@@MrsShocoTaco I don't think he has legally. I'm not a lawyer but his wife can't refuse to pay for her daughter and he can't refuse to financially help his wife (or he risks financial alienation). That plus the fact that it is almost certain he has joined finances.
@DJulienA Also true, but it depends on where they live. Most states have a clause excluding spouses from the responsibility of child support to stepchildren. Unless, of course, they've changed the laws recently.
the story with the garlic bread is infuriating. dude is gaslighting her about something so petty, and she says he does this regularly. it's so bad she needs to look at cameras to confirm her reality. i'd hate to hear what else he's gaslighting her about.
Sounds like to me, she's the one gasling. She corrected his behavior he said he was sorry. It's not a big deal, couples share food all the time. But then she wanted to hounded in how he made a mistake. And when he doesn't give the answer she wants. She needs to knit pick him to death. If you need to reach check the camera over somebody taking a bite of your food, the relationships over. Don't fight for it get out your problems. The fact that you acknowledge this is petty and tiny that he would gaslighter over shows me that your like her, a professional victim. If somebody's gasoline, you over something petty and it annoys you. That bad bad that it makes it a major issue. You're the problem, not them. Let me ask you what would have been the correct answer. Because you're my wife and I thought it would be nice to share. With that of major mad, so let me guess, that's the wrong answer. How about your right? I should have asked. Nope, that's the wrong answer to. Because then you would have come back with. Then why did you do it in the first place? If you can't come up with a solution or an answer that satisfies you, you're a tedious little menace to any relationship, just stay single.
@insert cheesy pun here don't need a therapist I'm not the one that thinks sharing bread with a spouse is a problem after he Apologized. You def. Need therapy. As to spell check no. I did a talk to text and I am not spending anymore time on you narcissistic thought like your comment then a quick rambling into the Mike if you don't like the spell talk to samsung
@Wyn the Rogue let's all make sh up to fit our narrative. I must have found the crazy girlfriend of her meds and it's that time of the month. See I can make disparaging comments about you to we must all be having fun 😉 😜
Story 1: NTA. This girl is literally a monster. You had to remortgage the house to cover the attorney fees, and get yelled at by the judge and the wife is STILL unfazed and wouldn't let you parent her, and expects you to clean up her mess? No way, that's BS. When she said OP is not to parent the girl, she also means she is not going to do it either. What a trashy wife.
And thats why you don't get married too a woman who already put rules on you and prevents you from parenting their child, you leave the bitch and the liability
First story: There's a crucial part of the story everyone is overlooking... his friends ran and told his wife what he said at the bar. Whoever snitched deserves 8/5 a-holes
The second OP needs a divorce hes a gaslighting POS. If you confront someone with proof of their lie and they get mad. Drop them. The correct response is an apology or embarrassment.
Yes. If someone is gaslighting so much that you question your reality and need to check a camera to see what the reality was, you need to leave. And I mean last week.
Not to mention if he's like that with his wife I don't want to imagine how their child could end up as either an abuser themself or thinking it's normal and become a victim.
@@Batman-lg2zj you failed to read the second half of the comment. The issue is the husband getting mad when he is literally being told that he's wrong and is pretty much setting the standard that every word he says should be taken as gospel which is pretty obvious tactics by manipulators and abusers.
Nanny cam one is 100% gaslighting. My nacissistic mother did that to me so often I went psychotic (had hallucinations and paranoia) and had gray hair at 16. Social medias minimize the impact of long term gaslighting, but it is DEVESTATING.
jeezus!you can have hallucinations due to gaslighting?! that's awful, i'm sorry that happen to you. i have hallucinations myself, is not fun game, hope you better
The last story Jeez MIL really told OP that she doesn't respect her boundaries in front of everyone. I hope it's not too late to get the marriage annulled. MIL is gonna make OP suffer for that.
already has, last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
Story 2: dude...this is CLASSIC gaslighting and narcissitic abuse. He straight DARVO'd her and is following the narcissist's prayer. That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Amanda wont ever work through her insecurities if no one calls her out on it. That coworker with the bad take definitely had the issue hit home and probably does the same thing.
100%, people are far more likely to defend blatantly poor behavior if they're guilty of it as well. I've seen it in women defending women cheating and , I've seen it in guys defending sexual harassment, I've seen it in both to defend the mistreatment of food/retail service employees.
Insecurity can be linked to trauma or broken trust. We don't know what Amanda has been through and neither does OP. The coworker defending Amanda could know something that OP doesn't know. As someone who struggled with insecurity for most of my life, you're sometimes overwhelmed with fear and anxiety to the point that you overreact. It's like having a phobia that most people don't understand. And as far all we know, Amanda could be working through her insecurities in therapy.
@HealingThroughChrist Not an excuse. Amanda can't dictate how others interact with her boyfriend when nothing Op has done incidicates flirting. Amanda needs to address her insecurities without making outrageous requests of others around her. Stop trying to enable her behavior by saying she's correct. She isn't. No one is obligated to make accommodations for you because you're insecure.
@@nikonarshe9296 You're missing the point. Insecurities can make you irrational due to being overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. I'm not trying to enable her. You can't enable someone you don't know personally. I'm trying to see things from her perspective because I too have struggled with insecurities for most of my life. And maybe Amanda is working on it in therapy. Her coworkers could know something that neither we nor OP knows. I never said she's correct. Forget it. You don't seem to understand mental health struggles. I'm wasting my time here.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 Doesn't change that she is still responsible for her actions and behavior. You're just being an enabler. I have autism, ADHD, depression, general anxiety disorder and yes, trauma and never do I use any of it as an excuse for blatant shitty behavior nor would I ever want some like you trying to defend me by enabling that behavior.
4th story: OP is NTA. This isn't some insecurity on Amanda's part, this is territorial pissing. The gist of her messages was, "anything you do for my boyfriend is flirting." That is insane, and it's only a matter of time before Amanda would have started to be controlling to her boyfriend directly.
Every story in this episode just sounds like "a serial killer tried to stab me, but I didn't let him. Now he's really mad that I won't let him stab me. AITA?"
A common abusive technique is DARVO, "deny abuse, reverse victim and oppressor" The abuser frames the victim as the bad guy, it's a form of manipulation and gaslighting
Exactly this. The whole "don't discipline my child when we get married" thing is one of the reasons why it's hard to be a step parent. It's also why some single parents end up staying single with failed relationships under their belt.
you shouldn't kick a child out at 18 because of a bad relationship. that would ruin her life forever i don't think you realise how horrific being evicted is, especially by your parents at that age.
@@zachjordan7608I disagree. This is an exception. Step daughter needs a reality check. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences. Her mother is doing nothing. He needs to divorce and run.
@@zachjordan7608 this is the 1/100 instance where the stepdaughter needs a slab of reality. Then and only then you can choose if you take them in or not
@@LunaP1 the fact she lived with her father before she moved on with OP and his wife, and that she got expelled from various schools shows OP wife's ex-husband is also not disciplining their daughter neither; The solution is simple: kick the step-daughter out and divorce that woman. Both are messes, and OP's wife don't have any right to complain about him wanting her daughter to be a adult and not his problem anymore when she's the one not disciplining her and not allowing OP to do so with the stupid "she don't need a paternal figure". Seems she does, and a maternal one aswell, because both her parents are shitty ones, and OP is getting the brunt of their incompetence.
Agreed. She needs to experience the consequences of her actions before she seriously hurts herself or others. Honestly the judge wasn’t wrong they are horrible parents. OP needs to divorce the mom and wash his hands of the entire situation. The mom is obviously incapable of controlling her daughter and seeing as he has no authority to actually discipline the daughter and it’s clear the behavior is not going to change and might wind up getting worse OP should just bail out while he still can. Because eventually this could escalate to where he’s so far in debt bailing the daughter out that he’ll literally be stuck there with no possibility of getting away. With how he’s been kicked out of the house it’s the perfect opportunity to cut ties and run.
He's not mad about the garlic bread he's mad because he got called out he had to face the consequences of his behavior. You're not married to a man you're married to a five-year-old.
THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING. when most people go out to eat with others they purposefully get less expensive items bcz someone else is paying, but this guy has the audacity to say that? jesus christ. not to mention, why is he so mad that she has a small hobby that she enjoys? and he just has to shit all over it?
@@Itherious you've entirely missed the point. No one is saying that he can't order what he likes, but he has the audacity to order the expensive cocktail BECAUSE he knows he's not paying, and says that he would never have ordered it if he knew HE was paying. That's just plain fucking rude
Indeed, I don't call my stepfather dad but he's for sure the only father figure I've had. It is hard to let someone new in especially in the teenage years but if they're gonna be financially responsible for the kid they have to be able to act like a parent too.
Yeah. OP ignored the red flags when she said not to parent her child once they get married and I can see why she's a little shit. Her bio parents are never disciplining her and wife has the nerve to tell OP to be responsible for her when she won't let him be a real parent. Straight up divorce right before the spoiled brat turns 18.
I think it depends on the family, but I also think you can't have it both ways: Either they are a parent and get all the privileges and responsibilities, or they're not, and they don't get either. You can't flip back and forth on whether they're a parent or not based on whether you want something from them in the moment. Like RSlash said, you can't prevent them from stopping a kid from making a mess but then expect them to help clean up the mess.
@@Jadeelmao it definitely depends on the circumstances, I've got a stepmother and stepfather and I wouldn't consider either of them parents. By the time my mom remarried I was already 16 (25 now) so it's kinda obvious why I wouldn't consider him a father figure, although he definitely was a role model. My stepmother has been in my life since kindergarten, and I have no love for her. She's the reason I don't visit my dad as much as I'd like, he lives 4 hours away and the thought of spending a weekend or more with her is not something I would put myself through.
First story: OP, right now you're an ATM, not a husband. Ditch that woman and let her pay for her kid's mistakes from now on. Second story: seems like OP's husband is pretty consistently manipulative. I have a feeling more is going on there.
@@jacborosss92 because it’s not clear.. there is one interaction of information available, you can’t judge a whole marriage and dynamic over a single interaction about garlic bread, how is that hard to comprehend. The only people commenting on story 2 are legitimately just guessing
_"You're not a parent, you're a paycheque."_ That's my summary of the relationship between the first OP & his Karen wife. I really hope he got a pre-nup.
Story 4: Geez, I have seen bad instances of insecurity, but wow is this crazy. OP's Disney+ was just logged in and THAT was enough for Amanda to be mad? Are you serious? Is this some next level insecurity?
its so much worse, like, it'd be one thing if it was just like a few texts, but OP said that it was screens, as in multiple, of amanda ranting about something so nothing. that is next level crazy
She told the truth. OPs marriage is wrecked all because of her own petty attitude. I bet she made that rule in spite of MIL. What a dumb request; people are coming to celebrate you and you're forbidding them to do so verbally in public? If she had a schedule of planned events or something than that would make sense. At the very least they both sound like assholes but something just rubs me wrong about this OP.
@@mariposa9506 True but that does not give MIL the right to go against the bride's wishes. Clearly this is not about speeches. This is about who will rule the new couple -- the wife, or the mother-in-law. Looks like it'll be the mother-in-law. I predict divorce.
Story 4: What in the world is wrong with your coworkers? “Oh she’s just insecure” Yeah…thats HER issue to solve, she made it Op’s problem when she complained to her… I just…don’t get the coworkers stance here. NTA Op but this woman is crazy
Not a bully, just insecure out of her mind. The whole Disney+ thing was a dead giveaway of that. She's not right to be that insecure and it has consequences, but she's not a bully. What's likely gonna happen is Eric is gonna leave her. Then her next BF is gonna leave her for the same reason, till she either learns or finds someone who's OK with a toxic relationship... and then she'll have a toxic relationship.
