What is “Fantasy Self” Clutter (& how to let it go!)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
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Go to helixsleep.com/minimalmom to get up to $200 off your mattress, plus two free pillows! We can't say enough good things about our mattress! And I hope this helps declutter Fantasy Self items...this will bring SO much freedom to your home and life!!! All my best, Dawn
My fav is you in your work out outfit. You are so pretty, Smart and talented. Luv ya friend
I’m decluttering mattresses before my move and will have Helix deliver to my new home!
@@AndreaSooHill429 Thank you Andrea, that means more than you know!! 🥰❤️
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I really enjoy our Helix Midnight Lux. Best mattress I've ever had.
Fantasy Cas does Yoga, writes YA novels, doesn't eat sugar and bakes gluten-free sourdough bread. Real-life Cas eats under-cooked brownies out of the pan...with her fingers. 😬
Super Fan of you as well as the Minimal Mom and your podcast with her was really amazing, so thankful for everything that you do ❤
Super Fan of you as well as the Minimal Mom and your podcast with her was really amazing, so thankful for everything that you do ❤
This just makes me love you even more cas!
Lol. Lost me at brownies! Now i want brownies!
😹
I have finally let go of the fantasy self who wants to be thin and fit. Now I want to be healthy and not fall down. I’m 72.
your response made me laugh out loud (because it’s true)! I’m 64, and my goal (hopefully, not fantasy) is a stronger core and confident legs/feet.
@@BroccoliFiles do you think saying people are stupid motivates anyone?
Confused about your reply - just wanted to give Glenda a thumbs-up for her cheerful comment. But, I’ll add my two cents re. ‘f-ing dangerous’ fat around the waist: My mom was definitely an ‘apple’ body. Generally slim except for the middle, she hadn’t exercised in decades - and she made it (quite easily) to 97… Aced her driver’s test at 90, remaining sharp and good humored to the end… Giving credit to a good attitude and good genes - and a good deal of LUCK.
@@easygalleryframes thanks! My grandmother died at 98. Up until 96 she lived alone and walked “to town” every day. About 1/4 of a mile and she stopped along the way to chat. She drank Coke and whole milk. Only ate fried meat. Loved sweets. Sent 7 children their spouses, children, grandchildren and great grandchild birthday cards until she was 89. Oh and she was definitely not thin. God knows what her BMI was!
@jamieandrick6541 I am not giving up. I’m just accepting reality. I exercise but not pushing myself to exercise like I’m younger. I eat “healthy” but if I want to have a snickers or a milkshake I do, several times a week. Please don’t judge people who you don’t know or even those you do know. Each person has her own path. I am tired of the word “should” and I am letting it go in my life. Goodbye fantasy self. Your kind of remark does nothing but irritate me.
I was a professional photographer for ten years, then I moved, began homeschooling, moved again, kids are grown, became an art teacher, and dragged the photo equipment with me for almost 20 years hoping to set up another studio. I sold it all last summer and invested the money in some good garden beds. I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have released the burden of photography business expectations. I am now free to move on to gardening and am looking forward to spring.
Oh my goodness, Ann. I feel as if I literally just read my own story, although I still have my equipment AND my darkroom equipment because my fantasy self is setting up a darkroom in my 852 square foot house we moved into two years ago.
😇😊🙃😂🤣 ohhhhh my lovely Minolta and NYC - match made in heaven..... past heaven
Ah so freeing! Love gardening:)
WOW! Thank you for sharing🐝 Gardening always helps my mental health. Good choice!
Funny you write this. I have a $3k camera in my closet and several gorgeous lenses that stare at me everyday. I did ten years of family photography as well, but now I have 4 kids and they play soccer 5 nights a week and well… I don’t do photography anymore. It’s hard to come to terms with that but I’m so tired of the guilt I see every time I see that camera. I even have my website up and running and haven’t taken it down even though I haven’t worked in over a year. Letting go is hard. Thanks for your comment, I needed to see this today.
Fantasy selves are hard to let go of. My Mom will be 88 this week, and is in failing health. She has a fantasy self where she gives large dinner parties for extended family and friends, and thus needs fine china and crystal and serveware that has literally not ever been used in the last couple of decades, at least. Her everyday dishes and stuff, not counting the fancy stuff, are enough to feed 20+ people at once, and she has stockpiles of canned foods that would make it possible, even though they get all their meals delivered premade in a box these days. Her closet has a tubful of picture frames that she's going to use "someday" to create a wall full of family pictures, even though she's given most of the pictures to her kids and doesn't have any available wallspace anyway. Her spare room has an office loaded with computer and office supplies even though she only had basic skills in computing and that was 20+ years ago, so she's hopelessly out of date now and struggles trying to understand the current basics. Her garage is full of gardening tools, even though she doesn't have the strength to attempt gardening. Her attic is full of Christmas decor that she doesn't put up because she can't go into the attic, and even if she could, she doesn't have energy for decorating. I think her fantasy self envisions her kids doing all of those things for her, even though most of us live more than 1.000 miles away, and all of us are over 60 and having our own health challenges now.
We've been trying to convince her to declutter, maybe even downsize and move into a smaller, easier to maintain place, but she's clinging to this stuff and to a fantasy life that is never going to happen.
My advice: start decluttering early, be realistic about your chances of ever using the stuff, and don't plan on your kids doing it for you. Chances are it will be more than just difficult for them.
Darlene, I know who this is even though you used your middle name. You got my age wrong, though. You’re obviously my daughter and I’m really trying to get rid of some of my stuff so you and your siblings won’t have to do it. 😂🙄
I can’t decide if it makes me feel better to know I am not the only one.
I've seen how hard it is for friends to sort their parents' home out when they pass & it's the most stressful & exhausting thing for them. Younger generations are tending to be more minimalist & environmentally conscious so don't want all our stuff. Unfortunately, most of it only has memories for us, not them. I now take a photo to have as a memory if needed, then donate or sell stuff so it can go to someone who wants it. I can then look at the photo if I want to remember, but honestly, I've never yet wanted to 😂 I don't want my sons & their partners have to deal with more than necessary when the time comes - it's a horrible job xx
This is good for thought. I believe that we’re often afraid to discard our fantasy selves because we don’t believe we’re good enough on our own. But when we allow ourselves to just be us, as we are, we will end up pleasantly surprised at our naturally occurring interests and desires. Fantasy self = lack of trust in our own worthiness.
I completely understand the struggle with your mother. My mom is a hoarder and cannot let anything go, even expired coupons and other literal trash. I love my mom with all my heart and I hate to think of the day she's no longer around, but I dread of the thought of going through her things one day. It will take me years go to through it, and I highly doubt my sister will be of much help...
