wait, so is the day program also meant for high-functioning clients that CAN become neurotypical? I do not necessarily see that as intimidating, but it depends on the quality and what insurance will cover. If cheap, I'll assume its annoying, or will just suck out of boredom, but you are obviously with peers as title III of the ADA states "the most intergrated setting appropriate to the needs of the individual" so they wont intentionally put you with low-functioning peers and you can easily sue your insurance company for only covering inappropriate ones to save a buck. But Psych Wards, those are legitimate psychological torture and should be completely replaced by respite facilities, and stop taking shit such as amenities away and set up a plan to modify what you do during the day-time for your free hours. Worse than ABA, as at least with that, you are told what to do so arent idle, even if your autonomy isnt respected. Edit: you mean partial hospitalization programs when I was thinking of a day-hab; most states dont cover partial hospitalization under medicaid, so can get extremely expensive so you really would want to send someone to a day-hab or residential treatment center if therapy wont be enough.
Kati mentioned this, but I'd like to emphasize: While you should avoid lying, that doesn't mean you are obligated to tell the truth. Saying "I'm not comfortable talking about that right now," is completely valid and a good therapist should respect that. If the person you're working with continues to pressure you, it's time to consider if they might be doing more harm than help. You do not owe anybody your thoughts if it feels unsafe to share them. That's a boundary that should apply to all relationships, including therapeutic ones. Your safety needs to come first.
My therapist asked me about my relationship with my husband which is very complicated. I simply told her I wasn't ready to address that yet because it's a lot. She was just like that's fine. It was so amazing.
@@stacyemmynik I'm happy to hear that she respected your boundaries regarding that topic; that's how it should be! My current therapist is like that, but I've also had experiences of being considered non-compliant for making similar requests. It's a good indicator of if someone values your input and actually wants to work with you or if they prioritize their expert opinion over your self-awareness and lived experience.
Yes but those are clearly the things that need to be talked through in order to heal. I don't think a therapist who lets you avoid "the work" is a good therapist, either.
So what happens when your advice is taken but they therapist calls in security to haul you off and medicate you/strap you to a hospital bed because "you're a danger to "? What happens then!?
@@joob40 Shouldn't the client have a say in what "the work" looks like for them? I'm not advocating for people to refuse every suggestion nor to avoid topics forever, just to trust their instincts on when something feels wrong. Adressing trauma before you're prepared to do so can be re-traumatizing, which will make healing more difficult in the long run. A therapist does not have access to my nervous system nor understand the full picture of my circumstances, so it shouldnt be up to them to determine when I'm ready to do "the work". I'm my opinion, a good therapist would mark down the reaction, maybe ask a few questions about why their client felt they couldn't talk about that topic and then revisit it at a later date. Everyone heals on their own timeline.
My closest friend was forced into a mental hospital after expressing thoughts of self harm. She'd never actually harmed herself, and still never has, but that experience traumatised her, and 20 years later, it still affects her. She'll never trust a therapist again and I don't blame her.
This is why I would never tell my therapist about any thought of self harm. I've mentioned it to her years after the fact, but if I were presently suicidal my therapist would be the last person I would tell. Therapy is ineffective for the most severe of issues because of the fact that in those cases a therapist can break confidentiality on a whim. My therapist has helped me with many issues, such as alcohol abuse and family relationships (and as a side effect probably kept me from suicidal thoughts). But the way the law currently is, it prevents the most direct form of help. I like my therapist a lot, but there are certain things I will never discuss with her. And I would never sign a stupid contract. What are they going to do if I break it? Sue my family?
They have to break confidentiality when the patient is a danger to themselves or others! They cannot just let that patient leave and harm themselves. I just went to my first therapy session with a new therapist today and she went over confidentiality with me. She may have never actually harmed herself but it doesn’t mean she didn’t plan to do something that day?
@@Live7Love1Laugh2 If there is no intention to hurt yourself they shouldn't confine you. Ive been traumatized after being 10-13nd even though i wasnt suicidal. the whole story is in a comment above. They treat you like an animal and strip you of humanity. psyche wards as they stand in america are inhumane and no one should be locked up in one.
This is kind of odd, every time I have been admitted to a hospital for suicidal ideation me and my therapist discussed it, they asked my thoughts and went over why they felt it was needed or could help. And I have never had a negative experience in the hospital, there are some that are lightyears above the others, but there were no reasons that I wouldn't go back in if it where needed.
@@graciemcintyre2617 If they deem you as a threat to yourself or others they have a responsibility to call someone and make sure you’re okay. I agree you shouldn’t be hospitalized if there isn’t any intention. But they don’t know if there is. They are ultimately responsible to make sure you are okay. I know what psychiatric hospitals are like, I’ve seen inside of one. Someone I know was in one and I went to see them.
The very first therapist i went to, i was 17. When i started talking, i started crying bc the one time is spoken about the subject, my parents accused me of lying so there was trauma on top of the trauma. This grown man, a licensed therapist, said to me "you can cut out the crying bc we aren't doing a pity party in here." He could have slapped me and gotten less reaction. I stood up, with tears running down my face and told him he didn't need to be in his line of work. He was no better than my parents. Then i called him few choice names. I also turned him into the state. Luckily it didn't stop me from finding another GOOD therapist.
"Remember, therapy isn't the place for judgement or blame". True, but shame is still a powerful emotion and it doesn't care that you're in therapy. The lies I've told my therapist were mainly to myself.
which is precisely why it took me so many years of failing at it before I was finally ready. It just took sudden spousal abuse and a nervous breakdown before I was finally ready.
I went to a therapist and she told EVERYTHING we talked about to my mom. I got yelled at by her every day because of that, and my mental state got incredibly worse and I had to be hospitalised. (Edit: im a minor, so i cant actually do anything about it.)
... I'm sorry you went through that. She probably felt like it was risky not to tell anyone. But she was naive to trust your mom with that information, since she didn't know if your mom was abusive towards you.
I can see that happening where I live. I refuse to even get my allergy med filled in this entire, nosy, hypocritical, "bust the church doors down every week," County. Most tell EVERYTHING & I've heard it. I listened to it one day in car re: my friend. We got where we were going & I called him IMMEDIATELY &told him everything and that I'd be there as a witness &my girlfriend at the time was champing at the bit as well. She was only a check-in clerk...how she got that much access is beyond me He never did anything.
I was in therapy for 7 years with a therapist 4 years younger than me who I never regarded as a very "good" therapist, but I liked her as a person and felt safe and comfortable opening up to her. I felt good just from having her talk to, but I had goals I wanted to achieve with the help of a therapist, and she was doing nothing. There was literally no therapy. The few times that I tried to call her attention to that fact she would cry and when I asked "why are you crying" she said "I feel attacked". Other times, if I told a story that made me feel sad, she'd offer me a hug. I had no idea at the time that she was constantly violating my boundaries and was basically incompetent and very unprofessional. Finally, I started taking Intuniv for ADHD and it quite literally "woke me up". When I expressed my new awareness the lack of therapy she tried to rationalize it by saying it's because "we're like friends". One week later she denied ever having used the word "friend" and tried to gaslight me by saying I was "misremembering" what she had said. Skipping past all the other crazy things she said, the next thing I knew I got a call from her supervisor claiming that I had abused my therapist and would never see or talk to her again...I was being discarded...and then she discharged me to prevent me from getting another therapist in that organization. That was about 14 months ago and I now have PTSD as a result. I can no longer take the ADHD meds that were like a miracle for me except that they also helped me to finally see the reality of an abusive "therapeutic" relationship and it was that "clarity" and self-expression that caused my therapist and her supervisor to traumatize me. I don't know why I'm writing this but I just needed to. I know my experience is probably quite rare and unique but...I love your videos and at the same time as I listen to you I feel this pressured wish to tell you there are things you don't know...not every therapist is "you"...I just trusted the idea of my therapist being "professional" and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. Sorry for writing book here...
Hey so sorry about your experience. I have never been in therapy myself, but I can imagine that your experience isn't that rare. Just like in other jobs, there are people who are good at it and those bad at it. Unfortuntely, people who work in healthcare are also in the position of power, so if they are shitty at their job and/or as people, they can really cause harm. I hope you are able to find someone else soon and that you will get better. Take care!
Whoa! She'd start crying? That's interesting. The only thing is.... your experience might not be as rare as you think. My therapist wasn't as off the rails as yours, but she was objectively terrible at her job. Half the time she was not listening, she'd assign me random stuff to do but never followed up , it was up to me to start our sessions as she didn't even know how to start a conversation... or think to ask me about things I'd mentioned previously. I also stayed with her longer than I should have because overall she was a nice person who just seemed to have chosen the wrong profession. Based on the amount of horror stories I've heard, this stuff is pretty common.
That is so wrong. I'm really sorry you went through that. I have ADHD too and its bad enough dealing with so much ableist crap, being gaslit etc by your therapist is the last thing anyone needs to deal with. It seems like there should be some way for you to get your meds. Find a different clinic and share your experience. Make sure they are professional. I've had very bad with therapists too but good ones will validate your bad experiences and have healthy boundaries, and be reliable.
Don't tell your psychiatrist you are suicidal unless you feel like being detained and taken to a hospital. That has happened to me every time I said something to them. It only made things worse for me. I don't like being locked up against my will.
yep, and also never tell a teacher, nurse, doctor ect since they are legally obligated to report it. Do not make jokes either, some comment about not enjoying life, made that mistake once, never telling anyone exept my closest friends again
I told my therapist as a 17 year old that I had previously attempted suicide (2 years prior) but had no urge to do so in the present time. She told my parents and told me that if I was continuing to see her, she would also notify my (incredibly strict) boarding school administration (which I denied consent to do). Learned so quickly to always ask how therapists deal with self harm and suicide histories, even if they’re not current. It was traumatizing to have my trust violated like that and then be immediately discarded due to my boundaries. I wish more therapists were better trained and like you.
@@Matthew-vs8kn I came close to reporting her to the medical review board for HIPAA violation, but it made me so anxious and angry to think about and after 4 phone calls with her supervisor where her supervisor basically gave me the run around and told me they didn’t do anything wrong (and I was just trying to get through senior year during COVID) that I gave up and tried to move on. I don’t have the resources for a lawyer and it feels much too late now, all I can do is pray someone else doesn’t get fucked over and if they do, they’re more resilient and able to bring down consequences 😔
I’m thinking about telling my therapist about having a past of sh and suicide, I don’t do it and haven’t done it for a while but I’m still worried since I am a minor that my therapist will break confidentiality even though all of that was in the past
I love that you said hospitalization is a last resort for you. A couple years ago, I told my therapist I was self harming and I was sent to a hospital for about a week, the same night I said that to her. Looking back, it didn’t help at all. What’s worse is that most of the people there were struggling more than me and felt the same way. Some of them had been in jail and said the hospital was worse than that. There’s definitely something wrong with the way most mental hospitals are ran.
I agree! I once had an appointment with a therapist, but went to the wrong office and they tried to hospitalized me. Later my therapist told me I should have let them.
they j immediately want to send you away to a place that doesn't do shit for you. residential hospitalization is so much more affective than acute hospitalization, but it's unfortunately so much more expensive and not usually covered by insurance.
To add on to this comment, the place I went to didn’t enforce therapy sessions. They were just like “it’s there if you need it” and I think that’s the biggest issue. Most people in mental hospitals won’t willingly do therapy, especially if they’re in there for a s**cide attempt.
@@FirstLast-gv1zl Wow that's really messed up, I'm glad you showed the first doctor the photos, I Would like to see those doctors fired. I know you feel responsible in a way for those 2 lives, but you did what you thought was right, it wasn't your fault.
I foolishly said I had suicidal thoughts although I never intended on acting them out, and next thing I know was in hand cuffs and in a psych ward with people 100x crazier than me. No windows, no communication with the outside world, no access to bathrooms (without asking for permission). It was horrifying and traumatic.
YESS!! This same thing happened to me. They make your mental state far worse, along with your economic one too, giving you a huge bill after being fired from missing work for 3 days to 3 weeks.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I wish wish you good friendships, healing books, films that you relate to and time in nature that soothes your spirit. ❤
This is what I came here to see about. I figured she was probably leaving this nuggest of information out. Doesn't surprise me. This is why I don't trust therapists.
0h my god… I’m so sorry. This possibility just terrifies me. I honestly can’t imagine what you went through, and my heart goes out to you I had one therapist for over three years (2020 through 2022), and I admitted to having suicidal thoughts on two occasions. She always just brushed them off, minimizing them and making me feel pathetic for even mentioning them. But at least she never reported me to a psych ward or anything like that… she just made me feel more ashamed and hopeless than ever, until I finally quit her sessions and simply didn’t bother to sign up for a new therapist once the new year started.
From personal experience: don't talk about having suicidal thoughts. One of the most traumatic, unpleasant event in my life was getting sent to a psychiatric hospital. The staff threatened me, I slept in a room with graffiti all over the walls, no privacy and no going outside for any reason. The food sucked and there were kids there much worse than me. All in all, I never want to go to therapy again because of that, and bowed to just actually go through with a suicide instead of going to one of those hospitals again. Believe me. Its terrible.
I WILL NEVER TRUST A THERAPIST AGAIN EITHER!!! I WAS FORCIBLY GRABBED BY ARMED POLICE IN MY APARTMENT ON MY 49th BIRTHDAY WEEKEND (SATURDAY OCTOBER 9th AND SUNDAY OCTOBER 10TH, 2021) AND I WAS FORCIBLY TAKEN IN HANDCUFFS AND FORCED TO UNDRESS AND GIVEN PRISON GARB AND WAS LOCKED IN A HORRIFIC SETTING UNDER SOME CODE SHE PLACED ME UNDER FROM WHICH I COULD NOT GET OUT OF AND I HAD TWO CATS IN MY BATHROOM WITH NOT ENOUGH FOOD OR WATER - AND THIS TELEHEALTH THERAPIST KNEW THAT - WORRYING ABOUT MY STARVING AND DEHYDRATED CATS WAS BAD ENOUGH - ON TOP OF MEN SPITTING ON MY FACE AND MEN PISSING ON MY FEET AND EXPOSING THEIR GENITALS AND FILTHY BACKSIDES TO ME - I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE AND THAT EXPERIENCE DESTROYED 26 YEARS OF THERAPY THAT I HAD TRUSTED IN BEFORE AND WITH NEVER EVER DO AGAIN!!! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH!!!❤
I had a very similar experience. No privacy. It makes you feel as tho ur not a person anymore and can’t en trusted to not be looked after for a second. Other kids in there that I made friends with had been physically, mentally, and sexually abused. Seeing all that shit really didn’t help. The graffiti and shitty food is relatable lol. I just hope those kids who were my friends are getting better.
When I suddenly lost my 31 year old best friend during the pandemic I started therapy because I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. I started having suicidal thoughts at some point, and I told my therapist about it. At the time she told me if I ever had those thoughts I could call her at any time, and she started seeing me more often, like twice a week, just to check up on me. She would give me little assignments that helped me avoid those thoughts. It helped me a lot to have her support at that moment and telling her the truth about what I was going through. I really think I wouldn't be here if I didn't tell her right away when I first had those thoughts.
i'm really glad you've gotten through that kind of state of mind. you're incredibly strong to have gone through that and even mroe so to tell your story, even if it's just on a youtube video. hope you're doing well today, but if you aren't, that's alright too. You'll get through it 🫂🫂
You were fortunate!! I was 51-50'd over 20-yrs ago for suicidal ideation. The facility experience was not only ridiculously inadequate & childish, it was emotionally harmful. So damaging & useless, that I laugh at the suicidal hotline ads AND have NEVER since been honest with ANYONE connected to the health field regarding my periodic suicidal thoughts. The spin-dry, give them a pill w/6- therapy sessions & say bye-bye is a joke! I'm SO GRATEFUL for those on TH-cam ... the layperson, certified & degreed ... who generously share their experience & knowledge in the various modalities that support mental & physical health!
Me too im in shock with all the ppl claiming telling a therapist landed them in a mental hospital that's not how things work in Australia the reason I was referred to therapy was because I was suicidal and extremely depressed
If you are relying on someone (most likely your parents when you are under 18), just be aware that if you say you are suicidal or are being abused/have been abused, your parents will probably hear about it. It does not matter whether you have clearly told the therapist that your parents are your abuser or not, they will still tell them everything. In my experience, my abuse worsened when they found out I had said that my mother had beat me and emotionally abused me. Additionally some therapists will judge you, lie about you or mock you. Therapy is worth getting because realistically you will need help but be aware that there are some messed up power dynamics you’ll have to navigate and as a child your boundaries will be pushed a lot. If something feels wrong to you, trust yourself because you are the only person you can trust to truly advocate for yourself.
So I basically have to wait until my mother is dead before I can safely tell anyone about how she emotionally abused and neglected me when I was growing up. Got it,. Thanks for that.
This is actually really true lol, I think It's just that lots of people suck at their job, and in the end, a degree means nothing . This happens in health care, mental health care, police or anything law related, etc. It's really hard to find rightfully skilled people.
@@francescathomas3502 No honey what you have to wait for is the day you are both an adult and somebody who lives at another place that at your mom's. Then you can confront her on her actions when she can't legally harm you
@@francescathomas3502 as aurorya said it’s more you need to be careful and once you’re 18 and somewhat independent it’s a lot easier. i’d rather you didn’t get hurt from a lot of medical staff being incompetent or negligent like i have which is why i put up the comment. sure systems are supposed to help you but unfortunately a lot of them believe for god knows what reason think that abusive parents are more reliable than their kids. bad therapists arent too difficult to deal with, you just gotta change quick when there are red flags because ultimately therapy works when you find the right one not one you feel uncomfortable with. you should always be seeing them as people at the end of the day. they are people who can be good and bad and can help you or fail you. just like you would pick friends, make sure you aren’t spending hours of your life and likely lots of money on a therapist who hurts you, instead of finding a good one through trial and error.
I'm on the autism spectrum and ADHD inattentive. I'm a total open book, which is really off-putting to a lot of people, even some therapists. I've made comments that instantly invalidated me to health care professionals. I never know it's going to happen until I see something flicker in their eyes and then they start acting differently towards me. My first few attempts at therapy were disastrous, but I'm so grateful when I find someone I can connect with, who actually listens! Edited to add this thought: just because someone holds the degrees and the licenses doesn't mean they are great at what they do. Like she said, we're all human. And just because someone isn't great for me doesn't mean they aren't exactly what someone else needs.
I'm self diagnosed ADHA and on the Asperger's spectrum, very high functioning but damaged. No therapy on earth will ever help me, I feel that therapists are a bunch of quacks in the 21st century selling snake oil. In fact, my therapist wanted me to buy Indian healing spices, jewelry, vitamins etc and wtf I am not on QVS here to get the latest trendy grand. I can barely afford therapy and it's forced on me at that.
Oh my god! this is has happened so many times to me as well, i could never quite pinpoint what it was, but this describes it perfectly. sometimes it’s literally the fact i have autism that causes the switch. they treat you like you’re lying to them or seeking a diagnosis, it doesn’t matter if i’m educated on it or not. if I don’t do extensive research beforehand? then why would you think you could have this? you can’t explain why so you’ve got no valid reasons. if i do? then clearly i’m trying to get this diagnosis even tough i don’t have it. it’s so frustrating.
@JennyWinters I'm ADHD ASD Bipolar 1 and it's not easy I fight every day but I was once like you I lost faith in getting help I thought I wasn't worth the time I still feel that way to this day even in a non therapeutic setting. It's not everybody's cup of tea.
Reading that first sentence resonates so well with me. It took my wife to point out that people think I’m lying or trying to be intimidating when I’m just being open and honest. The more that those of us with AuDHD talk about, the more people will understand us. Hopefully, this will lead to fewer people being abused, in the school system, as I was.
I like that the comments section is filled with actually good tips. Like. In a perfect world, the four listed things would be reasonable advice, but our world isn't perfect, and so the four things I would probably list are: 1: If you are feeling suicidal 2: Anything that a therapist has to mandatorally report. 3: Your real feelings about how therapy is going 4: Anything that could lead to more trouble then its worth talking about
2nd topic: I have found that during therapy sessions if I haven't brought notes I will more or less forget every issue I've been having. I will actually think I'm doing better than I am and then slide back once the session is over. I think for me it has to do with BPD and my rapidly changing moods. I don't purposely hide how things are. I wonder how many others relate.
I 100% relate to this. I have anxiety and if I don't have notes, I feel like I'm giving a class presentation I haven't rehearsed. My mind goes blank and I revert to people pleasing. "I think I'm doing well"
Yea I don’t have BPD but like I can’t judge how my past week has been, it’s too broad, my emotions change too frequently and I don’t remember how I feel at certain unimportant moments
If I had a penny for every time an ASD got diagnosed with BPD instead, my legal name would be Scrooge-Elon Midas McDuck. Do (or did) you have any suspisions that you might be ASD? In any case, I highly suggest you do some research on ASD for yourself and if you feel like it hits home too many times, definitely get diagnosed by a different psychiatrist, who has confirmed experience with ASD. I know this can be expensive, but it is your life that's on the line. And potentially taking wrong meds is not only a waste of money, but can totally waste you, too.
