Communicating with bio families and working through disagreements
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.ค. 2024
- This week on Instagram I've been sharing content about working with bio families.
I went ahead and created this longer-form video for consideration when it comes to working with bio families and working through miscommunications or disagreements.
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"Can we start over" can absolutely be used as "please just ignore that I treated you badly". But in this situation, it's about trying to communicate with each other. If you think you've had a really big misunderstanding, it can be super useful to start over from scratch. "Okay. I'm clearly missing something. How about you explain to me what the problem is as if I didn't know your child yet, and I'll figure out what I'm missing."
Thank you for not trashing the bio parents.
I'm not a foster parent but I deeply appreciate your videos. I have a fear of my toddler being taken away without cause due to stories I was raised with hearing, and experiencing such a positive, functional, calming foster parent as yourself is so relaxing. A lot of the skills you share is applicable to my own parenting or adult connections as well.
Also I used to be homeless due to disability before I was a mom, so thank you for mentioning implicit bias training and how situations like that do require understanding beyond mainstream assumptions.
You have got to be the most kindest, respectful, helpful, foster parent i have ever seen. Rare. Thank you 💕
You are so empathetic and non judgmental. The child in your care is going to become an adult and showing them healthy communication even with people you might not agree with or angry with help them in the long run especially when they go home. Well done and thank you!!!
As a parent advocasy to bio-parents and as a bio-parent that haved experienced to have my children in foster care, this is wonderful to hear! I love your videos and hope we had a such fosterparent in Sweden too. It is not easy to be a fosterparent and they need support from someone like you❤
Again I’m here to show my support for what you do as a recovering addict ( my kids where never in foster care thankful for that❤) but if they had to I would hope they got a person like you !! ❤
Your comment was short but conveyed a LOT. I was an addict as well (opiates) and my kids were never in foster care either....i know the desperation of being an addict and wanting to do the best for your kids. As much as everyone wants to say a parent should just always be prepared, our lives are still unfolding WHILE we are parents...that goes for everyone even in the best of circumstances. I was in a horribly abusive and controlling relationship and felt the fear of someone taking my child....its terrifying. Luckily now I've been clean for almost 8 years, a mother with all of my children, and doing well. But I still see videos like this and wonder how things would have gone if the state had gotten involved at my worst...I would hope someone like this would be in charge of my child when I couldn't be.
I appreciate your authentic, meaningful share here. Sending lots of support for your recovery. 💕
@@lindsey4178 Thanks for making yourself vulnerable here and sharing something really valuable with those of us who can benefit from your wisdom and perspective.
That’s a huge thing to share. You must’ve worked so hard to take care of those kids, when it was so difficult to care for yourself. They’re very lucky to have you. I hope you’re doing so much better now.
I agree; I don’t have kids, myself, but I am a teaching assistant, to a class of kids I adore, and if any of them had to go into care, Laura represents everything I would want in their carer. ♥️
@@lindsey4178 your story is so much like mine !!! ❤️❤️
Thanks for your Videos. I'm not a foster Parent but am attempting to co parent but the communication is extremely precarious.
I believe my daughter carries some troumor to and is potentially Nero diverse.
I have thought about fostering at some point in my life. But right now some of your advice actually carries really well in to a difficult co parenting situation
Imagine the society we would have if everyone was as emotionally intelligent as Laura.
The phrase "can we start over?" always makes me roll my eyes, because it's usually said by a person in my life who has hurt me. "Can we start over?", to me, means "I know I've messed up and that has hurt you, but I would like you to forget about that." I don't know how many other people have that same association with the phrase, but it's pretty commonly used by very manipulative people.
It can be. It can also be a genuine way to start over
Maybe, but it can also mean they think you messed up but they’re will to give it another try.
@deborahhaney1452: I don't have that association, but it's useful to hear your perspective and be reminded that people have dramatically differing communication patterns and trigger points. What would be a more productive way to approach a situation like this for you?
I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt so often. Truly.
The thought I had when reading your comment was, “Well, it makes sense that the people who have told you they want to start over have hurt you, because why would the want to start over if nothing negative had occurred?” Just a thought….
I think in this context, she is trying to offer the bio parent grace following their own wrongdoing.
Shame there's no support for parents on how to work with foster carers, not all parents loose their kids through abuse or neglect, some through illness and the stigma placed on parents trying to do the best they can is brutal.
7:17 are you referring to parent/child visitation? Are you supervising visits with bio parent and child?
We are in our first 1st case, its a complex case, and the agency has monitored all visits. Is it common to expect foster parents to monitor visitation? Is it more case by case? Or do you just help the agency when possible?
Nope ...nothin doin...😅not gonna do that...well outside of my scope...
Thank you! Where woukd someone find those trainings?
Are you able to request the child being in a daycare or preschool closer to you if theirs is very far?
In a situation where there has been sexual abuse, would you ever allow any contact whatsoever?
If there is any sexual abuse the chances are the child will no longer have contact with that parent. But the court determines any visitation if the Villa has been taken away. At least that’s how it is where I live
The foster parent doesn't make those decisions... visitation is court ordered. With allegations of SA, the judge may not allow visits at all or they may have supervised visits.
But in those extreme cases - sexual abuse /violence as example-- fostering should still focus on reunification?
@@elodierivet4860I hope not.
Have you ever had a situation where the bio parents of your foster kid got belligerent or even violent towards you?
I dont get anything back...clothes shoes toiletries...uniforms...i ask and just get ...that no one can find them...
You're a parent with a child in foster care I assume? Foster parents get a per diem to cover food, clothes, etc. and those items should go with the child when they leave a foster home.
Have you ever taken care of LGBTQ+ kids?