Almost 2 years ago my grandparents passed (my mom's parents) and my mom tried saving as much as humanly possible from their split level home they lived in for over 40 years/68 years of marriage/88 and 92 years of life on this planet.... Including useless items, like old bent metal coat hangers, unfinished/opened packages of adult Depends, toothpaste, etc. She filled up the entire vehicle for a 250 mile ride with half garage. And two years later she still hasn't gone through their things, theyre collecting dust in an unusable room that has no exposed floor.
It's sad when people go on and on about their parents/sisters/brothers/friends, instead of worrying about themselves. Mind your own business :/
So I have a different example of fantasy self/toxic clutter that I was finally able to purge. I went through grad school for pure mathematics and acquired reems and notebooks of research and lecture notes, all hand drawn etc. At the time of writing the notes I was barely keeping up, and now if I were to go back and read them it would probably be Chinese to me. Knowing that made me feel sheepish and guilty. Did I waste six years of my life? (the answer is a definite no!)
Now I'm a stay at home mom and honestly have forgotten probably most of my graduate level education. I held onto my research notes because I wanted to be able to show my kids some day, but honestly I doubt I'll be able to explain it to them when the time comes. And that's OK! I had to let go of the fantasy of myself as an acedemic smarty pants and accept that I am now a stay at home mom who is equally passionate about blocks and story time as she used to be about theoretical mathematics.
That was "a past self", and letting go of it doesn't make me a less cool person, nor does it erase my achievements (the degrees and published articles still stand, I don't need the scratch work that got the results). But rather throwing all those notes away lightened my mental load to better adjust to my new wonderful and very fulfilling role. :)
My takeaway: recognize your current role and embrace that. Don't be encumbered by the shadow of your past life. Let it live as a positive memory and lasting achievement, rather than a room full of dusty notebooks you are too intimidated to actually open. 😅
I think most of us went through advanced education and had textbooks and notes to go through. I wrote a book and a lot of articles, and had I don't know HOW many boxes of papers. I still have a few I need to go through, but I've gotten rid of all university material and texts.
Dawn, that's not a fantasy self. You ARE super smart and come up with amazing insights. It is totally all the many many ways you've come up with to explain the mindset needed to declutter than has made the most difference to me. You'll have a video with a brand new angle and I'll sit here watching and realize it's so helpful. I always think you can't possibly come up with another explanation or insight, but you keep doing it. Thanks for all the research and thinking that must be required for all the creative ways you approach helping us to declutter.
You're so kind -- THANK YOU -- this means more than you know!!!!!
This! I double this! Thank you so much for your inspiration Dawn!
I agree.
Triciarie I totally agree!!! Each week I say this is the best video and information ever!!! And then the next, oh this is the best one for sure!!!! Dawn you are sooooo smart and knowledgeable!!!! :)
I agree. Reading books is research for your consulting/coaching business. And I also really like that the “script” seemed more intentional, clear and to the point. Great video!
My fantasy self was going to be a water color artist…. yeah, no. I just boxed up a ton of real art supplies, stashed all over my house - I think I was hiding them from myself- they are being donated to the Art Center in town. The director is thrilled, donations help offset his costs, as he never turns a real student away, regardless of the family’s ability to pay fees for classes. That feels way better to me than the guilt of never using them!
Perhaps the director will host a paint & sip event that you can attend🎨
If I become an artist I'll use my daughter's old supplies. She's already sold her art to her friends at school.
Nice. Glad to hear another group can use the art supplies.
Oh goodness! In a different aspect, I inherited my mother in laws “collections” and just am realizing that was HER thing and it does not have to be MY thing. Thank you… not exactly fantasy self, but similar.
*_"Peer pressure from dead people"!_* lol
- borrowed from an entirely different context, but still appropriate here!
😊
I'm in the same boat, and the stuff is expensive, and I'm having trouble making the decision to donate it.
When I finished chemotherapy I was confronted with a lot of stuff I knew I could not do afterwards. It was very hard to part with those things (so I didn't) and whenever you mentioned "fantasy self" I was quite sad.
Now that I'm pregnant and I know being a mother of a newborn won't allow me to go after all the hobbies, I am much more calmer about letting stuff go and to accept in which season if life I am.
Congratulations on your "next stage"!
I love quilting, and don't see myself ever giving it up; however, I'm in the season of life of "littles," so my time for hobbies is slim. After watching you for the past few years, I've given myself permission to get rid of lots of quilting supplies and material (and unfinished projects) without giving up on the hobby completely. It has lifted so much guilt and stress off my shoulders, and the hobby refreshes me instead of "hanging over me." Thank you for all do; you have changed my life.
Oh, and giving myself permission to exercise through walking (instead of gym memberships, running, workout videos, etc) has been one of the best, and most fun, decisions I've made. I LOVE walking, and I no longer feel the need to live up to anyone else's fantasy self in that area.
I have a sewing hobby that has fallen off in recent years. I just don't have the time for multi-step involved projects right now. That said, I still love mending and altering the clothes I already own. And those are generally quicker little projects. Not making elaborate costumes and bespoke clothing doesn't make me less of a sewist. It's just not what I'm focused on. I've held on to a few in-process pieces (neatly boxed up with their patterns) for the future, but I let A LOT of material and supplies go. The space is so freeing and makes my sewing room feel more energized since I'm not weighed down with a bunch of guilt and regret for projects that will never be.
I remind myself that hobbies are supposed to be fun, not another thing to feel guilty about.
I took my first quilting class while pregnant with my second of three children. I only returned and finished the quilt I started for the class several years later, and that was fine! When the kids were still small, some local friends and I started a weekly “sewing group” rotating houses when we could sit and stitch, or wrap Christmas presents or put photos in books, or whatever - and talk without being interrupted by preschoolers and babies. That was enough to keep me going on projects a little bit.
(I also took the kids to the playground of our local school and jogged around, outside school hours of course. Generally walking works better though.)
Now I’m a retired grandma of four, and have plenty of time for projects, as energy allows!
What an amazing & beneficial community this is ! I hear you - it's me but only with YARN !!!
Dawn always says hobbies are hard to declutter. I have been using the phrase more and more...."In my fantasy life...."
My fantasy self is a “lady who lunches”, regularly has dinner dates at five star restaurants and can grow houseplants like it’s the Amazon! Yet I know I’d rather grab a burger, cook at home in my sweats and struggle to keep a single plant alive.
So so true. Good one. I find myself looking at cookbooks thinking I’m going to cook some fabulous meal, and then all I want to do is go out to eat! Too funny.
As a fellow black thumb who wishes it weren't true, I recommend trying art that looks like plants. It brings in beautiful natural elements but you don't have to water it :)
@@EmilyChandlerj Beautiful Gardens too!
