If you want to try coloring as a way to unwind - I've got a download for you on my website that has a few patterns you can start with. Go here markspsychiatry.com/5-ways-to-diffuse-your-anger
@@donaldviszneki8251 technically you're probably right, but since diffuse means to disperse I can see why both words get used, beyond the fact that they're homophones.
Hi Dr Tracey, I have been reading articles about BPD and NPD. I've noticed many similarities between the two. I'm wondering if you can make a video talking about differences and similarities between the two. That would be really great if you can make a video about it. Thank you Dr Tracey! :)
@@thesoliloquist1940 I don't have enough to say about this topic to make a video on it, but to answer your question it's doesn't mean you are unstable. Many people do it out of habit.
For those who feel that their anger happens too fast, these are skills you have to practice when you aren’t angry or when alone. The more you practice, the easier it will become.
I'm so tired of feeling angry and stressed out all the time. I lose myself in emotion and then feel crazy in hindsight. I hate being this way. Its exhausting
Yeah Doc it's a vicious cycle. I was programmed by my father at an early age that anger is a way to release hatred or get a point across but really didn't see how the negative energy could drain you mentally and physically exhaust you, currently am "rewiring" my brain. I'm tired mentally and physically, I'm trying to make the right changes it's not easy.
well now you know, what you didn't know then. that sounds like a bad situation but now you have the knowledge to make it better & it seems like you're dedicated to using it. sincere hope it got better 🙏🏿
Sometimes it harder to disengage because it happens so quickly. My job has been very stressful lately and I tend to get mad so I find walking away and deep breathing really helps. Thank you for the very informative video!
I’m a guy, I’m not a “player,” I have no interest in you in general, other then to warn you, she is being extremely sexist, possibly racist. Just use good judgment.
Today a old man groped my butt while I was waiting in line for coffee, I am very very angry so I am looking for help... this video helps thank you Tracey
Thank you for this video, Dr. Marks. My son is in law enforcement and he uses the "broken record" response you mention @3:48 . He finds it's very good for de-escalating a situation. Someone is DYING to provoke him, but he uses a neutral voice and repeats the same response. They get tired of it pretty quickly and calm down.
“ common sense is perhaps the most equally divided but surely the most under employed talent in the world”. Christine Collange Just use your share of common sense. 😸
As the daughter of a narcissist who constantly hurts me and refuses to acknowledge the damage they've done, I feel unheard and invalidated. Why do I have to be the wiser one? And simply swallow that... These techniques don't let us protect ourselves after many years of repressed anger. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive my family if I just have to understand them and let it go...
This was one of the most useful videos of seen. One that I will implement in my everyday life. Thank you for all the hard work you do. My physical symptoms can also be dizziness and an immediate onset headache.
Dear Tracey, I have BP2 with rapid cycling. I am finding that meditation is helping me stay calmer, but sometimes I fly into these intense rages and get physically shaky. I hate this sensation of losing control. I need to take the time out you suggest. Thanks so much for your suggestions.
I have high blood pressure and severe social anxiety. This is Perfect timing. I had a very intense reaction to some questionable rhetoric and buzz words a co worker was using that were bordering on racism and religion. I tried to continue working, I got so heated I did yell Stop Talking about this, and before I said anymore I walked, Did a countdown, and came back silent. It was the first time people saw me angry. I am a very nice person, but I do Not tolerate hate speech. I admit I could have e handled it better. I was def caught off guard.This will help. I am making the list of responses. Thank you my dear.
Welp, we must agree to disagree. I have met and am friends with lovely people that share different opinions than I do, both politically and religiously. I have also come across those full of venom spewing hate speech. I was explaining how intensely I felt because of something that hurt me that came directly from a person's mouth, hateful words, hateful speech. Soooooo? Let's just move on. Have an amazing weekend:)
My anger hits me like a tsunami and I’m drowned by it and the only way I was able to free myself in the past was to lash out with the same amount of force as the wave but today I learn that the tsunami wave can go away with mindful awareness and breathing . More and more the negative thoughts are replaced to positive thoughts and I’m able to breath again and walk away when I’m angry . My parents beat me every day with anything they can get their hands on but emotionally the negative things that were said to me hurt me the most . I had such low self esteem about myself that I hated who I was and still can’t make decisions as a 40 year old adult but today I take my life back !!!
Nice, I want to take my life back too? Did your parents physically beat you or verbally beat you? Because mine was physically. Probably why I want to get physically with strangers on the street
Thank you Dr. Marks that was very helpful. Imagine after all I have been through in my life, no one has ever explained this to me the way you just did. You are truly a blessing.
I have been struggling with a lot of anger where I am angry/annoyed/sad/disappointed every single day. I am so glad I found you. You are amazing! I am going to practice this every single day. There was time I knew I was going to get angry, read some blogs before having a conversation with the person I was angry with and even after that I still lashed out at that person. I am going to really practice the shutting down technique and diversion technique. I have seriously damaged my relationship with a lot of people and I really need to mend it. Thank you so much for your content.
Sometimes relationships aren't worth it. If the others truly appreciated yoy, probably, they would reach out earlier. It all depends on the situation. My opinion
James, i think you already know what to do. It doesn't sound like a positive relationship for you. I ended a crummy relationship where i put forth the effort and I wasn't getting enough in return. It's not worth the troubles.