We don't know Amanda or what she's been through. And OP might not either. Often insecurity is linked to trauma or broken trust. Sometimes you overreact out of fear It's like having a phobia that seems strange to people who don't have it. Amanda's coworkers could know something about Amanda that OP doesn't know which could be why they viewed OP as the bully. There seems to be more to this story than meets the eye.
First story: I couldn't love a woman who expects me to be the stepfather in every way except having an opinion nor could I love a woman who's raising a reckless child with no accountability.
Last story: let's just stop and appreciate what the husband just said here: "we're not going to be able to stop my mother from trampling all over your boundaries so it's rude of you not let her." I mean, that is almost divorce territory right there.
@@mariposa9506Doesn't matter. Don't do the speech, even if you think it's dumb. If the husband had an issue with that rule, he should have said something but he didn't. Pop off ya mommy's tit and think for a minute because we both know damn well that MiL will insist she gets to dictate their lives now that even a boundary for an event is trampled.
Story 2: given that he kept changing the story it makes sense to check the camera to see what really happened since he seems to not be able to remember. The truth is he didn't want you to be mad at him but he didn't want to admit to being wrong so he tried to make you feel wrong, when it didn't work he stopped trying to blame you but still refuse to admit he was wrong. Now that he can't lie to you or himself he needed a new reason to be the victim, and making you look like a control freak that always needs to be right what's the best way to do it. Don't apologize your husband's a jerk
@@MoonyMythic I agree with you, the relationship is doomed. They both are horrendous for this relationship. What I will tell you is if I'm ever discussing the fact that my wife was p***** that I wanted to share food with her. I would be out of that relationship if that it's the biggest problem in your relationship, and you have to bring that up and counseling. Nothing is going to please you. I mean, to be honest, it would be different if he gas letter to make her think she was wrong and still took her food. But the fact that he apologized afterwards when she corrected him, and she still continued to hound on it. That relationships done, it sounds the most miserable thing anyone could be in
@@phantomm789 I don’t think she’s mad over garlic bread, she’s likely mad because this isn’t the first time her husband has tried to gaslight her. They definitely need to go their separate ways
@MoonyMythic if you go online to air out your problem you tend to lead with the worst not the least significant problem. If this is what she is leading with she is the problem or something needs to tell how to make a point
yeah, getting in a relationship where you are paying the bills and feeding someone else's kid but where you have zero authority to say anything or discipline them is not going to end well. you are basically just a walking ATM who exists just to work to pay for someone else's family
Second story: Run OP, and don't look back. People like that who enjoy messing with your mind are toxic and sick, and the sooner you remove them from your life the better. In my opinion, there is no bigger deal-breaker for a relationship that constant gaslighting (yes, even bigger than cheating). Last story: OP should reevaluate if she really wants to marry someone who is incapable of defending her boundaries towards his family. He made his priorities clear in that moment, and OP is _not_ his first priority.
First Story, NTA: I can see how OP feels. Who wants to constantly suffer the consequences of someone's kid and have no authority to discipline or do anything parent related? This isn’t fair to OP Comment: I agree Second Story, NTA: There is a deeper issue with this than simply garlic bread. This man is consistently lying and manipulating to the point OP thought she was going insane. The gaslighting is insane Third Story, NTA: I was about to go with ESH because stopping someone from eating just to take pics of their food is annoying as hell. However, what he did was childish. He not only messed his plate up, he messed up OP's plate as well. That was immature as hell Fourth Story, NTA: Amanda's insecurities is not OP's problem. What Amanda is demanding is borderline controlling; she don’t want Eric to watch on OP's Disney+ account? Don’t want her to cook for him (even though OP didn’t cook for anyone). Amanda needs to work on her insecurities instead of trying to bother others with them Comment: Lmao I agree Fifth Story, NTA: What is OP's husband talking about? He knows how OP feels about speeches and has the audacity to expect her to sit through one at her wedding when she INSISTENTLY mentioned she didn’t want speeches at the wedding. MIL even mentioned that speeches were forbidden and still ignored OP's feelings, so OP ignored her speech. OP need to re-think this marriage because it seems like OP's husband is a momma's boy
Third Story: He literally agreed to let OP take pics in peace, and then decides to go back on his word and ruin the dishes anyway? Not cool man. Ruin his own dish? Fine, I don't mind. But ruining *OP'S* dish on top of the entrées? Now that's just being a huge jerk. Break up with this jerk right away. If he's just gonna be a huge jerk over food pics, who knows how he acts towards other things?
Real. If the husband was okay with no speeches he can't just go back on his previous decision and turn on his wife. Mil could have also chosen to ask OP directly if she could make an exception, or she could post her speech on her Facebook instead.
Also the bride didn't really do anything to the MIL, like standing and yelling or calling her out publicly or throwing her out. She literally just ignored her. Yeah, talking to others while someone is doing a speech is rude but this is the bride's wedding and the bride's rules everyone was aware of.
Fifth story: Yet another case of significant others not siding with their loved ones. Husband knew and understood OP'S dislike of speeches, yet he forced her to just sit there and listen to it? The MIL embarrassed OP, and that's perfectly fine, but when OP embarrasses her, all of a sudden the husband thinks it isn't right? No way, that's BS on so many levels. Why the sudden side change, you jerk? Sheesh. I would be giving MIL the death glare for daring to disrespect my girl like that.
On garlic bread girl,you are right! He didn't like the fact she called him out on his gaslighting with proof! He is trying to be a controlling pr***!😊 Time for him to find the curb hard!
2nd story: I just escaped a marriage like this. The guy was so mentally abusive that I stayed for 2 years thinking it was my fault until he started getting physical. Literally had flashbacks listening to this. Op don't walk, RUN away. As fast as you can!!! It only gets worse
2nd Story: Been here before. Manipulative ex would constantly change the events of what happened during an argument, shaping it into whatever she needed to prove her point at the time. The second I would pull my phone out to try and record her conversation, she'd stop talking. When I asked her why she wouldn't argue with the phone recording, she admitting "Because if I say something different later, you'll just use that against me." This is toxic and dangerously manipulative behavior. It took me a year to realize and leave. Don't do what I did, don't wait and "try work it out" because you never will, they'll make sure of that. Just leave
Last story: NTA, OPs Husband and his family are disrespectful boundary stompers. I would have a very serious conversation with hubby and set some clear boundaries with clear consequences. The fact that they didn't spend time together is telling either husband shapes up or OP should leave. No one deserves that treatment from anyone.
I saw some comments on that post where people were mad OP didn't allow speeches and that she could've sucked it up and listened because not listening was "more rude" and my face was like 💀 the entire time. Some people have the nerve and then some
@Fictional Chaos It's the whole "not disrespecting your elders" which is dumb when the elder is the one showing disrespect. I was always told you only honor your mother and father if they are honorable. I think that should also be the case with older folks as well.
Last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
@@mariposa9506and you sound like the mom. She didn’t stop her husband from hearing the speech, she just didn’t want to listen. Which considering that she made a clear rule saying she wanted no speeches was in her right to do so. If what the mom had to say to her son and OP was so important, what stopped her from telling it to them directly like OP told guests to do? No, the mom in this story didn’t make the speech because she had something important to say, this was her way of letting her future DIL know that she had absolutely no respect for her or her boundaries. Behavior like that is what being a brat really is.
Story 3 - NTA I was taught as a child to not mess with someone’s plate-if he can’t understand something I learned as a TODDLER, then he is too immature to be datable.
@@breezy3392 Not to mention he was selfish enough to only order a drink when she's paying. That is a red flag as well unless he let's OP drink whenever he's footing the bill.
Last story: she started that speech talking about how she doesn't care about the bride's boundaries and because she's MIL she'll do whatever she wants. Best case scenario this was just inconsiderate thoughtless move, worst case it was an obvious power play against you, either way you're not the a-hole. Ask your husband why would you listen to someone that starts their speech taking a dig at you, and why he thinks it's acceptable for his mother to disrespect you. When you tried to say she didn't please remind them of how she started that speech and talk to him as if he's a child because he clearly is.
Last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
if the MIL can do whatever she wants so does op, she gives her dam speech and op talks with her girls,op isn't obligated to shut up and nod to the speech, the MIL only want the attention and to op listen how she disrespect her with no one to defend her
Story 3 - The coworker talking about Amanda's insecurities is just off their rocker. Even if she's right, it's not OPs responsibility to coddle or entertain those insecurities. The girl needs to get help, and she needs to know that it's not okay to be aggressively paranoid and jealous over innocuous everyday niceties.
2nd story. gotta love those emotionally abusive ones "I can't believe you would find evidence of me lying and gaslighting you, how dare you accurately accuse me of trying to screw with your confidence in your perception of reality". Divorce him, marriage counseling is not going to work.
Story 1: I had a foster brother like OP's daughter. In his case, though, he was beyond help because of his broken upbringing in Russia. No matter how hard my parents worked, he didn't get any better. He just grew more and more dysfunctional until he falsely accused my parents to CPS. By then, he'd become too dangerous to be around us, and was put in foster care. My parents are glad he's gone.
14:37 it was OP's Wedding, and on her side of the story, she did not seem like a Bridezilla. She made a ground rule for the venue to abide by, and the Family-In-Law broke the silence, discriminatingly with the Husband showing his true colors. Why did she marry him??
@@mariposa9506 That was the stigma involved in her Husband's Family not respecting OP's wish! It was NOT his Muh Other's Wedding, nor was it her say in the matter how the venue went. Speaking For Myself! If my mother was to control a venue my "Soon To Be" wife had placed up, then I would gladly put her in place, should she be talking down to my beloved, and I would have her thrown out!
Story 4: her insecurities are not your problem, and after she gave you this ridiculous list of demands but smart thing to do is to let your roommate handle his GF, you didn't start anything she shouldn't have been so controlling. Also since it's your TV that you also use it makes sense that your Disney Plus account is logged in, I think it's actually pretty stupid to log you out so she can feel some sense of control over the situation.
Story 3 / Food photos: It's possible that OP is not telling the whole story - eg. maybe they spend 5 mins getting photos from every conceivable angle (letting the food get cold), or maybe they do something else that's highly disruptive (eg. standing up and walking round and round the table). And, it's VERY possible that this is the boyfriend's perception of what's going on, even if in fact it's all very reasonable. Perhaps it would be more productive to set explicit ground rules like, "give me 30 seconds after the waiters leave after putting down all the food, and I'll stay in my seat". Anyone who objects to generic ground rules like that is a bit of an ah.
The food photos story I understand the BF side because I absolutely hate being with someone like that. Going out to eat together is meant to be together not for the world to see. Having to wait 15-30min (most definitely never 30sec) once the food arrives just for some stupid photos and by the time I'm ALLOWED to eat MY OWN FOOD it's already cold. Food bloggers are the worst to go on a food date with. At the same time if you're not participating in the food blogger activities then don't expect your meal to be paid for. By this point you're eating alone at a table of bloggers.
Husband in story 2 is a complete narcissist. He's one of those clowns who thinks he can't be wrong in any situation, even when he's clearly wrong. It's so bad that he gaslights OP and lies to her about minor things just to feel superior. It's sick and this relationship is not going to last. Of course he's going to act like a little baby when proved wrong.
Y’all saying the last op is the a-hole but they’re not. They specifically said no speeches, the groom agreed to this, it was on the wedding invite. It doesn’t matter if others think it’s ridiculous its not THEIR day. If this was someone trying to do anything ELSE against the bride/grooms wishes everyone would be saying that the op wasn’t an a-hole but just because it’s a uncommon request people are attacking her.
Story 1: Sir, why aren’t you getting a divorce? You’re being treated like a bank account, screamed at, disrespected, are extremely unhappy, so why can’t you just leave? Or kick them out seeing as you remortgaged the house and are solely paying for it? Get your house back and kick these losers to the kerb.
