How To Think Like A Narcissist, and Stay Out Of Their Traps
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ย. 2021
- Over time, you learn that narcissists have a self-serving agenda that prompts them to relate with twisted logic. Dr. Les Carter explains that instead of trying to set their logic straight, you are better off as you learn how and why they think as they do. To that effect, he identifies 8 of their most common tactics. Once you are able to see into their manipulative patterns and schemes, you can make distinct plans to stay out of the traps they lay in front of you.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's course Free to Be HERE:
survivingnarcissism.tv/go/fre...
Use the following coupon code to get 20% off Free To Be: FTBTH-cam20
Dr. Carter's new course: This Is Me, Setting Boundaries With The Controllers In Your Life: survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Join our Community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: betterhelp.com/drcarter
We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.
Sign up for our email list and check out other videos, articles, webinars, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
Twitter: Surviving Narcissism @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@survivingnarc...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other TH-cam channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-... - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
9. They do not listen. They are extremely listening-challenged. Don’t expect to be seen, heard, or understood for who you are and what you stand for.
Yes, this is definitely my narcissistic husband of 36 years but he yells at me when I don’t answer him quickly enough ! I wear a hearing aid and of course don’t always hear him in another room but he doesn’t hear me always! He will yell this is why I have to yell at you, you can’t hear me! Right!! Terrible listeners and interrupters!
They don’t care They only listen 👂🏻 for a way to harm you just like the criminals they are 👹🚨
Right, probably because they're all in their heads trying to maintain false image for the outer world. There is no capacity left for listening to others being empathic at the same time
Yep thats mil its all anout her and what she did and how hard she tries but didn't do a damn thing to fix things that i bluntly told her through text and a 5 page letter, it was twisted to I didn't accept her apologies so she just ignored my feelings.
They are only concerned about their own issues
How to think like a narcissist?... Hmmm.. I think it may go somthing like... *What's in it for me?... What's in it for me?... What's in it for me? ... What's in it for me?... What's in it for me? .. What's in it for me? ...*
🤣🤣🤣🤣
EXACTLY!!!!
Every argument with my narcissistic husband ends with blaming me and he has never accepted responsibility for anything he has done.
It’s sad we can’t just live life without having to have constant strategies for dealing with people who claim to be on our side. Looking forward to this one, Dr.C!
Me too Stampin!! On it now
You said it!!
Always stamping videos. Smart thinking.
Life is war with those people. Soldier up and take no prisoners!
It's the very distorted nature of their realities that make it impossible for others near them to cope or survive. They won't let life be real or normal unless they get to abuse you in public, in the process. We don't have any rights or choices.
An a ha moment for me when in conflict with narcissists, “don’t expect normalcy!”
Yes !!
Yes, Kemecia...
I agree w/your comment. Keep reminding yrself, that u have to deal w/ this person on a difficult level, not a normal level of dignity/respect or just normal repore with a trusted friend !! I hope that u get to read this: as I would like to share wisdom/experiences and uplifting truths on your walk of life....
Normal human behavior doesn't exist in a narcissistic relationship. You can't fix crazy!
SO TRUE!!! 😥
You can’t fix stupid either. Lol
@@donnao8950 yeah stupid is just uneducated nothing more give em knowledge and their smart…so salty
I believe they can be when something major happens and breaks their ego. Can happen.
You can't argue with crazy -
you can't even fuck with crazy -
- if you do - you will be super miserable.
Once you figure out what kind of person the narcissist in your life really is, they become very predictable. The few good tricks they have up their sleeves work on you when they're alien to you, but once you educate yourself on their tactics, it turns out they really aren't as clever as they think they are. It's ironic; the point where I finally figured my ex out is when she was no longer in my life.
They are actually very stupid people trying to act smart and clever. We believe them at first, because we are trusting people and project our values onto them. They are an empty soul inside. Sad and pathetic. Imagine having to keep up the false self 24/7
You are soooo right!
Jesse beautifully stated so true!
Blessed child- i wish everyone knew this. They are quite stupid and they have no judgment.
Yeah, they are not very smart. They are so predictable and never do anything wrong. It is always a miscomunication, your bad judgement, ect. What really gets me is they have no empathy for you but have the most empathy for themselves.
It's all about them having control or power no matter the cost.
And once they get it, they screw everything good up.
Yes ! They will do anything to control ! They will do anything either legal or illegal to smear you !
@OneOFThese NotLikeTheOther Yes !! 👍
Don't have the patience, energy nor inclination to narc tango. Life is too short.
if anything narcissists deserve to not be listened to.
all they say is nonsense, manipulation, and lies.
if you know it is a narcissist, shut your ears.
if anything they say comes true in a positive way, just be surprised.
treat them with their own medicine, whine and complain when your inner self is in gratitude and thankful, all the narcissist deserves is a bitter ungratefulness.
ironically you will make the narcissist happy with your fake unhappiness.
NEVER be thankful for anything good they bring, it will be impossible for them to make you owe them, when you never showed gratitude in the first place.
NEVER be anyone they can please, manipulation is all about nuggets of pleasing, with tons of bs on top.
an ungrateful you, will make them move on, as you do not respond in ips and downs like they try play you.
narcissists do not like unhappy people.
narcissists like making people unhappy.
already ungrateful and unhappy is no fun to a narcissist.
you appear as boring as a GREY ROCK.
happy inside, never let narcissists see that!
