Among other things, successful businesses make it easy for their customers to hand over their money. Introducing unnecessary steps into the sales funnel only decreases revenue and customer satisfaction. The same holds true with successful women: they make it easy for their men to love them. Introducing unnecessary steps into the love funnel only decreases affection and relationship satisfaction. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: th-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/w-d-xo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship
There is a niche set that is opposite this. Consider the marine corps recruiting model. Think about the Kennedy quote regarding we do things because they are hard.
I believe the matter lies also in the title of this video. Women should learn from well-willing older peers what they should want from a young age, and then mostly leave it at that. I don't believe women usually know by themselves what they want, it is too dependent on a number of factors too high for them not to be confused by it. They just don't know. They should be taught. This is, in at least 70% of all cases including (everyday ones), what they want and gain the most from the outside world is when it gives them : rails they can hug and follow. You could argue 70% is low, and to an extent it is, they are very different from robots. But compared to say a wild boar, a bear or the usual man, it is insanely high. Compared to the 1/2 my non existing witness person would want to follow directions which is already high, 3/4 or 4/5 is insane. Just study maths if you don't get it. I would still argue that the lesser part of them which is independent is probably the part they cherish the most, the most precious. But it is elusive and they perfectly know it. Usually it is stronger when their following instincts are solid and respected. Women are, evolutionarily speaking, nurturing specialists, it makes sense the tiny precious thing they have would be surrounded by borrowed fluff. To prove my point, what they are attracted to are men with the inverse tendency, listening to no one but himself and making his wills stronger and reach further. Men on the other end should be obsessed with their little, seemingly inconsequential, physical fluff cocoon that permits them to dissociate, think about nothing, enjoy stuff / life all that jazz. So we're attracted and fascinated by women. Absolutely logical. Keep on doing your very best being guys, guys.
The problem is women want to get with men better than themselves and expect those same men to treat them like they’re the prize. You can’t just negotiate things on your own terms when you’re the one with less bargaining power. The men who would be more than willing to compromise for them are the ones they don’t want.
"The men who would be more than willing to compromise for them are the ones they don’t want." Women who do this are like children who go to a candy store and are allowed to have anything they want on the first shelf because it's within reach. However, the kid doesn't want the candy on the first shelf, the kid wants the candy on the second shelf, the shelf they can't reach.
And top it all off with the fact that they've been ran through too, it's understandable if they got 4 maybe 6 bodies... Bf's and one or two hookups here and there. But that meat has been more beat that a fucking prisoner and yet they expect dudes to take them like new. Hilarious
This where values get mismatched & entitlement comes in. Say a guy wants kids one day, the greatest gift a woman can give a man is bearing children/starting a family. To put it in blunt terms: Woman wanting these things for her man is not inherently wrong, but she had better be willing to offer something grand. This disconnect is the man wants kids, she does not or will not or have her own, and yet talks like she has the leverage. To a man that wants kids, that's too much contradiction of values.
Modern women have created a paradox for themselves: it is far easier, far cheaper, and far more pleasant to not even try to love them, than it is to try to love them.
My last gf said I was very affectionate when I kissed her on the forehead while cuddling. That's when I realized the guys in her past never did that because she wasn't worthy of such affection. So there I was, feeling stupid for treating a ran-through like a potential long-term mate. Hors make themselves unlovable.
Full-time single dad of two boys. Wife left the boys and me a little over 9 years ago. I have not been out, been on a date or pursued a relationship in that 9 years. Have been focused on creating a healthy, happy environment for the kids and me. Pursuing goals, learning new skills and focused on busy. Once you find "happy" single,ba relationship becomes optional. The peace I have found is sacred and I cannot compromise that peace just to keep from being alone. Would rather live the rest of my life single than be in an unhealthy relationship ever again
I had a co-worker who I was platonic with (she was like 22) made it her "test" to reject a guy (after the 1st date) and hope he would protest, then she would say yes. In her mind, she thought this would empower him. Well, it didn't work, most guys were like "okay, it's been fun, you're a nice girl, cya." She didn't understand why no guy wanted to "fight for her" or at least "challenge" her. Once I explained she was playing games, she had a mega mindset shift, and I can say she's happily married today.
"Can you imagine mistaking your complex *business funnel* for your customers lack of interest?" the innuendos and puns are off the charts. Good one Orion!
@@kengaroo5170 And 100% "by design!" (i.e. I$i$ Horu$ $et/h/ b cult... Pre- planned, funded, unleashed and perpetuated, since the mid- 1960s, post "Vatican 2.0.") Problem> Reaction> Solution, to synthesis... Divide, to Conquer. (Then: From Chaos, order!) Min, body and soul "fraction- nation! (IH$ + V = "In Hoc $igno+ Vinces. "In This $ign, Ye Shall Conquer!")
This is right on the money. When my ex-wife and I would have an argument and I would try and apologise for something she would often refuse to accept my apology because 'I hadn't said it the right way' I tried to rephrase it and she said the same thing. When I told her I was trying my best to apologise and asked her what way she wanted me to say it, she refused to tell me and said something like, 'You should know' Or... 'It's your job to work it out' After a while I became angry and resentful - apologising is a very difficult thing to do and she wouldn't even let me do that without trying to get me to jump through hoops. She was a very difficult and demanding person and after a while, I stopped bothering to apologise as I knew I could never 'do it the right way' Now we are divorced and I am far happier without the mind games, drama and stress that she brought to my life. Ladies - this video will help keep your relationships stronger if you listen to it and act accordingly.
Men have enough trouble trying to read and understand their own minds let alone trying to ESP the conflicting, chaotic, often illogical, primarily feelings driven, 'whimsical', non accountable, morasse of their 'minds' makes me think of the poor man who does understand then: he is more than half mad driven and probably residing in Beelleview.
Women like that already have their best to another guy. You’ll never get their best no matter what you do. They’re like a sales manager promising a top level bonus that, in reality, can never be achieved.
More times than I can count. There's something so desirable about a woman who makes ultimatums before you've even met her. That being a desire to run as fast as f***ing possible in the other direction. 😂
Here’s the thing: Express your needs. Women, men, and everything in between, express your needs to your partner. Put the ball in their court and see what they do with it. If they decide to meet those needs or not is up to them, you can’t control them. Most partners would be happy to meet your need or at least have a conversation about how to get your needs met and vice versa. Just remember - you can’t control your partner and the choices they make, but you can control how their choices (or lack thereof) make you feel, if they meet your needs or not. But the key here is expressing these needs in way that is clear and healthy to your partner and anyone in your life for that matter.
Looking at you, arrogant Game-developers! _Constantly blaming your subpar games' genuine ratings on your customers' alleged lack of understanding the game beforehand …_
As a man, I've just walked away from a relationship (in its early stages) where I found myself faced with hoop, after hoop to jump through. Life is too short...
A lot of women seem to pride themselves on being impossible to please. They seem to have a belief that requiring a guy to jump through more hoops and deal with more obstacles somehow raises their value. When in fact it has the exact opposite effect.
A friend of mine chatted up a woman on the street. He was 34 or so at the time, the woman 38. She liked him. They texted on the phone for a few days, and he asked her out. She refused. That same evening she called him, crying, and said that she doesn't know why she turned him down. She said she hadn't had any attention from men for eight years (all of this happened in a certain rather conservative country where women her age have trouble finding dating partners - he was an attractive foreigner who didn't mind her age) and that she really, really liked him and wanted to go out with him. They talked for an hour. He asked her out again. She refused him. He ended up marrying another woman, slightly younger, somewhat less attractive. I assume that from the first woman's perspective, something made sense in all of this. She stood her ground, set a high price for herself, forced him to settle for a less attractive woman. Good job.
I have watched quite a number of the old rom-coms and most of them have this messaging. The guy always does some outlandish stunt to prove his love after the woman has rejected his advances from the start of the movie. We have also experienced this quite a lot- when you get rejected by a woman, other people ask "well, how did you do it?", "go buy chocolate and flowers, send to her office and ask for her number then"....or some other gesture that is supposed to tip things in your favor. The culture of simping and impossible hoops has been with us a long time
@@iamsyourdadi and don't forget how women brainwash themselves with social media almost religiously to convince themselves that they're all 10s that deserve everything just for existing lol.
When you are the gatekeeper for sex, you don't have to worry about accountability, similar to the way OPEC doesn't worry about US collusion laws, because they have what we want.
So big, in fact, that it's not just in romantic relationships, my mom and I are estranged because she refuses to take accountability for horrible behavior of hers - and of course, she's the victim. Hold them accountable and if they don't take the responsibility, move them out of your life. Your sanity is worth far more than trying to get water out of a rock.
