Story 1: the part where OP turns down the dinner invite from Walter, and says "now she can't complain that I won't take her to fancy dinners because he will" was truly the final nail in the coffin for their relationship long term. If you HATE the idea of going to a nice dinner with your wife, scary movie aside, why are you married to her
This. I think quality time is so important for couples to spend together. Literally a relationship’s life blood. OP may not have cared for scary movies but…he’s showing signs that he’s taking his wife for granted in other ways too. :/ it’s extremely sad.
Why are feminine hygiene products considered taboo to see? I don't even see why people think condoms and stuff are also embarrassing to buy. I'm a guy. I buy my fiancée pads and tampons all the time, along with feminine washes and wipes. People who are embarrassed or freaking out about seeing these things need to grow up! It's life, FFS! I'd rather the person I'm with be clean. My only complaint is the price of these things lately! It's crazy!
Ikr, she acted like she put a bomb in the bathroom. Also does she not realize her child no matter the gender will know about periods when they're older? I don't think that's a bad thing if they see it. They won't know what it is and you can explain to a child what it is without being vulgar. Or even if she doesn't want to then don't go to other peoples houses?
Blood phobia is my guess. People freak out over blood, so it extends to the insinuation that women go through that "time of the month" where it's natural for them to bleed. I feel sorry for the male children who are raised to believe that women going through that "time of the month" isn't natural.
I was always more upset when my siblings left makeup everywhere in the bathroom. Like clean up. But have a pack of whatever standing on a counter or on a shelf. Why should I care? The woman acted like OP left her used stuff on the floor.
Good on you. I can promise you that no one has ever even looked at you funny for buying this stuff. No sane person cares. I could sort of understand it if it was used products in a very visible trash can but new stuff? Does she have a meltdown anytime she enters a store?
From my experiences, it roots in the whole "Eve sinned and periods are the punishment," thing, but there could be numerous different reasons. After my ex-fiance asked me to explain the experience of a period to him, I stopped feeling self-conscious about it, and now blatantly and openly carry my pads to the bathroom. Tampons also get additional drama because they're vaguely phallic, and "my females must be virgins." (Ick!)
Story 3: I can't believe the comments on that post fell so hard. Dabney you are right on the money with this one. I'm a child of divorce due to cheating and yeah, people can make amends over time but that doesn't mean OP and his dad were disallowed from feeling hurt. That's a big boundary to break, even more so when kids are involved.
I found the original thread and apparently the OP is getting a ton of backlash for a subsequent comment that he made that he would be okay with abandoning his current wife and child and "starting over". I still disagree with the moron that made the comment that he "sucks the most", but I think he deserves at least an AH score of 1 for that. I'm pretty sure he could have simply made that comment because he's in a distraught emotional place, but that sort of intention is still pretty toxic.
@turnpike9680 it's also proof that he is probs too stubborn and unwilling to forgive... that's his right, but I can see why most ppl say he's an AH. His boundary is probably unreasonable... as is his right. Most folks can see that nonsense and won't feel alot of sympathy for someone who is soooo unsympathetic bc "boundaries" 🙄 He can be hurt but he doesn't need to be broken forever in "solidarity" with his dad
@@chanson8508”his boundary is probably unreasonable” not wanting your cheating mother and your sister who defends a cheater to be able to see your kids is unreasonable?
“She can’t complain that I don’t take her out to fancy restaurants” Oh yes, she can. Rslash put it best, OP in the first story was outsourcing his emotional labor
I think the only thing that’s kinda dumb about that boundary is that OP is prevent his kid from meeting his cousins who haven’t done anything wrong in this situation. HE doesn’t have to have contact with his sister but it seems kinda selfish to make that boundary for his kid when his kid’s cousins have nothing to do with this.
Yall, people can have platonic dates. Sometimes its nice to just hangout and have dinner with a good friend. Walter keeps inviting the husband and the kids to come alone and the husband keeps declining. Yall need to stop sexualizing a platonic relationship between a guy and girl.
Normally I'd agree, if this were in a restaurant setting, where the boyfriend paid for his food. But if I spent the money to buy ingredients and then spent time and effort into making you a meal that isn't supposed to have hot sauce in it, you're going to lose all my respect in an instant if you insist on adding it. This isn't about the culture of the cuisine. What he did was just rude, full stop. I don't blame OP at all. When you cook a recipe, there's an intention behind the taste. It's a lot like art imo. By adding hot sauce where it wasn't supposed to be, the boyfriend ruined the meal, not for himself, but for the person who made it. It's just so disrespectful and I couldn't imagine doing that to anyone. And I also LOVE hot sauce.
This does remind me of my friend. A while back. Another friend and I made some home made chipotle spaghetti and we made the sauce base and spiced it up with canned chipotles. It was great because it took two things you wouldn't think go together but blended well. Good but a bit spicy even for the guy that helped me make it and my brother. The first friend was saying we did something wrong by making it like this. But to me the taste of the food is the most important part. And besides being a bit spicy it was really good.
@@guywholikesgoodmusic and isnt the point of art the fact that it's subjective ? Like yeah she has this vision of the meal's taste, but he also does too, if he thinks it's better with hot sauce then just let him lmao, would i be wrong for stating what feelings a painting gives me despite not being the same feelings as the creator of said painting ? I personnally dont think so because otherwise, art critique would'nt exist
@@galvsparks6295 So, in what way does getting a different feeling from a painting than the artist physically change the artwork? Link said it best. The guy didn't have a different interpretation or something, he altered the dish. The only way I alter someone else's dish is by adding a bit of salt, and that's if it wasn't seasoned already or if I know they won't mind me adding some seasoning to it after trying it, though I'd ask if it's a dish that wasn't prepared by my parents. From your post, it sounds like you don't make your own food and share it with others that much, but for people that like to cook, adding something that over-powers the taste of a meal, especially something like hot sauce, even more so if the dish doesn't call for anything spicy, just feels like you're saying my food tastes bad and that I don't know how to cook. OP even offered a hot sauce that would work well with the flavor and style of the food, but he declined and wanted to add siracha, which can easily overpower the taste of a meal. Personally, I'd say if you wanted to add a bit of spiciness to a dish, especially an Italian one, then I definitely go with dried chili flakes. They'd probably mesh great with the flavor, depending on what the meal was, obviously.
I literally keep a clear jar of tampons of various sizes next to the toilet. I do this so anybody can see and use them without feeling embarrassed about it (the idea came because my brother is trans and hasn’t been able to go through any of the processes to stop his cycle yet and it can be hard for him to have to ask when at other peoples houses) if anybody has issues with my mensuration station, they don’t come over, period.
fellow trans guy here, that’s an amazing idea! hygiene products aren’t something that should be taboo, and good on you for being a supportive family member
This is ridiculous. Growing up, my father bought all the groceries, because my mother didn't drive, so I always saw her needed products, and never thought twice. I didn't know what they were for, exactly, but then, I didn't need to. KIDS DON'T SEXUALIZE! And it's not like there's a picture of a vagina on the box!!! Sell crazy somewhere else!!!
My only suggestion is to add a lobster or similar critter somewhere so it can become the crustacean menstruation station 😂 Jokes aside it’s a good idea and way nicer to have them at the ready
Even without the reasoning, this is such a great idea. Its incredibly kind how much you look out for your brother and how that influences your home. What a legend
Or it's about feminist bigotry. The saying "your partner cheated on you because you didn't do enough." If a man does it they are monsters, but a woman does it then it's not that bad. With how courts run she will probably still get house, full custody, and more than half his finances even if she was the one cheating and he was a Saint.
That's a church things, certain religions are all about that and I bet they all got raised with it. Except dad and son didn't drink the coolade. Maybe when sister gets cheated on she'll figure out why it's wrong. Son's wife probably comes from the same upbringing.
It baffles me that some people don't understand that dysfunctional families exist and if someone cuts their family off, there is usually a good f-ing reason
@@KomaedasOneTrueHope I think he meant split custody and cause they would both single as in not helping each other just for there kid i think thats what my parnets did also if he did mean that it is horrible
Nah wait the more I re listn to story 4 the more mad and confused I get over the relpys on reddit OP was 18 an adult he chosse for himself to stay with his dad and his sister chosse her mom WTF is the big deal hear and also before you say He GeT To coNtroL if His Wife has relationshoip with no he didn't he said this is my boundred over and over again and also he said if you cross it you can hang with my mom and sister just not with me
Lady really birthed a whole child but still gets offended over a box of tampons? She'd hate my bathroom, I've got a bin full of every size pad, liner and tampon you could need for myself and anyone else that happens to visit and might need something. Her reaction is exactly why I put my bin out for everyone to see. I have kids and I want them to grow up knowing that normal bodily functions are NORMAL and you don't need to feel ashamed. It's as necessary as providing toilet paper in my opinion.
I mean, there’s people out there who think using a tampon makes you lose your virginity, so nothing surprises me about people’s weird takes on tampons anymore...
@@Tustin2121 Maybe that was her reason for freaking out. She probably thought that using a tampon = having sex so it's something which an 8 YO boy shouldn't see. Even when I was 8 I (sort of) understood what tampons were for, thanks to growing up with two older sisters.
I’d ask if toilet paper out would bug her cuz that touches the booty too. Is she gonna over react over that? XD it’s silly. Esp since she’s a woman and has a kid.
Exactly! I can't even understand why anyone would want to shield their kids from something like HYGIENE. Like.. Going through puberty is confusing enough. The last thing I want for my kids is to be embarrassed or, even worse, ashamed of their body and what it's literally MADE to do.
Story 4: I'd be really concerned if my partner was siding so hard with a cheating mother or the sister that supported her, along with continuously stomping on boundaries. Wonder if the wife is offended cause she can relate, or if this is just some newly parenthood crisis and she's super worried about family bonds. People get so butt hurt about hearing about ultimatums, that they forget there comes a point where if a conflict has gotten far enough, you've got three options. 1 is the ultimatum (basically just a final warning which would then be followed by either 2 or 3). 2 Give up on the issue entirely (in this example it's a boundary). Or 3, just go for the divorce itself, and don't bother with one final chance. These Redditors wouldn't be treating an ultimatum this way of it was a wife threatening to leave her husband who's talking about sleeping with other women. And the Redditors taking the wife's side reminds me of an old story of a guy that was no contact with his mom ever since she cheated on his dad when he was a kid. But the mom (while he was still a kid) kept forcing herself into the kids life, events and such, despite him explicitly asking for space. And he only got that space when he was old enough to go no contact with her because he was a legal adult. But even then she kept pushing I think, but there was so much resentment at that point, any chance of reconciliation was dead. I think that post was prompted by him getting a letter from his mom, which o think he just straight up burnt. I think he had Reddit and family all telling him to just get over it.
I remember hearing that story from another TH-cam channel. It’s actually insane how poorly Reddit treats minor and major issues. And then you come to TH-cam comments and everyone is much more reasonable and not straight jumping to conclusions.
Either 0 or 4 AHs for the wife and Walter? Hell no, I would give OP at least 3 AHs, as doesn't really say anything about spending time with his wife in general. If he's really pushing his wife into another dudes' arms, that doesn't warrant a 4 on their end. Maybe a 1 IF they're having an affair.
neighbor: hey me and your wife are going to see a scary movie but would you like to join us for dinner with the kids OP: no that's expensive I'm happy babysitting here neighbor: oh okay then OP: why are you treating me like a babysitter?!?!
Story 2: She has an entire child and she's having a heart attack over _~checks notes~_ tampons .... 🚶🏻 Girl you've seen the weirdest, wildest things humans can do, the evidence is sitting at the dinner table, what do you _mean-_
I think I was laughing at the ridiculousness over the whole thing, along with my comment of if being in OP's position the boyfriend would be an ex-boyfriend after his agreeing with the whole thing. Like.. what the heck?
Because the boys can see them, boys don't need to know women bleed from their lady bits, their manhood couldn't take it...oh wait...my fiance totally can I think others can too
yeah, the fact that it's a girl complaining makes it so much worse like, girl, you have periods too!! tf do you do? i get pads exist and those are seen as "more appropriate" for some reason, but like...i don't get it
I'm SHOCKED how Reddit reacted to that post with the wife disrespecting the husbands boundaries! They're always so quick to, "Oh hes an abusive partner who doesnt respect you! Divorce him!!!". But when it's a guy that has a very reasonable boundary that has been set their whole relationship suddenly it's bad? Reddit can be so hypocritical and sexist
There was a story a while back where OP *admitted to gaslighting her coworker* and not the quirky “this is real when it’s not” like *ACTUAL TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING* and socially engineering their co-workers into bullying the guy, BUT SINCE HE WAS A MALE IT WAS OK. *Rslash literally called it “genius.”* People will ALWAYS assume the man is the bad guy
Research demonstrates that women have an in-group preference, while men have an out-group preference. In other words, both men and women have a strong pro-female bias. Contrary to feminist belief, this has been the case for thousands of years.
Story 4 I heard this one before. What makes it terrible is if he divorces his wife there is nothing stopping her from taking the kid to his aunt and grandma.
Story 3: Oh boy, I sure love it when people set a clear boundary right off the bat of their relationship and the partner is like "Sure, this is okay with me, I'll respect your boundary" and then they're surprised when years later they still enforce that boundary. Boundaries are usually here to stay unless the person happens to have a good reason to change that boundary. But unless they explicitly state that their boundaries have changed, you should expect that boundary to still exist for like... Eternity. He communicated very clearly with her from the start so why would she assume it has suddeny changed out of nowhere? (Like, another example from a while back I can think of is where the guy from the very start was like "This is my best friend. She's also my ex, but we've been best friends for like 20 years and I want her in my life no matter what." And the gf was like "Okay, I respect that." And years later she comes to Reddit, all surprised Pikachu that her now husband wants to grieve the death of said best friend because "Omg how could I have known he cares that much about her, she's his ex???")
That wasn't the case, she wanted basically wanted to drop the facade and say she's dead anyways and forbade him from going to her funeral. Took her mask right off and now she can't realize why everyone wants nothing to do with her
@@totallynotalpharius2283 My point still stands, an ad hominem or insult will not change that. If you dont commit to your significant other, then your relation with him/her is merely a friendship or a sexual friendship. Not only that open "relationships" are often prone to failure.
I highly suggest that you go on reddit and read some of the stories yourself. In particular, you should read "AITA for moving in with my dad after he and my mom separated?" Long story short, ops dad cheated on her mom. The mom tried to make it work despite the cheating. Ops' mom misscarried pretty late in the pregnancy and shortly after that happened, she found out that the affair led to a pregnancy so she couldn't take it even though she tried. Op and the father then tried to gaslight the mother to stay with op and the father but she declined. Op sided with the father and blamed the mother for "not trying hard enough to save the relationship" and didn't even bother to text her when she moved out of town. These stories are actually quite common when you frequent reddit. Most youtubers don't end up covering them though.
I think this goes with a stupid ass society thing we hear. Mom cheats because she's unfulfilled and some how the husband is to blame. Husband cheats because he's scum and a slimeball and men can't control themselves. This is usually the bs I hear. Men cheat because men suck, women cheat because their partners are leaving them unfulfilled. How about both people are scumbags? If your partner is leaving you wanting, tell them. If they don't care, leave them and then get with the person who is giving you what you want.
I've always called myself an outlier because my parents cheated on one another and I took neither's side. In fact, I told them both it isn't my job to forgive either of them, I wasn't the one they cheated on, but the fact they stayed together so I didn't have my life upended or had to choose berween them meant more to me than whether they deserved my forgiveness over cheating.
Story 1; OP is completely creating an environment where his wife is getting most of her fulfillment from another man. The fact that OP said "now she can't complain that I don't take her out"....that's just sad.
Honestly the wife should leave op. He doesn't seem like he's putting effort just by that line. So his wife was at the least saying that she wanted to spend time with her husband. Whether or not she's having an emotional affair with Walter (which I don't support but also I don't think they are, at least I hope they're not), op is checked out.
@@orchidoxs126 she might not even be aware that she's having an emotional affair. In her mind it seems like she views the neighbor as just a friend, or at least it started that way even if it's morphed without either party knowing. However I do think that the neighbor is becoming aware of the situation, which is why he's willing to pay OP to watch the girls.... But you are correct, he's just along for the ride and nothing else currently.
@@orchidoxs126 Internet people should've stay out of people's relationships. Time and time again you people prove why relationship advice online should never be an option. Yeah, sure fully endorse a wife leave her man for another. You people are nuts. The man likely works a full time job and can't muster the energy to go out on dates.
@@orchidoxs126 how comes it's always the dude that has to do things he does not like to please the girl, otherwise "he is not putting effort in the relationship"? They are married, not a budding couple. Did all of you miss the implication of how often she goes out on these dates?
@@TheDeadlyBlueWolf idc if my partner works 80 hrs a week, make time for the relationship. Request a day off if you have to. Relationship will always require constant work. Lots of men think that once they marry their girl and have kids, that's it. No need to take her out on dates and no need to buy her gifts. They're surprised when she finds another man who genuinely wants to make her happy. Make an effort for your relationship or someone else will
When both my nieces were much younger, I told them not to go through the drawers in my room. I was in college, and the adults around me looked at me like I had a third eye. The reason I asked that of them was to not locate and destroy my birth control. They liked going through drawers and taking things out of them to play house. The adults responded by saying to not put them in such an easy place beside my bed. I may be wrong here, but where else would it have gone? Now they sit in a basket on my desk, and I don't talk to my family.