They really have excuses for everything. It's maddening.
Yes, they do. Nothing is ever their fault.
Emotionally draining
@mz. white 😯 I heard the "I didn't mean it" all the time too... somehow it was always my fault though. "You made me do it" "you pushed my buttons" but "I never meant to hurt you, I'm not out to get you" after rage fits. The lack of accountability drove me crazy. I do understand that you miss him, I broke up with my ex a few months ago, and still grieve the relationship. Some days are ok, others I feel like breaking down. It still hurts. I hope it will get easier! They truly seem to live in a different reality. Stay safe
They are Professional Victims and Injustice Collectors!
@mz. white my brain sometimes focuses on the good memories only(euphoric recall), in that situation I look at screenshots of the raging attacks/ name calling or I reread some of my notes about what all happened. Rereading that the other day had me shocked, I forgot how bad some of it was🧠Just in case that happens to you, it helps a little when it comes to not breaking no contact etc. It also negatively affected my mood for the rest of the day, but it stopped my "it wasn't all that bad ,was it" thoughts. We got this ❤️
1- never let anyone know your vulnerabilities
2- I'll make sure to highlight your weakness
3-remind others of their guilt-worthiness
4-make good excuses for accusations
5-always question the others motives
6-stay aggressive and stubborn
7-be non-cooperative with others boundaries
8-hold onto grudges and contempt
Thank you for this list!
Thank you!
give them a vulnerability that is not a vulnerabililty and watch them work with it gleefully, thinking they are hurting you by bringing it up!
make sure it is NOT anything close to anything you could really be vulnerable about, this is a FREE DIG they can keep you amused with, as you secretly lol inside everytime they think they are jabbing you with it, by mentioning it while changing subject, you KNOW they are trying to manipulate you every time they bring it up.
NEVER let them know it is not a real vulnerability of yours!
Say you are allergic to youghurt, watch how many times you get yoghurt served by them, lol, you can have a little right, your stomach wont hurt right, i dont want to hurt you, or sorry too bad i forgot to bring you an alternative to yoghurt
Lets play!
NEVER let a narcissist know your vulnerabilities, weaknesses, they will jab at it endlessly in deliberate attemps to hurt you physically, emotionallt, highly manipulative
but give them a FAKE vilnerability, if you think the person is a narcissist, watch them begin to use it against you
PREDICTABLE
Thanks for list ✍🏻Screenshot put in phone 📲
@@shereadsshescries1457 niccccce bait & switch Catfish 🤣🤣🥷
In order to avoid their traps:
1) don't express your wants or needs
2) don't ask them for anything
3) don't discuss their behavior
4) don't give them your attention
5) keep iron-clad boundaries
When they bait you, keep repeating, "Your tactics no longer work on me."
(NOTE: Even the best tactics don't work with a physically violent narcissist.)
These are great unless you have to live with them and you are old.
💯 💯
It can be helpful to ‘give’ them a few things they will believe are important to you. So when the power games start, those points will be weaponised against you. But you know to expect it- so sit back & enjoy watching them struggle to hit your targets. 😊
I have repeatedly been told how ungrateful I am for not saying "thank you" for everything they've done for me. Conveniently, everything I've done for them is never remembered. If I remind them of some good deed I've done to show gratitude, then I'm the one throwing it in their face. Narcissists have a scoreboard in their head, and they're the one running it. So you can't win.
The 👹 I knew would refuse to say, "Thank you"! I was raised to say, Thank You as a means of respecting whatever another person does for me..👺 would break his neck to say it to EVERYONE ELSE...But the "Disrespect" seemed to ONLY apply to me🤔 PATHETIC🙄🙄 LET 👺 tell it...I did Absolutely Nothing!! Not going to run down the list just this one: 👹 said that He used to play the Bass...so to support him, I BOUGHT him one...played it ONCE then I suspect the (NS) bought the other one! 😑🙄✌🏽
Oh yeah...And 👹said that I should know he's grateful ...When did I become a "Mind Reader"???🙄 Anything to cause a problem...🤔🤔PATHETIC🙄🙄 ✌🏽
Well, you would be nothing without them, lol :-)
Omg so true.
Scorecard keeping, right?
The narcissist is never smarter than you no matter how much they try to convince you.
Agreed. In all honest based in my experience dealing with them, I have been flabbergasted so many times at their stupidity n lack of common sense in the simplest things. They can be narrow minded n just cannot think beyond their pea size brain. Boring, unimaginative, shallow, empty human beings they r. Just be THANKFUL that we were not born to be like THEM.
That's true. At least so far; and I'm in my 60's. And most of them are dead, before me.
Gee, that's a lovely thought!
"Don't be a Narcy; you'll die sooner."
Every time I watch one of these videos I understand, more and more, what a toxic, hateful, negative, self centered, scheming, angry, miserable, messed up, family I have 😢
Same friend, same.
Same.
🙏🙏🙏
Time to divorce them!
@@astrialindah2773 I’m out of state now and nc 😎
Narcs are like porcupines, when you get too close, you'll get hurt. It's just their nature, they can't really help it. So when dealing with them, it's important to keep some distance - emotionally speaking.