I was so worried about talking about childhood abuse for fear it would be reported. My first couple of sessions was all about what would have to be reported and when. He told me that he would always let me know before he made a report if he would have to report it. This process has helped me so much and so far nothing has needed to be reported.
I'm really happy to hear that your therapist has done such a good job of proving his trustworthiness and making therapy productive for you. I wish more therapists had that approach. My therapist when I was a child called CPS without warning me beforehand and without considering that he might actually put me in danger if CPS couldn't find solid proof of the abuse. My parents collaborated to hide signs of abuse and made my brother and I lie to CPS. Then they found a new therapist who shared their beliefs about discipline and how to raise children.
Even if you're an adult, I think if you have siblings who are minors they still need to report it. I've been through it, lots of CPS visits from cases that were closed nearly 10yrs ago.
My first (and last, i hope) therapist told my parents EVERY. SINGLE. THING. i said to her. I was struggling with self harm and suicide and still am, but I feel so awful about that experience that I don't want anything to do with another therapist. I told her that if my parents found out they'd just make my life hell, and she told them anyways. In the interview with them, they just said I was lying and then I got slapped across the face and grounded. This was almost two years ago, and I still can't open up to any adults. Not even those I trust like favorite teachers or family friends.
That has gotta be really difficult. I hope life gets better and someone really fully trustworthy comes into your life that is able to be an oasis. You're a valuable being, and hope there comes a day when you can honestly believe and feel it, too.
Hi this happened to me too. I am sorry this sucks you were brave to try to reach out. If you find the strength try again some therapists will help. Something important to note is you won't be a minor forever. I am 18 and I just started because of my parents.
They tell me that I am 41 now. But yesterday I was 15. Life has gotten better with every passing year. "Victory is a question of stamina" - old American WW2 propaganda poster and what my boyfriend (now husband) had on his wall to encourage him to keep slogging through his own depression. One of the things I tell my patients now is, "I promise you: someday this will all just be a story. Not the end of your story, but just a story you tell about a hard time in your life." (I'm just a nurse but my patients in the hospital are often panicking about being sick enough to be in the hospital.) Your parents are wrong. You can't fix that. You don't have to fix that. Don't kill yourself. ❤. The future has nice things in store for you.
I'm glad you said hospitals aren't therapeutic. They are absolutely awful. It's a very punitive experience for anyone suffering enough to be suicidal. It says something about how sick our society is that we send those who are suffering the most to the hell that is forced hospitalization. That's why some countries like those in Scandanavia are investigating removing or minimizing any forced hospitalization except where it is absolutely protective such as someone in a manic phase clearly creating long term horrors for himself.
Haven’t heard about that, that they are investigating. Anyways, normally here, that means that things are staying the same although they spend a lot of the tax money on seeing if a change is needed. It’s the same policy here, my aunt was locked in against her will after her husband died. It won’t change.
And for a note, we have the most prescribed antidepressions meds out of all Europe. In italy it’s better because they think actually talking with a therapist is more important.
Been there. :O There's a lot of numbing that comes with that territory. I can tell you though that it can get better. Emotional processing takes practice -- funny how we're never really taught how to do it, and pick up bullshit ideas from our social rearing. XD
There is a term for that: "alexithymia." I struggled with the same thing in the past. You will read literature that suggests that because people with alexithymia have trouble knowing their own emotions, they are unempathetic to others. I disagree with that. There are many reasons people develop alexithymia, but most of it boils down to "I shouldn't be feeling (x, y, z emotions), so I won't." That doesn't mean you don't have emotions. It means you aren't processing them. If you keep that up, you lose the tether to your inner self. It took a long while for me to get in touch with my emotions again, but I did it by allowing myself to unmask when I was alone. If I had the thought "I shouldn't feel this," I would ask myself, "And why not? What's the harm in crying a bit if no one sees me?" I ALLOWED myself (yes, gave myself permission) to feel things when I was alone without trying to reason it away. I turned to songs and films I connected with, practiced fully feeling the emotions they brought up. After I could finally identify my emotions, I wrote about them in my journal, had entire conversations with myself about them. I say conversations because "I shouldn't feel (x)" is not a conversation. When I moved beyond that, there was a dialogue that had been bubbling beneath the surface I had not been aware of in years. Eventually I got to the point where I could share these thoughts with close confidants, but I am still careful with what I share. I don't know if any of this is of any help to you or whether it even makes sense, but I hope you find the way to listen to your emotions again.
Sometimes I tell my therapist that I'm doing better than I actually am because at that time I'm actually feeling good and don't feel like remembering the lows. What helps me is to make notes (I use Evernote) of my emotions during the week when I feel down, and I prepare myself to discuss those during the session. Also, writting the emotions pre-session is a way to process them, so it is therapeutic by itself, and combined to discussing it in the session is a double win. Edit: thanks for liking/commenting folks, it is a silly little thing but it made me feel less alone in my struggles
This is a really good suggestion! It makes sense that sometimes, when you see your therapist you actually DO feel better; sorta like going to see the doctor or take your pet to the vet and then *poof* no symptoms. XD I've definitely had the go through something awful, and then by the time the appointment comes up, it's resolved so...talking about it feels a bit moot. But I make a point to bring it up and share what the experience was like -- having notes and specific details to share definitely helps. Sometimes, just having that record is useful for figuring out what patterns are in play.
Right there with you on note-taking. I have ADHD and when working on getting the med and dose right, I've tried my best to write down anything I noticed with a date attached so my doctors and I have a timeline of what my symptoms look and feel like.
Hit close, I feel like each time I feel a little bit better in the moment it's just me lowering my guard, then getting hit by a very low mood without defense, getting my guard up and gradually letting it down as one moment I'll feel better, just for the cycle to repeat
I remember when I just started my therapy sessions with my current therapist. I felt like I was obligated to tell her about the sexual abuse I went through as a kid, but when I actually tried, the words got stuck in my throat, resulting in several minutes of me trying several times to form a sentence and not actually saying two words that are connected in any way. That want on until she told me it's okay to not be ready yet to talk about that, and we switched topics.
If you want to tell your therapist something and feel safe to do so, but it's hard, you can write it down and take it with you. I tend to cry a lot over even minor issues.
Reading the comments, I'm so grateful to my doctor. I saw her in order to finally have a professionnal diagnostic for my depression. After hearing me she told me I had to go to the mental hospital right tf now and "was there someone that could bring me or should she call an ambulance ?". I backed tf up saying "hell no I didn't planned to go to the hospital tonight, I'm not going", SHE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME AND SAID OK. I didn't want to go to the hospital cause I heard the stories, and was especially scared of my father's reaction (he doesn't really believe depression is real). So anyway I didn't go and two years of therapy later I feel better. I was already an adult though, I bet it would've been different if I was a child
I have a lot of problems regarding depression and wanting to kill myself that my parents refuse to acknowledge. I’m scared that if I even actually get a therapist and try telling them everything that I’ll be forced into a mental hospital which is a big fear of mine.
@@blitzboy2934 Well it all depends how old you are, and in wich country you live, cause the law isn't the same everywhere. For example personally I wasn't a danger to others at that time, but if I were, like idk if I told the doc I had a gun or something, or planned to unalive myself in a car accident, she would've been forced to send me to the hospital to protect innocent people, weather I agreed or not. But for therapists, based on some comments here, it seems to be the same pretty much everywhere, it's only when you confess that you are going to do it that the therapist is required to tell your parents (if you are a minor), or send you. If you're scared just tell them "I don't want to live", "I have no interrest in living", "living is painful" etc rather than "I want to 💀", it seems the same, but for a therapist it's wildly different. Also don't tell everything at first, ask the therapist what is their policy regarding this subject and if it doesn't correspond to what the laws of your country are saying, run
As a social worker and someone who has personally dealt with suicide and suicidal ideation, it is SO important to have the discussion of what their procedure is early on. Thank you Kati for taking the harm reduction, trauma informed approach when it comes to suicidality, while also understand your ethical obligation and thank you for informing those who watch you about the RIGHT way to approach suicidality (in my opinion). The therapist I had for a long time understood if I was having a panic attack and said “I don’t want to be here” or “I want to die”, she would de-escalate me and I’d be able to tell her hey, I’m safe, I was just freaking out. Whereas when I went to the ER during a panic attack and said “I don’t want to be here” (as in the exact same room they put me in after an attempt), they IMMEDIATELY put me on a pink slip (irrespective of me telling them what I meant by the statement), and shipped me off to the most unethical, traumatizing mental hospital. On the other hand, I’ve been to an okay mental hospital after an attempt (twice) and genuinely needed to be there.
Which is precisely why I would never tell a therapist I was suicidal. Their attempts to “help” are as likely as not to worsen the problem(s) that lead you to the brink
The first time I got sent to a psych ward for suicidality, the psychiatrist I saw told me I couldn't be depressed because I still enjoyed my hobbies sometimes. He told me he thought I was just faking to get out of work and wouldn't sign a doctors note to excuse my absence. The next time my dad took me to the psych ward I was understandably very very anxious about it :/ Thankfully I told the psychiatrist then what the previous one had said and they apologized and said no one should ever talk to me like that... But gave some perspective, that she thinks that what he meant was I don't have clinical depression, but BPD which has depressive episodes instead, because clinical depression would have made me not enjoy my hobbies anymore and not feel at all where BPD has intense swings
When I needed to talk about suicidal thoughts or self-harm, I learned very quickly to begin by saying "I'm not at risk of suicide or self-harm, I don't have any inclinations, but I've been having some thoughts about it lately." Otherwise, yeah, you suddenly end up finding yourself on a 5150 72-hour hold involuntarily. Which is sometimes ironically the very thing that will drive you to follow through on those thoughts the moment they release you.
Guys, how to deal with the therapist whom each time pushes you to uncomfortable dark questions? Over and over. I am afraid each time that if i don't answer, it will damage the progress. Is there any way to limit the harmful exposure, and to leave the therapist only with the technically sufficient information - and reliably denying any further unnecessary exposure that causes subjective harm and distress?
@@D.2023 Well, the therapist will tell you that by not confronting those uncomfortable issues, you are impeding your own progress. It kind of depends on which you find more distressing--confronting the dark issues, or holding onto them. Tell them what you want to tell them, and don't be afraid to tell them you don't want to broach a certain topic. A good therapist will give you that space. Just my $.02 worth
my therapist, at the end of some sessions, would ask me if i lied to her that day most of the times the answer was "yes", she would let me know that it's ok if i need more time to open up completely and wouldnt try to make me tell the truth or what i lied about that really helped me gain more confidence and feel like i could trust what i was really thinking to her
I was about to say the same, but to many people this is not easy to extract from a single line, stating: “avoid lies”. Therefore the video is quite nice to have. =)
False! 🤦🏻 If a crime already happened, therapists can NOT disclose a patient’s communication of admission. If the patient threatens with (further) FUTURE violence against themselves or others is when an obligation to PREVENT rises. Therapists (like any other citizen) are not obligated to be snitches.
I've only once had the courage to break the ice and go to therapy through my previous faculty. I've reluctantly but bravely shared that I've gone through a period in my life where I had almost committed suicide and the therapist cut me off and said something along the lines of "...Ok just so you know, if you do decide to commit suicide, we're not responsible." I was shocked and never went to therapy again. I hope to find a good therapist someday but not only is it expensive, it's a huge gamble. A lot of people working in that field are not qualified to do so, to say the least. And I never want to go through that again.
I’m so sorry that your previous therapist was more devoted to liability against being sued than your well being. I hope someday you can find a form of therapy or mental health assistance that works for you and respects you and your needs.
What you say is true. I had a real loser back in the 90's. He did more harm than good. But once you find a good one, your life will change for the better.
I was sent to a therapist as a child. When I mentioned an incident of abuse where my step mother threw my little brother down the stairs and then was kicking him in the face, she called me a liar, called my parents in and forced me to accuse them to their face. Of course, I got the shit beat out of me when I got home. I wouldn’t talk to anyone like that if you held a gun on me. Sorry, you seem like a nice person but I could never take that chance
Say samething like that to the face of your own abuser? How? Why? That does not make any sense! Sure it is against something! At least common sense. Even standing little kids in the playground and letting them confront each other is a long overcome thing at least by pros. Very sorry you had to go throuhg that!
@@Vanda-il9ul It was a fundamental Christian thing. “ honor thy father and mother”. I went to the principal in my elementary school to ask for help and that was what he told me. Then he gave me the strap which was a leaded strap of conveyor belt they would beat your hand with. After they were finished, your hand would be swollen up and bruised and you couldn’t close it for several days. That was when they believed on corporal punishment in schools. He told me if he ever heard me dishonoring my parents again, I would be strapped again. This was in Canada in the early 1960s. This was the same time the churches were running all the Indian schools and killed all those young Indian children.
Most professionals in the field are total narcissists.. and have zero ability for psychoanalysis - wouldn’t know who is lying v. who is telling the truth. Psychology is VERY real. But the professional of psychology? A disgrace It attracts some of the worst people.
I am SO SORRY. They should’ve NEVER done that shit to you. I think if you really need a way to express your emotions you could journal! That’s what I do anyway and it really helps without having all the risk that comes with a therapist
I loved my psychologist for #4. Whenever she would suggest something that made me tense up, she would ask: "okay, what thoughts are popping up right now?" Or sometimes, "what's stopping you from wanting to try this right now?" I absolutely loved it, because it kept the conversation going while still validating my fears or hesitations. In that way, we've adjusted many a strategy or tool into something I felt comfortable with (and sometimes we didn't need to change it at all, just my mindset)
my therapist does the same! whenever she feels i tense up, or she hears that i go quiet for a long period of time; she always says “what thoughts are popping up?” i think it’s good, it makes me feel comfortable
I'm talking princesses who want the paycheck... I have no time for rich girls who have no real life experience. Hard knocks is earned not learned, sorry katy
@@zachwilson9824 but you should be fair and say that nobody should become a therapist then. Those who had it easy in life can't relate to their patients and those with hardships won't even make it that far. It's complete bs.
in america they hold people for 48 hours for 0 reasons at all to try to put them in a section or title (every state its own number) i know montana and massachusetts both section 12 i know most states and that happened since obama destroyed the hospitals it used to be for suicide watch but now they try to unbankrupt the hospitals that way and biden made that impossible
dont know about my comment being on hold or the government eating it from my other channel but in america it used to be 48 hours and now that applies to no matter what unless somebody smart enough to sign nothing
I think it's important to remember that therapists and other health professionals have that "power" to protect the patient. The "certain things" the patient could say that would lead to using that power are about having an immediate plan. Saying something like "I sometimes think the world would be better off without me" or "I don't see any reason to live" or even "I know it's not going to get better and I can't take it any longer" are different from "I've given away my valuables, my mom is watching my cats, I've said good bye, I'm just waiting for my roommates to leave for the weekend". I would rather Cherise and Greg had been involuntarily committed rather than memorialized. If you are having thoughts of suicide, or hopelessness you should share them with your therapist or other health professionals earlier so that it doesn't come to an involuntary hold commitment. If you are struggling with intrusive thoughts of suicide but you aren't planning suicide, you should share that too. There is help for you. And I hope that help doesn't come as a involuntary commitment; especially if you are sincerely not an immediate danger to yourself or others, but if you are an immediate danger to yourself I am so sorry but I do hope you are involuntarily committed. It is awful and I wish it wasn't. I wish every hospital mental health ward had properly staffed beds with compassionate nurses, social workers and support staff. So yes, be aware that a therapist may have the power to commit a patient to an involuntary hold if they say certain things about suicidal ideation. But please don't be afraid of it or hide any thoughts because of it. Be honest and upfront about any thoughts of suicide because involuntary commitment is not the first choice of help, it is not the only option until it is. I'm sorry for the rant. I know people who have been involuntarily committed. I know it was scary and a bad experience and I sincerely don't wish their experiences on anyone. But I know people who weren't committed too. And I can still call the people who were.
@@CurseTheDarkness actually the child either decides and no case or fifty fifty the time when there needs to be a court case when the parent known to be abusive and somebody fights for pure rights against the childs wishes almost always fifty fifty and i knew a child who got to choose and decided mom over dad but i think saw both but didnt want to switch from house to house (school might have been a factor) very rare for a witness stand to be around
30 years of PTSD therapy....whether it was my wonderful therapist or in the hospital; I just couldn't let them know how badly I was doing at home. I would over medicate like a crazy woman....I could not let them think that they were not helping me...but around year 20 I had a therapist who helped by allowing me to hold up a sign saying that I wasn't feeling well...aka...not going well. It really helped.
In the public system in my country they tell you that they are helping you and that you will get it sooner or later and that's that. The therapist I got simply told me that she understands what I am saying, though I never saw any sign of that and none of her actual responses were any indication. I was too scared to find a new one because I barely even got this one. There was a process involved and I was only given therapy after lengthy appeals which I was scared I was not going to make through again.
I love that I can actually talk about anything with my therapist and that she has never judged me or made a weird face. Even with hard topics such as suicide or sexuality. I feel safe with her. Therapy changed my life ❤
Same with me and my therapist. Only thing I've found VERY difficult is telling of very dirty and or taboo sexual needs. I really wish there was a way to test these subjects.
That is so nice. I wonder what it feels like not being judged. While this was what my therapist preached, I felt so judged by her many times. Some sessions were great, some sessions I felt worse than before I walked in. There were times I actually was so offended by her judgement I was mad for weeks afterwards. She always say the key was to mirror, validate, empathize. But when she tried to do that to me (mirroring what I have just said and attempt to validate ...etc.) it just felt like she was patronizing me and clearly she wasn't even listening. I think I might have continued to go see her but the pandemic hits and it was worse doing the sessions virtually. So I stopped. She was a nice lady though.
My eyes widened at #3. I have BPD and I feel that way. Only I don’t lie about it. I straight up will say “I’m afraid to get better sometimes because it makes me fear the end of our relationship. It would feel like abandonment even though I know it isn’t.” The good thing for my therapist is that I’m super articulate and not shy. 😂
Ikr do NOT REFER ME TO someone else ahhh nightmare haha But I try to be really honest, I'm paying someone to help me and being dishonest is generally going to backfire
Therapy is hard and I almost never trust a male therapist. One man I was in therapy with years ago kept inviting me to dinner. I couldn't trust him. I felt that he used my information against me when I explained my inability to refuse sexual advances from strangers. I should be able to change therapists if I'm uncomfortable. I'm also afraid of what they know about me, and that's scary too. Thank you, Katie, it's hard not to lie at times, particularly if I think it could land me back on the ward. I wish you had been my therapist.
Friend of mine was forced admission for suicidal thoughts when he was younger. It is protocol for people who "are a real danger to themselves or others" in my country. But I can imagine people not wanting to be forced to do something, even if it's in their best interest. After all, someone having thoughts of self-harm or suicide doesn't mean they're going to do it. The fact that they're openly expressing it actually shows deep down they don't want to do it... they just don't want to feel so sad anymore. Someone who is really intent on dying doesn't tell anyone, because they don't want anyone to stop them. I'm saying this as someone who used to auto-mutilate and was depressed and suicidal for years. Never saw a psychiatrist for either. The few people that cared about me saved me from it. They gave me such meaningful experiences that I couldn't throw away an unwritten future and all the good it might still hold. I auto-mutilated to have control over my pain. The physical pain was an outlet for my emotional pain. I'm definitely not advising anyone does this. I'm just saying that's how it felt. It was relaxing to see the blood seep out of my arm, knowing it was pain that I chose, rather than pain other people chose for me. When I decided to stop, I carried around the knife for months without using it. Like walking around with a pack of cigarettes without smoking any. Just having it there was enough to give me that sense of control, that peace of mind. And when I put it in a box and stopped carrying around, it was because I had created the same control without having to hurt myself. People can still hurt me. But if they do it's nothing I haven't felt before, and if someone hurts me intentionally my grief is only there to teach me to stay away from them. Now, decades later, I see emotions as a warning system and a diagnostic tool. They are a part of me that I don't have agency over. I don't suppress my emotions but I don't let them dominate me either. I feel what I feel, then I figure out why I feel what I feel, and then I act according to my expectations and intent towards the future. I'll probably be depressed many times to come (I'm a kind-hearted fool who sees and cares too much), but I doubt I'll ever be suicidal again. I've decided long ago that I'll take the ride of life, wherever it takes me, and see it through. No point deciding if it was all worth it until its natural conclusion. Best of luck to anyone who reads this. There is a serene lake to be found, where we challenge and change the parts of life within our influence and accept the parts of life outside of it. And if someone's hurting you, but you're afraid of living independently, I can say that it will have its challenges, but it is infinitely better than being someone's (emotional or physical) punching bag. You're not to blame for someone else hurting you. The problem originates within them. And when you leave them, you'll still have to treat your scars, but the pain will stop accumulating.
