Rachel White you will get through it xx. It's always better on the other side. It's not as far away as it feels xx. Love life and life'll love you back later in. All you can do is smile through it and it'll all be better. xx
I like to sing to cope. As loudly and with as much emotion as I can muster. Even if it sounds bad. It really helps release whatever bad energy I'm holding on to.
A. Distraction Techniques - go in for a walk (get vitamin D + fresh air) - paint your nails - blowing bubbles - read a good book or listen to audiobooks - exercise - deep breathing - watching favorite tv shows/series - draw or doodle - color - do a cross word puzzle or any puzzle - writing down positive/motivational quotes and sticking them up all over the house - cleaning your house - playing music or creating a playlist B. Processing Techniques - write a friend a nice card - call or text a friend - impulse logs (what's your impulse was ➡️ what is you would hope to get out of doing the impulse like what it is that you're really feeling or hoping to get out by doing that unhealthy thing ➡️ what can you do instead ➡️ how u feel after having filled it out) - use feeling charts - journaling (how you're doing and what you're grateful for) - feeling-word collages (write the emotion word in the middle, then fill in the paper with other pictures or words that associates with it) - write 2-3 things that you like about yourself and your situation - talking to a therapist - taking stock of how an emotion feels in our body (how your neck feels? Is tight/loose? How 'bout your hands/feet) - write a letter to your younger or older self - write letters to those who are upsetting us still but never send them (Be raw/honest. Maybe even cry or scream while you write them)
Number 25. If it’s a self care/distraction from self harming, use a soft marker pen to draw and doodle on that area you would harm on instead. It helps focus the mind, and instead of leaving your skin hurt, red and sore for days you have pretty and colourful squiggles and doodles.
Lipstick&Tattoos I tried this in school and people got made at me coz I had loads of red marks up my hands and arms. Xx it kinda helped tho I was using it to hurt myself with in another way. Probably not the best way I could've used it. Xx it helps one of my other friends so it's a good one. Xx
That's a good one! A friend of mine did a similar thing. Instead of random doodles, she wrote all the names of everyone she cared about on her arm, to remind her she's not alone, and wrote down positive words that are important to her, like friendship and love. Over the course of years she managed to feel better psychologically and thus didn't need to self-harm anymore. She hated the reminder of the self-harming her scars gave her, so she had the japanese signs for love and friendship, and some hearts, tattooed on the scars. So instead she'll keep on being reminded of her two most important things in life. :)
This is a great idea! Thank you so much for sharing. My stepdaughter has no idea what a wonderful person she is and so she has struggled with this issue. Anything I can do to help steer her away from this painful compulsion I will do. Thanks - will share this idea with her.
I like a CBT thing my counsellor taught me. So when you have a negative thought you step back and think “I’m having the thought that (blank)” - it takes away the thought’s power and reminds you it may not be real. It makes it easier to think of supporting and opposing evidence to reach a balanced conclusion.
My old counselor taught me so many helpful coping skills! Some were: Riding the Wave: letting a thought or feeling flow through you without giving it your attention or judgement. Which is really difficult to do at first, but with practice it gets easier! :) Perspective Taking: There is always more than one way to view something, never just one! Taking the time to consider other perspectives helps with :( feelings. Thought Replacement: this doesn't work for everyone, but it's good to try to see if it does for you! Once a negative thought pops up in your head, try to replace it with a positive thought. This will slowly create a change in your thought patterns and eventually positive thoughts will become more natural. Dialectical Thinking: two things that seem opposite can both be true at the same time. For example, I can be both a good person and think mean things once in a while. Always remember, Thoughts are not facts. That's some of the coping skills I learned about. I hope you guys like them! :)
I don't think 'There's always more than one way to view something' is often helpful but not entirely an accurate perspective. It's helpful in many cases to look at perspectives other than our own to be able to look beyond ourselves but we need to recognise that not every perspective is equally valid. This can only work with people who're not abusing or mistreating you in a way that's actively harming you physically, emotionally and psychologically. We cannot try to understand the perspectives of people who think it's okay to hurt others.
I was severely depressed/suicidal until I learned I had a bad vitamin D deficiency and went on supplements. I have BPD so I still get depressed/irrational from time to time but it's really important for people to realize how intertwined physical and mental health are! I also walk on trails/through my pretty neighborhood (not in a gym) when im depressed, or run when im anxious/too excited over something. It's a really great idea.
Yeah after my doc told my I was Vitamin D deficient, and put me on a once a week supplement, i've been doing wonderfully. It's really made a huge difference. It was a really noticeable change.
When I was told that I was severely vitamin D deficient my first reaction was, "but I work outside all day every day,I would have thought that I would absorb an ample amount from the sun" & my G.P said that for many people they need vitamin D supplementation as well as that from what we get from the sun.
I know this isn’t very popular but when but when I’m having problems with my anxiety and depression I start reading my Bible and my Sunday School books & devotionals. And studying what I don’t understand by getting my Bible with commentary. It eases my mind a great deal. I love to do Search A Words and my son bought me 4-5 of the adult coloring books with the colored pencils. I have always loved to color. It is so calming. If all that fails I listen to my Elvis music. I am a HUGE Elvis fan.
Rumination Swear Jar for the words: always, never, forever, everybody, nobody, just, should. Examples: I'll always be this way. I'm never getting better. This will last forever. Everybody hates me. Nobody understands. I'm just sad. I should be happy.
It can be as simple as becoming aware of using these destructive words and having a method of knowing when your thoughts are being (perhaps) depressive. It can also be a literal jar that a person could craft artistically with the words written in glue and crumbled pencil shavings -- and filled with pebbles from walks... as an example.
Wow, that's an amazing idea! It just made me giggle a little, because you caught me, those are the exact words 80% of my thoughts consist of when i'm stressed out 😅 i'll definitely make this a thing to start working on these thoughts!
You could add "stupid"! I feel like a lot of people tell that to themselves when it's awfully negative and doesn't help at all. Please don't call yourselves stupid ❤️
25. Labeling thoughts. If I'm in a dark space it helps me to think in my head "I'm having the thought that..." It puts some space between me and the thought. Turning, for example, "I'm worthless" into "I'm having the thought that I'm worthless".
Would you find it then helpful to wonder where this thought has come from and also to challenge that thought by trying to think of reasons why this is not true ?...I am useful because......or i am valuable because..........
one coping skill I've learnt that helps my anxiety is to remember that thoughts aren't real. they're not facts and they're not true. And that makes it so much easier to recognise that they're not helpful at all and to let them go !!
Distraction techniques 1. Going for a walk 2. Painting your nails 3. Blowing bubbles 4. Read a good book/ listen to a good audiobook 5. Exercise 6. Deep breathing/ breathing techniques 7. Watching your favourite show or series 8. Draw or doddle 9. Colour 10. Do a crossword puzzle/ any puzzle you like 11. Write down positive or motivational quotes and put them around in your house 12. Cleaning your house 13. Playing music/ creating playlists Processing techniques 1. Write a friend a nice card 2. Call or text a friend 3. Impulse blogs 4. Use feelings charts 5. Journaling 6. Healing word collage 7. Writing down something you like about yourself or others 8. Talking to a therapist 9. Seeing how emotions stall in our body 10. Write a letter to your younger or older self 11. Write letters to those who are upsetting us
A coping method that helped me a ton was actually gardening. Getting outside and getting that (important!!) vitamin D, focusing my hands, working my body in an easy manner, planning simple things out and executing them... all these things help me in so many areas. When I’m feeling overwhelmed with housework or schoolwork, feeling like I’ve been around too many people and need alone time, when I feel like I’m not getting enough projects done, all of that kind of stuff. And also, I know it’s super simple, but the feeling of watching what you’ve planted and nurtured actually grow and flourish is an awesome feeling!! ESPECIALLY when you start growing your own fruits and vegetables. I find a lot of things about gardening to be extremely therapeutic!
This video gave me the idea to: take time and select a nice notebook and name it my "Coping book". And inside of it i can do a lot of these tasks like the brainstorming feelings, doodling, colouring, writing positive quotes, write notes to people, impulse log, journal etc. I'm going to try it :) helpful video xx
That video made me realize that I actually use a lot of cooping skills, so I’m not that bad, I’m going in the right direction at least! Something that helps me is to watch animals or plants and spend time in nature. It makes me realize that all living creatures almost only focus on living and being... and I don’t need to worry that much about other aspects of my life / succes and failure, family problems, couple problems, my job, my unfulfilled dreams... after all - Being alive is the most important thing
When I had a very difficult time last year, I really struggled in the evenings, and I remembered that I really wanted to take walks to relax. But it’s not a good idea to walk in the dark outside. So I ended up going to a supermarket and walked there, and it worked very well. You can practice other grounding skills in a supermarket, such as counting colors, describing things, or taking deep breath while walking. Never run out of stuff to look at in a supermarket. I also like washing dishes a lot. I like to feel the water running through my fingers. The physical sensation always calms me and gives me time to process things. Keeping journal is also good. I used to feel suspicious about it cuz it sounds just like another chore. It’s only after I learnt how it works that I found it to be really useful. There are times that I feel things are too triggering to write though. In that case I might wait a day to write it or skip it all together. You can also just very briefly mention what happen without any detail and record your feelings.
