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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- I hope this story resonates with some of you. Obviously, this is only my personal experience. Also, I don't mean to say that asexual people always experience crushes differently, or that it's not "normal" to ever experience them. I'm just trying to be honest about what I thought at the time!
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*me realising that all of my ‘crushes’ are just people who I thought were cool and want to be friends with* oh. That’s why I had so many ‘crushes’
Anxious L SAAAAAAAME
Also nice Virgil Profile pick :) , i see you are a person of taste **chef kiss**
Virgil!
I also had a “crush” but I just thought that he looked like a nice person and now I cringe every time think about it
I'm asexual, but I've still had some legit romantic crushes. I may be ace, but I'm not aromantic, obviously.
I thought that a crush was wanting to be friends with someone.
I used to think that a crush literally meant "I want to crush him with a steamroller or something". I found out this was not the case when I told an adult I had a crush on Nick from school (we were 8) and she said "Awwww! How sweet!" and I was like "what the hell? I hate his guts"
Same
when someone was nice to me (when they normally didn't talk to me) I thought that I had a crush on them but I would just forget
There is actually a name for that. It’s called a squish.
I never understood the difference at allll
Omg picking who you have a crush on. I'm laughing so hard because I always did this too. "Oh, he's ginger. Ginger hair is super cool. I'll have a crush on him I guess." Whenever my friends would get into drama because they liked the same person, I always wondered why one of them couldn't just....decide to stop liking them. XD
Abby Forth honestly me too
Ah yes the gingers🦊🦁
Same tho XD
Me too! I thought that was just me
Literally my first three crushes were gingers... I relate to this so much.
Haha randomly designating someone as your crush because 'they're not terrible I guess??' is so relatable
For the past year whenever I think that a boy is nice, I wonder if I'll develop I crush. Yeah, not likely . . .
m o o d
Yes, I remember I even had a crush on a boy when I was a kid, so sometimes I would even think I was gay, but in fact I just liked his look and nothing else, I never thought about going deeper in that, you know, that was just a superficial admiration.
Yeah, I always thought romantic attraction is like: "Oh, I like that guy. He's good looking and nice. I want to spend time with him. Maybe it would be nice to live with him." So I didn't really think it was a choice, but I understood it the wrong way. I also thought everyone was a bit exaggerating, or that the others had these feelings a bit stronger. But I remember when I thought I had a crush I was exaggerating and acting more dramatic than I actually felt. When I imagined my relationship, the word sex didn't even come into my mind. But later I realized that my partner would want that, but I didn't like that imagination. Until a few months I thought I was a late bloomer and I thought "when I'll be in love, I'll want sex". Then I discovered the term asexual. xD I'm not sure, but I think I never had a crush. But I think I want something like a relationship, so am I cupioromantic?
Edit: I identify as quoiromantic now, because no matter how much I think about it, I can't categorize my feelings. But I want a romantic relationships with specific persons, does that count as romantic attraction, even if I never had crushes?
For me Romantic Attraction is still "Oh, I like that guy. He's good looking and nice. I want to spend time with him. Maybe it would be nice to live with him" plus "I can't stop thinking about them, I want to know everything about them, I want to truly know their mind" and like I want to kiss them and be couple-y with them but I don't actually enjoy the kissing.
I started trying to date when I was 20, actively putting myself out there, nothing really worked until I was 22, still hadn't really heard of the term asexual yet. Started to date someone who gave me the flutters that no one else had given me before. Like you I had thought if I am dating someone and I fall in love then I'll be comfortable enough to have sex right? Wrong, dated flutters dude, learned about asexuality, told him I might be demi as that is slightly more hopeful for an allosexual, fell in love with him, still no desire for the sex, just you know the lovely fear that he'll dump me for someone who wants him sexually. Luckily didn't break up about that, but now in the lovely world of dating again trying to explain to people what ace is and trying to sell myself and my baking abilities as being worth while without sex as a prize. I'm not succeeding, although I have made 2 really good male friends.
Wow, the first parts describes my feelings perfectly! (Until "nice to live with him".) But I don't experience the other things like always thinking about him (often, but not always), I'm interested, but I don't want to know every single detail at once. I don't need to kiss that person and I don't have flutters. So I think this is not really being in love, right? But I want a relationship. So I'd say at the moment that I'm maybe cupioromantic.
Sailor Cat so you want to be close to someone and know about them and care about them like any healthy relationship but without the romantic love? Are you looking for more the concept of love or the concept of love relationships? I've never met someone like you and I'm just so curious, oh no I have become that person, it's okay I won't ask you stupidly personal questions.
I don't quite know about my feelings. xD I think I want a normal relationship with a little romantic stuff in it? But I just don't fall in love, or at least not yet. I don't know, I just like the concept of a romantic relationship and I think I'd like something like that. I don't quite get how someone can look for the concept of love, what do mean by that?
It's okay, you can ask questions, if you want to.^^
Sailor Cat whenever I developed a crush before now I would always think someone was good looking and after a while I would review what other people said about good looking people and people you liked and they all seemed to say that since you like them you have sex with them, so I thought it was another way of saying I liked them a lot. My brain sort of cut out the middle man and I started to think about it slightly more, but whenever I think about doing it in real life I don’t really like it . I think I might be asexual but I don’t want to claim to be something I’m not.
When I was 10 I thought I had a crush on a boy but I actually just wanted to talk about Ancient Egypt with him and get better grades than him bc he was usually the best student in class and I was second best. On my last certificate of primary school I actually surpassed him lol. It was kind of disappointing to find out crushes are usually not about being in a competition with someone ngl.
TheSnowBallet that’s low-key adorable. AND YOU WON IN TH END MWAH HA HA
I swear I did the exact same thing when I was like 8 Omg
that sounds like a TV show
I did the same thing last year before I realised I was actually ace LOL. Oh well apparently you don't choose a person huh... XD
Omg that's so hilarious 😂😂 I feel you
I’ve literally never dated in my life and I really don’t plan to ever, really. It’s cool to hear about other people who don’t have everything figured out.
It took me till my late 20s for me to figure everything out about myself. There is nothing wrong with taking your time to find out about yourself.
People think am strange since i never date....thank GOD now i knw am not alone
@@euphrasiakileo3163 me too
@@euphrasiakileo3163 100% not alone. I am an adult, and I also do not date and have no plans to.
Yes! I thought that’s how crushes worked too! In second or third grade I literally looked at every boys last name and tried them with my own first name until I found one I liked. Then I doodled his name in my notebook and waited for the feelings to come. Ugh, I cringe looking back. Not to mention my 6th grade “boyfriend” which lasted for about a 2 week period in which we told each other we loved each other then broke up because it was so awkward
Abigail Cornett oh my gosh, the writing their names in notebooks and waiting for feelings to come. That’s literally so relatable, I remember doing that!