Very helpful! I realized a few weeks ago that I have some anger management issues when my son asked me why I get so mad when we’re stuck in traffic… I realized my heart would literally be racing in these instances and I wouldn’t be talking like myself. And you’re right even just taking five seconds and thinking about what I say before I say it has lessened my reactions to those kind of feelings. You’re the best and your videos are so so important ♥️♥️
Trigger: people walking to slow, people yelling during class, people not doing their work Automatic thoughts: everyone is useless,”I’m surrounded by idiots” Emotional response: anger, disgust, revolution Physical response: sweaty palms, fidgeting, heart racing, nail biting/grooming Behavior response: crying Funny how I could really point out what my cycle of anger is, I get ticked off pretty easily but luckily I don’t usually give a behavioral response
PLEASE HELP...How do you stop a rage reaction upon waking up every morning with next doors dog barking loud from 6.45am ? It suffering with separation issues as her owner goes to the bathroom. She shouts at me to get a job and it wouldn't bother me. I'm unemployed on sick long term. With mental health. Lack of sleep . I have tried telling her nicely that the dog suffering separation issues. Owner said she has to learn. It's her 1st dog. She puts her cat out on the street when the puppy grew up. It's a chowchow. And LOUD!
I have suggested nicely that it may need behaviour therapy. For separation anxiety. This has caused major issues between the owner and myself. How do I stop my rage, the cycle of no sleep and coping with neighbours judgement of me when I speak up? She has caused other issues in the past talking through walls and denying it for months . Finally admitted she did. I went crazy 3 years ago over this and lashed out at her door. We became friends after that. Sort of. Mot my type of friend at all with gossip and judgement of others so I backed away I am in therapy! Psych 4 for many issues after a 3year wait. And it's taking up my session to talk about my year long rage of her dog barking. So my question really is .How do you stop rage from being woke up by this dogs barking. Headaches. Lack of sleep anyways I'm desperate to try to calm down at mornings
Me and my mom got in a fight and I acted in anger by saying a lot that I didn't mean. I have autism and adhd so I feel it difficult to control my anger when it happens so fast. I'm not saying that it's a good excuse for me acting in anger but it seems harder to keep it under control. though i never put hands on anybody ive still found myself punching the walls and slamming doors. Its difficult for me as well as the people involved. I generally feel upset with myself after the fact. Your advice was helpful as I cant afford therapy OR anger management ... You broke it down in a simple way to understand for me other videos I have found not as helpful because they are talking too fast for me to process everything I plan on trying these tequniques and practicing them as I come from a conservative family your advice on ending a political debate before it gets too much to handle or before it even starts will hopefully come in handy as well
Thanks SO much Tracy!! This is really helpful! I really appreciate all the information in ways you give it here! I’ll check more into the anger series, I have a hard time expressing mine... I usually try to stuff mine down, which is so not helpful and only makes it come out later and never in the right way! Appreciate it!🙏🏻🌈
Hi, I know you're doing a series on anger right now, but could you please also do a video on recovering from meds( anti depressants) sometime in the future
Oh, I need to do these things so bad... I am getting tired of people yelling, screaming and insulting my intelligence; I just don't like to confront people and then have to fight them with fists or weapons. That is a scary thing for me - let just say that I don't know how to fight. I will lose and probably end up in a ambulance (due to: either getting a black eye, getting knocked out by my opponent and/or getting beat up to a bloody pulp. All are Not Good Situations.)
I like the video. I didn't know how that cycle works. But I feel like these strategies only works when anger isn't too intense. Taking from my own experience, when it's too intense, I don't feel like it would work for me. Sometimes I feel an intense rage, anger and hatred and I end up self-harming, even though I try to wait until it goes away but it doesn't and I can't see a way out of it.
Hi doctor tracy mark we know that antidepressants could trigger hypomania in bipolar 2 patients but if someone took lamictal along his antidepressants medications does it prevent mixed states or hypomania from happening?
I thankfully went to the fourth! I defused the situation before level five! Shoulders still tense muscles still ache yeah! I am medicating drinking water listening to you and a few others
As someone who used to have VERY severe anger outbursts, but now does not, I can say that people CAN control their anger. They are just choosing not to because they feel SO upset / hurt / disrespected / embarrassed / stressed / overwhelmed / abandoned / rejected / criticised / unappreciated, etc, and it feels "better" (briefly) to indulge and express those feelings as anger. It took me forever to realise I could control myself. I NEVER had a "temper tantrum" in front of or at my parents, my boss at work, or at a stranger in the street. That would be terribly embarrassing! So why did I explode at my partners? Because I felt I could show my feelings. But really, the expression of those feelings in terms of the abusive anger, was very damaging, for both of us. Even in public, I would swear, scream, shout, throw things, break things, and basically appear like a raving lunatic. At the back of my head, I'd be thinking "What are you DOING!? STOP IT!" But I just felt like I couldn't. When I hurled a plastic chair in a small food court, I made sure no one was nearby. When I smashed a drinking glass in the kitchen sink, I made sure my partner was nowhere near it. When I threw a glass Coke bottle at the ground way back in college, I made sure I aimed the throw away from my then-partner. When I walked out into the middle of the street seemingly without looking, I really HAD looked first. And when I was screaming and appearing like a mad woman, the minute someone I knew (my parents, or friends) came home or I saw them approaching in the distance, I would "switch" and seem completely normal. Not because I was hiding my temper or because I wanted people to think I was all sweetness and light, but because I was SO embarrassed to be seen to be upset by most people. So I'd put on an act and be "normal". My ex-partner once said the first time she saw me do that, she was literally speechless. So. I COULD control myself. And now I choose to.