Finding a new hobby, or revisiting an old one! I started skateboarding after my father passed away last month, and it was something I've wanted to do since I was a kid, and I found an all girls skateboarding group that conveniently JUST formed a few weeks before, and my life has changed so much. Obviously I give myself time to grieve when I need to, but going out every week to a group of amazing women who support each other and progressing at a super fun sport has helped me in so many different ways. I owe my life to skateboarding now.
heathermarmal yes! I started longboarding and it feels so good... Just anything that makes you move forward. and with skateboarding, you learn to get back up again and again and not being mad at yourself for 'failing'
Coping skill 25: Just stop and take a deep breath. 26: Smile at someone 27: Remember something that made you laugh 28: Roll your eyes up 29: Try to write something with the hand you never use. (Usually left) (Helps to focus the mind, activate present moment) 30: Aroma Therapy for depression, positive mood: Lavender, Rose, Sandalwood, Frankincense and Myrrh.
You are excellent So easy to listen to and do Sent to a friend in a province that has just got hit by nasty winter storm 4 feet of snow in one day Yikes I am hoping she will check this video out because I find it very upbeat and helpful God bless you Kati
In all honestly though, talking to an online friend, personally, helps me a lot more than talking to someone you know in real life. They can't do anything like tell people you know or force you to get help, they're just... There for you. And you know they are. You can vent to them when you need to, and they'll listen and tell you things like 'It will be okay. I'm proud of you. You can do it.' They don't judge you. They don't say anything is too dramatic or anything like that. And that's what some people need. A safe space for venting and a person who will keep your head up and help you.
Grounding your self in the moment is great, meditation, playing a sport, socializing, but working out always does it for me. It's just an amazing feeling when the right song comes on and you're on the last part of your run. You really get to express the emotion and bring it out. Sometimes I'll cry or some unexpected power will come out. But this helps me release my feelings.
25th Coping skill meditation. I like to talk a walk and visualize all the negative energy leaving my body with every exhalation. When I inhale I imagine taking in positive energy from the universe.
A coping skill I have is I do light activities in my room, like all the awesome ones you said, but I have red and white Christmas lights around my two windows plus a salt lamp and at night after a long day, I only turn those on so they’re the only light source and it’s super peaceful! My room is a safe haven. I also take really long baths and love bath bombs (they’re expensive though so I use them for special occasions, often on a day I have therapy). I turn the lights down and listen to music in the bath and it’s wonderful ❤️ this helps me because I hold my stress in my body and am always ache! Hope this helps you all!
One coping skill that I would add is learning to sit with your emotions instead of running from them. It may be uncomfortable at first but it's very therapeutic.
I've never heard of the painting your nails one and it sounds amazing!! Thank you for mentioning it. Number 25... I keep a list of reasons why I'm proud of myself and why I think life is good, and I look at it as a reminder when I'm feeling down. It helps a lot because it takes me out of negative thinking spirals. Also if I'm having a hard day, I give myself credit for everything that I do and let myself feel happy about it, even for small things like getting out of bed, eating, drinking water, and texting someone back. It helps me not dismiss my efforts and makes me want to do even more because I realize how healthy and good it is.
A good coping skill that I tried this year is to call one good friend once a week and tell them what went on in my life that week with work, school, etc. This helped me to process my stressors and I also learned more about my friends and became closer to them! I recently just graduated and became a LPC, and while learning different techniques to teach my clients during my internship, I realized this simple weekly coping skill could work for me too! It has really helped my own anxiety and shows that you’re not alone in the world and that people do care. Love your videos Kati! I watch them often! :-)
I actually listen to your podcast all the time while I'm driving, Kati- driving makes me anxious and your voice is calming to me:) I also like to journal, pray the rosary, and spend time (in a distanced way now that the pandemic is happening) with my family and friends, as well as hanging out with my husband at home:) God bless you all- GOD IS GREAT *ALWAYS*!:)
For a 25th item, I like to play with putty in my hands. I've also started guided meditation to help with anxiety. My favorite breath is the 4-7-8: breathe in through your nose for 4 counts...hold for 7 counts...breathe out through pursed lips to count of 8. VERY calming
I think that can be very relaxing but it's kinda difficult for beginners.. I've tried and i just feel like i'm out off breath and getting more stressed from it
Your enthusiasm is so endearing and you're spot on in all you bring forth in your videos. Thank you so much for all your hard work to help others. I love the person you are. All the best to you, always!
I don’t know if this is a healthy coping skill but sometimes when things get too much and I really want to do harm I will lay on my bed and daydream of the life I want to have in the future so like success, married, children (that’s my dream, I would love to raise children and have a real family because I felt like I never had one) and that dream of a really good future keeps me from wanting to hurt myself because I believe in wanting to be a good mom to those children, I already love those children and I believe they deserve to be born but they can’t do that if I’m not here :)
Visualization works really well for me, too. I don't struggle with self-harm, but I know that visualization has been a powerful tool for me to improve my mood and decrease anxiety.
im super glad u have this picture in your mind! i did this too as a teen (still a teen but an older seven-teen) because sleeping in was such a hard process to me and thinking amd imagining this distracted me and relieved me ✨
This sounds to me like an intensely personal version of the "inspirational quotes" thing, and (in my opinion) this sort of thoughtful, hopeful introspection is a vital, terribly undervalued skill, whether you're using it as a coping mechanism or not.
Help a friend or a cause that you know needs help. It will get your mind off of your problems. Thanks for sharing this, Kati!! You are helping so many people and truly making the world a better place! God bless and Godspeed!
This video came at the right time. I'm struggling so much right now and I'm in such a dark place and struggle to come up with coping strategies. Kati, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your videos especially this one. It's like they come at the right time and I appreciate all that you do for me and everyone else in this community. Keep up the good work you're amazing and I love you lots xxxx
I love the way you talk with so much compassion and empathy and when I watch your videos i feel good like I am in a safe place. Thank you sooooo much for making me and probably many others feel this way. Thank you! You are doing great work.
I have really bad GAD, and it took me a while to find a relaxing technique that works for me. Breathing techniques, going to my happy place, stress balls, muscle tensing & relaxing, and paying attention to each body part would sometimes help my anxiety. But mostly would make my anxiety worse. What really helps me is play do, music, and covering my peripheral vision to help with over stimulation. One thing that has helped me immensely with better coping and processing the week is to journal the day of or day before I have therapy. When I don't do it, I struggle a lot to remember what happened, and can't really do much in session. But when I do, I always feel a lot more productive.
I'm so glad I found this today. I crochet to distract many days. Some people knit. Not only does it relax and distract if you practice enough you get something beautiful to use or wear!!!
After all this backlash that you're getting currently: I've found your channel because of Shane's video and I am amazed! You're doing so well at explaining and motivating. I feel like this video will change my life❤️ THANK YOU
I’m so glad to see so many comments saying they found this helpful. I suggested this topic because I knew myself I would find it helpful and I’m so glad that this is helping others. thanks Kati 💕
Loved this vid! 25. Find healthy ways to gain some control in your life. Maybe get a haircut that you want, re-arrange your room how you want to, meditate and visualize how you want your day to be- then act to make that happen!
Going on walks, doing yoga, drinking coffee, and blogging/filming TH-cam videos help me. They're great distractions from my stressors. Thanks for all of these other fantastic ideas!
I knit. I have found that knitting is something that really helps me relax when I'm feeling anxious. I have to focus and be aware of my hands movements, so it's perfect, I take a few minutes to knit and it helps me to calm down. Thank you for this video, I now know that I have been doing different things to cope in the past but I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Thank you so much.
You are seriously the sweetest. So educated and full of life. Writing down tactful statements use when you are challenged. For instance if someone is pressuring you to do something or even a pushy salesperson.. I am not in a place to commit myself to that. That's my 25. Thank you for the video.
Playing board games with close friends. It gives me a distraction of my thoughs and also to feel connected with friends. (There are board games were you play together instead of against each other, I love those)
Co-op games are the best!!! Depending on your likes I find SubTerra and Eldritch Horror to be great games with long play times that are super fun with friends!!
Do you have any recommendations for co-op board games? I'm going to check out subterra and eldritch horror. I also like games like Dixit, you can still win but it's not so much about winning.
