you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 พ.ค. 2024
- This short video was inspired by the quote in the title which is by Thich Nhat Hanh.
It was meant to be longer but for some reason half of it randomly turned into slow motion? So I had to cut it out. Then it turned dark. Anyways, I thought I would share some thoughts anyways. Maybe I’ll make another longer video to explain more. :)
Thanks for watching! - ยานยนต์และพาหนะ
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It was difficult to learn that for me. True love does not wants you to change, is a complete state of vulnerability. But at the other hand, you also want them to be better, for love, not for manipulation
yep
This is how I’ve always felt about love/relationships - I just didn’t recognize that that’s not how others felt about it until I was well into adulthood.
vertigo
Love is inspiring a person to change not convincing them. In the end they do it for themselves and not you. It's like loving them with their flaws and as they are gives them a appetizer of the wellbeing they can get that they _want_ to be better.
Well said,
@@AnLittleAlex Thank you. Love more the way you put it, though. - ♡ -
beautifully said❤
@@AnLittleAlex stop dating fools the bad boys. Thank god i was never married.
I've concluded that is what I want from someone. I care about her, but I can't make her love me. I care enough to want what is best for her. I'm afraid if I win her, I'll lose her. I don't think I could handle losing her. I've never felt this way before. It is strange.
90% of the women gate losers.
I understand where you're coming from, but in the end of the day, it's just a way of coping with defeat.
Hey :) I’m sitting and scrolling mindlessly on TH-cam because I’m struggling right now with a relationship with someone I truly love. I’ve been feeling insecure and bitter because I think he’s pulling away and it’s made me anxious and depressed. When I think about things from the perspective of losing attachment, letting him go if that’s what he wants (because then that’s what’s best for him) I truly do feel a little better. It takes that burden off me, because he’s his own person and I can’t control what he does-I also don’t want to. That’s not love. Thank you for this video because I truly needed it, and sorry for the little rant ❤
Wow thank you so much for sharing! It’s in these moments that we realize just how powerful love is💕🙏
Love him from a distance but understand that you are a queen, and you are worth it.
@@KPSavant today was actually day 1 of me removing him from my life and moving on, and seeing your reply here felt good and was helpful so thank you :)
@@pizzelle2 Yw sweetheart
A wise woman who actually gets it, recognizing what most people label as "love" has nothing to do with the other person and is all about gratifying the self. So nice to see.
Love is like water that nourishes everything, but nothing belongs to it. Water flows naturally downwards, it serves everything.
Love is like a tree that produces oxygen, it gives us our first energy without asking for anything in return. Too often we take it for granted, even though we cannot live without oxygen.
What people usually call love is gratification . Others become vehicles to achieve our personal gratification, to give us what we are unable to give ourselves.
Very well stated and well conveyed .
@@sigma4455 thank you
Well said, reminds me of a quote in Tao Te Ching - “Nothing in the world is as soft and yielding as water. Yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible, nothing can surpass it.” Life is like water and water is like love. It all encompasses the same energy. Thanks for sharing
@@AnLittleAlex Tao te ching is a beautiful book, there is so much wisdom in it. For what I can understand of life, being like water is the best way to deal with it. Quoting Bruce lee 'be like water, my friend'.
Recognising the yin and yang in every aspect of our lives is also important, it makes life easier to understand.
Yep lol… this is what I’ve learned. True love is unconditional, as in, allowing your partner to grow. I might make a video about this one day since I’m wanting to revamp my channel, but I realized after years of contemplating, that LOVE = SAFETY (emotional & physical) + COMFORT (to be yourself and self express)
Unfortunately society has created notions about what romantic love should look like, which created a lot of anxiety about how to love and how we feel about ourselves. Great video, enjoy your energy
Exactly! Well said :)
This is how I view love and relationships too.
You quote Thich Hat Nan! That's a big plus! Little Alex, the wonderful woman I love is severely avoidant, AND FOR GOOD REASONS! Her family life was screwed up by a father who cheated on her mother and the man she married also cheated on her. So I have my work cut out for me. I believe that when you love someone you have to love the whole person, not just the parts that you "like". With that in mind I'm going to love her with all I've got and if that's not enough then I will still love her and I'll continue to be awesome and let her go. That's all I can do. Not even the gods can make someone love them.
That is so wonderful! One should feel lucky to have such an unconditional love that goes both ways. Thank you for sharing!
@@AnLittleAlex please keep posting your thoughts and experiences because it help. Patience is a BITCH and I need to be supremely patient to make this work. She is sooo worth it!
@@johnhatch2519 thank you so much🙏🙏💕
"If you love somebody set them free" Sting, 1985.