I wish I saw this video earlier. I caused a fight between my dad and my brother. My dad has done so many wrong things to mom, bro and me in the past. So I easily get angry at him. This caused a major problem and dad had to leave the house. I don't know where he is. But I regret what I did. I love my dad, I wish he could become a better person. It's been 4 days since dad left. I'm very sad. I hope everything gets back to normal.
@DrTraceyMarks, I know this might not get too you but in case it does, do you have any other techniques (in an African, or to be more specific, a Nigerian way..) because all these techniques you give are indeed very nice but it still won't work for me because of the household and people I find myself with! It's very upsetting that at the end of the day, I'm always seen as the bad one, even though it's my mother's family (because they're not my family at all!😡) that's the cause of this!😪 What I don't get is, was it my fault for my mom and dad not being together, why am I now a lab-experiment child to all my mom's brothers and her mom? Does it mean i can't breathe or be myself because my dad isn't around to train me.. ugh!😡😪
Thank You so much for this. Being 71 and being mentally and physically abused; and opressed as a Child, subciously I feel entilted to be angry and abusive. Do you have any suggestions ? Thank You again. Grateful Aussie.
I’m convinced some people love to be angry, they thrive on the attention their outbursts gets them, they feel powerful and in control of others and seem to get some sort of high from their elevated anger, possibly even wanting to use their anger to provoke an angry reaction in others ……I love it when I can control my response to a blank stare, slow deliberate blink and turn to walk away. For me. it’s like pouring water on a fire, to them it’s like fuel on a fire ! What a different world we would live in if everyone wanted to take responsibility and strive to be better !!!! Thank you Dr.Marks, I love your videos !!!
It was a very annoying video to watch when I'm angry. Get to the point already. Thanks anyway; it's not you, it's the strong emotion. Though, this video is definitely for when you're not angry.
Idk if it's from the PTSD or BPD, but I REALLY struggle either any non-positive emotion presenting as anger, and I get angry at myself for feeling any non-positive emotions. Hoping this will help.
In regards to steps 2 and 3 in the “cycle of trigger”. I’m not sure where I’ve heard it, I think it was credible source, some studies have shown that in some light it; the emotion comes first and then the thoughts. Have you heard of this process or know what I’m trying to express? I like your videos a lot and appreciate your effort and help.
So,this has helped me realize alot about my anger especially because there are unresolved and irreconcilable issues in my life which I must address immediately.
Hi. Do you have or can you create a video on anger/frustration from physical pain throughout body. I’m in so much pain it hurts to sit and relax and listen to music or color etc. also pain from from grieving my mom.
I have serious problems with anger and have never iny life understood why. I was so angry and physically violent as a child my parents sometimes seemed afraid of me. I can come across as friendly, warm, empathetic, and interesting. I am still a little afraid of my anger. This is great advice.
I have a lot of guilt and regret, when I was 7 I got a kitten and I used to get so mad at her and squeeze her ribs until she meowed now that I’m older I know it’s wrong and I stopped but my dog will bark and I just mindlessly pop her on the mouth, my parents used to do that with their dogs and us kids when we did something wrong so it comes naturally to me and it’s no excuse. I feel just so bad about it and I’m trying to be more patient with my animals. I have a lot of built up frustration. Thank you for the help.
I sometimes just don't control it and don't even know when I'm triggered. I don't want to argue with my sister constantly and then apologize for it all the time, I want to be better
But what happens when one feels good after lashing out, like all the bottled negativity coming out and it's such a relief. How do I lash out safely and not directed at a person?
Hi Tracey, love you videos. Can you make a video about what to do when you are the toxic person in a relationship and/or causing emotional stress to a sibling/family member. How can one overcome this and improve the relationship
What do you do if you ask the person who’s triggered you to leave or get out or even walk away and they react by saying you just want to leave or you see your the one who doesn’t want to talk now- I’ve tried to do this to calm the situation with a sibling cause I can feel I’m starting to get heated but they seem or it feels to me like they try to push me over my limits and of course it does happen because I don’t get that cool down period but I do try diffuse the situation I’m at a loss
I feel like my mother Be nippulating Arguments were me and her have and she told my dad About the arguments and he looks at me and my sister like witches. Bullies towards my little sister, and that's not the case.
Do you have a video that teaches us or has affirmative statements to help switch over to a more active anger approach? I seem to have trouble actively expressing my frustrations and trying to engage in potential conflict to resolve the matter
Also your hair looks amazing. I would love to wear wash and go like this but it has not been successful for me, surely it is less work than my braiding routine?
