"Family" sounds like just the dad, but I do agree. What's worse is that instead of taking accountability, they are deciding to be the mean girls in their adult lives, and probably are trying to steal OP's family away to square off the debt. Best solution I can think of is for OP to play their game. Cut off her family and let Jess win. Sure, it will feel sucky for now, but someone that unstable won't take the win gracefully, and it will force the family to either show their true colors, or come back to an appology if they want OP's grandkids in their lives.
Second story, hate doesn’t mean he’s still in love with her. My guess is some people have no idea what it’s like to truly loathe someone. To wish them truly ill. There’s someone I will never be in the same room as or I know it’s going to be a giant nuclear violent fight
TBH i don't even understand how redditors equate "i dont ever want to see or hear about her again" to "you are obsessed with her". Mr. Fantastic levels of stretching right here.
@@VRDejaVuDude, these are redditors we're talking about. If their's a story about a husband catching his wife getting gangbanged and impregnated by said act of infidelity, I guarantee you there will be at least one comment along the lines of "genes don't matter, man up, be a father to the product of infidelity cause the baby is innocent." Half of all redditors are head cases themselves and probably shouldn't be turned to for advice.
@@VRDejaVu I bet you if the roles were reversed and it was the guy who was POS, Redditors would advise OP to stay away from her ex as much as possible.
S1: So, two women decided to take their past out on you. S2: "... citing that those acts were disgusting and against her integrity as a woman." Apparently cheating isn't against her! So it's against your integrity to do certain sex acts with your husband, but completely fine to do it with a person you were cheating with?!?! Funny how the guy's issues must always be pushed to the side, but the mother trauma dumping on a 15 year old is fine. OP doesn't need to forgive her and he clearly has moved on. He just doesn't want to hear about her
Story 2. Nta. The ex is though, not only did she cheat on her family she is dumping all her personal problems on to her daughter a 15 year old girl. The mother was and continues to be a selfish lying manipulative cheater
She swore on their daughters life she didn't cheat when he had the proof, this had to have been multiple times. That just shows her character. Also that bit about her pride being hurt, that's like getting mad that you loose your car after doing twice the speed limit and crashing into a building.
God I hate redditors who say parents should give up everything for their mistake like why would I talk to the worst human being just so that my child can be happy?? how can you be sad when we don’t talk at all?? It’s better than screaming at each other!!
To the people calling op in story 2 the ah needs to take a step back. The fear from the daughter shouldn't be this severe. Involving a 15 yr old to such an extent is cruel and pathetic. Disliking isn't the same as obsession, especially if said person has a crap personality. Would you keep the same energy if the roles were reversed. If so, put yourself in the shoes of the betrayed would you take this as well or would you be more belligerent/be walked over. People deal with struggle differently and it's ultimately up to the betrayed to make the decision of forgiveness. People need to stop looking at things in black and white, look at this situation. Kids will always have anxiety towards divorced parents, weaponising/taking advantage of this is not cool. For the sake of the daughter the mother should have left her out of it and if you think the mom was right doing this then i hope you don't have children because you're a burden.
The fact that the ex now started calling him a lot just goes to show that she is a liar and a manipulator. She clearly is looking for an in with him and is using the daughter for it. If she was a good person she should not try to get more from him. He allows it for his daugther, no to help her fix her life or whatever.
Story 1 - Lucky you and your kids don't need to go to your parents house for Christmas , you and kids can have a family Christmas with your kids at home, no traveling time, no packing . If you and your family mean so little to your extended family that they will ban you and yours for a stranger's sake, why would you want to spend time with them? Go LC and stay LC, none of these people should get the opportunity to influence your kids.
story 2 op literally proved why he shouldn't of got back in contact should use a third party like ops gf to talk about pick ups and drops off of daughter, aging hag with no friends or hope of a good relationship
S2: a parent putting their happiness above all irritates me, cause it teaches the child that their parent's love is conditional. That said, OP sounds like he has disdain more than hate for his ex, while the ex is the one who cannot get over her grief.
Well, I'd say cheating would have been the deal breaker. She's going to weasel her way back in to his life and destroy it. I wonder if these shitbags would say the same if the roles were reversed, because we know they wouldn't.
