Thing is, I questioned my identity for so long because I could find people 'hot', but only with their clothes on. Took a while to realise that I experience aesthetic attraction, just not sexual attraction
I like it when people have interesting tattoos xD ...but I also like to see how they're expressing their emotions with their body language - it can be nice to see that without clothing. I'm demisexual though. Everything I like about humans is also about emotional connections. Art is a way for me to experience the artist or, if I'm creating it, to put a piece of my soul in it to share it with others. It's really difficult for me to enjoy asthetics that are not expressions of the human soul. I can't even enjoy a sunrise.
Aesthetic attraction - YES. I finally found a name for it. As an artist, I love looking at beautiful humans no matter what gender but it makes people confused when I say that some girl or guy on the street looks beautiful because they automatically think I "want" them.
this is SO me. all the time i think someone of my same sex is aesthetically attractive and i look at them and point out to any of my friends like 'hey look how beautiful they are' they clearly think that i'm homosexual.. p.s. i'm an artist too and yes aesthetical attraction is an huge things to us 😉
Exactly! I'm an artist as well and I get so excited when I see someone aesthetically pleasing to look at. Before I knew the term I used to say they looked like book characters. That's why when I look up references of literally just people on the street to draw my step-mom or dad will see and be like "Ooooh you like him? You think he's cute?" Like...close? Artistically he just looks perfect. Cool to see I'm not alone!
Sameee, that happened to me a lot. Tbh I do like looking at handsome men and I love drawing the male figure but recently I realized I developed desire for someone specific, well two beings. I find it funny
Wow that’s literally how I explained it to myself just recently. Like I realize and understand how beautiful some people are. But I’m not like sexually attracted. Just in admiration of natural beauty
I am the opposite I don’t have both aesthetic and sexuality attraction. This person that is like seeing if we will work (I get to know my romantic but it’s probably demi/grey aro/cupio) asked me how I could have kinks but be asexual and for my it’s like I don’t want sex with them I want the other thing that go with it (bdsm) since sex is not a must
Gee, thanks for stopping the like notifications, TH-cam. Now I only know if my comments gained any traction when I happen to wind up at the same video again a year later.
Studio Autio Aromantic and_or Asexual = lot's of self reflection, conflict in terms of how to relate to others, self doubt and a perspective apart from the dominating "romantic" or "sexual attraction" motivation for characters. Thus being able to focus some of the many nonsexual and nonromantoc nuances in human relations. Let's put it this way: A story with no romance/ sex but great characters, plot and creativity is a great story. A story with romance and/or sex that lacks great characters, plot and/or creativity is worse or just bad. Romance and/or sex doesn't make drama or tension, it just can be part of good drama just as anything else.
Oh, the movie Princess Cyd has an asexual and aromantic woman as one of the two leads. They don't explicitly say "asexual" or "aromantic" but it gets quite clear to me that she is.
"I really don't like naked bodies like, they make me really uncomfortable [...], but like, nobody should ever be naked. That is a firm believe of mine, please keep your clothes on." Oh. That... that explains a lot...
Kinda same for me. Tho I just don't care..? Like, i don't get why people enjoy looking at naked people? I may look at them, but that's because I'm an artist trying to study human anatomy. That's like literally all
I don't really agree with the whole 'no one should ever be naked'. I understand it, especially with how sexualised and stigmatised the human body is in some societies. But to me, and in many different cultures, a body is just a body. People go to naked baths in japan or nordic countries and it's all just about relaxing and getting clean. Breastfeeding involves exposing breasts but is not sexual. I think American society needs to move on and just accept a body as a body instead of something that needs to be covered up because 'sex'. It's outrageous how much censorship there is regarding nudity on American TV vs violence.
personally, when it comes to porn, its really, meh. i dont find it uncomfortable, just i dont feel anything, it just seems super uncomfortable, and something i cannot fathem even attempting to do. im going to probably get into uncomfortable territory for some people, so dont read if you dont like sex or anything related to it. i personally, have done self pleasure, and i dont require it or need it or desire it. lol. that’s probably a big sign, i am ace, im just still figuring everything out lol.
I don’t enjoy looking at NSFW, but I do like the story of things like Underlust. I used to be more insecure about my body because I was scared I would get harassed or hit on. I have never had a crush and I have started puberty sometime in 2020. I don’t HATE naked bodies, especially not my own, but it isn’t a thing I LOVE looking at either. And overall, I’m confused about this and I want to have some bread while chilling on TH-cam. Also yeah, I do like drawing and the human body is an interesting subject to me, making me want to possibly work in the medical field.
Friends: OMG! That girl is so hot! Me: Yeah! She is hot! My mind: No she is not. We have no sexual attraction to anyone. Me to my mind: I know, but we need to pretend in this because no one seems to understand that.
9:10 this reminds me of something my friend said (a potential ace) "I look at girls and I'm like: eh. I look a boys and I'm like: eh. I look at people in between and I'm like: eh."
I always thought I was straight but never realized that everyone around me had desire or drive to have sex and the idea is gross to me and I NEVER thought about having sex or WANT to have sex...I said this to my friend once and they said “oh ur asexual” and I was like pfft nah. Then I researched it and stuff and like shit. I think I am. I always thought me liking guys and girls made me bisexual but I don’t want to have SEX with ANY of them. I discovered romanticism and wow. Everything makes sense
I identified as ace almost five years ago and I still question my sexual and romantic orientation like every other day. It's so hard for me to get the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, also aesthetic and sexual attraction are such vague terms that I can never truly grasp the difference between it. I'm always somewhere in between the "meh" and the "yea I can appreciate that" stage. I guess that's already proof that I'm ace. The thing is sometimes I wonder if I'm not just a lesbian with internalized homophobia because girls are so pretty and cute, but I don't know if I've ever had a crush on a girl because romantic and platonic feelings are so blurry and all the crushes I've ever had were boys I "decided" to like at some point. Long story short feelings are weird and I enjoy being a single pringle. edit 9-6-20: turns out i'm an ace lesbian lmao
there is actually a term for the 'not being able to grasp the difference between romantic and platonic feelings' and it is called WTFromantic. this probably looks like im trolling you but im serious, google it. tho you may already know about it lol
lol, this is literally me. I always fluctuate between thinking I'm asexual or bisexual because... guys can be aesthetically pleasing. But girls can be aesthetically pleasing, too. Still, I'm 24 and I never felt the urge to have sex with someone or even thought about having sex with another person in general. But maybe I'm just super uptight or just have a super low libido because I DO get sexually aroused, just not by a specific person and not very often. So yeah, no idea what's going on, but I decided to not care anymore. I just do what what I wanna do. If I don't wanna have sex then I don't and if I someday somehow feel like I want to have sex with a guy or a girl, then so be it.
The flirting thing is a HUGE thing with me. I'm a very friendly quirky person by nature and it's come to my attention a few times that I can be flirty without thinking about it. I'm also very paranoid about people flirting with me and me just being friendly back because that also happens a lot... Thanks for this video! awesome
Well, it's just weird for me. I really want to be in a relationship, and want to feel butterflies about someone, and feel actual true real affection for someone, but I've never even really had a crush before. I WANT an s/o. I WANT to make a family for myself, but I've never felt even a flicker of affection like that for anybody before. I've felt small affections like "oh she's pretty" but nothing more than that. Never. It really sucks, because I feel like I'm running out of time to find that special person.
Hello! Just thought I’d chime in here with my own experience. I definitely identify as hetero-romantic asexual. Coming to that conclusion though was a bit rocky, as I have always considered guys to be “hot” or attractive, but have realized in recent years that it is not sexual attraction that I experience, but aesthetic or romantic attraction. The term “asexual” has resonated with me since I learned its definition. For the longest time I thought I was weird or underdeveloped because everyone else was interested in sex except for me, so as soon as I learned what it meant, I just had a feeling of “Ohhhhhhhhh now it makes sense” hahaha. When I learned what sex was when I was younger, I had so much anxiety about growing up because I thought I was going to have to have sex and I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT AT ALL lol. Later on, I thought sexual attraction was a thing I’d eventually experience when I was older, only to see my friends develop this elusive obsession with sex while I still remained utterly disgusted by the idea of taking part in it. So, I might see a guy that I don’t know walking down the street and think he is good-looking but sex does not cross my mind at all. The idea of sexual attraction in general is so foreign to me. In terms of romantic attraction, my experience has always been that I liked a guy and wanted him to like me, but I had no interest in having a relationship with him. The knowledge that a guy was attracted to me in any capacity was and still is satisfactory for me; I don’t feel the need to pursue relationships as I have zero interest in being in one, at least for now. I don’t know if this experience is some sort of vanity thing where I just want people to be attracted to me, with no interest in going any further, but regardless, that has been my experience. Anyways, that’s the end of my spiel. Just thought I’d add to the conversation haha. Great video!!! :) EDIT: 2 year update (didn't realize how many likes this had) - I've determined by now that I'm bi greyromantic asexual. So my experiences make a lot more sense to me now lol
One more clue that I had for being somewhere on the ace spectrum: I legitimately don’t get (/am frustrated by) scenes that are written to have lust or sex as a distraction that impedes the protagonist or unites them profoundly to someone else. Like, I’ve always considered that lazy writing, but maybe that is an actual thing that other people actually experience???
Yeah right? I am always annoyed to see (TV) or read (books) about people having sex and just don't get the point of actually explaining what they are doing (what once or twice ruined a whole book for me)... never thought about that before, but reading your comment made me wonder too, if there are more aces who can relate (...I'm not 100% sure about my sexuality right now, but still... that could be an indicator :) ) I'm sorry about my (maybe not that great) english. Have a great day!
Like I get turned on by that stuff some times but it only happens if I can put myself in their shoes or I really like the story and/or characters. I am 50% sure that I'm demi yet I never felt sexually attracted to a person yet I get aroused easily by the thought of sex idk I'm weird
Alyssa the awkward skat you’re not weird. We know asexuality is a spectrum. I don’t get aroused by the idea of sex, but I can get aroused in some situations... never sexual ones though; I know I have *never* felt sexual attraction towards anyone - one of my friends kind of loves to talk about sex and I’m actually curious as to what she feels, and she loves to talk about it, so I understand how allosexual people feel... but I don’t experience it. youre probably Demi though, you’re right
YES it's portrayed like sex is a solution to all of the problems in a relationships, it makes me so mad! especially when characters are only halfway to realizing their feelings, and there's just this one scene when they are alone together and OUT OF NOWHERE they have this weird eye contact, begin to flirt and then they have the best sex in their life. and after this their dynamic changes completely, like they're together for a decade. like ???? it doesn't work this way! this IS a lazy writing!
I like to joke that the primary defining feature of being asexual is that you feel the need to test your "aceness". Like even I will constantly interrogate myself like "are you feeling sexual attraction? Huh?! Are you?!"
As a child, I always felt I had to FORCE a crush on me to fit in. I never really had a crush and when I imagine anything sexual with anyone I immediately CRINGE and try to get it out of mind as quick as possible! I also thought I was bi. Eventually, I reached out to people who were gay/bi to see how they feel. They never helped. I said I might like girls and they said “Do you feel any sexual attraction” I said “NO!” “My mind is too innocent to ever think of that! EW!” They said “Well then you’re too young to be thinking about this!” (this was in middle school, because alot of people were questioning their sexuality. i was 13 and this was online) I told them, “Well, I think that they’re cute and pretty. I also think about holding hands and kissing sometimes but not sex at all.” They said “Just because you think a girl is cute and you want to kiss them doesn’t mean you’re lesbian” THEY WERE SO UNHELPFUL! After watching this I know realized I was was bi and asexual. But I’m really confused and don’t know what to call that so can anyone help me think of what to call that?
bisexual, asexual spectrum. also something that had always really bothered me was how people think you not having sexual thoughts about people makes you "Innocent, pure, naive, judgy, prudish." its degrading, like you're childish, unworthy or respect, or like you dont know what you want or what you're doing. just as a "slut" is completely entitled to her consent to sex, you are just as entitled to consent or not consent to the idea of sex.