As a former "lady who lunches" I can tell you it's boring as hell. If all you want is superficial associations, I guess it's great, but if you want real friendships with women who don't spend the whole time talking about fashion, restaurants, vacations and their household help, find a better crowd. They will also drop you in a heartbeat if you express any concerns about your income or personal life.
😁
GIRL. Also played horn because of outside influences. Music major through college. Had a huge decade-long struggle with letting that fantasy self go. Also sold the horn when we were saving money 😂 so so so much guilt around horn for so long. I came to accept that it was never mine to begin with and nothing was wrong with me for walking a different path. That's the truth and I wish I could have heard it from myself many years ago and saved myself the trouble, but I was (am still?) stubborn and wouldn't have listened to myself anyway!
This might get long, but I feel it's important to share with others who may relate:
Before I was able to let the horn go, all of my memories of being involved with music were painful. As someone whose identity is firmly planted in being a musician knows, that constitutes a LARGE portion of memories. They were reminders of the path I didn't walk - that I should have walked - that I expected myself to walk. I had redemption fantasies about coming back to music in one way or another. I couldn't listen to any professional performances without feeling bitterness or regret. I cried so many tears over the years struggling with losing this part of myself that was supposed to stick around forever. It sounds dramatic, but I'm sure there are others who can relate, even beyond music. It's absolute torture.
After I was able to let the horn go (read: let go of the guilt), things started to change. Those memories lost their sting and I now look back at them fondly, truly with a smile. I can attend professional performances and really HEAR them, not have a background track of "you should have done something with that" or "look at all of that time you wasted". I legitimately cried the first time I was able to hear a performance like that again. With admiration for the musicians and presence of mind.
All of this to say, if you have invested an entire identity in a craft or a hobby and it all comes crashing down and you're left blaming yourself for all of it falling apart, I want you to know that a) you're not alone and b) it's not your fault. Just like Project 333's Courtney Carver encourages about clothes, it's your craft's job to fit you, not your job to fit your craft. I sincerely hope you can reconcile with whatever part of yourself didn't stick because life is so much more peaceful on the other side.
Thank you for this. I think I needed to hear this. Maybe I can let go of some similar feelings I have with certain things. Beautifully said.
Oh wow I feel similar. Was a music major and no longer doing music, I can’t listen to performances without feeling guilty.
Thank you for this. I have a lot of the same feelings about the career I studied years for and paid lots of money to get bachelor's and master's degrees for. Worked at it for a few years, then had to give it up for family reasons. Always thought I'd go back to it. Not going to happen, but it pains me to go back to my alma mater and see young women pursuing the same path. Need to dump those feelings.
Thank you for your insight. I’m amazed at how much I have let go already that it’s hard to imagine going further but the guilt items are still hanging around. Time to let go… thanks again!
As a musician - aspiring opera singer at one point - I can so relate to what you said. In my late 50's now, my voice is not what it was in my late 20's. I don't sing like I used to, don't aspire to teach college voice, don't sing as much as I used to. I let go of almost all of my "collegiate" music. Now, I teach choir to 6th-12th graders. It is rewarding!
I used to ice skate, and I loved it and would still do it if I were physically able. It took me 15 years to be able to accept that ice skating was my past, not my future, and to let go of my skates. I still miss skating, but I hope that my skates have enabled someone else to find joy on the ice, maybe someone who couldn't have afforded to buy a new pair. Letting go of the fantasy self that used to be our real self is so hard - so for anyone who is struggling with this, be gentle with yourself. You will reach a point where you can let go.
What perfect timing, Dawn‼️ I am moving halfway across the country to live near my son. I have yarn and fabric galore, along with multiple WIPs (Works In Progress), plus everything a good cook needs! One of the defining factors of ADHD diagnosis was “starting, but not finishing” - I get very excited about the next shiny object! At 70, I’m beginning a NEW adventure: new state, new house, new church, new friends to meet… WHO do I want to become in the next 30 years⁉️ Firstly, I want to be a blessing to others by passing along well-intended supplies! 🎉
Your outlook is awesome! So many people your age are stuck. Good luck with the move! ♡
Many blessings on your new adventures! You are an inspiration!
Good luck! That sounds like a big endeavor and a very good outlook :) All the best
Thank you for your comment. Maybe it is I have ADHD - not being unrealistic and stupid beginning so many new thing and unable to continue amd finish but it is my brain working differently...? I'll definitely do the research on that. :) thanks again. :)
Embroidery threads neatly stored in small plastic bags on a metal ring, in numerical order, an instruction book, embroidery hoops, all in a large zip lock bag and taken to the thrift shop. I imagine the joy of someone just discovering embroidery in finding this for very little cost.
Good idea! I've spent sooooo much time rolling embroidery floss around little pieces of cardboard and storing it in special plastic containers and then I never use it again.....
I just did that myself!
Hey Christine. Fancy meeting you here 😂🎉
I did a No Buy Year in 2018 and 2019.
It changed my life.
I still declutter because people give us gifts all the time, but I do not buy much because somehow I lost interest to shop.
Can you believe that my children had not bought any new toys for 3 years straight?
They got gifts from schools and friends, and that is enough. I offered them to buy toys with the money I sometimes give them, but they almost always refuse because they know that their money "works" gathering interest in the bank!
We buy clothes like once a year and that's it.
Other things we buy are consumables and groceries.
When you consume less, you have less to declutter.
Much better for the environment, too.
For decades I was able to crochet blankets for women and children staying in Women’s shelters and for the elderly in nursing homes. I found out through the directors, that the blankets brought a lot of comfort in deeply personal ways to the residents. When I could no longer physically crochet, I had a hard time getting rid of my excess yarn and needles because of my fantasies of one day being able to crochet again. I finally found the desire to bless someone else who could crochet beautiful things for their own enjoyment and others and I let it all go.
I literally busted up laughing when I saw this video!! This is me! I'm a baker, in sew, I garden, I craft, I wanna play the piano, I have a $hi& ton of books I have to read and I have weights and workout videos. (because I said it wasn't going to pay for gym memberships anymore if I don't go. BUT...
I took 2 weeks off...and today...just today I made the decision to let go of my jukebox and coca-cola machine for free. Not waiting for anybody to give me the money I perceived is the value even though they are both need repair. I felt such a relief. I am on🔥🔥🔥!
But the real gem here is that I think God for the lesson that I'm learning, because I am realizing that all that stuff was a thief just like u said. I am truly amazed at how I can see even now, I will have more time to do what I really want for my true self. I really enjoyed reading everyone's comments and knowing that I'm not alone on this journey. Thank you so much Dawn for doing what you do. God Bless you.
