Critiquing this first time foster parent - ME!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2023
- This one is a bit nostalgic for me - I have no idea if anyone else will care but here it is just in case!!:)
So I unearthed this video from about five years ago lol I was waiting for the worker to come to my house to inspect the home as part of my licensing to become a foster parent!
My friends and family had contributed so much to our home so I made a little video and showed them how we set everything up as I anxiously awaited the worker to get to our house :)
Anyway, in this video, I rewatch about how some of the things have changed around here since getting licensed.
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For those wondering, this is what the bedroom looks like now: th-cam.com/video/jo7F5l9EccQ/w-d-xo.html
Thank you for this FUN and INFORMATIVE look back!
An idea: leave the written safety requirements for your area’s foster homes in a notebook that is left out for the kids to read so that they can see that everything is required to be locked away, it’s not just because you’re a control freak. 😸
Ohhh great tip thank you!!! 💛
I’ve thought about this, how some kids think everything is locked because you’re afraid of them or something. Like that can get to you after a while
The best thing you can do is look back and laugh. Being able to improve yourself to the point you cringe at your past is amazing!
haha yes! :) I did the best I knew at the time .. and I am sure I will look back 5 years from now and cringe at some of the things I do/say or how I have things set up in the home now haha
@@foster.parentingMy mom’s thinking about being a foster parent! Any tips or videos of yours that we can watch??
@@tigistferenj3180 All of them! I'm a (long term) foster parent and her videos are the most insightful I've found so far.
I still remember my very first house inspection. It wasn't even the place where I was going to foster, I was still looking for a bigger apartment but the social worker still wanted to come to my home to "get to know me better". I cleaned and cleaned, every lamp, every shelf, inside the drawers, everything. I wondered if I should have music playing in the background, what items I should have inside my fridge (I was going to offer coffee so I'd have to take the milk out) and if I should wear socks or not (it was summer). The day before the visit, I panicked and hired a professional cleaning service for the first time. Afterwards everything looked the same as before except they had used some weird product that made all the floors sticky so it was back to sweeping.
The morning of the visit I finally lost it and poured out my perfectly good butter milk because I thought the milk had gone bad and ran to the store to buy new milk...
Now, 6 years and lots of visits later, I tell the social worker not to take off her shoes because it's Tuesday afternoon and my cleaning day is Wednesday and the kids just spilled the kinetic sand and won't tell me why there's tape all over the floors...
Omg I relate so heavily to this!!! 🤣🤣🤣 I was throwing so much away the night before the inspection and over thinking every single thing on the checklist. I also wondered about if I should play music or have a candle lit 😆😆😆
@@foster.parenting So what did you decide about the music and candle? 🤣 I ended up having an Amanda Palmer playlist playing in my office by the entrance but then we sat down in the living room and I'd forgotten to switch it off which made me nervous because it was just out of ear shot but still distracting 🤡 And the social worker just accepted a glass of water, no coffee (that was just brewing in the kitchen and I also forgot to switch it off).
I had also been to a music festival a few days before and partied and danced there for 2 days and nights because I knew I wasn't going to be this carefree anymore until I retired or so. And just before leaving, the social worker told me she'd seen me there💃🕺👯🍾🍹 🙀 So much for the perfect appearance🙈
@@annaf3915I'm sure she saw you as a great prospective foster parent. You know how to enjoy yourself and want to help people. That's what I'd think they want for these kids. People that live real lives and enjoy them is a great example for kids.
@@jilllarson6781 Awww thank you ❤
@@annaf3915But, like…she was there, too, so…? 😅😅😅
Wow, that sounds like a huge financial investment. I hadn't considered things like cars being in the inspection or replacing windows. Good to know!
I also had not planned for it! I knew my car was old, but I didn't realize it wouldn't pass a safety inspection. Ugh. And the windows.... I knew the house was old but I hadn't looked through the house from a kid safety perspective (we were first time parents) -- it was a whole thing. I wish I had been more financially prepared. I hope this helps someone at least take a critical look at their home so they are prepared!