On that last story, to the bride: it wasn’t too late to not file for your marriage certificate. That’s a big enough red flag not to question the marriage. I would’ve seriously contemplated not filing the paperwork and shredding the signed papers, before they were filed. My late grandma, who I loved dearly, was very rude to my mother, her daughter-in-law. My dad could do no wrong and if there was a problem, it was always something my mom did. It was so bad that my mom & I refuse to let my brother’s wife and my cousin’s husband be treated like that by my dad’s family. If you want me in a picture, with the grandkids and my grandpa, that must include the spouses of everyone. The minute they said “I Do” and the paperwork was filed, they became grandkids, too. I refuse to have another generation of trauma, just because of the BS that happened in the past. The spouses of the grandkids aren’t blood and I know they feel uneasy about rocking the boat of a family issue that they weren’t born into. That is why i take on that burden and responsibility. I won’t have yet another generation of spouses ostracized because “they will never be good enough for this family” as my grandma used to say. If your husband or even your new sister-in-laws won’t stand up for you, it’s going to be a long, hellacious battle of getting your boundaries respected.
1st story: NTA. But man, why did he marry her knowing such idiotic conditions. "Yes, pay for my child's education, legal fees, crimes, troubles and everything else, BUT DONT YOU DARE TO PARENT HER, SHE HAS A FATHER". Hell, why he even married into this family?.
I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, since the kid was already 14 when they met. I can understand a mother-daughter pair not wanting the new guy upsetting their dynamic by being demanding/controlling. (Lord knows we've heard RSlash tell us enough of those stories.) But yeah...this is just an Entitled Parent raising an Entitled Child. Huge issue.
@@davidharshman7645let's not forget that the little crap got expelled from multiple schools. I'm betting he mom got mad at the teachers for disciplining her every time she got out of line (it's their job to do so), and she saw this as a way to keep causing problems all she wants mommy doesn't let them punish her (until they expelled her).
I share my Disney+ account with my parents and my flatmate/best friend. Does that mean that I'm flirting with them? That would be gross. First, it would be incest, and second, yes, I'm bi and she's lesbian but we're not into each other - she's more like a sister or a favourite cousin.
Story 1: If I knew ahead of time I was going to be thrown into that mess, I would've disagreed with having no control. I would discipline that kid or just let her sit in jail since not doing either is a bad idea. Heck, if all else fails, once she turns 18 and leaves, I would run as well. The wife and ex husband can bail her, but I'm not
I can’t believe some coworkers thought Amanda was the victim! I swear some people just CANNOT see women as anything but the victim in every scenario and always make excuses for them. Unless Amanda gets called out on her insecurities she will never get over them and coddling her will only make them worse.
*this is an edit to my original comment* Last story: Apparently there was an update to this which answered somethings I mentioned in my judgement that was lacking: 1: OP wanted to elope, but HB didn't, so they agreed on a small wedding, but OP's no speeches was something she was dead set on. HB knew his mother would go through with it because of how she is, but didn't expect OP to ignore her during the entire wedding because of it. Later on after being on a call with MIL, she revealed that she never liked OP, which OP was aware off, and long story short hoped that HB would wake up one day and leave her. OP told HB about this, who thought she was blowing it out of proportion, then asked HB to ask FIL because he was apparently around for the Phone Call and a decent man. FIL told HB and he couldn't believe that MIL would do this, so he wanted to cut contact, but OP feels betrayed. This changes the situation a lot, because obviously, HB has been emotionally abused by is mother. Most likely throughout his life he has had to put up with his mother shenanigans, but always assumed that she couldn't be that bad, because that probably is admitting to himself that she was bad to him too. I'm not saying this to invalidate OP's feelings, but to give an idea of where HB probably where and why he probably wouldn't believe until his father told him about it, because it's more likely MIL has gaslit HB into thinking that OP has a vendetta against MIL and is out to get her, which is why he was defensive. It does, however, change my rating and judgement that I have below this, that I will keep for posterity OP gets 0/5, HB gets 1/5 and should get therapy because obviously his judgement has been poisoned by his mom, MIL gets 4/5 *pre edit* I'm actually somewhat split on the last story. Like no matter what OP's MIL is TA in this scenario. But it also really feels like OP's husband actually wasn't on board with the idea of no speeches, or assumed it only meant for her side of the family. Either way though, OP's husband lack of communication on that front is also a problem, but I see this less of a "Taking his mother side" on the issue and that "OP and husband never had a proper talk", because obviously OP didn't want speeches. But the wording on this post makes it very much seem like "it was a bride thing and only the bride thing" "When it was my turn to get married, *I* requested no speeches" not we. "I know we are forbidden to make speeches by *the bride* but this is my only son" not the couple. This very much makes it seem to be the wife decision and the wife decision only, and that she didn't consider that the husband might have wanted them Judgement though, ESH, OP 0.5/5 for seemingly spearheading the decision and not taking husbands feeling into the matter, Husband 1/5 for not communicating that he had an issue with the arrangement until the wedding itself, and MIL 1.5/5 for despite being told not to, still held a speech
Food photos story was a funny one. Just yesterday I was grilling outside with my girlfriend. Her sister had been over earlier and knew what we were having for dinner. Dinner turned out really well and my GF mentioned her sister. I don't ever take photos of food, but I could tell she'd like to display our food to her sister so I suggested she go ahead and take some. Point being. It's about two people being happy in a relationship, not one person having their way above all, even if you're the one who has to stretch your own beliefs and opinions.
For the OP of the last story I'm of the opinion if your husband agreed with you that there shouldn't be speeches, he can't change his mind and turn on his wife suddenly because his mommy's feefees are hurt. I think MIL should have told OP directly that she knew that she didn't want speeches, but could she make an exception for this one? I don't like how MIL went about it.
Last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
@desperateneedofscotch if he wanted to allow speeches, he shouldn't have agreed with OP's decision to not have them. they could have come to some sort of compromise, like only certain people can make speeches, or they have to keep it under a certain time. she's not a brat for not wanting speeches, regardless of her reasons for that choice. but i think she married the wrong person if her husband is going to let his mother trample all over OP's boundaries. first it's making a speech at their wedding but what's next? demanding to be in the delivery room when OP gives birth to their children? demanding some sort of naming rights? putting an ingredient OP can't eat into every dish MIL makes for special occasions and leaving OP to starve? sabotaging OP's own cooking? the MIL is the toxic one here and with people like that, if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile (or more). OP's not the bad guy here.
Third story: i would get annoyed at people taking pictures of food served, but damn is that dude petty and childish. Let her take her pics, then you can stir *your own* food up.
That's how you get a hand eaten. :-) I've jokingly gaslit my husband. "What bread?" as I'm chewing on it. He does the same to me. But it's not a habit and we only do it on things we absolutely love that the other hates--he steals my onions.
Second story: My dad would take food off my plate all the time when I was a kid. He STILL does it when I see him for a meal. This resulted in me being very touchy about my food. OP is NTA.
Story 1: nta, kick that evil goblin out at 18 so she doesnt do more stupid shit like steal your vehicle and crash into someone and ending them for their stupidity
That second story hits close to home. My mother gaslit me constantly for my entire life. I only cut contact with her 3 years ago at the start of 2020 and I wonder if i will ever stop second guessing every tiny thing. I'm still always constantly on edge and ready to defend myself over every thing. Don't let someone do this to you. Mental abuse is so insidious, no relationship is worth it.
Story 1: She can't have it both ways. OP is either a father figure or he isn't. If he's not allowed to parent her kid, then that girl's not his kid, so taking care of her needs should be only the moms and real dads problems. The fact OPs wasted money on her is already outrages Story 2: Ah a tale as old as time. You're being lied to, you know you're being lied to, you prove you were being lied to....and you're somehow the villain for 'not letting it go' and 'not letting sleeping dogs lie'. It doesn't matter how small it is, it can be the amount of garlic bread, or why your gaslights keep dimming, he is trying to distort reality. It's not out of line to prove someone a liar Story 3: Okay okay I know 'taking pics of food is annoying' when you just wanna eat...but her boyfriend is so goddamn petty it makes me cringe. Sure he might wanna eat his own food, but it's not magically gonna get cold in one minute. It wouldn't kill him to have some self control. However if he really wanted to eat, fine....But messing her food up too was just so goddamn spiteful it's kind of pathetic. It's like that guy who messed up the food his wife made before she could take a picture....EVEN THOUGH IT'S LITERALLY HER JOB.
Number one: OP stated that the food photos are a HOBBY, not a job. Number two: food can actually get cold very quickly (hence why food is kept under heat lamps until served) so yeah, I can understand how the boyfriend would be annoyed with that. If she wants pictures of food so badly, she can take pictures of her own food or go out with her foodie friends that are also okay with letting their food get cold so they can have pictures for their followers.
1st story: "A child is being neglected right in front of my eyes but yippee won't be financially responsible anymore". Whose car was she drunk driving with, hm? How did she get the alcohol? Why aren't her parents involved after the 1st time in court?? Like, sure, he's not her father. But she'll still talk about that soulless weirdo in therapy
Second story: This sounds almost exactly like the beginning of the mustard story from rSlash's bestof videos. OP innocently asking the Internet if they were out of line in an incident that seems small to them but shows huge red flags to the outside perspective. The husband sounds so manipulative, controlling, and gaslighty.
Last story, “I couldn’t mak MIL stfu and she wouldn’t even if we told her.” Here’s the thing, OP never once tried to stop MIL when she started her speech. She just ignored her and carried on her conversation with her friends. If anything, OP actually folded and compromised. It’s not OP’s fault she didn’t like said compromise.
Story 1: My mom made it clear that my step-dad will have a say in how I act. I was 14 going on 15 when they started dating and got married. This man who has never raised a child gave me the stability that I needed in my life. He's a sweet guy who treats my mom well and he loves me as if I was his own. He scolded me whenever I got out of line but he never raised his voice at me. And because he was a nice guy, I felt terrible for disappointing him. My father on the other hand would get in my face and scream at me to the point of threatening to terminate his parental rights.
Last story: Is OP responsible for her soon-to-be ex-husband's mother's failure in judgment? NEWP! OP explicitly stated "no speeches were allowed" and if you wanted to share your thoughts, come tell them directly. The hag even had the nerve to say or I should say, remind everyone of OP's rule but then proceeds to disregard said rule. The woman knew what she was doing and OP ignoring her was the MOST respectful thing she could've done because she could've done a lot worst. I don't get why MILs have this main character syndrome and make things about themselves. I rarely hear about FILs but, then again, with a wife like that, you wouldn't have a chance to hear about them. Definitely NTA!
I had no speeches at my wedding, no one tried to make one. My very entitled mother replaced my bouquet because hers cost more. This is after I paid for her wedding, dress, and everything. I made sure my maid of honor, my husband's best man, did not have to pay for anything, even bought my mother a new dress and shoes so that she would have fewer chances to take over my day. I was so angry about the flowers but I only allowed myself 5 minutes to vent before excepting it was something I could not change and wasn't that important.
I could be going off the rails here but story 2 seems like a good example of how mustard guy started off. The gaslighting, the weird use of food as a power trip/act of control. Ask for some one on one with the marriage counselor to discuss this, before you're trapped in a car with him screaming and driving insanely recklessly because you wouldn't let him eat you're fries... Gaslighting and control is insidious, always starting small and barely noticeable until, slowly eating away at your sanity as his behavior worsens.
The garlic bread story reminds me of a similar incident that happened to me years ago with my grandmother. She had made spaghetti and garlic toast(we were lower income) with regular bread. When I tried to get a 2nd piece she chewed me out saying I'd already had 2 and to save the rest for her and John, her neighbor who was eating with us. She literally had me almost crying she was so ugly about it. Later that evening she apologized. She went into the kitchen to see how many slices of bread she could get on the baking sheet and realized it was only 6 not 9 like she thought. So we each had 2 pieces of garlic toast, not 3. I had many instances like that with my grandmother that could be construed as gaslighting but often it was simply a matter of just dealing with a stubborn old woman!