These days? It is baked in for a millennia. They were always treated with kid gloves. By civilized men. Who protected them from uncivilized men, animals and their own nature. Women want a Daddy they can screw, hence the foot taller, lots of money requirements. Post Feminism, where they've gotten everything they wanted....can't even remember a time they didn't, has ruined them. Like a child you throw a birthday party for every week.
If women have this attitude it means only one thing: She does not feel this man is worth her love. She may be stuck with him due to lack of better opportunities. Whatever it can be, the end result is they are not at the same level and in order for her to love him, he has to be higher or at the same level in hierarchy.
...even if he was, they'll find a way to discount him as if he's not out of their league. Women of today tend to treat all men generally the same. Whether its lack of awareness and recognizing different archetypes men, or preconceived notions based on pass experiences. Their obnoxious level of egoism wont allow them to play the part, and not portray this "Main character" sydrome that many possess.
You are right, but I can also imagine an entitled, stuck-up woman ending up acting the same with a man she really wanted because she's been doing it to all other men her whole life, and thus it became a strongly ingrained habit.
But how can women get over the hurdle that they face when they don't want to appear "too easy". Many men assume if you give them what they want right away, it means they are hoes (slept with many men) and will also give it away to other men (cheat)
The "hierarchy" you speak off is subjective and not objective like men may think. The hierarchy is "how much importance you occupy in her mond and heart". You can be a billionaire surgeon and still get stringed along by a mid on foodie dates.
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all unique. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've learned that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years back, my wife and I were almost divorcing because we had problems in our marriage, but we managed to work things out. It was a hard time, but we got past it.
I truly understand the importance of your words, and I genuinely want to find happiness too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart at the moment, I can't imagine my life without her; my love for her is big. I really want her to return, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to mend things.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your guidance is well-received. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; her absence is keenly felt.
@@oglaskubuot I wish you the best and hope your relationship works out. I’ve been there myself and it can feel like a cold, dark and lonely place. It’s important to take time to work on yourself, stay mentally and physically strong, focus on your purpose/goals and become the best version of yourself. Try not to ruminate even though it’s difficult because it’s negative energy and wasted time. Remember you deserve to be loved, happy, appreciated and treated as a priority - not as an option. Women hate anything they perceive as needy and view vulnerability as weakness. Stay strong brother 🙏
A woman once told me her love language was gift giving. So I asked her when was the last time she bought a gift for a date or a boyfriend ... I think you can guess the answer She didn't speak her own love language ... only listened.
As someone who works in the payment industry, this is spot on. Using the same analogy, you want to make receiving love as cheap as possible. What does that mean? For example, if it takes dining at an expensive restaurant to make you happy as compared to a cheaper alternative such as your husband helping you cooking at home, then you raise the cost of giving love and make it harder for your partner to show love to you. You will also not appreciate the small acts. Hence it becomes too expensive to be in a relationship with you. In the payment industry, more expensive payment instrument usually has other means to incentivise customers (e.g., credit card companies offer points, rewards and cashback but comes with risk of interest). If your cost of receiving love is high, make sure you have other ways to compensate your partner that makes it worthwhile for him/ her to be with you. And that's why easygoing people are usually the best people to have relationships with, as their cost of receiving love is low.
When I tell my husband to do something I can’t do, he does it, and when he tells me to do something, I do it. It probably looks like we’re ordering each other around, but we’re just trying to get the crap of life done, and back to our real life, doing things we want to do individually and together.
Had to retrain my wife to understand that "telling" me what to do won't work. Ask me to do something and I'll decide whether or not I'll do it. Tell him what to do...😂
@@justinc1482no one is deliberately signs up For it lol that’s why it’s called a toxic cycle of abuse . Been there , if you have attachment issues you are fuck but eventually you do walk away
This is the video that some women need to watch THE MOST! You’ll love them unconditionally then they just randomly start sabotaging and trying to get control over you, so when you decide its time to break it off they say you’re the problem…
well.. the concept of ‘love’ isn’t a universal one, as mutually compatibly understood by gents and xx.s - thus imho, it doesn’t even make sense to talk about it between both.
Don't think so, but will comfort men hardships and disappointment, which is so good. We tend to try to solve things, so when things don't work we always tend to blame ourselves. Just the opposite of women.
I reached my breaking point one time in a relationship and finally told her "I know you love me, but I dont think you like me very much". That hit her like a sack of bricks and led her to finally going to therapy. Relationship ended because she didnt want kids, but after I noticed a massive increase in her affection after I told her that
Some people (both genders) are simply more demanding and hard to please. Even if they change behaviour and needs in the first couple of phases of dating… it’ll eventually come forward and cause issues later in the relationship. It’s better to know yourself and try to find a partner who is able to cope with your demanding needs. And if that’s impossible, either go to therapy and work on changing behaviour completely or accept that you’ll just be single. I’ve dated a male who had crazy standards… just like the ones you describe women have. After three dates I told him that he was way too demanding and moved on to meet a lovely mediocre normal man, who became the man of my dreams. MEN & WOMEN, PEOPLE being too difficult will unfortunately have a hard time to find a real partner. Work on yourself and choose wisely, man or woman. Stop saying only men or women have certain behaviours. It goes both ways. I tell all my 5 children to be mindful of their own behaviour and to choose partners that suit their personality and culture.
Once economically independent, women only want relationship with men with top 1% genes and social proof. The barriers are revealed preference - what women intended. Women are not stupid.
@@TV-oc4ml Nah, wmn these days have multiple Chads on their rosters. A functional society is one in which wmn NEED relayshionships to survive. Take that away and they'll just crash your civilization for selfish reasons.
Yes, but no. To many women, forcing the man to jump through the hoops is HOW he demonstrates that they have a relationship and that she is a valued part of it. The problem is that this is not realistic thinking. No long-term relationship has the man constantly jumping through hoops fifty years later. And if, when he eventually tires out, she immediately cries, 'He doesn't love me any more!', then all that hoop-jumping will have been proved to have been a waste of time. Men are wising up to this fact and not jumping in the first place, which is confusing many women. And maybe they NEED to be confused in order to self-reflect. Time will tell.
A woman that makes things difficult, simply doesn't like you enough. That doesn't mean you are not good enough or maybe even better than her. Sometimes, like businesses, women have wrong perception of what is good and what is not. And they also have the princess syndrome they think they will find the absolutely perfect guy. At the end, they will get to choose their favorite cat food.
Isn't that the truth?!!! So many people in relationships with the wrong person and then getting bitter about it and lumping future people into categories they don't even belong in. Life is too short and time is precious!! It's all what we make of it!
my man. orion taraban your advice is the best i've ever heard, no one comes close. absolutely the best and another reason why uncomplicated people are more loveable and arrogant women destroy themselves
It's been my experience that in the beginning it all love and fun. But then comes the quite, the cold shoulder, no explanation no context. Women think "if he loves me, he should know what he did." Ladies we do not know, let's be honest it usually something not even that important. Guys are thinking "huh she is kinda quite today." Meanwhile in her mind she has an entire movie playing in her head, she gos to work and is building the entire situation into a 3 part trilogy with. Men don't even think about it until MAYBE his lunch break, we haven't even watched the trailer of this film saga she has in her mind. So when the fight comes, we are literally fighting about different things.
"It's been my experience that in the beginning it all love and fun. But then comes the quite, the cold shoulder, no explanation no context." Lol bro, this is manipulation tactics (they want to make you squirm and work hard to gain more power in the relationship, and that's only the start). Very typical of narcissists btw (male or female), so I can't help but wonder if you kept going for narcs.
Do you mean quiet? I have struggled quite a bit to read your comment. See the difference in spelling and meaning? If you are going to write in a language, please write correctly as different words spelled differently has different meanings.
I’m amazingly blessed to have the mother in law that I do. My own mother and father had a poor marriage. I hadn’t a clue how to be a good girlfriend or wife. Watching my MIL, how she treats my FIL….priceless! My husband really lucked out because I’m a pretty darned good wife - not perfect by any means, but exactly the opposite of what I knew because of what I saw growing up. A huge shout out to my fantastic MIL and FIL!!
But the women's counter argument is they dont want many customers, but just want one customer who is ready to do all the account making, add cart, subscription and everything including credit cards... Especially credit cards😂😂😂 PS - once you subscribe, there's no going back. No membership revoking. Pay even after the product is expired. Even if the product is being used by someone else😒😒
They want value to flow towards them. They do NOT want to provide value. So the video is kinda redundant. Yes, it's correct and accurate. But it's not what they want. And ultimately they do what they want.
And meanwhile they were giving out coupon codes to bypass the whole process and get the product for free to Chad and Tyrone and Brock the bartender like there's no tomorrow.
Clearly explained. I think part of the reason women do that complexifying is for power and control. They say they want love, but the urge for power and control is almost as strong.