This was beautiful, really put my feelings about somethings into words.
Thank you so much I’m glad you resonate
Nothing wanted, nothing expected.
Well put Alex. Majority of us have been conditioned by controlling parents as love, so we grew up attractive to people who have similar control tactics. The paradox is when they feel free with you, they will want to stay with you. I’ve experienced this.💛
Indeed. I’ve been very lucky to have been raised by parents who gave me total freedom in all aspects in life. It has provided me with a very different perspective. Thanks for sharing :)
Unconditional love... It is very true what you say and realize... As a man, I really wish more women have the same understanding as you very soon early on their relationship...
Thank you for this video and sharing this moment of clarity.
This is making you truly a beautiful person, human being, woman...
There needs to be respect for each other in a relationship but too much restrictions can be stifling. Unrealistic expectations of others can lead to a lot of disappointment. The ease and flow in partnerships as well as acceptance is what makes it work. I've learned that acceptance as well as knowing your boundaries and knowing who you are makes life a lot easier. I like your message.
....and in a related story...the sky is blue, water is wet, and the grass is green.😂
i cried out of relief when i realized this ❤ i love love
So well said. It was liberating to consider this revelation. Thank you. Everything is in loan from fortune.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom! If you are reading this, remember to love yourself. Accept the person you are (including your flaws) and choose to show kindness to yourself. Do this and you will have so much more love to give to those in your circle. You matter and you have so much to offer!
You don’t choose love, love chooses you. Once it happens you can choose to commit to it. Accepting love is the same as embracing death, there s q quality of inevitabilty to both. True love leads to the death of the ego, so true love is only for the truly courageous ones.
A good mix of truths and self lies :] the only thing you could put in words about " true unconditional love" is that - it is.
very solid, glad I came across this!
Thank you so much
So true and not always easy to realize but it is the ultimate act of love and healing
Intellectually, I think many people agree with this sentiment. However, most people, including myself, are not free of their ego. And the ego's idea of "love" is not the same as the heart's idea of love. What you are talking about in this video is the real unconditional love, giving freedom to the other person. The ego, on the other hand, thinks that "love" is possessing the other person, controlling them, changing them ("for their own good," as if we actually know what's best for another person's journey). Anyway, I really appreciate you making this video. I'm glad people are discussing these ideas on TH-cam.
Yes you are totally right. I don’t think it’s fully possible for most humans to be totally free from their ego’s. Everything you said is spot on how I feel. Thanks for sharing.
@@AnLittleAlex No problem. I've since watched a few other of your videos. You seem like a very deeply feeling and introspective person. The older I get, the more I really admire those qualities in people. Thanks for having the courage to be your authentic self here on TH-cam.
It's a bittersweet acceptance.
Love is too difficult. Might as well stay single.
Maybe ur overthinking ? ? Love has entered my life when I haven’t waited for it. It entered my heart without my permission and it’s been a blessing since. If love feels too hard then it’s likely not that.
@Thelittleclipstore thanks for the honesty. Love isn't random it's a gift . You're lucky.
At 49, I finally found peace in being single with just a couple of solid friends. We come into the world alone and will leave alone. I believe the very reason why we have relationships is to return us back to ourselves...to love ourselves and not need another to fill our voids. It's so interesting how we need the attachment to our mother as infants to be "securely attached" in our adult relationships and yet the separation/individuation process is also crucial for our emotional and mental health. I think people who have suffered through neglectful childhoods have the more daunting task of finding out who they are and how to love themselves. It all seems to happen for a reason. It's a learning and self-discovery. The heartaches in life made me more resilient and happy to be me.
Thanks a lot Alex,I agree!
I completely agree that loving someone is wanting the best for them no matter what, but the thing that really hurts is when that person doesn't want what's best for themselves. When there's nothing that can be done to convince them to try, whether they go their own way or not, it's brutal.
Some people are like that, it’s tough because you just have to accept that that person just sees things differently. We all see life based on our perception. I also see a lot of potential in people and I try to help them reach that potential but some people aren’t open to changing or don’t have this need or desire to self reflect. It is what it is
My dad used to tell me an allegory. He said when you're in a relationship it's like seeing a small flower on the ground. If you water it, look after it give it love, it grows and and blossoms into a bigger flower. But if you pick it and keep it for yourself, it dies.
Yep yep yep! Absolutely
I now know what real love means. My past relationship was based on infatuation, not love, so I had to bail.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell between both especially at the beginning. We’re still humans after all. Infatuation is a lust and desire riddled in self-interest while love is eternal and self-less.
I wonder how common it is to have a hypocritical desire to possess another without being likewise possessed by them.