On the flip side…11 years ago I began painting with oils and did portraits of 4 of our 6 grandchildren. I kept all of my oil paints thinking I’d eventually paint again. When my 11-year-old granddaughter asked where her portrait was, I knew I needed to pull those paints out again. I’m currently painting her portrait and next I’ll paint our youngest grandson’s portrait. If I had gotten rid of my paints because I wasn’t using them, I would have to buy 100’s of dollars of paint again. Repeat this with my sewing machine which sat unused for 20 years - now I’m quilting and loving it. Just sayin’! Love your videos and have decluttered a lot, just not everything. 😀
Agreed!
I get that. I'm so glad I bought a house (my first) at age 72; now I can sort out crafts, put what I'm not using in the basement, and pull them out again when I'm ready -- or declutter them if I decide I really don't want to go back to them! I've decluttered my kitchen quite a bit because I realize I'm not going to do some types of cooking very often if ever any more, and I know what I still enjoy cooking.
Same! Im getting rid of the embroidery machine but not the sewing and vinyl cutter machines!
My fantasy self still has a place to wear formals and a closet full of jewelry. In reality, I’m fostering a 10 year old dog with cancer and an enlarged heart. The reality is much more rewarding. Loved your intro.
I understand. My husband and/or I are home most of the time with our 16 year old dog who just needs lots of care.
I have dozens of crazy wigs but live in a climate where it's too hot for wigs almost all year.
Hugs to you and your dog from me and my cats, one of whom will be 20 in May! ❤
@@lambsauce1468 Give them to chemo patients?
So an anecdote... I used to love scrapbooks but it got stressful. I started designing my photo layouts completely in photoshop (I'm a highly experienced and passionate graphic artist/designer and perfectionist lol) and I love it! I get to change or move my layouts without worrying about glue or keeping mountains of supplies... it's entirely a digital process, and then I print out the final layouts and put them in my 12x12 scrapbooks 😊
I want to do that. Any youtube channel suggestions?
Hi Yay, I can totally relate! Would much rather have the flexibility of digital where I can adjust font sizes and pictures, etc. Sounds like you found a great alternative to traditional scrapbooking. Much success to you!
Did you find a good place to pass along all the scrapbooking supplies to? I've realized I will never get back to that hobby but can't, in good conscience, just recycle everything 🥴
I had a really funny but probably true thought while watching this video: I think my fantasy self is an organized woman with a sparkling clutter free home! 🤣 I spend a lot of time and mental energy on this huge project but can never keep the momentum going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up but it was the first thing that came to mind when you asked us to think about our fantasy selves 😊
I relate to this
Same!! As a family of adhd people lol, I’m so lost with managing clutter and organization…I watch videos and tips and do it for a bit then I lose momentum and have to start over…it never really becomes natural or a routine..
I’ve developed a chronic illness. This has made it necessary to evaluate what I can and actually want to do. With limited energy and brain power, I’ve had to get real with reality and let go of all those fantasy expectations.
You and me both!!!!
💪🏼✨
Same here. My fantasy self would like to travel, garden, bake, take long walks in the mountains, and finish knitting and crocheting projects... in other words, do all the things I used to do before mobility issues struck. 8-(
Now it will take a miracle for me to even declutter what I have. That doesn't even mention all the tools and other
(Oops, hit send accidentally) ...items my husband had in three sheds, a garage, workshop, and enclosed carport before he died four months ago. Oh, my!
Same here. It's so painful to let go of what I can no longer do.
This is only somewhat related but I started knitting the same ball of yarn repeatedly and then when I use it up I pull out the whole thing and start over. It’s therapeutic and then I don’t have to deal with the creations haha
We’re all so caught up in getting to the finished product and your idea of unwinding it and reusing really spoke to me. Thanks for sharing.
I just make socks. I never run out of the need for socks in my family. Also, socks are easy and portable and don't require much concentration (except heels and toes).
I had an entire drawer filled with workout tops and leggings from when I went to the gym 5 days a week. That was 5 years ago. The gym closed and my knees are shot so that part of my life is over and as much as it pains me to look at those expensive leggings, I don't wear them and they make me feel guilty. So last night I emptied the entire drawer into a bag to donate. Now I got a whole drawer in my dresser back!!! Thanks for the motivation Dawn!
Another great video and topic. I feel the "Reader" fantasy self even though I do really love to read. My cure, in 2 words, to unending stacks of unread books .... Library Card 😁 👍
I use kindle unlimited and get to have for awhile or keep if I want lots of good books digitally.
@@jillianguilford5191 yeah, I agree, my kindle is another great option, but for myself, personally, my books tend to pile up on my kindle as well 🤣 I have the best intentions of reading them all, but maybe it's the out of sight out of mind thing??
That library card just works well for me because there is a 5 book limit, and a 3 week window. And fines 😲 if I am late to keep me motivated LOL
My fantasy self is always on time, does an elaborate monthly planner spread, and checks off everything on my to do list every day, oh and I don’t forget stuff. Real me: writes in pencil and no stickers, forgets to check the planner to do list, completely forgets events😂
Hi Dawn, I love (love) this story. My fantasy self has spent a lot of money on craft equipment, skin care, cleaning and kitchen tools. Fantasy Jen cleans, plans, crafts and keeps up with everything. Real Jen is loving getting rid of things she doesn't use and never will. I love you too. Jennifer xx
I’ve moved through many different seasons in my life. Three of my “selves” have served me well from early childhood to retirement. I learned this after decluttering and downsizing from a large home in the suburbs with many many hobbies to a small house in the mountains. Those three selves are: Reader, Cook, & Sewer. I learned all of these in my youth from my mother, through 4-H, high school, and college. Now, I’ve settled back into them and am embracing them again in new ways: reading via technology, cooking only for two and to preserve staples, and sewing to mend and prolong the useful life of clothes and home goods. Yes, I’ve decluttered many books, many fancy appliances, and hundreds of yards of fabric & quilting supplies. But I’ve still come full-circle and enjoy my first, best hobbies & skills.
You are truly an inspiration. I too, hope to get back to what i originally loved.
I’m only in at 6 1/2 minutes, but I have to say…. your videos overtime are just more & more enjoyable, and a pleasure to watch!
Thank you, that means more than you know!!!!!
@@TheMinimalMom I agree too! I look forward to your videos every week.
I love puzzles and recently discovered that my city's public library has puzzles!! So excited to be able to take a puzzle out and do it, then take it back! No clutter! Thinking about donating some of mine so others can enjoy them too!
There have been so many Fantasy Selfs over the years. Most were an important part of my life, and sadly chronic pain/fatigue conditions have stopped them (horse riding, running, cycling long distances, yoga, dog training ….). I have had to accept that I need a simpler life, and that brought me to minimalism. So glad that I started simplifying our home, my wardrobe, routines and interests.