The urge for power and control is absolute. If she can get any love without sacrificing any power and control, then so much the better. Did I mention the need for absolute power and control?
Yes but she is a human being. In order to be open and giving towards her children, she needs to recieve something that makes her truly happy and makes her eyes to shine. That's where partner should come in. If she only recieves gestures with politeness all the time, she will just burn out eventually.
I have seen many researchers use how women treat their children or dogs as a great way to show what true love, patience, understanding, and humility looks like. Women are totally capable of loving unconditionally. They simply choose not to when it comes to men.
A woman taking accountability should come with a disclaimer warning first. You could give a man a heart-attack in todays world lol. Seriously though, we appreciate the honesty!
@@derwoodhamburger Easy there with the celebration... She just said she noticed herself being difficult... She didn't say she would do something about it
@@alex-p I certainly don't need praise, but I thought taking action was implied. Why would I appreciate being reminded of this information if I just intended to remain stagnant? I subscribe and follow this channel for genuine self/relationship improvement. If I wanted praise for putting forth no effort, there are certainly better Feel Good dealers than Psychacks.
The problem with this analogy is that in business, all of the customers’ money is of equal value and the product can be sold to all who are willing to pay the price demanded. With 80% of men being perceived as “unattractive”, it’s as if the price being demanded for one available item is 100 Dollars, but 80% of the customers are offering 100 Yen. The business is going to hold out for that one out of the remaining 20% of customers willing to pay at least the 100 dollars, so barriers that filter out those offering Yen are actually doing their job. Now, we can argue amongst ourselves until time ends as to whether our currency should be accepted at face value or whether the product really is worth the 100 dollars demanded, but it really isn’t our choice. You can’t negotiate genuine desire. You can’t make a rational appeal to an emotional decision. You either give her the tingles or you don’t, and if you don’t, then you don’t want her anyway. Brutal, but it is what it is.
Wow - I remember older generations of married Christian couples in our church, back when I was a kid , they displayed an attitude of appreciation for their spouse - which shows humility & thankfulness on behalf of both husband and wife. These people had a system down pat for avoiding such conflict & resolving disagreements within the marriages that an observer on the outside would consider them very peaceful & loving unions - especially by today's standards.
This is what ive been telling them forever, You are a business run it accordingly, Its amazing how many people cannot fathom the simplicity of the concept!
Either you can love them or understand them. You can't do both. If you choose to love them, then you're gonna get emotionally hurt. Once you understand them, you'll realize they are only loyal to their emotions, not you. And her emotions can change in a moment. There's nothing you can do - the only option is to not care about them and enjoy your turn while it lasts.
For the record: many businesses ARE doing exactly what the initial analogy stated. They ARE blaming the customers, and what happens as a result? They become even more unpopular to the point of becoming a pariah. No one's going to stop women from doubling down on their demands, but men will absolutely go from 'apathetic' to 'antagonistic' after a while due to the absurdity of it all.
I'm incredibly thankful for coming across this video. It's really helped me address some issues with my ego. Thank you so much for creating this video and for all the positive impact you've had on others.
Love is a choice and a decision because your actions determine if it lives on or ends. You are in control of how you act in your relationships and how much you push past conflict and challenges. strategies you can immediately apply to show love is a choice - your choice. show gratitude, Show affection, Show appreciation for who your partner is and take care of yourself. Now a days, It seems less people are willing to do the work for it or even do these 4 simple acts of kindness.
Great info @8:50 "It's a better idea to simplify the process by which you receive love, and to increase the forms in which you accept love. Don't make it difficult for people to give you what you 'want' and you will get more of it." Great insights and comments... Now I just need to learn how to personally accept and receive love, and I'll be set. 🤔👍
While this will sadly fall on mostly deaf female ears, I hope a few ladies will actually listen. My wife went on an out of the blue rant yesterday about how much I used to refer to an old country road that reminded me of where I grew up. Apparently this drove her nuts and made her think I was too attached to my childhood home and didn't want to build a new life with her. I will point out that this occurred about 5 years ago and I had forgotten all about it. I thought about pointing out the fact that we visit her family 2-3 times a year and my family only once despite her family being much farther away, but I knew better than to use logic while she was in one of her moods. I'm looking forward to filing for divorce soon and never looking back.
How about you talk to her about your feelings before you make a decision, like you wish she would, or you're just as bad as her and you deserve each other?
If they truly deserved each other - more to the point, if she deserved him - he’d keep her. He already knows that talking with her about his feelings will only lead to further headaches and no satisfactory resolution. Give the fella some credit, would ya? It’s the other sex that tends to make the rash decisions concerning divorce.
Notice the underlying dynamic, through which all your interactions with women need to be filtered, in order to understand wtf is going on... 'It's all about her, always.'
Men do plenty of things to make it difficult to love them too, most definitely. It's different because they're men, not women, but the effect can be the same. We all need to watch how we might be making it difficult to be loving and loved.
@@davidsmyth6822from my experience, lack of healthy and clear emotional expression, but I understand so many men as boys weren’t taught or shown this and also society is harsh on men who show their feelings in positive ways
@@davidsmyth6822 entitlement. Low eq. The women men tend to prefer act like, well, men, but softer and with vaginas. Men don't seem to actually like women. Or trust them or understand them. And when they get scared, they default to control or abandonment (mentally and emotionally and then finally physically). In general, men don't seem to see women, even women they claim to love, as actual ppl, but rather as an object which is pleasing and useful or displeasing and useless. Love takes a lot of maturing on both sides. This video is interesting, but it rly isn't how a female brain works. This is how men's brains work. A successful relationship will take adjustment and maturity on both sides, not capitulation.
@@davidsmyth6822 It's not about men or women here, everyone has some flaws that makes them hard to love or tolerate at some point. Even in friendships and family but we work through it anyways if we value the connection
What you are talking about is called with children “catch them being good and show appreciation “ rather than “ catch them being bad and criticize them.” It’s the use of positive reinforcement for love rather than an adverse experience for undesired behavior. Classical Skinnerian behaviorism! Worthy of note is the importance of patience as it all plays out ! Good video, doc.
@@jibber2000 good. Maybe you can explain something to me tho. Why do women actively make things difficult for the guy they like instead of making it easier for them to connect? It's like they never sit down and say I want this person, let me try to make things easier for him and I. Instead they say I like him let me see how much he likes me and do all they can to create an obstacle course. Why?
@@TheOutlierToday If you have a mindset that all women are like that, you'll only meet those types. They say: 'Like attracts like' so you probably have to do some introspection to understand why you attract those specific types of women or why *you* are attracted to them. Cause most women I know have a healthy and balanced relationship with their lovers, the solution is to surround yourself with better people and environment
@jindipity4772 it's not even women that I attract. It's just that, in general, people seem very jaded and cold-hearted nowadays. Men and women. Relationships don't last, and there are always issues. Everyone is looking out for themselves
I think it is a sign of the times; everything is so complex and complicated now. Sometimes I remember how simple life used to be, but now there is so much information, so many options, and modern relationships reflect this reality.
I am a woman who is fortunate to be blessed with above average beauty, but I’ve never acted that way. I’ve also put in a lot of energy to heal from my faults, etc. earlier in life. I have a very positive outlook on life with a sunny, happy disposition and am humble when needed. I am NOT “easy” regarding sex but once I’ve decided on a man, he gets ALL of my attention. I’ve always watched by weight, and kept up my appearance over the years…which can be a lot of work at times but it’s worth it to me. I’m convinced inner peace & happiness shines thru in your positive attitude, language and eyes. I have so many men interested in me sometimes I don’t know what to do with them all!! Ladies, kindness and laughter is so important in life. Try it and you’ll find out for yourself how accommodating men really are, who are happy and proud to be with you. Good luck! ❤️
How many times we see women that are playfull, have no drama, easy going and are straight forward? That's because they are the ones that have a strong father figure or/and have 1 or more brothers. Those are the best women.
Get more love is simple: find good people and be a decent, caring person and respect them and if they do the same, keep and cherish those specific people. Realize people are flawed, and have some grace, as they will give you the same as well. It’s probably going to be very rare outside of family, but it’s very possible.
This reminds me of one of your other videos. You talked about how you should not punish people for making an effort. It is a surefire way to make sure you will never get people to change their behavior.
I found this channel by chance looking for something else, and this video caught my attention. I haven't seen his other videos, but this one seems to have the objective of dividing men and women, making it: "men vs women”. I also found it “lazy” because it is easier to blame the other side, instead of being more realistic, and admitting that both men and women can be difficult, not because they are men or women, but because it is the nature of any relationship to be DIFFERENT and have challenges. There are great men and women living beautiful relationships not because women adapted to men or vice versa, but because they understand the hard work of relationships, and not by playing the blaming game.
