"My long term "Narc" told me they needed to be with someone younger, but still convinced me that they needed me in their life? what a mistake that was"
Thank you for explaining this. I recently divorced after 30 years a severely narcissistic man and entered another relationship before realizing what narcissism was. He wasn’t all that bad and I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on. He’s very selfish, stubborn and angers very easily if I ever questioned him about fidelity, I was the trouble maker for addressing my concerns. He’d say I ruined his day for questioning him. Well, yesterday I broke up with him! You gave me the strength, courage and most importantly knowledge. Thank you for helping me. ❤
and it gets tiring leaving, leaving a dream job..letting them have what you own. Very tiring, and at home with my narc family..then in my apartment building...on and on.
Everyone has narcissism and everyone is narcissistic. It is to the degree that determines someone as having NPD (being a “narcissist”). Thinking you are not on the spectrum of narcissism like everyone else, is in fact, a display of narcissism in itself.
What really urks me about my mom being able to get away with her behavior is that once I react I’m automatically the bad guy. It happened last night around our friends. She was making faces at me only I caught onto, then she said under her breath that I was a bad daughter because I was starting to get uncomfortable with her passive aggression on full display. I so desperately wanted to say “what about you being a bad mother, guess that makes two of us huh?”.. but I bit my tongue and decided to remove myself without saying anything because I really don’t like conflict , so I went into another room. One of my our friends asked if I was ok, I explained how I felt, then she goes “your mom loves conflict that’s just a part of her personality either you guys need to be apart for now… or you could just try to tough it out and eat with us 🤷🏻♀️” it’s absolutely nerve wrecking having to stay in the presence of my mother when she acts like that. The subtle glares and snide remarks makes me feel like the same neglected and secretly despised child growing up. I had to remove myself but the dinner party was so awkward because of my absence from the table. I could tell I completely killed the vibe but I never tried to make it about me… that tore me apart. For my mom it’s “that’s a part of her personality” but i hate victimizing Myself even though I’m 26 with depression, complex ptsd, add, and bpd all stemming from my childhood and yet I’m still told to suck it up… thank god radical acceptance saved me from spiraling. I thank god everyday for dr. Ramoni, you are beyond goated!
I had a similar relationship with my father, he didn't pull faces, he would just sit there silently. I thought I'd killed the vibe, but it was just my father who thought I was a reject waiting for me to leave
Thank you Dr. Ramani -- this was very eye opening. I have a pattern of getting involved in friendships where I play the role of unpaid therapist, the ever-patient listener to my friends' woes. Until now, I never thought of these people as narcissists, just "a bit selfish," or "preoccupied with their own stuff." But they never reciprocated the attention I gave them, and when I became aware of this and tried to reclaim my own time/space with them, I was met with resistance and, in one case, downright nastiness. I learned to walk away from these people. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to replace them with healthy friendships, so I'm pretty isolated. I'm very leery of falling into the same trap.
Thank you so much for describing your situation. I (62) have the same experiences! Self - Awareness and Self - Protection is after all such (bad) experiences very important! 🍀🙋🏻♀️
It’s sad how much I feel every word you’ve written. I’m sorry you had to go through that too. Let’s be friends 😂 in what universe do two caring people actually end up forming a relationship. I know! A universe without childhood trauma… sigh!
When one thinks of narcissists, one must think of them as manipulative opportunists, who turn it on & off as it suits them. So 'mild' & 'extreme' can exist in one person, but the hints & clues are ever-present.
Also: don't get stuck in a place of "is this really narcissism, or are they just a bit childish?". If you are mistreated, you have the right to disengage.
True. My parents are unbearable narcs. And the fact I got villainized for not wanting to be nice to them. No, they're getting a stone-cold daughter who won't be involved with their quarrels even if they want me to. They're getting nothing out of me.
They are only mild until they target you out of envy because you threaten their supply, position or ego. Just because they aren’t after you now, doesn’t mean it’s mild narcissism. You just aren’t their current target. Their target at work or school or church will not be getting the mild side. You are or you aren’t narcissistic. I don’t believe in spectrum. You just made not be a target but doesn’t mean they aren’t full blown evil to someone else.
Both things can be true to an extent (ie not being the target) but also the spectrum. I have had the different types, from the covert/social narc (mother) who is mid-range, my sister (former golden child of narc) whom I call 'narc lite', and an ex-partner who was extremely dangerous malignant narc. And the determination was made over time/exposure.
Oh my gosh! Every word hits home, Dr Ramani. You are an incredible listener. One by one, we distance ourselves from these toxic people, until we feel completely alone - and doubt our abilities to build new relationships
This is enlightening. It has really helped me so much to understand this, about the acclimatisation and the gradual adjustments over many years as the narcissist's "bad behaviours" gradually escalate. I wondered often like you said, "how did we get here?" and you've made it so clear how this comes about. In some ways, whether it is narcissism or something else, the same principle applies. The gradual worsening and increased frequency of bad behaviours partnered with the recipient's ongoing adjustments to deal with it, is not a healthy situation, and eventually will lead to a breaking point, emotionally, mentally and in physical health.
My first boyfriend was my narcissistic training program. He was entitled and invalidating, but I was not in much danger there…just frustrated and always in trouble. Then, in 2002 and in 2010, I met the abusive narcissists who would go on to destroy my life - the woman who is my “best friend” and my ex husband. Add to that a narcissistic workplace…and I am surrounded! I managed to free myself of one, but the other two I cannot leave for financial and legal reasons. It is killing me. Sometimes I actually think I had it EASY twenty-five years ago with the first one!
Hang in there and pray. You don't deserve to have your life stolen away, and you will be free. Don't let the narcissistic lies trick you into thinking you're stuck. They're absolutely nothing without YOU, since you hold all the value and strength. I advise you to keep working on yourself intently, and mentally separate yourself from their actions, motives, and outcomes. None of it has to do with you. I am in the same position as you, narcissists all around, and how are they everywhere if I've already learned about this and healed from past narcissists? It's a painful life. Self-work and praying to God are the only 2 things that keep me moving forward and seeing things clearly. Life is hard, the devil sends narcissists, and the good people do good. BUT, we've all got this. The narcissists will suffer alone in the end. Stay up❤️🙏✝️
@@lindamcmanus3057 yes it is, and while I have done the healing and now in a very safe relationship, I continue to watch Dr Ramani to keep reminding myself of my value and to not repeat old patterns. I hope for your continued recovery. We are very strong as a result of our story.
Belated Happy Birthday Dr. R! There comes a time when we all NEED TO let go of being the fixer. As far as finding kindred spirits, I don’t look anymore. At 71, people my age are probably having the same struggles as me & I have made a commitment to myself to keep the remainder of my life as peaceful as possible. With the narcissists I have known, an expectation of maturation is the wishful thinking but it NEVER arrives.