The story about op who couldn't punish his step-daughter is that he made the biggest mistake in getting married to a woman who had a daughter and wouldn't let the dad set up rules for his step-daughter to follow
Foodie story is an ESH story, OP is an AH because she KNOWS her BF hates when his food is photographed and yet she wont drop it, the BF is the bigger AH for messing with her food as well as lying about being fine with it reluctantly. Personally i HATE when someone shoves a camera near my food or makes me wait for them to snap a pic, it bothers me IMMENSELY so i understand where the BF is coming from when he doesnt wanna deal with it BUT hes also giving his GF a massive amount of immature attitude about what she does with her own plate of food which is why i think he is the worst of the two
On the last story i strong suggest op consider this marriage. If your spouse is just giving into their parents will when you made a very simple request. Hes mad at you over something you both agreed to. Hes disrespecting you at your own wedding he agreed to. I would take this as a red flag to at least consider the relationship and if its actually supportive and healthy.
Story 3: My family has a practice of taking photos of our food. Not for the internet but for the memory. My mom even insists on me taking pics of my friends' food. They think it's weird, but they understand. I've never done it on a date, though. It just feels too weird and, thankfully, my mom never asks.
It’s not “JUST” food pictures, it’s her having a hobby and asking her boyfriend to let her enjoy herself, even going so far as to say “Only when I pay” as to accommodate HIM and he couldn’t even spare the decency to wait Maybe 1 minute at most to let her snap a pic Nah, it’s not just food. It’s him bullying her even when she’s constantly expressed that it makes her happy and she bends over backwards to make sure it doesn’t bother him but he still goes out of his way to make sure her happiness is crushed
She is pushing her hobby onto the boyfriend which is also wrong. She also knows he does not like it and still pushed it. So, imo, either both are the jerks or OP is the jerk.
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd she’s not forcing him to take pictures with her, she’s just asking to wait a sec so she can take a picture If he doesn’t want to and went ahead eating his own plate, that’s fine he probably just didn’t want to wait But to then mess up HER plate? While she’s trying to take a photo? Reaching across the table to purposefully mess with it? That’s so weird bro
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd "Dude, why are you playing games in the living room when we only have one TV, you know I don't like it so why are you pushing it onto me" If OP taking pictures of food is such a big deal to him, break up with OP rather than try to change something that is clearly harmless and makes OP happy
@@iridescentsolace While I did not state it in my post here, I do think the BF could of acted differently. This is why I think it is either both sucks or the GF sucks. Personally I lean towards both suck. Sorry for not clarifying my personal stance.
@@GamerSapss Your example is actually quite right. I dont disagree with it. Relationship is about compromise. In that situation, the bf has to play video games another day or move the console somewhere else. As for the second part. I agree. I also agree the Bf should not have messed with OP’s food. My stance is not attempting to absolve him. It is just to point out that OP also is a jerk.
Third story: the boyfriend broke his agreement, so he can’t get all mad when OP breaks her agreement with him. I find taking pictures of your food cringey, but if that’s what people enjoy, let them enjoy it.
Story 1: divorce, that's not another way Story 2: NTA he is gaslighting OP and doesn't that accountability. Either he change or a call to a lawyer is in order
I’m on summer vacation right now and my daily rhythm is all sorts of wack, so seeing this notification pop up every day is more like ”whoa, it’s already 4 PM” than anything else
Funny you should say this! I'm currently suffering horrendous hayfever & thee antihistamines I'm eating by the handful have thrown my sleep patterns to the wind. For the last few days I've been finding Dabney & his 11pm (here in Australia) posting to help me reset my sleep pattern.
Concerning the last story, I had a similar experience with my Ph.D defense party. I didn’t want awkward speeches either, but my mother decided that she wanted to make a speech anyway. The difference was that I decided to let it happen and roll with it even though I didn’t like it. After that my Ph.D advisor held a speech which where actually good.
Food Photos: I think it's kind of silly to take photos of food, but if it were a thing my partner were into, I'd make sure she could get her photos, and I'd be on a the look out for new places we could try.
I don't think I'd go that far. It gets really irritating having to wait for her to get the perfect photo of the food before I can eat on every single meal date. I've been there. I wouldn't mind at all if she would just let me eat while she took photos of her own meal though.
@@joshdillon9637I mean, if she gets like a couple photos, I don't see how that's wrong. If she goes out all photoshoot with lighting, then it's a little embarrassing, but also not that bad imo.
@@joshdillon9637 Oh, I didn't consider that. I was thinking she points the camera at my food, hits the button, and then I get to eat. I'd for sure start eating as soon as she took the first photo. No issue with her taking her time on her own though.
I’m assuming this is about the Reddit blackouts? Last I checked AITA is still up and running, so he should be fine in the short term. Long term, it’s probably a good idea to find ways to diversify, source from other platforms. He seems to usually be a month behind with the stories on the sub, so he’s got a backlog right now.
Story 2, this is 100% 5 stars. This story is spot on for a person that is trying to destroy your self confidence and make you mend to his will. I have know women that have been gaslight for so long that the guy can cheat on her, beat her, even kick her out for the night, and she always went back to him because she was super mentally dependent on him. This guy will try the same crap with her as well.
Last Story: What kills me is that so many people in the comments were on the MIL’s side, and it makes no sense to me. If someone says they want a dry wedding and you bring alcohol, YTA. If someone says they want a child free wedding and you bring your kids, YTA. But if someone says they don’t want long speeches, you have every right to disrespect them, apparently.
Those are rules that can actually keep a wedding from being interrupted. Seems like no one was bothered by the speech or it's context other than the psycho OP. People just let the smallest things ruin their whole life.
@@neverdateagamer1498 1. She literally interrupted to give the speech. 2. Psycho? She just doesn’t like long speeches. It’s her wedding and it’s not a big ask.
@@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat she is not marrying herself. It's their wedding. Husband didn't even fully agree to it. She's crazy to die on this hill. As if she made that will in spite of MIL and made she did it anyway. I wanna call ESH but just seems like OP started this and is the only real problem. End the marriage so they can find ppl who best suit them.
@@neverdateagamer1498 What I meant was she’s not getting married to MIL. It’s OP’s wedding, not MIL’s. She doesn’t get to disrespect the request they asked of everyone. And the the husband DID agree to no speeches because he knows her feelings about them.
Story 1: One thing that's kind of sticking in my craw, if he was out with his boy and only vented this to them, how did the wife get wind of it? Is she pals with one of their partners or is she railing one of the friends? 🤔
Last story: That MiL is going to be a nightmare when the kids come. "I know DiL said no visitors for a month, but it's my first grandbaby so I'll do what I want." "I know they said no solids yet, but I know he's ready so I'll do what I want.' "I know they said no banana, but all my kids love banana bread so I'll do what I want." DH needs to shine up that spine or he'll find himself in his childhood bedroom, wondering where he went wrong.
9:45 You're a bit off on the food photo issue, RSlash. She should restrict her photography to her food and shared food. By swapping who pays, essentially they are both buying their own food. The OP only has rights to her food. He was an a-hole for messing up her food but her expecting him to wait for her to photograph HIS food is crazy. They're both far too immature in this relationship and need to grow up. She's showing possessiveness towards his food and he's being immature in messing up her food. Honestly, they deserve each other.
Story 3: NTA pure and simple op your bf does not respect your hobbies, i mean saying you won't pay for his meal is a bit extreme but honestly he needed a dose of consequences
Last story about the MIL who insisted on making a speech at her son’s wedding: instruct the DJ to cut the mic off for any drunken speechifiers, rude folks, etc. Covering your bases with the DJ and security is a must. Unfortunately, this marriage seems doomed. That MIL is a piece of work.
If op has no say in anything the girl does, he shouldn't be obligated to pay for the fallout of her actions. After all, "she has a father."
Exactly, where is this father exactly, and why isn't he paying? Why does OP have to turn up in court?
He is married it's not like he has a choice in the matter anymore.
He is actively working against himself in the story lmao.
@DJulienA True, metaphorically, he hasn't much choice, but legally, he has other options.
@@MrsShocoTaco I don't think he has legally. I'm not a lawyer but his wife can't refuse to pay for her daughter and he can't refuse to financially help his wife (or he risks financial alienation).
That plus the fact that it is almost certain he has joined finances.
@DJulienA Also true, but it depends on where they live. Most states have a clause excluding spouses from the responsibility of child support to stepchildren. Unless, of course, they've changed the laws recently.
the story with the garlic bread is infuriating. dude is gaslighting her about something so petty, and she says he does this regularly. it's so bad she needs to look at cameras to confirm her reality. i'd hate to hear what else he's gaslighting her about.
Sounds like to me, she's the one gasling. She corrected his behavior he said he was sorry. It's not a big deal, couples share food all the time. But then she wanted to hounded in how he made a mistake. And when he doesn't give the answer she wants. She needs to knit pick him to death. If you need to reach check the camera over somebody taking a bite of your food, the relationships over. Don't fight for it get out your problems. The fact that you acknowledge this is petty and tiny that he would gaslighter over shows me that your like her, a professional victim. If somebody's gasoline, you over something petty and it annoys you. That bad bad that it makes it a major issue. You're the problem, not them. Let me ask you what would have been the correct answer. Because you're my wife and I thought it would be nice to share. With that of major mad, so let me guess, that's the wrong answer.
How about your right? I should have asked. Nope, that's the wrong answer to. Because then you would have come back with. Then why did you do it in the first place? If you can't come up with a solution or an answer that satisfies you, you're a tedious little menace to any relationship, just stay single.
@@phantomm789 bro get a therapist and turn on spell check
@@phantomm789 Found the incel.
@insert cheesy pun here don't need a therapist I'm not the one that thinks sharing bread with a spouse is a problem after he Apologized. You def. Need therapy. As to spell check no. I did a talk to text and I am not spending anymore time on you narcissistic thought like your comment then a quick rambling into the Mike if you don't like the spell talk to samsung
@Wyn the Rogue let's all make sh up to fit our narrative. I must have found the crazy girlfriend of her meds and it's that time of the month. See I can make disparaging comments about you to we must all be having fun 😉 😜
Story 1: NTA. This girl is literally a monster. You had to remortgage the house to cover the attorney fees, and get yelled at by the judge and the wife is STILL unfazed and wouldn't let you parent her, and expects you to clean up her mess? No way, that's BS. When she said OP is not to parent the girl, she also means she is not going to do it either. What a trashy wife.
The moment the wife said that he has no say in raising his stepdaughter, a massive red flag went up and OP should’ve bailed out.
@@ShadiC636 Agreed. If the wife said OP has no say in how to parent her, I automatically assume SHE'S not gonna do it either.
If he wasn't going to parent her, that should have meant he never nailed her out of jail, either.
And thats why you don't get married too a woman who already put rules on you and prevents you from parenting their child, you leave the bitch and the liability
Yup, I blame the bio parents.. they created a monster..what awful parents!
First story: There's a crucial part of the story everyone is overlooking... his friends ran and told his wife what he said at the bar. Whoever snitched deserves 8/5 a-holes
Snitches get stitches? 🏒
Snitches get stitches 🔨
Snitches get stitches 🪦
Snitches get stitches. (Not all snitches, just the really jerky ones. People like the guy who snitched in this story.)
@@prismatum116 fr, snitches get stitches unless someone genuinely is harming others thats time to tell on em(ESPECIALLY ANYTHING BAD TO KIDS)
The second OP needs a divorce hes a gaslighting POS. If you confront someone with proof of their lie and they get mad. Drop them. The correct response is an apology or embarrassment.
Most of these OPs need to get divorces tbh.
Yes. If someone is gaslighting so much that you question your reality and need to check a camera to see what the reality was, you need to leave. And I mean last week.
