There was an update on story 1! Basically she was reacting to hormones and some bad dreams she kept having. Apparently the hormones in pregnancy can cause some women to become frightened of their/other's pets. OP started doing research and found it's a pretty common thing, but is baseless and many times the woman regrets getting rid of the animal as soon as her hormones settle. So after the wife read the research she felt better that she wasn't crazy, and I _think_ she started therapy. In the end they didn't get rid of the dog! :D
@@PaintSplashProductions We don't have any idea how long ago the videos are recorded. It's a very real possibility that there wasn't an update out yet. I was actually thinking that she might be going through it because of the pregnancy. I'm really glad that she was reasonable about the whole thing.
@@jezusmylord I think reading all these reddit stories have made him jaded in some ways. He jumped immediately to "evil stepmother wants to get rid of the dog" instead of "pregnant wife gets overly anxious about the family dog"
@@DoctorOaks I know that another video I'd watched with this story about a week ago already had the full story with updates. Rslash isn't one to read updates in comments, which I've noticed over the years. This post didn't have a full update post, iirc, just comments updating from OP.
Story 2: She wound up apologizing to her sister and they had a deep talk about what they were feeling. The father got life in prison, and their mother abandoned them for drugs and died recently. No other family seems to be available, so the sister did what she could when she was 19 and she recognizes that. Someone responded perfectly that her upbringing was neither her nor her sister's fault and that going forward, she would be working on it.
Right? But Slashy just went off on her, like "How dare you even question it!?" Sure it's better than Foster Care, but that doesn't mean you can't question why your own sister would take her frustrations out on you as a child, than in 'healthy' ways like screaming into a pillow or something... I'm not here to solve the capitalist Hellhole that is America, find your own way to cope. When it's neither girl's fault, it seems silly to accuse either; plus disallowing questions is literally fascism.
Well, if it isn't that scambot who disguises itself as popular TH-camrs in order to try and trick individuals with room temperature IQs. Report it, but don't reply to it, as YT sees that as engagement.
@@Wendy_O._Koopa ‘capitalist hellhole’ lmfao… Yeah says the entitled brat who has enjoyed the higher standard of living the freedom has given them. Go live in a socialist country for a while then come back and tell us about this ‘capitalist hellhole’. There’s a reason people risk their lives by the millions to immigrate here for a better life and have done so for generations… ‘Capitalism’ is just a slur invented by communists so they could equate liberty, freedom, and respect for private property rights with their own top-down imposed authoritarian economic system. Most of the time when a person uses that term it’s a communist who, covertly or overly, wants to forcibly take something from someone else at the barrel of a gun. If you want to solve one of societies problems in a collectivist way there’s nothing stopping you from founding a nonprofit entity and doing exactly that. OH THAT’S RIGHT want to use coercive force to make other people do it instead. How ‘noble’ of you… /s
@@EarthIsNotFlat Here we have an individual with no friends, trying to pretend they have a personality by copy & pasting some rant about capitalism into random TH-cam comments. I don't have the _capital_ to start a nonprofit entity, I'm scraping by from paycheck to paycheck; like the girl in the story with three jobs. The most I could do might be start an online petition that "People Should Do Less Harm, Actually" only to have this dingleberry comment on how ineffective petitions are.
@@Wendy_O._Koopa I do tend to bring it up whenever one of you robots regurgitate your rantings about the failings of ‘capitalism’ every chance you get (as though people simply being free to live and transact as they wish, all by itself, is somehow supposed to solve all the worlds, or your, problems, such that when it doesn’t it has ‘failed’ somehow,) but only because it’s on-topic… The girl in the original story was in that situation because her family was scum. If you’re ‘just scraping by’ for more than short stretches of time then you are either seriously unlucky, or earned your position yourself through your bad life choices, and/or your family has similarly failed you just like the garbage parents in the story. Most peoples’ parents don’t fail them in this manner and society shouldn’t be structured in a way that’s optimized for such bottom of the barrel human beings. Get an education in something that is actually worth a paycheck, work hard and don’t waste your money, make good life choices, and then maybe you won’t have to live like the dregs of society because then you won’t BE the dregs of society (and on the way there maybe look into what the dregs of society live like in your socialist utopias, it should be quite enlightening.) P.S. Do you really think i care if you think i ‘have personality’? Not everybody comments in a perforative manner for group validation like *some people* do lol
Story 1: Hey rslash you need to read the update for this. Luckily this wasn't evil stepmother behavior. The wife, like a lot of women during pregnancy, developed a fear of dogs. She's currently getting therapy for it and the family is working around the new fear.
I was thinking this, hormons running wild and her protective instincts kicking in, which means she's paranoid about something bad happening even if the dog had never done it before. I think rslash and others have heard too many bad step parent stories that they jump to the worst conclusions
I would venture to guess the dad needs some help, too (assuming he hasn't already). There's no way losing a wife wouldn't leave a scar and I would doubt having a kid with another woman (no matter how happy the relationship) wouldn't open that scar.
Story 2: op isn’t an entitled brat,. Being raised well is great, but when you’re a little kid and you get that treatment, it makes an impact. You can feel loved AND like an unwanted burden at the same time, and when someone else enters the situation later and gets the treatment you always wished you’d gotten, the motherly love you wish you’d had, that’s gonna bring out anger and resentment. There’s an 11 year age gap between me and my sibling, I got the stressed out angry mom that never hugged me or had my back, he got the loving mom that caters and dotes on him. I KNOW my mom loves me, and that she did the best she could, but I also resent and am angry that while I’ve had to struggle to get that kind of affection, he gets it freely. It sucks, and op isn’t wrong for feeling it because it came from his childhood, op is owed the apology they probably got during that update, and hopefully that helped. Irrational and emotional are things that happen, it doesn’t make op an ahole , it just makes them human.
Definitely. It sounds irrational, but I said something similar to my mom when she rushed her dog to the vet.... This was a few years after I had moved out. Basically she didn't even bother taking me to the doctor when my lung infections got so bad that I was coughing up blood, One of her dogs got in a fight and her I didn't look quite right so she rushed her to the vet and pawned her jewelry to pay for medical care. What was really different in the two situations was in one of those my mom had actually gotten sober. Well it logically understood that, there was definitely some jealousy that she treated her dogs better than she treated me.
This isn’t the same at all. The sister had the same shitty childhood and did her best for her siblings that weren’t her kids, and did massively impact a key part of her adolescence. It’s not the same as a mother being cold/shitty towards their kid. It’s fine to feel she missed out on the love/warmth but that’s her parents fault not the sisters who sacrificed her life to raise her.
Story 4: It's funny how people will be like "Oh, you can just suck it up for one night", but then you say something like "Okay, then you do it if it's not so hard" and they'll suddenly backpedal or make excuses
They will probably say "But weeee are going to be uncomfortableeeee!!" They say "suck it up" like it's so easy to do. C'mon! Shiloh is MOURNING! They can't even let her be comfortable when mourning and they are treating her as less of a person for no f*cking reason.
@Dracko Oh there's a reason alright. It's because they're assholes and don't like her. You don't have to love someone to let them sleep in a bed with you. The fact they don't allow her to is indicative of their nasty dislike for her and likely the stepfather as well.
If I had a daughter and my wife did that I would force her to sleep on the floor, since is good enough for Shiloh is good enough for her "you can just suck it up for one night" right?
Story 4: NTA I've slept on my fair share of floors though out my life. None of them have been comfortable to sleep on. OP is making sure his daughter is comfortable and safe, while OP's wife and step-daughters are being toxic bullies
Yep. My thoughts. They are showing OP who they are. Believe it. Grab your kid and run away from those three. Your child will never get a fair shake in that house.
Story 1 has a good update! The OP and his wife talk to their doctor, who says it's normal for pregnant women to have anxiety around things like dogs, and they plan for her to go to therapy/counseling about it. Also, OP and his son take steps to prepare the dog for the baby, by babysitting for free for coworkers/neighbors, and letting the dog gently interact with the babys (with the parents' permission, of course). They are working on making their blended family succeed!
@@Aethian These video's are most likely filmed in advance and it is most likely the updates didn't exist upon recording. This is why I love comments that do give us these updates, as a nice asside to the video.
For the climbing story: V6 is upper intermediate, so it is quite challenging for most climbers. Holding the last hold for 5 seconds isn't a thing, other than certain competition formats, and the climbing community in general is mega chill, and this would be seen as a major WTF moment. Unless you are at a high stress competition, climbers are usually the most chill, kind, and supportive people, and they will cheer if you beat a problem.
Yeah climbing culture is super supportive. If you’re struggling climbing a VB or V0 (easiest bouldering problems), the vast majority of climbers will offer you tips like “there’s a hold at your left knee” and cheer you on. The boyfriend in the story is just an asshole
@@linpittsburgh2375 is it really anxiety though? I feel that it’s a step to kick out son so her family will be perfect. First the dog then see about son living with grandparents. Well I just read an update and the wife really had anxiety and is seeking therapy. Son is helping his dog interact with a baby by introducing him to babies of family friends with their consent
@@lorilancaster5917 From the description, it didn’t feel like deception, it felt like intrusive thoughts. Pregnancy can make your body, including your brain, go wild. Also I just prefer to assume the kinder option first.
@@linpittsburgh2375 therapy won’t help. I’m guessing she never likes the dog, or possibly the stepson, and never said anything because she didn’t have the leverage. Now that’s she pregnant and can start her “real family” with her husband. She thinks she has the leverage to get rid of the dog. Or worse isolate and push away the first born. I, also, think OOP has a sneaking clue about this. I say the latter because he intentionally avoids in his post that this is his second wife and he is a widow. He probably reads a lot of Reddit and knows how the mob will instantly react. Frankly, I’d tell her no on the dog leaving. I’d be blunt and tell her she’s got at least 4 more years of tolerating my first born and his dog. That if she makes the dog mysteriously disappear. That she’ll be a single mother with us 50/50 coparenting. I’d thank her for finally showing her true colors and the postnup will be coming from my attorney with in the week. Have your attorney read it over and sign. Don’t like it. There is the door. I’ll only counter that if this is genuine pregnancy hormones. Then a genuine piece of the love she has for you will die. (Maybe all of it). If this is a crap 💩 test. Then you’ll have strengthened your marriage. Because she will understand your not a pushover.
Story 2. I'm someone who grew up in an environment similarly to the one op describes. My older brother practically had to raise me and my two younger sisters. He was a child himself, and didn't have the emotional regulation to respond properly when he got upset with me and my younger sisters or when we did something "bad". BUT. Just because he was struggling, doesn't mean that me and my sisters trauma isn't valid. I personally still have some ptsd from some of his screaming rages. It takes a lot of strength to forgive someone who abused you throughout your childhood and understand that they were going through their own things at the time. I love my brother, and we've had in depth talks about how he treated us, and how I'm so glad that he's doing better, and he's acknowledged that he was horrible to us and reactive due to the stress placed on him. Op isn't wrong for still holding that resentment, but they both need to work it out and move forward. rSlash's reaction was extreme, and I hope he listens to those of us who have lived the lives of the person he's calling entitled.
First story: Already from the title alone OP is NTA. A dog is not something you just can throw away when you feel like it. It is a living being with needs that have to be met and it sounds like that dog is cared and loved for by OP and his son.
@@BenIsJamin_0 exactly lmfao It's so stupid when partners that have been around for a shorter time than the pet think they can convince someone to get rid of it like no bruh you just told me i gotta gtfo
Second story: Sister did the best she could, yes. Doesn't mean she didn't also hurt you growing up, that's true too. What you both need is some honest conversations and, hopefully, forgiveness and understanding for each other. WTF rSlash, both are NTA.
@@AzureTheEnbyCatme and my sister were severely emotionally abused by our mother, my sister turned out like our mom and I turned out ok for what I am, doesn't mean I won't kick someone's ass for my sister that I hate most of the time, situations just suck and 2 people can come out extremely different from the same situation
For that last story I find it so stupid that the wife was complaining about favoritism. The step sisters wanted to get better comfort at the expense of someone else's comfort so getting another hotel room is not favoritism its making it even since now everyone gets to be comfortable.
Yep, as a punishment the fair thing to do is force the evil sisters to sleep on the floor and let the wronged sister have the entire bed for herself. Those stepsisters were never disciplined at all for their horrendous behaviour.
@Johan Halvarsson Well, they sorta were. They probably stayed up all night griping to each other about their step sister getting a room to herself was "unfair," thereby causing them to lose sleep and have dark bags under their eyes the next morning. For a teenage girl, that is punishment. IMHO.
@@BubbaBubbinski punishment that fits the crime? Their step sister would've had the same loss of sleep and a body that aches sll over from sleeping on the floor while also being traumatized for the foreseeable future because of the bullying from her step sisters that obviously didn't even stop when she just lost her grandfather.
@Johan Halvarsson Don't get me wrong. I agree that the evil stepsisters should have been made to sleep on the floor. But, seeing as that didn't happen, I was just pointing out that a possible outcome from their bullying was to suffer a loss of sleep IF they stayed up all night griping to each other about Shiloh getting her (well deserved) own room. Hope that clears up any misunderstood comment on my part. 😔
@BubbaBubbibsky that's not even remotely close to being a fair punishment! The step sisters were doing "mean girl" level bullying to his daughter, while she and he were mourning the loss of their family member! Those girls and their mother need to be punished for their horrible, and uncaring behavior! They're going to keep abusing his daughter! Don't get it twisted. What they did was bullying plain and simple! They're terrible!
Second story: idk it feels like OP was verbally/emotionally abused. Sure, the system is horrid as well, but op DID grow up in misery, being emotionally neglected, etc. It's very obvious they hold resentment to their sister over it. It doesn't stop at the glass of spilled milk. No adult should scream at a 4 year old over a glass of milk that was spilled by accident, no matter how stressed they are.
Update to the second post, she apologized to her sister and they had a meaningful conversation about it. It seemed the comments were able to help her see things differently.
Wow, look at that! Someone who ISNT a dumb chest thumping animal who can’t accept fault for anything! It’s not hard to apologize when you’re wrong, people!
That's great to hear! I mean, I kind of see OP's side, but to lash out at her sister like that, after all the sacrifices she had made, just wasn't fair. They should've sat down and had a meaningful conversation right from the start and OP should've gotten therapy right from the start.
Are you kidding me? OP was right. Her sister was abusive and left her traumatized. She's being gaslight into thinking that behavior was ok because she "saved" her I'm sorry but fuck that I'm on OP's side.
I honestly really feel for the second person. I also grew up in a family that also felt like they resented me. That’s not a rotten person. She already lost her parents, and felt as though her sister blamed her and her brothers for it. Over worked or not, if you have time to snap and lecture, you have time to acknowledge that you love them. Growing up hated isn’t fun. I would rather live in the Forster system than constantly blamed for things out of my control.
Sometimes there's a sign that you have stayed up way too late on a work night. Sunlight peeking in through the bedroom window. Birds chirping outside. Rslash posting is definitely one of those things
Story 2, I can see where op is coming from. Yes, the sister did everything she could yo care for 3 younger siblings, but at the same time, she also was emotionally abusive to them because of her stress. It's not wrong for op to be upset when she sees the gentle treatment the kids are getting, while op and her siblings seem to have been taken in more as a obligation.
Story 1 has an update where the OP "borrows" other people's babies to baby train the dog and it seems to calm the wife's anxiety. They also looked up stories together of pregnant women suddenly being afraid of pets because it's apparently a common thing that happens.
Is it that common? From my experience, it is pretty rare in my country. So maybe it has more to do with culture and general sense of safety? Heck, I've known of people who got a dog while they were expecting or when the baby were little. Because having a dog teaches responsibility and can prevent allergies.
@@Ikajo I'm not 100% sure but apparently there were people in the comments sharing their own stories of pet anxiety related to pregnancy. I've just seen this story on channels that cover Best of Redditor Updates every day and OP says something like that in the update
@@sophdog2564 I wonder if there are any actually studies done on this stuff 🤔 Because stories become anecdotal without actual studies to back them up. The thing is, I live in a country where you never find a dog shelter like in the USA. Dogs can't be bought in a pet store and unless allergies are at play, it is rare to rehome them. It is so common for families to have a dog it is even a saying: Villa, Volvo, Vovve (house, Volvo, doggo). If anything, it is cats who have ended up with the short stick. Every municipality have at least one cat shelter and up until a few years ago, there were few regulations preventing cats from having kittens. One of my own cats was the result of a farmer's cat finding a male cat outside. He was going to kill any kitten who didn't get a home. Now, the farmer and anyone else who lets their cat outside need to make sure they can't have kittens. My cats are indoor only, I still made sure both are spayed/neutered. (I have had and currently have a cat from a shelter, so it is a topic dear to me. So many people are quick to just get rid of a cat that has become an inconvenience. New laws are changing that.)
