A Christian Mom Re-Wrote Harry Potter (and I read it because I love to suffer)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
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It's Harry Potter, but instead of British witches they are American Christian cowboys with creepy smiles
guess which aesthetic I prefer
American Horror Story: the Christianing
@Weird Trixibelle yeah I know, I've seen the post. but come on. tell me the brits don't have *a e s t h e t I c* when they get all magical and shit
alpha reaperion *we are the aesthetics of M A G I C*
@@ELBERTOO precisely
"Ronald cries into his oatmeal" Why does this seem completely out of character, yet something Ron would _definitely do_
Ron as a child, distraught over a prank Frank and George played on him. he's about five years old and thinks his brothers hate him. Mrs. Weasley is bustling around the kitchen, reassuring him his brothers absolutely love him. Mr. Wesley comes in late and gets a stern lecture from his wife, then gets super awkward around the crying Ron. He pulls out a Muggle toy: a remote control car and cheers Ron up with it, showing him how to work the controls. This Muggle toy runs on magic, not batteries. Ron is happy and plays with it for approximately .5 seconds before Fred and George accidentally break it. Mrs. Weasley, despite her better judgment, repairs it with her wand in secret, making Ron promise not to tell anyone she's fixed it. This later sets the scene for Ron to drive the flying car with Fred and George in it. :)
Ron eating oatmeal doesn't sound right. Considering English breakfast, I'd expect him to cry in his bacon.
@@BlueGangsta1958 tbf I knew few English people who have a full English breakfast on the regular, I feel like it reads wrong because we call it porriage and that sounds infinatley more British than oatmeal and therefore more Ron.
a Ron Weasley who's older than 11 would probably have been the one who talked himself to tears. Also, he'd continue eating.
i think it's because she said 'ronald' and the person saying 'ronald' wasn't McGonigall
The three pillars of atheism: Science, socialism, and birthdays.
and the sub-pillar under science; evolution
oh god BIRTHDAYS!
As a Christian, I've never heard anything bad about birthdays. I'd be a way less-uptight Gryffindor Hat and the birthday thing came out of nowhere for me.
@@towelgirl21 there are some christians/jehovah's witnesses that don't celebrate birthdays if I remember correctly
@@UwUImShio I know Jehovah's Witnesses don't, but the author def wasn't talking about them here.
Once a girl in my class shared her 500 page fan fiction (hand written) with me. I'll use 4 words to describe it all: Hagrid was canonicly Jesus.
Edit: I found out that the girl who did this passed away recently, so all of the new replies if there will be any, please be respectful. She was pretty weird but was nice and had a good, kind heart.
That sounds awesome lol
Holy fucking shit Hagrid second coming REAL?
Oooh i want to read it
THIS GIRL WAS AHEAD OF HER TIME
I WOULD READ THAT. Hagrid as Jesus is so funny and yet makes so much sense based on his personality. I'm not even christian lol-
Αch yes, Voldemort: The world's most famous reddit atheist
I legit cant wait for the final showdown
@@katinkaherbal8236 bold of you to assume Voldemort was ever straight
@@katinkaherbal8236 JK Rowling rewrites a new character as gay every few weeks/months
@@morgoth_bauglir Clearly he and Quirrel were a thing
How can you forget his iconic fedora
*"Harry Potter and The Body Of Christ."*
Yes.
Harry Potter and the Half-Jewish Pope
"Harry Potter and the holy corpse"
Harry Potter and the Holy Spirit
your profile picture... i have never came so hard
Original Harry would love this Petunia and Vernon
A sweet successful business woman and a stay-at-home dad that likes baking brownies? That sounds like Harry's dream
He would have less trauma if that was so
I think this Vernon also works? (5:26) But a brownie baking working guardian is still way way better than an abusive and willfully negligent guardian
@@leeledyke yeah didn't notice that
Still faaaaaaaaaaaar better than what og Harry got
@@ignoremeplease 100%. Way better. Instead of locking him alone in a cupboard, they make sure there's a sitter caring for him while they're gone, and seem to pay attention to him when they are home
@@leeledyke 🙌
I love it that the author tried so hard to replace the magic with prayer, they practically just ended up describing how Clerics work in D&D.