I journal my niegbor and her family tiger my anger she and different members of her etheir glare ,or they will say something smart ,she will walk her dog down to my property and allow it to crap on my lawn or in my flower bed or in the middle of my driveway she will often walk down to my property stand in my driveway or on the sidewalk in front of my house and glare at me, I get annoyed whenever an Intrusive family friend calls and asks questions that I clearly I have already said no to ,she and her wife and really annoy me ,she doesn't seem to understand or respect my personal space. 😒
So I found this 1 guy.. it took a long time, and I maybe even got injured in the process. Good amount of time went by, could I do it again. Yes, but maybe not.. it took time. Did my wings get clipped by the criminal justice system.. mostly no actually... the guy did a real number. All this talk about narcissism and addiction, does narcissism figure in to someone like a psychopathic killer. I think that it does, what are the roots of narcissism, but would they meet the criteria for narcissistic personality? No, they don't. What IS traumatic? What is traumatic to many men? Your unrealized sexual pursuits.. you're interested in them at the onset of puberty, the hormones are actually raging, but for most men, there's going to be a significant delay (not all of them) to actually realizing them. Is this traumatic.. It's a good opportunity for a traumatic event. Could I find another one.. maybe, but mostly I guess my goose is cooked.. however, there would be some professionals that are finding them faster than I did
What causes psychopathy, I don't quite know. But it is true that there are an awful lot of people claiming to be psychopaths that have no criminal behavior. But I'm done! Time for the Adderall.. that's what they seemed to imply.. After some kind of insult to the brain, did the healing process leave behind some excess plasticity.. I think that's what it is.. a good concussion,, a drugging with something like PCP or a date rape drug, this type of thing, does a good doctor drive receptor count back down with a stimulant, I think that's what they're implying. But I'll never catch another one.. my work in this field of law enforcement is over.😭😭😭😭😭😭
I just want to say I love listening to you, battling personality disorders, I find myself really paying attention to what you have say with such a professional demeanor
I lost the love of my life because I am abusive. I don't mean it but they can't be with me cause of that. I am sad and alone 😢 I feel like I can't even control myself. Too many situations with me loosing my cool and it pushes people away
The problem when I'm angry..I don't even think for ways to calm me down. I have to let it out first otherwise I'll still blow up later on. But I'll work on it
If you want to try coloring as a way to unwind - I've got a download for you on my website that has a few patterns you can start with. Go here markspsychiatry.com/5-ways-to-diffuse-your-anger
You might mean "defuse."
@@donaldviszneki8251 technically you're probably right, but since diffuse means to disperse I can see why both words get used, beyond the fact that they're homophones.
Hi Dr Tracey, I have been reading articles about BPD and NPD. I've noticed many similarities between the two. I'm wondering if you can make a video talking about differences and similarities between the two. That would be really great if you can make a video about it. Thank you Dr Tracey! :)
Can you do a video about the tendency to talk to one's self? Does this mean you are mentally unstable if you do it a lot and are conspicuous about it?
@@thesoliloquist1940 I don't have enough to say about this topic to make a video on it, but to answer your question it's doesn't mean you are unstable. Many people do it out of habit.
For those who feel that their anger happens too fast, these are skills you have to practice when you aren’t angry or when alone. The more you practice, the easier it will become.
daily especially 💕
I'm so tired of feeling angry and stressed out all the time. I lose myself in emotion and then feel crazy in hindsight. I hate being this way. Its exhausting
My throat got damaged due to anger
@@khushboojavaid011 How bad it is?
Same. Healing C-PTSD rn too. It's SOOOOO damn hard. I know it will be worth it in the long run.
Me too
Found you by mistake. Best mistake I've made in horrible year of 2020. You're good.
🤕🤕🤕
👋👋👍👍
She’s to angry. And sexist. If you’re at the club, you’re and idiot anyways. Grow up.
I LOVE her!
Not a mistake at all then bro 😉 She's awesome man, literally the only expert I find to be actually helpful. I'm glad we found her
Thanks for this informative video... I need to use “I don’t discuss politics without a glass of wine. ...” 😂😂😂
LOL! I'm glad you got that 🙂
Yeah Doc it's a vicious cycle.
I was programmed by my father at an early age that anger is a way to release hatred or get a point across but really didn't see how the negative energy could drain you mentally and physically exhaust you, currently am "rewiring" my brain. I'm tired mentally and physically, I'm trying to make the right changes it's not easy.
I relate to this so much.
As a LCSW, I greatly appreciate your videos. I consistently and successfully utilize your videos with clients. Thank you so much, Tracey!
Thanks so much Esther. That means a lot. Thanks for spreading the info so it can help others.
yessss!❤
I wish this video was uploaded a few days earlier ... Just had a major anger outburst yesterday ... Almost got into a fist fight with my brother
I know what it’s like going down that road 😁
U2
Well i yelled at my teachers because of my outburst and hit a kid😣
well now you know, what you didn't know then. that sounds like a bad situation but now you have the knowledge to make it better & it seems like you're dedicated to using it. sincere hope it got better 🙏🏿
Sometimes it harder to disengage because it happens so quickly. My job has been very stressful lately and I tend to get mad so I find walking away and deep breathing really helps. Thank you for the very informative video!
You’re right Victoria. It’s not always easy to react quickly or even think clearly in the heat of the moment. Thanks for watching.
I’m a guy, I’m not a “player,” I have no interest in you in general, other then to warn you, she is being extremely sexist, possibly racist. Just use good judgment.