@@Ikajo I was looking for studies and most of what I found were about dogs being anxious and I'm at work now so I can't keep changing my keywords to find even anecdotes Another comment here said that OP and his wife went to a doctor who said it was normal. I can also see it being a cultural thing. Either way the answer is not to get rid of the pet. I was just sharing the happy ending to the story
The second story breaks my heart for everyone involved. I’m refraining from an asshole score because this is a clear story of unresolved feelings and trauma that bubbled to the surface. Not excusing OP AT ALL, but I really hope everyone gets therapy. They deserve good things after everything they’ve gone through.
I am excusing OP because SHE'S RIGHT! Jesus Christ she's right. Her sister was abusive and left her traumatized and just because she took her in doesn't mean she was a good caretaker and OP had the right to call her out on it. She's being gaslit to just shut up and be grateful. That's BS. OP has the right to call out abuse.
@@l.tc.5032 I mean from what I can tell, I'm not sure if the sister was necessarily abusive. Definitely didn't provide the best sort of house hold but she was doing the best she could for 3 kids practically just out of highschool herself and I presume that OPS sister is also still looking after them right. I think OP is valid for feeling some type of way, but the way that they didn't get the gentle parenting that their sister is able to provide now, but the way they handled it is of course still wrong. I don't blame the brothers for standing up for the sister and being grateful to her because she did provide for them but it is something OP probably should've pulled the sister to the side to talk about how they were feeling
Story 2: Having a parent neglect you emotionally, regardless of if it’s “justified” because of how stressed they are, will leave you with trauma. And a 17 year old is not well equipped to fully process and understand that trauma. No she shouldn’t have yelled at her sister, but those feelings don’t make her “entitled”. She’s *hurt*
I was just going to type that, the kid has the right to feel bad and traumatised for what has happened. She would profit greatly from therapy, I hope she's doing better now.
Story 4: rSlash said it so many times, if it "isn't a big deal", and to just "suck it up", why not THEY sleep on the floor? Christ man, Shiloh is mourning, and you couldn't even let her mourn comfortably? "It's better this way"? No, it isn't better, they are treating Shiloh as less of a person for no reason. I don't understand why Candace is so upset over this. NTA.
YES! The boyfriend deserved to be "humiliated." I can't imagine being so weak as to be intimidated or "humiliated" by anyone being better than me at something. For example, if I were doing HEMA and a female totally trashed me, the effect would be like in the cartoons where the eyes pop out and turn into hearts.
It was odd for me because equestrian sports are totally dominated by women, so as a rider, I wouldn't dream of trash-talkin a woman who can out-perform me.
Maybe it's because I'm not really competitive, but I've never understood why people get shitty about things like that. Like learn from what's happening and try to do better next time.
Last story: This is why I love watching RSlash so much for my reddit story fix. Because he expresses what I often feel about a situation, but in a much more collected and professional manner. There is NO scenario, none at all, in which it would have been OK to enforce this little "joke" the siblings were trying to pull. "Suck it up for 1 night"? Why doesn't HER daughters suck it up for a night? Why douse ANYBODY have to sleep on the floor? Of COURSE OP is going to get a separate room for his daughter, because the step siblings are literally bullying her. So yeah. Thanks RSlash for helping being a better spokesperson than I am.
People think that Oh you did something great for someone That must automatically mean that your treatment and everything you did and said to that child is all forgiven because you took them in when no one else did. You can be a victim of something and still make other victims, You can be both a victim and abuser all wrapped up in one. Just because you took those children in and yes that was great and extremely generous BUT That doesn't mean those bad or toxic behaviors are excusable and just disappear cuz " I took you in when no one else did"
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
Your commentary on the second story perfectly outlines the reasons I still have problems with relationships with my family. They were slightly abusive and neglectful which was reasonable at the time since they were overworked to provide for me and my brother. Which shouldn't make me an ungrateful brat for feeling bad and possibly having trauma caused by the way I was brought up! Thanks for invalidating the feelings of children of abusive parents because they are "lucky to even have them" 😮💨
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
Story 3. You say he quietly makes fun of beginners. That's a big problem in these circles. A beginner is someone who is trying something new, don't make fun! Encourage and share tips! Especially in a gym atmosphere. They're trying to better themselves. What's wrong with that person?
Some fragile people feel a need to put others down to make themselves feel better. Especially when a core aspect of your sense of self is your "naturally superior" gender (like OP's boyfriend with his toxic masculinity). Race, religion, heterosexuality, or financial/social status can sometimes be this core sensitive issue for people too. Any time there's clear evidence that someone from an "other" group might be this person's equal or better at literally anything, it needs to be immediately dismissed or they've failed their group by failing to uphold the (literally impossible) total superiority standards they've built up for themselves. It's sad, honestly.
As a currently female presenting gamer I can tell you, men in competitive sports/games can get super butthurt if you do better than them. I had a time where me and a couple girl friends played Valorant, and another player, after knowing we’re girls, told us to “do better”, even though he was at the bottom of the leaderboard. He then tried to impress us with how much he can deadlift and then doxxed himself to the entire lobby but that’s neither here nor there.
This is interesting, because I've been climbing for a few years now and I've never seen an athletic community that's more welcoming and encouraging to people of all levels. There's such an insane range of difficulties in climbing that there is almost always somebody right next to you who can climb something you can't even hold onto, so it just seems so pointless to be petty or competitive.
Story 2: I said this on reddit itself and I'll say it here again. Can we PLEASE stop villainizing OP for her very valid, and very poorly directed, anger at her situation. YES, her sister did the absolute best she possibly could have with what she had. BUT, at the same time OP still had to deal with growing up in a very poor and stressful living situation. NAH, they both had ot hard, OP needs therapy not people judging her for surprise surprise being 17 and being unable to properly direct all this built up resentment of seeing her sister's child experience all the love and care she was never able to receive herself. OP isn't some entitled brat that needs to be put in her place, she's a traumatized child who needs therapy to deal with all these emotions that can only really be directed at their countries shitty situation when it comes to being raised by a sibling. Just because she could have ended up in an even worse place, doesn't mean what she did have was all sunshine and rainbows.
Dear RSlash I know why your AITA videos get demonitised. A new rule that TH-cam has now states that if you swear in the first 8 seconds of your video you get demonitised. I know it's late but I will be posting until you see this so you can continue to make amazing videos. I have also posted in you discord if you need more info.
For the first story : there is a second post about it and actually the wife isn"t an evil step mom she just got some very intense anxiety that transformed her since the start of the pregnancy from a joyfull person to someone absolutly afraid by EVERYTHING and she's being help by a therapist and her OBGYN
That's horrible. OP was right. She shouldn't apologize her sister was abusive and left her traumatized. Her sister was not a saint and she doesn't get a pass just because she took them in. She was a bad caretaker and OP had the right to call her out and now she's being gaslit into apologizing. F that.
@@l.tc.5032 wdym. She was obviously stressed. Taking care of 3 kids, working low income jobs when you’re 19 by yourself is extremely tough. She still gave them all the basic necessities and she would obviously be stressed from her workload. Providing for the 3 children is hard and she should get a pass. We do not know whether she actually abused the kids. All we know is that she would scold the kids for making mistakes.
@@diel5554 OK. So if my partner provides all my shelter, clothing, and necessities then its ok for them verbally abuse me, right? The thing is while OP's sister was young and didn't have no support, it doesn't excuse the fact that she did things that traumatized OP. Should OP have gone after the sister in the way she did? No. But again, OP's sister was suppose to be TEACHING her how to go about things the right way emotionally. Again, how OP reacted is a reflection on how OP's sister SHOWED OP how to handle things. And given how crazy the whole situation was, it sounds like to me they all should be in therapy to actually get that out in the open and work through that baggage. People are being way too jaded/apathy about this. You can have the best of intentions and still fuck someone up.
@@DAAthren i mean i do see your point 100% but still its a completely different scenario. OP was definitely in the wrong for the way she handled the situation as at that time when her sister took her in, she wasn’t an adult. She was still learning. It isn’t fair to force someone who is still a child to act like an adult in such a short amount of time. Yes 19 cannot really be considered a child but its not old enough to take on the responsibilities a mother has. She didn’t have a choice. It was either abandon her siblings or her own mental health. We should give her a pass because of the context and the situation itself. Was it wrong of her sister to be so harsh? Yes but when u put it in context, any person would react the same way. No one is perfect. You shouldn’t criticise people who sacrificed so much of her life for the benefit of others. And being harsh is different from being verbally abusive. Verbally abusive is when they’re trying to maintain a level of power by tearing down the other or to control someone. OP’s sister wasn’t doing it, she was just lashing out bcos of the stress intake. How can someone provide a loving family when she is having 3 jobs in order to support her household.
story 2: If it would be abusive or toxic of a romantic partner to treated them the same then its not ok to do at all. At the end of the day that's what's being taught to the kid with how their caregiver treats them. I mention this because bad behaviour is often so normalized as ok until its done by a romantic partner. It's only then are most people able to see it for how wrong it is! It doesn't matter how stress or upset about something someone is it's not ok to take it out on them just because they have a valid reason for feeling the way they do. Lashing out at people and especially very young kids who don't know how else to be treated is WRONG. OP is NTA but everyone else sure is!!!
I understand where OP is coming from in the 2nd story. I'm 15 years older than my brother and Mom was basically an entirely different person with him. It wasn't favoritism though. She simply grew up more and having 15 years of parenting experience made more informed choices with him. My brother was disciplined less harshly than me and has a closer relationship with Mom than I do. 🤷🏾♀️ He isn't to blame for that and in therapy I came to understand that Mom was doing her best at the time. OP should see a therapist to discuss their issues because it's probably deeper than what they think they are.
Story 2: Totally undeserved butthole score for the kid. OP there was abandoned, brought in by their sister, for a given value of raised. Was the older sister stressed and busy? Yeah. But raising children doesn't end at 'put food on the table'. Children need love and emotional support during their formative years, and OP, from the sounds of it, got none of that.
Story 2 makes me so sad. OP is still a teen and dealing with some SERIOUS trauma. It’s very common for kids who don’t grow up with gentle parenting to feel jealousy or comment on the difference in upbringing at least once when they see their bio or surrogate parents treating littles differently from how they were in the same situation. It makes sense they had that reaction, even if it isn’t remotely ok. On the other hand, the sister literally was doing the best she could. She felt obligated to become a single parent to her 3 younger siblings at 19. 19 is an incredibly vulnerable age. Most neglect happens because the caregiver isn’t able to think clearly from financial stress or literally doesn’t know better, and gets corrected with simple parenting tactics or classes. It sounds like she wasn’t given the resources to be receive that. The situation sucks, but I wish the family healing.
Story 2: I get where you're coming from but still OP didn't have a perfect childhood. My parents took care of my basic needs but emotionally I was completely on my own (they also beat me, so). As an adult I'm able to see that my mother's behavior (always blowing up over the smallest things, being strict and overall abusive) was due to her own traumas that she never worked through, then having four kids with an alcoholic husband. Does it make it right though? Hell no. I was jealous too seeing my mother play with other kids while all I ever got was screaming. OP didn't even start a fight, they just asked "what's up with that?". Sacrificing her dreams doesn't automatically mean she was a good guardian, no matter how harsh that sounds. I hope they were able to talk it through with each other
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
I once looked after a great dane and I can confirm that they're basically gentle giants wouldn't hurt a fly. Deffo microchip him just in case sounds like her pregnancy is bringing out some nasty traits
My cousin died at 3 months because her mom's Great Dane jumped up on the bed and crushed her. A dog that large is *NOT* harmless, no matter how gentle they are
I think the better take for this story is that OP started training the dog from the moment he and his sin got it to make sure they wouldn't have potential problems as they got older and larger. A lot of people will usually with larger dogs to train them early because a larger dog no matter the personality can hurt someone easily. But is also why smaller dogs get a bad reputation because they won't see or realize a dog is a dog weather it's 5lbs or 500lbs. Great Danes can be gentle giants but can also be anxious and prey driven and should have training young to help either curve or stop negative behaviors before something happens.
2nd story: I think rslash is overly harsh here. Yeah it was not cool of OP to bring up the topic and yes the sister was more stressed out back than then now, still he is judging OPs additude and the sister action against his worst assumptions about foster care and the situation of the sister. I would say *both* should apologize, the sister for loosing here temper when OP was a child (from the post it sounded like it happend _more then once,_ in fact it sounded like it happend regularily) and OP for causing a scene.
In the last story, if OP told his wife that she could sleep on the floor then, he would end up sleeping on the couch at home forever. He would never hear the end of it. That is a loose - lose situation. I feel sorry for him.
Honestly his wife sounds like a bitch and I hope this is experience is a catalyst for divorce. I have a feeling OP and his daughter will be much happier and better off without her and the spoiled brats.
@@radhiadeedou8286 if that’s the case, which I believe you are correct, I hope OP manages to have father daughter time and find out more about what is said and done behind his back.
7:41 I disagree with you. Yes, being with his sister was better than ending up in the foster system, but it's understandable that he'd feel jealous watching children be nurtured gently by someone who wasn't as nurturing to him.
Story 2: RSlash, no, that idea that you can’t have problems because you managed to dodge the worst of childhood is so toxic and wrong. Where does the bottom end? “You should be thankful your dad only hit you and didn’t kill you like some people!” No! It’s perfectly reasonable to be jealous about not having the upbringing you wanted. OP deserves 1/5 at MOST for calling this out out of jealousy instead of going to therapy over it.
I'm not sure what Rslash was on with this take, but I am *extremely* offput by how immediately and scathingly he threw this actual kid under the bus. "You're an ungrateful brat, look at everything I've done for you" is the *exact* sort of phrase I heard when I was angry about being left with a relative who would literally whip my bare legs with a tree branch for having my feet on the couch, tell me I was going to hell and imply I had incestuous feelings for my younger brother. I don't know what all the OP of that story experienced, whether it begins or ends at being yelled at a lot. But holy hell, that rubbed me the wrong way. Especially because verbal abuse rarely stops at being verbal. I don't think enough people realize that a parent/guardian can try their best AND still be horrible and traumatize their kid. Those aren't conflicting statements. Implying that people have to forgive abusive behavior just because the one inflicting it weawwy weawwy twied their hardest is.... pretty despicable.
yeah, he says "you should be thankful she took you in" like...they were a child? they don't owe her anything, they had zero say in that matter and it's not their fault, it has some major "i feed you and clothe you which is the bare minimum, so you owe me" vibes
@@jasperjazzie This! And the whole 'you wouldn't have had a happy childhood if sister didn't take you in!' Uh, rSlash, the point is that OP didn't have a happy childhood living with sister. Was OP better off with sister than in the system? Probably, but kids don't have that frame of reference. Also, others have pointed out, toxic is toxic. Just because someone had it worse, or something else might have been worse, that fails to negate the fact that what OP had was objectively bad.
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
With the way your sister treated y'all I can imagine why you're bitter but at the same time she didn't have to take you when she could have left you to rot in the Foster system
Good intentions is not equal to doing it right, You can do it for all the right reasons and still fucked it up, she did what she could and she fucked up here and there, and now she have to live with it, like everyone else in life, intentions are not equal to results.
@@rene280195 the sister was 19, 2 years older than op and working 3 jobs. She did her best. Her best at the moment was not ideal, but being salty because she is doing better now for her kids is just incredible selfish and entitled.
@@vidal9747 she is comparing her pas trauma with the current situation and Yea that's salty and petty but most humans are salty and petty, she was mistreated due to circunstance but that engrave in your mind, childhood trauma stay with You for life if You don't treat it, and obviously op haven't treat it, but even if she did, that doesn't absolve the sister for mistreating and naybe abusing her siblings, again Good Intentions are not equal to good results, I can do my best to heal a Gun wounded guy but if I'm not a surgeon I'm gonna make mistakes, one thing don't cancel the other. When You grown up and begain undertanding your parents You start seeing the flaws, the mistakes and the errors that ignorance and lack of knowledge makes You do, that doesn't mean You don't love your parents or your parents doesn't love You, it means You are leaening from everybody's experience, and as a parent You need to see those mistake and learn from ir but admit that You fucked up, even if it was not your intention, everybody fucked up, that's how life works and that's how generation after generation we raise better children with less trauma, but if You shield yourself behind a "Good Intentions is All that matters so I recognize none error" then You don't grow and just denied reallity
Second Story: just because someone did their very best, against all odds, doesn't mean that what they did wasn't still a fail. That's life: sometimes your best stick sucks. The older sister should've said something to the younger siblings, like, "sorry I wasn't nicer to you guys the way I am to my own kids. Even though I tried my best, I should still have done better".
