on them. But trust me, once your ESFJ friend / mate / family member is all updated with your tastes and preferences, you will be looking forward to what they might be bringing you next. On the other hand, keep an eye on them as they might accidentally overwork in their quest of satisfying everyone with the best that they can possibly achieve without paying attention to their own selves.
I wish people would stop taking esfjs and isfjs for granted. My parents are esfjs and it’s so easy to just expect them to know all my (physical) needs. They care so much and people only seem to value them for what they can do for you. Esfjs should take a nice vacation from serving others needs and just spoil themselves for a change
For so long I had bounced around so many of the I types, thinking I was actually an INFP, but in reality that doesn't make a lot of sense. I had previously thought I couldn't possibly be an E, but I haven't truly related to the points in a video about an MBTI type so shockingly. I'm the "Mom" everywhere I go, and despite thinking I was an introvert, looking at people in my family who are clearly more introverted than me makes total sense. I'm more so of a quiet extrovert, if that makes sense. I like to go out into the world to do errands, and don't mind talking to people. At work, most people seem to like me and see me as quite agreeable. I definitely value traditions and following a certain set of rules (that's how you keep your job, and also stay out of trouble with the law lol), and find a sense of peace in the organized day to day routine. I do also have trouble with the thing that was mentioned where I will go out of my way to help someone do whatever they need to do, but at the cost of my own dreams, passions or pursuits. I find that I don't end up having the mental or physical energy at the end of the day once I've given it to someone else instead of being "selfish." I don't know what type my partner is and I don't think he cares to find out. But I definitely have a system for knowing when things will run out before they do and replacing them. I'm always asking him if he's eaten, which he usually hasn't. People taking me for granted really has left me with a much smaller circle, to the point where I only really have a few friends anymore. I have many acquaintances at work no matter which job I am in, I feel like I'll just be walking and people I have never met will start conversations and say hi to me like they already know me and I have no clue who they are. Anyway, thank you for your analysis. I have found it to add more to my understanding of this type. 🙂
I am an atypical ESFJ, in fact, it was very difficult for me to accept that I was an ESFJ, first for the reason why all ESFJs regret being this type and that is the undervaluation of ESFJs in the community, second because I have a fascination for reason and logic. I care a lot about it and I have prioritized it over emotion for many years, I love explaining why I think this and that, I take others' opinions marking it as valid if it makes sense, even if it may be morally and ethically incorrect, these things might be unfamiliar to typical ESFJs. In recent years, I have been concerned about following my instincts to care for people and be more emotional because in the past I had the idea that being emotional was for weak people, and I also trust people very little. I am not so extroverted, I love my alone time and I easily eliminate many people from my life without feeling bad about them or without having a proper conversation if they do something that makes me distrust them. And they will say, "Wouldn't you then be another personality type and not necessarily ESFJ?" I am sure that I am, unfortunately. I have unconsciously helped people all these years without anything in return, I am naturally kind and understanding, plus I love harmony in my environment and I love my comfort zone, among other things. I have done many things typical of personalities opposite to mine but due to the cognitive reasons of an ESFJ. But I realized that I can find a balance between what my instinct drives me to do and what I want to do. That's why I have been working on developing my Fe more and accepting it little by little to extract the most positive aspects of my type. That's it, I have translated it from Spanish to English, so if you don't understand something, I'm very sorry.
They are the most human of all humans, they are beautiful for knowing about not being perfect about everything, they are way too caring for their own good, it hurts when I see them fail because if I fail they think it’s their own fault because I failed and I hate it when I see it.
While I watching this video,,, I noticed your sweatshirts and it looks so smooth!! Hahaha thanks for ESFJ vid :) its really hard to find in my country 😢
People always like ESFJs for their caring nature, but I'm most fascinated by the innocence of their imagination.
Excellent comment, love it ~ Nathan
Yess
They the natural more caring types?
Bill Long fe doms fe that’s why I guess
He Who makes sense if this shit really is true
Healthy ESFJs are great. They can sense what someone needs on a specific time and knows exactly how to target it so those needs can be met. They keep things in order and thinks ahead to make sure everything is ready when the time comes. They're great hosts and know their way around a conversation and are a master at their craft. They can be intelligent as well when they develop their Ti and won't hesitate to speak for other people when they need to. Sure they can often be conventional but when their intentions are in the right place, they can be great people.
Agreed. The difference between a healthy and unhealthy type is quite stark. Now I'm pondering what a 'dark ESFJ' looks like ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Lalo Salamancer from Better Caul Saul. Pretty sure hes an ESFJ, and a magnificent antagonist.
@@lovewho Healthy ESFJs are great. I have an ESFJ grandmother, and my mother is an ISFJ.
Here's some ideas for the "Dark ESFJ".
Unhealthy ESFJs, to an INFJ, are cordial, but can become tiring if boundaries are not met, or if one (or both) parties does not respect one another. In socionics, I believe they are Supervisee to Supervisor, if I'm not mistaken. An unhealthy ESFJ can be a number of things:
1. Overbearing - They don't know how to tune the Fe down. The problem is when they get offended you aren't accepting the reception.
2. An Fe/Ne loop can lead to a lack of the maintenance you described in this video.
3. Tertiary Ne: Ideas excite them. They like getting attached to characters and stories, but will get upset if you give those stories a critical eye. This spites their Inferior Ti, for not being able to analyse things easily, and irritates their Fe, (and shadow Fi), which has grown so attached to these characters and ideas. They don't want to know what's right. They want to feel what's right. And a dark-side ESFJ does not care what another thinks because they're tapping into their shadow Fi more at that given point in time.
4. Dark ESFJs LOVE to gossip. Actually, I think even healthy ESFJs love to gossip, but a healthy ESFJ will only speak positively of others, while a dark ESFJ will only speak negatively of others behind their backs. They are prone to complain and explain defensively.
5. Dark ESFJs do not have great standards. They tend to bring toxic people into their life because they only see the good in them. So, you get drug users, and other deviants coming into the house. I had an ESFJ come home in the middle of the night, tripping on literal LSD from these crowds.
6. Regarding Ti: I taught an ESFJ how to play StarCraft. Got him really into the story. He can't handle a lot at a time, but he finds unorthodox ways to finish scenarios. Since he has inferior Ti, he gets whooped by the AI a lot, but he is persistent (and encouraged) to try again. Too much Ti jargon at a time overloads him. Prone to rage quits. But I found, as I suspected, that strategy games strengthen Ti, so he failed less as it went on, but still occasionally hit walls. He found a favored strategy of backdooring enemy bases with dropships, and managed to cheese a lot of levels by utilizing this, even on scenarios I hadn't considered the tactic. I think the unorthodox methods are more attributed to Ne, but it is an interesting combination to watch with his Ne/Ti Tertiary/Inferior. They don't have a concept of what shouldn't work, so they slam themselves into proverbial walls, and make what shouldn't work possible.