Ah yes, it all makes sense now, Dumbledore is a level 20 Peace Cleric and used Heroes' Feast to summon the food. Hogwarts is just a Cleric school.
A Harry Potter inspired DND campaign would be awesome tho.
i am sO ON IT
This comment. I love this comment.
ItzzBayleyy tell me when you get it I need a campaign idea cause I think I’m dming next.
I mean, prayer and miracles sound EXACTLY like magic, soooo...
"Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is a bigger mood than it should be
ron BURSTING into to tears while eating oatmeal because someone insulted mary, mother of jesus is the funniest shit
I made it my instagram bio, I want to confuse the people who know me >:)
The best part is book Ron probably didn't even know what religion was and would've been super confused by this entire situation
As a peep with a eating disorder. I relateee
Harry: Hugs a girl before marriage
hagrid: yOU'rE a SiNNeR HaRrY
F1shb0n3 LMBO
F1shb0n3 #WaitingTillMarriageSquad
@@xx_somescenecath0lic_xx888 yeah im still waiting to breath, gotta wait till marriage! #WaitingTillMarriageSquad
Blood Bath and Beyond LOLLLL
I don't have hair yet! #WaitingTillMarriage
Hilarious! 🤣
Can we take a moment to appreciate that Christian Mama Author is obviously thirsty for Mr. Snape?
definitely not good for their family
Undercover member of the Snapewives cult /j
It’s giving snapewife energy
I remember reading this on my own (finally got past chapter 2 lol) and thinking, 'okay as long as they didn't butcher my man Snape it's fine', reaching his introduction, and going, 'THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT SNAPE THAT'S NOT-'
You're saying she wants to see the solid snape? Sorry I'll leave.
me, a fanfiction writer: "everything I write is an absolute failure"
*sees the thumbnail*
me: "nevermind, everything I write is a beautiful literary masterpiece that can move anybody to tears.
this fic will likely be more famous than any of yours ever will
@@thejuiceking2219 ouch, one fic of mine already reached 2500 hits on AO3.
why be so damn rude? and just so you know, I competed in several contests already.
@@oldestdreamja oh, that's impressive...probably i don't do fanfic stuff
@@thejuiceking2219 not fanfiction contests, if that's you think. like actual, school related poetry and literary contests.
someone else posted a really similar comment 2 years ago uhh
J.K. Rowling: "EVERYONE IS GAY"
Christian mom: "EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT"
@brandon roberts WE WILL RISE!!
brandon roberts WE SHALL TAKE OVER
My Immortal: “EVERYONE IS BISEXUAL”
I would make a joke to further this chain, but hey I have no clue so I’m just going to leave this comment.
AS A PANSEXUAL I WILL HELP SUPPORT THE RISE OF THE BISEXUALS
This reads like if the original aunt petunia wrote Harry Potter
As opposed to Rita Skeeter who was the original writer
LITERALLY WTF
@Kealch's Factory Did you just call JK Rowling Rita Skeeter because honestly i agree
Molly Gustafsson well, Rita Skeeter is like a desperate fanfic writer, and after Cursed Child, JK Rowling isn’t that far off lmao
Kealch's Factory it was obviously Gilderoy Lockhart who stole Hermione’s essays and released them into the muggle world to get enough money to shrink himself to the size of a mouse
Christian Harry Potter reminds me of the time Ned Flanders read Harry Potter to his kid and was all like "And Harry Potter, and all of his wizard friends went straight to Hell for practicing Witchcraft!"
"Yay!"
20:28 at my last Christian school, there was a teacher who taught upper elementary, and when she was lecturing a troublesome student, her version was, “look at me in my god-given eyeballs!” And every time I cringed just a little bit harder
As a Christian that sounds hilarious.
Was she trying to make the kid laugh? It's just such weird phrasing XD
@@elizabethsmith7224 agreed
👁️👁️ "look at me in my god given eyeballs!
God Gave her those eyeballs? what happened to the ones she was born with?
Mister snape may have sent you, but the phrase “cried into his oatmeal” sent me with free two-day shipping from amazon prime
"You're a Christian now, Harry."
every christian mom when their child is born
thats why they call upon god when in labor
Sounds like the baptisms I’ve witnessed
Everybody knows women can't birth children by themselves. God just shove his hand there, grabs the baby and then yanks it out.