@@kelseymusulman7694 who is?
@ironadversity2500 maybe a bot.
- - - - - - - -
This education is powerful.
My biggest problem is not responding fast enough, so I always get angry later. I have to train myself to be faster when being rude back 😑😑
Today a old man groped my butt while I was waiting in line for coffee, I am very very angry so I am looking for help... this video helps thank you Tracey
😭 💀
Next time he’s gonna fart on u while you’re in line
Thank you for this video, Dr. Marks. My son is in law enforcement and he uses the "broken record" response you mention @3:48 . He finds it's very good for de-escalating a situation. Someone is DYING to provoke him, but he uses a neutral voice and repeats the same response. They get tired of it pretty quickly and calm down.
That’s right. It’s actually pretty powerful. That’s great law enforcement uses that technique.
“ common sense is perhaps the most equally divided but surely the most under employed talent in the world”. Christine Collange
Just use your share of common sense. 😸
As the daughter of a narcissist who constantly hurts me and refuses to acknowledge the damage they've done, I feel unheard and invalidated. Why do I have to be the wiser one? And simply swallow that... These techniques don't let us protect ourselves after many years of repressed anger.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive my family if I just have to understand them and let it go...
This was one of the most useful videos of seen. One that I will implement in my everyday life. Thank you for all the hard work you do. My physical symptoms can also be dizziness and an immediate onset headache.
I’m so glad Erica that it’s helpful. I hope you get fewer headaches and dizziness. 😊
Dear Tracey, I have BP2 with rapid cycling. I am finding that meditation is helping me stay calmer, but sometimes I fly into these intense rages and get physically shaky. I hate this sensation of losing control. I need to take the time out you suggest. Thanks so much for your suggestions.
I have high blood pressure and severe social anxiety. This is Perfect timing. I had a very intense reaction to some questionable rhetoric and buzz words a co worker was using that were bordering on racism and religion. I tried to continue working, I got so heated I did yell Stop Talking about this, and before I said anymore I walked, Did a countdown, and came back silent. It was the first time people saw me angry. I am a very nice person, but I do Not tolerate hate speech. I admit I could have e handled it better. I was def caught off guard.This will help. I am making the list of responses. Thank you my dear.
Welp, we must agree to disagree. I have met and am friends with lovely people that share different opinions than I do, both politically and religiously. I have also come across those full of venom spewing hate speech. I was explaining how intensely I felt because of something that hurt me that came directly from a person's mouth, hateful words, hateful speech. Soooooo? Let's just move on. Have an amazing weekend:)
Lol. Stroke in your future.
@@bojohannesen4352 I'm cool. Not really trying to go out that way. Since I'm not a stupid human I know better now, I do better now.
oh man, I wanted to share this with my high school aged clients and then you said "a glass of wine in my hand". i guess not. darn.
My anger hits me like a tsunami and I’m drowned by it and the only way I was able to free myself in the past was to lash out with the same amount of force as the wave but today I learn that the tsunami wave can go away with mindful awareness and breathing . More and more the negative thoughts are replaced to positive thoughts and I’m able to breath again and walk away when I’m angry . My parents beat me every day with anything they can get their hands on but emotionally the negative things that were said to me hurt me the most . I had such low self esteem about myself that I hated who I was and still can’t make decisions as a 40 year old adult but today I take my life back !!!
Thank u for ur help to release the anger
Nice, I want to take my life back too?
Did your parents physically beat you or verbally beat you? Because mine was physically. Probably why I want to get physically with strangers on the street
I shake when I'm angry. My mind starts racing.
Same
Me too. I become very still, very quiet, shallow breathing, tense, and then my hands start shaking and thoughts start racing
Thank you Dr. Marks that was very helpful. Imagine after all I have been through in my life, no one has ever explained this to me the way you just did. You are truly a blessing.
Well I'm glad you heard it now. You're so welcome. Thanks for watching.
My memory triggers me and started the cycle, get angry on and on and on lol
I have been struggling with a lot of anger where I am angry/annoyed/sad/disappointed every single day. I am so glad I found you. You are amazing! I am going to practice this every single day. There was time I knew I was going to get angry, read some blogs before having a conversation with the person I was angry with and even after that I still lashed out at that person. I am going to really practice the shutting down technique and diversion technique. I have seriously damaged my relationship with a lot of people and I really need to mend it. Thank you so much for your content.
Sometimes relationships aren't worth it. If the others truly appreciated yoy, probably, they would reach out earlier. It all depends on the situation. My opinion
Thank you for sharing. Your honesty is refreshing and encouraging.
I really hope this works for you.
Please keep me updated. ❤
im at the point i cant control my emotions i feel very insecure in my relationship and i don't know how to act what can i do?
James, i think you already know what to do. It doesn't sound like a positive relationship for you. I ended a crummy relationship where i put forth the effort and I wasn't getting enough in return. It's not worth the troubles.
Very helpful! I realized a few weeks ago that I have some anger management issues when my son asked me why I get so mad when we’re stuck in traffic… I realized my heart would literally be racing in these instances and I wouldn’t be talking like myself. And you’re right even just taking five seconds and thinking about what I say before I say it has lessened my reactions to those kind of feelings. You’re the best and your videos are so so important ♥️♥️
Thanks a lot Brianna. I hope you keep being able to work through your anger when you need to. All the best to you.