That's a nice thought, but you have an unusually kind group of female friends if you really think a disproportionate amount of modern Western women don't behave exactly like this. Or you're just kidding yourself.
The video makes a great case for why acting selfish and entitled is unproductive. Using love languages to justify being difficult is back-asswards. The general issue with love languages is that people tend to display affection the same way they prefer to receive it. However, comprehending your partners love languages actually makes it easier to earn more points by being goal oriented and spending less effort. Hopefully it goes both ways though. It's tough to feel appreciated if you are the only one who is willing to adapt.
I wrote on a messageboard of 55,000 member from 2003 to 2016. What I learned--- was it was me. I had to face the reality of my judgements about others. Without a face to face interaction it is very easy to project one's own false reality onto others.
I think you make a great point here. I'm pretty sure however that most women are going to disagree strongly. Your taking on the resistance is what seems to be actual value for them.
This is why I don't bother, I don't want to pay emotional and mental taxes when I'm already tired out from work. I appreciate Dr Orion's insights though. I have learnt the hard way that Pay Per Use is much cheaper in the long run. Someone on the internet said "The ones that you don't pay for by the hour, are the ones you can't afford", I leave it to you all to interpret this according to your understanding and experience.
Once again, Duc a very simplistic, but effective explanation of getting what you want. But as usual it doesn't make a woman feel good, and she may have to change so it will go over a lot of their heads.😢😢😢😢😢😢
Love languages are a lot like learning styles. There is some grain of truth to them, but they have been amplified into unchangeable dispositions that demand accommodation from others, rather than effort and adaptation from the person.
there is no evidence at all backing up learning styles, the benefit you get from them is that when you try to engage the bogus learning styles you add variety to your educational activities instead of just reading off a powerpoint endlessly. if there was any validity to learning styles the appropriate thing to do would be to identify each student and stream them into cohorts adn classes that are tailored to their style.
Ok. But consider the alternative. You want a backrub, but your SO simply just gives you gifts. Would you still love her if she refuses to accomodate your preference? Are you really a butthole for having a preference? The issue with the woman Orion describe goes beyond LL.
Dr. Tara an, thanks for these videos. I genuinely gain so much perspective from a lot of what you are putting out there. Sometimes even supporting my own instincts. Your series on framing was also spot on in my experiences. Thanks again for the good content
As a woman, and I appreciate the content Dr Taraban puts out a lot- I am really stunned about the apparent relevance of this video. That he must be doing such a video, as it obviously applies to a considerate number of cases - women. Personally, I found it yet very shocking what he described are those women’s expectations and behaviour.
Interesting video content, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
@@diplomat2623so? What they needed was motivation to consider the other. It does not follow that people have innate ways through which they are only capable of receiving love
Apparently a lot of people have taken the concept of love languages to an extreme. Gary chapman, who first came up with the idea, said it shouldn't be focused on how you prefer love is communicated, but on the best ways to communicate love to your partner. You might also learn how they communicate love that you wouldn't otherwise recognize.
Hello Dr. Orion, the reason women don't make it easy or lets just say asks for things directly because they are super scared of getting a NO. Once you have spoken it then they become vulnerable by giving the other person the choice. Thats why women prefer the path of plausible deniability because nothing scares a woman more than rejection, even if the rejection is for a very minor request.
Its all about balance. Women and men have to have standards of what they need to feel loved and respected, but also make it as easy and simple for the other person.
Even though wht u say abt women being very prescriptive about how they want to be shown that they r loved by their partners, the kernel of truth is that these prescriptions arise bcoz a woman shows her love for her partner in SO MANY INTUITIVE ways that her expectation of same from spouse is simply reciprocal. The mistake we women make is to think that MEN think like US but they don't. Providing food, clothing and shelter can be quite difficult, for a man to then top these things up with other things.
Note to self: Self if she's difficult, walk away fast! It will only get worse..And she'll make your life miserable! They tell you who they're just listen!
No, not everybody is like that. I was a difficult person when i started dating my bf. Because of his kindness i changed a lot. Now he appreciate me for my patience in relationship. We are dating for 4 years now.
“ if you’ve created a situation in your mind that require people to do certain things in order for you to feel certain ways…….” THIS is called Emotional Dependency. And people need to watch Allen Berger’s videos on emotional sobriety.
Among other things, successful businesses make it easy for their customers to hand over their money. Introducing unnecessary steps into the sales funnel only decreases revenue and customer satisfaction. The same holds true with successful women: they make it easy for their men to love them. Introducing unnecessary steps into the love funnel only decreases affection and relationship satisfaction. I discuss more in this episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
Is business funnel another way to say vuhh.gina?
Bro can you translate (auto) your stuff to Spanish? Your book too? I think it would be STRONGLY appreciated in Latino culture
There is a niche set that is opposite this. Consider the marine corps recruiting model. Think about the Kennedy quote regarding we do things because they are hard.
Good day Sir
Would it be possible you would upload your first videos with your now improved quality?
Ty for your time
I believe the matter lies also in the title of this video. Women should learn from well-willing older peers what they should want from a young age, and then mostly leave it at that. I don't believe women usually know by themselves what they want, it is too dependent on a number of factors too high for them not to be confused by it. They just don't know. They should be taught.
This is, in at least 70% of all cases including (everyday ones), what they want and gain the most from the outside world is when it gives them : rails they can hug and follow. You could argue 70% is low, and to an extent it is, they are very different from robots. But compared to say a wild boar, a bear or the usual man, it is insanely high. Compared to the 1/2 my non existing witness person would want to follow directions which is already high, 3/4 or 4/5 is insane. Just study maths if you don't get it.
I would still argue that the lesser part of them which is independent is probably the part they cherish the most, the most precious. But it is elusive and they perfectly know it. Usually it is stronger when their following instincts are solid and respected. Women are, evolutionarily speaking, nurturing specialists, it makes sense the tiny precious thing they have would be surrounded by borrowed fluff.
To prove my point, what they are attracted to are men with the inverse tendency, listening to no one but himself and making his wills stronger and reach further. Men on the other end should be obsessed with their little, seemingly inconsequential, physical fluff cocoon that permits them to dissociate, think about nothing, enjoy stuff / life all that jazz. So we're attracted and fascinated by women.
Absolutely logical.
Keep on doing your very best being guys, guys.
The problem is women want to get with men better than themselves and expect those same men to treat them like they’re the prize. You can’t just negotiate things on your own terms when you’re the one with less bargaining power. The men who would be more than willing to compromise for them are the ones they don’t want.
This is such a good explanation
"The men who would be more than willing to compromise for them are the ones they don’t want." Women who do this are like children who go to a candy store and are allowed to have anything they want on the first shelf because it's within reach. However, the kid doesn't want the candy on the first shelf, the kid wants the candy on the second shelf, the shelf they can't reach.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
And top it all off with the fact that they've been ran through too, it's understandable if they got 4 maybe 6 bodies... Bf's and one or two hookups here and there.
But that meat has been more beat that a fucking prisoner and yet they expect dudes to take them like new.
Hilarious
This where values get mismatched & entitlement comes in. Say a guy wants kids one day, the greatest gift a woman can give a man is bearing children/starting a family. To put it in blunt terms: Woman wanting these things for her man is not inherently wrong, but she had better be willing to offer something grand. This disconnect is the man wants kids, she does not or will not or have her own, and yet talks like she has the leverage. To a man that wants kids, that's too much contradiction of values.
Modern women have created a paradox for themselves: it is far easier, far cheaper, and far more pleasant to not even try to love them, than it is to try to love them.
Dude it’s true. Love God, but Like a Girl.
True tho, thatswhy they go overseas or just stop the chase together. No worries, we are getting AI right now lol.
@@fintechip96
lol can’t even bring myself to like most women
My last gf said I was very affectionate when I kissed her on the forehead while cuddling. That's when I realized the guys in her past never did that because she wasn't worthy of such affection. So there I was, feeling stupid for treating a ran-through like a potential long-term mate. Hors make themselves unlovable.
@@cool08playerhaha you good little beta simp you 😇
Full-time single dad of two boys. Wife left the boys and me a little over 9 years ago. I have not been out, been on a date or pursued a relationship in that 9 years. Have been focused on creating a healthy, happy environment for the kids and me. Pursuing goals, learning new skills and focused on busy. Once you find "happy" single,ba relationship becomes optional. The peace I have found is sacred and I cannot compromise that peace just to keep from being alone. Would rather live the rest of my life single than be in an unhealthy relationship ever again
You're doing a great job 👍
Good for you! You will never regret your choice!
happy continuation to all of you, man !!