Uncle Kane the tiberium main obviously! How else would it happen? Those bogus doctors?
This is true. Can confirm
turning Hermione into the opposite of a career woman is one of the funniest things I've ever heard
I know!!! She is literally the defition of a future career woman!
The original Hermione is one of those characters who get the ending in which they have children because the author was trying to make some kind of point with it ("this is the trad happy end everyone expects, riiiight?", "the legacy has to go on", "the kid is supposed to accomplish something", "the world is finally safe so everyone absolutely has to have kids", "the world is not safe but people have kids despite it all"... whatever), but it feels really out of character because from what we have seen until this ending this person would have been *so* childfree 😅
I find it super ironic that Luna and other Hufflepuff hats are looked down on for only worshiping some of the Bible when Harry is literally sitting there eating bacon. YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE EATING PIG HARRY! WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?!
I KNOW RIGHT? Ahh yes, we listen to the entire bible, how dare you not?! But of course the entire bible is the convenient part only.
He's christian, not jewish.
@vicenteabalosdomin
In the bible god says what animals you can and can't eat, (something to do with coven hooves or something) Your not so post to eat pig, Horses tho? Go crazy
@@paulsander5579 Yes, but Christians believe that Jesus' sacrifice has unburdened humanity from those rules. Like, Christians no longer have to sacrifice animals to God (etc.) because Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice.
@@michaelhenry3234 Theene ewhy do they still insist homosexuality's a sin? They pick and choose out of convenience awfully often, is it or is it not supposed to be a thing? Also they think abortion bad when there's instructions on magic paternity-detecting abortion potion, so abortion is okay for infidelity, which is NEVER a proposed exemption on the chistians' abortion bans....
At least they could either pick all or none and be consistent, instead of wishy washy cherry-picking heretics.
I'm the non-believer, I'm not supposed to know the bible's rules and the specifics of it better than them.
Omg aunt petunia is such a horrible person, how dare she not let Harry get kidnapped by this half giant man, smh
Lemon L’Arachel and let him have two birthdays if he didn’t, so rude 😡
Lemon L’Arachel god what a bitch
exactly like such a horrible aunt. smh i’m glad i’m not related to her. and he had a birthday!!!! AWFUL!!!
lol gamer and almost a second one too???? How is he not taken away by cps yet?
are we rlly not gonna talk about "Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal"
Complete mood
My favourite line. Ever
So far the lunch is my favorite part Ron crying and Harry and draco arguing women shouldn’t have jobs but for different reasons each stupid in its own way...priceless. 😭
The boy has salty oatmeal now
I'm in a Quarantine Quote chat and I saw this absolute beaut without any context, and I think I could've lived without said context. But I'm glad to have obtained it.
I love how Harry's parents are never mentioned, I imagine the marauders in their dorm one day yelling at the ceiling "FATHER GOD, PLEASE BLESS THIS MAP!"
They likely wouldn't even call themselves the marauders, they'd call themelves preachers of God or something 💀
They're the Cathars 2.0 probably
The Crusaders maybe?
@@neoqwertythe anode or the cathode
me: drinking water
"HERMIONE CALLS DUMBLEDORE 'DADDY'-"
me: *almost spits out water*
U good?
What?! I need a timestamp of when that was pointed out. I don't feel so good.😶
no one:
strange aeons, in immense pain: Hermione Calls Dumbledore Daddy.
Dumbledaddy
i hate that reply with a burning passion but it’s so good why must you do this to me
"Every women is another man's future wife"
Stares into the camera with gay despair
*Aromantic despair*
@@idkdude1118 saaame tbh
11:36 #giffable
"Remember kids: the only reason to respect women is because she is the future property of a man!"
@@wishtopublish "Hippity hoppity, this woman is now my property!"
-Jesus Christ, I think.
The thing is we *already* have "Harry Potter for Christians" - it's called the Chronicles of Narnia and the allegory is subtle enough that it can be enjoyed totally independently of it being Christian propaganda. (I certainly didn't make the connection when I read those books as a kid.)