Obviously you telling them to not go through your stuff is what you should’ve done but the bigger question is why they went through people’s stuff so often they had to be told not to?
"Don't put them in a place that's easy for them to find." "Don't teach them that it's okay to go through people's things." Totally reasonable stance. When adults let kids get away with things like that, it's very telling about what they themselves want to get away with.
@@dmg755 I told them not to go through my belongings, and they did listen sometimes, but being over ten years younger than most adults in the room apparently overshadowed it at that time. My family believe in the whole "respect the older adults more" thing, and I just believe in respecting everyone.
I legitimately always hate this. "Don't put X where my ill behaved child who has never learned not to take other people's stuff can get them" - after a certain age, they should know better. Why do people who don't live with the children have to re-arrange their comforts and conveniences for children that don't live with them? Plus why is it so hard to explain "Do NOT take things that don't belong to you, and if you do and something happens to you, that's on you. Don't steal and do not put ANYTHING in your mouth without asking an adult first" [literally an entire campaign in Canada about not putting stuff in your mouth without asking if it's safe, so you don't get sick]
The story with the boundaries irks me. It's not just that OP had a clear set boundary from the beginning and the wife knew about it. I hate when someone on the outside who has never experienced the bad side feel the need to excuse or forgive someone on BEHALF of you. It doesn't matter if someone is my family, my partner or my friend. It is up to ME to forgive someone or not. The very audacity of anyone who has not experienced what i have feel that they can have an opinion of my reaction is crazy to me. I support the divorce of OP.
Story 2: Don't get me wrong, the girlfriend is a jerk for yelling about the tampons, but why the hell is the OP's boyfriend taking the insane girlfriend's side for? He's essentially in a way saying OP is TA for simply having tampons in the bathroom. Like dude, can you not see wtf is wrong with her?? NTA.
He's probably one of those boyfriends that still gets grossed out by feminine hygiene products and just never really said anything until someone else did, but even then that lady is nuts
@@Corbonzobean if you are grossed out by tampons, you must be grossed out by either blood or vaginas. both are valid but only one is going to get you sex with your girlfriend.
Story 3: Yeah i dont get why so many people are on the mom’s side. The sister was more upset that her father left her mom after she cheated than she was at her mother FOR cheating. NTA Op, i’m willing to bet if DAD had cheated, sister would be singing a VERY different tune.
Because men are not allowed to be victims or hurt in anyway let alone have emotions. Reddit loves to bitch about double standards then turn around and refuse to acknowledge they are the same problem they complain about. I know for a fact if genders are reversed reddit will be screaming about "lEaVe HiM" and congratulate the other for cutting off toxic family.
Rslash did not bring up OPs comments on the post where OP basically implied he will cut contact with his child and just get a new one. OP sucks as a father, but not as a husband.
Right?!? We only have what the OP writes and somehow people know the inner feelings of someone that wasn't really mentioned. The father putting toxic thoughts into his son... WTF?!?
It’s because op wrote on a comment that if he breaks up with the woman he will abandon his kids completely too and make a new family. People were MAD after reading that. Not that op’s mom is blameless or anything, but the comments weren’t kind to op after reading that
As messed up as that is, people are still not understanding the major issue. His mom and sister are clearly mega toxic. Not only did the mother try to invite herself to the wedding of OP instead of realizing what she did had devastated OP, his sister is also willing to destroy her relationship with OP and his children just because SHE had forgiven the father. Another thing, people seem to completely ignore and not care about is that the children would more than likely become a commodity. Children are often used as open doors for toxic people to re-enter the picture that they were clearly kicked out of. Not only that but I bet OP’s mom, sister, and wife would drop poison into the children’s minds. This is pretty dang common in situations like this. And you know what would change this entire situation? IF THE MOTHER WOULD STOP BLATANTLY disregarding and denying OP’s wishes.
OP was completely justified. I agree with the idea that cheating doesn’t necessarily mean the mom is bad because there are all sorts of things that go on in relationships that kids might not be aware of…BUT everything the wife did is wrong. Also the idea that the mom trying to use religion to get her son and husband to forgive her is even more ick.
I'm part Italian, and I have a Chinese friend who adds ketchup to spaghetti for some unholy reason. That being said, it's his food. Even if I was the one that prepared the spaghetti, if he really wants to add ketchup to it, then whatever.
@@guywholikesgoodmusicwhy would that be reasonable? why would you get to decide how someone else eats their food? i'm not trying to be mean, just trying to ask reflective questions. cause i don't understand how it's reasonable to want someone else to eat their food a specific way. it's reasonable for you to want to eat your own food in a specific way. when you make something for someone or gift something to them, you are giving it wholly to that person. they owe you nothing, and they have the right to do whatever they wish with that thing. if you don't want that person to have control over something you gift them, don't gift them anything. just wanted to reiterate i'm not trying to be aggressive or mean 😅 i just have big feelings about autonomy. i also have issues with food cause i'm autistic and need to be very specific with my food so the idea that someone else would feel it was reasonable to try and dictate what/how i eat just cause they made it for me is kinda upsetting >.
@@QUEERVEEART You make somebody a meal, they should respect the original intent of the dish. If you go to a restaurant and slather ketchup all over a steak you order, that's fine because you've paid for it. You do that at my house, when I spent the time, money, and effort to cook you something, then don't expect another invite back. I see it as disrespectful. If you have personal conditions that dictate what you eat, it would be polite to inform the host of that ahead of time, so that they can accommodate.
@@guywholikesgoodmusic what if they don't like the dish? and adding something or taking something out will cause them to enjoy it more? are you gonna feel they disrespected you? people can't control what they enjoy eating. i understand what you are saying about putting time and effort and care into something and wanting that respected. that's valid. but can't someone be respectful and grateful you made them something, and express that to you, even if they don't enjoy it exactly as you prepared it? yes for me personally because i have so many food issues i typically don't like people to cook for me because i am so particular. but there are people that are less particular than me that might not think to discuss before.
Walter is 100% nailing OP's wife. I suspected as much when OP said they had to go out of town to watch obscure movies. Plus the wife wants to make sure that OP keeps watching the children so he'll be stuck at home and won't find whatever motel they're screwing in.
My sisters kept boxes of pads and tampons visible for years I never knew what they were until I got curious and read the label I was 15, and I just went ,”Huh, neat”
@@liljatupsu I didn’t even know what they were, just that it was a common thing to hear in infomercials, a couple years later, I learned what they are, and I don’t go all evangelist-corrupting-my-feeble-male-mind on them
I absolutely agree with RSlash when it comes to the boundary situation, it’s like this if you got into a relationship and you told your partner ‘hey I have trauma around people screaming at me so please don’t do that’ and then eventually the partner starts screaming at you for some reason, would you think that’s okay or reasonable? That you told them why this particular thing upsets you but then they go ahead and do it anyways? People are delusional in the comments of the post.
I agreed... Like, it's good to that OP can do that. Like, great have your boundaries. Draw your line in the sand. You have that right. You want to fall on that sword by blowing up your marriage over an old grudge of your mom blowing up your family because you still have strong feelings about it and can't move past it - you do you. I do wonder how your children will see you for blowing up their family over this, but you want to risk messing your children up too - again that's your decision to make. Personally, I'd learn to get over those feelings rather than let them breed the toxicity that they clearly have for you...but again, that's me and it's wonderful that OP gets to make that decision for himself and his little ones
The only thing I don't agree with is OP is making it sound like he would drop his son solely on her if divorce happens. 'You're about to be a single mom...' ummm even if you divorce, she wouldn't be a single parent IF you're still providing for your son. OP sounds like he would wash himself of his son and her because half his son is her.
@@conwaymj88 Yes, because boundaries only matter at the start of a relationship. We should all just 'get over' our trauma and trust issues so our toxic family members can meet their new relatives. Like that itself isn't toxic behavior. 'I know your mom cheated on your dad and tore your family apart, but you need to get over it so your child can meet his toxic grandma' or how about 'I know your father r*ped you as a child, but you need to get over that so he can meet his new granddaughter'
@@conwaymj88 I do not get your stance. Lets play with the language, but just for added fun, lets reverse genders. Female OP has gone *no contact* with her father, because daddy cheated on her mother. OP's husband, came into the relationship, aware of, and accepting she is *no contact* with her father. Husband starts exchanging kiddie pics with OP's estranged brother, who she rarely talks to. OP reiterates that she is *NC* with her father; tells husband that he isn't to share their child's picture with the estranged brother lest they be shared with her *NC* father. Do you still feel the same, would you still consider your language correct - that she is wanting "fall on that sword by blowing up your marriage over an old grudge of your _dad_ blowing up your family because you still have strong feelings about it and can't move past it"?
@@kanedakuTbh reversing genders would make everyone on OP’s side because they know that if OP was a woman. They would get the kid easily. Since OP is a man, the comments bash him for not explicitly stating he will go for his kid😂
How dare people know you're a woman with those feminine hygiene products on show in the bathroom! With how OP explains how that girl was screaming, it was as if OP went into the bathroom herself, casually brought out her tampons and threw them down on the dinner table in front of everyone. 😄
Story 2, I almost feel bad for the girlfriend. She was way out of line, but that kind of reaction makes me imagine her parents treating her that way when she started her cycle. OP isn’t an AH but the GF should see that encounter as a wake up call to get help for some deep seated trauma.
yea i feel bad for her. while i dont think op was an ah, she prolly could have shown a lil more empathy. but i understand it is upsetting when someone is insulting you and projecting their own learned shame onto you. so i get ops reaction, but i think it led to the gf feeling immediately confused and embarrassed and she went into flight mode. i hope shes gotten help. the language she was using was intense and is prolly internalized. :/
Story 4: I encourage anyone and everyone who feels they can't have a relationship with a certain family member to not try to maintain it "for the children" because if anything goes down, those poor kids will be hurt regardless of their own relationship with said family members. It either ends with the family member damaging the child (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.), crossing a major boundary that puts the kid at risk, or the kid feeling guilt, confusion, anger, etc. when the person dies or the relationship crumbles because they liked said family member. They will feel allegiance with anyone who treats them with love, so when one turns out to be awful or toxic, there is a lot of questions and dilemmas that will go unanswered. And also, in the case where the OP has a sister who is close to the mom, that kid will likely see his grandmother favor their cousins and ask things like "Does grandma love them more?", "Why does grandma go to my cousins' shows more often than mine?", etc. Once they're older, they can decide to have a relationship on their own terms, but when they're young, it's best to keep the status for you and the child. It's less harmful that way.
Yeah I'm with you on the 2nd to last story. It's absolutely mind boggling that people are actually taking his mother's side in this after everything that was described. Absolutely wild and ridiculous. Not only respect boundaries, but this is also a support your spouse moment!!!
@@Yumi_Jay on the post where the boyfriend asked for a paternity test a few days ago, all the comments were saying he was cheating and projecting on her. Absolutely crazy
@@Yumi_Jay There's a post in AITA where OP's coworker have a very smelly sweater. And everyone taking the smelly sweater guy's side. I guess because they're more relatable to the guy, probably just because they're pretty much the same.
Same. Why does op HAVE to be manipulated to take his father's side? He can't just disagree with his mother's actions? Also she split up the family, she deserves to get cut out. How dare they act like the wife is the victim even tho she knew AT THE START. Op should start learning how yo stop her from dripping posion into that child's ear. She seems exactly like the type.
Second story: Naveah 2/5: she's unhinged and can't control her emotions, it wouldn't be so bad of not for her 8 years old kid that was forced to watch they mother act in such a disrespectful and frankly scary ( for an 8 year old) way. Op boyfriend 3/5: how can you let someone attack you significant other inside their own house? Their safespace, he let his girlfriend be attacked by a stranger, did not help her in any way ( this alone makes him an AH) but above all he humiliates his girlfriend further by trying to make her apologize to her attacker???
Third story : Typical self entitled people thinking being "sorry" after getting caught for cheating will repair the damages they caused. NTA. Sister and mom are in the wrong. Your wife is overstepping your boundaries indeed. She can't even understand how unforgiveable it is to cheat. It makes me think maybe OP's kids may not be his kids.
You either get it or you don’t when it comes to family estrangement. Some people don’t get or care it’s a matter of survival. If I have kids, my estranged family will never know them. They will be deprived of nothing except being saved from what I was put through. I’m breaking the cycles.
I think half the people in support of the wife are cheaters themselves, the other half are people who just generally think "I'm sorry" suddenly makes everything okay. So, just terrible people all around.
Also, it's hilarious if people on Reddit are blasting OP for taking a side in his parents' divorce and don't make a peep about OP's sister doing the exact same thing, except it's a different side she chose.
The wife is not overstepping OP's boundary. She is not trying to force reconciliation. She is not bringing the sister over their house or trying to trick OP into association. It's like if the husband ate kosher or was vegan. If the wife chooses to have a bacon cheese burger, she is not disrespecting his boundary. One spouse's personal boundaries are not incumbent on the other. OP needs to save money for therapy, not divorce.
So as for the first story, I just want to chime in on it because very recently I was in the shoes of the "Boy Friend." My friends husband was not caught up on an anime, but me and my friend both where. So, the two of us went to the movies together while the husband stayed home to watch the kids, and the two of us grabbed lunch while we where out. But, like, i've also done the exact same thing with her husband before! She wasn't interested in a movie, but me and him where, so we went out while she watched the kids. So, like, it would feel weird for me to say "Oh, well since I'm normally attracted to girls I technically took his wife out on a date, but It wasn't a date when I did the exact same thing with him, just two friends hanging out." And like I don't think the frequency of witch we do that should have an effect on it either. Like the sequel to the movie I went with the husband to see is coming out this year, so we plan on going again, and if another movie comes out that me and the wife want to see id happily go with her again! I don't view it as me trying to do romantic things with them, its just a day out with a friend. I think slapping the "Dating" label on it is just going to far with it.
Agreed!! They're making a big assumption on that. It's very much possible that Walter is just a super nice guy and a super great friend, and there's nothing more to it than that.
These people are "coming home late" and "going to the next town over" or whatever. It sounds very much like it goes beyond the whole "just hanging out!" thing. Besides, the huge difference here is that you also hung out with the husband. The "boyfriend" in the story has never offered to hang out with just the husband. It's always just the wife, or the wife and kids + cuck to avoid suspicion.
I personally disagree. He described the place(s) that Walter and his wife were going as expensive and fancy and that Walter was paying for both of them. He talks about this being a regular occurrence, and if they were splitting the bill, I'd probably agree with you that the frequency of their dinner and movie nights doesn't mean much. Walter is dumping a lot of money on his wife, which isn't a normal thing to do for a friend. If it was like a place where the dinner for both of us was $60 and we either split the check or swapped who picked up the check each time then, sure, that's a bit more reasonable and I'd be willing to do that. From the way he's talking about it, though, it sounds like Walter's taking her to a place where dinner for two is $60 - $100 and driving out a long distance to see a scary movie, which happens to be one of the biggest genres for couples and cuddling in the theater, though that could just be a coincidence. Either way, unless Walter is quite wealthy and super generous, I can't see this as a "two friends getting a bite to eat and watching a movie together" kind of thing. Also, you described your relationship with the person as your friend, as in you already knew them before doing this, which is different from your neighbor taking your wife out for expensive dinners and movies all the time. Also, if Walter and/or his wife wanted him to join them, then they'd probably try to suggest a place and movie that all of them could enjoy. I find it more than a bit strange that Walter is more than happy to leave his kids with the husband on a regular basis to go out and spend time with the wife all the time instead of trying to change it so that it can be a joint family night like he says he wants to do. It just doesn't add up at for me.
Yeah to be honest it's certainly a relationship between three individuals and the kids are along for the ride. But that's the most I can say on it. Now whether or not the relationship between all of them is like fully platonic or romantic or bits of both or if it's something more than married couple + Walter is something we don't know so I can't judge it from that perspective. I do think the idea of OP's wife potentially not liking the payment part because it makes her feel like she's being sold could be valid. Or it could be she feels it makes the dynamic unbalanced or that money just shouldn't be brought into it (Walter does us a favor by taking me out and you do him a favor by watching the kids). The only way I could call OP an ass would be if the kids wanted to go out to the dinner and he turned the offer down purely for himself or if he hasn't found other ways to bond/hang out with his wife outside of scary movies and restaurants and doesn't hangout with her at all (and even then that'd be excluding the possibility the wife isn't somehow okay with that). Point being I really think OP shouldn't even be on Reddit seeking judgement since there's not enough info given and that all three should be sitting down to talk about it for a wee bit.
The story where the husband didn't want any contact with his sister and mom is understandable. Personally, if I was his spouse I would hope they could reconcile so the kids can know their family but the husband set a hard boundary and she should respect that even if she doesn't agree. It is his family and he has every right to make that decision. It's not like he is trying to ban her family at all. Couples really need to respect those boundaries with family or any hard line situation or the relationship will fail. I hope they can work it out eventually.