I'd forgotten I used to do that!! I figured that if I copied other people's behaviours I'd be like them too, even though I sort of knew it wasn't really what I wanted
😅😅😅😂it is funny dont you thnk so...am in my 20s and i don date but sometimes i jus look on boys name that look good with my name
Oh my god...I did that...
I had to laugh through much of this story because of how very similar to my experience it is. I’d wager I’m quite a bit older than a lot of the commenters here, so when I was growing up, there was no tumblr and no one was talking about asexuality as an orientation. I realized very early on that I did not feel the way my friends did about boys and crushes and such. I “decided” I liked a boy at age 10 because he was nice to me and had a cute face, and I needed to have SOMETHING to report when my girl friends demanded answers about which boys everyone liked.
I began having “crushes” in a purely emotional and aesthetic sense, as you so aptly put it, in middle school, and just to complicate matters even further, it was mostly on other girls and maybe two or three boys in all of my school years, heh. And I spoke to NO ONE about this, because the only conversation anyone knew how to have at that point was “if you’re not 100% straight, you must be gay.” So I spent about 14 years being very confused and ashamed, but also very aware that I was different than just “gay” or “straight.” And since there was no such thing as asexual in any kind of public discourse, I was quietly convinced that I was just broken, and maybe this was a result of childhood trauma.
I saw a documentary in my mid-20’s about asexuality as an orientation, and it was a literal epiphany moment. All of my confusion and shame began to fall away once I understood that I’m not broken, I’m just different, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that.
I’m very glad that younger asexuals these days have actual resources and people to reach out to and talk about this, because it was rough trying to figure it out and hide it by myself for so many years.
Sorry this was so long-winded. I just have a lot of thoughts, haha. XD
ellen3000gaming thank you for sharing!!
I know this comment is a year old, but do you remember what the documentary was?
I also grew up in HS with "if you're not 100% straight, then you must be gay". At the time I did have some romantic feelings for my girl best friend, but I remember spending time everyday trying to figure out if I had any sexual attraction, but there was really nothing. So I thought I was broken. I was 29 when I found out that asexuality existed and the terms demi or Gray-A. It took me a couple more years to really embrace it and label myself.
These tales are always so interesting as I'm an autocorrisexual ace and always have experienced powerful romantic and aesthetic-based attraction when I've had crushes on people. I only realised I was asexual when I got into a romantic relationship, got up to a certain point and realised oh dear I don't care about physically having sex whatsoever. Despite the other kinds of attraction I have to someone, it turns out that I don't experience sexual attraction, despite being passionately romantically interested in another person. C'est la vie.
I guess ... I am pretty late.. But me too!!
I remember in 8th grade- 60% off my classmates were dating at that time, people had already lost their v card and I was sitting there like. Heh. Nice weather we got here.
So one day after school I went to a friend's house with another classmate and they wanted to play truth or dare (I still don't get why everybody is so obsessed w that game) and then it was my turn and they asked me who my crush was (they didn't even let me pick, I would've chosen dare) and I told them I didn't have one.
They refused to believe me because as a 13y/o girl I *had* to have a crush on someone.
They wouldn't stop digging and I just said a random guys name.
This guy used to 'have a crush on me' from 1st to 6th grade, plus he wasn't really popular so I knew no one else liked him so I thought he'd be a good choice.
They told him without me knowing.
He told everyone.
I actually got bullied for that lmao
And when I tried to tell everyone that it was a joke and I didn't really like him they didnt believe me.
And that guy actually had the balls to ask me if I still loved him 6 months later and when I said that I never did he didn't believe me, again.
After about a year they finally stopped but after that I chose to never pretend to have a crush on someone (at that time I thought I was a lesbian btw)
Nika Jesus that fucking sucks
First of all, I am sorry that you had to go through that. Second of all, I am really confused right now bc most of the time I have aestetic attraction towards mostly girls and rarely soemtimes guys. I could imagine a romantic realationship with a girl and maybe even with a uy, but I'm not sure there. Any sexual activity seems really uncomfortable for me right now. But that's maybe bc of my age/no experience (15y). You said you thought to be a lesbaian back than. As what doyou identify right now? :)
What a relatable story. I totally had the same experience of feeling like people were just "putting it on" when it came to sex and relationships. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it haha
So much of this hits close to home with me. I chose my first "crush" at 12 when i was sleeping over at my best friends house(i slept over at his house pretty much every saturday night from 11 to 14). I chose her for a lot of the same reasons you chose crushes, she was nice, smart, and i sat next to her in 4 of my classes. Of course i made the mistake of telling another one of my friends and he told everyone, a mistake i never made again with him. That incident ended when she did one of the coolest things ive ever been a part of. Sitting in class one day(my teachers always sat me in the back), the person in front of me making fun of me for liking her(not worrying that she was sitting right next to me). Then he asks where im taking her for a date. She says we are having a romantic dinner,and seeing Titanic(this was when it was in theaters, yes im old). His jaw drops, looks at me, and i just wink at him. Everyone stopped talking about us after that.
For the next few years, all my friends got so girl crazy, and i was just so confused as to why. I grew up with very conservative christian parents, so at the time i thought i was just being a good christian boy, and not giving into the horrible sin of sexual desire. The only good thing is that most of my friends were so inept at actually talking to girls, so my lack of girlfriend, or even dating, went unnoticed. I was in kids choirs from at 7, which are mostly girls, so i always had great friendships with girls my age, unlike my other friends.
When i was 17, and doing the school musical for the first time, i had my first crush. Nothing would have happened if she wasnt completely obsessed with me first, or if she wasnt the prefect person for me to meet at that time. And i only started liking her after i got to know her, and it was 2 months of spending pretty much all our free time together, that i actually noticed that she was good looking(though that never mattered to me). Nothing ever happened between us(thats a much longer story). But she was the reason why i started dating a mutual friend almost a year later. That ended badly 2 years later, partly because i was asexual/aromantic, though there were other things. A week after the break up, i really felt so much better, and started to seriously question so many things about myself. Sadly it was another 5 years before i even heard about asexuality. I would have killed to know about it when i was younger, but since AVEN only started when i was 15, it was extremely unlikely that i would have discovered it then.
This is a very interesting story I have never had a crush and I went to a mixed school the only way I heard the term asexual was when it came to plants I only realized I was asexual when I found your channel I could relate to everything you said thank you Amelia
I thought I was a "late bloomer" too! I identify with this video so much.
That whole "if you haven't experienced sexual attraction by age [insert any age later than 16]" this is I think how I realized I was asexual as well. I honestly don't remember much of my thought process at the time or how I came to the conclusion, just that it felt right. It wasn't even that long ago. I was 19 or 20 when I started identifying as ace (I'm now 23).
I am the same age as you.I think I had it all figured out by the age of 16 or 17.
