Gay Therapy: Toxic Single Shaming
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2022
- Being open to a relationship is one thing. Being attached to needing one to feel secure in life is a house of cards. But we live in a society that on so many levels pushes the idea that if you can’t find a long term romantic love, then you must be damaged. 🏳️🌈🖤🤎🏳️⚧️ And especially for us queer folx, we can feel the extra pressure to prove that our hearts are just as good as any cis hetero couples out there. But in the same way we can rise above the bs and come out as gay/queer, we can also stay elevated and find a strong love for ourselves any moment we might be doing our own thing as a single person. Watch this video and tell me what your experience has been below! #psychology #toxicsingleshaming #mentalhealth #gay #queer #emotionalintelligence #therapy #psychotherapy
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Good points!
I’m all about shaming myself for being single. Because my parents are very critical of my being gay, I feel like I have to be in a relationship to prove them wrong.
I've never been in a relationship...In fact, in the strictest term of "dating" I've never gone out with anyone. Why? I never felt good enough or acceptable enough in the gay community. I buried myself in work and other projects that kept me away from having to confront the rejection that I got when I was younger. I guess it comes from being called ugly early on that drove that thought deep enough into my brain. Gays, girls whoever...to them I was ugly or unworthy in some other way. To this day if I see a guy who I'm attracted to I immediately think "Even if he's gay he could find someone better than me" and that's the end of it. I'm in therapy not to explore these feelings and even though I doubt I will ever get rid of them (after all, I am too old for anyone anyway) maybe I can gather up a little more confidence in other areas of life.
Nice to see you on my subscription feed again! I really like these short advice videos, and as a chronically single guy, this one really resonated with me
youre probably contradicting yourself because we do need others to "validate/confirm" our orientation. many do so with hook ups and fwb. have you ever met a single gay man who is celibate? very rare ha.
What about sex? I really want it, but casual sex doesn't work for me.
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This video comes at the right time. Lately I’ve been feeling so lonely and broken because all my friends are in relationships and I’ve never been as a gay man (27yo). I see their happiness and I want to experience it but it’s so hard to find love in this community. It feels alienating when other people’s life doesn’t mirror yours.
I feel you dude! It’s especially difficult in the gay community because there is no societal pressure to settle down or have conventional relationship structures.
I like it
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Thank you!
Great analogy!!
We are cakes that are already baked (and flavourful and delicious, no less) and finding a partner is the icing on top of the cake... ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎
OMG SIR YOU’RE BACK!! I missed you!!!!!
First time I’ve really identified with your thoughts. Thank you.
This x1000 💝 love you doc
This is so true and so powerful at the same time so thank you Matthew for this video! Life is too short to let toxicity rule your life in any shape or form. I'm currently single and get depressed about it sometimes too, but I'm human it's gonna happen from time to time. But, you can't let it stop you from both loving yourself, and living life to the fullest in whatever way that is for you!
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It ok that I am single I just got to find me ❤❤❤
i want to meet somebody.
I would just like to add that I love the colours in this video! ❤
God I love you!!!! thank you
OK Matthew, it is very good of you to help people identify what this is about and suggest some directives. Many of us, esp. older gay men, do not have these options that you assume to be established such as "friends and family" and feel too dejected & unable to proactively pursue some semblance of a social support system. Clearly no one has the answers. Medication, self or prescribed can help to an extent. Psychotherapy is extremely limited with a very tragic success rate esp. CBT, DBT & "Radical Acceptance". I feel your pain as a clinician, what to do?
Excellent points. I have been gay and single most of my life. I don't really have a need to be in a relationship, I enjoy my own company and have plenty of connections when I need to get emotional support. It was pointed out to me and reinforced a few times, if your waiting for him to fix it, then it stays broken....
Thank you for this information. I feel like I have had a gigantic weight lifted off my shoulders. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I am so happy to see you back! Thanks again for a wonderful vid.
Girl! We don’t need a partner to feel validated! Honestly, I come to accept that gay dating is very unconventional and that’s okay lol
Thank you Matthew from such recomforting words expressed un this video!! I totally agree with you. Keep on uploading videos with meaningful and useful content for us the gay guys who few get to understand completely. Regards from Mexico.
So glad I’ve been married now for 10 years to my high school sweetheart. 2013 we got married. Couldn’t even imagine what’s life would be like on the other side. Apps, random one-off hookups, multiple partners. No thank you. I always wanted a family no matter my sexual orientation. And I was fortunate enough to find someone as a teenager who felt the same.
What is true is tanta finding your soulmate is a fortune. I found him after 41 years ;)
Thank you sooo much for making these videos ! They really help me to check in and reconsider about many things. Appreciate that.🥲
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