Been doing my best to steer clear of all narcs and psychos, knowing very well they are unavoidable on this beautiful planet Earth, which is why even after more than ten years of studying this topic, I still often watch videos while most videos are upsetting because most videos address the mild and the generalized versions of narcissists and psychopaths but good reminders. Once upon a time the heavens rain down puppies and kittens for the good of humanity. 🥰🌱
I just wanna say, I am so unbelievably appreciative of all that I have learned from you Dr. Ramani. I learned how people were mistreating me and how to defend myself against it, but also how to be a healthier version of myself. You absolutely changed my life. I’m not a religious man, but you are doing the lords work. Gratitude 🙏🙏
Interesting! It makes me start to wonder about Narcissistic group dynamics like in a cult or a toxic workplace, or a toxic religious congregation where the Narcissists have all the power and the Narcissistic qualities and behaviors are lauded. It seems like the less shocking Narcissists can pull unsuspecting victims in and convince them to walk into a nightmare situation in the ways you described. Thanks for another great video!
I have a friend who I have known all my life. She complains about everything. If i give any kind of opinion that doesn't align with hers, she gets irritated. The last time this happened, she told me she wasn't looking for advice. It broke me a little. I responded i didn't know how to be a friend without having an opinion on things. In fact, we aren't really friends if you dont want feedback. You just want someone to complain to. She told me she was just talking for the sake of talking, and she would talk to me later when I was in a better mood because she didn't want to upset me anymore. It's a bit more complicated than this simple duscription. Anyways, we have talked a couple of other times since. Always her initiating. And always making things about her. Like Maggie Smiths death. I've decided I'm not pursuing the friendship. If it continues, it will be because she puts in the effort. We have barely talked since I decided that. It's sad. Relationships should go both ways!
This video is a huge reminder to me of how it seems as if our social systems promote selfishness. How do we, -where do we begin in promoting caring and unselfish behaviors ? It is rather obvious that we each need to walk the talk so to speak, but is it enough? I am actually surprised and even sometimes shocked when people behave unselfishly. I have come to expect narcissism as the example set by leaders and prominent people. When leaders and others behave unselfishly it seems as if the "algorithms" almost ignore it.
I’m 66 & the difference between a President like Carter from the greatest generation & those coming into power now who are bragging about how narcissistic they really are… it’s such a dangerous scary society!
It's a wretched world of social Darwinism fueled by greed. Most people live is a survival mode. It appears that humanity at large is a stunted in development species, it gets perpetually retraumatized each generation and doesn't get a chance to heal forever stuck in immaturity. And so we walk hand in hand towards self-destruction.
There is no such thing as a “mild narcissist”. Everyone is on the scale of narcissism. Everyone. Once your narcissistic behavior (narcissism) is to a certain level, for enough of the criteria to be met - then you are a “narcissist” (then you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder). But there is no such thing as a “mild narcissist”. Someone could have a mild level of narcissism, but that is different. Educate yourself on the terms narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist - to better understand how it all works. Those terms and meanings are not interchangeable.
I understand about conditioning. You come to accept and expect the behaviour, even to condone it as a little quirk or immaturity about the person. But the longer you allow it, the more you validate it and the less they feel any need to change their behaviours, so you either have to put up with it forever or leave, which poses an existential threat to them and they will go down kicking, screaming, accusing and abusing. Thanks for your continued insights, explanations and validation ❤
I have felt relief not having a narcissistic person around but my nervous system hasn't really got the memo. Kind of like narcissists ghosts remain in our nervous system. The aftereffects can go deep. Things can feel like they're happening again now. Reliving in flashbacks. Or even memories as they come up can feel fresh. I've been feeling the nervous system vibrations.
Flashbacks can feel disturbing. I guess they can be retraumatizing for people. Then the startling and scanning the rooms as if there's danger when alone after there's an unexpected sound and rushing to check the door. Having a feeling of doom much of the time. The uncontrollable shaking can feel rough. I had that come on recently when I just couldn't find my keys for a moment when leaving a store. Whole body. They were in a pocket I wasn't used to under some stuff. Doom.
Thank you Dr Ramini. This made so much sense to me!! I was married over 40 years ago to a controlling, abusive man that I left after almost a year of his abuse. I moved on but obviously not knowing anything about narcissism . Sadly it seems that I've drawn this type if controlling behaviour into my life time and again. I spent 20 years with someone who was very controlling and it was only when someone pointed out what she saw did I SEE IT!! Again..I moved on. But most recently the latest narcissistic man was worse than both!! But I tried to make it work. I've learned so much about narcissism in the past year and realise that the other 2 were the gateway to the horror of putting up and getting on with it. I'm free now, but healing slowly .❤
This can definitely go the other way as well. After suffering more severe narcissistic abuse and coercive control, especially in the early stages of realizing what happened and understanding it we can be more willing to overlook less obvious red flags in people...
Thank you sooooooo much Dr. Ramani!!!!!! ❤👍 OMG!!! this is literally what I'm experiencing right now! I'm sick of my mildly narcissistic friends, I just have 0 patience for it anymore...
This videos answers a lot of questions I have and the nuances I've been noticing in the relationships around me. Now that I am more regulated and don't take things so personally around the severe narcissists in my life (the holidays were a big challenge) the mild to moderate narcissism, or even my own egocentrism, is a lot easier to pick up on and acknowledge. I feel like I just leveled up and can have some authentic autonomy over my life, even more so than before. It's so hard when you're in the thick of things and experiencing abuse and confused about it but as I get better at seeing things from a further away perspective, gathering knowledge and applying it, I find this all so very interesting and it's really helpful for my wellbeing. Anyway, thanks Ramani for this video. I have a passion for psychology and have been following your videos for years, bought some of your books, etc. Big fan ❤
Yup i knew this christmas would be no different. I had zero expectations. As clockwork cluster b mother had to pick a fight (the same exact fight at the family gathering for thanksgiving) for our family gathering. It gets so old. Not even one milimeter of ownership. I was so numbed out. After dating a covert and having a messed up family i just can even fathom ever dating - just on edge wondering if another narc is going to come flying out of no where
In a weird way, my youth was a period of grooming by milder narcissists. I only discovered that there was a thing called narcissism when I got sucked into a “friendship” with a severe malignant narcissist. I fell right in and it took years to get out. So milder narcissists are dangerous, even if not directly.
Dr. Ramani, I just want to say I love your outfit. You are looking beautiful and I always love seeing your books and pottery in the background. Thank you so much for another great video!
Dr Ramani - I appreciate the education you have brought forward. You mentioned in a podcast that you have seen 60 & 70 yr old homeless. Can’t you and your fellow friends like Mel Robbin’s start up a campaign to fund people needing support to get out and not be homeless. Don’t just tell me about it. Do something with all your notaries to help people get away and be safe. I pray you do. I won’t be that lucky. I have called every agency possible. Nobody understands even Domestic Violence. This has to change. For all the channels on TH-cam. Maybe you could be the crusader for delivering us monetarily to safety. As no one else will.
