I am SO CRIPPLED by most of those things you listed......my problem is where to take them. I guess by the road, Goodwill? It's getting it ready to take....tangled yarn, etc. I guess I can just label it...tangled yarn. Also, the guilt of the money spent....I think, oh, I need to keep it and do something with it!! I'm going to re-watch this one video several times...even thinking about watching other videos on this can be crippling. I needed you today!!!!!
@@kathys7283 Ohhhhh, Lady.... you and I are on the same page today... and the same path. I have been living so mindlessly.... the goal I’ve been living since December 1st 2021 is a path of being mindful and personally honest. Thanks for your comment; it provided me with some encouragement.
I'm so glad I found your channel! Your intro had me laughing and saying to myself, "yup..this is where I start becoming unstuck! Hello Fantasy Self,let's talk." Time to really decultter.I'm definitely up for the challenge!
I’m Not only up for the challenge I have already started I tackled my dresser drawers today and I threw out a lot of stuff in my jewelry got rid of eyeglasses that were like really really old I’m going to donate them. I got those cookbooks by the door I kept to my Amish cookbook and my eat like a bear cookbook
The shame & guilt associated with an unfinished project can be crippling. I have since told myself that it is in my best interest to give these items to others who need them. Last year i took a cottage style bed frame to the curb..when an elderly lady drove by and asked if i was getting rid of it. I said yes and would be happy to load it in her car. She thanked me profusely, explaining that her grandson was coming to live with her unexpectedly and she didn't have the funds for a bed. I cried. The realization that my ability to let go was able to benefit her made my heart sing!
Love this.... Absolutely! Letting it go doesn't have to be a loss... You're being a blessing to someone who needs what you no longer need! As a former eBayer, I STILL have inventory that I need to get rid of... This is inspiring to me. : )
OMG - my fantasy self has clothes, costume jewelry, etc dreaming of going to nice places and living a different life. The result is a cluttered closet and frustration.
It doesn't matter what you have it depends on you. Why not still have that life and a cluttered closet? Not saying it's like that all the time But things have improved. I no longer buy paintings from charity shops. I once really liked 1 but starred at it and already imagined I have brought it so took photo of it no need to buy. I do the same with clothes TAKE PHOTOS- then at home takes me 1wk 2decide if i'm going to wear it
Dear Caroline, the comments to you illustrate exactly what I remarked earlier, that people will try to talk you out of abandoning your fantasy self, no matter how unrealistic the fantasy is for your situation. Ignore them; they don't know you or your circumstances. You know what's right for you.
I have lots of colorful dresses and jewelry and actually wear them daily and can see my Soul still wearing colorful dresses and jewelry wayyyyy into my 80s ❤️ muah 💋
Marketing and advertising is designed to identify and magnify what is wrong (glass half empty) and how their "product/service" that you pay for will help change your life, make you whole, pretty, popular, etc.
The pressure from other women to try to get us to do the things they think we should be doing does not go away even as we age. I’m 78 and I am always trying to justify to other women why I choose not to do the things they think I should be doing. I live a very simple life. I love taking care of my little house, plain cooking, volunteering at our church, reading, tending to my many houseplants. We live in a warm climate in a retirement park with lots of Snowbirds and LOTS of activities. They are always asking “Do you dance? Do you swim? Do you quilt? Do you play cards? Do you shuffleboard?”Whatever they do they think I should do too. I do do one or two but if I say no then they respond with why not? Ladies at church will say do you have any hobbies, what do you do for fun? Do you travel? Why not? I really don’t know how to answer because if I simply say no then they say why not? I have decided to say because I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. But they will keep prodding. Donna, Mike’s wife.
I've run into that to some degree - I have decided Sunday is family day, and I don't make plans. We are together, cook, eat, play games and that's it and when someone says "hey, come over on Sunday for _____" they don't understand when I say Sunday is the "stay home and don't have obligations" day. :-)
I applaud you! Stay strong selecting activities that bring you joy and declining those that do not. The best answer that I can think of goes something like this: God made us all unique having varied talents and interest. No thank you to xyz activity, as I'm already content with my own blessings, but hope that you will continue enjoying yours.
i had an acquaintance keep bugging me to do things, i once said to her, sorry i haven't been easy to see but i have family that keep me busy...before i could share..one issue is a grandchild with two immune diseases so i support the parents however needed...she interrupted me and said, "oh I've given up on you". this was said in front of people i didn't even know, I've never saw her again, it's been 7 years. i am happy with myself, my family, my hobbies....you're right to take of yourself, to respect and accept who you really are. No is a complete sentence. I don't expect to be understood, but for those who don't like who I am I don't waste time on them
As for the why nots...I had a senior citizen friend years ago who would say to me and anyone else who asked her a nosy question, “I will forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.” That usually shuts people right up.
@@dianasimplifies I will use that answer in the future probably. Thanks for sharing. That senior lady certainly knew how to implement boundaries with people. Lol
Just hearing the phrase 'fantasy self' did more for me decluttering than any of the many books I have bought. I'm 80 years old, 6 months a widow and have to use a walker to get from one end of the house to the other. I honestly had a stack of craft magazine and books over 4 feet tall!!! They went back to the 1970's. Thank you. What I need is a framed sampler with the words fantasy self on it. That means I need to buy etc, etc, etc. Ok, I just caught myself. I'll write it on a piece of paper and stick it to the refrigerator. Love your channel. Helped me so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This. Everything you said. The pressure on girls and women to be interested in everything, capable of everything, brilliant at everything is INTENSE, and we internalize it. I’ve let go of who I thought I should be in fits and starts. Just gave away a bunch of needlework supplies on FB and had no trouble finding takers. If you’re pondering, DO IT. Let go. Be lighter.
So true. It wasn’t enough for me to be a brilliant, professional scientist, I had to be a perfect homemaker, chef, etc., it broke my health. No one is capable of doing everything, much less perfectly. It’s not expected of men!
"The collecting was more fun than doing the work." Truth. You have hit the nail on the head. It is so nice to receive encouragement on this issue and to know I'm not alone. The pressure we put on ourselves is staggering...
And if you mention it to somebody beforehand, there are people who will try to discourage you from letting go of that fantasy self. I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I was getting rid of the designer suits and dresses I acquired when I was dreaming of a life as a high-powered executive in a big city. She said, "You can still do that." Er, I'm 66, no longer super-energetic, and we live in a small farming town. My husband, her son, hates big cities. I don't see that as a promising situation as far as launching a big-city career.
Sounds like she was trying to tell you something... Without telling you something. Wink wink. My sister got her business up and running after fifty. My mother is 73 and she hasn't stopped.. If your hormones are in disarray... That's what's stopping you. I went from hardcore energy, body built like a brick house to barely getting out of bed during my middle ages. And then... Without giving up... I am now back to getting my old self and more! Starting a new career involving wealthy clients. Multi million dollar homes. I'm telling you, some of these new kids hitting the workforce don't have what we have. Especially if you're old school country and used to caring for animals and you don't have a choice. That's how I grew up. Perseverance.
You are a genius. Before COVID I thought I just lacked time for all my fantasy selves. Well I spent lockdown and 2020 working through ALL of those projects that had been nagging at me; some for decades. I was determined and I got it all done. However as each was finished I decluttered every tool and supply associated with it and told myself never to buy that stuff again. None of it was as satisfying as my fantasy self told me it would be and I’m glad it’s all done and gone.
I did this too, with a dollhouse kit I started before my kids were born (my youngest is now 28 🙄). I pictured making a dozen or so in my lifetime but decades passed and I only gave my one little kit a cursory day or two of work before it got stored away again. During the onset of the pandemic lockdown, I decided to finish it once and for all. It took me a few months. I gave it to my Mom, who has dementia but is still functioning pretty well and she has enjoyed it so much. And then I gave all my dollhouse tools away. One day (sooner than I’m going to be ready for) that dollhouse will come back to me and I will treasure it. But I know I will never make another 💕
Your video was hysterical! You were so me 30 years ago! I learned to let go of my fantasy self a long time ago. Just doesn't work with kids, jobs, etc. I'm now having to deal with my retirement self. I will not be moving to England or Ireland to live in a thatched cottage and have ducks and a big garden. The truth is my husband and I need a small house on one floor so we don't fall down the stairs and kill ourselves! But one can always dream!
I just found you during the middle of the night. Then woke up and started watching again. This video has me laughing so. I'm thinking that's me, that's me. I'm 65 and have an unfinished quilt from high school. It's going away.
I was about to throw out four quilted squares I made decades ago and never added the binding. Or whatever I was going to do with them. Instead, I tossed them in my rag bin. I use them to wipe down areas as I declutter in my basement. When they get nasty, I'm going to pitch them.
I still have an unfinished Noah's Ark outline quilt that I made for my son. I put extra effort into the quillting. All that's left to do is the binding. My son is 37. Maybe I'll finish it for my 4 year old grandson....maybe not. I'm 70.
Hello Beverly, your comment made me laugh..I’m 64 and the other day I gave a box of fabric to the charity shop that has seen 3 house moves. I love shoes too but have stopped buying them. I have a gorgeous pair of leather boots that I bought in 1983…recently restored. Have a great weekend. Effie
@@tennysoneffie6943 I sent 30 pounds of quilting fabrics to a lady who DOES make several quilts most months. I have many more boxes of stuff that need new homes.
Yep, I figured out awhile ago that buying craft items is a completely different hobby than actually crafting with those supplies. So now I have to either start crafting, or get rid of the craft supplies.
Well said! Keep in mind that teachers (in public schools, at least) don't get much of a budget for making lessons attractive on the walls in their room. They often pay for all types of school supplies. They often appreciate donations of all art-related, educational items, sometimes even found objects.
My fantasy self: decorating cakes, making dried flower arrangements, embroidering daily, sewing my own clothes, playing an instrument again, etc. I’m getting rid of the huge 8-10 bins that hold all that crap, ASAP. Thanks so much for the gentle reality check.
@Chelle MNB I was wondering the same. I think SHTF encourages us to have a stronger fantasy self, a fantasy self prepared for Armageddon... therefore we end up acquiring more and more and more things...”just in case”.
I am going to write a diary for my fantasy self. She doesn't need all that stuff. She dosen't need to actually do any of those projects she can just journal about her fantasy activities. I will save such a lot of money. All my fantasy self needs is a notebook & pencil!
I was the same way with stationary so many are, I still have my 64 plastic crayon box with the sharpener ans all those vintage crayons, I never used it, I never used my stickers, I never took the plastic of my electronics, how sad I didn't enjoy any of my childhood stuff and I still do it now. Luckily non of my 5 kids adopted thay, they use every piece of their toys lol. Also with plates and cups, we keep the fancy pretty ones put up and never enjoy them while using paper plates or chipped old plates. No more, I am using only my best of everything, tomorrow might b my last day on earth, I want my kids to KNOW they are worth using the best every day not settling for the worst
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet Those are words of wisdom. Either use it & enjoy it or pass it along to someone else. There's no benefit in stashing things away, out of sight. Some items don't serve a useful purpose so placing them on display is a practical alternative. Inside a cabinet with glass doors is a perfect place for my Mom's little treasures. Being able to frequently view these familiar objects triggers happy memories of her love & fills my heart with joy.
You are so right. So many of the things that we purchase or collect, or even hoard...are for our fantasy self. I think, the notebook and stationery one hit home. I do journal a lot, but I stopped buying stationery a couple years ago...and decided, I have enough to last a very long time. I also started using up my nice notepaper as shopping lists, etc... why keep it in a drawer? use that pretty paper for notes and grocery lists. 😃
I appreciate your grasp on reality. "I don't love it, I don't want it, I can't see myself actually doing it". I was never blessed with a husband and children. I arrived at retirement still loving yarn and fabric, still wanting to gift others with my finished crafts and I am actually doing what my fantasy self had to postpone while I supported myself full time in the workplace. 🤗
Next door to me was a really small one bedroom cottage,it amazed me at the different renters not needing space,only one tiny closet,a husband,wife,2 kids and Grandma lived there,no clutter whatsoever,I offered a dresser to one family with 2 kid's,she said no, it would just take up space,I asked another Mom how do you not need space,she said,well how much stuff do you need,one year a 2 child family had 13 people stay with them all summer long ! All the different families that lived there always entertained for holidays and barbeques,it amazed me,none of them had clutter and the house was always clean.