Good luck with that. It’s much better to get away from them entirely.
@@wheelerpat8 Agreed! But since I have a kid with that person, that's not an option, unfortunately.
@@harremsis Totally understandable. Prayers for your success 🙏
They can help it and they don’t care about how their behavior affects others.
@@thereisnoninadria I'm not so sure about that. Let's remember that narcissism is a defense mechanism against childhood trauma. Them being "nice" is like holding their breath: they can do it for a while but eventually their true character breaks through. They are simply not healthy.
Chose my sanity. Walked away. Disengaged from any kind of crazy making. It's the best time of my life!
They stress you from the inside out. They hurry you without reason.
They constantly mumble bitterness at you, often about you, how your niceness is so tireing and awful.
COME ON! They make no sense!
Leave those nonsense stressful people OUT of your life.
They wear on you more than you realize, so please once you get away, STAY AWAY!
Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.
Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
Love Fyodor Dostoyeski "Brothers Karamazov"
I read "The Brothers Karamamozov" in high school. I didn't really appreciate the themes then; it's worth it to pick up and re-read it.
This is why I want to quit my toxic job, I don’t want to lie to myself
@@meow2u22 is l
⭐️
Our marriage counselor said I could have a closer relationship with my ex if I confided in him more, but if I did he would use the information against me. He was right. Your vulnerability becomes a weapon for the narcissist when they are angry, and they are quite willing to use it.
That therapist was appealing to an ideal norm, not taking into account the reality of the relationship. Dr. C
Ohhhh, you soooo hit a button for me about "people" who just DO NOT "get it." They say to tell them how you feel? LOL Yah, right. People are just "people" whether they're licensed to put out an opinion or not. Dr. C. does a good job of sorting the wheat from the chaff and there's also a lot to learn about ourselves here. You're in SUCH a good place. Nancy. Life just isn't "black-and-white."
P.S. @Nancy Murphy BUT, actually, the "when you do... I feel" sort of thing actually has been a strong positive in my life. It's a sort of "reality-check." It's not that THEY change, but that we lay a simple truth on the table? You'll make it, hang-in-there, Nancy. You're as strong and capable as you choose to be.
Yep, our marriage psychologist failed to understand and appreciate the exploitve and destructive nature of my ex, the consumption of energy, life, and joy narcs take from you, or tactics they are willing to engage in to get their way, and get revenge on you.
SO true! Whatever we say becomes a “thing”/ammo
After years of trying to fix relationships with narcs, and my failed attempts to stop the attacks, I realize that their efforts to manipulate and control me never end.
I'm finally faced with the fact that no contact is the only option.
It's so strange how narcissistic people attack you in these ways, seemingly unaware; yet they are very methodical about it. I'm the guy who would rather go fishing and see everyone happy. My character makes me a magnet for narcissist's.
Yes, the things we like most about yourself: being cooperate, easygoing, kind and giving are like "chum" to the narcissistic 🦈!
I noticed the same problem with myself. They show up all the time as government females in authority at library, senior center, etc. I am done trying find any friends. It's hopeless and no way to fix it. Maybe most of the country are narcs now?
You are So right Joe ! That’s Me the Proverbial Polly Anna ! Sees the Good in everyone , just want to keep peace ☮️ and get along !
@@goneprivate2714 Get to know and really Love ❤️ Yourself, be Your own best friend , I am ! I shunned off Humans when I was in My early 20s , 40 Years ago ! I love 💕 My Own Company probably too much 😳
Joe just go fishing ,you deserve it 💜
It took years for me to figure out that my best friend is a narcissist . She’s just like my mother and makes me question everything I say, think and do. The light finally went on!!
I ended a 17 year friendship last October. Very liberating. These videos help me a lot in dealing with my mother and brother. The crazy making is endless with them.
I ended a 24 year relationship with a family member. I have so much peace now. I thought she really cared for me. I’m now trying to get over how blind I was. She gas lit me all the time, lied on me. Everyone kept telling me she was making up stories about me to ruin my reputation. I didn’t believe them. I finally went to a psychic and that’s when my light went on.🤦🏽♀️😂
😅 Believe it or not, it was a psychic who also pointed me towards uncovering my best friend was a covert narc. I’m glad to hear this worked for someone else. All my other friends are like, “OMG, how did you know?” after the discard phase, and I just told them “call it intuition” and that’s technically the exact truth lol
they are always on the attack
My Mom was a covert narcy. Yuk.
The world would be a better place if narcissism didn’t exist.
Most of them were created by their parents, therefore it will never end...my mom did it to my brother and tried to do it to me. We have to take care of ourselves inspite of them.
Good luck with your narcissists...I know I need a lot of luck to deal with mine. Lol (hugs)
@@ninij9692 Which is why the need to pray for them as well as our departed loved ones, who also were entrapped with these... weaknesses, shortcomings, fears, shame, guilt, etc. as these traits, were all passed down from one generation to the other for thousands of years now! The good news is that it has to change! The time has come! for all to open their own eyes! See what the Creator allowed? so that they may have little choice, but to wake up!
It’s here. Accept it and learn to deal with it. You will be a lot better off.
@@marcirobins5144 There remains hope, faith and love. And the greatest of these, is love. The kind of love that few experience today, where most are clueless about love which has been replaced with everything but, including lust, selfishness, deceit, and absolute fluff. I shall remain open, to LOVE! 'cause that's what i was born to do.