Single mother here, and I can relate. Here's to you and your family! 🎉
You tha man, keep up the good work brotha
When a woman plays hard to get, I just assume that she really just doesn't like me that much.
They dont
9/10 she's just looking to garner attention from you..and yes, she doesn't like you like that.
Bingo.
There you go my man, you nailed it.
I had a co-worker who I was platonic with (she was like 22) made it her "test" to reject a guy (after the 1st date) and hope he would protest, then she would say yes. In her mind, she thought this would empower him. Well, it didn't work, most guys were like "okay, it's been fun, you're a nice girl, cya." She didn't understand why no guy wanted to "fight for her" or at least "challenge" her. Once I explained she was playing games, she had a mega mindset shift, and I can say she's happily married today.
"Can you imagine mistaking your complex *business funnel* for your customers lack of interest?" the innuendos and puns are off the charts. Good one Orion!
They somehow went over my head
Sexy, sexy business funnels! Rawr!
Can someone elaborate 😢
They want everything from men who have a higher value than them. Then they want to make you miserable to show you how lucky you are. NPD
@@kengaroo5170 And 100% "by design!" (i.e. I$i$ Horu$ $et/h/ b cult... Pre- planned, funded, unleashed and perpetuated, since the mid- 1960s, post "Vatican 2.0.") Problem> Reaction> Solution, to synthesis... Divide, to Conquer. (Then: From Chaos, order!) Min, body and soul "fraction- nation! (IH$ + V = "In Hoc $igno+ Vinces. "In This $ign, Ye Shall Conquer!")
This is right on the money. When my ex-wife and I would have an argument and I would try and apologise for something she would often refuse to accept my apology because
'I hadn't said it the right way'
I tried to rephrase it and she said the same thing.
When I told her I was trying my best to apologise and asked her what way she wanted me to say it, she refused to tell me and said something like,
'You should know'
Or...
'It's your job to work it out'
After a while I became angry and resentful - apologising is a very difficult thing to do and she wouldn't even let me do that without trying to get me to jump through hoops.
She was a very difficult and demanding person and after a while, I stopped bothering to apologise as I knew I could never 'do it the right way'
Now we are divorced and I am far happier without the mind games, drama and stress that she brought to my life.
Ladies - this video will help keep your relationships stronger if you listen to it and act accordingly.
You was with a gaslighting manipulative narcissist
This is what steel toed boots is for.
Men should never apologize
it will not be enough and you'll still be punished for it
Men have enough trouble trying to read and understand their own minds let alone trying to ESP the conflicting, chaotic, often illogical, primarily feelings driven, 'whimsical', non accountable, morasse of their 'minds' makes me think of the poor man who does understand then: he is more than half mad driven and probably residing in Beelleview.
If they listen to it, which we all know will never happen.
"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve my best"
Ever read that one on a dating profile fellas? 😏
Those are the ones who can never be their best. Their anatomy has been permanently altered. 😅
I saw my last girlfriend at her worst and realized her best wasn't good enough to put up with her worst for the rest of my life.
Women like that usually don't even HAVE a "best". 😅
Women like that already have their best to another guy. You’ll never get their best no matter what you do. They’re like a sales manager promising a top level bonus that, in reality, can never be achieved.
More times than I can count. There's something so desirable about a woman who makes ultimatums before you've even met her. That being a desire to run as fast as f***ing possible in the other direction. 😂
Here’s the thing: Express your needs. Women, men, and everything in between, express your needs to your partner. Put the ball in their court and see what they do with it. If they decide to meet those needs or not is up to them, you can’t control them. Most partners would be happy to meet your need or at least have a conversation about how to get your needs met and vice versa. Just remember - you can’t control your partner and the choices they make, but you can control how their choices (or lack thereof) make you feel, if they meet your needs or not. But the key here is expressing these needs in way that is clear and healthy to your partner and anyone in your life for that matter.
"Don't mistake your complex business funnel for the customers' lack of interest in your products." Absolutely right. Well said!
Looking at you, arrogant Game-developers! _Constantly blaming your subpar games' genuine ratings on your customers' alleged lack of understanding the game beforehand …_
As a man, I've just walked away from a relationship (in its early stages) where I found myself faced with hoop, after hoop to jump through. Life is too short...
What were those hoops, out of curiosity?
A lot of women seem to pride themselves on being impossible to please. They seem to have a belief that requiring a guy to jump through more hoops and deal with more obstacles somehow raises their value. When in fact it has the exact opposite effect.
A friend of mine chatted up a woman on the street. He was 34 or so at the time, the woman 38. She liked him. They texted on the phone for a few days, and he asked her out. She refused. That same evening she called him, crying, and said that she doesn't know why she turned him down. She said she hadn't had any attention from men for eight years (all of this happened in a certain rather conservative country where women her age have trouble finding dating partners - he was an attractive foreigner who didn't mind her age) and that she really, really liked him and wanted to go out with him. They talked for an hour. He asked her out again. She refused him.
He ended up marrying another woman, slightly younger, somewhat less attractive. I assume that from the first woman's perspective, something made sense in all of this. She stood her ground, set a high price for herself, forced him to settle for a less attractive woman. Good job.
@@ristok4494 That is bonkers. She was lucky he gave her a second invitation. I don't blame men for backing away from women like this.
I have watched quite a number of the old rom-coms and most of them have this messaging. The guy always does some outlandish stunt to prove his love after the woman has rejected his advances from the start of the movie. We have also experienced this quite a lot- when you get rejected by a woman, other people ask "well, how did you do it?", "go buy chocolate and flowers, send to her office and ask for her number then"....or some other gesture that is supposed to tip things in your favor.
The culture of simping and impossible hoops has been with us a long time
@@iamsyourdadi and don't forget how women brainwash themselves with social media almost religiously to convince themselves that they're all 10s that deserve everything just for existing lol.
They only do that to men they don't really desire
Lack of accountability is another big issue with women these days.
When you are the gatekeeper for sex, you don't have to worry about accountability, similar to the way OPEC doesn't worry about US collusion laws, because they have what we want.
@@sprinkle61 Stop being so thirsty.
Eternally
So big, in fact, that it's not just in romantic relationships, my mom and I are estranged because she refuses to take accountability for horrible behavior of hers - and of course, she's the victim.
Hold them accountable and if they don't take the responsibility, move them out of your life. Your sanity is worth far more than trying to get water out of a rock.
These days?
It is baked in for a millennia.
They were always treated with kid gloves. By civilized men. Who protected them from uncivilized men, animals and their own nature.
Women want a Daddy they can screw, hence the foot taller, lots of money requirements.
Post Feminism, where they've gotten everything they wanted....can't even remember a time they didn't, has ruined them. Like a child you throw a birthday party for every week.
When the women realize they're gonna have to change to get more love 'nah, we're good'.
Sadly..it's true....
Yup, apparently they're all perfect already, YOU need to change...
"Shit i actually need to take accountability for my behaviour. Impossible!"
This video should be coupled with Stop Giving Attention to Undeserving Women.
"Do you hate women"?
If women have this attitude it means only one thing: She does not feel this man is worth her love. She may be stuck with him due to lack of better opportunities. Whatever it can be, the end result is they are not at the same level and in order for her to love him, he has to be higher or at the same level in hierarchy.
...even if he was, they'll find a way to discount him as if he's not out of their league. Women of today tend to treat all men generally the same. Whether its lack of awareness and recognizing different archetypes men, or preconceived notions based on pass experiences. Their obnoxious level of egoism wont allow them to play the part, and not portray this "Main character" sydrome that many possess.
You are right, but I can also imagine an entitled, stuck-up woman ending up acting the same with a man she really wanted because she's been doing it to all other men her whole life, and thus it became a strongly ingrained habit.
I agree with this, it matches my experience.
But how can women get over the hurdle that they face when they don't want to appear "too easy". Many men assume if you give them what they want right away, it means they are hoes (slept with many men) and will also give it away to other men (cheat)
The "hierarchy" you speak off is subjective and not objective like men may think.
The hierarchy is "how much importance you occupy in her mond and heart".
You can be a billionaire surgeon and still get stringed along by a mid on foodie dates.
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all unique. What makes one person happy might not make another person happy. But I've learned that there's always a way to solve problems. Five years back, my wife and I were almost divorcing because we had problems in our marriage, but we managed to work things out. It was a hard time, but we got past it.
I truly understand the importance of your words, and I genuinely want to find happiness too. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart at the moment, I can't imagine my life without her; my love for her is big. I really want her to return, and I'm fully committed to making it happen. We've tried different ways, like therapy, to mend things.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
Your guidance is well-received. I'll quickly search for her online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; her absence is keenly felt.