Human beings are hypocritical by nature. It’s because of the ego that only thinks about itself and how to tame the world around them to suit their fears. That’s why self reflection is critical. A great example is how right now, the red pill community has indoctrinated this belief that men should be allowed to sleep around in relationships whilst women are not because it would be considered disgusting.
Love is a verb. It's a decision. Honest love is never about control. It's a commitment. Never ever go into a relationship thinking of the potential to change the other person. That's all about control and your lack of acceptance of who you are, or who they are. Be honest. Know yourself
Love is a verb and a noun: A love for.. & to love. Love encompasses many aspects of life, not just romantic relationships. Its in the way we see other human beings, in the way we see ourselves, in the way we see life. Love itself as a concept is not commitment but marriage and relationships are a commitment. Yes, if you were to be in a relationship with someone or marry someone commitment is a key important factor but it is simply an action of love not love itself. Love is seeing someone’s soul for who they are, seeing them wholly and accepting them regardless of what happens. We do not have such expectations for our friends or family members but we love them still, no? We love our favourite foods, we love our favourite music, we love our pets, all without expecting anything of them, no? Yet somehow when it comes to romantic relationships, we believe we have control over the person. I’m simply presenting the perspective that romantic love should be treated as such too in order to feel true peace within ourselves and the other person.
Love is action taken to benefit another. Unconditional acceptance is codependence. If someone appears to be destroying their life through their decisions, love demands honesty with respect to your concerns, not silence that may maintain their approval but fails to honor compassion's demand.
Note the difference between a lack of moral acceptance and the use of force to attempt to control. I do not believe force should be used except to prevent slavery, trespassing, or sex with a minor.
What a beautiful title.
If you truly love someone, set them free.
If they truly love you, they will return.
Indeed !
A Lot of wisdom here... 🙂👍 -70SomethingGuy
Great video
Just honesty (that's a good thing)
Whelp you did it. You decoded it.
Mmm perhaps haha
@@AnLittleAlex No, you did: "True Love is without attachment."
I came to the same conclusion 😊
Keep going girl ;)
What a lovely, soothing voice, you should do asmr.
You’re not the first one to tell me that haha, thank you!
so insightful
Thank you so much 💕
Love is momentary and not permanent
Love is eternal. Relationships are momentary.
@@AnLittleAlex love is always momentary and what an incredible moment;) death is permanent…love that is eternal and permanent is not real….nothing is permanent and we wouldn’t want that
If you don't mentally reject suitors to where it's impossible for them to cause emotion and hold them at a mental distance then you're not a good partner.
Scott m. Peck says Love is more something like work, a counterprocess against disorder
Tom Campbell says Love is unconditional, if there is any condition, its not love. Relationships oddly can work if only one person loves, in extrem cases if there is no love at all
Is defining love this way making the world a better place? From the perspective of the evolutionary psychology, love is the emotional bond between two partners that exists in
order to create a safe environment for the offspring. Therefore, it seems logical for the partners to both have expectations and make sacrifices for each other. It creates trust and well being. Everything good comes from work and self control. The "do not ever change" mentality brings suffering and loneliness. There's no relationship with a person that's not there. Especially considering that a person that left, by definition is a person that doesn't care about the relationship anymore. I know it's the saddest thing imaginable, but in the end of the day I do not see the point in romanticizing defeat, loneliness, disapointment etc.
I mean I feel like love is love. I mean, parents control their children. Love is trying to care and put attention towards another person. How much control you want the other person to have might vary. I think most people will have certain times where they want someone else to make decisions for them. Most people obviously have limits to what they'll put up with and that's hopefully negotiated at the beginning of a relationship, where you decide if you're willing to put up with this person or not.
That being said, I agree that you need to give the other person freedom to choose and freedom to decide and freedom to leave, especially at the beginning, when you barely know each other.
I think that’s why children grow up resentful for their parents and why relationships go awry- the mere though that we know better than the other person so much so that we need to control them. By control I don’t mean making decisions because their definition varies in intensity. Love, true love, is simply in existence and the acceptance of it for what it is
You MUST(…) free😂😂😂
Love has no opposite. There is just pure joy, lightness, space, and awareness for example. You do not need another person to feel this love. It comes before any ego and ego cannot out smart it. Attachment, need, control, judgment, validation, aloneness, expectations, cannot exist with true love. These concepts have not meaning when it comes to true love.
Acceptances comes so naturally that it isn't a thought. It's beyond thoughts.
But maybe wanting someone to be their best is still controlling and an expectation? Just let them be. You be the example of what is best. They either follow or not.