Trigger: people walking to slow, people yelling during class, people not doing their work
Automatic thoughts: everyone is useless,”I’m surrounded by idiots”
Emotional response: anger, disgust, revolution
Physical response: sweaty palms, fidgeting, heart racing, nail biting/grooming
Behavior response: crying
Funny how I could really point out what my cycle of anger is, I get ticked off pretty easily but luckily I don’t usually give a behavioral response
PLEASE HELP...How do you stop a rage reaction upon waking up every morning with next doors dog barking loud from 6.45am ?
It suffering with separation issues as her owner goes to the bathroom. She shouts at me to get a job and it wouldn't bother me.
I'm unemployed on sick long term. With mental health. Lack of sleep .
I have tried telling her nicely that the dog suffering separation issues. Owner said she has to learn.
It's her 1st dog. She puts her cat out on the street when the puppy grew up. It's a chowchow. And LOUD!
I have suggested nicely that it may need behaviour therapy. For separation anxiety. This has caused major issues between the owner and myself.
How do I stop my rage, the cycle of no sleep and coping with neighbours judgement of me when I speak up? She has caused other issues in the past talking through walls and denying it for months . Finally admitted she did. I went crazy 3 years ago over this and lashed out at her door. We became friends after that. Sort of. Mot my type of friend at all with gossip and judgement of others so I backed away
I am in therapy! Psych 4 for many issues after a 3year wait. And it's taking up my session to talk about my year long rage of her dog barking.
So my question really is .How do you stop rage from being woke up by this dogs barking. Headaches. Lack of sleep anyways I'm desperate to try to calm down at mornings
Me and my mom got in a fight and I acted in anger by saying a lot that I didn't mean. I have autism and adhd so I feel it difficult to control my anger when it happens so fast. I'm not saying that it's a good excuse for me acting in anger but it seems harder to keep it under control. though i never put hands on anybody ive still found myself punching the walls and slamming doors. Its difficult for me as well as the people involved. I generally feel upset with myself after the fact. Your advice was helpful as I cant afford therapy OR anger management ... You broke it down in a simple way to understand for me other videos I have found not as helpful because they are talking too fast for me to process everything I plan on trying these tequniques and practicing them as I come from a conservative family your advice on ending a political debate before it gets too much to handle or before it even starts will hopefully come in handy as well
Thanks for the tips... I have someone in my life who needs to see this.
You're welcome helpfulhappy 🙂
Thank you..I’m going to try the three breath method first..lord knows I usually say something post haste..
Thanks SO much Tracy!! This is really helpful! I really appreciate all the information in ways you give it here! I’ll check more into the anger series, I have a hard time expressing mine... I usually try to stuff mine down, which is so not helpful and only makes it come out later and never in the right way! Appreciate it!🙏🏻🌈
Hi, I know you're doing a series on anger right now, but could you please also do a video on recovering from meds( anti depressants) sometime in the future
Oh, I need to do these things so bad... I am getting tired of people yelling, screaming and insulting my intelligence; I just don't like to confront people and then have to fight them with fists or weapons. That is a scary thing for me - let just say that I don't know how to fight. I will lose and probably end up in a ambulance (due to: either getting a black eye, getting knocked out by my opponent and/or getting beat up to a bloody pulp. All are Not Good Situations.)
Dr. Marks can u do a video on peri menopause and mental health ?
I like the video. I didn't know how that cycle works. But I feel like these strategies only works when anger isn't too intense. Taking from my own experience, when it's too intense, I don't feel like it would work for me. Sometimes I feel an intense rage, anger and hatred and I end up self-harming, even though I try to wait until it goes away but it doesn't and I can't see a way out of it.
Hi doctor tracy mark we know that antidepressants could trigger hypomania in bipolar 2 patients but if someone took lamictal along his antidepressants medications does it prevent mixed
states or hypomania from happening?
I think you’ll be my favourite TH-camr from now on 😩😂
I thankfully went to the fourth! I defused the situation before level five! Shoulders still tense muscles still ache yeah! I am medicating drinking water listening to you and a few others
Oh my goodness this is so needed by me right now. I just had a major blow up with a jerk. I had no control. Let's see what I learn.
As someone who used to have VERY severe anger outbursts, but now does not, I can say that people CAN control their anger. They are just choosing not to because they feel SO upset / hurt / disrespected / embarrassed / stressed / overwhelmed / abandoned / rejected / criticised / unappreciated, etc, and it feels "better" (briefly) to indulge and express those feelings as anger.
It took me forever to realise I could control myself. I NEVER had a "temper tantrum" in front of or at my parents, my boss at work, or at a stranger in the street. That would be terribly embarrassing! So why did I explode at my partners? Because I felt I could show my feelings. But really, the expression of those feelings in terms of the abusive anger, was very damaging, for both of us.
Even in public, I would swear, scream, shout, throw things, break things, and basically appear like a raving lunatic. At the back of my head, I'd be thinking "What are you DOING!? STOP IT!" But I just felt like I couldn't.
