A great therapist I had at one point, was also wonderful at empowering me. He let me know that he saw me as strong, smart and insightful enough to do the work necessary to work through the problems I was having. It helped me so much to have someone continually validating my strengths. Especially when I wasn't feeling very good about myself.
1. Feeling like your therapist is on the same team as you & trustworthy 2. Healthy Boundaries 3. They communicate clearly 4. They can better explain all that we are feeling 5. They work with you to develop your treatment plan
Number 3 about communication...I grew up in a family who did not communicate directly with each other. Conversations involved small talk, feelings were not validated. Learning how to communicate directly hasn't been easy for me, but I'm learning and it feels so good to say what I mean and feel.
I think 5 is the most common mistake. Good therapists may keep 1-4 and 6 in mind, but it seems common for therapists to have no treatment plan, and instead have therapy sessions that are more like deep chats, but which go nowhere. This is why I prefer treatments like CBT and DBT.
I agree alot of therapists don’t take the time to put thought into a treatment plan- although for some clients being able to express week to week what they’re going through without a defined goal can be very therapeutic to clients who need to start with that to be heard, some people who experience abuse never felt heard so the experience of being able to talk w a therapist who sincerely cares to hear them out and understand is incredibly important to some that in a sense it is a treatment plan to have the space to be heard understood and validated can in itself be the thing that helps more than anything at that point in their life
I was incredibly lucky and clicked with the first therapist I saw. She ticks all of these boxes, and I never feel judged. Today, I didn't even feel like getting up and going to the session, but I forced myself and I am glad that I did. This morning, there was no point. After the session, I can take a step back from that and amend it to "It feels like there is no point, but that is a symptom of my depression, and one that I can actively change". Yay for great therapists!
I think some great clues that you're seeing a good therapist (i.e. a therapist who is a good fit for you) are if you look forward to going to therapy and enjoy your time there, even when it's difficult or frustrating. If you think about things you've discussed in session and find yourself applying what you're learning, etc. Those are more subjective, but pretty good indicators that you have a good therapist. :)
I would probably agree with those too. My therapist doesn't actually have a treatment plan for me or we don't work towards anything and I have expressed to her at times that I feel that most of our sessions are inconclusive. But I still think, she has helped me in trying to understand my problems better and putting them into words which sometimes helps. She asks me questions and counters questions about different situations and I think those help too. However, I wonder if we should have a treatment plan and be working towards something because it is important for me personally to have a plan. Also, our sessions feel like general chats sometimes and I don't like them when she lets me speak for an hour about something I knew was trivial and the session ends at that. But I do like my sessions. I always find therapy very ambiguous and structureless, is that how it should be? (Also, I wrote all this as a reply to a comment posted 8 months ago, lol?)
A good therapist is when the conversation is going and the therapist says something you can immediately relate to that and another example pops into your head that you want to elaborate about further.
This is a great list-thank you so much, Kati, for making this and consistently putting out great content! One thing that I would add to the list is a therapist who is trained in multicultural counseling. As our world is increasingly more interconnected, and more clients from diverse backgrounds are seeking therapeutic resources, it’s important to have a therapist who can relate to/understand/appreciate the many cultural differences that makes us unique and can effect how we wrestle with, communicate, and conceptualize our issues! 😊
Kate is a wonderful therapist. A good therapist is important because it's going to be someone you'll be able to relate to. Personally, I want to be with a therapist that I can have a connection with, and will be able to understand why I'm feeling the way I do. It's the only way for many of the disorders out there to be effectively treated. The therapist needs to care for the individual. Empathy is key.
I feel like I am finally seeing a great therapist :) this goes under number 5, but I love how my therapist gives me practical suggestions on things I can do to help myself. This has been huge for me and others in my life have noticed it as well. No other therapist has done this for me
As a person-centred psychotherapy just out of training, one quality that I have found to be the most important to me and my relationship with my clients is being an authentic and genuine human being and therapist, communicating verbally and non-verbally to my clients that it's okay to be human in my sessions, this has been especially important for me to realise and bring to my clients from personal develop and work with grief/bereavement
Can I ask? My therapist forbade me to ask him another question after our hour session finished and I felt bad and that he did not care if I had one more question and I felt lack of empathy and more he cared about his rules of no question after appointed time. Is it important that therapist has empathy towards your need to not apply such rigid rules?
so important to know what good therapy should look like! I am so grateful I found an amazing therapist to work with me, she always makes me feel validated and keeps me motivated to keep moving forward.
ah thank you for your videos Kati! You're helping me through my depression, anxiety and what my counsellor thinks may be an eating disorder. I'm sick of feeling this way so I'm trying to get out of this.
I have been binge watching (I hope that's not a new disorder) your videos and finally got the courage to see a psychiatrist yesterday. I was a healthy massage therapist and educator until 2 years ago. Since then, I have dealt with lung cancer, death of my mother, 2 rare diagnosis, thyroidectomy, a heart attack.... you get the idea. My GP has been suggesting that I see someone for a year. After watching your videos, and feeling more educated and empowered, I finally took that step. I'm not sure where things will go from here, but I am hopeful that they will get better. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and compassion.
Being a clear communicator is huge for me. My therapist is great at this. She never interrupts or uses useless chatter, she waits until I'm finished and has a clear response, and helps explain why I'm feeling the way I am. She's also very warm and friendly, and helps me make goals and plans.
i sadly still havent a good therapist, just started seeing a new one last week and i'm trying to be hopeful this time. my last one didnt validate me and would never really let me give input ON HOW I FEEL. sigh. I'm really glad you uploaded this!! Very helpful for me
i hope you find a good therapist! i wanna be a therapist when i'm older and i hope i can be just as good as what she explained in this video. i also love twenty one pilots so i rlly like your profile pic haha
I knew my therapist was good :) I have a tendency to try to steer off track with whatever happened in my week, the veer off into a rant and she either steers me into the homework I did (or sometimes didn't do) or finds a way to make what I told her productive. I definitely self-sabotage, it's harder to face real past problems over current problems. Props to her for knowing to keep me on track. I hope more people find good therapists.
Hey Kati! I am a 2nd year grad student in clinical counseling and I am working toward becoming a LPC specializing in children and family therapy. Thank you for this channel! I really liked how you put together a list of 6 really important qualities a therapist needs to have in order to help their clients. Great channel, Kati!
I’ve gone to my first therapist for 3 years on and off, and every time I went, I felt like we were just chatting. And if I did explain what was going on, I got the feeling that I should know that already. Their advice would always be “it is what it is” or most commonly “well, just don’t do that”. Though, I’m with the first quote, when I told them high school make me anxious and all they say is “well, just don’t go there”, it makes me feel like that issue didn’t really matter, that it’s not something to worry about. Even if that IS true, I don’t want you to blow it off. Now, I decided to go to a new therapist, and this one hears me out and I feel like we’re on the same team. They don’t downgrade my problems, and when I get off topic, they help steer me back. They’ve actually given me tips on cop my with my issues besides just blowing it off. So I find it very important to find the right therapist to go to.
Thank you for mentioning the treatment plan. I have/had co workers who see treatment plans and paperwork as a burden rather than an integral part of the treatment!!!
I am currently studying to become a Trauma Therapist and your videos are so inspiring to me. This one is especially so! These are good tips that I should keep in mind when I start getting my own patients. Thank you so much for doing what you do!
My amazing therapist validates my feelings in ways that make sense to me and whenever possible, she tells me that she's able to understand my struggles because she herself had gone through the same themes we're discussing which is why we're able to relate... She tells me this to show me a live example of what it is like to be on the other side; a compassionate person.
This video was really good cause I'm not in therapy but I have seen the school counsellor and she's amazing and she does all of these things to help me feel better
Hi! Could you maybe put out a video about what a treatment plan may look like? I'm not sure if I have one or not, it seems like you're describing something very detailed and planned. Would you mind expanding on that, maybe giving examples of how to make one with your therapist? Thanks!
