What is Transference In Therapy? | Kati Morton
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.พ. 2025
- I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Ahhh this is happening to me right now. I’ve developed an attraction to my therapist and that’s exactly why - a safe place.
Kind off same (I think it's happening), but I really don't want to switch, because opening up is extremely difficult for me and after a year, we're finally making a bit progress
Same
Transference to me sounds very similar to what happened to me when I changed therapists early 2016 .
From time to time, I used to think about her, once I even looked her up on Facebook but, never pursued her. Coming from a welfare background myself, I knew that behaviour was wrong.
I also sent her a few emails since transferring but , I asked premission first. even now, I still miss her.
I'm happy with my current therapist but, my first therapist was the first person in Sydney who let me vent about my feelings without judgement. That's a quality I truly admire
I think I have spent my whole life searching for someone to fill the role of my mam, I guess I never really felt like she was there for me on an emotional level and I think I have spent a lot of my life seeking out the things I needed from her in other females that I have come in contact with, eg teachers, older family members, therapist etc. So because she didn't fulfill that expectation I had of her as my mam, I now subconsciously place that expectation on other females to try and get my emotional needs met?? Thank you for another amazing video and thank you for being such an awesome therapist, your knowledge and support mean so much. xoxo
emily 29 I feel the same way and I don't know how to not do this! It's so hard.
emily 29, the very fact that you are even understanding this at another level is a huge step forward. Instead of just accepting it, you are questioning it. That is the beginning.
This hit the nail on the head for me
Emily McGee I am exactly the same.
Same, it’s so hard to tolerate my desires on other women as mother figures.
My client always tells me that I remind him of someone he knows and when he gets upset, he says things like "I dont like how you call me crazy all of the time".... and I know i NEVER say these things to him..... it might be the person I remind him of.... Psychology is bomb
Great Topic Kati! Dealing with counter transference and it's a complete nightmare. Its quite scary and upsetting dealing with a Therapist who cant put their personal feelings aside. A provider who starts being mean, hurtful and resentful only with you. As a client it makes you feel vulnerable and trapped because this person knows all this private information no one else knows . Its even worse when things like confrontation or the idea of disagreeing with someone terrifying. You feel stuck and helpless when you find out your insurance doesn't have other providers in your area or allow you to even switch. Therapy becomes something you dread and terrified to go to. It gets to the point where the only option you see is dropping out of treatment and not telling the provider why. As always I really appreciate all the knowledge you spread. Much love to you always
I really relate to you. Can you tell me more about why they were doing that?
Theres no way you accept terrible mistreatments from caregivers bc of insurance or shit. Leave and protect your own peace
Thank you for this! My therapist when I was in grad school reminded me SO MUCH about my coolest aunt (who had moved overseas) and was easily able to transfer that type of trust, mentorship, and safety into my relationship with my therapist, but without making it weird or affecting our work. Thank you for mentioning that transference is not always negative or creepy or dangerous. ❤️❤️❤️
Of course!! I am glad you found such a perfect fit in therapy :) xoxo
Thank you for mentioning that this can happen outside of therapy, too. I was feeling weirdly toward someone at work and I think it might be transference.
Thank you Kati, I have struggled with transference for a long, long time. Your video explains it in a way which makes it much clearer for me and I think this may be a new starting point for my new therapist and me. Thank you.x
Omg I needed this! Really bad day wanting to not be in recovery right now. 😭 But you fill my soul with positive!! What you do is just amazing!!! You're an angel in this dark world!! Thank you for being you! And thank you Sean for just being you as well so sweet supportive and just as amazing.
Lots of love
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Melitta
Meli Doe stick w your recovery especially when it gets tough and know that you are so worth it. 💜
I am so glad you found this video helpful!! xoxo
Gwynne s thank you! It is harder than most think but seeing my therapist every week. So it's about 6 hours a month because every other week is a 2hr session than 1hr session for the following week. I'm still stuck on what she is asking me to do. But at least trying I guess is good. She's a zen person and I am not there yet lol. But we both love painting and writing so it helps express a lot. The good part is she now knows I'm color blind in one eye so I have to basically close one to see certain colors lol. Which kinda looks like a wink 😉. So the video helps I always show her Kati's videos. Good conversation starter I think esp if you don't know where to start.