I gave up on yard sales after I got a horrible sun poisoning? Heat stroke? Idk what it's called, but I had a 4 week old, a toddler, and made something like 15 bucks the whole weekend, and more stuff was stolen than paid for..... And I was just happy it was gone. Lol. That was when I just started donating.
I always just donate. These people who want to sell everything on marketplace wear me out lol. If it’s something you are good at great! I do not have patience for marketplace 🤣
I once made 10 whole cents at a garage sale! I had good stuff at good prices, but the only thing that sold was a crooked school project my husband had made. I almost threw it in the trash. Everything else ended up going to the thrift store. Now I just put everything in my driveway for free. I use boxes for tables. No babysitting. Almost everything gets taken every time.
@@dianasimplifies lol, the baby that was 4 weeks old is ready to get her driving permit.... lol, facebook didnt exist. But I agree. No point to me cause I just see other stuff I might want. I did get my Instant pot from marketplace, but if I dont have something specific I'm looking for, I'm not on FB at all.
oh haha I was just relating yard sales to marketplace. They have great deals both places but I don't have patience to sell stuff. I had one yard sale years ago and that was it for me. Our neighbor at the time came by asking for money right after bc clearly we had cash on hand. 🙄
@@dianasimplifies Yikes! I figure some of my neighbors are taking my free stuff to sell and make some cash, but I don't care what they do with it. I want it gone and I don't want to deal with sales or Marketplace or getting paid. And if it helps them out, that's okay. However it blesses them is fine with me. I never would have thought of a neighbor asking for money after a garage sale, though. I have wondered if people would mistakenly think we must be rich if we can just give everything away, and maybe come looking for more. Some neighbors have asked if we're moving because I keep putting stuff out. Nope. Just got decades of stuff and I'm finally getting rid of it. Like, you, I don't have the patience for Marketplace. Or eBay. Or anything else of that sort.
Rachel, I feel like you have followed me around through my life journey. The difference is…. I’ve actually done most of these things. Except for the cow and chickens….. My fantasy self was to be an artist. Instead, I studied Home Economics, got married and started a family. I really did make all my own and all my children’s clothes, coats, etc. I loved that, then I became a single parent, but continued sewing, cooking, baking and now working. I had a garden (1/3 acre), I grew vegetables, fruit, etc and fed my family for the whole year. I lived part of your fantasy life. Just in case you wondered where it went. I even took on more “honorary” kids, who lived with me for years. I admit once I closed my sewing machine for a couple years, it was beginning to rule my life. Fast forward, the kids grew up, I retired and thought of all the things I wanted to do. Sing in the choir at church, paint pictures, mixed media art, take classes, etc. etc., volunteer. My fantasy self emerged, I did a lot of those things, I sold my art in a local mercantile, I tried going to vender shows, too hard as one person. I crocheted hundreds of hats to send to the needy, I was recruited to crochet 100 tea cups for a retirement party, I made 3000 masks, I volunteered to make charity quilts for children. Everything I ever did, I over did! I even took a class in clay/pottery. At this point, I am living my future life, and I realize there are things I just don’t want to do anymore. Yes I can do them, I just don’t want to do them any more. I wrote out the list of things you mentioned, except for the cow and chicken, I’ve done it all. And I realize it is okay to get rid of all those notebooks, fabric, cook books. Even my clothes in my closet are not part of my reality self. You have inspired me to look at the things I have with the realization that I am finished with them. They are no longer part of my current life. It is okay to let them go. I have decluttered and minimalized the visual things in my house, but it is the stuff stored away for future project that I have no interest or intention of doing that needs to be tackled next. Thank you for making me see this through different eyes.
@@adventurelogs among all the crafty things I did, jewelry/bead making was one of them. In my journey of declutter I packed up all my stuff, magazines and tools, (I kept one set of tools), and put them on marketplace. They sold. The finished things, I donated to our library auction fundraiser. They are out of my house, along with countless other things, I have no regrets. Honestly, it feels like such a burden lifted. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.
Linda, you said “... but it is the stuff stored away for future project THAT I HAVE NO INTEREST or intention of doing that needs to be tackled next”. My problem is that my future self thinks she has interest and intention of doing it...I have a very strong Fantasy self 🙄
I cannot count the number of minimalism, self help, become a better person type vlogs I've subscribed to,watched, or shared. 30 years of them! I just turned 50 and YOU WIN! THIS is the vlog that every human needs to watch! Finally the one that gets it and has words to share it. So glad I stumbled upon you, Rachel! Keep up the great real deal content!
I made myself listen to this three times! My fantasy self wants the homestead, the animals, the garden, the crafts and arts and... And the real me is a mom and caretaker to two precious, loving, but time taking guys. My son and my brother both have special needs that require my focus and energy. So its time for me to realize that during my free time, I can write, I can read, I can play with my art supplies (that I need to go through and give about half to someone else. Thank you. Its hard to let go of the fantasy self
Can I just say, that this may not be your season to homestead. That doez not mean your season won't come around again. So, while you are doing the responsible thing for your family, just tuck that dream away until your season changes again. Maybe it will never be the right time, or maybe, out of the blue the moment will present itself. Just because its not now, does not mean its never. Good luck.
@@lynette599 yes. Yes I did. But moreover, I am saying that giving up "things" does not necessarily mean give up hope. I believe living with a minimal amount of belongings can help us find clarity of where we go next. I think we can aspire to create lives that make us happy. A life of minimalism now, may create the brain space for a homestead later. It does not have to be an over crowded homestead. Lol
"Saving it for that special reason." OH MY. This is me. I had special rose-smelling pencils that I saved from when I was, I don't know... 8? They were in the package still! I gave them to my daughter when I brought them from my mother's and was appalled when I found one broken, but then I realized... they're meant to be used. Just use them or give them to someone who will.
So...you're saying the material that I've had for 5, 10, 15 years...because I really don't like to quilt...I can let it go? Fantasy quilter self -- let it go! This is so freeing!
For me its the current Denise, Life changes. My Mom was amazing. She did make my clothes, did every craft there was to do, painted inside the house, painted the outside of our house (really!), was on many committees and guilds, attended every single one of our activities, cooked from scratch every day, taught Sunday school for over 25 years, she traveled the world, kept a clean home, ironed the laundry, after she hung it up on the outside clothesline, ..the list just keeps going....all of this for our family of 7. She was a-m-a-z-i-n-g ! ! ! As much as I have done so far in my life, I can't compare to my beloved Mom. I miss her every day. There is a very special place in Heaven for her. Our lives are so much easier today than it was many years ago. What I find is people being lazy, and whining instead of doing. Then they say they're "depressed" Well....get up and do something about it. My Mom never had time to be "depressed and self centered...she was too busy living her best life ! We can all learn from that. tfs 🥰🌵💐🌼🌞🏜️💗🥰🌵💐🌼🌞🏜️💗🥰🌵💐🌼🌞🏜️💗
Girl I had my come to Jesus talk with myself back in 2012 and did exactly as you have been doing. I don’t try living that life anymore and am so much happier. I’m debt free, retired and getting to know who I am for the first time in my life. My children are grown so I get to do whatever I want whenever I want and do only what I want. I can hope on a plane and go see places I use to dream about. Thanks for the reminder. ☮️
Since decluttering I actually find I have more time and desire to be creative. I no longer have the anxiety of the clutter and all the picking up around the house weighing on me so I can actually sit down to paint. I also had a habit of “saving” materials to use for “special projects”, but now I just use everything or else I know I’m gonna declutter it. It feels like a life with less pressure. I’m only like halfway there but I’m raking in the benefits always. Thanks for the tips!
Before I started decluttering, I found it so strange when my friends didn't keep their leftover materials for future projects. I kept every little thing. I mean, you can make miniatures out of that stuff! But now, I get it. I have no desire to keep the leftover stuff anymore. It's been easy to let go of all of those "treasures" as I come across them. Now it looks like trash to me. I look forward to the day all of that is gone.
@@OhHapppyDaay I can relate to that! It took me a long time to get there. Lots of starts and stops. But finally I started and have kept going. The difference is that I don't look at the whole mess. I just tackle one drawer, one cabinet, one shelf, one box, one section at a time. If I find myself looking around at everything or thinking about everything, I get overwhelmed and anxious. So I pull my focus back to the thing I'm working on. I have a long way to go, but I have made a lot of progress. I allow myself the grace of not getting it all done at once. It's a long term project. I maintain the progress I've made so far so I don't fall backwards. Some days I do more than others. Some days I don't do any decluttering. A month into it, I decided I needed a sanctuary room, so I cleared pretty much everything out of one room. That's the room I spend most of my time in. I tidy up after myself when I'm done, so that room keeps me motivated. It was full of boxes and furniture before. Now it's full of peace and space. That's the approach I'm going to take with crafting items too. But I knew I couldn't start there.
Could this be my problem?? Everytime I get the bug to craft or create I look at the clutter and can't justify it. I have to clean up first. I have to organize first. But then my life feels like it's only cleaning and wishing.
I did not expect to cry at 8 in the morning. This video is probably the absolute best, most accurate, truly refreshing, and vividly transparent video I have EVER seen. I grew up hearing the phrase, “how could you be so stupid”. You just gave me permission to not live someone else’s fantasy of me OR my own fantasy of self (based on my own or someone else’s expectations). I paused your video frequently as those fantasy ideals or expectations came to mind...and I have a list!!!!! And I now see how ALL OF THAT has been holding me mentally and emotionally hostage!!!! I’m sending you a very warm embrace with tears falling on your shoulders. 💞
This the best declutter video I've ever seen. The expectations and fantasies that result in things we don't really use or need. Or, the things I've inherited that are not ME & the guilt of wanting to let them go. I get it now . You are definitely a Healer, even you're not a "dr " ...
3:33 “honestly, the collecting is more fun than the”… activity you’re buying the supplies for 😨😨! - that needs its own video I did this with flower gardening. It was more fun to buy a 6 pack of pansies or a bunch of clearance flowers than it was to prep an area for them, plant them, and MAINTAIN them. GULP. Lady, you are preaching to the choir. Amen!
An interesting thing I noticed on my past Amazon orders was that my purchases matched up to what I was currently watching on TH-cam. This goes from Guinea pig supplies to embroidery to essential oils etc etc. I then started watching different videos like minimalism and I straight away stopped ordering things I don't need or never even thought I needed 😀
This is wonderful. I think this channel is my favourite. A real lady talking to us all, using real life experiences that we can share. My fantasy self knits and sews for grandchildren I don't have...how sad is that? And I seldom make things well enough to even give away, because I just don't have the crafty skills needed - this is a REAL fantasy!!!! Can I make my next real-life project decluttering and keeping a clean house, and being the wife my husband's fantasy is?????
I shall tell you what else is sad- i approached a 10 year old boy and starting talking to him ( not a good idea as now he thinks i am mad) because I found him cute and our children have Grown through the Grace Of God - so have learnt my lesson and best thing is to keep away from them and concentrate on my art n distract myself.
If you really love knitting, skills can definitely be developed over time through practice. It's only really a fantasy if you don't really love knitting all that much, but just the idea of it. Of course you can give them to grandchildren who are not your own too
OMG! I need to listen to this EVERY day. I make greeting cards, and while I can't say I never use the rubber stamps, punches, and TONS of paper to make a card, I certainly don't need a spare bedroom full of assorted card making supplies. Yes, I am a collector. Sequins, ribbons, stickers, markers, gold and silver threads, embossing folders, dies and the machine that cuts them out, ugh. I have gotten depressed with all the "stuff", and I rarely put it away after I get it out. I watched your video because it has the word declutter in it. Thank you so much.