In my many years spent with various therapists I think I've completed a list of things that mother me most: 1) forgetting things you told them last week and not taking notes 2) not following up on the things you promised to talk about on your next session 3) not listening to suggestions or requests like journal topics or reflective assignments 4) being judgemental or sex-negative (I've had a therapist ask me whether I watch porn, and when I said yes she seemed to be in deep shock even though I'm an adult) 5) generally not providing anything new to the conversation (e.g. I say something like "I fear rejection." and go on for an hour about how I fear rejection and then the therapist just says "I think you fear rejection." and I'm left there frustrated, not knowing what to say or whether she'd even been listening the whole time) 6) giving the air of distrust (e.g. I talked to a therapist about a friend and she kept insisting that I admit I have a crush on him even though I hadn't and there was no reason for me to lie to her about that) 7) being prone to manipulation (e.g. I once asked my therapist to talk to my abusive narcissistic mother and my mother ended up convincing the therapist that I was guilty for everything wrong at home and that I deserved all the abuse I was getting, which the therapist ate up and repeated back to me as if it her own conclusion. I can still remember her saying that I should stop standing up to my parents and that I need to be stomped down more - the only thing I could think of was "Wow! She absorbed everything my mother tells everyone about me and didn't analyze it even for a second!")
This is perfect advise. I have been looking for a good therapist...and just rejected on today because she was too entitled to too much money and very short sessions.
Hi, Kati I just really wanted to sincerely and genuinely thank you and let you know just how much I really appreciated and needed this video. I've started DBT therapy around February of this year, and it definitely has been the hardest point of therapy that I could ever imagine. I completely underestimated its overall background and thought it wouldn't be any harder than any other therapy I've done. I was completely misunderstood and wrong. Granted, I've had an excessive amount of hardships and struggles than ever before since starting, which has also taken a toll on my progress. It's just been extremely difficult for me to regularly see my therapist and attend group therapy; even regularly do my homework and practice my mindfulness (I still can't help but find it silly). I haven't been to group in months; I see my therapist more than I do attend group. It's mainly because of transportation and scheduling conflicts (I'm also a college student), but the entire team has been understanding, patient and cooperative with me, and I appreciate it. Ever since my time with my therapist on campus had ended, though (my counseling center's policy on campus only allows a limited number of sessions per school year - which is bullshit, but it's not their faults; it's the school system's), I've really struggled to build a connection and bond with my DBT therapist, which I guess one would consider understandable. My campus therapist was the best therapist I'd ever had in my life. He became my therapist once I returned to campus after admitting myself into the hospital (he was the one I'd seen when I walked in for an urgent, crisis meeting the day that I did). He represented every single characteristic on your list in this video, and so much more. If it weren't for him, I would have never known about having BPD, and I would have never known about DBT therapy. I miss him tremendously - and ever since then, I've held my DBT therapist on such a high pedestal. I'm extremely critical of my DBT therapist, and constantly [mentally] compare him to my previous therapist. I'm struggling to build my trust in him; struggling to believe whether or not he genuinely cares about me and wants to work with me towards a healthier life - or only doing what he's doing just because it's his job. Perhaps, my trust issues could also be because of my cynicality and trust issues with males - but, I just wanted to thank you, once more, for this video. It's definitely opened my eyes a bit more, and has helped give me a sense of trust, consideration and understanding for my DBT therapist. Overall, I've just been extremely grateful for your videos, ever since I stumbled upon them last year, and I thank you for everything you've done. I still really wish that you, my campus therapist, or my psychology professor (she didn't bullshit anything either, and she was literally like my second half) were my personal therapists - but, I know I have to give my DBT therapist a chance. I'm wishing you a wonderful day, Kati. I love you!
I was seeing a therapist I really liked, and things were getting so much better. Then she left the place I was going to see her (it's a place for low-income, so it's not possible for me to follow her). She has set me up with a new therapist at this place but I'm still so sad and scared to just shut her out because I liked and connected with the last one so much :/
1. Feeling like your therapist is on the same team as you and that you can trust them 2. Set boundaries 3. Clear/ direct/ transparent communication 4. Being able to put our feelings/ symptoms into words 5. They work with you to develop a treatment plan 6. They check in regularly with your progress made
Kati, can you explain a treatment plan sometime? What does that look like? Counseling is frustrating to me sometimes because I don't want to leave. I feel like there is supposed to be a time when I am good enough to leave and be ok on my own, but it feels sooo good having someone to talk to. I have no relationships like that in my real life. It's hard.
Typically as a therapist myself a treatment plan is often times made within the first month working with a therapist. The CTP (Client Treatment Plan) will have S.M.A.R.T goals attached to them that include Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time focused goals. Interventions will be tied with them as well, such as CBT, DBT, EMDR, EFT, and other interventions.
I just saw my 1St therapist. Wow! I felt like she was so over the top with her reactions about my answers to my questions. I'll give her one more time. I hope it was a one time thing.
Could you do a video on what common treatment plans usually look like and some examples what some common goals in therapy are. I've often asked about goals and the usual answer has been "I can't pick your goals for you" and "just stick with it". I don't expect them to tell me what my goals are but would have liked some input in what do they think is important and attainable for me as a short term goal and feel out of several people I've never gotten a clear answer.
I think one of the first things my current therapist says was "I'm in your corner, I'm fighting for you." She's fabulous and extremely funny which is my main concern. :) We both got thrown off palomino horses many times in our younger days and has cool cats. Thank you Kati! You keep US motivated. :)
These are great tips! My psychiatrist recently told me that she recommends her clients "shop around" when it comes to finding the right therapist. She admitted therapy isn't always helpful if you don't connect with your therapist. I'm trying to give my new therapist the benefit of the doubt because she's super professional, empathetic, and trained. However, I had a therapist for 4 years consistently that I adored and it's difficult seeing someone completely different from her. My new therapist is very liberal and opinionated, which I accept but it's just a change from what I was used to. Do you have advice for people like me who had to switch insurance plans or see someone else for another reason? It's hard to deal with transitions but I'm sure you know all about that. :)
Shoutout to my therapist who will never see this but I've been to two bad therapists before her and thought their therapy was just how therapy is supposed to be. But thanks to my new therapists I'm finally able to see actual results. I mean, every session I feel like I'm heading towards my goal of being healthy and I'm so damn grateful for it! So even though I knew before watching this video that she's great it was even better to indirectly have it confirmed by another therapist 😊
About the boundaries part I actually noticed that alot of people like to talk about themselves and get their hard life experience out of the way. Some things can be traumatic but one obviously should use their discretion and not push beyond the unpushable.
I am seeing a great therapist .She is an awesome communicator. She is a sweet lady. I used to see a bad therapist . She wasn't that good with boundaries and she was too clingy
I've seen a psychologist for a few years every month. While she's knowledgable and has helped me get the basics, I find she doesn't always 'get' me. It's not anyone's fault, just one of those things. I still see her because she has knowledge of lots of tools to use to help. I also now see a mental health nurse practitioner (highly specialised nurse) who has been great at helping me practically put the tools into practice. I find that she 'gets' me and doesn't spend time trying to change my circumstances like my psychologist tries (I have chronic health problems that are incurable). Instead she is helping find ways to put the tools I've learnt into practice while I'm at therapy with her as my social anxiety means I struggle to do it elsewhere...allows me to take therapy a bit slower.
An interesting video. Really important to understand what you want from a therapist in order to make sure you get the right one for you. Like so much in therapy, things are subjective. Thanks for this.
Hi Kati! My name is Rachel and I am a freshman in college studying psychology to be a mental health counselor/therapist. I began as a dietetics major (wanting to focus on eating disorders,) but after some deliberation, I realized a dietitian's role in ED recovery is very restrictive and I resonate so much more with the therapy side of EDs vs just making meal plans. Plus, your videos have opened my mind to so many possibilities of how I can help people outside of just eating disorders!! You inspire me so much and I learn everyday from you :) So my question- I am only 18 years old, so I know I have a lot of time, but I was wondering how do you combat the feeling that your not good enough as a therapist? My biggest fear is that Im going to put so much energy into my passion and then end up not being a "good therapist." I know that as I progress through school and grad school they will teach me what I need to know, but I am so eager to learn it all NOW (lol, I know I can't!!) And I would love to see some videos that are FOR therapists (i.e. how you set boundaries, how to separate yourself from becoming too emotionally involved in someone's recovery etc.)
I recently switched to a new psychotherapist, and she is NOT a good communicator. She wants Me to talk the full 50 minutes, and she puts in little to no imput at all about how to resolve these issues I am having. She has set no treatment plan so far. And since I dont feel connected to her, I am going to switch. Is that I good idea?? Thanks for the great vid Kati!!!!!!