I would say the wife IS respecting OP's boundary. She isn't trying to force reconciliation. She isn't trying to trick OP into spending time with his sister. OP has a personal disagreement with his sister that has nothing to do with their spouses or children. The spouses and children should continue to behave like family until OP (likely with the help of a therapist) works out the still painful wounds he has stemming from his parent's divorce.
@@StilltheAp0llyon omg shut up. It’s crazy to me how much you’re trying to defend the wife, Ops sister and mother. They are aholes. You sure you not Ops wife or someone in a similar situation?
@@StilltheAp0llyon You're right. If there was a sign in bright neon lights that said don't jump off this cliff and the husband tells his family "hey don't jump off this cliff, I fell down a hill and it didn't end well." The appropriate response from the wife is "lmao nerd that's your decision and has nothing to do with us yolo" and then she yeets herself off the cliff with her children. Totally understandable decision making.
@@StilltheAp0llyon If the WIFE, alone, wants to have a relationship with OPs sister then that's fair - although she shouldn't be surprised if then her husband doesn't want to associate with someone that would choose to spend time with his toxic sister. But she doesn't get to be the only person to decide what their kids do - the husband also gets a say in that. And he has a pretty hard boundary while hers is more "well it's good for kids to know their family" - ok? So then take them to grandpa's house more. He's family, and he's the family that OP loves and gets along with.
@@te1730 op father is toxic too, his response to the fight is equating op wife with his mom who he hates very much and telling op to prepare for divorce is unhinged and spiteful
If roles were reversed everyone would be telling the wife to divorce him for refusing to respect her boundaries. It’s not a sudden out of nowhere boundary after she’s known his mom/sister for years. This is a boundary that she’s known about from day one yet she thinks she knows better. This is clear cut, the wife is absolutely 100% in the wrong.
To be honest, I think he just doesn't care enough about her to even try to put 2 and 2 together. He's only going to give a fuck when she finally leaves him for the other guy
About the hot sauce: I was taught by my father how to make a very good steak. I'm pretty proud of how good of a steak I can make (and every time I try to do something to make it just a little bit better) and get compliments for it all the time. Typically, when I make it, nobody puts steak sauce on it because the steak itself has more than enough flavor and you want to taste it. Occasionally though, I get people who want to put steak sauce on. As someone who really likes to cook and make food everyone enjoys, I can understand the frustration when someone feels the need to "enhance" food you put a lot of time and effort into making. That being said, you have to get over your own ego. People have different tastes and different preferences, you can't police them.
thank you!! i am autistic and have so many issues with food. that being said, i usually dont get other people to cook for me (also im vegan), but in the rare chance it does, i would be very upsetti spaghetti if someone tried to dictate what/how i was eating or tried to guilt me for slightly changing something so that i could actually eat it and handle the textures and possibly enjoy it. it is SO weird to me that so many people out here get mad about what other people do with their food… bro, its not your food. even if you made it, if you are giving someone something, you gave it to them. its theirs now. not yours. if i made something for someone, and they would enjoy it more by changing it a lil, why would i not want them to enjoy it more? i dont get it… i would never want to control what/how other people are eating. its bizarre to me that apparently so many people do want that control. autonomy is so important.
Story 3: Jeez, this really got under rSlash's skin. What she did was unforgivable, never in the history of anything, is it ever the man's fault for their wife cheating.
There are lots of people who are in consensual non-monogamous relationships. If all of the people involved are fully informed and happy with such a situation, it's their business, and nobody else gets to criticize it just on the basis of its not being monogamous.
What's your guess: does the (in that scenario ex) husband still babysit Walter's daughter so he, Walter, can go on dates with the (ex)wife? He'll probably help them move in together...
@@ichmeiner4531 Yeah, something along the lines of “I helped my move into his place, because I’m not really a fan of her living in my house anyway, but now she expects me to watch our kid every weekend!?”
Story 3: Yeah, the comments don't appear to fully grasp the situation. While it SEEMS bad and extreme for OP to not want to let the wife share images of the son with his sister, OP has a valid reason.
I don't think OP fully grasps the situation. So he divorces her and then what? That's not going to stop the wife being in contact with his sister. And what if his kids want to have a relationship with their aunt and grandmother? Is he going to go no contact with all of them? It's a reasonable boundary to go no contact with the sister and mother and it's a reasonable boundary to not want photos of your children shared with people you have gone no contact with (although considering it's for the benefit of OP's feelings instead of the children's safety and well-being even that's pushing it a little) but it's definitely not a reasonable boundary to prevent people from having a relationship with someone you have gone no contact with. If the wife wants a relationship with her SIL or MIL she can. And if OP's kids want that when they are old enough to decide for themselves then they can too. If OP doesn't like it too bad. OP can't demand that everyone must cut his sister and mother out of their lives just because he did. He has every right to cut out whomever he wants from his life but he does not have the right to demand that everyone else has to as well.
@@perfectchemistry8291 Yes, Ops wife CAN have a relationship with his mom but she will be shitty for it. Do you not understand how boundaries work? What if, let's say, OP didn't want her in his life because she
3rd story : Gee, I wonder why Navia was all alone for the holidays... 4th story : OP is VERY clear on his boundaries and I've had to deal with similar issues. People don't understand what boundaries are and when someone has a steadfast boundary and then it gets trampled all over, everyone is so surprised when you don't just laugh and forgive everyone. OP and his pops are so far from being an asshole that they are lacking their own assholes. Last story : did this idiot even TRY the food before going "hmmm...this is obviously missing something..." it's rude af to add shit before even trying the food.
Final Story: I think I understand why he was perhaps annoyed and maybe a little upset because he puts in a lot of effort, but then his guest is like, "WOW, THIS IS REALLY MISSING HOT SAUCE!" Then, he kinda tries to dissuade him (Maybe .5/5 or 1/10). He insists, and then OP says, "I have some flakes and additives, but no sauce really" and the guy then LEAVES to go to the store to buy some for himself and expects everyone to wait until he's back? What? I feel ESH, but OP isn't really too much in the wrong
Partly correct. OP said "I have some flakes and spicy oils. I also have Frank's and Sriracha. But you are not allowed to use the Sriracha, because that's Asian, and I won't allow you to put Asian sauce in Italian pasta."
@@makeitpay8241 From my understanding, he made a traditional meal, useing something not traditional is telling your culture to fuck itself to some people.
@@alidan guess what, some people grew up eating spicy food. so to them regular food is just bland. no one insulted OP's mother or the country they came from so relax.
@@makeitpay8241 there are so many things right now that I have to put up with because 'its offensive if I don't' along with walking on eggshells around people so I don't offend them. as far as I can tell, he is being a prick and while I dont care, he has no sympathy from me because boo hoo, he has to eat oatmeal once in a while.
9:02 As you can see, communication is key. So if she has a problem with OP not wanting his mother or sister involved in his life, she should have just said so from the start so he wouldn't pursue a future with her. I don't know do you guys think she would bond with that Lady who had a problem with her husband still being friends with his ex (they were friends before and after) and not expressing anything about it until the ex died?
Story 2: She is a stranger in your house screaming at you because of what you have in your bathroom, of anything you you are very nice to her. Also tell your people pleaser boyfriend that in his place he can let her disrespect him all he wants, you have a backbone to you don't live like that.
Well there's obviously things that would be inappropriate to have lying around in the bathroom openly when having guests over ... though I would agree tampons are not among those things.
Story 1: Since OP and his wife don't share all their interests and she has a friend that does that means they are dating/cheating? We are given one part of the story that is their lives, maybe they do other things together and have other interests, I feel like OP's wife isn't such a one note person that horror movies are her only interest. Walter invited OP and the girls to dinner you usually don't invite your daughter, your 'girlfriends' husband and their daughter to a date. Yes from the outside looking in this may seem weird but to the people in the situation it might be normal. If Walter was a woman no one would question a thing, yes men and women can in fact be friends in a completely platonic way. So I'm curious for the actual question that OP asked is he the butthole for agreeing to be paid to watch his neighbor's daughter along with his?
Yeah, that was my thought. I don't get the wife getting all upset. The husband is babysitting a kid, and walter is offering to pay for his kid. He didn't ask for money for his own kid. I do think calling it "babysitting" your own kid a bit dumb. You can't babysit your own kid, you're the parent. You watch your own kid. I don't think he's an ahole for agreeing to be paid either because watching kids is a lot of work. So the wife is being crazy.
5th story: I gotta admit op is definitely right 100%. Just because your related by blood doesn't mean they ARE your family. You can't pick and choose blood but you can pick and choose FAMILY
Story 3: NTA. I think too many people are thinking of personal relationships with how they equate to OPs situation. His wife is free to hang around his sister. The problem is, she's breaking his boundaries by inviting people he specifically wants no contact with back into his life. Even if they spend all day out at a Cafe or something, eventually, they will try to show up at the house. If OPs mom starts seeing his son and decides his son needs to meet her, she could just show up and the situation would escalate further. The situation is unfortunate but you don't break someone's boundaries of no contact. That's going to ruin the relationship. I wish OP and his wife well, and I hope they settle this peacefully
If you cheat, you have to accept the consequences. It doesn't matter if you apologize to the person you wronged. It doesn't matter if it was a one-time thing. If they don't forgive you, you have to accept that and try to be a better person moving forward. Convincing the other people in your life to shame the person you cheated on means you didn't actually learn anything, and they were right to leave you.
I have sanitary products in a noticeable space in my bathroom so female guests who find themselves caught short are able to access them without feeling uncomfortable
Unfortunately a lot of people don’t see it like that especially people like op’s wife who loves the idea of ‘family’ even if that family member did something that hurts you
I agree. She's constantly disrespecting him, he should leave but I'm also afraid what would happen if her and the child were alone. Like she'd talk bad about op behind his back to his child.
If the husband in story 1 really does nothing else on the other six days of the week, then he is neglectful, yes. But if these movie nights are the only times in the week, where they separate (besides work), then I see zero problems. His wife is allowed to have friends, even make ones.
@@llamaniaman4002 okay, forgot that, so yeah, red flags. But that doesn‘t mean immediate betrayal. The guy should show more interest and maybe talk about it, maybe actually take up the invitation once in a while…but besides that, the wife is allowed to have male friends.
@@NpcBoss Or maybe just a reasonably trusting human being? People can have friends outside their relationship. Not allowing that would be a big red flag for me.
@@jackstamper893 female friends for sure. But not male friends, we all know that there is no friendship between male and female, excpecially we men know that
I agree with Rslash on story 4, You don't cross boundaries that people say not to cross. It get incredibly frustrating and hurtful because if you cross a boundary that I say a few times not to cross then it feels like you don't care how I feel at all. So op is not the ah, the wife is. I know this will make people upset but here is the deal, family is not something that makes bridges fixable. Op is free to hate and get away from who ever they want. He is allowed to hate his mother for any reason he wants and he chose to hate her for cheating on his father.
Rslash here's a fun tip for horror films. Instead of viewing them as horror look at them as a survival critique. Try pointing out all the flaws of the MCs survival against the villain.
Story 1: Exactly what is OP's role in this whole thing? If he were to, somehow, suddenly disappear from existence, his wife would simply just carry on with Walter without so much as the batting of an eye. Story 2: No wonder this girl has no where else to be over the holidays! Apparently, not even family and friends want her excitable behind in their homes. Story 3: Beware of those who side with cheaters. I believe the father has a good point to what is going on. The wife, knowing OP's character, is clearly setting things up for a breakup.
Story 2: Maybe she hates tampons, but why even present it to everyone else? Why make a big deal out of it when nobody else would've cared? It's not her house.
Story 3: why is it okay for his wife to disrespect his basic boundary all he want, but when he explained that it's an obvious deal-breaker he's wrong? Also isn't it more likely that the toddler was manipulated by the mom, who again cheated on her husband? I think the comments are filled with family members because it makes no sense to be dogpiling OP.
Third story's OP left out a lot. Here's a comment he put on the original thread: "No it doesn’t but it sounds like the realistic one. I’ve seen enough men go thru the divorce process that I already know what will happen. I will not allow myself to keep being disrespected. I will start a new family and try again but in no way will I sit in a situation where I’m being bulldozed." He wants to throw away his kid with the divorce
@@MagicalMarioBros his mom threw him away, if his wife wants to take the moms side for some reason then so be it. I don't think op would completely leave the child but he would definitely lose custody in the divorce because thats how it almost always goes.
@@firewizardrunepro I mean this comment is just double speak. Just because something happened to him in the past doesn't make it okay now. But then you also try to excuse his behavior while also saying there's nothing wrong with his behavior. And then say it doesn't matter at all because he wouldn't be able to have the kids to begin with. And very few words later you've said that you agree that leaving the kid would be a bad thing but then saying it's okay because of this, his and this. Not a big fan.
Story 4; Op told his wife about his family drama, as well as illustrating the clear boundaries regarding said family drama. And yet his wife decides to minimize those boundaries. He even told her, if she continues to deliberately overstep those boundaries he would divorce her. This is a really messy situation for Op. Regardless Op's NTBA in this story.
That isn't a proper boundary. The boundary is, he can hold his resentment, and the wife can let him. He cannot dictate the wife or his kid's choices. Maybe they don't want the same grudge as he does. That is not his right to control their choices.
@@dudeorduuude5211 But that's exactly what stepping over a boundary is. If the wife makes the choice, then OP will divorce her because she has gone against what OP made clear is the line to not cross. So, yeah, he can't control her choices and she is free to make her choice, but there are consequences to that choice.
@@JordanWeberMusic yes, there are. consequences. His boundary is not realistic. He can hold his resentment. She isn't making him meet or talk with his sister. She is respecting the boundary he can set on her, to not interfere with his choices. But it is like asking children to take on their parents racist or ignorant views. No, don't take on your parents views. The brother and sister relationship is the most logical one to repair, as both of them were young and handled it poorly like young people would. If he chooses to run away and hide from his family... his choice. But the OP's boundary sure deserves questioning, as he isn't practicing healthy or realisitic boundary setting.
@@dudeorduuude5211 I can see what your saying, however, the wife married into the situation knowing full well that OP did not want his mom, and consequently his sister, in his life. So, if his wife is disrespecting that by inviting conversation into their family, she has ignored OP’s choice. So, what about their child? Is the wife’s opinion the only one that matters now? The truth is she went behind OP’s back, knowing that it would undermine OP’s stance and be downright disrespectful. It’s not a healthy marriage, and divorce should definitely be on the table because what else is she going to do behind his back?
In story 2, I think this may have been a culture thing based off the words used. There are a lot of cultures that make out tampons to be super taboo (regardless of how ridiculous that is) and I have a feeling that woman came from that sort of culture. For instance, when I lived in China it was nearly impossible to find tampons. The ones you could find were o/b's and they were under lock and key at most larger supermarkets. Most women used pads or diapers, and the pads could get SUPER long. Not only that, but a lot of my African friends used reusable cloth pads. My middle-eastern friends were a bit more uncomfortable having those sort of things in sight in their bathrooms, whereas my European friends seemed to find it perfectly normal. It's crazy the difference in thoughts about these things from one region to another. I will absolutely admit that I was trying to change some of the stigma around talking about feminine hygiene in the school I worked. I would openly talk about these things with my coworkers in the office to try and normalize it somewhat. By the time I left that school, my coworkers were much more comfortable talking about both biology and biological processes. I count that as a win. *Note: be careful doing that sort of desensitization in a foreign country. I was very close with my coworkers and was still somewhat circumspect at times out of respect. Know that it can ABSOLUTELY backfire on you.
I kinda disagree. She spent all day working on that food, and to have all the work and time spent on it being disrespected as not enough is a bit insulting. Definitely should have handled it better but I'd be upset as well.
I disagree with the last stories scoring. I don't know if you've been to Italy or have learned of their customs but adding additional items to a meal that the chef didn't okay is a massive insult in italian culture. The OP was nice enough to approve of some alternatives. If the boyfriend did the same thing in Italy he would have been warned of the cultural differences and how its an insult to the chef or at worse been kicked out.
@Samuel Hayes Think of it as if someone told you that you were not good at making a dish and that they'll fix it for you by adding other condiments. You'd feel insult and that's basically what the boyfriend actions translates to in Italian culture.
On the 3rd story I think the reason that people were saying that op's father is emotionally manipulating op, is because the father said that op's wife is acting the same way as the mother. And to get out of that relationship. When in the third story it doesn't seem as there is any signs of cheating.
I was thinking the same. I understand she is crossing a boundary, and I am fully agreeing with OPs and how he is handling it, something about how the dad said that is feeling a bit off. OPs wife isn't showing signs of cheating, so why make that comment?
@@fighter928 It was a warning. His wife was acting that way before she cheated, so he wants to make sure his son has a good heads-up that their relationship MIGHT turn south eventually for him too, but not necessarily from cheating. Setting an aside savings account is not a bad idea anyway.