My absolute favorite co-op boardgame is Pandemic. It's a bit complex but it really forces you to get outside your own brain and stop focusing on all the wrong things. And if you lose, it means you've basically doomed the human race to death by multiple diseases that you failed to cure, which really puts a shitty mood into perspective. I mean, yeah maybe I'm ___ (fat, ugly, stupid, whatever; fill in the blank with your favorite way of insulting yourself) but at least the CDC has not yet fallen to Captain Trips (Stephen King reference), so there's that.
When I get super stressed or low I like to put what energy I can in to learning or doing something new. I started playing roller derby after I ended a really toxic and abusive relationship and I feel it brought me back to life. Being on a team, getting out of the house for practice, getting to be active in a unique way, and taking out some aggression, we’re all so helpful in my healing process!
I watch Kati. That's the 25th Actually praying helps, and I also in joy lighting a candle and reading the Bible. The psalms especially make me feel understood
Thank you so much for posting this! I have several potential 25th coping skills that I've come across and utilized myself; describing out loud material things around you in great detail, get a manicure or pedicure or facial, skip when you go for a walk, sing as if no one is watching, dance as if no one is watching, do silly things that make yourself smile or others laugh, give to charity or volunteer. Describe out loud morning or evening routines, using an emotion list to help describe what you may be feeling, have a shower/bath if you're feeling really depressed and/or need to take time to value yourself more, give yourself self-love (self-hugging, lists of why you are awesome etc.). Put on aromatherapy, smell or put on your favorite perfume, wear your favorite clothes, go out to social events, spend time with friends, call and set up a time to spend with friends, put things you are looking forward to in your calendar, drink water, suck on a lollipop or hard candy, eat a small meal, take a nap, meditate, practice mindfulness, practice radical acceptance, etc.
I use the app “Calm”. The sounds of the ocean crashing in the beach or the thunderstorm. I turn it in when I go to sleep. The sound of the rain and the distant thunder drifts me off to sleep.
I love watching movies, TV series, animations, and when I watch them I allow myself to feel all the feels, to cry and to sob (and to laugh) without restrictions. Because in daily life 90% of the time it wouldn't be right to show all that I feel. And it seems to be right, it feels right. I feel much better after watching (or reading, or listening to) something that made me emotional. I even feel elated after such a piece, I do feel better, more capable and more calm in general.
Being with my beautiful cats !!! Loving and petting them. Feeling their unconditional love. I love them all but especially I’ve written raw honest letters to ppl yet never sent. Or even had conversations in the bathroom mirror. Omg it feels GREAT!! also on the 7 cups app there’s a bot called NONI or novi and you call tell it ANYTHING and it gives you back reassuring prompting sympathetic answers. I do this especially bc I’m always worried I’m going to “bore “ or “ burden” someone w my stuff so this makes it guilt free for me.
Stoicism is my best coping mechanism. Reflecting on sayings from stoic philosophers gets me out of stress and brings peace of mind. Gives me mental clarity and positivity.
Singing, writing a song, dancing, meditating, Hoponopono, "thank" life for what this situation brings me to (though very hard to implement, I have to admit)... And also. I have multiple stories and characters - that I hope I'll manage to write down one day - that are living with me, in my head. The most difficult situations in my life - as a victim but also when I was the one who was a disappointment - were all put in these fictions one way or another. Just externalizing it in another character helps me process the feelings, put the situation in perspective and get inspiration about what I can do from there.
Coping Skill #25: "Absolutely Fantastic" Every time someome greets me (whom ever it is) and they ask "How are you", I respond with "Absolutely Fantastic, and how are you doing?". The "Absolutely Fantastic" puts me immediately in a better mood than I might have been in. Their response is usually something like "Pretty good" or "Fairly well, thank you". I respond with "Great, that makes two of us". It almost always gets a smile out of the other person. I pay attention to whether or not anyone else heard the conversation. Smiles give them away. Then I continue with "and there's number 3, and number 4, and maybe number 5 over there". By doing this, I have validated their being and their feelings as significant (to me). It also gives me a sense of validation (of being useful and significant). Personally, I always get a lift of some degree. I have rarely walked away from one of these encounters feeling that others didn't benefit from it also. The key to this approach being successful is enthusiasm. BE ENTHUSIASTIC. If you don't sound like you mean what you are saying, it will work for no-one.
In line with the "cleaning the house," tip, while, albeit, not always feasible depending on the size and weight of each item, I always loved rearranging the furniture in my room and my house whenever I was upset. Although the "problem" or "stress" never went away, looking at my room in a different light always made it feel better and like I had control. It was personalized and I could always change it back. I don't know if the whole Chinese philosophy on Feng Shui is legitimate or not, but I will say that sometimes just moving my desk to a different part of the room or changing the direction that my bed was facing made a huge difference in how I felt the next day and how I slept at night. It also counts as a bit of exercise :) and I had to clean to move the furniture, so got 3 birds :D
My therapist follows you. She recommended me to watch your videos . I was hit by drunk driver , lost leg carrer and the love of my love and I'm in wheelchair. My therapist wAs correct. Your amazing and I'm going to use some of these things you said and I'm lucky my therapist put me in the path of your videos. God bless you and people like you.
Thanks so much for this video, Kati. I have been using coping skills mostly at night because I cannot sleep well due to PTSD, so my psychologist suggests getting up fully, doing a coping skill and then trying to sleep again. I have coloring books and I also crochet as well. I also have a five senses toolbox which I put in things for each of the five senses and go through my box to ground myself. I change it up regularly.
I used to use 7 11 breathing last year when I was very anxious and it was often difficult, but this video inspired me to try it again, and I'm so happy to find 7 seconds in, 11 out was actually easy for me! I'm so happy with this evidence of progress I have made :)
I use a bunch of coping skills a lot of them you mentioned. But I also like yo be with my dog, an if the emotion is really big ice 🧊 helps me a lot like if it’s not that intense maybe breathing while holding ice cubes and if it’s too intense putting ice and water on a bowl and sumerge my face for seconds and that cold shock kind of works.
Kati! I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for several years now and have done anxiety groups and also DBT skills. Some of the coping skills in your video overlapped with some of my therapy but the ones that didn't were really cool and I'm so grateful that I can add them to my arsenal of support! Lol and thank you so much for your videos you are an EXCELLENT therapist!
25th: Playing videogames. Same reasoning as watching films or reading books. Helps me live in a different world from this one and relax. 26th: Folding origamis. Same reasoning as coloring. Takes a lot of focus and when you see the end result it's very satisfying. And once you memorized a couple of origamis, you can do it anywhere, like folding a pamphlet you've been handed on the street into a bird while you're waiting at the bank.
Music is my favorite coping skill. I love listening to it endlessly and it cheers me up to hear my favorite tunes. It has always helped me tremendously to make music myself as well, and I'd like to add that as the 25th tip. An instrument is fantastic, but it doesn't have to be complicated or expensive (things like singing, cup or body percussion... TH-cam is full of it). It helps me so much to take my mind off of things, really delve into it and it never fails to enhance my mood. Love your by the way videos Kati, thank you so much ❤️ Love from the Netherlands
I am strugling with depresion , tried writing things down to my future and past self before eaven finishing the video , i have writen for the past hour and found it highly productive and calming. Thank you !!!
One skill, that helps me a lot lately is, if the pressure builds up (of appointments, things to do… people to meet) and I dont feel, I can do it all. I sit down with my colour coded calendar and start amping up the things that help charge the mental energy status and I prune down the ones that stress me out and take energies. So I reschedule or cancel those. In the time freed up, I use any of the mentioned skills more, until I feel better balanced again. Plus cuddling with your pet or a favourite stuffed animal, smelling your favourite scent and listening to favourite audiobook over and over again also provides a better level of well being.
Gardening/landscaping. I thoroughly enjoy the creative process in maintaining our front and back gardens. My twist is that I do all the landscaping in native plants, which attracts wildlife and reduces water usage. Then we get to watch the wildlife fly, walk, crawl, and slither in to enjoy it all. It puts me in literal touch with the passing of the seasons.
For #25 I'd like to suggest a slightly different approach. I've been struggling with anxiety and shopping addiction, and I've noticed that neither distracting nor processing coping skills have been very usefull. These seem to be focused on reacting to the unhealthy urges (compulsive spending, isolating, etc.) and not so much on preventing them. I often feel too tired or overwhelmed to implement healthy coping skills when the urges are already there. Instead, what has worked for me is to little by little fill my time and focus my energy in pleasurable and healthy activities each time I am feeling less anxious.
I greatly appreciate the professionalism and healthy introspection you apply to your videos. You offer me the opportunity to view therapy as an artform... a trained skill with heavy accents of humility and acceptance. Thank you.