Is she more of a psychodynamic/psychoanalytic based therapist? Different schools of thought often have different approaches with regard to the client/therapist talking ratio kinda, and many therapists in those two schools I mentioned wouldn't necessarily set a treatment plan. Also, even if she is planning to set one up she may want to let you settle in first? But in that case I guess it would have been nice for her to tell you that! But like you said the key thing (I think) is whether you feel connected and seeing as you don't, I don't think switching is a bad idea. Hopefully your next one is better suited to you!
Maddison Lynne I think it is. I used to have a therapist like that and she would just stare at me and continue until I would start talking again. Its just a waste of time and was making me so uncomfortable. It became stressful to go there and I eventually switched. Now I'm a therapist that way better and is a lit more like the stuff she mentioned in the video ^^
Maddison Lynne i know how u feel. i had a therapist b4 and she would never talk. i was wasting my time and my insurences time. yess. u have a right to switch therapists in the same company or switch to a different company all together.
First time I went to a psychologist I didn't know I had social anxiety yet. It was already difficult talking to her just because she was a stranger but then she didn't talk at all and I felt like dying because it was so awkward and I was on the edge of having a panic attack during the entire session
Well, in my experience being able to talk with my therapist when I have episodes of deep depresion and anxiety has been amazing. I never had trust enough a therapist to feel like doing this.. asking for help when I'm on my worst can be very healing. Of course I dont do this super often, my therapist it's usually one of the last resources... but at least I dont feel like I bothered people anymore!
Unfortunately I met a few bad therapists in my life. I’ve been to so many therapists I lost count. They made me feel even more guilty about the things I did or thought or felt. I suffered many relapses because I felt unwanted, worthless and a waste of space. Luckily I found a therapist that I feel now it’s finally working and I’m better now but still far from “cured”. I have Despression, BED and I have an unhealthy relationship with booze. But I hope 🤞🏻 I hope that I’ll overcome this and conquer my inner demons in the end. Or at least learn how to deal with them. Because giving up is not an option! “Lord, we Must be patient. We know what we are but not what we can be.” Ophelia, Hamlet Shakespeare
Yeah that first, fourth, and fifth ones. I went in the see a therapist for social anxiety a few years ago. Mine isn't minor, it's extreme and debilitating. I haven't seen a therapist since because I'm just terrified of people. Anyway, it felt like she was sort of on my team but also not. She kept challenging me which I suppose isn't always bad but she made it feel like I didn't really have anxiety and that mine was as much as the average person i.e. saying I looked composed for someone who supposedly has anxiety, or saying that everyone feels anxious. She asked why I thought everyone was judging me and I don't know the answer to that. We just sat in silence for a lot of the time because I couldn't answer and she just told me to think about it. She didn't ask how I felt in particular situations or how much it affected me. There was no discussion of treatment, she just repeated that everyone is nervous to a degree and are worrying about something, and then tried booking another appointment.
I know this is more a logistical thing, but for me, I need to be able to make appointments easily, as in not having to wait over three weeks to make a new appointment. I always make my next appointment after my session is over to make sure I have another one ready, but if it's hard to get into see your therapist it's going to be hard to work on things and talk through things when you have so much time in between. I think this is important in the beginning, I'm now at the point where three weeks between app. works most of the time (I've been in therapy for years now) but some people may need more or need to be able to make a last min appointment if something really hard comes up like the death of a loved one, scary health stuff etc
My first therapist was good. My second one (the first one got a new job and was needed asap) was too friendly. Even my husband (I have him come along for the first couple sessions because I get really anxious around new people, and he helps me stay honest) said she was basically like my best friend instead of my therapist. I got so much progress with the first one, and I think I actually went backwards with the second.
Boundaries are so important. I’m 48 and have been seeing therapists since I was 12. Only 1 therapist stands out among them all. He was a complete jerk. The first session he kicked his feet up on a chair, not the seat portion the top of the back rest, so he was slouched in his chair, he proceeded to eat a granola bar. No eye contact asked me why I was there. Didn’t read my notes. Because I was going through some crap I gave him a second chance. Next appointment I had to tell him about some experiences I went through and told him my feelings on certain subjects and how these subjects initiate panic attacks. That MFer started talking about the subject and interjecting his own opinion and I shouldn’t let it bug me. I froze. Then I cried. He was a prick. Had he read my intake packet he would of seen my PTSD and anxiety diagnosis at the very least. My next and last therapist said I should have reported him. She actually knew him.
I want to be a therapist for my friends for when they have arguments and problems that get out of hand or if one of them needs to talk to someone. And I do agree with the therapist being on your side thing but when I do therapy with 2, 3 or 4 people I'm normally the middle person, I try to look at and understand both sides and try to help. For me when I want to do therapy like stuff I go to my dad and I just want him to sit there a listen to me as I spill out everything thats going on.
Thank you so much for this video. It could not have come at a better time. I'm trying to decide if I want to switch therapists. Based off of this video and my gut feeling, it looks like I'm switching.
Actually, competence and trust are far more important than "liking" or considering the therapist "cool". The therapist's ability to forge a collaborative alliance in which there is agreement about the problems to be addressed, the goals to be achieved, and the tasks required to achieve them is most highly associated with positive outcome in psychotherapy.
I haven't trusted anyone since very young. For years (beginning in grade school) I had a mantra not to let anyone know my feelings because they'd just use it against me. I have had several therapists since before 1980, and I've trusted none of them, but I told them as much as I could, with an, "I don't care anymore." attitude and a hope that I might learn something from it. By the time I saw my last psychiatrist I just told her that I'm fine every time we got together to re-up my Venlafaxine prescription for CPTSD and Clinical Depression. I give this background to ask, "How can I learn to trust my therapist?" In the case of my last one, I never gave her a chance, I was just burned out by the whole game. Different therapists over the years, beginning at the beginning, regurgitating things that I've been over myself since before I began my first therapy, therapists with their own agenda ignoring the things that concerned me, rather than explaining why I should try their approach, and the list goes on. I guess I should just be happy that I'm seventy-two years old, and getting well won't effect anything but my own satisfaction, because it certainly has no bearing on the rest of my life.
My life of therapy, I am 51 years old, starting around 13 or 14, I had no help, no treatment plan. I had 'silent' or 'chit-chat' therapists, who never knew or cared about my abuse, and couldn't even, identify it. I only found out, by myself, after I am like 44 years old!!! Still, I get only help through vids and books. I never have had a good therapist, and I did have Blue Cross most of my life! Now, I have medicaid, thanks to all the abuse, and I doubt, from my experience of medicaid, that 'll get a good therapist. i've stopped looking, now, really; just so despairing of ever getting any real help. "Coaches', life coaches, want lots of money, don't take health care.
Hi Kati I have a question I wanted to ask. If you're going to the hospital constantly for mental health reasons what should/could you do to stop it? How do you know that you can keep yourself safe without going to the hospital again?
It was the "explaining clearly" and "helping to better understand". I can get stuck there somewhat obsessively. It's hard for me to take a hit without learning or growing from it. I have trouble letting go until I can do that. Making significant progress is a gift. I take that gift and run. I am happy for that. I wouldn't detract a bit of anything from something that isn't always guaranteed. Well a therapist type connection is inherently temporary if it's functioning at its best. A good one is someone you say goodbye to. In a way it's wierd but it is that way. Perhaps that's just me. I do tend to "call it" / titrate before being discharged ... I don't necessarily like the idea of dependency in this area of life.
Hey Kati, Thanks for another great video. I'm stuck right now. Living in the UK makes it hard to access help for mental health. I was referred for CBT and after a 6ish month wait I had an appointment to be told I had too many issues and that she would refer me elsewhere. 2 months later I find out she hasn't actually put the referral through so my doctors have and now it's a waiting game again. It's so hard not having anyone to talk to. I've looked at paying for therapy in the area but I'm not even sure what I'd need. Tfr x
Hi kati, thanks so much for all you do. I have a question about bringing up a possible diagnosis with my therapist. How do I do this without sounding like I am trying to self diagnose when really, when I read the description, something really hit home with me. I am also so worried that they will not consider the traumas i went through to be valid enough for this diagnosis, which would be very invalidating. But I really think it needs to be considered that I may have a certain disorder because it requires, from what I have read in my research, a particular therapy approach. Also, what is your opinion on clients being clued up on mental health?