I almost cried - I literally thought I was the only one! I have been hanging on to the stupidest ideals for 50+ years that have left me feeling like I have wasted my life, not reaching these lofty goals that are a fantasy ideal. I, too, wanted to do the mini-farm - 5 acres with veggie garden, fruit trees, a beehive, chickens, livestock... We would be a beacon of self-sufficiency and unwavering compassion to take in our distant neighbors when times get tough. Note that I have NO idea how to do ANY of that, much less be a bee-charmer! Also...I'm not lazy...but I really don't want to take care of all that! Pioneer life is ROUGH! My reality? I live with my hubs and kids, have a job that I love as a school nurse and our life is perfectly boring - but you know what? It's my kind of boring and I like it, even if it is not my fantasy ideal. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEO POST!! It gave me a nudge to be okay with what is, instead of feeling infinitely less for not being my fantasy-self. :)
I remember my first adult purge of my extensive book collection that I had never, ever considered letting go of. As I went through them, I realized I didn't need a museum to my past self. Haha.
This really hit home i have so many fantasy selves!!! I'm getting better at actually doing projects like baking, meal prepping, sewing and crochet but I'm not sure my fantasy self that weaves, cross stitches, paints and designs clothes is going to become a reality. I'd love the last one to come to be but I'm not sure it'll happen. Have you found more time for yourself post decluttering? I think between a 6 month old, 2 older boys, and a messy house, (and a phone addiction), I don't have much time to devote to current projects let alone new ones. I'd love to find the time once my house is clean and decluttered. My fantasy is sewing clothes for myself. I just feel like there's a catch 22 in all the mess because you buy this stuff cos you wanna do it then you can never do it cos you're overwhelmed by the mess. Am I alone here? 🙋♀️
THANK YOU for admitting that garage sales are not fun to have. More work than decluttering! Every time I save something for a garage sale, I’m just decluttering it later.
You just named every “fantasy me except for the “travel the country in a camper van after retirement” (with STUFF for it already collecting in the back of my car). Stationary, journals, rubber stamps, art supplies, yarn/supplies, and more fabric/patterns/sewing supplies than I could everyget through. Yet, so hard to let go, when it is connected to all that money and hopes for something “more” in life than the 9-5 drudgery. Now, I just feel buried in mistake purchases, with no time to do any of it (and truth be told, if I had time, I am not sure I want to anyway). Your video was so affirming for me to let all the “this will make me happy someday” purchases and unrealistic expectations go. Thank you for your video!!!
Back in the 1990s, in a fit of creativity, I purchased a huge pile of antique crocheted doilies and lace. I intended turn them into decorative pillow covers by mounting them on fabric and embellishing them. So I purchased all of the fabric and trimmings. In total, I must have spent close to $800. I carefully assembled each pillow project into cardboard shirt boxes-where they have been sitting in my attic since 1995. The kicker is, I don't even own a sewing machine. I managed to complete a single pillow, all sewn by hand, which took approximately 30 hours. At minimum wage, I'd have to charge about $300 for that pillow to recoup the cost of time and materials. I've finally decided to donate the "kits" (minus the antique textiles) to a group in my church that makes crafts to sell at church fundraisers. I will sell the antique textiles on eBay. That will free up about three shelves of precious storage space in my attic.
I also have two shelves' worth of old blue jeans and other fabrics I intended to use to make a quilt. Never gonna happen. So I'm giving them to a quilting friend of mine. Together with the pillow projects, that's an entire 5-shelf storage unit of space I will free up.
My fantasy self held dinners for my extended family with tablecloths, China, water goblets and my mother's silver service. I had 4 sets of china! How many fullblown, sit down dinners have I had in 20 years? ZERO!! I no longer have the crystal glasses, the hand-blown glasses, tablecloths and 2 sets of that china. I'm peeling the onion layers one at a time. Will be selling the silver. Will be testing one set of china in the microwave...if it's ok, that china will become my daily dishes. BOOKS! 50% gone. Hundreds of quilting magazines now gone. But still my house is cluttered. I retired from an executive marketing job in 2020. Those clothes are almost gone. Most given away or donated. And still more stuff to go. Am giving myself a year to pare it all down and will, hopefully, be living minimal-ish in 2022.
Ann, in a fantasy scenario, you and I could get together and wear our old career clothes, (pumps in every color, purses to match, blazers of every cut) have high tea on real china with silver. I have about 100 candlesticks and boxes and boxes of votives we could light if our tea turns into evening. Enough linen for the Mad Hatter's tea party.
I have to leave a second comment and it's about yarn. Oh boy, I had a lot. Over this past year I have had five surgeries, including going to Mayo clinic and staying nearby for three weeks. I couldn't do much during that time so crochet was something to keep me occupied. I have made 19 blankets (so far) that I am going to be donating to a local homeless shelter that helps people get into apartments. My huge yarn stash is almost gone but I have a goal of 25 blankets by December so I might shop some sales. After that I'll only buy what I need. Making those blankets saved me mentally.
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! My fantasy Janet is a "homesteader" who grows much of her family's food, cooks everything from scratch, and raises chickens, goats, and alpacas... teaching my 6 kids how to do these things along the way. I'm almost 40, we live on a city lot, and we have never owned goats or alpacas. I think it's time to let most of the aspects of this one go! Letting this one go also allows me to stop constantly checking Zillow for the land I will try to convince my husband to buy for all the animals I don't really want to take care of or teach my kids how to!
@Lara Gravenor Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about being a child-free, man-free woman. Ain't nothing wrong with that and quietly many laden-down women would gladly trade places with you much as they may love their children.
The Fantasy Self is the "shoulds" we tell ourselves. I'm a quilter, and I recently got rid of a lot of small scraps that I felt I "should" make into something. I asked myself, "Do I really want to do this?". The answer was a resounding "No!". Hobbies shouldn't become another chore we have to do.
I absolutely love, "Could I? Sure. Would I? No." That is the tagline of my life. Thanks for putting into honest words my own fantasy intentions and realities.
Our fantasy selves should take a meadow walk together! You nailed it Rachel. Thanks for permission to be the real me and not feel guilty. Would love to chat but I have some unfinished projects to give away.
You can tell your parents you are helping more people get their lives back together than if you HAD qualified as a doctor and become a psychiatrist. True!
You are so right. I bought a house a fixer upper. It still not where it supposed to be. Im tired ive been dealing with this for 13 years. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I work just to buy crap to continue fixing it and pay bills. My car just died and cant afford to fix it. I am a single woman and just decided to sell my money pit. Im ready for a new Lissett. A new life a new day. I got rid of all kinds of things and the more I get rid of things the more I realize its that time to move on. 13 years of crap. Thank you. Keep cleaning out crap.
Great advice! I have something similar-I don’t buy items for rooms that don’t exist or clothes for a body the once existed or might exist in the future.
I had a quilt that I had designed that had a horrible border . It was pretty but tedious. I decided to finish by sewing at least 1 stripe every day and I finished it after 20 years. I put in in a kitchen chair to go to the bathroom. 5 minutes later my son comes back from the laundry and places a dripping bottle of bleach on the quilt top . I think they heard my scream in Antarctica! 20 years to finish and was was only finished for 5 minutes. . I rinsed the bleach out and put the top away for another 2 years. I couldn’t bear to look at it . Finally one day I decided to just remove the damaged patches . And after examining the quilt I just replaced about 50 patches . I luckily had all of the fabric to be able to do that . So 22 years on a quilt top . I never throw stuff out cuz I know I’ll get around to it eventually. This is my biggest problem. Not stuff I don’t use. For some of the fantasy stuff I usually do it . But the other clutter stuff Is an issue . Finally got around to discarding my old 6 ft Christmas tree after not using it for 10 years because the kids are grown .🤷🏽♀️
Don’t even talk to me about fabric! My mom and I could easily open a fabric/craft store. I’ve given so much away and I’m still shocked at how much I come across all over the house. I only hem pants now. I haven’t sewn in 20 years! It’s my past passion I keep trying to revive. Time to go 💕 This was a very enjoyable video!
I have been carting around two pieces of fabric I bought in 1981 in Halifax, Canada. Since then I have moved three times across Canada and then moved to Australia where I have moved three times, I still haven't sewn them up. Why not, when I bought these beautiful pieces of Pierre Cardin wool jersey I thought I was too fat, now I weigh 30 kilos more and still saving it, waiting for that fantasy body I guess.
Tell me about it! Retired upholsterer here. Scraps and remnants of IRREPLACEABLE, marvelous fabrics (for those cool Christmas stockings i am going to make, you see). And don't even get me started about craft stuff. I feel a lot of shame around this "hoarding", esp when i see how much i have and how little ppl elsewhere do. But getting going with decluttering seems like just another thing on my list that i will never get around to. I need help.
I want to be you❤️ Me: pile of fabrics. Reality: haven’t sewn in decades. Me as you: Donating fabrics tomorrow. Thank you for freeing me. This is just the behinning🌈👏⭐️😂❤️
I taught myself to knit again last winter…created and gave scarves to family & friends. One of my friends asked how much I wld charge to knit one. I replied, knitting is a calming activity for me…provide the yarn & I will knit them for free. And she sent me yarn ~ and now I don’t have yarn clutter. I get the joy of creating without all the yarn I’d be tempted to buy for future projects.
Your reasoning is well thought out. Unless we actually stop all the background noise in our head to analyze each situation, we just find a place to store it & forget about it. Letting go of things that don't serve us grants relief on many levels. The most obvious being less stuff to juggle & clean around.
I once bought a tea set, with the fantasy of holding wonderful tea parties with cakes for all my friends. Unfortunately I have never been able to cultivate that set of friends.
I recently bought a cookbook that brought back memories of when I was fifteen years old. I saw this girl cooking just like what I was brought up. I'm a senior right now, and I couldn't believe this young girl cooked just like I used to. It's called plant you. And she just got another one out called scrappy cooking. You will love those two books. I kill you not. I was brought up with a woodstove and made my own homemade bread every week and raised it on. The woodstove baked it in the woodstove . When I was 15 years old. I even sold my own dresses and cooked stews and have an organic garden. We had an Apple orchard, and we had cherr🍒 trees . I used to make cookies and pies and cakes every single day. And I used to do canning all the time. This is when I was fifteen years fast forward than to now. Wish I could go back to those good old days. I live in a studio sweet now. Three hundred square feet and wish I had the property I used to have when I was living at home. I used to make cream pops when my grandfather came over. I made a dozen one time, and I put in real whipping cream right from my neighbors cows. I made a dozen, and he ate them all in one sitting, so I had to make more that afternoon for everyone else . My cousin came over, and I made him an apple pie in the morning and a lemon pie for my dad. My cousin ate the whole pie that afternoon, so I had to make another apple pie for the rest of the family. It's a good thing I could just go outside and get the windfalls. Dad was selling the windfall apples for 5 dollars a box, and that is banana boxes. Yes, it was common for all of us girls way back in the sixties that knew how to do everything before they were sixteen.
Really great points about aspirational purchases (I'm reminded of something I read on home exercise equipment, juicers, and gym memberships lol.) and why we form such attachments to them. So many of our acquisitions reflect the pressure to always be "better" than we are, and so we often conflate the quest for a fantasy self with personal growth and goal-orientation: the endless pursuit of improvement, in which perfection becomes the enemy of good. What we have will never be enough so long as we are never enough. I love how you draw the connection between intentional ownership and self acceptance. "To thine own self be true."
Yep...that fantasy woman has been living in my head and house for 40yrs...l am never going to be her and..I DON'T WANT TO BE HER ANYMORE..I AM FINE JUST AS I AM!! SO GRATEFUL I FOUND YOU...
Just thought you should know.... I definitely have been suffering from the clutter/depression cycle. But, I watched a couple of your videos this morning and you encouraged me to push forward. I cleaned an entire room today. I threw away 8 bags of junk! And I feel so much better!!!! Thank you :)
“My fantasy self was getting in the way with my real-life self, the self who wanted to be present with her family.” Me, too. Thank you for this thought-provoking topic.
