I’m Not My Husband’s Life Insurance Beneficiary!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
- I’m Not My Husband’s Life Insurance Beneficiary!
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My husband passed away last summer after a four year battle with cancer. I assumed I was the beneficiary on his life insurance and submitted a claim. I got a letter back from them informing me that my husband's mother was the sole beneficiary on his policy. I felt like I'd been sucker punched.
We were married 22 years.
😮
Yikes…maybe he resented you for your good or better health ☹️
If he did that imagine how he saw you while he was alive. My father just passed away. He abandoned me at 6 he had no life insurance but I have to help pay for his end of life care. 🤦🏾♂️
You took care of him during his battle but his mom got the money? Wow, that’s absolutely messed up.
@@sweetcanada17-- During the 22 years of marriage, she never once asked him about their financial picture in all areas, so she wouldn't be surprised??
When someone tells you they don't love you, believe them!
When he tells you what he is, believe it
Get the independent life insurance policy.
Yes!!
Get a Term Life Ins Policy on him. It's cheaper, and you're both young, so that will help with lower premiums. Be strong, we're praying for you. And take the advice from Dr. John and others here.
@@Joce123or take out another policy on him where you’re the beneficiary and don’t tell him about it
My husband DID get killed unexpectedly. Thank God we had everything in order. I an broken ..... but I AM the beneficiary. I'd give it all back to have him back. Leave this loser.
You’re a nurse? I fail nclex🥺🥺
FBi
@@quelquun2018 don't give up!!!!!
I'd probably off my ex to have the money back. So you know, two sides of the coin.
That’s the right way.
Rule #1 of adopting a child: once the adoption is finalized, it is AS IF they were your BIOLOGICAL child.
As if? They are your child. If he does not want the kid he should have never done that 😮
@@angel-ke9vsyes as if. They will never be their biological child. That doesn’t mean they aren’t their child tho
As an adopted child and the way I was raised being a biological child means Jack. The love my parents have always given to me for my entire life has genuinely never fallen short of my siblings who are biological children in any sense of things. The idea that a parent should treat a child lesser than if they aren’t biological has always been wild to me because I’ve never seen a life differently and it breaks my heart that another child would be seen as a less than because of that as if they’re a consignment toy. I feel loved even more by my parents because they didn’t just simply have me by plan or accident but gave a damn enough to see my need when I was 3, adopt me and then provide a lifetime where they supported me, loved me, and taught me to dream when they had no obligation to have ever done that without knowingly singing up for it. My parents are “as if” my parents they are everything parents could be and this guy treating his daughter that he chose to adopt as if she isn’t as valuable as his biological daughter makes me hope he has to take a really risky poo whike stick in a traffic jam.
Thats why the child was in his life insurance
Under the law they're the same. But by nature they're not
Her giggling is fear.
Her giggling is annoying.
Her giggles is insecurity
@@Yaya-cl3tu it's her trying not to cry
Right
@@novocaine09 It didn’t sound that way to me.
My EX did the same. I did not know he changed things around on the beneficiaries, including putting his own brother over his own child, let alone me, as beneficiary. It took me a week and a lot of soul searching, vomiting and anger, to get through it. He hated us, period. Girl, run. Get yourself together and run. He hates you and has no intention of taking care of you.
Sounds like the brother told him, give money to me. I'll dole it out to them. You know they aren't responsible. But has no intentions of that. I've never heard of giving a life insurance to a fam member over your spouse and children.
@@2Ryled Well, the courts decided in favor of us, thank goodness but it was a nightmare and a headache.
This call screams “My husband is a narcissist” to me.
@@kendradamm1428
I couldn't agree more!
Geez lol
Red flags all over. Save your own money. Hire a lawyer. Get out.
Does she have a job? Seems a lot of women who phone in are financially dependent because either that don't work or have income that would not support them and the children.
When he ask is he abusive and it’s followed by silence. Wow!
Yeah, that spoke volumes. If it comes with "but" anywhere in that sentence, the answer is yes. "Not physically, BUT--" the answer is yes.
100%
The silence speaks volumesssss
She's hurt. She's giggling bc this hurts too much. Allow her to process this. Also, dads can leave money to one child. Don't assume the worst, I find the ones with good relationship will share their half with their siblings knowing how unfair ie cruel their parent or parents were to begin with.
Yup that said it all!
If they got divorced, he would have to pay child support for BOTH kids, since he adopted her. What a tool!
And she could require a life insurance policy medical coverage etc. It's called being a responsible adult and a MAN not a wuss.
@@jsherbsX24 because I support people being responsible for their OWN offspring I am a problem? Don't want to pay ? Don't play.
@@jsherbsX24actually by law he could be required to have a life insurance policy in place to ensure child support payments. It’s part of the law
If you marry a woman with kids and you DONT adopt them, you are still required to pay child support in the event of divorce. The divorce courts need a complete overhaul
Just do not get married. Marriage means you accept a whole range of responsibilities , including children. You don’t just get to walk away from that.
This call is alarming! I have no words! So many red flags. Designating a beneficiary with no regards to how your spouse will pay for the life you’ve created is beyond words to me.
Years ago the SO stated to me that, "Once I'm dead, you're not my problem!" with 4 of our little kids in tow...
Thankfully a few years later, he somehow realized that yes, we would need the help to live if he passed... so he has carried an insurance policy ever since, but he still resents it. It's sad. But man, am I thankful he at least changed his mind!
@@JML542 Why would he resent it? At a minimum, his funeral expenses and the house should be paid off. It's a big load off your shoulders so you and the kids don't end up on the streets while you get your life together. He's basically resenting having support you financially in life and then in death. Red flag.
@@73cidalia
Agreed. Huge red flag.