Sometimes the root cause of lying to your therapist is because other therapists reject you after you finally get the confidence and trust them enough to admit to them that you want help with this major thing. Back before the Covid pandemic, where you saw your therapist in person; I finally built enough trust with my therapist to finally confess that I have a problem I want help fixing. I broke down in tears, spilling my guts, crying, saying I want help because I know this is wrong but I need to stop bottling this up. This therapist switched me to a different therapist, after I spilled my guts because I finally felt comfortable enough to admit I need help; I get stabbed with this ice cold knife of indirectly saying "I can't deal with you." My therapist didn't directly say it but her saying something like "this will be our last session, I'm switching you to a different therapist" at the end of our session; again I was shocked at the reaction of horror after spilling my guts so I don't remember exactly what my therapist said. So, I just lie and realize I'll never get help getting totally over my trauma because if I ever tell a therapist again that my trama has scared me so deeply; I'll get dropped like a boiling hot potato and kicked to someone else.... so why ruin the trust and comfort I spent years building up, by admitting I have a deeper wound. Ya just will get kicked to someone else who you will need to build trust up enough with to feel comfortable to soothe the surface scars, talk to again about the trauma and dig into the layers of your trama again.
Vulnerability is hard, especially when it has backfired or our trust has been betrayed in the past. I've struggled with it before, and I'm still working on it now. Just know that there are good therapists out there who could be a better match for you. If you aren't ready to open up about something, that’s ok; there’s no shame in that. If you're struggling to open up or be vulnerable, that could be a good place to start with your therapist. The other stuff can follow whenever you are ready. Just keep fighting, and don't give up. I believe in you!!
Another root cause of lying is that an abusive family system may have taught us to lie throughout our childhood in order to protect ourselves or them. Until we feel we can trust someone, this is how life is. I'm thankful that I've finally found a therapist I can trust and am now able to tell her things I've never been able to talk about with other therapists - and I'm 60+ years old!
Idk, you have taken that a personally. Maybe the therapist realized that they are out of their depths. Trying to help someone that you can't, can sometimes make things worse.
MY ISSUES HAVE BEEN "THEY HEAR WHAT THEY WANT", WITHOUT NOTATING THE TRUE SITUATION. I have been disrespected and treated so badly from silence, emotions: sad,tears,upset, and judged. I am aware signs that need to ne looked for. However, my Dr NOT therapist was attempting to DX me with Bipolar as I explained I am understood why my PCP placed that but it was not a proper evaluation only me stating what I was feeling. The person of this convo went on telling how she observe the DX within me. I asked her more indebt questions and without a care in the world based off her demeanor, language and speech DID NOT CARE! I read the notes she taken and realized once again incomplete notes. I also made statements that she missed but I realize I am my own advocate prioritizing my Heavenly Faith First. I understand everyone do not follow nor feel the same. My point is anytime I have questions or debate humbly (that's important) I am seen as unruly, not following behavior contracts when I am only asking questions and correcting mistakes. Constructive Criticism is fine by me but Criticism and never Constructive is an issue all because I have been 'LABELED'!! I use to be proud that I chose a plan an option for my health treatment along with extra curricular positive activities. It has came to my attention this doesn't matter when the focus is the circle of insurance payments and money paid involved!
My therapist knows everything about me and it’s such a relief that I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. She has been so supportive and helpful in my journey to heal.
While the advice in this video might make logical sense, this is actually easily said than done if you don't have access to good mental health programs. If you're using Medicaid in an area where the few options have more cases than they can handle and the counselors are overworked... saying the wrong thing can lead to what feels like punishment because next thing you're being told they can't service you anymore and you need to go elsewhere. You try to call other places, and they're also telling you they can't help you for one reason or the other for answering a question the wrong way. It honestly feels like a way to quickly thin the herd by asking you a set of questions they know you'll get wrong because you have no idea why they're asking. That's when you start to figure that maybe you should not share as much and only stick to a couple of things in order to get SOME help, because some help is maybe better than no help. Granted, I'm starting to think that bad help is worse than zero help. My point is, a lot of people lie because all the red tape doesn't really allow for full honesty. I'm sure this is different in private practices, and might even vary from state to state... but keep in mind that a ton of people are reacting to a system that has maybe shattered the spirits of those who went into the profession in the first place, and those people in return shatter those who go to them for help. It's like an abusive parent who was also abused as a child and the cycle continues.
100% agree. The public mental health system and government funded organisations in many countries are less than desirable. Private practice is very different and I think that's the place Kati is coming from.
Yeah I was honest and ended up out of any therapy for over a year because nobody would help me because my case was too complicated. If someone would treat the ed, they couldn't do the bpd, if someone could do the bpd, they couldn't do the Ed, and so on. Then I finally found someone who would work with me and I've come so far. Even though I still struggle, I'm attempt free for over a year now (huge for me) thanks to her
It makes me wonder if many of us would be better off with peer-run groups that aren't exclusive... in the way that AA is structured. Alanon or LSAA are probably options for most of us.
I've had several situations where professionals disregarded ethics and either were abusive, unethical ...one even suggested they would like to fulfil their fantasy with me. I avoided receiving any kind of treatment for years because of broken trust and now am having to deal with health issues that require treatment. I'm trying, once again, to approach this with an open mind by talking with my new doctor, who so far has checked all the ethical boxes and being supportive, and new therapist after many years without - still kind of getting to know her. It's damm hard work building trust when some in the system have been abusive.
@@marisamartin3664 He was reported by several women as well as myself - and he's long gone. Never saw jail, but lost everything including his pension, and future jobs in the career he was working in. Last job was pumping gas. He died about 5 years ago, maybe more.
In 2020 my best friend died in a fire. I had depression before (I was never diagnosed until then but I believe it started all the way back in school). His death, lockdown and the high demands in my work (nurse) finally pushed my into a mental breakdown and I decided to seek help. Most therapists didn't even see me and gave the reason to have no capacities for new patients. One saw me and it was awful for me. While she actually gave me a written diagnosis for depression the talk was really aggravating for me. She did a good job on the assessment, it took about nearly one and a half hours, but in the end she didn't look at me once and asked "so, how do you want me to help you?" Ok, fair question, making sure where I stand and such... I told her I know that I had to put the work into it but hoped she could give me guidelines, teach me possible coping machanisms I might not have thought of or didn't know or such. That I wanted to learn ways to handle this in a healthier way than not being able to leave the bed. She looked at me and said: "and how do you think I should do that? What kind of therapie do you think we should do?" At that point my mind was like Lady, if I knew that I would be a therapist and would have no need for therapie. I get compliance and all that stuff after all I work in the medical field, but I shouldn't have to tell my therapist how to do his/her job. In the end I never went again and worked on it on my own. Luckily I had a very understanding and helpful partner.
Sounds like a nightmare. The lockdowns were hard, especially on the mental health system. There were shortages both in meds and qualified personnel. I read that psych facilities here in NYC had gotten MUCH worse. Even fancy private hospitals were very subpar. Just remember, where there is life there is hope.
My therapist abandoned me when I was in a really bad situation in my life and relapsed on substances after I told her a bit later about it. Therapists are rare here and I needed 9 months to find another one. If I would ever relapse again I would not tell it anyone, unfortunately.
I decided to go back to therapy and today was my first day with my therapy and the first thing she did before allowing me to speak freely was explain patient confidentiality! I already knew all this but I’m still glad she went over it with me!
One of my first therapists threatened me to delay my majority age (to avoid that I could relaese myself). I was 17 at that time, highly anorexic, depressed and seriously underweight. My mother forced-tricked me into hospital and therapy-wise, looking back it is obvious how it could never work out. Well, I gained weight, because I was helpless against it, but in therapy I held back a lot. I was terrified of the threat and never told anything that I feared could be used "against me" and thus delay my majority. I still don't know how realistic that possibility would actually have been, but it scared me enough to not risk anything. So most of the therapy was pretending and trying to guess what the thereapist would want to hear, and mostly, not saying a word about the darkest thoughts. Now, decades later, I am glad that I have a really good therapist whom I trust completely and that I can be honest with him, tell everything. Still difficult, but without that trust there is not even a chance of improving.
Therapy might work in that you are an adult, not connected in any way to a career or a forced counseling, it might work. I have no idea as I've never had real therapy that wasn't pushed on my and made mandated on me. I feel I was so much more stable than any of the therapists, they seemed off-kilter or just off and at least harmful , at best just money grubbing.
Reading all the comments by people who were forcibly hospitalized, I'm feeling even more lucky with my therapist. He reacted very calmly to my confession, asked about and helped me express my reasoning, and helped me regulate my own emotions.
I am so lucky to have an incredibly compassionate therapist, i have a great respect for anyone who can commit such time and energy into helping us get better
If your abuser is narcissistic and elderly, such as a grandparent, they will almost always claim they are being abused and you are the abuser. They can use therapy or any means of systems that are supposed to protect people against you.
Was in some sort of school-sanctioned therapy from the time I was in 4th grade to my first year of college. Every bright-eyed therapist I saw over the years tried their little hearts out to make CBT work for me. I felt like a failure bc nothing they did for me worked. We tried every single trick and I was still having multiple meltdowns a week through my senior year of high school, and I struggled with friendships and such constantly. It got to the point where the staff just started throwing me into a little room and locking it when I was having a meltdown and the social worker was unavailable. I haven’t been in therapy for over a year, although I do speak to a psychiatrist every 8-12 weeks for medication and a case worker twice a year. Not being in therapy anymore has given me a chance to think for myself and look back at what was/is still going on with me. I decided to drop out of college this spring at the end of my sophomore year, so I’ve had even more time (apart from having a job) to work on myself. After hours of research and discussions with both my psychiatrist and case manager, turns out I’m fucking autistic!! They’ve referred me to a specialist to see about getting a diagnosis
i m not allowed too return home without a gold alert and then being possibly forced too return too this community. I'm not from here I've been here 30 years, town is dull and xenophobic. Not much progress here. Different culture southern and myself am Midwestern. Town known for xenophobia. At least the mental health authorities understand what it is too be an outsider. In contrast the last city was fellowship all week long I believe it's geographic
Always be very careful about what you say and don't assume a mental hospital is a good one or it has your best interest in mind. Things to keep in mind: My son was once threatened by a psychiatrist with one year of lock up in a mental hospital unless he consented to electric shock therapy. Yes, it still happends in the US and he had the shock therapy. That happened in Florida. Years later he went voluntarily to a mental hospital and he never came out alive. An autopsy later showed that he died of Clozopine toxcicity due to an accidental overdose given to him by staff. That happened in Arizona. Nothing was ever done to the hospital even though I was later told by various case managers that they, "wouldn't take their dog there."
I'm a therapist and I have my own bad therapist story. It happened in my teens. I didn't go back until I was almost 30 and it helped me enough that it motivated me to become a therapist. If you had a bad experience, I encourage you to try again. Get recommendations from people you know if you can. Think of initial session as an interview. Ask the therapist about their philosophy and approach. Just like with any relationship, if you see red flags don't ignore them. And if you don't click, move on. A good therapist will understand and will not take this personally.
Some things are really embarrassing to tell anyone. If a therapists asks you a question and it makes you uncomfortable or it is embarrassing to you what I have found helps me instead of lying about it is to just say that you would rather not talk about it. This gives you both an opening. The therapist knows there is something there and how to tread lightly and you do not have to blast out these things that may need to be handled in a different way. Example: I have PTSD and some of the trauma that I have my therapist NEVER asks me about. The reason is because after that hour is up they get to move on and I have to sit with my trauma again. So instead she knows SOMETHING is there and when I need to say something I will. So instead of lying to keep from opening a wound or embarrassing yourself just let them know that it is something you may need some time on and I have found that they understand that.
One time I was brutally honest with a therapist and they fired me. I was asking for help with my teenage daughter and told her I felt so helpless. She fired me instead of suggesting things. Worst therapist ever. It sucked. Made me feel so ashamed.
The ending of the therapy was probably done in your own best interest. What if the subject matter was too provoking or hard for whatever reason, what if the therapist felt they weren't best placed to support you? If they didn't want to give a reason then they were probably trying to maintain boundaries.
@@Musarrat19 That's a massive leap and an assumption that doesn't match with what she just said. She was asking for help and felt helpless. If the therapist wasn't able to offer that help, they would have said so, and likely offered a referral elsewhere. They could have suggest the daughter start seeing a therapist, for example. They can't just can you and shut the door; very unprofessional. Has nothing to do with keeping "her best interests" in mind or maintaining boundaries. Too provoking?? Then get a new job or clarify what type of work you do. Ridiculous.
@@nyx9875 this is also a massive speculation because the only information we were given was that their sessions were terminated. It could have been anywhere from "oh you're having child problems? Get out my office immediately! I never want you here again!" or it could have been a discussion leading to dismissal and maybe even referrals which would be suggestions but to the patient's interpretation not suggestions with the problem the patient wanted. Regardless we don't know anything about this case other than the sessions were terminated and how the patient felt about it. (Which is also an inference because they told us "fired")
These comments make me glad for my therapist. I was never suicidal per se, so I can’t speak on that, but he definitely respected that shit needed worked out
Things not to tell therapists: - natural and meaningful negative thoughts due to an underlying circumstance Things to tell therapists: - surface level meaningless events in your life such as “josh made fun of my hair” or “my mom and dad sometimes yell at each other while I’m sleeping”
True! Also don't tell them if you think something is wrong with what they say as they're extremely sensitive about their own competence and mind-reading skills.
@@sylwiapro2791If the therapist thinks that way they should be fired or switch therapists. NEVER stick to a therapist with that mindset. If you feel that therapist isn’t helping you then tell them and they can recommend one that they think will benefit you.
One of the issues I was seeking therapy for was my dismissal/minimization of my issues. Therapy was used against me by my abusive mother. Part of it is also wanting to believe I'm doing better than I am. I didn't realize I was doing it recently and my therapist actually suggested meeting every other week "since I'm doing so good" I've also had multiple therapists fire me cuz my issues were too difficult for them to help me with. So there's a fear that sharing everything will make them leave too.
Seek out a real psychic or card reader.... far better and quicker answers on how to proceed in life, plus no "control-grid" licensee protecting their paycheck or workin'papers (license to charge insurance companies for services rendered) at the disrespect of your confidence and trust. 💁Rule by insurance companies, or license boards is never a good medical or psychological treatment strategy.
@@JLu20please don’t suggest this to people, I know many people believe in things like that, but I don’t think it’s going to help in place of therapy. People often seek out things like physics as a last resort and can end up doing or thinking things that aren’t safe or healthy for them.
@@luigiprovencher You've never been fired by a therapist? Damn, lucky you. I've gotten fired by a couple now because they didn't feel qualified to help me (and one because they took it as an insult when I said I've had bad experiences with therapists, told me the problem was obviously that I wasn't trying hard enough and that if I was going to adopt that sort of attitude I needed to see someone else, but that lasted all of one session so I usually don't count it)
It's so sad to hear of people having difficult experiences with their therapists but encouraging that others have great experiences with theirs. Never give up on yourself and your life. If it didn't work out with one person, it'll work with another. I've been going for two years and it's helped me out significantly
As someone recovered from an eating disorder, I can definitely say that the urge to lie is huge! The eating disorder serves as a coping mechanism for difficult things in life, and in a way, it feels like a therapy. Following the ed's voice is so tempting because it offers (false)-feelings of security, control, and stress alleviation like how therapy does. However, the eating disorder also slowly breaks you down both physically and mentally, so at first it feels so good, but then you realize how bad it is, and yet you cannot stop your behaviors. Those behaviors include lying, because you do not want to let go of your ed, or rather, your ed does not want to let go of you. Studies have shown that those who suffer w eds actually have high IQs, and so of course lying comes naturally to many of us because of our fast brains (of course, the sicker you are, the less lies you'll be able to come up w because your brain is starved and doesn't work properly). All that is to say that holy crap was a good lier. My ability to make up a lie and dictate my body language and voice to make it supwer believable was scarily good. However, that's the reason I graduated with no friends, having wasted four years of my life to tend to my ed's wants and desires. Having an ed is scary, and it makes you dpo things that you would have never have done otherwise. Dont lie to your therapists people. If you don't like them/vibe with them/ feel safe with them, get a new one rather than waste your money and your life lying.
Also be aware that Therapists are “mandated reporters”. This means anything that leads them to believe something bad is going on forces them by law, to report it to social services. Most people in therapy don’t realize how many times Division of Family Services gets reports about them. It’s just that DFS tends to not investigate very many because they are understaffed.
I said I was having suicidal thoughts before and was sent to the hospital. It made things WAY WAY WAY worse, and it is the reason I no longer want to open up in therapy. I realized I have no free will, and the government will do whatever they want to clean up the trash that I am. I feel horrible about it. The only thing I like to do is journal. I really don’t trust anybody else with my thoughts.
It's been a while since I thought this, but there were times in the past when if I had told my therapist every time I had a suicidal impulse I never would have left the hospital.
This all presumes the therapist is reliable, healthier than you are, not arrogant, and generally knows what they’re talking about. Not reliable assumptions for many or most therapists. There are good ones out there, but are probably extremely rare.
I rolled my eyes at the title of the video, but everything in here was stuff that actually made my therapy sessions more efficient and helped me progress a lot better.
i struggled for most of my life.then about a year ago i met a caseworker and a Dr that turned out to be lifesavers. i can literally tell them anything,ive strongly disagreed ,they stuck with me,on the really bad days without fail,they are there.I finally found REAL help.
I remember I had a therapist when I went to this long-term mental facility for minors before I turned 18 years old. My mental health was terrible at the time, and to top that off, I was given the wrong medication. Therefore, I was having psychotic episodes and getting intrusive thoughts, feelings, and urges to attack people, even if they were just coughing. Two of them were my crush and her partner. I told my therapist about this, but she just said, "I think it's just you." Like, WTF?
My meds made me get urges to hurt people as well! And insomnia, and anxiety, and I couldn’t eat much. That’s why I came off them. Worse than the bloody disorder.
I feel like there are too many therapists in the field who don’t actually want to help people for some reason. Like, they just want the paycheck. It isn’t how it should be, but I feel like it’s slowly changing. Luckily the first therapist I got as an adult is amazing but I understand that there are some therapists out there who aren’t as amazing
@@gethelp6271 and the worst thing is that these exact kinds of "people" have the least trouble getting their therapist qualifications. Actually understanding, logical and compassionate therapists are few and far between, and tend to burn out much faster, for obvious reasons.
Do not tell them you have suicidal ideation or anything like that because it will follow and haunt you from that point on, or you could be forcibly institutionalized when you many not need it (you know if you need it or you don't). On a totally different note, I have reached the point in therapy where my therapist said she has exhausted all her options and she wants me to see a psychiatrist but I am unwilling to do so for a number of various reasons, so I am about to unfortunately do the right thing and stop seeing her. I'm stuck in my rut and she has essentially told me if I can't see the psychiatrist we can keep talking in circles if we want, but it had been about 2 years of her seeing me, and it has basically made the impression on me that I am hopeless to be fixed. I cannot burden her or waste her time anymore. I am depressed and hate myself totally, but I cannot justify abusing her time and services adn energy. I have officially lost all hope to even be better. Funniest part, is I have no intention of telling her my true feelings. I am going to amicably tell her I think I can do well on my own from this point forward.
your therapist actually cares so much about you, know why? she recognizes that you need more than she can give you and wants to get you the help you deserve, not because of hate. she has gone out of her way to get you in good hands because you definately deserve it you've come a long way and been through a lot of shit so don't give up now
ngl she sounds like she sucks. i had a therapist like that for two years as well and she had no idea what she was doing another two years later i got a new therapist who actually gave a shit about what was going on in my brain and even managed to figure out that I was suicidal but knew that forced hospitalization would make it so much worse and gave me resources to handle it better
I'm beyond help. I can't be fixed. I can't see a psych, but I came to terms and gave up hope of the life I want for myself. I briefly stopped therapy but managed to find a new issue that I can talk to her about. Just regular talk therapy is good for my anxiety and my life in general, even though my actual self esteem and hope will never be possible. @@condensedmilk28
you are so lucky because that is gonna go on a record of some kind and your therapist is a mandated reporter, i can't believe she didn't have you sent off (no offense, genuine reaction) @@planta-ray
I have been in therapy for over 30 years. Im in my 40s. Let me share some things. Try out different therapists find one you feel comfortable with, there is all sorts of kinds. Dont try to impres your therapist. And there is different types of therapy. Never see the same therapist as a family member or maybe even people you talk about with them. It puts them in an awkward spot if the agree to at all. At the end of the day i wish you all safe travels on the road to a happier you.