The allegory is subtle enough until the last book when it comes in at the speed of crashing train lol.
You're not wrong, but doesn't Aslan literally say he's Jesus at some point?
Having allusions and references to a religion does not make something propaganda. Narnia involves Christianity in its world and story, but it never lies about it
@@Doomzdeh and having lies or trying to hide a message isn't necessary for something to be propoganda.
Plenty of propoganda uses actual events(say the "let's go to war" US WWII propoganda featuring the actions of the Nazis) or is very blatant about the message it is pushing(like plenty of Christian media)
@@Doomzdeh propaganda isn't inherently equivalent to misinformation, you know that, right? propaganda is defined by Merriam-Webster as "the spreading of ideas, information, or rumor for the purpose of helping or injuring an institution, a cause, or a person" or the idea/information/rumor itself
I respect hermione’s game
Always offer to do something you know is not needed so you can seem nice without having to do anything
Offering to help cook was a deception 100 move mad respect
"Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is a whole ass mood
Yes
I felt it in my GOD DAMN SOUL, and that saying something, cause I'm not entirely sure I have one.
It's called 'porridge' in UK English.
@@angelamaryquitecontrary4609 at least it ain't grits
I read ronald reagan and thought to myself "yes" while picturing the man crying
"science, socialism, and birthdays" ah yes, the 3 sins
the unholy trinity
The 3 genders
this comment sent me
I'm kind of into all three, but mostly socialism
Tag yourself I’m birthdays
I don't know why the specificity that Mr. Snape wore black leather shoes "on both feet" is the thing that made me laugh the most out of this whole mess.
Imagine the kids saying they want to watch the movies. I can just imagine the mother acting out the book she wrote
HE HAS _SCIENCE_ AND _SOCIALISM_ AND _BIRTHDAYS_
Honestly that sounds wonderful
now that's my kinda night
Seize the means of birthday presents comrades 😤
now that's some good shit tbh
*the horror*
I have the most hilarious mental image of Canon Hagrid just laughing hysterically at Christian Hagrid
Yes and Christian Hagrid looks like ps2 hagrid
@@funkydude8196 but C O W B O Y
and brolden’s hagrid just DYING
darren’s harry and joey’s ron would be eating red vines half in disgust half in amusement
This comment has 666 likes write now 😂
I like how Dumbledore is still bias to Gryffindor.
this fanfic made me cry into MY oatmeal
mood.
“Birthdays aren’t Christian” that sounds like Jehovah’s Witness.
Well, it's true. Birthdays aren't christian. They're neutral
Christmas is canceled.
"Birthdays aren't christian!" *continues to celebrate Jesus's birth*
So does "Harry Potter isn't Christian" in the first place tbh
@@rainqueen4624 Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate christmas either
"This poor little one has been raised in a terrible situation," Hagrid declared concernedly. "He was watched by a babysitter every second of the day, his aunt saw him as part of her perfect life package like the big house, the fancy career, and the speedy car!"
Well at least he didn't grow up in a cupboard under the stairs like that other kid.
She keeps bringing up the babysitter, too. If both parents worked, having a babysitter instead of just leaving their kids alone all the time sounds like *amazing* parenting.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say the author is jealous of the babysitter her husband hired...
@@xaldynnemo47 She didn't want to alienate the christian families that have so many kids that some do live under the stairs
I'm honestly still wondering where Dudley is LOL
"He's been raised in such a horrible situation! His aunt and uncle treat and love him like their own child, and constant individual supervision by a babysitter even when his parents are at work! Not to mention, they teach him about SCIENCE for FUN"
@@Scarleto As a sinful feminist, Petunia decided to exercise her reproductive rights and never bore a biological child of her own. ;-D
*Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal.*
I can't. This line is going to live rent free in my head forever.
I went to a private catholic college and was required to take two semesters of theology classes, and for one of them I took a course titled “the gospel according to Harry Potter” and it absolutely ruled. it was a few week long class where we just read all the books and discussed any Christian themes in them. there’s a fair amount, speaking vaguely, like good verses evil etc…
anyway I kinda wish we discovered this back then, if only for parody, it would have been a fun thing to laugh about with a bunch of fellow millennials
Genuinely, my Episcopal church had a summer Bible Camp (for little kids) themed to Harry Potter 😂
" Ronald began to *cry into his oatmeal* "
my morning routine
Same, as also I love the pfp
Hello Catra.