I just want to share my experience in case someone out there is in the same position I was and maybe needs something to relate on. I have liked guys all my life in a aesthetic way and I remember being in middle school and saying like “yeah, of course I would have sex with them”, but when I had the opportunity to do, I ran off haha. Sometimes I even liked guys in a romantic and aesthetic way but never wanted to have sexual stuff with them. This confused me a lot. I remember thinking like “hey, maybe I am a lesbian” but I had never experiencied romantic attraction for a girl. The thing is that after a period of time I thought that maybe I was uncomfortable with sex because I had never done it so I started looking for someone to try it and I did and well... It wasn’t thaaat awful but still wasn’t what everyone told me it was. So I tried and tried until I “enjoyed” it (I mean that my body enjoyed it) but I still felt a little bit repulsed and I never wanted to remember those moments. Then, it hit me: I am ace. I really wanted to relate to all the fun-sex stories my classmates tell but I started reading about asexuality and it made me feel relief: there’s people out there like me, I am not alone in this world. Anyway I tried to tell my story in a very easy way and maybe help someone identify her or his sexual identity :)
This was very helpful. Especially the part where you define aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. I knew I appreciated how someone looks but that I wasn't interested in sleeping with them and I thought I was the only one. Thank you :) Im like... pretty positive I'm Ace. Hetero romantic as well.
I know!! That was the first time I've ever heard what I've been feeling for my entire life put into words. (Aesthetically attraction). It was almost like a was weight taken off my chest and I could breath for the first time in years... I never realized anyone else felt the same was as I do. (Sorry for ranting)!
@@chantalegli8130 hey there! That's honestly okay! It doesn't make you weird...it's just how you experience attraction. You can still have extremely successful relationships. Just like any relationship, make sure you communicate you're comfort levels. ❤️ Best of luck!
For me I realised my feelings towards people's looks were either "ew", "meh" or "aww they're adorable, i wanna do their hair". The whole hot, sexy thing I never understood, but can objectively see, because of the "sexy" stereotype of boobs, butt and muscles you see everywhere in media, billboards etc
I figured out about asexuality recently. Everyone around me--as you described in school that is pretty much what happened to me Jenna-- and even the culture I surrounded myself with (I read Boys Love comics and doujinshi's.) I kept wondering why I didn't feel like everyone else or even wanted to have a romantic/sexual relationships (heck I don't even want to get married and have kids.) However, it is strictly aesthetic attraction. I know about sex and read BL so I am not really repulsed. I just have no interest as well as feel very uncomfortable when put into sexual situations. I can differentiate fantasy from reality. I later realized I desired platonic relationships rather than a romantic or sexual ones.
Your explenation of being awkward around the topic of sex and around naked bodies literally describes me. During PE in the change room I feel SO uncomfortable. I hate it. I was kinda questioning the fact if I was ace or not but this just made it click. Thank you so much for making this video!
I have this problem where I’m not sure whether I’m Ace or just a late bloomer. I’m sex-repulsed, but I’m only in late middle school... All of my friends are always talking about dating and how they’ve kissed people, and how they “want their first time to be special” (referring to sex) and I’m just like “... I don’t even want a first time...” so idk. Any advice?
I'd say just make sure to never, never, judge yourself. never. you are beautiful, and like all people, you get to define or not define yourself, and you can change over time like all people. it can help to talk to people about how you feel, to be honest without shame, and it could help you understand or help other people understand themselves more. you are young and your feelings may change, but maybe not. keep an open mind but never, never, think that there is something wrong with you. i know you feel pressured to have sex and to feel sexual, but you dont have to push your truth down to fit in. I am like you and I ended up forcing my first time on tinder at 19 to "get rid of it," and part of me regrets this because I started to feel that sex is me doing something I dont want to do to feel normal. I did things I was very uncomfortable with to "get it over with" and try to feel "normal" and ended up feeling powerless and angry that i abused myself like that, and felt letting others abuse me was being a normal acceptable woman. doing it did help me to realize that what you see in porn is fake, sex ed is hugely underdeveloped, virginity is not a real thing, and sex is pretty much just as youd expect it-it doesnt make you more wise, less naive, more empowered (YOU empower you) or worthy of respect. however, your expectations create the experience (before I did it I believed that sex is just a way people one up each other, and that women do things they dont want to-sometimes highly degrading things-because of sexism-which is true to an extent, but we dont have to accept that). however, its harder for me to enjoy it now because of how I forced myself into it, making it feel like a source of helplessness and fear. sex means nothing, and is entirely worthless unless YOU really want to do it. the whole "how many times have you done it/prude vs slut/how are you in bed/what do you like?" bullshit numbers competition (often truly led by the need for validation from societal gender expectation and sexism) is a complete lie and does nothing for anyone-that is what I've learned by having sex. you are never alone. writing helps. even if you're not a woman, like in my perspective, all of what I've said is just as applicable to men.
Whatever your sexual orientation you don’t need to be thinking of having sex in middle school (or even high school for that matter), just allow yourself to grow and mature until you know yourself better and have a chance to build and discover your own beliefs.
IMO putting label on yourself might not be the best thing. Just live your life the way you want and do what you feel like doing. If you ever find a label that feels like the right one for you that's cool but don't "force" it.
I was LOLing at so many points of this video because I was like, ME! ME! THAT'S ME! SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ME. Is this what representation feels like?!?!?!?!
Pretty sure I’m ace, I been single all my life, still a virgin, I too dunno how to flirt, I’m okay with sex in like tv shows or movies but the idea of me engaging in sex I couldn’t imagine, the “who’s your crush?” question always stumped me because I was never really into anyone...
For me, the main issue is i can't tell if i'm asexual or just really awkward and i haven't had someone to talk it over with since i was 12. Thinking about holding hands with people makes me anxious but that's probably because i haven't purposefully touched anyone since i was 13.
I always mistook aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction and it screwed with my head so much! I thought wanting to kiss someone was sexual attraction and now I know it's just sensual attraction. I'm also actually sex positive but just emotionally really REALLLY disconnected from it. I get the dopamine rush and that's it. I cannot get "turned on" by another human being but I get butterflies when I find somebody aesthetically pleasing or am romantically attracted to someone. Sexuality is complicated!!! Yeah, took me 35 years to get that I'm ace 🖤💜🤍 Thanks for the great video, touched on so many subjects in so little time. And kudos for being so open about yourself 🌱👍
Oh my gosh! Honestly, before now I never knew that this term existed. I always felt weird and in my 23 years I have never dated or kissed anybody. I always got asked about why I don't have a bf or gf and I couldn't say why. It just never happened. Then I met this guy who seemed really interested in me and I thought finally I will be "normal" but while he got physical i didn't find myself initiating anything more than kissing. I thought maybe I just didn't feel anything because I was too shy. He wanted to have sex badly and I thought that since we like each other it doesn't matter when we will do it. But while he felt good I felt like a rock. I just didn't get any pleasure. Something felt so off and I brok up with him two days afterwards. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal for me and why I kind of hated myself for having had sex. Then I found out about asexuality and I suddenly understood all of the feelings. Whenever somebody started sexualizing me I felt like the love was not true because I have never been interest in another persons body. But everything makes sense now and I was able to live with what I did or what i lost. I felt like I betrayed myself and didn't get why. In the comments I couldn't find anyone with a similar experience. Most people seem to have known about their asexuality when they were quite young. In my country though we don't really use terms like this a lot. That's why I have never seen it represented in media. Maybe someone else has similar experience but just knowing that there is nothing wrong with me and that i am valid makes me feel at peace. Sorry for the rant, I just never had the opportunity with people who are like me and now I feel like I'm not alone anymore. So, thank you very much for this video♡♡ it was truly eye opening!
Thing with me is that I think of naked bodies as just natural things and sometimes even beautiful, they don't turn me on or scare me away, I don't know what it means?
i feel like half of all aces realised their sexuality bc of tumblr lol also i loved this vid!! i relate so much, esp with the naked bodies thing, i hate going to the beach bc of that haha
Just in the last few years I’ve felt like something has been askew with my sexuality, and I’ve been trying to research ace and all that it contains. Just in the last month I stumbled across gray sexuality, and it just felt so spot on to how I’ve been feeling. I’m still trying to wade through the waters of everything, but your videos have really been helpful. Thank you for being such a voice for all of this.
Oh my gosh. Even though I now know that I'm asexual (since December 2017), it's still an interesting to see. *EDIT*: I don't actually identify as gray-ace anymore because I don't necessarily see wanting to kiss someone as a gray area? (what do you other asexuals think about that?) I just see myself as asexual. My thoughts on marriage and stuff above still remains the same, though I guess my main reason for not wanting to identify as Asexual is because I was confused about sexual/romantic attraction. I'm also gray-ace and reading about how even some asexuals didn't believe in greysexuality. However, whenever I read or heard something negative targeted towards asexuals, I would personally feel offended by it. Asexuality is honestly such a complicated thing. I thought that I wasn't ace because I like male celebrities but then I remembered when I liked One Direction back in 2014 and I didn't have a crush on any single member? And I'm also Christian so I just thought that I was super pure but it turns out that I'm (though I am kinda 'pure', it isn't because of my sexuality) actually not. I'm still open for marriage and I want to only have three kids but I *really* want to marry another asexual or just a guy who has very little interest in sex... Just enough to produce a few kids.
Hey uh, i dont normally comment, like at all but I saw your comment and just had to reach out. What's it like being a Christian in the lgbt community? I am also a Christian but i really feel like i am Asexual. Could you please help me?
Sorry for the late response. I honestly didn't see this message and don't understand why! Well, to be honest. I don't automatically view asexuality as being lgbt while there are lgbt members in the asexual community. Some asexuals also agree with me as well as quite a few members of the lgbt community. Also, I'm heteromantic. I haven't actually told many people that I was asexual. Mainly my siblings (they're all cool with it but some don't fully understand. That's okay, though) and online friends (but not all). I indirectly told my parents ("what if a person didn't like boys or girls?" "what if they liked boys but didn't want to have sex?") and they basically see it as more of a spiritual problem. However, it is very likely that Paul the Apostle was asexual. Not saying he is, but it is a possibility. I honestly want to help you but can you give me more clarification? Have you ever spoken to anyone about possibly being asexual? Someone in real life? What was their reaction?
Grace Osas Thank you so much for responding! I didn't get a notification for your comment either lol TH-cam should fix that. I have come out to like two of my friends but i dont plan on telling everyone ik especially my parents. I just don't think they'd understand. For clarification i was just wondering stuff like, as a Christian do you like think about God not accepting your sexuality? Ik that may sound stupid but like i overthink and im just really worried about it. Its not like im letting it get in the way of my journey with the Lord or anything. I just want to know bc being asexual really makes me happy bc i feel understood and i no longer feel pressured to do anything i rather not. Im also heteroromantic so uh yeah. Idk i just wanted to talk to someone about it so i could stop worrying so much.
I got the response this time, haha. Well, there are some places in the Bible that promote singlehood. Marriage is mainly suggested for people who have strong sexual urges so that they won't fornicate."...For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:9) For example 1 Corinthians 7. Some believe Matthew 19:12 (about eunuchs) may refer to Asexuality in some parts. No, I do not believe Asexuality is a sin. However, as a person that might marry you (and I) have to be careful. The Bible does talk about how you are supposed to have sexual relations with your spouse. So that is something you'll have to discuss with whoever you're going to marry IF you want to marry. I personally I never had any desire to marry but I do hope that if I ever have that desire, I will find an asexual husband or one with very low sexual desire. And yeah, definitely get the parents thing. I hope I helped. If you still have questions, you can still ask them but also feel free to look up answers online as well. I think that there are some articles that help. You can also contact me on Google+ because I feel that that's the one you'd feel most comfortable with? But obviously, you can do what you want xD
So I recently came out at Bi because I could always see myself having a relationship with either genders. But I didn’t feel so comfortable with the term because I felt like it wasn’t exactly me or that it didn’t sound exactly how I felt. But I went to tumblr and asked around and they told me about grey-asexually and Demisexual. Because see. For as long as I could remember I’ve never understood the obsession with love and have never wanted to have kids or get married. Even the idea of being in a relationship really makes me uncomfortable because affection does as well. Like, I’ve never cared about it. The only time I did want to ‘date’ was in school and because everyone else did it (silly I know but hey kids lol) but I really didn’t feel any connection with anyone. But I began to realise that, really, the only time I’ve ever been attracted to someone (and wanted to be in a sexual situation with them) is when I got to know their personality. Like, if they made me smile or laugh or just that we had fun? I only felt attraction then. I’ve never immediately looked at someone and thought ‘lemme tap that ass’. Like when my friends showed me pictures of guys? I really just didn’t care. When it comes to naked bodies I find men’s genitalia gross af but their upper half is fine? With women it’s a little different I guess because I mean, I see it every day. But to cut this short the idea of being demisexual sounds as close as I feel. Because the times I have had a connection with someone and wanted to have a sexual connection with them was because they had those personality traits I found attractive. It’s almost like it’s the traits that get my sexual drive going and get me ‘crushing’ on someone. Idek it’s so weird and it’s confused me forever lol.
i'm pretty sure im a biromantic asexual (maybe demi idk????) but anyways ever since i started questioning if i was ace or not and the whole sexual attraction thing came up i was super confused like??? do people actually think about sex when they see an attractive person???? like thats an actual COMMON thing????? and it still feels so bewildering to me because i have found people attractive before sure but never once in that moment does sex come to my mind?? its so weird finding out what you thought everyone felt like was actually just what a minority of people feel like.. no wonder asexuality is so confusing
oH MY GOD I didn't even know the notion of "aesthetic attraction" until today. I've been questioning my asexuality (and even romantic orientation) and this helped, thank you!! I'm going to go look into this some more now!