Briefly, yes. What being an artist is all about. Artists are HOARDERS. What is difficult, is when you ARE really talented, and people WANT what you "make" and PAY you thousands of dollars, to "make" it. I am currently in my jewelry phase. And my two grown daughters are my biggest instigators in my obsessions. "MOM!!! OMG!!!" When other people want your creations and pay BANK for them, it's another "motivator" Getting to that place is brutal hard work. Spending money , SO MUCH MONEY to get to that place is brutal. Mistakes, retakes, fails. It's all part of greatness. INNER FIRE. It makes it impossible to not be amazing. Sorry, it's true. Keep creating. Don't give up your creativity. PS. I spent my 30's raising 3 amazing kids and painting incredible huge paintings. I still own a few i managed to keep. I look back on those days with immense PRIDE and a sense of SELF WORTH. Because i took care of my passions, and fulfilled some of my destiny. Other people still benefit from that, with incredibly beautiful art hanging in their homes. I am proud of all of my "fantasy" selves! Yes, i have TUBS of FABRIC sitting in my basement and in my studio. So what? I do however agree with de-cluttering. Just don't GIVE UP YOUR TALENT. Just pick something you can get REALLY GOOD AT.
I don't have small children but I work full time and then some. I have a friend who used to work at Hobby Lobby and keeps pushing me to have hobbies and wants to go to garage sales constantly. It's enough to do my own housework!! Ugh!!! Some people just don't get it. Thank you for posting this. You get it!!!!! :-)
It seems like the Lord has given you a ministry that allows you to very gently help others undo the conditioning that comes through their televisions. Also this gentle rant is pretty funny I can't stop laughing💗🙏🏼🐑🌱
The "fantasy self" truly resonates with me. Since i first watched this video on the fantasy self, I have seen "HER" almost everyday, everywhere in my house (like brand new Christmas decor I've had for many years but never got used) & when I'm out shopping (I collect serving platters but rarely entertain). Now, every time I see "HER", I give her the cold shoulder & ban her & her stuff from my house each. This has made a huge difference in my pocket book. And, far less guilt. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
You are inspiring 😁 I have 5 kids and recently moved out of my 4 bedroom home into a 2 bedroom apartment due to divorce. I brought a ton of crap I didn’t need and my place looks like a tornado hit it every day 😂 . I’m on a journey from messy to minimal
This video shows me I have a twin. Sister, as you went down your list, you were strumming my life with your song. I am now going through the Marie Kondo Method to clean out and declutter. I have been chasing the fantasy me for years. I am so overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have and the more I get rid of the more it multiplies. It feels good to know someone else feels my pain and can understand what I am going through. The struggle is real. Thank You for this insight.
I like the simply stated candor you use here. I was married to a dreamer who nearly buried us in peojects his fantasy self was going to take on and finish or fix. I learned how I'd done something similar only in an effort to cope. Stopped and started purging, asking serious questions as to why I was holding on to the idea I was that person. Gave away so many things. He identity, then he passed away and I sold off or tossed all those thinfs he'd gathered dreaming of one day and sold the house. So I'd join the decluttering but I just went through that huge downsizing. From 1000 Sq ft home and garden to a 10x16ft POD. Now renting a 700 Sq ft apartment. Still giving things away too btw.
Cookbooks, fabric, yarn, quilting materials, notebooks, stationary, baking dishes, and clothing. I hate selling, hate advertising, and I have numerous unfinished projects -> I can't believe how well you know me. Just what I needed.
My god you nailed it! Hit home and back again. I love your honesty. I am bi-polar and have been managing. But lately I feel like I am crawling into a large black hole and don't care. I married at 15, have 3 grown kid, 2 grandchildren and going to be a great grandmother. I turn 65 in July. I have accumulated a shit ton of stuff and don't know where to begin. My parents have passed and I am responsible for my slightly disabled sister who has been widowed ater 3 yrs of marriage to a man that was 20 yrs her senior!! She lived at home, my parents did everything but wipe her butt! After 4 yr of surgeries, 2 on my foot with no weight bearing for 6 wks and then 8wks, total knee replacement 1.5 yr prior and than back stablization surgery at the start of the rona. So, I was not able to check on her living in a mobile home with her dog. I spent a year and a lot oh money fixing it up for her myself to save $$$ . She is spending money she doesn't have, her utilities was shut off for lateness, she has creditors coming after her. Her house is a pig stye cause she doesn't take her dog out and doesn't clean up after it! So , I have spent weeks cleaning up her crap and my house is going to 💩!!! I have a hospital bed that was given to me which I used when I had back surgery as I couldn't climb the stairs. I know what I need to do but I am frozen. Going to see my Dr this week so that's #1. Hopefully I'll get my gears in motion. If I have to I will start tossing stuff off the balcony and my neighbors can have a good laugh! I will be crying. I also had to put my beloved fur babies down at the end of January and end of march. I feel lost without them. They were 2, 7 and 9 lb Brussels Griffon females who bossed around their brother another BG. He is also 😥 So, please say a prayer that I will get over this hurdle!
God Bless you...well,🤔,at 65, that's quite a milestone year,and I would celebrate by not giving a damn about anyone but myself,throw out EVERYTHING except pictures,etc,and live the rest of YOUR life on YOUR terms...maybe think about getting another fur baby to share your time with....as we get older for alot of us,our fur babies become our family more so than blood relatives...Good luck to you!! 🙏💐🌞
Hee, hee! You are the only TH-camr who has mentioned FABRIC! I have fabric and patterns as far back as 1970s pre-stretch-knit fabrics! I taught art and we often used my fabrics, but they seem to have spawned since I retired 2 years ago. I try to donate them to schools, nursing homes, etc, but Covid has put a stop to a lot of that.
My fantasy-self believes that I only have 20 items in my wardrobe. Yes, I have 20 items in each and every capsule where I fantasize that I might go to exotic places and flutter around in wispy tropical finery. Reality says that at most I'll go backpacking on vacation because it is free and ensures adequate social distancing. So it's time to send my tropical finery to my nieces in Florida.
Nothing truer than this statement: "The collecting was more than that actually doing the work". Yes! I came to this conclusion as well. Sad for me as part of me still wants to do whatever I wanted to do and prepared to do since I was a teen. Now I know I will not get to all the projects and visions I had. I am now 58. Sobering but at least I enjoyed the hunt. I will be open to all the emotions I will have when I start to purge.
@@midlife_minimalist Sounds like me! I think I might’ve gotten rid of my set from high school/college recently, but I have some felt tip calligraphy pen cut things I think… Maybe I still have the one from college. Then I never really was dedicated to it, but I sure liked the idea and it’s fun to play with
@@universaltruth2025 I hear you! But those fantasy selves don’t have to have lots of supplies, you can provide supplies for them when they “wake up“, if you know what I mean :-). I think a key thing to keep in mind is, don’t let them clog your “now life“ 😊💗
This is so so good! I have never heard of this idea of fantasy self/ real self. You collect and fantasize a lot of the same things as I do. I have stacks of vintage cookbooks and don't try a new recipe even once a year. I bought special stationery in 1987 to write my brother in Africa and now he has passed on. Fabric, patterns, clothes from my smaller self - 30 years ago. Maybe I'll fit in them someday....holy smokes. I'm going to try to let this real self/fantasy self idea soak into my brain.
This is the best message for the heart and soul that I have needed for ... Forever. Every thought you shared is true and I didn't realize how I had boxed myself in by my fantasy selves. So grateful for this video !!!
I think I saw the same comment about stationery on an earlier video. so I started using the stationery to write out my daily to do list. I’m almost through it. It’s been fun. The stationery is from hotels that I visited in the past
OMG! You and I must be related! Almost every single item you addressed has been my areas of collecting! I'll add writing utensils (ink pens and pencils)
My fantasy self has a lovely flower garden and a beautiful vegetable garden. She enjoys tending to them. My real self...she can write a poem about lovely flowers, and maybe she's written a funny poem or two about vegetables. She buys her veggies at the grocery store, and she looks out her window now and then to enjoy the neighbor's flowers across the street. 🌹
I found a treasure today…You. You were me. I have bought and read and watched so much. You are Amazing. It was as if I had met me. I’ve had these projects and things for 10 plus years or more. Just couldn’t get rid of them. They were new and one day and you showed me the fantasy person. I wanted to do but never did. You are finally my beginning. My house is well I could go on Hoarders. Thank you for the inspiration you have given to me. You are awesome. My name is Kathy and I look forward to seeing more of your videos. 🌺🌺
I recently sold my sewing machine. I did do some small mending and hemming, but I didnt use it near enough. Any big projects, I took to a seamstress. I wasn't great at sewing. I included almost all the accessories and only keep white and black thread and needle. It was honestly a relief to get rid of it. I hope the person who bought it is enjoying it. I also got rid of several watercolor items. Turns out, I don't have that talent either.
Up for a challenge? Join me in decluttering 2,022 things in 2022 >>> th-cam.com/video/8TuXxocXyEo/w-d-xo.html
I am SO CRIPPLED by most of those things you listed......my problem is where to take them.
I guess by the road, Goodwill? It's getting it ready to take....tangled yarn, etc. I guess I can just label it...tangled yarn.
Also, the guilt of the money spent....I think, oh, I need to keep it and do something with it!!
I'm going to re-watch this one video several times...even thinking about watching other videos on this can be crippling.
I needed you today!!!!!
@@kathys7283 Ohhhhh, Lady.... you and I are on the same page today... and the same path. I have been living so mindlessly.... the goal I’ve been living since December 1st 2021 is a path of being mindful and personally honest. Thanks for your comment; it provided me with some encouragement.
I'm so glad I found your channel! Your intro had me laughing and saying to myself, "yup..this is where I start becoming unstuck! Hello Fantasy Self,let's talk." Time to really decultter.I'm definitely up for the challenge!
I’m Not only up for the challenge I have already started I tackled my dresser drawers today and I threw out a lot of stuff in my jewelry got rid of eyeglasses that were like really really old I’m going to donate them. I got those cookbooks by the door I kept to my Amish cookbook and my eat like a bear cookbook
YOU ARE ME ❤️
The shame & guilt associated with an unfinished project can be crippling. I have since told myself that it is in my best interest to give these items to others who need them. Last year i took a cottage style bed frame to the curb..when an elderly lady drove by and asked if i was getting rid of it. I said yes and would be happy to load it in her car. She thanked me profusely, explaining that her grandson was coming to live with her unexpectedly and she didn't have the funds for a bed. I cried. The realization that my ability to let go was able to benefit her made my heart sing!
That is so wonderful! Thank you for sharing that! ❤️
Awwwweeee, I LOVE this!!!
Love this.... Absolutely! Letting it go doesn't have to be a loss... You're being a blessing to someone who needs what you no longer need!
As a former eBayer, I STILL have inventory that I need to get rid of... This is inspiring to me. : )
I've reached the point where my small apartment is uncomfortably cluttered and disorganized. I feel encouraged by this video.
This is beautiful!!! So happy for the both of you 💖
OMG - my fantasy self has clothes, costume jewelry, etc dreaming of going to nice places and living a different life. The result is a cluttered closet and frustration.
It doesn't matter what you have it depends on you. Why not still have that life and a cluttered closet? Not saying it's like that all the time But things have improved. I no longer buy paintings from charity shops. I once really liked 1 but starred at it and already imagined I have brought it so took photo of it no need to buy. I do the same with clothes TAKE PHOTOS- then at home takes me 1wk 2decide if i'm going to wear it
Dear Caroline, the comments to you illustrate exactly what I remarked earlier, that people will try to talk you out of abandoning your fantasy self, no matter how unrealistic the fantasy is for your situation. Ignore them; they don't know you or your circumstances. You know what's right for you.
@@Manifesting_Secret_Sketchbook So what's your point, to make her feel even worse? Well, good for you.
@@edennis8578 the point was that, you can make your fantasy a reality.
I have lots of colorful dresses and jewelry and actually wear them daily and can see my Soul still wearing colorful dresses and jewelry wayyyyy into my 80s ❤️ muah 💋
I kind of wonder if all marketing & advertising isn't designed entirely to tap into our fantasy selves? I can't think of any exceptions.
Oh definitely!
Be all that you can be....even if you can't actually be it...lol
Marketing and advertising is designed to identify and magnify what is wrong (glass half empty) and how their "product/service" that you pay for will help change your life, make you whole, pretty, popular, etc.
@@howbethdoesit5695 🤣🤣🤣
It absolutely is….