@@michaelinthebathroom7560 hey adora
I prefer to cry into my frosted flakes.
Noice pfp btw
She: ”Every woman is some man's future wife.”
Nuns: Am I a joke to you?
ThEy aRe A wiFe Of JeSus
alternatively ThEy ArE mArRiEd tO gOd
Lesbians and aromantic women: Am I a joke to you?
Elly Belly well yeah, the author’s an evangelical
Well nuns are catholic, so according to this story just one step removed from Satan himself. An unmarried woman who worships idols...
My parents are Christian, but they not only let us but encouraged us to read Harry Potter. My mom was actually confused when her mom, also a Christian, asked if it was okay to give us Harry Potter mugs. My mom didn't even know there was controversy around the books. THAT is a Christian. I lean towards Atheist myself.
As another comment said, Dumbdore the Cleric casts Hero's feast! 9:35
Sorry to be that guy, but it's Christian, not Cristian.
When does harry learn the fun spells, like flame strike, insect plague, create undead, or harm?
@@conwaysquest6961 fiendfyre and inferi are canon as well as many ways to harm people but I don't know about insect plagues. But since they obviously don't work in real life, I don't see anything dangerous in Harry Potter.
Word. Glad the books were only mildly sexist and horrible, unlike more recent JK works
@@turtlesandmoreturtles4140 The spells I listed are high-level cleric spells in D&D. I was leaning into the joke.
Lolololol I remember when I was in 4th grade (8-9 year olds) a girl in my class had a birthday party which was harry potter themed. Her best friend came up to her, and flat out told her she refuses to go, because “god doesn’t like witches and magic”. We died.
That Harry vs Draco match is basically the one meme that’s like:
Harry: All women! Are queens!
Draco: if she breathes! SHE’S A THOOOT!!!!
Edit: holy shit I didn’t expect my shitpost to blow up like this
Lmao yesss
hi again
Except theyre both trying to own them
@@danielleisaacs6237 OOF
LMAOOO
Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles, where everyone is a perfect Christian. Apart from, apparently, three quarters of the school.
The part where Reverend Dumbledore says that if they didn't include the other hats the school would be small concerned me because the implication to me is that the other hats are only there so Gryffindor hats can convert them
So... *c h u r c h*
Quinn exactly
so, catholic school.
@@lauragraceokay as a former student, I can verfiy the accuracy of this lol.
The thought of Draco wearing khakis is
... It might be the most wrong thing in here. Wait until his father hears about this.
When she said that Voldemort is "pushing an agenda in congress", I completely lost it.😂
"He wore dark leather shoes on both feet." How many people has this woman encountered who wear different shoes on each feet?
Oh, oh yeah
If she's a Pentecostal-probably almost everyone in her looney bin of a Church wore mismatched clothing. Top that with the freakish giggling and jittering.
She has had one two many “wacky Wensdays”
I know right, the urge to have at least two adjectives to describe the leather shoes caused her to add unnecessary detail
I thought they were wearing a slipper and a leather shoe IMO
Luna Lovegood
"Parenting should be about children, not the parents"
So what you're saying is that as long as the child is loved and cared for, it doesn't matter who the parents are? Hell yeah, gay rights
i love this
Checkmate!
that is literally the only thing I agreed with in the whole book
Hell yes!!! LONG LIVE GAY RIGHTS.
Long live single parents too!
With all seriousness ,,You’re a Christian Harry.” sounds absolutely hilarious.
A lot like those AI generated memes we have now
the author of this fic wanted me to beta-read this story... i saw the title and was like, "OMFG its that person isn't it?!"
it was
How does it feel, to fail being in the Legend? :D
not calling the school godwarts was a huge mistake
WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO FEW UPVOTES
@@eloryosnak4100 likes*
This isn't reddit
Not calling the school Satan's gates was a big mistake ALL HALE SATAN
@@Kian.murphy007 FUCK YEAH HAIL SATAN!!!!!!