Very insightful observations, particularly in "Don't try to impress your therapist." I would like to add that this isn't only in the TRYING to show your self-awareness and intelligence, then dismiss it with wry humor. It's also in "the props" one carries into the room in which the consultation or analysis is taking place: a well worn copy of a novel, symbols of financial security or affluence, and even in the timbre of voice in which we chose academic language and smooth away the local accent one that is less "place-able" in terms of locale and social class. It''s great to be able to clearly get across the level at which you are functioning, but putting on a performance blinds you, the paying client, to the interview you're conducting in vetting a capable, compatible human who is actively listening, asking questions without speaking over you or interrupting.
I love all of this. I remember once when I had admitted myself to the hospital and was sent to a college counselor for follow-up though and she had me sign a suicide/self harm contract though and honestly it just made me feel like she didn't understand or believe the severity of how I was feeling. If I'm feeling suicidal and it's to a point where I'm actually at risk, having signed a contract or a piece of paper isn't going to stop me and it felt really fake to go through those motions as though it was legally binding somehow. I would have felt a lot more supported with just promising not to do those things person to person. That said, I'm still here though, so who knows?
Willing to contract to not harm yourself is like a thing... Like it's on the list of things you're supposed to do as a health care provider and like statistically the person is less likely to kill themselves if they contract not to. (I'm a nurse and it's on one of the suicide risk assessment things like "Is patient willing to contract not to hurt themselves? Yes/no") So nothing personal. She was just doing one of the things we're supposed to do. We're all just shootin in the dark here. 😉
A perfectly timed video for me, thank you! I swear TH-cam must be listening to my phone 24/7 as I was just chatting to a couple of friends today about my very uncomfortable first intake/assessment appointment with a new, supposed trauma specialist psychologist today. It was a 3-hour appointment. (Waaaay longer than my attention span or energy levels could handle). I'd been referred to him for EMDR therapy for PTSD and CPTSD. Apart from the first 30-minutes of me giving him the bullet points version of my psychiatric history, the rest of the session was a very long-winded sales pitch by him on how EMDR works and him rambling on and drawing weird diagrams and notes to demonstrate his points. I just zoned out and then he'd click his fingers and use a "naughty kid" condescending voice on me saying "Lisa, I need you to come back to me now." Then he diagnosed me with DID, which I had never heard of but looked it up when I got home; it's Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) because he said I was very easily triggered and dissociative multiple times during our session! Yeah dude, having PTSD makes you dissociate, especially if you seem to be treating me like a naughty kid and, against your position of "specialist", I'd rather freeze than call you out on it! It all ended with him showing me the long list of benefits the treatment would give me and then asked me what I was prepared to "give up" to have them. I didn't understand, he said "financially", how much could I commit to the extensive treatment my level of Disorder required. I was shocked! I'm homeless and live in an RV on disability and he was asking me to "give something up!" Needless to say I won't be going back there!
#5 never tell your therapist that you are suicidal becuase they will have you arrested and you'll end up with a huge hospital bill which wont help your depression and anxiety at all because most people can't afford a big hospital bill.
Right and forcing pills on you and trapping you in a hospital jail is sooooo helpful. Oh then the doctor you suffer through days to see tells you you’re delusional when you say you feel awful and your legs are numb. Yeah $8,000 for that. The help hurts makes it worse and this is a barbaric reality that too many people are ignorant to who promote this system. Its horrible.
@@Mysticacreator Maybe, but I think part of the counterpoint is that a bad hospitalization can simultaneously manage to NOT make a person less suicidal, add layers onto existing trauma, and can mean a person is never honest to a therapist again. You can read some proper horror stories in the other top comments. If I had a suicidal friend, it would make me terrified to recommend therapy... The thing that makes me so mad is that the people who are the most broken are also the ones who can least defend themselves against bad practice. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO ABOUT THAT?! They can't set boundaries, don't know how to read red flags... to a bad actor therapist (or even just an incompetent one), they can be a feeding buffet and a money-faucet to boot! But if a person CAN set boundaries, do research to learn about the risks of therapy (everything in life has risk), if you are only mildly damaged or have worked through some of your material yourself, I think the chances of getting taken advantage of go down... and it kind of pisses me off. It's just frustrating how backward that seems (as someone with probably relatively fewer issues to work through than someone with recurring suicidal thoughts).
I have lied to my therapist once. Basically, I got tortured by a demonic entity but said an ex boyfriend did that to me. I lied because I felt embarrassed over the unique, seemingly unheard of situation. When I told him and apologized he said it was appreciated. And now he has been helping me through the trauma. Best doctor I ever had
@@M-rw9en She entered my life out of the blue and had put me through years of torture. I have gained scars on my body from it but most were psychological. I can never forget that time of my life. Thankfully my relationship with the demonic entity is better now. I was able to stand up for myself and she isn't doing that to me anymore. Her main reason was because she was angry at God but has recently made amends with Him. He offered her a place back in heaven and said her role to me is now a guardian angel. Even so I'll never forget the things she did to me
@@RipRip-f1s this demonic entity is like a Jekyll and Hyde. Right now these two sides of her are fighting. She wants to hurt me so badly yet she wants us to have a healthy relationship. So far she's doing a good job. She hasn't tortured me for a year now. Though some of her abusive tendencies are still there but she's trying to communicate better. And she gets hard on herself when she slips. Though the only difference between Jekyll and Hyde and her two sides is that she doesn't view them as different people. Hearing God is also fascinating. He has such a gentle voice
I think its heavily my nature to try to respond "correctly" to treatment or what is expected of me. I can see at times this has caused a backup and then a blowout in my situation/progress. I've given up on therapy.
@@mmcuser yes I agree with you, I think it fits the fawning response. I guess through certain times it kept me safe. That's what it's all about , right? Since the death(homicide) of my 21 yr old Son I haven't been on solid ground.
I had a school psychologist for as long I could remember and they would talk about the things I would share in there, my teachers would always know for some reason, so that made me not trust any other sort of psychology or therapy
Thanks for sharing! Just curious - have you or other therapists stopped therapy with someone because it was hard for you morally or ethically to work with them; and/or felt you needed to report someone because they admitted to doing something illegal but technically it fell under patient confidentiality. How do you handle those types of situations?
I was so pleased with myself when I told my mom that I had therapy down to a science. Then I realized I had been following the same formula that I use with everyone: masking and presenting the only sides of myself that I want people to see or am okay with them seeing, because my self-worth depends so much on how other people perceive me. I'm going to have to start over again with my therapist tomorrow.
Thing is that in some places, confidentiality goes out the window if the therapist gets the slightest inkling that you're going to hurt yourself. I can understand them wanting to speak up if you're planning on hurting someone else but I can't ever accept a therapist going behind your back with the idea that he/she is helping you. If I had to add something to this it's that if you're suicidal, either keep it to yourself or talk to someone you actually know and trust as a friend, rather than a therapist that you know nothing about. Ideally you keep that shit to yourself till the grave, that's the best way to not get locked up in a mental asylum, sadly.
i dont get what they think locking you up does....you have to get out eventually anyhow...whats so much better to being locked away as opposed to getting help on the outside?
Feeling the power, control. Pious self righteousness. Most therapists/psychologists are narcissists and high functioning sociopaths. Perfect profession to hide. Keep that in mind.
I love the idea of telling your therapist everything. But, the repercussions to ourselves, and if we are high functioning people with *loved ones who rely on us* , mean we simply cannot afford to take the risk... and yes, this means there are *some* things we just have to bear. I know this isn't a popular answer or the one I'm supposed to say. But, this is life. Life is messy, and consequently, the best solution doesn't always fit into the contextual spectrum of therapy, and telling your therapist *everything*. Hell, human beings have so many unacceptable thoughts literally all the time, that if they were being transmitted to a therapist, we would all be locked up. It's not what our thoughts are but how we manage them, and how those thoughts translate into behavior, that really matter.
u shouldnt tell ur therapist wveyrthing. u can get urself and someone else in trouble if u hurt someone. ur putting a targer on yourself. thats why alot if people avoid therapy n if they do will do a lot of censorship
I've been in therapy for 22 years. It has never onced helped me. Yes, I've lied to therapists before, especially as a teen. But only because the abuse I was going through would only get worse if I told anyone. My mother and stepfather broke several of my bones when I was 15, because I told my therapist about the sexual abuse they were BOTH doing to me. I've been hospitalized several times, and I'm actually going for an evaluation in a few hours. This is the last time I ever go to a mental hospital, if I ever have to do so again, I WILL end myself.
Thank you katie! I have a therapist and ive felt like if i say whats really going on i will be judged.. I already struggle with daily feelings of "im not worthy" but if someone that sees the true problems also thinks im not worthy it will break me.. Im going to confront her about my emotions regarding this.. thank you :DDD
I thought I tend to show "I'm okay" too much to my therapist.. but during the earlier months of my MDD diagnosis, I reached my lowest point where i was starting to have ideations. I literally told my therapist in session and again on email that I was scared of how I was feeling and thinking but she completely let it pass and acted as if I was fine. It felt like I was waving a big white flag in her face but it was invisible to her. So was it really me or just my therapist can't pick up distress signals?
I just went through this last week. I was trying to cry for help and she wasn't seeing it. Part of it is because I have a very hard time finding the right words to describe my anxiety and just how close I was teetering towards relapsing into agoraphobia like I did for 5 years. My long-distance girlfriend ended up saying something that seemed to start the snapping out of it stage. I want to thank her for it but I also don't want her to think that she has any obligation to "save" me from myself. I was just very deep in a spiral and her fear of losing me seemed to be the thing that finally broke through what I already knew was irrational thinking.
It’s frustrating, I had a similar situation where I was starting to have suicidal thoughts but my therapist totally let it slip. The next time I saw her, I said “hey you totally didn’t catch that I felt like this” and she tried to hospitalize me. Just can’t win.
I told a therapist that I thought people were equal to animals and they took me in an ambulance to a hospital. I spent 3 hours in a locked box waiting for a medical doctor. He agreed with me and told me I should set limits with my therapist. It's something I didn't even consider but is valuable advice. It's easy to think therapists are super-people, they're not, they're only human.
I learned the hard way of what not to say to therapists or someone who works side by side with LCSW + psychiatrists. I gave my life story to an Entitlement Specialist. I also had my Eight week old daughter with me. I mentioned that my daughter was cranky and I was unable to breastfeed. She called DCS on me & I went through an 18 month ordeal with them. My daughter was given to my in-laws at first with an emergency removal. I had police officers huddling around me as I packed her clothes bag besides her daily diaper bag. I had never felt so lost that night. Anyway... I had my parental rights terminated. Not a drinker, a druggie, an abuser, nothing, de nada. I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar 1 with Psychosis. Nope. My daughter was later diagnosed with Asperger's. Ding ding ding. My ocd & anxiety& oppositional defiant disorder etc was Autism Spectrum! I had MDD & PTSD from a Sexual Assault. I was highly overprotective of my daughter and apparently trying to get along with people who hover and boss me is not my strong suit. I was grieving my mom & grandma's & granny. Lost three in the same year. I'm not perfect. My original problem of why I mentioned my daughter. It is apparently called nipple confusion. My daughter was fed a bottle because my colostrum came in three days after she was born. By then my triple ddds were EE,s & an autistic baby didn't want anything to do with that. Her formula was constantly being changed. We're allergic to soy & WIC was doing the formula changing. Her fussiness?? Colic. I assumed a mother of three teenagers might have some words of wisdom. Obviously I misread the friendliness of her tone & personal|professional boundaries... I lost my baby because of my inability to discern friend from foe... Never again. I'm telling it now because I've been holding this in for 16 years....... Because I will never trust another therapist or stranger again...
I'm terrified of stopping my anti depressants, but my new therapist isnt very sympathetic. I talk to him but get the impression he isn't listening. Your v/log is a great help, Katy.
I lied to my first therapist because I overheard her that she’ll tell my parents anything that raises a flag, so fearful that anything I said would go back to my at the time toxic parents…
I'm autistic and I've lied to my therapist before. It's hard to unmask when you've been doing so for years. I had to re-learn half of my life when I got the diagnosis. Sometimes it's hard not to lie even if you're autistic, but that's exactly why you should try not to or let your therapist know.
I'm autistic too and I was kind of scared to open up to my therapist when I was on therapy especially since I'm a minor and still living in an abusive household
took me 3 years to be comfortable with the rapport i built up with my psychologist, but it's been extremely helpful to semi-regularly talk to someone who knows a good chunk of my past who I can be very honest with, even if the honesty is sometimes "I don't want to talk about that right now" and they understand that. I'm also autistic, and have no intentions of being dishonest with someone who has helped me realize my strengths and deficits so well and help me to feel more comfortable being myself!
Funny thing about honesty... its a spectrum. Some people don't know they are lying to others because they are lying to themselves. I think there's a correlation between self-awareness and honesty.
I have both a Counselor and a Psychologist. I have C-PTSD and anxiety. I am also AuDHD. Over the years I've had many therapists. At 55 I now tell them upfront in the very first meeting that I need them to call me on my bullshit. lol I tell them that I skip over traumatic things and minimize it often. I have a Psychologist who is really young but incredibly savvy. And she nails me every time. I've gotten further with her then any other one I've had and I am incredibly grateful. I don't do it on purpose, but I am aware that I am high masking and that I'm very private. It's hard to share my personal Hells with others. Sometimes it just feels like "too much".
This sounds like the ideal type of therapist, but she's an influencer, now. She has a following and is in the spotlight. Normal therapists I've seen in a little known office who aren't famous for being amazing, have been terribly judgmental, hurtful, offensive, dismissive, minimizers. Sadly, people like me can't afford to see a therapist like Kati. You have to have the dollar bills to see the LA therapists.
As a therapist, I really liked this and thought it was helpful. I thought it was great that you brought up suicidal thoughts and safety planning. However, there is a lot of research showing that safety contracts are ineffective and shouldn't be used in therapy. Safety contracts are generally seen as a liability thing and not something that actually prevents the client from harming themself.
Ya I don't really see how Kati asking a client to "promise me you won't...." would ever help change behaviour. I have a health psychologist who hasn't made me sign a safety contract but he does check in on mood and thoughts weekly.
Everyone respondes differently. To these safety plans. When I was hospitalized we did something similar. I personally so it as something to give you pause in tough situations;;;;;;;;;;;;
@@heyhey8528 Unhhhh what country are you from? Basically you're saying: I think what you wrote is stupid and doesnt agree with my oponion that only matters and you shouldn't say that. What level of think is that? Kindergarten?
I went to a psychiatrist and told him about how I had trouble focusing on doing my university homework and how I'd easily forget to reply to texts. His best advice was that I should make a timeline and work with schedules. I get where it came from but I told him I've been trying to do that since I was 13 but it never worked cause I start ok but then forget about it. He still insisted a lot that I felt pressured into saying that I would try it. I didn't come back after that
Sound like you need a Pyschiatrist who is experienced with ADHD - and try and get an ADHD diagnosis. Because that is a very common ADHD "symptom". Not that this will help you with your schedule, but the diagnosis may help you feel LESS guilty about not being able to do things...
i think these advice often apply more effectively to english speakers than therapists all over the world. i tried therapy a couple times in france, they are a lot more distant and cold and make me feel very judged and uncomfortable, so much that i simply decided i would get better on my own instead. and had much better results that way tbh. online help is much easier to apply to the self without having to hop through language barrier and so many figures of speech and biased linguistic expressions.
I agree. I'm from South East Asia but lived overseas when I was small, so my most natural language is English. I feel incredibly blessed to have met my first therapist who was very comfortable speaking English also with overseas exposure. We really clicked and this sort of thing works. A lot harder when I try speaking to therapists who are less comfortable with English, I too feel they're very distant and judgemental.
This is a really helpful/interesting global insight, thank you. I had the same experiences as you with most "mental health professionals" (especially the late 90's when we were being used as guinea pigs for new medications) and in the past few years, I've discovered these online resources and self-help exercise books are what kept me committed to my own healing journey after being a victim/survivor of the profit-driven model of mental health that we currently have in place. I'm glad I'm not alone.
Watch THIS before you start therapy: th-cam.com/video/mtnOE6dxsuo/w-d-xo.html
wait, so is the day program also meant for high-functioning clients that CAN become neurotypical? I do not necessarily see that as intimidating, but it depends on the quality and what insurance will cover. If cheap, I'll assume its annoying, or will just suck out of boredom, but you are obviously with peers as title III of the ADA states "the most intergrated setting appropriate to the needs of the individual" so they wont intentionally put you with low-functioning peers and you can easily sue your insurance company for only covering inappropriate ones to save a buck.
But Psych Wards, those are legitimate psychological torture and should be completely replaced by respite facilities, and stop taking shit such as amenities away and set up a plan to modify what you do during the day-time for your free hours. Worse than ABA, as at least with that, you are told what to do so arent idle, even if your autonomy isnt respected.
Edit: you mean partial hospitalization programs when I was thinking of a day-hab; most states dont cover partial hospitalization under medicaid, so can get extremely expensive so you really would want to send someone to a day-hab or residential treatment center if therapy wont be enough.
@@Katimorton thanks for clickbait
@@Katimorton I have seen even some of your more normal videos and It's sometimes spreading ubhealthy, unrealistic, strange ideas...
@@Katimorton please, no blocking, I came to you with issue
I’m fully aware of my problems
Kati mentioned this, but I'd like to emphasize: While you should avoid lying, that doesn't mean you are obligated to tell the truth. Saying "I'm not comfortable talking about that right now," is completely valid and a good therapist should respect that. If the person you're working with continues to pressure you, it's time to consider if they might be doing more harm than help. You do not owe anybody your thoughts if it feels unsafe to share them. That's a boundary that should apply to all relationships, including therapeutic ones. Your safety needs to come first.
My therapist asked me about my relationship with my husband which is very complicated. I simply told her I wasn't ready to address that yet because it's a lot. She was just like that's fine. It was so amazing.
@@stacyemmynik I'm happy to hear that she respected your boundaries regarding that topic; that's how it should be! My current therapist is like that, but I've also had experiences of being considered non-compliant for making similar requests. It's a good indicator of if someone values your input and actually wants to work with you or if they prioritize their expert opinion over your self-awareness and lived experience.
Yes but those are clearly the things that need to be talked through in order to heal. I don't think a therapist who lets you avoid "the work" is a good therapist, either.
So what happens when your advice is taken but they therapist calls in security to haul you off and medicate you/strap you to a hospital bed because "you're a danger to "? What happens then!?
@@joob40 Shouldn't the client have a say in what "the work" looks like for them? I'm not advocating for people to refuse every suggestion nor to avoid topics forever, just to trust their instincts on when something feels wrong. Adressing trauma before you're prepared to do so can be re-traumatizing, which will make healing more difficult in the long run. A therapist does not have access to my nervous system nor understand the full picture of my circumstances, so it shouldnt be up to them to determine when I'm ready to do "the work". I'm my opinion, a good therapist would mark down the reaction, maybe ask a few questions about why their client felt they couldn't talk about that topic and then revisit it at a later date. Everyone heals on their own timeline.
My closest friend was forced into a mental hospital after expressing thoughts of self harm. She'd never actually harmed herself, and still never has, but that experience traumatised her, and 20 years later, it still affects her. She'll never trust a therapist again and I don't blame her.
This is why I would never tell my therapist about any thought of self harm. I've mentioned it to her years after the fact, but if I were presently suicidal my therapist would be the last person I would tell. Therapy is ineffective for the most severe of issues because of the fact that in those cases a therapist can break confidentiality on a whim. My therapist has helped me with many issues, such as alcohol abuse and family relationships (and as a side effect probably kept me from suicidal thoughts). But the way the law currently is, it prevents the most direct form of help. I like my therapist a lot, but there are certain things I will never discuss with her. And I would never sign a stupid contract. What are they going to do if I break it? Sue my family?
They have to break confidentiality when the patient is a danger to themselves or others! They cannot just let that patient leave and harm themselves. I just went to my first therapy session with a new therapist today and she went over confidentiality with me. She may have never actually harmed herself but it doesn’t mean she didn’t plan to do something that day?
@@Live7Love1Laugh2 If there is no intention to hurt yourself they shouldn't confine you. Ive been traumatized after being 10-13nd even though i wasnt suicidal. the whole story is in a comment above. They treat you like an animal and strip you of humanity. psyche wards as they stand in america are inhumane and no one should be locked up in one.
This is kind of odd, every time I have been admitted to a hospital for suicidal ideation me and my therapist discussed it, they asked my thoughts and went over why they felt it was needed or could help. And I have never had a negative experience in the hospital, there are some that are lightyears above the others, but there were no reasons that I wouldn't go back in if it where needed.
@@graciemcintyre2617 If they deem you as a threat to yourself or others they have a responsibility to call someone and make sure you’re okay. I agree you shouldn’t be hospitalized if there isn’t any intention. But they don’t know if there is. They are ultimately responsible to make sure you are okay. I know what psychiatric hospitals are like, I’ve seen inside of one. Someone I know was in one and I went to see them.
1. Lies
2. Pretending to be doing better than we are
3. Pretending to be worse than we are
4. “This is working great” when it’s not
Basically be honest with your therapist, and yourself.