Lowkey when I went into middle school I would scope out everyone in the class you see who had the best haircut. That would be who I liked 😭
I’m aro/ace btw
OMG! I can so relate to all the stuff you say about not wanting sex, thinking about theatrical part and drama in the relationships! And I'm so happy to hear you got friends to support you. I've just discovered that I'm asexual because TH-cam recommended me some videos about it! And when I told one of my friends that I might be asexual, she didn't really get it and didn't try to research the topic even. Pop culture sucks sometimes but I hope people like you would help to spread the knowledge.
Omg I'm 21 and I just learned this is not how crushes worked @ 1:10
I'm demisexual btw
Oh my gosh, the crush thing! So when I was in year two, a bunch of girls and I were sitting in a circle. The topic of crushes came up, and everyone seemed to have a crush on someone. Soon they asked me- and I experienced my first ace panic (though I didn't know it yet). Embarrassed that I didn't have a crush, I quickly skimmed the room and spied a board with some of my classmates names on it. I chose the first one I saw and blurted that name out.
That was that, and everyone believed me- even _myself_ for a while. It took me a few years to realise that crushes aren't exactly chosen, and by that point I had stuck with the narrative so well that all I could do was tell them my crush faded away. Ah, memories.
I didn't really realize that I was on the ace spectrum until recently, whenever people were having drama about not wanting to go out with a guy, I just thought like, why not? Usually I just waited until somebody said they liked me, and I'd convince myself that I liked them as well and that's how I thought everyone did it. I was never sad or anything when my first relationship broke off, if I'm being honest, I don't know how sad I'd be if my current boyfriend and I broke up, because I don't really feel a lot of attraction. Like, he's a great guy and an amazing friend, but I don't know.
That sounds similar to what I experienced in my childhood, I thought everything in life was like a theatrical play or sitcom, where friendships and relationships were picked out willy nilly. I also had a 'crush' for a bad boy in primary school, when I was the goody two shoes who's mum worked in the same school as a teacher. In high school, I was the only one in my group of friends who didn't date, hell I didn't even have a date at a ball till I was in my last year in uni. They would talk about what sex positions they used and how they gave their boyfriends blow jobs and then turn to me and be like 'Sorry Eilidh if you feel uncomfortable.' I would literally sit and they would make out with their boyfriends in front of me, then I would get questions like 'Have you not had your first kiss yet?' I only really got a crush on one guy in high school because he was also a music geek, I thought I was head over heels and then ended up embarrassing myself and losing my confidence because of him. I hated high school and it moved to a similar situation in the first couple of years of university but more R rated, before I finally found out about asexuality.
I remember in secondary school thinking, "if this girl asks me out, I guess I'll go out with them, and if not, oh well" (and I thought that about a fair amount of girls). I was so passive (maybe even "innocent") about the concept of sex, yet had so many thoughts that I never actually properly sorted out in the end. However, I look back and kinda laugh now how I used to think that, because I have aspergers, I played with the idea that maybe I wasn't allowed a relationship (proved that wrong when I went to college with a relationship...that didn't last, but still; lol).
5mart2n - Minkey woah, the whole ‘if they ask me out i guess ill go out with them but if not oh well’ thing is exactly how I feel... it’s also funny how you mention about aspergers, because ive been thinking for a while now that I might be autistic too. If you don’t mind me asking, did you ever figure out whether the passivity was due to asexuality, or autism, or something else? I’m just wondering since im trying to figure it out myself ahaha
I love story time type vids! You're good at them and I'd love to see more
Strillers thank you my dude xo
Excellent video, Amelia!!!! I relate deeply to your experience, as I've also grown up as ace (and now recently realised I'm biromantic). Thank you so much for spreading awareness! You are awesome! ❤
WAIT THIS LEGIT HAPPENED TO ME I THOUGHT CRUSHES WERE A CHOICE OMLLLL
It's a pretty common a-spec experience, I think!
the two times i've had a "relationship" were in 1st grade where i was an attention seeker and thought that if i had a boyfriend then i would get attention. i chose the nicest guy in my class and we were "together" for several months i think. we were definitely friends and we went to his house a couple of times to play with his toys. we actually had a "wedding" which was fun
he had a lot of crushes growing up so i think that he liked me but really i just liked that he had cool toys n stuff
we did kiss but it was never me that initiated it
the second one lasted a week and it was bc of this "making friends" app that was basically just tinder for kids. we were "together" for a week until he started talking about meeting up and i broke up with him because i didn't like him at all. basically it was just a game for me really
I really like how u talked about “choosing” crushes. I’ve never really had many crushes. All of my friends talk about how hot people are and what they wanna do with them and I just feel so empty when it comes to that. I always “choose” when it comes to guys too, like if they are nice and not intimidating. I don’t think I’ve really liked anyone until I go to know them. Crazy.
oml the picking who u have a crush on 😂iM LAUGHING BC I DID THAT TOO!
i only started doing it in grade 5 tho bc i felt left out. i knew how crushes worked but i never have one and i felt out so i sat by myself in the yard and analyzed each boy playing soccer trying to find a believable crush lmao
oh god I picked crushes too! I only ever felt interested in guys when they liked me first and with girls I always just picked the most appealing, either by looks or personality. and I always thought sex stuff was exaggerated, and it baffles me that people actually do think and feel that way.
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WENT ABOUT CRUSHES LIKE THIS! I don't feel so alone now... thank you so much for making this video. 💜🖤
This is so reassuring and nice to hear because I can relate to this story so much.
I completely related to all of this, keep posting nerd, give me something to look forward to x
This is so relatable. I genuinely thought that "dating" was for when you wanted to be closer friends 😂😂 when i "dated" people in primary school i never actually liked any of the people i dated they were just my best friends but i believed that if i said no to dating them they wouldn't be my friend anymore. Then i got to high school and was completely oblivious to sex, i had no idea that people wanted it, thought about it and even spoke about it. Then my best friends started losing their virginitys and saying how great it was and i was so confused for the longest time. I have always been repulsed by it and im glad i figured myself out :)
Hi! Just came across your channel! I’m really happy I did too! These past couple of years I’ve been questioning whether or not I might be ace but after watching this video I think i am. I can really relate to almost everything you said especially about crushes! I thought a lot about what you said about thinking you’re a late bloomer (I’ve noticed and lot of ace people seem to think that) and that’s personally what I had been thinking too. I mean it didn’t help that I was always taught save sex till marriage and have gone to private school up until high school. I’m a senior in high school now... we’ll soon to be one, 1 more week!! And because of the whole wait till marriage for sex thing I... I would blame my disinterest of sex on that, “oh I’m just waiting till marriage... as soon as I get married I’ll like it” but after going to a public high school and though the internet I’ve learned that ain’t the case. I never see myself being sexually active with my partner... I see us cuddling and holding hands and kissing each other on the cheeks but that’s as far as it goes... I don’t even see my self having my own kids... I would rather foster. It’s kind lonely... a lot of the time actually. I’ve got friends who talk about sex and make jokes and I always end up laughing along and playing it cool even though I have no idea what they are talking about and it makes me feel uncomfortable. God I hate it sometimes... I told one friend that I think I might be ace... honestly though I was so scared while telling her I kinda blocked out the whole thing, I remember telling her but I don’t remember what she said... I have another friend who makes jokes about and asks me if I’m ace... I always end up either ignoring her or telling her i don’t know. It sucks I really wanna tell them how I feel but theirs always something holding me back... I know that they would be fine with it, they wouldn’t care, and still love me. But I still don’t know how to tell them. I don’t know why I can’t tell them. They are my closest friends all 3 of use go to different high schools but we’re still as close as the day we meet... yet I can’t tell them that I don’t find sex jokes funny, that I don’t get them, that it makes me feel uncomfortable to talk about it, that I’m not interested in it, and that I’m ace...