Just something to think about. Hope this makes sense. This body and mind is very tired from a week of pushing to much and I need a good nights sleep to heal. But my son won't get off that Roblox!😵💫 Aw it's Friday night and he'll sleep in. 🤞
Totally! I definitely agree with everything you just said. Love in its purest form is joy, simply love for all. It can take a whole lifetime to detach from one’s ego in that way.
@@AnLittleAlex I don't think you can detach from ego. You need to accept it and just be aware of it. It doesn't necessarily need to take a lifetime to do any of this, just a life situation or many over time that open your eyes.
@@shawngoral3987 You are right, although by detach I mean to look at it from an observational point of view not in a way to get rid of it because that’s impossible. Unfortunately sometimes no matter the situations people face, they are incapable of becoming aware of the ego.
Ego and awareness of it would be a great topic to explore. Ego is so complex, clever, and contradictory. The lengths it goes to just to survive and yet still puts itself in dire situations that ultimately kills/damages itself or the person.
Thank you 😊
Congrats on the algorithm finding you
It’s honestly crazy ! Haha
Yes I agree
But there is a difference between helping someone become better and making them something there not ,,
A good man or woman wouldn’t need to be chased or controlled, they do things because they want to not have too ,
And yes , if you really love someone you just want them to be happy in life , with or without them ,,
But here I am , single for years , I’m not chasing or coercing anyone to be anything but what they want,
If they want to be with me they will ,
If they don’t they won’t ,
So there not 😎👍
And how does the loneliness work for you?
O not to bad ,
Life is still many things,
found someone i experienced this unconditional and comforting / comfortable feeling with after only knowing them from a few dates. we got close. but the person still ran because they’re not ready for a relationship :( so i let them go. i made the decision to set them free…because i care about them despite the bittersweet connection we shared.
Such is life, it is difficult indeed. What helps me is hoping that they find happiness, and by me hoping for them, I can hope for myself to find happiness too.
So true, and so hard to find
Love is definitely NOT accepting someone for who they are. That’s hatred.
Love is simply not judging someone for who they are.
Big difference.
We can agree to disagree. I think they’re on the same side of the coin but acceptance goes a level higher than judgment. Acceptance means that you are at peace with the other person and thus release yourself of any expectations you may have on them. Whereas judgment, we can still not judge someone for their behaviour or actions but still not fully accept them.
You'll find your self being featured on the discovery channel. With that philosophy on love 😅
Oh my😂 I’m flattered!
let´s hear Ray Connif togheter
deep asf
Because of a recent spiritual experience that I had, I have developed a deep love and acceptance for myself, as well as a broader sense of love for everyone. For most of my life, I’ve been romance oriented, but for the reasons you explained, I no longer feel like what I was doing in the past was really loving. I’m at a point now where I don’t know what to think about the idea of having a romantic relationship, because as you said, wouldn’t that be trying to control someone and putting limitations on them? Can’t I just love everyone for the moment that I am with them without seeking validation that will be shattered the moment they go back to live their life without me? Maybe one day I will see how a relationship fits into all of this, but for now I just don’t.
I’ve also went through a spiritual experience not long ago that made me develop a deep love for life and appreciation for living. Almost like a sensitivity to life, like I could feel love and joy in everything that I do. But also, I still harbour a lot of past conditionings that I’m working hard on getting rid of, like the need for perfection.
Yes, you get her feeling free, and so she then cheats. Go figure.
You can’t control someone to stop them from cheating, that’s an illusion. Someone who wants to cheat will do it anyways, they’ll just hide it better. So why stress yourself trying to control someone else? Because the ego tells you to in order to protect itself from pain. But the pain will come, regardless how in control you are. Except, when you’re in control it will kill you rather than if you just accepted that shit happens and you move forward. Acceptance is just a much for you as it is for the other person. Freedom goes both ways, it’s not a gender thing, it’s a human thing.
so be it. ...most think its about control...so when you dont control them ...they...
Nice to hear a woman admit that women want to control men. They want men to be obedient and compliant. Then they get bored when men become wimps because they're not allowed to be themselves. I love someone now and it feels like the unconditional kind of love. Our pasts are totally different but I like who she is today and that's all I care about.
Men also want to control women, this isn’t a gendered issue more of a human nature issue.
Yeah, okay. Now that you've got your definition, does it change anything other than to tighten down the definition that you are, or will be, telling yourself about how you feel? So then what? Oh, a Thich Nhat Hanher!. Me too. Loving-kindness...
Mmmmm, nothing changes unless you choose to change. But it’s better to define things than to not, that is for certain.
@@AnLittleAlex Can you explain your change?