I love the four by four breathing! Some old violinist man taught it to me when I was like 14 before a concert when I used to perform the piano a lot. I developed a lot of nerves and uncontrollable adrenaline out of he blue when I went through puberty which resulted in shaking hands (which doesn’t pair well with playing piano) and the breathing helped a lot to calm my body down. I remember it feeling like my body was freaking out even though my mind wasn’t which was why I didn’t know how to help it, but the breathing technique as well as a meditation of just closing my eyes and imagining a pencil on like hyper-extreme detail as it wrote the word “calm” over and over in cursive, really helped. Like the scratching sounds, and light, and tracing pattern. Honestly, I was basically just trying to imagine ASMR before I knew what it was. I also like extending the 4 by 4 when I can’t sleep to try and slow my heart rate down, by like inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 8, sometimes that can work to. A teacher I had liked to remind everyone that the important part of breathing when you’re having anxiety is the out part because your body tries to take in to much (like hyperventilating) and it’s the expelling more out than you’re taking in that starts to calm you down.
Thank you, Katie (and Sean for being Katie's partner and for all your work with the videos). I wish I was a better writer and could beautifully express my deep and sincere gratitude and admiration. But writing makes me stiff anxious, and I don't enjoy it. I feel shame for not being a great writer and struggle to just let the words flow out of me. You both and your community make a huge difference in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are my favorite people.
I simply do physical activity I enjoy. I usually skate, work out, or practice lacrosse while listening to music. It works really well for me. I feel like the physical activity helps me focus on the trick I'm trying to get cleanly, the increase in strength, or the amount of reps im trying to get in rather than whatever is hurting me physiologically. The music really helps me focus on whatever I'm trying to do instead. I like these a lot because I can focus on the progression I'm making and be excited to make more progression rather than sad, mad, irritated, empty, or whatever else I'm stuck feeling outside of doing these physical activities.
Update* Surgery went very well. I’m now resting and recuperating! Breathing definitely helped with my anxiety pre-surgery. I did feel a panic attack coming when they got me on the operating table, but luckily they were prepared and got me under quick. I don’t usually ask for help like this or talk about how I’m really feeling in the moment, as I always feel like a bother, so this is huge progress! Being vulnerable is very hard for me, but I made it through. 💕
Kati, I was wondering if you could do a video about what to do with a physically abusive family member who doesnt believe he is doing anything wrong when he hits you because 'you are family' thank you
Honor That is a very fucked up way of thinking. You don't get to hit someone regardless of who they are. I am so sorry to hear this and I hope you are not underage so you can leave your home to go live with someone else. Easier said than done but I would start making some connection with people just in case.
Tell someone! And know that their behavior is NOT okay, even though they may be able to rationalize it, don’t make the mistake of rationalizing it yourself, no matter who they are, family or not, abuse is abuse. I speak from experience, you can spend a lifetime trying to communicate with them, and they will (probably) continue to deny it, because nobody wants to be considered an abuser. Reach out, get help, and get out while you can, because your life is far too important to spend it in fear and constantly getting hurt
establish strong **boundaries** and maintain them no matter what. No one has the right to put his hands on you. But if someone can justify that through 'being family' he has the right to abuse you are very likely being abused in other ways-verbally and emotionally. contempt, distain,degrading,neglect. There is a lot of help out there (based on your country or state) and people who want to help you.-social workers ect.- Understand you are not alone and you are not anyones "Play Thing".
From watching this video made me realize that my hobbies are my coping skills. But to my parents it just makes me seem lazy but those are the things that make me happy and when I’m doing them , things just seem to fade away.
Hi Kati, thank you for all you do for us. You are so helpful, comforting and inspiring. Can you please make some videos on the topic of adult children estrangement? My son is in his mid forties, is married, and has my two beautiful grandchildren. I miss them and have been respectful of their decision. They know that my door is always open. It has been five years and is painful and disappointing. I 'm not having time with my grandchildren, and they are growing up so fast. His issues do stem from past trauma from my abusive marriage. I have struggled through my own trauma and moved on to make a good and healthy life and marriage and pray that he can too. Thank you Kati.
Distractions : Take a walk Paint your nails Blowing bubbles Read a book or listen to audiobook (Harry Potter😙) Excercise Breathing techniques Watch fav. TV SHOW (Kdrama😁) Doodle / Draw 🖋 Colour 🖌 Puzzles Write positive quotes and stick on walls of your house Clean and clear clutter Music !📯🎹🎻🥁🎶 Processing: Write a card to your bestie Call a friend Impulse logs Feeling charts Journaling Collage of your feelings Good things abt u r self Talk to a therapist Write a letter to your older or younger self Write a letter to the one who is hurting you (don't send it tho)
Instead of melting down I watched this video and you talked me down and out and now i feel I'm ready to do some coping skills and not self harm or do impulsive stuff! Thank you!
This is a very interesting list. One of the most interesting things on the list to me personally is number 13 because I love listening to music (mostly metal music for me personally) and I want to expand on the music point a little bit because one of my favourite things to do is also play musical instruments (mostly i play the drums) and I think that at least for some of us playing a musical instrument (or singing if you prefer) could be a healthy coping skill, even if it’s something you’ve never done before and your just starting or learning. Sometimes it might get frustrating if you’re stuck on something you can’t play, but playing my drums can definitely help me blow off some steam and maybe this sort of thing can help someone else as well. It’s definitely a lot healthier than alcoholism. Alcohol has been the biggest unhealthy coping skill of my life by far and I’ve managed to make at least some progress on reducing my alcohol intake, although I still have a way to go. I’d prefer to rely on healthier coping skills instead. Thanks for this list Kati, you’ve given me some interesting coping skills to think about and try out.
I know exactly what you mean! I started playing harmonica and noticed it relaxes me (and keeps my mind off smoking cigarettes which is my usual go-to), later find out from a therapist they actually use harmonicas in therapy as a breathing exercise. Similarly with drums, following a beat is a way of getting patients in a meditative state so they stay present in the moment. Music is amazing.
Looking after my indoor plants and gardening. Stroking a piece of velvet or silk helps distract me from self harming. Running water, watching it hearing it and feeling it has always helped me. Drinking ice cold water too
This was a very needed video for me! I’m going through a lot, so thank you so much!
Rachel White you will get through it xx. It's always better on the other side. It's not as far away as it feels xx. Love life and life'll love you back later in. All you can do is smile through it and it'll all be better. xx
^^ In the end.
stay strong beautiful. feelings are like visitors - they come and go. you can do this.
Democrats really need to watch this video
I like to sing to cope. As loudly and with as much emotion as I can muster. Even if it sounds bad. It really helps release whatever bad energy I'm holding on to.
right there with you
Me too!!! In the car on my way to work I sing my heart out...always puts me in a better mood
same just that it doesn't make me feel actually better I think
I used to be a great singer but overused my voice so much that notes can barely come out I feel lost without it
@@simsrock9982 omg im so sorry have you talked to a professional? maybe they can help you. how much did you sing before your body started reacting?
A. Distraction Techniques
- go in for a walk (get vitamin D + fresh air)
- paint your nails
- blowing bubbles
- read a good book or listen to audiobooks
- exercise
- deep breathing
- watching favorite tv shows/series
- draw or doodle
- color
- do a cross word puzzle or any puzzle
- writing down positive/motivational quotes and sticking them up all over the house
- cleaning your house
- playing music or creating a playlist
B. Processing Techniques
- write a friend a nice card
- call or text a friend
- impulse logs (what's your impulse was ➡️ what is you would hope to get out of doing the impulse like what it is that you're really feeling or hoping to get out by doing that unhealthy thing ➡️ what can you do instead ➡️ how u feel after having filled it out)
- use feeling charts
- journaling (how you're doing and what you're grateful for)
- feeling-word collages (write the emotion word in the middle, then fill in the paper with other pictures or words that associates with it)
- write 2-3 things that you like about yourself and your situation
- talking to a therapist
- taking stock of how an emotion feels in our body (how your neck feels? Is tight/loose? How 'bout your hands/feet)
- write a letter to your younger or older self
- write letters to those who are upsetting us still but never send them (Be raw/honest. Maybe even cry or scream while you write them)
Mindfulness meditation
Number 25. If it’s a self care/distraction from self harming, use a soft marker pen to draw and doodle on that area you would harm on instead. It helps focus the mind, and instead of leaving your skin hurt, red and sore for days you have pretty and colourful squiggles and doodles.