It's such a lovely feeling to hear you talk about 'us' and be included for once. It's just such a foreign but warm feeling and thank you for that! Awesome vid - very informative!
I really connect with what you said in the end; especially about naked bodies. I think the human body is an artwork and it's beautiful, but i don't really feel like that about the intimate parts. How do I know if i find someone beautiful or romantic or sexual attractive?
This really helped me. I don’t usually think about this stuff, but every once a while I’d find myself going in circles over this topic as well. Now that I’m being exposed the so many different ideas in college, I kind of want to make sense of this more often. Ace makes so much about my life make sense. It has to be it. Though it’s a little hard to go from here. It’s nice to know there’s big umbrellas and small umbrellas though. Day by day it’s making more sense.
the thing you said about naked people is so true for me omg like I'm questioning myself quite often "why do everybody have some kinda sexual feelings about it, when I'm just "ok ;) in clothes this person looks more attractive" or "this is so uncomfortable, put your clothes on"
For me it’s a non-interest in long term relationships and I also don’t feel sexual attraction I’m okay with a short term relationship but I would rather have them as a friend
Thank you for this video 💜 while I am no longer questioning my sexuality (I am asexual and aromantic), I know it can take a while to come to terms with it. I remember in elementary school when everyone would ask about crushes I would just be like ?????, and everyone would think I was lying when I said I didn’t 😂 (I would pretend to have crushes so they would leave me alone)
In elementary school, hui. I already found it early when my classmates started this dating-couply-(sex?)-thing when we were teenagers, like, 14, 15, 16. (I don't even know.) I never made up crushes but I kind of relate to not "getting it" - I'm aro-ace, too :)
i always thought that i find people aesthetically pleasing because i draw, so i would like have an eye for that kind of stuff but the more i'm learning about asexuality the more i think i am asexual. Also is it very common for you (the other aces around here) to read stories that give you passionate feelings? Like reading a book about a strong/cute relationship gives you strong feelings while reading. Or is this a normal people nothing ace related thing?
I get strong feelings! It's probably not as common for aromantic people but as far as aces are concerned a lot of us are still interested in romantic relationships/feelings (:
Yes, I can get super strong feelings while reading books or watching movies! Not just for the relationships but for characters in general. Like, feelings so strong that I can't wrap my mind around it and I almost start crying. I guess that's a "normal" thing, though, not just ace related.
I’m a Japanese, and I could not get lots of information about asexuality in my language but now I feel much more comfortable after watching your video. Thank you so much✨
I really appreciate you saying it's okay to keep doubting and not being certain. I've been feeling a lot like I can't really be ace if I keep doubting it and being uncertain. It's really validating to hear that doubting where I fit in doesn't mean I'm wrong entirely. Thank you! :)
I’m 16 and this video is part of my ongoing research about asexuality ;) I have taken on various labels the last two/three years before I realized that I was only feeling aesthetic attraction, no sexual attraction at all. I’ve also had many of what I used to call “crushes for lack of a better word”, which I now know were platonic crushes. Another thing O discovered is that one might like and engage in the idea of a sexual/romantic relationship with a fictional character/celebrity because one likes the idea of it, but when faced with the reality that desire doesn’t present itself. Before knowing that, I was pretty much convinced that I was just excessively uncomfortable with my body and it somehow caused me to be sex repulsed. My problem is I briefly identified as biromantic, but I think I might be aromantic too. It’s really hard for me to accept that I cannot be completely sure of any label ever, since I have this mental thing where I hate things not being in neat little labeled boxes. The mess frustrates me enormously, but I am starting a path of acceptance towards not fitting in any box at the moment. Practically, I now consider myself ace+aro until proven otherwise 😂✌️
To me describing someone as 'hot' means: "I'm sexually attracted to this person". Therefore I've never used it to describe people because I don't feel sexual attraction. My reactions would often be like the ones you did in the video and it's validating to see.
Thank you for this video! I think it's pretty obvious to other people that I'm asexual; some people close to me said I was asexual before I identified with the term years later. I've had romantic feelings towards men before, but upon further investigation, they were strictly romantic, nothing more. I've had one close bond with another man in which we almost were in a relationship, but due to multiple circumstances, one of them I suspect was me saying I identify with the asexual label and him being straight, he ended it. I'm unsure, if I have a romantic partner, if they will accept me for who I am, but I trust that there are loving people out there that are respectful of asexuality.
Even now as a 19 yo I hear so much from friends and film about how awkward puberty was and I really don't get it. Other than getting a little bigger everywhere and my period, nothing stands out to me about the crazy hormone spikes and what not. The only confusing part was why I was not struggling like everyone else
aro-ace here and happy to have found your channel today! found out about asexuality after watching about 4 minutes of the Asexuality documentary that aired on IFC. I was 41 when that happened and just finalized my divorce. Wish I knew about it sooner as it would have saved me a lot of grief. It took a couple more years to figure out that I was relatively aromantic.
It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was ace. There are many reasons for this. I grew up as an incessantly bullied fat kid, so assumed that no one wanted me like that anyways, that I was ugly and unlovable, and when you are surrounded by people who will say and do horrible things to you based on your appearance, and when no one actually comes on to you in a SUPER obvious way as a teenager, it does reinforce that notion of "well I'm just too ugly and fat". My family wasn't very religious, but I was still a minister's daughter and so in not doing anything I was just being "the good girl focusing on school". Then there was thinking that maybe I was a "late bloomer". The most problematic thing was all of the depression and social anxiety disorder that came out of growing up in this manner, which really blinded me from being able to figure out things properly. Also, I'm hard core into fanfiction and absolutely like certain fanfiction with sexy times, which YES does make me aroused (depending on the content) so I was under the impression that maybe I did want it, but my anxiety and low self confidence was holding me back, especially as I also had crushes. I'm now 36 and can pretty confidently say that, no, I'm ace. I hate that I had these additional stumbling blocks in figuring things out but going by the basic definition of asexuality, no, I have never wanted to have sex with anyone for any reason (and I was never sexually attracted to anyone) the only reason I ever saw to have it was curiosity, and I thought I'd hate it. On one level the idea of doing it with someone else grosses me out. I'm clearly not sex adverse because hey I READ it and sometime LIKE it (though I have specific ways I like it, and one of those ways is after a relationship has been built up). I just wish it wasn't so difficult to get to that point. Also, the challenge now is finding someone whether that's someone with whom I have a romantic connection or just a platonic life partner, who can at least be with me when I retire, because really, one of my biggest fears is growing old and being alone and lonely, and given that I've been overseas for so long now (thus have drifted apart from people I know and have not been paying into pension) and my parents are quite likely to die in the near future (wow that grew depressing quick, but that is a part of my reality) that I know I'll have to hope I stay healthy long enough and meet the right person to set myself up for a successful golden years. At this point though, simply owning a small house (something I'm working in saving towards) and living with a friend I know and love as a friend would be enough.
I found that for me. I needed the vocabulary to express that I am Ace. For a long time, I thought I was broken. But once I had the vocabulary, I felt so much better.
I‘m definitely asexual but I just found out my romantic attraction like not even a week ago (or maybe I haven‘t but for now) and it was a full on mess to figure it out but you talking about the entire figuring it out thing even now helped me so much and I love all of your ace related videos (and your videos in general) and idek what the point of this comment is anymore but I just wanted to say that. You‘re amazing!
I think this video helped me understand that i an an asexual...i dont know which one but i know im on the spectrum!!! Specially when u talked about nakedness i really relate to that!!! Thank u so much
I don’t even know what to say. I have very recently become comfortable enough to identify as gray ace. There was a lot of anger and frustration and feeling broken to get to that point, and I’m still working on it, but wow I should have watched your video sooner. The part about not being sure hit hard. It seems that a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community go through a phase of figuring out and learning to accept, but it seems that that phase can be even harder for asexuals. I didn’t want to be ace. I felt broken. And being ace is hard. I actually just said this morning what you said about graysexual being an umbrella term and a good way to identify if you’re still figuring it out. That’s where I’ve landed. I’m ok enough with that term for now and it gives me the validation I need and some space and time to figure myself out. It’s a good enough fit for now, and I’m ok identifying as that. Thank you for the video. I’ve watched a lot on this topic, this is one of my favorites. ❤️
This was incredibly comforting, thank you. My main issue is that I feel like an usurper to the community. I understand all the codes of attraction, although I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to sexual attraction. I have no issue detecting flirting, there are steps of sexual intercourse I would probably enjoy, it's just that I have neber wanted to have sex with anyone and the thought of it irks me. But I want to engage in romantic relationships, I want to be desired, I just don't want to have sex. So where do you draw the line ? I'm confused because I have yet to meet an asexual person who tells a similar story to mine. All of the ones I've talked to have no desire to engage in sensual acts, they are clueless when any joke about sex is made, etc. And most of them are certain they don't feel sexual attraction. Whereas it is almost impossible for me to know where my limit is, at what point does it cross the sexual line ? Can I really call myself asexual if all I know is that I don't find any appeal in some aspects of sex but I would enjoy some other ?
Yo, I don't usually reply to people or comment in general on yt, but I totally get what you mean! The only difference is thay I already had sex in the past (I actually was in a 3 year relationship that ended a few months ago), but looking back, I feel like the social pressure of losing my virginity was so strong that I "forced" myself into a relationship that involves sex if that makes any sense? But when the relationship ended I thought to myself "if only there was a way I could be in a relationship without the pressure of having sex" and not too long after I went "welp, that probably means something" lmao but yeah, I am 100% positive I'm gonna be in other relationships in the future, but not relationships that involve sex! I also wasn't sure if I could identify myself as ace because I definitely can develop crushes, but I don't fantasize about having sex with them, I only want to cuddle and kiss them ahah
This helped so much omg thank you❤️when I was 15 I started to realize that I could only see myself in a romantic relationship and wanted nothing to do with sex... I thought I was just crazy and didn’t really mention it to anyone, and when I did I was always hit with “You’ll change your mind when you find the right person”😑 This video made me feel so validated🖤💜
Thank you! Though I am not certain if I'm asexual or not, this really helped clear a lot of things. I could connect with most points and the part about not being sure about my orientation *really* helped me become a bit more confident in my self-diagnosis. I still don't think I have a final decision about myself, but at least my doubt is weaker and I'm closer to a solution.
most people think I'm not really asexual, just haven't fallen in love yet, and it'll probably happen one day. I'm 39. I liked living alone. It was just fine that way. Then covid lockdowns happened and we couldn't go outside for... 18 weeks (Melbourne Australia). Now, I don't feel like boinking anyone thanks, But not seeing other humans for months broke me. I still don't want to share a bed, but hell it got lonely. I had a girlfriend 13 years ago, and then went on a few dates with a girl in 2019. She felt I was moving too slow and went off and moved in with someone just before the Covid started. Asexual or avoidant personality disorder or asperger's? might be. Emotional connection? Yes please. Want. Lying in bed, mostly clothed. Hugging. Talking. That's nice. Schlong time? no.