@@jeffmuller1489 yup. all are just a variation of lying
So just don't lie!
Also: Hiding from your therapist something, that is very important e.g. live event, which affects our current wellbeing.
mvp
The very first therapist i went to, i was 17. When i started talking, i started crying bc the one time is spoken about the subject, my parents accused me of lying so there was trauma on top of the trauma. This grown man, a licensed therapist, said to me "you can cut out the crying bc we aren't doing a pity party in here." He could have slapped me and gotten less reaction. I stood up, with tears running down my face and told him he didn't need to be in his line of work. He was no better than my parents. Then i called him few choice names. I also turned him into the state. Luckily it didn't stop me from finding another GOOD therapist.
Yes!! Good for you!!
That’s mad! I’m pretty sure most people cry in therapy it’s totally normal.
@@Aliciae411 I hope he didn't stay in that profession for long bc he wasn't good at it! Smh
Mocking your patient as a therapist is absurd
Omg he sounds wild.
"Remember, therapy isn't the place for judgement or blame". True, but shame is still a powerful emotion and it doesn't care that you're in therapy. The lies I've told my therapist were mainly to myself.
I think you hit the nail there. Most often when I lie to my therapist is because I lie to myself
non-judgmental therapists don't exist
which is precisely why it took me so many years of failing at it before I was finally ready. It just took sudden spousal abuse and a nervous breakdown before I was finally ready.
I was beyond shame when I started therapy. I wanted help so I was completely open with my intrusive thoughts. I was able to get a lot of help.
I never lied but keep in mind that my therapist is my aunt
I guess is not the same when is a family member?
I went to a therapist and she told EVERYTHING we talked about to my mom. I got yelled at by her every day because of that, and my mental state got incredibly worse and I had to be hospitalised.
(Edit: im a minor, so i cant actually do anything about it.)
... I'm sorry you went through that. She probably felt like it was risky not to tell anyone. But she was naive to trust your mom with that information, since she didn't know if your mom was abusive towards you.
Horrible!
Guess it might go on age, and anyyyy signed consent forms..just awful..READ EVERYTHING!
I can see that happening where I live. I refuse to even get my allergy med filled in this entire, nosy, hypocritical, "bust the church doors down every week," County.
Most tell EVERYTHING & I've heard it. I listened to it one day in car re: my friend. We got where we were going & I called him IMMEDIATELY &told him everything and that I'd be there as a witness &my girlfriend at the time was champing at the bit as well. She was only a check-in clerk...how she got that much access is beyond me
He never did anything.
NOOO THAT IS SOO NOT OKAY! I'm so sorry that happened, how are you doing now? 🤗🤗🤗
I was in therapy for 7 years with a therapist 4 years younger than me who I never regarded as a very "good" therapist, but I liked her as a person and felt safe and comfortable opening up to her. I felt good just from having her talk to, but I had goals I wanted to achieve with the help of a therapist, and she was doing nothing. There was literally no therapy. The few times that I tried to call her attention to that fact she would cry and when I asked "why are you crying" she said "I feel attacked". Other times, if I told a story that made me feel sad, she'd offer me a hug. I had no idea at the time that she was constantly violating my boundaries and was basically incompetent and very unprofessional. Finally, I started taking Intuniv for ADHD and it quite literally "woke me up". When I expressed my new awareness the lack of therapy she tried to rationalize it by saying it's because "we're like friends". One week later she denied ever having used the word "friend" and tried to gaslight me by saying I was "misremembering" what she had said. Skipping past all the other crazy things she said, the next thing I knew I got a call from her supervisor claiming that I had abused my therapist and would never see or talk to her again...I was being discarded...and then she discharged me to prevent me from getting another therapist in that organization. That was about 14 months ago and I now have PTSD as a result. I can no longer take the ADHD meds that were like a miracle for me except that they also helped me to finally see the reality of an abusive "therapeutic" relationship and it was that "clarity" and self-expression that caused my therapist and her supervisor to traumatize me. I don't know why I'm writing this but I just needed to. I know my experience is probably quite rare and unique but...I love your videos and at the same time as I listen to you I feel this pressured wish to tell you there are things you don't know...not every therapist is "you"...I just trusted the idea of my therapist being "professional" and it turned out to be the worst mistake of my life. Sorry for writing book here...
Hey so sorry about your experience. I have never been in therapy myself, but I can imagine that your experience isn't that rare. Just like in other jobs, there are people who are good at it and those bad at it. Unfortuntely, people who work in healthcare are also in the position of power, so if they are shitty at their job and/or as people, they can really cause harm. I hope you are able to find someone else soon and that you will get better. Take care!
Whoa! She'd start crying? That's interesting. The only thing is.... your experience might not be as rare as you think. My therapist wasn't as off the rails as yours, but she was objectively terrible at her job. Half the time she was not listening, she'd assign me random stuff to do but never followed up , it was up to me to start our sessions as she didn't even know how to start a conversation... or think to ask me about things I'd mentioned previously. I also stayed with her longer than I should have because overall she was a nice person who just seemed to have chosen the wrong profession. Based on the amount of horror stories I've heard, this stuff is pretty common.
That is so wrong. I'm really sorry you went through that. I have ADHD too and its bad enough dealing with so much ableist crap, being gaslit etc by your therapist is the last thing anyone needs to deal with. It seems like there should be some way for you to get your meds. Find a different clinic and share your experience. Make sure they are professional. I've had very bad with therapists too but good ones will validate your bad experiences and have healthy boundaries, and be reliable.
"now i have PTSD as a result" lmao!
@@Earl_E_Burd It's not my opinion, it's the opinion of the psychiatrist who diagnosed me, but thanks for your arrogant opinion.
Don't tell your psychiatrist you are suicidal unless you feel like being detained and taken to a hospital. That has happened to me every time I said something to them. It only made things worse for me. I don't like being locked up against my will.
I did that and I just received more meds to take
1000% tens of thousands of dollars of debt doesn’t make me feel better. Not being held against my will.
This is disgusting, we can't even trust the psychologists
yep, and also never tell a teacher, nurse, doctor ect since they are legally obligated to report it. Do not make jokes either, some comment about not enjoying life, made that mistake once, never telling anyone exept my closest friends again
@@fayflurina3382 In my state, therapists are also mandated to report if you say you are suicidal.
I told my therapist as a 17 year old that I had previously attempted suicide (2 years prior) but had no urge to do so in the present time. She told my parents and told me that if I was continuing to see her, she would also notify my (incredibly strict) boarding school administration (which I denied consent to do). Learned so quickly to always ask how therapists deal with self harm and suicide histories, even if they’re not current. It was traumatizing to have my trust violated like that and then be immediately discarded due to my boundaries. I wish more therapists were better trained and like you.
I wonder what even makes her a therapist if she seems to show so little skill and empathy for her patients.
Sue!
@@Matthew-vs8kn I came close to reporting her to the medical review board for HIPAA violation, but it made me so anxious and angry to think about and after 4 phone calls with her supervisor where her supervisor basically gave me the run around and told me they didn’t do anything wrong (and I was just trying to get through senior year during COVID) that I gave up and tried to move on. I don’t have the resources for a lawyer and it feels much too late now, all I can do is pray someone else doesn’t get fucked over and if they do, they’re more resilient and able to bring down consequences 😔
I’m 17 and also attempted 2 years ago and just told my therapist who had a much, much better reaction then yours did. So sorry you went through that ❤
I’m thinking about telling my therapist about having a past of sh and suicide, I don’t do it and haven’t done it for a while but I’m still worried since I am a minor that my therapist will break confidentiality even though all of that was in the past
I love that you said hospitalization is a last resort for you. A couple years ago, I told my therapist I was self harming and I was sent to a hospital for about a week, the same night I said that to her. Looking back, it didn’t help at all. What’s worse is that most of the people there were struggling more than me and felt the same way. Some of them had been in jail and said the hospital was worse than that. There’s definitely something wrong with the way most mental hospitals are ran.
I agree! I once had an appointment with a therapist, but went to the wrong office and they tried to hospitalized me. Later my therapist told me I should have let them.
they j immediately want to send you away to a place that doesn't do shit for you. residential hospitalization is so much more affective than acute hospitalization, but it's unfortunately so much more expensive and not usually covered by insurance.
To add on to this comment, the place I went to didn’t enforce therapy sessions. They were just like “it’s there if you need it” and I think that’s the biggest issue. Most people in mental hospitals won’t willingly do therapy, especially if they’re in there for a s**cide attempt.
@@autumn2859 I’m from the US and yes, it was super expensive for only a week of being there.
@@FirstLast-gv1zl Wow that's really messed up, I'm glad you showed the first doctor the photos, I Would like to see those doctors fired. I know you feel responsible in a way for those 2 lives, but you did what you thought was right, it wasn't your fault.
I foolishly said I had suicidal thoughts although I never intended on acting them out, and next thing I know was in hand cuffs and in a psych ward with people 100x crazier than me. No windows, no communication with the outside world, no access to bathrooms (without asking for permission). It was horrifying and traumatic.
YESS!! This same thing happened to me. They make your mental state far worse, along with your economic one too, giving you a huge bill after being fired from missing work for 3 days to 3 weeks.
I’m so sorry you went through this. I wish wish you good friendships, healing books, films that you relate to and time in nature that soothes your spirit. ❤
This is what I came here to see about. I figured she was probably leaving this nuggest of information out. Doesn't surprise me. This is why I don't trust therapists.
i sometime tell my Pill Dr. i have suicidal thoughts but are not planning to act them out. I have never had a problem. Knock on wood.
0h my god… I’m so sorry. This possibility just terrifies me. I honestly can’t imagine what you went through, and my heart goes out to you
I had one therapist for over three years (2020 through 2022), and I admitted to having suicidal thoughts on two occasions. She always just brushed them off, minimizing them and making me feel pathetic for even mentioning them. But at least she never reported me to a psych ward or anything like that… she just made me feel more ashamed and hopeless than ever, until I finally quit her sessions and simply didn’t bother to sign up for a new therapist once the new year started.
From personal experience: don't talk about having suicidal thoughts. One of the most traumatic, unpleasant event in my life was getting sent to a psychiatric hospital. The staff threatened me, I slept in a room with graffiti all over the walls, no privacy and no going outside for any reason. The food sucked and there were kids there much worse than me. All in all, I never want to go to therapy again because of that, and bowed to just actually go through with a suicide instead of going to one of those hospitals again. Believe me. Its terrible.
I WILL NEVER TRUST A THERAPIST AGAIN EITHER!!!
I WAS FORCIBLY GRABBED BY ARMED POLICE IN MY APARTMENT ON MY 49th BIRTHDAY WEEKEND (SATURDAY OCTOBER 9th AND SUNDAY OCTOBER 10TH, 2021) AND I WAS FORCIBLY TAKEN IN HANDCUFFS AND FORCED TO UNDRESS AND GIVEN PRISON GARB AND WAS LOCKED IN A HORRIFIC SETTING UNDER SOME CODE SHE PLACED ME UNDER FROM WHICH I COULD NOT GET OUT OF AND I HAD TWO CATS IN MY BATHROOM WITH NOT ENOUGH FOOD OR WATER - AND THIS TELEHEALTH THERAPIST KNEW THAT - WORRYING ABOUT MY STARVING AND DEHYDRATED CATS WAS BAD ENOUGH - ON TOP OF MEN SPITTING ON MY FACE AND MEN PISSING ON MY FEET AND EXPOSING THEIR GENITALS AND FILTHY BACKSIDES TO ME - I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE AND THAT EXPERIENCE DESTROYED 26 YEARS OF THERAPY THAT I HAD TRUSTED IN BEFORE AND WITH NEVER EVER DO AGAIN!!! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH!!!❤
I had a very similar experience. No privacy. It makes you feel as tho ur not a person anymore and can’t en trusted to not be looked after for a second. Other kids in there that I made friends with had been physically, mentally, and sexually abused. Seeing all that shit really didn’t help. The graffiti and shitty food is relatable lol. I just hope those kids who were my friends are getting better.
If you feel bad you could journal tho. It really does help.
Please take care of yourself
What country? That's wild
When I suddenly lost my 31 year old best friend during the pandemic I started therapy because I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. I started having suicidal thoughts at some point, and I told my therapist about it. At the time she told me if I ever had those thoughts I could call her at any time, and she started seeing me more often, like twice a week, just to check up on me. She would give me little assignments that helped me avoid those thoughts. It helped me a lot to have her support at that moment and telling her the truth about what I was going through. I really think I wouldn't be here if I didn't tell her right away when I first had those thoughts.
i'm really glad you've gotten through that kind of state of mind. you're incredibly strong to have gone through that and even mroe so to tell your story, even if it's just on a youtube video. hope you're doing well today, but if you aren't, that's alright too. You'll get through it 🫂🫂
You were fortunate!!
I was 51-50'd over 20-yrs ago for suicidal ideation. The facility experience was not only ridiculously inadequate & childish, it was emotionally harmful. So damaging & useless, that I laugh at the suicidal hotline ads AND have NEVER since been honest with ANYONE connected to the health field regarding my periodic suicidal thoughts. The spin-dry, give them a pill w/6- therapy sessions & say bye-bye is a joke!
I'm SO GRATEFUL for those on TH-cam ... the layperson, certified & degreed ... who generously share their experience & knowledge in the various modalities that support mental & physical health!
I agree, I don't trust telling them.
she was in the vast minority. Most would simply THROW U AWAY. If healing is a BUSINESS then the cure is VIOLENCE
Me too im in shock with all the ppl claiming telling a therapist landed them in a mental hospital that's not how things work in Australia the reason I was referred to therapy was because I was suicidal and extremely depressed
If you are relying on someone (most likely your parents when you are under 18), just be aware that if you say you are suicidal or are being abused/have been abused, your parents will probably hear about it. It does not matter whether you have clearly told the therapist that your parents are your abuser or not, they will still tell them everything. In my experience, my abuse worsened when they found out I had said that my mother had beat me and emotionally abused me. Additionally some therapists will judge you, lie about you or mock you. Therapy is worth getting because realistically you will need help but be aware that there are some messed up power dynamics you’ll have to navigate and as a child your boundaries will be pushed a lot. If something feels wrong to you, trust yourself because you are the only person you can trust to truly advocate for yourself.
So I basically have to wait until my mother is dead before I can safely tell anyone about how she emotionally abused and neglected me when I was growing up. Got it,. Thanks for that.
This is actually really true lol, I think It's just that lots of people suck at their job, and in the end, a degree means nothing . This happens in health care, mental health care, police or anything law related, etc. It's really hard to find rightfully skilled people.
@@francescathomas3502 No honey what you have to wait for is the day you are both an adult and somebody who lives at another place that at your mom's. Then you can confront her on her actions when she can't legally harm you
@@francescathomas3502 as aurorya said it’s more you need to be careful and once you’re 18 and somewhat independent it’s a lot easier. i’d rather you didn’t get hurt from a lot of medical staff being incompetent or negligent like i have which is why i put up the comment. sure systems are supposed to help you but unfortunately a lot of them believe for god knows what reason think that abusive parents are more reliable than their kids. bad therapists arent too difficult to deal with, you just gotta change quick when there are red flags because ultimately therapy works when you find the right one not one you feel uncomfortable with. you should always be seeing them as people at the end of the day. they are people who can be good and bad and can help you or fail you. just like you would pick friends, make sure you aren’t spending hours of your life and likely lots of money on a therapist who hurts you, instead of finding a good one through trial and error.
@@Auroryagreat advice, just wait and eventually you’ll stop being abused. 😂 that’s terrible, you should be a therapist.
I'm on the autism spectrum and ADHD inattentive. I'm a total open book, which is really off-putting to a lot of people, even some therapists. I've made comments that instantly invalidated me to health care professionals. I never know it's going to happen until I see something flicker in their eyes and then they start acting differently towards me. My first few attempts at therapy were disastrous, but I'm so grateful when I find someone I can connect with, who actually listens!
Edited to add this thought: just because someone holds the degrees and the licenses doesn't mean they are great at what they do. Like she said, we're all human. And just because someone isn't great for me doesn't mean they aren't exactly what someone else needs.
I'm self diagnosed ADHA and on the Asperger's spectrum, very high functioning but damaged. No therapy on earth will ever help me, I feel that therapists are a bunch of quacks in the 21st century selling snake oil. In fact, my therapist wanted me to buy Indian healing spices, jewelry, vitamins etc and wtf I am not on QVS here to get the latest trendy grand. I can barely afford therapy and it's forced on me at that.
@@JennyWinters Psychiatry is actually a Inquisition Star Chamber specialized in persecuting neurodivergent "witches" for Thought Crimes.
Oh my god! this is has happened so many times to me as well, i could never quite pinpoint what it was, but this describes it perfectly. sometimes it’s literally the fact i have autism that causes the switch. they treat you like you’re lying to them or seeking a diagnosis, it doesn’t matter if i’m educated on it or not. if I don’t do extensive research beforehand? then why would you think you could have this? you can’t explain why so you’ve got no valid reasons. if i do? then clearly i’m trying to get this diagnosis even tough i don’t have it. it’s so frustrating.
@JennyWinters I'm ADHD ASD Bipolar 1 and it's not easy I fight every day but I was once like you I lost faith in getting help I thought I wasn't worth the time I still feel that way to this day even in a non therapeutic setting. It's not everybody's cup of tea.
Reading that first sentence resonates so well with me. It took my wife to point out that people think I’m lying or trying to be intimidating when I’m just being open and honest. The more that those of us with AuDHD talk about, the more people will understand us. Hopefully, this will lead to fewer people being abused, in the school system, as I was.
I like that the comments section is filled with actually good tips. Like. In a perfect world, the four listed things would be reasonable advice, but our world isn't perfect, and so the four things I would probably list are:
1: If you are feeling suicidal
2: Anything that a therapist has to mandatorally report.
3: Your real feelings about how therapy is going
4: Anything that could lead to more trouble then its worth talking about
2nd topic: I have found that during therapy sessions if I haven't brought notes I will more or less forget every issue I've been having. I will actually think I'm doing better than I am and then slide back once the session is over. I think for me it has to do with BPD and my rapidly changing moods. I don't purposely hide how things are. I wonder how many others relate.
I 100% relate to this. I have anxiety and if I don't have notes, I feel like I'm giving a class presentation I haven't rehearsed. My mind goes blank and I revert to people pleasing. "I think I'm doing well"
yea i bring my journals in atm because otherwise i feel like i forgot something and i probably did
same
Yea I don’t have BPD but like I can’t judge how my past week has been, it’s too broad, my emotions change too frequently and I don’t remember how I feel at certain unimportant moments
If I had a penny for every time an ASD got diagnosed with BPD instead, my legal name would be Scrooge-Elon Midas McDuck. Do (or did) you have any suspisions that you might be ASD? In any case, I highly suggest you do some research on ASD for yourself and if you feel like it hits home too many times, definitely get diagnosed by a different psychiatrist, who has confirmed experience with ASD. I know this can be expensive, but it is your life that's on the line. And potentially taking wrong meds is not only a waste of money, but can totally waste you, too.
I was so worried about talking about childhood abuse for fear it would be reported. My first couple of sessions was all about what would have to be reported and when. He told me that he would always let me know before he made a report if he would have to report it. This process has helped me so much and so far nothing has needed to be reported.
I'm really happy to hear that your therapist has done such a good job of proving his trustworthiness and making therapy productive for you. I wish more therapists had that approach. My therapist when I was a child called CPS without warning me beforehand and without considering that he might actually put me in danger if CPS couldn't find solid proof of the abuse. My parents collaborated to hide signs of abuse and made my brother and I lie to CPS. Then they found a new therapist who shared their beliefs about discipline and how to raise children.
I have been told that In many states, therapists are mandated reporters of child abuse.
Even if you're an adult, I think if you have siblings who are minors they still need to report it. I've been through it, lots of CPS visits from cases that were closed nearly 10yrs ago.
@thawne7993 Odd question, I'm not sure I understand. A lot of people need therapy and many of them don't get it.
I make this promise with clients too and I’m so glad to read that it does help clients so I will continue doing this
My first (and last, i hope) therapist told my parents EVERY. SINGLE. THING. i said to her. I was struggling with self harm and suicide and still am, but I feel so awful about that experience that I don't want anything to do with another therapist. I told her that if my parents found out they'd just make my life hell, and she told them anyways. In the interview with them, they just said I was lying and then I got slapped across the face and grounded. This was almost two years ago, and I still can't open up to any adults. Not even those I trust like favorite teachers or family friends.
That has gotta be really difficult. I hope life gets better and someone really fully trustworthy comes into your life that is able to be an oasis. You're a valuable being, and hope there comes a day when you can honestly believe and feel it, too.
Hi this happened to me too. I am sorry this sucks you were brave to try to reach out. If you find the strength try again some therapists will help. Something important to note is you won't be a minor forever. I am 18 and I just started because of my parents.