TheTealRobin I know your question was probably more for Kati so I hope it's ok that I chime in. I understand where you're coming from. I think you could easily say that you stumbled upon this diagnosis and were curious about it and your experiences resonated with a lot of it, and then maybe ask if you could talk about the things you relate to so that she has a better understanding of how you feel and how you experience yourself and/or the world. That's super important in therapy in general. And since you relate to that much of it, maybe say that, diagnosis or not, you understand there might be these different therapy approaches that could help you. Be open to your current assessment being in the right direction but maybe better explained by a different or similar diagnosis, but also stand your ground if you feel like maybe your therapist is being too quick to dismiss it for whatever reason... Mine was but I made sure to keep talking about it and trying to explain it and now she sees what I meant, clear as day. I think there was just a lot that I had been unaware of myself or had felt the need to hide, so of course she hadn't seen it as well as I'd felt it right away. And maybe it wasn't a super classic or obvious presentation. But everyone is different. And a good therapist should try to remain open to the discussion and to the ideas if it's something you feel the need to explore. If they dismiss you because your traumas weren't "bad enough" (which is a fallacy), then they're definitely not going to be the one best suited to help you heal from it. I wouldn't be able to heal with a therapist who was invalidating like that. Safety and trust are so important.
TheTealRobin I feel that self diagnosis could be seen as a positive development in a persons treatment. It shows self awareness or at least a desire to be more self aware. Your therapist may not agree with your diagnosis or maybe they would be able to expand on your thoughts, but the fact that you are looking at yourself and your life, and trying to make sense of the pieces, I think, is a good thing. I'd be interested to know Kati's thoughts on this.
TheTealRobin a lot of people go to therapy because of something that was "self-diagnosed". It's not a bad thing. You have to do research on what you're going through to learn it's name. It's helpful to be educated because then you can go to your therapist and say "hey, I identify with some of these symptoms. What are your thoughts on this"? Chances are, your therapist has noticed the same symptoms and is knowledgeable about the subject and can go over it with you in greater detain and accuracy than any website. My point it, is you suspect something may be going on, tell your therapist. Just like if you have the symptoms of a concussion, you'd tell your doctor. If you feel like your therapist will judge you it may be time for a new therapist. Best of luck to you!
I couldn't stand my therapist at first , and she let me know the other day that she felt that 😁 5 months have gone by and we have gotten closer , but I definitely wasn't feeling her . She used to cut me off , our sessions felt dry , she answered phone calls during my session and just seemed really distracted , and I let her know more than once that I didn't appreciate it . I would try to tell her where I was mentally or what I had been holding in , and she'd just want to talk positive . But anyway, she's a lot better now ❤️❤️ is it weird that I've hinted at self harm and dying , but she tells me as long as I keep it to myself she doesn't have to report it and get me hospitalized? I mean , I don't what to go , especially with everything going on with my family right now , so I think it's kind of nice if her to let me slide . Does that make her a good therapist or bad one ?
Is it a good idea to bring in some reasonable past experiences as the counsellor/therapist so maybe the client wont feel so alone and can see the progress that the therapist has made and could make the client feel more bonded towards the therapist because they could connect because of similar past experiences.
BedBound for me personally, yes! I'm interested to see what Kati says so I figured I'd reply. I'm planning to go to school for counseling and I find that counselors who "get me" and admit they have had their own struggles as well is super helpful. However, I'm sure it varies depending upon a client's personality and needs.
It can help from time to time.. as long as it's done with discretion. The whole session shouldn't be about the therapist, but it can help you to feel connected to them too :) xoxo
I think it depends on client preference and on the topic. I personally wouldn't want to know my therapist's past experiences, just like I don't want to know if my doctor also has arthritis. To me it's not relevant to their qualification to help me. Rather the opposite, because I would somehow become worried that they're thinking more about themselves than me, or that some things I say might upset them/trigger them. I'm a "problem solver" more than a "listener", and so I would probably end up trying to offer advice to the therapist.
I still have to improve as a therapist lol. My supervisor says I’m more like a friend lol to the Ct. I’m a very humble person .. I don’t stand out like I’m an authority figure or someone intimidating..I’m just a human being like them…I just feel that there is not a “one formula fits all” approach… The weird thing is that all my clients are consistent and are feeling better. So all the critiques I’m getting might be legitimate but at the end of the day .. is the results that count. Are the clients getting better? Are they connecting? Point, blank, period.
I think your videos are useful, and I also think you are also subtly valuing your type of therapy and not others, like psychodynamic or psychoanalytic which are hugely helpful to many people. I think this ends up confusing people who watch this video, as evidenced below by the comments. They start to think the style is unethical, when it's just a different style and values something you do not, like the unconscious mind and how it drives us.
I think those a great criteria if you are doing some form of behavioral therapy. I think some of them don't really apply to analytical therapy. We never really set any fixed goals and therefore she also doesn't really check in with my progress. However my therapist is great and has helped me a lot. It is kind of hard for me to explain, but in analytical therapy, you don't really work to change specific behaviour or other symptoms but rather try to uncover and change the underlying beliefs and models of early relationship that cause the symptoms etc. So setting goals and making a plan isn't really possible. I was frustrated by that at first because I love plans and evaluating how well I've done, but it's also part of my problems so I think it is good that I am doing this type of therapy. I know this is not your specialty but I would really like you to make a video on analytical therapy (how it is today, not what Freud did).
Hi Kati!! I'm sorry this is so long, but I've been watching your channel for the past 5 years and you have helped me with a number of my many disorders, including Severe Tourette's, OCD and Major Depression. Thank you for that!! Lately my eating disorders (Anorexia and Bulimia) have become increasingly worse these last few months. If you had to suggest one type of specialist like a dietitian, eating disorder therapist, etc... which would be the most beneficial to see in regards to starting the road to recovery while keeping the cost in mind?? Thank you so much in advance and keep doing what you're doing! God Bless! #katiFAQ
Hey Halee!! I honestly think it's best to start with a therapist. I know it can be expensive to see every specialist, and a therapist is the best place to start :) xoxo I hope that helps!!
Ok so to the 4th point, I can see straight away if it's gonna be ok or not... but for the 5th and 6th, it didn't work. I have this feeling of going nowhere, to waste time. I'm glad to here that ^^
A great therapist I had at one point, was also wonderful at empowering me. He let me know that he saw me as strong, smart and insightful enough to do the work necessary to work through the problems I was having. It helped me so much to have someone continually validating my strengths. Especially when I wasn't feeling very good about myself.
love this.
You are So Lucky. I'm glad for you. But, I honestly think your experience is not the norm.
Ikr!
1. Feeling like your therapist is on the same team as you & trustworthy
2. Healthy Boundaries
3. They communicate clearly
4. They can better explain all that we are feeling
5. They work with you to develop your treatment plan
I love my therapist. I trust her and she keeps me in check. I wouldn't be where I am today without her help and support.
I am so glad you have her :) xoxo
Awww
Yah!! I'm seeing a great therapist!! I already knew this, but glad she passed the good therapist test. Lol
Yay! I'm so glad too!! xoxo I knew she would pass
Recommend
@@Katimorton "knew"?
Number 3 about communication...I grew up in a family who did not communicate directly with each other. Conversations involved small talk, feelings were not validated. Learning how to communicate directly hasn't been easy for me, but I'm learning and it feels so good to say what I mean and feel.
I think 5 is the most common mistake. Good therapists may keep 1-4 and 6 in mind, but it seems common for therapists to have no treatment plan, and instead have therapy sessions that are more like deep chats, but which go nowhere. This is why I prefer treatments like CBT and DBT.
Yea. Waste of time
With CBT you just scratch the surface
I agree alot of therapists don’t take the time to put thought into a treatment plan- although for some clients being able to express week to week what they’re going through without a defined goal can be very therapeutic to clients who need to start with that to be heard, some people who experience abuse never felt heard so the experience of being able to talk w a therapist who sincerely cares to hear them out and understand is incredibly important to some that in a sense it is a treatment plan to have the space to be heard understood and validated can in itself be the thing that helps more than anything at that point in their life
I was incredibly lucky and clicked with the first therapist I saw. She ticks all of these boxes, and I never feel judged. Today, I didn't even feel like getting up and going to the session, but I forced myself and I am glad that I did. This morning, there was no point. After the session, I can take a step back from that and amend it to "It feels like there is no point, but that is a symptom of my depression, and one that I can actively change". Yay for great therapists!