All the best
@@oglaskubuot I wish you the best and hope your relationship works out. I’ve been there myself and it can feel like a cold, dark and lonely place. It’s important to take time to work on yourself, stay mentally and physically strong, focus on your purpose/goals and become the best version of yourself. Try not to ruminate even though it’s difficult because it’s negative energy and wasted time. Remember you deserve to be loved, happy, appreciated and treated as a priority - not as an option. Women hate anything they perceive as needy and view vulnerability as weakness. Stay strong brother 🙏
A woman once told me her love language was gift giving. So I asked her when was the last time she bought a gift for a date or a boyfriend ... I think you can guess the answer
She didn't speak her own love language ... only listened.
people. whadda we gonna do?
As someone who works in the payment industry, this is spot on. Using the same analogy, you want to make receiving love as cheap as possible. What does that mean? For example, if it takes dining at an expensive restaurant to make you happy as compared to a cheaper alternative such as your husband helping you cooking at home, then you raise the cost of giving love and make it harder for your partner to show love to you. You will also not appreciate the small acts. Hence it becomes too expensive to be in a relationship with you. In the payment industry, more expensive payment instrument usually has other means to incentivise customers (e.g., credit card companies offer points, rewards and cashback but comes with risk of interest). If your cost of receiving love is high, make sure you have other ways to compensate your partner that makes it worthwhile for him/ her to be with you.
And that's why easygoing people are usually the best people to have relationships with, as their cost of receiving love is low.
When I tell my husband to do something I can’t do, he does it, and when he tells me to do something, I do it. It probably looks like we’re ordering each other around, but we’re just trying to get the crap of life done, and back to our real life, doing things we want to do individually and together.
Reciprocity is the name of the game, playing to each other's strength.
Hell yeah! Just be realistic together right?
Had to retrain my wife to understand that "telling" me what to do won't work. Ask me to do something and I'll decide whether or not I'll do it. Tell him what to do...😂
Really need context for that.
@@BWater-yq3jx Hold please. Lol
As in business, so in relationships. Friction makes people walk away.
How about being attached emotionally in a bad relationship. The more the friction the more the entanglement. It happens to some people. Just a thought
Not always.
Sex requires friction, after all... ;)
@@Morgan-gp1weNo, what are you, crazy? No one in their right mind should sign up for a Stockholm syndrome based relationship. Lol
@@justinc1482no one is deliberately signs up
For it lol that’s why it’s called a toxic cycle of abuse . Been there , if you have attachment issues you are fuck but eventually you do walk away
I'm literally teaching this to my 6 year old son. Good thing someone is teaching women now.
nobody! his audience is mostly Men!
what does his mom think?
@@jurassicthunderHis mom thinks her son is becoming famous.
lol, they won’t listen.
They’ll manifest themselves their perfect guy 😂😂
This is the video that some women need to watch THE MOST! You’ll love them unconditionally then they just randomly start sabotaging and trying to get control over you, so when you decide its time to break it off they say you’re the problem…
Well you do have a problem if you love a women unconditionally.
Nobody is perfekt
Never love a wmn unconditionally.
That is a path to madness.
well.. the concept of ‘love’ isn’t a universal one, as mutually compatibly understood by gents and xx.s - thus imho, it doesn’t even make sense to talk about it between both.
Doc is out here giving advice that can save the world!
He faild me just once ^_^
99 videos out of 100 he makes are pure gold! ^_^
Don't think so, but will comfort men hardships and disappointment, which is so good. We tend to try to solve things, so when things don't work we always tend to blame ourselves. Just the opposite of women.
I reached my breaking point one time in a relationship and finally told her "I know you love me, but I dont think you like me very much". That hit her like a sack of bricks and led her to finally going to therapy. Relationship ended because she didnt want kids, but after I noticed a massive increase in her affection after I told her that
Some people (both genders) are simply more demanding and hard to please. Even if they change behaviour and needs in the first couple of phases of dating… it’ll eventually come forward and cause issues later in the relationship. It’s better to know yourself and try to find a partner who is able to cope with your demanding needs. And if that’s impossible, either go to therapy and work on changing behaviour completely or accept that you’ll just be single. I’ve dated a male who had crazy standards… just like the ones you describe women have. After three dates I told him that he was way too demanding and moved on to meet a lovely mediocre normal man, who became the man of my dreams. MEN & WOMEN, PEOPLE being too difficult will unfortunately have a hard time to find a real partner. Work on yourself and choose wisely, man or woman. Stop saying only men or women have certain behaviours. It goes both ways. I tell all my 5 children to be mindful of their own behaviour and to choose partners that suit their personality and culture.
Thank you!
Boiled down, they really don’t want relationships anymore. No matter what they say, their actions say otherwise.
It's situationships, or human soup as I call it
Wrong! They do want relationships, just not with you
Once economically independent, women only want relationship with men with top 1% genes and social proof. The barriers are revealed preference - what women intended. Women are not stupid.
@@TV-oc4ml Nah, wmn these days have multiple Chads on their rosters. A functional society is one in which wmn NEED relayshionships to survive. Take that away and they'll just crash your civilization for selfish reasons.
Yes, but no. To many women, forcing the man to jump through the hoops is HOW he demonstrates that they have a relationship and that she is a valued part of it. The problem is that this is not realistic thinking. No long-term relationship has the man constantly jumping through hoops fifty years later. And if, when he eventually tires out, she immediately cries, 'He doesn't love me any more!', then all that hoop-jumping will have been proved to have been a waste of time. Men are wising up to this fact and not jumping in the first place, which is confusing many women. And maybe they NEED to be confused in order to self-reflect. Time will tell.
A woman that makes things difficult, simply doesn't like you enough. That doesn't mean you are not good enough or maybe even better than her. Sometimes, like businesses, women have wrong perception of what is good and what is not. And they also have the princess syndrome they think they will find the absolutely perfect guy. At the end, they will get to choose their favorite cat food.
"If it is difficult for you to love her, it will be easy for another".
Life is easy, people make it complicated.
Isn't that the truth?!!! So many people in relationships with the wrong person and then getting bitter about it and lumping future people into categories they don't even belong in. Life is too short and time is precious!! It's all what we make of it!
my man. orion taraban your advice is the best i've ever heard, no one comes close. absolutely the best and another reason why uncomplicated people are more loveable and arrogant women destroy themselves
It's been my experience that in the beginning it all love and fun. But then comes the quite, the cold shoulder, no explanation no context. Women think "if he loves me, he should know what he did." Ladies we do not know, let's be honest it usually something not even that important. Guys are thinking "huh she is kinda quite today." Meanwhile in her mind she has an entire movie playing in her head, she gos to work and is building the entire situation into a 3 part trilogy with. Men don't even think about it until MAYBE his lunch break, we haven't even watched the trailer of this film saga she has in her mind. So when the fight comes, we are literally fighting about different things.
😂😂😂😂 THE BEST DESCRIPTION of what happens sometimes!! BRILLIANT!!! Like I tell kids all the time, “Use your words.”
"It's been my experience that in the beginning it all love and fun. But then comes the quite, the cold shoulder, no explanation no context." Lol bro, this is manipulation tactics (they want to make you squirm and work hard to gain more power in the relationship, and that's only the start). Very typical of narcissists btw (male or female), so I can't help but wonder if you kept going for narcs.
Do you mean quiet? I have struggled quite a bit to read your comment.
See the difference in spelling and meaning? If you are going to write in a language, please write correctly as different words spelled differently has different meanings.
@@christophervanheerden6499well I found it perfectly easy to read
@@christophervanheerden6499Get a life ! SMH 🤦🏻♂️
I’m amazingly blessed to have the mother in law that I do. My own mother and father had a poor marriage. I hadn’t a clue how to be a good girlfriend or wife. Watching my MIL, how she treats my FIL….priceless! My husband really lucked out because I’m a pretty darned good wife - not perfect by any means, but exactly the opposite of what I knew because of what I saw growing up. A huge shout out to my fantastic MIL and FIL!!
But the women's counter argument is they dont want many customers, but just want one customer who is ready to do all the account making, add cart, subscription and everything including credit cards... Especially credit cards😂😂😂
PS - once you subscribe, there's no going back. No membership revoking. Pay even after the product is expired. Even if the product is being used by someone else😒😒
They want value to flow towards them. They do NOT want to provide value. So the video is kinda redundant.
Yes, it's correct and accurate. But it's not what they want. And ultimately they do what they want.
Don’t forget the 50% of all your belongings separation fee!
My man up there forgot also 2nd and 3rd hand products repackaged as new. Industry trend these days
@@Jugulator31 you are hilarious 😂😂
And meanwhile they were giving out coupon codes to bypass the whole process and get the product for free to Chad and Tyrone and Brock the bartender like there's no tomorrow.