Kati Morton all your videos are more than helpful I share them on my social media links because I have support groups I'm in and help run so it helps so many.
Katiiiii, your videos are so helpful! you are an amazing therapist and a role model for many. Thank you for everything.
Awe you are so welcome!! I am glad I can be a helpful resource :) xoxo
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your excellent explanation. I spoke with two of my friends about a very uncomfortable experience I recently had with psychotherapist and both of my friends had very helpful insight. But one of them told me about transference and counter transference and after watching this video, I feel ready to clear things out with my therapist on our next session. Thank you again!
Best video on transference, and counter transference I've found on TH-cam. Thank you so so much!
good thing you posted a very informative video on this. it's so important to know how transference works because initially, i had no clue what was going on between my therapist & i. the previous therapist i had was male and he was the only male therapist i had. from doing research on him, i found out he was the same age as this guy who attacked me. also, his demeanor triggered me where i gave him tones, attitudes, and probably gave off a negative vibe. i no longer see him
New favourite video! Kati is KILLING IT lately. xo
YAY!! xoxo
Thank you Kati. This info is very useful indeed. I love your videos and how you talk as you actually know what you're saying (unlike many professionals out there). You have a perception on these things so unique like something you didn't just read in a book. That's why I love your videos so much. Plus I once told you, the best I've gotten from your advices is to Reach out for help.
Keep up the good work. You are awesome!!!!
Yes this did help me to better understand what I have been feeling. Thanks so much for explaining. I'm glad to hear it's completely normal. I will talk to my therapist on my next appointment. Thanks again Kati, you're the best!
Hey Katie I was wondering if you could do a video about relapsing on unhealthy coping skills. Also your channel and videos are amazing❤️
PrincessPanda664 that's an amazing idea
I have many videos about relapse! Here's a link to one: th-cam.com/video/gvNkgshLbfs/w-d-xo.html it's question number 2. You can also just search on youtube for "kati morton relapse" xoxo
This is exactly why I am now choosing to heal myself by myself. I spent years somehow triggering off psychologists or them triggering off me. I also have studied psychology myself but this is the reason why I chose to get out of it. It’s hard because I’m naturally a caring person with a life time of knowledge accumulated about psychology but I need to stay clear of any helping professions due to my personal trauma.
I started psychotherapy for the first time a couple of days ago. My therapist really reminded me so much of one of my old teachers who often ridiculed me in front of the class. I felt so intimidated and pissed off!
Thanks, this was a big topic on my psych exam, and my professor just glossed over it. I had no idea what he was talking about. This clears things up a little
Thank you for this video. I've had transference with almost every one of my therapists. I had huge crushes on them or had this need for approval from them and thus didn't share how I felt deep down for fear of what they would think of me. It was really difficult to deal with and I was too embarrassed to say anything but now I wish I had so I could have processed it and dealt with it all.
It's one thing to say you should bring it up, but it's another thing entirely to actually talk about it. I never did. I was terrified he'd want to stop seeing me.
I know it can be scary... but like I said in the video, it's very common. xoxo If we mention it and bring up that we think it's transference, they will talk through it with you and not stop seeing you. xoox
I actually was dealing with this issue and e-mailed my counselor last week about it, I was worried she'd be put off or weirded out and want to stop seeing me as well. But instead in our session yesterday she was almost excited it seemed because she knew how to help me and work with me because I was being honest. She didn't treat me any differently, which was my fear. I feel a big weight off my shoulders and like it's something I can work through now. So, I highly recommend being transparent about it. :)
@@Katimorton
How do u bring it up when that therapist is no longer working on you and both the current one and prev were super religious.(even tho they say r professionals but a search of their social media makes me think they might have some bias/ignorance towards lgbt and insensitive to same sex attraction)
@@Katimorton talking about transference and giving viewers xoxo twice is a bit odd tbh
It's also true that a skilled therapist can use countertransference to ellcit further, deeper expressions from a client in order for them to more fully engage with their unconscious feelings. It's not necessarily that "they don't have their shit together". The key is to be aware of the interaction and observe with an overall impartial point of view.