Criticism from them , when others are very complimentary of you. Requesting your presence when they never show up for you. Feeling like you are in a relationship and then finally realizing that you are in a dictatorship. Bye bye ….
The daily exposure is killing me. I'm bone tired 24/7 and always feeling under the weather. My only good days are when he's out of town. He's definitely not mildly narcissistic.
Im never going to stop making sense of even bad things and its not a problem. I enjoy it. I don't need empathy from everyone. Im not going to tolerate really toxic behavior or rhetoric.
As I listened, I found the one grounding thing I have to remember as relationships happen is to remember where I came from or my history. I can hopefully make better choices and I have my truth. My truth doesn't leave me in healing. Boundaried truth has been a lifesaver and a step to freedom. Not easy but workable.
Wow! IIt's like with every video of Dr Ramani's I watch, especially these latest releases, things start to make more and more sense. This one in particular has really helped piece things together; I feel something in it helped things click. I'll sit on that thought for a bit, see how things pan out. Saving all my faves like this to a playlist for safe keeping when I need that clarity! I dunno if she (you) reads comments, but *thank you for your brilliant work!* 🥰
‘Adolescent bs’ is acceptable in adolescents, especially if they are your own kids and your parenting goal is to help them on the way to becoming happy healthy adults. In a partner? It will erode the relationship and you.
I need something like that to combat the way my mother treats me. It is so frustrating, she had maneuvered things in my life to leave me dependant on her, and anytime I speak about creating boundaries and respect, she flips out and tells me I'm so mean. I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm at the end of my rope.
I met a friend again after 20 years again and in our first encounter I did in fact adapt and get used to my friend’s ways. He drained me energetically for two weeks straight and he says I was the reason we are not friends lol but I’ve been nothing but caring lol. I feel so much better about myself now that he is gone because I know it is always his way or the highway. I’m having a blast and getting a great break from him honestly. I don’t want to see him again because he doesn’t ever consider my feelings or my needs or my wants. I was accustomed to be offended for sure. He was a mild narcissist. I’m glad he’s no longer in my life. ❤
This is my brother, when I think of him, it’s indeed not “abusive or manipulative”, but more “annoying, braggy, whiney, jerky or immature”, it’s so easy to let it pass you. I feel like these people are more like insects in the summer, they fly around you to annoy, but won’t necessarily sting. He still makes you feel empty and negative though, that the world is a much worse place than it is, like all narcissistic people will do.
Yes ! The daily exposure can slowly suck the life out of you. You may become agitated every day, and you may slowly lose all of your time for activitites/other opportunities, because the NPD/BPD/ASPD/Datk Tetrad will covertly try to take control of your life.
Trying to understand ourselves, the people around us, and why we see everything like we do is a big dance card. Why did I fall for narcissists ? Was there some divine purpose ? Yes, I suppose that there was. Yes, it caused me a lot of pain. And it all at times seems senseless. But now I'm a little further down the path of time. Aren't we all ? Souls in time. Incarnations. Experience. Being forged in ongoing creation. Unfolding.
I agree that @ our soul level we accept this example but not the devaluation… we need to value ourselves & not rely on external sources so going inner is truly the lesson. I was fortunate to channel my life purpose through the crown chakra after a past life regression: “the purpose of this lifetime is to spread the knowledge of Divine Oneness ✨ now my life is an exploration of this simple sentence so hard to follow in real life here
😅 Having worked with car dealerships in the past this is spot on! I kept warning them that Carmax will put them out of business because of this negative experience/behavior/interaction that routinely happens at dealerships
Plyability has gotten me this far. This is a tough one. Ever have a friend who you enjoy, but when you go to a big store together, they wander around, without a thought of you and disappear? Can the items be actually more important than seeing a friend and spending time? Then THEY are angry that you have to call them, to find them and the mobile phones don’t work good there. Yes, there are real narcissists around, why mess with these ‘mild’ slights either?! Some people choose to get bitter and cold later, in life and a friend of 27 years might have to be quietly let go. Friendships need some nurturing once in a while, don’t they? I feel as if I have done enough bending, of myself, my time and my mind-space. Perhaps, she has gotten into such a big mess, by not following my advice, that she is too embarassed, to let me see the truth.
The toll narcissists behavior has already taken. Having the feeling of doom much of the time and the different ways our minds and bodies may react to it is complicated. Whether there's daily interactions with a narcissist or not... the impact can be there.
Thank you so much for this and your previous video (and all of your videos), Dr. Ramani. I’m among the countless people they’ve helped, and I deeply appreciate the insights you share. I imagine a unique challenge with this type of content is that, because narcissists often externalize their own narcissism, many of your viewers may themselves exhibit high narcissistic traits. Meanwhile, many sufferers of narcissistic abuse-who could greatly benefit from your work-might not find it or might not feel it’s intended for them. Paradoxically, they may even be searching for content on how to be less narcissistic! I’m not sure what the solution is (and I suspect you’ve already considered this, given your vast experience and expertise), but perhaps more videos focused on self-exploration and healing could complement your excellent work on analyzing the narcissist's exterior-their patterns and behaviors. Thanks again for all that you do: your positive impact on the world is likely greater than you know.
Omg thank you. Eye have questioned if a good father was synonymous with a good man or if these people can also be a narcissist or narcissistic. And today you have answered my question.
A malignant or grandiose narcissist can have a covert "gateway" underbelly, I would say. The real harmful narcissism can roll in a few years down the road.
Allowing someone to hope you'll forever take a mental back seat is a betrayal of your inner self and heart. Its always best to avoid ever being in the position of saying, i should have spoken up for myself and not cared about their reaction. Nothing is ever gained by reminding them of how many tines they were initially allowed to get their way while you worked out the exact time you deserved to also get your way and they took turns on the back seat. Most people either leave, make them leave or are left by them for the following reasons 1 you stuck to the idea that enough is enough and started measuring their promise to change AGAINST their long term actions 2 ordered them to go despite them not having a replacement for you waiting in the wings 3. Stopped allowing them to get away with expecting you to lay down like a doormat and walk all over you. Suddenly you are no longer any fun and they must find someone who'll stop holding them to account. If they try to get you back in future its simply because you were kinder than your replacement. The point is why stay in love with someone who doesn't love you back? You love them and they love them too!
Can't take credit for any good effects the comments have had in your hearts. It came from the powerful contents of the Amazon kindle download book , a global elimination of toxic people
Can't take credit for any good effects the comments have had in your hearts. It came from the powerful contents of the Amazon kindle download book , a global elimination of toxic people
I just got out of a convo about "winning." If I spoke up, I'd end up in the wrong about where I want to be. I need help in taking steps to achieve my goals, but not from the people I see daily. I can already see they're only pushing this convo and my decisions for themselves.
“We don’t think to walk away.” Salespeople count on it. I’m not saying all salespeople are narcissists. I know many that aren’t, but they are taught the techniques commonly used by narcissists. I recently divorced a narcissist that works as a salesman. The worse. Walk away and surprise them. Even they know you aren’t obligated to complete the sale. That’s the boundary.