Lipstick&Tattoos I tried this in school and people got made at me coz I had loads of red marks up my hands and arms. Xx it kinda helped tho I was using it to hurt myself with in another way. Probably not the best way I could've used it. Xx it helps one of my other friends so it's a good one. Xx
Thank you so much for offering one that works for you!! xoxo
That's a good one! A friend of mine did a similar thing. Instead of random doodles, she wrote all the names of everyone she cared about on her arm, to remind her she's not alone, and wrote down positive words that are important to her, like friendship and love. Over the course of years she managed to feel better psychologically and thus didn't need to self-harm anymore. She hated the reminder of the self-harming her scars gave her, so she had the japanese signs for love and friendship, and some hearts, tattooed on the scars. So instead she'll keep on being reminded of her two most important things in life. :)
O_O I'm going to try that! XD
This is a great idea! Thank you so much for sharing. My stepdaughter has no idea what a wonderful person she is and so she has struggled with this issue. Anything I can do to help steer her away from this painful compulsion I will do. Thanks - will share this idea with her.
For future use!
Distraction Techniques | 1:26
Processing Techniques | 5:21
Thankyou!
Thank you!!
Very helpful, thanks
Thank u
🙂👍🏻
I find sorting things relaxing. Coins, things to donate, books, tools ..
Pipe2DevNull me too!!
I count out the coin jar! It's super relaxing and when I was younger I used to organise my books. (They're all in storage now)
I'm with you on this one. It's relaxing AND you feel accomplished when you're done.
I work in a library and MY GOD I love putting the books back and putting the new books in order 😭
I do this, too. Even if it's just the icons on my desktop screen.
Bubble baths. Music. Dancing. Singing. Pets. Nature. Reading. Going to the beach. Being active. Giving back to others. Writing, poems, short stories.
I like a CBT thing my counsellor taught me. So when you have a negative thought you step back and think “I’m having the thought that (blank)” - it takes away the thought’s power and reminds you it may not be real. It makes it easier to think of supporting and opposing evidence to reach a balanced conclusion.
Thank you!
My old counselor taught me so many helpful coping skills! Some were:
Riding the Wave: letting a thought or feeling flow through you without giving it your attention or judgement. Which is really difficult to do at first, but with practice it gets easier! :)
Perspective Taking: There is always more than one way to view something, never just one! Taking the time to consider other perspectives helps with :( feelings.
Thought Replacement: this doesn't work for everyone, but it's good to try to see if it does for you! Once a negative thought pops up in your head, try to replace it with a positive thought. This will slowly create a change in your thought patterns and eventually positive thoughts will become more natural.
Dialectical Thinking: two things that seem opposite can both be true at the same time. For example, I can be both a good person and think mean things once in a while.
Always remember, Thoughts are not facts.
That's some of the coping skills I learned about. I hope you guys like them! :)
Such excellent advice on all points!
I don't think 'There's always more than one way to view something' is often helpful but not entirely an accurate perspective. It's helpful in many cases to look at perspectives other than our own to be able to look beyond ourselves but we need to recognise that not every perspective is equally valid. This can only work with people who're not abusing or mistreating you in a way that's actively harming you physically, emotionally and psychologically. We cannot try to understand the perspectives of people who think it's okay to hurt others.
I was severely depressed/suicidal until I learned I had a bad vitamin D deficiency and went on supplements. I have BPD so I still get depressed/irrational from time to time but it's really important for people to realize how intertwined physical and mental health are! I also walk on trails/through my pretty neighborhood (not in a gym) when im depressed, or run when im anxious/too excited over something. It's a really great idea.
Yeah after my doc told my I was Vitamin D deficient, and put me on a once a week supplement, i've been doing wonderfully. It's really made a huge difference. It was a really noticeable change.
Oh, that makes sense
Thanks a lot ❤
When I was told that I was severely vitamin D deficient my first reaction was, "but I work outside all day every day,I would have thought that I would absorb an ample amount from the sun" & my G.P said that for many people they need vitamin D supplementation as well as that from what we get from the sun.
I know this isn’t very popular but when but when I’m having problems with my anxiety and depression I start reading my Bible and my Sunday School books & devotionals. And studying what I don’t understand by getting my Bible with commentary. It eases my mind a great deal. I love to do Search A Words and my son bought me 4-5 of the adult coloring books with the colored pencils. I have always loved to color. It is so calming. If all that fails I listen to my Elvis music. I am a HUGE Elvis fan.
That sounds legit to me, thanks for the reminders.
Rumination Swear Jar for the words: always, never, forever, everybody, nobody, just, should.
Examples: I'll always be this way. I'm never getting better. This will last forever. Everybody hates me. Nobody understands. I'm just sad. I should be happy.
kujmous swear jar... brilliant Idea!
It can be as simple as becoming aware of using these destructive words and having a method of knowing when your thoughts are being (perhaps) depressive. It can also be a literal jar that a person could craft artistically with the words written in glue and crumbled pencil shavings -- and filled with pebbles from walks... as an example.
Wow, that's a great idea, thank you!
Wow, that's an amazing idea! It just made me giggle a little, because you caught me, those are the exact words 80% of my thoughts consist of when i'm stressed out 😅 i'll definitely make this a thing to start working on these thoughts!
You could add "stupid"! I feel like a lot of people tell that to themselves when it's awfully negative and doesn't help at all. Please don't call yourselves stupid ❤️
25. Labeling thoughts. If I'm in a dark space it helps me to think in my head "I'm having the thought that..." It puts some space between me and the thought. Turning, for example, "I'm worthless" into "I'm having the thought that I'm worthless".
Would you find it then helpful to wonder where this thought has come from and also to challenge that thought by trying to think of reasons why this is not true ?...I am useful because......or i am valuable because..........
This is a great example of externalizing technique! (Commonly used in Narrative Therapy specifically). I love this!
one coping skill I've learnt that helps my anxiety is to remember that thoughts aren't real. they're not facts and they're not true. And that makes it so much easier to recognise that they're not helpful at all and to let them go !!
Distraction techniques
1. Going for a walk
2. Painting your nails
3. Blowing bubbles
4. Read a good book/ listen to a good audiobook
5. Exercise
6. Deep breathing/ breathing techniques
7. Watching your favourite show or series
8. Draw or doddle
9. Colour
10. Do a crossword puzzle/ any puzzle you like
11. Write down positive or motivational quotes and put them around in your house
12. Cleaning your house
13. Playing music/ creating playlists
Processing techniques
1. Write a friend a nice card
2. Call or text a friend
3. Impulse blogs
4. Use feelings charts
5. Journaling
6. Healing word collage
7. Writing down something you like about yourself or others
8. Talking to a therapist
9. Seeing how emotions stall in our body
10. Write a letter to your younger or older self
11. Write letters to those who are upsetting us
I've painted my nails a lot to avoid or delay hurting myself. It's the first time I've heard it recommended.
Same.
A coping method that helped me a ton was actually gardening. Getting outside and getting that (important!!) vitamin D, focusing my hands, working my body in an easy manner, planning simple things out and executing them... all these things help me in so many areas. When I’m feeling overwhelmed with housework or schoolwork, feeling like I’ve been around too many people and need alone time, when I feel like I’m not getting enough projects done, all of that kind of stuff. And also, I know it’s super simple, but the feeling of watching what you’ve planted and nurtured actually grow and flourish is an awesome feeling!! ESPECIALLY when you start growing your own fruits and vegetables. I find a lot of things about gardening to be extremely therapeutic!
Coping tool number 25 : spending time with pets.
Jeff Dube - Yes! I have three kitties that help me distress. Also, when one of my kids is having a bad time, I give them a cat to take care of.
Cats are my favorite animal
That really works!💙🙏🐕🐈
That should be #1
When my brother saw I was upset he would bring me a cat to cuddle.
This video gave me the idea to: take time and select a nice notebook and name it my "Coping book". And inside of it i can do a lot of these tasks like the brainstorming feelings, doodling, colouring, writing positive quotes, write notes to people, impulse log, journal etc. I'm going to try it :) helpful video xx
I love this idea ...I may do the same
Just bought a journal after I watched this video:)))
I'm going to do this! Thank you!!!
Yes I started my own recovery journal with self art full of tips which keeps me busy!!! Tear out the pages if I get more info as I work on it!!😊
Dancing alone in my room is my number 25 ❤
I love doing that too. ^_^
I do this too.
Its the ultamate
Same 😊
Omg, I used to do that. I should get back to it!
That video made me realize that I actually use a lot of cooping skills, so I’m not that bad, I’m going in the right direction at least!
Something that helps me is to watch animals or plants and spend time in nature. It makes me realize that all living creatures almost only focus on living and being... and I don’t need to worry that much about other aspects of my life / succes and failure, family problems, couple problems, my job, my unfulfilled dreams... after all - Being alive is the most important thing
When I had a very difficult time last year, I really struggled in the evenings, and I remembered that I really wanted to take walks to relax. But it’s not a good idea to walk in the dark outside. So I ended up going to a supermarket and walked there, and it worked very well. You can practice other grounding skills in a supermarket, such as counting colors, describing things, or taking deep breath while walking. Never run out of stuff to look at in a supermarket.