The pressure from other women to try to get us to do the things they think we should be doing does not go away even as we age. I’m 78 and I am always trying to justify to other women why I choose not to do the things they think I should be doing. I live a very simple life. I love taking care of my little house, plain cooking, volunteering at our church, reading, tending to my many houseplants. We live in a warm climate in a retirement park with lots of Snowbirds and LOTS of activities. They are always asking “Do you dance? Do you swim? Do you quilt? Do you play cards? Do you shuffleboard?”Whatever they do they think I should do too. I do do one or two but if I say no then they respond with why not? Ladies at church will say do you have any hobbies, what do you do for fun? Do you travel? Why not? I really don’t know how to answer because if I simply say no then they say why not? I have decided to say because I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. But they will keep prodding. Donna, Mike’s wife.
I've run into that to some degree - I have decided Sunday is family day, and I don't make plans. We are together, cook, eat, play games and that's it and when someone says "hey, come over on Sunday for _____" they don't understand when I say Sunday is the "stay home and don't have obligations" day. :-)
I applaud you! Stay strong selecting activities that bring you joy and declining those that do not.
The best answer that I can think of goes something like this: God made us all unique having varied talents and interest. No thank you to xyz activity, as I'm already content with my own blessings, but hope that you will continue enjoying yours.
i had an acquaintance keep bugging me to do things, i once said to her, sorry i haven't been easy to see but i have family that keep me busy...before i could share..one issue is a grandchild with two immune diseases so i support the parents however needed...she interrupted me and said, "oh I've given up on you". this was said in front of people i didn't even know, I've never saw her again, it's been 7 years. i am happy with myself, my family, my hobbies....you're right to take of yourself, to respect and accept who you really are. No is a complete sentence. I don't expect to be understood, but for those who don't like who I am I don't waste time on them
As for the why nots...I had a senior citizen friend years ago who would say to me and anyone else who asked her a nosy question, “I will forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering.” That usually shuts people right up.
@@dianasimplifies I will use that answer in the future probably. Thanks for sharing. That senior lady certainly knew how to implement boundaries with people. Lol
Just hearing the phrase 'fantasy self' did more for me decluttering than any of the many books I have bought. I'm 80 years old, 6 months a widow and have to use a walker to get from one end of the house to the other. I honestly had a stack of craft magazine and books over 4 feet tall!!! They went back to the 1970's. Thank you. What I need is a framed sampler with the words fantasy self on it. That means I need to buy etc, etc, etc. Ok, I just caught myself. I'll write it on a piece of paper and stick it to the refrigerator. Love your channel. Helped me so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This. Everything you said. The pressure on girls and women to be interested in everything, capable of everything, brilliant at everything is INTENSE, and we internalize it. I’ve let go of who I thought I should be in fits and starts. Just gave away a bunch of needlework supplies on FB and had no trouble finding takers. If you’re pondering, DO IT. Let go. Be lighter.
They told me I could be anything but my anxiety twisted it and told me I had to be everything.
Victoria, yes! Later, I realized my dad really pushed that narrative on me, and on himself…and it turned him into a small scale hoarder.
Yep, even Martha Stewart has staff, and her homesteading, baking, collecting oh-so-elegant objects was just an image to sell books and magazines.
So true. It wasn’t enough for me to be a brilliant, professional scientist, I had to be a perfect homemaker, chef, etc., it broke my health. No one is capable of doing everything, much less perfectly. It’s not expected of men!
They told me I could be anything, but my anxiety twisted it into I have to be everything.
Thank you, Victoria. This is fabulous!!
"The collecting was more fun than doing the work." Truth.
You have hit the nail on the head. It is so nice to receive encouragement on this issue and to know I'm not alone. The pressure we put on ourselves is staggering...
And if you mention it to somebody beforehand, there are people who will try to discourage you from letting go of that fantasy self. I mentioned to my mother-in-law that I was getting rid of the designer suits and dresses I acquired when I was dreaming of a life as a high-powered executive in a big city. She said, "You can still do that." Er, I'm 66, no longer super-energetic, and we live in a small farming town. My husband, her son, hates big cities. I don't see that as a promising situation as far as launching a big-city career.
😂😅😂🤣👍🏼✨ 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
Sounds like she was trying to tell you something... Without telling you something. Wink wink.
My sister got her business up and running after fifty. My mother is 73 and she hasn't stopped..
If your hormones are in disarray... That's what's stopping you.
I went from hardcore energy, body built like a brick house to barely getting out of bed during my middle ages. And then... Without giving up... I am now back to getting my old self and more! Starting a new career involving wealthy clients. Multi million dollar homes.
I'm telling you, some of these new kids hitting the workforce don't have what we have. Especially if you're old school country and used to caring for animals and you don't have a choice. That's how I grew up.
Perseverance.
You are a genius.
Before COVID I thought I just lacked time for all my fantasy selves. Well I spent lockdown and 2020 working through ALL of those projects that had been nagging at me; some for decades. I was determined and I got it all done. However as each was finished I decluttered every tool and supply associated with it and told myself never to buy that stuff again. None of it was as satisfying as my fantasy self told me it would be and I’m glad it’s all done and gone.
Well done!
This is good to read! I think it might help me with a couple of my things. Good perspective
I did this too, with a dollhouse kit I started before my kids were born (my youngest is now 28 🙄). I pictured making a dozen or so in my lifetime but decades passed and I only gave my one little kit a cursory day or two of work before it got stored away again. During the onset of the pandemic lockdown, I decided to finish it once and for all. It took me a few months. I gave it to my Mom, who has dementia but is still functioning pretty well and she has enjoyed it so much. And then I gave all my dollhouse tools away. One day (sooner than I’m going to be ready for) that dollhouse will come back to me and I will treasure it. But I know I will never make another 💕
BRAVO
Wow... That's quite an accomplishment. Glad you made it through to the other side, most people don't 😂
Your video was hysterical! You were so me 30 years ago! I learned to let go of my fantasy self a long time ago. Just doesn't work with kids, jobs, etc. I'm now having to deal with my retirement self. I will not be moving to England or Ireland to live in a thatched cottage and have ducks and a big garden. The truth is my husband and I need a small house on one floor so we don't fall down the stairs and kill ourselves! But one can always dream!
LOL! 😂😂😂 😂 Hilarious!!
I just found you during the middle of the night. Then woke up and started watching again. This video has me laughing so. I'm thinking that's me, that's me. I'm 65 and have an unfinished quilt from high school. It's going away.
I was about to throw out four quilted squares I made decades ago and never added the binding. Or whatever I was going to do with them. Instead, I tossed them in my rag bin. I use them to wipe down areas as I declutter in my basement. When they get nasty, I'm going to pitch them.
Omgosh. Send it to me. Paleeeze
I still have an unfinished Noah's Ark outline quilt that I made for my son. I put extra effort into the quillting. All that's left to do is the binding. My son is 37. Maybe I'll finish it for my 4 year old grandson....maybe not. I'm 70.
Hello Beverly, your comment made me laugh..I’m 64 and the other day I gave a box of fabric to the charity shop that has seen 3 house moves.
I love shoes too but have stopped buying them. I have a gorgeous pair of leather boots that I bought in 1983…recently restored.
Have a great weekend. Effie
@@tennysoneffie6943 I sent 30 pounds of quilting fabrics to a lady who DOES make several quilts most months. I have many more boxes of stuff that need new homes.
Yep, I figured out awhile ago that buying craft items is a completely different hobby than actually crafting with those supplies. So now I have to either start crafting, or get rid of the craft supplies.
O
M
G
The supplies!!!!!!!
Apparently my fantasy me has 35 hours a day, endless energy and a 35,000 sq ft house.
😱
...I can't face that harsh reality....nooooo
Well said! Keep in mind that teachers (in public schools, at least) don't get much of a budget for making lessons attractive on the walls in their room. They often pay for all types of school supplies. They often appreciate donations of all art-related, educational items, sometimes even found objects.
My fantasy self: decorating cakes, making dried flower arrangements, embroidering daily, sewing my own clothes, playing an instrument again, etc. I’m getting rid of the huge 8-10 bins that hold all that crap, ASAP. Thanks so much for the gentle reality check.
@Chelle MNB I was wondering the same. I think SHTF encourages us to have a stronger fantasy self, a fantasy self prepared for Armageddon... therefore we end up acquiring more and more and more things...”just in case”.
@Chelle MNB shit hits the fan
I am going to write a diary for my fantasy self. She doesn't need all that stuff. She dosen't need to actually do any of those projects she can just journal about her fantasy activities. I will save such a lot of money. All my fantasy self needs is a notebook & pencil!
I play this to my mum. At 86 shes still waiting to be the fantasy self
I was the same way with stationary so many are, I still have my 64 plastic crayon box with the sharpener ans all those vintage crayons, I never used it, I never used my stickers, I never took the plastic of my electronics, how sad I didn't enjoy any of my childhood stuff and I still do it now. Luckily non of my 5 kids adopted thay, they use every piece of their toys lol. Also with plates and cups, we keep the fancy pretty ones put up and never enjoy them while using paper plates or chipped old plates. No more, I am using only my best of everything, tomorrow might b my last day on earth, I want my kids to KNOW they are worth using the best every day not settling for the worst
Yes!!!
I really like the last part. Mu mom always says, "you can't take it with you when you're gone. Enjoy it today."
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet Those are words of wisdom. Either use it & enjoy it or pass it along to someone else. There's no benefit in stashing things away, out of sight. Some items don't serve a useful purpose so placing them on display is a practical alternative. Inside a cabinet with glass doors is a perfect place for my Mom's little treasures. Being able to frequently view these familiar objects triggers happy memories of her love & fills my heart with joy.
Disasters cleans out everything instantly. Your life is the only important item.
I use the TH-cam cooking ideas..
This comment deserves so many more Likes - so incredibly true
You are so right. So many of the things that we purchase or collect, or even hoard...are for our fantasy self. I think, the notebook and stationery one hit home. I do journal a lot, but I stopped buying stationery a couple years ago...and decided, I have enough to last a very long time. I also started using up my nice notepaper as shopping lists, etc... why keep it in a drawer? use that pretty paper for notes and grocery lists. 😃
Excelltnt!!
I appreciate your grasp on reality. "I don't love it, I don't want it, I can't see myself actually doing it". I was never blessed with a husband and children. I arrived at retirement still loving yarn and fabric, still wanting to gift others with my finished crafts and I am actually doing what my fantasy self had to postpone while I supported myself full time in the workplace. 🤗
Congrats you ha e become your fantasy self...enjoy and keep us posted!!
Go for it!!!
I’m retired and still don’t want to really work on my fantasy, 😅
Then that's not really your fantasy self, but an actual future self. Good for you!
Next door to me was a really small one bedroom cottage,it amazed me at the different renters not needing space,only one tiny closet,a husband,wife,2 kids and Grandma lived there,no clutter whatsoever,I offered a dresser to one family with 2 kid's,she said no, it would just take up space,I asked another Mom how do you not need space,she said,well how much stuff do you need,one year a 2 child family had 13 people stay with them all summer long ! All the different families that lived there always entertained for holidays and barbeques,it amazed me,none of them had clutter and the house was always clean.
Ohhh, did you ever find out what alien planet they were really from?
@@violahamilton782,So funny
I gave up on yard sales after I got a horrible sun poisoning? Heat stroke? Idk what it's called, but I had a 4 week old, a toddler, and made something like 15 bucks the whole weekend, and more stuff was stolen than paid for..... And I was just happy it was gone. Lol. That was when I just started donating.
I always just donate. These people who want to sell everything on marketplace wear me out lol. If it’s something you are good at great! I do not have patience for marketplace 🤣
I once made 10 whole cents at a garage sale! I had good stuff at good prices, but the only thing that sold was a crooked school project my husband had made. I almost threw it in the trash. Everything else ended up going to the thrift store. Now I just put everything in my driveway for free. I use boxes for tables. No babysitting. Almost everything gets taken every time.