If the OP was emotionally neglected by her sister, it's okay to feel like she missed out. And at 17 it's probably difficult for her to have enough perspective to understand that while being raised by her sister caused her problems, her sister did the best she could and doesn't need to be called out or punished. Childhood emotional neglect is a difficult problem, because the caregiver doesn't neglect their physical needs, doesn't hurt them, and doesn't do anything bad. It makes it difficult for the child to identify the problem and for others to believe why the child is resentful or criticizing their upbringing.
I'm just putting this out there: Last time an OP's partner cried foul over a pet, It was because it ruined a fanfiction she was writing and she tried lying about it at 1st
I think I remember The cat ruined the fanfic then the partner started lying to op about how the cat keeps her up at night and then got rid of it behind ops back when he refused He was contemplating divorce in pretty sure Correct me if I'm wrong
Yeah but in this case it was actually later confirmed by a doctor that it's just a common fear that happens during pregnancy and the wife is now seeking help for her anxiety! (OP posted an update that rslash didn't include)
For the story with the sister taking in 3 kids: My dad and I had a strained relationship while I was growing up. He would yell and scream and be disappointed in me all the time. The biggest factor of why was my mother and the way she put a shit ton of stress on him. After they divorced and as the years went on, my dad had a second daughter, my little sister. He was completely different with her in almost every way. He was sweet, not nearly as much upset about little things, etc. For awhile, I can't lie that I was a bit envious and jealous of what my little sister got that I never had. However, the jealousy quickly turned to me being proud of my dad, and happy for my sister for getting to have a great relationship with my dad. It's okay to be envious/jealous of things, but recognizing it and being able to move on from it is super important, too.
Last story: Did the mom really just say "You're playing favourites, she couldve just slept on the floor" as if she isn't playing favourites in that sentence?
final story: my bet is candace put the stepdaughters up to it, and that’s why they were being so cagey about the reason and why they immediately called her upon something being done.
I just wanted to share another point of view on the 2nd story that's a bit more nuanced. I want to preface this by saying that I'm writing this comment from the perspective of someone who has been in both situations, both in the role of the OP and in the role of OP's sister. I was simultaneously a caretaker at a very young age, 9 years old to be more precise, and, as you can tell by how young I was when I had to start taking care of an infant and other toddlers, you can see that I was also the wronged child. So, I kind of have better insight on what it's like to take care of children, while also being a mistreated child. I can tell from the way that OP wrote their post that they're already aware of what their sister went through when she took on the role of being their guardian, and that already tells me that they're grateful for what she did. So, I know that, while OP may appreciate and love their sister, they're still hurting because of what happened. In fact, the things that OP described can really affect someone's mental health in the long run, and it's obvious that it has affected them deeply, rightfully so. No one should grow up feeling like they're walking on egg shells. It's a very stressful way to live. And they never asked for any of that to happen, none of them did, it was an unfortunate situation for all of them. Like I said, I was also in the position of the sister, so I personally know just how difficult it is to take care of children, while also being completely overworked and overwhelmed, and I know that it only gets more difficult and frustrating as the kids grow up. However, I always treated those children with gentleness and kindness, because I wanted to give them the ideal childhood that I couldn't have. But I can understand why OP's sister might have cracked under pressure. I'm sure that she did the best she could, really the best she knew at the time. But she still did OP wrong in the way she ended up treating them. What I'm saying is that two things can be true at the same time. She sacrificed a lot for all of them, but she also did wrong them. No one is to blame but the unfairness of the situation they were in. So, really, my opinion is that no one is in the wrong. They just need to communicate and come to terms with what happened.
For the second story, 3/5 is too high. 1 at most. It's clear there's a lot of pain and anger behind her words, and OP felt robbed of the love that their sister is showing her kids now. I read an update where she apologized and they talked. I'm glad they didn't let the pain separate them. Even though OP's sister wasn't a saint, what she did at age 19 was absolutely amazing and she deserves so much credit. She messed up so much, but she never let her siblings starve or be without necessities. Her gentle parenting is clearly her trying to do better than before. OP deserved more love, but the sister was 19, with three jobs. She tried. And at least she managed to keep them out of Foster Care.
I do kinda feel bad tho for the 2nd OP. Big sis didn't exactly treat them the best over small things that kids normally do. I understand that her older sister was stressed and she didn't have to take in her younger siblings but uh... She didn't have to scream at her younger sibs over something that she should've expected they would do. They were kids. While the sister can be deemed a saint for taking in her little siblings she can't be deemed a saint for how she parented. (I'm aware she wasn't their parent but that's the role she accepted when she took them in.) On top of giving shelter and food, the basic necessities, little kids also need a safe emotional environment. However, there's only so much one person can do. That's my personal opinion though.
Story 1, you missed the update. This is not a selfish situation but a pregnancy fear drive. Pregnancy can lead to some women experiencing irrational fear over things they previously did not. The update went on to show that the OP and how wife eventually trialed a dog training system, where OP's son would train the dog to see babies as owners and something to respect. They did that by controlled exposure to a family friends baby, all supervised if anything did go wrong. That fear from the mother then subsided and they lived a normal life together from then on.
It's interesting to me that in the 2nd story, everyone responds to OOP with "but she saved you from foster care, be grateful" but if they were biologically their sister's child, everyone would be on their side saying that the sister shouldn't have ever taken her stress out on a child and that it's obvious the youngest child is the golden/favorite child. Taking someone in so they don't go into foster care does not give you the right to mistreat them, no matter how many jobs you're working or how stressed out you are. And yes, screaming at a 4 year old over accidents like spilled milk and saying things like "don't you know how hard i work for this, how can you be so careless, blah blah blah" when that child can barely understand the difference between good and bad behavior is absolutely mistreating them.
NAH for the second story. Sister obviously worked very hard, but I can also imagine how hard that could be to see your caretaker being much more loving and gentle than they were to you.
Story 2: Yes, the sister did a great thing in talking care of her three siblings. Yes, she certainly felt stress over providing for them and not having time to do basically anything. But you know what costs nothing and requires no time? Not yelling at children.
When you have to work three jobs to raise 3 children at 19 you can talk. It's not as cut and dry as 'don't yell'. People who are at their physical and mental end don't do things rationally, it's perfectly understandable to see someone in her situation act the way she did.
I think the the OP of story 2 deserves a more gentle "yeah, you're kind of the a hole, but it makes sense" Like, childhood is a sensitive time, kids do suffer when they're in an environment where they're treated harshly for small mistakes, and since experiences at that time become so psychologically foundational, it's going to leave a mark that needs working through. I understand the impulse to want to acknowledge it to their sister! But the way they went about it does suck and feel almost like it could be interpreted as them being jealous of their sister's kid for growing up in better circumstances Just like how the sister's messy parenting is understandable in context, maybe OP's messy attempts to acknowledge their emotional baggage about their childhood is too? Maybe life can just suck and be painful, and good people can hurt each other, and useful commentary on those kinds of situations is beyond the scope of this TH-cam channel's content...
Okay so, story 2: I have a bit of personal experience with this. The sister tried her best, she got very stressed and rightly so, she was a kid caring for kids. I'll bet she took decisions like what will she eat, or will I take the bus to work or walk so that her siblings could have enough. The sister is great. BUT. As r/slash has said before. Neglect is abuse. And the sister did, by the sounds of it, neglect the siblings. Yes she didn't mean to, but the fact is it happened and you can't change the past. Seeing someone have something you wish you could've have, that jealously, is an awful feeling but it burns inside you. It gets easier but it burns. It's true she did try her best, but he's hurting. They both did something wrong here and they're both not to blame. Hopefully next time they can talk about it all in a more private place, perhaps family counselling or something. But they should really talk about it, it's just gonna fester and blow up just like it did before otherwise.
I feel like a jerk giving OP in a-hole score cause I feel like I will be invalidating how their feelings. But if you ask me the real, a-hole in the story is the mother who abandon her children.
@sailorstar3148 well yeah, she obviously would get 5/5 Aholes. But if I didn't make it clear, both siblings get Ahole scores, but they have valid reasons for being Aholes, it might not be right or fair. But it's true. Some people agree with me, some don't.
putting aside rslash's victim-blamey, be-grateful-cause-you-could-have-had-it-worse attitude, coming out of an abusive situation (because thats plainly what it was), you're going to be feeling very hurt, vulnerable, and emotionally raw. as a kid who grew up with abusive parents myself, my voice was always drowned by other adults telling me "be grateful that you get sent to a nice school, be grateful we can afford toys, grateful this, grateful that". yknow what that told me? my pain didn't matter, and there's no point in talking to anyone about it, because that's the reaction i get. years down the line, when i tell other members of my family that my parents were abusive, and on minimal contact, they get so shocked! why didn't you say anything before? why are we only hearing about this now! I did tell you! But you never listened! can you imagine how angry i'd be? and anger that comes from a place of hurt is raw, overwhelming and can feel uncontrollable, so i can't blame op for exploding at his sister like that, especially being as young as 17! the fact of the matter is yes, while the sister busted her ass to make sure op and his brothers had shelter and food and toys, that doesn't erase the fact that op felt incredibly hurt seeing his sister treat other children with kindness, and what needs to happen is that op, his sister and the brother need to sit down with a family counsellor/therapist, and have a discussion about how while the actions that were taken in the past were necessary, they were also hurtful. the sister should acknowledge her treatment of them caused hurt, and op should recognise that (while justificed), his outburst wasn't the best way to air out that laundry. they're not mutually exclusive but its the best way forward for repairing everyones relationship. hope this makes sense
No op is ungrateful and bratty. His sister was in the situation of being abused by their parents for years before she got custody of her siblings and lost a long term relationship because of it. She literally gave up her life to raise her siblings and now op is being toxic because she's happier and less stressed. If you think she was abusing her siblings that she took in when she was barely an adult you're delusional
@@caitbee18 she wasn’t abusing them *intentionally* . That doesn’t mean it wasn’t still abuse. And yes, the sister is a victim too. But she can be the victim *and* the unintentional abuser at the same time. Trauma is more complicated than that.
First story: you didn't read the update. It turned out the wife has an anxiety disorder. It was an irrational fear, but it was very real to her. She's getting treatment and they're keeping the dog.
@@Ked7 however even then he forgets some updates. Example the story where OPs brother makes up a relative in order to convince his wife to name daughter Stephanie. RSLASH completely omitted the updates that he wanted his children to be named after Robins from Batman
Story 2: At the same time everyone sucks and no one sucks. This family needs to learn how to talk about feelings. Of course the older sister was stressed. Taking care of 3 kids while working 3 jobs at 19 yo isn’t easy. Her behavior is understandable. She wasn’t mean because she wanted to, she was just trying to deal with it all. BUT At the same time OPs feelings are valid too. They were a child whose only parent they knew was the sister. Of course they craved attention of a loving and kind parent. Of course it created some trauma. And of course they would be upset by seeing their sister (who was basically their mom) treat her biological child the way they wish they were treated. The fact is, everyone’s feelings are valid. Sister didn’t do an amazing job, but she has reason to do so and she did her best to raise kids she didn’t need to. But OPs feelings towards their childhood are also valid, after all you only get one childhood.
I’m so glad people mentioned the update for story 1. I had antenatal depression and anxiety when I got pregnant and it was BAADDD! I even considered terminating my IVF, trying for almost 4 years, desperately wanted pregnancy. I had completely lost myself and was not right for quite a while. I’m just glad that OP was told to research her reaction and got her the help she really needed. I’m also glad that they didn’t get rid of the dog.
First story, there's actually been several updates. It's the pregnancy screwing with the wife and apparently it's a normal thing to get paranoid about pets out of nowhere. They're getting the wife therapy to help and training the dog more so as to keep the upcoming baby out of danger. So it seems like it may work out for the better everyone. Second story, OP is definitely TA for calling out her sister like that. Her sister was busting her ass to keep her siblings out of the streets for over a decade by herself, with three jobs. Yeah, her sister being snappy sucks but considering the circumstances? Third story, that was a much needed shot to the nads of the BF's ego. As well as getting some red flags that OP should take note of and take as a sign to leave him. Fourth story, the wife is being a hypocrite and OP is NTA. Candace is playing favorites by putting her daughters above OPs daughter.
Second story: OP is only TA in how she handled this. Just because the sister busted her ass doesn’t negate OP’s feelings about how she was treated. She was four when her sister was raising her, and if she can clearly remember an incident where she was yelled at for an accident, it clearly traumatized her. But there are more productive ways to go about it, with therapy for one. NAH
@@Tustin2121 nah dude she is still ta. No matter what it doesn't excuse the fact that she acted that way. She is 17 and more than mature enough to understand what's right and wrong.
@@soothingstationW - I wanna know what 17 year olds you know. “Mature” is the last word I’d use, what with puberty and a still-developing brain. Especially when trauma is involved. This isn’t some cut and dry situation, this is “years of therapy” things we’re talking about here.
Love how the last story had the stepmom saying “stop spoiling your daughter, who is mourning” yet is the one who is enabling her own daughters’ selfish spoiled attitudes abusing her mourning stepdaughter. People like that give stepfamilies a bad name
Story 2 certainly has more nuance than "bad guy" and "good guy" ops sister definitely did the best she could with what she was given and I applaud her for that but that doesn't change the fact that op probably didn't feel loved going so many of your developmental years without love is (in my opinion) almost as bad as having to support 3 children to take care of at 19. This is a story of two people so damaged by what happened to them that they ended up hurting each other.
Second Story: so i personally feel like rslash is giving the sister like way more slack that she deserves because she did a nice thing. While yes it’s amazing she took in her siblings, raised them, and supported them financially, that doesn’t excuse taking the stress that she was under out on the kids for a situation that is completely outta their control. I feel like no one is seeing that and excusing it because “sister did nice thing therefore she can do no wrong” this story is a lot more nuanced than it looks and rslash needs to give the op some slack. Op has a right to feel the way op feels but they could of handled it better than in the way that they did.
There are no a-holes in this story, both are dealing with their own shape of trauma. Parentification is a real thing. She was too young to be placed in that role, she sacrificed her youth for her brothers and that is something admirable. I'm surprised she didn't end up hating them, which I've seen happening before. But, so is emotional neglect/abuse, no child should be screamed at for those things. We all know how much that can mess up a child. The thing is, they both grew up. She's actually prepared to be a parent, without the pressure she went through before. I can bet that the sister regrets a lot of things with how she acted with the brothers that time. Now to OP himself, he's 17 and at that age, people start to see their caretakers as who they are- flawed humans, just like them. He is valid in his hurt, but the way he handled it wasn't right. In the end, they're both just hurt people, and I'm glad they could talk
The 2nd story. Before hearing R/slash's opinion. The sister did an amazing thing by taking in her brothers. She worked hard to make sure her brothers didn't go hungry. It doesn't make it okay but she was probably extremely stressed about everything - especially with money - from having to be a mother to her brothers. She's clearly recognized that before having her own children and decided she would raise them better by "jumping on the gentle parenting trend". Why would OP want his nieces and nethpews to suffer the way he did? That is so selfish. OP should be happy that his sister is changed and is treating her children kinder. That said he also has every right to be mad about he was treated. The correct way to move forward would be for the sister to verbally admit her wrong-doings to OP, apologise and explain that her treating her children kinder is her realsing that she was wrong.
High five story: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: sometimes being a good and supportive partner is telling your partner they're wrong and letting them learn that lesson. You don't just vack up your partner no matter how wrong or unreasonable they are. Support means making sure they do the right thing.
RE: Story 2. I have to say I only partially agree with what you said here. The 19 y/o sister did not have to apply for custody and did work 3 jobs to support her younger siblings. That is a LOT of responsibility and stress for anyone, especially a 19 y/o. I also agree the sister likely did the best she could- at least in terms of taking them in and providing for their physical needs. That being said, it is no excuse for her to be emotionally abusive over minor little accidents that literally all children have when growing up, such as spilling their drink. I feel OP is in the right in calling her out, as she did not display the emotional maturity needed to essentially be a parent. Again, I agree she was under a great deal of stress, but there are so many FREE ways to manage stress. Even something simple as a daily 5 minute breathing meditation helps a great deal. Likewise, her own overreactions were probably increasing her stress levels, as they were likely triggering her fight or flight response. Continuing, OP might be 17 at the time of this posting, but we have no indication on how old s/he was during the time when the situation discussed took place. The way OP stated that they received harsh treatment when they were "just a child" indicated an implied 'now' before the '(17)' which leaves me to believe they were closer to the younger ages of the brothers mentioned. If OP indeed was around the same ages as their siblings, that is a LOT to bear as a young child. Not every child reacts to that type of treatment in the same manner. Some- and this is very common in cases of abuse- cling to the adult and stick up for them no matter what. This is done- unconsciously- to curry favor in the- again unconscious- hope to be treated better. I think what is needed here is honest family conversation, or better, family therapy OP has valid concerns, but so do the others involved. Family therapy would allow everyone to state their feelings to each other with an impartial mediator who can allow everyone to understand the points of view of the others involved. This would go a long way to restoring peace to the family without ostracizing a single member.