Not to mention if he's like that with his wife I don't want to imagine how their child could end up as either an abuser themself or thinking it's normal and become a victim.
Divorce isn’t an option in this case . I honestly believe he doesn’t remember but he just needs to admit that he is wrong.
@@Batman-lg2zj you failed to read the second half of the comment. The issue is the husband getting mad when he is literally being told that he's wrong and is pretty much setting the standard that every word he says should be taken as gospel which is pretty obvious tactics by manipulators and abusers.
Nanny cam one is 100% gaslighting. My nacissistic mother did that to me so often I went psychotic (had hallucinations and paranoia) and had gray hair at 16. Social medias minimize the impact of long term gaslighting, but it is DEVESTATING.
jeezus!you can have hallucinations due to gaslighting?! that's awful, i'm sorry that happen to you.
i have hallucinations myself, is not fun game, hope you better
“Social media minimise the impact of long term gaslighting” okay just from that I can tell everything you said is just made up.
@@dinlupus3196Gaslighting from young years on can also lead to schizophrenia. Some people shouldn't have children.
The last story
Jeez MIL really told OP that she doesn't respect her boundaries in front of everyone. I hope it's not too late to get the marriage annulled. MIL is gonna make OP suffer for that.
already has, last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
@@GamerSapss "she forced him to think that she's never wrong" IS classic mama's boy
@@sourisvoleur4854 no, there’s a difference between being a mama’s boy and being an abuse victim
@@GamerSapssare they going to therapy or divorcing ?
Story 2: dude...this is CLASSIC gaslighting and narcissitic abuse. He straight DARVO'd her and is following the narcissist's prayer.
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
Story 1 :
Why is OP paying these bills? He isn't allowed to parent them but he is allowed to pay?
Called being in an abusive relationship. Dude is a dog to that wife of his
It's as rSlash said. You aren't allowed to parent her, but you are expected to clean up her mess. No way, man. NO F*CKING WAY.
Man f this relationship. OP needs to get out of there
Came to say this.
@@kelsmister why are you berating the guy, if it was the wife being abused you'd be in tears 😐
Amanda wont ever work through her insecurities if no one calls her out on it. That coworker with the bad take definitely had the issue hit home and probably does the same thing.
100%, people are far more likely to defend blatantly poor behavior if they're guilty of it as well. I've seen it in women defending women cheating and , I've seen it in guys defending sexual harassment, I've seen it in both to defend the mistreatment of food/retail service employees.
Insecurity can be linked to trauma or broken trust. We don't know what Amanda has been through and neither does OP. The coworker defending Amanda could know something that OP doesn't know. As someone who struggled with insecurity for most of my life, you're sometimes overwhelmed with fear and anxiety to the point that you overreact. It's like having a phobia that most people don't understand. And as far all we know, Amanda could be working through her insecurities in therapy.
@HealingThroughChrist Not an excuse. Amanda can't dictate how others interact with her boyfriend when nothing Op has done incidicates flirting. Amanda needs to address her insecurities without making outrageous requests of others around her. Stop trying to enable her behavior by saying she's correct. She isn't. No one is obligated to make accommodations for you because you're insecure.
@@nikonarshe9296 You're missing the point. Insecurities can make you irrational due to being overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. I'm not trying to enable her. You can't enable someone you don't know personally. I'm trying to see things from her perspective because I too have struggled with insecurities for most of my life. And maybe Amanda is working on it in therapy. Her coworkers could know something that neither we nor OP knows. I never said she's correct. Forget it. You don't seem to understand mental health struggles. I'm wasting my time here.
@@healingthroughchrist1988 Doesn't change that she is still responsible for her actions and behavior. You're just being an enabler. I have autism, ADHD, depression, general anxiety disorder and yes, trauma and never do I use any of it as an excuse for blatant shitty behavior nor would I ever want some like you trying to defend me by enabling that behavior.
4th story: OP is NTA. This isn't some insecurity on Amanda's part, this is territorial pissing. The gist of her messages was, "anything you do for my boyfriend is flirting." That is insane, and it's only a matter of time before Amanda would have started to be controlling to her boyfriend directly.
Every story in this episode just sounds like "a serial killer tried to stab me, but I didn't let him. Now he's really mad that I won't let him stab me. AITA?"
A common abusive technique is DARVO, "deny abuse, reverse victim and oppressor"
The abuser frames the victim as the bad guy, it's a form of manipulation and gaslighting
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂 so spot on! They all need to run, except for the roommate story. The boyfriend needs to run. No one is that good in the bedroom
Thats what the subreddit is like 😂 people love validation
That’s most AITA episodes lol
1st story: kick the step-daughter out. Also, OP’s wife is the reason that single mothers get a bad reputation
Exactly this. The whole "don't discipline my child when we get married" thing is one of the reasons why it's hard to be a step parent. It's also why some single parents end up staying single with failed relationships under their belt.
you shouldn't kick a child out at 18 because of a bad relationship. that would ruin her life forever
i don't think you realise how horrific being evicted is, especially by your parents at that age.
@@zachjordan7608I disagree. This is an exception. Step daughter needs a reality check. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences. Her mother is doing nothing. He needs to divorce and run.
@@zachjordan7608 this is the 1/100 instance where the stepdaughter needs a slab of reality. Then and only then you can choose if you take them in or not
@@LunaP1 the fact she lived with her father before she moved on with OP and his wife, and that she got expelled from various schools shows OP wife's ex-husband is also not disciplining their daughter neither;
The solution is simple: kick the step-daughter out and divorce that woman. Both are messes, and OP's wife don't have any right to complain about him wanting her daughter to be a adult and not his problem anymore when she's the one not disciplining her and not allowing OP to do so with the stupid "she don't need a paternal figure". Seems she does, and a maternal one aswell, because both her parents are shitty ones, and OP is getting the brunt of their incompetence.
Personally I’d stop bailing the kid out. she isn’t going to learn if someone is always cleaning it up for her.
Agreed. She needs to experience the consequences of her actions before she seriously hurts herself or others. Honestly the judge wasn’t wrong they are horrible parents. OP needs to divorce the mom and wash his hands of the entire situation. The mom is obviously incapable of controlling her daughter and seeing as he has no authority to actually discipline the daughter and it’s clear the behavior is not going to change and might wind up getting worse OP should just bail out while he still can. Because eventually this could escalate to where he’s so far in debt bailing the daughter out that he’ll literally be stuck there with no possibility of getting away. With how he’s been kicked out of the house it’s the perfect opportunity to cut ties and run.
I wouldn’t have started bailing her out since I’m not a parental figure
Since they're married, they likely had already joined finances at the time.
He's not mad about the garlic bread he's mad because he got called out he had to face the consequences of his behavior. You're not married to a man you're married to a five-year-old.
Food story: The fact that he takes an "expensive cocktail" just because you were paying, and otherwise he wouldn't, is a major red flag by itself.
right? red flags all over that story. they should just break up, that guy does not respect her at all.
THATS WHAT I WAS THINKING. when most people go out to eat with others they purposefully get less expensive items bcz someone else is paying, but this guy has the audacity to say that? jesus christ. not to mention, why is he so mad that she has a small hobby that she enjoys? and he just has to shit all over it?
@@angelicRem so she can order what she wants when he pays, but he can't when she pays. BS
@@Itherious you've entirely missed the point. No one is saying that he can't order what he likes, but he has the audacity to order the expensive cocktail BECAUSE he knows he's not paying, and says that he would never have ordered it if he knew HE was paying. That's just plain fucking rude
@@ItheriousNo one is saying that.
I have stepparents. They had the right to parent me. I think they should have had the right.
Indeed, I don't call my stepfather dad but he's for sure the only father figure I've had.
It is hard to let someone new in especially in the teenage years but if they're gonna be financially responsible for the kid they have to be able to act like a parent too.
Yeah. OP ignored the red flags when she said not to parent her child once they get married and I can see why she's a little shit. Her bio parents are never disciplining her and wife has the nerve to tell OP to be responsible for her when she won't let him be a real parent. Straight up divorce right before the spoiled brat turns 18.
I think it depends on the family, but I also think you can't have it both ways: Either they are a parent and get all the privileges and responsibilities, or they're not, and they don't get either. You can't flip back and forth on whether they're a parent or not based on whether you want something from them in the moment. Like RSlash said, you can't prevent them from stopping a kid from making a mess but then expect them to help clean up the mess.
I love my momma but my stepmom has been there for me when she wasn’t sometimes. They truly are parents
@@Jadeelmao it definitely depends on the circumstances, I've got a stepmother and stepfather and I wouldn't consider either of them parents. By the time my mom remarried I was already 16 (25 now) so it's kinda obvious why I wouldn't consider him a father figure, although he definitely was a role model. My stepmother has been in my life since kindergarten, and I have no love for her. She's the reason I don't visit my dad as much as I'd like, he lives 4 hours away and the thought of spending a weekend or more with her is not something I would put myself through.
First story: OP, right now you're an ATM, not a husband. Ditch that woman and let her pay for her kid's mistakes from now on.
Second story: seems like OP's husband is pretty consistently manipulative. I have a feeling more is going on there.
Exactly. OP needs to run far and run fast. He's going to be bankrupted by that girl, and his wife seems to be happy for him to take the ride.
she did say she felt crazy when she have this type of conversations with him
Yeah i was suprised everyone was talking about story one and not 2 so much, hes a major manipulator and gotta go cuz its clearly working
@@jacborosss92 because it’s not clear.. there is one interaction of information available, you can’t judge a whole marriage and dynamic over a single interaction about garlic bread, how is that hard to comprehend. The only people commenting on story 2 are legitimately just guessing
@@MinusTheCoffeeI mean the one interaction is gaslighting, does it mean it is constant not for certain. But, still gaslighting in this case.
_"You're not a parent, you're a paycheque."_
That's my summary of the relationship between the first OP & his Karen wife. I really hope he got a pre-nup.
I mean, he was stupid enough to marry her so I doubt it-
Story 4: Geez, I have seen bad instances of insecurity, but wow is this crazy. OP's Disney+ was just logged in and THAT was enough for Amanda to be mad? Are you serious? Is this some next level insecurity?
r/nicegirls material
@@thunderflare59oh yes.😂
Bf deserves to know what kind of crazy he's into.
its so much worse, like, it'd be one thing if it was just like a few texts, but OP said that it was screens, as in multiple, of amanda ranting about something so nothing. that is next level crazy
@@abiean222idk what you can even say to fill literal pages of ranting texts over this. I’m honestly curious now! What does it say??
MIL disrespected op at the wedding first. She even started the speech by saying disrespectful things.
She told the truth. OPs marriage is wrecked all because of her own petty attitude. I bet she made that rule in spite of MIL. What a dumb request; people are coming to celebrate you and you're forbidding them to do so verbally in public? If she had a schedule of planned events or something than that would make sense. At the very least they both sound like assholes but something just rubs me wrong about this OP.
@@neverdateagamer1498Yes she seems very controlling.
@@mariposa9506 True but that does not give MIL the right to go against the bride's wishes. Clearly this is not about speeches. This is about who will rule the new couple -- the wife, or the mother-in-law. Looks like it'll be the mother-in-law. I predict divorce.
@@neverdateagamer1498 Nonsense...
@@neverdateagamer1498 I agree that it was a dumb rule, but it’s her wedding and she’s allowed to set the terms for it.
Story 4: What in the world is wrong with your coworkers?
“Oh she’s just insecure”
Yeah…thats HER issue to solve, she made it Op’s problem when she complained to her…
I just…don’t get the coworkers stance here.
NTA Op but this woman is crazy
Amanda was the bully, and those who think she's the victim are likely exactly her ilk.
Like her* ?
@@jacborosss92 Yes
Not a bully, just insecure out of her mind. The whole Disney+ thing was a dead giveaway of that.
She's not right to be that insecure and it has consequences, but she's not a bully.