@@dianasimplifies lol, the baby that was 4 weeks old is ready to get her driving permit.... lol, facebook didnt exist. But I agree. No point to me cause I just see other stuff I might want. I did get my Instant pot from marketplace, but if I dont have something specific I'm looking for, I'm not on FB at all.
oh haha I was just relating yard sales to marketplace. They have great deals both places but I don't have patience to sell stuff. I had one yard sale years ago and that was it for me. Our neighbor at the time came by asking for money right after bc clearly we had cash on hand. 🙄
@@dianasimplifies Yikes! I figure some of my neighbors are taking my free stuff to sell and make some cash, but I don't care what they do with it. I want it gone and I don't want to deal with sales or Marketplace or getting paid. And if it helps them out, that's okay. However it blesses them is fine with me. I never would have thought of a neighbor asking for money after a garage sale, though. I have wondered if people would mistakenly think we must be rich if we can just give everything away, and maybe come looking for more. Some neighbors have asked if we're moving because I keep putting stuff out. Nope. Just got decades of stuff and I'm finally getting rid of it. Like, you, I don't have the patience for Marketplace. Or eBay. Or anything else of that sort.
Rachel, I feel like you have followed me around through my life journey. The difference is…. I’ve actually done most of these things. Except for the cow and chickens…..
My fantasy self was to be an artist. Instead, I studied Home Economics, got married and started a family. I really did make all my own and all my children’s clothes, coats, etc. I loved that, then I became a single parent, but continued sewing, cooking, baking and now working. I had a garden (1/3 acre), I grew vegetables, fruit, etc and fed my family for the whole year. I lived part of your fantasy life. Just in case you wondered where it went. I even took on more “honorary” kids, who lived with me for years. I admit once I closed my sewing machine for a couple years, it was beginning to rule my life.
Fast forward, the kids grew up, I retired and thought of all the things I wanted to do. Sing in the choir at church, paint pictures, mixed media art, take classes, etc. etc., volunteer. My fantasy self emerged, I did a lot of those things, I sold my art in a local mercantile, I tried going to vender shows, too hard as one person. I crocheted hundreds of hats to send to the needy, I was recruited to crochet 100 tea cups for a retirement party, I made 3000 masks, I volunteered to make charity quilts for children. Everything I ever did, I over did! I even took a class in clay/pottery.
At this point, I am living my future life, and I realize there are things I just don’t want to do anymore. Yes I can do them, I just don’t want to do them any more.
I wrote out the list of things you mentioned, except for the cow and chicken, I’ve done it all. And I realize it is okay to get rid of all those notebooks, fabric, cook books. Even my clothes in my closet are not part of my reality self. You have inspired me to look at the things I have with the realization that I am finished with them. They are no longer part of my current life. It is okay to let them go.
I have decluttered and minimalized the visual things in my house, but it is the stuff stored away for future project that I have no interest or intention of doing that needs to be tackled next. Thank you for making me see this through different eyes.
Wow 😮How did you find time to sleep??
I grew up on a dairy farm and sometimes helped my grandma with her chickens. You didn't miss much fun!
@@fancynancy2870 many times I’ve been asked that question……
@@adventurelogs among all the crafty things I did, jewelry/bead making was one of them. In my journey of declutter I packed up all my stuff, magazines and tools, (I kept one set of tools), and put them on marketplace. They sold. The finished things, I donated to our library auction fundraiser. They are out of my house, along with countless other things, I have no regrets. Honestly, it feels like such a burden lifted. Good luck with what ever you decide to do.
Linda, you said “... but it is the stuff stored away for future project THAT I HAVE NO INTEREST or intention of doing that needs to be tackled next”.
My problem is that my future self thinks she has interest and intention of doing it...I have a very strong Fantasy self 🙄
This might be the most important video I've ever watched on youtube.
I agree, it made me realize I too had a fantasy self, clothes, jewelry shoes . Ugh 😑 when in reality I’m a very simple person… 🥺
I cannot count the number of minimalism, self help, become a better person type vlogs I've subscribed to,watched, or shared. 30 years of them! I just turned 50 and YOU WIN! THIS is the vlog that every human needs to watch! Finally the one that gets it and has words to share it. So glad I stumbled upon you, Rachel! Keep up the great real deal content!
Wow, thank you so much Kathleen!
I made myself listen to this three times! My fantasy self wants the homestead, the animals, the garden, the crafts and arts and... And the real me is a mom and caretaker to two precious, loving, but time taking guys. My son and my brother both have special needs that require my focus and energy. So its time for me to realize that during my free time, I can write, I can read, I can play with my art supplies (that I need to go through and give about half to someone else. Thank you. Its hard to let go of the fantasy self
Can I just say, that this may not be your season to homestead. That doez not mean your season won't come around again. So, while you are doing the responsible thing for your family, just tuck that dream away until your season changes again. Maybe it will never be the right time, or maybe, out of the blue the moment will present itself. Just because its not now, does not mean its never. Good luck.
@@howbethdoesit5695 You have just literally said 'hang ON to your fantasy self'.
@@lynette599 yes. Yes I did. But moreover, I am saying that giving up "things" does not necessarily mean give up hope. I believe living with a minimal amount of belongings can help us find clarity of where we go next. I think we can aspire to create lives that make us happy. A life of minimalism now, may create the brain space for a homestead later. It does not have to be an over crowded homestead. Lol
YOUR SON n brother- plz rub their feet on the root of a clean tree. Whenever you can PLEASE. Nature is a HEALER
@@Manifesting_Secret_Sketchbook could you expand on this, please? It sounds very interesting! Thanks 🙏
"Saving it for that special reason." OH MY. This is me. I had special rose-smelling pencils that I saved from when I was, I don't know... 8? They were in the package still! I gave them to my daughter when I brought them from my mother's and was appalled when I found one broken, but then I realized... they're meant to be used. Just use them or give them to someone who will.
So...you're saying the material that I've had for 5, 10, 15 years...because I really don't like to quilt...I can let it go? Fantasy quilter self -- let it go! This is so freeing!
LOL
🤭
We all give permission. Get rid of it
This is the best thing I have ever read on minimalism. Brilliant. It explains why I keep hanging on to so much junk. Thank you for the insight.
For me its the current Denise, Life changes. My Mom was amazing. She did make my clothes, did every craft there was to do, painted inside the house, painted the outside of our house (really!), was on many committees and guilds, attended every single one of our activities, cooked from scratch every day, taught Sunday school for over 25 years, she traveled the world, kept a clean home, ironed the laundry, after she hung it up on the outside clothesline, ..the list just keeps going....all of this for our family of 7. She was a-m-a-z-i-n-g ! ! ! As much as I have done so far in my life, I can't compare to my beloved Mom. I miss her every day. There is a very special place in Heaven for her. Our lives are so much easier today than it was many years ago. What I find is people being lazy, and whining instead of doing. Then they say they're "depressed" Well....get up and do something about it. My Mom never had time to be "depressed and self centered...she was too busy living her best life ! We can all learn from that. tfs 🥰🌵💐🌼🌞🏜️💗🥰🌵💐🌼🌞🏜️💗🥰🌵💐🌼🌞🏜️💗
Girl I had my come to Jesus talk with myself back in 2012 and did exactly as you have been doing. I don’t try living that life anymore and am so much happier. I’m debt free, retired and getting to know who I am for the first time in my life. My children are grown so I get to do whatever I want whenever I want and do only what I want. I can hope on a plane and go see places I use to dream about. Thanks for the reminder. ☮️
That’s awesome Alecia- you actually get to LIVE! ❤️
Since decluttering I actually find I have more time and desire to be creative. I no longer have the anxiety of the clutter and all the picking up around the house weighing on me so I can actually sit down to paint. I also had a habit of “saving” materials to use for “special projects”, but now I just use everything or else I know I’m gonna declutter it. It feels like a life with less pressure. I’m only like halfway there but I’m raking in the benefits always. Thanks for the tips!
Yes- life with less pressure!
Before I started decluttering, I found it so strange when my friends didn't keep their leftover materials for future projects. I kept every little thing. I mean, you can make miniatures out of that stuff! But now, I get it. I have no desire to keep the leftover stuff anymore. It's been easy to let go of all of those "treasures" as I come across them. Now it looks like trash to me. I look forward to the day all of that is gone.
But just getting the motivation to get beyond the anxiety of having to go through all the stuff...
@@OhHapppyDaay I can relate to that! It took me a long time to get there. Lots of starts and stops. But finally I started and have kept going. The difference is that I don't look at the whole mess. I just tackle one drawer, one cabinet, one shelf, one box, one section at a time. If I find myself looking around at everything or thinking about everything, I get overwhelmed and anxious. So I pull my focus back to the thing I'm working on. I have a long way to go, but I have made a lot of progress. I allow myself the grace of not getting it all done at once. It's a long term project. I maintain the progress I've made so far so I don't fall backwards. Some days I do more than others. Some days I don't do any decluttering. A month into it, I decided I needed a sanctuary room, so I cleared pretty much everything out of one room. That's the room I spend most of my time in. I tidy up after myself when I'm done, so that room keeps me motivated. It was full of boxes and furniture before. Now it's full of peace and space.
That's the approach I'm going to take with crafting items too. But I knew I couldn't start there.
Could this be my problem?? Everytime I get the bug to craft or create I look at the clutter and can't justify it. I have to clean up first. I have to organize first. But then my life feels like it's only cleaning and wishing.
I did not expect to cry at 8 in the morning. This video is probably the absolute best, most accurate, truly refreshing, and vividly transparent video I have EVER seen.
I grew up hearing the phrase, “how could you be so stupid”. You just gave me permission to not live someone else’s fantasy of me OR my own fantasy of self (based on my own or someone else’s expectations).
I paused your video frequently as those fantasy ideals or expectations came to mind...and I have a list!!!!! And I now see how ALL OF THAT has been holding me mentally and emotionally hostage!!!!
I’m sending you a very warm embrace with tears falling on your shoulders. 💞
"holding me mentally and emotionally hostage" well put 👏
Oh Jody, I'm so glad! Returning that embrace! What a relief to see that and now you can let them go. ❤️❤️❤️
Great video. It's time for me to squash my fantasy self. I'm over 60. I have been hanging on to things way too long!
This the best declutter video I've ever seen. The expectations and fantasies that result in things we don't really use or need. Or, the things I've inherited that are not ME & the guilt of wanting to let them go.
I get it now . You are definitely a Healer, even you're not a "dr " ...
3:33 “honestly, the collecting is more fun than the”… activity you’re buying the supplies for 😨😨! - that needs its own video
I did this with flower gardening. It was more fun to buy a 6 pack of pansies or a bunch of clearance flowers than it was to prep an area for them, plant them, and MAINTAIN them. GULP.
Lady, you are preaching to the choir. Amen!
An interesting thing I noticed on my past Amazon orders was that my purchases matched up to what I was currently watching on TH-cam. This goes from Guinea pig supplies to embroidery to essential oils etc etc. I then started watching different videos like minimalism and I straight away stopped ordering things I don't need or never even thought I needed 😀
This is wonderful. I think this channel is my favourite. A real lady talking to us all, using real life experiences that we can share. My fantasy self knits and sews for grandchildren I don't have...how sad is that? And I seldom make things well enough to even give away, because I just don't have the crafty skills needed - this is a REAL fantasy!!!! Can I make my next real-life project decluttering and keeping a clean house, and being the wife my husband's fantasy is?????
Of course you can. And if grand kiddies ever eventuate, you can knit stuff for them then. Or not.
I shall tell you what else is sad- i approached a 10 year old boy and starting talking to him ( not a good idea as now he thinks i am mad) because I found him cute and our children have Grown through the Grace Of God - so have learnt my lesson and best thing is to keep away from them and concentrate on my art n distract myself.
If you really love knitting, skills can definitely be developed over time through practice.
It's only really a fantasy if you don't really love knitting all that much, but just the idea of it.
Of course you can give them to grandchildren who are not your own too
We could’ve been blood sisters! I do the same thing... Fantasy Me! I want Freedom!