@@JML542 he really despises you. Think about it. He doesn't want you to have money that he doesn't even have to provide even after his passing. It literally doesn't affect him and he doesn't want you to have it. 😬
The call is extremely confusing, why would he adopt her child yet not wholeheartedly considered the child his. By leaving the adopted child out demonstrates he doesn’t consider the child his. I can only think it was a decision of jealousy and possession of the ex husband.
This poor lady I would leave, much signaling of her lack of worth to her husband.
My sisters husband died unexpectedly at 35. His large life insurance policy was left to their 2 year old. It was an absolute mess not to mention the questions my sister asked herself.
Exactly. How was he expecting her to take care of the child when he left her nothing
Yes, exactly! What a disaster. And what a dirtbag for putting her in this position!
Girl, take out a Life policy for him. If ur a spouse, yes you can
@@angelachapman9092 Yes, but in accounting for it to the courts, she can't spend much of it on herself!!
@@LumenOwprobably didn't expect to die at 35. If he was planning for the future that would have went to his ADULT daughter and there os nothing wrong with that.
My husband canceling his life insurance was the red flag that told me that he was already out the door.
Do you have life insurance and was/he is the beneficiary?
Have someone to be ready to walk in the door.
Don’t keep anyone that doesn’t want to be kept.
I plan on cancelling mine just before I die, for maximum "fk you" factor. Even if I like em. Life is a joke.
@@bibsp3556how do you know when youre going to die? Unless youre planning it...
I have a friend who had a verbally abusive husband who treated her like this and threatened divorce all the time. She finally divorced him and is happily married to someone who treats her like a queen now.
If she treat’s the new guy like a queen 👸 it’s because she treats him like a King 👑
Thanks for the amazing story.
@@scorpiondavid87 How do you know she didn't start out treating her first husband like a king only to be treated like crap by the narcissist? Not everyone is going to return your love and care in kind. That's not how the world works. There are evil people out there, and many of them are married.
@73cidalia yes you are right it could be and I could be right too. we don’t know.
Some men are crazy. My dad says the same things to my mom. They say the nastiest things to their spouse and treat everyone else so kind. They have problems. The worst thing you can do is stay.
Sounds like my father in-law to a T. He’s involved in a bunch of church mission stuff, but treats his family like crap behind closed doors.
Narcissist
Some men were trapped into marriage, this the outcome. Don't judge anyone's relationship as the old wisdom "even kings of Italy don't meddle in someone else's marriage"
Whoa, that’s scary. Thought it was only my dad. He treats my mom poorly . Never says thank you or takes her out on his vacations. Insults her. But literally everyone else around them, his friends and people I know say wow, your dad is the kindest man ever
@susanamunoz3537 My "dad" treated my mother and us kids the same way ... complete gentleman to everyone else, including his extended family in public. The fact that he could just turn the abuse off and on, just like a light switch, spoke volumes to me. He ABSOLUTELY relished in being cruel to us, ESPECIALLY my mother. He caused my younger siblings to attempt "S" twice. I've learned so much about covert and malignant narcissists that I ever care to know. At least I've learned why I was subconsciously attracted to the same type of mate. My husband of 20 years was a complete gentleman when we were dating, right up until I became pregnant. Then the mask came off and the diminishing, belittling and humiliation began. He's currently financially abusing me in the same way as the caller. I hope to somehow get away from him.
These people are sick, demonic and lack basic humanity.
Moral of the story: Don't date single parents if you're going to resent their kids. I have seen this nonsense time and time again.
how about don't make your child have a step parent period!!!
Agreed, single parents... the worst 😫 so sad.
@@connie6118 vet the person you are reproducing with so the marriage doesn't fall apart.
Not even close lol
@@connie6118what if the original spouse passes away? U gonna say the other person isn’t aloud to date or re marry again? Cmon
My mother's husband raised me and did not do it legally. When he came into some money he handed me my coins just like the other kids😅if he had money when he died i would have had my equal share but he didnt. May he continue to RIP. Love u dad
God bless him
Your Dad was a true Dad. May his memory be a blessing. 💜
lol I saw you comment on a Kendra vid crazy
My dad’s wife is the reason we have our inheritance of a farm. She put her foot down when he mentioned leaving it to a land trust charity.
@@TyWerks I'm all over these you tube streets😅
Leaving a life insurance policy to his bio child and not his adopted child is terribly destructive. It will ruin the relationship of the kids, and will cause significant emotional damage to the child he adopted. It is reprehensible and cruel. The wife should be beneficiary and the kids should be secondary beneficiaries 50/50. I have a bio child and we adopted our son.
The husband here does not care about his wife after he is gone and he doesn’t need her anymore, and doesn’t love his adopted child because all his concern is for his bio child. He wants to leave and is prearranging to take of the child he loves. Start to pull money out and keep it in gold in a safety deposit box. Build your own nest egg and get a good lawyer.
Adoption is sacred and should only be done if you are 100% certain that you love that child and will continue to love that child as if they are your biological child. Anything less is damaging.
It’s not legal to put money in a safety deposit box
Yep and the wife should be the beneficiary and the kids if she also passes.
@@judyperri9496yes it is legal to keep cash in a safe deposit box. Banks don’t want you to do that because they are missing out on charging someone else interest on your money.
@@judyperri9496 Correct. I said to put it in gold in a safety deposit box.
My husband informed me out of left field his adult grandsons were splitting his employment pension; one of them got the house(family owned). I didn’t wait I informed him I was leaving because he just proved my position in his heart is not first after God.
I thought only spouses were entitled to pensions?
No one can get pensions other then the person who worked for it or the spouse if the person set it up that way. Pension can not go to no one other then that.
What was your husband's reaction when you left?
I’ll call the retirement office tomorrow or go on line.