Story 2: Why would you think it’s ok to give an abuser, a stressed abuser but an abuser nonetheless, 0/5 bad guys? Did you not actually read the story? I know RSlash has a terrible habit of picking at up pieces of a story as he reads and then not really comprehending the rest but come on? A “saint”? NO, she chose to take in those kids then constantly threw a bitch fit over them being kids!
7:14 op isn't the bad guy for feeling that way it's a vaild reaction... but they do need to apologize and talk thing out with their sister... 19 is far too young to properly raise children, and she properly regrets how she raised them... a little grace and gratitude will go a long way
Oh my crap that second story really got me. I'm the oldest of several kids, and when my dad left I had to step up to take care of my younger siblings while my mom struggled to find work. It's rough because I have to all the housework, as well as working full time, plus I'm trying to go back to school. I really feel for that woman, especially having to raise her siblings with *no* parents around? Holy cow, I could never.
Okay but I kinda identify with story 2, I hold so much resentment at my mother, granted op said they never went without, but let me tell you. My mom neglected me, at 17 I asked her to make me a dentist appt she made excuses all year until I was 18 and could make it myself. She's gotten frustrated at my panic attacks and has just grabs my hair and shook me during one. And now when I see my mom play with my brothers kids, her grandkids, I get so upset, like why couldn't you make time for us like that, why didn't you say you loved us this often, why didn't you hug us more. It's really hard to watch, I usually leave the living room when they play cause I know the kids deserve grandma, but it's just to hard to see kids get the part of my mom that I wish I got.
I feel like we can most agree that seeing a caretaker treat someone different can be triggering, like possibly Op has some issues surrounding that and spoke on it, which I would say therapy, but also I might be projecting a lil to much lol
Story 2: Everybody sucks in my opinion. The sister should've been a better Guardian when she was 19, but also she didn't need to be called out like that in front of everyone. If OP really wanted an answer for that they should've calmly asked it in private.
Story 2: its normal to feel jealous and upset that your mother figure raised you differently than your niece/nephew but op's gotta understand just how much stress her sister was under and how inexperienced she was. She got in a better situation and took the lessons learned from raising op and applied it to her new child. You're not an asshole for feeling how you do but you are for bringing it up with her infront of your family instead of privately sorting that stuff out. Be grateful you even have a family because you came close to hell.
Yes and she can only be forgiven because she is the sister, but imagine if it was a 19 year old woman raising her own kids in that manner. Would you still fault a person who is angry at their mother because she raised them in a stressful environment and is a better mother to their younger sibling? Would you say a person can be forgiven for being abusive because she was too young to know how to be a mother?
@J.J.Juggernaut the problem here is didn't ever abuse them. She got upset if they broke things and lectured them but op makes it clear she was never verbally or physically abused. So yes if it was a bio parent who's working 3 jobs, alone, and poor then she deserves some slack. On top of that this is clearly just OPs view since her sister wasn't "sweet enough" as both her siblings don't see it the same way. At the same time if someone being stressed and not showing enough empathy when your kids damage and break things then there are many families that are this way by default as a parenting style. All in all op is sour that her sister is taking a new route on parenting for her bio kid because she suddenly became a mom of 3 out of no where and never had time to learn to be a parent. Now she's learned and she's doing her best to be a good mother.
@YoYoNova But the older sister took on the responsibility. That means she had to have gone to court to get custody of those three kids. MEANING the stress and other bad things she went through? She VOLUNTARILY did that. A nineteen year old just doesn't suddenly become guardian to three younger siblings. That's something a court has to decide if she's CAPABLE of it. Kids usually go to older family members because of experience and the like which leads me to believe the oldest sister had to go to court to prove she could do it. THAT'S why she shouldn't be upset at being called out. A child needs a LOVING environment. If you get yelled at for an ACCIDENT all the child sees is everything they do is wrong. I don't think the sister didn't like being cared for. The problem here is the older sister is being a hypocrite for harshly screaming at her siblings for spilling milk while her own kids it was "It's alright. Let me help you clean this up and gently teach you a lesson." The siblings needed that kind of care too. It's not about her having been 19 and taking on three kids. That's great she loved her siblings! However, the youngest has been FOUR? Pardon me you don't scream at a four year old for an accident. That could traumatize them and teach them to walk on eggshells around their sister. See where I'm getting at? Again, the big sister was sweet for taking on the responsibility of caring for her siblings but even they need a loving touch too.
@@Riounka THIS. This is the most sensible comment I have seen so far. Everything Op said about her sister reminded me of my own mother and you're right. It is damaging. Now as an adult I'm so insecure about my clumsiness. I walk on eggshells to avoid spilling things, knocking things over or breaking things. If I do, I'm crying nonstop and apologizing again and again. It takes a good 15 minutes of holding me and rubbing my head for my boyfriend to calm me down.
@@mrarroyo1990 Screaming her head of because of spilled liquids and broken items IS abuse, and as someone with a mother like that, I think I know what I am saying. She did not have to heat him for it to be considered as abuse and OP did not have to write down every single instance of their sister acting this way. Because OP feels neglected, it is not hard to put 2 and 2 together. People don't just randomly feel bitter for nothing.
I made a joke about evil stepmoms once and my brother got mad at me. It took me a moment to remember our mom is his stepmom technically since he was never treated differently at all and he's just my brother and that's OUR mom.
In regards to the sister raising her siblings. 2 things can be true simultaneously. It can be true that it was extremely selfless and stressful for the sister to raise them and that how she handled it the best she could at the time. AND the siblings also get to be resentful that they weren't handled more lovingly. Every kid deserves to be nurtured and not simply kept. You're allowed to be both thankful that your situation wasn't worse and grieve that it wasn't better. OP definitely should not have called her out in public like that, but processed their feelings and maybe brought it up with the sister in private to help get it out in the open.
I heard Story 4 from another channel, and there is an extra bit of information. “Candace” was the one who arranged the rooms. So this is bigger evidence of the 3 ladies being Cinderella’s stepfamily because this could have been a plan from the start.
Thanks I was wondering Why you would put 3 girls in a 1 bed room when doubles are not much more. Says the woman who's half sister's made me sleep on the floor. Still Angry.
@lifewuzonceezr even if they got two smaller beds, I bet theyd put one step sister for each and still the other child goes on the floor because "why does she get her own bed when we step sisters have to share? It's better for everyone to sleep alone so she should still sleep on the floor." Would have turned out the same I feel like. Maybe not but, that's how it's sounding :/
The girl raised by her sister is 100% okay to feel the way she does!! Watching her primary caregiver freely give her biological child the love and nurturing OP craved and deserved. Of course OP is going to feel confusion and hurt! 17 is still a kid, not a 30 year old. OP sees what she always deserved but was repeatedly denied. Just because she was taken in does not excuse the fact the situation was shitty and OP bears scars from it, many from the sister. They all bear scars. My grandparents took me in when I was almost 6 and they required I always show gratitude or I was called ungrateful and reminded they didn't have to take me in. People would say how wonderful my grandparents were for taking me in. I was treated like a lodestone and told to be glad for it. It's true they didn't have to, but that doesn't excuse the bad things they did. Making someone feel bad for the truth of their shitty childhood is absolutely NOT okay. Part of parenting is apologizing, recognizing and owning your mistakes. Blame shifting is cruel.
If I was evil, which I am, I would take away stepdaughters beds and make them sleep on the floor with only a sleeping bag until they sincerely apologize
As a woman who had to get rid of my own beloved dog when I was pregnant due to the anxiety it gave me. She was very well trained and had never harmed me but pregnancy hormones had me jumping out of my skin when she barked. My sister took her in until I delivered and it went away.
Oh, I read that report! I think about it so often when I hear these stories (or experience it myself). I'm glad rSlash included it in this video, because that's DEFINITELY what was happening.
Last story, ok, sometimes, when my family shared a hotel room, one or two of us slept on the floor if there wasn't enough space in the beds, hence why we brought air mattresses or sleeping bags. In that case we gave people like my dad and grandma bed priority because Dad has back problems and grandma can't walk without assistance. Most of the time it would be me and or my brother on the floor because we could handle it and it would feel like a slumber party. Even so, it's always something we talk about together and not forcing one particular person to sleep on the floor. The stepsisters were clearly singling her out and the wife was the one playing favorites.
So for the mistreatment or entitlement portion (story 2). Childhood trauma is real and it does not go away when you grow up and it is caused by your caretaker being cold and mean and being overly stressed. You shouldn't discount someone's experience just because their caretaker took them in. The fact that your caretaker took you in when you needed to be taken care of does not negate childhood trauma. When you're being raised, everything matters. You've taken the side of people that were raised the same way by their actual mothers and then got upset later when they saw their mothers treat their future children better, which is also messed up because parenting isn't an exact science and nobody should blame their parents caretakers for becoming better people. You can't always make up for what you lacked in the past but you can always get better and try to do better in the future. Neither people in that story are the bad guy. OP has a right to be upset when he sees a new child being raised better than they were by their caretaker. When you take in a child, you become that child's parent PERIOD. Everything you do influences who they become later. It doesn't matter how young you are. In their eyes of a small child, you're the adult in there life. I'm not saying she should be vilified for not doing great when she was 19, I'm just saying you shouldn't trash on another person for holding onto childhood trauma into their adulthood. That stuff doesn't go away and it takes a lot of therapy to get through it and try to develop good relationships with the people that did the damage, even if they didn't mean or want to do the damage, and not everyone knows that they need therapy. Most people don't know they need therapy. It's a process.
First story: OP is NTA, nor is the wife personally speaking. She's running on pregnancy hormones which can cause extreme emotions of anxiety that can overlook logical thought sometimes. There are other solutions, but it will take some creativity based on what OP can do.
There are updates to this story. Op and son are babysitting a coworker's babyand a neighbor's baby to help train the dog to be able to be around babies in safely and the wife is getting help for her fears of dogs wich stems dreams and hormones from the pregnancy
Sister: NTA. It 100% _is_ unfair that OP never got the gentleness that she _deserved_ from her mother-figure. Sister was an absolutely terrible parent, and deserved to be called out on it. It is never entitlement for a child to want gentleness and affection from a parental figure. *_NEVER._*
2nd story -- actually, the sister *did* fuck up. I do think she needs to apologize for it. My own mother pulled this shit with me when she had every option on the table. She didn't need to have me, she considered abortion and adoption; she had access to abortion and had a relative who would have adopted me and was in a financial and emotional position to do so. She chose to have me and keep me.. and chose to abuse me. If the sister didn't think she could handle the responsibility, she wasn't obligated to care for them. She could have stepped down. Parenthood is, more often than not, a choice. There is NO excuse to use a child as your outlet for your anger. Not even being worked to the bone by three jobs. They did nothing to deserve that. Why should you get to berate a FOUR YEAR OLD for an ACCIDENT? I can tell you from experience, I have not forgotten a single awful thing that was said to me from age 2+. It's emotionally scarring, to the point that I have C-PTSD. OP seems like she has trauma from it as well, as it's clearly been enough to bother her for over a decade. The only thing the sister did right here is learn to do better with her own kids. But she still hasn't made it right with OP or her brothers for how she treated them.
So you are 100% okay with letting these three kids enter the foster care system where they will be disadvantaged and separated from one another? Also are we forgetting that the sister *IS* human. Three jobs, 19 years old, no parental figures, no familial safety net, and a partner that (understandably) left. This is going to stress anyone out. This is going to reflect on the person. It is insane to believe otherwise
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd your realizing that what your saying is conflicting your own statement right? She shouldn’t have been parenting 3 kids. The foster system isn’t always a bad thing. Her sister also mentally abused her so
Story 3: What you were talking about in the post story talk is something I've seen a lot first hand in recent weeks. I've recently gotten into Valorant with some friends, we normally play unrated and just talk to random people on our team see how their days have been (theres 3 of us all teenage boys, feel kind of central to my point kind of not) we had a couple days of chill people and chill games. After we saw our elo increase to a more intermediate level we had a surprising amount of girls around our age telling us they'd been crying in the match before because people had been being sexist and just generally terrible, we normally try to do our bit for these people and talk to them just generally having a laugh but it shocks me how often it happens. We can play 4 games and have this experience in 2 of them. shits crazy common, more than I thought
There was an update on story 1! Basically she was reacting to hormones and some bad dreams she kept having. Apparently the hormones in pregnancy can cause some women to become frightened of their/other's pets. OP started doing research and found it's a pretty common thing, but is baseless and many times the woman regrets getting rid of the animal as soon as her hormones settle. So after the wife read the research she felt better that she wasn't crazy, and I _think_ she started therapy. In the end they didn't get rid of the dog! :D
And this is why RSlash needs to read more updates. I feel like that’d change his opinion on her being the “evil and manipulative step-mother”
@@PaintSplashProductions We don't have any idea how long ago the videos are recorded. It's a very real possibility that there wasn't an update out yet.
I was actually thinking that she might be going through it because of the pregnancy. I'm really glad that she was reasonable about the whole thing.
Nooo who would have thought that it was a crazy pregnant stuff and not the step mother being evil like rslash the judgemental thought
@@jezusmylord I think reading all these reddit stories have made him jaded in some ways. He jumped immediately to "evil stepmother wants to get rid of the dog" instead of "pregnant wife gets overly anxious about the family dog"
@@DoctorOaks I know that another video I'd watched with this story about a week ago already had the full story with updates. Rslash isn't one to read updates in comments, which I've noticed over the years. This post didn't have a full update post, iirc, just comments updating from OP.
Story 2: She wound up apologizing to her sister and they had a deep talk about what they were feeling. The father got life in prison, and their mother abandoned them for drugs and died recently. No other family seems to be available, so the sister did what she could when she was 19 and she recognizes that. Someone responded perfectly that her upbringing was neither her nor her sister's fault and that going forward, she would be working on it.
Right? But Slashy just went off on her, like "How dare you even question it!?" Sure it's better than Foster Care, but that doesn't mean you can't question why your own sister would take her frustrations out on you as a child, than in 'healthy' ways like screaming into a pillow or something... I'm not here to solve the capitalist Hellhole that is America, find your own way to cope. When it's neither girl's fault, it seems silly to accuse either; plus disallowing questions is literally fascism.
Well, if it isn't that scambot who disguises itself as popular TH-camrs in order to try and trick individuals with room temperature IQs. Report it, but don't reply to it, as YT sees that as engagement.
@@Wendy_O._Koopa ‘capitalist hellhole’ lmfao… Yeah says the entitled brat who has enjoyed the higher standard of living the freedom has given them. Go live in a socialist country for a while then come back and tell us about this ‘capitalist hellhole’. There’s a reason people risk their lives by the millions to immigrate here for a better life and have done so for generations…
‘Capitalism’ is just a slur invented by communists so they could equate liberty, freedom, and respect for private property rights with their own top-down imposed authoritarian economic system. Most of the time when a person uses that term it’s a communist who, covertly or overly, wants to forcibly take something from someone else at the barrel of a gun. If you want to solve one of societies problems in a collectivist way there’s nothing stopping you from founding a nonprofit entity and doing exactly that. OH THAT’S RIGHT want to use coercive force to make other people do it instead. How ‘noble’ of you… /s
@@EarthIsNotFlat Here we have an individual with no friends, trying to pretend they have a personality by copy & pasting some rant about capitalism into random TH-cam comments. I don't have the _capital_ to start a nonprofit entity, I'm scraping by from paycheck to paycheck; like the girl in the story with three jobs. The most I could do might be start an online petition that "People Should Do Less Harm, Actually" only to have this dingleberry comment on how ineffective petitions are.
@@Wendy_O._Koopa I do tend to bring it up whenever one of you robots regurgitate your rantings about the failings of ‘capitalism’ every chance you get (as though people simply being free to live and transact as they wish, all by itself, is somehow supposed to solve all the worlds, or your, problems, such that when it doesn’t it has ‘failed’ somehow,) but only because it’s on-topic…
The girl in the original story was in that situation because her family was scum. If you’re ‘just scraping by’ for more than short stretches of time then you are either seriously unlucky, or earned your position yourself through your bad life choices, and/or your family has similarly failed you just like the garbage parents in the story. Most peoples’ parents don’t fail them in this manner and society shouldn’t be structured in a way that’s optimized for such bottom of the barrel human beings. Get an education in something that is actually worth a paycheck, work hard and don’t waste your money, make good life choices, and then maybe you won’t have to live like the dregs of society because then you won’t BE the dregs of society (and on the way there maybe look into what the dregs of society live like in your socialist utopias, it should be quite enlightening.)