What's likely gonna happen is Eric is gonna leave her. Then her next BF is gonna leave her for the same reason, till she either learns or finds someone who's OK with a toxic relationship... and then she'll have a toxic relationship.
@@AtotehZ Her many messages to op make her a bully, insecure or not.
We don't know Amanda or what she's been through. And OP might not either. Often insecurity is linked to trauma or broken trust. Sometimes you overreact out of fear It's like having a phobia that seems strange to people who don't have it. Amanda's coworkers could know something about Amanda that OP doesn't know which could be why they viewed OP as the bully. There seems to be more to this story than meets the eye.
First story: I couldn't love a woman who expects me to be the stepfather in every way except having an opinion nor could I love a woman who's raising a reckless child with no accountability.
Last story: let's just stop and appreciate what the husband just said here:
"we're not going to be able to stop my mother from trampling all over your boundaries so it's rude of you not let her."
I mean, that is almost divorce territory right there.
Something you avoided because you find it boring is not a "boundary".
@@mariposa9506Doesn't matter. Don't do the speech, even if you think it's dumb. If the husband had an issue with that rule, he should have said something but he didn't. Pop off ya mommy's tit and think for a minute because we both know damn well that MiL will insist she gets to dictate their lives now that even a boundary for an event is trampled.
Story 2: given that he kept changing the story it makes sense to check the camera to see what really happened since he seems to not be able to remember. The truth is he didn't want you to be mad at him but he didn't want to admit to being wrong so he tried to make you feel wrong, when it didn't work he stopped trying to blame you but still refuse to admit he was wrong. Now that he can't lie to you or himself he needed a new reason to be the victim, and making you look like a control freak that always needs to be right what's the best way to do it. Don't apologize your husband's a jerk
Sounds like there’s a reason they’re in marriage counseling /:
@@MoonyMythic I agree with you, the relationship is doomed. They both are horrendous for this relationship. What I will tell you is if I'm ever discussing the fact that my wife was p***** that I wanted to share food with her. I would be out of that relationship if that it's the biggest problem in your relationship, and you have to bring that up and counseling. Nothing is going to please you. I mean, to be honest, it would be different if he gas letter to make her think she was wrong and still took her food. But the fact that he apologized afterwards when she corrected him, and she still continued to hound on it. That relationships done, it sounds the most miserable thing anyone could be in
@@phantomm789 I don’t think she’s mad over garlic bread, she’s likely mad because this isn’t the first time her husband has tried to gaslight her. They definitely need to go their separate ways
@MoonyMythic if you go online to air out your problem you tend to lead with the worst not the least significant problem. If this is what she is leading with she is the problem or something needs to tell how to make a point
@@phantomm789 its likely the worst because it’s been the breaking point for them, but who knows
yeah, getting in a relationship where you are paying the bills and feeding someone else's kid but where you have zero authority to say anything or discipline them is not going to end well. you are basically just a walking ATM who exists just to work to pay for someone else's family
Messing up someone's food so they can't take pictures is what an edgy 12 year old would do.
I'm just glad my wife isn't into taking pictures of her food before eating it, but what that guy did was just purely childish.
Second story: Run OP, and don't look back. People like that who enjoy messing with your mind are toxic and sick, and the sooner you remove them from your life the better. In my opinion, there is no bigger deal-breaker for a relationship that constant gaslighting (yes, even bigger than cheating).
Last story: OP should reevaluate if she really wants to marry someone who is incapable of defending her boundaries towards his family. He made his priorities clear in that moment, and OP is _not_ his first priority.
First Story, NTA: I can see how OP feels. Who wants to constantly suffer the consequences of someone's kid and have no authority to discipline or do anything parent related? This isn’t fair to OP
Comment: I agree
Second Story, NTA: There is a deeper issue with this than simply garlic bread. This man is consistently lying and manipulating to the point OP thought she was going insane. The gaslighting is insane
Third Story, NTA: I was about to go with ESH because stopping someone from eating just to take pics of their food is annoying as hell. However, what he did was childish. He not only messed his plate up, he messed up OP's plate as well. That was immature as hell
Fourth Story, NTA: Amanda's insecurities is not OP's problem. What Amanda is demanding is borderline controlling; she don’t want Eric to watch on OP's Disney+ account? Don’t want her to cook for him (even though OP didn’t cook for anyone). Amanda needs to work on her insecurities instead of trying to bother others with them
Comment: Lmao I agree
Fifth Story, NTA: What is OP's husband talking about? He knows how OP feels about speeches and has the audacity to expect her to sit through one at her wedding when she INSISTENTLY mentioned she didn’t want speeches at the wedding. MIL even mentioned that speeches were forbidden and still ignored OP's feelings, so OP ignored her speech. OP need to re-think this marriage because it seems like OP's husband is a momma's boy
Third Story: He literally agreed to let OP take pics in peace, and then decides to go back on his word and ruin the dishes anyway? Not cool man. Ruin his own dish? Fine, I don't mind. But ruining *OP'S* dish on top of the entrées? Now that's just being a huge jerk. Break up with this jerk right away. If he's just gonna be a huge jerk over food pics, who knows how he acts towards other things?
Real. If the husband was okay with no speeches he can't just go back on his previous decision and turn on his wife. Mil could have also chosen to ask OP directly if she could make an exception, or she could post her speech on her Facebook instead.
Also the bride didn't really do anything to the MIL, like standing and yelling or calling her out publicly or throwing her out. She literally just ignored her. Yeah, talking to others while someone is doing a speech is rude but this is the bride's wedding and the bride's rules everyone was aware of.
Fifth story: Yet another case of significant others not siding with their loved ones. Husband knew and understood OP'S dislike of speeches, yet he forced her to just sit there and listen to it? The MIL embarrassed OP, and that's perfectly fine, but when OP embarrasses her, all of a sudden the husband thinks it isn't right? No way, that's BS on so many levels. Why the sudden side change, you jerk? Sheesh. I would be giving MIL the death glare for daring to disrespect my girl like that.
On garlic bread girl,you are right!
He didn't like the fact she called him out on his gaslighting with proof!
He is trying to be a controlling pr***!😊
Time for him to find the curb hard!
2nd story: I just escaped a marriage like this. The guy was so mentally abusive that I stayed for 2 years thinking it was my fault until he started getting physical. Literally had flashbacks listening to this. Op don't walk, RUN away. As fast as you can!!! It only gets worse
2nd Story: Been here before. Manipulative ex would constantly change the events of what happened during an argument, shaping it into whatever she needed to prove her point at the time. The second I would pull my phone out to try and record her conversation, she'd stop talking. When I asked her why she wouldn't argue with the phone recording, she admitting "Because if I say something different later, you'll just use that against me."
This is toxic and dangerously manipulative behavior. It took me a year to realize and leave. Don't do what I did, don't wait and "try work it out" because you never will, they'll make sure of that. Just leave
Last story: NTA, OPs Husband and his family are disrespectful boundary stompers. I would have a very serious conversation with hubby and set some clear boundaries with clear consequences. The fact that they didn't spend time together is telling either husband shapes up or OP should leave. No one deserves that treatment from anyone.
I saw some comments on that post where people were mad OP didn't allow speeches and that she could've sucked it up and listened because not listening was "more rude" and my face was like 💀 the entire time. Some people have the nerve and then some
@Fictional Chaos It's the whole "not disrespecting your elders" which is dumb when the elder is the one showing disrespect. I was always told you only honor your mother and father if they are honorable. I think that should also be the case with older folks as well.
Last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
How about respecting your husband's right to hear a speech from his mother on his wedding day? Op sounds like a brat.
@@mariposa9506and you sound like the mom. She didn’t stop her husband from hearing the speech, she just didn’t want to listen. Which considering that she made a clear rule saying she wanted no speeches was in her right to do so. If what the mom had to say to her son and OP was so important, what stopped her from telling it to them directly like OP told guests to do? No, the mom in this story didn’t make the speech because she had something important to say, this was her way of letting her future DIL know that she had absolutely no respect for her or her boundaries. Behavior like that is what being a brat really is.
Story 3 - NTA
I was taught as a child to not mess with someone’s plate-if he can’t understand something I learned as a TODDLER, then he is too immature to be datable.
Exactly what I was thinking
@@breezy3392 Not to mention he was selfish enough to only order a drink when she's paying. That is a red flag as well unless he let's OP drink whenever he's footing the bill.
This is the fourth time I've heard this reddit story and I really want her to dump him already.
Last story: she started that speech talking about how she doesn't care about the bride's boundaries and because she's MIL she'll do whatever she wants. Best case scenario this was just inconsiderate thoughtless move, worst case it was an obvious power play against you, either way you're not the a-hole. Ask your husband why would you listen to someone that starts their speech taking a dig at you, and why he thinks it's acceptable for his mother to disrespect you. When you tried to say she didn't please remind them of how she started that speech and talk to him as if he's a child because he clearly is.
This exactly. I do understand why he thinks OP was disrespectful but he clearly didn't catch the how his mother was too or close to ignore it.
Last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
if the MIL can do whatever she wants so does op, she gives her dam speech and op talks with her girls,op isn't obligated to shut up and nod to the speech, the MIL only want the attention and to op listen how she disrespect her with no one to defend her
@@dinlupus3196Or she wants to honor her son on his wedding day.
@@mariposa9506 Or she just wants to yap her mouth as a power play, there mystery solved.
Story 2 - NTA
This is straight up gaslighting. Gurl, GET OUT!
Story 3 - The coworker talking about Amanda's insecurities is just off their rocker. Even if she's right, it's not OPs responsibility to coddle or entertain those insecurities. The girl needs to get help, and she needs to know that it's not okay to be aggressively paranoid and jealous over innocuous everyday niceties.
2nd story. gotta love those emotionally abusive ones "I can't believe you would find evidence of me lying and gaslighting you, how dare you accurately accuse me of trying to screw with your confidence in your perception of reality". Divorce him, marriage counseling is not going to work.
Story 1: I had a foster brother like OP's daughter. In his case, though, he was beyond help because of his broken upbringing in Russia. No matter how hard my parents worked, he didn't get any better. He just grew more and more dysfunctional until he falsely accused my parents to CPS. By then, he'd become too dangerous to be around us, and was put in foster care. My parents are glad he's gone.
14:37 it was OP's Wedding, and on her side of the story, she did not seem like a Bridezilla. She made a ground rule for the venue to abide by, and the Family-In-Law broke the silence, discriminatingly with the Husband showing his true colors. Why did she marry him??
Wasn't it the husband's wedding too? Imagine trying to shut his mother up on his wedding day.
@@mariposa9506 That was the stigma involved in her Husband's Family not respecting OP's wish! It was NOT his Muh Other's Wedding, nor was it her say in the matter how the venue went.
Speaking For Myself! If my mother was to control a venue my "Soon To Be" wife had placed up, then I would gladly put her in place, should she be talking down to my beloved, and I would have her thrown out!
@@andrewlanglois6362Yes but what about the husband's wish? If he wishes to hear what his mom has to say? He's not allowed?
Story 4: her insecurities are not your problem, and after she gave you this ridiculous list of demands but smart thing to do is to let your roommate handle his GF, you didn't start anything she shouldn't have been so controlling. Also since it's your TV that you also use it makes sense that your Disney Plus account is logged in, I think it's actually pretty stupid to log you out so she can feel some sense of control over the situation.
Story 3 / Food photos: It's possible that OP is not telling the whole story - eg. maybe they spend 5 mins getting photos from every conceivable angle (letting the food get cold), or maybe they do something else that's highly disruptive (eg. standing up and walking round and round the table). And, it's VERY possible that this is the boyfriend's perception of what's going on, even if in fact it's all very reasonable. Perhaps it would be more productive to set explicit ground rules like, "give me 30 seconds after the waiters leave after putting down all the food, and I'll stay in my seat". Anyone who objects to generic ground rules like that is a bit of an ah.