Everything true, also the being conventional, but i as an INFJ need that groundedness! I admire ESFJs for being so right in their head. 😍
If my mom were a healthy ESFJ...it would be like this ❤
So spot on. My partner is an ESFJ and she's always trying to feed me 😂 and Indulges me an INFJ constantly. She makes friends everywhere, she's magnetic and ppl are so drawn to her. She's like sunshine in a bottle. She is also oblivious to all subtext and trusts everyone. She can drive me mad with her nurturing. Just today she said "Are you Ok". "No I replied walking through the house I just want to be by myself. ALONE"..she FOLLOWED me into the bedroom. To see how she cld make me feel better...umm by " leaving me alone". Ahh but where wld the world be without our kind caring social butterflies. We love you ESFJ.
Haha yes it's like enforced caring. "Sunshine in a bottle" is pretty accurate tbh. I've never thought about the dynamics between and INFJ and ESFJ, thats a really interesting one ~ Nathan
I'm INFJ too. My ex is ESFJ. She's very narcissistic. Twas a very toxic relationship unfortunately.
Yep all that nurturing especially like that I can understand driving you nuts.
How funny ! My husband is a ESFJ and I’m a INFJ. I can definitely relate !
Do take care of her n show hr that u r taking care bcz ESFjs r validation seekers ...she vl not even express her needs ..bt do take care of her needs ..i m an ESFj
INTP with an ESFJ girlfriend. Love the fact that we're completely opposite - I find it fascinating and gives me a valuable glimpse into the world of humans.
I need to hire an ESFJ to live with me 24/7 and make sure I’m remembering to eat, buy things, and..... literally everything else.
You should 100% advertise to find one and outsource all daily maintenance activities to them ~ Nathan
I would do it for free! Hope you ate today and are doing great!
Hi .. I am coming to you :)
I am ESFJ and when I found out I did not like it, this is the first video I see that makes me think that maybe my personality is not as bad, boring and common as I thought.
I understand and identify with practically everything mentioned, many people have hurt me (although not intentionally) by taking me for granted, and taking advantage of the fact that I always worry about them, I realized that many times I end up knowing more about the tastes of the others, that they of mine.
I reached a point where I have given up on finding friends, I only have my family and for them I give everything. The video reminded me that my favorite birthday consisted of me cooking while my family ate and talked, that was my happiest birthday.
Thank you for making me see that it is not so bad to be an ESFJ.
The online descriptions of ESFJs definitely don't do them justice at all! ~ Nathan
I’m a classic INTJ and I totally go to bat for ESFJs. My BFF is one, and so is a guy who is special to me. They definitely get taken for granted and underrated for the things they do that should be considered superpowers. I think the coldness of an INTJ’s first impression tends to deter ESFJs; which is a shame, as I think that this is the best type combination for me.
I agree ^^^. ESFJs are the warmest fluffiest persons. I love them.
I can totally relate to this. D':
As an ESFJ, I relate to you about giving up on building connection with others outside of my family. It's not that we want to, but bc it's a frequent event where our kindness were not reciprocated, but instead, we're made fun off. Idk about you, but I am known for being very soft and always giving ppl the benefit of the doubt although the red flags have been clearly waving infront of my face. I think what I can takeaway here is that, I should be more selective on who I let into my life and not trying to people-please anymore
I'm an INTP and my husband is ESFJ. I would be an absolute mess of a human being without him, and when I was temporarily disabled and in severe pain, he was the perfect caregiver. I started out feeling guilty for everything he was doing for me, but over time we grew closer because I realized there was nothing else he would rather be doing than helping me when I need it. I make his life interesting, richer, and funnier, and he makes my life sane. I never would have guessed that I needed a partner with this type, but now that I know what he is, I'm so glad I got myself an ESFJ. I will never take this type for granted, even if our friends sometimes do.
I love this! Yes its very difficult when a person enjoys that role because it can feel like you're taking from them when in reality letting them give can actually be your gift to them ~ Nathan
This is the sweetest story! Thank u for sharing 🙏~ 💖ESFJ
I am getting in tears realizing someone can translate our souls like this :")
right? its so beautifully said :)) it resonates with us ESFJ's
ESFJs have the most pure, and straightforward extroverted feeling; because.. It isn't directly attached, nor directly attached to a weird intuitive function
As an INTJ with an ESFJ wife, I can say this is a pretty accurate description of my wife. She very much so does her daily health check-ins those exact ones, all the things that I would let fall by the wayside she cares and plans for those things and I love that about her. I think one thing that wasn't significantly highlighted or maybe I missed is an ESFJs need for harmony in their environment or the need to seemingly be liked by all. The minute a single person in their surroundings feelings towards them shift to negative they feel it very strongly. A change in tone, a non-reciprocated hi, or hello all of that is noted to an ESFJ.
Very well said indeed. Agreed ~ Nathan
I get so upset when I wave to a neighbor who doesn't wave back!😂My INTP daughter finds me amusing and talks me out of my oversensitivity.
So checking your health records and stuff like that makes you an ESFJ?
Well, my mom is an ESFJ and I'm an INTJ and things aren't going good for us. She's very Judgemental and her plans are always for the sake of others, she's the leader but always want her will be done "in the sake for others", my plans are always more abstract and individualistics, I can't stand. Any tips?
My aunt is ESFJ and the gossip of the day, EVERY work day, when she gets back is always, “I said my hellos around the office today and you won’t believe who didn’t say it back. I bet they don’t really like me after all.”
-infp
As an INTP.....I'm watching this purely to understand the nature of my complete opposite.
Human beings are so bizarre....and it's fascinating.
Haha same, i feel like a bear going out of its cave for the 1st time in 6 months, totally blinded by the sunlight O_o X)
My sis is an INTP and I am an ESFJ. I get what you mean. But as we grew and matured, we found a lot of respect for each other's way of thinking. We often come from completely different perspectives and draw on very different things, but we keep finding that a lot of things that are rationally logical are also socially/emotionally logical. There are topics where we can't agree at all, but we appreciate each other for their very different approach. I think this has allowed us to become better human beings overall. I love my sis 🥰. Greetings from Germany, Michael
@@michaellodwich9062 Wow i love your comment
Trust me, the relationship can be exhausting
Same, my mom is an ESFJ and I can't fathom how her mind works
Seriously, ESFJs are the best people, and I'd give a hand to be one myself. They give the best gifts. They make other people feel loved and are loved by others. They care about you and will give the best career/ life advice. Everything I value in my life is owed to the efforts and kindmess of my ESFJs, and they would only benefit from becoming more selfish and appreciated in return. We value you, ESFJs! 😍
Amen! ~ Nathan
As an ESFJ, I would like to thank you. But let me tell you, you don't want to be one since most people will hurt you by not giving you the attention you've been giving them, and that without even realising it. People take you for granted. Moreover, if someone criticizes you a tiny little bit, even if it is constructive criticism, you are most likely going to feel extremely sad. So to sum it up, we like taking care of you people, but don't forget to take care of us 😘
@@TH2714 we sincerely want to! Please be selfish sometimes and tell us how we can treat you and take care of you in return 😊🤗🤗
Samee
I'm in relationship with an ESFJ since 3 years & yes i can say he cares a lot about me he makes me feel loved, he appreciates me & hold me all together whenever I'm feeling low but i don't think esfj gives best advice always.