I’m going through the process of leaving him now. It’s civil at this time. What can he say when I’m telling the truth about his lack of consideration of his spouse who has taken care of him. He accuses me about I’m all about the $$$$. Falsehood cause I’m walking away without his $$$!
I did that, and I told my husband and he said "why?" And I said " well you work and earn a good salary, that's for their future." And his response was "If we lost you, my focus would be on the kids and trying to negivate life without you. We won't be ok for awhile." I changed it the very next day.
My husband probably thought the same thing. I, too, earn a good salary, but navigating life after losing a lifelong partner sure takes its toll in every aspect of life. Having to worry about finances shouldn't be one of them, and it's so easily prevented.
I am the sole beneficiary of my husband’s life insurance. However, my life insurance is split 3 ways. 50% to my husband and 25% to each of my adult children.
Two reasons I did this. #1) I have about 5 times the amount of life insurance on me because of my job, so he would still get more than I will get from his life insurance. Second, because I have had cancer recently, I know it is possible I will go first and I want to leave something to my children to help buy a home or something. My husband also has a job, a retirement from the military, and his VA disability. We have no debt other than our house (which could easily be paid off). So, he will be fine. If he dies, I lose his retirement and disability. I will still likely give both children enough to put a down payment on a house.
So, this works for us.
I mean I would put it in a trust for the surviving guardian to draw for the child. In part because you don't know if you and your partner are going to die at the same time either. That way the money's there for the parent that survives or grandparent or whoever else is taking care of the kid. They can draw money for those purposes. (Mental health care of the child, all the things that come with the loss of a parent) And then it would turn over to the child when they hit 30... Because giving a big pile of money to an 18-year-old is a recipe for disaster too.
@@jessicaolson490 great idea. Thanks
I married the wrong guy. In my defense, his act was pretty good for awhile. I didn't put him on the life insurance etc when he kept talking about how women would get life insurance after bumping their husbands off. It felt very dangerous.
The Story doesn't make sense. "I only married you to adopt your child" yet doesn't put that kid on the policy. Alot of pieces are missing from the story.
💯 surprise few in they comments see that.
Yes, this is the comment I was looking for! How weird is that? Did he mess around with the adopted kid and then tire of her and decide to get out?
I took it that their 2-1/2 year old was adopted …
Good example of only hearing one side. They dated long enough to know each other. Is she really the nut job here? He could have been worried about her child from her first marriage.
Indeed, that part does not make any sense at all.
Or it could be, he is an emotional abuser, and just one more arrow to screw with her heart.
John Delony's question to her, "Why do you think so little of yourself?" That got to me. John isn't afraid of getting to the heart of the matter and asking the hard questions.
the question should have been, how long has this man made comments or actions that have left you feeling this way
I feel like he asks that question of every single caller. That, and “are you safe?”
@@jenniferfowler682 No he asked the right question because he wasn't the originator of that. She said those thoughts began with her cheating ex. But I suspect it can be traced all the way back to her childhood.
Yes. I am VERY glad he caugth that this was an abusive situation and pointed her towards getting to health.
He’s having an affair LEAVE HIM AND YOULL GET child support on both kids , start saving that 🥴🤷🏻♀️
And ask for the life insurance as part of the settlement
Good thinking Charlie
This comment is why men need to run away from women in America.
Evil people like you are out there thanks for reminding me
100%
If a man says he didn’t marry you because he loved you, what more do you need to hear? Get yourself together, put assets aside and prepare for a separate life with your kids.
Prepare for a life without that man… hopefully not without your kids. They kids shouldn’t be with that man who doesn’t care about them.
@@Mrs.LadeyBug Thanks for spotting that typo. Yes, she absolutely should get her kids out of that toxic situation.
@@respectabletampodcast oh ok, cool! I’m glad that’s what you meant. Have a wonderful day! 🐞🌻
@@Mrs.LadeyBug you have an amazing day too!
Because marriage is NOT about love. Its about Flduty. You want her to get a second divorce & now have 2 baby daddies? 🤦🏽♀️
My last stepfather married my mom, and later told her, he married her to adopt us and "save us" from evil men. He abused us in the worst possible ways. Something is off.
I don't think he's a molester, wife beater or even a cheater. I think he realizes the marriage is a mistake and he only wants his real child to inherit his money.
Sounds like your self proclaimed man of god.
That's so common with "religious" people.
It's disgusting.
That's a chilling statement, sorry that happened to you.
I'm very suspicious about him saying he married her to adopt her child. What???
She needs to see a lawyer immediately.
A lawyer can’t change it so she’d better see a divorce attorney
Her children are seeing a power balance in their treatment.
Well, clearly the husband sees his only responsibility is the care of his biological kid. At this point, she’s wasting time with counseling. It would be a far cry to get this dude to change his mind. Her next call should be to an attorney
He never should have adopted the other kid. Legally thats her dad now. If he leaves he’s still on the hook for child support for both kids.
He isn't even doing that. Her money doesn't come to her until she is adult. He doesn't care about providing for her if she is still a child when he dies.
I think the same thing. He only wants his biological daughter to get the money when she’s 18. He doesn’t want to leave anything to his wife or adoptive daughter. He’s got it set up that the wife will have no say in where the money goes.
I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't have a family member (on his side) lined up to take his biological daughter in the case of his death. He doesn't want his money going to his wife or adoptive daughter.
. Well, it just shows how stupid this guy is!!
He married someone he doesn't love, to adopt a kid he doesn't want??? What's the real story?
Yes, I always feel like there’s a lot more being unsaid. The callers hardly admit personal flaws/shortcomings.
Yes, I was confused by that too.
It’s obvious, he doesn’t trust his wife
There’s is definitely some that isn’t being said
Did she baby trap him ?
She wants to push everything under the rug, and not deal with it. I think she’s terrified of life changing and being on her own.