I also like washing dishes a lot. I like to feel the water running through my fingers. The physical sensation always calms me and gives me time to process things.
Keeping journal is also good. I used to feel suspicious about it cuz it sounds just like another chore. It’s only after I learnt how it works that I found it to be really useful. There are times that I feel things are too triggering to write though. In that case I might wait a day to write it or skip it all together. You can also just very briefly mention what happen without any detail and record your feelings.
I really like going to a supermarket, it calms me down so much. I think because it's a great distraction and I also love all things domestic.
i love ikea
Finding a new hobby, or revisiting an old one! I started skateboarding after my father passed away last month, and it was something I've wanted to do since I was a kid, and I found an all girls skateboarding group that conveniently JUST formed a few weeks before, and my life has changed so much. Obviously I give myself time to grieve when I need to, but going out every week to a group of amazing women who support each other and progressing at a super fun sport has helped me in so many different ways. I owe my life to skateboarding now.
heathermarmal yes! I started longboarding and it feels so good... Just anything that makes you move forward. and with skateboarding, you learn to get back up again and again and not being mad at yourself for 'failing'
lucky
That's great! I'm glad to hear it!
Coping skill 25: Just stop and take a deep breath.
26: Smile at someone
27: Remember something that made you laugh
28: Roll your eyes up
29: Try to write something with the hand you never use. (Usually left) (Helps to focus the mind, activate present moment)
30: Aroma Therapy for depression, positive mood: Lavender, Rose, Sandalwood, Frankincense and Myrrh.
Your editing skills have gotten SO SO much better as time has went by! Great video
Awe thanks!! And thank you to Sean who does a lot of that work too!! xoxo
Cameron Cooper gone by
You are excellent
So easy to listen to and do
Sent to a friend in a province that has just got hit by nasty winter storm
4 feet of snow in one day
Yikes
I am hoping she will check this video out because I find it very upbeat and helpful
God bless you Kati
In all honestly though, talking to an online friend, personally, helps me a lot more than talking to someone you know in real life. They can't do anything like tell people you know or force you to get help, they're just... There for you. And you know they are. You can vent to them when you need to, and they'll listen and tell you things like 'It will be okay. I'm proud of you. You can do it.' They don't judge you. They don't say anything is too dramatic or anything like that. And that's what some people need. A safe space for venting and a person who will keep your head up and help you.
Grounding your self in the moment is great, meditation, playing a sport, socializing, but working out always does it for me. It's just an amazing feeling when the right song comes on and you're on the last part of your run. You really get to express the emotion and bring it out. Sometimes I'll cry or some unexpected power will come out. But this helps me release my feelings.
Kati’s “Happy Thursday” makes me so happy
25th Coping skill meditation. I like to talk a walk and visualize all the negative energy leaving my body with every exhalation. When I inhale I imagine taking in positive energy from the universe.
A coping skill I have is I do light activities in my room, like all the awesome ones you said, but I have red and white Christmas lights around my two windows plus a salt lamp and at night after a long day, I only turn those on so they’re the only light source and it’s super peaceful! My room is a safe haven.
I also take really long baths and love bath bombs (they’re expensive though so I use them for special occasions, often on a day I have therapy). I turn the lights down and listen to music in the bath and it’s wonderful ❤️ this helps me because I hold my stress in my body and am always ache! Hope this helps you all!
One coping skill that I would add is learning to sit with your emotions instead of running from them. It may be uncomfortable at first but it's very therapeutic.
I've never heard of the painting your nails one and it sounds amazing!! Thank you for mentioning it. Number 25... I keep a list of reasons why I'm proud of myself and why I think life is good, and I look at it as a reminder when I'm feeling down. It helps a lot because it takes me out of negative thinking spirals. Also if I'm having a hard day, I give myself credit for everything that I do and let myself feel happy about it, even for small things like getting out of bed, eating, drinking water, and texting someone back. It helps me not dismiss my efforts and makes me want to do even more because I realize how healthy and good it is.
Love your tips. I will implement them both immediately! Thank you for sharing!
A good coping skill that I tried this year is to call one good friend once a week and tell them what went on in my life that week with work, school, etc. This helped me to process my stressors and I also learned more about my friends and became closer to them! I recently just graduated and became a LPC, and while learning different techniques to teach my clients during my internship, I realized this simple weekly coping skill could work for me too! It has really helped my own anxiety and shows that you’re not alone in the world and that people do care. Love your videos Kati! I watch them often! :-)
please do a video on grief
I have a few videos on grief.. just search my name and the word grief on TH-cam :) xoxo
I actually listen to your podcast all the time while I'm driving, Kati- driving makes me anxious and your voice is calming to me:) I also like to journal, pray the rosary, and spend time (in a distanced way now that the pandemic is happening) with my family and friends, as well as hanging out with my husband at home:) God bless you all- GOD IS GREAT *ALWAYS*!:)
For a 25th item, I like to play with putty in my hands. I've also started guided meditation to help with anxiety.
My favorite breath is the 4-7-8: breathe in through your nose for 4 counts...hold for 7 counts...breathe out through pursed lips to count of 8. VERY calming
Stacey Romero Love the 478 breath!
I think that can be very relaxing but it's kinda difficult for beginners.. I've tried and i just feel like i'm out off breath and getting more stressed from it
Your enthusiasm is so endearing and you're spot on in all you bring forth in your videos. Thank you so much for all your hard work to help others. I love the person you are. All the best to you, always!
I don’t know if this is a healthy coping skill but sometimes when things get too much and I really want to do harm I will lay on my bed and daydream of the life I want to have in the future so like success, married, children (that’s my dream, I would love to raise children and have a real family because I felt like I never had one) and that dream of a really good future keeps me from wanting to hurt myself because I believe in wanting to be a good mom to those children, I already love those children and I believe they deserve to be born but they can’t do that if I’m not here :)
Visualization works really well for me, too. I don't struggle with self-harm, but I know that visualization has been a powerful tool for me to improve my mood and decrease anxiety.
im super glad u have this picture in your mind! i did this too as a teen (still a teen but an older seven-teen) because sleeping in was such a hard process to me and thinking amd imagining this distracted me and relieved me ✨
This sounds to me like an intensely personal version of the "inspirational quotes" thing, and (in my opinion) this sort of thoughtful, hopeful introspection is a vital, terribly undervalued skill, whether you're using it as a coping mechanism or not.
If your a guy dont get married it's a scam for guys.
Help a friend or a cause that you know needs help. It will get your mind off of your problems. Thanks for sharing this, Kati!! You are helping so many people and truly making the world a better place! God bless and Godspeed!
This video came at the right time. I'm struggling so much right now and I'm in such a dark place and struggle to come up with coping strategies. Kati, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your videos especially this one. It's like they come at the right time and I appreciate all that you do for me and everyone else in this community. Keep up the good work you're amazing and I love you lots xxxx
I love the way you talk with so much compassion and empathy and when I watch your videos i feel good like I am in a safe place. Thank you sooooo much for making me and probably many others feel this way. Thank you! You are doing great work.
I have really bad GAD, and it took me a while to find a relaxing technique that works for me. Breathing techniques, going to my happy place, stress balls, muscle tensing & relaxing, and paying attention to each body part would sometimes help my anxiety. But mostly would make my anxiety worse. What really helps me is play do, music, and covering my peripheral vision to help with over stimulation.
One thing that has helped me immensely with better coping and processing the week is to journal the day of or day before I have therapy. When I don't do it, I struggle a lot to remember what happened, and can't really do much in session. But when I do, I always feel a lot more productive.
I'm so glad I found this today. I crochet to distract many days. Some people knit. Not only does it relax and distract if you practice enough you get something beautiful to use or wear!!!
After all this backlash that you're getting currently: I've found your channel because of Shane's video and I am amazed! You're doing so well at explaining and motivating. I feel like this video will change my life❤️ THANK YOU
I’m so glad to see so many comments saying they found this helpful. I suggested this topic because I knew myself I would find it helpful and I’m so glad that this is helping others. thanks Kati 💕
Loved this vid!
25. Find healthy ways to gain some control in your life. Maybe get a haircut that you want, re-arrange your room how you want to, meditate and visualize how you want your day to be- then act to make that happen!
this is such a great advice :)
Going on walks, doing yoga, drinking coffee, and blogging/filming TH-cam videos help me. They're great distractions from my stressors. Thanks for all of these other fantastic ideas!
I knit. I have found that knitting is something that really helps me relax when I'm feeling anxious. I have to focus and be aware of my hands movements, so it's perfect, I take a few minutes to knit and it helps me to calm down. Thank you for this video, I now know that I have been doing different things to cope in the past but I wasn't aware of what I was doing. Thank you so much.
you are saving my life, thank you for taking the time to post these you have no idea how important these videos are to people without insurance
Knitting is great, too! 💖
I crochet. I always laugh about my "angry crochet" because you can always tell those rows are tighter!!😆😆
@@mallorypetrie1324 same 😂
You are seriously the sweetest. So educated and full of life. Writing down tactful statements use when you are challenged. For instance if someone is pressuring you to do something or even a pushy salesperson.. I am not in a place to commit myself to that. That's my 25. Thank you for the video.