This entire comment section is people who know ESFJs rather than actual ESFJs 😂 didn't realise people thought so highly of my personality type tho, its nice 😅
There are almost no esfj in the whole mbti-community (maybe they're mlre likely to not be interested in that kinda stuff).. that's so sad because I love them so much and I wanna hear more about them.
I think there are mostly infps and infj, at least what I see on the internet, but Idk.
I think it’s because we are getting the validation we need so we don’t have to go fishing for it as we are sometimes known to do!😂😂
Esfjs are not prone to have the patience to search about theories like mbti haha The whole mbti community is full of intuitives xD
@@ingrid5944 hmmm it depends, im an ESFJ and I LOVE reading up about personalities and myself . We ESFJs are warmly interested in others and we value ourselves. I do agree however that I don't see many ESFJ's which is sad coz I'd love to interact with them :D
Right!?!?! I love it!
So I'm seeing an ESFJ and he is literally sunshine and Barney the purple dinosaur combined in human form. Can't forget that how he makes me feel so loved and cared for, from whether have you eaten and get enough sleep, to advising me on my issues so wholeheartedly and with patience and understanding. Like, I didn't expect him to come in my life. I really really feel blessed and "rich" to have known him.
I just had to laugh at the beginning of the video because my ESFJ husband is not interested in typology (but will patiently listen to my giddy enthusiasm on the subject if I don’t go on too long), yet there is no way he would ever choose to watch a video about any aspect of it! Your video is extremely accurate. Years ago, he realized I needed alone time before I did. During this current state of the world, he’s very stressed out about our supply of groceries if it starts getting low. I was fascinated when I realized that all the kind, giving things he does for other people truly make him happy and doesn’t really feel like a sacrifice to him.
Ahh I should have mentioned that. I imagine the craziness around groceries and getting in supplies is ultra stressful for ESFJs ~ Nathan
ESFJ here. I find joy in bringing joy to those I care about. A hard lesson I wish I learned earlier is to be mindful of those who take advantage of you. Therefore, still single, and trying not to lose hope. 🙃
Yes! Lol! I am a strong ESFJ and my husband (I’m pretty sure) is an INTP. He gets annoyed at my health checks but appreciates when I can provide what he needs in a physical level. I love his logical and dry sense of humor but can get bored quickly when he starts pontificating about technology or abstract ideas. I LOVE studying about personality types mainly so I can understand those that I love better.
This video was really I interesting! Thank you!
This is very interesting and informative!
I am surrounded by a lot of ESFJs. Two were my bestfriends. What I’ve noticed when they’re healthy and genuinely care about you
1. They’re very caring and very generous about their time and resources. When they give you a present, it’s always well-presented and well thought of.
2. They’re very humorous and I admire how they’re not awkward or self-conscious. Their confidence is fascinating.
3. They’re intrinsically silver-tongued and can be very spontaneous
4. Very organized and love to organize social gatherings
5. They’re highly empathetic but they can be utterly blunt when they think what you’re doing is wrong.
When they’re unhealthy I noticed that:
1. Because they’re highly organized people, they can come across as bossy and pushy. They love the spotlight and when their suggestions and opinions weren’t appreciated, it badly hurts them.
2. They can be very impractical because they can be very materialistic to keep up with the Jones.
3. They analyze your worth by your social status or intelligence and when they perceive that they’re below you, they’d treat you that way. But when they perceive that you’re above them for whatever reason, they can kiss your ass.
4. Because they’re like social butterflies and love the spotlight and attention , in a social gathering when you get people’s attention, they tend to be very jealous and you can feel that they secretly hate you.
5. They love to offer themselves be it in a form of service or their time but they don’t like it when they’re behind the scene and you don’t acknowledge or give them credit for their efforts.
6. Not that you can’t have a meaningful conversation with them, but because their polar function is NE, it’s difficult for them to relate with my ideas and as a result, they find it comical and nonsense. Like I was in a car with an ESFJ and ISFJ (at that time they were my bestfriends) We were talking about a lot of things then I mentioned about I always wondered and it’s fascinating to know how I’d die or how people would die, because obviously all of us will eventually die anyway. And both of them laughed at me (not with me) as if my question was out of this world. Being an INFP, I just don’t feel comfortable discussing my ideas with any sensing types because they really don’t get it and find it silly.
Well, at least those are my experience with ESFJs in my life
I am an INTJ and one of my best friends is ESFJ. I can say the video is very accurate. My friend always lashes out to me about the fact that I'm too analytical of situations and I don't consider people's emotions. I also see her more optimistic than my other friends and generally happier. (Some of my other friends are INFJs, ISTJ and INTP) . About being a care giver that's totally true, she always trys to help people even total strangers, which makes me frustrated as I don't like my time wasting on people that I don't know. In general, we have different functions and I get frustrated by her sometimes (I don't say that ) because we are quite different. Still she's one of my closest friends and her presence is always delightful.
this comment section is full of people who love esfjs, it's so cute 😭💗
It’s good they’ve healthy ones in their lives! Makes me sad when ppl diss unhealthy ESFJs 🥺
@@waterywingzyea 😭
and its kinda sad.. like every mbti when unhealthy, does something unlikable obviously
but the stereotype of esfj as being portrayed mostly always as unhealthy just hurts 😭 (im still new to accepting esfj as my type and this makes more resistant to it 🫡)
Can't get over how good your videos are. So grateful for them.
Thank you so much! This is always just amazing to hear ~ Nathan
I looked up Nathan’s videos for ESFJs but I could only find this one. If he hasn’t yet, I hope he’s planning on coming out with the “how to win as an ESFJ”, “weaknesses of the ESFJ”, and so forth. I like to watch these videos when I encounter a new type in my life because together they really paint the whole picture.
They are phenomenal caregivers. Like when you're sick, you need an ESFJ. Plain and simple.
They'll tend to you as much as you need and leave you alone as much as you need; something very important to an introvert like myself.
Yes! That balancing act is a subtle thing to master indeed ~ Nathan
As an ESFJ, I’ve had a couple of people, especially INTPs leave my life because they thought I was being fake. But they always come back months if not years later understanding that I truly just love taking care of those around me. Thank you for your videos and its so nice to see all the comments 🥺definitely helps with feeling misunderstood
lmao im an intp dating an esfj and i think the same. I wonder why they have to be such people pleasers, seeking for validation from others. But i guess its a personality thing and something they enjoy doing..
Being an ESFJ when I was growing up is hard because I felt like trapped & selfless. I was constantly questioning myself like I didn’t get as much as I was invested in friendships for example. Through experiences, I could shake some of the so called weaknesses off & just move on with my life alone cause I’m not responsible to make everyone’s happy🤔
Are you sure you're really esfj? 🧐
@@Unknown-n9l Yes
Yes, no one talks about the burnout when you give plenty and feel taken for granted by the other side and get no affirmation that you're seen for your care. Some even say that we only care about others to get something in return but that's not how it works.