Nooo because that implies God has warts and that would be sacrilege
I think "ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is still in character
and then he still ate it.
a growing christian boy needs his sodium 🤷♀️
@@horae2583 ...yes
i cackled because you’re so right
I dunno why, but "Reverend Albus Dumbledore" hit with way more psychic damage than I would expect.
So Petuinia is now this working mom figure giving Harry second birthdays while Hagird just knocks on his door to kidnap him to a christain zelot Hogwarts. Wierd way to frame your protagonist and antagonist.
Yeah he’s the thing Christian moms don’t think about these things or think at all
"he has science and socialism and birthdays" might be the best quote of all time
I dunno, "Ronald cried into his oatmeal" is my personal favorite
I'm gonna use that today, it's my birthday
ah yes, my three favorite things, science, socialism, and birthdays. Maria would be proud. (To clarify, Maria from the sound of music)
i love it LMAO
"Harry vocalized" has the same energy as calling eyes orbs
Accurate
Ciara :D well they technically are lol
Broke: Eyes
Woke: Orbs
Bespoke: Balls
@Emily Barclay Crucified: Ocular Globes
For your consideration: Sight circles
I can forgive this purely because Uncle Vernon would despise his depiction in this, and I can just picture him raging and throwing crap around the house after hearing about it lmao
You sounded like you're about to cry while reading us this, and understandably so. I don't know whether it's from joy, cringe, or pain, but the feeling is there 😂😂😂
this rewritten tale is WILD.
The (un)holy trinity: science, socialism and birthdays
Based
Sounds like a party
you should make merch that says ‘science & socialism & birthdays’
Oh man I sure do love glee
Birthdays? We LOOOOOOOVE Birthdays
“Every young woman is another man’s future wife” Well shit, I guess now I have to tell my girlfriend about our future husbands
RIP sorry you had to find out like this fam
the only reason i don't have a gf is because i'm waiting for my future husband, NOT because i am unattractive and difficult to be around!!
@@coramarie619 mood
Pull a JK Rowling and tell her she's straight
@@Kay-wp8xf ^^^
"You are a Christian, Harry."
"Umm... just like that? Do I even have a say on this?"
"Nope! Free will is an illusion here."
Are we not going to talk about the fact that Snape is dressed like Gerard Way??
Ah yes, the four houses: Christian, Catholic, Mormon, and Lutheran.
Don't forget the underground nondenominational house
I quit my life...... -we love this story-
Catholic Mormon and Lutheran are all denominations of Christian. Jesus Christ :|
Thanks I was trying to figure out the other one
Shronk Catholic, Protestant, Mormon, Lutheran
"She's a better writer than Onision, I will give her that"
We all know how low that bar is. 😅
That bar is so low that one would have to dig a tunnel to even get close to it.
_A very, very, _*_VERY_*_ deep tunnel..._
Yes
@@RuSosan digging-down-into-the-earth's-core-until-you-burn deep, how low the bar is
Then again, she copy most of her homework from a competent writer.
There is a lower though, the author of "empress theresa."
Evidence that this is a troll: “Ron cried into his oatmeal”- snape in Harry Potter puppet pals writes in his diary about crying into his oatmeal which seems like a rather on the nose reference
I had a friend when I was a kiddo who loved to read fantasy mostly Harry Potter. One day his Mom took all of his books away when she read some article saying it was cultist. I just found it hilarious.
It's not hilarious it's horrible. 😢
I am a Christian and this is one of the stupidest things I have ever seen. The only good thing from this is “Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal”
Same and that part broke me
At least Aunt Petunia celebrated Harry’s birthday
"Ronald began to cry into his oatmeal.", is the 2020 of sentences.
That, and "Harry followed Ronald with the obedience of one who does not have many friends in a new situation." Like, if that's not relatable I don't know what is.
same haha
"That's what the founding fathers built this nation on!"
*Harry Potter is british*
Obviously not, every story happens in america.
@Philip K what about Normans and Saxons?
Don’t you know of Æthelstan founding father of England
Don't you know! That would be unchristian!...
.
This is the Harry Potter where I actually agree with the Dursley’s💀💀
Perhaps the most egregious sin this fanfic has committed is that YOU CAN'T APPARATE ON THE SCHOOL GROUNDS.