I think some great clues that you're seeing a good therapist (i.e. a therapist who is a good fit for you) are if you look forward to going to therapy and enjoy your time there, even when it's difficult or frustrating. If you think about things you've discussed in session and find yourself applying what you're learning, etc. Those are more subjective, but pretty good indicators that you have a good therapist. :)
I would probably agree with those too. My therapist doesn't actually have a treatment plan for me or we don't work towards anything and I have expressed to her at times that I feel that most of our sessions are inconclusive. But I still think, she has helped me in trying to understand my problems better and putting them into words which sometimes helps. She asks me questions and counters questions about different situations and I think those help too.
However, I wonder if we should have a treatment plan and be working towards something because it is important for me personally to have a plan. Also, our sessions feel like general chats sometimes and I don't like them when she lets me speak for an hour about something I knew was trivial and the session ends at that.
But I do like my sessions. I always find therapy very ambiguous and structureless, is that how it should be?
(Also, I wrote all this as a reply to a comment posted 8 months ago, lol?)
@@mosthilariousgirleva are you okay now?
A good therapist is when the conversation is going and the therapist says something you can immediately relate to that and another example pops into your head that you want to elaborate about further.
What I like about my therapist is that she willing too help me with stuff I'm
Going through she helps with home/ school stuff and I appreciate that
to me a good therapist is someone who can see through the face you put on to the world...
how does that feel?
I have eventually found a great therapists who sees right through my face / mask
This is a great list-thank you so much, Kati, for making this and consistently putting out great content! One thing that I would add to the list is a therapist who is trained in multicultural counseling. As our world is increasingly more interconnected, and more clients from diverse backgrounds are seeking therapeutic resources, it’s important to have a therapist who can relate to/understand/appreciate the many cultural differences that makes us unique and can effect how we wrestle with, communicate, and conceptualize our issues! 😊
Kate is a wonderful therapist. A good therapist is important because it's going to be someone you'll be able to relate to. Personally, I want to be with a therapist that I can have a connection with, and will be able to understand why I'm feeling the way I do. It's the only way for many of the disorders out there to be effectively treated. The therapist needs to care for the individual. Empathy is key.
I feel like I am finally seeing a great therapist :) this goes under number 5, but I love how my therapist gives me practical suggestions on things I can do to help myself. This has been huge for me and others in my life have noticed it as well. No other therapist has done this for me
YAY!! Thank you so much for sharing!! I am glad you are seeing a good therapist too :) xoxo
Kati Morton thanks!
As a person-centred psychotherapy just out of training, one quality that I have found to be the most important to me and my relationship with my clients is being an authentic and genuine human being and therapist, communicating verbally and non-verbally to my clients that it's okay to be human in my sessions, this has been especially important for me to realise and bring to my clients from personal develop and work with grief/bereavement
Can I ask? My therapist forbade me to ask him another question after our hour session finished and I felt bad and that he did not care if I had one more question and I felt lack of empathy and more he cared about his rules of no question after appointed time. Is it important that therapist has empathy towards your need to not apply such rigid rules?
According to you, I have an amazing therapist. She does all of those things. I think I'm going to mention it tomorrow, so she knows.
so important to know what good therapy should look like! I am so grateful I found an amazing therapist to work with me, she always makes me feel validated and keeps me motivated to keep moving forward.
ah thank you for your videos Kati! You're helping me through my depression, anxiety and what my counsellor thinks may be an eating disorder. I'm sick of feeling this way so I'm trying to get out of this.
Seeing Kati's video pop up in my feed this evening just literally made my day. :)
Savvys Sketches same here
YAY!! xoxo
Can we just multiply Kati? Someone should work on that. K thanks.
*ting* Here I am. I just look like a Latinx male in Chicago in Private Practice. :D
no dx
Great idea! 💡 Then we can all have an excellent therapist!
Call her, help her multiply.
I have been binge watching (I hope that's not a new disorder) your videos and finally got the courage to see a psychiatrist yesterday. I was a healthy massage therapist and educator until 2 years ago. Since then, I have dealt with lung cancer, death of my mother, 2 rare diagnosis, thyroidectomy, a heart attack.... you get the idea. My GP has been suggesting that I see someone for a year. After watching your videos, and feeling more educated and empowered, I finally took that step. I'm not sure where things will go from here, but I am hopeful that they will get better. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and compassion.
Being a clear communicator is huge for me. My therapist is great at this. She never interrupts or uses useless chatter, she waits until I'm finished and has a clear response, and helps explain why I'm feeling the way I am. She's also very warm and friendly, and helps me make goals and plans.
i sadly still havent a good therapist, just started seeing a new one last week and i'm trying to be hopeful this time. my last one didnt validate me and would never really let me give input ON HOW I FEEL. sigh. I'm really glad you uploaded this!! Very helpful for me
i hope you find a good therapist! i wanna be a therapist when i'm older and i hope i can be just as good as what she explained in this video. i also love twenty one pilots so i rlly like your profile pic haha
I knew my therapist was good :) I have a tendency to try to steer off track with whatever happened in my week, the veer off into a rant and she either steers me into the homework I did (or sometimes didn't do) or finds a way to make what I told her productive. I definitely self-sabotage, it's harder to face real past problems over current problems. Props to her for knowing to keep me on track. I hope more people find good therapists.
Hey Kati! I am a 2nd year grad student in clinical counseling and I am working toward becoming a LPC specializing in children and family therapy. Thank you for this channel! I really liked how you put together a list of 6 really important qualities a therapist needs to have in order to help their clients. Great channel, Kati!
I’ve gone to my first therapist for 3 years on and off, and every time I went, I felt like we were just chatting. And if I did explain what was going on, I got the feeling that I should know that already. Their advice would always be “it is what it is” or most commonly “well, just don’t do that”. Though, I’m with the first quote, when I told them high school make me anxious and all they say is “well, just don’t go there”, it makes me feel like that issue didn’t really matter, that it’s not something to worry about. Even if that IS true, I don’t want you to blow it off.
Now, I decided to go to a new therapist, and this one hears me out and I feel like we’re on the same team. They don’t downgrade my problems, and when I get off topic, they help steer me back. They’ve actually given me tips on cop my with my issues besides just blowing it off. So I find it very important to find the right therapist to go to.
Thank you for mentioning the treatment plan. I have/had co workers who see treatment plans and paperwork as a burden rather than an integral part of the treatment!!!
My therapist is wonderful!😀
I am currently studying to become a Trauma Therapist and your videos are so inspiring to me. This one is especially so! These are good tips that I should keep in mind when I start getting my own patients. Thank you so much for doing what you do!
Such a good point about the treatment plan and the checking-in, I definately am missing that from my provider.
My amazing therapist validates my feelings in ways that make sense to me and whenever possible, she tells me that she's able to understand my struggles because she herself had gone through the same themes we're discussing which is why we're able to relate... She tells me this to show me a live example of what it is like to be on the other side; a compassionate person.
This video was really good cause I'm not in therapy but I have seen the school counsellor and she's amazing and she does all of these things to help me feel better
Hi! Could you maybe put out a video about what a treatment plan may look like? I'm not sure if I have one or not, it seems like you're describing something very detailed and planned. Would you mind expanding on that, maybe giving examples of how to make one with your therapist? Thanks!
I have a really good therapist...he's so nice! I'm on 6th session now and finally feel really comfortable with him! First therapist as well :)
In my many years spent with various therapists I think I've completed a list of things that mother me most:
1) forgetting things you told them last week and not taking notes
2) not following up on the things you promised to talk about on your next session
3) not listening to suggestions or requests like journal topics or reflective assignments
4) being judgemental or sex-negative (I've had a therapist ask me whether I watch porn, and when I said yes she seemed to be in deep shock even though I'm an adult)
5) generally not providing anything new to the conversation (e.g. I say something like "I fear rejection." and go on for an hour about how I fear rejection and then the therapist just says "I think you fear rejection." and I'm left there frustrated, not knowing what to say or whether she'd even been listening the whole time)
6) giving the air of distrust (e.g. I talked to a therapist about a friend and she kept insisting that I admit I have a crush on him even though I hadn't and there was no reason for me to lie to her about that)
7) being prone to manipulation (e.g. I once asked my therapist to talk to my abusive narcissistic mother and my mother ended up convincing the therapist that I was guilty for everything wrong at home and that I deserved all the abuse I was getting, which the therapist ate up and repeated back to me as if it her own conclusion. I can still remember her saying that I should stop standing up to my parents and that I need to be stomped down more - the only thing I could think of was "Wow! She absorbed everything my mother tells everyone about me and didn't analyze it even for a second!")