Oh Dawn your intros are so creative! This one made me laugh almost as hard as the one with Tom and the "throw pillows". You are awesome
Righttt.. me too
same!
And "Justin Case"!
@@shelleykapp9637 yes, top 3!!!
Super funny!
My fantasy self is the person i was before a car accident that left me physically disabled. 10 years later i still have remind myself of my new limits and what is actually doable!
Great video, as always, Dawn! I recently heard a tactic that I think is going to really help me this year regarding my fantasy self and all of my different craft hobbies. I will focus on just one hobby each month to complete a project. After I’ve completed it and felt the success of putting those materials to use to actually create something, I can then better decide if it was something that I would like to do more of, or if that was enough. At the end of the year, I will be rewarded with 12 fun projects that are totally finished and possibly a lot less supplies as I weed out the ones that I can let go of! This month (January) I have completed a macrame hanging cat bed. I enjoyed it, and would like to make some hanging plant holders which will be even easier. Once I have a few of those, however, I think I will be good to say “been there, done that,” and let that hobby go. I am excited (imagine that?!) to contemplate what February’s craft project will be! 😊
With warm hugs,
Michele
Yknow what, your mindset with this is brilliant!! I have a crazy mind that doesn't like to be bored and this would help contain the stuff as well as where my mind would go!!
Great idea, Michele. One of my first projects to tackle is a braided rug I started DECADES ago! The nice thing about this kind of project is that I can stop at a small area rug if I don't feel like forging ahead with a larger one... and I'll still feel good about my accomplishment.😄
Thank you for the idea!)
This is a great idea! I also have a lot of hobbies and unfinished projects hanging over me. This is a perfect mindset to get through my roadblocks! Thank you for sharing!
I really like this idea too! I also have unfinished projects/various types of hobbies on backlog if you will. This is so helpful! Just complete a project in each area before moving on! Love it!
When I bought my wedding dress I also wanted to get a veil. The lady in the shop said "go home, check if you mum still has hers and if it goes well with the dress just take it. If not you can always come back and I'll sell you one". I ended up wearing my mum's veil and it was perfect. Sometimes people do tell you you have enough stuff
I have finally put all my fantasy-selves to rest or put them in perspective. I was a gym rat for years, but now I shoot for 20 minutes of yoga at least 5 days a week (which I do at home with TH-cam)and I do the 365-mile challenge which averages one mile a day. The reader fantasy-self has a goal of just 15 minutes of reading a day, which sometimes is 15 minutes and sometimes turns into 2 hours. The cooking/baking fantasy-self is really me and on my days off, I love to be in the kitchen. I have long since given up on the fantasy-self classroom mom or perfect party hostess and that's okay because there are others who are made for those roles. The last fantasy-self I gave up was having to be present on social media all the time.
I was living my dad's dream to become a professional singer.
I did not enjoy it anymore. I quit.
My dad didn't speak to me for a whole year. I was going to live my dream.
I found a nice treadmill at my apt dumpster that someone moving must have left there. I walk every single day so this item is coming in handy for me on rainy and too cold days. Another person’s clutter is someone else’s treasure. My fantasy self clutter was fashionable, nice, dressy clothing and makeup…never wore any of it. I’m a sweats, jeans, no make up and bun everyday kinda girl. I’ve been selling the good stuff and giving some away.
Your timing with this video couldn’t have been more perfect! I just got an invite to a pampered chef party. As I’m perusing the online catalog and watching your video, I’m thinking what am I doing?! I hate cooking. And I keep acquiring gadgets and appliances like that’s gonna change! 😂
My answer to all of those types of parties is no. I really dislike them and it makes me question if the person inviting me really sees me as a friend.
Lol girl, if you hate cooking, declutter your kitchen and just keep what you KNOW that you use and need. Get out of the kitchen, and into your life.
If you can go and enjoy yourself. Maybe you can buy an item as a gift for someone else.
Just thinking about being invited to one of those types of “parties” causes me anxiety. They do not seem like a good time to me and I’m sure there is always an expectation that you will feel guilted into buying stuff, or worse… in a moment of peer pressure weakness, agree to help sell the stuff! I would be coming down with a cold so fast that night!!!😂
I have a hard time distinguishing between fantasy self/past self and those things I legitimately want to pursue further and make time for in my life. This video and the worksheet is really helpful! Thanks, Dawn! Love you ❤️
Me too... sigh
Lots of times they're close cousins... so fantasy self can actually be a past self that no longer serves us or that we no longer 'fit into' if you will.
Make a list. What serves you? What makes your soul sing? Start with those. Just because we once loved a hobby doesn't mean we can't move on from it with fond memories and pursue new ones.
Same same!
Samsies
Give yourself time. There's no deadline in the process. As long as you're thinking about it...that's enough.
Fantasy Cathy does drawings, painting, crocheting, knitting, organizing, decluttering, gardening, volunteering, hosting clothes swap events, hiking with a group, camping regularly, blogging about Colorado, working out, biking, joining half-marathon and 5k races, skiing, social media marketing, and traveling ... wow, what a full life I've led and wished to continue. (We have no kids.) After watching your previous video about hobbies, I've decided to let go hobby-related items, including art supplies, crochet & knit supplies, party supplies, blogging websites, race subscriptions and crossfit supplies. Real Cathy does gardening, volunteering, decluttering and social media marketing. Still, it's a work in progress and I will get there. Thank you for your videos, very helpful!
Great question! I have figured this out at 70 but never asked the question at 40. Very important>
I inherited my dad's jigsaws when he died and, despite loving to do them previously, and having great memories of doing them with my dad, I've now realised that, in this season, I don't have time.
I said to my husband last night, if I donated them and then find I have time in the future I can go to a charity shop then and pick up a jigsaw. I don't need them cluttering up my house now though.
I crocheted for years and then didn’t have time anymore, so I got rid of all my yarn and stuff; it was a huge collection. Now, several years later, I’m crocheting again and I have no regrets about getting rid of my past crochet stuff. I really enjoy having a small amount of newly acquired yarn and hooks.
Hahaha! Yes, I have a closet full of clothes that I never wore, for what I now say is “My so-called life”. None of those items (a sequined stretch dress!) have I ever had an occasion to wear. It’s a fantasy life that I bought these things for, “just in case”. I have a room full of craft materials, and art materials; for projects I have never even started. A few are things that I may have worked a bit on, but haven’t gone back to. I save lots of fabric remnants to someday sew patchwork quilts, just accumulating dust. Ditto for the two large boxes of sewing repair projects, that I really don’t give a whit, about ever completing.
My fantasy self entertains a lot, hosts fancy dinner parties and needs all this fabulous dinner ware and serving platters! Real self prefers a casual barbecue!