P.S. Do you really think i care if you think i ‘have personality’? Not everybody comments in a perforative manner for group validation like *some people* do lol
Story 1: Hey rslash you need to read the update for this. Luckily this wasn't evil stepmother behavior. The wife, like a lot of women during pregnancy, developed a fear of dogs. She's currently getting therapy for it and the family is working around the new fear.
I was thinking this, hormons running wild and her protective instincts kicking in, which means she's paranoid about something bad happening even if the dog had never done it before. I think rslash and others have heard too many bad step parent stories that they jump to the worst conclusions
That's good to hear
That's good to hear, bec if I was OP and someone, anyone to d me get rid of the dog,I'd kick them out first
I would venture to guess the dad needs some help, too (assuming he hasn't already). There's no way losing a wife wouldn't leave a scar and I would doubt having a kid with another woman (no matter how happy the relationship) wouldn't open that scar.
I wondered if that might be the case. Pregnancy can fuck with your mind as much as it does your body.
Story 2: op isn’t an entitled brat,. Being raised well is great, but when you’re a little kid and you get that treatment, it makes an impact. You can feel loved AND like an unwanted burden at the same time, and when someone else enters the situation later and gets the treatment you always wished you’d gotten, the motherly love you wish you’d had, that’s gonna bring out anger and resentment. There’s an 11 year age gap between me and my sibling, I got the stressed out angry mom that never hugged me or had my back, he got the loving mom that caters and dotes on him. I KNOW my mom loves me, and that she did the best she could, but I also resent and am angry that while I’ve had to struggle to get that kind of affection, he gets it freely. It sucks, and op isn’t wrong for feeling it because it came from his childhood, op is owed the apology they probably got during that update, and hopefully that helped. Irrational and emotional are things that happen, it doesn’t make op an ahole , it just makes them human.
They didn’t get an apology, they were bullied by Reddit into apologizing
@@dimsufferer9951 For that the people in Reddit that bullied OP into apologizing get 5 out of 5 a-holes
Definitely. It sounds irrational, but I said something similar to my mom when she rushed her dog to the vet.... This was a few years after I had moved out. Basically she didn't even bother taking me to the doctor when my lung infections got so bad that I was coughing up blood, One of her dogs got in a fight and her I didn't look quite right so she rushed her to the vet and pawned her jewelry to pay for medical care. What was really different in the two situations was in one of those my mom had actually gotten sober. Well it logically understood that, there was definitely some jealousy that she treated her dogs better than she treated me.
This isn’t the same at all. The sister had the same shitty childhood and did her best for her siblings that weren’t her kids, and did massively impact a key part of her adolescence. It’s not the same as a mother being cold/shitty towards their kid. It’s fine to feel she missed out on the love/warmth but that’s her parents fault not the sisters who sacrificed her life to raise her.
Honestly your mom is more shitty. This is not at all like. OP sister was 19 doing this smh.
Story 4: It's funny how people will be like "Oh, you can just suck it up for one night", but then you say something like "Okay, then you do it if it's not so hard" and they'll suddenly backpedal or make excuses
They will probably say "But weeee are going to be uncomfortableeeee!!"
They say "suck it up" like it's so easy to do. C'mon! Shiloh is MOURNING! They can't even let her be comfortable when mourning and they are treating her as less of a person for no f*cking reason.
@Dracko Oh there's a reason alright. It's because they're assholes and don't like her. You don't have to love someone to let them sleep in a bed with you. The fact they don't allow her to is indicative of their nasty dislike for her and likely the stepfather as well.
@@dracko158 they literally kicked her while she was down. What if their grandpa died?
If I had a daughter and my wife did that I would force her to sleep on the floor, since is good enough for Shiloh is good enough for her "you can just suck it up for one night" right?
The last story has “ Evil Stepmother and Evil Stepsisters “ written all over it!
Story 4: NTA
I've slept on my fair share of floors though out my life. None of them have been comfortable to sleep on. OP is making sure his daughter is comfortable and safe, while OP's wife and step-daughters are being toxic bullies
I hope they look into family therapy.
bro the final story is so NTA that I'm shocked someone even posted it.
Definitely an “ Evil stepmother and Evil stepsisters “ problem
@@fatassium4304 evil wife and her flying monkeys are gaslighting him.
Yep. My thoughts. They are showing OP who they are. Believe it. Grab your kid and run away from those three. Your child will never get a fair shake in that house.
Story 1 has a good update! The OP and his wife talk to their doctor, who says it's normal for pregnant women to have anxiety around things like dogs, and they plan for her to go to therapy/counseling about it. Also, OP and his son take steps to prepare the dog for the baby, by babysitting for free for coworkers/neighbors, and letting the dog gently interact with the babys (with the parents' permission, of course). They are working on making their blended family succeed!
@rslash really needs to look at the updates. I’m getting tired of him crying someone evil when they aren’t
@@Aethian These video's are most likely filmed in advance and it is most likely the updates didn't exist upon recording. This is why I love comments that do give us these updates, as a nice asside to the video.
Oh thank god!
@@ratmaster133 That’s fair, but it wouldn’t hurt for him to acknowledge the updates
@@ratmaster133 yeah but this was a very big over reaction. He has a small child and knows hormones are a thing and can make ppl irrational.
For the climbing story: V6 is upper intermediate, so it is quite challenging for most climbers. Holding the last hold for 5 seconds isn't a thing, other than certain competition formats, and the climbing community in general is mega chill, and this would be seen as a major WTF moment. Unless you are at a high stress competition, climbers are usually the most chill, kind, and supportive people, and they will cheer if you beat a problem.
Thanks for the added info. The boyfriend just seems to be an insecure jerk especially given the additional information.
Yeah climbing culture is super supportive. If you’re struggling climbing a VB or V0 (easiest bouldering problems), the vast majority of climbers will offer you tips like “there’s a hold at your left knee” and cheer you on. The boyfriend in the story is just an asshole
Could HE !! Want to go trans it could compete with the girls and win??😂😂
He's not choosing a dog over his wife! He's choosing his son happiness over her delusional fears
The dog doesn’t need to go, her anxieties do. She needs a therapist stat. Even Talkspace will do.
@@linpittsburgh2375 is it really anxiety though? I feel that it’s a step to kick out son so her family will be perfect. First the dog then see about son living with grandparents.
Well I just read an update and the wife really had anxiety and is seeking therapy. Son is helping his dog interact with a baby by introducing him to babies of family friends with their consent
@@lorilancaster5917 From the description, it didn’t feel like deception, it felt like intrusive thoughts. Pregnancy can make your body, including your brain, go wild.
Also I just prefer to assume the kinder option first.
@@linpittsburgh2375 I think these posts sometimes make me see the worse in people. I will own that I was wrong regarding this post
@@linpittsburgh2375 therapy won’t help. I’m guessing she never likes the dog, or possibly the stepson, and never said anything because she didn’t have the leverage. Now that’s she pregnant and can start her “real family” with her husband. She thinks she has the leverage to get rid of the dog. Or worse isolate and push away the first born. I, also, think OOP has a sneaking clue about this. I say the latter because he intentionally avoids in his post that this is his second wife and he is a widow. He probably reads a lot of Reddit and knows how the mob will instantly react. Frankly, I’d tell her no on the dog leaving. I’d be blunt and tell her she’s got at least 4 more years of tolerating my first born and his dog. That if she makes the dog mysteriously disappear. That she’ll be a single mother with us 50/50 coparenting. I’d thank her for finally showing her true colors and the postnup will be coming from my attorney with in the week. Have your attorney read it over and sign. Don’t like it. There is the door. I’ll only counter that if this is genuine pregnancy hormones. Then a genuine piece of the love she has for you will die. (Maybe all of it). If this is a crap 💩 test. Then you’ll have strengthened your marriage. Because she will understand your not a pushover.
Story 2. I'm someone who grew up in an environment similarly to the one op describes. My older brother practically had to raise me and my two younger sisters. He was a child himself, and didn't have the emotional regulation to respond properly when he got upset with me and my younger sisters or when we did something "bad". BUT. Just because he was struggling, doesn't mean that me and my sisters trauma isn't valid. I personally still have some ptsd from some of his screaming rages. It takes a lot of strength to forgive someone who abused you throughout your childhood and understand that they were going through their own things at the time. I love my brother, and we've had in depth talks about how he treated us, and how I'm so glad that he's doing better, and he's acknowledged that he was horrible to us and reactive due to the stress placed on him. Op isn't wrong for still holding that resentment, but they both need to work it out and move forward. rSlash's reaction was extreme, and I hope he listens to those of us who have lived the lives of the person he's calling entitled.
First story: Already from the title alone OP is NTA. A dog is not something you just can throw away when you feel like it. It is a living being with needs that have to be met and it sounds like that dog is cared and loved for by OP and his son.
Even if you disregard all of that the dog has been part of the family longer than the stepmom lmao
@@damagedcanofbeans the dog is a part of the family hierarchy for sure
@@damagedcanofbeans "Dogs been in the family longer then you, if anything the dog decides if YOU stay, be wise in what you do/say."
@@BenIsJamin_0 exactly lmfao
It's so stupid when partners that have been around for a shorter time than the pet think they can convince someone to get rid of it like no bruh you just told me i gotta gtfo
Everything worked out in the end rslash left out the update because it makes the story less juicy
Second story: Sister did the best she could, yes. Doesn't mean she didn't also hurt you growing up, that's true too. What you both need is some honest conversations and, hopefully, forgiveness and understanding for each other. WTF rSlash, both are NTA.
Yeah. Agreed. It's basically a case of both parties aren't jerks. One had issues adjusting at the time and the other has issues caused by the first's.
In an update, they did have a deep conversation and OP apologized. I personally agree and disagree, but respect your opinion.
@@AzureTheEnbyCatme and my sister were severely emotionally abused by our mother, my sister turned out like our mom and I turned out ok for what I am, doesn't mean I won't kick someone's ass for my sister that I hate most of the time, situations just suck and 2 people can come out extremely different from the same situation
For that last story I find it so stupid that the wife was complaining about favoritism. The step sisters wanted to get better comfort at the expense of someone else's comfort so getting another hotel room is not favoritism its making it even since now everyone gets to be comfortable.
Yep, as a punishment the fair thing to do is force the evil sisters to sleep on the floor and let the wronged sister have the entire bed for herself. Those stepsisters were never disciplined at all for their horrendous behaviour.
@Johan Halvarsson Well, they sorta were. They probably stayed up all night griping to each other about their step sister getting a room to herself was "unfair," thereby causing them to lose sleep and have dark bags under their eyes the next morning. For a teenage girl, that is punishment. IMHO.
@@BubbaBubbinski punishment that fits the crime? Their step sister would've had the same loss of sleep and a body that aches sll over from sleeping on the floor while also being traumatized for the foreseeable future because of the bullying from her step sisters that obviously didn't even stop when she just lost her grandfather.
@Johan Halvarsson Don't get me wrong. I agree that the evil stepsisters should have been made to sleep on the floor. But, seeing as that didn't happen, I was just pointing out that a possible outcome from their bullying was to suffer a loss of sleep IF they stayed up all night griping to each other about Shiloh getting her (well deserved) own room. Hope that clears up any misunderstood comment on my part. 😔
@BubbaBubbibsky that's not even remotely close to being a fair punishment! The step sisters were doing "mean girl" level bullying to his daughter, while she and he were mourning the loss of their family member! Those girls and their mother need to be punished for their horrible, and uncaring behavior! They're going to keep abusing his daughter! Don't get it twisted. What they did was bullying plain and simple! They're terrible!
Second story: idk it feels like OP was verbally/emotionally abused. Sure, the system is horrid as well, but op DID grow up in misery, being emotionally neglected, etc. It's very obvious they hold resentment to their sister over it. It doesn't stop at the glass of spilled milk. No adult should scream at a 4 year old over a glass of milk that was spilled by accident, no matter how stressed they are.
Update to the second post, she apologized to her sister and they had a meaningful conversation about it. It seemed the comments were able to help her see things differently.
That's great to hear
Getting berated heavily by Reddit for being entitled was probably a bit of a reality check.
Wow, look at that! Someone who ISNT a dumb chest thumping animal who can’t accept fault for anything! It’s not hard to apologize when you’re wrong, people!
That's great to hear! I mean, I kind of see OP's side, but to lash out at her sister like that, after all the sacrifices she had made, just wasn't fair. They should've sat down and had a meaningful conversation right from the start and OP should've gotten therapy right from the start.
Are you kidding me? OP was right. Her sister was abusive and left her traumatized. She's being gaslight into thinking that behavior was ok because she "saved" her I'm sorry but fuck that I'm on OP's side.
I honestly really feel for the second person. I also grew up in a family that also felt like they resented me. That’s not a rotten person. She already lost her parents, and felt as though her sister blamed her and her brothers for it. Over worked or not, if you have time to snap and lecture, you have time to acknowledge that you love them. Growing up hated isn’t fun. I would rather live in the Forster system than constantly blamed for things out of my control.
Sometimes there's a sign that you have stayed up way too late on a work night. Sunlight peeking in through the bedroom window. Birds chirping outside. Rslash posting is definitely one of those things
Story 2, I can see where op is coming from. Yes, the sister did everything she could yo care for 3 younger siblings, but at the same time, she also was emotionally abusive to them because of her stress. It's not wrong for op to be upset when she sees the gentle treatment the kids are getting, while op and her siblings seem to have been taken in more as a obligation.
Story 1 has an update where the OP "borrows" other people's babies to baby train the dog and it seems to calm the wife's anxiety. They also looked up stories together of pregnant women suddenly being afraid of pets because it's apparently a common thing that happens.
Is it that common? From my experience, it is pretty rare in my country. So maybe it has more to do with culture and general sense of safety? Heck, I've known of people who got a dog while they were expecting or when the baby were little. Because having a dog teaches responsibility and can prevent allergies.
@@Ikajo I'm not 100% sure but apparently there were people in the comments sharing their own stories of pet anxiety related to pregnancy. I've just seen this story on channels that cover Best of Redditor Updates every day and OP says something like that in the update
@@sophdog2564 I wonder if there are any actually studies done on this stuff 🤔 Because stories become anecdotal without actual studies to back them up.
The thing is, I live in a country where you never find a dog shelter like in the USA. Dogs can't be bought in a pet store and unless allergies are at play, it is rare to rehome them. It is so common for families to have a dog it is even a saying:
Villa, Volvo, Vovve (house, Volvo, doggo).
If anything, it is cats who have ended up with the short stick. Every municipality have at least one cat shelter and up until a few years ago, there were few regulations preventing cats from having kittens. One of my own cats was the result of a farmer's cat finding a male cat outside. He was going to kill any kitten who didn't get a home.
Now, the farmer and anyone else who lets their cat outside need to make sure they can't have kittens. My cats are indoor only, I still made sure both are spayed/neutered.
(I have had and currently have a cat from a shelter, so it is a topic dear to me. So many people are quick to just get rid of a cat that has become an inconvenience. New laws are changing that.)
@@Ikajo I was looking for studies and most of what I found were about dogs being anxious and I'm at work now so I can't keep changing my keywords to find even anecdotes
Another comment here said that OP and his wife went to a doctor who said it was normal. I can also see it being a cultural thing.
Either way the answer is not to get rid of the pet. I was just sharing the happy ending to the story
@@Ikajo are u Swedish
The second story breaks my heart for everyone involved. I’m refraining from an asshole score because this is a clear story of unresolved feelings and trauma that bubbled to the surface. Not excusing OP AT ALL, but I really hope everyone gets therapy. They deserve good things after everything they’ve gone through.
I feel like if you ask me the real a hole in that story is the mom for abandoning her kids
I am excusing OP because SHE'S RIGHT! Jesus Christ she's right. Her sister was abusive and left her traumatized and just because she took her in doesn't mean she was a good caretaker and OP had the right to call her out on it. She's being gaslit to just shut up and be grateful. That's BS. OP has the right to call out abuse.