“Collecting is more fun…”
So true ;)
OMG! I need to listen to this EVERY day. I make greeting cards, and while I can't say I never use the rubber stamps, punches, and TONS of paper to make a card, I certainly don't need a spare bedroom full of assorted card making supplies. Yes, I am a collector. Sequins, ribbons, stickers, markers, gold and silver threads, embossing folders, dies and the machine that cuts them out, ugh. I have gotten depressed with all the "stuff", and I rarely put it away after I get it out. I watched your video because it has the word declutter in it. Thank you so much.
and yet... I just love HAVING all those fabrics, yarns, notebooks, so... the stuff stays! and the solution to that stationary stash: I use it!
Wow, scary accuracy!!!
I almost cried - I literally thought I was the only one! I have been hanging on to the stupidest ideals for 50+ years that have left me feeling like I have wasted my life, not reaching these lofty goals that are a fantasy ideal. I, too, wanted to do the mini-farm - 5 acres with veggie garden, fruit trees, a beehive, chickens, livestock... We would be a beacon of self-sufficiency and unwavering compassion to take in our distant neighbors when times get tough. Note that I have NO idea how to do ANY of that, much less be a bee-charmer! Also...I'm not lazy...but I really don't want to take care of all that! Pioneer life is ROUGH! My reality? I live with my hubs and kids, have a job that I love as a school nurse and our life is perfectly boring - but you know what? It's my kind of boring and I like it, even if it is not my fantasy ideal. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR VIDEO POST!! It gave me a nudge to be okay with what is, instead of feeling infinitely less for not being my fantasy-self. :)
I remember my first adult purge of my extensive book collection that I had never, ever considered letting go of. As I went through them, I realized I didn't need a museum to my past self. Haha.
Very well said. I’ve never thought about it like that. That I’m collecting all this stuff for a “fantasy self”. Kind of sad and disturbing really. 😂
Glad to finally learn about fantasy selves. I have so many at age 71. I'm going to "fess up" and live the rest of my life doing only my real self.
I’m super lucky in his area. I don’t craft and I don’t want to 😆😆😆 And i already got rid of my cookbooks. 🤣
This really hit home i have so many fantasy selves!!! I'm getting better at actually doing projects like baking, meal prepping, sewing and crochet but I'm not sure my fantasy self that weaves, cross stitches, paints and designs clothes is going to become a reality. I'd love the last one to come to be but I'm not sure it'll happen. Have you found more time for yourself post decluttering? I think between a 6 month old, 2 older boys, and a messy house, (and a phone addiction), I don't have much time to devote to current projects let alone new ones. I'd love to find the time once my house is clean and decluttered. My fantasy is sewing clothes for myself. I just feel like there's a catch 22 in all the mess because you buy this stuff cos you wanna do it then you can never do it cos you're overwhelmed by the mess. Am I alone here? 🙋♀️
THANK YOU for admitting that garage sales are not fun to have. More work than decluttering! Every time I save something for a garage sale, I’m just decluttering it later.
You just named every “fantasy me except for the “travel the country in a camper van after retirement” (with STUFF for it already collecting in the back of my car). Stationary, journals, rubber stamps, art supplies, yarn/supplies, and more fabric/patterns/sewing supplies than I could everyget through. Yet, so hard to let go, when it is connected to all that money and hopes for something “more” in life than the 9-5 drudgery. Now, I just feel buried in mistake purchases, with no time to do any of it (and truth be told, if I had time, I am not sure I want to anyway). Your video was so affirming for me to let all the “this will make me happy someday” purchases and unrealistic expectations go. Thank you for your video!!!
Back in the 1990s, in a fit of creativity, I purchased a huge pile of antique crocheted doilies and lace. I intended turn them into decorative pillow covers by mounting them on fabric and embellishing them. So I purchased all of the fabric and trimmings. In total, I must have spent close to $800. I carefully assembled each pillow project into cardboard shirt boxes-where they have been sitting in my attic since 1995. The kicker is, I don't even own a sewing machine. I managed to complete a single pillow, all sewn by hand, which took approximately 30 hours. At minimum wage, I'd have to charge about $300 for that pillow to recoup the cost of time and materials. I've finally decided to donate the "kits" (minus the antique textiles) to a group in my church that makes crafts to sell at church fundraisers. I will sell the antique textiles on eBay. That will free up about three shelves of precious storage space in my attic.
I also have two shelves' worth of old blue jeans and other fabrics I intended to use to make a quilt. Never gonna happen. So I'm giving them to a quilting friend of mine. Together with the pillow projects, that's an entire 5-shelf storage unit of space I will free up.
PS THANK YOU for hating yard sales as much as I do!
😁 Yes!
My fantasy self held dinners for my extended family with tablecloths, China, water goblets and my mother's silver service. I had 4 sets of china!
How many fullblown, sit down dinners have I had in 20 years? ZERO!!
I no longer have the crystal glasses, the hand-blown glasses, tablecloths and 2 sets of that china. I'm peeling the onion layers one at a time. Will be selling the silver. Will be testing one set of china in the microwave...if it's ok, that china will become my daily dishes. BOOKS! 50% gone. Hundreds of quilting magazines now gone. But still my house is cluttered. I retired from an executive marketing job in 2020. Those clothes are almost gone. Most given away or donated. And still more stuff to go. Am giving myself a year to pare it all down and will, hopefully, be living minimal-ish in 2022.
Ann, in a fantasy scenario, you and I could get together and wear our old career clothes, (pumps in every color, purses to match, blazers of every cut) have high tea on real china with silver. I have about 100 candlesticks and boxes and boxes of votives we could light if our tea turns into evening. Enough linen for the Mad Hatter's tea party.
I have to leave a second comment and it's about yarn. Oh boy, I had a lot. Over this past year I have had five surgeries, including going to Mayo clinic and staying nearby for three weeks. I couldn't do much during that time so crochet was something to keep me occupied. I have made 19 blankets (so far) that I am going to be donating to a local homeless shelter that helps people get into apartments. My huge yarn stash is almost gone but I have a goal of 25 blankets by December so I might shop some sales. After that I'll only buy what I need. Making those blankets saved me mentally.
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! My fantasy Janet is a "homesteader" who grows much of her family's food, cooks everything from scratch, and raises chickens, goats, and alpacas... teaching my 6 kids how to do these things along the way. I'm almost 40, we live on a city lot, and we have never owned goats or alpacas. I think it's time to let most of the aspects of this one go! Letting this one go also allows me to stop constantly checking Zillow for the land I will try to convince my husband to buy for all the animals I don't really want to take care of or teach my kids how to!
So many of us have that fantasy self, the homesteading one,...I wonder why?
@Lara Gravenor Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about being a child-free, man-free woman. Ain't nothing wrong with that and quietly many laden-down women would gladly trade places with you much as they may love their children.
@Lara Gravenor YES!
The Fantasy Self is the "shoulds" we tell ourselves. I'm a quilter, and I recently got rid of a lot of small scraps that I felt I "should" make into something. I asked myself, "Do I really want to do this?". The answer was a resounding "No!". Hobbies shouldn't become another chore we have to do.
I absolutely love, "Could I? Sure. Would I? No." That is the tagline of my life. Thanks for putting into honest words my own fantasy intentions and realities.
Our fantasy selves should take a meadow walk together! You nailed it Rachel. Thanks for permission to be the real me and not feel guilty. Would love to chat but I have some unfinished projects to give away.
You can tell your parents you are helping more people get their lives back together than if you HAD qualified as a doctor and become a psychiatrist. True!
You are so right. I bought a house a fixer upper. It still not where it supposed to be. Im tired ive been dealing with this for 13 years. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I work just to buy crap to continue fixing it and pay bills. My car just died and cant afford to fix it. I am a single woman and just decided to sell my money pit. Im ready for a new Lissett. A new life a new day. I got rid of all kinds of things and the more I get rid of things the more I realize its that time to move on. 13 years of crap. Thank you. Keep cleaning out crap.
Great advice! I have something similar-I don’t buy items for rooms that don’t exist or clothes for a body the once existed or might exist in the future.
I had a quilt that I had designed that had a horrible border . It was pretty but tedious. I decided to finish by sewing at least 1 stripe every day and I finished it after 20 years. I put in in a kitchen chair to go to the bathroom. 5 minutes later my son comes back from the laundry and places a dripping bottle of bleach on the quilt top . I think they heard my scream in Antarctica! 20 years to finish and was was only finished for 5 minutes. . I rinsed the bleach out and put the top away for another 2 years. I couldn’t bear to look at it . Finally one day I decided to just remove the damaged patches . And after examining the quilt I just replaced about 50 patches . I luckily had all of the fabric to be able to do that . So 22 years on a quilt top . I never throw stuff out cuz I know I’ll get around to it eventually. This is my biggest problem. Not stuff I don’t use. For some of the fantasy stuff I usually do it . But the other clutter stuff Is an issue . Finally got around to discarding my old 6 ft Christmas tree after not using it for 10 years because the kids are grown .🤷🏽♀️
Don’t even talk to me about fabric! My mom and I could easily open a fabric/craft store. I’ve given so much away and I’m still shocked at how much I come across all over the house. I only hem pants now. I haven’t sewn in 20 years! It’s my past passion I keep trying to revive. Time to go 💕 This was a very enjoyable video!
I have been carting around two pieces of fabric I bought in 1981 in Halifax, Canada. Since then I have moved three times across Canada and then moved to Australia where I have moved three times, I still haven't sewn them up. Why not, when I bought these beautiful pieces of Pierre Cardin wool jersey I thought I was too fat, now I weigh 30 kilos more and still saving it, waiting for that fantasy body I guess.
Tell me about it! Retired upholsterer here. Scraps and remnants of IRREPLACEABLE, marvelous fabrics (for those cool Christmas stockings i am going to make, you see). And don't even get me started about craft stuff. I feel a lot of shame around this "hoarding", esp when i see how much i have and how little ppl elsewhere do. But getting going with decluttering seems like just another thing on my list that i will never get around to. I need help.
@@mousehouse3591 Pay a tailor to make you a beautiful long sweater with it.
So true! Live in reality not fantasy.
I want to be you❤️
Me: pile of fabrics.
Reality: haven’t sewn in decades.
Me as you: Donating fabrics tomorrow.
Thank you for freeing me. This is just the behinning🌈👏⭐️😂❤️
I taught myself to knit again last winter…created and gave scarves to family & friends. One of my friends asked how much I wld charge to knit one. I replied, knitting is a calming activity for me…provide the yarn & I will knit them for free. And she sent me yarn ~ and now I don’t have yarn clutter. I get the joy of creating without all the yarn I’d be tempted to buy for future projects.
Your reasoning is well thought out. Unless we actually stop all the background noise in our head to analyze each situation, we just find a place to store it & forget about it. Letting go of things that don't serve us grants relief on many levels. The most obvious being less stuff to juggle & clean around.
I don't have a lot of things in these categories, but in unfinished projects I immediately thought about all my unread books. 😩
I once bought a tea set, with the fantasy of holding wonderful tea parties with cakes for all my friends. Unfortunately I have never been able to cultivate that set of friends.
I recently bought a cookbook that brought back memories of when I was fifteen years old. I saw this girl cooking just like what I was brought up. I'm a senior right now, and I couldn't believe this young girl cooked just like I used to.
It's called plant you. And she just got another one out called scrappy cooking. You will love those two books. I kill you not. I was brought up with a woodstove and made my own homemade bread every week and raised it on. The woodstove baked it in the woodstove .
When I was 15 years old. I even sold my own dresses and cooked stews and have an organic garden.
We had an Apple orchard, and we had cherr🍒 trees .
I used to make cookies and pies and cakes every single day. And I used to do canning all the time.
This is when I was fifteen years fast forward than to now.
Wish I could go back to those good old days.
I live in a studio sweet now. Three hundred square feet and wish I had the property I used to have when I was living at home.
I used to make cream pops when my grandfather came over. I made a dozen one time, and I put in real whipping cream right from my neighbors cows. I made a dozen, and he ate them all in one sitting, so I had to make more that afternoon for everyone else . My cousin came over, and I made him an apple pie in the morning and a lemon pie for my dad. My cousin ate the whole pie that afternoon, so I had to make another apple pie for the rest of the family. It's a good thing I could just go outside and get the windfalls.