We’re in Oregon and the pool fences are required, but they didn’t give a second glance to our ancient windows or our cars. (Just a note to say the investment might not be the same everywhere :) )
@@foster.parenting Was this an enhanced safety check or just the normal roadworthy test (MOT in the UK)?
@@hannahk1306 in the US there is no required equivalent of the MOT so it was likely something like that.
I think it must have been a foster-specific inspection. The regular safety inspection (sounds like your MOT?) is done annually or biannually depending on what state you live in, and if your car doesn't pass it you can't drive it so it wouldn't have been a surprise to her
As someone a decade or two younger, your videos always stick out to me as what I'd like to be doing someday in terms of foster parenting and advocating for child welfare. You are super cool!
Very cool to see. My mom was a county foster care licenser for 30 years. She retired 2 years ago. I grew up with her telling me how to get the right crib, have banisters that were a certain space apart and what an egress window was. She went above and beyond to help foster parents access resources so their homes could pass inspection.
Its so interesting seeing other agency's requirements. Ours basically required beds, fire extinguisher and smoke detectors, windows that open (ours are from the 20s, and we didn't have to replace anything)
They don't make us lock anything. Didnt check for specific food.... It was surprisingly simple.
We also learned quickly about wall hangings. We had a coat rack bolted in the wall that came down in 2 days...🤦🏼♀️ love your videos!
I had to replace windows too as they failed fire inspection and it cost $6,300 (they were too small and too high on the wall). I foster through rhe county so less strict on a lot of things but the windows being up to fire code is a universal thing. So definitely have savings because those home safety fixes arent cheap. But i will say it is worth it. Even if i never foster again having windows in bedrooms that i know a firefighter could enter through gives me peace of mind.
Oh yes, well worth it! 100% But I had no idea how expensive windows are 👀
Thanks for this! We're preparing for our first placement, and you're saving us from so many rookie mistakes!
Best wishes to you during this transition time!
Love the decal on the sliding door! That's a great idea for every family! (Also the pool fence TBH).
New car, new fence, new windows... dang!!! and I was frustrated with the super expensive steel cabinet, for the garage, that I had to purchase 😮 You're so awesome ❤
We have a brand spanking new home and we STILL had to add a customized door to the boiler room which is in the garage which has a locked door to enter it 🤷🤦🏼♀️
Ok tell me about this steel cabinets?!? What was it for? It’s fascinating how different the requirements are depending on your agency.
@@foster.parenting Hello Ms. Beautiful Laura 🤍 The fire marshal in our county said we needed a steel cabinet with a lock for paints & laundry DETERGENTS 🤷 Turns out he was wrong. Our foster care agent is in the middle of clearing up that nonsense, but it's too late for us. We already purchased the cabinet and cannot return it 🤦🏼♀️
You looked so excited it’s so cute.
I'm glad to hear about your experiences in preparing to foster. I find your videos very helpful.
The video has made me realize that I haven't really been grasping just how expensive it would be to foster or adopt.
I really want to adopt, but there are so many hurdles to jump. I'll keep on trying get there, but I often worry that I'll never arrive.
Wow. Its really cool seeing what stuff you kept and what you got rid of which could be helpful to others. I love the way you look back on it and laugh. I love what you do.
Bless you for adjusting your living space so much to care for so many kids!
I love watching your videos, but they also make me really sad. I loved fostering children. I fid it off and on for over twenty years. Unfortunately, I witnessed so much trauma by "the system" towards the children and families in my care. As a result I experienced secondary trauma and my forever children and family experienced trauma. For example, I had a little girl that had been with me since birth reunified at four years of age without any kind of transition (she hadn't even had overnight visits yet). I am glad she is with her mom, but I wonder what damage was done when she was pulled from the person who had been her primary caregiver without any thought for the trauma that she surely suffered. Her court appointed advocate was completely against the actions of our state and was also helpless to stop what the lawyers were planning to do. In my state foster caregivers were routinely villainized and blamed for the short comings of workers that didn't do their job. I found new ways to help families and children. There are lots of ways that don't include foster care.
What are some other ways you have found to help?
Love that you have these to look back on! 🙌🏾
Awesome Laura!! Love this video and you!!