When I hurled a plastic chair in a small food court, I made sure no one was nearby. When I smashed a drinking glass in the kitchen sink, I made sure my partner was nowhere near it. When I threw a glass Coke bottle at the ground way back in college, I made sure I aimed the throw away from my then-partner. When I walked out into the middle of the street seemingly without looking, I really HAD looked first. And when I was screaming and appearing like a mad woman, the minute someone I knew (my parents, or friends) came home or I saw them approaching in the distance, I would "switch" and seem completely normal. Not because I was hiding my temper or because I wanted people to think I was all sweetness and light, but because I was SO embarrassed to be seen to be upset by most people. So I'd put on an act and be "normal". My ex-partner once said the first time she saw me do that, she was literally speechless.
So. I COULD control myself. And now I choose to.
There are some people who will not take NO for an answer when it comes to discussing certain topics like politics.
I wish I saw this video earlier. I caused a fight between my dad and my brother. My dad has done so many wrong things to mom, bro and me in the past. So I easily get angry at him. This caused a major problem and dad had to leave the house. I don't know where he is. But I regret what I did. I love my dad, I wish he could become a better person. It's been 4 days since dad left. I'm very sad. I hope everything gets back to normal.
@DrTraceyMarks,
I know this might not get too you but in case it does, do you have any other techniques (in an African, or to be more specific, a Nigerian way..) because all these techniques you give are indeed very nice but it still won't work for me because of the household and people I find myself with!
It's very upsetting that at the end of the day, I'm always seen as the bad one, even though it's my mother's family (because they're not my family at all!😡) that's the cause of this!😪
What I don't get is, was it my fault for my mom and dad not being together, why am I now a lab-experiment child to all my mom's brothers and her mom? Does it mean i can't breathe or be myself because my dad isn't around to train me.. ugh!😡😪
I started intermittent fasting therapy I don’t get anger angry issues like I used too.. am more calm. All should try fast over 24 hours. Thanks
Thank You so much for this.
Being 71 and being mentally and physically abused; and opressed as a Child, subciously I feel entilted to be angry and abusive.
Do you have any suggestions ?
Thank You again.
Grateful Aussie.
I’m convinced some people love to be angry, they thrive on the attention their outbursts gets them, they feel powerful and in control of others and seem to get some sort of high from their elevated anger, possibly even wanting to use their anger to provoke an angry reaction in others ……I love it when I can control my response to a blank stare, slow deliberate blink and turn to walk away. For me. it’s like pouring water on a fire, to them it’s like fuel on a fire !
What a different world we would live in if everyone wanted to take responsibility and strive to be better !!!!
Thank you Dr.Marks, I love your videos !!!
I love your response to anger. I need to learn how to do that. 😊
It was a very annoying video to watch when I'm angry. Get to the point already. Thanks anyway; it's not you, it's the strong emotion. Though, this video is definitely for when you're not angry.
Idk if it's from the PTSD or BPD, but I REALLY struggle either any non-positive emotion presenting as anger, and I get angry at myself for feeling any non-positive emotions.
Hoping this will help.
Such a beautiful person🙏🏻❤️✨
how do you defuse anger when you can't control it?
learning about the Cycle of Anger was helpful!! thank you Dr. Tracey!!
Ditto.
In regards to steps 2 and 3 in the “cycle of trigger”. I’m not sure where I’ve heard it, I think it was credible source, some studies have shown that in some light it; the emotion comes first and then the thoughts. Have you heard of this process or know what I’m trying to express? I like your videos a lot and appreciate your effort and help.
So,this has helped me realize alot about my anger especially because there are unresolved and irreconcilable issues in my life which I must address immediately.
Hi. Do you have or can you create a video on anger/frustration from physical pain throughout body. I’m in so much pain it hurts to sit and relax and listen to music or color etc. also pain from from grieving my mom.
I have serious problems with anger and have never iny life understood why. I was so angry and physically violent as a child my parents sometimes seemed afraid of me. I can come across as friendly, warm, empathetic, and interesting. I am still a little afraid of my anger. This is great advice.
Thanks Being Better. I hope it becomes easier for you manage over time.
I suffer from being so judgmental it makes me so angry when people don’t live up to my expectations
Cop: Why are you drawing in a coloring book ik the middle of traffic?!
Me: You won't like me, when I'm angry.
I have a lot of guilt and regret, when I was 7 I got a kitten and I used to get so mad at her and squeeze her ribs until she meowed now that I’m older I know it’s wrong and I stopped but my dog will bark and I just mindlessly pop her on the mouth, my parents used to do that with their dogs and us kids when we did something wrong so it comes naturally to me and it’s no excuse. I feel just so bad about it and I’m trying to be more patient with my animals. I have a lot of built up frustration. Thank you for the help.
love you and this thanks and thanks for the coloring thing have a good day and week :)
You’re welcome Mack. And thank you!
I sometimes just don't control it and don't even know when I'm triggered. I don't want to argue with my sister constantly and then apologize for it all the time, I want to be better
I should have found this video before I broke my monitor which was 400 dollars
But what happens when one feels good after lashing out, like all the bottled negativity coming out and it's such a relief. How do I lash out safely and not directed at a person?
This is very helpful. I need statements for not feeling appreciated by a partner.
I am not in the habit of getting and staying angry with myself, but these are great tips for diffusing anger towards someone else...Thank x.
Hi Tracey, love you videos. Can you make a video about what to do when you are the toxic person in a relationship and/or causing emotional stress to a sibling/family member. How can one overcome this and improve the relationship
Exactly what happens at my workplace.