I use to work with a women who said , " she could ruin my life" she later we t in to shout at a police officer then herself . It hit the local newspaper. I barely knew her .The tech tech at work,( I had quit that job) placed blame on me . I didn't run in their circled. I still ha e stress I er that friendship .I rarely go outside anymore ...nit was too much.
i'm worried. There are so many different types of narcs out there. Thank whatever blessing brought you to help peeps with this very serious problem, Dr. Ramani. 93/93
I was married to a narcissist for 10 years. We split 14 months ago. I have periods where I feel truly like I'm going to be ok but it never lasts. When will the anger, resentment, hate feelings go away? I want them to go away
My confusion here is, are they mildly narcissist or someone who has some characteristics of narcissist . That's a faded line for me. I absolutely love you and your videos. You have changed my life.
Yes I'd like to know what Dr. Ramani means by "mild narcissism." Is she talking about people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or people that display narcissistic traits but do not have NPD? Either way the message is clear; the people that display a milder, less toxic form of narcissism groom us to tolerate more intense forms of it meted out by people with full blown NPD.
@@bluebay0 Narcissism is on a spectrum. I really don't care whether they are far enough along the spectrum to be an NPD or just 'showing symptoms. What I have noticed is if they show symptoms, they eventually get worse. Why hang around? Are you suggesting that because they are not NPD that they are 'harmless'? NOT! That person may be full blown NPD but is covert and not shown you what is really going on with them.
@@l.5832 The message I laid out is what the doctor's message in the video is to the viewers. I did not make any assumptions in my comment about anything.
My “best friend” in high school managed to have every guy I ever liked invite her to the ball, or the prom. She even paid me to make her dress . Senior year, my boyfriend told me he slept with her and wanted my forgiveness . It was the only time I ever got physical with another person. I slapped him and never spoke to either of them again. He was my first intimate partner. I got an STD, and SOMEHOW I believed it was my fault . All of these years later, it just occurred to me that that was her most damaging “ gift”.
I would love to see a video on telling the difference between narcissism and histrionic personality disorder. There is some overlap and I might have gotten hpd mistaken for npd.
My problem is he was the come down after my ASPD father but its done so much damage to my emotional state because i didnt trust my dad in bad moments but i trusted his view on me. Met him at 17 and just never saw it until recently.
A better example would be that everything was going well the sales person was nice and then when you got the bill it was way over what you agreed to pay. You obviously see that that nice person put the wrong price but you tell yourself that he was a nice person that maybe he did it wrong, Even though you know there was nobody else you were working with. So when you go and confront him about it he lies to you Or gives you all these reasons why the price went up. And you Pay the high price in the end because you remember that kind person and believe OK well everybody makes mistakes right. Or maybe he forgot to tell you about something that's just a simple error that anyone could make. But then when you take the car home the car falls apart little by little, The Chevrolet sign falls off and you realize it's actually a Pontiac they don't make anymore. You go to confront him and he blamed it on somebody else That you know possibly could not have done it like the manufacturer. Lie after lie Turns into obvious Lies. You still are stuck with the whole price for the car. You're left with no money and a shitty car. And all the responsibility.
I try to keep myself away from narcissistic people however, I have a friend that I know, who was raised with narcissists and has picked up their traits. I always go into our meetings by knowing I'm playing a game with her and do my cleverly disguised work arounds to get along. We never spend too much time together and I don't want to call her out, because she would be hurt and then she may do the smear campaign thing and it isn't really worth it to do all of that. She is a superficial friend at best, so if she dropped out of my life, I would not care as much if I was more emotionally invested in the friendship.
Hi Dr Ramani, could you make a video on the similarities and differences in the struggles one encounters when dealing with narcissists and avoidants? I'm struggling to know which is which. Especially since both can be breadcrumbers, passive aggressive and Hoover/lovebombers
Never, never ever have 2 person buying car in front of sales-man. - They play people against each other... - you two, go somewhere else to discuss the descission...never in front of sales people... ... Important!!!
My psychology professor said he would wait till they were closing when buying a car so they would want him out of there 😂. He said he'd get a few thousand dollars off
"My long term "Narc" told me they needed to be with someone younger, but still convinced me that they needed me in their life? what a mistake that was"
Thank you for explaining this. I recently divorced after 30 years a severely narcissistic man and entered another relationship before realizing what narcissism was. He wasn’t all that bad and I couldn’t put my finger on what was going on. He’s very selfish, stubborn and angers very easily if I ever questioned him about fidelity, I was the trouble maker for addressing my concerns. He’d say I ruined his day for questioning him. Well, yesterday I broke up with him! You gave me the strength, courage and most importantly knowledge. Thank you for helping me. ❤
It gets so old dealing with narcissistic people.
and it gets tiring leaving, leaving a dream job..letting them have what you own. Very tiring, and at home with my narc family..then in my apartment building...on and on.
No matter what degree of narcissim , it always ends up in 💔
💔❤️🩹♥️
True.
100%
💯
Everyone has narcissism and everyone is narcissistic. It is to the degree that determines someone as having NPD (being a “narcissist”).
Thinking you are not on the spectrum of narcissism like everyone else, is in fact, a display of narcissism in itself.
Dr. Ramani has almost 2 million subscribers. That is a large audience. She is popular for a reason. That is, she knows her stuff.
Many years ago I couldn't see it, now that I'm older I can see it very clearly.
What really urks me about my mom being able to get away with her behavior is that once I react I’m automatically the bad guy. It happened last night around our friends. She was making faces at me only I caught onto, then she said under her breath that I was a bad daughter because I was starting to get uncomfortable with her passive aggression on full display. I so desperately wanted to say “what about you being a bad mother, guess that makes two of us huh?”.. but I bit my tongue and decided to remove myself without saying anything because I really don’t like conflict , so I went into another room. One of my our friends asked if I was ok, I explained how I felt, then she goes “your mom loves conflict that’s just a part of her personality either you guys need to be apart for now… or you could just try to tough it out and eat with us 🤷🏻♀️” it’s absolutely nerve wrecking having to stay in the presence of my mother when she acts like that. The subtle glares and snide remarks makes me feel like the same neglected and secretly despised child growing up. I had to remove myself but the dinner party was so awkward because of my absence from the table. I could tell I completely killed the vibe but I never tried to make it about me… that tore me apart. For my mom it’s “that’s a part of her personality” but i hate victimizing Myself even though I’m 26 with depression, complex ptsd, add, and bpd all stemming from my childhood and yet I’m still told to suck it up… thank god radical acceptance saved me from spiraling. I thank god everyday for dr. Ramoni, you are beyond goated!
No contact plz
What great self awareness and insight you are developing … and at such a young age! It’s maddening.
She is not good for you.
I'M PROUD OF YOU, YOU'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH IT. GO FAR AWAY FROM HER IF IT'S POSSIBLE.
Distance yourself as much as you can for your mental health. Protect your peace.