She has clearly been beaten down to a point where she doesn’t see any value in herself to not immediately take a huge issue with this stuff that is fully insanity.
I think she's terrified of him - trust me this type of abuse has horrific consequences.
I think she is afraid of him & afraid to confront him. That's why she didn't question her name not being on the insurance policy.
Instead of a marriage counselor after 1 year of it, she needs to see a lawyer ASAP to protect herself & the children, physically & financially!!
Given how his true personality is showing she is right to be afraid.... The first red flag was hearing that the brother was mean. Courage to her to get out and stay out
My husband split his insurance with half going to his father and the other half going to his three children and none to me. I was furious that his father rated higher then his children. Needless to say, we aren't still married.
OMG thank God you dodged that bullet, girl! I'd be furious too if, after taking possession of the house he worked his ass off for, the pension he worked for, the investment accounts he worked for, I also didn't get a huge payout from his death!
These men, I swear. They're so selfish! All they think about is "if I die, my 92 year old father won't have any support, maybe I should leave him something since my wife is likely to let him rot", or "if I die, I think our kids should have clothes on their backs and maybe some food?" They NEVER think about our need for new shoes, or lashes, or lip fillers, or girls nights out to find the next wallet-er, I mean, husband.
Soooooo happy you're free of his narcissism and abuse, queen. I hope the court left him with nothing, and you were able to find a new victim-er, I mean quality man who still knows how to pamper a woman when worms are eating his eyes.
Lol. But you didn’t marry him for the money, right? 😂
@@wafflewafflegod if those three children are still young or even close to going to college I can understand why she's ticked off, she sees them as needing those funds more
@marilynbartlett1850
Ticked off? Yes, but college is not a basic life “necessity.” Having a roof over your head with healthcare, especially in elderly years is a necessity for life.
Obviously getting a good education is going to help set you up for a good life, but that can happen without having money pre-saved for it in a variety of ways.
Would having prepaid degrees be awesome and a financial boost? Yes. But it’s disingenuous to not see other sides of this. Especially if the husband is an only child, and in some cultures parental care is is more expected/valued. Maybe the husband knows the wife doesn’t like his father and wouldn’t care for him. Maybe the husband knew the wife would have access to his other funds/assets to use to care for herself & children. There is just too little info. If the comparison was between the wife/children having a roof over their heads (& not specifically college education) the priority would shift.
@@wafflewafflegod probably not just for the money, but also for the respect, love, protection etc.
And seems he gave none of that.
Nice attempt as gaslighting her though.
This is very sad 😞 She is seriously in need of a therapist that deals with Narcissistic trauma bonding. God help her and those kids.
That is not a marriage.
The cruelty of his words is shocking. When you are getting at this level of disrespect, is there anything left to work with or towards to?
Spot on 👏👏👏
Why did he say he married her?
I'm surprised she hasn't gotten a divorce
@@bellasue02- to adopt the child
@@ecclairmayo4153adopt the child he now wants to cut out out of his life insurance 🤯
He wants out. He is mad that he adopted her other kid (probably her idea). He feels like he made a huge mistake. Life insurance will be paid to benefit his kid only not the adopted one. It's why he bypassed his wife. Yeah, this is not going to work out.
He shouldn’t have taken up her kid. Generally men don’t want to raise another man’s kid
@@bensondentalassociates8690 I don’t think that’s true. There are blended families everywhere you look, and with the divorce rate as high as it is, there aren’t too many clean slates available. That said, what’s wrong with him? Why did he do it?
@@genxx2724 it’s in our DNA to want our off spring to be successful. We don’t really care about other mens kids. If it was life and death between his kid and the wife’s kid, he would chose his own.
You’re right, the divorce rate is high. But that is a massive rabbit hole.
@@genxx2724 why’d he do it? Idk he sounds stupid for marrying a girl with a kid already 😂
Theres more truth in these comments than with doctor delony. Its clear the guy wants his inheritance to go to his genetic daughter. And he doesnt trust his wife to be a good steward of that wealth. And the guy probably also doesnt want his inheritance to go to a stepkid
I got out of a similar situation. He was only interested in getting mutual wills not in getting married. When I was told I likely had cancer, he was almost thrilled. Definitely indifferent. I did not have cancer. I got out.
That was really kind of you to help him dodge a bullet at your own expense
Yikes
Girl go back to school get your degree, run make your money get yourself together. You can do it. You are stronger than you think. Get yourself and your self esteem together for your two children. You don’t need a man right now until you know you deserve better. You are me few years ago. I turn my life around. Don’t let any body ruin you. God is here for each one of us when we reach out to him.
Stop telling women they don't need a man,when everyone knows you do!
Yeah stfu city girl
@@ihateutube1143 We certainly don't need controlling abusive men. Jesus will provide a way out for her. And the beautiful thing is Jesus can be out man if men are being lame and abusive. Men are only useful of they act like Jesus. If they don't than they are scary and destructive.
@@ihateutube1143 Normally I'd agree but this woman is in a mess. What quality man do you expect her to get after two children by two different men? This one clearly is not doing a man's must basic duty and that's providing for his wife. Why should she be destitute when he dies? How selfish of him.
Maybe school and independence isn't the best answer but if they won't provide for her, she is being forced to care for herself. I agree with another commenter. She should seek Jesus' help.
"Maybe school and independence isn't the best answer but", What?? Care to elaborate? It's so messed up to actually want half the world population to be uneducated and codependent simply because you're not getting what you want out of them.
Crazy that her question is “Why didn’t my husband put me on his life insurance policy?” When her question should be, “Can you recommend a good divorce lawyer.” This woman has obvious issues if she had had two marriages and two kids with two separate men, neither of which act in a loving way towards her in such a short period of time. She may be romanticizing her parents marriage in her head. There’s gotta be something about how she was raised, something in her childhood, to have such a pattern of being attracted to these losers.