They tell me that I am 41 now. But yesterday I was 15. Life has gotten better with every passing year. "Victory is a question of stamina" - old American WW2 propaganda poster and what my boyfriend (now husband) had on his wall to encourage him to keep slogging through his own depression.
One of the things I tell my patients now is, "I promise you: someday this will all just be a story. Not the end of your story, but just a story you tell about a hard time in your life." (I'm just a nurse but my patients in the hospital are often panicking about being sick enough to be in the hospital.)
Your parents are wrong. You can't fix that. You don't have to fix that.
Don't kill yourself. ❤. The future has nice things in store for you.
@-Peekaboo Cat- unfortunately, yeah.
@@OingoLoveI would just like to say, that is wonderful advice! I agree with it wholeheartedly!
I'm glad you said hospitals aren't therapeutic. They are absolutely awful. It's a very punitive experience for anyone suffering enough to be suicidal. It says something about how sick our society is that we send those who are suffering the most to the hell that is forced hospitalization. That's why some countries like those in Scandanavia are investigating removing or minimizing any forced hospitalization except where it is absolutely protective such as someone in a manic phase clearly creating long term horrors for himself.
Haven’t heard about that, that they are investigating. Anyways, normally here, that means that things are staying the same although they spend a lot of the tax money on seeing if a change is needed.
It’s the same policy here, my aunt was locked in against her will after her husband died.
It won’t change.
And for a note, we have the most prescribed antidepressions meds out of all Europe. In italy it’s better because they think actually talking with a therapist is more important.
I've been masking my feelings for so long that I always say I'm doing well even though I honestly don't know how I feel.
same.
Been there. :O There's a lot of numbing that comes with that territory. I can tell you though that it can get better. Emotional processing takes practice -- funny how we're never really taught how to do it, and pick up bullshit ideas from our social rearing. XD
There is a term for that: "alexithymia." I struggled with the same thing in the past. You will read literature that suggests that because people with alexithymia have trouble knowing their own emotions, they are unempathetic to others. I disagree with that. There are many reasons people develop alexithymia, but most of it boils down to "I shouldn't be feeling (x, y, z emotions), so I won't." That doesn't mean you don't have emotions. It means you aren't processing them. If you keep that up, you lose the tether to your inner self.
It took a long while for me to get in touch with my emotions again, but I did it by allowing myself to unmask when I was alone. If I had the thought "I shouldn't feel this," I would ask myself, "And why not? What's the harm in crying a bit if no one sees me?" I ALLOWED myself (yes, gave myself permission) to feel things when I was alone without trying to reason it away. I turned to songs and films I connected with, practiced fully feeling the emotions they brought up. After I could finally identify my emotions, I wrote about them in my journal, had entire conversations with myself about them. I say conversations because "I shouldn't feel (x)" is not a conversation. When I moved beyond that, there was a dialogue that had been bubbling beneath the surface I had not been aware of in years. Eventually I got to the point where I could share these thoughts with close confidants, but I am still careful with what I share.
I don't know if any of this is of any help to you or whether it even makes sense, but I hope you find the way to listen to your emotions again.
I told a few therapists that I'm numb and just largely don't feel much and I just get told "Oh that's impossible try again" 🙃
i agree. am there, doing that. love you, drink water and breathe.
REMEMBER. you ARE appreciated.
Sometimes I tell my therapist that I'm doing better than I actually am because at that time I'm actually feeling good and don't feel like remembering the lows. What helps me is to make notes (I use Evernote) of my emotions during the week when I feel down, and I prepare myself to discuss those during the session. Also, writting the emotions pre-session is a way to process them, so it is therapeutic by itself, and combined to discussing it in the session is a double win.
Edit: thanks for liking/commenting folks, it is a silly little thing but it made me feel less alone in my struggles
This is a really good suggestion! It makes sense that sometimes, when you see your therapist you actually DO feel better; sorta like going to see the doctor or take your pet to the vet and then *poof* no symptoms. XD
I've definitely had the go through something awful, and then by the time the appointment comes up, it's resolved so...talking about it feels a bit moot. But I make a point to bring it up and share what the experience was like -- having notes and specific details to share definitely helps. Sometimes, just having that record is useful for figuring out what patterns are in play.
Same about the notes. But then when I read them I’m like nvm that doesn’t matter. But at the time it sooooo did
I feel you
I do this too! I never end up writing notes though
Right there with you on note-taking. I have ADHD and when working on getting the med and dose right, I've tried my best to write down anything I noticed with a date attached so my doctors and I have a timeline of what my symptoms look and feel like.
Hit close, I feel like each time I feel a little bit better in the moment it's just me lowering my guard, then getting hit by a very low mood without defense, getting my guard up and gradually letting it down as one moment I'll feel better, just for the cycle to repeat
I remember when I just started my therapy sessions with my current therapist. I felt like I was obligated to tell her about the sexual abuse I went through as a kid, but when I actually tried, the words got stuck in my throat, resulting in several minutes of me trying several times to form a sentence and not actually saying two words that are connected in any way. That want on until she told me it's okay to not be ready yet to talk about that, and we switched topics.
Lies again? AIA Money PS4 Face
If you want to tell your therapist something and feel safe to do so, but it's hard, you can write it down and take it with you. I tend to cry a lot over even minor issues.
It is way better that they let you speak,wait and later change the topic
That we don't use mdma in talk therapy is madness.
Reading the comments, I'm so grateful to my doctor. I saw her in order to finally have a professionnal diagnostic for my depression. After hearing me she told me I had to go to the mental hospital right tf now and "was there someone that could bring me or should she call an ambulance ?".
I backed tf up saying "hell no I didn't planned to go to the hospital tonight, I'm not going", SHE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO ME AND SAID OK. I didn't want to go to the hospital cause I heard the stories, and was especially scared of my father's reaction (he doesn't really believe depression is real).
So anyway I didn't go and two years of therapy later I feel better. I was already an adult though, I bet it would've been different if I was a child
I have a lot of problems regarding depression and wanting to kill myself that my parents refuse to acknowledge. I’m scared that if I even actually get a therapist and try telling them everything that I’ll be forced into a mental hospital which is a big fear of mine.
@@blitzboy2934 Well it all depends how old you are, and in wich country you live, cause the law isn't the same everywhere. For example personally I wasn't a danger to others at that time, but if I were, like idk if I told the doc I had a gun or something, or planned to unalive myself in a car accident, she would've been forced to send me to the hospital to protect innocent people, weather I agreed or not. But for therapists, based on some comments here, it seems to be the same pretty much everywhere, it's only when you confess that you are going to do it that the therapist is required to tell your parents (if you are a minor), or send you. If you're scared just tell them "I don't want to live", "I have no interrest in living", "living is painful" etc rather than "I want to 💀", it seems the same, but for a therapist it's wildly different. Also don't tell everything at first, ask the therapist what is their policy regarding this subject and if it doesn't correspond to what the laws of your country are saying, run
As a social worker and someone who has personally dealt with suicide and suicidal ideation, it is SO important to have the discussion of what their procedure is early on. Thank you Kati for taking the harm reduction, trauma informed approach when it comes to suicidality, while also understand your ethical obligation and thank you for informing those who watch you about the RIGHT way to approach suicidality (in my opinion).
The therapist I had for a long time understood if I was having a panic attack and said “I don’t want to be here” or “I want to die”, she would de-escalate me and I’d be able to tell her hey, I’m safe, I was just freaking out. Whereas when I went to the ER during a panic attack and said “I don’t want to be here” (as in the exact same room they put me in after an attempt), they IMMEDIATELY put me on a pink slip (irrespective of me telling them what I meant by the statement), and shipped me off to the most unethical, traumatizing mental hospital. On the other hand, I’ve been to an okay mental hospital after an attempt (twice) and genuinely needed to be there.
Which is precisely why I would never tell a therapist I was suicidal. Their attempts to “help” are as likely as not to worsen the problem(s) that lead you to the brink
The first time I got sent to a psych ward for suicidality, the psychiatrist I saw told me I couldn't be depressed because I still enjoyed my hobbies sometimes. He told me he thought I was just faking to get out of work and wouldn't sign a doctors note to excuse my absence.
The next time my dad took me to the psych ward I was understandably very very anxious about it :/
Thankfully I told the psychiatrist then what the previous one had said and they apologized and said no one should ever talk to me like that... But gave some perspective, that she thinks that what he meant was I don't have clinical depression, but BPD which has depressive episodes instead, because clinical depression would have made me not enjoy my hobbies anymore and not feel at all where BPD has intense swings
When I needed to talk about suicidal thoughts or self-harm, I learned very quickly to begin by saying "I'm not at risk of suicide or self-harm, I don't have any inclinations, but I've been having some thoughts about it lately." Otherwise, yeah, you suddenly end up finding yourself on a 5150 72-hour hold involuntarily. Which is sometimes ironically the very thing that will drive you to follow through on those thoughts the moment they release you.
Guys, how to deal with the therapist whom each time pushes you to uncomfortable dark questions? Over and over. I am afraid each time that if i don't answer, it will damage the progress. Is there any way to limit the harmful exposure, and to leave the therapist only with the technically sufficient information - and reliably denying any further unnecessary exposure that causes subjective harm and distress?
@@D.2023 Well, the therapist will tell you that by not confronting those uncomfortable issues, you are impeding your own progress. It kind of depends on which you find more distressing--confronting the dark issues, or holding onto them. Tell them what you want to tell them, and don't be afraid to tell them you don't want to broach a certain topic. A good therapist will give you that space.
Just my $.02 worth
my therapist, at the end of some sessions, would ask me if i lied to her that day
most of the times the answer was "yes", she would let me know that it's ok if i need more time to open up completely and wouldnt try to make me tell the truth or what i lied about
that really helped me gain more confidence and feel like i could trust what i was really thinking to her
I believe all four points listed here essentially qualify as "don't lie, period".
I was about to say the same, but to many people this is not easy to extract from a single line, stating: “avoid lies”.
Therefore the video is quite nice to have. =)
Also kind of "don't exaggerate"
@@mimipeltomaki-virta8704 which is just a form of lying
00:16 they also legally have to call the police when you admit a crime or they can loose their license.
Depends on the crime. If it involves elderly or child abuse, yes.
@@mam362Absolutely not. It is illegal for the therapist to hide any crime.
False! 🤦🏻 If a crime already happened, therapists can NOT disclose a patient’s communication of admission. If the patient threatens with (further) FUTURE violence against themselves or others is when an obligation to PREVENT rises. Therapists (like any other citizen) are not obligated to be snitches.
@@teodescartes1771 but they are also humans, they will snitch, thats human nature.
I've only once had the courage to break the ice and go to therapy through my previous faculty. I've reluctantly but bravely shared that I've gone through a period in my life where I had almost committed suicide and the therapist cut me off and said something along the lines of "...Ok just so you know, if you do decide to commit suicide, we're not responsible." I was shocked and never went to therapy again. I hope to find a good therapist someday but not only is it expensive, it's a huge gamble. A lot of people working in that field are not qualified to do so, to say the least. And I never want to go through that again.
I’m so sorry that your previous therapist was more devoted to liability against being sued than your well being. I hope someday you can find a form of therapy or mental health assistance that works for you and respects you and your needs.
What you say is true. I had a real loser back in the 90's. He did more harm than good. But once you find a good one, your life will change for the better.
That's probably one of the most heartless things someone could ever be told. Damn dude.
I've had that happen to me too, only I got it in a letter 😂 Definitely a sign it's not the right office or provider for you!
That was horrible behavior, and _you deserved better._ I'm glad you have the power to speak out about it. 🙏
I was sent to a therapist as a child. When I mentioned an incident of abuse where my step mother threw my little brother down the stairs and then was kicking him in the face, she called me a liar, called my parents in and forced me to accuse them to their face. Of course, I got the shit beat out of me when I got home. I wouldn’t talk to anyone like that if you held a gun on me. Sorry, you seem like a nice person but I could never take that chance
Say samething like that to the face of your own abuser? How? Why? That does not make any sense! Sure it is against something! At least common sense. Even standing little kids in the playground and letting them confront each other is a long overcome thing at least by pros. Very sorry you had to go throuhg that!
@@Vanda-il9ul It was a fundamental Christian thing. “ honor thy father and mother”. I went to the principal in my elementary school to ask for help and that was what he told me. Then he gave me the strap which was a leaded strap of conveyor belt they would beat your hand with. After they were finished, your hand would be swollen up and bruised and you couldn’t close it for several days. That was when they believed on corporal punishment in schools. He told me if he ever heard me dishonoring my parents again, I would be strapped again. This was in Canada in the early 1960s. This was the same time the churches were running all the Indian schools and killed all those young Indian children.
Most professionals in the field are total narcissists.. and have zero ability for psychoanalysis - wouldn’t know who is lying v. who is telling the truth.
Psychology is VERY real.
But the professional of psychology? A disgrace
It attracts some of the worst people.
I am SO SORRY. They should’ve NEVER done that shit to you. I think if you really need a way to express your emotions you could journal! That’s what I do anyway and it really helps without having all the risk that comes with a therapist
I loved my psychologist for #4. Whenever she would suggest something that made me tense up, she would ask: "okay, what thoughts are popping up right now?" Or sometimes, "what's stopping you from wanting to try this right now?" I absolutely loved it, because it kept the conversation going while still validating my fears or hesitations. In that way, we've adjusted many a strategy or tool into something I felt comfortable with (and sometimes we didn't need to change it at all, just my mindset)
my therapist does the same! whenever she feels i tense up, or she hears that i go quiet for a long period of time; she always says “what thoughts are popping up?” i think it’s good, it makes me feel comfortable
Do a video on why some people shouldn't be therapists
*Why most people who are therapists, shouldn’t be therapists
I'm talking princesses who want the paycheck... I have no time for rich girls who have no real life experience. Hard knocks is earned not learned, sorry katy
@@zachwilson9824 but you should be fair and say that nobody should become a therapist then. Those who had it easy in life can't relate to their patients and those with hardships won't even make it that far. It's complete bs.
@jayna1140 if you think those who've had hardships won't make it that far then you should take a look in the mirror
@@zachwilson9824Well, I just don't know many therapists who can genuinely relate to the insane degree of struggle their patients have...
Be aware that a therapist may have the power to commit a patient to a 72-hour involuntary hold if they say certain things about suicidal ideation.
in america they hold people for 48 hours for 0 reasons at all to try to put them in a section or title (every state its own number) i know montana and massachusetts both section 12
i know most states and that happened since obama destroyed the hospitals it used to be for suicide watch but now they try to unbankrupt the hospitals that way and biden made that impossible
dont know about my comment being on hold or the government eating it from my other channel but in america it used to be 48 hours and now that applies to no matter what unless somebody smart enough to sign nothing
I think it's important to remember that therapists and other health professionals have that "power" to protect the patient. The "certain things" the patient could say that would lead to using that power are about having an immediate plan. Saying something like "I sometimes think the world would be better off without me" or "I don't see any reason to live" or even "I know it's not going to get better and I can't take it any longer" are different from "I've given away my valuables, my mom is watching my cats, I've said good bye, I'm just waiting for my roommates to leave for the weekend". I would rather Cherise and Greg had been involuntarily committed rather than memorialized.
If you are having thoughts of suicide, or hopelessness you should share them with your therapist or other health professionals earlier so that it doesn't come to an involuntary hold commitment. If you are struggling with intrusive thoughts of suicide but you aren't planning suicide, you should share that too. There is help for you. And I hope that help doesn't come as a involuntary commitment; especially if you are sincerely not an immediate danger to yourself or others, but if you are an immediate danger to yourself I am so sorry but I do hope you are involuntarily committed. It is awful and I wish it wasn't. I wish every hospital mental health ward had properly staffed beds with compassionate nurses, social workers and support staff.
So yes, be aware that a therapist may have the power to commit a patient to an involuntary hold if they say certain things about suicidal ideation. But please don't be afraid of it or hide any thoughts because of it. Be honest and upfront about any thoughts of suicide because involuntary commitment is not the first choice of help, it is not the only option until it is.
I'm sorry for the rant. I know people who have been involuntarily committed. I know it was scary and a bad experience and I sincerely don't wish their experiences on anyone. But I know people who weren't committed too. And I can still call the people who were.
Be more worried about a divorce attorney subpoenaing their records and putting them on the witness stand in a child custody case.
@@CurseTheDarkness actually the child either decides and no case or fifty fifty
the time when there needs to be a court case when the parent known to be abusive and somebody fights for pure rights against the childs wishes
almost always fifty fifty and i knew a child who got to choose and decided mom over dad but i think saw both but didnt want to switch from house to house (school might have been a factor)
very rare for a witness stand to be around
30 years of PTSD therapy....whether it was my wonderful therapist or in the hospital; I just couldn't let them know how badly I was doing at home. I would over medicate like a crazy woman....I could not let them think that they were not helping me...but around year 20 I had a therapist who helped by allowing me to hold up a sign saying that I wasn't feeling well...aka...not going well. It really helped.
In the public system in my country they tell you that they are helping you and that you will get it sooner or later and that's that. The therapist I got simply told me that she understands what I am saying, though I never saw any sign of that and none of her actual responses were any indication. I was too scared to find a new one because I barely even got this one. There was a process involved and I was only given therapy after lengthy appeals which I was scared I was not going to make through again.
I love that I can actually talk about anything with my therapist and that she has never judged me or made a weird face. Even with hard topics such as suicide or sexuality. I feel safe with her. Therapy changed my life ❤
Same with me and my therapist. Only thing I've found VERY difficult is telling of very dirty and or taboo sexual needs. I really wish there was a way to test these subjects.
Can't say the same about mine unfortunately. However, I changed therapist and now it's way better.
Same here.. never a flicker of judgement in her eyes. It's important.🌞
That is so nice. I wonder what it feels like not being judged. While this was what my therapist preached, I felt so judged by her many times. Some sessions were great, some sessions I felt worse than before I walked in. There were times I actually was so offended by her judgement I was mad for weeks afterwards. She always say the key was to mirror, validate, empathize. But when she tried to do that to me (mirroring what I have just said and attempt to validate ...etc.) it just felt like she was patronizing me and clearly she wasn't even listening. I think I might have continued to go see her but the pandemic hits and it was worse doing the sessions virtually. So I stopped. She was a nice lady though.
Exactly...anything...thats the point of theraphy.
My eyes widened at #3. I have BPD and I feel that way. Only I don’t lie about it. I straight up will say “I’m afraid to get better sometimes because it makes me fear the end of our relationship. It would feel like abandonment even though I know it isn’t.”
The good thing for my therapist is that I’m super articulate and not shy. 😂
Ikr do NOT REFER ME TO someone else ahhh nightmare haha
But I try to be really honest, I'm paying someone to help me and being dishonest is generally going to backfire
Therapy is hard and I almost never trust a male therapist. One man I was in therapy with years ago kept inviting me to dinner. I couldn't trust him. I felt that he used my information against me when I explained my inability to refuse sexual advances from strangers. I should be able to change therapists if I'm uncomfortable. I'm also afraid of what they know about me, and that's scary too. Thank you, Katie, it's hard not to lie at times, particularly if I think it could land me back on the ward. I wish you had been my therapist.
Eww, I would have reported him immediatly. He is abusing his power and imbalance the patient-doctor relationship.
Okay but not all male therapist are like that. I'm sure it's rare. I have a male psychologist and he's delightful.
It took you months to figure out your client wasn't doing well?. Yikes!.
Just bc your male therapist was inappropriate, doesn't mean all of them are....
Oh, my god this is absolutely disgusting and horrifying.
Friend of mine was forced admission for suicidal thoughts when he was younger. It is protocol for people who "are a real danger to themselves or others" in my country. But I can imagine people not wanting to be forced to do something, even if it's in their best interest. After all, someone having thoughts of self-harm or suicide doesn't mean they're going to do it. The fact that they're openly expressing it actually shows deep down they don't want to do it... they just don't want to feel so sad anymore. Someone who is really intent on dying doesn't tell anyone, because they don't want anyone to stop them. I'm saying this as someone who used to auto-mutilate and was depressed and suicidal for years. Never saw a psychiatrist for either. The few people that cared about me saved me from it. They gave me such meaningful experiences that I couldn't throw away an unwritten future and all the good it might still hold.
I auto-mutilated to have control over my pain. The physical pain was an outlet for my emotional pain. I'm definitely not advising anyone does this. I'm just saying that's how it felt. It was relaxing to see the blood seep out of my arm, knowing it was pain that I chose, rather than pain other people chose for me. When I decided to stop, I carried around the knife for months without using it. Like walking around with a pack of cigarettes without smoking any. Just having it there was enough to give me that sense of control, that peace of mind. And when I put it in a box and stopped carrying around, it was because I had created the same control without having to hurt myself. People can still hurt me. But if they do it's nothing I haven't felt before, and if someone hurts me intentionally my grief is only there to teach me to stay away from them.