This is perfect advise. I have been looking for a good therapist...and just rejected on today because she was too entitled to too much money and very short sessions.
Really appreciate your videos I’m wanting to become a future therapist! And this really helps ❤
Thank you for this! My daughter's therapist fits all these and I feel much more secure knowing these things!
Hi, Kati
I just really wanted to sincerely and genuinely thank you and let you know just how much I really appreciated and needed this video.
I've started DBT therapy around February of this year, and it definitely has been the hardest point of therapy that I could ever imagine. I completely underestimated its overall background and thought it wouldn't be any harder than any other therapy I've done. I was completely misunderstood and wrong. Granted, I've had an excessive amount of hardships and struggles than ever before since starting, which has also taken a toll on my progress.
It's just been extremely difficult for me to regularly see my therapist and attend group therapy; even regularly do my homework and practice my mindfulness (I still can't help but find it silly). I haven't been to group in months; I see my therapist more than I do attend group. It's mainly because of transportation and scheduling conflicts (I'm also a college student), but the entire team has been understanding, patient and cooperative with me, and I appreciate it.
Ever since my time with my therapist on campus had ended, though (my counseling center's policy on campus only allows a limited number of sessions per school year - which is bullshit, but it's not their faults; it's the school system's), I've really struggled to build a connection and bond with my DBT therapist, which I guess one would consider understandable.
My campus therapist was the best therapist I'd ever had in my life. He became my therapist once I returned to campus after admitting myself into the hospital (he was the one I'd seen when I walked in for an urgent, crisis meeting the day that I did). He represented every single characteristic on your list in this video, and so much more. If it weren't for him, I would have never known about having BPD, and I would have never known about DBT therapy. I miss him tremendously - and ever since then, I've held my DBT therapist on such a high pedestal.
I'm extremely critical of my DBT therapist, and constantly [mentally] compare him to my previous therapist. I'm struggling to build my trust in him; struggling to believe whether or not he genuinely cares about me and wants to work with me towards a healthier life - or only doing what he's doing just because it's his job. Perhaps, my trust issues could also be because of my cynicality and trust issues with males - but, I just wanted to thank you, once more, for this video. It's definitely opened my eyes a bit more, and has helped give me a sense of trust, consideration and understanding for my DBT therapist.
Overall, I've just been extremely grateful for your videos, ever since I stumbled upon them last year, and I thank you for everything you've done. I still really wish that you, my campus therapist, or my psychology professor (she didn't bullshit anything either, and she was literally like my second half) were my personal therapists - but, I know I have to give my DBT therapist a chance. I'm wishing you a wonderful day, Kati. I love you!
Kati, you are one in a million......God bless you for what you're doing!
Kati you're such an angel! Luv from Brazil 🥰🥰🥰
I was seeing a therapist I really liked, and things were getting so much better. Then she left the place I was going to see her (it's a place for low-income, so it's not possible for me to follow her). She has set me up with a new therapist at this place but I'm still so sad and scared to just shut her out because I liked and connected with the last one so much :/
1. Feeling like your therapist is on the same team as you and that you can trust them
2. Set boundaries
3. Clear/ direct/ transparent communication
4. Being able to put our feelings/ symptoms into words
5. They work with you to develop a treatment plan
6. They check in regularly with your progress made
Kati, can you explain a treatment plan sometime? What does that look like? Counseling is frustrating to me sometimes because I don't want to leave. I feel like there is supposed to be a time when I am good enough to leave and be ok on my own, but it feels sooo good having someone to talk to. I have no relationships like that in my real life. It's hard.
Typically as a therapist myself a treatment plan is often times made within the first month working with a therapist. The CTP (Client Treatment Plan) will have S.M.A.R.T goals attached to them that include Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time focused goals. Interventions will be tied with them as well, such as CBT, DBT, EMDR, EFT, and other interventions.
I just saw my 1St therapist. Wow! I felt like she was so over the top with her reactions about my answers to my questions.
I'll give her one more time. I hope it was a one time thing.
Yeah.. it's good to give them a few sessions just to see if maybe that was an off day or something. xoxo
Could you do a video on what common treatment plans usually look like and some examples what some common goals in therapy are. I've often asked about goals and the usual answer has been "I can't pick your goals for you" and "just stick with it". I don't expect them to tell me what my goals are but would have liked some input in what do they think is important and attainable for me as a short term goal and feel out of several people I've never gotten a clear answer.
The one I'm moving away from right now is so wonderful. Don't know how I'll ever find someone I like as well.
Perfect timing! Just went to see a new therapist today and she seems awesome
I’m always the “therapist” friend. I love making them happy.
thank you thank you thank you!! I needed this bad. I had to dump my therapist because all I did was talk. there was no exchange or plan of recovery.
Good video Kati, very informative. I wish I had a therapist like you, I had some crappy therapist in the past.
I am so glad it was helpful! I hope you find a great therapist soon :) xoxo
I think one of the first things my current therapist says was "I'm in your corner, I'm fighting for you." She's fabulous and extremely funny which is my main concern. :) We both got thrown off palomino horses many times in our younger days and has cool cats. Thank you Kati! You keep US motivated. :)
Ohh I love this. I want to be a therapist when I grow up!! I already watched your other ones and I was waiting for a new one!! ❤❤
I love this! I wanna be a therapist when I grow up and get into Psychotherapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
These are great tips! My psychiatrist recently told me that she recommends her clients "shop around" when it comes to finding the right therapist. She admitted therapy isn't always helpful if you don't connect with your therapist. I'm trying to give my new therapist the benefit of the doubt because she's super professional, empathetic, and trained. However, I had a therapist for 4 years consistently that I adored and it's difficult seeing someone completely different from her. My new therapist is very liberal and opinionated, which I accept but it's just a change from what I was used to. Do you have advice for people like me who had to switch insurance plans or see someone else for another reason? It's hard to deal with transitions but I'm sure you know all about that. :)
guiltmenot Hi! You can always tell your new therapist that you feel like this, and she should help you make the transition. Good luck!
BEST VIDEO YET! Thank you, Kati. 💛
just stumbled across this. as a therapist & person in therapy, thank you!
Shoutout to my therapist who will never see this but I've been to two bad therapists before her and thought their therapy was just how therapy is supposed to be. But thanks to my new therapists I'm finally able to see actual results. I mean, every session I feel like I'm heading towards my goal of being healthy and I'm so damn grateful for it! So even though I knew before watching this video that she's great it was even better to indirectly have it confirmed by another therapist 😊
About the boundaries part I actually noticed that alot of people like to talk about themselves and get their hard life experience out of the way. Some things can be traumatic but one obviously should use their discretion and not push beyond the unpushable.
I am seeing a great therapist .She is an awesome communicator. She is a sweet lady. I used to see a bad therapist . She wasn't that good with boundaries and she was too clingy
I wanna go into music therapy, so I'm definitely gonna keep these things in mind when working. Great video!
I've seen a psychologist for a few years every month. While she's knowledgable and has helped me get the basics, I find she doesn't always 'get' me. It's not anyone's fault, just one of those things. I still see her because she has knowledge of lots of tools to use to help. I also now see a mental health nurse practitioner (highly specialised nurse) who has been great at helping me practically put the tools into practice. I find that she 'gets' me and doesn't spend time trying to change my circumstances like my psychologist tries (I have chronic health problems that are incurable). Instead she is helping find ways to put the tools I've learnt into practice while I'm at therapy with her as my social anxiety means I struggle to do it elsewhere...allows me to take therapy a bit slower.
An interesting video. Really important to understand what you want from a therapist in order to make sure you get the right one for you. Like so much in therapy, things are subjective. Thanks for this.