Edit: sorry for this being so long and inconsistent, this was kinda just a jumble of my thoughts and feelings over the years... I haven’t talked to anyone about any of this and it’s kinda just been bottling up inside me for a long time... glad I could get it out... to random strangers on the internet😂!
Everything, just everything from the picking crushes arbitrarily, to thinking other people were just being overly theatrical about relationships. It felt like you were talking about me.
I can relate to that a lot. Me, too, thought everyone else was faking it to be cool, just like they started drinking alcohol and going to the disco all of a sudden. It wasn´t until my early 30´s that I realized that they were not.
I would just force myself to "like" people because I thought that that's how emotions worked. Sure enough, after one bf I realized that I am a couch.
So I'm a 17 year old girl, I'm not quite sure about my sexuality yet, but I definitely did choose a crush in elementary only to be like my friends and because he was kind to me... lol and when I was around 14, I think I MIGHT have had a first crush on a guy..? But even then, I was very lonely so it might only be because he was kind to me...
As much as I can remember I've never looked at someone and thought the person was cute or hot, beautiful yes, but never anything related to attraction... I've always felt so weird when people talk about cute guys around me and I feel completely out of this! At a point I thought maybe I was lesbian because I didn't really like boys, but no, I've never been attracted to a girl either... I am very confused, but I feel less alone when I read this comment section and listen to your stories. Maybe that's me too...🤷🏻♀️
Melissa im 14 and i feel the exact same way im still confused but not alone at least
So I have these 2 friends and they keep making these friend with benefit jokes with eachother and then out whole friendship group starts laughing and I'm like ummmmmmmm. They know I'm ace but still, the amount of sexual jokes they make hurts.
When I was in 5th and 6th grade, I didn't know that asexuality was a thing (I later found out I'm an aromantic asexual), and all my friends were having crushes on girls. I naturally assumed I had to as well, and seeing as TV had established the idea of boys and girls being entirely separate entities who can't have any relationship other than a romantic one, I thought the 2 nice girls I talked to a lot MUST be people I have crushes on, and having the same misconception about crushes that you did, I chose one and told my friends I had a crush on her. I was an idiot, and I kept pretending to be straight, lying to everyone including myself, until 8th grade, where I finally learned what asexuality was and was like "hey that's me!". From there I basically just told anyone and everyone whenever it made sense to. Because it was so new to me and I didn't really hear it talked about that much, I didn't even think of it as coming out for a long time, as if it felt wrong to group myself among individuals who are gay, bi, lesbian, pan, trans, etc. Most people were either like "yeah cool" or said "what's that" and understood it after a brief explanation, and some could be kind of awkward, but everyone was understanding. My mom was a slightly different story. She's a 40-something straight cis white lady who is very loving and supportive, but she can be a little old sometimes. And when I came out to her, it was one of those times. She wasn't mean or hateful, but she said something around the lines of, "well how do you know,? Kids these days are always hearing about these things and jumping on them before they're old enough to know!" (I was 14 at the time, most kids my age already knew what their sexual orientation was, especially straight kids) She said this in a very nice way, but it still hurt me, and I don't think she realized, or still really realizes. I promptly told her that it didn't matter, I know what I am now, this label fits me, and you better accept it. She was like "alright", but she was definitely a little weirded out and confused, but she didn't say much after that, she was just supportive, and when my younger sister came out as bi, Mom was much more accepting, either consciously or subconsciously learning from her past mistake. But that mistake did have some effects. I was still at the age where I pretty much took most of the things my parents said as truth, so my mom had unknowingly planted some seeds of self-doubt in my brain, and a figurative voice in my head began to appear whenever I stated or thought about my sexual orientation, telling me that there was no way to truly know if I'm right, and in a few years I could very well start being attracted to people, shattering this idea I had of myself. That scared me. I'm 16 now, and I've fully accepted that I'm an aromantic asexual, and I don't give a flying shit about what anybody thinks. I'm surrounded by a bunch of amazing, supportive, and very queer friends (save for a couple cishet friends). The voice is much quieter, but my mom definitely did some lasting damage there. Even though I pretty much know I'll always be like this at this point, now I sometimes get the feeling that my asexual adult life will be empty and devoid of love and happiness (thanks mainstream media!) even though I know that's bullshit. But overall, I have a much better idea of who I am now, and I have a lot more confidence in myself. This year in my English class, we had to give a speech about literally anything, it just had to have meaning. So I decided to talk about myself. I gave a whole speech to my probably 80-90% straight class about my sexuality, specifically about the depressingly low amount of asexual representation we have and why representation matters. And to my surprise, everybody loved it! It was possibly the most loved speech out of all of them, a big reason being that it wasn't one of those "I'm different and that makes me sad" kind of speeches, it was both meaningful and really funny. So yeah, things are going pretty well for me now, I love this video and I love to see people talking about this stuff, and it felt really good to throw up all these words (this is the longest comment I've ever written). I hope this wasn't a waste of time and words, and I love the video!
I remember my friends sit down with me in the gymnasium when we were like 5 or so and they were so convinced that everybody has to have a crush on at least one person, so we literally went through a list of every boy that I know and they helped me pick a crush. Luckily I chose my then neighbor, which none of the people at my school knew and when I switched to public school by that time he had moved away so i wouldn't have to deal with repercussions luckily. I even did as they said one should when it comes to a crush.
if only I knew that im an aroace or that the indentity even exists, it would of been so hepful.
God bless tumblr for educating whole generation
AH! the deciding thing was the same thing for me! all crushes were calculated!
Omg I remember in like year 2 "deciding" to have a crush on a boy in my class because we both liked dinosaurs but then he got really into pokemon, which I didn't really care about and my "crush" on him just vanished into thin air.