I recently experienced therapist-to-client transference regarding some of his life's experiences. It had nothing to do with what I wanted to talk about since I wasn't even given a chance to say anything. He violated me so badly when he crossed two very immovable boundaries I had set right at the beginning. Dropped that therapist *immediately!*
Kati! Please continue to keep your videos coming, it helps me SO MUCH with my graduate counseling program in reference to breaking down the terminology of counseling theories, etc in the most simplistic way. You make me want to listen to you, because not only are you clear, but your completely informative in how you break down counseling terminology and I love the fun pop-up's that are included, which makes it even more interesting to listen to. Keep up the GOOD work Kati!!!! You Rock!!!
This is really interesting to learn about! I love psychology!!!
me too
I was looking for your channel the other day (: glad I finally found it . Current MFT grad student .
Hi Kati, I just came back to this video after watching the inner child one you put up today. I find that transference often comes up when I'm doing inner child work and I suddenly feel unsafe in the room and I can't even look at my therapist. I've struggled a lot with dissociation and anxiety in session. It's taken years of working with her to be able to recognise the flags like not being able to make eye contact, or feeling far away, and to understand how all my different defenses work together to try to "protect" me from feelings that were unsafe when I was a child.
I wanted to share this in case it's helpful for others and to say thanks because your videos have helped me to understand all of that better too
I've only seen my therapist once so far and I thought "wow she's so pretty..she must think im a loser" and immediately I was like, oh man I really need therapy lmao
Love the new style with the dark background! Also I think it's really fascinating to become aware of transference happening in therapy! Very interesting to hear you talk about positive and negative transference!
thank you. i just started therapy again for the first time in years, so i will keep this stuff in mind
This is such good, thorough information. I'm glad that you included countertransference. :)
I'm actually just learning about this in my counseling classes, so thank you so much for the overview!
This is so helpful. I’m learning about all of this in my sociology class and it’s a pain to understand the 15 different terms that people have to describe this relatively common internal phenomena
My husband is doing this to me. It’s so frustrating to be blamed for the relationship that ended over 20 years ago. For awhile I thought maybe he was narcissistic, but I'm thinking now it’s probably complex ptsd and transference. Both of us had negative childhoods, but he also had a horrible marriage. Fun for me, because it ended around valentines day, so I dread this time of year now. Hopefully learning more about transference will help me help him because he refuses to go to therapy. 15 years together, I wish I had learned this sooner...
Thank you so much Kati! You are such a beautiful soul and I'm so grateful to you!
Thank you for your amazing video Katie you’ve really got the keys to oral expression :) I currently have this problem with my therapist, I really got along with her but the problem is I realised at some point that the more I let my feelings and feelings go out me and confided, the more I felt some king of dependency or something like that because I feel a real connection. There’s nothing romantic but kin of affective sight I can’t deal with on my on. And try to stop it and I tend to avoid the therapy “requirements” just because of vulnerability and self defense mechanism. I’m trying to protect myself maybe from an over-feeling fall. It’s hard to cope with cuz it blocks me from going on through therapy.
Honestly I wish Kati was my therapist
On god!!!! YES
She talks too much
@@morphy34 Ahahahahaha
@@Diamondpaintingwithsophie 😆
Omg totally honestly like yeah
I am so glad to learn this doesnt mean im a total freak which is how ive been feeling
That makes a lot of sense.😊
Almost everything in my previous therapy was one big transference-countertransference! I think that's subconsciously why I just stopped going after my insurance got all screwed up by the state. Never again will I see any more interns!
Yeah it can be really hard if it isn't worked through! I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. I hope you will try seeing someone more qualified next time :) xoxo
It really sucks we have to take money and insurance into consideration when trying to get help. Idk if this was your case but usually people would see interns because it’s cheaper which can be risky as the person is not as experienced :(
I dated a guy at a point in my life when everything was messy, my relationship with money and work and family and alcohol. And for years I thought of him as bad but I have just realized he was not. He was simply not interested enough and I held on to him by way of transference. My goodness.