I just found your channel and this video was great! I kinda identify as ace but personally I don't find any label comfortable. I don't have like an interest in sex, and I feel a little bit uncomfortable talking about it. I've had a few crushes (one of them was a girl) and the main reason I felt in love with them wasn't their appearance, like, at all. But something I've been noticing when having these crushes was that I find them pretty _after_ having a crush on them. But I never had the need of having any sexual relationships with them. Actually, I remember when I had fantasies (yes, I did have fantasies) of relationships with them it never involved the sex part. I only was interested in someone who cared, who made me happy, someone who share ice cream with. So yeah, I'm super confused about my sexuality, maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm just too young to understand sex (I'm 13), maybe I shouldn't be thinking too much about it. Thank you for reading :D (Sorry if I did any mistakes, English is not my main language)
what doesn't help is that i found out i was ace when i was told about it when i was 16 by an old friend when they noticed that i never showed any form of attraction of any sort (they tried to fin dmy type but i don't have a type due to not being able to form attractions easily at all) and was told that whole time that it's just a phase- im now an ace lesbian who gets asked out way to much in public and they think im 12- (im 20... it really doesn't help) i legit can't form any sort of attraction, it takes me years to even think about it but it's extremely easy for me to throw out that thought and then bam, i have lost all the attraction i may have had with that person, i can only confirm that iv had two crushes on women and they both rejected me (i got over it extremely fast and it put them off how fast i moved on..) i hate being ace as id love to be in a relationship but i just can't form any form of attraction easily and it bugs people for some reason?? i remember lying that i had a crush on a dude in school that every girl liked but turns out that guy liked me back and it was a whole mess.. i stopped lying as it backfired so bad for me lol iv also never had sexual thoughts as well and again people who i knew found it extremely weird?? like ill make semi sexual jokes cause that's just how the friend group is i don't care for it?? it's all just extremely weird honestly XD
I just thought it was because of my autism at first, since it is a "developmental disorder" so I could be developing at a different rate, which is true when it comes to social stuff. Turns out it just didn't change, and I'm just ace. It was so nice to find out and everything made a lot more sense.
I grew up being an aro asexual, but never really had the need to label myself. I've never questioned it either because it always felt natural. Still didn't stop the curious ones from trying to hit it off with me in the worst way imaginable. There will always be those who will try to bed you, regardless of what you say or do. But the aesthetic attraction is painfully real. Pretty sure it becomes unavoidable later on in life and less of an acquired taste, really. I always find myself admiring girls whom I find aesthetically pleasing. Guess that would also make me straight as an arrow in the ace spectrum, eh?
I'm new in this subject and must say i feel like "where have you been all my life". Really, I read the comments and it all makes sense. I finally feel I fit.
I'm so grateful for this kinds for videos! it's so hard to came out to large groups of people as gray... this type of videos always give me strength and reminds me that i'm not alone. Thank you thank you thank you!
There's also sensual attraction. Basically when you want to be intimate with someone and touch them/have them touch you but not really in a sexual kinda way.
I identify with so much of what you were talking about in this video. I've only recently realized that I fall somewhere on the ace spectrum, but now that I have everything makes so much more sense. (Especially the awkward middle school and high school years where everyone was only interested in sex with each other and I was only really interested in my school work, books, and art).
I've been identifying as ace for a while now, after literally questioning it for almost four years now. This video helped me realize that this is apparently the "normal" ace experience and made me a bit more comfortable with it. I experience very strong aesthetic attraction (everything/everyone is just so pretty ugh) which made it even worse. But finding out that my friends who are the same age as I am started masturbating and thinking about sex and everything made me come to the realisation that I really am not allosexual at all.
Wait you're telling me middle schoolers experience sexual attraction? Thats... uncomfortable to think about. I had crushes but not like THAT. I always had a hard time with attraction because I grew up very Catholic so, y'know, Repression. But I'm starting to really identify with being on the ace spectrum as I learn more about people and sex and where I fit into all of that
7:15 the ONE tv show Jenna is referring to is, of course, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, a show that barely includes any kind of sexual attraction (aside from one of the leads crushing on a badass brown bodyguard with mental health issues) and the main lead is homoromantic asexual (and a total button nose) and we even have a QPR/BBF situation between two cops
I'm asexual, but my friends make fun of me for not having crushes or being attracted. They just say I'm going through a phase, and so do my parents. I'm already 16 and no sign of attraction yet. I'm honestly tired of being "special"
Being honest with myself about my sexuality is the best thing I have done in 2018 "on my birthday month" My fam and friends assumed that I might be lesbian as I never introduced a partner. I dated in the past but I felt more happy on my own than in a relationship romantically. Cape Town, South Africa can be a crazy place I must say.
Seeing this videos been helpful and I really resonated with it. I’ve been struggling with my sexuality after I ended my relationship, due to him wanting to have sex. Then it hit me that I don’t understand the appeal of sex, and it makes me uncomfortable, and I’ve never really been attracted to anyone. I faked it around friends to fit in but never FELT it, and when you said something similar to that in the video, it was like a eureka moment, so thank you.
I'm quite a bit late but goodness was this video a blessing to watch! I very recently found the term asexual and I'm starting to see the possibility of me being ace. It's like the answer to the question of what's been off/different about me all these years. My parents still laugh when I get really uncomfortable when sex scenes come on in movies. Whenever I point out a dude or draw one they always smirk and say "oohhh you think he's hot?" And I just frown in a puzzled way at them like no?? I like him for his clothes and appearance and personality. I think I'm hetero-romantic but I'm not quite sure. I've never gotten what the big fuss is about sex and when I tried to explain that and how uncomfortable/grossed out the idea of it made me to my therapist she said "Well you just need to try it first" I still have a sneaking suspicion that sexual attraction is a huge inside joke that 99% of the population is keeping up to confuse people but I guess it's not apparently. I'm still learning all this sexuality stuff but for now I guess I'll learn along the way! Sorry for the little narrative here lol
I came out to my sister as a panromantic assexual today like a few hours ago- she hugged me and said congratulations- everything makes sense now im so happy that we named it
This was a really great and helpful video, thank you! I relate to a lot of the points you have made here and that feels great. I'm kind of uncertain if I'm asexual or demisexual (I'm not sex-repulsed and I did have the occasional experience of being turned on by a steamy scene in a book or film, or even some porn, but never by a real-life person. Don't know what that means exactly but that's what makes it so hard for me to really fully label myself as asexual, you know?) but at this point I'm 100% sure I'm somewhere on that spectrum. I definitely recognize that part about aesthetic attraction very well. Took me a while to figure out that's now the same as what other people feel when they are attracted to someone, and I always just thought people were just overreacting to their attraction. Turns out, I was wrong :D
Akoisexual straight and demiromantic. This took a while for me to discover. I'm biologically built to be attracted to the opposite gender, but I never confessed my crushes to them since I never felt the need to. And even if I did it would get awkward and I'd just completely drop it. I have found myself falling for some of my close friends who were guys and girls, but not anything sexual, more romantic. I'm fine with romantic interactions and ill go as far as cuddling and a quick peck on the cheek, but nothing beyond that or else my attraction for them slowly wilts away. Most of my crushes fade away on their own anyways given enough time. Usually 2-3 years, and rarely just a matter of weeks.
It took me a few years to get to the conclusion that I was bi, but when I did I felt certain in my identity. Now... Everything's up in the air again. I've had a suspicion that I might be ace for some time now, as I simply don't get sexual attraction, it doesn't make sense to me, though I still think I might be okay with having sex with a partner who I love one day. However, the fact that I'm christian and have been taught that sex is a wonderful thing but it belongs only in marriage isn't really helping, as I may just be repressed?? Along with that, I'm starting to think I might be a lesbian, even though I should know that I'm not 'cause I was in love with a guy once, but it's like the only time I've been attracted to a guy (who's not a celebrity, which has also only happened once), and I just really like girls and everything is so confusing. I really liked the certainty of just knowing what I am, I miss that. But thank you for making this video! Bringing if not certainty then at least acceptance to all the confused people like me ;-D
Warning: Incoming rant Read if you want. I currently identify as a Biromantic Asexual. (Possibly demi) When I was in middle school, people around me have been sexually... driven and I wanted to fit in, so I tried making sexual jokes and just laughed along with what they said. And I eventually found dirty jokes to be funny, but I have never found anyone I'm sexually attracted to... or maybe I have and I'm just mixing it up with aesthetic attraction. I really don't know the difference lol. I also tried looking at porn to see why people are so hyped over it, but I found out I enjoyed watching the plot more than the sex. And even after... a few years I think? of being asexual I question my sexuality because of my involvement in sexual exploration and the sexually driven environment I grew up in. I am sex-neutral, so I don't care about naked bodies, looking at them, or people having sex in movies and stories. I'm not sex-positive because I'd like to avoid having sex or sexual advances entirely if I can. But, I enjoy and appreciate sexual jokes, I know why people love sex so much, and I can appreciate sex in media when it's presented well. I have a dirty mind and I love teasing people with sexual jokes. I also have been approached sexually, having someone (online friend) saying that if I wasn't across the country, they'd be fucking me all night.... and that just made me uncomfortable. They are my best friend, and they told me that I was just a late bloomer, that I'll have that switch eventually, that it's just for attention. Maybe I *am* just a late bloomer, or maybe I'm an allosexual in denial, or an asexual with a very dirty mind... if those even exist. Sorry for the rant. Not many people have the same experiences I do, I wanted to ask people here. Thanks for reading.
Omg your explanation on identifying as gray ace was accurate. That's how I identify now bc I'm not sure of leaning towards demi or ace. Thanks for that! That really cleared up some confusion for me.
Even though I don't identify as ace, your videos are so informative & its interesting to learn about these things. One of my friends thinks she may be ace & is struggling a bit with her identity, so will definitely be sending the link to this video
Thing is, I questioned my identity for so long because I could find people 'hot', but only with their clothes on. Took a while to realise that I experience aesthetic attraction, just not sexual attraction
That is me too. Since I am an artist, visuals do appeal to me.
SAME
It's me irl.
Same That's me
I like it when people have interesting tattoos xD ...but I also like to see how they're expressing their emotions with their body language - it can be nice to see that without clothing. I'm demisexual though. Everything I like about humans is also about emotional connections.
Art is a way for me to experience the artist or, if I'm creating it, to put a piece of my soul in it to share it with others. It's really difficult for me to enjoy asthetics that are not expressions of the human soul. I can't even enjoy a sunrise.
Aesthetic attraction - YES. I finally found a name for it. As an artist, I love looking at beautiful humans no matter what gender but it makes people confused when I say that some girl or guy on the street looks beautiful because they automatically think I "want" them.
this is SO me. all the time i think someone of my same sex is aesthetically attractive and i look at them and point out to any of my friends like 'hey look how beautiful they are' they clearly think that i'm homosexual..
p.s. i'm an artist too and yes aesthetical attraction is an huge things to us 😉
Exactly! I'm an artist as well and I get so excited when I see someone aesthetically pleasing to look at. Before I knew the term I used to say they looked like book characters. That's why when I look up references of literally just people on the street to draw my step-mom or dad will see and be like "Ooooh you like him? You think he's cute?" Like...close? Artistically he just looks perfect. Cool to see I'm not alone!
Sameee, that happened to me a lot. Tbh I do like looking at handsome men and I love drawing the male figure but recently I realized I developed desire for someone specific, well two beings. I find it funny
Wow that’s literally how I explained it to myself just recently. Like I realize and understand how beautiful some people are. But I’m not like sexually attracted. Just in admiration of natural beauty
I am the opposite I don’t have both aesthetic and sexuality attraction. This person that is like seeing if we will work (I get to know my romantic but it’s probably demi/grey aro/cupio) asked me how I could have kinks but be asexual and for my it’s like I don’t want sex with them I want the other thing that go with it (bdsm) since sex is not a must
Asexuality is already so confusing to experience first-hand, I can only imagine how confusing it must be to people who can't relate.
Gee, thanks for stopping the like notifications, TH-cam. Now I only know if my comments gained any traction when I happen to wind up at the same video again a year later.
"Just kidding, there are no movies about it" 😆
Louise Hanley I made a list of movies letterboxd com/foggypebble/list/actually-definitely-asexual/
On Chesil Beach is definitely an asexual movie!!
Studio Autio
Aromantic and_or Asexual = lot's of self reflection, conflict in terms of how to relate to others, self doubt and a perspective apart from the dominating "romantic" or "sexual attraction" motivation for characters. Thus being able to focus some of the many nonsexual and nonromantoc nuances in human relations.