Story 2 nta she is a horrible piece of work, the moment she lied swearing on their daughters life when he had the proof of her cheating instantly made me hate her. She is a mess and is pushing so many of her problems onto her daughter, and her failed relationships are her own problem to sort out not the ex husband or the daughter. If she keeps failing at relationships its because she is still the same cheater or is still hung up on the divorce, either way no good man is going to want to be with a cheater or a woman who you know will drop you for the ex at a moments notice. I do think he was a little hard with the no contact unless emergency, after a year he should have gone to emergency and planning holidays for their daughter. But its pretty obvious that she would have tried to just talk like friends which he has all right to deny. I feel like its more the ex being lonely and broken over the daughter wanting them at the same event. They could have worked things out back at the start to both be at things but not interact, like sit in different rows for school plays and stuff.
The hardest part for Jess it the fact that you don't remember. For her she says she you ruined her life. Don't go to Christmas. Do a very nice Christmas for your kids. Your dads problem is your dads problem. You can't fix his head
S2: My partner and I agreed that no matter what, our child will come first. We can sort out what we have in private but we will make sure we treat each other with respect in front of our child because they deserve parents who aren't toxic and fighting all the time. At the end of the day, our kid deserves to see a mother respect their father and a father respect their mother. Regardless if they are together or not. That's the father/mother of your kid.
The guy isn't being toxic though. He removes himself from the situation, that's the most mature thing someone can do if they vehemently dislike a person. Especially with someone who cheated and went against their own morals. The mother herself never respected the father with the cheating and then later the gaslighting, so its up to her own actions and acts that warrant any sort of reclaimation of respect from her exhusband.
If they met in some sort of support group, is this just some sort of codependency issue? It seems that Kate and Jess are toxically codependent, I'd Jess moving that toxic codependency to Jack? Can Jack emotionally deal with that? Jack needs to talk to a therapist. This is more twisted than the yellow brick road
So the dad, who talked to his daughter, always seemed to tell her daughter while he doesn’t like her that she still a good mother is the a hole, like make it make sense
Oh look. A bitter woman blaming the man and not listening to the whole story. Because if you did you would of known he invited her to go to three sessions to FAMILY THERAPY that deals with AFTER A DIVORCE. There she revealed she had all ready went to a therapist and although was hurt by him saying what he did about her behavior six years ago and not wanting their daughter turning out like her, she also understood it because she was told this might be the case. Not once did he act like it was his whole idea. He only did it for the sake of his daughter. Kindly do the whole world a favor, and remove your head from your echo chamber of a rear end.
Heard the second story a few times before. At some point, I think you got to let go of your anger and hatred. You need to move on with your life and drop the baggage on the curb.
Why though? People love to say that but can never elaborate to any significant degree. "oh, you have to do it for yourself" And how would that help me? "You would be happier" i'm already happy "but you could be more" or i could be less... "Letting go" as a blanket statement is nothing more than an over used cliché.
@@VRDejaVu Coming from someone who’s let go of that anger myself, it’s nice to think of someone and not feel this burning rage. Outside of me hating being angry, if just thinking of someone peeves you off, that says they still mean something to you. Personally, I’ve always thought not feeling anything for someone beyond a blunt lack of care is a much sweeter revenge than any anger. In cases like this where that anger affects other people, it’s sorta necessary to let go. The moment your distain for someone causes the people you love - especially your child - to have a panic attack over wanting to have you in the same room as the person you hate because you both mean a lot to them and they want you both there for their special event, that’s when you need to let the hatred go. It stops being understandable and starts being detrimental to your loved ones health.
@@crazyminegamer2339 Finally an elaborated answer that actually answers the question. Although i can't 100% agree since he could just find a way for it to work without letting go of the hatred (i know i did) i wanna to sincerely thank you for your response.
@@VRDejaVu Eh. I guess it’s just a difference in opinion. I don’t like feeling anger or hatred, so I worked on letting that hatred go. The people I did at one point genuinely hate I haven’t forgiven, but I could if I ran into them and saw they did a complete 180. Letting go of that hatred was purely to give myself some peace (which didn’t require forgiveness, just viewing them as people I’m indifferent too).
@Vu I can't speak for letting go, but I refuse to feel anger/hatred towards my ex who cheated because i refuse to give her any more of my feelings. I will never forgive her, I just will never care about anything involving her again. I look at it as not giving her the satisfaction of having anymore control over me. I equate emotions to time/energy and I refuse to waste either on anybody. The only thing I ever want to feel about her going forward is apathy., but I generally tend to strive for apathy on all things so I can't necessarily say that correlates. With that said I would rather never interact with her or anyone that has to do with her again. I will if forced but I'm not going to waste energy by being polite or anything like that.