With your helpful ideas, along with Cas and Dana, I arrived at the most freeing AHA moment recently. 12 years ago I explored papercrafting, one of the little online shops I bought from went up for sale, I bought the store and for 12 years I immersed myself in the papercrafting memory keeping world. Until I decided to close my store. I had a lifetime of supplies before me to enjoy and share and create with.... I couldn't stand the sight of them! I realised I felt obligated to be a fantasy persona in order to be a legit business owner in that industry. It's all gone, donated, gifted... It's gone. And I am so FREE!!! I no longer feel that obligation 🎉🎉🎉
WOW! You really just gave me a ton to think about! This puts a whole new perspective on my New Year resolution for 2023 which is to purge my whole house. I have collected some things now sitting in my garage that my "Fantasy Self" collected for DIY projects and they still sit there (for a couple years). I need to get rid of it. Plus, my "Fantasy Skinny Self"....If I ever DO lose the weight, I can go buy the clothes. Why hold on to the clothes that don't fit. I am so far into Fantasy land that I should be at Disney World.
I took two sewing classes in high school. I loved it and so I bought myself a sewing machine in 2015. It’s still in the box. Never been opened. In my defense, I’ve moved a lot and every place I’ve been in, I’ve thought, oh, I won’t be here long, I don’t want to unpack it and have it get damaged while moving. And while I was moving, I was also teaching and in grad school, so I didn’t have the time. Now I’m not teaching, finished grad school, and settled down in a permanent place. Now idk If I could even remember how to thread the machine because I’m so out of practice! 🤦🏼♀️
I would like to try to relearn sewing. I have also decluttered just about everything else from my home and moved on from other “hobbies”. I think this will be the year I try it, and if it doesn’t bring me joy this time around, then I can make peace with that high school version of me and let it go! Thank you for all that you do, Dawn! You’re doing God’s work!
Yes,there is even a TH-cam video on how to thread a sewing machine!🙌🏻😅😂🤣
Excellent video. My fantasy self reads more books than is possible. I am an avid reader, and I do read at least one book a week. What I have learned is that one book a week turns out to be 52 books a year. To keep from "storing" books in my home, I don't let myself have more than 52 books at one time. When I decluttered my books, I made a list of all the books that I was donating that were available at the library. If I ever run out of books, I can go to the library. I made that list in 2019, and I have never gone to the library for the books that are on that list. I do borrow other books from the library, but those are books that I am interested in right now. I still have the list because I may want to refer to it at some point, but for now, I have enough books to keep me reading for the next year. Many thanks for another great video!
My fantasy self loves makeup & wears it beautifully every day. In reality I more often than not forget to even apply lip balm 😂
Fantasy self…. How complicated life can be! My mom was a tap dancer, but wanted me to take ballet…. I was not good at it, I really wanted tap. Then growing up, I wanted to be an artist, my dad was an artist, he forbid me to study art, even going to my high school and insisting that I was not to take any art courses. I wanted to be a nun, thinking I could study art…. Well that didn’t work out. Life goes on. I have a degree in Home Economics, I did sneak in a couple art courses. Life goes on…. Single working mother for too many years. Retired, took art courses and workshops, now TH-cam lessons. This fantasy self finally became reality. I can call myself an artist! Success story, with lots of turns and twists in the journey.
Giggling already. Thanks Dawn!
I’m giggling too! 😊
She is so cute
Oh, when I learned of the fantasy self concept a few years ago it was a revelation and a big wake-up call. It's been a huge benefit toward improving my life.
My fantasy self reads books, cooks for my family, has cute decor, keeps her house clean. It's literally the basics my fantasy self is efficient at her job. I've decluttered a lot and have a lot more to go. For now I'm taking care of an infant and myself ❤
My fantasy selves are sewist, healthy cook, musician, book lover, teacher, and hostess. There are probably more. 😅 I found this video really helpful! I have six kids, including 8-month-old twins, and I need to really focus on the essentials right now. It’s okay to let go.
Thank you so much for this! “We are enough who we are right now.” I needed that reminder. 😊
I ADORE YOU!! You make me feel normal! You make me feel understood and accepted, and in a way that is entertaining and not depressing or negative at all. You have a gift! (And thank you so much for this very timely video because I have been mourning the loss of a few of my own fantasy selves lately).
Fantasy selves: published author, professional artist, opera quality singer, bible scholar, political activist, quilter and dressmaker, motivational speaker, animal rescuer, large donor for charities and politics, special time for all my close friends, athlete, healthy eater, super wife/mother/grandmother/sister/aunt, faultless full time caregiver. No wonder I'm always disappointed in what I accomplish. I think I'll print this list out and whittle it down.
I decluttered my workout clothes to only one outfit bc I only work once, maybe twice a week and it has totally changed my way of thinking about inventory. Thank you so much!
My fantasy self bought a fancy apron thinking it would make me love cooking. Yup... didn't work. I actually did this twice before finally accepting that I really don't enjoy being in the kitchen..... or wearing aprons! haha
Being in a different season of our lives now (just hubby and I at home) has really opened my eyes to how much stuff I kept because I thought I needed it/had to have it. My home is pretty minimalistic and not cluttered, but there were still items telling me it was time to let them go. I put them into a clutter time-out box and if I didn't reach for them inside of a month...they were gone. Simplifying our home (I love the word 'inventory'...it's so true) has helped me to see that there's only a few things I really enjoy doing (cooking, garden, preserving). The rest was fun to try but I'm not required to keep doing them. But I'm glad I let go of that stuff I wasn't using.
My fantasy self looks like an art godess with all the colors and textures and wonderfully done hair and handmade jewellery. She is baking beautiful healthy cakes. Making copper wire and amber jewellery. Crocheting wonderful clothes and home textiles and baskets. Dying clothes and other textiles to create beautiful new color effects. She's a painter and she paints some great piece almost every day. She also makes pastel and watercolor and paints outside from nature whenever weather is ok. Doing jogging, yoga, face yoga, pilates and ecstatic dancing. And dancing pizzica like a pro. She rides a bike and swims in the lake all year round. She's taking kids regularly to some adventurous trips. Her houseplants look like a garden inside. She is a succesful copywriter and she is writing a book for years - a book so good as if Nabokov wrote it himself - and soon becoming a part of a literature history. She's singing archaic songs in white voice (in nature, for example after swimming in the lake). Oh and of course her home is fully decluttered, fresh and airy and all colors match. Oh I forgot: she is also making her own candles and soap sometimes. And of course making wooden puppets! I am sure I lost something but this is what I have in mind in general.