Feels as if the rest of the team take pleasure in making me look like an idiot
Your fearfully and wonderfully made by God.your not a idiot.Dont let them make u feel inferior🤍
In what way can I process anger and rage caused by childhood trauma?
What do you do if you ask the person who’s triggered you to leave or get out or even walk away and they react by saying you just want to leave or you see your the one who doesn’t want to talk now- I’ve tried to do this to calm the situation with a sibling cause I can feel I’m starting to get heated but they seem or it feels to me like they try to push me over my limits and of course it does happen because I don’t get that cool down period but I do try diffuse the situation I’m at a loss
I feel like my mother Be nippulating Arguments were me and her have and she told my dad About the arguments and he looks at me and my sister like witches. Bullies towards my little sister, and that's not the case.
Do you have a video that teaches us or has affirmative statements to help switch over to a more active anger approach? I seem to have trouble actively expressing my frustrations and trying to engage in potential conflict to resolve the matter
When do you ever actually face the anger instead of always surprising it. Seems this will help for the moment but the problem is npt dealt with
OUR anger, Dr. Marx. *Soviet National Anthem plays*
Also your hair looks amazing. I would love to wear wash and go like this but it has not been successful for me, surely it is less work than my braiding routine?
Love ❤️ you videos!!! Simple, short and concrete. 👍
I feel like I'm losing everything because of anger. I'm always angry and i feel tired.
I'm so angry it feels like my whole body will burst and explode.
I journal my niegbor and her family tiger my anger she and different members of her etheir glare ,or they will say something smart ,she will walk her dog down to my property and allow it to crap on my lawn or in my flower bed or in the middle of my driveway she will often walk down to my property stand in my driveway or on the sidewalk in front of my house and glare at me, I get annoyed whenever an Intrusive family friend calls and asks questions that I clearly I have already said no to ,she and her wife and really annoy me ,she doesn't seem to understand or respect my personal space. 😒
Best thing for me is meds, sleep and just stay the f away from me :)
😮😊
Thank you doctor. You did really healed me today.
I'm trying to develop a list of canned responses for when people mess with my guide dog...
That's a good one. Fat Dog Bar and Grill.. it's a bit wordy. Tubby's
God - “I’m not supposed to be here..... this is court ordered” lmfaoooooooo
How to help my 38 year old sibling with anger issues.
If you think you're over letting certain people go more than the doctor is, you've got another thing coming
So I found this 1 guy.. it took a long time, and I maybe even got injured in the process. Good amount of time went by, could I do it again. Yes, but maybe not.. it took time. Did my wings get clipped by the criminal justice system.. mostly no actually... the guy did a real number. All this talk about narcissism and addiction, does narcissism figure in to someone like a psychopathic killer. I think that it does, what are the roots of narcissism, but would they meet the criteria for narcissistic personality? No, they don't. What IS traumatic? What is traumatic to many men? Your unrealized sexual pursuits.. you're interested in them at the onset of puberty, the hormones are actually raging, but for most men, there's going to be a significant delay (not all of them) to actually realizing them. Is this traumatic.. It's a good opportunity for a traumatic event. Could I find another one.. maybe, but mostly I guess my goose is cooked.. however, there would be some professionals that are finding them faster than I did
What causes psychopathy, I don't quite know. But it is true that there are an awful lot of people claiming to be psychopaths that have no criminal behavior. But I'm done! Time for the Adderall.. that's what they seemed to imply.. After some kind of insult to the brain, did the healing process leave behind some excess plasticity.. I think that's what it is.. a good concussion,, a drugging with something like PCP or a date rape drug, this type of thing, does a good doctor drive receptor count back down with a stimulant, I think that's what they're implying. But I'll never catch another one.. my work in this field of law enforcement is over.😭😭😭😭😭😭
Where is ur clinic
Hi doctor I'm addicted to trading how to come over from this. I'm failed to avoid trading.
I don't want to live like this anymore. Peace out, ya'll.
Thank you 💗 Dr.
I’m angry about bills and grocery’s I can’t get a head and i cook and never eat out
I just want to say I love listening to you, battling personality disorders, I find myself really paying attention to what you have say with such a professional demeanor
Hey Dr Tracey do u have research on head injuries/ angry issues years later only stitches no brain trauma
Something fell out of the refrigerator on the floor so i knocked the fridge over, what do i do about that kind of anger...
You are one smart lady; I am so glad I stumbled onto your channel!
1:40 That’s not normal?
I got a dashcam just so I could record the crash. :(
I love you Dr. Tracey Marks.
2:19 that moment where u need to stop and breathe... That's the hardest part... What is the technique to do that?
This video popped up just when I needed it. Thank you for always shedding your pearls of wisdom.
In my life this negative thoughts were making my life negative. Trying to control
I lost the love of my life because I am abusive. I don't mean it but they can't be with me cause of that. I am sad and alone 😢
I feel like I can't even control myself. Too many situations with me loosing my cool and it pushes people away
I definitely get you,I also lost someone I cared about because of my anger. I want to get better!
The problem when I'm angry..I don't even think for ways to calm me down. I have to let it out first otherwise I'll still blow up later on. But I'll work on it