Now, decades later, I see emotions as a warning system and a diagnostic tool. They are a part of me that I don't have agency over. I don't suppress my emotions but I don't let them dominate me either. I feel what I feel, then I figure out why I feel what I feel, and then I act according to my expectations and intent towards the future. I'll probably be depressed many times to come (I'm a kind-hearted fool who sees and cares too much), but I doubt I'll ever be suicidal again. I've decided long ago that I'll take the ride of life, wherever it takes me, and see it through. No point deciding if it was all worth it until its natural conclusion.
Best of luck to anyone who reads this. There is a serene lake to be found, where we challenge and change the parts of life within our influence and accept the parts of life outside of it. And if someone's hurting you, but you're afraid of living independently, I can say that it will have its challenges, but it is infinitely better than being someone's (emotional or physical) punching bag. You're not to blame for someone else hurting you. The problem originates within them. And when you leave them, you'll still have to treat your scars, but the pain will stop accumulating.
Sometimes the root cause of lying to your therapist is because other therapists reject you after you finally get the confidence and trust them enough to admit to them that you want help with this major thing. Back before the Covid pandemic, where you saw your therapist in person; I finally built enough trust with my therapist to finally confess that I have a problem I want help fixing. I broke down in tears, spilling my guts, crying, saying I want help because I know this is wrong but I need to stop bottling this up. This therapist switched me to a different therapist, after I spilled my guts because I finally felt comfortable enough to admit I need help; I get stabbed with this ice cold knife of indirectly saying "I can't deal with you." My therapist didn't directly say it but her saying something like "this will be our last session, I'm switching you to a different therapist" at the end of our session; again I was shocked at the reaction of horror after spilling my guts so I don't remember exactly what my therapist said. So, I just lie and realize I'll never get help getting totally over my trauma because if I ever tell a therapist again that my trama has scared me so deeply; I'll get dropped like a boiling hot potato and kicked to someone else.... so why ruin the trust and comfort I spent years building up, by admitting I have a deeper wound. Ya just will get kicked to someone else who you will need to build trust up enough with to feel comfortable to soothe the surface scars, talk to again about the trauma and dig into the layers of your trama again.
Vulnerability is hard, especially when it has backfired or our trust has been betrayed in the past. I've struggled with it before, and I'm still working on it now. Just know that there are good therapists out there who could be a better match for you. If you aren't ready to open up about something, that’s ok; there’s no shame in that. If you're struggling to open up or be vulnerable, that could be a good place to start with your therapist. The other stuff can follow whenever you are ready. Just keep fighting, and don't give up. I believe in you!!
Another root cause of lying is that an abusive family system may have taught us to lie throughout our childhood in order to protect ourselves or them. Until we feel we can trust someone, this is how life is. I'm thankful that I've finally found a therapist I can trust and am now able to tell her things I've never been able to talk about with other therapists - and I'm 60+ years old!
Idk, you have taken that a personally. Maybe the therapist realized that they are out of their depths. Trying to help someone that you can't, can sometimes make things worse.
MY ISSUES HAVE BEEN "THEY HEAR WHAT THEY WANT", WITHOUT NOTATING THE TRUE SITUATION. I have been disrespected and treated so badly from silence, emotions: sad,tears,upset, and judged. I am aware signs that need to ne looked for. However, my Dr NOT therapist was attempting to DX me with Bipolar as I explained I am understood why my PCP placed that but it was not a proper evaluation only me stating what I was feeling. The person of this convo went on telling how she observe the DX within me. I asked her more indebt questions and without a care in the world based off her demeanor, language and speech DID NOT CARE! I read the notes she taken and realized once again incomplete notes. I also made statements that she missed but I realize I am my own advocate prioritizing my Heavenly Faith First. I understand everyone do not follow nor feel the same. My point is anytime I have questions or debate humbly (that's important) I am seen as unruly, not following behavior contracts when I am only asking questions and correcting mistakes. Constructive Criticism is fine by me but Criticism and never Constructive is an issue all because I have been 'LABELED'!! I use to be proud that I chose a plan an option for my health treatment along with extra curricular positive activities. It has came to my attention this doesn't matter when the focus is the circle of insurance payments and money paid involved!
My therapist knows everything about me and it’s such a relief that I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. She has been so supportive and helpful in my journey to heal.
While the advice in this video might make logical sense, this is actually easily said than done if you don't have access to good mental health programs. If you're using Medicaid in an area where the few options have more cases than they can handle and the counselors are overworked... saying the wrong thing can lead to what feels like punishment because next thing you're being told they can't service you anymore and you need to go elsewhere. You try to call other places, and they're also telling you they can't help you for one reason or the other for answering a question the wrong way. It honestly feels like a way to quickly thin the herd by asking you a set of questions they know you'll get wrong because you have no idea why they're asking. That's when you start to figure that maybe you should not share as much and only stick to a couple of things in order to get SOME help, because some help is maybe better than no help. Granted, I'm starting to think that bad help is worse than zero help. My point is, a lot of people lie because all the red tape doesn't really allow for full honesty. I'm sure this is different in private practices, and might even vary from state to state... but keep in mind that a ton of people are reacting to a system that has maybe shattered the spirits of those who went into the profession in the first place, and those people in return shatter those who go to them for help. It's like an abusive parent who was also abused as a child and the cycle continues.
It's true. And finding a private practice therapist who offers sliding scale may be better.
this should be the top comment holy moly you're insightful 👏
100% agree. The public mental health system and government funded organisations in many countries are less than desirable.
Private practice is very different and I think that's the place Kati is coming from.
Yeah I was honest and ended up out of any therapy for over a year because nobody would help me because my case was too complicated. If someone would treat the ed, they couldn't do the bpd, if someone could do the bpd, they couldn't do the Ed, and so on. Then I finally found someone who would work with me and I've come so far. Even though I still struggle, I'm attempt free for over a year now (huge for me) thanks to her
It makes me wonder if many of us would be better off with peer-run groups that aren't exclusive... in the way that AA is structured. Alanon or LSAA are probably options for most of us.
I've had several situations where professionals disregarded ethics and either were abusive, unethical ...one even suggested they would like to fulfil their fantasy with me. I avoided receiving any kind of treatment for years because of broken trust and now am having to deal with health issues that require treatment. I'm trying, once again, to approach this with an open mind by talking with my new doctor, who so far has checked all the ethical boxes and being supportive, and new therapist after many years without - still kind of getting to know her. It's damm hard work building trust when some in the system have been abusive.
Shoudl have reported the nasty therapist.
@@marisamartin3664 He was reported by several women as well as myself - and he's long gone. Never saw jail, but lost everything including his pension, and future jobs in the career he was working in. Last job was pumping gas. He died about 5 years ago, maybe more.
In 2020 my best friend died in a fire. I had depression before (I was never diagnosed until then but I believe it started all the way back in school).
His death, lockdown and the high demands in my work (nurse) finally pushed my into a mental breakdown and I decided to seek help. Most therapists didn't even see me and gave the reason to have no capacities for new patients. One saw me and it was awful for me. While she actually gave me a written diagnosis for depression the talk was really aggravating for me.
She did a good job on the assessment, it took about nearly one and a half hours, but in the end she didn't look at me once and asked "so, how do you want me to help you?"
Ok, fair question, making sure where I stand and such...
I told her I know that I had to put the work into it but hoped she could give me guidelines, teach me possible coping machanisms I might not have thought of or didn't know or such. That I wanted to learn ways to handle this in a healthier way than not being able to leave the bed.
She looked at me and said: "and how do you think I should do that? What kind of therapie do you think we should do?"
At that point my mind was like Lady, if I knew that I would be a therapist and would have no need for therapie. I get compliance and all that stuff after all I work in the medical field, but I shouldn't have to tell my therapist how to do his/her job.
In the end I never went again and worked on it on my own. Luckily I had a very understanding and helpful partner.
Sounds like a nightmare. The lockdowns were hard, especially on the mental health system. There were shortages both in meds and qualified personnel. I read that psych facilities here in NYC had gotten MUCH worse. Even fancy private hospitals were very subpar. Just remember, where there is life there is hope.
My therapist abandoned me when I was in a really bad situation in my life and relapsed on substances after I told her a bit later about it. Therapists are rare here and I needed 9 months to find another one. If I would ever relapse again I would not tell it anyone, unfortunately.
Say it to Jesus
I feel fortunate to have found a therapist who I worked with for 7 years. It was a formative relationship in many ways.
I decided to go back to therapy and today was my first day with my therapy and the first thing she did before allowing me to speak freely was explain patient confidentiality! I already knew all this but I’m still glad she went over it with me!
One of my first therapists threatened me to delay my majority age (to avoid that I could relaese myself). I was 17 at that time, highly anorexic, depressed and seriously underweight. My mother forced-tricked me into hospital and therapy-wise, looking back it is obvious how it could never work out. Well, I gained weight, because I was helpless against it, but in therapy I held back a lot. I was terrified of the threat and never told anything that I feared could be used "against me" and thus delay my majority. I still don't know how realistic that possibility would actually have been, but it scared me enough to not risk anything.
So most of the therapy was pretending and trying to guess what the thereapist would want to hear, and mostly, not saying a word about the darkest thoughts.
Now, decades later, I am glad that I have a really good therapist whom I trust completely and that I can be honest with him, tell everything. Still difficult, but without that trust there is not even a chance of improving.
Forced therapy never works as well I know, I was a victim.
Therapy might work in that you are an adult, not connected in any way to a career or a forced counseling, it might work. I have no idea as I've never had real therapy that wasn't pushed on my and made mandated on me. I feel I was so much more stable than any of the therapists, they seemed off-kilter or just off and at least harmful , at best just money grubbing.
Ah yes, attempting a shock-based CBT on a _child_ . Lovely therapist you had there (not).
@@AntonYadrov777 yes... took me years to consider trusting a therapist again. I can only hope they do things better today.
@@mangantasy289 at least you were able find a good one eventually. Wish it was possible where I live (ruzzia). Definitely can't get better by myself.
Reading all the comments by people who were forcibly hospitalized, I'm feeling even more lucky with my therapist. He reacted very calmly to my confession, asked about and helped me express my reasoning, and helped me regulate my own emotions.
I am so lucky to have an incredibly compassionate therapist, i have a great respect for anyone who can commit such time and energy into helping us get better
If your abuser is narcissistic and elderly, such as a grandparent, they will almost always claim they are being abused and you are the abuser. They can use therapy or any means of systems that are supposed to protect people against you.
I am going through that exact scenario right now with my mother. Take care.
My evil grandmother is a social worker /substance abuse counselor. I had to stop being in relationship with her because she is so deeply hurtful.
Was in some sort of school-sanctioned therapy from the time I was in 4th grade to my first year of college. Every bright-eyed therapist I saw over the years tried their little hearts out to make CBT work for me. I felt like a failure bc nothing they did for me worked. We tried every single trick and I was still having multiple meltdowns a week through my senior year of high school, and I struggled with friendships and such constantly. It got to the point where the staff just started throwing me into a little room and locking it when I was having a meltdown and the social worker was unavailable.
I haven’t been in therapy for over a year, although I do speak to a psychiatrist every 8-12 weeks for medication and a case worker twice a year. Not being in therapy anymore has given me a chance to think for myself and look back at what was/is still going on with me. I decided to drop out of college this spring at the end of my sophomore year, so I’ve had even more time (apart from having a job) to work on myself.
After hours of research and discussions with both my psychiatrist and case manager, turns out I’m fucking autistic!! They’ve referred me to a specialist to see about getting a diagnosis
Fellow autistic person here: WHY DID THEY LOCK YOU IN A ROOM?!?!?😢
Also, congrats for being on the spectrum! The more of us out there, the better we can help each other❤
I really feel for hallucinations. AKA ET
These guys have issues too.
Not even considered real
Worse than an illegal alien.
i m not allowed too return home without a gold alert and then being possibly forced too return too this community.
I'm not from here I've been here 30 years, town is dull and xenophobic. Not much progress here. Different culture southern and myself am Midwestern.
Town known for xenophobia.
At least the mental health authorities understand what it is too be an outsider.
In contrast the last city was fellowship all week long
I believe it's geographic
Congrats!!
Always be very careful about what you say and don't assume a mental hospital is a good one or it has your best interest in mind. Things to keep in mind: My son was once threatened by a psychiatrist with one year of lock up in a mental hospital unless he consented to electric shock therapy. Yes, it still happends in the US and he had the shock therapy. That happened in Florida. Years later he went voluntarily to a mental hospital and he never came out alive. An autopsy later showed that he died of Clozopine toxcicity due to an accidental overdose given to him by staff. That happened in Arizona. Nothing was ever done to the hospital even though I was later told by various case managers that they, "wouldn't take their dog there."
I'm a therapist and I have my own bad therapist story. It happened in my teens. I didn't go back until I was almost 30 and it helped me enough that it motivated me to become a therapist. If you had a bad experience, I encourage you to try again. Get recommendations from people you know if you can. Think of initial session as an interview. Ask the therapist about their philosophy and approach. Just like with any relationship, if you see red flags don't ignore them. And if you don't click, move on. A good therapist will understand and will not take this personally.
Bad therapists are absolute monsters
Some things are really embarrassing to tell anyone. If a therapists asks you a question and it makes you uncomfortable or it is embarrassing to you what I have found helps me instead of lying about it is to just say that you would rather not talk about it. This gives you both an opening. The therapist knows there is something there and how to tread lightly and you do not have to blast out these things that may need to be handled in a different way. Example: I have PTSD and some of the trauma that I have my therapist NEVER asks me about. The reason is because after that hour is up they get to move on and I have to sit with my trauma again. So instead she knows SOMETHING is there and when I need to say something I will. So instead of lying to keep from opening a wound or embarrassing yourself just let them know that it is something you may need some time on and I have found that they understand that.
One time I was brutally honest with a therapist and they fired me. I was asking for help with my teenage daughter and told her I felt so helpless. She fired me instead of suggesting things. Worst therapist ever. It sucked. Made me feel so ashamed.
The ending of the therapy was probably done in your own best interest. What if the subject matter was too provoking or hard for whatever reason, what if the therapist felt they weren't best placed to support you? If they didn't want to give a reason then they were probably trying to maintain boundaries.
@@Musarrat19 That's a massive leap and an assumption that doesn't match with what she just said. She was asking for help and felt helpless. If the therapist wasn't able to offer that help, they would have said so, and likely offered a referral elsewhere. They could have suggest the daughter start seeing a therapist, for example. They can't just can you and shut the door; very unprofessional. Has nothing to do with keeping "her best interests" in mind or maintaining boundaries. Too provoking?? Then get a new job or clarify what type of work you do. Ridiculous.
Fired you?
@@nyx9875 this is also a massive speculation because the only information we were given was that their sessions were terminated. It could have been anywhere from "oh you're having child problems? Get out my office immediately! I never want you here again!" or it could have been a discussion leading to dismissal and maybe even referrals which would be suggestions but to the patient's interpretation not suggestions with the problem the patient wanted. Regardless we don't know anything about this case other than the sessions were terminated and how the patient felt about it. (Which is also an inference because they told us "fired")
Why did she fire you?
These comments make me glad for my therapist. I was never suicidal per se, so I can’t speak on that, but he definitely respected that shit needed worked out
When you're a little too honest with your therapist:
🚔FBI OPEN UP🚔
thats true that why therapy doesnt work and is a broken system
therapy works for a lot of people. And for me atleast, i don't have anything that would take me to being investigated by fbi but ok.
@dav0111 it doesnt work for the people its supposed to work.
Things not to tell therapists:
- natural and meaningful negative thoughts due to an underlying circumstance
Things to tell therapists:
- surface level meaningless events in your life such as “josh made fun of my hair” or “my mom and dad sometimes yell at each other while I’m sleeping”
wouldn't it be the opposite?
Don't give up
Y-You're joking, right?
True! Also don't tell them if you think something is wrong with what they say as they're extremely sensitive about their own competence and mind-reading skills.
@@sylwiapro2791If the therapist thinks that way they should be fired or switch therapists. NEVER stick to a therapist with that mindset. If you feel that therapist isn’t helping you then tell them and they can recommend one that they think will benefit you.
One of the issues I was seeking therapy for was my dismissal/minimization of my issues. Therapy was used against me by my abusive mother.
Part of it is also wanting to believe I'm doing better than I am.
I didn't realize I was doing it recently and my therapist actually suggested meeting every other week "since I'm doing so good"
I've also had multiple therapists fire me cuz my issues were too difficult for them to help me with. So there's a fear that sharing everything will make them leave too.
Seek out a real psychic or card reader.... far better and quicker answers on how to proceed in life, plus no "control-grid" licensee protecting their paycheck or workin'papers (license to charge insurance companies for services rendered) at the disrespect of your confidence and trust. 💁Rule by insurance companies, or license boards is never a good medical or psychological treatment strategy.
@@JLu20please don’t suggest this to people, I know many people believe in things like that, but I don’t think it’s going to help in place of therapy. People often seek out things like physics as a last resort and can end up doing or thinking things that aren’t safe or healthy for them.
Fire you?
@@luigiprovencher You've never been fired by a therapist? Damn, lucky you. I've gotten fired by a couple now because they didn't feel qualified to help me (and one because they took it as an insult when I said I've had bad experiences with therapists, told me the problem was obviously that I wasn't trying hard enough and that if I was going to adopt that sort of attitude I needed to see someone else, but that lasted all of one session so I usually don't count it)
@@Kevin-cf9nl Nope. You can't be fired. Lol I don't think that it's the right word for it.
It's so sad to hear of people having difficult experiences with their therapists but encouraging that others have great experiences with theirs. Never give up on yourself and your life. If it didn't work out with one person, it'll work with another. I've been going for two years and it's helped me out significantly
Therapist: "What we talk about together will never leave this room".
45 minutes later
"Jerry come to my room I just had the craziest patient"
As someone recovered from an eating disorder, I can definitely say that the urge to lie is huge! The eating disorder serves as a coping mechanism for difficult things in life, and in a way, it feels like a therapy. Following the ed's voice is so tempting because it offers (false)-feelings of security, control, and stress alleviation like how therapy does. However, the eating disorder also slowly breaks you down both physically and mentally, so at first it feels so good, but then you realize how bad it is, and yet you cannot stop your behaviors. Those behaviors include lying, because you do not want to let go of your ed, or rather, your ed does not want to let go of you. Studies have shown that those who suffer w eds actually have high IQs, and so of course lying comes naturally to many of us because of our fast brains (of course, the sicker you are, the less lies you'll be able to come up w because your brain is starved and doesn't work properly).
All that is to say that holy crap was a good lier. My ability to make up a lie and dictate my body language and voice to make it supwer believable was scarily good. However, that's the reason I graduated with no friends, having wasted four years of my life to tend to my ed's wants and desires. Having an ed is scary, and it makes you dpo things that you would have never have done otherwise.
Dont lie to your therapists people. If you don't like them/vibe with them/ feel safe with them, get a new one rather than waste your money and your life lying.
Also be aware that Therapists are “mandated reporters”. This means anything that leads them to believe something bad is going on forces them by law, to report it to social services. Most people in therapy don’t realize how many times Division of Family Services gets reports about them. It’s just that DFS tends to not investigate very many because they are understaffed.
I said I was having suicidal thoughts before and was sent to the hospital. It made things WAY WAY WAY worse, and it is the reason I no longer want to open up in therapy. I realized I have no free will, and the government will do whatever they want to clean up the trash that I am. I feel horrible about it. The only thing I like to do is journal. I really don’t trust anybody else with my thoughts.
Journaling is very healing.
It's been a while since I thought this, but there were times in the past when if I had told my therapist every time I had a suicidal impulse I never would have left the hospital.
This all presumes the therapist is reliable, healthier than you are, not arrogant, and generally knows what they’re talking about. Not reliable assumptions for many or most therapists. There are good ones out there, but are probably extremely rare.
I rolled my eyes at the title of the video, but everything in here was stuff that actually made my therapy sessions more efficient and helped me progress a lot better.
i struggled for most of my life.then about a year ago i met a caseworker and a Dr that turned out to be lifesavers. i can literally tell them anything,ive strongly disagreed ,they stuck with me,on the really bad days without fail,they are there.I finally found REAL help.
I remember I had a therapist when I went to this long-term mental facility for minors before I turned 18 years old. My mental health was terrible at the time, and to top that off, I was given the wrong medication. Therefore, I was having psychotic episodes and getting intrusive thoughts, feelings, and urges to attack people, even if they were just coughing. Two of them were my crush and her partner. I told my therapist about this, but she just said, "I think it's just you."
Like, WTF?
How are you now? Honestly
My meds made me get urges to hurt people as well! And insomnia, and anxiety, and I couldn’t eat much. That’s why I came off them. Worse than the bloody disorder.
I've been abandoned, lied to and judged by therapists. The problem with therapists is that they would rather believe each other than their patients.
I feel like there are too many therapists in the field who don’t actually want to help people for some reason. Like, they just want the paycheck. It isn’t how it should be, but I feel like it’s slowly changing. Luckily the first therapist I got as an adult is amazing but I understand that there are some therapists out there who aren’t as amazing
@@niconova25 that being the case, I'm curious, what are you basing this on? 🤷🏻♀️
Those are cultists not therapists.