Do more videos on anxiety and intro to therapy. I love your videos!!! Thanks 😘
Hi Kati! My name is Rachel and I am a freshman in college studying psychology to be a mental health counselor/therapist. I began as a dietetics major (wanting to focus on eating disorders,) but after some deliberation, I realized a dietitian's role in ED recovery is very restrictive and I resonate so much more with the therapy side of EDs vs just making meal plans. Plus, your videos have opened my mind to so many possibilities of how I can help people outside of just eating disorders!! You inspire me so much and I learn everyday from you :)
So my question- I am only 18 years old, so I know I have a lot of time, but I was wondering how do you combat the feeling that your not good enough as a therapist? My biggest fear is that Im going to put so much energy into my passion and then end up not being a "good therapist." I know that as I progress through school and grad school they will teach me what I need to know, but I am so eager to learn it all NOW (lol, I know I can't!!) And I would love to see some videos that are FOR therapists (i.e. how you set boundaries, how to separate yourself from becoming too emotionally involved in someone's recovery etc.)
I am so happy to see this! I really needed a video today!
I recently switched to a new psychotherapist, and she is NOT a good communicator. She wants Me to talk the full 50 minutes, and she puts in little to no imput at all about how to resolve these issues I am having. She has set no treatment plan so far. And since I dont feel connected to her, I am going to switch. Is that I good idea?? Thanks for the great vid Kati!!!!!!
Is she more of a psychodynamic/psychoanalytic based therapist? Different schools of thought often have different approaches with regard to the client/therapist talking ratio kinda, and many therapists in those two schools I mentioned wouldn't necessarily set a treatment plan. Also, even if she is planning to set one up she may want to let you settle in first? But in that case I guess it would have been nice for her to tell you that! But like you said the key thing (I think) is whether you feel connected and seeing as you don't, I don't think switching is a bad idea. Hopefully your next one is better suited to you!
Maddison Lynne I think it is. I used to have a therapist like that and she would just stare at me and continue until I would start talking again. Its just a waste of time and was making me so uncomfortable. It became stressful to go there and I eventually switched. Now I'm a therapist that way better and is a lit more like the stuff she mentioned in the video ^^
Maddison Lynne *Fire her!*
Maddison Lynne i know how u feel. i had a therapist b4 and she would never talk. i was wasting my time and my insurences time. yess. u have a right to switch therapists in the same company or switch to a different company all together.
First time I went to a psychologist I didn't know I had social anxiety yet. It was already difficult talking to her just because she was a stranger but then she didn't talk at all and I felt like dying because it was so awkward and I was on the edge of having a panic attack during the entire session
I wish Kati was my therapist 😔
Well, in my experience being able to talk with my therapist when I have episodes of deep depresion and anxiety has been amazing. I never had trust enough a therapist to feel like doing this.. asking for help when I'm on my worst can be very healing. Of course I dont do this super often, my therapist it's usually one of the last resources... but at least I dont feel like I bothered people anymore!
#4 is helpful. So helpful.
Unfortunately I met a few bad therapists in my life.
I’ve been to so many therapists I lost count.
They made me feel even more guilty about the things I did or thought or felt.
I suffered many relapses because I felt unwanted, worthless and a waste of space.
Luckily I found a therapist that I feel now it’s finally working and I’m better now but still far from “cured”.
I have Despression, BED and I have an unhealthy relationship with booze.
But I hope 🤞🏻 I hope that I’ll overcome this and conquer my inner demons in the end.
Or at least learn how to deal with them.
Because giving up is not an option!
“Lord, we Must be patient. We know what we are but not what we can be.”
Ophelia, Hamlet Shakespeare
Thank you so much for this information. Very helpful
Yeah that first, fourth, and fifth ones. I went in the see a therapist for social anxiety a few years ago. Mine isn't minor, it's extreme and debilitating. I haven't seen a therapist since because I'm just terrified of people. Anyway, it felt like she was sort of on my team but also not. She kept challenging me which I suppose isn't always bad but she made it feel like I didn't really have anxiety and that mine was as much as the average person i.e. saying I looked composed for someone who supposedly has anxiety, or saying that everyone feels anxious. She asked why I thought everyone was judging me and I don't know the answer to that. We just sat in silence for a lot of the time because I couldn't answer and she just told me to think about it. She didn't ask how I felt in particular situations or how much it affected me. There was no discussion of treatment, she just repeated that everyone is nervous to a degree and are worrying about something, and then tried booking another appointment.
I know this is more a logistical thing, but for me, I need to be able to make appointments easily, as in not having to wait over three weeks to make a new appointment. I always make my next appointment after my session is over to make sure I have another one ready, but if it's hard to get into see your therapist it's going to be hard to work on things and talk through things when you have so much time in between. I think this is important in the beginning, I'm now at the point where three weeks between app. works most of the time (I've been in therapy for years now) but some people may need more or need to be able to make a last min appointment if something really hard comes up like the death of a loved one, scary health stuff etc
My first therapist was good. My second one (the first one got a new job and was needed asap) was too friendly. Even my husband (I have him come along for the first couple sessions because I get really anxious around new people, and he helps me stay honest) said she was basically like my best friend instead of my therapist. I got so much progress with the first one, and I think I actually went backwards with the second.
I always had a keen interest about psychology😍😍😍😍
Boundaries are so important. I’m 48 and have been seeing therapists since I was 12. Only 1 therapist stands out among them all. He was a complete jerk. The first session he kicked his feet up on a chair, not the seat portion the top of the back rest, so he was slouched in his chair, he proceeded to eat a granola bar. No eye contact asked me why I was there. Didn’t read my notes. Because I was going through some crap I gave him a second chance. Next appointment I had to tell him about some experiences I went through and told him my feelings on certain subjects and how these subjects initiate panic attacks. That MFer started talking about the subject and interjecting his own opinion and I shouldn’t let it bug me.
I froze. Then I cried.
He was a prick. Had he read my intake packet he would of seen my PTSD and anxiety diagnosis at the very least.
My next and last therapist said I should have reported him. She actually knew him.
I want to be a therapist for my friends for when they have arguments and problems that get out of hand or if one of them needs to talk to someone. And I do agree with the therapist being on your side thing but when I do therapy with 2, 3 or 4 people I'm normally the middle person, I try to look at and understand both sides and try to help. For me when I want to do therapy like stuff I go to my dad and I just want him to sit there a listen to me as I spill out everything thats going on.
Thank you so much for this video. It could not have come at a better time. I'm trying to decide if I want to switch therapists. Based off of this video and my gut feeling, it looks like I'm switching.
Actually, competence and trust are far more important than "liking" or considering the therapist "cool". The therapist's ability to forge a collaborative alliance in which there is agreement about the problems to be addressed, the goals to be achieved, and the tasks required to achieve them is most highly associated with positive outcome in psychotherapy.
I haven't trusted anyone since very young. For years (beginning in grade school) I had a mantra not to let anyone know my feelings because they'd just use it against me. I have had several therapists since before 1980, and I've trusted none of them, but I told them as much as I could, with an, "I don't care anymore." attitude and a hope that I might learn something from it. By the time I saw my last psychiatrist I just told her that I'm fine every time we got together to re-up my Venlafaxine prescription for CPTSD and Clinical Depression.
I give this background to ask, "How can I learn to trust my therapist?" In the case of my last one, I never gave her a chance, I was just burned out by the whole game. Different therapists over the years, beginning at the beginning, regurgitating things that I've been over myself since before I began my first therapy, therapists with their own agenda ignoring the things that concerned me, rather than explaining why I should try their approach, and the list goes on.
I guess I should just be happy that I'm seventy-two years old, and getting well won't effect anything but my own satisfaction, because it certainly has no bearing on the rest of my life.
My life of therapy, I am 51 years old, starting around 13 or 14, I had no help, no treatment plan. I had 'silent' or 'chit-chat' therapists, who never knew or cared about my abuse, and couldn't even, identify it. I only found out, by myself, after I am like 44 years old!!! Still, I get only help through vids and books. I never have had a good therapist, and I did have Blue Cross most of my life! Now, I have medicaid, thanks to all the abuse, and I doubt, from my experience of medicaid, that 'll get a good therapist. i've stopped looking, now, really; just so despairing of ever getting any real help. "Coaches', life coaches, want lots of money, don't take health care.
Awesome video and love the black background!