I can't not hear "JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD" every time couples argue about picking off each other's plates 😂
Story 1: if the relationship starts out with “you won’t be parental in any way” that’s a MASSIVE red flag. Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit
The food photos story I understand the BF side because I absolutely hate being with someone like that. Going out to eat together is meant to be together not for the world to see. Having to wait 15-30min (most definitely never 30sec) once the food arrives just for some stupid photos and by the time I'm ALLOWED to eat MY OWN FOOD it's already cold. Food bloggers are the worst to go on a food date with.
At the same time if you're not participating in the food blogger activities then don't expect your meal to be paid for. By this point you're eating alone at a table of bloggers.
Husband in story 2 is a complete narcissist. He's one of those clowns who thinks he can't be wrong in any situation, even when he's clearly wrong. It's so bad that he gaslights OP and lies to her about minor things just to feel superior. It's sick and this relationship is not going to last. Of course he's going to act like a little baby when proved wrong.
Y’all saying the last op is the a-hole but they’re not. They specifically said no speeches, the groom agreed to this, it was on the wedding invite. It doesn’t matter if others think it’s ridiculous its not THEIR day. If this was someone trying to do anything ELSE against the bride/grooms wishes everyone would be saying that the op wasn’t an a-hole but just because it’s a uncommon request people are attacking her.
Last story: OP should bring an air horn to her next wedding.
Story 1: Sir, why aren’t you getting a divorce? You’re being treated like a bank account, screamed at, disrespected, are extremely unhappy, so why can’t you just leave? Or kick them out seeing as you remortgaged the house and are solely paying for it? Get your house back and kick these losers to the kerb.
Food story: Its not breaking up over food pictures, its over not respecting a hobby/something that brings her joy
On that last story, to the bride: it wasn’t too late to not file for your marriage certificate. That’s a big enough red flag not to question the marriage. I would’ve seriously contemplated not filing the paperwork and shredding the signed papers, before they were filed. My late grandma, who I loved dearly, was very rude to my mother, her daughter-in-law. My dad could do no wrong and if there was a problem, it was always something my mom did. It was so bad that my mom & I refuse to let my brother’s wife and my cousin’s husband be treated like that by my dad’s family. If you want me in a picture, with the grandkids and my grandpa, that must include the spouses of everyone. The minute they said “I Do” and the paperwork was filed, they became grandkids, too. I refuse to have another generation of trauma, just because of the BS that happened in the past. The spouses of the grandkids aren’t blood and I know they feel uneasy about rocking the boat of a family issue that they weren’t born into. That is why i take on that burden and responsibility. I won’t have yet another generation of spouses ostracized because “they will never be good enough for this family” as my grandma used to say. If your husband or even your new sister-in-laws won’t stand up for you, it’s going to be a long, hellacious battle of getting your boundaries respected.
1st story: NTA. But man, why did he marry her knowing such idiotic conditions. "Yes, pay for my child's education, legal fees, crimes, troubles and everything else, BUT DONT YOU DARE TO PARENT HER, SHE HAS A FATHER".
Hell, why he even married into this family?.
1:20
I definitely saw something was up when I heard that OP could not punish his step daughter. I wonder if Mom punishes her.
i doubt it sadly
I was willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, since the kid was already 14 when they met. I can understand a mother-daughter pair not wanting the new guy upsetting their dynamic by being demanding/controlling. (Lord knows we've heard RSlash tell us enough of those stories.)
But yeah...this is just an Entitled Parent raising an Entitled Child. Huge issue.
@@davidharshman7645let's not forget that the little crap got expelled from multiple schools. I'm betting he mom got mad at the teachers for disciplining her every time she got out of line (it's their job to do so), and she saw this as a way to keep causing problems all she wants mommy doesn't let them punish her (until they expelled her).
I share my Disney+ account with my parents and my flatmate/best friend. Does that mean that I'm flirting with them? That would be gross. First, it would be incest, and second, yes, I'm bi and she's lesbian but we're not into each other - she's more like a sister or a favourite cousin.
Story 1: If I knew ahead of time I was going to be thrown into that mess, I would've disagreed with having no control. I would discipline that kid or just let her sit in jail since not doing either is a bad idea. Heck, if all else fails, once she turns 18 and leaves, I would run as well. The wife and ex husband can bail her, but I'm not
I can’t believe some coworkers thought Amanda was the victim! I swear some people just CANNOT see women as anything but the victim in every scenario and always make excuses for them. Unless Amanda gets called out on her insecurities she will never get over them and coddling her will only make them worse.
*this is an edit to my original comment*
Last story: Apparently there was an update to this which answered somethings I mentioned in my judgement that was lacking:
1: OP wanted to elope, but HB didn't, so they agreed on a small wedding, but OP's no speeches was something she was dead set on. HB knew his mother would go through with it because of how she is, but didn't expect OP to ignore her during the entire wedding because of it. Later on after being on a call with MIL, she revealed that she never liked OP, which OP was aware off, and long story short hoped that HB would wake up one day and leave her. OP told HB about this, who thought she was blowing it out of proportion, then asked HB to ask FIL because he was apparently around for the Phone Call and a decent man. FIL told HB and he couldn't believe that MIL would do this, so he wanted to cut contact, but OP feels betrayed.
This changes the situation a lot, because obviously, HB has been emotionally abused by is mother. Most likely throughout his life he has had to put up with his mother shenanigans, but always assumed that she couldn't be that bad, because that probably is admitting to himself that she was bad to him too. I'm not saying this to invalidate OP's feelings, but to give an idea of where HB probably where and why he probably wouldn't believe until his father told him about it, because it's more likely MIL has gaslit HB into thinking that OP has a vendetta against MIL and is out to get her, which is why he was defensive.
It does, however, change my rating and judgement that I have below this, that I will keep for posterity
OP gets 0/5, HB gets 1/5 and should get therapy because obviously his judgement has been poisoned by his mom, MIL gets 4/5
*pre edit*
I'm actually somewhat split on the last story. Like no matter what OP's MIL is TA in this scenario. But it also really feels like OP's husband actually wasn't on board with the idea of no speeches, or assumed it only meant for her side of the family. Either way though, OP's husband lack of communication on that front is also a problem, but I see this less of a "Taking his mother side" on the issue and that "OP and husband never had a proper talk", because obviously OP didn't want speeches. But the wording on this post makes it very much seem like "it was a bride thing and only the bride thing"
"When it was my turn to get married, *I* requested no speeches" not we. "I know we are forbidden to make speeches by *the bride* but this is my only son" not the couple. This very much makes it seem to be the wife decision and the wife decision only, and that she didn't consider that the husband might have wanted them
Judgement though, ESH, OP 0.5/5 for seemingly spearheading the decision and not taking husbands feeling into the matter, Husband 1/5 for not communicating that he had an issue with the arrangement until the wedding itself, and MIL 1.5/5 for despite being told not to, still held a speech
Food photos story was a funny one. Just yesterday I was grilling outside with my girlfriend. Her sister had been over earlier and knew what we were having for dinner.
Dinner turned out really well and my GF mentioned her sister. I don't ever take photos of food, but I could tell she'd like to display our food to her sister so I suggested she go ahead and take some.
Point being. It's about two people being happy in a relationship, not one person having their way above all, even if you're the one who has to stretch your own beliefs and opinions.
For the OP of the last story I'm of the opinion if your husband agreed with you that there shouldn't be speeches, he can't change his mind and turn on his wife suddenly because his mommy's feefees are hurt. I think MIL should have told OP directly that she knew that she didn't want speeches, but could she make an exception for this one? I don't like how MIL went about it.
Last story had an update, but long story short, it comes across as OP's MIL has emotionally abused the HB into always taking her side. OP called MIL and was told that MIL never liked her and hoped that she one day would wake up and leave her. When HB was confronted, he didn't believe it until OP's FIL told him that she indeed did say that over the phone. This screams gaslighting from MIL to me, to make it seem that no matter what MIL does, MIL isn't in the wrong, therefore he takes her side. So I take it less as a "He's a momma's boy" and more "she forced him to think that she's never wrong"
@desperateneedofscotch if he wanted to allow speeches, he shouldn't have agreed with OP's decision to not have them. they could have come to some sort of compromise, like only certain people can make speeches, or they have to keep it under a certain time. she's not a brat for not wanting speeches, regardless of her reasons for that choice. but i think she married the wrong person if her husband is going to let his mother trample all over OP's boundaries. first it's making a speech at their wedding but what's next? demanding to be in the delivery room when OP gives birth to their children? demanding some sort of naming rights? putting an ingredient OP can't eat into every dish MIL makes for special occasions and leaving OP to starve? sabotaging OP's own cooking? the MIL is the toxic one here and with people like that, if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile (or more). OP's not the bad guy here.
Third story: i would get annoyed at people taking pictures of food served, but damn is that dude petty and childish. Let her take her pics, then you can stir *your own* food up.
Never assume I'm done eating that's how you lose a hand
That's how you get a hand eaten. :-) I've jokingly gaslit my husband. "What bread?" as I'm chewing on it. He does the same to me. But it's not a habit and we only do it on things we absolutely love that the other hates--he steals my onions.
Our end up with a fork sticking out of you lol
Second story: My dad would take food off my plate all the time when I was a kid. He STILL does it when I see him for a meal. This resulted in me being very touchy about my food. OP is NTA.
Story 1: nta, kick that evil goblin out at 18 so she doesnt do more stupid shit like steal your vehicle and crash into someone and ending them for their stupidity
That second story hits close to home. My mother gaslit me constantly for my entire life. I only cut contact with her 3 years ago at the start of 2020 and I wonder if i will ever stop second guessing every tiny thing. I'm still always constantly on edge and ready to defend myself over every thing. Don't let someone do this to you. Mental abuse is so insidious, no relationship is worth it.
Story 1: She can't have it both ways. OP is either a father figure or he isn't. If he's not allowed to parent her kid, then that girl's not his kid, so taking care of her needs should be only the moms and real dads problems. The fact OPs wasted money on her is already outrages
Story 2: Ah a tale as old as time. You're being lied to, you know you're being lied to, you prove you were being lied to....and you're somehow the villain for 'not letting it go' and 'not letting sleeping dogs lie'. It doesn't matter how small it is, it can be the amount of garlic bread, or why your gaslights keep dimming, he is trying to distort reality. It's not out of line to prove someone a liar
Story 3: Okay okay I know 'taking pics of food is annoying' when you just wanna eat...but her boyfriend is so goddamn petty it makes me cringe. Sure he might wanna eat his own food, but it's not magically gonna get cold in one minute. It wouldn't kill him to have some self control. However if he really wanted to eat, fine....But messing her food up too was just so goddamn spiteful it's kind of pathetic. It's like that guy who messed up the food his wife made before she could take a picture....EVEN THOUGH IT'S LITERALLY HER JOB.
honestly not even one minute, if you're just getting a quick pic at a good angle it's not even 30 seconds
Number one: OP stated that the food photos are a HOBBY, not a job.
Number two: food can actually get cold very quickly (hence why food is kept under heat lamps until served) so yeah, I can understand how the boyfriend would be annoyed with that. If she wants pictures of food so badly, she can take pictures of her own food or go out with her foodie friends that are also okay with letting their food get cold so they can have pictures for their followers.
It wouldn't kill her to not take a photo of the food, either. OP was insufferable.
@@wmdkitty Is a minute really so terrible when you get a meal...for free?
1st story: "A child is being neglected right in front of my eyes but yippee won't be financially responsible anymore". Whose car was she drunk driving with, hm? How did she get the alcohol? Why aren't her parents involved after the 1st time in court??
Like, sure, he's not her father. But she'll still talk about that soulless weirdo in therapy
Second story: This sounds almost exactly like the beginning of the mustard story from rSlash's bestof videos. OP innocently asking the Internet if they were out of line in an incident that seems small to them but shows huge red flags to the outside perspective. The husband sounds so manipulative, controlling, and gaslighty.