I had a similar relationship with my father, he didn't pull faces, he would just sit there silently. I thought I'd killed the vibe, but it was just my father who thought I was a reject waiting for me to leave
Thank you Dr. Ramani -- this was very eye opening. I have a pattern of getting involved in friendships where I play the role of unpaid therapist, the ever-patient listener to my friends' woes. Until now, I never thought of these people as narcissists, just "a bit selfish," or "preoccupied with their own stuff." But they never reciprocated the attention I gave them, and when I became aware of this and tried to reclaim my own time/space with them, I was met with resistance and, in one case, downright nastiness. I learned to walk away from these people. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to replace them with healthy friendships, so I'm pretty isolated. I'm very leery of falling into the same trap.
Thank you so much for describing your situation. I (62) have the same experiences! Self - Awareness and Self - Protection is after all such (bad) experiences very important! 🍀🙋🏻♀️
Definitely feel you. Same here.
Beware of envy from people you try to help because now there’s a target on your back forever
It’s sad how much I feel every word you’ve written. I’m sorry you had to go through that too. Let’s be friends 😂 in what universe do two caring people actually end up forming a relationship. I know! A universe without childhood trauma… sigh!
Me too- exactly!!!!
When one thinks of narcissists, one must think of them as manipulative opportunists, who turn it on & off as it suits them. So 'mild' & 'extreme' can exist in one person, but the hints & clues are ever-present.
Thank You - I am reminded of a saying that seems very fitting with narcissists.
"The price of Freedom is eternal vigilance."
Also: don't get stuck in a place of "is this really narcissism, or are they just a bit childish?". If you are mistreated, you have the right to disengage.
True. My parents are unbearable narcs. And the fact I got villainized for not wanting to be nice to them. No, they're getting a stone-cold daughter who won't be involved with their quarrels even if they want me to. They're getting nothing out of me.
They are only mild until they target you out of envy because you threaten their supply, position or ego. Just because they aren’t after you now, doesn’t mean it’s mild narcissism. You just aren’t their current target. Their target at work or school or church will not be getting the mild side. You are or you aren’t narcissistic. I don’t believe in spectrum. You just made not be a target but doesn’t mean they aren’t full blown evil to someone else.
Bravo! On point and well said
Absolutely!!! They will be somewhere making someone's life a living hell. Ugh!!!!!
Yes, I agree completely with you!
I just think Dr. Ramani was just making a point.
Both things can be true to an extent (ie not being the target) but also the spectrum. I have had the different types, from the covert/social narc (mother) who is mid-range, my sister (former golden child of narc) whom I call 'narc lite', and an ex-partner who was extremely dangerous malignant narc. And the determination was made over time/exposure.
That's a very good point about them only being mild until you become some sort of threat to them.
Oh my gosh! Every word hits home, Dr Ramani. You are an incredible listener. One by one, we distance ourselves from these toxic people, until we feel completely alone - and doubt our abilities to build new relationships
I now doubt there are trustworthy humans… human nature being what it evidently is!
This is enlightening. It has really helped me so much to understand this, about the acclimatisation and the gradual adjustments over many years as the narcissist's "bad behaviours" gradually escalate. I wondered often like you said, "how did we get here?" and you've made it so clear how this comes about. In some ways, whether it is narcissism or something else, the same principle applies. The gradual worsening and increased frequency of bad behaviours partnered with the recipient's ongoing adjustments to deal with it, is not a healthy situation, and eventually will lead to a breaking point, emotionally, mentally and in physical health.
they will try and drag you into their echo chamber of drama just cut the contact...do not hesitate just cut it and leave
My first boyfriend was my narcissistic training program. He was entitled and invalidating, but I was not in much danger there…just frustrated and always in trouble. Then, in 2002 and in 2010, I met the abusive narcissists who would go on to destroy my life - the woman who is my “best friend” and my ex husband. Add to that a narcissistic workplace…and I am surrounded! I managed to free myself of one, but the other two I cannot leave for financial and legal reasons. It is killing me. Sometimes I actually think I had it EASY twenty-five years ago with the first one!
Hang in there and pray. You don't deserve to have your life stolen away, and you will be free. Don't let the narcissistic lies trick you into thinking you're stuck. They're absolutely nothing without YOU, since you hold all the value and strength. I advise you to keep working on yourself intently, and mentally separate yourself from their actions, motives, and outcomes. None of it has to do with you. I am in the same position as you, narcissists all around, and how are they everywhere if I've already learned about this and healed from past narcissists? It's a painful life. Self-work and praying to God are the only 2 things that keep me moving forward and seeing things clearly. Life is hard, the devil sends narcissists, and the good people do good. BUT, we've all got this. The narcissists will suffer alone in the end. Stay up❤️🙏✝️
I relate very much
@ I’m sorry. It’s horrendous that this has been our story. ✌🏻
@@lindamcmanus3057 yes it is, and while I have done the healing and now in a very safe relationship, I continue to watch Dr Ramani to keep reminding myself of my value and to not repeat old patterns.
I hope for your continued recovery. We are very strong as a result of our story.
Belated Happy Birthday Dr. R!
There comes a time when we all NEED TO let go of being the fixer. As far as finding kindred spirits, I don’t look anymore. At 71, people my age are probably having the same struggles as me & I have made a commitment to myself to keep the remainder of my life as peaceful as possible. With the narcissists I have known, an expectation of maturation is the wishful thinking but it NEVER arrives.
Been doing my best to steer clear of all narcs and psychos, knowing very well they are unavoidable on this beautiful planet Earth, which is why even after more than ten years of studying this topic, I still often watch videos while most videos are upsetting because most videos address the mild and the generalized versions of narcissists and psychopaths but good reminders. Once upon a time the heavens rain down puppies and kittens for the good of humanity. 🥰🌱
I’m alone with my rescue cats @ 66 with no plans to trust humans again 😊
❤️ and a big, empathetic 😁 to both of you!
Me too. I continue to watch videos like mental self defense training
I just wanna say, I am so unbelievably appreciative of all that I have learned from you Dr. Ramani. I learned how people were mistreating me and how to defend myself against it, but also how to be a healthier version of myself. You absolutely changed my life. I’m not a religious man, but you are doing the lords work. Gratitude 🙏🙏
Interesting! It makes me start to wonder about Narcissistic group dynamics like in a cult or a toxic workplace, or a toxic religious congregation where the Narcissists have all the power and the Narcissistic qualities and behaviors are lauded. It seems like the less shocking Narcissists can pull unsuspecting victims in and convince them to walk into a nightmare situation in the ways you described. Thanks for another great video!
This is a very interesting comment. Thought-provoking.