@@marcirobins5144 Vice feeds lust. Values feeds love. We must consistently choose virtue or it will surely take us in a place we don't want to be.
Stay non responsive...it's hard but it confuses the hell out of them.
Allowing the narcissist to think they won at the end of the relationship, it makes it easier to get rid of them if they think they won. But in all actual you finally found your worth and you’re actually Walking Away. Just keep making them feel like they won. And then you’re in the clear. Stop being their Supply for an Emotional punching bag!!!! You deserve Better!!! ♥️ Stand your ground and Don’t Let Them Back In!!!! Choose Peace over Pain!!!
Amen!!
Excellent! Yes! Let them "win" because in truth, we're the winners when they leave. Peace never felt so good!
ABSOLUTELY.
Being alone is far better tham this
That's a great strategy - very effective. I used it on a covert narc landlord so that she'd be nice to us until we could move. She invited to us to a gathering the following week the day we moved. I said, that sounds great. Then, I moved and ghosted her. :-)
Yes, that's fine just bend over. Why are women such masochists ? MAKE THEM PAY GIRL !!!!!!
I recently told a narcissist to piss off , very harsh for the normal me , now the vile woman never speaks to me and I don't acknowledge her presence EVER, and life is good , RESULT!!
This information was truly therapeutic. The amount of emotional suffering experienced trying to bring “normalcy” to a narcissistic relationship is debilitating. Understanding that their manipulation tactics are to maintain their distorted reality and destructive behavior is critical.
So well said ! That insight serves your name well: Free at last. Good for you - hang in there.
Marcy Robbins.........you are so on track.
Wow, so on point. I've been living a life of patience with my family members hoping they come to see who I am. The distorted reality they represent is confusing to me and when I get blamed for "ruining" things for them the hurt is too much.
I'm learning to set even more boundaries(not always honored) and enjoy my life in other ways. Astonishing insights by Dr.Carter and this group. Thank you!
My Dad had a saying which applied to ending my effort to have a healthy relationship with the narcissist "it's like banging your head against a wall, it feels so good when you stop!"
Dr. Carter- I am now 1 month into no-contact. Me and kids are living with my dad until divorce is final, and I also got a restraining order approved against him after he made some pretty scary threats. Thanks to your coaching, I found ME, & had the right tactics on how to stand up for myself wiithout losing my dignity… we now have freedom at last. You are absolutely my hero!!! Lol and Laura too! Thank y’all so much…
Thanks, and best wishes to you and your kids as you move into the next phase of your journey. BTW, I hope you've seen the recent vides, Rediscovering Your Worth After Leaving A Narcissist. It's one of my favorites. Dr. C
that's wonderful...i wish you all the best xo
@@SurvivingNarcissismrediscovering self worth after leaving a narcissist
That’s another collateral benefit of Dr. Carter - he prevents a lot of violence and crime from happening.
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you, Doc! You really are a hero! Thank you for all your work and time and help! Wish they taught the Surviving narcissism course at school as well so it would stop right then, .. hopefully!
I'm surrounded by them & attract them back to back. Have strong boundaries 💪 never tell them your next move!! Stay in your peace when they try to get a Reaction. If anything make up things to throw them off.
They mistake kindness for weakness & quiet 🤫 as weak.
When they ghost & silent treatment you as punishment use this time to make your plans & moves in silence if you live with one.
If you feel anxiety eggshells & drained around a person they most likely are 1 or on the Spectrum
NEVER tell the narcissist your weakness or ANYTHING you need held confidential. They WILL BLACKMAIL YOU. NEVER.
Narcissists also project their own fears, shortcomings & craziness into their targets. I’ve had several narcissists do this to me & others. They will sneakily target, antagonise, spread smear campaigns & do mean sneaky things, and then tell everyone behind your back that YOU did that to THEM. They are always turning their bad deeds around on their targets.... and it really is crazy because some of them will do this for years & decades after no contact with you. It’s like obsession & hate..... even if you haven’t ever done anything to them. Be careful, because they will lie & try to get someone else to hurt you.
yes!!! that happened to me!! I was totally shocked--everything he did, he then smeared me saying that I did that to him---insane---but now he is free to do that to someone else---even those he smeared me all over social media, I am now free of his insanity. Yes, he is such a liar who professes to be such a strong Christian and godly man
I figure the people who give you thumbs down are the narcissists watching this.
Haha yeah I thought about that too. But again it would be unrealistic to think that there are No narcissists who watch these videos. Some of them could even be giving a thumbs up. 🤷
Hahaha, good one!
Yes, including narcissistic therapists. Those are a very dangerous breed, and they hate other mental health professionals who can figure them out.
@@carineii6747like Dr. Ramani?
One way in which negativity comes in handy. Always think negatively when it comes to those people and it will save a lot of time. Eventually it will turn to no thoughts about them at all.
The way I put it is: Factor in a certain pessimism when you deal with these people. They WILL disappoint. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Sad but true fact! What a ride! On a better note? It frees the soul and rejoices the heart and mind, just to finally understand and know "anything"!
my sibling; the Brat Cousin;; and their Dense monkey-- I am done with ALL 3.!!