I think in therapy I had both positive and negative transference. For example I was afraid of being judged, criticized, invalidated because in my childhood my father did that to me, also I was bullied and rejected in class during high school and so I grew up really sensible to possible rejections.(I have this fears even with normal people outside of therapy) and so I was really anxious with my therapist because of this! But my previous therapist never adresses transference, I mentioned it a bit but I think it's because she was a trainee and didnt have that much work experiences. I plan to start therapy soon and I'll find someone that has more work experience
Makes so much more sense than reading it in a textbook. Thank you!!
Thanks for telling me about something I actually knew very little about! Great thing to remember for my career and therapy-like relationships!
Pretty amazing how the mind works, I never knew exactly how transference worked. You did a good job explaining. Thanks for another great video, Katie! :)
Excellent stuff, very insightful concept I always knew something like that was going on in the back of my mind but couldn’t put my finger on it. and now because of your explanation is Crystal-clear 👍🏼
Thank you Kati so much for the videos ❤ I've had a lot of trouble with this for a really long time. It happens in everyday situations and also in therapy, so I try to act normal and not let anyone know. It's disheartening and confusing but I never think it's enough to get help for.
Was interested in the subject after watching inspector Lewis episode called "mind has mountains".Now I understand the subject.Thanks.Just an academic curiosity.
I think one of my earlier therapists actually transfered onto to me. She gave me gifts, baked stuff for me, cried when I showed her a drawing I made and overall I never really felt like I got help? She just let me talk and talk and when I got tested I didn’t fully understand everything so asked if I could do it again and she was kinda dismissive about it. I think she wanted me to fit into her belief of what I was and didn’t see me for me?
Better now though!
How about a video about clients who DISLIKE their therapist or psychiatrist? Or people with resentment, disdain & mistrust of medical & mental health professionals in general. My family has a long history of having doctors making fatal 'errors' causing the death of my relatives, but they never take responsibility. One psychiatrist gave an incorrect dose of a med to 1 of my parents that landed them in "in-patient care" for months at a time. I personally deal with multiple "mental health", neurological, TBI & medical issues and I've dealt with many 'errors' by some of these pros. BTW, look up the rate of clients who "harm" their therapist or psychiatrist. (Usually the harm is permanent, but Facebook may react if use a word that rhymes with "girder".) PLUS, the mental health profession is 1 of the top 3 jobs in the USA with the highest rate of.....let's say it's a word that rhymes with "GLUE + A + SIDE".
Such a good video miss Kati! Thank you for everything you share here on TH-cam
Wow this is exactly what happens to me all the time with so many different people. Its so hard to set boundaries
Wow. The timing on this is eery.
Transference to me is real therapy. The best part is when you feel safe enough to be the real you. You get to learn so much about yourself and your therapist is trained to handle it.
Thankyou so much for this video. You explained it really clearly and I found it really helpful as I am studying therapeutic relationships at the moment.
Yes I can finally express this now that I found you online it was always a confusing thing to me I have been in therapy off and on since childhood never having had closeness in my life I always developed a crush on my therapist and was embarrassed by it so I stop therapy and as I matured I always went to an old person feeling safer with them thanks for bringing this out in the open
I think you did a wonderful job breaking down two complicated topics into layman’s terms. I would have put what you said at 5 minutes at the beginning. Only because the start of video made it sound like a negative thing, versus the healing element of working through it that you said later
Amazing !!the way you deliver the information is so simple and easy to understand👍
I think it's very clear for anyone to understand 😀
Wow. Didn't know of this as a thing with therapy. I enjoy my therapy. Its always helpful.
I have knoticed it with people try to do this to me in real life. I usually try to let them know they are doing it. If they persist, I will disengage from that person. Because it is usually negative.
kati for awhile i have been thinking about what you said about competitiveness being a mental illness and for awhile i think i forgot to tell you that i now agree with you about that
My experience is that these problems happened to me only in therapy, and it was not helpful. On the contrary, it seems to have worsened things. I seem to have found ways to avoid developing this kind of relationships out of therapy, and I don't relate to the experience of being cut off somebody else's life because of feeling this way towards them. My worst relationship experiences were therapeutic relationships. I started therapy because of a light depression involving health problems, and I opened a Pandora's box when I eventually came to these old cravings for love and affection. Trying to work on them in therapy has been as unhealthy and dangerous as you describe it would be in other relationships. I quit therapy a year ago after trying three different therapists, and I feel better now.