Or maybe she just sucks?
Guy sounds like an absolute asshole but if the asshole is the one giving an ultimatum about getting therapy she definitely has issues too.
Right! Finally another person who thinks rationally & is not just taking sides bevause shes a WOMAN. She made 2 poor choices. My advice, dont get a divorce. Going thru life with 2 failed marriages & 2 baby daddies is goinna be worse. She chose him for the next 18 years. Accountability. 🤷🏽♀️
That is what John was trying to get to .
Or maybe a lot of men happen to be losers, so chances of a non-celibate woman running into problems like this is fairly high, just sayin’.
If I’m her, I’m asking him, “If I were to die, can I trust you to love my daughter and treat her in the same way you love and treat OUR daughter?” If he says no, she should leave him today. If he says yes, then he should easily understand why his current beneficiary situation is stuuuuupid!
Yep. Exactly right.
Not just 'if he says no' but rather 'if he can't say YES'. If he talks around it or avoids it that's a no without saying no.
Probably not worth asking. But then again she should take a chance for him to change something.
@@RichardsWorld He already said it.
Deep and profound! Very good question
She agrees 100% with John, she just needed to hear it from someone else !
This is so very sad 😢
My ex husband did this and i asked him wtf. He said it was bc if he died I'd likely spend the money with another man ( we were in our 20s) so his mom should have it. Needless to say he is not my husband anymore. I asked him if he wanted me to be alone for the rest of my life then. He would stay quiet. So that meant yes lol
Amazing how he instantly knows the deeper level underneath the surface problems! I would have been like "okay, just ask your husband to change the policy" haha. Instead, John knows it's a sign of something much bigger as the root problem. Great stuff!
He's great. It's a lot like some of Dave's calls. The thing they're calling in for is the symptom of a much bigger problem.
He screens the calls day in advance and has all the time in the world to dissect the call and formulate a response. If he took calls cold he be a rambling fool. Listen to some questions he asks Dave or other hosts...They're juvenile.
I thought it was "too blessed to be stressed".
Because in a normal situation husband and wife discuss the "what ifs". If I die what will happen. First make sure the kids are going to be taken care of, safeguard the house/properties and then take care of the spouse. He does not trust her with money. This marriage was over a while ago, they are just holding on to threads.
@@annhans3535 if you take care of your spouse first, then everything else will be taken care of. If you don't trust your spouse then they shouldn't be your spouse
What a disgusting man. This happens so often with stepparents, happened with my mother and her stepfather and it is absolutely heartbreaking. Don’t marry a person with a child if you aren’t going to treat that child like your own. 💔
Thats why you make sure you want to stay with that person 18+ years
Oh please. Most stepparents have no idea what they’re getting into or what the dynamic will ultimately be. Too often there is an ex involved that weaponizes the child against the parents. So it’s easy to say as an outsider.
@@jenniferarcher-bock9302 💯
Why is this woman laughing? She’s married to a selfish loser and doesn’t want her to have any money to have a life if he precedes her in death. What a despicable man.
@jenniferarcher-bock9302 Or if someone is widowed- the dynamics can be crazy, too. Been there !
*HER LAUGHTER = FEAR* Please call a DV Shelter for FREE, SAFE help! 🙏🕊️
I don't think so
She where she wants to be. She loves him, but he doesn't love her
I used to be a therapist. We were trained (in general) to not flat out tell people not to get married, unless there were huge red flags. But if I'd seen them for premarital therapy, I would've flat out said no! The first issue is her self esteem. Her first marriage was to someone who didn't value her; ahe got free, but went right back to the same situation. Second, they didn't discuss anything before getting married that really mattered. People have to STOP legally and physically binding themselves to someone who they don't know well, and they don't know how that person would treat them in the worst case scenario. They both married out of some kind of convenience, and you can't base a life on only getting your needs met. This man is selfish and cares nothing for her and her child. Unfortunately this marriage won't work either bc she is not a priority to him. He would be required to change the policy, and give me all the information I would need to monitor the status of the policy as often as I wanted. Or I would be contacting a divorce attorney...
I waver between believing ppl should have to go through premarital testing and counseling to get married and thinking the government shouldn't be involved at all (in which case only churches would do the marrying).
Movie. License to Wed is good advice
My mother was cheated on and ultimately betrayed by her bf of over 22 years who refused to marry her and always kept her at arms length. He never actually trusted her though they built much of their life together. He went on some bizarre paranoid delusional tirade and kicked her out, while accusing HER of cheating, destroying her life. My mother is a hard working christian woman and did not deserve it, and he never deserved her. This woman’s story reminds me of him.
sounds like my ex
She dated someone for 20 years??
@@nolabae Common-law marriage.
To be fair for 22 years he refused to marry her...that should have been a hint.
Why in the world did your mother stay with him that long? She missed the opportunity of finding the right one since she’s staying with the wrong one.
that marriage is over; she needs to call a lawyer and plan on a new life for her and her children
This isn’t her husband. She needs to file for divorce. No need to drag this out. Her mental health & these kids deserve better. This is heartbreaking.
Again? 2 failed marriages huh? 2 baby daddies huh?
@@brianabeans4549 Riiiighhht, Beans. Let's sentence her to 18 more years of abuse and degradation and the kids to a tense and loveless household as punishment because she's made two mistakes. John was telling her to get some therapy and find out why she thinks so little of herself. Maybe she married these two losers because she thinks so little of herself. Great plan to raise her two girls so they will have a model of not thinking they're worth it either. DTMFA, lady.
@@brianabeans4549 Are you blaming possibly two failed marriages on her?