Playing board games with close friends. It gives me a distraction of my thoughs and also to feel connected with friends. (There are board games were you play together instead of against each other, I love those)
Co-op games are the best!!! Depending on your likes I find SubTerra and Eldritch Horror to be great games with long play times that are super fun with friends!!
Do you have any recommendations for co-op board games? I'm going to check out subterra and eldritch horror. I also like games like Dixit, you can still win but it's not so much about winning.
My absolute favorite co-op boardgame is Pandemic. It's a bit complex but it really forces you to get outside your own brain and stop focusing on all the wrong things. And if you lose, it means you've basically doomed the human race to death by multiple diseases that you failed to cure, which really puts a shitty mood into perspective. I mean, yeah maybe I'm ___ (fat, ugly, stupid, whatever; fill in the blank with your favorite way of insulting yourself) but at least the CDC has not yet fallen to Captain Trips (Stephen King reference), so there's that.
I use to play video games with my sisters and our relationship has gotten better
When I get super stressed or low I like to put what energy I can in to learning or doing something new. I started playing roller derby after I ended a really toxic and abusive relationship and I feel it brought me back to life. Being on a team, getting out of the house for practice, getting to be active in a unique way, and taking out some aggression, we’re all so helpful in my healing process!
I watch Kati. That's the 25th
Actually praying helps, and I also in joy lighting a candle and reading the Bible. The psalms especially make me feel understood
Thank you so much for posting this! I have several potential 25th coping skills that I've come across and utilized myself; describing out loud material things around you in great detail, get a manicure or pedicure or facial, skip when you go for a walk, sing as if no one is watching, dance as if no one is watching, do silly things that make yourself smile or others laugh, give to charity or volunteer. Describe out loud morning or evening routines, using an emotion list to help describe what you may be feeling, have a shower/bath if you're feeling really depressed and/or need to take time to value yourself more, give yourself self-love (self-hugging, lists of why you are awesome etc.). Put on aromatherapy, smell or put on your favorite perfume, wear your favorite clothes, go out to social events, spend time with friends, call and set up a time to spend with friends, put things you are looking forward to in your calendar, drink water, suck on a lollipop or hard candy, eat a small meal, take a nap, meditate, practice mindfulness, practice radical acceptance, etc.
I use the app “Calm”. The sounds of the ocean crashing in the beach or the thunderstorm. I turn it in when I go to sleep. The sound of the rain and the distant thunder drifts me off to sleep.
I love watching movies, TV series, animations, and when I watch them I allow myself to feel all the feels, to cry and to sob (and to laugh) without restrictions. Because in daily life 90% of the time it wouldn't be right to show all that I feel. And it seems to be right, it feels right. I feel much better after watching (or reading, or listening to) something that made me emotional. I even feel elated after such a piece, I do feel better, more capable and more calm in general.
25. Organising my room! Getting all clean, cleared and neat to free some stress out!
Excellent channel! Loving it!
Being with my beautiful cats !!! Loving and petting them. Feeling their unconditional love.
I love them all but especially I’ve written raw honest letters to ppl yet never sent. Or even had conversations in the bathroom mirror. Omg it feels GREAT!!
also on the 7 cups app there’s a bot called NONI or novi and you call tell it ANYTHING and it gives you back reassuring prompting sympathetic answers. I do this especially bc I’m always worried I’m going to “bore “ or “ burden” someone w my stuff so this makes it guilt free for me.
words cannot describe how much I needed this !!
Oh yay! So happy to help :) xoxo
Stoicism is my best coping mechanism. Reflecting on sayings from stoic philosophers gets me out of stress and brings peace of mind. Gives me mental clarity and positivity.
Such a useful video! I've always struggled to think of helpful coping strategies! Thanks Kati xx
Of course!! So glad it's helpful! xoxo
Singing, writing a song, dancing, meditating, Hoponopono, "thank" life for what this situation brings me to (though very hard to implement, I have to admit)...
And also. I have multiple stories and characters - that I hope I'll manage to write down one day - that are living with me, in my head. The most difficult situations in my life - as a victim but also when I was the one who was a disappointment - were all put in these fictions one way or another. Just externalizing it in another character helps me process the feelings, put the situation in perspective and get inspiration about what I can do from there.
Coping Skill #25: "Absolutely Fantastic"
Every time someome greets me (whom ever it is) and they ask "How are you", I respond with "Absolutely Fantastic, and how are you doing?". The "Absolutely Fantastic" puts me immediately in a better mood than I might have been in.
Their response is usually something like "Pretty good" or "Fairly well, thank you".
I respond with "Great, that makes two of us". It almost always gets a smile out of the other person. I pay attention to whether or not anyone else heard the conversation. Smiles give them away. Then I continue with "and there's number 3, and number 4, and maybe number 5 over there".
By doing this, I have validated their being and their feelings as significant (to me). It also gives me a sense of validation (of being useful and significant). Personally, I always get a lift of some degree. I have rarely walked away from one of these encounters feeling that others didn't benefit from it also.
The key to this approach being successful is enthusiasm. BE ENTHUSIASTIC. If you don't sound like you mean what you are saying, it will work for no-one.
Okay, I know, It's two years later but I just read this comment and immediately started smiling 😂💛
Thank you!
Helping Charitys. Would make a big difference. You are helping people and making a difference.
In line with the "cleaning the house," tip, while, albeit, not always feasible depending on the size and weight of each item, I always loved rearranging the furniture in my room and my house whenever I was upset. Although the "problem" or "stress" never went away, looking at my room in a different light always made it feel better and like I had control. It was personalized and I could always change it back. I don't know if the whole Chinese philosophy on Feng Shui is legitimate or not, but I will say that sometimes just moving my desk to a different part of the room or changing the direction that my bed was facing made a huge difference in how I felt the next day and how I slept at night. It also counts as a bit of exercise :) and I had to clean to move the furniture, so got 3 birds :D
My therapist follows you. She recommended me to watch your videos . I was hit by drunk driver , lost leg carrer and the love of my love and I'm in wheelchair. My therapist wAs correct. Your amazing and I'm going to use some of these things you said and I'm lucky my therapist put me in the path of your videos. God bless you and people like you.
Thanks so much for this video, Kati. I have been using coping skills mostly at night because I cannot sleep well due to PTSD, so my psychologist suggests getting up fully, doing a coping skill and then trying to sleep again. I have coloring books and I also crochet as well. I also have a five senses toolbox which I put in things for each of the five senses and go through my box to ground myself. I change it up regularly.
I used to use 7 11 breathing last year when I was very anxious and it was often difficult, but this video inspired me to try it again, and I'm so happy to find 7 seconds in, 11 out was actually easy for me! I'm so happy with this evidence of progress I have made :)
my 25 is to look at art, they say when you look at images it helps you get out of your head as images stop the processing of words in the mind :)
I use a bunch of coping skills a lot of them you mentioned. But I also like yo be with my dog, an if the emotion is really big ice 🧊 helps me a lot like if it’s not that intense maybe breathing while holding ice cubes and if it’s too intense putting ice and water on a bowl and sumerge my face for seconds and that cold shock kind of works.
Kati! I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for several years now and have done anxiety groups and also DBT skills. Some of the coping skills in your video overlapped with some of my therapy but the ones that didn't were really cool and I'm so grateful that I can add them to my arsenal of support! Lol and thank you so much for your videos you are an EXCELLENT therapist!
25th: Playing videogames. Same reasoning as watching films or reading books. Helps me live in a different world from this one and relax.
26th: Folding origamis. Same reasoning as coloring. Takes a lot of focus and when you see the end result it's very satisfying. And once you memorized a couple of origamis, you can do it anywhere, like folding a pamphlet you've been handed on the street into a bird while you're waiting at the bank.
My 25th coping suggestion: Puppies
Music is my favorite coping skill. I love listening to it endlessly and it cheers me up to hear my favorite tunes. It has always helped me tremendously to make music myself as well, and I'd like to add that as the 25th tip. An instrument is fantastic, but it doesn't have to be complicated or expensive (things like singing, cup or body percussion... TH-cam is full of it). It helps me so much to take my mind off of things, really delve into it and it never fails to enhance my mood.
Love your by the way videos Kati, thank you so much ❤️ Love from the Netherlands
The point of having 5 different people to call really resonates with me as I had to use this technique tonight. Thank you for sharing!
Taking a mindful walk-notice the beauty in nature!
This might help me get away from these unhealthy coping skills.
