THERAPIST REVEALS Why Your Relationship Won’t Work (Do THIS to Heal YOURSELF & Find LASTING Love!)

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 มิ.ย. 2024
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    In this special episode of The School of Greatness sponsored by BetterHelp, Lewis chats with Haesue Jo, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the Head of Clinical Operations at BetterHelp. Haesue's expertise lies in Asian American mental wellness, anxiety and stress management, relationship and family dynamics, and trauma relief. We discover how childhood trauma can significantly impact their current relationships, gain insights into valuable lessons single individuals can learn in therapy to enhance their future relationships, and explore the benefits of couples therapy in strengthening relationships.
    For those seeking help today, BetterHelp is a valuable resource, and you can learn more and sign up at betterhelp.com/greatness
    Listen to this episode on the go!
    🍎 Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
    🟢 Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/07GQhOZ...
    0:00 Intro
    01:14 The impact of past trauma on your relationship today
    6:42 What actions should someone take BEFORE entering a relationship?
    8:44 The mentality holding you back from finding love
    10:57 The #1 cause of breakups
    18:14 The importance of therapy in a healthy relationship
    22:59 How to avoid self-sabotage in a relationship
    25:42 A main cause of poor relationships
    32:39 Three ways to face and conquer trauma
    For more info about this episode, go to lewishowes.com/1528
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ความคิดเห็น • 79

  • @laurenluff
    @laurenluff 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thanks!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thanks so much!!

    • @carolynwebb8726
      @carolynwebb8726 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Love the editing too!

  • @erikahyman8611
    @erikahyman8611 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    How people deal with disagreements & deal with their own emotions & their partner’s emotions is huge & respect is huge.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      👍

  • @Anita-wh4vr
    @Anita-wh4vr 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +32

    What also plays a big role for someone with complex PTSD, is that emotional intimacy is something unknown and therefore really difficult to access. It feels wrong. And often you are not habituated to see healthy people as interesting. The conditioning goes deep.

    • @nss8870
      @nss8870 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      🙏 thank you for saying this

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      🙏

    • @mariaguild2024
      @mariaguild2024 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      The more "healed" you become the more you will Start to gravitate to healthy again! Super important practices are in simple terms "speaking to your subconscious brain" You can actually do this very easily by talking to yourself in the mirror every morning speaking positive things over your life. Say "I love you" to yourself in the mirror. 15 times in the morning can literally be life changing. Learn about mind elasticity.. You have extreme power over your own brain by the thought's and words you feed it.

    • @CA-de1kb
      @CA-de1kb 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I have been listening to Self-Talk (Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D) recordings daily for the last 3 months to rewire my brain from negative messages I have received from myself and others for my entire life. My thinking is changing and so is my life! My confidence is growing and I am experiencing healthy self-love in ways I never thought possible. It has been an amazing program for me. It can play in the background so I listen while I drive, cook, clean, whatever, so it isn’t very time-consuming. got the 30-day free trial app…it’s more than worth the $19.99/month. I will never be without this. Give it a try!

    • @CA-de1kb
      @CA-de1kb 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@mariaguild2024 See the comment above about Self-Talk…it was meant as a reply to your comment about speaking positives to yourself.

  • @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
    @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    We create a subconscious comfort zone for how we allow ourselves to be treated. If we ignore our own feelings and needs, are disrespectful to ourselves in our inner dialogue and not very loving to self, we will attract/feel at home with someone who ignores us and our needs, is disrespectful and someone who is not very loving.

  • @cristinaab955
    @cristinaab955 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    She seems like a great therapist!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      👍

  • @SagCuspofRevolution333
    @SagCuspofRevolution333 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    One's involvement in a romantic relationship with someone who is also committed to self growth, healing and helping the partner as an individual, reach the same goals, makes a HUGE difference. Congrats on your engagement, Lewis 🎉❤.
    10Nov23

    • @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
      @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      yes! both sides should strive towards self-growth and growth of the relationship

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you!