Agree completely. Always think the worst of them and you will normally be right.
@@pb4121020 Until the enablers tell you to not think like that. Maybe she is having a bad day. Maybe she is going through something in their life. She really doesn't mean it. There is good in everyone. I call B.S.!! It is amazing how quickly the warning signs make themselves known. Totally expect the worst!
They absolutely don't respect any of your boundaries. Needed a restraining order, and actually not even adhering to that. Thankfully, court date to address. I can't imagine how life would be without it!?
317 days NO CONTACT.
Life is beautiful again ...
Lori Allen,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
This is so very true. The narcisists live in their alternate reality, they create their own world and believe in whatever they choose to believe. Thank you dr Carter.
So true! After my dad died, my brother thought he was now the family head according to scripture. What??? I'm 48 he's 46, wasn't around the weekend I was getting the memorial stuff done. Was not at all helpful when getting rid of mattress my father died on because my mom freaked out about it. Never was caring and said horrible HORRIBLE things to me when I got pregnant (out of wedlock) , and now he wants to be the family head???? 🥴😅🤣 DELUSIONAL!
"love bombing" is also a way to mess with someones mind, thank you for these videos they bring me inner peace
Some time ago, I heard someone say: 'lesser men do lesser things'. When we can regulate ourselves, we often have little need to regulate others and we trust people to be who they are. High controllers waste a lot of time since they do not feel safe to trust and ultimately do not learn. They are so focused on existing, they miss out on living. It is an exhausting approach to life.
i agree, i’ve learned this. it’s some much easier to allow people to show you who they are as opposed trying to control situations and people you can’t control. it takes a lot of energy trying to control people.
Exactly! Well said
This video was really illuminating on how narcissists are really children in adult bodies. So sad that I have to have, what is essentially a child, as a mother.
Sadly, this is my mother. At my age of 62, my 84 yr old mother did my unthinkable- she wrote me out of her will. That was the last straw. I finally got it…..I disconnected from her, blocked her on my phone, blocked all communication… amazingly, I feel free!!!
I’m sorry you did not deserve that! She is a sicko!
My mom moved away 3 months after my dad passed away. Oh the discord she did between us 3 siblings. Didn't realize what she was until we figured out my brother was a grandiose narcissist which explained everything he's done! My mother was one too wrapped in religion. She definitely changed the will after my dad died. I don't expect anything from that lying woman who dangled the notion when dad dies, she'd buy this or that for her kids. I look back now and realize how much of my childhood was a lying wonder. Cold turkey for both of them and I'm doing better and don't need her money.
Oh My gosh Mindy , that’s Me , and My Hateful Narc
Oops 🙊 that’s Me, I’m 62 , and My Hateful Narc Mom is 84 and She has wrote Me out of Measly Will 3 times ! Once when I told Her I was talking to a Relative 🤦♀️
And Good for You ! I wish You much Happiness ☺️I’m about to do the same almost ready to Close on a Home out of State 🙏💕
Rather than play"mind games" with someone and risk descending into their way of thinking and damaging our own thinking, wouldn't it be better to just eject them from our lives?
Yes !!! Exactly. I think it is easier to eject them and at least spend time looking for sensible people or just doing something else that is more peaceful and productive.
@Referee006 What a perfect question! Thank you! I think it's a matter of "degree" and "life circumstance?" As you would no doubt discern without my stating the obvious: Maybe it all comes to circumstance? An easy-peasy: "I'm busy, sorry, "no-can-do" is simple for an "acquaintance" ... but... C'mon, the "spouse, parent, child,... "family"...
... PEOPLE, ack, phffft, that's what this site seems to address: Can't live with 'em / can't live without 'em.: Gotta have a strategy???
No everyone can’t especially the youngins stuck in their by the time they get away they’re super damaged as well it’s not just adults that deal with this however it’s because it starts in home mostly which sets you up later in life to keep attracting these milk duds
Maybe schools should make students aware of narcissism so that they don't think that there is something wrong with them?
@@Referee006 Don’t forget that will never happen they are the ones running everything school, politics, Medical ect. Why would they want u to be super knowledgeable about them? Ya know ignorance is what keeps the money flowing.
My mom is the queen of narcissists so much I was shocked only 20% of women have the disorder at all. Truly malignant and I live with her. Time to move out.
No way maybe clinical but many Free Range Covert Jezebels Everywhere 👹👹
I’m 56, and my mother gets worse with age, not better. Better for you to realize the truth now instead of second guessing yourself for years. Yes, get out as soon as possible. Don’t look back, and don’t feel guilty.
Proverbs 21:19. It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.
According to Sam Vaknin, the ratio of male and female narcs is basically equal now
In this day and age, we need this video more than ever. Thank you Dr. C
True. We have the perfect theater of narcs playing their games before our very eyes. Very easy to see.
Thanks a lot for sharing this invaluable wisdom. Unfortunately, more often than should be, when we are in a situation against a narcissist, we are in a fog situation, not able to think clearly. Your advice is a framework against the fog and a narcissist:) thanks again!
There's 3 in my family. And I always tell my hubby a prep talk before we go visit them. 'Remember, don't feed the Narcissists.' it really works. Don't tell them anything that'll reveal your vulnerability. Everything is absolutely fine when they're concerned. They often ask about other people you know too, again, don't tell them much. Just reply with, "Yeah she's doing really well."