I'm demi, and I also did that "choose a person to crush on" thing as a child. I did actually fall hard for somebody in the 6th grade and liked him for 5 years before he hurt me so bad that I honestly think I have trust issues. But now I get asked out sometimes and I freak out because I know I dont like them the way I liked that guy in 6th grade. And now I look at all my friends and classmates who have boyfriends and I'm sitting in the corner wondering wtf love even is anymore
Me, a sixteen year old who m i g h t be aro ace: *sweats nervously* people don't pick crushes??
Me and my best friend were bullied in Year 4 because people thought that we were gay. Ironic how neither of us have really shown any form of sexual or romantic attraction towards anyone.
As for "crushes", I don't really know. I honestly can't tell the difference between platonic & romantic attraction.
I always thought one conciously chose their crushes, until I was 16 and had a discussion about this with a friend. We had never talked about that, and the topic came up and I was like "Oh, it's cool, as one decides who one likes", and she replied, as I was the most stupid person she had met, "Of course not, one does not decide who one falls in love with..."
I was really confused. I had a boyfriend at a time, and I felt like I had learnt to like him. After months, then years together, I loved him, but when I grew up I noticed that I felt something very simmilar towards my closest friends. We eventually got sexual, but I felt like that was what was supposed to happen and just did it, although it always seemed "theatrical" for me.
Wow, actually hearing you talk about this lines up a lot with things I experienced as a kid but haven’t thought about in a while. It was almost like I knew what people were supposed to think about their crushes so I went out to find boys who were funny or kind or aesthetically attractive and decided I had a crush on them because I could see they had these personality traits (if that makes sense).
I can super relate to the picking 'crushes' and questionable 'relationships.'
Word to the wise: Don't ever pick a crush who already has a girlfriend. My (as yet undiscovered aromantic) self thought it should be obvious to everyone that I would never try to interfere with a perfectly good relationship and only be happy my 'crush' was happy. Instead I got told off by the girlfriend AND her best friend.
I’m ace, and (most likely) aro too, because while I love the IDEA of a close relationship, and every nice little thing that comes along with that, I haven’t ever experienced real romantic attraction, so like....yeah
When I was about 10 I thought it was normal for girls to have a crazy crush like feeling for a particular singer. So I decided I ought to figure out a singer I would like. I'm pretty sure I just picked Phil Collins because I discovered his name off my Tarzan VHS music video after the credits. Also I realized he was often on the radio. So that singer "crush" sounded like a logical safe bet to me at the time.
Same. I really just decided on people and felt normal behaving weird around them. I also was a horrible girlfriend without any romantic feelings for my boyfriend at the time when I was 13 and didn't yet know why people dated. And I also didn't think I could be asexual until I saw a post about asexuality that taught me something new about it.
im 15 and i relate to this way too hard. rn i identify as ace/aro
ofc there's a possibility that i'm a "late bloomer" but if that's the case then there's nothing wrong with changing labels
it's surprising how identical our experience was
I found out I was Demi when my people would talk about having sexual feelings and other stuff toward celebrities and I just couldn't understand it or relate to it. I thought I was just not overly interested in it, so I didn't think much of it. I would also frequently be friends with someone for a decent amount of time, and then just "randomly" develop feelings (which was typically when I had formed a strong bond with them). It took me forever to realize this.
Like, literally, at the beginning of this year I wasnt sure where I was on the ACE spectrum but here we are.
I relate to this so much
Update: I see that Yuri!!! On Ice poster 😉
Lol I'm 15 and I'm still having a hard time believing that sexual attraction is real. None of my friends really ever talk about it other than in jokes, but even in jokes, I'm just like, "This is gross. Why would you want to make jokes about it? It must be theatrics," kind of stuff. The first time I got introduced to the topic of "sexual attraction" was when I was in the first grade. It was so traumatizing, I remember every last detail of it. I was watching TV, and this ad for Jack In The Box came on, and one woman suddenly just took off all of her clothes in front of the "Jack" mascot, spare for a bikini. I was insanely grossed out, and I even wrote an entire journal entry for my first grade class on why it was "the stupidest thing I ever watched." But that could just be seen as normal child behavior (well, besides the journal entry thing, I doubt any "normal" 6-year-old would do that), because to a child, seeing people without their clothes is gross. Children don't experience sexual attraction. Or, at least I hope they don't. Gosh...
Another time in middle school, I was sitting in class, and these boys were sitting around me on either side of me and talking about sex. I wasn't included in the conversation, and, quite frankly, I never wanted to be. I just found it extremely rude to talk about that kind of stuff around someone who is just minding their own business, and doesn't even want to be a part of the conversation, especially if it's about that topic. But when I told them to stop, they looked at me like I was the weirdest person alive and from then on bullied me, called me weird, called me a snitch, and stuff like that...just because I didn't want to hear them talk about that goshdang topic.
I didn't realize this was such a big deal, nor did I think I was a "late bloomer" or whatever, like most people I've heard have previously felt. I just thought everyone around me was a pervert. Even now, when I somewhat realize that sexual attraction is a real thing and I even consider myself asexual, I still find myself taken aback at the mere mention of sex. I'm sitting on the bus and all of a sudden, I hear this guy talking about having sex, and I'm like, "Why? Why is this a good thing?" They teach us how to use a condom and other "safe sex" methods in freshman health class and I'm sitting there wondering why anyone would ever need to use one when sex is obviously just played for theatrics (or if sex is just gross in and of itself). I was always pretty comfortable with the idea of having a crush, and even now that translates itself into my "hopeless romantic" personality. I had a lot of different crushes over the years, most of them on celebrities or from movies/TV shows. I always had crushes on the people who were nice, made me laugh, were talented, and maybe had a lot of aesthetically attractive things about them (*cough* ADAM YOUNG *cough, cough*). But I never fantasized having sex with them. Um, excuse me? Gross. And highly unrealistic. It's not like people actually _WANT_ to have sex, right? Right?
Obviously, sexual attraction is a real thing. I real thing that I just don't understand. That I don't think I have the capacity to understand. And I'm turning 16 in about 2 months. If what they say is true, I'm going to have a hard time finding a partner. Such a sad, complicated, tragic life we asexual hetero-romantics live.
This is so interesting because it is so different from my emotion. But still relatable somehow.
Hmm. I didn't get crushes when I was little either. I didn't think they were based on arbitrary things, like I understood that it was supposed to be an infatuation with someone but I just didn't really have them. I was kind of an outcast and didn't have many friends growing up so I had no girl friends to chit chat to about this sort of thing and didn't get weird ideas in my head. Once I got around to middle school I had ONE friend that happened to be a guy that I started liking just because he didn't hate me and I didn't hate him. Our 'relationship' was also secret and totally just being regular best friends with the added benefit of saying "I love you" sometimes.