  • @elyzak333
    @elyzak333 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Something I want to mention that wasn’t brought up. It is soooo important to take your time in getting to know someone before you start engaging in physical intimacy. As the chemicals induced by physical intimacy can and do cloud our judgement and ability to see clearly the person in front of us and if they are actually a good match for us as well as if they are capable of meeting you on your level when it comes to emotional needs and values etc. I think this is a mistake that many people make and is THE mistake I have made when it comes to partner selection. Also learning to recognize abuse early on in the relationship. Therapy is a great tool to help you identify abuse however not all therapists will do this for some reason.

    • @joanyroany2612
      @joanyroany2612 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      This is me!!! Thank you for Sharing, I feel less alone. ❤

    • @elyzak333
      @elyzak333 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@joanyroany2612 you and most people, my dear, at least you have the self awareness to recognize it as most people don’t.

  • @moviestudio5978
    @moviestudio5978 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    "Pleasure of love lasts but a moment. Pain of love lasts α lifetime."

  • @delfinadelmar6726
    @delfinadelmar6726 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    How can I get HER as my therapist?!

  • @DominionAnako-bb7ry
    @DominionAnako-bb7ry 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Breaking up is a lot of drama it affects everyone from being friendly, kindness and caring for other people.

  • @mariaguild2024
    @mariaguild2024 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Lewis is such a sweet compassionate person. I feel like he is always trying to be the best he can be. Such a lovely and endearing quality! I am not a huge fan of Couples therapy anymore..(I used to drag my husband to it. lol) Than I read the "Empowered Wife" by Laura Doyle. (You should totally have her on your show! She is amazing..Saved my very hard relationship/marriage) And she explained how disrespectful it is to a guy to be bringing up all your issues about him in front of total a stranger! Many men will do it it keep their wives happy But it can eat away at the intimacy and respect. I am a huge fan of personal growth tho, and doing healing work on your own. great pod cast :)

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Appreciate you and your support🧡

  • @ToRung
    @ToRung 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    May you have a fantastic day and many more to come❤🥰

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you for watching!

  • @Higherlovemeditations
    @Higherlovemeditations 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    This was amazing and helpful! ❤Thankyou so much!!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

  • @Regina.Clarke
    @Regina.Clarke 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    She did an amazing job in explaining this.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      👍

  • @bonniechampagne4093
    @bonniechampagne4093 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    So good ❤ I love the cup analogy!

  • @glorisakropi5736
    @glorisakropi5736 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Mr. Lewis this is really powerful. I love this podcast. Greatly appreciate both of u.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out the interview! So glad you enjoyed it🧡

  • @catherinecruveillier
    @catherinecruveillier 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Lewis, this is an excellent interview with an exceptional therapist. Congrats for accepting collaboration with her/Better Help. This video is of excellent content quality. Somehow I find that the comments are not as positive as they should be. This woman talks about things that are as crucial for the survival of humanity as dealing with climate warming. I am not from Asia and have nothing to do with Better Help. My area is sustainability. Mental health is a serious sustainability issue.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Thank you! Your support means a lot. Mental health is SO important to me 🧡

  • @julissarivas6992
    @julissarivas6992 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    This was amazing and very much needed! Thank you ❤

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

  • @crazybellagirl1779
    @crazybellagirl1779 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Wonderful interview Lewis , she did an amazing job

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you so much!

  • @andreaanderson658
    @andreaanderson658 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    So very impactful,helpful,eye-opening.
    Thank you.
    Much love

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @authenticwj7515
    @authenticwj7515 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    Don't live in the past and future

  • @charlenebrown816
    @charlenebrown816 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for this show!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

  • @SethNobrega
    @SethNobrega 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Great interview brother! Keep them coming! I’ll definitely keep watching. I’d love to learn more about Attachment Theory, if you ever get an opportunity 👏👏👏

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Appreciate you for watching. 🙌

  • @cindyd1042
    @cindyd1042 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    My husband had me join him in counseling for our relationship, we hit a couple rough spots. It was the best thing for our relationship. I learned I did not trust men because of my childhood traumas, my husband had his issues too. We love each other and wanted to make it work, counseling helped us do that. It taught us how to communicate.
    Thank you for this podcast, I enjoy it so much. And thank you for your vulnerability.