Last story, “I couldn’t mak MIL stfu and she wouldn’t even if we told her.”
Here’s the thing, OP never once tried to stop MIL when she started her speech. She just ignored her and carried on her conversation with her friends. If anything, OP actually folded and compromised. It’s not OP’s fault she didn’t like said compromise.
man if the girlfriend reacts like that to Disney+ like that she must go psycho when someone uses there own Netflix subscription
After getting reamed by a judge as her father, I don’t care what the mom says: I’m parenting that little shit, or she’s leaving.
Story 1: My mom made it clear that my step-dad will have a say in how I act. I was 14 going on 15 when they started dating and got married. This man who has never raised a child gave me the stability that I needed in my life. He's a sweet guy who treats my mom well and he loves me as if I was his own. He scolded me whenever I got out of line but he never raised his voice at me. And because he was a nice guy, I felt terrible for disappointing him. My father on the other hand would get in my face and scream at me to the point of threatening to terminate his parental rights.
Last story: Is OP responsible for her soon-to-be ex-husband's mother's failure in judgment? NEWP! OP explicitly stated "no speeches were allowed" and if you wanted to share your thoughts, come tell them directly. The hag even had the nerve to say or I should say, remind everyone of OP's rule but then proceeds to disregard said rule. The woman knew what she was doing and OP ignoring her was the MOST respectful thing she could've done because she could've done a lot worst. I don't get why MILs have this main character syndrome and make things about themselves. I rarely hear about FILs but, then again, with a wife like that, you wouldn't have a chance to hear about them. Definitely NTA!
Story 1: So OP can't act like a stepparent. Okay, then mom and bio-dad can handle all the legal bills and OP can stay out of it completely.
I had no speeches at my wedding, no one tried to make one. My very entitled mother replaced my bouquet because hers cost more. This is after I paid for her wedding, dress, and everything. I made sure my maid of honor, my husband's best man, did not have to pay for anything, even bought my mother a new dress and shoes so that she would have fewer chances to take over my day. I was so angry about the flowers but I only allowed myself 5 minutes to vent before excepting it was something I could not change and wasn't that important.
I could be going off the rails here but story 2 seems like a good example of how mustard guy started off. The gaslighting, the weird use of food as a power trip/act of control. Ask for some one on one with the marriage counselor to discuss this, before you're trapped in a car with him screaming and driving insanely recklessly because you wouldn't let him eat you're fries... Gaslighting and control is insidious, always starting small and barely noticeable until, slowly eating away at your sanity as his behavior worsens.
The garlic bread story reminds me of a similar incident that happened to me years ago with my grandmother. She had made spaghetti and garlic toast(we were lower income) with regular bread. When I tried to get a 2nd piece she chewed me out saying I'd already had 2 and to save the rest for her and John, her neighbor who was eating with us. She literally had me almost crying she was so ugly about it. Later that evening she apologized. She went into the kitchen to see how many slices of bread she could get on the baking sheet and realized it was only 6 not 9 like she thought. So we each had 2 pieces of garlic toast, not 3. I had many instances like that with my grandmother that could be construed as gaslighting but often it was simply a matter of just dealing with a stubborn old woman!
The story about op who couldn't punish his step-daughter is that he made the biggest mistake in getting married to a woman who had a daughter and wouldn't let the dad set up rules for his step-daughter to follow
Foodie story is an ESH story, OP is an AH because she KNOWS her BF hates when his food is photographed and yet she wont drop it, the BF is the bigger AH for messing with her food as well as lying about being fine with it reluctantly.
Personally i HATE when someone shoves a camera near my food or makes me wait for them to snap a pic, it bothers me IMMENSELY so i understand where the BF is coming from when he doesnt wanna deal with it BUT hes also giving his GF a massive amount of immature attitude about what she does with her own plate of food which is why i think he is the worst of the two
Getting pissed if someone checking a Camera for evidence. Is what guilty people do.
On the last story i strong suggest op consider this marriage. If your spouse is just giving into their parents will when you made a very simple request. Hes mad at you over something you both agreed to. Hes disrespecting you at your own wedding he agreed to. I would take this as a red flag to at least consider the relationship and if its actually supportive and healthy.
It wouldn't be breaking up over taking pictures of food, it would be breaking up over consistent disrespect and immature bullying.
Story 3: My family has a practice of taking photos of our food. Not for the internet but for the memory. My mom even insists on me taking pics of my friends' food. They think it's weird, but they understand. I've never done it on a date, though. It just feels too weird and, thankfully, my mom never asks.
It’s not “JUST” food pictures, it’s her having a hobby and asking her boyfriend to let her enjoy herself, even going so far as to say “Only when I pay” as to accommodate HIM and he couldn’t even spare the decency to wait Maybe 1 minute at most to let her snap a pic
Nah, it’s not just food. It’s him bullying her even when she’s constantly expressed that it makes her happy and she bends over backwards to make sure it doesn’t bother him but he still goes out of his way to make sure her happiness is crushed
She is pushing her hobby onto the boyfriend which is also wrong. She also knows he does not like it and still pushed it. So, imo, either both are the jerks or OP is the jerk.
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd she’s not forcing him to take pictures with her, she’s just asking to wait a sec so she can take a picture
If he doesn’t want to and went ahead eating his own plate, that’s fine he probably just didn’t want to wait
But to then mess up HER plate? While she’s trying to take a photo? Reaching across the table to purposefully mess with it? That’s so weird bro
@@DanielGonzalez-qk6sd "Dude, why are you playing games in the living room when we only have one TV, you know I don't like it so why are you pushing it onto me"
If OP taking pictures of food is such a big deal to him, break up with OP rather than try to change something that is clearly harmless and makes OP happy
@@iridescentsolace While I did not state it in my post here, I do think the BF could of acted differently. This is why I think it is either both sucks or the GF sucks. Personally I lean towards both suck. Sorry for not clarifying my personal stance.
@@GamerSapss Your example is actually quite right. I dont disagree with it. Relationship is about compromise. In that situation, the bf has to play video games another day or move the console somewhere else.
As for the second part. I agree. I also agree the Bf should not have messed with OP’s food. My stance is not attempting to absolve him. It is just to point out that OP also is a jerk.
Third story: the boyfriend broke his agreement, so he can’t get all mad when OP breaks her agreement with him. I find taking pictures of your food cringey, but if that’s what people enjoy, let them enjoy it.
Story 1: divorce, that's not another way
Story 2: NTA he is gaslighting OP and doesn't that accountability. Either he change or a call to a lawyer is in order
“I can’t believe that you were disrespectful to the person proudly disrespecting you at your wedding.”
I’m on summer vacation right now and my daily rhythm is all sorts of wack, so seeing this notification pop up every day is more like ”whoa, it’s already 4 PM” than anything else
same!
Funny you should say this! I'm currently suffering horrendous hayfever & thee antihistamines I'm eating by the handful have thrown my sleep patterns to the wind. For the last few days I've been finding Dabney & his 11pm (here in Australia) posting to help me reset my sleep pattern.
*using, not "finding". Ugh. I'm so tired, I'm struggling to English!
Concerning the last story, I had a similar experience with my Ph.D defense party. I didn’t want awkward speeches either, but my mother decided that she wanted to make a speech anyway. The difference was that I decided to let it happen and roll with it even though I didn’t like it. After that my Ph.D advisor held a speech which where actually good.
Food Photos: I think it's kind of silly to take photos of food, but if it were a thing my partner were into, I'd make sure she could get her photos, and I'd be on a the look out for new places we could try.
I don't think I'd go that far. It gets really irritating having to wait for her to get the perfect photo of the food before I can eat on every single meal date. I've been there. I wouldn't mind at all if she would just let me eat while she took photos of her own meal though.
@@joshdillon9637I mean, if she gets like a couple photos, I don't see how that's wrong. If she goes out all photoshoot with lighting, then it's a little embarrassing, but also not that bad imo.
@@joshdillon9637 Oh, I didn't consider that. I was thinking she points the camera at my food, hits the button, and then I get to eat. I'd for sure start eating as soon as she took the first photo. No issue with her taking her time on her own though.
Garlic bread story: run girl, run. He's setting you up to not believe yourself when he does some truly horrible stuff.
I hope Rslash is doing good with everything that's been going on. Hopefully things will turn out okay.
What’s happened?
Yeah what happened?
what do you mean by that, what happened?
What happened??
I’m assuming this is about the Reddit blackouts? Last I checked AITA is still up and running, so he should be fine in the short term. Long term, it’s probably a good idea to find ways to diversify, source from other platforms. He seems to usually be a month behind with the stories on the sub, so he’s got a backlog right now.
Story 2, this is 100% 5 stars. This story is spot on for a person that is trying to destroy your self confidence and make you mend to his will. I have know women that have been gaslight for so long that the guy can cheat on her, beat her, even kick her out for the night, and she always went back to him because she was super mentally dependent on him. This guy will try the same crap with her as well.
Last Story: What kills me is that so many people in the comments were on the MIL’s side, and it makes no sense to me. If someone says they want a dry wedding and you bring alcohol, YTA. If someone says they want a child free wedding and you bring your kids, YTA. But if someone says they don’t want long speeches, you have every right to disrespect them, apparently.
Those are rules that can actually keep a wedding from being interrupted. Seems like no one was bothered by the speech or it's context other than the psycho OP. People just let the smallest things ruin their whole life.
@@neverdateagamer1498 1. She literally interrupted to give the speech. 2. Psycho? She just doesn’t like long speeches. It’s her wedding and it’s not a big ask.
@@H.P._Lovecrafts_Beloved_Cat she is not marrying herself. It's their wedding. Husband didn't even fully agree to it. She's crazy to die on this hill. As if she made that will in spite of MIL and made she did it anyway. I wanna call ESH but just seems like OP started this and is the only real problem. End the marriage so they can find ppl who best suit them.
@@neverdateagamer1498 What I meant was she’s not getting married to MIL. It’s OP’s wedding, not MIL’s. She doesn’t get to disrespect the request they asked of everyone. And the the husband DID agree to no speeches because he knows her feelings about them.
@@neverdateagamer1498 and yes, you’re right. OP shouldn’t be marrying this mama’s boy. She deserves someone better.
So since I share a Disney+ account with my parents and siblings, does that mean we’re all into forbidden love with each other?
Story 1: One thing that's kind of sticking in my craw, if he was out with his boy and only vented this to them, how did the wife get wind of it? Is she pals with one of their partners or is she railing one of the friends? 🤔
Last story: That MiL is going to be a nightmare when the kids come.
"I know DiL said no visitors for a month, but it's my first grandbaby so I'll do what I want."
"I know they said no solids yet, but I know he's ready so I'll do what I want.'
"I know they said no banana, but all my kids love banana bread so I'll do what I want."
DH needs to shine up that spine or he'll find himself in his childhood bedroom, wondering where he went wrong.
Given that he has now parenting responsibilities, why should he help bankroll her mistakes?
9:45 You're a bit off on the food photo issue, RSlash. She should restrict her photography to her food and shared food. By swapping who pays, essentially they are both buying their own food. The OP only has rights to her food. He was an a-hole for messing up her food but her expecting him to wait for her to photograph HIS food is crazy. They're both far too immature in this relationship and need to grow up. She's showing possessiveness towards his food and he's being immature in messing up her food. Honestly, they deserve each other.
Story 3: NTA pure and simple op your bf does not respect your hobbies, i mean saying you won't pay for his meal is a bit extreme but honestly he needed a dose of consequences
Last story about the MIL who insisted on making a speech at her son’s wedding: instruct the DJ to cut the mic off for any drunken speechifiers, rude folks, etc. Covering your bases with the DJ and security is a must. Unfortunately, this marriage seems doomed. That MIL is a piece of work.