@@fighter928Someone who cheats without any of the typical markers of a failed relationship (emotional distancing, lack of effort, other things that, conveniently, are very apparent in the first story) usually has other toxic behavior traits as well, and those probably weren’t mentioned in the story because they likely didn’t have anywhere near as much impact on OP assuming he even noticed them at all. If so, I guarantee that the dad DID notice them and probably recognizes some of those traits in OP’s wife (like disrespecting boundaries for example)
First Story, YTA: OP doesn’t realize that Walter is dating his wife? OP is really cool with this? OP is going to eventually lose his wife to Walter. OP needs to stop being a neglectful husband Second Story, NTA: This girl is insane. She comes to OP's house and pretty much had a mental breakdown over a box of tampons. She brought them out of the bathroom and caused a seen. What is OP's boyfriend doing Third Story, NTA: Honestly these people are insane. OP's mom cheated but apparently it's OP's dad fault and he isn’t allowed to be mad? Fourth Story, ESH: Why is OP policing the food. Sure, he shouldn’t be making loud comments but if he wanted to put hot sauce on his food why stop him?
For the third story, there's actually a lot of context to why people say he's in the wrong. This is a comment he put in the replies: "No it doesn’t but it sounds like the realistic one. I’ve seen enough men go thru the divorce process that I already know what will happen. I will not allow myself to keep being disrespected. I will start a new family and try again but in no way will I sit in a situation where I’m being bulldozed." So he's willing to throw his kid away with the wife and start over again. THAT is why he's in the wrong
Sooo... OP 1 is just completely oblivious to the fact that he is going to torpedo his own marriage? This guy is going to end up on r/trueoffmychest with "My wife has been cheating on me with our family friend" and I bet you he STILL won't have the self-awareness to see where he went wrong.
The SIL in story 2 was absolutely crazy. It’s 1 thing to be uncomfortable to have feminine products like tampons visible like that, but in that case you can politely & quietly ask if its ok to have them hidden away while there’s guests over. Such a huge freak out like sil had is pretty telling & she was likely raised w/ periods being an extremely taboo topic. Idk if sil is super religious, but that wouldn’t surprise me bc among really devout religious groups periods are sometimes seen as a woman being “impure” I understand feeling awkward talking about periods, but even then if i saw that somebody whos house i was visiting just had them out on the counter or something id think “oh cool, if i need one i know exactly where to find them”
Story 1: My (F) wife and I are both listening to that first story and neither of us see the problem with OP's wife having movie nights with a friend. Neither of us are assuming there's cheating - I think rSlash tends to jump to assuming "they must be cheating" any time someone in a relationship spends one on one time with someone other than their partner. She (my wife) and I both have friends of both genders (we're both bi) and neither of us just assume cheating when we're with those friends. That said, I -do- agree that it's weird that OP seems to not want to even go out to dinner with his wife anymore. And I don't think he should be paid for "babysitting" his own kid - that's called being a dad (though if Walter wants to pay him for babysitting HIS kid, that's between the two of them). But like, my wife doesn't like horror movies either, and I've hung out with other people who do and watched horror movies and am capable of doing so with zero sex. Just assuming "they're not dating and they're together so they MUST be having sex" is kinda weird to me.
Completely agree! People are making big assumptions purely because her friend is a guy. It is possible for people to have friends of the opposite gender! It's normal and ok!
@@arendariaNo, it would be completely different if the wife's boyfriend wasnt literally paying for EVERY date they go on. Even if they aren't cheating, the wife is going to realize how distant her husband is and either leave him for Walter or leave him to find someone else entirely. OP is literally pushing his wife into the arms of another man by neglecting her. It's ok not to like horror movies but OP doesn't seem to be interested in doing anything with his wife.
@@danielmorton1606 I agree that there's a lot of cheating, for sure. I just don't assume cheating unless there's actually proof or something resembling proof and I don't think that's here.
I'm with r/slash here. Op making boundaries and her wife stupidly overstepped the boundaries thinking she knows better. I have people cut off from my life. If my boundaries are stepped on after so mamy explanation and conversations I'll drop you in a heartbeat.
When I left my first husband I stressed to both my kids that the issue is between ME and MY HUSBAND. . it is not the children's business. I did not bash him to them, he did not bash me to them and we each demanded the kids show respect to the other parent.
lol the tampon one reminds me of living on an RAF camp that had a walnut tree on a round-about in the married quarters. One of my male friends had found a box of his mum's tampons and asked her what they were.... she, being embarrassed, told him they were for decorating the Christmas tree. He took the whole box, and hung all the unwrapped tampons on the walnut tree....
Si vede che non hai mai mangiato con un italiano al tavolo Dire "Qui manca qualcosa..." riferendosi al cibo preparato da un familiare o da un conoscente è qualcosa che ti identifica immediatamente come uno stronzo Alzarsi da tavola per andare a prendere salsa piccante da aggiungere alla pasta è quanto meno malvisto Aggiungere salsa piccante ad una pasta preparata da qualcun altro è un peccato capitale, e non c'è altro termine per definirlo. Sarebbe come intingere una bistecca nel gelato. Il compromesso proposto dall'OP è più che ragionevole e sarebbe dovuto essere stato accettato
I'm giving the wife and her friend the benefit of the doubt in the first story because as someone who loves obscure horror movies: You really DO have to go out of your way to see them in the theater sometimes, especially if you don't live in a major city with a theater that specializes in art house stuff
3rd story: poor OP. If his wife was unhappy with his family situation, he deserved to know way earlier, so he would have had the chance to leave before having children and binding himself to a person that doesn’t respect clear boundaries.
As an avid horror movie fan, I have to say this: not all horror gets widespread releases. Over the course of a year I generally have to use four different theatres just to see all of the releases and I live in a big city. While the pair could be schtupping behind OP’s back, there is truth to having to choose specific theatres for their horror nights.
If you actually look at OP’s comments in that post, he talks about how he’s fine with leaving BOTH his wife and kid, starting a new family, and never seeing them again. That’s absolutely unhinged.
Bro it happens every time rslash talks about a couple. If he doesn't go the simp route, the imbeciles present here will. This place is reddit's small island outside the country. People have exactly the same philosophy thinking they are "reasonable". Sometimes they don't even hesitate to go full "happy wife, happy life" while denying it by saying they didn't say it verbatim so it doesn't count.
@@bridi0821 Wait he was going to leave his kid too?! Well if the kid is old enough to pick sides I can understand, but I don't remember how old they said he was.
2nd to last story is what I'm going through, but with my husband's parents and sister. 11 years ago we lived with them with our 5 month old daughter, our first child together and I was pregnant with our second. They said and did some extremely horrible things to me and our daughter, including drinking a LOT around us to the point cps got involved, then still drinking to excess after they promised they won't knowing our daughter could be taken, calling my infant a fat f**k and a mutt, trying to convince him our daughter wasn't his and when I finally left they drunkenly called cps and left horrible messages trying to get my daughter taken. My daughter was taken, not because of the messages, but because I'd signed a contract saying I'd live there but I left, trying to keep my daughter safe. My worker played the messages for us, you could tell they were drunk, mixing up my name with my daughter's name, leaving messages so long it'd hang up and they'd call back! My daughter was in foster care for almost 2 months, then we had to live 2 hours away in a group home without her dad, for a year. I worked my butt off, obviously regained custody because I'm not a bad mom, I was actually a good example for the other girls in the group home and I'm glad I was away from that family! I had our 2nd daughter while living there and when my kids were 18 months and 6 months, we finally got our own place. We'd also saved up for a car, bought everything for our home, I got my GED and we've been happy ever since! If I ever found out my husband sent his family a picture of my kids, now 11 and 10, we also have a 7 year old daughter as well, I'd see red. You're going to give these people the privilege of seeing my beautiful daughter's? I couldn't see my baby for 2 months because of them, possibly never again if I hadn't fought like I did! I'm not and never was a bad mother, they did all this out of spite, I have no idea why as I always respected them. I'd not only leave my husband, I'd tell him to seek professional help, because you'd have to be nuts to expose our children to these horrible people!! Apparently his brother no longer speaks to his parents too, his sister lost both of her kids, rightfully so, as SHE was the bad parent! I'm not happy about that, but I know her son is safe now, I cared for him (he was 1-2) when I was there and she never cared for him, so I did. That night thry were yelling at me and my daughter I was hiding upstairs with her and this boy, he was in my arms crying and scared of his own mother. He's with his dad and step mom, doing so great, he's happy and literally the sweetest boy you could ever know! I don't know her daughter as she is younger and I cut ties, but from what I've heard from the brother and her uncle of the dad's side is this toddler was completely neglected, never clothed or baithed and they lived in hotels drinking and using meth!! So I'm just happy the kids are with good people and doing better. Sorry so long, didn't mean for it to be, I just completely understand where op is coming from and his wife should understand his boundaries and never cross them.
There's a really succinct comment from RadiantSriracha in the 1st story thread about why this situation is so bizarre and OP is TA "To clarify, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex who shares a hobby. The issues is, OP is refusing to participate in ANY aspect of his wife’s interests or fill her romantic needs, letting Walter fill the whole ass vacuum of his neglect: - won’t compromise and join them on any of the movies, even infrequently - won’t take his wife to a nice dinner, because he thinks treating his wife to something nice occasionally is a waste of money - insists on staying home when invited to join in non-scary movie activities, then whines about “babysitting” - doesn’t suggest any alternate group activities they all might enjoy So, judging by the content of this post, he’s just… encouraging his wife to go to Walter for all her emotional and social needs . No way that could ever backfire."
Yes, this take is good. The moment rSlash went off and used terms like the “wife’s boyfriend” though is when he started perpetuating the toxic notion that married women can’t have male friends, and that’s just wrong. This comment at least dispels that immediately.
I feel like it implies that you can only fulfill someone's romantic needs by spending a lot of money or doing things that make you incredibly uncomfortable too though.
@@SilencedBTM except....that's not the point. The husband basically wants nothing to do with the wife and is essentially outsourcing his relationship to another guy. Relationships take effort and compromise and OP doesn't seem to want to do that at all.
@@ancientsociety79 In these two instances though. We don't know for sure that the guy does NOTHING for the wife or anything. I would certainly hope that's not the case. Compromise is important, but so are the boundaries of "I REALLY don't like these things, so you can do them but I will not join you." I do think he should treat her now and then if she likes those fancy places and they can afford it, but it sounded like she wanted to go a lot since her and the neighbor go to them so often. It's weird for sure, but I feel like people are giving the guy a lot of shit for two interests he doesn't share and doesn't really want to participate in.
@@SilencedBTM my dude......he self admittedly won't take his own wife on even one dinner date because he's a cheapskate, won't watch even one movie his wife likes, and calls looking after his own kids "babysitting". Like, this is BASIC fundamental relationship stuff that he admits he doesn't like doing, to the point where he outsources it to another guy. Do you really think he's 100% all-in on this relationship in EVERY OTHER ISSUE? Because the only way a relationship works if you're ignoring basic relationship stuff, is if you are perfectly perfect in every other way.
OP isn't standing by the bridge with a flamethrower, the wife is talking about it being fireproof while walking across it with a burning wand, touching it to every single surface to prove her point. *Initiate Wilhelm scream when it crumbles*
Bruh, wth is this first story lol, it has to be a joke man, it's almost like the plot of a comedy movie: he doesn't want to date his wife and do nice things with her so he finds someone to do those thing instead of him
Second Story: OP didn't tell her to leave, she gave an ultimatum and the SIL CHOSE TO LEAVE "My tamons stay in their place, if you don't like it you can leave". OP 0/5 did nothing wrong. SIL, 1.5/5 yelled at OP in front of her child(I'm assuming) and that's just teaching the kid the wrong stuff. OP'S BF, 1/5 for not defending OP.
In the last story I have to point out that food is a big part of the national identity of Italy. It is not exactly a rational thing, but a cultural one. To mix Italian food is like to use an American flag as a towel: some won't care, others will be even cheering you on, but most Americans will be pissed. I know it is weird from outside, but to not do that is basic respect for a different culture.
It's hilarious that OP says that his wife can't complain that he doesn't take her out because, yes, she can. In fact, I'd wager that she's complaining more because she has to rely on another man to do what her husband is supposed to be doing.
My ex loved pouring Sriracha over everything. Including the special pasta dish I made for him. It honestly hurt my feelings when he said it didn't taste good enough. And when I asked why he had to do it he looked me dead in the eyes and said "well you won't let me add parmesan cheese to it." The parmesan was sitting on the goddamn table between us.
As someone with a narcissistic mother, if my fiance said "your mom has a right to her grandkids" I'd leave so quick.
It’s his wife but yeah
Honestly I’d have to go for full custody at that point. No chance I’m letting her try to bring my kids around her.
“But you have to put up toxic family because they’re family” -Reddit smooth brains
He's leaving the child too. There's boundaries and then theres just being a selfish deadbeat.
@@neverdateagamer1498 You know joint custody exists right and he could even get full custody depending on their circumstances
Story 1: the part where OP turns down the dinner invite from Walter, and says "now she can't complain that I won't take her to fancy dinners because he will" was truly the final nail in the coffin for their relationship long term. If you HATE the idea of going to a nice dinner with your wife, scary movie aside, why are you married to her
This. I think quality time is so important for couples to spend together. Literally a relationship’s life blood. OP may not have cared for scary movies but…he’s showing signs that he’s taking his wife for granted in other ways too. :/ it’s extremely sad.
I dont think thats what he meant. I thought he was saying that he just didnt like going to fancy places.
He said he didn't like fancy places, he's fine with normal restaurants.
I adore my partner and hate fancy dinners. Like preferences are normal... That being told, this guy is a dick.
The specifically said fancy places not normal restaurants. I would also not be ok with spending 1000s on food so yeah.
Why are feminine hygiene products considered taboo to see? I don't even see why people think condoms and stuff are also embarrassing to buy. I'm a guy. I buy my fiancée pads and tampons all the time, along with feminine washes and wipes. People who are embarrassed or freaking out about seeing these things need to grow up! It's life, FFS! I'd rather the person I'm with be clean. My only complaint is the price of these things lately! It's crazy!
Ikr, she acted like she put a bomb in the bathroom. Also does she not realize her child no matter the gender will know about periods when they're older? I don't think that's a bad thing if they see it. They won't know what it is and you can explain to a child what it is without being vulgar. Or even if she doesn't want to then don't go to other peoples houses?
Blood phobia is my guess. People freak out over blood, so it extends to the insinuation that women go through that "time of the month" where it's natural for them to bleed. I feel sorry for the male children who are raised to believe that women going through that "time of the month" isn't natural.
I was always more upset when my siblings left makeup everywhere in the bathroom. Like clean up. But have a pack of whatever standing on a counter or on a shelf. Why should I care?
The woman acted like OP left her used stuff on the floor.
Good on you. I can promise you that no one has ever even looked at you funny for buying this stuff. No sane person cares.
I could sort of understand it if it was used products in a very visible trash can but new stuff? Does she have a meltdown anytime she enters a store?
From my experiences, it roots in the whole "Eve sinned and periods are the punishment," thing, but there could be numerous different reasons. After my ex-fiance asked me to explain the experience of a period to him, I stopped feeling self-conscious about it, and now blatantly and openly carry my pads to the bathroom.
Tampons also get additional drama because they're vaguely phallic, and "my females must be virgins." (Ick!)
Story 3: I can't believe the comments on that post fell so hard. Dabney you are right on the money with this one. I'm a child of divorce due to cheating and yeah, people can make amends over time but that doesn't mean OP and his dad were disallowed from feeling hurt. That's a big boundary to break, even more so when kids are involved.
While i do agree that op is nta he is a huge asshole he saud he would abandon his kid and start again in the comments
I found the original thread and apparently the OP is getting a ton of backlash for a subsequent comment that he made that he would be okay with abandoning his current wife and child and "starting over".
I still disagree with the moron that made the comment that he "sucks the most", but I think he deserves at least an AH score of 1 for that. I'm pretty sure he could have simply made that comment because he's in a distraught emotional place, but that sort of intention is still pretty toxic.
@@turnpike9680 now that makes sense of the hate
@turnpike9680 it's also proof that he is probs too stubborn and unwilling to forgive... that's his right, but I can see why most ppl say he's an AH. His boundary is probably unreasonable... as is his right. Most folks can see that nonsense and won't feel alot of sympathy for someone who is soooo unsympathetic bc "boundaries" 🙄 He can be hurt but he doesn't need to be broken forever in "solidarity" with his dad
@@chanson8508”his boundary is probably unreasonable” not wanting your cheating mother and your sister who defends a cheater to be able to see your kids is unreasonable?
“She can’t complain that I don’t take her out to fancy restaurants”
Oh yes, she can. Rslash put it best, OP in the first story was outsourcing his emotional labor
Story 4: once a boundary is set, the loving thing to do is not step over it. The Redditors are out of their ever loving minds.
Exactly! If the genders were reversed Reddit would be SCREAMING divorce for boundary crossing
I agree she does not respect op at all and is doing it on purpose, sounds like the sister is toxic, the mother is toxic and the wife is becoming toxic
Reddit is filled with whiteknights. They will try to protect women who are in the wrong, while belittling the op for drawing a line in the sand
I feel like they don't care because op is a guy.
I think the only thing that’s kinda dumb about that boundary is that OP is prevent his kid from meeting his cousins who haven’t done anything wrong in this situation. HE doesn’t have to have contact with his sister but it seems kinda selfish to make that boundary for his kid when his kid’s cousins have nothing to do with this.
The first story really puts the “my wife’s boyfriend” meme into reality 😂
Yea they're not cheating behind his back they're doing it right in front of him lmao what the fuck
Talk about a serious cuck fetish lol
I just hope the Walther is Black and fertile.