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      You're welcome, thank you for watching. 🧡

  • @michellekelly5897
    @michellekelly5897 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you both. You’re doing an Amazing job. Keep talking. ❤

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      So glad you enjoyed it! Appreciate you for watching.

  • @Sniper-Joseph
    @Sniper-Joseph 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I really loved the way she explained things. Her points are clear and she’s well spoken. Does she have a TH-cam channel?

  • @andreadavis9341
    @andreadavis9341 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Congratulations on your engagement Lewis may your journey together be sweet

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Thank you so much! 🧡

  • @jesswatt5824
    @jesswatt5824 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Man I just spent almost 3 years with a person who has not healed from some very complex childhood trauma and just... I am wrung out and broken hearted. Thank goodness for therapy on my end lol. He's already onto his next relationship/victim trying to fill all those voids. He's 44 and still just leaving a trail of destruction behind him.

  • @raymondjames2590
    @raymondjames2590 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Most times it's things that have been passed on from generation to generations.
    If look at one's family apple tree you will notice certain things that have been passed down without anyone knowing it because of there DNA chemistry.
    Even though we are our own person communication is what is lacking.
    So what needs to be explained is that we are able to correct our DNA if we realize it, told about it and having the willingness to believe we have control of it for today only and that is hard for even the best.
    On earth as it is in heaven is a strong statement to digest.
    We all have a habit of holding on to the dark side nestled deep in our thoughts.
    Oh well it does get complicated but then simple at the same time.
    Suitcases are full for some for some they have a luggage that a person will need a Van to get up and go to their next place of origin.

    • @emg1660
      @emg1660 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Love this. Thank you! 🙏
      In the process of trading up the van for a suitcase and a body that can carry it. It's been a hell of a ride.
      The simple was so hidden. Grateful for new 'eyes'.

  • @craigosterberg5045
    @craigosterberg5045 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thanks

  • @user-ub4vd2kx7z
    @user-ub4vd2kx7z 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you!!!

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน

      You're welcome, thank you for watching🧡

  • @childofforest
    @childofforest 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Whether a relationship lasts or not depends on the willingness to work on maintaining the relationship.
    Makes so much sense. My breakups all happened because I couldn’t find any reason for it. In every way I was better off breaking it off. People make rational calculations.

  • @lasol6403
    @lasol6403 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Lewis, tem um canal aqui no Brasil que dubla os seus vídeos!
    Estou assistindo todos e amando cada um!
    Amo sua personalidade gentil!
    Sou sua fã!
    💙💙💙

  • @mustafademir6543
    @mustafademir6543 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Dont compare your life with others people and fight for your dreams. Go on and never give up life is very short to give up brother. I know its hard to being powerful but you must be it. Fight for your truths 🌟🌟⭐⭐💝💝

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Agreed!

    • @mustafademir6543
      @mustafademir6543 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​​@@lewishowesI appreciate you to ensure us this kind of useful podcasts. Thank you so much sir 💝💝🙏🏻🙏🏻

  • @yolandagray-rozier6912
    @yolandagray-rozier6912 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Better Help needs a direct number to call if having problems.

  • @if7363
    @if7363 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    4:42 some issues come up only when beings with someone

  • @BibBobBibOnVacation
    @BibBobBibOnVacation 6 หลายเดือนก่อน

    15:02 Yeh, this No talking is very hurtful ☘️

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  6 หลายเดือนก่อน

      👍

  • @marcusm1766
    @marcusm1766 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    8:48 Why people have grown up thinking they are undeserving of love

  • @MilenaKoncar
    @MilenaKoncar 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    You are a smart person and im amazed that u use those earphones that are so bad for u! Dont u know? I thought u knew!

    • @teeeteee000
      @teeeteee000 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Good grief! Is that all you got out of the interview? 🙄

    • @RenaRego
      @RenaRego 5 หลายเดือนก่อน

      How are they bad for you?

  • @AmaryOgrady-yt1wx
    @AmaryOgrady-yt1wx 6 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Now if more men would take couple therapy ....

  • @Sundqvist1337
    @Sundqvist1337 7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    First

    • @lewishowes
      @lewishowes  7 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      🧡