Let's put it this way: A story with no romance/ sex but great characters, plot and creativity is a great story. A story with romance and/or sex that lacks great characters, plot and/or creativity is worse or just bad. Romance and/or sex doesn't make drama or tension, it just can be part of good drama just as anything else.
Oh, the movie Princess Cyd has an asexual and aromantic woman as one of the two leads. They don't explicitly say "asexual" or "aromantic" but it gets quite clear to me that she is.
Daryl from the walking dead might be asexual
There was Jughead from the Archie comics who was Ace, but Riverdale screwed that up sooooo.
i don’t necessary want sex i just want hugs and a good relationship
This. Exactly. This.
Yes! And cuddling
"I really don't like naked bodies like, they make me really uncomfortable [...], but like, nobody should ever be naked. That is a firm believe of mine, please keep your clothes on."
Oh. That... that explains a lot...
Ikr Po** and gross stuff like please put ur pants on I dont like sex and weird nasty stuff
Kinda same for me. Tho I just don't care..? Like, i don't get why people enjoy looking at naked people? I may look at them, but that's because I'm an artist trying to study human anatomy. That's like literally all
I don't really agree with the whole 'no one should ever be naked'. I understand it, especially with how sexualised and stigmatised the human body is in some societies. But to me, and in many different cultures, a body is just a body. People go to naked baths in japan or nordic countries and it's all just about relaxing and getting clean. Breastfeeding involves exposing breasts but is not sexual. I think American society needs to move on and just accept a body as a body instead of something that needs to be covered up because 'sex'. It's outrageous how much censorship there is regarding nudity on American TV vs violence.
personally, when it comes to porn, its really, meh. i dont find it uncomfortable, just i dont feel anything, it just seems super uncomfortable, and something i cannot fathem even attempting to do.
im going to probably get into uncomfortable territory for some people, so dont read if you dont like sex or anything related to it.
i personally, have done self pleasure, and i dont require it or need it or desire it. lol.
that’s probably a big sign, i am ace, im just still figuring everything out lol.
I don’t enjoy looking at NSFW, but I do like the story of things like Underlust.
I used to be more insecure about my body because I was scared I would get harassed or hit on.
I have never had a crush and I have started puberty sometime in 2020.
I don’t HATE naked bodies, especially not my own, but it isn’t a thing I LOVE looking at either.
And overall, I’m confused about this and I want to have some bread while chilling on TH-cam.
Also yeah, I do like drawing and the human body is an interesting subject to me, making me want to possibly work in the medical field.
Friends: OMG! That girl is so hot!
Me: Yeah! She is hot!
My mind: No she is not. We have no sexual attraction to anyone.
Me to my mind: I know, but we need to pretend in this because no one seems to understand that.
So me 🤣😂
Relatable tho
in my mind its :
yeah,its hot!
reality:
what? why?
used to try that(never liked the word "hot")
now it's more like
friend: look this person's hot
me: indeed, it is a human like everyone else
I accidentally did this to fit in two days ago and it has been bugging me to clear that up asap 😂
9:10 this reminds me of something my friend said (a potential ace)
"I look at girls and I'm like: eh. I look a boys and I'm like: eh. I look at people in between and I'm like: eh."
Redwolfpup lol that’s me
Me to
Actually me
Me: And that's why I'm bi.
This. Is actually me
I always thought I was straight but never realized that everyone around me had desire or drive to have sex and the idea is gross to me and I NEVER thought about having sex or WANT to have sex...I said this to my friend once and they said “oh ur asexual” and I was like pfft nah. Then I researched it and stuff and like shit. I think I am. I always thought me liking guys and girls made me bisexual but I don’t want to have SEX with ANY of them. I discovered romanticism and wow. Everything makes sense
I spent like 3 years telling myself I was "just shy" and now here I am
And I'm proud of you!
@@RileyA. thanks kind stranger
@@aimlessf No worries! ☺
I always thought I didn't find the right person for having intercourse. But I guess I just prefer to be romantic more than having sex with anyone.
More than shy I am uncomfortable... ..
I identified as ace almost five years ago and I still question my sexual and romantic orientation like every other day. It's so hard for me to get the difference between romantic and platonic feelings, also aesthetic and sexual attraction are such vague terms that I can never truly grasp the difference between it. I'm always somewhere in between the "meh" and the "yea I can appreciate that" stage. I guess that's already proof that I'm ace.
The thing is sometimes I wonder if I'm not just a lesbian with internalized homophobia because girls are so pretty and cute, but I don't know if I've ever had a crush on a girl because romantic and platonic feelings are so blurry and all the crushes I've ever had were boys I "decided" to like at some point.
Long story short feelings are weird and I enjoy being a single pringle.
edit 9-6-20: turns out i'm an ace lesbian lmao
Amber K me too
The single Pringle
there is actually a term for the 'not being able to grasp the difference between romantic and platonic feelings' and it is called WTFromantic.
this probably looks like im trolling you but im serious, google it.
tho you may already know about it lol
lol, this is literally me. I always fluctuate between thinking I'm asexual or bisexual because... guys can be aesthetically pleasing. But girls can be aesthetically pleasing, too. Still, I'm 24 and I never felt the urge to have sex with someone or even thought about having sex with another person in general. But maybe I'm just super uptight or just have a super low libido because I DO get sexually aroused, just not by a specific person and not very often. So yeah, no idea what's going on, but I decided to not care anymore. I just do what what I wanna do. If I don't wanna have sex then I don't and if I someday somehow feel like I want to have sex with a guy or a girl, then so be it.
I feel u bcz I have same problems
"We always are thinking of the hypotheticals." Oh man, that was helpful to hear.
The flirting thing is a HUGE thing with me. I'm a very friendly quirky person by nature and it's come to my attention a few times that I can be flirty without thinking about it. I'm also very paranoid about people flirting with me and me just being friendly back because that also happens a lot... Thanks for this video! awesome
Well, it's just weird for me. I really want to be in a relationship, and want to feel butterflies about someone, and feel actual true real affection for someone, but I've never even really had a crush before. I WANT an s/o. I WANT to make a family for myself, but I've never felt even a flicker of affection like that for anybody before. I've felt small affections like "oh she's pretty" but nothing more than that. Never. It really sucks, because I feel like I'm running out of time to find that special person.
this is my exact feelings :'(
Wait until the special person finds you themselves ;)
It's like you articulated the abstract thoughts in my brain. I FEEL that, man.
i think there is an orientation for wanting but don't/can't feel.
I relate so much it hurts
Hello! Just thought I’d chime in here with my own experience. I definitely identify as hetero-romantic asexual. Coming to that conclusion though was a bit rocky, as I have always considered guys to be “hot” or attractive, but have realized in recent years that it is not sexual attraction that I experience, but aesthetic or romantic attraction.
The term “asexual” has resonated with me since I learned its definition. For the longest time I thought I was weird or underdeveloped because everyone else was interested in sex except for me, so as soon as I learned what it meant, I just had a feeling of “Ohhhhhhhhh now it makes sense” hahaha.
When I learned what sex was when I was younger, I had so much anxiety about growing up because I thought I was going to have to have sex and I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT AT ALL lol. Later on, I thought sexual attraction was a thing I’d eventually experience when I was older, only to see my friends develop this elusive obsession with sex while I still remained utterly disgusted by the idea of taking part in it.
So, I might see a guy that I don’t know walking down the street and think he is good-looking but sex does not cross my mind at all. The idea of sexual attraction in general is so foreign to me.
In terms of romantic attraction, my experience has always been that I liked a guy and wanted him to like me, but I had no interest in having a relationship with him. The knowledge that a guy was attracted to me in any capacity was and still is satisfactory for me; I don’t feel the need to pursue relationships as I have zero interest in being in one, at least for now. I don’t know if this experience is some sort of vanity thing where I just want people to be attracted to me, with no interest in going any further, but regardless, that has been my experience.
Anyways, that’s the end of my spiel. Just thought I’d add to the conversation haha.
Great video!!! :)
EDIT: 2 year update (didn't realize how many likes this had) - I've determined by now that I'm bi greyromantic asexual. So my experiences make a lot more sense to me now lol
Omg you've put it into words
i feel exactly the same way!!
I could have written a lot of this.
Thank you for sharing! I am currently in the state of trying to figure out my sexuality and your comment is really helpfull ❤️
@@lollililol0956 I’m happy to hear 😊😊
One more clue that I had for being somewhere on the ace spectrum: I legitimately don’t get (/am frustrated by) scenes that are written to have lust or sex as a distraction that impedes the protagonist or unites them profoundly to someone else. Like, I’ve always considered that lazy writing, but maybe that is an actual thing that other people actually experience???
Yeah right? I am always annoyed to see (TV) or read (books) about people having sex and just don't get the point of actually explaining what they are doing (what once or twice ruined a whole book for me)... never thought about that before, but reading your comment made me wonder too, if there are more aces who can relate (...I'm not 100% sure about my sexuality right now, but still... that could be an indicator :) )
I'm sorry about my (maybe not that great) english. Have a great day!
Like I get turned on by that stuff some times but it only happens if I can put myself in their shoes or I really like the story and/or characters. I am 50% sure that I'm demi yet I never felt sexually attracted to a person yet I get aroused easily by the thought of sex idk I'm weird
Alyssa the awkward skat you’re not weird. We know asexuality is a spectrum. I don’t get aroused by the idea of sex, but I can get aroused in some situations... never sexual ones though; I know I have *never* felt sexual attraction towards anyone - one of my friends kind of loves to talk about sex and I’m actually curious as to what she feels, and she loves to talk about it, so I understand how allosexual people feel... but I don’t experience it.
youre probably Demi though, you’re right
Alyssa the awkward skat you should look into aegosexuality (I think that’s what it’s called)
YES
it's portrayed like sex is a solution to all of the problems in a relationships, it makes me so mad! especially when characters are only halfway to realizing their feelings, and there's just this one scene when they are alone together and OUT OF NOWHERE they have this weird eye contact, begin to flirt and then they have the best sex in their life. and after this their dynamic changes completely, like they're together for a decade. like ???? it doesn't work this way! this IS a lazy writing!
I like to joke that the primary defining feature of being asexual is that you feel the need to test your "aceness". Like even I will constantly interrogate myself like "are you feeling sexual attraction? Huh?! Are you?!"
I think I am. OH NOES!!!! Must be gray-ace then...
As a child, I always felt I had to FORCE a crush on me to fit in. I never really had a crush and when I imagine anything sexual with anyone I immediately CRINGE and try to get it out of mind as quick as possible! I also thought I was bi. Eventually, I reached out to people who were gay/bi to see how they feel. They never helped. I said I might like girls and they said “Do you feel any sexual attraction” I said “NO!” “My mind is too innocent to ever think of that! EW!” They said “Well then you’re too young to be thinking about this!” (this was in middle school, because alot of people were questioning their sexuality. i was 13 and this was online) I told them, “Well, I think that they’re cute and pretty. I also think about holding hands and kissing sometimes but not sex at all.” They said “Just because you think a girl is cute and you want to kiss them doesn’t mean you’re lesbian” THEY WERE SO UNHELPFUL! After watching this I know realized I was was bi and asexual. But I’m really confused and don’t know what to call that so can anyone help me think of what to call that?
biromantic asexual! :)
bisexual, asexual spectrum. also something that had always really bothered me was how people think you not having sexual thoughts about people makes you "Innocent, pure, naive, judgy, prudish." its degrading, like you're childish, unworthy or respect, or like you dont know what you want or what you're doing. just as a "slut" is completely entitled to her consent to sex, you are just as entitled to consent or not consent to the idea of sex.
I just want to share my experience in case someone out there is in the same position I was and maybe needs something to relate on. I have liked guys all my life in a aesthetic way and I remember being in middle school and saying like “yeah, of course I would have sex with them”, but when I had the opportunity to do, I ran off haha. Sometimes I even liked guys in a romantic and aesthetic way but never wanted to have sexual stuff with them. This confused me a lot. I remember thinking like “hey, maybe I am a lesbian” but I had never experiencied romantic attraction for a girl. The thing is that after a period of time I thought that maybe I was uncomfortable with sex because I had never done it so I started looking for someone to try it and I did and well... It wasn’t thaaat awful but still wasn’t what everyone told me it was. So I tried and tried until I “enjoyed” it (I mean that my body enjoyed it) but I still felt a little bit repulsed and I never wanted to remember those moments. Then, it hit me: I am ace. I really wanted to relate to all the fun-sex stories my classmates tell but I started reading about asexuality and it made me feel relief: there’s people out there like me, I am not alone in this world. Anyway I tried to tell my story in a very easy way and maybe help someone identify her or his sexual identity :)
This was very helpful. Especially the part where you define aesthetic attraction and sexual attraction. I knew I appreciated how someone looks but that I wasn't interested in sleeping with them and I thought I was the only one. Thank you :) Im like... pretty positive I'm Ace. Hetero romantic as well.