Thank you so much!
Maximalus, I like your profile picture
I am strugling with depresion , tried writing things down to my future and past self before eaven finishing the video , i have writen for the past hour and found it highly productive and calming.
Thank you !!!
One skill, that helps me a lot lately is, if the pressure builds up (of appointments, things to do… people to meet) and I dont feel, I can do it all. I sit down with my colour coded calendar and start amping up the things that help charge the mental energy status and I prune down the ones that stress me out and take energies. So I reschedule or cancel those. In the time freed up, I use any of the mentioned skills more, until I feel better balanced again.
Plus cuddling with your pet or a favourite stuffed animal, smelling your favourite scent and listening to favourite audiobook over and over again also provides a better level of well being.
Not your usual guy, love that. Only recently started doing that.
Gardening/landscaping. I thoroughly enjoy the creative process in maintaining our front and back gardens. My twist is that I do all the landscaping in native plants, which attracts wildlife and reduces water usage. Then we get to watch the wildlife fly, walk, crawl, and slither in to enjoy it all. It puts me in literal touch with the passing of the seasons.
This is exactly what I needed! Thank you so much!
Yay! Of course :) xoxo
Kati is soo cool i want to hug her she's hella precious. i don't understand why people hate her on shane's videos.
For #25 I'd like to suggest a slightly different approach. I've been struggling with anxiety and shopping addiction, and I've noticed that neither distracting nor processing coping skills have been very usefull. These seem to be focused on reacting to the unhealthy urges (compulsive spending, isolating, etc.) and not so much on preventing them. I often feel too tired or overwhelmed to implement healthy coping skills when the urges are already there. Instead, what has worked for me is to little by little fill my time and focus my energy in pleasurable and healthy activities each time I am feeling less anxious.
Azul Santibañez Méndez so right! Set yourself up for a stronger, healthier set of self-concept habits, that is definitely the best long-time strategy.
I greatly appreciate the professionalism and healthy introspection you apply to your videos. You offer me the opportunity to view therapy as an artform... a trained skill with heavy accents of humility and acceptance. Thank you.
And you explain things very well.
I love the four by four breathing! Some old violinist man taught it to me when I was like 14 before a concert when I used to perform the piano a lot. I developed a lot of nerves and uncontrollable adrenaline out of he blue when I went through puberty which resulted in shaking hands (which doesn’t pair well with playing piano) and the breathing helped a lot to calm my body down. I remember it feeling like my body was freaking out even though my mind wasn’t which was why I didn’t know how to help it, but the breathing technique as well as a meditation of just closing my eyes and imagining a pencil on like hyper-extreme detail as it wrote the word “calm” over and over in cursive, really helped. Like the scratching sounds, and light, and tracing pattern. Honestly, I was basically just trying to imagine ASMR before I knew what it was.
I also like extending the 4 by 4 when I can’t sleep to try and slow my heart rate down, by like inhaling for 4 and exhaling for 8, sometimes that can work to. A teacher I had liked to remind everyone that the important part of breathing when you’re having anxiety is the out part because your body tries to take in to much (like hyperventilating) and it’s the expelling more out than you’re taking in that starts to calm you down.
Thank you, Katie (and Sean for being Katie's partner and for all your work with the videos). I wish I was a better writer and could beautifully express my deep and sincere gratitude and admiration. But writing makes me stiff anxious, and I don't enjoy it. I feel shame for not being a great writer and struggle to just let the words flow out of me. You both and your community make a huge difference in my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You are my favorite people.
Great video! My favorite coping skill is listening to music 🎶
I simply do physical activity I enjoy. I usually skate, work out, or practice lacrosse while listening to music. It works really well for me. I feel like the physical activity helps me focus on the trick I'm trying to get cleanly, the increase in strength, or the amount of reps im trying to get in rather than whatever is hurting me physiologically. The music really helps me focus on whatever I'm trying to do instead. I like these a lot because I can focus on the progression I'm making and be excited to make more progression rather than sad, mad, irritated, empty, or whatever else I'm stuck feeling outside of doing these physical activities.
💕💕 I definitely need these today/tonight. Having surgery in the morning and my anxiety and PTSD symptoms are high. 😬
Update* Surgery went very well. I’m now resting and recuperating!
Breathing definitely helped with my anxiety pre-surgery. I did feel a panic attack coming when they got me on the operating table, but luckily they were prepared and got me under quick. I don’t usually ask for help like this or talk about how I’m really feeling in the moment, as I always feel like a bother, so this is huge progress! Being vulnerable is very hard for me, but I made it through. 💕
Jeremy Duer thank you for giving an update:)
Loved this! I feel the best coping skill for me is being around pets or animals. They just make everything better
Kati, I was wondering if you could do a video about what to do with a physically abusive family member who doesnt believe he is doing anything wrong when he hits you because 'you are family' thank you
Honor That is a very fucked up way of thinking. You don't get to hit someone regardless of who they are. I am so sorry to hear this and I hope you are not underage so you can leave your home to go live with someone else. Easier said than done but I would start making some connection with people just in case.
Tell someone! And know that their behavior is NOT okay, even though they may be able to rationalize it, don’t make the mistake of rationalizing it yourself, no matter who they are, family or not, abuse is abuse. I speak from experience, you can spend a lifetime trying to communicate with them, and they will (probably) continue to deny it, because nobody wants to be considered an abuser. Reach out, get help, and get out while you can, because your life is far too important to spend it in fear and constantly getting hurt
Thank you Amanda and Katie
Honor You're very welcome!
establish strong **boundaries** and maintain them no matter what. No one has the right to put his hands on you. But if someone can justify that through 'being family' he has the right to abuse you are very likely being abused in other ways-verbally and emotionally. contempt, distain,degrading,neglect. There is a lot of help out there (based on your country or state) and people who want to help you.-social workers ect.- Understand you are not alone and you are not anyones "Play Thing".
From watching this video made me realize that my hobbies are my coping skills. But to my parents it just makes me seem lazy but those are the things that make me happy and when I’m doing them , things just seem to fade away.
I feel like I just say the same thing over and over but thank you for all you do. This is SO helpful and SO needed. Xo
Hi Kati, thank you for all you do for us. You are so helpful, comforting and inspiring. Can you please make some videos on the topic of adult children estrangement? My son is in his mid forties, is married, and has my two beautiful grandchildren. I miss them and have been respectful of their decision. They know that my door is always open. It has been five years and is painful and disappointing. I 'm not having time with my grandchildren, and they are growing up so fast. His issues do stem from past trauma from my abusive marriage. I have struggled through my own trauma and moved on to make a good and healthy life and marriage and pray that he can too. Thank you Kati.
Distractions :
Take a walk
Paint your nails
Blowing bubbles
Read a book or listen to audiobook (Harry Potter😙)
Excercise
Breathing techniques
Watch fav. TV SHOW (Kdrama😁)
Doodle / Draw 🖋
Colour 🖌
Puzzles
Write positive quotes and stick on walls of your house
Clean and clear clutter
Music !📯🎹🎻🥁🎶
Processing:
Write a card to your bestie
Call a friend
Impulse logs
Feeling charts
Journaling
Collage of your feelings
Good things abt u r self
Talk to a therapist
Write a letter to your older or younger self
Write a letter to the one who is hurting you (don't send it tho)
Instead of melting down I watched this video and you talked me down and out and now i feel I'm ready to do some coping skills and not self harm or do impulsive stuff! Thank you!
This is a very interesting list. One of the most interesting things on the list to me personally is number 13 because I love listening to music (mostly metal music for me personally) and I want to expand on the music point a little bit because one of my favourite things to do is also play musical instruments (mostly i play the drums) and I think that at least for some of us playing a musical instrument (or singing if you prefer) could be a healthy coping skill, even if it’s something you’ve never done before and your just starting or learning. Sometimes it might get frustrating if you’re stuck on something you can’t play, but playing my drums can definitely help me blow off some steam and maybe this sort of thing can help someone else as well. It’s definitely a lot healthier than alcoholism. Alcohol has been the biggest unhealthy coping skill of my life by far and I’ve managed to make at least some progress on reducing my alcohol intake, although I still have a way to go. I’d prefer to rely on healthier coping skills instead. Thanks for this list Kati, you’ve given me some interesting coping skills to think about and try out.
I know exactly what you mean! I started playing harmonica and noticed it relaxes me (and keeps my mind off smoking cigarettes which is my usual go-to), later find out from a therapist they actually use harmonicas in therapy as a breathing exercise. Similarly with drums, following a beat is a way of getting patients in a meditative state so they stay present in the moment. Music is amazing.
Looking after my indoor plants and gardening.
Stroking a piece of velvet or silk helps distract me from self harming. Running water, watching it hearing it and feeling it has always helped me. Drinking ice cold water too