I’m sorry but I can’t help but to compliment you on your ability to provide both concrete and abstract examples. Great analysis! Your videos always have this natural flow to them. I know you prepare ahead of time, but your preparation must be laid out in some kind of clear/structured format. You make it look and sound easy! I appreciate you keeping things straight and to the point! Hope all is well with you guys 🙌🏽
Flattery will always get you everywhere with me... also thanks lol. I'm quarantined in my lair currently but rest assured me and Lu are plotting intensely. Hope all is well with you too!! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho Please -please do another ESFJ video. I am totally into the MBTI and Enneagram 3 wing 2. You are the best Nathan for me to learn all personality types. I have an INFP friend who turned me on to this stuff and to say it is an obsession of mine (ESFJ) would be understated. We may not be the sharpest tool in the shed with inferior Ti, but we care deeply for people and want peace and to see our loved ones cared for.
after hearing your explanation about how ESFJ has a similar personality which is Ne with ENFP & ESFP makes sense to me now! around months ago I found out that my MBTI is ESFJ, it's kind of weird since the 1st and 2nd time I took the test I got ENFP and ESFP, so yeah it's very new to me and even questions whether MBTI test is believable or not. the easier way to know the accuracy after taking tests are getting to deepen the results yourself :))
ps: this quarantine made me dive-in to this topic (which I rarely do) and realize how there are not many videos that explain ESFJ... some videos have a negative impact on me since they told me that we ESFJs tend to threatened people with our "overly caring" or "wanting people to be more positive". yet watching this has a more positive review on us which comforts my Fe more, thank you :))
Yes. I'm definitely an ESFJ according to your description. My fridge is always full and my door is always open (if you call six hours in advance)
I'm an INTP and thanks to my ESFJ sister-in-law I literally have to book a slot to see my ISTJ brother.
All 16 are done and I gotta say this is probably one of my favorites out of the series' you have
Cant't believe I've actually finished a series. Only took me 10 months, also it's really great to hear you liked this one because I wasn't too sure about it! ~ Nathan
Thank you for this beautiful video. I know what it feels like to be the glue that holds everything together, and a lot of times forget about our own needs. I have evolved to become more balanced and most recently my family has shown a greater appreciation for me during these difficult times. As it happens, I’m also a nurse and I’ve calmed my family much during this pandemic hysteria and made sure to set guidelines. My family is very blessed but it’s nice to finally be recognized a little bit in my family, rather than just the person who they call when they need something. Thank u so much again ~ 💖ESFJ
You're a man of your word Nathan! Spot on content as usual, and thanks for keeping your promise to post this :).
I can't actually believe I finished a series (and in only 10months lol) ~ Nathan
This sounds a lot like my ENFJ friend. Who is always telling me (INFP) to get a job 😂
Haha! My advice for INFPs is to avoid getting a job you're going to hate like the plague!!! ~ Nathan
I'm INFP and I find Esfj the easiest to recognize among the types because there's an unique aura about them. Your description fits perfectly with the esfj I know
The video's about the ESFJ.
Sorry I meant esfj, I typed it wrong 😅😅😅
I’m INFP too and tend to be really attracted to ENFJs. There’s a weird familiarity even though we’re totally different. I wish I could say the same for ESFJs.
@@jamesa.1345 I agree, eventho I really like ESFJ, as an INFPIt's harder to communicate with them
I think it’s because INFP’s have dominant Fi (introverted feeling) and they’re more attracted to Fe (extroverted feeling) users such as ENFJ’s and ESFJ’s
8 years ago, I was in a college psychology class.
We discussed the MBTI and were given a site to take a lengthy test to find out our type, if we wanted.
At that time, I classified as an INFJ. In fact, I took several tests from different sites and they all came out INFJ, as well.
Cut to now, I remembered the MBTI again, and re-tested on a few different sites, and am now classified as ESFJ.
Glad I found this video, finding out about my new type (great deal of insight into myself, I found).
Would love to see more ESFJ content to find out more.
'Preciate you, sir.
I'm an INFP and me and my boyfriend tough he was an ENFJ, but lately we found out he's an ESFJ... and usually we are just in perfect harmony, making each other feel loved and special, the only thing that gets in our way is that I tend to dream about the future, think a lot about it, how it should be, and my boyfriend tends to focus in the present, not worrying to much about it, not planning ahead hahaha That was how I started to think he might not be a ENFJ. But we really work together, he makes my life so so so so much better, and usually he's the one taking care of everyone and everything, so I feel honor to be the one who's taking care of him and giving him all the love he deserves so much
It explains to me why I always find this type so attractive 😅 Apparently, it’s not common for ENFPs to feel particularly drawn to ESFJs, yet I am deeply fascinated with their unique energy that mixes so well with mine! My biggest crushes are always to be found among ESFJs - there’s clearly a certain pattern xd
you're ESFP
I agree, I'm an ENFP too and I LOVE ESFJs. They aren't judgemental, our morals seem to line up most of the time, they get teary over the sweetest and smallest things, and my favorite part, they just seemlessly keep basic life elements going. I have to put in so much effort just to remember to vacuum and clean the toilet on a weekly basis. It's one of my biggest frustrations about myself and in turn the thing that's the most appealing to me about ESFJs.
Great description! However, I feel you were mostly describing esfj females. They tend to have these „caring for your essential needs“ vibes where they make sure you‘ve had enough food, slept well, etc.
Males however (my boyfriend is one, too) tend to be more caring for your mental well being. Hell, my bf is so bad at keeping a full fridge and cooking in general, since he is full with other plans.
But, he is always making sure I‘m heard and understands my way of thinking and why I make certain decisions. And he‘s always supportive about these and encouraging me to take the necessary steps to get further in life. Also he sometimes tends to ignore his own needs in favour of mine, which I think can be a bit problematic sometimes (l‘m an infp). I want him to say when somethings bugs him and he tends to simply swollow his anger... I never saw him lashing out.
However I enjoy their pragmatic creativity! If they come across problems in their everyday life they always find creative solutions. Also they are so focused on their ongoing projects and finish one after another. Very admirable! If they set their mind on something they‘ll do whatever it takes to get it without hurting other people in the process. They are so great with other‘s! Reflective, kind, funny, sometimes witty, and very spot on when meeting strangers for the first time. Their first impressions always seem to be right. :) But sometimes a bit judgemental.
He keeps me on my feet, when I loose the grip of reality.
I‘m so happy I found such a great person in my life! Everyone should have an esfj in their life!