I think I'm hetero-ace as well! 💜♥
I know!! That was the first time I've ever heard what I've been feeling for my entire life put into words. (Aesthetically attraction). It was almost like a was weight taken off my chest and I could breath for the first time in years... I never realized anyone else felt the same was as I do. (Sorry for ranting)!
I was today year old when I realized that aestetic attraxtion is not sexual attraction... I might never felt sexual attraction then.
@@chantalegli8130 hey there! That's honestly okay! It doesn't make you weird...it's just how you experience attraction. You can still have extremely successful relationships. Just like any relationship, make sure you communicate you're comfort levels. ❤️ Best of luck!
@@cherry_bee8222 thank you, you're very kind ^^ I'm aro too so that seal the deal with romantic relationships anyways xD
Best of luck to you too :)
“You’re in the club, and you’re in the club. Everybody’s in the club!”
-Oprah
For me I realised my feelings towards people's looks were either "ew", "meh" or "aww they're adorable, i wanna do their hair".
The whole hot, sexy thing I never understood, but can objectively see, because of the "sexy" stereotype of boobs, butt and muscles you see everywhere in media, billboards etc
omg the “i wanna do their hair” is so relatable tbh
I figured out about asexuality recently. Everyone around me--as you described in school that is pretty much what happened to me Jenna-- and even the culture I surrounded myself with (I read Boys Love comics and doujinshi's.) I kept wondering why I didn't feel like everyone else or even wanted to have a romantic/sexual relationships (heck I don't even want to get married and have kids.)
However, it is strictly aesthetic attraction. I know about sex and read BL so I am not really repulsed. I just have no interest as well as feel very uncomfortable when put into sexual situations. I can differentiate fantasy from reality. I later realized I desired platonic relationships rather than a romantic or sexual ones.
I feel you
This is me af. I rlly love having platonic or sibling relationships with guys
Me to I feel you lol
Bro this describes me to a T :)
You might be aegosexual / aegoromantic or both.. Search about it. I hope it helps😊(btw i am aegosexual too)
Your explenation of being awkward around the topic of sex and around naked bodies literally describes me. During PE in the change room I feel SO uncomfortable. I hate it. I was kinda questioning the fact if I was ace or not but this just made it click. Thank you so much for making this video!
I have this problem where I’m not sure whether I’m Ace or just a late bloomer. I’m sex-repulsed, but I’m only in late middle school...
All of my friends are always talking about dating and how they’ve kissed people, and how they “want their first time to be special” (referring to sex) and I’m just like “... I don’t even want a first time...” so idk. Any advice?
I'd say just make sure to never, never, judge yourself. never. you are beautiful, and like all people, you get to define or not define yourself, and you can change over time like all people. it can help to talk to people about how you feel, to be honest without shame, and it could help you understand or help other people understand themselves more. you are young and your feelings may change, but maybe not. keep an open mind but never, never, think that there is something wrong with you. i know you feel pressured to have sex and to feel sexual, but you dont have to push your truth down to fit in. I am like you and I ended up forcing my first time on tinder at 19 to "get rid of it," and part of me regrets this because I started to feel that sex is me doing something I dont want to do to feel normal. I did things I was very uncomfortable with to "get it over with" and try to feel "normal" and ended up feeling powerless and angry that i abused myself like that, and felt letting others abuse me was being a normal acceptable woman. doing it did help me to realize that what you see in porn is fake, sex ed is hugely underdeveloped, virginity is not a real thing, and sex is pretty much just as youd expect it-it doesnt make you more wise, less naive, more empowered (YOU empower you) or worthy of respect. however, your expectations create the experience (before I did it I believed that sex is just a way people one up each other, and that women do things they dont want to-sometimes highly degrading things-because of sexism-which is true to an extent, but we dont have to accept that). however, its harder for me to enjoy it now because of how I forced myself into it, making it feel like a source of helplessness and fear. sex means nothing, and is entirely worthless unless YOU really want to do it. the whole "how many times have you done it/prude vs slut/how are you in bed/what do you like?" bullshit numbers competition (often truly led by the need for validation from societal gender expectation and sexism) is a complete lie and does nothing for anyone-that is what I've learned by having sex. you are never alone. writing helps. even if you're not a woman, like in my perspective, all of what I've said is just as applicable to men.
Whatever your sexual orientation you don’t need to be thinking of having sex in middle school (or even high school for that matter), just allow yourself to grow and mature until you know yourself better and have a chance to build and discover your own beliefs.
I'm going kinda through the same thing I haven't even had a crush meanwhile my friends are on there 3rd boyfriend or whatever :/ I'm 13 btw
13/14 is not a “late bloomer”, you’ve barely started.
IMO putting label on yourself might not be the best thing. Just live your life the way you want and do what you feel like doing. If you ever find a label that feels like the right one for you that's cool but don't "force" it.
I was LOLing at so many points of this video because I was like, ME! ME! THAT'S ME! SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ME.
Is this what representation feels like?!?!?!?!
Pretty sure I’m ace, I been single all my life, still a virgin, I too dunno how to flirt, I’m okay with sex in like tv shows or movies but the idea of me engaging in sex I couldn’t imagine, the “who’s your crush?” question always stumped me because I was never really into anyone...
“In the past I thought I was demisexual but I haven’t met anyone to change my mind about that yet” that’s so relatable! This video was so helpful 💜
Hey, that's a great video, I'm leaving a like!
You can be Demiromantic??????? Oh my god this changes everything
I mean, if you want to identify as that, go ahead! I support you!
For me, the main issue is i can't tell if i'm asexual or just really awkward and i haven't had someone to talk it over with since i was 12. Thinking about holding hands with people makes me anxious but that's probably because i haven't purposefully touched anyone since i was 13.
I understand you. My father calls me ‘very weird’ since I’m not interested in dating. But we aren’t weird, we’re just different and that’s fine.
I always mistook aesthetic attraction for sexual attraction and it screwed with my head so much! I thought wanting to kiss someone was sexual attraction and now I know it's just sensual attraction. I'm also actually sex positive but just emotionally really REALLLY disconnected from it. I get the dopamine rush and that's it. I cannot get "turned on" by another human being but I get butterflies when I find somebody aesthetically pleasing or am romantically attracted to someone.
Sexuality is complicated!!!
Yeah, took me 35 years to get that I'm ace 🖤💜🤍
Thanks for the great video, touched on so many subjects in so little time. And kudos for being so open about yourself 🌱👍
Oh my gosh! Honestly, before now I never knew that this term existed. I always felt weird and in my 23 years I have never dated or kissed anybody. I always got asked about why I don't have a bf or gf and I couldn't say why. It just never happened. Then I met this guy who seemed really interested in me and I thought finally I will be "normal" but while he got physical i didn't find myself initiating anything more than kissing. I thought maybe I just didn't feel anything because I was too shy. He wanted to have sex badly and I thought that since we like each other it doesn't matter when we will do it. But while he felt good I felt like a rock. I just didn't get any pleasure. Something felt so off and I brok up with him two days afterwards. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal for me and why I kind of hated myself for having had sex. Then I found out about asexuality and I suddenly understood all of the feelings. Whenever somebody started sexualizing me I felt like the love was not true because I have never been interest in another persons body. But everything makes sense now and I was able to live with what I did or what i lost. I felt like I betrayed myself and didn't get why. In the comments I couldn't find anyone with a similar experience. Most people seem to have known about their asexuality when they were quite young. In my country though we don't really use terms like this a lot. That's why I have never seen it represented in media. Maybe someone else has similar experience but just knowing that there is nothing wrong with me and that i am valid makes me feel at peace.
Sorry for the rant, I just never had the opportunity with people who are like me and now I feel like I'm not alone anymore. So, thank you very much for this video♡♡ it was truly eye opening!
Took me 32 years to make sense of it all. Thanks, Jenna. You helped.
So happy I could!!
Thing with me is that I think of naked bodies as just natural things and sometimes even beautiful, they don't turn me on or scare me away, I don't know what it means?
i feel like half of all aces realised their sexuality bc of tumblr lol
also i loved this vid!! i relate so much, esp with the naked bodies thing, i hate going to the beach bc of that haha
U right u right xD
Just in the last few years I’ve felt like something has been askew with my sexuality, and I’ve been trying to research ace and all that it contains. Just in the last month I stumbled across gray sexuality, and it just felt so spot on to how I’ve been feeling. I’m still trying to wade through the waters of everything, but your videos have really been helpful. Thank you for being such a voice for all of this.
Oh my gosh.
Even though I now know that I'm asexual (since December 2017), it's still an interesting to see.
*EDIT*: I don't actually identify as gray-ace anymore because I don't necessarily see wanting to kiss someone as a gray area? (what do you other asexuals think about that?) I just see myself as asexual. My thoughts on marriage and stuff above still remains the same, though
I guess my main reason for not wanting to identify as Asexual is because I was confused about sexual/romantic attraction. I'm also gray-ace and reading about how even some asexuals didn't believe in greysexuality. However, whenever I read or heard something negative targeted towards asexuals, I would personally feel offended by it.
Asexuality is honestly such a complicated thing. I thought that I wasn't ace because I like male celebrities but then I remembered when I liked One Direction back in 2014 and I didn't have a crush on any single member?
And I'm also Christian so I just thought that I was super pure but it turns out that I'm (though I am kinda 'pure', it isn't because of my sexuality) actually not. I'm still open for marriage and I want to only have three kids but I *really* want to marry another asexual or just a guy who has very little interest in sex... Just enough to produce a few kids.
Hey uh, i dont normally comment, like at all but I saw your comment and just had to reach out. What's it like being a Christian in the lgbt community? I am also a Christian but i really feel like i am Asexual. Could you please help me?
Sorry for the late response. I honestly didn't see this message and don't understand why!
Well, to be honest. I don't automatically view asexuality as being lgbt while there are lgbt members in the asexual community. Some asexuals also agree with me as well as quite a few members of the lgbt community. Also, I'm heteromantic.
I haven't actually told many people that I was asexual. Mainly my siblings (they're all cool with it but some don't fully understand. That's okay, though) and online friends (but not all). I indirectly told my parents ("what if a person didn't like boys or girls?" "what if they liked boys but didn't want to have sex?") and they basically see it as more of a spiritual problem. However, it is very likely that Paul the Apostle was asexual. Not saying he is, but it is a possibility.
I honestly want to help you but can you give me more clarification? Have you ever spoken to anyone about possibly being asexual? Someone in real life? What was their reaction?
@Ja'el Brodie Did you get the response?
Grace Osas Thank you so much for responding! I didn't get a notification for your comment either lol TH-cam should fix that. I have come out to like two of my friends but i dont plan on telling everyone ik especially my parents. I just don't think they'd understand. For clarification i was just wondering stuff like, as a Christian do you like think about God not accepting your sexuality? Ik that may sound stupid but like i overthink and im just really worried about it. Its not like im letting it get in the way of my journey with the Lord or anything. I just want to know bc being asexual really makes me happy bc i feel understood and i no longer feel pressured to do anything i rather not. Im also heteroromantic so uh yeah. Idk i just wanted to talk to someone about it so i could stop worrying so much.
I got the response this time, haha.
Well, there are some places in the Bible that promote singlehood. Marriage is mainly suggested for people who have strong sexual urges so that they won't fornicate."...For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:9)
For example 1 Corinthians 7. Some believe Matthew 19:12 (about eunuchs) may refer to Asexuality in some parts.
No, I do not believe Asexuality is a sin. However, as a person that might marry you (and I) have to be careful. The Bible does talk about how you are supposed to have sexual relations with your spouse. So that is something you'll have to discuss with whoever you're going to marry IF you want to marry. I personally I never had any desire to marry but I do hope that if I ever have that desire, I will find an asexual husband or one with very low sexual desire.
And yeah, definitely get the parents thing.
I hope I helped. If you still have questions, you can still ask them but also feel free to look up answers online as well. I think that there are some articles that help. You can also contact me on Google+ because I feel that that's the one you'd feel most comfortable with?