So true
Thanks for the interesting video, it made me wonder...If God is love (1 John 4:8 and 4:16) wouldn’t He create man with the freedom to not believe in God?
yeah, control is not love it would be great to find someone that loves you unconditionally
Love is a choice
A COURSE IN MIRACLES talks about that
So those Dr David Hawkins
Its the same with children. You don't "love" with the intent to change them.
Yes, at least you’re not supposed to. But as we know a lot of parents exist with this desire to change and mould their children.
Alex, I don't know if this is the right place to ask this but I'm curious about your views on polyamory. You've described yourself in past videos as a woman with an avoidant attachment style and that whenever you got into a relationship you eventually felt trapped and had to get out. It seemed like you were going from relationship to relationship so you must have been searching for something. This may or may not be related to the question of polyamory. What are your thoughts?
Maybe I’ll make a video more in depth about it, but to be honest I have thought about it quite a bit. It’s a really fascinating topic for me, so thank you for asking :)
I wouldn’t be opposed to trying it out but honestly I think I would grow tired of it. I would have to be with someone I completely trust and have been with for a very long time. With a few of my first relationships, I’ve had a more clingy / anxious approach which then turned me into an avoidant. Although now I’m much less jealous and much more independent than I was in those other relationships, my ego hasn’t transcended to the point where I wouldn’t feel a semblance of hurt by seeing my partner with other people. I think I would feel less hurt than most people, but it would still hurt.
I think what I’m more so looking for is “the one.” It kinda feels like I was born to look for something and my life is just simply looking for that thing until I find it and it all makes sense. Is that going to happen to me? Who’s to say? Maybe I’m a little crazy to go through this pursuit, but it feels like that’s what my purpose is, and it’s hard for me to settle for anything else than what I’m looking for. I’ll know it when I see it.
For the question of polyamory, I’m not opposed to it. I think it would be an interesting experiment to go through just to see what it would be like but I know it would only be temporary, only because if I really truly loved someone it would hurt to see them with someone else.
@@AnLittleAlex Thanks for your response.
I've been doing so much work, on myself, and on the relationship that I'm trying to establish and maintain with the woman I love so much. As I've said before, she has been deeply wounded in the past and has good reasons not to trust too quickly.
She is severely avoidant and you self-identify as such. In some of the research I've been doing avoidance are referred to as "Rolling Stones". This is because part of the behavior associated with avoidance is that they have an unconscious sense that their true love is always just the next one down the line. This means that no matter how happy or fulfilled they may be in their present relationship, there is a nagging suspicion that it may be even better with the next partner they find. I have no idea if this is true in any way.
On the subject of polyamory, I think that it's too easy for it to become a mind game. Few people are truly that liberated that they can share their loved one with anyone else. Is this selfish? I don't know but I think that polyamory is just a fancy word for "cuckold". It's certain not for me.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts as always.
@@johnhatch2519 Yes, I feel like it’s definitely a big part of the equation. It’s also a lot of other different factors for me- like being afraid of having kids with the wrong person, or being afraid of being miserable with someone I’m stuck in a marriage with. It’s such a big commitment that it’s difficult for me to settle down in this way unless I’m completely certain the person is “the one”, and even then I’m not entirely sure if that exists.
But can you let go of the need for control and still love that person?
That’s where I’m at right now, having to let go of toxic ideas from past relationships (friendships and romantic relationships) and even then I still have so much love for this person. I’m thankful for his patience through everything.
Yes, I think so.
Control and love are two different things. But they do not exclude each other. We can both feel love towards someone, and the need to control them.
I think the need for control is a form of protecting ourselves. It's a shield that keeps our vulnerable side safe from rejection and hurt.
And that's a form of love too, towards ourselves. Maybe we love our idea of someone, or what they do for us/make us feel. Having control also feels safe, because the world is a very unpredictable place.
Maybe we are scared of loosing them, and/or being alone, so we hold on so tightly that we both strangle them and ourselves.
But if we never let go, then they will never get the opportunity to choose us as we are.
I think true love is a practice of trust, honesty, patience and respect. Both towards ourselves and the people around us.
If we can trust ourselves to accept and to be honest about our own flaws and imperfections as well as our strengths, then it will be easier to respect and be patient with ourselves as a whole human being. And in turn I think we will be more open to others too, and allow us to see them as the person they are, and not what we want them to be.
I think that if someone chooses us after we dare to fully let go of them, and let them be free, then the relationship, (be it romantic or platonic,) will stand much stronger, because it's built on trust, respect and honesty.
.
I hope this comment makes sense, and I hope it helps a little.