Thank you for your comment, I'm an ESFJ male too and I'm just awwed with these comments haha~
Hey there. A male ESFJ here . I truly enjoyed your video. Thank you for one of the best descriptions I have had the pleasure 😊 of watching. Please keep up the good work 💪👷. Sending greetings from Germany 🇩🇪 and stay safe and well 🌈
There's this girl in my class I(INFJ) recently became friends with and I think she's an ESFJ and this video is a lot like similar to how she is
And she is one of the best person I've ever met
Whenever I talk with her,her whole attention is on me and this makes me really happy and she is funny af and also she knows how to make you feel loved and although I met her rather recently it feels like we have been friends forever
She is the type who makes you want to be liked/loved by them be around them
And she just makes me happy
You're not an INFJ. F-off! INFJ are not attention-seekers!
Me (INTP) and my ESFJ sister have loads of arguments... that only last 10 minutes. We annoy each other because we're so different but are too different to actually deeply hurt each other, and we can't take the other seriously enough to continue being pissed off 😂
Wow I love this comment, especially the last part ~ Nathan
We are too different and yet we complete each other, soon as we vent, we are no longer upset
That's interesting. 5:41 is one of the reasons my ESFJ sister-in-law and I (INTP) don't get along. I see her recollections as lies because she frequently gets the details wrong. We also have NOTHING in common and I can't see what my ISTJ brother sees in her because their logic and feeling occasionally clash too.
I'm an INTJ writing an ESFJ character, and this has really helped me flesh her out! Thank you! (I would like to see more of the S types in the future, mainly because those are the ones I feel the most disconnected from and I need to get a better grasp on what those types of characters think like in order for me to write them well.)
ahahaha, oh thank you! XD now i feel honoured to be mentioned but also a little ashamed about the ranty comment, sorry for that^^ definitely gonna check out the patreon now! :D
Well you're responsible for me finally finishing a series on this channel. I started with "Inside the mind of the INTP" about 10months ago and have some full circle on that one. So thank you for the push!! ~ Nathan
My dad is an ESFJ. He asks me all the time If I am okay or hungry. He is extremely conventional and people focused. Me, an INFP and my brother an INTJ drive him crazy with our “newfangled” ideas. My ISFJ mom doesn’t like it either. Neither me nor my brother are Christian any more. My mom was upset for a long time, and my dad pulled the “look what you have done to your mother” line. (In tue ESFJ fashion) They eventually got over it when they saw that my brother was not coming back to the religion (he’s an atheist) and I had found a new religion that I was (and am) extremely passionate about (I am a Norse/Anglo-Saxon Pagan).
We as a family, get along very well, but it’s interesting to see our interactions.
Your parents are right.
Omg ur dad loves ur mom w/ that line 😭 so defend-y & guard-y for his precious! Dang~~ I’m a lil shook!
Despite the religion differences, I’m so glad u can genuinely say “my family gets along”. I think that’s wut matters most to ur mom @ the end of the day 🥲 even if she can’t agree w ur new religion.
Thank you so much for the video, it's really difficult to find content about ESFJ on internet in general. Sometimes I feel like I'm like the only one besides all my mom's friends.
You're not, ESFJs are common as muck.
The last thing you said “ Irreplaceable impact in others lives “ so true! My husband is all this he is the absolute best 💕 we thought he was an istj for a while but I had him take a different test and this is most definitely him!
I want an ESFJ friend, you guys are impeccably caring and genuine. Not that much people to trust nowadays, so this makes me seek introverts as major freind-priority. As a former ENFJ, I understand the superb essence of your endeavours, as well as how some people dismiss your attempts to cover them with a pillow-blanket and get a hot milk to comfort them, when they are "busy" or just too self-centered.
I appreciate you
-ENTJ
Thank You for this! It's nice too hear more information about how our personality works.
Very good video! It once and for all defines that I am not an esfj but an enfj. Thank you, this detail was never discussed anywhere else, I appreciate it🙏🏻
Very interesting! As an INTP I can definitely see some sides of the ESFJ in me. I might still forget to eat for a whole day, but when it comes to my friends I'm often concerned if they're eating enough (especially when drinking a lot..) because I care about them. I am also usually the one to bring water to my drunk friends or cheering them up by unexpectedly baking them something. I notice these things, but actually knowing how to help doesn't come naturally to me, so I try to do what I can and stick to the things that proved successful in the past.
That is to say it can be quite exhausting to feel the need to care for them all the time, but not being able to. I'm still developing my Fe, so hopefully I will get better at it
Are you sure you're not an SF, as per your name?
ESFJs are great conversationalists, especially when it comes to their friends and family. They have an encyclopedic knowlege of their friends and family members' likes, dislikes, current activities, who they are dating, etc. They are also consumate soccer moms, activity organizers and so forth.
ESFJs are the best types for INFPs and INTPs.
I’m an INTP with an ESFJ friend. I don’t think we’ve come across the conflict that you mentioned yet, but we’ll see what happens.
It's fascinating to hear from someone in a so called "dual" relationship. Feel free to share your insights! ~ Nathan
I don’t know much about how different functions interact, so I’ll just speak more generally. Even before we found out our MBTIs were so different, we’d agreed many times that we were complete opposites, and yet somehow it was complementary- we’d say that we felt like two halves of one whole person, for example. We have some things in common (beliefs, compatible senses of humour, etc) and I think we’re both mature enough to see the benefits of each other’s different traits, rather than immediately being annoyed by them. Plus, she’s a lot of fun. There are a couple of things I’ve noticed, though - as an introvert, I’ll sometimes get quite invested in a conversation if it’s interesting or I like the person, and while the ESFJ is certainly capable of having deep and meaningful conversations, she’s not as “monogamous” about them as I am, so in social situations she’ll often start off talking to me and end up on the other side of the room with someone else, and I have to remind myself that she’s not disinterested in our conversation or being rude, she’s just an excited extrovert in a room of a hundred people. Another thing is that she can unintentionally get in my face a bit if we’re standing together talking one-on-one, but again, I just remind myself she’s excited and isn’t doing it deliberately.
Oh, and you can always tell when she’s had caffeine, because it has some kind of nuclear reaction with her extroversion, the result being her almost bouncing off the walls or having electricity coming out of her eyes. She brings me out of my shell a bit, and I think I probably keep her grounded a little, and then since we respect each other we can appreciate the benefits of each other’s differences and perspectives. I don’t think I would want to live with an ESFJ though, because the differences would become much more problematic.
Sorry that was so long 😂
i love your choices of outfits. very very often, they seem to be super comfortable!
Am an ENTJ married to an ESFJ, and this is so accentuated.
It helped me to understand her better. Thank you for making this!
‘The people in their life will realize if they’re wise enough that esfj make an irreplaceable impact’
Waiting for my ex 🤭
i m an ESFj ..i dislike myself because i m a external validation seeker.i hate myself when people hurt me even after taking so much care of them ..i dislike that i cant say "No "to people ..i hate that i m so much intrested in others living ..but i love my helping n caring nature..no matter what is peoples rxn to that ...it gives me internal satisfaction
Your comment is to cute T_T when i read it, i (INTP) hate myself for being so rude sometimes when a feeler wants to take care of me but i send him/her packing bcz i'm not in the mood. I have myself for having no interest in the others' boring routines, you just want to be listened after all, sorry for this
I'm an ESFJ and I dislike myself too, for all the reasons that you wrote. And many people hurt because of that. But I can't deny either that I feel really satisfied when someone is happy because of me.
im ENFJ and i love ESFJS!