But obviously, you can do what you want xD
So I recently came out at Bi because I could always see myself having a relationship with either genders. But I didn’t feel so comfortable with the term because I felt like it wasn’t exactly me or that it didn’t sound exactly how I felt. But I went to tumblr and asked around and they told me about grey-asexually and Demisexual. Because see. For as long as I could remember I’ve never understood the obsession with love and have never wanted to have kids or get married. Even the idea of being in a relationship really makes me uncomfortable because affection does as well. Like, I’ve never cared about it. The only time I did want to ‘date’ was in school and because everyone else did it (silly I know but hey kids lol) but I really didn’t feel any connection with anyone.
But I began to realise that, really, the only time I’ve ever been attracted to someone (and wanted to be in a sexual situation with them) is when I got to know their personality. Like, if they made me smile or laugh or just that we had fun? I only felt attraction then. I’ve never immediately looked at someone and thought ‘lemme tap that ass’. Like when my friends showed me pictures of guys? I really just didn’t care. When it comes to naked bodies I find men’s genitalia gross af but their upper half is fine? With women it’s a little different I guess because I mean, I see it every day.
But to cut this short the idea of being demisexual sounds as close as I feel. Because the times I have had a connection with someone and wanted to have a sexual connection with them was because they had those personality traits I found attractive. It’s almost like it’s the traits that get my sexual drive going and get me ‘crushing’ on someone. Idek it’s so weird and it’s confused me forever lol.
i'm pretty sure im a biromantic asexual (maybe demi idk????) but anyways ever since i started questioning if i was ace or not and the whole sexual attraction thing came up i was super confused like??? do people actually think about sex when they see an attractive person???? like thats an actual COMMON thing????? and it still feels so bewildering to me because i have found people attractive before sure but never once in that moment does sex come to my mind?? its so weird finding out what you thought everyone felt like was actually just what a minority of people feel like.. no wonder asexuality is so confusing
I’m so confused about whether I’m ace or just a very repressed lesbian that needs to work through years of indoctrination.
oH MY GOD I didn't even know the notion of "aesthetic attraction" until today. I've been questioning my asexuality (and even romantic orientation) and this helped, thank you!! I'm going to go look into this some more now!
Me being 21 years old just figuring out I am a hetero-romantic, asexual, transgender female ... lol
ik it's been a year but congrats on figuring yourself out!! :)
It's such a lovely feeling to hear you talk about 'us' and be included for once. It's just such a foreign but warm feeling and thank you for that! Awesome vid - very informative!
I really connect with what you said in the end; especially about naked bodies. I think the human body is an artwork and it's beautiful, but i don't really feel like that about the intimate parts.
How do I know if i find someone beautiful or romantic or sexual attractive?
"you know you really want to fall in love with somebody. That´s romance. Obviously." me, in panic:"Yep. It Is CoMpLeTeLy ObViOuS" haha
This really helped me. I don’t usually think about this stuff, but every once a while I’d find myself going in circles over this topic as well. Now that I’m being exposed the so many different ideas in college, I kind of want to make sense of this more often. Ace makes so much about my life make sense. It has to be it. Though it’s a little hard to go from here. It’s nice to know there’s big umbrellas and small umbrellas though. Day by day it’s making more sense.
the thing you said about naked people is so true for me omg like I'm questioning myself quite often "why do everybody have some kinda sexual feelings about it, when I'm just "ok ;) in clothes this person looks more attractive" or "this is so uncomfortable, put your clothes on"
I was also like "I do think this person is hot but I really don't want to do any sexy stuff with them". Aesthetic attraction: Made to confuse you!
For me it’s a non-interest in long term relationships and I also don’t feel sexual attraction I’m okay with a short term relationship but I would rather have them as a friend
Thank you for this video 💜 while I am no longer questioning my sexuality (I am asexual and aromantic), I know it can take a while to come to terms with it.
I remember in elementary school when everyone would ask about crushes I would just be like ?????, and everyone would think I was lying when I said I didn’t 😂 (I would pretend to have crushes so they would leave me alone)
In elementary school, hui. I already found it early when my classmates started this dating-couply-(sex?)-thing when we were teenagers, like, 14, 15, 16. (I don't even know.)
I never made up crushes but I kind of relate to not "getting it" - I'm aro-ace, too :)
i always thought that i find people aesthetically pleasing because i draw, so i would like have an eye for that kind of stuff but the more i'm learning about asexuality the more i think i am asexual. Also is it very common for you (the other aces around here) to read stories that give you passionate feelings? Like reading a book about a strong/cute relationship gives you strong feelings while reading. Or is this a normal people nothing ace related thing?
I get strong feelings! It's probably not as common for aromantic people but as far as aces are concerned a lot of us are still interested in romantic relationships/feelings (:
Yes, I can get super strong feelings while reading books or watching movies! Not just for the relationships but for characters in general. Like, feelings so strong that I can't wrap my mind around it and I almost start crying. I guess that's a "normal" thing, though, not just ace related.
I’m a Japanese, and I could not get lots of information about asexuality in my language but now I feel much more comfortable after watching your video. Thank you so much✨
I really appreciate you saying it's okay to keep doubting and not being certain. I've been feeling a lot like I can't really be ace if I keep doubting it and being uncertain. It's really validating to hear that doubting where I fit in doesn't mean I'm wrong entirely. Thank you! :)
I don’t care about gender, I just want someone to hug me. Just hugs, no more.
I’m 16 and this video is part of my ongoing research about asexuality ;)
I have taken on various labels the last two/three years before I realized that I was only feeling aesthetic attraction, no sexual attraction at all. I’ve also had many of what I used to call “crushes for lack of a better word”, which I now know were platonic crushes. Another thing O discovered is that one might like and engage in the idea of a sexual/romantic relationship with a fictional character/celebrity because one likes the idea of it, but when faced with the reality that desire doesn’t present itself. Before knowing that, I was pretty much convinced that I was just excessively uncomfortable with my body and it somehow caused me to be sex repulsed. My problem is I briefly identified as biromantic, but I think I might be aromantic too. It’s really hard for me to accept that I cannot be completely sure of any label ever, since I have this mental thing where I hate things not being in neat little labeled boxes. The mess frustrates me enormously, but I am starting a path of acceptance towards not fitting in any box at the moment.
Practically, I now consider myself ace+aro until proven otherwise 😂✌️
Finally embrACEd myself :) I love the ace community and it helped me so much to put a name to this. I'm also hetero romantic!
To me describing someone as 'hot' means: "I'm sexually attracted to this person". Therefore I've never used it to describe people because I don't feel sexual attraction. My reactions would often be like the ones you did in the video and it's validating to see.
Thank you for this video! I think it's pretty obvious to other people that I'm asexual; some people close to me said I was asexual before I identified with the term years later. I've had romantic feelings towards men before, but upon further investigation, they were strictly romantic, nothing more. I've had one close bond with another man in which we almost were in a relationship, but due to multiple circumstances, one of them I suspect was me saying I identify with the asexual label and him being straight, he ended it. I'm unsure, if I have a romantic partner, if they will accept me for who I am, but I trust that there are loving people out there that are respectful of asexuality.
Even now as a 19 yo I hear so much from friends and film about how awkward puberty was and I really don't get it. Other than getting a little bigger everywhere and my period, nothing stands out to me about the crazy hormone spikes and what not. The only confusing part was why I was not struggling like everyone else
aro-ace here and happy to have found your channel today! found out about asexuality after watching about 4 minutes of the Asexuality documentary that aired on IFC. I was 41 when that happened and just finalized my divorce. Wish I knew about it sooner as it would have saved me a lot of grief. It took a couple more years to figure out that I was relatively aromantic.
I already identify as aro/ace, but it was so comforting to watch this video. I could relate to a LOT of what you said. :)
It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I was ace. There are many reasons for this. I grew up as an incessantly bullied fat kid, so assumed that no one wanted me like that anyways, that I was ugly and unlovable, and when you are surrounded by people who will say and do horrible things to you based on your appearance, and when no one actually comes on to you in a SUPER obvious way as a teenager, it does reinforce that notion of "well I'm just too ugly and fat". My family wasn't very religious, but I was still a minister's daughter and so in not doing anything I was just being "the good girl focusing on school". Then there was thinking that maybe I was a "late bloomer". The most problematic thing was all of the depression and social anxiety disorder that came out of growing up in this manner, which really blinded me from being able to figure out things properly. Also, I'm hard core into fanfiction and absolutely like certain fanfiction with sexy times, which YES does make me aroused (depending on the content) so I was under the impression that maybe I did want it, but my anxiety and low self confidence was holding me back, especially as I also had crushes. I'm now 36 and can pretty confidently say that, no, I'm ace. I hate that I had these additional stumbling blocks in figuring things out but going by the basic definition of asexuality, no, I have never wanted to have sex with anyone for any reason (and I was never sexually attracted to anyone) the only reason I ever saw to have it was curiosity, and I thought I'd hate it. On one level the idea of doing it with someone else grosses me out. I'm clearly not sex adverse because hey I READ it and sometime LIKE it (though I have specific ways I like it, and one of those ways is after a relationship has been built up). I just wish it wasn't so difficult to get to that point. Also, the challenge now is finding someone whether that's someone with whom I have a romantic connection or just a platonic life partner, who can at least be with me when I retire, because really, one of my biggest fears is growing old and being alone and lonely, and given that I've been overseas for so long now (thus have drifted apart from people I know and have not been paying into pension) and my parents are quite likely to die in the near future (wow that grew depressing quick, but that is a part of my reality) that I know I'll have to hope I stay healthy long enough and meet the right person to set myself up for a successful golden years. At this point though, simply owning a small house (something I'm working in saving towards) and living with a friend I know and love as a friend would be enough.
I found that for me. I needed the vocabulary to express that I am Ace. For a long time, I thought I was broken. But once I had the vocabulary, I felt so much better.
I‘m definitely asexual but I just found out my romantic attraction like not even a week ago (or maybe I haven‘t but for now) and it was a full on mess to figure it out but you talking about the entire figuring it out thing even now helped me so much and I love all of your ace related videos (and your videos in general) and idek what the point of this comment is anymore but I just wanted to say that. You‘re amazing!
I think this video helped me understand that i an an asexual...i dont know which one but i know im on the spectrum!!! Specially when u talked about nakedness i really relate to that!!!
Thank u so much
I don’t even know what to say. I have very recently become comfortable enough to identify as gray ace. There was a lot of anger and frustration and feeling broken to get to that point, and I’m still working on it, but wow I should have watched your video sooner. The part about not being sure hit hard. It seems that a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community go through a phase of figuring out and learning to accept, but it seems that that phase can be even harder for asexuals. I didn’t want to be ace. I felt broken. And being ace is hard. I actually just said this morning what you said about graysexual being an umbrella term and a good way to identify if you’re still figuring it out. That’s where I’ve landed. I’m ok enough with that term for now and it gives me the validation I need and some space and time to figure myself out. It’s a good enough fit for now, and I’m ok identifying as that. Thank you for the video. I’ve watched a lot on this topic, this is one of my favorites. ❤️
This was incredibly comforting, thank you.
My main issue is that I feel like an usurper to the community. I understand all the codes of attraction, although I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to sexual attraction. I have no issue detecting flirting, there are steps of sexual intercourse I would probably enjoy, it's just that I have neber wanted to have sex with anyone and the thought of it irks me. But I want to engage in romantic relationships, I want to be desired, I just don't want to have sex. So where do you draw the line ? I'm confused because I have yet to meet an asexual person who tells a similar story to mine. All of the ones I've talked to have no desire to engage in sensual acts, they are clueless when any joke about sex is made, etc. And most of them are certain they don't feel sexual attraction. Whereas it is almost impossible for me to know where my limit is, at what point does it cross the sexual line ? Can I really call myself asexual if all I know is that I don't find any appeal in some aspects of sex but I would enjoy some other ?