I have a friend who I have known all my life. She complains about everything. If i give any kind of opinion that doesn't align with hers, she gets irritated. The last time this happened, she told me she wasn't looking for advice. It broke me a little. I responded i didn't know how to be a friend without having an opinion on things. In fact, we aren't really friends if you dont want feedback. You just want someone to complain to. She told me she was just talking for the sake of talking, and she would talk to me later when I was in a better mood because she didn't want to upset me anymore. It's a bit more complicated than this simple duscription. Anyways, we have talked a couple of other times since. Always her initiating. And always making things about her. Like Maggie Smiths death. I've decided I'm not pursuing the friendship. If it continues, it will be because she puts in the effort. We have barely talked since I decided that. It's sad. Relationships should go both ways!
This video is a huge reminder to me of how it seems as if our social systems promote selfishness. How do we, -where do we begin in promoting caring and unselfish behaviors ? It is rather obvious that we each need to walk the talk so to speak, but is it enough? I am actually surprised and even sometimes shocked when people behave unselfishly. I have come to expect narcissism as the example set by leaders and prominent people. When leaders and others behave unselfishly it seems as if the "algorithms" almost ignore it.
The algorithms DO almost always ignore it. You're not imagining it.
I’m 66 & the difference between a President like Carter from the greatest generation & those coming into power now who are bragging about how narcissistic they really are… it’s such a dangerous scary society!
It's a wretched world of social Darwinism fueled by greed. Most people live is a survival mode. It appears that humanity at large is a stunted in development species, it gets perpetually retraumatized each generation and doesn't get a chance to heal forever stuck in immaturity. And so we walk hand in hand towards self-destruction.
Narcissists, mild or not, they’re still narcs and still just as toxic.
Takers or abusers are cut from the same cloth, like the emperor’s new clothes… there’s nothing but delusion
Yes!!
Nah, the homicidal malignant narc really out-performs the other types.
There is no such thing as a “mild narcissist”.
Everyone is on the scale of narcissism. Everyone. Once your narcissistic behavior (narcissism) is to a certain level, for enough of the criteria to be met - then you are a “narcissist” (then you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder).
But there is no such thing as a “mild narcissist”. Someone could have a mild level of narcissism, but that is different.
Educate yourself on the terms narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist - to better understand how it all works. Those terms and meanings are not interchangeable.
I know many, many “mild” or gateway narcissists. Can’t tolerate them anymore either !!!!
Nope.
I understand about conditioning. You come to accept and expect the behaviour, even to condone it as a little quirk or immaturity about the person. But the longer you allow it, the more you validate it and the less they feel any need to change their behaviours, so you either have to put up with it forever or leave, which poses an existential threat to them and they will go down kicking, screaming, accusing and abusing.
Thanks for your continued insights, explanations and validation ❤
I have felt relief not having a narcissistic person around but my nervous system hasn't really got the memo. Kind of like narcissists ghosts remain in our nervous system. The aftereffects can go deep. Things can feel like they're happening again now. Reliving in flashbacks. Or even memories as they come up can feel fresh. I've been feeling the nervous system vibrations.
Sometimes the affects on our psyches or nervous system or physical health may remain. Fatigue. Maybe healing.
Flashbacks can feel disturbing. I guess they can be retraumatizing for people. Then the startling and scanning the rooms as if there's danger when alone after there's an unexpected sound and rushing to check the door. Having a feeling of doom much of the time. The uncontrollable shaking can feel rough. I had that come on recently when I just couldn't find my keys for a moment when leaving a store. Whole body. They were in a pocket I wasn't used to under some stuff. Doom.
Memories can be difficult too.
CPTSD
Thank you Dr Ramini.
This made so much sense to me!!
I was married over 40 years ago to a controlling, abusive man that I left after almost a year of his abuse.
I moved on but obviously not knowing anything about narcissism .
Sadly it seems that I've drawn this type if controlling behaviour into my life time and again.
I spent 20 years with someone who was very controlling and it was only when someone pointed out what she saw did I SEE IT!! Again..I moved on.
But most recently the latest narcissistic man was worse than both!! But I tried to make it work. I've learned so much about narcissism in the past year and realise that the other 2 were the gateway to the horror of putting up and getting on with it.
I'm free now, but healing slowly .❤
Free and single---yehhhhhh
Most definitely yippeeee !!😊@@jamesmcginn8874
This can definitely go the other way as well. After suffering more severe narcissistic abuse and coercive control, especially in the early stages of realizing what happened and understanding it we can be more willing to overlook less obvious red flags in people...
Thank you sooooooo much Dr. Ramani!!!!!! ❤👍 OMG!!! this is literally what I'm experiencing right now! I'm sick of my mildly narcissistic friends, I just have 0 patience for it anymore...
Me too!!!!!
This videos answers a lot of questions I have and the nuances I've been noticing in the relationships around me. Now that I am more regulated and don't take things so personally around the severe narcissists in my life (the holidays were a big challenge) the mild to moderate narcissism, or even my own egocentrism, is a lot easier to pick up on and acknowledge. I feel like I just leveled up and can have some authentic autonomy over my life, even more so than before. It's so hard when you're in the thick of things and experiencing abuse and confused about it but as I get better at seeing things from a further away perspective, gathering knowledge and applying it, I find this all so very interesting and it's really helpful for my wellbeing. Anyway, thanks Ramani for this video. I have a passion for psychology and have been following your videos for years, bought some of your books, etc. Big fan ❤
Yup i knew this christmas would be no different. I had zero expectations. As clockwork cluster b mother had to pick a fight (the same exact fight at the family gathering for thanksgiving) for our family gathering. It gets so old. Not even one milimeter of ownership. I was so numbed out. After dating a covert and having a messed up family i just can even fathom ever dating - just on edge wondering if another narc is going to come flying out of no where
I love you Dr. Ramani! You have help me get through the b.s with my soon to be ex-narc husband! I have radical acceptance and ready to move on
Get out before it’s too late! 💪🏼😅
Please think again.
I hope you mean so to be EX 😮
Great but take a year to recover & release that trauma bond as you let the codependency go
@@amyhawks370 yes I do! I edited the comment for sure
Animal Farm by George Orwell should be essential reading to see how over time people accept increasing abuse.
I also believe all narcs can become worse, or appear better depending on their current level of shame.
In a weird way, my youth was a period of grooming by milder narcissists. I only discovered that there was a thing called narcissism when I got sucked into a “friendship” with a severe malignant narcissist. I fell right in and it took years to get out. So milder narcissists are dangerous, even if not directly.
Well said and very true!!
Tempted to send people t-shirts, with ‘Gateway’ on them.
😂😂😂😂😂❤
Dr. Ramani, I just want to say I love your outfit. You are looking beautiful and I always love seeing your books and pottery in the background. Thank you so much for another great video!
Dr Ramani - I appreciate the education you have brought forward. You mentioned in a podcast that you have seen 60 & 70 yr old homeless. Can’t you and your fellow friends like Mel Robbin’s start up a campaign to fund people needing support to get out and not be homeless. Don’t just tell me about it. Do something with all your notaries to help people get away and be safe. I pray you do. I won’t be that lucky. I have called every agency possible. Nobody understands even Domestic Violence. This has to change. For all the channels on TH-cam. Maybe you could be the crusader for delivering us monetarily to safety. As no one else will.