Reddit Mod: locking the comment section you’re not allowed to call this cuck a cuck
Yall, people can have platonic dates. Sometimes its nice to just hangout and have dinner with a good friend. Walter keeps inviting the husband and the kids to come alone and the husband keeps declining. Yall need to stop sexualizing a platonic relationship between a guy and girl.
Yes, hi I'm 100% Italian and I'm here to say to let the guy put hot sauce in his meal. Mixing cuisines is what made Italian food in the first place
Normally I'd agree, if this were in a restaurant setting, where the boyfriend paid for his food. But if I spent the money to buy ingredients and then spent time and effort into making you a meal that isn't supposed to have hot sauce in it, you're going to lose all my respect in an instant if you insist on adding it.
This isn't about the culture of the cuisine. What he did was just rude, full stop. I don't blame OP at all.
When you cook a recipe, there's an intention behind the taste. It's a lot like art imo. By adding hot sauce where it wasn't supposed to be, the boyfriend ruined the meal, not for himself, but for the person who made it. It's just so disrespectful and I couldn't imagine doing that to anyone. And I also LOVE hot sauce.
This does remind me of my friend.
A while back. Another friend and I made some home made chipotle spaghetti and we made the sauce base and spiced it up with canned chipotles. It was great because it took two things you wouldn't think go together but blended well.
Good but a bit spicy even for the guy that helped me make it and my brother.
The first friend was saying we did something wrong by making it like this. But to me the taste of the food is the most important part. And besides being a bit spicy it was really good.
@@guywholikesgoodmusic and isnt the point of art the fact that it's subjective ? Like yeah she has this vision of the meal's taste, but he also does too, if he thinks it's better with hot sauce then just let him lmao, would i be wrong for stating what feelings a painting gives me despite not being the same feelings as the creator of said painting ? I personnally dont think so because otherwise, art critique would'nt exist
@@galvsparks6295 Imagine going to an art exhibit and altering a painting by somebody else. THAT is what this guy did.
@@galvsparks6295 So, in what way does getting a different feeling from a painting than the artist physically change the artwork? Link said it best. The guy didn't have a different interpretation or something, he altered the dish. The only way I alter someone else's dish is by adding a bit of salt, and that's if it wasn't seasoned already or if I know they won't mind me adding some seasoning to it after trying it, though I'd ask if it's a dish that wasn't prepared by my parents. From your post, it sounds like you don't make your own food and share it with others that much, but for people that like to cook, adding something that over-powers the taste of a meal, especially something like hot sauce, even more so if the dish doesn't call for anything spicy, just feels like you're saying my food tastes bad and that I don't know how to cook. OP even offered a hot sauce that would work well with the flavor and style of the food, but he declined and wanted to add siracha, which can easily overpower the taste of a meal. Personally, I'd say if you wanted to add a bit of spiciness to a dish, especially an Italian one, then I definitely go with dried chili flakes. They'd probably mesh great with the flavor, depending on what the meal was, obviously.
I literally keep a clear jar of tampons of various sizes next to the toilet. I do this so anybody can see and use them without feeling embarrassed about it (the idea came because my brother is trans and hasn’t been able to go through any of the processes to stop his cycle yet and it can be hard for him to have to ask when at other peoples houses) if anybody has issues with my mensuration station, they don’t come over, period.
fellow trans guy here, that’s an amazing idea! hygiene products aren’t something that should be taboo, and good on you for being a supportive family member
This is ridiculous. Growing up, my father bought all the groceries, because my mother didn't drive, so I always saw her needed products, and never thought twice. I didn't know what they were for, exactly, but then, I didn't need to. KIDS DON'T SEXUALIZE! And it's not like there's a picture of a vagina on the box!!! Sell crazy somewhere else!!!
My only suggestion is to add a lobster or similar critter somewhere so it can become the crustacean menstruation station 😂
Jokes aside it’s a good idea and way nicer to have them at the ready
I love the use of “period.” To end the sentence btw 💅🏼
Even without the reasoning, this is such a great idea. Its incredibly kind how much you look out for your brother and how that influences your home.
What a legend
Story 3: it’s hilarious how Ops sister can’t see that her mom broke up the family when she cheated, not the father, he simply left when he found out.
In Sisters eyes, the father should have forgiven her cheating since it was a one time thing (source: the mother)
Or it's about feminist bigotry. The saying "your partner cheated on you because you didn't do enough." If a man does it they are monsters, but a woman does it then it's not that bad. With how courts run she will probably still get house, full custody, and more than half his finances even if she was the one cheating and he was a Saint.
@@kanelovec4315 I can see that and it's a sad reality
“Reconciled with the church” did she cheat on the church?
That's a church things, certain religions are all about that and I bet they all got raised with it. Except dad and son didn't drink the coolade. Maybe when sister gets cheated on she'll figure out why it's wrong. Son's wife probably comes from the same upbringing.
It baffles me that some people don't understand that dysfunctional families exist and if someone cuts their family off, there is usually a good f-ing reason
But dysfunctional means the reason and mentalities likely should be questioned
Yes holy shit some one gets it the reddit relpys pissed me off my parents are divorced idfk who these people are
What about op saying he'd also leave his 2 year old kid and start a whole new family no hesitation
@@KomaedasOneTrueHope I think he meant split custody and cause they would both single as in not helping each other just for there kid i think thats what my parnets did also if he did mean that it is horrible
Nah wait the more I re listn to story 4 the more mad and confused I get over the relpys on reddit OP was 18 an adult he chosse for himself to stay with his dad and his sister chosse her mom WTF is the big deal hear and also before you say He GeT To coNtroL if His Wife has relationshoip with no he didn't he said this is my boundred over and over again and also he said if you cross it you can hang with my mom and sister just not with me
Lady really birthed a whole child but still gets offended over a box of tampons? She'd hate my bathroom, I've got a bin full of every size pad, liner and tampon you could need for myself and anyone else that happens to visit and might need something. Her reaction is exactly why I put my bin out for everyone to see. I have kids and I want them to grow up knowing that normal bodily functions are NORMAL and you don't need to feel ashamed. It's as necessary as providing toilet paper in my opinion.
I mean, there’s people out there who think using a tampon makes you lose your virginity, so nothing surprises me about people’s weird takes on tampons anymore...
@@Tustin2121 Maybe that was her reason for freaking out. She probably thought that using a tampon = having sex so it's something which an 8 YO boy shouldn't see. Even when I was 8 I (sort of) understood what tampons were for, thanks to growing up with two older sisters.
I’d ask if toilet paper out would bug her cuz that touches the booty too. Is she gonna over react over that? XD it’s silly. Esp since she’s a woman and has a kid.
Right!! I have a box by the toilet full of every size & type of pads & tampons...
Exactly! I can't even understand why anyone would want to shield their kids from something like HYGIENE. Like.. Going through puberty is confusing enough. The last thing I want for my kids is to be embarrassed or, even worse, ashamed of their body and what it's literally MADE to do.
Story 4: I'd be really concerned if my partner was siding so hard with a cheating mother or the sister that supported her, along with continuously stomping on boundaries. Wonder if the wife is offended cause she can relate, or if this is just some newly parenthood crisis and she's super worried about family bonds.
People get so butt hurt about hearing about ultimatums, that they forget there comes a point where if a conflict has gotten far enough, you've got three options. 1 is the ultimatum (basically just a final warning which would then be followed by either 2 or 3). 2 Give up on the issue entirely (in this example it's a boundary). Or 3, just go for the divorce itself, and don't bother with one final chance. These Redditors wouldn't be treating an ultimatum this way of it was a wife threatening to leave her husband who's talking about sleeping with other women.
And the Redditors taking the wife's side reminds me of an old story of a guy that was no contact with his mom ever since she cheated on his dad when he was a kid. But the mom (while he was still a kid) kept forcing herself into the kids life, events and such, despite him explicitly asking for space. And he only got that space when he was old enough to go no contact with her because he was a legal adult. But even then she kept pushing I think, but there was so much resentment at that point, any chance of reconciliation was dead. I think that post was prompted by him getting a letter from his mom, which o think he just straight up burnt. I think he had Reddit and family all telling him to just get over it.
I remember hearing that story from another TH-cam channel. It’s actually insane how poorly Reddit treats minor and major issues. And then you come to TH-cam comments and everyone is much more reasonable and not straight jumping to conclusions.
Did you all miss the part in Story 1 that Walter invited OP and the kids to go to dinner WITH them but OP doesn't like THAT either?
He got that, that's why he said op wasn't engaged in spending time with her
@@1nn1tmate I'm talking about in the comments.
I get that. That's why the actual reason for YTA is for neglecting the relationship.
Either 0 or 4 AHs for the wife and Walter? Hell no, I would give OP at least 3 AHs, as doesn't really say anything about spending time with his wife in general.
If he's really pushing his wife into another dudes' arms, that doesn't warrant a 4 on their end. Maybe a 1 IF they're having an affair.
neighbor: hey me and your wife are going to see a scary movie but would you like to join us for dinner with the kids
OP: no that's expensive I'm happy babysitting here
neighbor: oh okay then
OP: why are you treating me like a babysitter?!?!
Story 2: She has an entire child and she's having a heart attack over _~checks notes~_ tampons
....
🚶🏻
Girl you've seen the weirdest, wildest things humans can do, the evidence is sitting at the dinner table, what do you _mean-_
🎊☝️☝️🎊Thanks for your comments ❤️ it's your lucky day you're among my shortlisted Winners message on Telegram to claim your prize 🎁🎁💬🎊.
I think I was laughing at the ridiculousness over the whole thing, along with my comment of if being in OP's position the boyfriend would be an ex-boyfriend after his agreeing with the whole thing. Like.. what the heck?
I'm reminded of Carrie's hyper religious mother.
Because the boys can see them, boys don't need to know women bleed from their lady bits, their manhood couldn't take it...oh wait...my fiance totally can I think others can too
yeah, the fact that it's a girl complaining makes it so much worse
like, girl, you have periods too!! tf do you do?
i get pads exist and those are seen as "more appropriate" for some reason, but like...i don't get it
I'm SHOCKED how Reddit reacted to that post with the wife disrespecting the husbands boundaries! They're always so quick to, "Oh hes an abusive partner who doesnt respect you! Divorce him!!!". But when it's a guy that has a very reasonable boundary that has been set their whole relationship suddenly it's bad? Reddit can be so hypocritical and sexist
just look at the comments about the first story here and tell me it's only Reddit...
There was a story a while back where OP *admitted to gaslighting her coworker* and not the quirky “this is real when it’s not” like *ACTUAL TEXTBOOK GASLIGHTING* and socially engineering their co-workers into bullying the guy,
BUT SINCE HE WAS A MALE IT WAS OK.
*Rslash literally called it “genius.”*
People will ALWAYS assume the man is the bad guy
@@RealCoolstriker64 Yeah, no. She was treating him like people treat women in the workplace. It's not gaslighting, it's flipping double standards.
Research demonstrates that women have an in-group preference, while men have an out-group preference. In other words, both men and women have a strong pro-female bias. Contrary to feminist belief, this has been the case for thousands of years.
Reddit is actually a pretty interesting place. It has the biggest simps and also the biggest anti-feminists too.
Story 4 I heard this one before. What makes it terrible is if he divorces his wife there is nothing stopping her from taking the kid to his aunt and grandma.
Also, most likely losing everything in the divorce, the house, his kid, his livelyhood and his safety for his child
@@ΔημητρηςΑντωνιου-μ2λ all because he's a guy and in many divorces the husband is less likely to get primary custody
@@shadowmewfred09 yep, that
@@shadowmewfred09 and that's the saddest part.. I really dislike the fact,that it's like this..
Yoo wtf is wrong with those people, OP is right !
Story 3: Oh boy, I sure love it when people set a clear boundary right off the bat of their relationship and the partner is like "Sure, this is okay with me, I'll respect your boundary" and then they're surprised when years later they still enforce that boundary.
Boundaries are usually here to stay unless the person happens to have a good reason to change that boundary. But unless they explicitly state that their boundaries have changed, you should expect that boundary to still exist for like... Eternity.
He communicated very clearly with her from the start so why would she assume it has suddeny changed out of nowhere?
(Like, another example from a while back I can think of is where the guy from the very start was like "This is my best friend. She's also my ex, but we've been best friends for like 20 years and I want her in my life no matter what." And the gf was like "Okay, I respect that." And years later she comes to Reddit, all surprised Pikachu that her now husband wants to grieve the death of said best friend because "Omg how could I have known he cares that much about her, she's his ex???")
link plz
youtube doesnt have a privacy policy like reddit so....
Absolutely nails.
That wasn't the case, she wanted basically wanted to drop the facade and say she's dead anyways and forbade him from going to her funeral. Took her mask right off and now she can't realize why everyone wants nothing to do with her
Story 1. It sounds like an open relationship. But the husband was too embarrassed to say it outright
It doesn´t. He´s just a cuckold.
Open relationships arent real relationships.
Relationships require commitment.
@@tugalordno they’re real as long as it is consensual. Youre just sad you’ve never spoken to anyone in real life
@@totallynotalpharius2283 My point still stands, an ad hominem or insult will not change that.
If you dont commit to your significant other, then your relation with him/her is merely a friendship or a sexual friendship.
Not only that open "relationships" are often prone to failure.
If my husband tried to push me into a relationship with my estranged father, I would have the same reaction as OP.
I’ve noticed that in a lot of stories when a mom cheats at least one kid sides with her but when a dad cheats no one even considers forgiving it lmao.
I don't think ot was cheating, but in the "i hate my daughter" post the ex husband was abusive and the daughter took his side.
I highly suggest that you go on reddit and read some of the stories yourself. In particular, you should read "AITA for moving in with my dad after he and my mom separated?" Long story short, ops dad cheated on her mom. The mom tried to make it work despite the cheating. Ops' mom misscarried pretty late in the pregnancy and shortly after that happened, she found out that the affair led to a pregnancy so she couldn't take it even though she tried. Op and the father then tried to gaslight the mother to stay with op and the father but she declined. Op sided with the father and blamed the mother for "not trying hard enough to save the relationship" and didn't even bother to text her when she moved out of town. These stories are actually quite common when you frequent reddit. Most youtubers don't end up covering them though.
Might be because in our society, moms usually are the main caretakers, so the children, most often than not, are more attached to the mums but idk
I think this goes with a stupid ass society thing we hear. Mom cheats because she's unfulfilled and some how the husband is to blame. Husband cheats because he's scum and a slimeball and men can't control themselves.
This is usually the bs I hear. Men cheat because men suck, women cheat because their partners are leaving them unfulfilled.
How about both people are scumbags? If your partner is leaving you wanting, tell them. If they don't care, leave them and then get with the person who is giving you what you want.
I've always called myself an outlier because my parents cheated on one another and I took neither's side. In fact, I told them both it isn't my job to forgive either of them, I wasn't the one they cheated on, but the fact they stayed together so I didn't have my life upended or had to choose berween them meant more to me than whether they deserved my forgiveness over cheating.
Story 1; OP is completely creating an environment where his wife is getting most of her fulfillment from another man. The fact that OP said "now she can't complain that I don't take her out"....that's just sad.
Honestly the wife should leave op. He doesn't seem like he's putting effort just by that line. So his wife was at the least saying that she wanted to spend time with her husband. Whether or not she's having an emotional affair with Walter (which I don't support but also I don't think they are, at least I hope they're not), op is checked out.
@@orchidoxs126 she might not even be aware that she's having an emotional affair. In her mind it seems like she views the neighbor as just a friend, or at least it started that way even if it's morphed without either party knowing.
However I do think that the neighbor is becoming aware of the situation, which is why he's willing to pay OP to watch the girls....
But you are correct, he's just along for the ride and nothing else currently.
@@orchidoxs126 Internet people should've stay out of people's relationships. Time and time again you people prove why relationship advice online should never be an option. Yeah, sure fully endorse a wife leave her man for another. You people are nuts. The man likely works a full time job and can't muster the energy to go out on dates.
@@orchidoxs126 how comes it's always the dude that has to do things he does not like to please the girl, otherwise "he is not putting effort in the relationship"? They are married, not a budding couple. Did all of you miss the implication of how often she goes out on these dates?
@@TheDeadlyBlueWolf idc if my partner works 80 hrs a week, make time for the relationship. Request a day off if you have to.
Relationship will always require constant work. Lots of men think that once they marry their girl and have kids, that's it. No need to take her out on dates and no need to buy her gifts. They're surprised when she finds another man who genuinely wants to make her happy.
Make an effort for your relationship or someone else will
When both my nieces were much younger, I told them not to go through the drawers in my room. I was in college, and the adults around me looked at me like I had a third eye. The reason I asked that of them was to not locate and destroy my birth control. They liked going through drawers and taking things out of them to play house. The adults responded by saying to not put them in such an easy place beside my bed. I may be wrong here, but where else would it have gone? Now they sit in a basket on my desk, and I don't talk to my family.
Obviously you telling them to not go through your stuff is what you should’ve done but the bigger question is why they went through people’s stuff so often they had to be told not to?
"Don't put them in a place that's easy for them to find."