The real me is chronically ill, rarely painting - in acrylics - unable to take a bike out of the house, unable to take kids somewhere (even if they wanted to), never was able to dress up nicely (sweatpants preferable), and so many of the products needed for all that Fantasy Selfs just stay around the house - or in my expectations (like singing). I've already got rid of a harp and most of my jewellery glass beads and products, that was a brave move 😃 do you think I overload myself with expectations...? 😂😂
Dawn, YOU A R E WAYYY More KNOWLEDGEABLE than you (apparently) THINK YOU ARE!!❤❤❤❤ 🎉🎉🎉🎉 The things you say to help us have a better life are profound! And I don’t know that you realize it!❤😘
I just gifted 80% of my craft & scrapbooking stuff to my sister who's a 3rd grade teacher. Wow... I'm loving the space in mind and my office plus my sister is able to share with her class.
I had a lot of scrapbooking supplies and about 13 years ago was really into it. I made scrapbooks for my 2 adult children for Christmas one year. It took me 2 years to do them. Best gift ever. But then I found myself raising children again and decided I’m never going to have time to scrapbook again. So I gave some of the stuff to my now 9 year old daughter because she loves to draw and create things. I gave a lot to my mother-in-law. I’ve let go of a lot of Christian songbooks because I know I’m never going to use them. I don’t have time for hobbies right now in my life but maybe someday. Kids keep me too busy. I thought I wanted to be the pianist at a church again but came to the realization that I don’t want the responsibility right now. I just don’t have time with homeschool and the kids few activities. They are my focus right now.
You are so right. My fantasy self included, a well read woman, I fall asleep. Now I watch you tube. I wanted to be thin like I was from 20 s to 40 s, now at 69, I have realized I my goal should be health. I wanted to be successful in a career. I was promoted to COO, and I was miserable. I retired and now I have a very strict budget and love it. Lessons for everyone. It’s never what it seems.
I imagined myself as a horsewoman. I now have an 18-acre horse farm with tractors, horses, hay sheds, manure sheds. The list goes on... that is a REALLY big decluttering adventure!
1. I think you ARE super smart!!!
2. All of my "selves" tend to surprise me at one time or another. Today it was nice to give myself "permission" to pare those selves down to the authentic me!
3. I'm just so VERY thankful I found you at just the right time in my life!!!
Thank you so much Dawn!!!
O got rid of bolts and giant storage containers of collected fabric, and now that I don't feel guilty about it, I want to sew for the first time in literally ten years. Just very different things. It was thinking I had to use what I had, which doesn't fit me or my style anymore, that was stopping me. ❤️
Scrapbooking used to bring me so much joy when my first couple kids were little and I bought a lot of stuff for it. But with 8 kids in 14 years I was quickly overwhelmed. Several years ago I discovered Bible journaling and I found it can bring me joy to use the same type of skills/supplies in a meaningful way but a much smaller scale. I can have one box of supplies and do it when I can but if I don't get to it for months at a time it's okay. I'm not behind.
Just the first minute felt so like me!
My hobby is finding new hobbies & buying ALL the things for said hobby.
I’ve had many hobbies in my adult life, but since I’ve started decluttering and being intentional about what I keep in my house, I’ve had a big mindset shift about letting go of hobby stuff. I have a lot of art and craft supplies that I don’t use often. But I don’t feel like a failure when I get rid of those items. They served their purpose and brought me joy, and now I’m filling my free time with a different activity.
It’s almost like I’m just “renting” all of the things in my house for the period of time that they are useful to me. It really helps with the guilt associated with decluttering. Some items (or hobbies) have a lower rental rate than others, depending on how long they are useful. And sometimes we buy things with the best intentions and they don’t work out. It’s only through trial and error and learning about myself that I’ve become more discerning about what I bring into my home and what hobbies I pursue.
So true! I have learned over a long time not to buy stuff for the fantasy me. I saw a stunning leather handbag last week (very formal) that was perfect for the office. I loved it and then I thought “what am I thinking, I’m retired and the rest of my life is not that fancy. Fantasy self-stop talking to me!
Homesteader but hip (I seed my own goats, make my own HIP,, ethereal farm clothing, Ecological to the hilt, massive knowledge library, living off grid somewhere, with an English garden surrounding me), I also have this fantasy cowgirl wardrobe even though I've been on a horse, once. Reality- I work 40 hours a week, live in suburbia, I wear the same uniform of clothes over and over and while I do use cloth bags, trying to limit as much packaging and plastic in my life, I have 4 cats and they just judge and I do create but it's mostly painting, small design projects and I read a lot of books from the library. I do can but I buy all my food from a local grower and I limit it to apples, pickling cucumbers, strawberries and patty pan squash. I keep 14 canning jars for vegetable and sold the rest. The rest I buy a little in bulk, freeze it and use it all year. I do grow my own basil, rosemary and lemon balm and I purchase a new rose bush every few years to learn about it and grow. I removed most of the other stuff in my garden areas and put in marshmallow and 3 butterfly bushes to help the bees and butterflies, that equal about 40 square feet of my already small simple yard.
Thanks to you I finally cleaned out my closet after 3 1/2 years... I had to let my fantasy self go... and all the costumes I needed for the boho me, the office me, the sporty me, the party me.. I work from home and I am more casual these days. Kept some good pieces but donated multiple bags...still not finished. But thanks for the inspo.
I can totally relate to this… I had so many fantasy-self outfits! It makes it difficult to find something to wear, because this shirt doesn’t go with that style of pants, etc. I just got rid of my fantasy self as a Harley chick… Beautiful, leather jacket - donated, and my cowgirl fantasy self: not one, not two, but three pair of cowboy boots - donated 😮 The hard part is figuring out who my true self is because I have so many fantasy-selves 😂.
You are sooo motivating!! You hit the nail on the head of why I have so many books (classics) never read. At my age (62), I won't live long enough to read them all. I wanted to be "thought " of as smart too. Thank you.
If you watch Dawn, you are smart!
This video was a great help to me. I threw out a stack of newspaper crossword puzzles that my fantasy self was going to solve. Now to process a quilt project that is as old as The Minimal Mom.
Last year we moved across the country. Before moving I cut out a lot of my fantasy self items. However, I am finding now that our life has completely changed, that I actually get to be my fantasy self! Over the last year I have shifted my focus from crafting/sewing/art to fitness, gardening and woodworking. I am now living in a location where I have the space and time to accomplish these things, which feels amazing. I am trying not to take on too much at one time and being realistic and intentional on how I am managing these hobbies now.
I spotted "Fast Like a Girl" in your books. If you haven't yet, READ IT! It is truly amazing when you understand your hormones and how the body actually works. All women need a class in how our hormones control so many of our body systems (Men can highly benefit as well so they can understand their wives, daughters, mothers and sisters better). Balancing my hormones through diet, exercise and fasting has significantly reduced my severe allergies (literally so debilitating that I could not work or leave my home for several years) all symptoms of my PCOS are gone as well.