He doesn't have to be her friend, but clearly both of them are affecting the daughter. Neither of them are being objective, and I find his pseudo-philosophical ramblings sort of suspect, especially since they came after the initial YTA comments. He's clearly trying to paint himself as the rational one, but I don't believe that he believes a word of what he's saying, if he did there'd be no need for therapy; he'd be able to do what is best for his daughter. Her near breakdown is also very telling, and I don't believe that it's the result of just her mother trauma dumping. Details of his interactions with her are curiously missing until after the YTA. Both of them are stuck in the past completely unwilling to move forward. She's stuck with the guilt of what she did, and he's unable to let go of the anger. Ironic that he went NC but she's still living rent free. The daughter deserves a medal for having to wade through all their bullshit, I'd be interested in hearing her perspective. I wish her good fortune being the parent to her mum and dad...
Dude you are still hooked on your ex wife but you can't let go. You've transferred your love to love hidden in hate. You don't have to like your wife, but you should be civil and polite
Story 1: The GF is insane, and the family is ridiculous for backing her nonsense.
"Family" sounds like just the dad, but I do agree. What's worse is that instead of taking accountability, they are deciding to be the mean girls in their adult lives, and probably are trying to steal OP's family away to square off the debt.
Best solution I can think of is for OP to play their game. Cut off her family and let Jess win. Sure, it will feel sucky for now, but someone that unstable won't take the win gracefully, and it will force the family to either show their true colors, or come back to an appology if they want OP's grandkids in their lives.
Second story, hate doesn’t mean he’s still in love with her. My guess is some people have no idea what it’s like to truly loathe someone. To wish them truly ill. There’s someone I will never be in the same room as or I know it’s going to be a giant nuclear violent fight
TBH i don't even understand how redditors equate "i dont ever want to see or hear about her again" to "you are obsessed with her". Mr. Fantastic levels of stretching right here.
@@VRDejaVuDude, these are redditors we're talking about. If their's a story about a husband catching his wife getting gangbanged and impregnated by said act of infidelity, I guarantee you there will be at least one comment along the lines of "genes don't matter, man up, be a father to the product of infidelity cause the baby is innocent."
Half of all redditors are head cases themselves and probably shouldn't be turned to for advice.
@@VRDejaVu I bet you if the roles were reversed and it was the guy who was POS, Redditors would advise OP to stay away from her ex as much as possible.
@@VRDejaVu White knights hoping they'll be the lucky White Horse mounted savior for OP's wife. It's delusion plain and simple.
@@VRDejaVu ask redditors if they want to date Hitler since hate=love somehow
S1: So, two women decided to take their past out on you.
S2: "... citing that those acts were disgusting and against her integrity as a woman." Apparently cheating isn't against her! So it's against your integrity to do certain sex acts with your husband, but completely fine to do it with a person you were cheating with?!?! Funny how the guy's issues must always be pushed to the side, but the mother trauma dumping on a 15 year old is fine. OP doesn't need to forgive her and he clearly has moved on. He just doesn't want to hear about her
Story 2. Nta. The ex is though, not only did she cheat on her family she is dumping all her personal problems on to her daughter a 15 year old girl.
The mother was and continues to be a selfish lying manipulative cheater
She swore on their daughters life she didn't cheat when he had the proof, this had to have been multiple times. That just shows her character.
Also that bit about her pride being hurt, that's like getting mad that you loose your car after doing twice the speed limit and crashing into a building.
affair was 6 years earlier when daughter was 15
therefore daughter is now around 21
Op says she is 16 currently@@frankd5426
God I hate redditors who say parents should give up everything for their mistake like why would I talk to the worst human being just so that my child can be happy?? how can you be sad when we don’t talk at all?? It’s better than screaming at each other!!
Mom trauma dumping to their daughter is infuriating 😬😬😬
That's what I'm saying to even tho I think the father should have Cleary this stuff sooner, but it's the mother fault way more
The mother only wants forgiveness to be able to have her social life again. And her mother shouldn't be venting to her about that drama.