"Don't teach them that it's okay to go through people's things."
Totally reasonable stance. When adults let kids get away with things like that, it's very telling about what they themselves want to get away with.
@@dmg755 I told them not to go through my belongings, and they did listen sometimes, but being over ten years younger than most adults in the room apparently overshadowed it at that time. My family believe in the whole "respect the older adults more" thing, and I just believe in respecting everyone.
I legitimately always hate this. "Don't put X where my ill behaved child who has never learned not to take other people's stuff can get them" - after a certain age, they should know better. Why do people who don't live with the children have to re-arrange their comforts and conveniences for children that don't live with them? Plus why is it so hard to explain "Do NOT take things that don't belong to you, and if you do and something happens to you, that's on you. Don't steal and do not put ANYTHING in your mouth without asking an adult first" [literally an entire campaign in Canada about not putting stuff in your mouth without asking if it's safe, so you don't get sick]
@@Crow_Smith children young enough to excuse such behaviors shouldn't unsupervised to being with.
The story with the boundaries irks me. It's not just that OP had a clear set boundary from the beginning and the wife knew about it. I hate when someone on the outside who has never experienced the bad side feel the need to excuse or forgive someone on BEHALF of you. It doesn't matter if someone is my family, my partner or my friend. It is up to ME to forgive someone or not. The very audacity of anyone who has not experienced what i have feel that they can have an opinion of my reaction is crazy to me. I support the divorce of OP.
The last OP is the type of person to put nuts in a dish meant for someone allergic because it's a traditional part of the dish.
Exactly.
It’s different break spaghetti infront of a Italian and report back
Story 2: Don't get me wrong, the girlfriend is a jerk for yelling about the tampons, but why the hell is the OP's boyfriend taking the insane girlfriend's side for? He's essentially in a way saying OP is TA for simply having tampons in the bathroom. Like dude, can you not see wtf is wrong with her?? NTA.
He's probably one of those boyfriends that still gets grossed out by feminine hygiene products and just never really said anything until someone else did, but even then that lady is nuts
@@Corbonzobean if you are grossed out by tampons, you must be grossed out by either blood or vaginas. both are valid but only one is going to get you sex with your girlfriend.
Not to mention it wasn't even the girlfriend's home so the reactions made even less cents than a store that doesn't accept change.
@@Corbonzobean I'll be revaluating my relationship with him if he hated something that I LITERALLY HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.
Story 3: Yeah i dont get why so many people are on the mom’s side. The sister was more upset that her father left her mom after she cheated than she was at her mother FOR cheating.
NTA Op, i’m willing to bet if DAD had cheated, sister would be singing a VERY different tune.
I agree. There's some bias here and it's unacceptable. I feel so bad for op, he's now stuck seeing a woman who fundamentally doesn't respect him.
Because men are not allowed to be victims or hurt in anyway let alone have emotions.
Reddit loves to bitch about double standards then turn around and refuse to acknowledge they are the same problem they complain about.
I know for a fact if genders are reversed reddit will be screaming about "lEaVe HiM" and congratulate the other for cutting off toxic family.
Rslash did not bring up OPs comments on the post where OP basically implied he will cut contact with his child and just get a new one. OP sucks as a father, but not as a husband.
@@threecards333 if that is true that is the ONLY thing that he sucks for
@@locusxe1411 I would agree
Story 3:
Why are people backing the mother?
Welcome to Reddit, where people make up their own stories about a story.
Right?!? We only have what the OP writes and somehow people know the inner feelings of someone that wasn't really mentioned. The father putting toxic thoughts into his son... WTF?!?
It’s because op wrote on a comment that if he breaks up with the woman he will abandon his kids completely too and make a new family. People were MAD after reading that.
Not that op’s mom is blameless or anything, but the comments weren’t kind to op after reading that
@@crizmeow8394 I think op was too pessimistic that he wouldn't get custody
As messed up as that is, people are still not understanding the major issue. His mom and sister are clearly mega toxic. Not only did the mother try to invite herself to the wedding of OP instead of realizing what she did had devastated OP, his sister is also willing to destroy her relationship with OP and his children just because SHE had forgiven the father.
Another thing, people seem to completely ignore and not care about is that the children would more than likely become a commodity. Children are often used as open doors for toxic people to re-enter the picture that they were clearly kicked out of.
Not only that but I bet OP’s mom, sister, and wife would drop poison into the children’s minds. This is pretty dang common in situations like this.
And you know what would change this entire situation? IF THE MOTHER WOULD STOP BLATANTLY disregarding and denying OP’s wishes.
OP was completely justified. I agree with the idea that cheating doesn’t necessarily mean the mom is bad because there are all sorts of things that go on in relationships that kids might not be aware of…BUT everything the wife did is wrong. Also the idea that the mom trying to use religion to get her son and husband to forgive her is even more ick.
I'm part Italian, and I have a Chinese friend who adds ketchup to spaghetti for some unholy reason. That being said, it's his food. Even if I was the one that prepared the spaghetti, if he really wants to add ketchup to it, then whatever.
And that's your preference, but it's also reasonable to not want someone to do that with something you cook for them, don't you think?
@@guywholikesgoodmusic After I've cooked and served it to them, they can do whatever the damn hell they want with it
@@guywholikesgoodmusicwhy would that be reasonable? why would you get to decide how someone else eats their food? i'm not trying to be mean, just trying to ask reflective questions. cause i don't understand how it's reasonable to want someone else to eat their food a specific way. it's reasonable for you to want to eat your own food in a specific way.
when you make something for someone or gift something to them, you are giving it wholly to that person. they owe you nothing, and they have the right to do whatever they wish with that thing. if you don't want that person to have control over something you gift them, don't gift them anything.
just wanted to reiterate i'm not trying to be aggressive or mean 😅 i just have big feelings about autonomy. i also have issues with food cause i'm autistic and need to be very specific with my food so the idea that someone else would feel it was reasonable to try and dictate what/how i eat just cause they made it for me is kinda upsetting >.
@@QUEERVEEART You make somebody a meal, they should respect the original intent of the dish. If you go to a restaurant and slather ketchup all over a steak you order, that's fine because you've paid for it. You do that at my house, when I spent the time, money, and effort to cook you something, then don't expect another invite back. I see it as disrespectful.
If you have personal conditions that dictate what you eat, it would be polite to inform the host of that ahead of time, so that they can accommodate.
@@guywholikesgoodmusic what if they don't like the dish? and adding something or taking something out will cause them to enjoy it more? are you gonna feel they disrespected you? people can't control what they enjoy eating. i understand what you are saying about putting time and effort and care into something and wanting that respected. that's valid. but can't someone be respectful and grateful you made them something, and express that to you, even if they don't enjoy it exactly as you prepared it?
yes for me personally because i have so many food issues i typically don't like people to cook for me because i am so particular. but there are people that are less particular than me that might not think to discuss before.
Walter is 100% nailing OP's wife. I suspected as much when OP said they had to go out of town to watch obscure movies. Plus the wife wants to make sure that OP keeps watching the children so he'll be stuck at home and won't find whatever motel they're screwing in.
they literally invite him tho he just refuses to go. he's essentially giving his blessing to walter to nail his wife💀
My sisters kept boxes of pads and tampons visible for years
I never knew what they were until I got curious and read the label
I was 15, and I just went ,”Huh, neat”
My mom always has them out too and I just ignored them until puberty
@@liljatupsu I didn’t even know what they were, just that it was a common thing to hear in infomercials, a couple years later, I learned what they are, and I don’t go all evangelist-corrupting-my-feeble-male-mind on them
Interesting, we had that topic covered in grade 7 or 8 at school (near the age where most girls in class are likely to start their first periods).
@@MLWJ1993 yeah, we just got the male side in my school :/
I absolutely agree with RSlash when it comes to the boundary situation, it’s like this if you got into a relationship and you told your partner ‘hey I have trauma around people screaming at me so please don’t do that’ and then eventually the partner starts screaming at you for some reason, would you think that’s okay or reasonable? That you told them why this particular thing upsets you but then they go ahead and do it anyways? People are delusional in the comments of the post.
I agreed... Like, it's good to that OP can do that. Like, great have your boundaries. Draw your line in the sand. You have that right. You want to fall on that sword by blowing up your marriage over an old grudge of your mom blowing up your family because you still have strong feelings about it and can't move past it - you do you. I do wonder how your children will see you for blowing up their family over this, but you want to risk messing your children up too - again that's your decision to make. Personally, I'd learn to get over those feelings rather than let them breed the toxicity that they clearly have for you...but again, that's me and it's wonderful that OP gets to make that decision for himself and his little ones
The only thing I don't agree with is OP is making it sound like he would drop his son solely on her if divorce happens. 'You're about to be a single mom...' ummm even if you divorce, she wouldn't be a single parent IF you're still providing for your son. OP sounds like he would wash himself of his son and her because half his son is her.
@@conwaymj88 Yes, because boundaries only matter at the start of a relationship. We should all just 'get over' our trauma and trust issues so our toxic family members can meet their new relatives. Like that itself isn't toxic behavior. 'I know your mom cheated on your dad and tore your family apart, but you need to get over it so your child can meet his toxic grandma' or how about 'I know your father r*ped you as a child, but you need to get over that so he can meet his new granddaughter'
@@conwaymj88 I do not get your stance. Lets play with the language, but just for added fun, lets reverse genders.
Female OP has gone *no contact* with her father, because daddy cheated on her mother. OP's husband, came into the relationship, aware of, and accepting she is *no contact* with her father.
Husband starts exchanging kiddie pics with OP's estranged brother, who she rarely talks to.
OP reiterates that she is *NC* with her father; tells husband that he isn't to share their child's picture with the estranged brother lest they be shared with her *NC* father.
Do you still feel the same, would you still consider your language correct - that she is wanting
"fall on that sword by blowing up your marriage over an old grudge of your _dad_ blowing up your family because you still have strong feelings about it and can't move past it"?
@@kanedakuTbh reversing genders would make everyone on OP’s side because they know that if OP was a woman. They would get the kid easily. Since OP is a man, the comments bash him for not explicitly stating he will go for his kid😂
Second story: imagine freaking out like that about having a roll of toilet paper out in the open. Same concept, absolutely absurd.
It’s basically a bandage or plaster or something 😭😂
How dare people know you're a woman with those feminine hygiene products on show in the bathroom!
With how OP explains how that girl was screaming, it was as if OP went into the bathroom herself, casually brought out her tampons and threw them down on the dinner table in front of everyone. 😄
Story 2, I almost feel bad for the girlfriend. She was way out of line, but that kind of reaction makes me imagine her parents treating her that way when she started her cycle.
OP isn’t an AH but the GF should see that encounter as a wake up call to get help for some deep seated trauma.
yea i feel bad for her. while i dont think op was an ah, she prolly could have shown a lil more empathy. but i understand it is upsetting when someone is insulting you and projecting their own learned shame onto you. so i get ops reaction, but i think it led to the gf feeling immediately confused and embarrassed and she went into flight mode. i hope shes gotten help. the language she was using was intense and is prolly internalized. :/
Story 4:
I encourage anyone and everyone who feels they can't have a relationship with a certain family member to not try to maintain it "for the children" because if anything goes down, those poor kids will be hurt regardless of their own relationship with said family members. It either ends with the family member damaging the child (physically, emotionally, mentally, etc.), crossing a major boundary that puts the kid at risk, or the kid feeling guilt, confusion, anger, etc. when the person dies or the relationship crumbles because they liked said family member. They will feel allegiance with anyone who treats them with love, so when one turns out to be awful or toxic, there is a lot of questions and dilemmas that will go unanswered. And also, in the case where the OP has a sister who is close to the mom, that kid will likely see his grandmother favor their cousins and ask things like "Does grandma love them more?", "Why does grandma go to my cousins' shows more often than mine?", etc. Once they're older, they can decide to have a relationship on their own terms, but when they're young, it's best to keep the status for you and the child. It's less harmful that way.
Yeah I'm with you on the 2nd to last story. It's absolutely mind boggling that people are actually taking his mother's side in this after everything that was described. Absolutely wild and ridiculous. Not only respect boundaries, but this is also a support your spouse moment!!!
I'm getting tired of how some people on Reddit do weird takes like that. Its getting mental.
@@Yumi_Jay on the post where the boyfriend asked for a paternity test a few days ago, all the comments were saying he was cheating and projecting on her. Absolutely crazy
It's easy.. reedit hates any form of men because they're fatherless soy drinking donkeys.
@@Yumi_Jay There's a post in AITA where OP's coworker have a very smelly sweater. And everyone taking the smelly sweater guy's side. I guess because they're more relatable to the guy, probably just because they're pretty much the same.
Same. Why does op HAVE to be manipulated to take his father's side? He can't just disagree with his mother's actions? Also she split up the family, she deserves to get cut out. How dare they act like the wife is the victim even tho she knew AT THE START. Op should start learning how yo stop her from dripping posion into that child's ear. She seems exactly like the type.
Second story:
Naveah 2/5: she's unhinged and can't control her emotions, it wouldn't be so bad of not for her 8 years old kid that was forced to watch they mother act in such a disrespectful and frankly scary ( for an 8 year old) way.
Op boyfriend 3/5: how can you let someone attack you significant other inside their own house? Their safespace, he let his girlfriend be attacked by a stranger, did not help her in any way ( this alone makes him an AH) but above all he humiliates his girlfriend further by trying to make her apologize to her attacker???
Third story : Typical self entitled people thinking being "sorry" after getting caught for cheating will repair the damages they caused. NTA. Sister and mom are in the wrong. Your wife is overstepping your boundaries indeed. She can't even understand how unforgiveable it is to cheat. It makes me think maybe OP's kids may not be his kids.
At this point, wife is acting sus when she has no reason to be upset.
You either get it or you don’t when it comes to family estrangement. Some people don’t get or care it’s a matter of survival.
If I have kids, my estranged family will never know them. They will be deprived of nothing except being saved from what I was put through. I’m breaking the cycles.
I think half the people in support of the wife are cheaters themselves, the other half are people who just generally think "I'm sorry" suddenly makes everything okay.
So, just terrible people all around.
Also, it's hilarious if people on Reddit are blasting OP for taking a side in his parents' divorce and don't make a peep about OP's sister doing the exact same thing, except it's a different side she chose.
The wife is not overstepping OP's boundary. She is not trying to force reconciliation. She is not bringing the sister over their house or trying to trick OP into association. It's like if the husband ate kosher or was vegan. If the wife chooses to have a bacon cheese burger, she is not disrespecting his boundary. One spouse's personal boundaries are not incumbent on the other. OP needs to save money for therapy, not divorce.
I’m glad Rslash stood up in story 4
So as for the first story, I just want to chime in on it because very recently I was in the shoes of the "Boy Friend." My friends husband was not caught up on an anime, but me and my friend both where. So, the two of us went to the movies together while the husband stayed home to watch the kids, and the two of us grabbed lunch while we where out. But, like, i've also done the exact same thing with her husband before! She wasn't interested in a movie, but me and him where, so we went out while she watched the kids. So, like, it would feel weird for me to say "Oh, well since I'm normally attracted to girls I technically took his wife out on a date, but It wasn't a date when I did the exact same thing with him, just two friends hanging out." And like I don't think the frequency of witch we do that should have an effect on it either. Like the sequel to the movie I went with the husband to see is coming out this year, so we plan on going again, and if another movie comes out that me and the wife want to see id happily go with her again! I don't view it as me trying to do romantic things with them, its just a day out with a friend. I think slapping the "Dating" label on it is just going to far with it.
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Agreed!! They're making a big assumption on that. It's very much possible that Walter is just a super nice guy and a super great friend, and there's nothing more to it than that.
These people are "coming home late" and "going to the next town over" or whatever. It sounds very much like it goes beyond the whole "just hanging out!" thing. Besides, the huge difference here is that you also hung out with the husband. The "boyfriend" in the story has never offered to hang out with just the husband. It's always just the wife, or the wife and kids + cuck to avoid suspicion.
I personally disagree. He described the place(s) that Walter and his wife were going as expensive and fancy and that Walter was paying for both of them. He talks about this being a regular occurrence, and if they were splitting the bill, I'd probably agree with you that the frequency of their dinner and movie nights doesn't mean much. Walter is dumping a lot of money on his wife, which isn't a normal thing to do for a friend. If it was like a place where the dinner for both of us was $60 and we either split the check or swapped who picked up the check each time then, sure, that's a bit more reasonable and I'd be willing to do that. From the way he's talking about it, though, it sounds like Walter's taking her to a place where dinner for two is $60 - $100 and driving out a long distance to see a scary movie, which happens to be one of the biggest genres for couples and cuddling in the theater, though that could just be a coincidence. Either way, unless Walter is quite wealthy and super generous, I can't see this as a "two friends getting a bite to eat and watching a movie together" kind of thing. Also, you described your relationship with the person as your friend, as in you already knew them before doing this, which is different from your neighbor taking your wife out for expensive dinners and movies all the time.
Also, if Walter and/or his wife wanted him to join them, then they'd probably try to suggest a place and movie that all of them could enjoy. I find it more than a bit strange that Walter is more than happy to leave his kids with the husband on a regular basis to go out and spend time with the wife all the time instead of trying to change it so that it can be a joint family night like he says he wants to do. It just doesn't add up at for me.