I feel you. It seems to be the inherent conflict of your personality, you feel fulfilled and also hurt by people. Perhaps you'll eventually grow to not get so hung up on those who hurt you despite your care and instead put more chips on those satisfying relationships ( T_T)＼(^-^ )
I'm an ENFP with similiar problems, you just have to learn boundries and have it not affect your life as much. I'm also dating an ESFJ.
Hello! I took the test and I définitely am an ESFJ. I absolutelly LOVE organising parties with long time no see friends. 100% extraverted and I always am talking about how I feel and I love harmony in a group, really important for me! I also love hosting people but I do not know if I will always help someone in need (I need to check this in situation!). But also always smiling and laughing. My best friend is also an Esfj and we are exactly the same !
YAY I VIDEO ABOUT MEE :))))) I’m a med student, so I automatically tend to ask & remind people whether they’re hydrated, fed, or well rested. And then wish them and try to help them feel better, because we can try being better one step at a time.
So astute. Much more nuanced than many other descriptions of my type, which make it seem predictable and a bit dull.
I don't make videos on ESFJs that often so it's always fun to see people reacting to what's said in them in the comments. Thank you for that! ~ Nathan
Im INFJ, and i love them, i really feel that yeah maybe they are not so original, but i find them really loveable, they are predictable and loyal (all i need jkjk lol) obviously i met a healthy ESFJ, she is everybody's mum and ya she may be bossy with some dudes but idk i like to watch how she shows her emotions and care about what other people think, and how she opens to me. their humanity( when they do wrong and when they expect something from you...) and they are so different than me that in my opinion, their codependency, and how they are the mirror of the energy in the room sometimes (when they are with ppl they love and care about) so ya i appreciate their vulnerability and how they work so hard.
This video was perfect, clear, concise, but wasn’t boring. I’m in Ah Hah stage of learning that I’m an ESFJ so I found this very helpful and I tend to space out when boredom strikes lol I only tuned out a few times because there were examples you mentioned that triggered a memory of that exactly playing out. I’m great at planning day to day, maybe even 3 days in advance but you’re right long term thing isn’t my strong suit.
This is so wonderful and so accurate. 2 ESFJs are here with me so there is absolutely no lack of "Are you hungry?" in this household. When my odd schedule has them worried I'm not eating enough, they ask me to enumerate the food I've had that day, and then they tell me what we have in the fridge anyway. I feel very cared for. ✨
HAHA My grandma lives with us, and she's also an ESFJ, and so my 3 brothers get barges of "Have you eaten?" from me and my grandma everytime it's nearing lunch or dinner...
Thanks for this video. It clarified that my mom is definitely an ISFJ rather than an ESFJ.
Awesome!! ~ Nathan
I think you are spot on with this analysis.
My daughter doesn't take care of anyone. Everyone sees to her needs because she's the youngest. She's responsible in every other way. She's extremely reliable, orderly and peaceful. A truly trouble free being. She's also unbelievably smart. Universally loved. Validation always comes to her. She's never had to seek it. Everyone knows she's great.
I’m a Infj married to a Esfj and you described my husband accurately. Also my mother who happens to be a ESFJ. What were the odds lol
How is it isn't it very difficult in communication? But caring is always in sync
I’m an INFP. I suspect my mom is an ESFJ. She is definitely less go-with-the-flow than me.
We’ve had conversations where she’ll want an exact answer and I’ll feel (internally) that sometimes it’s not worth expanding upon. Like once she asked me how I was feeling, and I said “fine.” Only recently have I realised that the “fine” I felt was just a neutral feeling and not necessarily something to pin down and categorise.
She has definitely been a caregiver in my family, and I realise that I’ve taken that for granted sometimes.
One time I was having a fit before an interview and she told me to stop and that I’m “going to grad school” (implying that my behaviour was immature). I realise that both of us like to have the last word in disputes and expect are anger to force the other to self-reflect on how we were wronged.
ESFJ have a pathological disregard for rationality and reality-and by extension other people's sanity!
My dad is an esfj, and I honestly couldn't ask for a better dad. Although he can be stubborn sometimes, he always tries his best to take care of me and my siblings even when he is busy. And whenever we would go to the mall, I could ask him to buy me some snacks and he would let me :'D. Lastly, he is funny (his dad jokes I swear has me chuckling everytime) and also he is very supportive of my hobbies and knows how to give us tough love when we need it :)))
I think I'm an ESFJ, but I LOVE the design of your ISTJ mug! Might end up getting that one anyway...
Thats interesting! I do wonder whether the designs will actually be liked by each type. Eventually we'll have many different: mugs, t-shirts, hoodies, phone cases etc on there! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho I'm an ESFJ, I find the mug to be too much of a stereotype and not a growth state. First of all, I don't bake, I do like to serve people drinks and food. The quote on the back, "never be so busy as to not think of others", that would be all in on my functions and not actually thinking of myself. Why encourage an ESFJ to do that. It would be more like, "never be so busy taking care of others and forget to serve yourself" - some kind of play on serving. Also, I'd rather donate to your pateron, than buy a cheesy mug. I have Si, I love all my cups (current: Yeti w/closing lids or Brumate's), this just doesn't look like a mug I'd find cute, more offensive. Damn this was hard for me to write and took me circling back to watch this video a second time and look at your mugs again and see this comment to feel "ok" to provide constructive criticism, but this is my Ti and I love all your content, your products just aren't hitting the Si stimulation ;)
Good thing about ESFJ's is that they will usually tell you exactly what is on their mind, less guesswork
Ohh thats such a nice quality! Having to read between the emotional lines is just too much for me lol ~ Nathan
Yeah this is true, I always go to my group chat or text friend whenever I'm feeling or thinking of something
@@manamemajeff6283 Yes, me too but ill only confront you if i feel super unappreciated/like I'm always the 3rd wheel,(but RARELY) or if you tried to mess with one of my friends/family/kids. I can be the kindest, most caring person I know but if you DARE try to bully/hurt my family or friends, you'll wish you weren't alive, lol. (of course, I wouldn't actually hurt you, but you had better expect to get a severe scolding)
yes, unlike ENFJs
I dated an ESFJ. True his whole life revolves around giving to others, but boy is he unskilled at it. I am an INFP and I can easily see what the other person needs vs what I think they should need. ESFJ was very close-minded and stubborn in giving in HIS way. I hate these type of givers. In my opinion it is selfish giving. I don’t like to feel obliged to be grateful for something that I do not believe to be best for me in the first place. With that being sad, he is very charismatic and has much better social skills than me. But there isn’t all that much beneath that. I used to think he had higher EQ than me, but he is so out of touch with his own feelings and motivations that I realized his natural smoothness is the extent of his EQ.