This fanfic is obviously rubbish.
Draco Malfoy would never be caught dead in khakis.
his father will hear about this
Agreed...
What a weird instance of Draco In Leather Pants
imagine Draco was colourblind and ended up wearing red one day :))
I dead
“Hermione called Dumbledore daddy”
This women’s trying to tell you something
can we make a spin-off
Gaby Aguilar pleaseeee do ohmygosh
Let’s do it. I say we all share a google document with each other and get to work.
Yess
Absolutely im in
Me, a Christian slowly wanting to become a witch and losing my faith in Christianity: it’s like me but backwards…
frfr
It's like poetry, it rhymes
i would NEVER give jkr credit for me becoming a witch
“You’re a Christian Harry” I don’t think that’s how conversion works.
CONVERSION THERAPY!!!
@@gardenofbone DID SOMEBODY SAY SUMMER CAMP WITH PENCE?!
so... if this fanfic followed the story a lil bit more... harry would be destined to save christianity?
That’s like a stranger coming up to me and saying “You’re straight Idiot” and me immediately go from being bi to 100% straight
@@justanotheridiot6188 that's actually how bi people are made, someone walks up to them and says "you're straight" but then someone else walks up and says "you're gay" and then they're both, happened to me in 1994
“Every woman is a man’s future wife”
*gay silence*
MysticalDuck aromantic ace silence-
Dumbledore: *gay panic*
When she described Snape it sounds too much like gerard way and now that’s engraved in my mind
say what you will about this book, "ronald began to cry into his oatmeal" is the best line i have ever heard in my entire life
Me, writing fanfic before: Man, this is crap. I'm the worst writer ever! My story sucks so bad!
Me: *Watches this video*
Me, writing fanfic now: I am the next Stephen King. Everything I pen is a literary masterpiece.
Mooood 🤣
Lmao
Bruh fr-
SAMEEEE
Mood
I love how upon hearing that Christianity exists, Harry turns into a human bible.
He is the chosen one
@@1_atlas_7 Harry Potter is now Jesus
@@elechronic YES
@@elechronic he was the second coming of Christ all along
LMBO 😂
Instead of hagrid it rlly should have been ✨holygrid✨
can confirm, as a christian, we pray for food and it just appears
*ex-christian confusion when they talk about believing literally everything in the bible WHILE EATING BACON*
Them: *your pfp*
МατιldεThεCrαzγOnε lol good one
As a... former? Catholic, doublethink is Christianity’s bread and butter.
Right!?!
Same lol
Harry Potter and the Poorly-Disguised Cult
Harry Potter and the Poorly-Disguised Homoerotic Subtext
This K I L L E D me
I can't breath send help. I am laughing too hard
HAHAHAHA
@@20dabarr58 noooooOijijIJIkiKOiioNIUBiuj
no way she made hagrid a saint, with those peaceful, light beams coming from his face
As a writer that always stumbled (coincidentally) upon the phrases "show, don't tell" and "adverbs are bad" and wondered (inquiringly) what the people wanted to tell me (precautionary) with that, upon hearing this (casually) I understand (totally) now. I wrote calmly.
And as a non-native speaker I had to look up four of the used adverbs above, because they aren't in my active vocabulary. And I hope it stays that way. Foreverly.
Snape is gonna be gay. He’s too specifically described as fashionable to be straight
also the neatly trimmed chest hair that we can for some reason see through his shirt?
@@aricooper6486 who said he's wearing a shirt? 👀
I'd stan but knowing hardcore Christian's hes probably also gonna be a predator
@@toejam6432 fuc you might be right--
Ari Cooper my thoughts exactly, was waiting for her to mention that.
I like how they don’t have British accents anymore, if you’re Christian you have to have a southern accent. It’s a rule apparently
As a former Christian who lived near the south I can 100% confirm
I like how theres a congress in britain
Until coming to America i did not know this was a "thing" but even though i am surrounded by people in the Mountain Northwest they STILL insist on preaching with a Southern accent ( o_0 )! So... this Nihonjin Christian from the North island of Hokkaido is working on that.
Y'all.