I wish you all the luck and love for the future
I definitely think so. It’s really difficult because it means having to evaluate why you feel the control that you do towards this person and looking inwards at yourself. For me, it was always because I felt inadequate about myself. I am a perfectionist and I constantly work on myself - so I would be critical of my partners if they weren’t thinking at the same intensity. It wasn’t fair to them because just like I want someone to love me for who I am, they want someone to love them for who they are too. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion and to let go of projecting this onto others. It’s a struggle surely. I have a lot of love for everyone that has been in my life, even if things were toxic, or they hurt me, or I hurt them. I’m extremely grateful and full of love and I hope for happiness for every single one of them. It’s a detachment from what they can do for us, and looking at them as complex people with their own desires to find happiness. It’s not an excuse to deal with their bad behaviour, it’s just letting go of our ego and what it needs to feel adequate.
Thank you guys, I really appreciate the words. Is it acceptable to work on these things and stay in the relationship? I do think I have come to terms with the fact that if it’s not going to work out then I will be okay. I’m sorry for the silly questions, just genuinely have never met anyone who thinks like this - always just negativity.
We talked last night and it helped a lot too. I honestly think a lot of the control now is mainly in my head, it used to be a lot worse outwardly to him though. He has told me recently that if he wasn’t happy or felt stuck in the relationship, he would do what’s best for him but he chooses to stay on his own because he does love me including the good and the bad, and he wants me to be happy as well. I do love him for who he is as well and don’t want to control him. I really am grateful for him…he has stuck by my side thru a lot of healing. I know we both want to work on ourselves FOR ourselves too. I think we bring out a side in each other that motivates us to do better.
I definitely do have work to do and this video and you guys’ words have also helped me to understand more of what I need to do deep down. A lot of it definitely relates back to trauma I still need to face haha I mean I’m 24 and still have these questions. Sometimes I do feel insecure about the fact I couldn’t get it right the first time. I also relate hard to being a perfectionist 😅 but he deserves his own space to grow as well. Thank you guys ❤️
Thank you both❤️ my other comment disappeared (unless my internet is just being funky haha) but I really do appreciate your words. I have had conversations with him about if he feels stuck or if he needs a break or isn’t happy in the relationship, I want him to do what’s best for him. He does say that he loves me for me, good and bad, and will leave if he’s not happy. He has stuck with me thru my healing…very thankful for him and am going to practice not being so controlling. I don’t want to be and he doesn’t deserve that. We help each other grow together and on our own and I will always cherish it. Thank you both for responding, it really did help me feel better about it
Unconditional love is not healthy and no, you do not need to love the bad sides of your partner.
Love is to empower the other person to be - and encourage to bring forth - the best version of themselves, to trust, respect and support them on that journey, and to embrace them when they are facing setbacks, as long as they keep trying with you by their side.
In that sense, partnership love is not much different from the love of a parent towards their child.
By unconditional love, I do not mean to accept their bad behaviour by sacrificing yourself. Unconditional love is also an act of self-love towards yourself. It’s to accept that they are not meant to be in your life, yet still loving them for the parts you do love, the times you shared and letting them go so they can find happiness. You can still love someone and not accept their bad sides. But by letting them go - it is an act of love for yourself and the other person, because you allow yourselves to find the right people or find joy.
And yes in the ideal world people should feel inspired to change and better themselves in relationships. We should feel loved and supported when we open up wholeheartedly. To be seen is to be loved :)
Trusting someone to not run around is hard
Definitely. Not all people, but there are some that will run around and cheat regardless if you’re stressed out about it or not. That’s life, and people will do as they please but that is a reflection of them not you. By stressing out prematurely, it only hinders you and the relationship. It helps to accept that if it happens, you will get through it.
Yeah
Just trusting an avoidant with space can be hard
I had one prove me right
Yes, but what if the person you're with is completely codependent?
That is very difficult and unfortunately very common in most modern relationships. We are taught to be codependent on our partners through social conditioning. Women especially, because they used to depend on men to take care of them financially. So women by nature are more prone to sacrificing themselves for the sake of keeping a man. It’s almost in nature.
People sometimes don’t know any better and aren’t capable of looking deeper into their subconscious. If they choose to stay the same, and they choose to be that way, the best you can do for your own sanity is accept them as they are or let them go.
@@AnLittleAlex Thanks for the wise words 🙏
You don't just fall out of love, you're either mentally entertaining other men emotionally, or he's not showing enough conviction, ambition, and/or self-love relative to you.
Thich Nhat Hahn yes I had to look up how to spell the name thick
You are still thinking of romantic love, though. Just a little further and you find agape.