Clearly explained.
I think part of the reason women do that complexifying is for power and control.
They say they want love, but the urge for power and control is almost as strong.
almost?
Power and control, the hallmarks of a narc driven goal seeker.
The urge for power and control is absolute. If she can get any love without sacrificing any power and control, then so much the better. Did I mention the need for absolute power and control?
Complexifying! 🤦🏻♀️Do you mean complicating? 🙄
@@reneethorn145 I meant complexitificationing, but I thought I'd simplify it.
"A good mother makes it easy for her children to love her and sees the value of that love in their intentions, not in her preferences."
Yes but she is a human being. In order to be open and giving towards her children, she needs to recieve something that makes her truly happy and makes her eyes to shine. That's where partner should come in.
If she only recieves gestures with politeness all the time, she will just burn out eventually.
I have seen many researchers use how women treat their children or dogs as a great way to show what true love, patience, understanding, and humility looks like. Women are totally capable of loving unconditionally. They simply choose not to when it comes to men.
Dogs and children don’t talk back, they can’t control a man and if they do they get the “ick”
I've noticed myself being difficult lately, so this reminder is very appreciated
Give that gal a blue ribbon. She might be a 1:1000 keeper!
A woman taking accountability should come with a disclaimer warning first. You could give a man a heart-attack in todays world lol. Seriously though, we appreciate the honesty!
@@derwoodhamburger Easy there with the celebration... She just said she noticed herself being difficult... She didn't say she would do something about it
@@alex-p I certainly don't need praise, but I thought taking action was implied. Why would I appreciate being reminded of this information if I just intended to remain stagnant? I subscribe and follow this channel for genuine self/relationship improvement. If I wanted praise for putting forth no effort, there are certainly better Feel Good dealers than Psychacks.
@@ShudderetalCheers!
The problem with this analogy is that in business, all of the customers’ money is of equal value and the product can be sold to all who are willing to pay the price demanded. With 80% of men being perceived as “unattractive”, it’s as if the price being demanded for one available item is 100 Dollars, but 80% of the customers are offering 100 Yen. The business is going to hold out for that one out of the remaining 20% of customers willing to pay at least the 100 dollars, so barriers that filter out those offering Yen are actually doing their job. Now, we can argue amongst ourselves until time ends as to whether our currency should be accepted at face value or whether the product really is worth the 100 dollars demanded, but it really isn’t our choice. You can’t negotiate genuine desire. You can’t make a rational appeal to an emotional decision. You either give her the tingles or you don’t, and if you don’t, then you don’t want her anyway. Brutal, but it is what it is.
Absolutely
Wow - I remember older generations of married Christian couples in our church, back when I was a kid , they displayed an attitude of appreciation for their spouse - which shows humility & thankfulness on behalf of both husband and wife. These people had a system down pat for avoiding such conflict & resolving disagreements within the marriages that an observer on the outside would consider them very peaceful & loving unions - especially by today's standards.
This is what ive been telling them forever, You are a business run it accordingly, Its amazing how many people cannot fathom the simplicity of the concept!
Happiness comes from inside. Anyone who thinks someone or something can bring happiness is in for a sad and regret-filled life.
Brilliant and important episode, Dr. T! The women who get it, get it; the ones who don't probably aren't worth men's effort!
Either you can love them or understand them. You can't do both. If you choose to love them, then you're gonna get emotionally hurt.
Once you understand them, you'll realize they are only loyal to their emotions, not you. And her emotions can change in a moment. There's nothing you can do - the only option is to not care about them and enjoy your turn while it lasts.
For the record: many businesses ARE doing exactly what the initial analogy stated. They ARE blaming the customers, and what happens as a result? They become even more unpopular to the point of becoming a pariah. No one's going to stop women from doubling down on their demands, but men will absolutely go from 'apathetic' to 'antagonistic' after a while due to the absurdity of it all.
Hollywood enters the chat.
@@Doberman_6773absolutely correct
@@Doberman_6773 Specifically, Disney.
I'm incredibly thankful for coming across this video. It's really helped me address some issues with my ego. Thank you so much for creating this video and for all the positive impact you've had on others.
Love is a choice and a decision because your actions determine if it lives on or ends. You are in control of how you act in your relationships and how much you push past conflict and challenges. strategies you can immediately apply to show love is a choice - your choice. show gratitude, Show affection, Show appreciation for who your partner is and take care of yourself. Now a days, It seems less people are willing to do the work for it or even do these 4 simple acts of kindness.
Great info @8:50 "It's a better idea to simplify the process by which you receive love, and to increase the forms in which you accept love. Don't make it difficult for people to give you what you 'want' and you will get more of it." Great insights and comments... Now I just need to learn how to personally accept and receive love, and I'll be set. 🤔👍
Thank you, Orion, for your amazing videos. As a woman, I have learned so many valuable things from you that no one else shows us. Thank you again.
While this will sadly fall on mostly deaf female ears, I hope a few ladies will actually listen. My wife went on an out of the blue rant yesterday about how much I used to refer to an old country road that reminded me of where I grew up. Apparently this drove her nuts and made her think I was too attached to my childhood home and didn't want to build a new life with her. I will point out that this occurred about 5 years ago and I had forgotten all about it. I thought about pointing out the fact that we visit her family 2-3 times a year and my family only once despite her family being much farther away, but I knew better than to use logic while she was in one of her moods.
I'm looking forward to filing for divorce soon and never looking back.
How about you talk to her about your feelings before you make a decision, like you wish she would, or you're just as bad as her and you deserve each other?
If they truly deserved each other - more to the point, if she deserved him - he’d keep her. He already knows that talking with her about his feelings will only lead to further headaches and no satisfactory resolution. Give the fella some credit, would ya? It’s the other sex that tends to make the rash decisions concerning divorce.
@@wjkathman "He should already know!" is toxic when females do it and just as toxic when males do it
Notice the underlying dynamic,
through which all your interactions with women need to be filtered, in order to understand wtf is going on...
'It's all about her, always.'
@@wjkathman it's toxic when xxs do it and it's toxic when xys do it. "They should just know"
You're an exceptional Philosopher, That sales example to break down the complexities of difficult women was just PERFECT.
Men do plenty of things to make it difficult to love them too, most definitely. It's different because they're men, not women, but the effect can be the same. We all need to watch how we might be making it difficult to be loving and loved.
How do men make it difficult to love them? I’m curious.
@@davidsmyth6822from my experience, lack of healthy and clear emotional expression, but I understand so many men as boys weren’t taught or shown this and also society is harsh on men who show their feelings in positive ways
@@Divinia93 interesting take. Thank you for your response!
@@davidsmyth6822 entitlement. Low eq. The women men tend to prefer act like, well, men, but softer and with vaginas. Men don't seem to actually like women. Or trust them or understand them. And when they get scared, they default to control or abandonment (mentally and emotionally and then finally physically).
In general, men don't seem to see women, even women they claim to love, as actual ppl, but rather as an object which is pleasing and useful or displeasing and useless.
Love takes a lot of maturing on both sides. This video is interesting, but it rly isn't how a female brain works. This is how men's brains work. A successful relationship will take adjustment and maturity on both sides, not capitulation.
@@davidsmyth6822 It's not about men or women here, everyone has some flaws that makes them hard to love or tolerate at some point. Even in friendships and family but we work through it anyways if we value the connection
What you are talking about is called with children “catch them being good and show appreciation “ rather than “ catch them being bad and criticize them.” It’s the use of positive reinforcement for love rather than an adverse experience for undesired behavior. Classical Skinnerian behaviorism! Worthy of note is the importance of patience as it all plays out ! Good video, doc.
I don't see any woman watching this and making any sort of change. They don't have to. The simps will save them
Right. Lose-lose situation (her and her simp). Only winners are those who avoid them.
Im a woman:) there are people like me out there
@@jibber2000 good. Maybe you can explain something to me tho. Why do women actively make things difficult for the guy they like instead of making it easier for them to connect? It's like they never sit down and say I want this person, let me try to make things easier for him and I. Instead they say I like him let me see how much he likes me and do all they can to create an obstacle course. Why?
@@TheOutlierToday If you have a mindset that all women are like that, you'll only meet those types. They say: 'Like attracts like' so you probably have to do some introspection to understand why you attract those specific types of women or why *you* are attracted to them.
Cause most women I know have a healthy and balanced relationship with their lovers, the solution is to surround yourself with better people and environment
@jindipity4772 it's not even women that I attract. It's just that, in general, people seem very jaded and cold-hearted nowadays. Men and women. Relationships don't last, and there are always issues. Everyone is looking out for themselves
I think it is a sign of the times; everything is so complex and complicated now. Sometimes I remember how simple life used to be, but now there is so much information, so many options, and modern relationships reflect this reality.