Thank you for the info. I will definitely check out that book. Was telling my partner yesterday that hormones dictate everything. I'm happy to hear that you have been able to overcome the health issues that kept you from being your best self. Gives me hope and inspiration. Sometimes, having that vision and goal of the fantasy self can help one take steps to get there. I just have to be honest with myself/realistic about what small goals are actually achievable with my current time and energy and what "stuff" actually contributes to those goals. Thank you for sharing.
I’m moving across the country this summer and currently doing a big declutter. Nothing like a long distance move to make you examine the stuff you have and pare down.
I got rid of all my books from grad school (4 Billy bookcases!) because I realize I was using it to show people I was smart. But my degree did the same. And now I realize I don't even need the degree to show I'm smart. And I'm working on the need to be known as smart and letting that go too. So there's fantasy selves and then selves that are just for show/ego needs.
I LOVE your honesty, it can be hard to admit that you even have a fantasy self, let alone letting go of it. But so helpful. ❤
Great episode. I recently decluttered rubber stamps. This type of stuff is where I actually have found it helpful to do a "Marie Kondo" and mentally "thank" it for its service and acknowledge it doesn't fit my current season of life.
Your opening was THE BEST!!!
I took piano lessons as a child/teen but haven't really played in about 25 years. We got a piano a few years ago (and we had another one about 15 years ago) so I could pick it up again, and also so our kids could learn to play. Well, piano lessons are too expensive for us to do, and even though part of me really wants to start again with playing, I just never have sat down to the piano for more than a handful of days. After thinking about this for at least a year, I finally offered my piano for free. Someone else can get the enjoyment of a piano, and I won't feel bad for never taking the time to play it.
Dawn, I want to thank you! I mean REALLY THANK YOU!! I recently found your channel while I was healing from surgery. I became so inspired and am now ruthlessly decluttering my home. If it's not an instant yes, it goes either in the trash or is donated. I can't do a time will tell because that's where everything would go...today I dropped off 8 boxes of books and two boes of clothes today!! I am so excited to keep decluttering!! Thank you for your kind gentle encouragement!!
You go girl!
Keep up the great work!
I am in my late 50's with grown children and young grandchildren. I will say that as I look back through the years; your interst change as your season of life changes. I think the key is to understand at the time that you do not need to go out and buy all of the accessories for a given task or hobby. Learn to buy used, rent, or borrow items needed if possible. These experiences are important as you reflect back through the years. You most likely have met may wonderful people along the way. Some friendships last many years and some for a season. And, that is OK.
I love how you keep coming up with all of these different aspects of decluttering/simplified living! Great intro!!
I have had my helix mattress for a year now. I love it so much. I had a backache for years. The first morning after I got my helix I woke up with no backache. I am so happy. Thank you Dawn.
My fantasy self is you Dawn!!! The minimalist declutterer motivator!!😆
The absolute irony of listening to you describe letting go of hobbies, as I stand in my craft room making Christmas cards for next December. LOL. I'm good at decluttering the rest of my house, but my craft room is left alone.
One thing that has help alot, even in my overstuffed craft room, is changing who I follow on TH-cam. I unsubscribed from people who always want to sell me some new craft item. Now I watch crafters who stress "use what you have". I still get to craft, I'm not tempted to buy and slowly items are being used.
Great thought about not Subscribing to the You Tube channels that are always trying to sell you something. Thank you for sharing that.❤
I’ve been looking at my cookbooks lately. It’s not that I don’t cook but my fantasy self would have me perusing the books, choosing new recipes to try and then actually making them (!) but in reality I’m an instinctive cook, adding this and that and it usually comes out pretty good, if I do say so myself.Time to let the books go -at least most of them anyway 😉
Thank you for describing me! I too have cookbooks that I never use because I am an “instinctive” cook. I know what flavors and spices that I enjoy together and most turn out great. When I need an occasional nudge,I’ll go on Pinterest or Google Ina Garten.🙌🏻😅😂🤣
I love that searching through these types of things can reveal what I really DO like to do and feel more like myself when I'm doing it, so the other stuff is taking the time that I could be putting towards the good hobby! Easier to get rid of that way.
I’m a serial hobbyist, so I had to unload a bunch of stuff when I realized most were fantasies. I enjoyed it in the moment, but those moments fade. I had a whole lot of “but I spent money on it” hang ups. But in the end I didn’t want to manage that inventory. Some stuff I sold (makes you feel a little better), but I gave a lot away. Hopefully someone who actually will enjoy the hobby will get a deal!
My fantasy self is a worthy adversary. She keeps thinking she's going to host dinner parties, attend posh events & finish embroidering a wall hanging that she started over 20 years ago. Sigh. In my head I know I'M not doing any of those things. Finally donated all of my dressy clothes, that I never wore, & gave away my embroidery stuff to someone who will actually use it. Next, kitchen stuff that I never used for those imaginary dinner parties that I never have. 😊
A few months ago I had a big hutch full of craft stuff. And I could not find the things I needed for a certain project. So I really narrowed it down.
1 small tub of supplies
1 small tub of tools
1 basket of yarn
1 basket of paint
And I find myself crafting so much more. I know whete things are and it's fun, not stressful.
OH MY GOODNESS! I too played the french horn.....never met another person who did. I dont play now HOWEVER I love classical music and always listen for the beautiful, mellow, and oh so haunting sounds of the french horn.
This was a game changer for me. My Bestie is a musician and singer. I always wanted to be like her. I would buy all the things to learn the ukelele or the guitar and then just look at it in the corner. I don't like playing instruments and I can't sing well. She still encourages me to join her but it isn't me. I've narrowed down my craft supplies to the two or three things I enjoy as well. Getting rid of the "guilt" over the fantasy self was very freeing.
This made me laugh at the beginning because I identified my “fantasy self” over a year ago as I was looking in my garage no longer housing a vehicle, but my endless “projects”. I started calling it my Neverland because I realized that while I have good intentions to fix and repurpose things like I did in my twenties thru forties- I’m now in my fifties and know better. Still when I see something I think I could repurpose, I immediately think “fantasy self” and walk away. Saving money now and space!
I love how you said about certain crafts may be just a season. I am now ready to take my “Christmas craft materials” to a thrift store. I loved creating and making Christmas crafts in 2021 - loved it. This past 2022, I had no desire, none at all to make Christmas crafts. I didn’t even open up the 2 boxes of Christmas supplies that I had treasured the year before. Now I feel guilty of seeing those 2 boxes. This season of making Christmas crafts has passed. Thank you so much for your insight! Off to the thrift store they go. Someone will be tickled to buy these at the thrift store the boxes of sitting in my closet.