Yo, I don't usually reply to people or comment in general on yt, but I totally get what you mean! The only difference is thay I already had sex in the past (I actually was in a 3 year relationship that ended a few months ago), but looking back, I feel like the social pressure of losing my virginity was so strong that I "forced" myself into a relationship that involves sex if that makes any sense? But when the relationship ended I thought to myself "if only there was a way I could be in a relationship without the pressure of having sex" and not too long after I went "welp, that probably means something" lmao but yeah, I am 100% positive I'm gonna be in other relationships in the future, but not relationships that involve sex! I also wasn't sure if I could identify myself as ace because I definitely can develop crushes, but I don't fantasize about having sex with them, I only want to cuddle and kiss them ahah
This helped so much omg thank you❤️when I was 15 I started to realize that I could only see myself in a romantic relationship and wanted nothing to do with sex... I thought I was just crazy and didn’t really mention it to anyone, and when I did I was always hit with “You’ll change your mind when you find the right person”😑
This video made me feel so validated🖤💜
Thank you!
Though I am not certain if I'm asexual or not, this really helped clear a lot of things. I could connect with most points and the part about not being sure about my orientation *really* helped me become a bit more confident in my self-diagnosis. I still don't think I have a final decision about myself, but at least my doubt is weaker and I'm closer to a solution.
I just found this video, and I think I love you (in a non-romantic way, of course)
most people think I'm not really asexual, just haven't fallen in love yet, and it'll probably happen one day. I'm 39. I liked living alone. It was just fine that way. Then covid lockdowns happened and we couldn't go outside for... 18 weeks (Melbourne Australia). Now, I don't feel like boinking anyone thanks, But not seeing other humans for months broke me. I still don't want to share a bed, but hell it got lonely. I had a girlfriend 13 years ago, and then went on a few dates with a girl in 2019. She felt I was moving too slow and went off and moved in with someone just before the Covid started. Asexual or avoidant personality disorder or asperger's? might be.
Emotional connection? Yes please. Want. Lying in bed, mostly clothed. Hugging. Talking. That's nice. Schlong time? no.
I just found your channel and this video was great! I kinda identify as ace but personally I don't find any label comfortable. I don't have like an interest in sex, and I feel a little bit uncomfortable talking about it.
I've had a few crushes (one of them was a girl) and the main reason I felt in love with them wasn't their appearance, like, at all. But something I've been noticing when having these crushes was that I find them pretty _after_ having a crush on them. But I never had the need of having any sexual relationships with them. Actually, I remember when I had fantasies (yes, I did have fantasies) of relationships with them it never involved the sex part. I only was interested in someone who cared, who made me happy, someone who share ice cream with.
So yeah, I'm super confused about my sexuality, maybe I'm asexual, maybe I'm just too young to understand sex (I'm 13), maybe I shouldn't be thinking too much about it.
Thank you for reading :D
(Sorry if I did any mistakes, English is not my main language)
what doesn't help is that i found out i was ace when i was told about it when i was 16 by an old friend when they noticed that i never showed any form of attraction of any sort (they tried to fin dmy type but i don't have a type due to not being able to form attractions easily at all) and was told that whole time that it's just a phase- im now an ace lesbian who gets asked out way to much in public and they think im 12- (im 20... it really doesn't help) i legit can't form any sort of attraction, it takes me years to even think about it but it's extremely easy for me to throw out that thought and then bam, i have lost all the attraction i may have had with that person, i can only confirm that iv had two crushes on women and they both rejected me (i got over it extremely fast and it put them off how fast i moved on..)
i hate being ace as id love to be in a relationship but i just can't form any form of attraction easily and it bugs people for some reason??
i remember lying that i had a crush on a dude in school that every girl liked but turns out that guy liked me back and it was a whole mess.. i stopped lying as it backfired so bad for me lol
iv also never had sexual thoughts as well and again people who i knew found it extremely weird?? like ill make semi sexual jokes cause that's just how the friend group is i don't care for it??
it's all just extremely weird honestly XD
Can we just appreciate the aesthetic vibe of this video? 100% digging the colour scheme 😄
I just thought it was because of my autism at first, since it is a "developmental disorder" so I could be developing at a different rate, which is true when it comes to social stuff. Turns out it just didn't change, and I'm just ace. It was so nice to find out and everything made a lot more sense.
still ... many autistic people are ace and/or aromantic. So maybe there is a link.
I grew up being an aro asexual, but never really had the need to label myself. I've never questioned it either because it always felt natural. Still didn't stop the curious ones from trying to hit it off with me in the worst way imaginable. There will always be those who will try to bed you, regardless of what you say or do. But the aesthetic attraction is painfully real. Pretty sure it becomes unavoidable later on in life and less of an acquired taste, really. I always find myself admiring girls whom I find aesthetically pleasing. Guess that would also make me straight as an arrow in the ace spectrum, eh?
I'm new in this subject and must say i feel like "where have you been all my life". Really, I read the comments and it all makes sense. I finally feel I fit.
I'm so grateful for this kinds for videos! it's so hard to came out to large groups of people as gray... this type of videos always give me strength and reminds me that i'm not alone.
Thank you thank you thank you!
There's also sensual attraction. Basically when you want to be intimate with someone and touch them/have them touch you but not really in a sexual kinda way.
I identify with so much of what you were talking about in this video. I've only recently realized that I fall somewhere on the ace spectrum, but now that I have everything makes so much more sense. (Especially the awkward middle school and high school years where everyone was only interested in sex with each other and I was only really interested in my school work, books, and art).
I feel you in the flirting part. Apparently I'm a flirty disaster but when people tell me that I'm just like "When did that happen?"
I've been identifying as ace for a while now, after literally questioning it for almost four years now. This video helped me realize that this is apparently the "normal" ace experience and made me a bit more comfortable with it. I experience very strong aesthetic attraction (everything/everyone is just so pretty ugh) which made it even worse. But finding out that my friends who are the same age as I am started masturbating and thinking about sex and everything made me come to the realisation that I really am not allosexual at all.
Wait you're telling me middle schoolers experience sexual attraction? Thats... uncomfortable to think about. I had crushes but not like THAT.
I always had a hard time with attraction because I grew up very Catholic so, y'know, Repression. But I'm starting to really identify with being on the ace spectrum as I learn more about people and sex and where I fit into all of that
7:15 the ONE tv show Jenna is referring to is, of course, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, a show that barely includes any kind of sexual attraction (aside from one of the leads crushing on a badass brown bodyguard with mental health issues) and the main lead is homoromantic asexual (and a total button nose) and we even have a QPR/BBF situation between two cops
One quote from the show: I found something very important in your house.... Nothing!
the absence of something is just as important
This is actually not the show I was talking about but thanks for that!! (:
I'm asexual, but my friends make fun of me for not having crushes or being attracted. They just say I'm going through a phase, and so do my parents. I'm already 16 and no sign of attraction yet. I'm honestly tired of being "special"
i really hate people like that
fuck your friends 😤
come here
i'll be your friend 🥺
(that sounded creepy didnt mean for it to sound that way)
I call everything as hot and my friend will say something like, “wait really,” and then they see my face and just see the intensity of my sarcasm.
Being honest with myself about my sexuality is the best thing I have done in 2018 "on my birthday month"
My fam and friends assumed that I might be lesbian as I never introduced a partner. I dated in the past but I felt more happy on my own than in a relationship romantically.
Cape Town, South Africa can be a crazy place I must say.
I get such Slytherin vibes from this 💚 (the green background and black clothes)
Seeing this videos been helpful and I really resonated with it. I’ve been struggling with my sexuality after I ended my relationship, due to him wanting to have sex. Then it hit me that I don’t understand the appeal of sex, and it makes me uncomfortable, and I’ve never really been attracted to anyone. I faked it around friends to fit in but never FELT it, and when you said something similar to that in the video, it was like a eureka moment, so thank you.
I'm quite a bit late but goodness was this video a blessing to watch! I very recently found the term asexual and I'm starting to see the possibility of me being ace. It's like the answer to the question of what's been off/different about me all these years. My parents still laugh when I get really uncomfortable when sex scenes come on in movies. Whenever I point out a dude or draw one they always smirk and say "oohhh you think he's hot?" And I just frown in a puzzled way at them like no?? I like him for his clothes and appearance and personality. I think I'm hetero-romantic but I'm not quite sure. I've never gotten what the big fuss is about sex and when I tried to explain that and how uncomfortable/grossed out the idea of it made me to my therapist she said "Well you just need to try it first" I still have a sneaking suspicion that sexual attraction is a huge inside joke that 99% of the population is keeping up to confuse people but I guess it's not apparently. I'm still learning all this sexuality stuff but for now I guess I'll learn along the way! Sorry for the little narrative here lol
I came out to my sister as a panromantic assexual today like a few hours ago- she hugged me and said congratulations- everything makes sense now im so happy that we named it
This was a really great and helpful video, thank you! I relate to a lot of the points you have made here and that feels great. I'm kind of uncertain if I'm asexual or demisexual (I'm not sex-repulsed and I did have the occasional experience of being turned on by a steamy scene in a book or film, or even some porn, but never by a real-life person. Don't know what that means exactly but that's what makes it so hard for me to really fully label myself as asexual, you know?) but at this point I'm 100% sure I'm somewhere on that spectrum. I definitely recognize that part about aesthetic attraction very well. Took me a while to figure out that's now the same as what other people feel when they are attracted to someone, and I always just thought people were just overreacting to their attraction. Turns out, I was wrong :D
Akoisexual straight and demiromantic. This took a while for me to discover. I'm biologically built to be attracted to the opposite gender, but I never confessed my crushes to them since I never felt the need to. And even if I did it would get awkward and I'd just completely drop it. I have found myself falling for some of my close friends who were guys and girls, but not anything sexual, more romantic. I'm fine with romantic interactions and ill go as far as cuddling and a quick peck on the cheek, but nothing beyond that or else my attraction for them slowly wilts away. Most of my crushes fade away on their own anyways given enough time. Usually 2-3 years, and rarely just a matter of weeks.
hearing you say "you probably wont be fully certain and that's ok, you're still ace" was really comforting and its what i needed :') thanks
It took me a few years to get to the conclusion that I was bi, but when I did I felt certain in my identity. Now... Everything's up in the air again. I've had a suspicion that I might be ace for some time now, as I simply don't get sexual attraction, it doesn't make sense to me, though I still think I might be okay with having sex with a partner who I love one day.
However, the fact that I'm christian and have been taught that sex is a wonderful thing but it belongs only in marriage isn't really helping, as I may just be repressed??
Along with that, I'm starting to think I might be a lesbian, even though I should know that I'm not 'cause I was in love with a guy once, but it's like the only time I've been attracted to a guy (who's not a celebrity, which has also only happened once), and I just really like girls and everything is so confusing. I really liked the certainty of just knowing what I am, I miss that.
But thank you for making this video! Bringing if not certainty then at least acceptance to all the confused people like me ;-D
aesthetic attraction is exactly what i feel for girlsthanks for helping me figure that out
Warning: Incoming rant
Read if you want.
I currently identify as a Biromantic Asexual. (Possibly demi)
When I was in middle school, people around me have been sexually... driven and I wanted to fit in, so I tried making sexual jokes and just laughed along with what they said. And I eventually found dirty jokes to be funny, but I have never found anyone I'm sexually attracted to... or maybe I have and I'm just mixing it up with aesthetic attraction. I really don't know the difference lol.
I also tried looking at porn to see why people are so hyped over it, but I found out I enjoyed watching the plot more than the sex.
And even after... a few years I think? of being asexual I question my sexuality because of my involvement in sexual exploration and the sexually driven environment I grew up in.
I am sex-neutral, so I don't care about naked bodies, looking at them, or people having sex in movies and stories. I'm not sex-positive because I'd like to avoid having sex or sexual advances entirely if I can.
But, I enjoy and appreciate sexual jokes, I know why people love sex so much, and I can appreciate sex in media when it's presented well. I have a dirty mind and I love teasing people with sexual jokes. I also have been approached sexually, having someone (online friend) saying that if I wasn't across the country, they'd be fucking me all night.... and that just made me uncomfortable. They are my best friend, and they told me that I was just a late bloomer, that I'll have that switch eventually, that it's just for attention.
Maybe I *am* just a late bloomer, or maybe I'm an allosexual in denial, or an asexual with a very dirty mind... if those even exist.
Sorry for the rant. Not many people have the same experiences I do, I wanted to ask people here. Thanks for reading.
Omg your explanation on identifying as gray ace was accurate. That's how I identify now bc I'm not sure of leaning towards demi or ace. Thanks for that! That really cleared up some confusion for me.
Even though I don't identify as ace, your videos are so informative & its interesting to learn about these things. One of my friends thinks she may be ace & is struggling a bit with her identity, so will definitely be sending the link to this video