Edit: and don’t get me started on his need to fit it in and please everyone. I value authenticity at any price. We were clearly not a good match. 😂
That is the most Fi thing I've read in a while. I agree with you, of course. My Fi gets thoroughly aggravated by "gifts" being shoved into my face. Especially when the giver stands there waiting for my positive reaction like a dog deserves a treat for rolling over. I didn't want the gift. I didn't ask for it. Why should I give someone the affirmation they're looking for when that's all they want from me? It's insincere and doesn't come from a place of love.
That's what I think, but it's not true.
In reality, Fe needs confirmation that they're being helpful and creating harmony. Learning about the functions has helped me sympathize with Fe a little more. I used to see those who simply had Fe as fake. I still do, to an extent, but my sympathy continues to grow.
Amen to that.
I agree 💯..like they think they know things better than everyone else, also taking pride in it, which makes no sense to me. They are nice people and good as just friends ntng more..- ENTP
Dackson Flux I can see how Fi can be interpreted as selfish and Fe as fake.
DD's bread yeah, cannot please Fi with gifts! I have told my family a decade ago that all I want as a gift is money. And I still stick to that. It takes me months to find something I like. There is no way anybody else can match that.
I love ESFJs. Thyre warm people 🤗
They certainly are! ~ Nathan
An INFP dating an ESFJ boyfriend here! Wish me luck! 🥺😇♥️
Interesting, let us know how that goes! ~ Nathan
how is it going?
Mine INFP and my husbands ESFJ 15 years long marriage is not peacefull one. But we learned to live together and appreciate our differences. It took time for my ESFJ man to understand that INFP can't be grounded no matter what he does nor getting much action care back. And I learned to appreciate his nagging and worries about life matters. So good luck to you!
Best of luck, hope it's going well! My wife's (most probably) an ESFJ. They're the best caregivers. :) Us INFPs can be pretty crap at taking care of ourselves, due to lower Si-Te. Luckily, she also has fairly good Ne, so we can also talk about things and we laugh a lot about silly things. You just have to be wary of two things: 1) their need for social harmony vs. your need for personal space and your values, 2) your joint inability to actually plan long-term. Luckily, I somehow have crazy high Ni in addition to Ne, so it works out well - just very last-minute. :p Honest communication and vulnerability are key.
@@redcoat8664 I'm dating an ESFJ as an ENFP. I would say it usually goes well, however sometimes my comments end up get taken the wrong way (as with most Fe users). I will say something like oh, I need to do more in the world and in my community. She will try to convince me that I was doing enough in the community but the truth is, that's not really what I want to hear. I would just know in my heart I wasn't doing enough, and I was tell her and people these things just to be honest about it and talk to them about possible solutions. I think this is an Fi thing, although this seems strange even for Fi.
I actually love this video so much bc i kept seeing bad and toxic comments about ESFJs and i was like um……. I feel like when we ESFJs turn dark its bc our feelings that we’ve hidden and pushed back behind others feelings finally bursts out. We also give a lot in relationships so much that our significant other takes and takes and we just give not knowing when to stop. So when we turn dark we just need time and people believing in us like we’ve done for everyone.
Also Which personality matches us most?
I agree. I think ESFJs are a lot like Enneagram 2s. These personalities are some of the most caring and generous people. They love deeply. However, when consistently taken advantage of, they can understandably become bitter and resentful. I don't believe ESFJs are naive about the selfish tendencies of people. I believe they are brave and chose to encourage the good instead. They are gifted at showing grace and compassion. I think ESFJs are incredible and humble people.
Also, INFPs and ISFPs are the most compatible with the ESFJs (:
Would like to hear your take on ESFJ vs ENFJ please!
Interesting, I'll put that on the list! ~ Nathan
@@lovewho yes please.
Agreed!
Personally i feel like (enfj here) an enfj can seem more like a senser if he/she is around many sensers or is young and has not fully developed his/her Ni
@@lovewho My best friend is an ENFJ and I'm an ESFJ, I would definitely like a video on that as well, funny enough I often feel like there are a lot of overlaps between the way we think and approach life.
That was an awesome video Nathan! I am still trying to figure out if I am ENFJ or ESFJ... But I'm in no rush ☺️ thanks for the inputs!
You made the ESFJ video! Thank you!
Hope you enjoyed it! ~ Nathan
Usually during their 40s when they aspire to their intp side of their mind they make great programmers, researchers and investigators.
Interesting! It would be interesting to talk about types over time and how they develop ~ Nathan
@@lovewho You should do a video on that! If you have some older people who could speak to how they have changed over time it would be interesting.
So glad to hear this! I'm in my 40's as an ESFJ and feel less and less like my type. I'm not traditional at all like my type is supposed to be. I hide in my room reading, I've lived off grid for 8 years, I believe in very few established ways of thinking. Do you think my ENTP hubby did this to me?🤣
Absolute nonsense, sorry.
Thank you so much for your videos - they’re so helpful and well-done!
It’s interesting when you think of a community, and how important it is to have all of these various different types. Everyone is well fed and kept going by the ESFJ
Nathan I am an ESFJ and my husband is an INTP. I love your videos but I’m so sad that you have only two videos for ESFJ. It’s so hard finding quality videos for our type. Not sure if you’ll ever get around to it, but I would love a dark side of ESFJ video or anything really. 🙃
Spot on. Brilliant insight on esfjs
Thank you! ~ Nathan
As an INFJ I deeply appreciate ESFJs more than most types. My Elder cousin brother is an ESFJ and he seems to be the odd one out of all people I’ve met. He used to take me places when I was a kid yet it does it to this day as well. There’s something about ESFJs that just makes them the best caretakers without even trying. They seem to understand anyone at a glance of how they feel, and does whatever they can to cheer them up. Sometimes they even know what you want to do and says it right away for you, but there are still souls who see the bad in the pure kindness of ESFJs. So whenever I’m usually around them I do as much to help them for giving to people of all they can. They’re really practical in life and it amuses to see an outside perspective of an extrovert so much that I don’t feel like an introvert around them I turn into an extrovert learning from these bright souls of how they deal with life. Out of all the MBTI types I feel drawn to ESFJs for their giving and understanding nature and everyone has the potential to improve, so we can learn from people like these to deal with life in ways that’s bright and fun.
Man, you made me tear up! Ive never had someone say such things to me in my 35 years! But what you described is me! I’m thankful you appreciate your elder cousin brother! That’s all the fuel he needs to never stop loving you! We just want appreciation and a real hug!
I forever appreciate the ESFJs because they are hardworking and caring people I have a friend who is a ESFJs and I just love her and I am a INTJ that even more crazy yes she is too social but she the best kind of people want forget about INFJ I don't need a perfectionist I need a friend who can help me social and be loved they're great people and we should appreciate more and I a INTJ who don't like socialize but as a INTJ I can see how important they are and I appreciate for their hardworking and caring nature
Thank you so much for your positive take on Enfjs! I rarely see that online and as an esfj I really appreciate it
Healthy esfjs are some of the most comforting and healing people to be around. Especially as an INTJ who is mostly oblivious to the SF world.