To the people calling op in story 2 the ah needs to take a step back. The fear from the daughter shouldn't be this severe. Involving a 15 yr old to such an extent is cruel and pathetic. Disliking isn't the same as obsession, especially if said person has a crap personality. Would you keep the same energy if the roles were reversed. If so, put yourself in the shoes of the betrayed would you take this as well or would you be more belligerent/be walked over. People deal with struggle differently and it's ultimately up to the betrayed to make the decision of forgiveness. People need to stop looking at things in black and white, look at this situation. Kids will always have anxiety towards divorced parents, weaponising/taking advantage of this is not cool. For the sake of the daughter the mother should have left her out of it and if you think the mom was right doing this then i hope you don't have children because you're a burden.
daughter is 21
the affair was 6 years ago.
that was when daughter was 15
@@frankd5426 gotcha ok, still messed up involving the kids but comparably it's not as bad
The fact that the ex now started calling him a lot just goes to show that she is a liar and a manipulator. She clearly is looking for an in with him and is using the daughter for it. If she was a good person she should not try to get more from him. He allows it for his daugther, no to help her fix her life or whatever.
I hate when people give shit to victims about forgiveness
The guy from the second story was making some quote worthy responses to his ex and his daughter😂😂
Story 1 - Lucky you and your kids don't need to go to your parents house for Christmas , you and kids can have a family Christmas with your kids at home, no traveling time, no packing . If you and your family mean so little to your extended family that they will ban you and yours for a stranger's sake, why would you want to spend time with them? Go LC and stay LC, none of these people should get the opportunity to influence your kids.
story 2 op literally proved why he shouldn't of got back in contact should use a third party like ops gf to talk about pick ups and drops off of daughter, aging hag with no friends or hope of a good relationship
I like how the ex wife Emotionally manipulates the daughter It's crazy.
S2: a parent putting their happiness above all irritates me, cause it teaches the child that their parent's love is conditional. That said, OP sounds like he has disdain more than hate for his ex, while the ex is the one who cannot get over her grief.
Fun story you can go back to the school and get your class schedule from and you can ask her which classes you bullied her in that might be helpful
Well, I'd say cheating would have been the deal breaker. She's going to weasel her way back in to his life and destroy it. I wonder if these shitbags would say the same if the roles were reversed, because we know they wouldn't.
Story 2 nta she is a horrible piece of work, the moment she lied swearing on their daughters life when he had the proof of her cheating instantly made me hate her.
She is a mess and is pushing so many of her problems onto her daughter, and her failed relationships are her own problem to sort out not the ex husband or the daughter. If she keeps failing at relationships its because she is still the same cheater or is still hung up on the divorce, either way no good man is going to want to be with a cheater or a woman who you know will drop you for the ex at a moments notice.
I do think he was a little hard with the no contact unless emergency, after a year he should have gone to emergency and planning holidays for their daughter. But its pretty obvious that she would have tried to just talk like friends which he has all right to deny.
I feel like its more the ex being lonely and broken over the daughter wanting them at the same event. They could have worked things out back at the start to both be at things but not interact, like sit in different rows for school plays and stuff.
The hardest part for Jess it the fact that you don't remember. For her she says she you ruined her life. Don't go to Christmas. Do a very nice Christmas for your kids. Your dads problem is your dads problem. You can't fix his head
I thought you were NOT suppose to date support group members
Story 1 can basically be summed up as: ☕️
S2: My partner and I agreed that no matter what, our child will come first. We can sort out what we have in private but we will make sure we treat each other with respect in front of our child because they deserve parents who aren't toxic and fighting all the time. At the end of the day, our kid deserves to see a mother respect their father and a father respect their mother. Regardless if they are together or not. That's the father/mother of your kid.
The guy isn't being toxic though. He removes himself from the situation, that's the most mature thing someone can do if they vehemently dislike a person. Especially with someone who cheated and went against their own morals. The mother herself never respected the father with the cheating and then later the gaslighting, so its up to her own actions and acts that warrant any sort of reclaimation of respect from her exhusband.
Classic reddit blame the man for everything while holding women to a difference standard
If they met in some sort of support group, is this just some sort of codependency issue? It seems that Kate and Jess are toxically codependent, I'd Jess moving that toxic codependency to Jack? Can Jack emotionally deal with that? Jack needs to talk to a therapist. This is more twisted than the yellow brick road
The first story was so infuriating. I really dont like the dad, OP HAS NO PARENTS on her side.