Ah yes, I am familiar with all the types of love.! What I am speaking about is agape love shown through the form of romantic relationships - eros as you will. Eros in essence is ruled by sex, passion and control, whereas agape lets go of all of those ego-centric desires and looks deeper into a spiritual sense. By finding an unconditional love for all, you find love for yourself, and to love is to simply exist. It’s all a journey, and it’s interesting to dive into what the world perceives love to be, as it is different for each person.
🖐
There's a reason for this. Think of it like this: as we grow up, the idea of finding our future partner is built up into something legendary. Women are told they will marry a handsome prince and live happily ever after, while men are conditioned to believe they will save a sweet, innocent damsel who is good and pure. However, the reality is that men aren't princes and women aren't pure. This leads to frustration because, on a subconscious level, we are on a mission to find something that isn't real.
In the 1950s, men used to earn the equivalent of $100k per year, as there was an expectation for them to provide for a wife and children. But once women entered the workforce and feminism rose, companies decided to split the income, giving men $50k and women the other $50k if they chose to have a family. The problem is that many women still want a man who makes $100k a year, even though few men earn that much today.
Meanwhile, men also have unrealistic expectations. They want a woman who is pure, but we don't live in a society that cultivates purity. It's like expecting to find nun material in a whorehouse-it's an illogical position to hold. More realistic viewpoints are needed on both sides.
Definitely. And because of a lot of trends popping up on the internet like redpill ideologies or woke feminism, it makes romantic relationships incredibly difficult. You hit the nail on the head with that. People are desperate and lonely, people are perfectionists, people want things but don’t know why they want them.
#BelieveAllLiars
of course. Defined by a pre-condition. Please hit me up. I m working on a few projects
REMEMBER YOU BELONG TO NO ONE AND NO ONE BELONGS TO YOU
Yep yep!
2 times ive commented on your post 2 comments deleted . WTF did i put that was so bad .
Oh??? It’s not me deleting them if that’s the case.
Not sure what it was in your case but I had comments deleted because I put a brand name in a comment. Maybe it's something the algorithm does to reduce spam and you got hit with a false positive.
But that's the whole premise behind the concept of marriage. Think about it for a second. Marriage in the eyes of the law is a binding agreement between two people rife with a bunch of stipulations and consequences should one party decide to terminate the marriage. If we were really secure about our relationships there wouldn't be a need to subscribe to the nuptial fanfare where you're basically held at gunpoint to stay in the marriage. "Let's make it official" is a code word for "you can't back out now!". Control!
Absolutely fucking hit the nail on the head. Wow.
@@AnLittleAlex I've been with my girlfriend for seven years now and we have no plans of getting married. Instead of looking in each other's eyes for love and clamoring for attention, we instead focus our eyes forward in the direction we would like our lives to be like.
It's not something people can sneak on you.😂
Unfortunately. My view has become that love isn’t really real. It’s just a neurological process of chemicals. The people we become attracted to as partners or people we just care about emotionally, have some proximity to us. Something in that proximity creates a feeling of necessity. Maybe there’s a biological function for it.
It does make me sad that I see it this way, but I don’t love the people I love any less.
The answer to the mystery of the question of what is true love … in my opinion… lays in the chemistry of the brain.
I think maybe that chemistry that happens in the brain is simply just our biological response to the individual and their pheromones. It’s the need to have sex to procreate, not necessarily love. I think pure love is something we all harbour within us. The love of life and all things in it. The love between a mom and her child, or the love we have for our pets. It’s not just romantic. It’s loving a person for who they are, even if they cannot be in your life. I think love is definitely an umbrella term, but I don’t blame you for seeing it the way you do.
@@AnLittleAlex I do love people for who they are. They are my son. My daughter. My mom, my dad.
But I don’t necessarily believes that I could love something that I don’t know. I can empathize and I can care. Can do what I believe to be ethically responsible.
But using the same term for how I feel about my mother as opposed to how I feel about a mountain or a beautiful sculpture or a poet or whatever…
I don’t know . Cynical man.
@@thebrianchannel9890 Different loves :). Ancient Greek philosophers divide love into different forms like you describe. Not cynical at all, simply human
@@AnLittleAlexI think what I mean is that the people in proximity to us…. Pheromones do a whole bunch of non sexual stuff too. And speaking of Greece, someone there ( can’t remember) said… “We can’t know what we don’t know “
So I assume we have attachment to other humans and animals and plants too, for biological reasons. And I assume we just haven’t figured out what those reasons are.
Since vocal inflections aren’t available in a TH-cam comment, I will use a 😊 to set the tone of this comment. I’m a happy, non cynical, non internet addicted person.
@@thebrianchannel9890 yes indeed, it was Socrates that said something along those lines. “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing” which is one of my favorite quotes and something I abide by
Yea I can’t do that. I can’t have someone smokes meth and fentanyl around our kids.