Also in middle school is when I started getting judged even more from my peers. "Who do you think is cute? Who do you think is *scandalous pause* /sexy/?" I would just be confused as to why all my classmates seemed to be sex crazed so early and just respond with "IDK, no one really." Then I would be told I was 'lying' and there 'must be someone' and other things to that effect. It lead me to believe that I was... broken. I was supposed to want dick or think xyz celebrity was 'hot' and I just didn't and I didn't know why. I had no idea that asexuality existed or was a thing that I could possibly be. In early high school I started trying to force myself to feel sexual attraction. I had a high libido that was unrecognized by my brain so I was frustrated by my body doing weird things that my brain wasn't on board with. This paired with thinking I was broken lead to watching NSFW stuff to myself and going ham. I tried to /make/ myself enjoy it by watching others. Yeah. It didn't work. It ended in me just touching myself just to release the pent up hormones with my brain just totally removed from what was happening. I got no pleasure or mental satisfaction from it. I didn't enjoy it, just did it to get rid of that 'annoying thing my body does sometimes.'
And then one day I got a crush on my high school girl friend. Wait... girl? I'm confused. I had never had any girls that were nice to me before so I had never considered I might like them and it confused the hell out of me. Was I really bi? Was I really gay and hadn't considered being sexual for girls? Time to consult my resident 'expert' pan gender fluid friend that knew all the tumblr things and try and work things out. That friend ended up sending me a link to the definitions of all the different sexual and romantic orientations. I was looking through and reading all of them, trying to figure out where I might fit into this new world of lgbt+ definitions when I ran into the word asexual for the first time. I read the definition and it summed up and put everything into words that I had been trying to explain and couldn't for my whole life and I just felt immediate kinship and relief. I wasn't broken, and there were other people that felt the same way. I accepted the asexual label immediately. As for the crush on my friend... that still took a few months of figuring out and coming to terms with. I'm Bi-ro ace and now as an adult I'm fully comfortable with it. I just hope now that with the coming popularity and normalization of lgbt+ stuff, kids that are in the same position as me will be able to access information and learn what asexuality is earlier so they don't go through the same feeling of being broken that I did.
I never experienced crushes either and I picked them, in fact, I never really have. But sexual and lustful feelings hit me like a bomb around 12 - 13. Was actually scared at first and did not understand what being turned on was lol
When I was a little kid I didn't experience crushes and didn't really worry about it but in like 4th grade people started asking everyone who they liked and I kept saying "I don't like anyone" but they wouldn't take that as an answer. So I just picked a guy i was friends with to use as a "crush" cover story
i dont have any ace friends to relate to, but i think ive finally found someone i can relate to. in elementary school (ages 5-10), it seemed like everyone at school had a crush, so i realized it was kinda weird that i didnt have one, so i picked out one guy to be my crush, even tho i had no feelings towards him. in middle school (ages 11-13), people started getting into relationships and stuff, but i was never interested. i told myself that i didnt have time for meaningless middle school relationships and that focusing on school was more important. then when i was around 13 years old, i remember laying in bed, thinking about how sex is a real thing that people do, and that i would have to do it some day. for most ig they wouldnt see that as a problem, but i was in no way interested. tbh i kind of dreaded it. but i told myself that when im older, id start to warm up to the idea. then high school came around (ages 14-17), and i got my first boyfriend. he was actually my first crush. like ever. and we ended up dating. so i guess im lucky compared to most lol. anyway. it was fine at first, and i was really happy with him. but at some point, i started asking myself why i wasnt feeling certain ways with him. i wasnt interested in doing anything physical with him, well, nothing more than holding hands and occasional hugging. i started getting into a really dark place. i felt like a shitty girlfriend. i eventually broke up with him because i just wasnt happy anymore. months passed, and i started really rethinking myself. i remembered an instance in 7th grade when a friend of mine asked me, "are you asexual?" and i said "no im twelve." i did some google searches about asexuality, what it meant, and other peoples experiences. and then i realized "hey, i think that's me." and ever since then, ive felt better about myself in that aspect. at times i feel like ill never get another boyfriend, because who would want to date a girl that doesnt want to have sex with them, right? but in the end, its okay. im not weird or fucked up. im just me. and there are other people like me. and im not alone.
When I was 12-13, I just thought I was more mature than other people because I wasn't going gaga over boys/girls like they were. As I got a little older, I noticed that my peers were expressing their feelings more maturely, and I realized that that's what attraction was for most people - I was missing the feelings that caused the behaviours of my peers. That's when I started to question myself - at 15, I even told a friend that "It's like I'm anti-sexual or something." However, when they laughed and told me there's no such thing, I put it out of my mind and decided that I just needed to meet the right person. I didn't realize I was ace until I was 21.
Kinda relatable. Like I'm 18 now and it wasn't until a year ago that I began to wonder why everybody's so overboard about crushes. Like sure I liked a few people but it wasn't to the extend of actually getting nervous around them or finding them any better ooking then other people. But since I do feel kind of strong aesthetic attraction sexual attraction wasn't really on my mind. But then came the point where my friends started talking about sex and how they thought some people were hot and I was like: "Wait ok I get that some people are really good looking but seeing a guys sixpack doesn't make me drooling or nervous like my friends and people getting sexually interested in me actually terrifies me" soyeah.... but omg the "When you didn't expeirence sexual attraction by the age of 16..." thing was relatable af! Like if someone told me sooner that asexuality exist I wouldn't have waisted years trying to be sexually attracted and feel all those "crush"-feelings everyone was talking about!
I fell like a lot of people related to this, and that's great, but I personally had a different experience growing up ace/aro. A lot of my friends loved to talk about their crushes and everything, but we are all pretty conservative so things like sex and their opinions on it didn't come up much, which is why I didn't question myself for the longest time. I had known about asexuality for about a year before I began to realize I identified with it, but that only occurred when my sister started dating and I realized I really didn't want that. I've read stories of so many aces not even realizing sexual attraction existed, but I knew from other that it did, and I am a curious person, so I just went along with others for the most part and didn't question it. Can anyone else relate?
#AsexualSpectrum
*I also had always thought that people were either outright lying, & or just being hyperbolic, when talking about their crushes, or sexual attraction.*
I love FRIENDS!
Looking back at my time in K-12 schooling, I never really "liked" the people I dated/went on dates with. I realize now that just liked the IDEA of being in a relationship them. Peer pressure also played a role, which I'm sure many other folks in this community felt too.
Also, I kind of just thought I had not met the "right" person yet. I never considered the possibility of not being cis because of some of the urges I felt/continue to feel.
I also used to have "crush list" LOL, I made a list on "why should I have crush on this guy" like a cheacklist and I thought that's how it works. 😂
i never had a crush,the girlfriends i had the relationship always felt dull and annoying and for almost 11 years i haven't been in a relationship , i totally lost interest
Omg I relate to this so much!! This helps a lot!! Thanks Amelia!! :D
I appreciate that you share this experience with us and all that struggling about what should you feel for a crush and searching for evidences for a crush. People will understand better what is like to feel like that. Asexuality has advantages as well. People will not be interested in sexual advertising.I want to ask you what makes you discover so early your orientation?