@@lilyrose855 Were the marriages arranged or DID SHE CHOOSE HER HUSBANDS?
@@brianabeans4549 it doesn't matter if the marriage was arranged or not. It doesn't matter if she chose her husband or not. The issue here is domestic violence, no?
There’s a lot to the story that’s missing. She said the only reason he married her is so that he can adopt her child?! That makes no sense.
especially since she said he doesn't seem to want the child....
No. He does not care about her kis. He’s using her kids to guilt trip her
I’m pretty sure he said it to just be an a$$
Probably she didn’t wanted her first child to be connected to her abusive first husband. And the second husband used the child as a reward for the wife to have her submission, and now that he is tired of her , and have a biological child (and probably someone else that he likes)
he what’s the adoptive child and the wife out of the pictures.
Her story has massive holes lol that is for sure. Invite the husband on who married a woman who has no money and a baby from someone else who’s a deadbeat and let’s get the whole story. The real story.
I'm sorry but this woman really buried the lead in this story. She tells Dr John that her husband did not make her the beneficiary. Then she reveals that it was ALL left to a toddler to be held in trust. Dr John asks why did he do this? And her answer is, I don't know. Come on sweetie, you do know. You 100% know. Why did it take so long to mention the other child being left out? That is the entire story here.
Shes just laughing to keep from crying. Sad dude
You got it right. He is having conversation with other people outside of their house
Her whispering "he is just not a nice person" pretty much tells you everything
Update?... Wonder how they are doing now March 30, 2024?... 🤔🙂
I want to know as well.
@The Dr John Delony Show? Pls ?
Update, Pls?
He pretty much said he doesn't love her. What is there to fight for?
Women: I don’t get all his time and money. He must not love me
“I didn’t marry you because I love you”? Run, do not walk, away from this piece of trash.
Women say it all the time: i dont love you anymore, i want divorce
And proceed to take everything man has
@@ExeterXD Exactly, but it’s men who they claim are trash
To be fair...she picked that piece of trash. She also choose to marry that trash. She has to be accountable for her decisions in life.
@@ExeterXD but this is a woman who is still In a relationship with this man who didn't marry her for love. & she still love him. So Idk what u r trying to say.
Exactly!!! I would be gone so fast his head would spin!!!
She need someone WITH her when she confronts him. She is paralyzed with fear and has been crushed...hope she has a big, protective brother.
I've been screwed over in two estate messes and one divorce. So strange how family become so greedy when it comes to money. 😢
Maybe a boundary could be: “I don’t feel comfortable with this large mortgage without a life insurance policy. If you can’t put me on it, we need to sell the house, so I can save for any emergencies.”
And she’s stuck burying his sorry self! Funerals are not cheap. So she goes into debt to pay for his funeral because he excluded her?
@@BudgetingGranny He would cremated in a wooden box before sunset.
This is so scary. She might be the one on the way out. He might be plotting not only her demise, but her child that HE adopted. Get out lady! NOW!!
@elainebmack her situation also gave me the creeps.
She needs her own therapist and an attorney. He neither likes or trust her. He wants her to fend for herself. Does she have a job of her own?
They have known each other for more than 12 years...He does not trust her?? Then why married her?? People are just so weird.
That’s what I’m having problems with. Did they have an affair while she was still married! The hunt is over, he won, he’s done. Next
My husband didn‘t love me and thought I am repulsive. He married me because he had an easy life. I worked full time and he stayed home to smoke weed.
If she’s willing to write one parent out of her oldest child’s life why won’t she do that to him too? It’s like thinking a cheats always a cheat
You can tell she giggles to get through tough, serious conversations.
If you are not your spouse’s beneficiary, question how much your husband/ wife actually love you and care about your well-being. If something were to happen to them today, why wouldn’t they want you taken care of? This is not okay!
@@Quinu12 so just don’t get married. Nobody is going to make you.
@@Quinu12 That's bull. Married men statistically are the happiest because the wife takes care of everything
I've been taking care of them the rest of the time, cant I at least vmget time off doing everything when I'm dead!
She shouldn’t be questioning how much he loves her, she should be questioning her maturity… If my husband didn’t want me to have control over everything I would wonder why. She can ask herself if it is because he doesn’t love her or she is totally irresponsible and will spend every dime without working and then their child together will be in horrible shape. Her giggling every few words shows she is incredibly immature and insecurity in being alone which she has a track record for will aid her find another guy to latch onto who will help her spend every dime.
I love that in certain states you have to have the spouse's permission to have someone OTHER than the spouse on life insurance...
He realized he made a HUGE mistake. He doesn’t want to be with her.
Right he didn’t want to adopt the kid.. her ex husband rights had to be terminated in order for her new husband to adopt … I can imagine how the 8 year old child feels that was adopted
@@helena3631- Imagine how bad she and that kid are that both of those guys want to get away from them
That Red Flag could cover a continent. My crystal ball is screaming divorce is in the near future.
Heck. The crystal ball, the cowrie shells, the bones, and the tea leaves are all saying divorce 😧🫨
Heres the deal we learn as graduate psychology studentd...I am a clinical psychology professor, practitioner, researcher and have been since 1979: "the presenting probelm is never the REAL problem".
Truth
I worked death claims for Prudential before and I ALWAYS tell women that just being the wife doesn't guarantee you that money. Whoevers name is on the policy as beneficiary is who get that money and the laws change from state to state. That goes for 401k and bank account beneficiaries also. Check up on these things people
Hi! Just curious what happens if no one is named on 401k, does the spouse get it then?
@@chocolatte8301 yes the spouse will get 401k. UNLESS.... they put someone else as beneficiary
@@electricbeing993 thank you
@@chocolatte8301 you're welcome
Isn't that why you get to enter a beneficiary? That's literally why they ask for that information.