I had to do this as a child to stay ahead of my mother. I hate having to think like a narc because it is too easy to cross over. I saw myself treating certain men the way she did also and it sickened me. I cant even have the same hair color as her or it causes me grief because we look so much alike.
Patty Knight, we sometimes will pick up some of behaviors we witnessed growing up. However, you are one being, your mother a completely different being. I know from the bible how that works and one doesn't have any bearing in the other. We all fall short, but ultimately we are either decent or toxic at our cores. Even in biological families, yours is a different spirit and soul with its own free will to choose good or evil. You might look like her, but it ends there. You by far, ARE NOT her. You realize that the negativity in your behavior wasn't natural for you. It's very natural for truly toxic people. It's how we separate the righteous from the evil ones. Righteous by no means is being perfect. It doesn't have to. It's about the mind and hearts intent when dealing with others in our lives. Do what you want with your hair if it makes you feel better. You're not your mom and that's just the way it is. Blessings in your continued awareness and healing.
@@yime6631 I needed to hear that today, thank you. My toxic/CN mother always responds with "we" anytime I try to tell her sth about myself. I'm the polar opposite of her personality and look nothing like her, but she does that during every interaction we have (or rather had, as now it's only minimal contact and very superficial). It's so infuriating and invalidating, I feel like I'm being erased in real time and not seen as a separate human being. I cognitively know it's not true, but that's how she wants me to feel. So sick.
I think I was using some of these tactics recently after distancing myself so when it came to communicating I did it behind the black mirror of skype through texting. Sounds cowardly but things woulg get verbally volatile and a chidish shouting match would occurr. By doing this they were not able to interrupt my thinking so I could anilize and answer their attacks. Even when I was typing they were still sending one to three accusation/defence /insult etc to knock me off my stride. I could see them getting more frustrated and annoyed as they continued to play their game and have no influence in my reasons and opinions for not wanting to be part of their company. I do have problems myself but this person project's their's onto you never letting you improve. Well they do raise you up first, you thinking they have grown up but then the old comes back. Example of their projection is that we are behaving like jilted lovers when it is us that are distancing ourselves, now that's funny. So the black mirror replys straight back and says no it's you, then something personal to justify the allegation and the mirror says now it's you. They just keep winding themselves up like a spoilt child. Never lower your shield because they always want to get back at you once you point the truth out. Humility and grace is pretty much void but they will say they have it when it is warranted. When is it not all the time I would say. Thank you to anybody who can be bothered to read my belly ache. Narcs really Narc Dr Carter has made me more aware of myself as well. Cheers
It gets confusing, because they love to project and really hold you in place that exhibits them. Even if its a totally different circumstance , you act a tad like them, and to them you are them, especially the parts of them they dont like and wish to never take responsibility for
@@clarasimonis2994 Spot on we start to act like them depending on our levels of impressionabilty So project them the bad back and stick to it and their good act which hooked us in won't work again. But to them we are the bad because they are never wrong. Tactics of competition with no cooperation, they despise losing even though they love to beat our characters down because of their own poor standards. Stay strong and humble and keep your humility Grace.
I am feeling so much safer since I am learning more about this narcissistic personality!
My son, and your advice is helping me tremendously. Telling a narcissist that your not buying what their selling really sets them back.
My mother has her own reality, when I bring up something to her attention that will be better for the house hold. As well as bring up her behavior patterns, she reply verbatim "Well I Don't Agree With that." Even though it's something she keeps doing time and time again, I've learned to understand some place in her brain she is stuck in the past.
Yes, I am abnormal! - according to the narcissist.
Then take it as a compliment! Dr. C
These behaviors are so dangerous, and to the good hearted...my thoughts..the minute you start sensing something is going on...get away ! The longer you wait the more you will lose of yourself..
this video brings back memories of severe self doubt. i started to believe there was something WRONG with me and I really was just trying to "start a fight"....thank god i fought back to save myself from that pit of despair where I could "never win"....thanks Dr. C
They will NEVER admit they are mistaken or wrong. Deflection is another weapon for them. If you get close to exposing them they will deflect the conversation and start pointing out your failures. Once you go into defensive mode, they win.
Cut these narcissists out of your life. Forever. Even if they are family. There is no remedy to their mindset and behavior. Never yield to them
You are right on the target Dr.C. Thank you for supporting my sanity.
There have been so many narcissist videos popping up these past few months that I started to question if I was. It turns out I realized my mom is a narcissist. And I realized how much damage she did to my psyche all my life. It also took courage for me to admit to myself that as her daughter, I too have narcissistic tendencies. The videos have helped me be aware of my own behaviors and to help me deal with my mom. Thank you for this video.
I feel the same way! But I look back in life experiences and notice that I'm making conscious efforts to NOT be one.
My caregiver mother 😖 I had to get a social worker because I wanted to physically hurt her and I'm her only child with one son (19) who hates her!!
I know you commented on this a year ago, so I hope you are well! ☺
I was struck by your comment, as I, myself, am about a month into the very same realization about my own life. I am now making the amends I can to my (adult) children for often repeating my mother's "mothering" style. A Narcissist mother, is to me, probably the most insidious of all N relationships - because from infancy, she literally bathes her child in every ounce of her sickness - she molds, yet fractures, that child into a perfectly broken replica of herself - until that "child" finds their voice and attempts autonomy, then, the Narc nightmare truly begins.😑.