@@l.tc.5032 I mean from what I can tell, I'm not sure if the sister was necessarily abusive. Definitely didn't provide the best sort of house hold but she was doing the best she could for 3 kids practically just out of highschool herself and I presume that OPS sister is also still looking after them right. I think OP is valid for feeling some type of way, but the way that they didn't get the gentle parenting that their sister is able to provide now, but the way they handled it is of course still wrong. I don't blame the brothers for standing up for the sister and being grateful to her because she did provide for them but it is something OP probably should've pulled the sister to the side to talk about how they were feeling
@@l.tc.5032 So snapping at someone when you're stressed is abuse now?
@@immorttalis Yes cause that can cause someone to be afraid of making any mistake and be scared that someone would snap at them. That fucks you up.
Story 2: Having a parent neglect you emotionally, regardless of if it’s “justified” because of how stressed they are, will leave you with trauma. And a 17 year old is not well equipped to fully process and understand that trauma. No she shouldn’t have yelled at her sister, but those feelings don’t make her “entitled”. She’s *hurt*
Exactly, you phrased it perfectly
I was just going to type that, the kid has the right to feel bad and traumatised for what has happened. She would profit greatly from therapy, I hope she's doing better now.
Yeah there's way too many people just handwaving everything away
Story 4: rSlash said it so many times, if it "isn't a big deal", and to just "suck it up", why not THEY sleep on the floor? Christ man, Shiloh is mourning, and you couldn't even let her mourn comfortably? "It's better this way"? No, it isn't better, they are treating Shiloh as less of a person for no reason. I don't understand why Candace is so upset over this. NTA.
YES! The boyfriend deserved to be "humiliated." I can't imagine being so weak as to be intimidated or "humiliated" by anyone being better than me at something. For example, if I were doing HEMA and a female totally trashed me, the effect would be like in the cartoons where the eyes pop out and turn into hearts.
It was odd for me because equestrian sports are totally dominated by women, so as a rider, I wouldn't dream of trash-talkin a woman who can out-perform me.
Maybe it's because I'm not really competitive, but I've never understood why people get shitty about things like that. Like learn from what's happening and try to do better next time.
Last story: This is why I love watching RSlash so much for my reddit story fix. Because he expresses what I often feel about a situation, but in a much more collected and professional manner. There is NO scenario, none at all, in which it would have been OK to enforce this little "joke" the siblings were trying to pull. "Suck it up for 1 night"? Why doesn't HER daughters suck it up for a night? Why douse ANYBODY have to sleep on the floor? Of COURSE OP is going to get a separate room for his daughter, because the step siblings are literally bullying her. So yeah. Thanks RSlash for helping being a better spokesperson than I am.
People think that Oh you did something great for someone That must automatically mean that your treatment and everything you did and said to that child is all forgiven because you took them in when no one else did. You can be a victim of something and still make other victims, You can be both a victim and abuser all wrapped up in one.
Just because you took those children in and yes that was great and extremely generous BUT That doesn't mean those bad or toxic behaviors are excusable and just disappear cuz " I took you in when no one else did"
I completely agree.
EXACTLY!
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
Your commentary on the second story perfectly outlines the reasons I still have problems with relationships with my family.
They were slightly abusive and neglectful which was reasonable at the time since they were overworked to provide for me and my brother.
Which shouldn't make me an ungrateful brat for feeling bad and possibly having trauma caused by the way I was brought up!
Thanks for invalidating the feelings of children of abusive parents because they are "lucky to even have them" 😮💨
Hard agree, RSlash dropped the ball here, hard
Totally agree. Just because it could’ve been worse doesn’t mean it wasn’t still hard and traumatizing
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
Story 3. You say he quietly makes fun of beginners. That's a big problem in these circles. A beginner is someone who is trying something new, don't make fun! Encourage and share tips! Especially in a gym atmosphere. They're trying to better themselves. What's wrong with that person?
They aren’t keeping you from having fun so why take something from them? Just because bf was shouting, doesn’t mean that others didn’t know.
Some fragile people feel a need to put others down to make themselves feel better. Especially when a core aspect of your sense of self is your "naturally superior" gender (like OP's boyfriend with his toxic masculinity). Race, religion, heterosexuality, or financial/social status can sometimes be this core sensitive issue for people too.
Any time there's clear evidence that someone from an "other" group might be this person's equal or better at literally anything, it needs to be immediately dismissed or they've failed their group by failing to uphold the (literally impossible) total superiority standards they've built up for themselves. It's sad, honestly.
As a currently female presenting gamer I can tell you, men in competitive sports/games can get super butthurt if you do better than them. I had a time where me and a couple girl friends played Valorant, and another player, after knowing we’re girls, told us to “do better”, even though he was at the bottom of the leaderboard.
He then tried to impress us with how much he can deadlift and then doxxed himself to the entire lobby but that’s neither here nor there.
100% agree, people advanced in a skill are usually so excited to see people getting into new things. It's such a dick move when they belittle
This is interesting, because I've been climbing for a few years now and I've never seen an athletic community that's more welcoming and encouraging to people of all levels. There's such an insane range of difficulties in climbing that there is almost always somebody right next to you who can climb something you can't even hold onto, so it just seems so pointless to be petty or competitive.
Story 2: I said this on reddit itself and I'll say it here again. Can we PLEASE stop villainizing OP for her very valid, and very poorly directed, anger at her situation. YES, her sister did the absolute best she possibly could have with what she had. BUT, at the same time OP still had to deal with growing up in a very poor and stressful living situation.
NAH, they both had ot hard, OP needs therapy not people judging her for surprise surprise being 17 and being unable to properly direct all this built up resentment of seeing her sister's child experience all the love and care she was never able to receive herself. OP isn't some entitled brat that needs to be put in her place, she's a traumatized child who needs therapy to deal with all these emotions that can only really be directed at their countries shitty situation when it comes to being raised by a sibling.
Just because she could have ended up in an even worse place, doesn't mean what she did have was all sunshine and rainbows.
Dear RSlash I know why your AITA videos get demonitised. A new rule that TH-cam has now states that if you swear in the first 8 seconds of your video you get demonitised. I know it's late but I will be posting until you see this so you can continue to make amazing videos. I have also posted in you discord if you need more info.
He knows and said it in an intro of a previous AITA.
@hiroshi7025 OK thanks for letting me know
👆🏽 💛
Thanks for telling him.
Dude he already knows, please don’t add to the spam
For the first story : there is a second post about it and actually the wife isn"t an evil step mom she just got some very intense anxiety that transformed her since the start of the pregnancy from a joyfull person to someone absolutly afraid by EVERYTHING and she's being help by a therapist and her OBGYN
Story 1 has updates, pregnancy fears are common, wife is getting counseling.
Story 2, OP took the comments to heart and apologized to his sister.
That's horrible. OP was right. She shouldn't apologize her sister was abusive and left her traumatized. Her sister was not a saint and she doesn't get a pass just because she took them in. She was a bad caretaker and OP had the right to call her out and now she's being gaslit into apologizing. F that.
@@l.tc.5032 wdym. She was obviously stressed. Taking care of 3 kids, working low income jobs when you’re 19 by yourself is extremely tough. She still gave them all the basic necessities and she would obviously be stressed from her workload. Providing for the 3 children is hard and she should get a pass. We do not know whether she actually abused the kids. All we know is that she would scold the kids for making mistakes.
@@diel5554 OK. So if my partner provides all my shelter, clothing, and necessities then its ok for them verbally abuse me, right? The thing is while OP's sister was young and didn't have no support, it doesn't excuse the fact that she did things that traumatized OP. Should OP have gone after the sister in the way she did? No. But again, OP's sister was suppose to be TEACHING her how to go about things the right way emotionally. Again, how OP reacted is a reflection on how OP's sister SHOWED OP how to handle things. And given how crazy the whole situation was, it sounds like to me they all should be in therapy to actually get that out in the open and work through that baggage. People are being way too jaded/apathy about this. You can have the best of intentions and still fuck someone up.
@@DAAthren i mean i do see your point 100% but still its a completely different scenario. OP was definitely in the wrong for the way she handled the situation as at that time when her sister took her in, she wasn’t an adult. She was still learning. It isn’t fair to force someone who is still a child to act like an adult in such a short amount of time. Yes 19 cannot really be considered a child but its not old enough to take on the responsibilities a mother has. She didn’t have a choice. It was either abandon her siblings or her own mental health. We should give her a pass because of the context and the situation itself. Was it wrong of her sister to be so harsh? Yes but when u put it in context, any person would react the same way. No one is perfect. You shouldn’t criticise people who sacrificed so much of her life for the benefit of others. And being harsh is different from being verbally abusive. Verbally abusive is when they’re trying to maintain a level of power by tearing down the other or to control someone. OP’s sister wasn’t doing it, she was just lashing out bcos of the stress intake. How can someone provide a loving family when she is having 3 jobs in order to support her household.
@@l.tc.5032If that's the case then lets see if OP can take care od 3 kids with 3 jobs in two years.
story 2:
If it would be abusive or toxic of a romantic partner to treated them the same then its not ok to do at all. At the end of the day that's what's being taught to the kid with how their caregiver treats them. I mention this because bad behaviour is often so normalized as ok until its done by a romantic partner. It's only then are most people able to see it for how wrong it is! It doesn't matter how stress or upset about something someone is it's not ok to take it out on them just because they have a valid reason for feeling the way they do. Lashing out at people and especially very young kids who don't know how else to be treated is WRONG. OP is NTA but everyone else sure is!!!
And then Reddit bullied them into apologizing
@@dimsufferer9951 they are at the lake OP has no right to feel the way that they feel and they are a-holes for that
@@whythehellnot6502 sure jackass
@@dimsufferer9951 Are you alright?
@@whythehellnot6502 are you?
I understand where OP is coming from in the 2nd story. I'm 15 years older than my brother and Mom was basically an entirely different person with him. It wasn't favoritism though. She simply grew up more and having 15 years of parenting experience made more informed choices with him. My brother was disciplined less harshly than me and has a closer relationship with Mom than I do. 🤷🏾♀️ He isn't to blame for that and in therapy I came to understand that Mom was doing her best at the time. OP should see a therapist to discuss their issues because it's probably deeper than what they think they are.
Best answer
Story 2: Totally undeserved butthole score for the kid. OP there was abandoned, brought in by their sister, for a given value of raised.
Was the older sister stressed and busy? Yeah. But raising children doesn't end at 'put food on the table'. Children need love and emotional support during their formative years, and OP, from the sounds of it, got none of that.
Story 2 makes me so sad. OP is still a teen and dealing with some SERIOUS trauma. It’s very common for kids who don’t grow up with gentle parenting to feel jealousy or comment on the difference in upbringing at least once when they see their bio or surrogate parents treating littles differently from how they were in the same situation. It makes sense they had that reaction, even if it isn’t remotely ok.
On the other hand, the sister literally was doing the best she could. She felt obligated to become a single parent to her 3 younger siblings at 19. 19 is an incredibly vulnerable age. Most neglect happens because the caregiver isn’t able to think clearly from financial stress or literally doesn’t know better, and gets corrected with simple parenting tactics or classes. It sounds like she wasn’t given the resources to be receive that. The situation sucks, but I wish the family healing.
Story 2: I get where you're coming from but still OP didn't have a perfect childhood. My parents took care of my basic needs but emotionally I was completely on my own (they also beat me, so). As an adult I'm able to see that my mother's behavior (always blowing up over the smallest things, being strict and overall abusive) was due to her own traumas that she never worked through, then having four kids with an alcoholic husband. Does it make it right though? Hell no. I was jealous too seeing my mother play with other kids while all I ever got was screaming. OP didn't even start a fight, they just asked "what's up with that?". Sacrificing her dreams doesn't automatically mean she was a good guardian, no matter how harsh that sounds. I hope they were able to talk it through with each other
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
I once looked after a great dane and I can confirm that they're basically gentle giants wouldn't hurt a fly. Deffo microchip him just in case sounds like her pregnancy is bringing out some nasty traits
It's apparently a hormonal thing, common with pregnant women. Update says they're working through it.
My cousin died at 3 months because her mom's Great Dane jumped up on the bed and crushed her. A dog that large is *NOT* harmless, no matter how gentle they are
@@jariccacierra8445 that's sad to hear. Just from my experience such events are so few and far between to warrant them being dangerous around babies
@@shadowmewfred09 I had a 4 month old puppy attacked by a great Dane.
I think the better take for this story is that OP started training the dog from the moment he and his sin got it to make sure they wouldn't have potential problems as they got older and larger.
A lot of people will usually with larger dogs to train them early because a larger dog no matter the personality can hurt someone easily. But is also why smaller dogs get a bad reputation because they won't see or realize a dog is a dog weather it's 5lbs or 500lbs.
Great Danes can be gentle giants but can also be anxious and prey driven and should have training young to help either curve or stop negative behaviors before something happens.
2nd story: I think rslash is overly harsh here. Yeah it was not cool of OP to bring up the topic and yes the sister was more stressed out back than then now, still he is judging OPs additude and the sister action against his worst assumptions about foster care and the situation of the sister. I would say *both* should apologize, the sister for loosing here temper when OP was a child (from the post it sounded like it happend _more then once,_ in fact it sounded like it happend regularily) and OP for causing a scene.
In the last story, if OP told his wife that she could sleep on the floor then, he would end up sleeping on the couch at home forever. He would never hear the end of it. That is a loose - lose situation. I feel sorry for him.
Honestly his wife sounds like a bitch and I hope this is experience is a catalyst for divorce. I have a feeling OP and his daughter will be much happier and better off without her and the spoiled brats.
I don't, he needs to prioritize his kid. If that's what they're doing to her in front of him who knows what's going on behind his back
@@radhiadeedou8286 if that’s the case, which I believe you are correct, I hope OP manages to have father daughter time and find out more about what is said and done behind his back.
He married very badly
7:41 I disagree with you. Yes, being with his sister was better than ending up in the foster system, but it's understandable that he'd feel jealous watching children be nurtured gently by someone who wasn't as nurturing to him.
Story 2: RSlash, no, that idea that you can’t have problems because you managed to dodge the worst of childhood is so toxic and wrong. Where does the bottom end? “You should be thankful your dad only hit you and didn’t kill you like some people!” No! It’s perfectly reasonable to be jealous about not having the upbringing you wanted. OP deserves 1/5 at MOST for calling this out out of jealousy instead of going to therapy over it.
I think rslash deserves 2 out of 5 a-holes for downplaying OP’s trauma
@@sailorstar3148 agreed
I'm not sure what Rslash was on with this take, but I am *extremely* offput by how immediately and scathingly he threw this actual kid under the bus. "You're an ungrateful brat, look at everything I've done for you" is the *exact* sort of phrase I heard when I was angry about being left with a relative who would literally whip my bare legs with a tree branch for having my feet on the couch, tell me I was going to hell and imply I had incestuous feelings for my younger brother.
I don't know what all the OP of that story experienced, whether it begins or ends at being yelled at a lot. But holy hell, that rubbed me the wrong way. Especially because verbal abuse rarely stops at being verbal. I don't think enough people realize that a parent/guardian can try their best AND still be horrible and traumatize their kid. Those aren't conflicting statements.
Implying that people have to forgive abusive behavior just because the one inflicting it weawwy weawwy twied their hardest is.... pretty despicable.
yeah, he says "you should be thankful she took you in" like...they were a child? they don't owe her anything, they had zero say in that matter and it's not their fault, it has some major "i feed you and clothe you which is the bare minimum, so you owe me" vibes
@@jasperjazzie This!
And the whole 'you wouldn't have had a happy childhood if sister didn't take you in!'
Uh, rSlash, the point is that OP didn't have a happy childhood living with sister. Was OP better off with sister than in the system? Probably, but kids don't have that frame of reference. Also, others have pointed out, toxic is toxic. Just because someone had it worse, or something else might have been worse, that fails to negate the fact that what OP had was objectively bad.
Nah screw the second story, even with limited resources it still doesn't change the fact that she could be caring and nurturing
It isn't easy growing up with emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive parent or guardians, then seeing them treat your siblings or niblings better. I had to & am still going through that. I've even confronted my mother on this matter, telling her she is a good & amazing mother to my siblings, but she never was to me & she dismisses me every time saying that I actually had it better than my siblings, but I didn't. My mom is always there for them, always goes to their events, their school functions, her door is open for them, everything a good parent should do for their children. I never had that. I was hit, I was yelled & screamed at, told to be grateful, because I had food & a roof, asked why I was crying & told I would be given something to really cry about. My mother once threaten to punch me until all my teeth fell out when I 12 for speaking out about her abuse & for saying I wanted to self-delete. I'm jealous of my siblings & I try my best not to let that get in the way of how much I love them. RSlash must've had an amazing childhood if he doesn't understand what it's like to grow up like this.