@@gethelp6271 and the worst thing is that these exact kinds of "people" have the least trouble getting their therapist qualifications. Actually understanding, logical and compassionate therapists are few and far between, and tend to burn out much faster, for obvious reasons.
@@AntonYadrov777 yea its pretty bad and has been that way for longer than it might seem. I found the Alice Miller material very revealing.
Do not tell them you have suicidal ideation or anything like that because it will follow and haunt you from that point on, or you could be forcibly institutionalized when you many not need it (you know if you need it or you don't).
On a totally different note, I have reached the point in therapy where my therapist said she has exhausted all her options and she wants me to see a psychiatrist but I am unwilling to do so for a number of various reasons, so I am about to unfortunately do the right thing and stop seeing her. I'm stuck in my rut and she has essentially told me if I can't see the psychiatrist we can keep talking in circles if we want, but it had been about 2 years of her seeing me, and it has basically made the impression on me that I am hopeless to be fixed.
I cannot burden her or waste her time anymore. I am depressed and hate myself totally, but I cannot justify abusing her time and services adn energy. I have officially lost all hope to even be better. Funniest part, is I have no intention of telling her my true feelings. I am going to amicably tell her I think I can do well on my own from this point forward.
your therapist actually cares so much about you, know why? she recognizes that you need more than she can give you and wants to get you the help you deserve, not because of hate. she has gone out of her way to get you in good hands because you definately deserve it
you've come a long way and been through a lot of shit so don't give up now
@@condensedmilk28not enough information to make that assumption
ngl she sounds like she sucks. i had a therapist like that for two years as well and she had no idea what she was doing
another two years later i got a new therapist who actually gave a shit about what was going on in my brain and even managed to figure out that I was suicidal but knew that forced hospitalization would make it so much worse and gave me resources to handle it better
I'm beyond help. I can't be fixed. I can't see a psych, but I came to terms and gave up hope of the life I want for myself. I briefly stopped therapy but managed to find a new issue that I can talk to her about. Just regular talk therapy is good for my anxiety and my life in general, even though my actual self esteem and hope will never be possible. @@condensedmilk28
you are so lucky because that is gonna go on a record of some kind and your therapist is a mandated reporter, i can't believe she didn't have you sent off (no offense, genuine reaction) @@planta-ray
I have been in therapy for over 30 years. Im in my 40s. Let me share some things. Try out different therapists find one you feel comfortable with, there is all sorts of kinds. Dont try to impres your therapist. And there is different types of therapy. Never see the same therapist as a family member or maybe even people you talk about with them. It puts them in an awkward spot if the agree to at all. At the end of the day i wish you all safe travels on the road to a happier you.
Very insightful observations, particularly in "Don't try to impress your therapist." I would like to add that this isn't only in the TRYING to show your self-awareness and intelligence, then dismiss it with wry humor. It's also in "the props" one carries into the room in which the consultation or analysis is taking place: a well worn copy of a novel, symbols of financial security or affluence, and even in the timbre of voice in which we chose academic language and smooth away the local accent one that is less "place-able" in terms of locale and social class. It''s great to be able to clearly get across the level at which you are functioning, but putting on a performance blinds you, the paying client, to the interview you're conducting in vetting a capable, compatible human who is actively listening, asking questions without speaking over you or interrupting.
I love all of this.
I remember once when I had admitted myself to the hospital and was sent to a college counselor for follow-up though and she had me sign a suicide/self harm contract though and honestly it just made me feel like she didn't understand or believe the severity of how I was feeling.
If I'm feeling suicidal and it's to a point where I'm actually at risk, having signed a contract or a piece of paper isn't going to stop me and it felt really fake to go through those motions as though it was legally binding somehow. I would have felt a lot more supported with just promising not to do those things person to person.
That said, I'm still here though, so who knows?
Willing to contract to not harm yourself is like a thing... Like it's on the list of things you're supposed to do as a health care provider and like statistically the person is less likely to kill themselves if they contract not to. (I'm a nurse and it's on one of the suicide risk assessment things like "Is patient willing to contract not to hurt themselves? Yes/no")
So nothing personal. She was just doing one of the things we're supposed to do. We're all just shootin in the dark here. 😉
You decided to stay here. Don't be too dependent.
A perfectly timed video for me, thank you!
I swear TH-cam must be listening to my phone 24/7 as I was just chatting to a couple of friends today about my very uncomfortable first intake/assessment appointment with a new, supposed trauma specialist psychologist today.
It was a 3-hour appointment. (Waaaay longer than my attention span or energy levels could handle). I'd been referred to him for EMDR therapy for PTSD and CPTSD. Apart from the first 30-minutes of me giving him the bullet points version of my psychiatric history, the rest of the session was a very long-winded sales pitch by him on how EMDR works and him rambling on and drawing weird diagrams and notes to demonstrate his points. I just zoned out and then he'd click his fingers and use a "naughty kid" condescending voice on me saying "Lisa, I need you to come back to me now." Then he diagnosed me with DID, which I had never heard of but looked it up when I got home; it's Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder) because he said I was very easily triggered and dissociative multiple times during our session! Yeah dude, having PTSD makes you dissociate, especially if you seem to be treating me like a naughty kid and, against your position of "specialist", I'd rather freeze than call you out on it!
It all ended with him showing me the long list of benefits the treatment would give me and then asked me what I was prepared to "give up" to have them. I didn't understand, he said "financially", how much could I commit to the extensive treatment my level of Disorder required. I was shocked! I'm homeless and live in an RV on disability and he was asking me to "give something up!"
Needless to say I won't be going back there!
#5 never tell your therapist that you are suicidal becuase they will have you arrested and you'll end up with a huge hospital bill which wont help your depression and anxiety at all because most people can't afford a big hospital bill.
they basically just kidnap and rob you then dump you at home a few days later
Right and forcing pills on you and trapping you in a hospital jail is sooooo helpful. Oh then the doctor you suffer through days to see tells you you’re delusional when you say you feel awful and your legs are numb. Yeah $8,000 for that. The help hurts makes it worse and this is a barbaric reality that too many people are ignorant to who promote this system. Its horrible.
@@Mysticacreator Maybe, but I think part of the counterpoint is that a bad hospitalization can simultaneously manage to NOT make a person less suicidal, add layers onto existing trauma, and can mean a person is never honest to a therapist again. You can read some proper horror stories in the other top comments. If I had a suicidal friend, it would make me terrified to recommend therapy...
The thing that makes me so mad is that the people who are the most broken are also the ones who can least defend themselves against bad practice. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO ABOUT THAT?! They can't set boundaries, don't know how to read red flags... to a bad actor therapist (or even just an incompetent one), they can be a feeding buffet and a money-faucet to boot!
But if a person CAN set boundaries, do research to learn about the risks of therapy (everything in life has risk), if you are only mildly damaged or have worked through some of your material yourself, I think the chances of getting taken advantage of go down... and it kind of pisses me off. It's just frustrating how backward that seems (as someone with probably relatively fewer issues to work through than someone with recurring suicidal thoughts).
So your just gonna not get help? Your just gonna keep having those thoughts? Why are you encouraging unhealthy behavior
If you are like me, you would just keep on attempting suicide until you're dead.
I have lied to my therapist once. Basically, I got tortured by a demonic entity but said an ex boyfriend did that to me. I lied because I felt embarrassed over the unique, seemingly unheard of situation. When I told him and apologized he said it was appreciated. And now he has been helping me through the trauma. Best doctor I ever had
If youre ok with it can i hear more about what happened??
@@M-rw9en She entered my life out of the blue and had put me through years of torture. I have gained scars on my body from it but most were psychological. I can never forget that time of my life. Thankfully my relationship with the demonic entity is better now. I was able to stand up for myself and she isn't doing that to me anymore. Her main reason was because she was angry at God but has recently made amends with Him. He offered her a place back in heaven and said her role to me is now a guardian angel. Even so I'll never forget the things she did to me
@@katrinasimard8260this is terrifying AF. I believe you. I am manifesting freedom and security for you.
I'm glad you're healing but ngl this reminds me of Jekyll and Hyde for some reason 😭
@@RipRip-f1s this demonic entity is like a Jekyll and Hyde. Right now these two sides of her are fighting. She wants to hurt me so badly yet she wants us to have a healthy relationship. So far she's doing a good job. She hasn't tortured me for a year now. Though some of her abusive tendencies are still there but she's trying to communicate better. And she gets hard on herself when she slips. Though the only difference between Jekyll and Hyde and her two sides is that she doesn't view them as different people. Hearing God is also fascinating. He has such a gentle voice
I think its heavily my nature to try to respond "correctly" to treatment or what is expected of me. I can see at times this has caused a backup and then a blowout in my situation/progress.
I've given up on therapy.
Im sorry this is the case. Maybe give it another shot though :)
You fawn, this is a trauma response. It happens to me as well but I am improving
@@mmcuser yes I agree with you, I think it fits the fawning response. I guess through certain times it kept me safe. That's what it's all about , right?
Since the death(homicide) of my 21 yr old Son I haven't been on solid ground.
I had a school psychologist for as long I could remember and they would talk about the things I would share in there, my teachers would always know for some reason, so that made me not trust any other sort of psychology or therapy
Thanks for sharing!
Just curious - have you or other therapists stopped therapy with someone because it was hard for you morally or ethically to work with them; and/or felt you needed to report someone because they admitted to doing something illegal but technically it fell under patient confidentiality. How do you handle those types of situations?
I was so pleased with myself when I told my mom that I had therapy down to a science.
Then I realized I had been following the same formula that I use with everyone: masking and presenting the only sides of myself that I want people to see or am okay with them seeing, because my self-worth depends so much on how other people perceive me. I'm going to have to start over again with my therapist tomorrow.
Thing is that in some places, confidentiality goes out the window if the therapist gets the slightest inkling that you're going to hurt yourself. I can understand them wanting to speak up if you're planning on hurting someone else but I can't ever accept a therapist going behind your back with the idea that he/she is helping you.
If I had to add something to this it's that if you're suicidal, either keep it to yourself or talk to someone you actually know and trust as a friend, rather than a therapist that you know nothing about. Ideally you keep that shit to yourself till the grave, that's the best way to not get locked up in a mental asylum, sadly.
i dont get what they think locking you up does....you have to get out eventually anyhow...whats so much better to being locked away as opposed to getting help on the outside?
Feeling the power, control. Pious self righteousness.
Most therapists/psychologists are narcissists and high functioning sociopaths. Perfect profession to hide.
Keep that in mind.
Honestly, thank you. My school recently found out about my abuse situation and might report it, so I'm telling my therapist to make sure it does.
I love the idea of telling your therapist everything. But, the repercussions to ourselves, and if we are high functioning people with *loved ones who rely on us* , mean we simply cannot afford to take the risk... and yes, this means there are *some* things we just have to bear. I know this isn't a popular answer or the one I'm supposed to say. But, this is life. Life is messy, and consequently, the best solution doesn't always fit into the contextual spectrum of therapy, and telling your therapist *everything*.
Hell, human beings have so many unacceptable thoughts literally all the time, that if they were being transmitted to a therapist, we would all be locked up. It's not what our thoughts are but how we manage them, and how those thoughts translate into behavior, that really matter.
u shouldnt tell ur therapist wveyrthing. u can get urself and someone else in trouble if u hurt someone. ur putting a targer on yourself. thats why alot if people avoid therapy n if they do will do a lot of censorship
I've been in therapy for 22 years. It has never onced helped me. Yes, I've lied to therapists before, especially as a teen. But only because the abuse I was going through would only get worse if I told anyone. My mother and stepfather broke several of my bones when I was 15, because I told my therapist about the sexual abuse they were BOTH doing to me. I've been hospitalized several times, and I'm actually going for an evaluation in a few hours. This is the last time I ever go to a mental hospital, if I ever have to do so again, I WILL end myself.
That is a really awful history I hope you are listened to and validated and find hope for the future
Thank you katie! I have a therapist and ive felt like if i say whats really going on i will be judged..
I already struggle with daily feelings of "im not worthy" but if someone that sees the true problems also thinks im not worthy it will break me..
Im going to confront her about my emotions regarding this.. thank you :DDD
I thought I tend to show "I'm okay" too much to my therapist.. but during the earlier months of my MDD diagnosis, I reached my lowest point where i was starting to have ideations. I literally told my therapist in session and again on email that I was scared of how I was feeling and thinking but she completely let it pass and acted as if I was fine. It felt like I was waving a big white flag in her face but it was invisible to her. So was it really me or just my therapist can't pick up distress signals?
I just went through this last week. I was trying to cry for help and she wasn't seeing it. Part of it is because I have a very hard time finding the right words to describe my anxiety and just how close I was teetering towards relapsing into agoraphobia like I did for 5 years. My long-distance girlfriend ended up saying something that seemed to start the snapping out of it stage. I want to thank her for it but I also don't want her to think that she has any obligation to "save" me from myself. I was just very deep in a spiral and her fear of losing me seemed to be the thing that finally broke through what I already knew was irrational thinking.
It’s frustrating, I had a similar situation where I was starting to have suicidal thoughts but my therapist totally let it slip. The next time I saw her, I said “hey you totally didn’t catch that I felt like this” and she tried to hospitalize me. Just can’t win.
I told a therapist that I thought people were equal to animals and they took me in an ambulance to a hospital. I spent 3 hours in a locked box waiting for a medical doctor. He agreed with me and told me I should set limits with my therapist. It's something I didn't even consider but is valuable advice. It's easy to think therapists are super-people, they're not, they're only human.
They are worse than “human”. They are self righteous narcissists, hiding in a professional where most wouldn’t suspect their disordered behavior.
I learned the hard way of what not to say to therapists or someone who works side by side with LCSW + psychiatrists. I gave my life story to an Entitlement Specialist. I also had my Eight week old daughter with me. I mentioned that my daughter was cranky and I was unable to breastfeed. She called DCS on me & I went through an 18 month ordeal with them. My daughter was given to my in-laws at first with an emergency removal. I had police officers huddling around me as I packed her clothes bag besides her daily diaper bag. I had never felt so lost that night.
Anyway... I had my parental rights terminated. Not a drinker, a druggie, an abuser, nothing, de nada. I was misdiagnosed as Bipolar 1 with Psychosis.
Nope. My daughter was later diagnosed with Asperger's. Ding ding ding. My ocd & anxiety& oppositional defiant disorder etc was Autism Spectrum! I had MDD & PTSD from a Sexual Assault. I was highly overprotective of my daughter and apparently trying to get along with people who hover and boss me is not my strong suit. I was grieving my mom & grandma's & granny. Lost three in the same year. I'm not perfect.
My original problem of why I mentioned my daughter. It is apparently called nipple confusion. My daughter was fed a bottle because my colostrum came in three days after she was born. By then my triple ddds were EE,s & an autistic baby didn't want anything to do with that. Her formula was constantly being changed. We're allergic to soy & WIC was doing the formula changing. Her fussiness?? Colic.
I assumed a mother of three teenagers might have some words of wisdom. Obviously I misread the friendliness of her tone & personal|professional boundaries... I lost my baby because of my inability to discern friend from foe... Never again. I'm telling it now because I've been holding this in for 16 years....... Because I will never trust another therapist or stranger again...
BPD ✅ GAD W/ OCD Panic Disorder & definitely Agoraphobia.
What a horrifying ordeal bless you and your baby
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I hope that some happiness has come your way, after the betrayal and trauma that you have had.
I'm terrified of stopping my anti depressants, but my new therapist isnt very sympathetic. I talk to him but get the impression he isn't listening. Your v/log is a great help, Katy.
Then don't stop your anti-depressants?
I lied to my first therapist because I overheard her that she’ll tell my parents anything that raises a flag, so fearful that anything I said would go back to my at the time toxic parents…
I am always totally honest with my therapist, because, why should I?
I'm autistic. I am just honest and open and don't let NTs change that.
I'm autistic and I've lied to my therapist before. It's hard to unmask when you've been doing so for years. I had to re-learn half of my life when I got the diagnosis. Sometimes it's hard not to lie even if you're autistic, but that's exactly why you should try not to or let your therapist know.
I'm autistic too and I was kind of scared to open up to my therapist when I was on therapy especially since I'm a minor and still living in an abusive household
took me 3 years to be comfortable with the rapport i built up with my psychologist, but it's been extremely helpful to semi-regularly talk to someone who knows a good chunk of my past who I can be very honest with, even if the honesty is sometimes "I don't want to talk about that right now" and they understand that. I'm also autistic, and have no intentions of being dishonest with someone who has helped me realize my strengths and deficits so well and help me to feel more comfortable being myself!
Funny thing about honesty... its a spectrum. Some people don't know they are lying to others because they are lying to themselves. I think there's a correlation between self-awareness and honesty.
I’m also nd but crippling vulnerably closed off so it’s makes telling the truth let alone therapy so difficult to the point I just avoid it
I have both a Counselor and a Psychologist. I have C-PTSD and anxiety. I am also AuDHD. Over the years I've had many therapists. At 55 I now tell them upfront in the very first meeting that I need them to call me on my bullshit. lol I tell them that I skip over traumatic things and minimize it often. I have a Psychologist who is really young but incredibly savvy. And she nails me every time. I've gotten further with her then any other one I've had and I am incredibly grateful. I don't do it on purpose, but I am aware that I am high masking and that I'm very private. It's hard to share my personal Hells with others. Sometimes it just feels like "too much".
That’s amazing! Reading this felt like looking at myself in a mirror. I need to learn how to do that.
On Things Not To Say it should really be just #1 if you think about it.
This sounds like the ideal type of therapist, but she's an influencer, now. She has a following and is in the spotlight. Normal therapists I've seen in a little known office who aren't famous for being amazing, have been terribly judgmental, hurtful, offensive, dismissive, minimizers. Sadly, people like me can't afford to see a therapist like Kati. You have to have the dollar bills to see the LA therapists.
Well, you don't know what she's like when working with clients.
Dispute it on your CC for abuse and then don't go back! I say.
Screw these nasty therapists who bully you and make it worse.
As a therapist, I really liked this and thought it was helpful. I thought it was great that you brought up suicidal thoughts and safety planning. However, there is a lot of research showing that safety contracts are ineffective and shouldn't be used in therapy. Safety contracts are generally seen as a liability thing and not something that actually prevents the client from harming themself.
Ya I don't really see how Kati asking a client to "promise me you won't...." would ever help change behaviour. I have a health psychologist who hasn't made me sign a safety contract but he does check in on mood and thoughts weekly.
@@coffeeandhorses7991 i disagree. Just because u disagree with her doesnt mean u should say that
Everyone respondes differently. To these safety plans. When I was hospitalized we did something similar. I personally so it as something to give you pause in tough situations;;;;;;;;;;;;
@@heyhey8528 its my opinion I can say what I want .
@@heyhey8528 Unhhhh what country are you from? Basically you're saying: I think what you wrote is stupid and doesnt agree with my oponion that only matters and you shouldn't say that. What level of think is that? Kindergarten?
Oh I was looking for some alarming but not to crazy to tell my therapist friend as a joke. Your job is important and under appreciated and utilized
I went to a psychiatrist and told him about how I had trouble focusing on doing my university homework and how I'd easily forget to reply to texts. His best advice was that I should make a timeline and work with schedules. I get where it came from but I told him I've been trying to do that since I was 13 but it never worked cause I start ok but then forget about it. He still insisted a lot that I felt pressured into saying that I would try it. I didn't come back after that
Sound like you need a Pyschiatrist who is experienced with ADHD - and try and get an ADHD diagnosis. Because that is a very common ADHD "symptom".
Not that this will help you with your schedule, but the diagnosis may help you feel LESS guilty about not being able to do things...
i think these advice often apply more effectively to english speakers than therapists all over the world. i tried therapy a couple times in france, they are a lot more distant and cold and make me feel very judged and uncomfortable, so much that i simply decided i would get better on my own instead. and had much better results that way tbh. online help is much easier to apply to the self without having to hop through language barrier and so many figures of speech and biased linguistic expressions.
I agree. I'm from South East Asia but lived overseas when I was small, so my most natural language is English. I feel incredibly blessed to have met my first therapist who was very comfortable speaking English also with overseas exposure. We really clicked and this sort of thing works. A lot harder when I try speaking to therapists who are less comfortable with English, I too feel they're very distant and judgemental.
This is a really helpful/interesting global insight, thank you. I had the same experiences as you with most "mental health professionals" (especially the late 90's when we were being used as guinea pigs for new medications) and in the past few years, I've discovered these online resources and self-help exercise books are what kept me committed to my own healing journey after being a victim/survivor of the profit-driven model of mental health that we currently have in place. I'm glad I'm not alone.
I agree with you
Dated a therapist once, now I need to see one to deal with all those problems I developed from dating them 🐸
Thid is so horrible. I wish you well