Yeah to be honest it's certainly a relationship between three individuals and the kids are along for the ride. But that's the most I can say on it.
Now whether or not the relationship between all of them is like fully platonic or romantic or bits of both or if it's something more than married couple + Walter is something we don't know so I can't judge it from that perspective.
I do think the idea of OP's wife potentially not liking the payment part because it makes her feel like she's being sold could be valid. Or it could be she feels it makes the dynamic unbalanced or that money just shouldn't be brought into it (Walter does us a favor by taking me out and you do him a favor by watching the kids).
The only way I could call OP an ass would be if the kids wanted to go out to the dinner and he turned the offer down purely for himself or if he hasn't found other ways to bond/hang out with his wife outside of scary movies and restaurants and doesn't hangout with her at all (and even then that'd be excluding the possibility the wife isn't somehow okay with that).
Point being I really think OP shouldn't even be on Reddit seeking judgement since there's not enough info given and that all three should be sitting down to talk about it for a wee bit.
The story where the husband didn't want any contact with his sister and mom is understandable. Personally, if I was his spouse I would hope they could reconcile so the kids can know their family but the husband set a hard boundary and she should respect that even if she doesn't agree. It is his family and he has every right to make that decision. It's not like he is trying to ban her family at all. Couples really need to respect those boundaries with family or any hard line situation or the relationship will fail. I hope they can work it out eventually.
I would say the wife IS respecting OP's boundary. She isn't trying to force reconciliation. She isn't trying to trick OP into spending time with his sister. OP has a personal disagreement with his sister that has nothing to do with their spouses or children. The spouses and children should continue to behave like family until OP (likely with the help of a therapist) works out the still painful wounds he has stemming from his parent's divorce.
@@StilltheAp0llyon omg shut up. It’s crazy to me how much you’re trying to defend the wife, Ops sister and mother. They are aholes. You sure you not Ops wife or someone in a similar situation?
@@StilltheAp0llyon You're right. If there was a sign in bright neon lights that said don't jump off this cliff and the husband tells his family "hey don't jump off this cliff, I fell down a hill and it didn't end well." The appropriate response from the wife is "lmao nerd that's your decision and has nothing to do with us yolo" and then she yeets herself off the cliff with her children. Totally understandable decision making.
@@StilltheAp0llyon If the WIFE, alone, wants to have a relationship with OPs sister then that's fair - although she shouldn't be surprised if then her husband doesn't want to associate with someone that would choose to spend time with his toxic sister. But she doesn't get to be the only person to decide what their kids do - the husband also gets a say in that. And he has a pretty hard boundary while hers is more "well it's good for kids to know their family" - ok? So then take them to grandpa's house more. He's family, and he's the family that OP loves and gets along with.
@@te1730 op father is toxic too, his response to the fight is equating op wife with his mom who he hates very much and telling op to prepare for divorce is unhinged and spiteful
If roles were reversed everyone would be telling the wife to divorce him for refusing to respect her boundaries. It’s not a sudden out of nowhere boundary after she’s known his mom/sister for years. This is a boundary that she’s known about from day one yet she thinks she knows better. This is clear cut, the wife is absolutely 100% in the wrong.
First story : Dude losing his wife to his neighbor and is completely oblivious to it.
I'm getting that vibe too.
I find it hard to feel bad for OP, though. He wants the title of husband, but none of the duties.
To be honest, I think he just doesn't care enough about her to even try to put 2 and 2 together. He's only going to give a fuck when she finally leaves him for the other guy
@@amireffect6054 yeah I agree with you on that
There's absolutely no way he isn't aware of what's happening to his marriage, he probably wants out of his marriage or is getting off on it.
About the hot sauce:
I was taught by my father how to make a very good steak. I'm pretty proud of how good of a steak I can make (and every time I try to do something to make it just a little bit better) and get compliments for it all the time. Typically, when I make it, nobody puts steak sauce on it because the steak itself has more than enough flavor and you want to taste it. Occasionally though, I get people who want to put steak sauce on. As someone who really likes to cook and make food everyone enjoys, I can understand the frustration when someone feels the need to "enhance" food you put a lot of time and effort into making. That being said, you have to get over your own ego. People have different tastes and different preferences, you can't police them.
If you are ok with that, it's alright. But you still should respect the wishes of your host
thank you!! i am autistic and have so many issues with food. that being said, i usually dont get other people to cook for me (also im vegan), but in the rare chance it does, i would be very upsetti spaghetti if someone tried to dictate what/how i was eating or tried to guilt me for slightly changing something so that i could actually eat it and handle the textures and possibly enjoy it. it is SO weird to me that so many people out here get mad about what other people do with their food… bro, its not your food. even if you made it, if you are giving someone something, you gave it to them. its theirs now. not yours. if i made something for someone, and they would enjoy it more by changing it a lil, why would i not want them to enjoy it more? i dont get it… i would never want to control what/how other people are eating. its bizarre to me that apparently so many people do want that control. autonomy is so important.
Story 3: Jeez, this really got under rSlash's skin. What she did was unforgivable, never in the history of anything, is it ever the man's fault for their wife cheating.
I never thought that wife's boyfriend is a real thing
There are lots of people who are in consensual non-monogamous relationships. If all of the people involved are fully informed and happy with such a situation, it's their business, and nobody else gets to criticize it just on the basis of its not being monogamous.
Ya it is a polyamorous relationship, I play dark Souls with my partner's partner (metamer)all the time.
6 months from now we’ll be hearing how Walter and the wife moved in together
What's your guess: does the (in that scenario ex) husband still babysit Walter's daughter so he, Walter, can go on dates with the (ex)wife?
He'll probably help them move in together...
@@ichmeiner4531 Yeah, something along the lines of “I helped my move into his place, because I’m not really a fan of her living in my house anyway, but now she expects me to watch our kid every weekend!?”
Probably because OP’s idea to do so. He probably doesn’t like the idea 2 adults in his bed, but luckily Walter and OP’s wife share that interest too.
And OP will be STUNNED! 🤣🤣
@@fdm2155 with a giant WTF look on his face😆
Story 3: Yeah, the comments don't appear to fully grasp the situation. While it SEEMS bad and extreme for OP to not want to let the wife share images of the son with his sister, OP has a valid reason.
I don't think OP fully grasps the situation. So he divorces her and then what? That's not going to stop the wife being in contact with his sister. And what if his kids want to have a relationship with their aunt and grandmother? Is he going to go no contact with all of them? It's a reasonable boundary to go no contact with the sister and mother and it's a reasonable boundary to not want photos of your children shared with people you have gone no contact with (although considering it's for the benefit of OP's feelings instead of the children's safety and well-being even that's pushing it a little) but it's definitely not a reasonable boundary to prevent people from having a relationship with someone you have gone no contact with. If the wife wants a relationship with her SIL or MIL she can. And if OP's kids want that when they are old enough to decide for themselves then they can too. If OP doesn't like it too bad. OP can't demand that everyone must cut his sister and mother out of their lives just because he did. He has every right to cut out whomever he wants from his life but he does not have the right to demand that everyone else has to as well.
@@perfectchemistry8291 Yes, Ops wife CAN have a relationship with his mom but she will be shitty for it. Do you not understand how boundaries work? What if, let's say, OP didn't want her in his life because she
@@MisterManGav Because she what?
@@MisterManGav Well?
3rd story : Gee, I wonder why Navia was all alone for the holidays...
4th story : OP is VERY clear on his boundaries and I've had to deal with similar issues. People don't understand what boundaries are and when someone has a steadfast boundary and then it gets trampled all over, everyone is so surprised when you don't just laugh and forgive everyone. OP and his pops are so far from being an asshole that they are lacking their own assholes.
Last story : did this idiot even TRY the food before going "hmmm...this is obviously missing something..." it's rude af to add shit before even trying the food.
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Final Story: I think I understand why he was perhaps annoyed and maybe a little upset because he puts in a lot of effort, but then his guest is like, "WOW, THIS IS REALLY MISSING HOT SAUCE!" Then, he kinda tries to dissuade him (Maybe .5/5 or 1/10). He insists, and then OP says, "I have some flakes and additives, but no sauce really" and the guy then LEAVES to go to the store to buy some for himself and expects everyone to wait until he's back? What? I feel ESH, but OP isn't really too much in the wrong
Partly correct. OP said "I have some flakes and spicy oils. I also have Frank's and Sriracha. But you are not allowed to use the Sriracha, because that's Asian, and I won't allow you to put Asian sauce in Italian pasta."
@@Ziergon someone likes their control
@@makeitpay8241 From my understanding, he made a traditional meal, useing something not traditional is telling your culture to fuck itself to some people.
@@alidan guess what, some people grew up eating spicy food. so to them regular food is just bland. no one insulted OP's mother or the country they came from so relax.
@@makeitpay8241 there are so many things right now that I have to put up with because 'its offensive if I don't' along with walking on eggshells around people so I don't offend them. as far as I can tell, he is being a prick and while I dont care, he has no sympathy from me because boo hoo, he has to eat oatmeal once in a while.
9:02 As you can see, communication is key. So if she has a problem with OP not wanting his mother or sister involved in his life, she should have just said so from the start so he wouldn't pursue a future with her. I don't know do you guys think she would bond with that Lady who had a problem with her husband still being friends with his ex (they were friends before and after) and not expressing anything about it until the ex died?
Story 2: She is a stranger in your house screaming at you because of what you have in your bathroom, of anything you you are very nice to her. Also tell your people pleaser boyfriend that in his place he can let her disrespect him all he wants, you have a backbone to you don't live like that.
Well there's obviously things that would be inappropriate to have lying around in the bathroom openly when having guests over ... though I would agree tampons are not among those things.
Story 1: Since OP and his wife don't share all their interests and she has a friend that does that means they are dating/cheating? We are given one part of the story that is their lives, maybe they do other things together and have other interests, I feel like OP's wife isn't such a one note person that horror movies are her only interest. Walter invited OP and the girls to dinner you usually don't invite your daughter, your 'girlfriends' husband and their daughter to a date. Yes from the outside looking in this may seem weird but to the people in the situation it might be normal. If Walter was a woman no one would question a thing, yes men and women can in fact be friends in a completely platonic way.
So I'm curious for the actual question that OP asked is he the butthole for agreeing to be paid to watch his neighbor's daughter along with his?
Yeah, that was my thought.
I don't get the wife getting all upset.
The husband is babysitting a kid, and walter is offering to pay for his kid. He didn't ask for money for his own kid. I do think calling it "babysitting" your own kid a bit dumb. You can't babysit your own kid, you're the parent. You watch your own kid.
I don't think he's an ahole for agreeing to be paid either because watching kids is a lot of work. So the wife is being crazy.
5th story: I gotta admit op is definitely right 100%. Just because your related by blood doesn't mean they ARE your family. You can't pick and choose blood but you can pick and choose FAMILY
Story 3: NTA. I think too many people are thinking of personal relationships with how they equate to OPs situation. His wife is free to hang around his sister. The problem is, she's breaking his boundaries by inviting people he specifically wants no contact with back into his life. Even if they spend all day out at a Cafe or something, eventually, they will try to show up at the house. If OPs mom starts seeing his son and decides his son needs to meet her, she could just show up and the situation would escalate further. The situation is unfortunate but you don't break someone's boundaries of no contact. That's going to ruin the relationship. I wish OP and his wife well, and I hope they settle this peacefully
If you cheat, you have to accept the consequences. It doesn't matter if you apologize to the person you wronged. It doesn't matter if it was a one-time thing. If they don't forgive you, you have to accept that and try to be a better person moving forward. Convincing the other people in your life to shame the person you cheated on means you didn't actually learn anything, and they were right to leave you.
I have sanitary products in a noticeable space in my bathroom so female guests who find themselves caught short are able to access them without feeling uncomfortable
OP4: Disrespecting someone's boundaries to this level is abuse. Period.
Unfortunately a lot of people don’t see it like that especially people like op’s wife who loves the idea of ‘family’ even if that family member did something that hurts you
I agree. She's constantly disrespecting him, he should leave but I'm also afraid what would happen if her and the child were alone. Like she'd talk bad about op behind his back to his child.
There's a difference between disrespecting boundaries and abuse. She's wrong but abuse should not be just thrown around.
12:40 this is the irl embodiment of “take one step on that rope and I’ll cut it!”
If the husband in story 1 really does nothing else on the other six days of the week, then he is neglectful, yes. But if these movie nights are the only times in the week, where they separate (besides work), then I see zero problems. His wife is allowed to have friends, even make ones.
OP literally states that he's happy his wife no longer complains about not going on fancy dates because Walter is basically taking her on fancy dates.
You want your future wife to have male friends? If yes you are a simp bro
@@llamaniaman4002 okay, forgot that, so yeah, red flags. But that doesn‘t mean immediate betrayal. The guy should show more interest and maybe talk about it, maybe actually take up the invitation once in a while…but besides that, the wife is allowed to have male friends.
@@NpcBoss Or maybe just a reasonably trusting human being? People can have friends outside their relationship. Not allowing that would be a big red flag for me.
@@jackstamper893 female friends for sure. But not male friends, we all know that there is no friendship between male and female, excpecially we men know that
I agree with Rslash on story 4, You don't cross boundaries that people say not to cross. It get incredibly frustrating and hurtful because if you cross a boundary that I say a few times not to cross then it feels like you don't care how I feel at all. So op is not the ah, the wife is. I know this will make people upset but here is the deal, family is not something that makes bridges fixable. Op is free to hate and get away from who ever they want. He is allowed to hate his mother for any reason he wants and he chose to hate her for cheating on his father.
Story 2: If you can't handle seeing period products around then don't be in a relationship. NTA
Rslash here's a fun tip for horror films. Instead of viewing them as horror look at them as a survival critique. Try pointing out all the flaws of the MCs survival against the villain.
Coming from a family that had my mother cheat on my father, I fully understand wanting to cut them off. I almost did
Story 1: Exactly what is OP's role in this whole thing?
If he were to, somehow, suddenly disappear from existence, his wife would simply just carry on with Walter without so much as the batting of an eye.
Story 2: No wonder this girl has no where else to be over the holidays!
Apparently, not even family and friends want her excitable behind in their homes.
Story 3: Beware of those who side with cheaters.
I believe the father has a good point to what is going on. The wife, knowing OP's character, is clearly setting things up for a breakup.
Story 2: Maybe she hates tampons, but why even present it to everyone else? Why make a big deal out of it when nobody else would've cared? It's not her house.
Story 3: why is it okay for his wife to disrespect his basic boundary all he want, but when he explained that it's an obvious deal-breaker he's wrong? Also isn't it more likely that the toddler was manipulated by the mom, who again cheated on her husband? I think the comments are filled with family members because it makes no sense to be dogpiling OP.
Third story's OP left out a lot. Here's a comment he put on the original thread: "No it doesn’t but it sounds like the realistic one. I’ve seen enough men go thru the divorce process that I already know what will happen. I will not allow myself to keep being disrespected. I will start a new family and try again but in no way will I sit in a situation where I’m being bulldozed." He wants to throw away his kid with the divorce
@@MagicalMarioBros his mom threw him away, if his wife wants to take the moms side for some reason then so be it. I don't think op would completely leave the child but he would definitely lose custody in the divorce because thats how it almost always goes.
@@firewizardrunepro I mean this comment is just double speak. Just because something happened to him in the past doesn't make it okay now. But then you also try to excuse his behavior while also saying there's nothing wrong with his behavior. And then say it doesn't matter at all because he wouldn't be able to have the kids to begin with. And very few words later you've said that you agree that leaving the kid would be a bad thing but then saying it's okay because of this, his and this. Not a big fan.
They are dogpiling on op because he said he would leave his child to be able to start over
Story 4; Op told his wife about his family drama, as well as illustrating the clear boundaries regarding said family drama. And yet his wife decides to minimize those boundaries. He even told her, if she continues to deliberately overstep those boundaries he would divorce her. This is a really messy situation for Op. Regardless Op's NTBA in this story.
That isn't a proper boundary. The boundary is, he can hold his resentment, and the wife can let him. He cannot dictate the wife or his kid's choices. Maybe they don't want the same grudge as he does. That is not his right to control their choices.
@@dudeorduuude5211 But that's exactly what stepping over a boundary is. If the wife makes the choice, then OP will divorce her because she has gone against what OP made clear is the line to not cross.
So, yeah, he can't control her choices and she is free to make her choice, but there are consequences to that choice.
@@JordanWeberMusic yes, there are. consequences. His boundary is not realistic. He can hold his resentment. She isn't making him meet or talk with his sister. She is respecting the boundary he can set on her, to not interfere with his choices. But it is like asking children to take on their parents racist or ignorant views. No, don't take on your parents views. The brother and sister relationship is the most logical one to repair, as both of them were young and handled it poorly like young people would. If he chooses to run away and hide from his family... his choice. But the OP's boundary sure deserves questioning, as he isn't practicing healthy or realisitic boundary setting.