I am a woman who is fortunate to be blessed with above average beauty, but I’ve never acted that way. I’ve also put in a lot of energy to heal from my faults, etc. earlier in life. I have a very positive outlook on life with a sunny, happy disposition and am humble when needed. I am NOT “easy” regarding sex but once I’ve decided on a man, he gets ALL of my attention. I’ve always watched by weight, and kept up my appearance over the years…which can be a lot of work at times but it’s worth it to me. I’m convinced inner peace & happiness shines thru in your positive attitude, language and eyes. I have so many men interested in me sometimes I don’t know what to do with them all!! Ladies, kindness and laughter is so important in life. Try it and you’ll find out for yourself how accommodating men really are, who are happy and proud to be with you. Good luck! ❤️
Outstanding analogy!!
It's such a shame that, for most women, it will fall on deaf ears.
How many times we see women that are playfull, have no drama, easy going and are straight forward?
That's because they are the ones that have a strong father figure or/and have 1 or more brothers.
Those are the best women.
"A good woman sees the value of the received love in her husband's intentions, and not her preferences". Good quote ;-)
Get more love is simple: find good people and be a decent, caring person and respect them and if they do the same, keep and cherish those specific people. Realize people are flawed, and have some grace, as they will give you the same as well. It’s probably going to be very rare outside of family, but it’s very possible.
I wish this video can play on every public tv channel. Women need to hear this.
This reminds me of one of your other videos. You talked about how you should not punish people for making an effort. It is a surefire way to make sure you will never get people to change their behavior.
"Symplify the process by which you receive love and to increase the forms by which you accept love." Excellent advice. Take note ladies.
I found this channel by chance looking for something else, and this video caught my attention. I haven't seen his other videos, but this one seems to have the objective of dividing men and women, making it: "men vs women”. I also found it “lazy” because it is easier to blame the other side, instead of being more realistic, and admitting that both men and women can be difficult, not because they are men or women, but because it is the nature of any relationship to be DIFFERENT and have challenges.
There are great men and women living beautiful relationships not because women adapted to men or vice versa, but because they understand the hard work of relationships, and not by playing the blaming game.
Women mostly initiate divorces why
That's a nice thought, but you have an unusually kind group of female friends if you really think a disproportionate amount of modern Western women don't behave exactly like this. Or you're just kidding yourself.
Right again, continually you articulate these experiences in an intuitive way, Dr. Orion.
you have a great ability to see the big picture and then explain in a tactful way to people and women
The video makes a great case for why acting selfish and entitled is unproductive. Using love languages to justify being difficult is back-asswards. The general issue with love languages is that people tend to display affection the same way they prefer to receive it. However, comprehending your partners love languages actually makes it easier to earn more points by being goal oriented and spending less effort. Hopefully it goes both ways though. It's tough to feel appreciated if you are the only one who is willing to adapt.
Orion is spot on - as usual.
You're getting better with every video Orion. Love the simplicity, clarity and lightheartedness that you bring to complex and sensitive topics!
I wrote on a messageboard of 55,000 member from 2003 to 2016.
What I learned--- was it was me. I had to face the reality of my judgements about others. Without a face to face interaction it is very easy to project one's own false reality onto others.
I think you make a great point here.
I'm pretty sure however that most women are going to disagree strongly. Your taking on the resistance is what seems to be actual value for them.
This is why I don't bother, I don't want to pay emotional and mental taxes when I'm already tired out from work. I appreciate Dr Orion's insights though. I have learnt the hard way that Pay Per Use is much cheaper in the long run. Someone on the internet said "The ones that you don't pay for by the hour, are the ones you can't afford", I leave it to you all to interpret this according to your understanding and experience.
Once again, Duc a very simplistic, but effective explanation of getting what you want. But as usual it doesn't make a woman feel good, and she may have to change so it will go over a lot of their heads.😢😢😢😢😢😢
Love languages are a lot like learning styles. There is some grain of truth to them, but they have been amplified into unchangeable dispositions that demand accommodation from others, rather than effort and adaptation from the person.
Funny thing is our grandparents NEVER needed love languages 🤔🧐
there is no evidence at all backing up learning styles, the benefit you get from them is that when you try to engage the bogus learning styles you add variety to your educational activities instead of just reading off a powerpoint endlessly. if there was any validity to learning styles the appropriate thing to do would be to identify each student and stream them into cohorts adn classes that are tailored to their style.
Ok. But consider the alternative. You want a backrub, but your SO simply just gives you gifts. Would you still love her if she refuses to accomodate your preference? Are you really a butthole for having a preference?
The issue with the woman Orion describe goes beyond LL.
Absolutely agree. Women - Approach men, it works!
Occam's Razor Award for today! (The simplest explanation is usually the right one.) Well done Dr. T.
"The explanation with the least amount of assumptions"
You know I have always been skeptical about most of your advice, doctor. But after listening this, I gotta say you are right❤. Thank you
Thank you Orion. This was a very timely piece of advice.
We gotta stop playing along with them you guys, they wanna feel that you have the balls to stand up to her bs. Orien you god sent bro
Dr. Tara an, thanks for these videos. I genuinely gain so much perspective from a lot of what you are putting out there. Sometimes even supporting my own instincts.
Your series on framing was also spot on in my experiences.
Thanks again for the good content
This was brilliantly stated and easy to understand for anyone who is open to receive it. Those who choose not to grasp it, it’ll go over their heads.
I really appreciate the broad overview you presented in explaining this point.
Aprendí más sobre negocios viendo éste video que sobre mujeres y no le encuentro ningún problema a eso. Gran contenido doc.
Women are like this in their friendships with women too.
As a woman, and I appreciate the content Dr Taraban puts out a lot- I am really stunned about the apparent relevance of this video. That he must be doing such a video, as it obviously applies to a considerate number of cases - women. Personally, I found it yet very shocking what he described are those women’s expectations and behaviour.
If you find this shocking, you are part of the problem.
Interesting video content, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
So these are bots.
I've seen this same comment with the same replies at least 3 times.
You’ll be fine. The first 3 months are the worst, after that, it gets easier. Go get laid, softens the blown
@@Spookyaki1 they're bots
Some of your videos have actually made my life better. This one will too. Thank you.
Love the analogy - spot on!
7:55 "We all kinda already knew that love languages were bullsh**" I legit burst laughing.😆
I actually had an elderly male patient tell me the Love Languages book improved his marriage. They were about to separate.
@@diplomat2623so? What they needed was motivation to consider the other. It does not follow that people have innate ways through which they are only capable of receiving love
4 of the 5 languages can be satisfied by friendship.
@@wilee.coyote5298 I need the one you can't get from friendship and acts of service.
@@wilee.coyote5298orbiter language
Apparently a lot of people have taken the concept of love languages to an extreme. Gary chapman, who first came up with the idea, said it shouldn't be focused on how you prefer love is communicated, but on the best ways to communicate love to your partner. You might also learn how they communicate love that you wouldn't otherwise recognize.
That was a good one Doc! Very thought provoking. I found your arguments against love languages to be very interesting.
Your use of analogies is simply sensational. No wonder your points are so magnificently delivered.
An excellent analogy.
Hello Dr. Orion, the reason women don't make it easy or lets just say asks for things directly because they are super scared of getting a NO. Once you have spoken it then they become vulnerable by giving the other person the choice. Thats why women prefer the path of plausible deniability because nothing scares a woman more than rejection, even if the rejection is for a very minor request.
Another great video, knocked it out of the park again!
One of the best episodes from Dr. Taraban
I wish I had professors like you in school. You are amazing
Its all about balance. Women and men have to have standards of what they need to feel loved and respected, but also make it as easy and simple for the other person.
Another home run! thanks for posting this.
Even though wht u say abt women being very prescriptive about how they want to be shown that they r loved by their partners, the kernel of truth is that these prescriptions arise bcoz a woman shows her love for her partner in SO MANY INTUITIVE ways that her expectation of same from spouse is simply reciprocal. The mistake we women make is to think that MEN think like US but they don't. Providing food, clothing and shelter can be quite difficult, for a man to then top these things up with other things.
Note to self: Self if she's difficult, walk away fast! It will only get worse..And she'll make your life miserable! They tell you who they're just listen!
No, not everybody is like that. I was a difficult person when i started dating my bf. Because of his kindness i changed a lot. Now he appreciate me for my patience in relationship. We are dating for 4 years now.
@@thepointlesswords290be quiet
@@davnoble8472 No
“ if you’ve created a situation in your mind that require people to do certain things in order for you to feel certain ways…….”
THIS is called Emotional Dependency. And people need to watch Allen Berger’s videos on emotional sobriety.
And women always more emotional then men why