Interesting to see how different areas have such different considerations. Several of the things you pointed out were not even mentioned for us
Yes every county or agency has very specific and different qualifications. But I will just add: I find that safety modifications are relatively universal no matter where you live. For example, I think we would have had to take down those pictures over the bed in any state … I don’t know why we did that lol 🤦♀️
We have been licensed fosters for about a year and a half now. It has been really interesting seeing the differences in what you state was required vs what we have had to. We are in maryland. I love seeing your perspective and hearing different tips and tricks.
I would like to foster and will be in Maryland. Any tips?
@@katiehensley290 the certification process is not hard, just a bit time intensive depending if you work full time or not. The classes are offered in the evenings and weekends and most are virtual thru zoom so it's easy to find ones that work with most people's schedule. The best tip I could ever give is be honest with yourself about your boundaries and or limitations. No one knows what you can handle better than you. When you get a call about a placement, get as much information as you can before making a decision of yes or no because you do not want to find out later you bit off more than you could chew. Because the simple reality is that should you change your mind about having that child in your home that is more trauma (direct and indirect) to move the kid again to another home that can "handle" him/her/them. I'm happy to discuss more of my experiences if you ever need an ear. Good luck!!
@@aznperswazn thank you very much!
I teach toddlers at a Montessori school and we have a little kitchen area to prepare snacks and whatnot, and so I’ve quickly gotten used to every drawer and cabinet being locked. It definitely takes some getting used to but I hardly notice now
Very useful to hear the things you would do different.
ty for watching and considering!!
Gosh, I had hope that in the future I could be a foster parent but I don't imagine a future where I'll have enough money for all that.
We’re in Oregon and the pool fences are required, but they didn’t give a second glance to our ancient windows or our cars. (Just a note to say the investment might not be the same everywhere :) )
I think a lot of this varies by state. In ours the windows and the locks everywhere are not required. Also the new car- they require up to date car seats for the kids you get but not any special car.
Wow its crazy how much money it costs to get aprooved for fostering. I would never be able to afford so many big changes/things at the same time + all the smaller stuff.
It depends on the state. Here in MI they pay for almost everything including home renos if they need foster parents
It depends on where you are, and what your house is like! We are in Detroit and have absolutely no big changes. If you wanna foster definitely investigate what you need.
yeah I wish I had spent more time looking at the checklist and financially planning. It all came to a head a few weeks before our inspection when we actually started fixing up our home. whoops!
Instead of wall stickers, I like to do frames with plastic instead of glass held up with command strips! The velcro kind. I can pull them down, but I haven't had a kid under 12 yet who was able to, and I can put fun prints in them that the kids can replace with either new prints or photos.
love that! yeah i think it depends a lot on the kid too!
@@foster.parenting And the age range! If most of my kids didn't have so darn many photos, there'd be a lot less reason for the frames
not to make any assumptions, but i’d imagine you’d have to be pretty well off in order to foster just with all the expensive additions and changes like the windows and fence, plus all the things you buy for each child. it’s just really nice to see people give back in a way like this, using their funds to better the world
I would love a new video of the changes like a then and now, even include maybe how some of your fostering techniques have changed since you began.
This content is so cool! What was it like foster parenting during covid?
In Australia, every state requires an annual “pink slip” for every car over five years of age. This is a safety inspection conducted by a mechanic, and if you don’t do it, you can’t register your car. If you fail to register your car annually, you can lose your license! But I’m not sure about the safety of one’s car for children… I know that infant and child car seats have to be professionally installed by an accredited installer (usually from the National Roads and Maritime Association).
I enjoy watching your videos. How many years have you been helping with foster children. How many children?
Your state has a lot more inspection requirements than ours! We had to get a new CO2 detector and a bigger fire extinguisher... but a new car? 🤯 I don't remember them even looking at our car, except to make sure it existed 😂
It may be a county thing! But yes, my car has to be inspected each year and I have to submit my driving records.
They made you replace your windows and put a decal on your sliding glass door?!