Love is a choice. Read the bible. God gave us free will. You can choose the virtue to love or choose the sin to have vanity and all the other things that lead to hell.
The essence of a hope that such a world as hell or heaven exists when heaven and hell are already present on earth, and it is in our perspective in which we choose to see which world we are living in. I don’t much believe in those things because religion is used as a virtue to get away with doing sinful things. Such as priests fucking little alter boys, or the wars that are going on because of religion. In their perspective, god tells them to do such things. God is an entity that exists to give us hope and to appease our suffering. There is no factual evidence that such a god exists, it is solely through our own perception of the world. Nothing less and nothing more. I would rather be surrounded by people who are non-religious and act sinful than religious people who use religion as a virtue in order to get away with doing sinful things. We all do sinful things because we are human.
@@AnLittleAlex I want to help you to find the answer to true love. I was myself with no religion, but god has changed my ways two years ago and improved myself and the answer is the word itself.
The bible is written in the perspective of god (he is love, father of truth and sin free) and this world is the result of broken trust and therefore broken faith in him. He told Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree, but they did because of this snake (father of lies, the devil) and did therefore the first sin of breaking their trust to god. Therefore the devil became the ruler of this world and the only thing he does is to tempt us into sin, so we disconnect more and more from god in our hearts until we end in hell. He trys to harden our hearts, so we cannot hear the quiet voice of god anymore, which you and many others might do.
The result is war and other unholy things like these missguided priests, because of sin. Sin is vanity, greed, lust, gluttony, wrath, envy and sloth. You can see this in the world nowadays and maybe in the own way you currently think, if you reflect on yourself. In the bible it says that we are all sinners and to know this truth is harsh, but god made us an escape plan.
We have to know Jesus and understand what he did for us. He defeated death (soul death). He did that, because he lived a life free of sin. There is proof he existed and he was born by a virgin. Because of his full faith in god, he died on the cross and even on that cross he said "...Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do..." (Luke 23:34 old King James Version Bible). He died literally for our sins and because he lived sin free he is now a flesh representation of god manifested in our hearts.
If we accept, that we are sinners, confess our sins, accept Jesus in our hearts and repent, which means to turn from sin, the kingdom of god will come in our hearts day by day walking with him. This suffering would not exist, if we all would realize that and listen again to him and even help each other to understand what god wants from us individually. The enemy are not the people who walk with sin. The enemy is sin itself and the devil who tempts them in the first place to do so.
I suffered a great deal in my life, but I understand more and more that this suffering was because of sin I did and others did to me. There is only one truth and that is to walk with god, the father of truth and suffer, because of this world, but experience true love, because of virtues and end in heaven, or follow the father of lies and get everything from the world, because of sin, but experience loneliness ending in hell. There is no inbetween and if you would read the Bible you might see that, if you allow god in, because you repent. This path is not easy with god, the path with the devil is.
By The Way: The Bible has nothing to do with these priests, war and everything else, it is the perspective of a loving father in heaven that cannot change us, because of free will we have, but who wants to give us hope, so we do the righteous thing and walk the righteous path in truth.
no that's not true.. that's just people wanting to be loved but not having to be caring about how the other person feels
Accepting someone for who they are benefits yourself as much as the other person. That doesn’t mean you should tolerate a certain type of behaviour. You can accept someone for who they are and let them go if they hurt your feelings. Once you let go of the attachment and expectations, you will feel at peace because you realize that you can never have control over anyone.
trying to be so cool huh :P
Am I ??? Hahah. What gives you that impression?
@AnLittleAlex I'm just playing with you.
I am kinda socially secluded by my own doing, but tomorrow.im.going to Toronto for a rave. You should come 😏
@@AnLittleAlex putting us at the eye level of a child and taking a victory V pose lol
@@SoldierofGod88 I absolutely despise electronic music with a passion, but thanks for the invite 😂
@AnLittleAlex omg nooooo lol. I thought you had a wacky side to all that clean acoustic country girl vibe you present. I'm going back to my 20s this weekend haha
"Get the free'k', out of the cage's sages." 🦗🦗🫂🦗🦗
It's not a feeling, it's a solidified verb, an active 'ever-thing', that feels awesome, as His presence always does.
You will experience it, having fallen in love, too quickly, too easily, letting it go.
That experience, will never end, lest the End come, when this body is done as wrapping, containing the 'gift of life'. Do not be the 'packaging', be the 'gift'. Nobody throws the gift in a furnace, but only the 'wrapping'.
"Do not unwrap your gift, too quickly. He's waiting & watching over it, to open it Himself, on the Day of Christ-mass. Your wrapping, is so beautiful! 😍"