Why do parents teach their daughters to not stand up for themselves in relationships? "When it comes to divorce if it ain't broke don't fix it so I waited for him to cheat 3 times." This is so backwards.......
You're right! Her parents don't even make any sense. It was “broke”, their relationship, so It did need fixed. Her parents failed her, and should have Stood behind her when he cheated the first, second and third time.
Because dysfunctional parents don't parent well, and can teach their daughters they have no worth.
@@lynnebucher6537 This Exactly. My mom had NPD. It affects women profoundly until we wake up and go no contact
@@michele5695 what is NPD?
@@NeeNee_B. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Her situation sounds like the mess I WOULD have stepped into if I didn’t tread lightly. My college sweetheart and I broke up when I found out he was chatting with his ex. We broke up not simply because he held convo with a girl but because he lied when I asked him about it then sped up the proposal deadline so I wouldn’t leave. It felt manipulative to me so I broke the whole thing off. I got pregnant a year/half later by my then new bf. Didn’t work out. We moved on to coparent. But the guy from college and I rekindled a decade later. He felt this whole time like I stole his life away from him by getting pregnant and I was suppose to be HIS wife. After 3 months of dating him again, I realized he still had unhealed deep rooted skewed views about what really happened 10 years ago (like we broke up because YOU cheated/lied - I didn’t betray you by getting pregnant but he couldn’t see that) and he had an undercurrent of domineering behavior. I’m glad that I sensed he would not be fully all in (emotionally) - he just wanted me back likely to abuse/exert dominance as payback - but not to love and accept me and my son.
My husband died from cancer treatment complications. Dealing with an estate is a nightmare. We didn't expect him to die when he did. (He reacted to a cancer drug.) Even when you think everything is set up right, it is hard. (For example, my husband had me at one institution as a 100% beneficiary, but he likely didn't realize he had to do that with every account at that institution. So, I was only on 1 of 4 accounts there and the others had no beneficiary, so I have to do probate.) My husband did the best he could to make sure I was going to be okay. What her "husband" is doing is not okay. She needs to get out of this relationship. If someone loves you, they want to make sure you will be okay in the worst moment of your life, when they die. I am getting all the estate issues settled and then setting everything up in trust for our daughter.
Hire lawyer asap
This proves that a lot of y’all get married just for the name and ignore the fact that the man cares nothing about you.
That's a timeless fault of humanity. There world be no divorce if the heart of man wasn't so hard.
Some of y’all*
Yup
Exactly! Some women hate being single!
Amen girl amen 😂
You told no lies 💯
I honestly think you should give her her own full episode or follow up if you can
Nah. Dr Delony made the right call
I'm a step mom of one and mom of one and I'm giving my step daughter 25% and our child 75% on our passing. Its assets halved then all my half going to my son and my husband half going 50/50 to his son and daughter.
My step daughter has already gotten inheritance from her mums side that my son doesn't get so. I think it's fair
The entitled irony 😂
@@wafflewafflegod I'm not understanding.
The messed up thing about it is that he adopted her child and that child, which is legally his now, isn’t listed as an equal beneficiary. Then he tells Liz that he didn’t marry her because he loved her but so he could adopt the child…that’s low. That man don’t even like Liz. His actions says this loud and clear.
Makes you wonder what his motive was in adopting her child if he didn’t want her or her mother
He obviously cannot stand her.
I can't stand her after 2 minutes of this video.
@Kai Maybe because she is pathetic
@Kai Never...you just proved your ignorance for a second time.
@Kai "you probably hit your wife lol bye"... nice try gaslighting nasty gross person
@Kai Dr. John recommends a website that offers therapy that you can get immediately online. Maybe something for you... Good luck.
Her marriage has already burned to the ground. His life insurance should be the least of her worries right now. She needs to take steps to start ending the marriage. Put a plan into action to take care of herself and her kids.
I wonder how she is now. As well as many of his other callers. Thank you for being here for all of us Dr John.
I had a friend in the early 80's who was killed on her way home from work one evening. She had her life insurance made out to her little son as beneficiary. But at the time of her sudden death she also had a baby girl less than a year old. Her husband could have used that money. Her son was like 5 years old. It was heart breaking the man who ran a red light in a storm fled back to Mexico.
I'm not a Trumper, and I'm not a racist, but I was also almost killed by a bad driver who was an illegal. Traffic came to a stop on the interstate because of construction and this guy had plenty of time to brake but he totaled by car. If I had passengers in the back seat it would have been fatal. He was undocumented and uninsured but he had a driver's license! Crazy. And obviously he wasn't fit to drive on American roads.
@@kayanoreeves1949 I was almost killed by a driver that was an American citizen.
I have a good feeling that if it was an American citizen this comment wouldn’t be here.
@@kayanoreeves1949 I’m not a huge trump fan, I did vote for him. No one can deny that Biden’s border policy is a joke.
So sorry for your friend. A lot of time people forget to update their will when circumstances change.
How did this become about politics
My ex refused to get life insurance. Yet another way he wanted to punish me for not being enough. He thought I didn’t appreciate him for me being an at-home mom and wife.
That woman should run as fast as she can. Run! Run! Run!
Take the money out of whatever account you have. Get your act together girl! This is no good at all. Narcissist
How is she going to care for that child without any money? What does he think a life insurance policy is for?
He doesn’t love her and he doesn’t know how to get out.
So now he is trying to force her hand so that she will leave.
She needs to move on!
If she stays, it will destroy her mentally.
I work with life insurance policies. This is normal. Most people do this. They expect their spouse to take out their own policy on them with their self as the beneficiary. The adopted child should be included, that is bizarre. She might need to get out that marriage. That means he has no intentions on treating the kids equally.
John is right, I work in life insurance and her husband is wrong for treating his family like that.