One of my favorite examples of ESFJs being sensitive to change in others’ emotions is in the queens gambit when the main character is in an interview and her mom is in the other room and notices her getting uncomfortable even before she does and asks the magazine people to leave. Having had bad experiences with fe users I always was kind of turned off that they would treat me like they knew me “better than myself” because that can (and has been) weaponized. But genuine Fe can make you feel so seen
This is very accurate bc as someone who is an esfj. I used to be a "dark esfj" but i stopped and changed my mentality dropped all my toxic friends and now learned to make good healthy friends and my standards are now high. And, i know im not perfect but i'm improving everyday i feel like im a healthy esfj and im here to say if u are also an esfj and u are gossiping about other people and u are actually being toxic to urself and to others. STOP bc once you do you'll see results i promise ill take time tp change ur mentality but start. I hope i best and ily to whoever is reading this!:)))
My wife is an ESFJ and is obsessed with the lives of other people--friends, strangers, historical figures (typically unknowns). She'll talk to strangers with ease. I am an INTP, and I have to listen to the stories every day. And I couldn't care less. I try to listen, but some of the things these people tell her just don't add up. And when I try to make a logical point, her eyes glaze over.
But we share common ground on the sensing functions. She was a librarian--and I'm very into classification and categorization. We both like language from a structural perspective. She is open to alternative ideas. We both love beautiful music. And have similar taste in color and decoration.
She can nag, but it's because of Si--maintaining homeostasis--although we are both slobs, because of the effort needed to keep the house clean, and we'd rather be doing other things. And the same Si causes her to obsess about how she physically feels--it's a different ailment every day. But she loves and cares for me--you can't ask for more than that--so I guess I'll stay with her...for another 40 years.
This vid made me want to find an ESFJ friend... 😅😅
Yes!!! It's beyond helpful ~ Nathan
Here am I plus I love kpop 🙋🏼♀️😂
hey there :) an ESFJ + ARMY friend here
Would definitely prefer a subtler text on the INTJ mug. Yes I do like to show off my smarts, but in more practical way by doing something in front of people instead of having bold text claims on my items. This is why I have never felt the urge to buy MBTI related merch.
As for the video, I have a great ESFJ friend who was practically my mom during my dorm days brought food for me as per my tastes. My mom is also an ESFJ and she always gets me just the right haul for me when she goes shopping for the family even without me telling her what I like and what I don't. While cooking, she always makes sure to cater to the taste of all the family members, to the point where it ends up in a situation where we have way too much food.
I saw a lot of people with Fi complaining about getting gifts, practically shoved on them. But trust me, once your ESFJ friend / mate / family member is all updated with your tastes and preferences, you will be looking forward to what they might be bringing you next. On the other hand, keep an eye on them as they might accidentally overwork in their quest of satisfying everyone with the best that they can possibly achieve without paying attention to their own selves.
Thanks for this video!!! I’ve been so confused for so long about my mbti type and I think I got it now. This video has really helped me figure it out.
I wish people would stop taking esfjs and isfjs for granted. My parents are esfjs and it’s so easy to just expect them to know all my (physical) needs. They care so much and people only seem to value them for what they can do for you. Esfjs should take a nice vacation from serving others needs and just spoil themselves for a change
For so long I had bounced around so many of the I types, thinking I was actually an INFP, but in reality that doesn't make a lot of sense. I had previously thought I couldn't possibly be an E, but I haven't truly related to the points in a video about an MBTI type so shockingly. I'm the "Mom" everywhere I go, and despite thinking I was an introvert, looking at people in my family who are clearly more introverted than me makes total sense. I'm more so of a quiet extrovert, if that makes sense. I like to go out into the world to do errands, and don't mind talking to people.
At work, most people seem to like me and see me as quite agreeable. I definitely value traditions and following a certain set of rules (that's how you keep your job, and also stay out of trouble with the law lol), and find a sense of peace in the organized day to day routine. I do also have trouble with the thing that was mentioned where I will go out of my way to help someone do whatever they need to do, but at the cost of my own dreams, passions or pursuits. I find that I don't end up having the mental or physical energy at the end of the day once I've given it to someone else instead of being "selfish."
I don't know what type my partner is and I don't think he cares to find out. But I definitely have a system for knowing when things will run out before they do and replacing them. I'm always asking him if he's eaten, which he usually hasn't.
People taking me for granted really has left me with a much smaller circle, to the point where I only really have a few friends anymore. I have many acquaintances at work no matter which job I am in, I feel like I'll just be walking and people I have never met will start conversations and say hi to me like they already know me and I have no clue who they are.
Anyway, thank you for your analysis. I have found it to add more to my understanding of this type. 🙂
I am an atypical ESFJ, in fact, it was very difficult for me to accept that I was an ESFJ, first for the reason why all ESFJs regret being this type and that is the undervaluation of ESFJs in the community, second because I have a fascination for reason and logic. I care a lot about it and I have prioritized it over emotion for many years, I love explaining why I think this and that, I take others' opinions marking it as valid if it makes sense, even if it may be morally and ethically incorrect, these things might be unfamiliar to typical ESFJs.
In recent years, I have been concerned about following my instincts to care for people and be more emotional because in the past I had the idea that being emotional was for weak people, and I also trust people very little. I am not so extroverted, I love my alone time and I easily eliminate many people from my life without feeling bad about them or without having a proper conversation if they do something that makes me distrust them.
And they will say, "Wouldn't you then be another personality type and not necessarily ESFJ?" I am sure that I am, unfortunately. I have unconsciously helped people all these years without anything in return, I am naturally kind and understanding, plus I love harmony in my environment and I love my comfort zone, among other things. I have done many things typical of personalities opposite to mine but due to the cognitive reasons of an ESFJ.
But I realized that I can find a balance between what my instinct drives me to do and what I want to do. That's why I have been working on developing my Fe more and accepting it little by little to extract the most positive aspects of my type.
That's it, I have translated it from Spanish to English, so if you don't understand something, I'm very sorry.
As an INTP that mug is heartwarming
1:07 it is accurate, ive seen a girl who was an ESFJ and i was so attracted by the way she was caring and warm.
They are the most human of all humans, they are beautiful for knowing about not being perfect about everything, they are way too caring for their own good, it hurts when I see them fail because if I fail they think it’s their own fault because I failed and I hate it when I see it.
They are also dumb control freaks.
While I watching this video,,, I noticed your sweatshirts and it looks so smooth!! Hahaha thanks for ESFJ vid :) its really hard to find in my country 😢
Oh it's very smooth indeed... [wearing it whilst typing this] ~ Nathan
Love Who ahahahahaha🤣🤣🤣🤣
Similar to me as an ENFJ but instead of food it's your future and personal goals lol.
I find that ESFJs are often very good with people, but not very good with technology. It's like the opposite of me!