@@dudeorduuude5211 I can see what your saying, however, the wife married into the situation knowing full well that OP did not want his mom, and consequently his sister, in his life. So, if his wife is disrespecting that by inviting conversation into their family, she has ignored OP’s choice. So, what about their child? Is the wife’s opinion the only one that matters now? The truth is she went behind OP’s back, knowing that it would undermine OP’s stance and be downright disrespectful. It’s not a healthy marriage, and divorce should definitely be on the table because what else is she going to do behind his back?
@@dudeorduuude5211 Clearly those boundaries were realistic since the wife agreed to them
Damn, a year from now rslash is gonna have to say ”Am I the not very nice person”
In story 2, I think this may have been a culture thing based off the words used. There are a lot of cultures that make out tampons to be super taboo (regardless of how ridiculous that is) and I have a feeling that woman came from that sort of culture.
For instance, when I lived in China it was nearly impossible to find tampons. The ones you could find were o/b's and they were under lock and key at most larger supermarkets. Most women used pads or diapers, and the pads could get SUPER long.
Not only that, but a lot of my African friends used reusable cloth pads. My middle-eastern friends were a bit more uncomfortable having those sort of things in sight in their bathrooms, whereas my European friends seemed to find it perfectly normal.
It's crazy the difference in thoughts about these things from one region to another. I will absolutely admit that I was trying to change some of the stigma around talking about feminine hygiene in the school I worked. I would openly talk about these things with my coworkers in the office to try and normalize it somewhat. By the time I left that school, my coworkers were much more comfortable talking about both biology and biological processes. I count that as a win.
*Note: be careful doing that sort of desensitization in a foreign country. I was very close with my coworkers and was still somewhat circumspect at times out of respect. Know that it can ABSOLUTELY backfire on you.
For the last story I agree ESH:
OP for gatekeeping Italian food
The bf for being rude
I kinda disagree. She spent all day working on that food, and to have all the work and time spent on it being disrespected as not enough is a bit insulting. Definitely should have handled it better but I'd be upset as well.
I disagree with the last stories scoring. I don't know if you've been to Italy or have learned of their customs but adding additional items to a meal that the chef didn't okay is a massive insult in italian culture. The OP was nice enough to approve of some alternatives. If the boyfriend did the same thing in Italy he would have been warned of the cultural differences and how its an insult to the chef or at worse been kicked out.
@@connertravanini773 no but the whole not this sauce because isn't Italian ,use these Italian-y ones only
@@thyrahoward6865 Agreed. I'm American with Italian heritage and training to be a chef, this would definitely be offensive to both me and my time.
@Samuel Hayes Think of it as if someone told you that you were not good at making a dish and that they'll fix it for you by adding other condiments. You'd feel insult and that's basically what the boyfriend actions translates to in Italian culture.
On the 3rd story I think the reason that people were saying that op's father is emotionally manipulating op, is because the father said that op's wife is acting the same way as the mother. And to get out of that relationship. When in the third story it doesn't seem as there is any signs of cheating.
I was thinking the same. I understand she is crossing a boundary, and I am fully agreeing with OPs and how he is handling it, something about how the dad said that is feeling a bit off. OPs wife isn't showing signs of cheating, so why make that comment?
@@fighter928 It was a warning. His wife was acting that way before she cheated, so he wants to make sure his son has a good heads-up that their relationship MIGHT turn south eventually for him too, but not necessarily from cheating. Setting an aside savings account is not a bad idea anyway.
@@fighter928 Sometimes defending a cheater is the first red flag…
@@fighter928Someone who cheats without any of the typical markers of a failed relationship (emotional distancing, lack of effort, other things that, conveniently, are very apparent in the first story) usually has other toxic behavior traits as well, and those probably weren’t mentioned in the story because they likely didn’t have anywhere near as much impact on OP assuming he even noticed them at all. If so, I guarantee that the dad DID notice them and probably recognizes some of those traits in OP’s wife (like disrespecting boundaries for example)
First Story, YTA: OP doesn’t realize that Walter is dating his wife? OP is really cool with this? OP is going to eventually lose his wife to Walter. OP needs to stop being a neglectful husband
Second Story, NTA: This girl is insane. She comes to OP's house and pretty much had a mental breakdown over a box of tampons. She brought them out of the bathroom and caused a seen. What is OP's boyfriend doing
Third Story, NTA: Honestly these people are insane. OP's mom cheated but apparently it's OP's dad fault and he isn’t allowed to be mad?
Fourth Story, ESH: Why is OP policing the food. Sure, he shouldn’t be making loud comments but if he wanted to put hot sauce on his food why stop him?
And why is it YTA when the wife is kind of, sort of cheating? Isn’t she an AH for that?
@@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64typo
For the third story, there's actually a lot of context to why people say he's in the wrong. This is a comment he put in the replies: "No it doesn’t but it sounds like the realistic one. I’ve seen enough men go thru the divorce process that I already know what will happen. I will not allow myself to keep being disrespected. I will start a new family and try again but in no way will I sit in a situation where I’m being bulldozed." So he's willing to throw his kid away with the wife and start over again. THAT is why he's in the wrong
He’s not throwing away his family. He’s not letting himself be used. Big difference
@@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64 neglecting his wife. He said doesn’t need to take her to fancy restaurants because his wife boyfriend already does.
Sooo... OP 1 is just completely oblivious to the fact that he is going to torpedo his own marriage?
This guy is going to end up on r/trueoffmychest with "My wife has been cheating on me with our family friend" and I bet you he STILL won't have the self-awareness to see where he went wrong.
The SIL in story 2 was absolutely crazy. It’s 1 thing to be uncomfortable to have feminine products like tampons visible like that, but in that case you can politely & quietly ask if its ok to have them hidden away while there’s guests over. Such a huge freak out like sil had is pretty telling & she was likely raised w/ periods being an extremely taboo topic. Idk if sil is super religious, but that wouldn’t surprise me bc among really devout religious groups periods are sometimes seen as a woman being “impure” I understand feeling awkward talking about periods, but even then if i saw that somebody whos house i was visiting just had them out on the counter or something id think “oh cool, if i need one i know exactly where to find them”
Story 3 - NTA
OP and Wife need to go to couple’s counseling. If the wife refuses, divorce.
No. It's simple.
She keeps trying to break the boundary, she will get divorced and go to court over the kid.
Story 1: My (F) wife and I are both listening to that first story and neither of us see the problem with OP's wife having movie nights with a friend. Neither of us are assuming there's cheating - I think rSlash tends to jump to assuming "they must be cheating" any time someone in a relationship spends one on one time with someone other than their partner. She (my wife) and I both have friends of both genders (we're both bi) and neither of us just assume cheating when we're with those friends.
That said, I -do- agree that it's weird that OP seems to not want to even go out to dinner with his wife anymore. And I don't think he should be paid for "babysitting" his own kid - that's called being a dad (though if Walter wants to pay him for babysitting HIS kid, that's between the two of them).
But like, my wife doesn't like horror movies either, and I've hung out with other people who do and watched horror movies and am capable of doing so with zero sex. Just assuming "they're not dating and they're together so they MUST be having sex" is kinda weird to me.
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Completely agree! People are making big assumptions purely because her friend is a guy. It is possible for people to have friends of the opposite gender! It's normal and ok!
I think the bias comes from how much cheating occurs in these stories.
@@arendariaNo, it would be completely different if the wife's boyfriend wasnt literally paying for EVERY date they go on. Even if they aren't cheating, the wife is going to realize how distant her husband is and either leave him for Walter or leave him to find someone else entirely.
OP is literally pushing his wife into the arms of another man by neglecting her. It's ok not to like horror movies but OP doesn't seem to be interested in doing anything with his wife.
@@danielmorton1606 I agree that there's a lot of cheating, for sure. I just don't assume cheating unless there's actually proof or something resembling proof and I don't think that's here.
No contact means NO CONTACT. not the bad guy. Stand up for yourself and make your boundaries clear.
Cant you just see Dabney sitting there with his head in his hands, disbelief on his face? Lol
I'm with r/slash here.
Op making boundaries and her wife stupidly overstepped the boundaries thinking she knows better.
I have people cut off from my life. If my boundaries are stepped on after so mamy explanation and conversations I'll drop you in a heartbeat.
To be fair, Walter did invite OP and the kids to dinner too.
Story 3: the number of people defending the wife and the sister and attacking OP is shameful
Fr
The OP is a man. That's enough reason for them.
When I left my first husband I stressed to both my kids that the issue is between ME and MY HUSBAND. . it is not the children's business. I did not bash him to them, he did not bash me to them and we each demanded the kids show respect to the other parent.
lol the tampon one reminds me of living on an RAF camp that had a walnut tree on a round-about in the married quarters. One of my male friends had found a box of his mum's tampons and asked her what they were.... she, being embarrassed, told him they were for decorating the Christmas tree. He took the whole box, and hung all the unwrapped tampons on the walnut tree....
Si vede che non hai mai mangiato con un italiano al tavolo
Dire "Qui manca qualcosa..." riferendosi al cibo preparato da un familiare o da un conoscente è qualcosa che ti identifica immediatamente come uno stronzo
Alzarsi da tavola per andare a prendere salsa piccante da aggiungere alla pasta è quanto meno malvisto
Aggiungere salsa piccante ad una pasta preparata da qualcun altro è un peccato capitale, e non c'è altro termine per definirlo. Sarebbe come intingere una bistecca nel gelato. Il compromesso proposto dall'OP è più che ragionevole e sarebbe dovuto essere stato accettato
I'm giving the wife and her friend the benefit of the doubt in the first story because as someone who loves obscure horror movies: You really DO have to go out of your way to see them in the theater sometimes, especially if you don't live in a major city with a theater that specializes in art house stuff
You are naive.
3rd story: poor OP. If his wife was unhappy with his family situation, he deserved to know way earlier, so he would have had the chance to leave before having children and binding himself to a person that doesn’t respect clear boundaries.
As an avid horror movie fan, I have to say this: not all horror gets widespread releases. Over the course of a year I generally have to use four different theatres just to see all of the releases and I live in a big city. While the pair could be schtupping behind OP’s back, there is truth to having to choose specific theatres for their horror nights.
In the nicest way possible. The thumbnail is what I always imagined Dabney looks like
He actually does look like that
Didn't he kind of end up looking like that on the on camera channel he did for a while?
That wife and the neighbor is on their way to become a thing and OP doesn’t even recognize it 😂
Story 4: Can’t wait for the comments to claim rSlash is wrong and continue to blame the husband (its literally happened before)
If you actually look at OP’s comments in that post, he talks about how he’s fine with leaving BOTH his wife and kid, starting a new family, and never seeing them again. That’s absolutely unhinged.
Bro it happens every time rslash talks about a couple. If he doesn't go the simp route, the imbeciles present here will. This place is reddit's small island outside the country. People have exactly the same philosophy thinking they are "reasonable".
Sometimes they don't even hesitate to go full "happy wife, happy life" while denying it by saying they didn't say it verbatim so it doesn't count.
@@bridi0821 Wait he was going to leave his kid too?! Well if the kid is old enough to pick sides I can understand, but I don't remember how old they said he was.
@@frosted_glaceon5513 his son’s 2 years old.
@@bridi0821 unhinged yes, that deserves an asshole score, but he doesn't deserve one for his wife over stepping his boundaries
2nd to last story is what I'm going through, but with my husband's parents and sister. 11 years ago we lived with them with our 5 month old daughter, our first child together and I was pregnant with our second. They said and did some extremely horrible things to me and our daughter, including drinking a LOT around us to the point cps got involved, then still drinking to excess after they promised they won't knowing our daughter could be taken, calling my infant a fat f**k and a mutt, trying to convince him our daughter wasn't his and when I finally left they drunkenly called cps and left horrible messages trying to get my daughter taken. My daughter was taken, not because of the messages, but because I'd signed a contract saying I'd live there but I left, trying to keep my daughter safe. My worker played the messages for us, you could tell they were drunk, mixing up my name with my daughter's name, leaving messages so long it'd hang up and they'd call back! My daughter was in foster care for almost 2 months, then we had to live 2 hours away in a group home without her dad, for a year. I worked my butt off, obviously regained custody because I'm not a bad mom, I was actually a good example for the other girls in the group home and I'm glad I was away from that family! I had our 2nd daughter while living there and when my kids were 18 months and 6 months, we finally got our own place. We'd also saved up for a car, bought everything for our home, I got my GED and we've been happy ever since! If I ever found out my husband sent his family a picture of my kids, now 11 and 10, we also have a 7 year old daughter as well, I'd see red. You're going to give these people the privilege of seeing my beautiful daughter's? I couldn't see my baby for 2 months because of them, possibly never again if I hadn't fought like I did! I'm not and never was a bad mother, they did all this out of spite, I have no idea why as I always respected them. I'd not only leave my husband, I'd tell him to seek professional help, because you'd have to be nuts to expose our children to these horrible people!! Apparently his brother no longer speaks to his parents too, his sister lost both of her kids, rightfully so, as SHE was the bad parent! I'm not happy about that, but I know her son is safe now, I cared for him (he was 1-2) when I was there and she never cared for him, so I did. That night thry were yelling at me and my daughter I was hiding upstairs with her and this boy, he was in my arms crying and scared of his own mother. He's with his dad and step mom, doing so great, he's happy and literally the sweetest boy you could ever know! I don't know her daughter as she is younger and I cut ties, but from what I've heard from the brother and her uncle of the dad's side is this toddler was completely neglected, never clothed or baithed and they lived in hotels drinking and using meth!! So I'm just happy the kids are with good people and doing better. Sorry so long, didn't mean for it to be, I just completely understand where op is coming from and his wife should understand his boundaries and never cross them.
There's a really succinct comment from RadiantSriracha in the 1st story thread about why this situation is so bizarre and OP is TA
"To clarify, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex who shares a hobby.
The issues is, OP is refusing to participate in ANY aspect of his wife’s interests or fill her romantic needs, letting Walter fill the whole ass vacuum of his neglect: - won’t compromise and join them on any of the movies, even infrequently - won’t take his wife to a nice dinner, because he thinks treating his wife to something nice occasionally is a waste of money - insists on staying home when invited to join in non-scary movie activities, then whines about “babysitting” - doesn’t suggest any alternate group activities they all might enjoy
So, judging by the content of this post, he’s just… encouraging his wife to go to Walter for all her emotional and social needs . No way that could ever backfire."
Yes, this take is good. The moment rSlash went off and used terms like the “wife’s boyfriend” though is when he started perpetuating the toxic notion that married women can’t have male friends, and that’s just wrong. This comment at least dispels that immediately.
I feel like it implies that you can only fulfill someone's romantic needs by spending a lot of money or doing things that make you incredibly uncomfortable too though.
@@SilencedBTM except....that's not the point. The husband basically wants nothing to do with the wife and is essentially outsourcing his relationship to another guy. Relationships take effort and compromise and OP doesn't seem to want to do that at all.
@@ancientsociety79 In these two instances though. We don't know for sure that the guy does NOTHING for the wife or anything. I would certainly hope that's not the case. Compromise is important, but so are the boundaries of "I REALLY don't like these things, so you can do them but I will not join you." I do think he should treat her now and then if she likes those fancy places and they can afford it, but it sounded like she wanted to go a lot since her and the neighbor go to them so often. It's weird for sure, but I feel like people are giving the guy a lot of shit for two interests he doesn't share and doesn't really want to participate in.
@@SilencedBTM my dude......he self admittedly won't take his own wife on even one dinner date because he's a cheapskate, won't watch even one movie his wife likes, and calls looking after his own kids "babysitting". Like, this is BASIC fundamental relationship stuff that he admits he doesn't like doing, to the point where he outsources it to another guy. Do you really think he's 100% all-in on this relationship in EVERY OTHER ISSUE? Because the only way a relationship works if you're ignoring basic relationship stuff, is if you are perfectly perfect in every other way.
OP isn't standing by the bridge with a flamethrower, the wife is talking about it being fireproof while walking across it with a burning wand, touching it to every single surface to prove her point. *Initiate Wilhelm scream when it crumbles*
1st. OP is invited every time, he chooses not to go.
Bruh, wth is this first story lol, it has to be a joke man, it's almost like the plot of a comedy movie: he doesn't want to date his wife and do nice things with her so he finds someone to do those thing instead of him
Second Story: OP didn't tell her to leave, she gave an ultimatum and the SIL CHOSE TO LEAVE "My tamons stay in their place, if you don't like it you can leave". OP 0/5 did nothing wrong. SIL, 1.5/5 yelled at OP in front of her child(I'm assuming) and that's just teaching the kid the wrong stuff. OP'S BF, 1/5 for not defending OP.
In the last story I have to point out that food is a big part of the national identity of Italy. It is not exactly a rational thing, but a cultural one.
To mix Italian food is like to use an American flag as a towel: some won't care, others will be even cheering you on, but most Americans will be pissed.
I know it is weird from outside, but to not do that is basic respect for a different culture.
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It's hilarious that OP says that his wife can't complain that he doesn't take her out because, yes, she can. In fact, I'd wager that she's complaining more because she has to rely on another man to do what her husband is supposed to be doing.
My ex loved pouring Sriracha over everything. Including the special pasta dish I made for him. It honestly hurt my feelings when he said it didn't taste good enough. And when I asked why he had to do it he looked me dead in the eyes and said "well you won't let me add parmesan cheese to it." The parmesan was sitting on the goddamn table between us.