Too many of them for comfort... The more you educate yourself, the less you believe the stats. 1 in 6 people? It's more like 1 in 4!!!
Try 1 in 3
@@ArtistNorth Now 2 in 3
@@alexxx4434 yes probably
Criticism from them , when others are very complimentary of you.
Requesting your presence when they never show up for you.
Feeling like you are in a relationship and then finally realizing that you are in a dictatorship.
Bye bye ….
Yes, bye bye. They never change. So why are they entitled of my life?
Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
In the right circumstances narcissists can go from mild to severe. Like in a family estate battle
I can get a little narcissistic around a nark these days. But I am aware of it! Ty Dr Ramani sooo much insight you have!
I call it boundaries
The daily exposure is killing me. I'm bone tired 24/7 and always feeling under the weather. My only good days are when he's out of town. He's definitely not mildly narcissistic.
Im never going to stop making sense of even bad things and its not a problem. I enjoy it. I don't need empathy from everyone. Im not going to tolerate really toxic behavior or rhetoric.
I walk away and call them on it because I have experienced this so much
This is so accurate! This is exactly how 'nice guys' (who are just waiting for their turn to be abusive) benefit from a violent, misogynistic society.
I’m scared of nice guys now instead of focusing on the obviously not nice ones
@@CenterWomen4B I quit a long time ago
@@SherryTomlinson-r2y Yup!
As I listened, I found the one grounding thing I have to remember as relationships happen is to remember where I came from or my history. I can hopefully make better choices and I have my truth. My truth doesn't leave me in healing. Boundaried truth has been a lifesaver and a step to freedom. Not easy but workable.
Thank you ❤ You are the best.
Wow! IIt's like with every video of Dr Ramani's I watch, especially these latest releases, things start to make more and more sense.
This one in particular has really helped piece things together; I feel something in it helped things click. I'll sit on that thought for a bit, see how things pan out.
Saving all my faves like this to a playlist for safe keeping when I need that clarity! I dunno if she (you) reads comments, but *thank you for your brilliant work!* 🥰
I was unsure of the spectrum of narcissism. It got me into so much trouble.
‘Adolescent bs’ is acceptable in adolescents, especially if they are your own kids and your parenting goal is to help them on the way to becoming happy healthy adults. In a partner? It will erode the relationship and you.
My father is the narcissist, im th3 scapegoat. It got so bad I threatened to have him cremated, since then, our relationship is improving,
I need something like that to combat the way my mother treats me. It is so frustrating, she had maneuvered things in my life to leave me dependant on her, and anytime I speak about creating boundaries and respect, she flips out and tells me I'm so mean. I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm at the end of my rope.
We cannot get used to them. Whatever is the type. We only put up to try our best to save the relationship.
Not anymore
I will never get used to the awful, tedious relationships with them. Whatever the type, they weigh and measure you in every interaction.
It’s like the expression death by a thousand cuts.
I met a friend again after 20 years again and in our first encounter I did in fact adapt and get used to my friend’s ways. He drained me energetically for two weeks straight and he says I was the reason we are not friends lol but I’ve been nothing but caring lol. I feel so much better about myself now that he is gone because I know it is always his way or the highway. I’m having a blast and getting a great break from him honestly. I don’t want to see him again because he doesn’t ever consider my feelings or my needs or my wants. I was accustomed to be offended for sure. He was a mild narcissist. I’m glad he’s no longer in my life. ❤
This is my brother, when I think of him, it’s indeed not “abusive or manipulative”, but more “annoying, braggy, whiney, jerky or immature”, it’s so easy to let it pass you. I feel like these people are more like insects in the summer, they fly around you to annoy, but won’t necessarily sting. He still makes you feel empty and negative though, that the world is a much worse place than it is, like all narcissistic people will do.
4:10
After a bit over a month of no contact I’m just now starting to feel even slightly better. It is a direct correlation.
My problem is that I see many narcissists around me. I don't know if I am exaggerating or afraid or right 😅
Yes ! The daily exposure can slowly suck the life out of you. You may become agitated every day, and you may slowly lose all of your time for activitites/other opportunities, because the NPD/BPD/ASPD/Datk Tetrad will covertly try to take control of your life.
I love you, Dr.Ramani.
GATEWAY NARCISSIST???? This info I need to know!!!!
Thanks!
Trying to understand ourselves, the people around us, and why we see everything like we do is a big dance card. Why did I fall for narcissists ? Was there some divine purpose ? Yes, I suppose that there was. Yes, it caused me a lot of pain. And it all at times seems senseless. But now I'm a little further down the path of time. Aren't we all ? Souls in time. Incarnations. Experience. Being forged in ongoing creation. Unfolding.
I agree that @ our soul level we accept this example but not the devaluation… we need to value ourselves & not rely on external sources so going inner is truly the lesson. I was fortunate to channel my life purpose through the crown chakra after a past life regression: “the purpose of this lifetime is to spread the knowledge of Divine Oneness ✨ now my life is an exploration of this simple sentence so hard to follow in real life here
😅 Having worked with car dealerships in the past this is spot on! I kept warning them that Carmax will put them out of business because of this negative experience/behavior/interaction that routinely happens at dealerships
Always excellent content. Would be great to see a video called "addict or narcissist"
Plyability has gotten me this far. This is a tough one. Ever have a friend who you enjoy, but when you go to a big store together, they wander around, without a thought of you and disappear? Can the items be actually more important than seeing a friend and spending time? Then THEY are angry that you have to call them, to find them and the mobile phones don’t work good there. Yes, there are real narcissists around, why mess with these ‘mild’ slights either?! Some people choose to get bitter and cold later, in life and a friend of 27 years might have to be quietly let go. Friendships need some nurturing once in a while, don’t they? I feel as if I have done enough bending, of myself, my time and my mind-space. Perhaps, she has gotten into such a big mess, by not following my advice, that she is too embarassed, to let me see the truth.
The toll narcissists behavior has already taken. Having the feeling of doom much of the time and the different ways our minds and bodies may react to it is complicated. Whether there's daily interactions with a narcissist or not... the impact can be there.
Thank you so much for this and your previous video (and all of your videos), Dr. Ramani. I’m among the countless people they’ve helped, and I deeply appreciate the insights you share.
I imagine a unique challenge with this type of content is that, because narcissists often externalize their own narcissism, many of your viewers may themselves exhibit high narcissistic traits. Meanwhile, many sufferers of narcissistic abuse-who could greatly benefit from your work-might not find it or might not feel it’s intended for them. Paradoxically, they may even be searching for content on how to be less narcissistic!
I’m not sure what the solution is (and I suspect you’ve already considered this, given your vast experience and expertise), but perhaps more videos focused on self-exploration and healing could complement your excellent work on analyzing the narcissist's exterior-their patterns and behaviors.
Thanks again for all that you do: your positive impact on the world is likely greater than you know.