Left therapy after my therapist did EMDR. It fried my brain and really made my depression and PTSD worse.. still haven't recovered...
Hi Kati I have a question I wanted to ask. If you're going to the hospital constantly for mental health reasons what should/could you do to stop it? How do you know that you can keep yourself safe without going to the hospital again?
It was the "explaining clearly" and "helping to better understand". I can get stuck there somewhat obsessively. It's hard for me to take a hit without learning or growing from it. I have trouble letting go until I can do that.
Making significant progress is a gift. I take that gift and run. I am happy for that. I wouldn't detract a bit of anything from something that isn't always guaranteed.
Well a therapist type connection is inherently temporary if it's functioning at its best. A good one is someone you say goodbye to. In a way it's wierd but it is that way. Perhaps that's just me. I do tend to "call it" / titrate before being discharged ... I don't necessarily like the idea of dependency in this area of life.
Hey Kati, Thanks for another great video. I'm stuck right now. Living in the UK makes it hard to access help for mental health. I was referred for CBT and after a 6ish month wait I had an appointment to be told I had too many issues and that she would refer me elsewhere. 2 months later I find out she hasn't actually put the referral through so my doctors have and now it's a waiting game again. It's so hard not having anyone to talk to. I've looked at paying for therapy in the area but I'm not even sure what I'd need. Tfr x
Hi kati, thanks so much for all you do. I have a question about bringing up a possible diagnosis with my therapist. How do I do this without sounding like I am trying to self diagnose when really, when I read the description, something really hit home with me. I am also so worried that they will not consider the traumas i went through to be valid enough for this diagnosis, which would be very invalidating. But I really think it needs to be considered that I may have a certain disorder because it requires, from what I have read in my research, a particular therapy approach. Also, what is your opinion on clients being clued up on mental health?
TheTealRobin I know your question was probably more for Kati so I hope it's ok that I chime in. I understand where you're coming from. I think you could easily say that you stumbled upon this diagnosis and were curious about it and your experiences resonated with a lot of it, and then maybe ask if you could talk about the things you relate to so that she has a better understanding of how you feel and how you experience yourself and/or the world. That's super important in therapy in general. And since you relate to that much of it, maybe say that, diagnosis or not, you understand there might be these different therapy approaches that could help you. Be open to your current assessment being in the right direction but maybe better explained by a different or similar diagnosis, but also stand your ground if you feel like maybe your therapist is being too quick to dismiss it for whatever reason... Mine was but I made sure to keep talking about it and trying to explain it and now she sees what I meant, clear as day. I think there was just a lot that I had been unaware of myself or had felt the need to hide, so of course she hadn't seen it as well as I'd felt it right away. And maybe it wasn't a super classic or obvious presentation. But everyone is different. And a good therapist should try to remain open to the discussion and to the ideas if it's something you feel the need to explore. If they dismiss you because your traumas weren't "bad enough" (which is a fallacy), then they're definitely not going to be the one best suited to help you heal from it. I wouldn't be able to heal with a therapist who was invalidating like that. Safety and trust are so important.
TheTealRobin I have the same question and I really want to know too.
TheTealRobin I feel that self diagnosis could be seen as a positive development in a persons treatment. It shows self awareness or at least a desire to be more self aware. Your therapist may not agree with your diagnosis or maybe they would be able to expand on your thoughts, but the fact that you are looking at yourself and your life, and trying to make sense of the pieces, I think, is a good thing.
I'd be interested to know Kati's thoughts on this.
TheTealRobin a lot of people go to therapy because of something that was "self-diagnosed". It's not a bad thing. You have to do research on what you're going through to learn it's name. It's helpful to be educated because then you can go to your therapist and say "hey, I identify with some of these symptoms. What are your thoughts on this"? Chances are, your therapist has noticed the same symptoms and is knowledgeable about the subject and can go over it with you in greater detain and accuracy than any website. My point it, is you suspect something may be going on, tell your therapist. Just like if you have the symptoms of a concussion, you'd tell your doctor. If you feel like your therapist will judge you it may be time for a new therapist. Best of luck to you!
I couldn't stand my therapist at first , and she let me know the other day that she felt that 😁 5 months have gone by and we have gotten closer , but I definitely wasn't feeling her . She used to cut me off , our sessions felt dry , she answered phone calls during my session and just seemed really distracted , and I let her know more than once that I didn't appreciate it . I would try to tell her where I was mentally or what I had been holding in , and she'd just want to talk positive . But anyway, she's a lot better now ❤️❤️ is it weird that I've hinted at self harm and dying , but she tells me as long as I keep it to myself she doesn't have to report it and get me hospitalized? I mean , I don't what to go , especially with everything going on with my family right now , so I think it's kind of nice if her to let me slide . Does that make her a good therapist or bad one ?
MISS KATI OUT HERE DOING GODS WORK
Is it a good idea to bring in some reasonable past experiences as the counsellor/therapist so maybe the client wont feel so alone and can see the progress that the therapist has made and could make the client feel more bonded towards the therapist because they could connect because of similar past experiences.
BedBound I want to know the answer to this
BedBound for me personally, yes! I'm interested to see what Kati says so I figured I'd reply. I'm planning to go to school for counseling and I find that counselors who "get me" and admit they have had their own struggles as well is super helpful. However, I'm sure it varies depending upon a client's personality and needs.
It can help from time to time.. as long as it's done with discretion. The whole session shouldn't be about the therapist, but it can help you to feel connected to them too :) xoxo
I think it depends on client preference and on the topic. I personally wouldn't want to know my therapist's past experiences, just like I don't want to know if my doctor also has arthritis. To me it's not relevant to their qualification to help me. Rather the opposite, because I would somehow become worried that they're thinking more about themselves than me, or that some things I say might upset them/trigger them. I'm a "problem solver" more than a "listener", and so I would probably end up trying to offer advice to the therapist.
Amazing thank you !
I still have to improve as a therapist lol. My supervisor says I’m more like a friend lol to the Ct. I’m a very humble person .. I don’t stand out like I’m an authority figure or someone intimidating..I’m just a human being like them…I just feel that there is not a “one formula fits all” approach…
The weird thing is that all my clients are consistent and are feeling better. So all the critiques I’m getting might be legitimate but at the end of the day .. is the results that count. Are the clients getting better? Are they connecting? Point, blank, period.
I think your videos are useful, and I also think you are also subtly valuing your type of therapy and not others, like psychodynamic or psychoanalytic which are hugely helpful to many people. I think this ends up confusing people who watch this video, as evidenced below by the comments. They start to think the style is unethical, when it's just a different style and values something you do not, like the unconscious mind and how it drives us.
I think those a great criteria if you are doing some form of behavioral therapy. I think some of them don't really apply to analytical therapy. We never really set any fixed goals and therefore she also doesn't really check in with my progress. However my therapist is great and has helped me a lot. It is kind of hard for me to explain, but in analytical therapy, you don't really work to change specific behaviour or other symptoms but rather try to uncover and change the underlying beliefs and models of early relationship that cause the symptoms etc. So setting goals and making a plan isn't really possible. I was frustrated by that at first because I love plans and evaluating how well I've done, but it's also part of my problems so I think it is good that I am doing this type of therapy.
I know this is not your specialty but I would really like you to make a video on analytical therapy (how it is today, not what Freud did).
Thanks for this video!!
aww Katie,such a good video thankyou.
Hi Kati!! I'm sorry this is so long, but I've been watching your channel for the past 5 years and you have helped me with a number of my many disorders, including Severe Tourette's, OCD and Major Depression. Thank you for that!! Lately my eating disorders (Anorexia and Bulimia) have become increasingly worse these last few months. If you had to suggest one type of specialist like a dietitian, eating disorder therapist, etc... which would be the most beneficial to see in regards to starting the road to recovery while keeping the cost in mind?? Thank you so much in advance and keep doing what you're doing! God Bless! #katiFAQ
Hey Halee!! I honestly think it's best to start with a therapist. I know it can be expensive to see every specialist, and a therapist is the best place to start :) xoxo I hope that helps!!
Ok so to the 4th point, I can see straight away if it's gonna be ok or not... but for the 5th and 6th, it didn't work. I have this feeling of going nowhere, to waste time. I'm glad to here that ^^
Amazing video Kati, and I love your shirt. 💙