With the way your sister treated y'all I can imagine why you're bitter but at the same time she didn't have to take you when she could have left you to rot in the Foster system
Good intentions is not equal to doing it right, You can do it for all the right reasons and still fucked it up, she did what she could and she fucked up here and there, and now she have to live with it, like everyone else in life, intentions are not equal to results.
Or even if OP had wonderful consistent foster parents he/she would likely be separated from siblings.
@@rene280195 the sister was 19, 2 years older than op and working 3 jobs. She did her best. Her best at the moment was not ideal, but being salty because she is doing better now for her kids is just incredible selfish and entitled.
@@vidal9747 OP was 4 when she took them in, not 17.
@@vidal9747 she is comparing her pas trauma with the current situation and Yea that's salty and petty but most humans are salty and petty, she was mistreated due to circunstance but that engrave in your mind, childhood trauma stay with You for life if You don't treat it, and obviously op haven't treat it, but even if she did, that doesn't absolve the sister for mistreating and naybe abusing her siblings, again Good Intentions are not equal to good results, I can do my best to heal a Gun wounded guy but if I'm not a surgeon I'm gonna make mistakes, one thing don't cancel the other.
When You grown up and begain undertanding your parents You start seeing the flaws, the mistakes and the errors that ignorance and lack of knowledge makes You do, that doesn't mean You don't love your parents or your parents doesn't love You, it means You are leaening from everybody's experience, and as a parent You need to see those mistake and learn from ir but admit that You fucked up, even if it was not your intention, everybody fucked up, that's how life works and that's how generation after generation we raise better children with less trauma, but if You shield yourself behind a "Good Intentions is All that matters so I recognize none error" then You don't grow and just denied reallity
Op just showed that he won't allow the girls to abuse each other. He's a good dad.
Second Story: just because someone did their very best, against all odds, doesn't mean that what they did wasn't still a fail. That's life: sometimes your best stick sucks. The older sister should've said something to the younger siblings, like, "sorry I wasn't nicer to you guys the way I am to my own kids. Even though I tried my best, I should still have done better".
If the OP was emotionally neglected by her sister, it's okay to feel like she missed out. And at 17 it's probably difficult for her to have enough perspective to understand that while being raised by her sister caused her problems, her sister did the best she could and doesn't need to be called out or punished. Childhood emotional neglect is a difficult problem, because the caregiver doesn't neglect their physical needs, doesn't hurt them, and doesn't do anything bad. It makes it difficult for the child to identify the problem and for others to believe why the child is resentful or criticizing their upbringing.
I'm just putting this out there: Last time an OP's partner cried foul over a pet, It was because it ruined a fanfiction she was writing and she tried lying about it at 1st
???? how does that even happen?
I think I remember
The cat ruined the fanfic then the partner started lying to op about how the cat keeps her up at night and then got rid of it behind ops back when he refused
He was contemplating divorce in pretty sure
Correct me if I'm wrong
@@damagedcanofbeans yep. That's the one
@@damagedcanofbeans yes that is correct, and that is why you use either auto save and manually save twice a day
Yeah but in this case it was actually later confirmed by a doctor that it's just a common fear that happens during pregnancy and the wife is now seeking help for her anxiety! (OP posted an update that rslash didn't include)
For the story with the sister taking in 3 kids: My dad and I had a strained relationship while I was growing up. He would yell and scream and be disappointed in me all the time. The biggest factor of why was my mother and the way she put a shit ton of stress on him. After they divorced and as the years went on, my dad had a second daughter, my little sister. He was completely different with her in almost every way. He was sweet, not nearly as much upset about little things, etc. For awhile, I can't lie that I was a bit envious and jealous of what my little sister got that I never had. However, the jealousy quickly turned to me being proud of my dad, and happy for my sister for getting to have a great relationship with my dad. It's okay to be envious/jealous of things, but recognizing it and being able to move on from it is super important, too.
Last story: Did the mom really just say "You're playing favourites, she couldve just slept on the floor" as if she isn't playing favourites in that sentence?
final story: my bet is candace put the stepdaughters up to it, and that’s why they were being so cagey about the reason and why they immediately called her upon something being done.
I just wanted to share another point of view on the 2nd story that's a bit more nuanced.
I want to preface this by saying that I'm writing this comment from the perspective of someone who has been in both situations, both in the role of the OP and in the role of OP's sister. I was simultaneously a caretaker at a very young age, 9 years old to be more precise, and, as you can tell by how young I was when I had to start taking care of an infant and other toddlers, you can see that I was also the wronged child. So, I kind of have better insight on what it's like to take care of children, while also being a mistreated child.
I can tell from the way that OP wrote their post that they're already aware of what their sister went through when she took on the role of being their guardian, and that already tells me that they're grateful for what she did. So, I know that, while OP may appreciate and love their sister, they're still hurting because of what happened.
In fact, the things that OP described can really affect someone's mental health in the long run, and it's obvious that it has affected them deeply, rightfully so. No one should grow up feeling like they're walking on egg shells. It's a very stressful way to live. And they never asked for any of that to happen, none of them did, it was an unfortunate situation for all of them.
Like I said, I was also in the position of the sister, so I personally know just how difficult it is to take care of children, while also being completely overworked and overwhelmed, and I know that it only gets more difficult and frustrating as the kids grow up. However, I always treated those children with gentleness and kindness, because I wanted to give them the ideal childhood that I couldn't have. But I can understand why OP's sister might have cracked under pressure. I'm sure that she did the best she could, really the best she knew at the time. But she still did OP wrong in the way she ended up treating them.
What I'm saying is that two things can be true at the same time. She sacrificed a lot for all of them, but she also did wrong them. No one is to blame but the unfairness of the situation they were in.
So, really, my opinion is that no one is in the wrong. They just need to communicate and come to terms with what happened.
For the second story, 3/5 is too high. 1 at most. It's clear there's a lot of pain and anger behind her words, and OP felt robbed of the love that their sister is showing her kids now.
I read an update where she apologized and they talked. I'm glad they didn't let the pain separate them.
Even though OP's sister wasn't a saint, what she did at age 19 was absolutely amazing and she deserves so much credit. She messed up so much, but she never let her siblings starve or be without necessities.
Her gentle parenting is clearly her trying to do better than before. OP deserved more love, but the sister was 19, with three jobs. She tried. And at least she managed to keep them out of Foster Care.
I do kinda feel bad tho for the 2nd OP. Big sis didn't exactly treat them the best over small things that kids normally do. I understand that her older sister was stressed and she didn't have to take in her younger siblings but uh... She didn't have to scream at her younger sibs over something that she should've expected they would do. They were kids. While the sister can be deemed a saint for taking in her little siblings she can't be deemed a saint for how she parented. (I'm aware she wasn't their parent but that's the role she accepted when she took them in.)
On top of giving shelter and food, the basic necessities, little kids also need a safe emotional environment. However, there's only so much one person can do.
That's my personal opinion though.
Story 1, you missed the update. This is not a selfish situation but a pregnancy fear drive. Pregnancy can lead to some women experiencing irrational fear over things they previously did not. The update went on to show that the OP and how wife eventually trialed a dog training system, where OP's son would train the dog to see babies as owners and something to respect. They did that by controlled exposure to a family friends baby, all supervised if anything did go wrong. That fear from the mother then subsided and they lived a normal life together from then on.
It's interesting to me that in the 2nd story, everyone responds to OOP with "but she saved you from foster care, be grateful" but if they were biologically their sister's child, everyone would be on their side saying that the sister shouldn't have ever taken her stress out on a child and that it's obvious the youngest child is the golden/favorite child. Taking someone in so they don't go into foster care does not give you the right to mistreat them, no matter how many jobs you're working or how stressed out you are. And yes, screaming at a 4 year old over accidents like spilled milk and saying things like "don't you know how hard i work for this, how can you be so careless, blah blah blah" when that child can barely understand the difference between good and bad behavior is absolutely mistreating them.
NAH for the second story. Sister obviously worked very hard, but I can also imagine how hard that could be to see your caretaker being much more loving and gentle than they were to you.
Story 2: Yes, the sister did a great thing in talking care of her three siblings. Yes, she certainly felt stress over providing for them and not having time to do basically anything. But you know what costs nothing and requires no time? Not yelling at children.
When you have to work three jobs to raise 3 children at 19 you can talk. It's not as cut and dry as 'don't yell'. People who are at their physical and mental end don't do things rationally, it's perfectly understandable to see someone in her situation act the way she did.
I think the the OP of story 2 deserves a more gentle "yeah, you're kind of the a hole, but it makes sense"
Like, childhood is a sensitive time, kids do suffer when they're in an environment where they're treated harshly for small mistakes, and since experiences at that time become so psychologically foundational, it's going to leave a mark that needs working through. I understand the impulse to want to acknowledge it to their sister! But the way they went about it does suck and feel almost like it could be interpreted as them being jealous of their sister's kid for growing up in better circumstances
Just like how the sister's messy parenting is understandable in context, maybe OP's messy attempts to acknowledge their emotional baggage about their childhood is too? Maybe life can just suck and be painful, and good people can hurt each other, and useful commentary on those kinds of situations is beyond the scope of this TH-cam channel's content...
Okay so, story 2: I have a bit of personal experience with this.
The sister tried her best, she got very stressed and rightly so, she was a kid caring for kids. I'll bet she took decisions like what will she eat, or will I take the bus to work or walk so that her siblings could have enough.
The sister is great.
BUT. As r/slash has said before. Neglect is abuse. And the sister did, by the sounds of it, neglect the siblings. Yes she didn't mean to, but the fact is it happened and you can't change the past.
Seeing someone have something you wish you could've have, that jealously, is an awful feeling but it burns inside you. It gets easier but it burns.
It's true she did try her best, but he's hurting. They both did something wrong here and they're both not to blame.
Hopefully next time they can talk about it all in a more private place, perhaps family counselling or something. But they should really talk about it, it's just gonna fester and blow up just like it did before otherwise.
I feel like a jerk giving OP in a-hole score cause I feel like I will be invalidating how their feelings. But if you ask me the real, a-hole in the story is the mother who abandon her children.
@sailorstar3148 well yeah, she obviously would get 5/5 Aholes. But if I didn't make it clear, both siblings get Ahole scores, but they have valid reasons for being Aholes, it might not be right or fair. But it's true.
Some people agree with me, some don't.
putting aside rslash's victim-blamey, be-grateful-cause-you-could-have-had-it-worse attitude, coming out of an abusive situation (because thats plainly what it was), you're going to be feeling very hurt, vulnerable, and emotionally raw. as a kid who grew up with abusive parents myself, my voice was always drowned by other adults telling me "be grateful that you get sent to a nice school, be grateful we can afford toys, grateful this, grateful that". yknow what that told me? my pain didn't matter, and there's no point in talking to anyone about it, because that's the reaction i get. years down the line, when i tell other members of my family that my parents were abusive, and on minimal contact, they get so shocked! why didn't you say anything before? why are we only hearing about this now!
I did tell you! But you never listened! can you imagine how angry i'd be? and anger that comes from a place of hurt is raw, overwhelming and can feel uncontrollable, so i can't blame op for exploding at his sister like that, especially being as young as 17! the fact of the matter is yes, while the sister busted her ass to make sure op and his brothers had shelter and food and toys, that doesn't erase the fact that op felt incredibly hurt seeing his sister treat other children with kindness, and what needs to happen is that op, his sister and the brother need to sit down with a family counsellor/therapist, and have a discussion about how while the actions that were taken in the past were necessary, they were also hurtful. the sister should acknowledge her treatment of them caused hurt, and op should recognise that (while justificed), his outburst wasn't the best way to air out that laundry. they're not mutually exclusive but its the best way forward for repairing everyones relationship. hope this makes sense
I strongly agree.
No op is ungrateful and bratty. His sister was in the situation of being abused by their parents for years before she got custody of her siblings and lost a long term relationship because of it. She literally gave up her life to raise her siblings and now op is being toxic because she's happier and less stressed. If you think she was abusing her siblings that she took in when she was barely an adult you're delusional
I ain't reading allat
@@milesmorales3377 and yet you took the time to say it
@@caitbee18 she wasn’t abusing them *intentionally* . That doesn’t mean it wasn’t still abuse. And yes, the sister is a victim too. But she can be the victim *and* the unintentional abuser at the same time. Trauma is more complicated than that.
First story: you didn't read the update. It turned out the wife has an anxiety disorder. It was an irrational fear, but it was very real to her. She's getting treatment and they're keeping the dog.
It didn’t exist yet, that is why he read best of Redditor updates
@@Ked7 however even then he forgets some updates. Example the story where OPs brother makes up a relative in order to convince his wife to name daughter Stephanie. RSLASH completely omitted the updates that he wanted his children to be named after Robins from Batman
@@Ked7 It didn't need an update, it was obvious from the original post that it was anxiety.
Story 2:
At the same time everyone sucks and no one sucks.
This family needs to learn how to talk about feelings. Of course the older sister was stressed. Taking care of 3 kids while working 3 jobs at 19 yo isn’t easy. Her behavior is understandable. She wasn’t mean because she wanted to, she was just trying to deal with it all.
BUT
At the same time OPs feelings are valid too. They were a child whose only parent they knew was the sister. Of course they craved attention of a loving and kind parent. Of course it created some trauma. And of course they would be upset by seeing their sister (who was basically their mom) treat her biological child the way they wish they were treated.
The fact is, everyone’s feelings are valid. Sister didn’t do an amazing job, but she has reason to do so and she did her best to raise kids she didn’t need to. But OPs feelings towards their childhood are also valid, after all you only get one childhood.
I feel like the people that are calling OP the a-hole are invalidating their feelings
Story 1 I heard this one before. Im so glad op stood by his son.
I’m so glad people mentioned the update for story 1. I had antenatal depression and anxiety when I got pregnant and it was BAADDD! I even considered terminating my IVF, trying for almost 4 years, desperately wanted pregnancy. I had completely lost myself and was not right for quite a while. I’m just glad that OP was told to research her reaction and got her the help she really needed. I’m also glad that they didn’t get rid of the dog.
First story, there's actually been several updates. It's the pregnancy screwing with the wife and apparently it's a normal thing to get paranoid about pets out of nowhere. They're getting the wife therapy to help and training the dog more so as to keep the upcoming baby out of danger. So it seems like it may work out for the better everyone.
Second story, OP is definitely TA for calling out her sister like that. Her sister was busting her ass to keep her siblings out of the streets for over a decade by herself, with three jobs. Yeah, her sister being snappy sucks but considering the circumstances?
Third story, that was a much needed shot to the nads of the BF's ego. As well as getting some red flags that OP should take note of and take as a sign to leave him.
Fourth story, the wife is being a hypocrite and OP is NTA. Candace is playing favorites by putting her daughters above OPs daughter.
Second story: OP is only TA in how she handled this. Just because the sister busted her ass doesn’t negate OP’s feelings about how she was treated. She was four when her sister was raising her, and if she can clearly remember an incident where she was yelled at for an accident, it clearly traumatized her. But there are more productive ways to go about it, with therapy for one. NAH
@@Tustin2121 nah dude she is still ta. No matter what it doesn't excuse the fact that she acted that way. She is 17 and more than mature enough to understand what's right and wrong.
@@soothingstationW - I wanna know what 17 year olds you know. “Mature” is the last word I’d use, what with puberty and a still-developing brain. Especially when trauma is involved. This isn’t some cut and dry situation, this is “years of therapy” things we’re talking about here.
Love how the last story had the stepmom saying “stop spoiling your daughter, who is mourning” yet is the one who is enabling her own daughters’ selfish spoiled attitudes abusing her mourning stepdaughter. People like that give stepfamilies a bad name
Story 2 certainly has more nuance than "bad guy" and "good guy" ops sister definitely did the best she could with what she was given and I applaud her for that but that doesn't change the fact that op probably didn't feel loved going so many of your developmental years without love is (in my opinion) almost as bad as having to support 3 children to take care of at 19. This is a story of two people so damaged by what happened to them that they ended up hurting each other.
Second Story: so i personally feel like rslash is giving the sister like way more slack that she deserves because she did a nice thing. While yes it’s amazing she took in her siblings, raised them, and supported them financially, that doesn’t excuse taking the stress that she was under out on the kids for a situation that is completely outta their control. I feel like no one is seeing that and excusing it because “sister did nice thing therefore she can do no wrong” this story is a lot more nuanced than it looks and rslash needs to give the op some slack. Op has a right to feel the way op feels but they could of handled it better than in the way that they did.
There are no a-holes in this story, both are dealing with their own shape of trauma.
Parentification is a real thing. She was too young to be placed in that role, she sacrificed her youth for her brothers and that is something admirable. I'm surprised she didn't end up hating them, which I've seen happening before.