My story is a little different, but I can definitely understand where you’re coming from. If things were a little different in my life, I’d probably have the same views as you did.
As far as the whole sex thing goes, I just never understood the appeal unless you were hoping for a baby. I never understood, and still don’t, how sex is portrayed vs how it really is. How can something so lustful, pleasurable and something that people crave be nothing more than a few seconds of fun, sticky, dead cells around your genitals and a wet patch on the bed?
I don't think I heard about the term asexual until I was in my 30s. I'm 51 now. I just thought I wasn't interested in sex, which is basically what it is I suppose. I rarely have proper crushes, but when I was at college, when I was 18, I thought I was in love with one of my lecturers. I thought about him all the time, every song reminded me of him, I had dreams about him...I thought I was in love! None of my fantasies included sex though. Maybe just a desire for being close, whatever that would be. I have avoided relationships most of my life. I thought I may be aromantic, but I did have that wild crush on my lecturer back then. I get little crushes from time to time, but they don't involve sexual fantasies and it's usually men out of reach anyway. A nice little secret crush...but they are few and far between.
Aww yeah, choosing who I should have a crush on based on analysing how good/cool certain person seems to be. Noice.
What IS funny tho, after I choosed someone I was actually able to develop some romantic-like attraction towards them??
Like, rn it's kinda different cause now I can start feeling stuff towards someone and AFTER THAT decide whether or not I want to follow it. I still don't think that's how it should look like but I guess it's closer that what I had when I was younger??
I only had crushes on non real characters.. Never even been on a date before.. I even said no to guys who tried to ask me out..
Throughout elementary school I always thought that crushes only happened to teenagers and that would be something I'd have to deal with when I got older. Crushes weren't really talked about until 5th grade so I assumed that nobody else was having crushes. In 5th grade people actually started talking about this more and some even started dating. I honestly thought everyone was going crazy and couldn't see why they wanted to create all this drama lol. This mindset has continued with me up until recently. I'm in 9th grade now and I have just gotten my first actual crush. I'm honestly not sure what this means. I've never had a crush before this and he is my only one. Am I possibly asexual?
My middle was so much different. I had been at a public middle school for one year, and it was basically high school. They were talking about having sex (even tho they were probably lying) and other things like that.
It was aggravating -_-
I'm am super Asexual with no interest in romantic relationships (I am straight though) and in middle shcool, the first thing I noticed that was different about me was that I never knew anything about celebrities and never really cared. My friends would always tease me for not knowing such and such hot celeb but I never pretended to care about or show interest in them or any other person despite their teasing. So then shit got kind of awkward later when all of my friends and most of my family had silently decided I was lez without consulting me lol (I am very perceptive about these things). I have several good friends but always hung out with one in particular that I got along with the best and you should have seen the looks on my other friends faces when I told them that she had recently got a boyfriend XD they were wide-eyed and glanced at each other in complete disbelief with the look like "wait... so you two weren't together this whole time???? I'm so confused right now...". And my grandpa low key tried to convince me to come out to him one time by saying to me "If anyone in this family came to me and told me they were gay I would have no problem with it" looooool He looked a little disappointed when I smiled, nodded my head and told him that was super cool and said nothing else, I think I made him feel like I didn't trust him enough to confide or something XD All of that stuff was fine and mildly entertaining/annoying but the part that is hard for me right now is the social anxiety I experience in University. I feel better now but in my first couple years I felt like I needed to live up to some sort of expectation of an adult to flirt with people and just ended up being weird af at inappropriate times and lost a lot of confidence in myself (people are really nice to me though luckily). One day one of my classmates was telling everyone about how he is Asexual and we were having a discussion about it, I should have just said something then and could have avoided all the social anxiety but missed the chance I guess. I have always been fairly good at psychological self-care though and so I feel pretty comfortable with myself right now and don't feel much pressure to pretend anymore. So not much social anxiety these days but despite being Asexual I like to be close to people and am a naturally outgoing, touchy-feely person and don't really mind if it is reciprocated (only in public social situations) but now I get the feeling that a couple of my classmates think I'm some sort of a hoe because of this XDXDXD I guess I need to work on finding a balance lol (still never came out to anyone which is the main problem but can never find the right timing you know) Super long story I know lol, I could write a whole book on this cuz I've got way more to say..... maybe I should...
OH MY GOD I'M LAUGHING SO HARD RIGHT NOW XD
Seriously though, this is so freakin relatable
Yea, I can relate to having crushes in high school but not feeling any sexual desires or attraction towards them. I did not know what Sexual Attraction is, so I had no idea what was really going on.I thought they just sex because they want to. I did not know there were something driving them to have sex. I was clueless and lived in a bubble, like a child trapped in a teenager's body. Now adult body.
I have had boyfriends because he is nice, fun to be with and handsome (some were). I came to realized that they were great for friendship because I did not feel any DemiRomantic feelings for them. I know I am DemiRomantic from past experiences. I am thankful to know I am Asexual because it frees me from feeling pressure or bad for not wanting to date. I just found out towards the end of my last relationship over 3 years ago that I am Asexual, which made a whole lot of sense of my life!!!!
Now, I am waiting until my DemiRomantic heart to tell me that I am having feelings for a guy that is not just platonic. I hope I will have a friendship that will develop into something romantic over time because I do not like to date and I cannot tell that soon if I will have those kind of feelings for the guy or not. Even if it is a crush, it is infatuation and that is not enough for me to respond to beyond making him in to my "squish" (hug buddy). Aesthetic attract is just that without the romantic feelings, right?
haha I was today years old when I heard that crushes are not theoretically. I always thought that and now: mind blown
I always knew what a crush is, but I really didn't get it, especially in primary school, it really sounded like everyone was over-exaggerating. I've had maybe 2 or 3 crushes in my whole life, while other people have a crush one week and then they suddenly like someone else the next, and don't even get me started on people having crushes on multiple people at once. I'm an aromantic asexual. Even though I know what a crush is, I don't understand dating, sex, attraction, and how all of that stuff can become so dramatic, cause lies and rumours to be spread, etc. Even the crushes I've had, over time, I've realised I was pretty confused the whole time on whether I actually -liked- them or if it was just platonic.