Do any of these requirements change based on the age and history of the child you're fostering? I'm thinking that it might be good for an older child to learn independence in the kitchen for instance, which is difficult when they can't access half of the equipment.
im not sure but since the locks on the stuff in the kitchen are all the magnetic locks, im sure an older child or teenager could just unlock the drawers themselves using the magnet anyway
Just curious, are you in a state where your car needs yearly inspections and there were requirements beyond that or no state inspections and just the foster care ones?
Hmmmm I don’t know actually. I’m in California. I’ve only need to do a smog test.
Going to comment here about a relevant video of yours where the comments are disabled: LOVE the recent upload about the bathroom and what it needs. You may want to look at your captions and see if there's a way to fix them without having re-upload (maybe just mention in the video description?) ... it's not major, but at the beginning there's something about "non-skid bras" on the floor and I'm pretty sure you didn't mean 👙 but couldn't figure out what the actual word was supposed to be. Also a mention of how Honest brand supports "Foster You" and I think you were saying "foster youth." Little tiny things like that, where the message overall of the video shines through clearly all the same but text might be worth a tweak to clarify a point or two.
Im wondering...do you think someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities) could qualify to foster if its well under control?
This person would likely need a doctor and a therapist to state in writing that they are fit to parent. The agency may also require them to have a safety plan. It really depends on the agency and the person!
Why did you have to switch out your windows?
Aww it's Baby Laura 😂
hahaha I've aged i think in double time lol :) thanks for watching!
Your state sounds much more strict than Florida! They don’t check your car and you don’t need a pool fence (!).
Do you have children of your own? If so, how do you talk to them about fostering and what is the impact on them?
I don't have bio kids - which is probably why I made so many mistakes setting up my home. Here is a post that may be able to help you though! instagram.com/p/Cia4kd-PAcQ/?img_index=1
Hey Laura, are there any requirements that you personally thing aren’t “all that necessary”? Scanning through the comments made me realise how costly it is to prepare your home, and I wonder - there’s so many wonderful families out there who don’t have the financial means but would be a tremendous help for the children, you know? I 100% understand that safety is crucial, but I was just wondering if there is something you thought of as a weird requirement to become a foster parent
Honestly I can see the reasoning behind almost all of the home inspection requirements. They are there to protect the kids.
Instead, I wish that there was more support in the licensing stage for items like child proofing, cribs, car seats, bottles, etc. The issue is there are so many reasons people don’t complete the licensing phase. So the agency doesn’t want to pay to outfit a home if they ultimately don’t take in a child. It’s hard to come up with a solution.
What was unsafe about your car that you had to get a new one?
3 windows wow
As an Australian it is utterly bizarre to me that Americans often don’t have fences around their pools. In Australia no matter who is living in the house there has to be a fence around the pool no ifs or buts about it.
Where I live you have to have a fence around your pool but not between your entrance to the pool and the pool. Meaning a fence in between anyone outside of your yard and the pool but Not between your pool and your house door. You can have a pool anywhere inside of a fenced in yard even if you have a backdoor that opens into the backyard and not need Another fence around just the pool itself.
What state do you foster for?
She's in CA.
What does she mean, minimum of three windows?
There has to be 3 windows in that room.
@@minecraftbuilder3110 3 windows in a bedroom seems extremely excessive. I am now thinking 3 windows in her house didn't"t meet code and needed replaced. (After reading more comments)
When I called the window company, they wouldn’t come out to fix just one window. It was too small of a job. I had to sign up to have three windows fixed.🫠
thanks for the clarification!@@foster.parenting
@@foster.parenting OH. That makes more sense ha. I didn't understand what you meant either. How odd of a company not to be able to fix just one window.
I love your videos. What I'd really like to see is, after a child is with you long enough, they're going to need vegetables introduced into their diet. I'd really like to see you model introducing 3 things: introducing vegetables, how to navigate getting them to eat vegetables at least 5 times a week and lastly, introducing raw vegetables because they're so much healthier. Thanks! (I'm not interested in watching a video about pureed vegetables used as a batter to coat other foods because ALL of those foods end up being fried and that's even worse than getting no vegetables)
New car??? What failed about a car for a safety inspection?