But, so is emotional neglect/abuse, no child should be screamed at for those things. We all know how much that can mess up a child.
The thing is, they both grew up. She's actually prepared to be a parent, without the pressure she went through before. I can bet that the sister regrets a lot of things with how she acted with the brothers that time. Now to OP himself, he's 17 and at that age, people start to see their caretakers as who they are- flawed humans, just like them. He is valid in his hurt, but the way he handled it wasn't right.
In the end, they're both just hurt people, and I'm glad they could talk
I feel like rSlash needed to cut a OP some slack too I feel like he’s in validating OP feelings.
The 2nd story. Before hearing R/slash's opinion.
The sister did an amazing thing by taking in her brothers. She worked hard to make sure her brothers didn't go hungry. It doesn't make it okay but she was probably extremely stressed about everything - especially with money - from having to be a mother to her brothers. She's clearly recognized that before having her own children and decided she would raise them better by "jumping on the gentle parenting trend".
Why would OP want his nieces and nethpews to suffer the way he did? That is so selfish. OP should be happy that his sister is changed and is treating her children kinder.
That said he also has every right to be mad about he was treated. The correct way to move forward would be for the sister to verbally admit her wrong-doings to OP, apologise and explain that her treating her children kinder is her realsing that she was wrong.
No one ever said OP wants to their nieces and nephews to be raised like them, they wanted to be raised like their nieces and nephews are being raised
3:28 dude phobias are a thing and being afraid of something happening to your unborn child is very real
High five story: I've said it before, and I'll say it again: sometimes being a good and supportive partner is telling your partner they're wrong and letting them learn that lesson.
You don't just vack up your partner no matter how wrong or unreasonable they are. Support means making sure they do the right thing.
Of all the "safe" variants you've tried, "am I the bad guy?" Is my favourite.
Story 4 nta I heard this one as well. This is divorce worthy.
RE: Story 2. I have to say I only partially agree with what you said here. The 19 y/o sister did not have to apply for custody and did work 3 jobs to support her younger siblings. That is a LOT of responsibility and stress for anyone, especially a 19 y/o. I also agree the sister likely did the best she could- at least in terms of taking them in and providing for their physical needs.
That being said, it is no excuse for her to be emotionally abusive over minor little accidents that literally all children have when growing up, such as spilling their drink. I feel OP is in the right in calling her out, as she did not display the emotional maturity needed to essentially be a parent. Again, I agree she was under a great deal of stress, but there are so many FREE ways to manage stress. Even something simple as a daily 5 minute breathing meditation helps a great deal. Likewise, her own overreactions were probably increasing her stress levels, as they were likely triggering her fight or flight response.
Continuing, OP might be 17 at the time of this posting, but we have no indication on how old s/he was during the time when the situation discussed took place. The way OP stated that they received harsh treatment when they were "just a child" indicated an implied 'now' before the '(17)' which leaves me to believe they were closer to the younger ages of the brothers mentioned. If OP indeed was around the same ages as their siblings, that is a LOT to bear as a young child. Not every child reacts to that type of treatment in the same manner. Some- and this is very common in cases of abuse- cling to the adult and stick up for them no matter what. This is done- unconsciously- to curry favor in the- again unconscious- hope to be treated better.
I think what is needed here is honest family conversation, or better, family therapy OP has valid concerns, but so do the others involved. Family therapy would allow everyone to state their feelings to each other with an impartial mediator who can allow everyone to understand the points of view of the others involved. This would go a long way to restoring peace to the family without ostracizing a single member.
Story 2: Why would you think it’s ok to give an abuser, a stressed abuser but an abuser nonetheless, 0/5 bad guys? Did you not actually read the story? I know RSlash has a terrible habit of picking at up pieces of a story as he reads and then not really comprehending the rest but come on? A “saint”? NO, she chose to take in those kids then constantly threw a bitch fit over them being kids!
7:14 op isn't the bad guy for feeling that way it's a vaild reaction... but they do need to apologize and talk thing out with their sister... 19 is far too young to properly raise children, and she properly regrets how she raised them... a little grace and gratitude will go a long way
Oh my crap that second story really got me. I'm the oldest of several kids, and when my dad left I had to step up to take care of my younger siblings while my mom struggled to find work. It's rough because I have to all the housework, as well as working full time, plus I'm trying to go back to school. I really feel for that woman, especially having to raise her siblings with *no* parents around? Holy cow, I could never.
yikes.
as the child of an abusive and neglectful mother, hearing you call the neglectful and abusive sister a saint really hurt.
Okay but I kinda identify with story 2, I hold so much resentment at my mother, granted op said they never went without, but let me tell you.
My mom neglected me, at 17 I asked her to make me a dentist appt she made excuses all year until I was 18 and could make it myself. She's gotten frustrated at my panic attacks and has just grabs my hair and shook me during one.
And now when I see my mom play with my brothers kids, her grandkids, I get so upset, like why couldn't you make time for us like that, why didn't you say you loved us this often, why didn't you hug us more.
It's really hard to watch, I usually leave the living room when they play cause I know the kids deserve grandma, but it's just to hard to see kids get the part of my mom that I wish I got.
I feel like we can most agree that seeing a caretaker treat someone different can be triggering, like possibly Op has some issues surrounding that and spoke on it, which I would say therapy, but also I might be projecting a lil to much lol
Story 2: Everybody sucks in my opinion. The sister should've been a better Guardian when she was 19, but also she didn't need to be called out like that in front of everyone.
If OP really wanted an answer for that they should've calmly asked it in private.
Story 2: its normal to feel jealous and upset that your mother figure raised you differently than your niece/nephew but op's gotta understand just how much stress her sister was under and how inexperienced she was. She got in a better situation and took the lessons learned from raising op and applied it to her new child. You're not an asshole for feeling how you do but you are for bringing it up with her infront of your family instead of privately sorting that stuff out. Be grateful you even have a family because you came close to hell.
Yes and she can only be forgiven because she is the sister, but imagine if it was a 19 year old woman raising her own kids in that manner. Would you still fault a person who is angry at their mother because she raised them in a stressful environment and is a better mother to their younger sibling? Would you say a person can be forgiven for being abusive because she was too young to know how to be a mother?
@J.J.Juggernaut the problem here is didn't ever abuse them. She got upset if they broke things and lectured them but op makes it clear she was never verbally or physically abused. So yes if it was a bio parent who's working 3 jobs, alone, and poor then she deserves some slack.
On top of that this is clearly just OPs view since her sister wasn't "sweet enough" as both her siblings don't see it the same way. At the same time if someone being stressed and not showing enough empathy when your kids damage and break things then there are many families that are this way by default as a parenting style.
All in all op is sour that her sister is taking a new route on parenting for her bio kid because she suddenly became a mom of 3 out of no where and never had time to learn to be a parent. Now she's learned and she's doing her best to be a good mother.
@YoYoNova But the older sister took on the responsibility. That means she had to have gone to court to get custody of those three kids. MEANING the stress and other bad things she went through? She VOLUNTARILY did that. A nineteen year old just doesn't suddenly become guardian to three younger siblings. That's something a court has to decide if she's CAPABLE of it. Kids usually go to older family members because of experience and the like which leads me to believe the oldest sister had to go to court to prove she could do it. THAT'S why she shouldn't be upset at being called out. A child needs a LOVING environment. If you get yelled at for an ACCIDENT all the child sees is everything they do is wrong. I don't think the sister didn't like being cared for. The problem here is the older sister is being a hypocrite for harshly screaming at her siblings for spilling milk while her own kids it was "It's alright. Let me help you clean this up and gently teach you a lesson." The siblings needed that kind of care too. It's not about her having been 19 and taking on three kids. That's great she loved her siblings! However, the youngest has been FOUR? Pardon me you don't scream at a four year old for an accident. That could traumatize them and teach them to walk on eggshells around their sister. See where I'm getting at? Again, the big sister was sweet for taking on the responsibility of caring for her siblings but even they need a loving touch too.
@@Riounka THIS. This is the most sensible comment I have seen so far. Everything Op said about her sister reminded me of my own mother and you're right. It is damaging. Now as an adult I'm so insecure about my clumsiness. I walk on eggshells to avoid spilling things, knocking things over or breaking things. If I do, I'm crying nonstop and apologizing again and again. It takes a good 15 minutes of holding me and rubbing my head for my boyfriend to calm me down.
@@mrarroyo1990 Screaming her head of because of spilled liquids and broken items IS abuse, and as someone with a mother like that, I think I know what I am saying. She did not have to heat him for it to be considered as abuse and OP did not have to write down every single instance of their sister acting this way. Because OP feels neglected, it is not hard to put 2 and 2 together. People don't just randomly feel bitter for nothing.
I made a joke about evil stepmoms once and my brother got mad at me. It took me a moment to remember our mom is his stepmom technically since he was never treated differently at all and he's just my brother and that's OUR mom.
In regards to the sister raising her siblings. 2 things can be true simultaneously. It can be true that it was extremely selfless and stressful for the sister to raise them and that how she handled it the best she could at the time. AND the siblings also get to be resentful that they weren't handled more lovingly. Every kid deserves to be nurtured and not simply kept. You're allowed to be both thankful that your situation wasn't worse and grieve that it wasn't better. OP definitely should not have called her out in public like that, but processed their feelings and maybe brought it up with the sister in private to help get it out in the open.
I heard Story 4 from another channel, and there is an extra bit of information. “Candace” was the one who arranged the rooms. So this is bigger evidence of the 3 ladies being Cinderella’s stepfamily because this could have been a plan from the start.
Thanks I was wondering Why you would put 3 girls in a 1 bed room when doubles are not much more.
Says the woman who's half sister's made me sleep on the floor. Still Angry.
@lifewuzonceezr even if they got two smaller beds, I bet theyd put one step sister for each and still the other child goes on the floor because "why does she get her own bed when we step sisters have to share? It's better for everyone to sleep alone so she should still sleep on the floor." Would have turned out the same I feel like. Maybe not but, that's how it's sounding :/
Candace deserves more score for enabling entitled behavior in her daughters, not supporting husband and showing favoritism
The girl raised by her sister is 100% okay to feel the way she does!! Watching her primary caregiver freely give her biological child the love and nurturing OP craved and deserved. Of course OP is going to feel confusion and hurt! 17 is still a kid, not a 30 year old. OP sees what she always deserved but was repeatedly denied. Just because she was taken in does not excuse the fact the situation was shitty and OP bears scars from it, many from the sister. They all bear scars.
My grandparents took me in when I was almost 6 and they required I always show gratitude or I was called ungrateful and reminded they didn't have to take me in. People would say how wonderful my grandparents were for taking me in. I was treated like a lodestone and told to be glad for it.
It's true they didn't have to, but that doesn't excuse the bad things they did. Making someone feel bad for the truth of their shitty childhood is absolutely NOT okay. Part of parenting is apologizing, recognizing and owning your mistakes. Blame shifting is cruel.
Op could be like the mom from Everybody Hates Chris.
"I don't need this my sister have 3 jobs"
The first story has an update. Apparently anxiety like that is common during pregnancy, the wife is seeing a therapist and agreed to keep the dog
I mean the stepkids wouldn't be so upset if they hadn't forced their sister to sleep on the floor
If I was evil, which I am, I would take away stepdaughters beds and make them sleep on the floor with only a sleeping bag until they sincerely apologize
@@lorilancaster5917 Judge Cicconetti, is that you? 😆
@@mostar1219 my apologies but who is that?
@@lorilancaster5917 This judge that comes up with punishments that definitely fit the crime. I think hes retired
As a woman who had to get rid of my own beloved dog when I was pregnant due to the anxiety it gave me. She was very well trained and had never harmed me but pregnancy hormones had me jumping out of my skin when she barked. My sister took her in until I delivered and it went away.
Oh, I read that report! I think about it so often when I hear these stories (or experience it myself). I'm glad rSlash included it in this video, because that's DEFINITELY what was happening.
The 2nd story OP needs therapy. I really really think his struggles are related to his trauma.
*her
The climbing girl should dump the boyfriend quickly, he is going to be nothing but pain for her.
Last story, ok, sometimes, when my family shared a hotel room, one or two of us slept on the floor if there wasn't enough space in the beds, hence why we brought air mattresses or sleeping bags. In that case we gave people like my dad and grandma bed priority because Dad has back problems and grandma can't walk without assistance. Most of the time it would be me and or my brother on the floor because we could handle it and it would feel like a slumber party. Even so, it's always something we talk about together and not forcing one particular person to sleep on the floor. The stepsisters were clearly singling her out and the wife was the one playing favorites.
In the last story I would seriously look at whether or not the daughter is being abused when you're not present.
So for the mistreatment or entitlement portion (story 2). Childhood trauma is real and it does not go away when you grow up and it is caused by your caretaker being cold and mean and being overly stressed. You shouldn't discount someone's experience just because their caretaker took them in. The fact that your caretaker took you in when you needed to be taken care of does not negate childhood trauma. When you're being raised, everything matters. You've taken the side of people that were raised the same way by their actual mothers and then got upset later when they saw their mothers treat their future children better, which is also messed up because parenting isn't an exact science and nobody should blame their parents caretakers for becoming better people. You can't always make up for what you lacked in the past but you can always get better and try to do better in the future. Neither people in that story are the bad guy. OP has a right to be upset when he sees a new child being raised better than they were by their caretaker. When you take in a child, you become that child's parent PERIOD. Everything you do influences who they become later. It doesn't matter how young you are. In their eyes of a small child, you're the adult in there life. I'm not saying she should be vilified for not doing great when she was 19, I'm just saying you shouldn't trash on another person for holding onto childhood trauma into their adulthood. That stuff doesn't go away and it takes a lot of therapy to get through it and try to develop good relationships with the people that did the damage, even if they didn't mean or want to do the damage, and not everyone knows that they need therapy. Most people don't know they need therapy. It's a process.
First story: OP is NTA, nor is the wife personally speaking. She's running on pregnancy hormones which can cause extreme emotions of anxiety that can overlook logical thought sometimes. There are other solutions, but it will take some creativity based on what OP can do.
There are updates to this story. Op and son are babysitting a coworker's babyand a neighbor's baby to help train the dog to be able to be around babies in safely and the wife is getting help for her fears of dogs wich stems dreams and hormones from the pregnancy
Sister: NTA. It 100% _is_ unfair that OP never got the gentleness that she _deserved_ from her mother-figure. Sister was an absolutely terrible parent, and deserved to be called out on it. It is never entitlement for a child to want gentleness and affection from a parental figure. *_NEVER._*
2nd story -- actually, the sister *did* fuck up. I do think she needs to apologize for it. My own mother pulled this shit with me when she had every option on the table. She didn't need to have me, she considered abortion and adoption; she had access to abortion and had a relative who would have adopted me and was in a financial and emotional position to do so. She chose to have me and keep me.. and chose to abuse me.
If the sister didn't think she could handle the responsibility, she wasn't obligated to care for them. She could have stepped down. Parenthood is, more often than not, a choice. There is NO excuse to use a child as your outlet for your anger. Not even being worked to the bone by three jobs. They did nothing to deserve that. Why should you get to berate a FOUR YEAR OLD for an ACCIDENT? I can tell you from experience, I have not forgotten a single awful thing that was said to me from age 2+. It's emotionally scarring, to the point that I have C-PTSD. OP seems like she has trauma from it as well, as it's clearly been enough to bother her for over a decade.
The only thing the sister did right here is learn to do better with her own kids. But she still hasn't made it right with OP or her brothers for how she treated them.
So you are 100% okay with letting these three kids enter the foster care system where they will be disadvantaged and separated from one another? Also are we forgetting that the sister *IS* human. Three jobs, 19 years old, no parental figures, no familial safety net, and a partner that (understandably) left. This is going to stress anyone out. This is going to reflect on the person. It is insane to believe otherwise
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd your realizing that what your saying is conflicting your own statement right? She shouldn’t have been parenting 3 kids. The foster system isn’t always a bad thing. Her sister also mentally abused her so
@@Marigoldmoo Yeah cause the foster care system could be either good or bad depending on where you look
Story 3:
What you were talking about in the post story talk is something I've seen a lot first hand in recent weeks. I've recently gotten into Valorant with some friends, we normally play unrated and just talk to random people on our team see how their days have been (theres 3 of us all teenage boys, feel kind of central to my point kind of not) we had a couple days of chill people and chill games. After we saw our elo increase to a more intermediate level we had a surprising amount of girls around our age telling us they'd been crying in the match before because people had been being sexist and just generally terrible, we normally try to do our bit for these people and talk to them just generally having a laugh but it shocks me how often it happens. We can play 4 games and have this experience in 2 of them. shits crazy common, more than I thought