Wow! This was so helpful Kati. At one therapists office I had romantic feelings for my therapist. At another, the therapist was very rude and yelled at me occasionally when I asked for a form to be filled out (he must have been reacting to another patient)
Thank you for explaining the definition of transference. This was really helpful.
you help me so much with my therapy, you make me feel "not that goddamn weird and inappropriate" thank u
Nice. Can you cover the difference between transference and projection please.
This describes my relationship to a female teacher. She reacted back and it went very badly. A lot of hurt and overstepped bounderies..
This was a really helpful explanation and reasons why to discuss transference in therapy. Should I bring up my therapists counter transference if she doesn't?
Thank you Kati! This is SO helpful to hear!
Yay!! xoxo
I sent you a message on patreon asking a question about countertransference, or something! it's ok if you don't have time to reply of course, but i don't want to ask it publicly 🙈 you're awesome Kati! 😍 xx
I love this women. might be the neglect and I’m transferring the nurturing I dint get .
Wonderful video Kati! This explains a lot thanks!
Thanks a lot it helped me alottttt
Thank you
Thank you so much for being so helpful! You are fantastic at explaining things! :)
I’ve Facebook stalked my therapist but I don’t follow or add them. I can because it’s against the rules and it’s boundaries. So I appreciate that.
Thanks so much for another awesome video! You've helped me so much to get the best out of my therapy. I think I've experienced transference or attachment to her... I feel I need her and wish I could see her more often. The thing is I have limited sessions and therapy will be over soon... so I hate knowing that I'll feel sad and I won't get to see her anymore once it's over... any advice on how to deal with this? I have 2 sessions left.
Great and very helpful video.
This was amazing thank you for your insight
Kati, you have made me understand the concept of transference and co-transference great work. Moreover, if I can get a difference for projection in a therapeutic session would be great to. Thank you.
Nice explanation👌 But I wonder.. what is the difference between transference and projection?
My therapist knew I had transferred feeling but she made me feel bad! Told me that our relationship is only platonic which I knew. I never wanted a relationship with her anyway.
My therapist just fired me as a client because of transference. She refused to even attempt to work through it with me. I feel like I did something wrong, but I didn’t mean to..
I wish that she had worked through it with me instead of just dropping me as a client. How can I fix it and make sure to respect boundaries if I’m not aware of it. I feel like I’m a bad person and not fixable.
That’s what I am afraid of! 😧
@@Aprilh03 honestly now that I’ve had time to step away from the situation I fully realized that didn’t actually transfer anything on to her other than what was normal for someone with the mental health issues that I have, in a crisis. Seeing as though she allowed clients to call her in crises if you can’t cope using your typical strategies. I did what should have been allowed. She yelled at me the day she fired me whilst I sat on her couch obviously depressed and sobbing because there are many reasons why I am in therapy, I hate sudden change, and I already felt a depressive bout coming on. I need someone to be able to talk to, problem solve, and work through my heaps of trauma with. I had put trust in her that she wouldn’t do harm to me, that she would help. That is a normal expectation to have with doctors, therapists, etc. She got mad at me, she yelled at me about how horrible I was and how I hadn’t had “enough progress” in the 16 months of seeing her… I went no contact with my abusive mother (I’ve been NC with her for nearly a year a half!), became homeless (after she assaulted me) and lived in my car with my three cats from March 7-July 1 (did some couch surfing when I could), survived a fkn pandemic, kept a job, got an apartment, cut out toxic friendships, got healthy friendships, started creating and enforcing boundaries, went low contact with my emotionally neglectful father, didn’t reattempt (attempted for the first and only time Oct. ‘19) constantly took meds and found what seems to be a good mixture, I’ve come out as Bisexual, and so much more. I’ve busted my ass and how dare she tell me that wasn’t enough progress. It was a lot by itself, but being homeless during a pandemic and the pandemic by itself even is fkn traumatic in and of itself. I had CPTSD before any of this shit and I’m fkn proud of myself.