The seeds of doubt are always a pain to get out of my head but not impossible! 😁
So sick and tired of these people. Geez
❤
🙏🏽🧘🏽♂️💜 very accurate perspective
Oh, I've had a gateway narcissist and didn't even really realize it!
Omg thank you. Eye have questioned if a good father was synonymous with a good man or if these people can also be a narcissist or narcissistic. And today you have answered my question.
Mildly narcissistic, like being “kinda” pregnant.
Like kinda liking yourself? Enough to brush your own teeth?
😂😂😂
A malignant or grandiose narcissist can have a covert "gateway" underbelly, I would say. The real harmful narcissism can roll in a few years down the road.
Allowing someone to hope you'll forever take a mental back seat is a betrayal of your inner self and heart. Its always best to avoid ever being in the position of saying, i should have spoken up for myself and not cared about their reaction. Nothing is ever gained by reminding them of how many tines they were initially allowed to get their way while you worked out the exact time you deserved to also get your way and they took turns on the back seat. Most people either leave, make them leave or are left by them for the following reasons 1 you stuck to the idea that enough is enough and started measuring their promise to change AGAINST their long term actions 2 ordered them to go despite them not having a replacement for you waiting in the wings 3. Stopped allowing them to get away with expecting you to lay down like a doormat and walk all over you. Suddenly you are no longer any fun and they must find someone who'll stop holding them to account. If they try to get you back in future its simply because you were kinder than your replacement. The point is why stay in love with someone who doesn't love you back? You love them and they love them too!
Can't take credit for any good effects the comments have had in your hearts. It came from the powerful contents of the Amazon kindle download book , a global elimination of toxic people
Can't take credit for any good effects the comments have had in your hearts. It came from the powerful contents of the Amazon kindle download book , a global elimination of toxic people
Totally laughing at that scenario. Happens every time I trade my leasing
I just got out of a convo about "winning." If I spoke up, I'd end up in the wrong about where I want to be. I need help in taking steps to achieve my goals, but not from the people I see daily. I can already see they're only pushing this convo and my decisions for themselves.
“We don’t think to walk away.”
Salespeople count on it. I’m not saying all salespeople are narcissists. I know many that aren’t, but they are taught the techniques commonly used by narcissists. I recently divorced a narcissist that works as a salesman. The worse.
Walk away and surprise them. Even they know you aren’t obligated to complete the sale. That’s the boundary.
I use to work with a women who said , " she could ruin my life" she later we t in to shout at a police officer then herself . It hit the local newspaper. I barely knew her .The tech tech at work,( I had quit that job) placed blame on me . I didn't run in their circled. I still ha e stress I er that friendship .I rarely go outside anymore ...nit was too much.
i'm worried. There are so many different types of narcs out there. Thank whatever blessing brought you to help peeps with this very serious problem, Dr. Ramani.
93/93
I was married to a narcissist for 10 years. We split 14 months ago. I have periods where I feel truly like I'm going to be ok but it never lasts. When will the anger, resentment, hate feelings go away? I want them to go away
My confusion here is, are they mildly narcissist or someone who has some characteristics of narcissist . That's a faded line for me. I absolutely love you and your videos. You have changed my life.
Yes I'd like to know what Dr. Ramani means by "mild narcissism." Is she talking about people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or people that display narcissistic traits but do not have NPD? Either way the message is clear; the people that display a milder, less toxic form of narcissism groom us to tolerate more intense forms of it meted out by people with full blown NPD.
@@bluebay0 Narcissism is on a spectrum. I really don't care whether they are far enough along the spectrum to be an NPD or just 'showing symptoms. What I have noticed is if they show symptoms, they eventually get worse. Why hang around? Are you suggesting that because they are not NPD that they are 'harmless'? NOT! That person may be full blown NPD but is covert and not shown you what is really going on with them.
@@l.5832 The message I laid out is what the doctor's message in the video is to the viewers. I did not make any assumptions in my comment about anything.
My “best friend” in high school managed to have every guy I ever liked invite her to the ball, or the prom. She even paid me to make her dress . Senior year, my boyfriend told me he slept with her and wanted my forgiveness . It was the only time I ever got physical with another person. I slapped him and never spoke to either of them again. He was my first intimate partner. I got an STD, and SOMEHOW I believed it was my fault . All of these years later, it just occurred to me that that was her most damaging “ gift”.
Looking good, Doc! ♥️😘
I do lots of workarounds because of substantial gains. I cannot make my mortgage payments without him paying his half.
That person on a dating app who won't respond as they said they would, then apologize and make you feel guilty about them apologizing.
I would love to see a video on telling the difference between narcissism and histrionic personality disorder. There is some overlap and I might have gotten hpd mistaken for npd.
Wow! I just realized which relative was my gateway narcissist! 🤯
I married into an entire family of people like this. Not fun. Glad I got out.
My problem is he was the come down after my ASPD father but its done so much damage to my emotional state because i didnt trust my dad in bad moments but i trusted his view on me. Met him at 17 and just never saw it until recently.
A better example would be that everything was going well the sales person was nice and then when you got the bill it was way over what you agreed to pay. You obviously see that that nice person put the wrong price but you tell yourself that he was a nice person that maybe he did it wrong, Even though you know there was nobody else you were working with. So when you go and confront him about it he lies to you Or gives you all these reasons why the price went up. And you Pay the high price in the end because you remember that kind person and believe OK well everybody makes mistakes right. Or maybe he forgot to tell you about something that's just a simple error that anyone could make. But then when you take the car home the car falls apart little by little, The Chevrolet sign falls off and you realize it's actually a Pontiac they don't make anymore. You go to confront him and he blamed it on somebody else That you know possibly could not have done it like the manufacturer. Lie after lie Turns into obvious Lies. You still are stuck with the whole price for the car. You're left with no money and a shitty car. And all the responsibility.
This was like listening to my life story
Do a video on the aloof narcissist.
Needed to hear this! Soon helpful
I try to keep myself away from narcissistic people however, I have a friend that I know, who was raised with narcissists and has picked up their traits. I always go into our meetings by knowing I'm playing a game with her and do my cleverly disguised work arounds to get along. We never spend too much time together and I don't want to call her out, because she would be hurt and then she may do the smear campaign thing and it isn't really worth it to do all of that. She is a superficial friend at best, so if she dropped out of my life, I would not care as much if I was more emotionally invested in the friendship.
You really can't call them out, anyway.
Thank you!
Hi Dr Ramani, could you make a video on the similarities and differences in the struggles one encounters when dealing with narcissists and avoidants? I'm struggling to know which is which. Especially since both can be breadcrumbers, passive aggressive and Hoover/lovebombers
Never, never ever have 2 person buying car in front of sales-man.
- They play people against each other...
- you two, go somewhere else to discuss the descission...never in front of sales people...
...
Important!!!
My psychology professor said he would wait till they were closing when buying a car so they would want him out of there 😂. He said he'd get a few thousand dollars off
Oh yeah i remember why i could not focus in her last video i watched. You resemble lilly sing that youtuber.