The biggest lesson I've learned is that Care and Control are not synonymous. As parents, we obviously have to control our children to a certain degree for their growth and safety - but Narcissists have a death grip on that Control aspect to the most sickening degree! I cry when I think of the times I denied letting the kids do something or go somewhere because of MY own fears and insecurities - and would repeat the phrase I 'inherited' from my mother, "I'm sorry, I can't help it - I love you more than other parents love their kids - if they loved their kids, they wouldn't let them go/do/be _____". God, that makes me SO sick, now! At the time, I thought it was such a clever, yet true, way to firmly end the discussion AND keep them 'safe' 😣
Thank you for your comment - you helped this fellow human! ❤
"Love Showering" is also a way to mess with your mind, then just dismiss you, Thank you for your videos they bring me inner peace
The one thing my narc ever admitted to is being a control freak... now I know what that *_REALLY_* means.
1:50 never let anyone know your vulnerabilities
2:38 i'll highlight your weaknesses
3:38 remind others of their guilt-worthiness
4:38 make good excuses for accusations
5:32 always question a person's motives
6:30 stay aggressive stay stubborn
7:25 non-cooperative with others' bound...
8:08 hold onto grudges & contempt
⬆️
press these #
This is so true, we have to turn our "normal" thinking on it's head. What I call upside down thinking, where kindness is a sign of weakness, conning people is a sign of intelligence, being rude to someone is a sign of strength and power, neglecting people and especially children is a sign of self care/boundaries. I used to think that I was good at accepting other people's point of view but only after looking at videos such as yours (thank you!) have I been able to come to grips with such a negative perspective of the world and especially of other people. Narcissists simply cannot/will not hold space for others.
Beautiful way to reconcile the way to answer a NARC. This is the perfect 👍 well said way.
Their deluded bullying self adoration won't let you finish any level headed sentence. I'm enjoying the grey rock method is working for me at the moment. " OK", "OH". Very short detached sentences throw him off. I'm so done with this jerk!
So true, they just cut you off and talk over the top of you every time!
After years of pain and deception from wicked people. I am now living life as I'm walking in a land mine. I view people as traps and snares, explosives and hazardous poisons. Seriously. I'm kind to others, polite and the reactions that I get in return most of the time is disgusting. I have to view it as everyone is a narc. unless proven otherwise. LORD JESUS.😔
Thank God for all the individuals on “planet trauma,” that provide this invaluable insight in dealing with narcs.
Once one gets clarity and gains the necessary tools and strategies on how to practice and embody optimum healthy self-love and care, attachments to the Narc fade.
Good Doctor you have given me so much relief. You really make a difference.
I give myself kuddos
A key point - when you bring up a hard ball question - example: why did you treat me this way? Their answer will be a softball response
I have to say don't say to them that you're no longer going to be intimidated by them I just feel that gives a reverse psychology effect that in fact you are indeed confirming you are scared of them so all they have to do is bear down get aggressive and you'll comply because you are. The person who says in a fight or an argument to another person "I'm not afraid of you" means once again they actually are. Don't give them (the Narcissist in your life that confirmation let your actions speak louder)
I ignore and walk away like he's a child in the grocery store meltdowns/ no intimidation
¹²sept: often thought of telling my toxic partner
"if you're gonna be a turd, go lay in the yard"
You will definitely cause a fight. You know they are fragile
Wow, you exactly described how my conversations with a family member have been going. If I try to bring up the reality of the past, and her role in horrific, repeated abuse, she's ready with an alternate reality. Completely and utterly off the wall.
Yes. Or "I have no recall of such a thing". Mom is 91 and still denying. We have minimal contact, I've accepted there will be no closure.
@@joywebster2678 well, maybe 91 is the issue. Not so in this case. I have 2 exactly the same, both denying any role in telephoned death threats. I know what I heard!
@@MyVintageLife excuse me, that was RUDE. She is 91 now.....I've been trying to get answers from her since I was a child and she has denied what I have experienced and have evidence of....ALL THE WAY TO 91. My point being the narcs don't give you closure. Could you be more dismissive?
But still, family, and I ❤ her
Sounds familiar!
This should be taught to everyone in school
Boundaries are healthy! That’s all I have to say when dealing with a narcissist! Thank you for another great video!
I've literally never witnessed any of my boundaries respected my entire life. Everything from SA to mental/emotional/financial abuse. Idk how this is so. I have to learn to set and stand up for my boundaries, especially for my kids.
If they don't respect your boundaries, you can still respect your boundaries. Stay strong. #TeamHealthy
When they talk bad about you to someone you know and that person comes and tells you dont take the bait there trying to hook you again just change the subject with that person and move on🙏
The Supervisor on a Town Board, hand picks every board member by love bombing, then shames and blames them into agreeing with everything he does. I sit and watch the board meetings and see the look of surprise as he throws them under the bus. I laugh because no one else sees it and I cry for the same reason. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for giving me the vision I need to disconnect emotionally, since I cannot yet disconnect physically. Waiting for the day that one of us leaves but what a mess in the meantime!!