Your “professional experience” is irrelevant to this
So sad. I told my parents I wanted them to be my beneficiaries (I am a single woman), and my dad told me that if that was my heart's desire, then to leave my mom as the main beneficiary on everything I have so that it can all go to her if anything ever happened to me. I could see right there that he values her and cares to provide for her and is willing to give everything to her if need be.
What's really sad is the husband could name all three as beneficiaries, giving a specified percentage to each one (and still leave the majority to the youngest). Sadly, he doesn't revere the oldest child as his own and doesn't trust the wife. I guess the good part is, he told her now as oppose to her finding out when he's dead. Seems she jumped from the fire into the frying pan.
the oldest child isn't his own. No need to pretend
@@whitneyw.7919 He shouldn't have adopted her if he wasn't prepared or willing to love her as his own. That's what adoption is all about.
@@whitneyw.7919 he adopted her, what kind of nonsense is this
@@whitneyw.7919 these people definatley don’t have kids with someone else you will never love another kid like your own you can man up and take responsibility but you will never love it like ur own
@@whitneyw.7919 my dad adopted me when I was 2 years old. He has NEVER EVER looked at me or treated me as if I wasn’t blood. If you legally take on a child as yours, the child IS yours. My parents have kept everything fair between my younger brother and me.
People just rush to get back into relationships after leaving another, take a breath, give yourself space and time to get to know you.
Do you know the timeline?
So sad this poor woman doesn’t have the strength to leave. I told myself I will not tolerate any abuse and I will never do anything to cause a man to act abusive towards me. If he does it, it’s from his own doing. Because if he acts that way without reason, I will have every reason to leave.
Liz, you are worth more than what your husband is giving you.
Or maybe she brought way more baggage into the marriage and ruined a second partner in a row. Remember, this is from her POV and they always are the hero or victim in their stories
It sounds like she needs a lot of help. Her choices in men are horrible. Until she fixes herself, her relationship is doomed.
victim blaming. victim blaming. relisten to this call. hear how he sought her out after her divorce (predator stalking his prey), hear how he belittles her (brother was entrusted to the money, then the kid...never her), he uses bad jokes or brushes off her concerns with little thought,.....rethink your statement.
@@jenniferfowler682 No doubt, birds of a feather flock together.
She is a pick me and a cow to tolerate that mess. She has no self respect and she makes no sense. What is wrong with these women?!!
@@jenniferfowler682It’s not victim blaming. It’s reality. She doesn’t pick them well and tolerated disrespect. She’s broken. Her husband is a POS, but she has been tolerating it. She doesn’t need to be there. She has no self worth.
Agreed. She obviously is not even emotionally, intelligent enough to be having these conversations , much less, being in an actual marriage, and raising children .
She needs therapy and to figure out who she is💯
For those of you who have been kind, thank you. For all the negative comments on situations you no zero about except for this 15 minute video, congrats. You’ve made me feel worthless like I already do for leaving someone who cheated on me numerous times. I removed myself from that situation for a good reason. I also cope with laughter as tons of others do.
Are you the caller? Sorry this is happening to you.
Also, ignore the horrible comments (easier said than done, I know). I've noticed that DR (and DR personalities) videos get so many comments from incels. It's not just your situation they comment on, don't worry. It sounds like you're in a sad situation, please stay connected to those who love you for support throughout this time. It might be horrible but you will pull through. Many people have never experienced relationships with narcissists (likely what your current husband/ex are) yet feel so confident in talking about how they would handle such situations. Very few people understand, yet so many are quick to judge. Thinking of you.
PS it's obvious to anyone who has an ounce of emotional intelligence that you're laughing because otherwise you'll cry. Like I said, ignore the sad weirdos who are working themselves up over a person they've never met and didn't know existed 10 minutes ago.
Kelsey, God bless you and keep you and your family. May there be healing and understanding and love beyond any measure.
Love from East Coast Canada.❤
Please don't take those to mind. I'm an ICU nurse in a Level I trauma center. Sometimes we laugh inappropriately because what we see is so bad that we just laugh or else it's all doom and gloom.... how could we work like that?
This is unspeakable CRUELTY. Suffered 12 years with a husband who resented my 2 sons from my first marriage and it hurt so bad it slowly made me despise him, divorced now, he regrets it - TOUGH. Hearts dont unbreak.
Dude suffered through 12 years of your past in his present and probably still lost half. Poor guy
He doesn't trust her he gave 30 days to get help. We are only getting her side of the story. Even John said there were things missing to the story.
She called him "not a nice person" when asked why the husband made her go to therapy... maybe there is more to the story of their relationship than the one side we're getting here.
I hope she is doing well today. She sounds like an awesome lovely person.
I know it's not as easy as this, and there are so many Dynamics involved... But after the first time my husband would say I didn't marry you because I loved you.... WTF!!!! Time to start an exit plan! I feel so bad for this sweet lady!
The best thing we can do as parents other than formal education is to teach them to depend on themselves and teach them and show them self respect and love.
😢😢I did the taxes of a widow who went through a million dollar estate in 3 years. They had one daughter who was 12. There are no trust funds for their child. She was flat broke and just started a minimum wage job. The late husband should have protected his child.
I don't get it, why did he get married and adopt a kid when he didn't want to? This isn't something you just do on the spur of the moment. You don't get to just casually pull back from a commitment like that like it's no big deal. He agreed to adopt the kid so he's the dad now, there's no inbetween.
It made me instantly think he was in the military. I have known multiple people that would marry friends while in military just to get the benefits.
@Bamapride1985 Wow didn't know that was a thing...
You will be your husband,s beneficiary if you take out another policy on him. You can, you're legally married. As long as he doesn't turn up dead next Tuesday, everything should be fine.