The first part with "He's nice I'm choosing to have a crush on him" would be a nice guys dream lol
But relatable
Very
Relatable
I was similar! I had never really thought about sex much, in terms of me doing it, so I just sorta wrote it off in my mind. I found out about Asexuality online and read up on it on Aven and was like, “!!!! That’s me!” 💃🏿
Then, in Junior year of high school, one of my friends said something crass about wanting to give some guy she liked a blowjob, and it was like my entire world shifted. Romantic attraction I (somewhat) got, but never before had I made the link that people wanted to do sexual things with their partner lol and this was when I was already identifying as Asexual! It just sorta blew my mind and now I feel sorta dumb for not actively making that link for other people in my head already, especially knowing my identity so well haha
I actually had a real crush at the age of 8 but my capacity to like someone really didn’t change much between the age of 8 and 22 lol. Like when I was 8 I just wanted to hug the guy, and now I would like to hug and kiss a little, but no sex lol. When I discovered what sex was I was COMPLETELY shocked (at 12 years old) because I couldn’t comprehend why people would EVER want to do THAT. It took me years to even get used to the idea. I felt so deceived by the world lol. I’m basically sex neutral now.
Same with the crushes, in my case it was as something obsessive, like, oh *that's the boy* I like. And I've always been kinda manipulative in a way like, oh so if I do this you like this? then i'll do it, if I bite you here, if I move like this during sex... Let's spread asexuality awareness because asexuals do suffer, not only like me while I grew up thinking I was broken but because we *have* to learn how to love loneliness.
If you want to know my experience, I'm a cis-girl, 22, I've never liked to be touched or physical contact and I've forced myself a lot: (and sorry for english mistakes asjfakj)
My friends started talking about sex when we were 9 years old. *NINE*. So I grew up along with it, even though it was uncomfortable I was like, I'm just a kid. Then, first boyfriend when I was 16. First time I had sex I was like, is this it? I just started to be even more obsessed because I didnt want to be a weirdo so I experienced a lot of things I didnt want to experience, and honestly those were really awful months. He did a mistake, I run away, broke up, I felt so relieved (now that I'm 22 I can tell I was being abused but anyway). Desperate to find another boyfriend. Sex was odd, really odd, and I forced myself a lot, like, why dont I like this???. Then I had to go to another city and my partner was a superdrama and depressed and I was fine, which ended in me thinking: I guess I dont really love you either. Broke up.
Drama me: why the hell can't I love, wth is wrong with me?
Third boyfriend, the idea of sex was already something gross. We never had it, I broke up with him in 3 months. Spent two years alone and during these incredible and marvelous years, I discovered that I was really comfortable alone, didnt need or want sex, also I analyzed how people fell in love, nothing like me. When I discovered asexuality and aromanticism I felt a relieve in my heart... I cried for days. Honestly.
Thank you for your videos,
Sincerely, a demiaro ace ♥
I had a middle school "boyfriend". We met in marching band (both awkward trombone players) and became best friends, then everyone started asking if we were dating and I guess we felt pressured. We never so much as grazed hands lol, but had tons of fun eating food and rocking out at a seventh grade dance. We're still friends now, not "dating" anymore, and I just defined my asexuality as a college kid. Depending on where he's at with dating, I'm considering asking him out for real. He does have a nice face :P And, who knows, maybe he's ace too and looking for cuddles like I am.
Damn, it feels good to be understood :D
Well. I discovered that I am asexual, this year. I am 31 years old. I have always been attracted to girls, but only aesthetically and romantically. What I didn't realise at the time was that I didn't get sexually aroused by them. I always wondered why I never had any interest in sex and couldn't get every boy's obsession with it. Always seemed immature to me. But it wasn't until my own sexual experiences that I realised sex does nothing for me.
When i couldnt relate to my school friends talking about sex, they just said because you're so not into it, you're going to have sex first
HUHHH?
and dude SUCH A SIMILAR STORY!!!!
i thought I was a late bloomer too bc I had my first crush maybe when I was 15? or around that age and that was niall horan, still going strong lmao
i always thought ace when I learned the term but my friends always said maybe you're demi and now I'm 21 and I feel I'm finally sure
but again I told one of my friends recently and she asked a whole lot of questions lmao and now I feel maybe I spoke too soooooon?
probably not idk ah
I assumed for a long time that crushes were performative, partly because me and a friend in year 2 had an actual game based on fighting over a boy (who was also my friend). (I've still no idea if it was also performative on my friend's part). I actually ID'd as pan for a while due to not understanding what romantic attraction was and think I could perform a crush on someone of any gender, though I very rarely performed a crush on due to considering myself above such things.
Lol I did the same thing! When I was in year five I was “crushing” on this guy because he was super sporty kinda cute and he had one of his fingers accidentally chopped off by his Mum and we all thought he was the most macho thing ever. I remember we were walking to school and he was behind me so I flipped my pony tail and started to skip, but I tripped over a piece of cement.
Cut to a last year, (still) closeted asexual, and he asks me out. Hahaha about four years to late sweetie 😘😂
FINALLY I find someont who said it normal and now I can understand THANK YOU
I live in England but the three tier system goes: reception-year three, 3-6 and then 6-11,
I am only 13 and I just found out I was asexual and just like u did I talk about it to my friends proudly and I find i talk about it proudly bc I'm different than other people and I find that amazing also I found out that I was asexual bc my was like "Hey we should find each other boyfriends" Etc I said something and she like "haha asexual" And then when I got home I searched asexual and I found out that I am actually asexual so I am so greatful for my friend saying that! 😊
I didn't learn the term asexual until I was 22, and I didn't really think my behaviour was any different from others, I just thought I hadn't met anyone yet and one day I would. I grew up in a very academic focused environment so very few people in my year actually dated. There was maybe 4-8 couples out of 180 students in our year and we were a mixed school. So sex luckily wasn't a topic of conversation. I do remember when I was 16 on a overnight geography field trip the girls in my dorm started talking about their crushes and didn't believe me when I said I didn't like anyone. I didn't think it was a big deal, but the look on their faces made it seem like it was, but I still wasn't convinced. So they pressed further and I remember saying "Lloyd is quite good at drama and he's nice so possibly him", this made my friend shut up so I could sleep and that was that.
I also remember in year 7 (my school was year 7 - 13) and seeing a group of people in year 11 that would hug every time they greeted each other and hug every time someone would leave. I remember thinking "god I hope my friends don't become that stupid when we are their age". Low and behold my friends became those hugging assholes once year 11 came around. I hated them for that, I still hate them for that, cause if you didn't hug them it was seen as an insult when I just didn't like hugging, it was completely unnecessary, it is still completely unnecessary. So yeah I don't like much physical contact, don't really enjoy kissing (I will if I like you enough, but I don't enjoy it) and don't want to have sex. I'm such a catch, because I try to bake weekly. What's the point of this again, oh yeah ace and proud.
Thanks for sharing!! People also didn't believe me when I told them I didn't have a crush!
AmeliaAce it's very annoying. Although nowadays instead of having the "you don't have a crush on anyone" convo it's now the "you're asexual you can't think that dude is hot" convo. It's not that bad I guess.
I'm from England. I entered secondary school in year 7 and am now in sixth form in year 12 at age 16.
Pretty sure all my crushes have just been aesthetic attraction and a little romantic/platonic/sensual attractions mixed in, as well.