As a current Christian I can confirm
I literally haven't ever heard of that omg
This reminds me of a girl in my class a couple of years ago, in grade 3, we were reading Harry Potter as a class and before we did our teacher asked to make sure it was ok that we were reading it. as it turns out, that girls mother refused to let her read ANY fantasy EVER. She actually had to go outside and wait while we were reading. i’m guessing it was because of religious reasons, as I remember at one point we were learning about evolution and I was talking to her about it. She refused to talk to me, explaining why the seven days of creation were real (which we hadn’t even learnt about) and evolution was fake.
Wait... the seven days of creation? But didn't you just say her mother refused to let her read *ANY fantasy EVER*?
This reminded me about the time I watched the owl house with my Christian mom (no she's not a homophob) and like halfway into the first episode, she paused the show and gave me a lecture about how evil demons and witch's are
For a bit of context the owl house is about witch's and magic
Harry Potter turned me into an atheistic homosexual, so I can see why this mother was concerned 😌
Bro Hermione was my first gay crush. A girl who stands her ground, is very capable, is intelligent, and works hard? Sign me the hell up. I fell hard for her when watching the movies growing up and then loved her more when I finally read the books in 5th grade lol
@@jessicabraud3307 same bro, I read the first book in like 3rd grade, but also in that same year I read the ever after high book series, and will not confirm nor deny having a crush on Raven Queen.
Lowest of Trash I relate so much!! My first girl crush was Ginny (book Ginny lol) I was completely head over heals lol!
@@mx.moobloom Honestly same, except I will proudly admit my past crush on Raven Queen. Also Hermione, because how can you not? Also read the first book (and the next four because my parents wouldn't let me read the last two until I borrowed them from the library without asking) in third grade lol
Lowest of Trash hunny have you ever heard of our lord and savior JADE WEST?!?!
"A Christian Mom Re-Wrote Harry Potter (and I read it because I love to suffer)" By Fall Out Boy
(guitar solo)
OMG 😂😂😂😂
"A Christian Mom Re-Wrote Harry Potter (and I read it because I love to suffer) By Fall Out Boy" - By Panic! At The Disco
Dina andCarson omg genius
The fact that it's an American school is honestly the best part
My brother and I grew up in a Christian family and he loved Harry Potter and wouldn’t stop bugging me about it until I finally decided to read it and it was pretty good, if he saw this now he’d cry
The thing that frustrates me most is that they changed everyone’s houses. “I hate slytherins” is not something Draco Malfoy would ever say in any conceivable universe ever
Haven't watched the video yet, but just reading what you said has absolutely infuriated me.
I think that's just more proof it's a troll. They know the characters too well in order to make things the opposite and ironic.
I know! It bothered me so much. Snape's outfit was awful too.
Mr. Snape.
My brain hurts.
NokoFace 😅😂🤣 True!
Shut up malfoy SHUT UP
Why can I imagine Hagrid just pulling bibles out of his beard and handing them to random people on the street?
Harry, Ron and Hermione stared in shock as Hagrid walked down Privet Drive while pulling out bibles from his beard and handing them to the atheists on the street. "Hagrid," Hermione said, full of concern. "What...are you doing?" "YA'LL NEED JESÙS!" Hagrid screamed. "Oh, hello Hermione."
Pphhtt, yes. Also love the Bakugou pfp.
@@gwendolynwestwind9764 we had gideons show up at school and give everyone a pocket bible. By the end of the day, two were ripped up, two graffitied with pentagrams and stuff and one was burned at some point. I may be a Christian myself but schools should not have groups in trying to force it on others.
Gwendolyn Westwind One year a bunch of people outside my school were handing out pocket bibles. They gave one to a girl in a hijab and it was really awkward lmao
At my school in the entrance room the table in it had bibles on it. And by the end of the day they were thrown across the room. And as a Christian I picked up one still on the table and chucked it.
The more I learn what some people's Christian childhoods were like, the more thankful I am for the one I grew up in. At the school I went to, there were signs in the library about how Harry Potter upheld the values we do, and it could be seen as an allegory.... Which maybe swings a bit far in the other direction, but at least they were in favor of making sure we knew about different people and beliefs. ✌️🍍
I remember reading this fanfiction, it was truly… an experience