How come they can tell something they did wrong 10 years ago (thats always about being aggressive, not respect others boundaries, doing something thats not ok) and laughing about it like they are ashamed about it - but it shows they are proud about their behavior even if they bring it up as an example when they did "wrong". It always feels like a tell on how bad they can be so watch out.
Another great video explaining why nothing gets resolved and explains all the hostility created over the simplist of issues. It used to be so baffling but your insights have 'walked me out of the minefield'. Thank you Dr C once again, you're a gem 💎
Thanks, Sue. The fog has lifted! Dr. C
The first time I experienced unprovoked anger from a narc, I was numb. I just removed myself from their presence. Then as we continued to interact at 3 -5 months intervals, there would be repeats. It was as if the anger and mean-spiritedness was so natural. I was walking on eggshells around them. I would be constantly asking what is wrong with them. These videos by Dr. C are giving me the answers to the question. Knowledge is power. I am now in full no contact mode. These people are very disturbed and are devoid of inner peace. BYE to turmoil!!!
This is absolutely perfect, Dr. Carter. You have explained the narcissist's mind-set very well. We need to remember that the narcissist is not like a healthy, empathetic person and expecting them to respond to reason and decency is never going to work with them. Once you understand this, your life is going to be much easier.
You will never have emotional satisfaction from relating to them. But you can manage them effectively once you understand them.
The questioning motives is exhausting. You’re either never doing/saying the right thing, but if you are you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Still surprises me with the most convoluted negative interpretation of completely benign things and determination to be the victim of everyone else’s supposed selfishness and incompetence.
Larissa Bedrick,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist.
And whatever you are doing at any given time they will always interrupt you and say there is something much more important that you SHOULD be doing instead - preferably yesterday!
I stop caring, moved, and cut all ties! Never been better!!
Best wishes to you! Dr. C
My covert narc friend told me yesterday to stop and just behave after I told them the truth about something. I laughed, and told them that the truth must really hurt.
Law of attraction says "root it out of you so as not to attract it."
❣️
Thank you so much for these videos. They have been a huge part of my healing and accepting the truth.
And that is the key. Questioning my own reality.
After a lifetime of Narcissistic abuse, my peace is paramount so I refuse to engage and avoid them altogether. It's lonely being me but I prefer that to the company of fools...or worse!
'BOOM,' Dr. C.! Very direct.
It’s hard to decide not to be intimidated by tactics when you’re married to a rageful narcissist. I can try to appear unintimidated, but when he starts raging, I naturally shrink back in fear even if I remain impassive outwardly. I still walk on eggshells to avoid those rages. And that means I’m still intimidated.
If u are that much in fear call the police. That experience alerts them that the threats aren't acceptable. If a raised voice is the problem, and u don't fear physical harm then therapy may help.
If you can leave. In the end I did
If you can make a plan to leave, I’d do it soon! One in three women end up physically abused along with their children.
Or when you have a gypsy neighbours...
@@lemat579 ah really? I’ve seen some pretty strange documentaries out of the UK about them. Do they violate boundaries?
These narcissists are demonic. I am learning to cope with my husband through these videos. He is one bitter soul. He told my family I am too good for him. I have learnt to be more sorry for him than to be angry. He knows he is being defeated but still wrestles with reality. I have no time for his whinings. Prayer matters
There is no compromise with a narc. There aim is to use and abuse you always. Husband, father or sister.
I just play dumb to the point he told me, " you might have book smarts but you have no common sense". Then he tripped on the air and hit the ground. I love instant karma. 🤣🤣🤣👍
This advise would have helped myself and others I know across a span of 60 years of unhappiness and confusion!
Throw a grenade in the living room and collect the insurance🙄
They have done very wrong and later accuse you of the wrongdoings. They blame their guilts on others. They are too good to live up to their past. It makes a very ugly relationship. Very sad but true. Now I am very unhappy with them.
Don’t know a single narcissist that would LISTEN to even one of the responses provided. 🤷🏻♀️
You sum it up so well Dr Carter when you say Narcissists are living in an alternative reality, and I now understand that of course in their distorted logic it is of course us normal folks that are living in the alternate reality , their reality is always right and can never be questioned by anyone
If you differ your out. No they differ. excuse...excuse denial... I respond nice rationalization, usually their stupified and i walk away in the silence.
Very true. Very funny as well.
I never deal narcissistic people with tactics, rather, strategically ignore them altogether. I dont let them get close.
I wish I had this information before meeting narcissists who made my life a living hell. But I take a stand from now on
Me too!
I will definitely be back to watch this one again and again! Thanks so much Doctor Carter! I'm so glad you're helping!
Dr. Carter, there are no words to express how valuable your guidance is. You are truly appreciated ❤.
I'm curious to know your thought on how our society is suffering from a sharp increase in Narcissistic behaviors and attitudes. I notice an extreme increase in Narcissistic coaches advocating for change in every aspect of life, whether its in romantic relationships or non-romantic relationships (i.e work, family, etc).
Thanks, Roxie. The short answer is that we are in a me-first era, and I don't see any end to it. Dr. C
And they can't control you, when you no longer play the game.
Took my ball and went home.
Smart move. Dr. C
I poured my heart out and to only be duped by the narc. in the end. What a waste of time to try to fix our relationship. No is no fixing anything with them.