Dad was selling the windfall apples for 5 dollars a box, and that is banana boxes.
Yes, it was common for all of us girls way back in the sixties that knew how to do everything before they were sixteen.
Really great points about aspirational purchases (I'm reminded of something I read on home exercise equipment, juicers, and gym memberships lol.) and why we form such attachments to them. So many of our acquisitions reflect the pressure to always be "better" than we are, and so we often conflate the quest for a fantasy self with personal growth and goal-orientation: the endless pursuit of improvement, in which perfection becomes the enemy of good. What we have will never be enough so long as we are never enough. I love how you draw the connection between intentional ownership and self acceptance. "To thine own self be true."
Yep...that fantasy woman has been living in my head and house for 40yrs...l am never going to be her and..I DON'T WANT TO BE HER ANYMORE..I AM FINE JUST AS I AM!! SO GRATEFUL I FOUND YOU...
Just thought you should know.... I definitely have been suffering from the clutter/depression cycle. But, I watched a couple of your videos this morning and you encouraged me to push forward. I cleaned an entire room today. I threw away 8 bags of junk! And I feel so much better!!!! Thank you :)
Well done!! I'm so proud of you!
@@Nourishingminimalism Thanks for the encouragement :) :)
“My fantasy self was getting in the way with my real-life self, the self who wanted to be present with her family.”
Me, too.
Thank you for this thought-provoking topic.
Briefly, yes. What being an artist is all about. Artists are HOARDERS. What is difficult, is when you ARE really talented, and people WANT what you "make" and PAY you thousands of dollars, to "make" it. I am currently in my jewelry phase. And my two grown daughters are my biggest instigators in my obsessions. "MOM!!! OMG!!!" When other people want your creations and pay BANK for them, it's another "motivator" Getting to that place is brutal hard work. Spending money , SO MUCH MONEY to get to that place is brutal. Mistakes, retakes, fails. It's all part of greatness. INNER FIRE. It makes it impossible to not be amazing. Sorry, it's true. Keep creating. Don't give up your creativity. PS. I spent my 30's raising 3 amazing kids and painting incredible huge paintings. I still own a few i managed to keep. I look back on those days with immense PRIDE and a sense of SELF WORTH. Because i took care of my passions, and fulfilled some of my destiny. Other people still benefit from that, with incredibly beautiful art hanging in their homes. I am proud of all of my "fantasy" selves! Yes, i have TUBS of FABRIC sitting in my basement and in my studio. So what? I do however agree with de-cluttering. Just don't GIVE UP YOUR TALENT. Just pick something you can get REALLY GOOD AT.
Bless you. Isn't it amazing how we all love such honesty. Such talk could actually save our country.
I don't have small children but I work full time and then some. I have a friend who used to work at Hobby Lobby and keeps pushing me to have hobbies and wants to go to garage sales constantly. It's enough to do my own housework!! Ugh!!! Some people just don't get it. Thank you for posting this. You get it!!!!! :-)
It seems like the Lord has given you a ministry that allows you to very gently help others undo the conditioning that comes through their televisions. Also this gentle rant is pretty funny I can't stop laughing💗🙏🏼🐑🌱
1000 thumbs up. The Century of Self docum. So worth you time if you have not seen it. th-cam.com/video/eJ3RzGoQC4s/w-d-xo.html
The "fantasy self" truly resonates with me. Since i first watched this video on the fantasy self, I have seen "HER" almost everyday, everywhere in my house (like brand new Christmas decor I've had for many years but never got used)
& when I'm out shopping (I collect serving platters but rarely entertain). Now, every time I see "HER", I give her the cold shoulder & ban her & her stuff from my house each. This has made a huge difference in my pocket book. And, far less guilt. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I'm so glad to hear that Lia! ❤️
You are inspiring 😁 I have 5 kids and recently moved out of my 4 bedroom home into a 2 bedroom apartment due to divorce. I brought a ton of crap I didn’t need and my place looks like a tornado hit it every day 😂 .
I’m on a journey from messy to minimal
This video shows me I have a twin. Sister, as you went down your list, you were strumming my life with your song. I am now going through the Marie Kondo Method to clean out and declutter. I have been chasing the fantasy me for years. I am so overwhelmed with the amount of stuff I have and the more I get rid of the more it multiplies. It feels good to know someone else feels my pain and can understand what I am going through. The struggle is real. Thank You for this insight.
I love your honesty, vulnerability and openess. Thank you.
I like the simply stated candor you use here. I was married to a dreamer who nearly buried us in peojects his fantasy self was going to take on and finish or fix. I learned how I'd done something similar only in an effort to cope. Stopped and started purging, asking serious questions as to why I was holding on to the idea I was that person. Gave away so many things. He identity, then he passed away and I sold off or tossed all those thinfs he'd gathered dreaming of one day and sold the house. So I'd join the decluttering but I just went through that huge downsizing. From 1000 Sq ft home and garden to a 10x16ft POD. Now renting a 700 Sq ft apartment. Still giving things away too btw.
I have never thought of this this way. My fantasy self. She was a doozy! Thank you so much. Excellent video. Truly original!!
Cookbooks, fabric, yarn, quilting materials, notebooks, stationary, baking dishes, and clothing. I hate selling, hate advertising, and I have numerous unfinished projects -> I can't believe how well you know me. Just what I needed.
My god you nailed it! Hit home and back again. I love your honesty. I am bi-polar and have been managing. But lately I feel like I am crawling into a large black hole and don't care. I married at 15, have 3 grown kid, 2 grandchildren and going to be a great grandmother. I turn 65 in July. I have accumulated a shit ton of stuff and don't know where to begin. My parents have passed and I am responsible for my slightly disabled sister who has been widowed ater 3 yrs of marriage to a man that was 20 yrs her senior!! She lived at home, my parents did everything but wipe her butt! After 4 yr of surgeries, 2 on my foot with no weight bearing for 6 wks and then 8wks, total knee replacement 1.5 yr prior and than back stablization surgery at the start of the rona. So, I was not able to check on her living in a mobile home with her dog. I spent a year and a lot oh money fixing it up for her myself to save $$$ . She is spending money she doesn't have, her utilities was shut off for lateness, she has creditors coming after her. Her house is a pig stye cause she doesn't take her dog out and doesn't clean up after it! So , I have spent weeks cleaning up her crap and my house is going to 💩!!! I have a hospital bed that was given to me which I used when I had back surgery as I couldn't climb the stairs. I know what I need to do but I am frozen. Going to see my Dr this week so that's #1. Hopefully I'll get my gears in motion. If I have to I will start tossing stuff off the balcony and my neighbors can have a good laugh! I will be crying. I also had to put my beloved fur babies down at the end of January and end of march. I feel lost without them. They were 2, 7 and 9 lb Brussels Griffon females who bossed around their brother another BG. He is also 😥 So, please say a prayer that I will get over this hurdle!
I wish I was a writer because I know I could write a story that would quite a novel!
I'm sorry, that's a lot to deal with. ❤️
God Bless you...well,🤔,at 65, that's quite a milestone year,and I would celebrate by not giving a damn about anyone but myself,throw out EVERYTHING except pictures,etc,and live the rest of YOUR life on YOUR terms...maybe think about getting another fur baby to share your time with....as we get older for alot of us,our fur babies become our family more so than blood relatives...Good luck to you!! 🙏💐🌞
@@judyblueyes1275 well, you should call yourself sweet judy blue eyes...my favorite song!😀 Good advice!
Hee, hee! You are the only TH-camr who has mentioned FABRIC!
I have fabric and patterns as far back as 1970s pre-stretch-knit fabrics! I taught art and we often used my fabrics, but they seem to have spawned since I retired 2 years ago. I try to donate them to schools, nursing homes, etc, but Covid has put a stop to a lot of that.
My fantasy-self believes that I only have 20 items in my wardrobe. Yes, I have 20 items in each and every capsule where I fantasize that I might go to exotic places and flutter around in wispy tropical finery. Reality says that at most I'll go backpacking on vacation because it is free and ensures adequate social distancing. So it's time to send my tropical finery to my nieces in Florida.
Nothing truer than this statement: "The collecting was more than that actually doing the work". Yes! I came to this conclusion as well. Sad for me as part of me still wants to do whatever I wanted to do and prepared to do since I was a teen. Now I know I will not get to all the projects and visions I had. I am now 58. Sobering but at least I enjoyed the hunt. I will be open to all the emotions I will have when I start to purge.
My fantasy self does calligraphy!! I've had a set in my desk for 13 years!! Wow...it's time to let it go. Thanks 😊
Ha Ha. I’m 54 and still have my set from high school/college. But I have been trying to learn hand lettering recently so I might pull them out 😬
@@midlife_minimalist Sounds like me! I think I might’ve gotten rid of my set from high school/college recently, but I have some felt tip calligraphy pen cut things I think… Maybe I still have the one from college. Then I never really was dedicated to it, but I sure liked the idea and it’s fun to play with
My fantasy self does embroidery and is a herbalist. I’m not ready to let those selves go yet!
@@universaltruth2025 I hear you! But those fantasy selves don’t have to have lots of supplies, you can provide supplies for them when they “wake up“, if you know what I mean :-). I think a key thing to keep in mind is, don’t let them clog your “now life“ 😊💗
Wow! You mean I really can pass on 25 year old piles of "treasures"? I'm on it! Right now.
This is so so good! I have never heard of this idea of fantasy self/ real self. You collect and fantasize a lot of the same things as I do. I have stacks of vintage cookbooks and don't try a new recipe even once a year. I bought special stationery in 1987 to write my brother in Africa and now he has passed on. Fabric, patterns, clothes from my smaller self - 30 years ago. Maybe I'll fit in them someday....holy smokes. I'm going to try to let this real self/fantasy self idea soak into my brain.
i LOVE THIS WOMAN!! Wise beyond wise!
Finally someone talks real. Everything u said is me..im 66 and im done with "fantasyme"...love love this video
This is the best message for the heart and soul that I have needed for ... Forever. Every thought you shared is true and I didn't realize how I had boxed myself in by my fantasy selves. So grateful for this video !!!
I think I saw the same comment about stationery on an earlier video.
so I started using the stationery to write out my daily to do list. I’m almost through it. It’s been fun. The stationery is from hotels that I visited in the past
OMG! You and I must be related! Almost every single item you addressed has been my areas of collecting! I'll add writing utensils (ink pens and pencils)
Oh True! I limited my writing utensils to what I can keep hidden in my desk so it keeps them in check with limited space. ❤️
Haha. I was known as the pen lady before I retired. And the collection goes on.
I found with pens and pencils there is a thin line between making it last and hoarding. So many pens and so little time to use them!
Yep. Same here.
Yes to pens. I even keep them when they are empty. I throw away the little plastic ones though
My fantasy self has a lovely flower garden and a beautiful vegetable garden. She enjoys tending to them.
My real self...she can write a poem about lovely flowers, and maybe she's written a funny poem or two about vegetables. She buys her veggies at the grocery store, and she looks out her window now and then to enjoy the neighbor's flowers across the street. 🌹
I found a treasure today…You. You were me. I have bought and read and watched so much. You are Amazing. It was as if I had met me. I’ve had these projects and things for 10 plus years or more. Just couldn’t get rid of them. They were new and one day and you showed me the fantasy person. I wanted to do but never did. You are finally my beginning. My house is well I could go on Hoarders. Thank you for the inspiration you have given to me. You are awesome. My name is Kathy and I look forward to seeing more of your videos. 🌺🌺
Thank you so much Kathy! ❤️
I'm a Kathy too and I hoard. I needed to see this video today to open my eyes.
This message was powerful. Fun fact: your fantasy girl is neighbor to mine.
I recently sold my sewing machine. I did do some small mending and hemming, but I didnt use it near enough. Any big projects, I took to a seamstress. I wasn't great at sewing. I included almost all the accessories and only keep white and black thread and needle. It was honestly a relief to get rid of it. I hope the person who bought it is enjoying it. I also got rid of several watercolor items. Turns out, I don't have that talent either.
This is one of the best videos I’ve ever seen on decluttering, because it gets to the bottom of who we really are. Thank you so much.