If anything she was the one that had a problem, it’s not normal for a therapist to yell at you saying that you haven’t done enough and that she was terminating me as a client. Idk but after looking at all that I actually have accomplished I know that I have done enough and that I didn’t deserve the treatment she gave me, nobody does.
Aww. That's just horrible. I'm sorry.
She was probably incompétente and cruel
So easily put up. 😊 Thank you
Amazing video, once again :) I was wondering if you could talk more about chronic illnesses and how mental illness feeds it and vice versa, creating a bad cycle. Love your vids, you're always so helpful for me :)
I feel like I transfer as a traumatic reaction. It sometimes feeds into a maladaptive daydream situation. Like what I want I pull out characteristics that are present (usually very normal, like kindness) and then I’m often engaging with the assumption of that experience which is usually based off of what I want, which is kindness. Damn my traumatized brain. It made it hard to talk about cause I would stalk them via web but I also had no intentions of stalking someone. Denial helped me cope. I couldn’t process it with anyone cause having these feelings and actions is considered weird and I felt ashamed. I appreciate your video.
Oh lol and here I am, so bad at opening up to a stranger that I can't remember what my therapist looks like because I never make eyecontact with him... I started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks ago, would honestly consider it an improvement if I could feel any emotions other than anxiety talking to my therapist.
thank you very much for this video
Please make a video about the role of psychiatric mental health nurse practitioners in mental health! (PMHNP and psych RN are different)
Well said❤️👌🏽
I'm still a little confused, so transference is like me thinking I want my therapist to be or act like my mom, or more like the mom I always wanted?
Exactly! It's when we sort of expect them to act the same way.. and can even do things to try and elicit that response (for example, if you wanted your therapist to be more like your mom... then you could act more like a child). does that make sense?? xoxo
I hope you see my message. I am a new subscriber. What if my transference is toward my Psychiatrist and not my therapist. I miss him all the time and I feel attached. I like him alot as a doctor. I feel like it's easy talking to him without judgement. But I also fear that telling him would scare him off or he might think it's unhealthy and switch me to another psychiatrist and I don't want that because I need him in my life.
@@dandylion-evn7w2 ... Eventually you have to be on your own, sans your psychiatrist and your therapist. That's the final aim of any treatment/ therapy. These two associations started as helping endeavours. If you tell your psychiatrist exactly how you feel he will be able to help you better. Be forthcoming & upfront, because then he will fit in all elements and get an overall picture. Don't hold back tell him how you feel trusting him to do his job. Regards
Kati Morton That is what I am dealing with now! I haven’t mentioned it yet, I’m scared to!
So I'm a couple years late to the party but this video is super relevant to me rn. I'm not entirely sure if it's transference as idk who I'm transferring from if that makes sense, but every time I googled what I'm dealing with, transference is brought up. Basically I'm having some strong, positive feelings about my therapist that I wanna express to her so badly, but I've been afraid of how she'd react I guess. I did briefly mention it in my last session with her but I'm thinking I need to talk more in depth about it.
Another part of transference is when the Therapist reminds the Client of someone and Counter Transference is when the Client reminds you of someone.
Spot on. Thank you for you videos. I will open dialogue about this very subject at my next session 👍
My therapist usually goes on a first-name basis with her clients, but I decided to call her by her last name: Dr. [LAST NAME]. Maybe I would have made more progress being more casual, but I didn’t want to lose sight that the person was there to help me in her professional capacity. I didn’t want to confuse her for a character in my personal motion picture show.
hey Kati thank you for this video.
I just watch "Soul Mechanic" a korean drama. And the transference is the issue between patients and therapists. So here i am to know how accurate it is to the show. Maybe u can do a review of that drama, it good.
Your video's are so helpful I wish you were my therpist, lot of love xxxx
You cured my impotence lets celebrate!
This video was really, really helpful.