But bully isn't in the eyes of the bully. It's in the eyes of the bullied
At what point do you move past high school
Srory 1: I dont think OP is being truthful cause lets be honest, when has a bully on reddit even been honest about what they did in the bast.
Why does the second story reminds me of helluva boss S2 Ep 2 16:56 🥹
So the dad, who talked to his daughter, always seemed to tell her daughter while he doesn’t like her that she still a good mother is the a hole, like make it make sense
Reddit + male OP + 2 women on the "other side" = Always the AH even if he time travels to kill an Austrian painter.
Typical Reddit 😂 “if woman sad, man bad”
Oh look the ex wife went into therapy on her own. And dad thinks this is all his idea
Oh look. A bitter woman blaming the man and not listening to the whole story. Because if you did you would of known he invited her to go to three sessions to FAMILY THERAPY that deals with AFTER A DIVORCE. There she revealed she had all ready went to a therapist and although was hurt by him saying what he did about her behavior six years ago and not wanting their daughter turning out like her, she also understood it because she was told this might be the case. Not once did he act like it was his whole idea. He only did it for the sake of his daughter.
Kindly do the whole world a favor, and remove your head from your echo chamber of a rear end.
Does dad think that calling and screaming at the ex is really going to help with their communications
Heard the second story a few times before. At some point, I think you got to let go of your anger and hatred. You need to move on with your life and drop the baggage on the curb.
Why though? People love to say that but can never elaborate to any significant degree. "oh, you have to do it for yourself" And how would that help me? "You would be happier" i'm already happy "but you could be more" or i could be less...
"Letting go" as a blanket statement is nothing more than an over used cliché.
@@VRDejaVu Coming from someone who’s let go of that anger myself, it’s nice to think of someone and not feel this burning rage. Outside of me hating being angry, if just thinking of someone peeves you off, that says they still mean something to you. Personally, I’ve always thought not feeling anything for someone beyond a blunt lack of care is a much sweeter revenge than any anger.
In cases like this where that anger affects other people, it’s sorta necessary to let go. The moment your distain for someone causes the people you love - especially your child - to have a panic attack over wanting to have you in the same room as the person you hate because you both mean a lot to them and they want you both there for their special event, that’s when you need to let the hatred go. It stops being understandable and starts being detrimental to your loved ones health.
@@crazyminegamer2339 Finally an elaborated answer that actually answers the question. Although i can't 100% agree since he could just find a way for it to work without letting go of the hatred (i know i did) i wanna to sincerely thank you for your response.
@@VRDejaVu Eh. I guess it’s just a difference in opinion. I don’t like feeling anger or hatred, so I worked on letting that hatred go. The people I did at one point genuinely hate I haven’t forgiven, but I could if I ran into them and saw they did a complete 180. Letting go of that hatred was purely to give myself some peace (which didn’t require forgiveness, just viewing them as people I’m indifferent too).
@Vu I can't speak for letting go, but I refuse to feel anger/hatred towards my ex who cheated because i refuse to give her any more of my feelings. I will never forgive her, I just will never care about anything involving her again. I look at it as not giving her the satisfaction of having anymore control over me. I equate emotions to time/energy and I refuse to waste either on anybody. The only thing I ever want to feel about her going forward is apathy., but I generally tend to strive for apathy on all things so I can't necessarily say that correlates. With that said I would rather never interact with her or anyone that has to do with her again. I will if forced but I'm not going to waste energy by being polite or anything like that.
He doesn't have to be her friend, but clearly both of them are affecting the daughter. Neither of them are being objective, and I find his pseudo-philosophical ramblings sort of suspect, especially since they came after the initial YTA comments. He's clearly trying to paint himself as the rational one, but I don't believe that he believes a word of what he's saying, if he did there'd be no need for therapy; he'd be able to do what is best for his daughter. Her near breakdown is also very telling, and I don't believe that it's the result of just her mother trauma dumping. Details of his interactions with her are curiously missing until after the YTA.
Both of them are stuck in the past completely unwilling to move forward. She's stuck with the guilt of what she did, and he's unable to let go of the anger. Ironic that he went NC but she's still living rent free.
The daughter deserves a medal for having to wade through all their bullshit, I'd be interested in hearing her perspective. I wish her good fortune being the parent to her mum and dad...
Dude you are still hooked on your ex wife but you can't let go. You've transferred your love to love hidden in hate. You don't have to like your wife, but you should be civil and polite